Original subtitles

(upbeat country music)

? I'm gonna buy me a bottle of whiskey ?

? I'm gonna buy me a bottle of gin ?

? And we're gonna go pick up my baby ?

? Yeah, we're going to a party again ?

? Everyone's gonna get dressed up ?

? Ladies do their hair just right ?

? Everyone's going to get messed up ?

? Yeah, we're going to get drunk tonight ?

? Gonna buy me a bottle of whiskey ?

? Gonna buy me a bottle of gin ?

? Gonna go pick up my baby ? ? Yeah wer're gonna go party again ?

- Scarlett May Blossom.

You have been sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth

and nothing but the truth so help you God. Is that correct?

- Yes sir. It certainly is.

- Were you a virgin when this so-called incident occurred at

the Church of the Holy Moaning Tabernacle?

- No sir. I most certainly was not.

If by a virgin you mean I'd never kissed a man before.

- Don't be coy with me, Miss Blossom.

Nobody is talking about kissing here.

We're talking about sexual intercourse.

Do you know what that is?

- I refuse to answer on the Fourth Amendment grounds

that it would tend to in-criminalize me.

- Do you mean fifth amendment grounds against

self-incrimination, Ms. Blossom?

- That's what I mean. It went on and on like that.

They knew everything there was to know about me

and I must have took the Fifth Amendment dozens of times

before I ended up sobbing a river

of tears from being downright embarrassed.

They made me sound like nothing but a cheap whore.

And they blamed me for seducing Clarence Zimmer.

They made out like he was an upstanding preacher

until he was unlucky enough to meet me.

And from that moment on his life was cursed

'cause I was the devil in disguise.

(upbeat country music)

- You have two hours to freshen up, Ms. Blossom,

and then we shall continue.

- And what if I don't wanna continue?

What if I've had enough?

- I'm afraid it's up to me

to decide when your testimony is concluded.

Perhaps if you could jog your memory a bit

during the lunch break this would all be over much quicker.

Will you try to do that?

- I refuse to answer you on the grounds that it may tend

to incriminate me.

I wanted nothing more than to hurry back home to my trailer.

But how was I gonna get back home? The bus probably.

And how was I gonna pay for it?

Suddenly I remembered about the money in the envelope

Cole gave me for spending in Washington DC, the per duem

money or whatever he called it.

(upbeat whimsical music)

- Where to, Lady?

- You know where the bus station is?

- Sure. - Get me there fast.

My life depends on it.

- [Driver] Hey lady, calm down. Okay it's lunchtime.

I'll do what I can but don't expect any miracles.

- Miracles are what I do expect, Mister.

I've gone to church enough. It's my turn now.

Hey, how come it says seven bucks already?

- It's $4 the second you step into the cab.

- Four bucks. That's highway robbery.

- You wanna get out, just open the door and jump out

and I'll cancel the fare.

- That's okay. You just keep on going fast as you can.

- Now you're talking.

You look like a smart lady. Where are you from?

- Honeysuckle Grove. - I never heard of it.

- Neither has a lot of folks. - What state is that in?

- [Scarlett] That ain't none of your nevermind.

- I don't get persnickety lady.

I just like to know a little something about my passengers.

That's all. What's the big deal?

You told me the name of your town.

So what's the big deal with telling me your state? Huh?

- I'm from Alabama, now do me a favor and shut up

and just get me to the bus station.

I gotta get home in a hurry.

- I ain't up for getting any tickets lady.

The cops are everywhere.

- That's what I need right now. A good cop.

- What for? - To protect me

'cause some crazy people are trying to kidnap me

and take me to Africa to be the sex slave of a tyrant king.

You got any other stupid questions?

- Have you seen a shrink lately lady.

Seems like you could use a good shrink.

- I don't need no shrink like my mama.

- Sounds to me like you've got paranoid delusions.

Are you on medicine for schizophrenia?

- How can you even say that?

You ain't got no idea what's going on in my life right now.

I'm not the kind of person who goes around making stuff up.

- So let me get this straight.

There's these bad guys who want to turn you into a sex slave

and you don't wanna be a sex slave.

- You stop making fun of me.

- What's wrong with your shoulder?

- I have an implant there.

It's a tracking device like they use on wild animals.

Right this second,

there's probably a satellite up there in outer space,

tracking our every move, watching you slam on the

brakes at every yellow light.

Can't you go any faster? You asshole.

- Watch who you are calling an asshole, lady.

I should take you to Saint Elizabeth's.

That's where you belong. The insane asylum.

- How come you meter reads 20 bucks already?

You got that thing fixed

to rob people, just like them slot machines.

That's why you drive so slow.

- That meter don't include my tip, lady.

Everybody here tips us 20%, so it's 24 bucks even though it

says 20.

- Yeah and you can go and stick it

where the sun don't shine.

You are gonna use up on my bus fair, just getting me

to the bus station and then what am I gonna do?

- Then you'll walk back

to Alabama, I guess. - Grand jury testimony

in case Clarence and Martha Zimmer,

the accused child pedophiles

and they're looking now for one

of the witnesses against the Zimmers.

A lady from Alabama, she'd been testifying under subpoena

and then she disappeared from the courthouse

during the lunch recess.

Getting back to the international news.

- Hey, that's quite a coincidence.

That lady they say is missing.

She's from Alabama just like you. Maybe you know her.

- I ain't never met her.

- They say she's missing from the same

courthouse where I picked you up.

- You must have missed your calling in life, Mister.

You should have been a detective, a private dick.

You would've been a big one, that's for sure.

Now shut up and let me get out right here. You big fat dick.

- You are in luck, lady,

'cause that's the bus station right across the street.

Now pay me 30 bucks plus tip.

- You're a damn thief.

Keep the change.

- What change, lady?

(upbeat country music)

? Scarlett May Blossom ?

? Scarlett May Blossom ?

? Scarlett May Blossom ?

- Excuse me officer,

but I'm in a hurry to make a bus.

- I can see that. I suggest you slow down.

- I don't need any suggestions. Thank you.

- Hey, I could arrest you, lady. What about that suggestion?

- On what charge?

- Jaywalking. - Jaywalking. What's that?

- You crossed against the light.

- So what if I did? It's a free country ain't it?

- What's your name lady?

- That ain't none of your nevermind.

Now please Officer,

help me out a little, okay?

I'm in serious trouble.

I gotta get a bus back to Alabama before I'm kidnapped.

(suspenseful music)

(Scarlett screams)

- Shut up, lady.

- Hello Scarlett. - Dr. Bandalar.

- Calm down, Scarlett. Nobody wants to hurt you.

- Well then tell this man to please get his gun

outta my face.

- Go ahead and put the gun up. She's not going anywhere.

- I just wanna get back to Honeysuckle Grove.

I was gonna take a bus.

- You are not going to Honeysuckle Grove.

An important woman like you has bigger

tings in her future.

- What you mean bigger tings?

- Let's discuss all that on the plane, shall we?

- I don't wanna go on no plane

unless it's headed for Alabama.

I wanna go home.

I wanna see my mama,

but where are we going? (engine revs)

At least tell me where we're gonna go.

- You know where we'd be going.

You have known where you would end up ever since you sent

your sexy photo to Dr. Magu at the Bank of Africa.

- You got a lot of nerves saying that.

I only sent him

that photo 'cause it was required for me

to collect my $4,200,000.

Just like giving him all that information

about the bank account and all.

And speaking of all that money, where is it?

It was promised to me and I sure ain't got it yet.

You and Dr. Magu are nothing but lying crooks.

- I'd be careful who you calling a lying crook.

- Well you are a lying crook.

You and Dr. Magu told me

I was gonna get all that money that belonged

to Holger Dusseldorf, the German guy

who supposedly died in a plane crash.

Well I got news for you.

Holger Dusseldorf didn't die in no plane crash

and I know that for a fact 'cause I met him at the FBI

and he works for Interpol.

He says he's a victim of identity theft.

So you're not only a lying crook,

you're also an identity thief and much worse than that.

- Scarlett, you have been definitely lied to

but not by us.

What makes you think Holger Dusseldorf is really the name

of the man you met at the FBI?

- Well 'cause he told me it was.

- I see, because he told you. - Yes.

- Normally I would spare a nice young woman like you the

gory details

but Holger Dusseldorf's body was torn limb from limb

when his plane crashed and burned.

90% of his body is incinerated in the flames.

It was almost unidentifiable but we recovered his right hand

and we fingerprinted that hand.

Holger Dusseldorf is definitely dead

and the Bank of Africa is definitely still interested in

disposing of the $14 million he had in special accounts

and it is still quite likely that you will end up

with a significant share of

that money if you cooperate.

- My share is 30%. That's what it said in my email.

And that is 4,200,000.

And I know 'cause I had a very good algebra teacher.

- We'll get into the numbers later, Scarlett.

- How did you bastards find me anyway?

I just got out of that taxi. How did you know where I was?

- You know the answer to that question, Scarlett.

- I most certainly do not.

- The implant in your shoulder.

- How do you know about that?

- I work in cooperation with Interpol, Scarlett.

Just like the man who claimed to you

that his name is Holger Dusseldorf.

We have been tracking you

by satellite ever since you left the courthouse.

- I don't know what the hell is going on here.

I don't know who anybody is.

All I know is that everybody I met since I left Honeysuckle.

Grove is a liar

and you're probably the biggest liar of them all.

Plus being a murderer who shot Sheriff Peabody.

And it's perfectly obvious you're planning on

shooting me too.

- We have no reason to shoot you.

You are working in cooperation with Interpol as well.

Zanzu, I think Scarlett is ready for her little drink

of jangobee juice and then she'll take a little nap.

- What the hell you talking about? I ain't taking no nap.

- Pretend that this is your lemonade, Scarlett.

- It sure don't smell like no lemonade.

Let me outta here you bastards.

(Scarlett screams)

(suspenseful music)

- Good morning, Scarlett. - Is it morning already?

- Yes. And we will be landing in about an hour.

I hope you're feeling refreshed.

- What do you want with me? Why did you kidnap me?

- It wasn't kidnapping.

We simply had to arrange for the bride's transportation.

- What bride? - Why you, of course.

- I ain't nobody's bride.

- Not yet, but you will be soon.

In fact, very soon you will be in the palace

of your future husband.

How does it feel to be engaged?

- Hell with all that. I ain't marrying nobody.

- That's not what King Bagha thinks.

- Well fuck King Bagha. - What did you say?

- I said fuck King Bagha.

- I am sure that you will, probably five times a day

or more whenever it pleases him.

- And what if I don't? What if I tell him to drop dead?

- Well, I should think then that you would probably lose

that pretty head of yours and that would be such a shame.

- I ain't losing my head to nobody.

- That is the spirit.

I knew that you would come to your senses

because if you do not cooperate you might get to meet.

Azandula.

- Who the hell is Azandula?

- Azandula chops off at the people's heads.

Azandula is King Bagha's Headsman.

We do not use a guillotine

and ungrateful brides.

Bogotoga is still a bit primitive in certain ways.

Heads are chopped off using a very large ax,

but that doesn't happen often

because usually all King Bagha's brides get along

splendidly with him.

- You are so stupid.

You think you can just kidnap me

and take me to be a sex slave in Africa.

- Please, Scarlett, being bride number 50

of King Bagha is hardly like being a sex slave.

You are going to be a queen,

Queen Scarlett May Blossom Bagha.

- Whatever.

Hasn't it occurred to you that the FBI

and Interpol agent Holger Dusseldorf,

or whatever his real name is, are gonna rescue me?

- And exactly how do you think they will find you?

- The same way you did, that darn implant in my shoulder.

They got satellites too.

- No, I would not count on them.

They are the ones who sold you out.

- What you talking about? Cole wouldn't sell me out.

- Cole Brooks of the FBI. He already did sell you out.

Do you not understand?

Can you not see that this is much bigger than you and me.

This is a matter of international politics.

Do you not realize how much oil the United States gets

each year from Bogotoga?

Do you think that they can afford

to have King Bagha simply turn off the tap?

The big oil companies would not be very happy about that.

But there is nothing that they can do about it short

of invading Bogotoga.

What if King Bagha were to wake up one morning very,

very angry and say no more oil for America.

Do you not realize the extent

of our investments on Wall Street?

We own billions and billions of shares of mutual funds.

And what would happen to the value

of those shares if our king were suddenly

to dump them on the open market?

It would cause financial panic.

Your stock market would crash.

Your president is not going to take that a risk.

- Cole sold me out. He wouldn't do that, he loves me.

- And what makes you think he loves you?

Have you ever had relations with him?

- Well no. But... He's one of

the few men you have met

who has never slept with you.

Do you not find that a bit strange?

- He's not gay, is he?

- No. This is not a matter of gay or straight.

He's a professional and a patriot.

- And he sold me out for America.

- Yes, of course.

For the good of your country, to preserve world peace.

Now you must calm down, Scarlett.

I am sure you'll find Bogotoga to your liking.

Once you give it a chance.

- I'm sure I'll hate it.

Turn this plane around and take me home.

(upbeat whimsical music)

- You are looking at all of this as a negative thing.

When it is a positive development for your life filled

with opportunity. As number 50 wife of King Bagha,

you will be rich beyond your wildest dreams.

You will meet foreign dignitaries,

you will have magnificent wardrobe.

You will have home entertainment system right in the palace.

And if it's pornography you like,

you cannot imagine the extent of the King's collection.

- I ain't really into porn. It's against Jesus.

- Speaking of Jesus, if praying

and devotion suits your fancy, you will be able

to choose from over 25 churches for Sunday worship.

Every denomination from Catholic to Methodist,

from Presbyterian to Baptist, all located in Bogotoga.

- Is that Southern Baptist?

I certainly wouldn't wanna attend no Northern.

Baptist Church.

- I don't think we have a Southern Baptist yet,

but we do have a church of Christ.

Would that do?

- Do you mean to tell me that this king of yours,

this King Bagha is a Christian.

- King Bagha is a very adaptable man.

If his bride is a Buddhist, then he is a Buddhist.

If his bride is a Muslim, then he favors Islam.

If he marries a Hindu, then Brahma, Vishnu

and Shiva are his gods of choice.

And if like you is bride happens

to be a Christian, then by all means.

Yes. When he is with her, he is a Christian.

- You're a damn fool.

Christians don't believe in having 50 wives.

Only Mormons get 50 wives according to mama.

Normal Christian men only get one wife and that's it.

And if they don't like it, they can just go to hell.

- In Bogotoga,

our Pope has given a very much broader interpretation

to Christianity.

- Who exactly is your Pope in Bogotoga?

- Why King Bagha, of course.

- Some women as they say, sleep their way to the top.

Me, I guess you could say I slept my way across the Atlantic.

Ocean to a country filled with giraffes and zebras

and ruled by a king who'd chop off my head if I didn't turn

out to be the perfect wife.

Wife number 50. So what's your story, Dr. Bandalar?

You married or what? You not gay, are you?

- (laughing) In my country,

it is a crime to be, as you call it, gay.

We decapitate men who are found in compromising situations

with other men and sometimes that keeps Azandula quite busy.

- Tell me something Dr. Bandalar, why do you have to go

and shoot Sheriff Peabody?

- That was most unfortunate.

I did not have anything against him personally.

You understand? But he had a great deal against me.

I did not have the time to be arrested. So he had to die.

But do not worry, it was quick and painless.

I shot him right between the eyes.

He never lived long enough to feel anything.

- How sweet of you.

Have you shot many men between the eyes?

- Not so many, fewer than 10.

It was always out of necessity, never out of hate.

- That's very reassuring.

You was alone with me when I was knocked out.

How do I know you didn't take advantage of me?

- If I were to do that, I would lose my head too.

You are the property of the king.

It is not up to any commoner

to use the king's property while not having his consent.

- And remind me, okay, how exactly did I get

to be property of the king?

- You remember, you sent that photo of yourself to

Dr. Maghu and he sent it to King Bagha.

- He ain't fat or nothing, is he?

- King Bagha has always set an example for his countrymen

by following a reasonable diet and exercising daily.

- And what exactly is his weight?

- I would say that it is perfect for his height.

- And what does he need 50 wives for?

- That is a long tradition among royalty in our nation.

For hundreds of years,

every king has taken five more wives

than the king before him.

So now we are up to 50.

- So when will he even have time for me

with 49 other women waiting in line for him?

- I am sure when he meets you,

you'll be the first in his heart

and the first among his wives.

- I remember a movie I once saw called King Kong.

It was about this actress who was plucked from the streets

of New York, stuck aboard some big boat,

sailing uncharted waters.

And she ends up becoming the bride

of this giant ape named King Kong.

(woman screams)

The natives tie her up

like they was gonna sacrifice her alive,

but that's actually just their sociable custom

for introducing a new bride to King Kong.

Actually once this girl named Anne Darrow and King Kong met,

and once they got to know

and appreciate each other,

got past all their petty differences of race and species

and all that, they had a pretty good relationship.

She sort of danced for him and wiggled her ass for him

and he liked to pick her up

and carry her everywhere he went.

Even when he went off to fight dinosaurs.

Turned out to be sort of like a match made in heaven.

? She's a trailer park beauty with big brown eyes ?

? Born a Dixie rose under ?

? Alabama skies, 18 years old ?

? Strawberry blonde hair ?

? Gonna find her a pot of gold somewhere ?

? If she don't play possum ?

? Scarlett May Blossom ?

? Scarlett May Blossom ?

? I'm at the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? Poor old pitiful me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? Is looking down on me ?

? I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders ?

? And a bottle in front of me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half a rock bottom ?

? Bottoms up for me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? Ain't no kind of place to be ?

(country music concludes)

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0