Original subtitles

-? Look up there ? -? What do you see? ?

? Nature and stuff ?

-? Like a rock ? -? And a tree ?

? Oh, the Great North ?

? Way up here, you can breathe the air ?

? Catch some fish ?

? Or gaze at a bear ?

? Wow ?

? Oh, the Great North ?

? Here we live, oh, oh ?

? Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ?

? From longest night to longest day ?

? In the Great North. ?

[cheering]

[Beef shouting, straining]

Dang it!

Is Dad making a Frankenstein down there?

Dibs on bonding with it.

[groans] Neptune's nut sack.

We shan't be fishing this weekend.

Oh, no!

I don't have to work on the weekend?

Crying sound.

And we're looking at a few thousand dollars

in repairs. Damn it!

You can keep my allowance this week if that helps, Dad.

My mustache maintenance kit can wait.

But not for long.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I was really looking forward

to getting out there tomorrow.

I hear tell of a majestic pod of killer whales passing through.

You know, Old Jody Jr. has been

taking people out whale watching. You could go with him.

Never. I heard he's been letting people on his tour

feed the orcas Snackritos.

That's insane.

Ragin' Cajun Slammin' Salmon Po' Boy flavored Snackritos

are way too spicy.

Unless you neutralize them

with a Code Chill Arctic Guzzle Razz-Blast soda.

Fire and ice. The dance of nature.

[groans] Let me just secure the moorings

and we can head home.

You know, for the price of all these repairs per year,

your Dad could easily put a down payment

on a newer, bigger boat.

But, babe, Dad loves this damn boat.

It's practically a family member.

We all grew up on this boat and replacing it would be,

well, weird.

But it's not weird to have

a birthday party for it every year?

That reminds me- are we all going in together

on our present for the boat this year?

And follow-up question:

should we buy her cannons and gun turrets, and how many?

[Judy] Whoa-ho-ho,

duffel bag alert. You going somewhere, Dad?

Oh, God. Please say it's not to war.

What about your knees?

I'm not going to war, son.

I talked to Carissa,

and since our beloved boat is broken,

she suggested a little romantic trip

on her boat this weekend to lift my spirits.

I'll go pack.

Uh, for just me and her, son.

Right, right, I-I was kidding. [cackles]

The destination's a surprise,

but I have been dropping hints

that I'd love to see Anchorage's new quarry.

Sensual.

Welp, I will smell you all at a later time. Be good.

-Make me. -[door opens]

-Fam, I have an incredible idea. -[door closes]

For the last time, I don't want to invest

in your jacket with a place setting on the back.

But if you get on all fours, you look like a table.

Why would I want that?

To disappear when you're getting chased. Duh.

But, guys, the idea is this:

What if we fix the boat ourselves this weekend?

For Dad. 'Cause when the boat's broken,

his soul is broken.

-Yup. -Good idea.

The boat is his favorite kid.

And, in many ways, my favorite sibling.

I'll come along as well and throw stuff at you guys

while you work.

-And now. -Hey!

Ta-da!

Oh, uh, Death Cliff Resort?

Is there something incredible to do nearby?

Maybe, uh, I don't know, a quarry we could tour?

[laughs] No, the hotel itself is the trip.

But we're just 30 miles from our homes.

We could sleep there.

Beef, we're just gonna

enjoy the perks of a nice hotel.

Like free slippers, comfy beds,

a secret TV station that tells you about the hotel.

Well, I do love information about places I'm in.

Plus, I haven't even mentioned doin' it.

Well, lead with that next time, chief.

Okay, I found Dad's repair list,

and we've got sea inlet valve problems,

defective bilge alarms that are, frankly, alarming...

Is he gonna talk all day?

The EPIRB is shot,

and we've got leaking glands and sprung planks.

Everybody know what they're doing?

Uh, spending my one precious life

repairing a fishing vessel?

God, it's beautiful when you put it like that.

? Pumping stuff out of the hole ?

? And painting so she don't look old ?

? Powerwashing crap off of the bow ?

? Ow! ?

? Making her just like new! ?

Well, our work here is done.

Till tomorrow, when we come back for another full day of repairs.

-[all groaning] -Come on, guys,

it's for our dear papa.

He's given us everything.

-Like food. -And all our anxieties.

And our streaming package.

Especially Hulu.

Dirt, I'd really appreciate you

keeping the cans you throw at me above the belt today.

I'm sure you would.

-[gasps] Oh, my God. -[all gasping]

[Ham] Where's our boat?!

Welp, I guess we're two for two

on being abandoned by Kathleens.

[Edna] Okay, you've got a missing boat.

Think she might have run away?

Did she have any lovers?

Just my Dad.

And one guy who used to come by and flash her,

but we haven't seen him in a while.

I was actually joking.

Well, I'm not.

That boat means everything to our father.

Oh, no.

-No, no, no, no, no. -What?

Guys, the docking lines.

I was so tired when we finished working last night,

I might have forgot to re-secure them.

Oh, boy. If a thief spotted her drifting,

well, they usually just strip 'em for parts

and abandon 'em way out at sea.

-[gasps] -Yeesh. -Oh, no.

So, the boat's out there all alone?

-And nude? -Hot.

I'm sure your dad had theft insurance, guys.

Well, he may have had theft insurance,

but I don't think that policy covers a broken heart.

Lock my ass up, Edna,

'cause I killed Dad.

[sighs]

Well, I guess I'll get my things

and go start my new life with no family.

You guys mind if I take a couple Pop-Tarts

to tide me over until I have the chance

to fight a dog for a piece of cheese?

Moon, I can't speak for everyone,

-but I'm fine with it. -[Honeybee] Come on, guys,

let's just call your dad, tell him what happened.

No. We can't tell him what really happened.

Dad knowing the truth-

having to picture his beloved boat

out there all alone, stripped for parts-

it would destroy him.

We got to soften the blow. Tell him a story

that'll make him feel better. -[Honeybee] Oh, right.

I forgot that's what you do in this family.

Like how your dad pretended your mom died for years

instead of telling you that she ran off.

Hiding painful realities

to protect someone's feelings is the Tobin way.

And you know what they say,

"Families can't and should never change."

Guys we got to think fast.

Dad's probably so sad to be away from the boat

he's not even enjoying his vacation.

[giggling]

It's so soft.

Who even am I- the king of the towels?

[giggling]

Since it's my fault the boat's gone,

I think I should be the one

to come up with the story we tell Dad.

Okay. Uh, what are you thinking?

Well, maybe in my story,

the boat does get destroyed,

but in, like, a good, heroic way.

So, we tell Dad that we did go down to the dock yesterday

to fix the boat, when...

Holy crap!

What the hell is a killer whale doing this close to shore?

I guess they're doing... that.

Aah!

Baby beluga's blowhole.

We've got company,

and they don't seem chummy.

So, the marina was socked in

with agitated orcas as far as the eye could see.

Oh. Dad will love this story, Moon.

Movies about animals attacking dumb humans are his favorite.

Oh, yeah. When he was married to Mom,

Jaws was his hall pass.

So, soon,

-a crowd gathers. -[Edna] Mayor Peppers,

what should we do?

Well, like most mayors in movies,

I am clueless in a dangerous way,

so I'm going to keep the beaches open.

Citizens of Lone Moose, the water

-is perfectly safe. -All right!

-[whooping] -Please frolic in the ocean.

[exclaims]

Thank you for choosing me to die!

Aah!

Oop. Okay. Well, I guess now

I'll authorize extreme measures instead?

-Mm, that also sounds bad. -[Moon] So, then

this huge truck pulls up that says

"Evil Guy Whale Elimination Service" on it.

[chortles]

[Moon] And I run up to the mayor,

and I'm like...

Mayor Peppers, no!

They're gonna capture the whales

and sell them to disgusting water zoos.

-We don't know that for sure, Moon. -[evil guy] Come on, men.

Let's go capture the whales

and sell them to disgusting water zoos. [cackles]

Oh. Well, what can you do?

I can make a call.

Hello, Moon, it's me, you.

Your town needs you, me.

So, yeah, I said a cool line, 'cause I'm the hero

and everyone is counting on me, like, so much.

Moon, you're much, much smarter than me,

and a very big hero.

Have you figured out why these whales are so full of rage?

They've all got a serious

chip on their shoulder.

Wait! What did you just say?

Uh, full?

-After that. -Shoulder.

-Whales? -Of. -Full?

You already said that one.

Just tell me what word

you want me to repeat, damn it!

-Chips! -Chips.

Exactly.

Don't you see?

Old Jody Jr. gave these whales

a taste of Ragin' Cajun Slammin' Salmon Po' Boy Snackritos,

but he forgot that the first ingredient

in Ragin' Cajun Slammin' Salmon Po' Boy Snackritos is...

-Rage. -Rage. -Salmon... Rage!

-Rage. -Yes.

Rage.

I knew that. That's what I said, too.

Those whales are full of spicy rage.

And there's only one cure for spicy rage.

It's time to execute a Code Chill.

So, then I make myself a whale suit.

I learn to speak whale.

[imitating whale song]

And I kiss my wife goodbye

for what might be the last time.

Then I head out on the water

all alone to save everything.

Wolf, you can't let Moon do this.

Come on, Mayor, you know Moon's not coming back.

Not the Moon we know, anyway.

[Moon] So, then I courageously navigate through the crashing waves.

Time for the chips to hit the fan.

The whales chow down on the spicy rage chips,

then they jostle the boat, desperate for more.

And all the jostling shakes up

the sodas I've placed in the hold.

The shaken sodas explode,

destroying our beloved boat.

It dies a hero,

and the whales finally Code Chill.

-Whee! -Then my wife rescues me in her chopper

because we have a marriage of equals.

[chuckles] Mind if I hang out for a while?

And that, folks,

is what we tell Dad.

-Uh... -Okay, there's absolutely no way we tell Dad that.

Yeah, it might have gotten a touch...

Too good?

Plus we'd have to get everyone in town

to go along with the story,

and no one in Lone Moose can keep a secret.

Oh, yeah,

like how everyone knows about

when Judy farted at the fair

and it was so bad a bird fell out of the sky.

That was a coincidence and you know that, Ham.

[groans] What are we gonna tell Dad?

I bet he's staring at the clouds,

longing for the boat as we speak.

We're taking so much more ice than we need.

[giggles] I'm gonna bring some home for the kids.

Oh, I know. What if we tell Dad

the boat was never there at all?

Huh, so we convince him

nothing is real and then watch him go slowly insane.

-I don't love it. -No, no, no. I mean, like,

we convince him that he actually never bought the boat.

Like, I say that-that... well, me and Aunt Dirt

have actually been working pretty hard on an invention.

I would never willingly

spend that much time with you, but go on.

All right, she's ready for her test.

Save the dock tower.

The year is set to 1999.

You get there, get out of the boat...

Take a quick pic for proof of time travel

and then get back here.

And don't leave anything in the past

or it'll mess everything up and set the plot in motion.

The boat gets up to 88 knots, and pow.

Okay, taking picture for proof of time travel,

and... oh, gah, oh, gah, oh, no, no, no.

Ooh, ah, cold, cold, cold.

[young Beef] Need a hand there, mister?

-[gasps] -Beef Tobin at your service.

[stammers]

-Oh, no. -Oh. Oh, no.

[snores, grunts]

Oh, Honeybee? Why am I in the main house?

Hello again, sir.

[screams, gasps]

Dad?

[chuckles] You must've hit your head

pretty bad there.

I'm definitely not your father.

I'm Beef, and this is my brother Brian.

-That's me. -Hello, Brian.

I'm Wolf To... totally not from the future.

What a cool name.

Uh, thank you. It's, uh... uh, French.

Because I'm French. From-from, uh, France.

Oh, I'm taking French in high school.

Uh, avez-vous faim pour le diner?

[chuckles]

[babbling in French accent]

Mm, great.

Come on down to the kitchen when you're ready to eat.

Calm down, Wolf. You got this.

Just don't mention anything from the future.

-What was that? -Oh, nothing.

I was just admiring your Steve Irwin poster,

-rest in peace. -What?

Oh, sorry, sorry, that's just my long COVID talking, probably.

-Who? -Never mind. I can't believe Crash won the Oscar.

See you down there.

So, uh, you guys are in high school?

-Yep. -And, uh, where are your parents,

whose graves I've never seen?

Oh, they're either doing something with their cult

-or they're in jail. -Or both.

So, no curfew for my date with Kathleen tonight.

Oh... [coughs] Uh, sorry,

you-you said, uh, Kathleen?

Uh-huh. She's in my grade at school,

but we have our first date tonight.

We're going to the Enchantment Under the Sea Liquor Store.

[chuckles] That was her idea.

Sounds like her. I mean, "Zut alors."

Uh, but you know, I was just thinking

that, uh... oh, that I needed someone

to show me where to fish around here,

and I'm only in town for 45 more minutes,

-so, uh... -Oh, as a signatory

of the fisherman's oath, I must abandon my plans

and take you right away.

[Wolf] And then me and Dad have the best 45 minutes ever.

We fish, we play catch, we go

to the county fair and eat ice cream,

and the birds are safe 'cause Judy isn't born yet

-and can't fart. -[Judy] Hey.

[Wolf] And then, finally, I remember why I'm there:

to stop Dad from buying the boat.

I know this is gonna sound strange,

but in a few years your friend Delmer

is gonna offer to help you buy a boat.

It's kind of run-down, light green color.

I need you to say no so that you in the future won't be upset.

Hey. You were supposed to take me out, loser.

-[Ham] Oh, no. -[Wolf] Oh, yes. Mom shows up

before I can finish telling him how to change the future.

And I don't want Dad to get distracted,

-so I shove him into a bush. -[grunts]

And then, to save Dad, I have to take Mom out on a date.

-[Honeybee] What? No, no, you don't. -[Judy] Dear Lord.

[Wolf] And she never wants the date to end.

[Honeybee] Jeebus Christopher.

-Marry me. -I can't, I'm your son.

Oh, that's not a good reason.

-Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. -Mm...

-No. No, no, no, no, no, no. -Come here. Stop wriggling.

[Honeybee] Wolf!

What? She did that. It's not my fault.

You are making this story up. And it better be almost over.

It is. So, then,

I tie a bottle of peach schnapps to the back of a bus,

Mom chases it right out of town, and then I tell Dad to never

buy the boat and I go, you know, back to the now.

Well, don't be a stranger, mister.

Where we're going, we don't need strangers.

What?

And so Dad never marries Mom and never buys the boat and...

[screams] Oh, my God, my legs!

-Oh, God, we were never born. -[Judy gasping]

Why didn't you kiss Mom?

Thank God.

Okay, okay.

I guess there's one flaw in my story.

-One? -Ugh, we have to get real.

Dad's fragile heart is in serious danger.

You know how hard it is for him to be happy.

[both slurping]

[giggles] I'm only 30 miles from my home.

Oh, maybe we tell Dad the tale of a lonely mime

named Payaso...

[all] No!

Wow, it's ironic that you guys treat Payaso

the same way the villagers do.

[gasps] Oh, how about we tell him that bedtime story

he used to tell us, about those pigs

who invest in real estate?

[Southern accent] Once upon a time,

there was a big old pig named Grunt,

who didn't have any real estate in the bank.

Wait, stop, stop.

Guys, I was willing to tolerate this up to a point,

but this is unhinged.

Unhinged like a fox?

No. I don't think you should tell your dad

some made-up thing.

You need to be honest with your dad and yourselves.

You're all sad the boat is gone.

[scoffs] Are you accusing us of caring about

that broken-down old stink tub?

Yeah, yeah, I am. And you know what?

I'm gonna tell y'all a story about it.

Not to make you feel better but to make you feel worse.

Ugh, fine, but can this depressing story

at least have some action?

You bet. How about a 90-mile- an-hour head-on collision

with your feelings?

[all] No!

See, the thing about the boat

is that it was a family member.

And for Beef, it was kind of his firstborn.

One day, Delmer took your dad down to the boat store

and helped him buy a boat.

[boat yipping, panting]

Beef brought the boat home. And, oh, boy, was she a scamp.

-Hey. -[Honeybee] And at times the boat was even downright bad.

No, no, no. Not in the house.

-[growls] -[Beef] Come back here.

-Bad boat. Bad. -[screams]

[sighs]

[whimpers]

Oh. [laughs]

[Honeybee] And then you all came along.

-[laughter] -Yay.

Yeah.

[Honeybee] And the boat loved y'all,

and y'all loved it.

And things were good for a long time.

[Wolf] The end.

Perfect. I loved it.

That's our story. Let's take lunch.

Uh-uh, Wolf. That's not the end.

Because boats don't live forever.

? ?

When you love something, it's hard to see

that it's changing, getting older.

But that doesn't mean it isn't happening.

And eventually you have to make a choice

to let go, because even though it's hard,

sometimes it's also what's right.

Boats are great.

And broken-down boats, if you can really call them that,

are perhaps the greatest of them all.

-[all crying] -Our boat.

-Let it out, buddy. -Why are you doing this to us?

Because I'm trying to help you see that maybe

the boat got lost for a reason this weekend.

It's been a good boat to you, but now

maybe it, and you, need to move on.

Ah, I agree completely.

We'll tell him on our deathbeds.

-Judy. -Right, right.

We'll tell him tonight.

Okay, everybody, brace yourselves.

Well, this is a nice welcome wagon.

Uh-oh.

Why is no one looking at me?

Did the hotel call about the ice?

I knew we took too much.

No, Pop. No one called about ice.

What is it, then?

Did Judy fart another bird out of the sky?

No, but there is bad news, so I hope you're sitting down.

You can see that I'm not.

Oh, boy. Well, the boat, our boat, your boat...

Um, you know the boat that I'm talking about.

You've seen the boat, right?

-Uh, your boat- -[Honeybee] Ham.

It's, uh, gone.

Stolen. Stripped for parts.

Drifting at sea alone somewhere.

And it's sad, but also the boat was kind of,

maybe ready to go?

So it's possibly good that this happened.

Or if you are mad, it's Ham's fault.

[laughs]

Uh-oh, he's losing it.

We got to put him down. I'll get my gun.

Guys, no, don't worry, don't worry.

I just, I really screwed this up.

I left the keys with the harbormaster,

and I guess the guy I sold our boat to came early.

-[all gasp] -You sold the boat?

Yep. The Kathleen belongs to Gary Gubbins now.

See, I heard what you all said

about the Kathleen the other day.

Oh, you did?

Yeah. I was ten feet away

and you all talk extremely loud.

-Us?! -You were right. We made

great memories on that boat,

but it was time to let her go.

I'm just sorry you kids didn't get to say goodbye.

We kinda did, in our own way.

And don't worry, I didn't kiss Mom.

So, if the boat is gone, how are we gonna fish, Dad?

Well, I thought we'd try this out.

You bought this, Dad?

[laughs] Right? Who even am I?

Apparently, you're the new captain of the Anal Breeze?

[Beef chuckles] Damn it.

The "C" is worn off.

It's supposed to say Canal Breeze.

Anal Breeze Tobin, welcome home.

? ?

? Slap on some salmon, then you take it all to New Orleans ?

? And add in all those po'boy things ?

? Roast beef, fried shrimp, oysters and mayo ?

? Then you stroll up in the club ?

? And they know you're a player ?

-? It makes your mouth neato. ? -[chips crunch]

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