All language subtitles for The Great North s05e01 The Lies Aquatic Adventure.eng

-? Look up there ?
-? What do you see? ?

? Nature and stuff ?

-? Like a rock ?
-? And a tree ?

? Oh, the Great North ?

? Way up here,
you can breathe the air ?

? Catch some fish ?

? Or gaze at a bear ?

? Wow ?

? Oh, the Great North ?

? Here we live, oh, oh ?

? Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ?

? From longest night
to longest day ?

? In the Great North. ?

[cheering]

[Beef shouting, straining]

Dang it!

Is Dad making
a Frankenstein down there?

Dibs on bonding with it.

[groans] Neptune's nut sack.

We shan't
be fishing this weekend.

Oh, no!

I don't have
to work on the weekend?

Crying sound.

And we're looking
at a few thousand dollars

in repairs. Damn it!

You can keep my allowance
this week if that helps, Dad.

My mustache maintenance kit
can wait.

But not for long.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I was really looking forward

to getting out there tomorrow.

I hear tell of a majestic pod of
killer whales passing through.

You know, Old Jody Jr. has been

taking people out whale
watching. You could go with him.

Never. I heard he's been
letting people on his tour

feed the orcas Snackritos.

That's insane.

Ragin' Cajun Slammin' Salmon
Po' Boy flavored Snackritos

are way too spicy.

Unless you neutralize them

with a Code Chill
Arctic Guzzle Razz-Blast soda.

Fire and ice.
The dance of nature.

[groans]
Let me just secure the moorings

and we can head home.

You know, for the price
of all these repairs per year,

your Dad could easily
put a down payment

on a newer, bigger boat.

But, babe,
Dad loves this damn boat.

It's practically
a family member.

We all grew up on this boat
and replacing it would be,

well, weird.

But it's not weird to have

a birthday party for it
every year?

That reminds me-
are we all going in together

on our present
for the boat this year?

And follow-up question:

should we buy her cannons
and gun turrets, and how many?

[Judy]
Whoa-ho-ho,

duffel bag alert.
You going somewhere, Dad?

Oh, God.
Please say it's not to war.

What about your knees?

I'm not going to war, son.

I talked to Carissa,

and since our
beloved boat is broken,

she suggested
a little romantic trip

on her boat this weekend
to lift my spirits.

I'll go pack.

Uh, for just me and her, son.

Right, right, I-I was kidding.
[cackles]

The destination's a surprise,

but I have been dropping hints

that I'd love to see
Anchorage's new quarry.

Sensual.

Welp, I will smell you all
at a later time. Be good.

-Make me.
-[door opens]

-Fam, I have an incredible idea.
-[door closes]

For the last time,
I don't want to invest

in your jacket with
a place setting on the back.

But if you get on all fours,
you look like a table.

Why would I want that?

To disappear when
you're getting chased. Duh.

But, guys, the idea is this:

What if we fix the boat
ourselves this weekend?

For Dad.
'Cause when the boat's broken,

his soul is broken.

-Yup.
-Good idea.

The boat is his favorite kid.

And, in many ways,
my favorite sibling.

I'll come along as well
and throw stuff at you guys

while you work.

-And now.
-Hey!

Ta-da!

Oh, uh, Death Cliff Resort?

Is there something incredible
to do nearby?

Maybe, uh, I don't know,
a quarry we could tour?

[laughs] No, the hotel itself
is the trip.

But we're just
30 miles from our homes.

We could sleep there.

Beef, we're just gonna

enjoy the perks of a nice hotel.

Like free slippers, comfy beds,

a secret TV station
that tells you about the hotel.

Well, I do love information
about places I'm in.

Plus, I haven't even
mentioned doin' it.

Well, lead with that
next time, chief.

Okay, I found Dad's repair list,

and we've got
sea inlet valve problems,

defective bilge alarms
that are, frankly, alarming...

Is he gonna talk all day?

The EPIRB is shot,

and we've got leaking glands
and sprung planks.

Everybody know
what they're doing?

Uh, spending
my one precious life

repairing a fishing vessel?

God, it's beautiful
when you put it like that.

? Pumping stuff
out of the hole ?

? And painting
so she don't look old ?

? Powerwashing crap
off of the bow ?

? Ow! ?

? Making her just like new! ?

Well, our work here is done.

Till tomorrow, when we come back
for another full day of repairs.

-[all groaning]
-Come on, guys,

it's for our dear papa.

He's given us everything.

-Like food.
-And all our anxieties.

And our streaming package.

Especially Hulu.

Dirt, I'd really appreciate you

keeping the cans you throw at me
above the belt today.

I'm sure you would.

-[gasps] Oh, my God.
-[all gasping]

[Ham]
Where's our boat?!

Welp, I guess we're two for two

on being abandoned by Kathleens.

[Edna]
Okay, you've got a missing boat.

Think she might have run away?

Did she have any lovers?

Just my Dad.

And one guy who
used to come by and flash her,

but we haven't
seen him in a while.

I was actually joking.

Well, I'm not.

That boat means
everything to our father.

Oh, no.

-No, no, no, no, no.
-What?

Guys, the docking lines.

I was so tired when we finished
working last night,

I might have
forgot to re-secure them.

Oh, boy.
If a thief spotted her drifting,

well, they usually
just strip 'em for parts

and abandon 'em way out at sea.

-[gasps]
-Yeesh. -Oh, no.

So, the boat's
out there all alone?

-And nude?
-Hot.

I'm sure your dad
had theft insurance, guys.

Well, he may have had
theft insurance,

but I don't think that policy
covers a broken heart.

Lock my ass up, Edna,

'cause I killed Dad.

[sighs]

Well, I guess I'll get my things

and go start
my new life with no family.

You guys mind if I take
a couple Pop-Tarts

to tide me over
until I have the chance

to fight a dog
for a piece of cheese?

Moon, I can't
speak for everyone,

-but I'm fine with it.
-[Honeybee] Come on, guys,

let's just call your dad,
tell him what happened.

No. We can't tell him
what really happened.

Dad knowing the truth-

having to picture
his beloved boat

out there all alone,
stripped for parts-

it would destroy him.

We got to soften the blow.
Tell him a story

that'll make him feel better.
-[Honeybee] Oh, right.

I forgot that's
what you do in this family.

Like how your dad pretended
your mom died for years

instead of telling you
that she ran off.

Hiding painful realities

to protect someone's feelings
is the Tobin way.

And you know what they say,

"Families can't
and should never change."

Guys we got to think fast.

Dad's probably so sad
to be away from the boat

he's not even enjoying
his vacation.

[giggling]

It's so soft.

Who even am I-
the king of the towels?

[giggling]

Since it's my fault
the boat's gone,

I think I should be the one

to come up with the story
we tell Dad.

Okay.
Uh, what are you thinking?

Well, maybe in my story,

the boat does get destroyed,

but in, like,
a good, heroic way.

So, we tell Dad that we did
go down to the dock yesterday

to fix the boat, when...

Holy crap!

What the hell is a killer whale
doing this close to shore?

I guess they're doing... that.

Aah!

Baby beluga's blowhole.

We've got company,

and they don't seem chummy.

So, the marina was socked in

with agitated orcas
as far as the eye could see.

Oh. Dad will
love this story, Moon.

Movies about animals attacking
dumb humans are his favorite.

Oh, yeah.
When he was married to Mom,

Jaws was his hall pass.

So, soon,

-a crowd gathers.
-[Edna] Mayor Peppers,

what should we do?

Well, like most
mayors in movies,

I am clueless
in a dangerous way,

so I'm going to
keep the beaches open.

Citizens of Lone Moose,
the water

-is perfectly safe.
-All right!

-[whooping]
-Please frolic in the ocean.

[exclaims]

Thank you
for choosing me to die!

Aah!

Oop. Okay.
Well, I guess now

I'll authorize
extreme measures instead?

-Mm, that also sounds bad.
-[Moon] So, then

this huge truck pulls up
that says

"Evil Guy Whale
Elimination Service" on it.

[chortles]

[Moon]
And I run up to the mayor,

and I'm like...

Mayor Peppers, no!

They're gonna capture the whales

and sell them
to disgusting water zoos.

-We don't know that
for sure, Moon. -[evil guy] Come on, men.

Let's go capture the whales

and sell them to disgusting
water zoos. [cackles]

Oh.
Well, what can you do?

I can make a call.

Hello, Moon, it's me, you.

Your town needs you, me.

So, yeah, I said a cool line,
'cause I'm the hero

and everyone is counting on me,
like, so much.

Moon, you're much,
much smarter than me,

and a very big hero.

Have you figured out why these
whales are so full of rage?

They've all got a serious

chip on their shoulder.

Wait!
What did you just say?

Uh, full?

-After that.
-Shoulder.

-Whales?
-Of. -Full?

You already said that one.

Just tell me what word

you want me to repeat, damn it!

-Chips!
-Chips.

Exactly.

Don't you see?

Old Jody Jr. gave these whales

a taste of Ragin' Cajun Slammin'
Salmon Po' Boy Snackritos,

but he forgot that
the first ingredient

in Ragin' Cajun Slammin'
Salmon Po' Boy Snackritos is...

-Rage.
-Rage. -Salmon... Rage!

-Rage.
-Yes.

Rage.

I knew that.
That's what I said, too.

Those whales
are full of spicy rage.

And there's only
one cure for spicy rage.

It's time
to execute a Code Chill.

So, then I make myself
a whale suit.

I learn to speak whale.

[imitating whale song]

And I kiss my wife goodbye

for what might be the last time.

Then I head out on the water

all alone to save everything.

Wolf, you can't
let Moon do this.

Come on, Mayor,
you know Moon's not coming back.

Not the Moon we know, anyway.

[Moon] So, then I courageously
navigate through the crashing waves.

Time for the chips
to hit the fan.

The whales chow down
on the spicy rage chips,

then they jostle the boat,
desperate for more.

And all the jostling shakes up

the sodas
I've placed in the hold.

The shaken sodas explode,

destroying our beloved boat.

It dies a hero,

and the whales
finally Code Chill.

-Whee!
-Then my wife rescues me in her chopper

because we have
a marriage of equals.

[chuckles]
Mind if I hang out for a while?

And that, folks,

is what we tell Dad.

-Uh...
-Okay, there's absolutely no way we tell Dad that.

Yeah, it might have
gotten a touch...

Too good?

Plus we'd have
to get everyone in town

to go along with the story,

and no one in Lone Moose
can keep a secret.

Oh, yeah,

like how everyone knows about

when Judy farted at the fair

and it was so bad
a bird fell out of the sky.

That was a coincidence
and you know that, Ham.

[groans]
What are we gonna tell Dad?

I bet he's staring
at the clouds,

longing for the boat
as we speak.

We're taking so much more ice
than we need.

[giggles] I'm gonna bring
some home for the kids.

Oh, I know. What if we tell Dad

the boat was never there at all?

Huh, so we convince him

nothing is real and then
watch him go slowly insane.

-I don't love it.
-No, no, no. I mean, like,

we convince him that he actually
never bought the boat.

Like, I say that-that...
well, me and Aunt Dirt

have actually been working
pretty hard on an invention.

I would never willingly

spend that much time with you,
but go on.

All right,
she's ready for her test.

Save the dock tower.

The year is set to 1999.

You get there,
get out of the boat...

Take a quick pic for proof
of time travel

and then get back here.

And don't leave
anything in the past

or it'll mess everything up
and set the plot in motion.

The boat gets up to 88 knots,
and pow.

Okay, taking picture
for proof of time travel,

and... oh, gah,
oh, gah, oh, no, no, no.

Ooh, ah, cold, cold, cold.

[young Beef]
Need a hand there, mister?

-[gasps]
-Beef Tobin at your service.

[stammers]

-Oh, no.
-Oh. Oh, no.

[snores, grunts]

Oh, Honeybee?
Why am I in the main house?

Hello again, sir.

[screams, gasps]

Dad?

[chuckles]
You must've hit your head

pretty bad there.

I'm definitely not your father.

I'm Beef, and this
is my brother Brian.

-That's me.
-Hello, Brian.

I'm Wolf To... totally
not from the future.

What a cool name.

Uh, thank you.
It's, uh... uh, French.

Because I'm French.
From-from, uh, France.

Oh, I'm taking French
in high school.

Uh, avez-vous faim
pour le diner?

[chuckles]

[babbling in French accent]

Mm, great.

Come on down to the kitchen
when you're ready to eat.

Calm down, Wolf. You got this.

Just don't mention anything
from the future.

-What was that?
-Oh, nothing.

I was just admiring
your Steve Irwin poster,

-rest in peace.
-What?

Oh, sorry, sorry, that's just
my long COVID talking, probably.

-Who?
-Never mind. I can't believe Crash won the Oscar.

See you down there.

So, uh, you guys
are in high school?

-Yep.
-And, uh, where are your parents,

whose graves I've never seen?

Oh, they're either doing
something with their cult

-or they're in jail.
-Or both.

So, no curfew for my date
with Kathleen tonight.

Oh... [coughs]
Uh, sorry,

you-you said, uh, Kathleen?

Uh-huh. She's in my grade
at school,

but we have
our first date tonight.

We're going to the Enchantment
Under the Sea Liquor Store.

[chuckles]
That was her idea.

Sounds like her.
I mean, "Zut alors."

Uh, but you know,
I was just thinking

that, uh...
oh, that I needed someone

to show me where to fish
around here,

and I'm only in town
for 45 more minutes,

-so, uh...
-Oh, as a signatory

of the fisherman's oath,
I must abandon my plans

and take you right away.

[Wolf] And then me and Dad
have the best 45 minutes ever.

We fish, we play catch, we go

to the county fair
and eat ice cream,

and the birds are safe
'cause Judy isn't born yet

-and can't fart.
-[Judy] Hey.

[Wolf]
And then, finally, I remember why I'm there:

to stop Dad
from buying the boat.

I know this is gonna
sound strange,

but in a few years
your friend Delmer

is gonna offer
to help you buy a boat.

It's kind of run-down,
light green color.

I need you to say no so that you
in the future won't be upset.

Hey. You were supposed
to take me out, loser.

-[Ham] Oh, no.
-[Wolf] Oh, yes. Mom shows up

before I can finish telling him
how to change the future.

And I don't want Dad
to get distracted,

-so I shove him into a bush.
-[grunts]

And then, to save Dad, I have
to take Mom out on a date.

-[Honeybee] What?
No, no, you don't. -[Judy] Dear Lord.

[Wolf]
And she never wants the date to end.

[Honeybee]
Jeebus Christopher.

-Marry me.
-I can't, I'm your son.

Oh, that's not a good reason.

-Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-Mm...

-No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
-Come here. Stop wriggling.

[Honeybee]
Wolf!

What? She did that.
It's not my fault.

You are making this story up.
And it better be almost over.

It is. So, then,

I tie a bottle of peach schnapps
to the back of a bus,

Mom chases it right out of town,
and then I tell Dad to never

buy the boat and I go,
you know, back to the now.

Well, don't be
a stranger, mister.

Where we're going,
we don't need strangers.

What?

And so Dad never marries Mom
and never buys the boat and...

[screams]
Oh, my God, my legs!

-Oh, God, we were never born.
-[Judy gasping]

Why didn't you kiss Mom?

Thank God.

Okay, okay.

I guess there's
one flaw in my story.

-One?
-Ugh, we have to get real.

Dad's fragile heart
is in serious danger.

You know how hard it is
for him to be happy.

[both slurping]

[giggles]
I'm only 30 miles from my home.

Oh, maybe we tell Dad
the tale of a lonely mime

named Payaso...

[all]
No!

Wow, it's ironic
that you guys treat Payaso

the same way the villagers do.

[gasps] Oh, how about
we tell him that bedtime story

he used to tell us,
about those pigs

who invest in real estate?

[Southern accent]
Once upon a time,

there was a big old pig
named Grunt,

who didn't have any real estate
in the bank.

Wait, stop, stop.

Guys, I was willing
to tolerate this up to a point,

but this is unhinged.

Unhinged like a fox?

No. I don't think
you should tell your dad

some made-up thing.

You need to be honest
with your dad and yourselves.

You're all sad the boat is gone.

[scoffs] Are you accusing us
of caring about

that broken-down old stink tub?

Yeah, yeah, I am.
And you know what?

I'm gonna tell y'all
a story about it.

Not to make you feel better
but to make you feel worse.

Ugh, fine, but can
this depressing story

at least have some action?

You bet. How about a 90-mile-
an-hour head-on collision

with your feelings?

[all]
No!

See, the thing about the boat

is that it was a family member.

And for Beef, it was
kind of his firstborn.

One day, Delmer took your dad
down to the boat store

and helped him buy a boat.

[boat yipping, panting]

Beef brought the boat home.
And, oh, boy, was she a scamp.

-Hey.
-[Honeybee] And at times the boat was even downright bad.

No, no, no. Not in the house.

-[growls]
-[Beef] Come back here.

-Bad boat. Bad.
-[screams]

[sighs]

[whimpers]

Oh.
[laughs]

[Honeybee]
And then you all came along.

-[laughter]
-Yay.

Yeah.

[Honeybee]
And the boat loved y'all,

and y'all loved it.

And things were good
for a long time.

[Wolf]
The end.

Perfect. I loved it.

That's our story.
Let's take lunch.

Uh-uh, Wolf. That's not the end.

Because boats
don't live forever.

? ?

When you love something,
it's hard to see

that it's changing,
getting older.

But that doesn't mean
it isn't happening.

And eventually
you have to make a choice

to let go,
because even though it's hard,

sometimes it's also
what's right.

Boats are great.

And broken-down boats, if you
can really call them that,

are perhaps
the greatest of them all.

-[all crying]
-Our boat.

-Let it out, buddy.
-Why are you doing this to us?

Because I'm trying
to help you see that maybe

the boat got lost
for a reason this weekend.

It's been a good boat to you,
but now

maybe it, and you,
need to move on.

Ah, I agree completely.

We'll tell him on our deathbeds.

-Judy.
-Right, right.

We'll tell him tonight.

Okay, everybody,
brace yourselves.

Well, this is a nice
welcome wagon.

Uh-oh.

Why is no one looking at me?

Did the hotel call
about the ice?

I knew we took too much.

No, Pop.
No one called about ice.

What is it, then?

Did Judy fart another bird
out of the sky?

No, but there is bad news,
so I hope you're sitting down.

You can see that I'm not.

Oh, boy. Well, the boat,
our boat, your boat...

Um, you know the boat
that I'm talking about.

You've seen the boat, right?

-Uh, your boat-
-[Honeybee] Ham.

It's, uh, gone.

Stolen. Stripped for parts.

Drifting at sea alone somewhere.

And it's sad, but also
the boat was kind of,

maybe ready to go?

So it's possibly good
that this happened.

Or if you are mad,
it's Ham's fault.

[laughs]

Uh-oh, he's losing it.

We got to put him down.
I'll get my gun.

Guys, no, don't worry,
don't worry.

I just, I really
screwed this up.

I left the keys
with the harbormaster,

and I guess the guy
I sold our boat to came early.

-[all gasp]
-You sold the boat?

Yep. The Kathleen belongs
to Gary Gubbins now.

See, I heard what you all said

about the Kathleen
the other day.

Oh, you did?

Yeah. I was ten feet away

and you all talk extremely loud.

-Us?!
-You were right. We made

great memories on that boat,

but it was time to let her go.

I'm just sorry you kids
didn't get to say goodbye.

We kinda did, in our own way.

And don't worry,
I didn't kiss Mom.

So, if the boat is gone,
how are we gonna fish, Dad?

Well, I thought
we'd try this out.

You bought this, Dad?

[laughs]
Right? Who even am I?

Apparently, you're the new
captain of the Anal Breeze?

[Beef chuckles]
Damn it.

The "C" is worn off.

It's supposed to say
Canal Breeze.

Anal Breeze Tobin,
welcome home.

? ?

? Slap on some salmon, then you
take it all to New Orleans ?

? And add in
all those po'boy things ?

? Roast beef, fried shrimp,
oysters and mayo ?

? Then you stroll up
in the club ?

? And they know
you're a player ?

-? It makes your mouth neato. ?
-[chips crunch]

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