Original subtitles

(fields rustling)

(fiddle music)

? Gonna buy me a bottle of whiskey ?

? Gonna buy me a bottle of gin ?

? Gonna go pick up my baby ?

? Yeah, we're going to a party again ?

? Everyone's gonna get dressed up ?

? Ladies do their hair just right ?

? Everyone's gonna get messed up ?

? Yeah, we're gonna get drunk tonight ?

? Gonna buy me a bottle of whiskey ?

? Gonna buy me a bottle of gin ?

? Gonna go pick up my baby ?

? Yeah, we're going to a party again ?

(fiddle music)

(tribal music)

- Ah, Miss Scarlett, I'm so very happy to see you at last.

I do hope my business associate, Dr. Bandalar

has been kind to you.

- As kind as you'd expect for a man who runs around

with thugs who stuck a gun to my head.

- It was nothing personal, I am sure.

- You lied to me from the beginning.

I never should of answered your stupid email,

you made all that stuff up.

There never was any $14 million from any Holger Dusseldorf.

All you wanted was a pretty American girl

with big boobs to kidnap.

And congratulations, it looks like you've won.

- Please do not be harsh on me, Miss Scarlett.

My intentions were always on honorable.

Oh, perhaps we are guilty of some deception,

but believe me, every single deception

has been entirely necessary.

Our King Bagha is ruthless.

He is the ultimate court here.

He is the judge and jury, the king and the Pope,

the head of the military,

and the President of the National Oil Company of Bogatoga.

We have no hope of democracy here until he is out of power.

Until recently, the United States government

could not consider taking any action to help us.

But in the last year, your Central Intelligence Agency

has been working with INTERPOL,

to enact a risky, but bold and curious plan

which much be kept secret from the American Congress.

Which has laws that prevent plots

to assassinate foreign leaders.

But when those laws were passed,

they could not imagine an evil despot such as King Bagha.

I am secretly the head of the only active opposition

that exists to this terrible reign.

When I sent your lovely photo to him

to consider you as his 50th bride,

I did not do this out of any intent to harm you,

or to disrupt your tranquil life in Alabama.

I did this in hopes of enlisting you

as the ultimate spy who can help us capture this evil king.

- You wanna capture him? Why not just kill him?

- Heavens, no!

If he dies before we get him to talk,

that would be a disaster.

We have to interrogate him.

We have reason to believe that he may be the head

of the African Terrorist Network.

There's evidence that he has embezzled hundreds

of millions of dollars of U.S. Government funds.

We want him brought to justice.

And you are going to be richly rewarded

if you help us capture him.

- But what if he kills me?

Seeing as he's chopped off the heads of some of his wives,

and all of gays he catches.

- Is that a risk that you're prepared to take, Scarlett?

For America?

- I don't rightly know, I've only got one head.

- Yes, but there is only one America.

- That's quite true.

But I kind of like my head right where it is.

(upbeat music)

But Momma would be awful proud of me

for doing something important like this for my country.

- That's the patriotic spirit.

- I remember Momma reading in the tabloids

about how the CIA sometimes put bad men in power,

thinking they was good men, but they messed up big time.

Oh well, like Daddy says, "Cowpies happen."

- If you please King Bagha, Scarlett,

he will not let any harm come to you.

The important thing is our sources of information

need to be protected.

And we need your help to maintain the secrecy

of this operation.

You see by day, we pose as loyalists of the regime.

By night, we attempt to destroy it.

Please join me.

We have a short walk down one secret corridor,

and then you will understand even more.

(dramatic tribal music)

This, my dear Scarlett, is the 14 million dollars

you have been hearing so much about.

It did not belong to Holger Dusseldorf,

as I told you in that email.

Rather, it belonged to his twin brother.

Who is the one who died in the tragic plan crash.

Terrorists had chopped off Wilhelm's pinkys,

that's how we knew.

- We meet again, Scarlett May Blossom.

Everything that they are telling you is true.

- Yes, and I do apologize for my friend Zanzu

who put the gun to your head in the limousine

in Washington, D.C.

I am sorry we had to abduct you.

I regret forcing you to drink Jangobee Juice.

I regret your discomfort.

- Scarlett, the political resistance movement

here in Bogatoga needs your help.

Beginning with Dr Rajneesh Maghu.

I will vouch for Dr. Maghu and Dr. Bandalar.

They are both loyal and sincere,

and hard-working freedom fighters.

They are allies of America.

Neither of them would deliberately do anything to harm you.

- Well, if all that money belonged to your brother,

and if you're his only surviving relative,

that means it all belongs to you.

- This was money smuggled into Bogatoga by my brother,

Wilhelm, to aid the freedom fighters,

such as Dr. Maghu and Dr. Bandalar,

these are the backup funds.

The money to be used when all the other sources

of funding run dry.

But it's also money to pay you for your reward, Scarlett.

If you succeed in helping us capture King Bagha.

However, we must capture him alive, as you've been told.

- So if he dies before you nab him, I don't get no money?

- I'm afraid not.

Keeping him alive is your responsibility.

You will get your promised share of this money,

your $4,200,000, if you distract him and keep him occupied,

until we invade his palace

so we you can capture him alive, and interrogate him.

- What you mean distract him and keep him occupied?

- You have special expertise at certain distractions.

Cole Brooks admitted to me that you distracted him

and almost persuaded to break his oath of chastity.

But you did not succeed.

With King Bagha, I suspect you will have an easier time.

(sinisterly laughing)

- I could of kicked myself for having emailed Dr. Maghu

that half-naked photo Bobby Roy Junior took of me.

For $5 bucks I could of gone to the photo store

in Honeysuckle Grove and got a passport photo snapped.

Instead I made my boobs a hot topic of conversation

all over Bagatoga.

Well, like they say, no use crying over split milk.

Do I get this in writing about my reward an' all?

- You've already got part of it in writing.

Your email.

- But that isn't what the email says.

It talks about you being dead,

and me getting 30% of your money, and that's all it says.

Well, you will just have to trust us, I'm afraid.

It would be far too dangerous for us to write down anything

about any of this.

Will you trust us?

- I don't know, I think I've been much too trusting.

Maybe it's high time I got myself a lawyer.

- You have one. I am a lawyer.

In fact, as of this minute, I am your lawyer.

And, I'm telling you to take the deal.

- Do I get a shower?

(gentle music)

Holger kindly escorted me to a very impressive bathroom

which had a shower big enough for two people easy.

Plus, there was a bath tub

that was practically a swimming pool, with air blow jets,

a kind sized-special order Jacuzzi tub,

is what Holger called it.

Holger locked to the door behind us, and then he kissed me.

- Scarlett, my darling.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about you

ever since our wild night love in Washington.

- Why Holger, that's so kind.

But here I am so sweaty and all,

and needing a shower so bad.

Maybe you should just step outside

and let me do what a lady's got to do

to make herself more presentable.

- Scarlett, you are so sexy to me

when you are covered with sweat.

- I don't think so. - But, I do.

- But Holger, Dr. Bandalar and Dr. Mahgu

are just down the all.

- The door is locked, don't worry.

- But, they'll know we're in here together,

and I'm supposed to get married soon

to a king I ain't even met.

- You won't even be with the king a week.

We'll invade the palace, and capture him, and save you.

- I can hardly wait to get saved.

Now, can I take a shower, please?

(gentle fiddle music)

- You gotta stand there like that?

- [Holger] I can smell you from here.

You smell wonderful.

- [Scarlett] That's the shampoo, probably.

Now, darling, if you just step outside,

so I can dry off in private.

- Don't be ashamed of your body, step out,

but don't dry off, I have other plans.

? So listen my friends ?

? You'll get what I mean ?

? When I tell you about ?

? the ceilings I've seen ?

? The ceilings I've seen ?

? Oh, the ceilings I've seen ?

? The ceilings I've seen ?

- That is what you might say

was the last normal love-making I had before I got married.

Do you think I'm gonna hate King Bagha?

- I hear he can be charming.

- I hope so.

And I hope I have the guts to go through with this.

I'm looking forward to meeting him,

and then I guess, like y'all say,

I'm gonna have to marry him.

- It won't be possible to take things in that order,

unfortunately, it's not the custom.

- What is the custom, then?

- Well, women who marry the king take their vows

of fidelity first, and then meet him afterwards.

- After? Not before? - No.

- I don't even know what he looks like.

- No. - Creepy.

Can't you at least show me a picture of him, or something?

- That is probably not in the best service of our plan.

Don't be apprehensive, just stay focused

on what a patriotic service you'll be performing.

And of course, you should think about your huge reward

when we capture him alive.

- Strange African men met me at the Bank of Africa

in Mumbolajambano

to take me to the Palace of King Bagha.

I said goodbye to Dr. Bandalar and Dr. Maghu

and then said goodbye to Holger, by shaking his hand

acting like we never was intimate together.

(tribal music)

The heat in Bogatoga was downright sultry.

It was worse than Honeysuckle Grove in the middle of July.

(tribal music)

When do I get to meet my husband? How come he ain't here?

- Because he's the king.

- I know, but what kind of an excuse is that?

- I feel like I've been left high and dry at the alter.

- Tonight you will be with him?

- What's he like?

- He is a great king

and he loves you very much.

(tribal music)

Bow to your king and husband.

- That's the king?

- Bow!

- Howdy, your highness.

I, um, sort of though you'd be different.

(king laughing)

- [King] And how did you expect me to be different,

Scarlett?

- I thought you wouldn't be so big and all.

(tribal music)

- Scarlett, you are just as beautiful as your picture.

Come, sit on the edge of my bed.

Let's talk, like husband and wife.

- You've got quite a few wives I hear.

- But none who is as beautiful as you. (chuckling)

And you are my only wife from Alabama.

- What's so special about Alabama?

- It's a place I've heard so much about.

I have always wanted to visit there.

- We ain't got nothing special in Alabama.

Except, Mobile and all.

(king chuckling)

- Someday, I would like to visit your Outside-In.

Trailer Park.

I have never seen a trailer park in Alabama.

And I just, I love that your name is Scarlett.

I am such a a fan of Scarlett O'Hara

from "Gone with the Wind."

Have you read it?

(tribal music)

- Yep.

It's my favorite book.

- And, what did you think of the movie?

- It's my favorite movie of all time.

(tribal music)

- Really?

Oh Scarlett, my love.

We are going to get along famously.

Scarlett, I've thought about you night and day,

since I first saw your picture.

- Oh, yeah.

That picture.

- You will be the ruler over all my other wives.

You will set their schedule.

I will give you a list with all their names and pictures.

You will get to know them.

You will learn all of their names

and what country they are from.

Some of them are never granted

the honor of sleeping with me.

There is a small select group that I sleep with,

once or twice each month.

But you, Scarlett, you shall share my bed

with me all the time.

Even when I am entertaining one of my other wives.

- I'm not much into sharing.

- There will be no sharing for you, then.

You will be intimate only with me alone.

- The thought of his 500 pounds on top of me

filled me with terror.

Listen, King Bagha, I'm sure you are a very fine husband,

with all your 49 other wives,

but this ain't exactly what I had in mind

for my dreamboat marriage.

And I'm a Christian woman,

and we believe our husbands can only have one wife.

It's called monogamy, and Jesus was all for it.

- Mahogany? I love you Scarlett.

If you command me, I will divorce all my other 49 wives.

- The weirdest part was that there was men

taking lots of pictures of me.

They was called paparazzi, or something like that.

And they were taking pictures,

because this was sort of a historic moment.

He said my picture would probably be in

all the important U.S. newspapers,

including "The National Enquirer" and all.

In the case of King Bagha, at first I couldn't

in my wildest dreams imagine making love to him.

And to my surprise, at first we didn't.

He didn't force himself on me, we never kissed,

and right off, he got rid of those awful van Gogh

paintings in my room that I didn't like much.

There was all kind of art in my room.

Not just African sculptures, but paintings.

(gentle music)

Including some paintings from Europe

that I almost recognized.

They wasn't no prints, neither.

They was original high-class oil-paintings

with beautiful frames.

I never heard of the artists, though.

They had funny French names like Monette and Picasso,

and Frida Kahlo.

Picasso sounded sort of familiar.

Then there was a really weird paintings of gardens and skies

that looked all twisted and crazy.

And those paintings had what looked like the name Vincent,

written sloppily on the bottom right corner.

I didn't really like all them paintings, though.

I didn't like the one by Salvador, either.

I think Salvador's last name was Daily.

But his signature was so small,

that was very hard to read.

During the days that followed,

I got to meet a lot of his other wives.

Believe it or not,

they actually had bingo games in the palace.

I reckon it was one game everyone could understand,

regardless of what language they spoke.

As top queen wife of King Bagha,

I got to spin the thing-a-ma-jig

that held the bingo balls, and I called out the numbers.

- Scarlett, do you know how to play five card studs?

- What did you say?

Do I know how to fuck five studs?

- No, no... five card stud, it's a card game.

- Strip poker?

- Not strip, five card draw.

(dramatic music)

- I kept the French paintings by Monette, and Picasso,

and Frida Kahlo up on my walls.

The ones we got rid of,

he replaced with a couple of very strange

drippy-looking paintings by a man named Jackson Pocklish,

or Pollica, or something.

- It's a matter of prestige.

Of course he doesn't love us, and we don't love him.

But, we're a status symbol.

- Margaret, I wish I could free all you other wives,

and get you all home.

It just aint right of him to have all these sex slaves.

- I never have sex with him.

I told him right off that I would kill myself

if he forced himself upon me.

After that, he never tried, He repulses me.

- At first, he sort of repulsed me, too.

But something's changed, I can't explain it, exactly.

Margaret, I'm afraid maybe I'm falling in love with him.

He's ugly and all, but he don't seem like he's the bad man

that folks make him out to be.

He sure ain't no tyrannical tyrant, anyhow.

I think maybe he's got a good heart.

And all those stories we heard about him

are nothing but political propagating.

- You mean political propaganda?

- Whatever.

- Scarlett, he is utterly repulsive.

I don't believe the nasty old bugger even has a heart.

How can you possibly say that he has a good heart?

- Anyway, regarding Holger Dusseldorf's plan and all,

it was obvious there was two problems with it.

The first, was that one week had turned into six.

And the invasion of the palace had never happened.

The second, was that I didn't hate King Bagha at all.

Like I said to Margaret, I didn't see him

being no tyrant to anyone.

And I couldn't believe all the stories I had heard

about horrible things that he had done to his enemies.

And even to some of his friends.

In fact, his manners was better than most men I'd ever met.

He was very generous.

- Oh, Scarlett... Oh, my love.

How fortunate I am to have you for my wife.

I will cut off the heads of all my other wives

just to prove my love for you alone.

- Don't do that, sweetheart.

- (chuckling) I am just joking, sweet Scarlett.

You are the greatest of all of my wives.

And when I die someday,

you will inherit everything I own.

- His erection was far beyond my wildest dreams.

It bulged up from his waist,

and the length of that pecker was downright shocking.

He was much bigger than any of those gigantic dildoes

I'd seen in that porn movie, "The Dildo Express."

? Ceilings real low ?

? Others brand new ?

? Ceilings that sparkle ?

? While we screw ?

? Ceilings with mirrors ?

? Can bring you good luck ?

? I open my eyes and I watch while we ?

- Oh, you gigantic man, you. (King Bagha gasping)

(tribal music) (police radio communicating)

(armored tank moving) (tribal music)

- Don't stop! - [Scarlett] Yes, yes.

- Don't stop. - Yes, yes.

Yes, yes.

- Don't stop.

- Yes, yes.

(guns firing) (tribal music)

- Someone is attacking, we've gotta get out of here.

(guns firing) (tribal music)

(guns firing) (tribal music)

- You are heaven, you are my sweet

love child of Alabama.

I will kill all of my other wives,

and throw their heads at your feet.

You shall be queen of all you see.

My entire country.

We will make love like this every morning,

and every afternoon, and every night.

- We've gotta get out of here.

- Sweet Scarlett-

- King Bagha, what's wrong, what's wrong, darling?

- Help, Help me!

(King Bagha gasping)

I can't breathe.

- King Bagha, no!

I love you, don't die.

Don't die.

- [King Bagha] Help me, I can't breathe.

(King Bagha moaning) (tribal music)

(King Bagha moaning)

- King Bagha had come and gone.

(fires blazing)

- You're safe now, Scarlett.

We are here to save you and to capture the king.

- The king is dead.

- He can't be dead!

We have to interrogate him!

- This is a disaster, Scarlett!

- You shouldn't of done that, Scarlett.

You had your instructions,

you were supposed to keep him alive for us.

- It wasn't my fault.

The big lug just up and died on me.

(background explosions)

Well, under me, anyhow.

- You were supposed to keep him alive.

- Scarlett, we had hoped you'd come out of this experience

a wealthy woman.

- Well, I did too, of course.

I'm getting kind of used to living in the lap of luxury,

you might say, being a queen and all.

- Well, now you've got nothing.

- Nothing? What about my reward?

What about all the millions for risking my life

and helping y'all?

- That was all conditioned on our capturing.

King Bagha alive.

There's nothing I can do for you now.

Except, save your life.

- Saving my life would be a good damn payment.

How you fellas gonna save my life anyway?

It seems like we're all gonna get blown to bits.

? She's a trailer park beauty with big brown eyes ?

? Born a Dixie rose under Alabama skies ?

? 18-years-old, strawberry-blonde hair ?

? Gonna find her pot of gold somewhere ?

? If she don't play possum ?

? Scarlett May Blossom ?

(lively music)

? Scarlett May Blossom ?

? The bottom half of rock bottom ?

? Poor 'ol pitiful me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? bottom half ?

? is looking down on me ?

? I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders ?

? and a bottle in front of me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? The bottom half ?

? Bottom's up for me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? Aint no kind of place to be ?

(upbeat music fades)

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