Original subtitles

(wind whooshing)

(uptempo twangy music)

? Gonna buy me a bottle of whiskey ?

? Gonna buy me a bottle of gin ?

? Gonna go pick up my baby ?

? Yeah, we're going to a party again ?

? Everyone's going to get dressed up ?

? Ladies do the hair just right ?

? Everyone's going to get messed up ?

? Yeah, we're going to get drunk tonight ?

? Gonna buy me a bottle of whiskey ?

? Gonna buy me a bottle of gin ?

? Gonna go pick up my baby ?

? Yeah, we're going to a party again ?

(uptempo twangy music continues)

- Scarlett May Blossom,

I could arrest you and put you in jail this very minute,

lying to an officer of the law like that.

I told you, we got a witness.

You was driving your mama's car without a license,

and you backed up right over that poor, little helpless dog.

And then you concealed the crime.

You stuck the dog in your trunk.

Then later, you and that sneaky accomplice of yours, Daryl,

went over to the graveyard and buried that mutt.

And when I saw you two out there

and asked you what was happening,

you made out like nothing was happening at all.

And there you were, a dog killer,

with a soul made of stone.

Now, what do you think Mary Lou's gonna say about you

when she reads all this in the paper?

- How might a sweet young thing like me

keep an ugly story like this out of the newspaper, Sheriff?

In fact, how could a girl like me find a way

to bury something like this?

- You sure spend a lot of time

thinking about burying things.

Well, I might have one or two ideas.

- Such as, oh, do you take cream?

I've got some very fresh cream.

- I'm sure you do,

but no, I take it black and bitter.

- Not even any sugar?

- I like it bitter.

Now, as I was explaining,

I've been noticing your very sweet charm

for quite some time, Scarlett darling.

- That didn't sound too good.

All of a sudden, I was Scarlett darling.

And what about my sweet charm?

- This story might never get brought up again

if you was to keep a certain appointment with me in private

next Wednesday night at the address

on this little old piece of paper.

- But, unfortunately, Sheriff,

next Wednesday I'll be in Washington DC.

I've been summoned by a summons to testify,

as you rightly know,

since you sent Lenny Hancock to deliver the summons to me.

- Well, you'd have a very hard time

testifying next Wednesday

if you was stuck here in jail, Scarlett,

driving without a license and hit and run.

And that's two very serious offenses.

- Is it really hit and run if it's just a dog?

- It is in my book.

That dog was Mary Lou's personal property,

and you knew that.

You knew how much she loved that dog.

- But wouldn't you be breaking the law, Sheriff,

if you prevented me from testifying

for the grand jury in Washington?

Wouldn't that be some kinda obstruction of justice?

We're talking about child molesters, Sheriff.

We're talking about the FBI.

- Well, if the FBI was to contact me

telling me that your services are required

next Wednesday in Washington,

I could arrange to have you released from jail temporarily

and brought under armed guard to Washington.

I might even escort you myself.

- Well, Sheriff, do you think when we're in Washington

we might be able to visit

one of them big newspapers together?

Maybe like "The Washington Post."

If you're gonna expose me

for being the miserable dog killer of Honeysuckle Grove,

I don't want my moment of fame

to be hidden away in some little old local newspaper.

Let's go for the big time.

- Yeah, that could be arranged possibly.

- Wow, that's exciting, Sheriff.

And do you think them reporters at "the Washington Post"

would also be interested in the story of you

and Lulabelle down at the Cherry Hill Massage Parlor?

Because Lulabelle, who happens to be

my second cousin twice-removed,

told me all the sultry details,

and they're very juicy, Sheriff.

What would Mrs. Peabody say

when she hears the truth about your official business

down at the Cherry Hill Massage Parlor in Mobile?

You're quite a regular customer, and from what I hear,

you are getting a whole lot more than a massage down there.

And at that, the Sheriff done choked on his coffee.

(Sheriff coughing)

Too bitter for you, Sheriff?

Sure I couldn't interest you

in a little bit of cream and sugar?

He coughed like he was choking,

and then he spilled that coffee all over his trousers,

right by the zipper.

And then there was another knock at the door.

(knocking on door)

I took a peek out the window

and I saw it was a man wearing a jacket and a tie,

and I wondered if he was one of them Jehovah's Witnesses

passing out pamphlets.

But then I suddenly remembered that Dr. Bandalar

was due in from Africa,

and was gonna be paying me a visit at my home there

at the Outside Inn Trailer Park.

Quick, Sheriff, go hide in my bedroom!

I gotta talk to this man.

And how's it gonna look if he sees us together?

And you with stains all over your pants?

- Well, it's just coffee.

Go on, open the door.

- But, Sheriff, this is a very important business visit.

- Then (laughs) you better open the door.

- Sheriff Peabody, in my bedroom

you'll find the blackmail evidence

I was preparing to use against you.

Lulabelle sent me a whole bunch of pictures she took of you

in your birthday suit.

So I suggest you take me up on my kind little offer here

and hide your disgust...

Um, I mean, your distinguished face in my bedroom.

And if you can find that evidence,

then I can't use it against you, now can I?

He gave me a disbelieving look,

but then decided I just might not be bluffing.

In two seconds, he was in that bedroom

and the door was closed shut.

(door creaking)

Why, hello, sir.

Would you possibly be who I think you are?

- Scarlett May Blossom, so honored to meet you.

I am Dr. Danju Bandalar.

Dr. Maghu told you all about me, did he not?

You have been expecting me?

- Why, yes, I've been expecting you.

- Ms. Blossom, we were at first prepared to simply deposit

your share of Holger Adusseldorf's estate

directly into your bank account.

However, there have been some complications.

There are certain forms that must be filled out in person

by you in Africa.

And I am happy to report that you are to join me

on our bank's private jet,

and we shall fly together to Bogatoga

to make the final arrangements.

You have become quite a celebrity there

since you sent your photo,

and King Bagha has given me explicit instructions

that he must have the honor of meeting you personally

before we may complete this transaction.

- Could y'all come pick me up like next weekend?

I'm gonna be in Washington D.C. all week, legal business.

I can't leave the country right now.

Besides, I ain't even got a passport.

- That is no problem.

We have already taken care of that.

- Now, how did you get this passport?

I didn't apply for it or nothing.

- King Bagha can accomplish many miracles.

Please don't worry yourself about the details,

but I am afraid putting off the trip

will be quite impossible.

The king has already scheduled a banquet in your honor

for this coming Tuesday.

- But that's the same day I am supposed to testify.

I can't get out of it, nohow.

- You are going to testify?

- It's a little old grand jury thing, that's all.

Like I said, I'm sure I'd be free by next weekend.

You could even pick me up in Washington D.C..

- Perhaps our King could have your testimony

canceled or postponed.

(object buzzing) King Bagha has many

high-level contacts in your government.

- Suddenly I heard a buzz of noise

coming from the back bedroom,

and I remembered that Sheriff Peabody was back there

looking for the phony evidence.

But it sounded like he'd gotten ahold of

mama's vibrating dildo that was hiding underneath the bed.

(door creaking)

Then the door to that bedroom opened

and Sheriff Peabody came out holding that vibrating dildo up

where both me and Dr. Bandalar could plainly see it.

- Well, what's this doing in your bedroom?

How do you explain this?

And who's this man,

and what's he doing in your trailer?

- Now, Sheriff, don't get rude.

This man here is my company

and we're busy discussing business.

Now get back in the room and look for those photos,

or go back down to the police station

where you belong, please.

- I didn't find any photos from Lulabelle.

And what's this?

You planning on leaving the country in a hurry?

When did you apply for this passport?

You didn't tell me nothing about this.

- I didn't apply for it.

It was a gift to me from Dr. Bandalar here.

- I see.

Well, Mr. Bandalar,

the law don't allow gifting folks phony passports.

Maybe you ain't aware of that

if you ain't from around these parts.

- Not these parts, exactly.

No, sir.

And it is Dr. Bandalar.

- What parts you be from then?

You a Yankee boy.

- Do I look like a Yankee boy?

- Do you know who I am?

- No, I do not believe we have had the pleasure

of being introduced.

- And I'm not so sure it would be a pleasure even if we had.

You still haven't told me where you are from

and what your business is with Ms. Blossom.

- Would you two excuse me for a moment.

I've got a bus to catch,

and I'm not properly dressed.

My hair is a wreck,

and I still gotta throw a few more things into my suitcase.

Dr. Bandalar, please tell your king

I'm honored that he wants to meet me,

and I'd be very grateful if he could put off

that banquet in my honor just for one little old week.

And, Sheriff, I know I fibbed about them photos,

but I wasn't fibbing about Lulabelle

being my second cousin twice-removed,

and about her telling me all about your trips to Mobile

in quite some intimate detail.

Dr. Bandalar, I look forward to our next meeting

at a more convenient time.

And, Sheriff, I'm sure Mrs. Peabody

is very anxious for you to get home.

So I assume our business is done for today,

and you have no objection to me catching my bus.

(lively twangy music)

On my way to Washington D.C.,

I had to change buses in Atlanta.

While I was waiting, I saw a young man

who was sort of smiling at me with his eyes,

and he really surprised me

when he lifted his luggage off the bench

and made a very gentlemanly gesture towards me.

- You headed for New York?

- Heavens no, why would I be going to New York?

- Just wondering.

- I'm sort of out on my own for the first time.

Out to see a bit of the world here and there.

- A lot of people who pass through Atlanta

are headed for New York, business or vacation or something.

You know, some go to see the Broadway musicals.

- Actually on my way to Washington D.C. right now.

- I just happened to be going to Washington D.C. too.

We're probably waiting for the same bus.

- I'd kinda like to see New York sometime,

now that you mention it.

- (laughs) Well, maybe you won't believe me,

but I was a singer once on the stage in New York

in "Phantom of the Opera."

You ever see that?

- Nope, I ain't ever seen that.

Phantom of the what?

- The opera.

- Are you from New York?

- Heck no, I'm from San Antonio, Texas.

Can't you tell by my accent?

- Your accent must have got New York-ized

in your "Phantom of the Opry" days.

What's your name?

- I'm Travis, named after Colonel Travis,

who led the brave defenders of the Alamo

and helped Texas win its independence

back in those days of the Republic of Texas.

What's your name?

- Scarlett May Blossom.

How come you're going by bus?

You look like you could probably be flying instead.

- Yeah, (laughs) well, that was before I got swindled

big-time in Vegas in a high-rolling private poker game.

- You a gambler?

- Yeah, I've won and lost a fortune at least five times.

Right now I'm on the losing side,

but pretty soon I'll start flying on planes again.

My mom is dying in her Georgetown house,

and I'm gonna be by her side

for her final days on this Earth.

Bless her soul.

But then, of course,

if the good Lord does take my mama now,

I'll settle up the estate.

She used to be worth 40 million,

but with all her stock market losses

and other tragedies, she's only worth about 34 now.

- Wow, 34 million dollars?

You got any brothers and sisters

you gotta share that with?

- Nope, I'm an only child.

Everything will go to me.

- The next bus was late,

which gave Travis and me time to get to know one another.

He was kindhearted.

He bought us something to eat and drink

before we got on the bus.

We sat side-by-side on the bus

and kept talking the whole night.

After sunrise, the bus pulled into a little old town

in northern Georgia for a pit stop.

We all went into a bar and grill.

Outside, there was a big white Lincoln Continental

parked there,

but inside, there didn't seem to be nobody

important enough to own it.

Both Travis and I needed to use the bathroom

and there was a long line,

so Travis sweet talked the nice waitress

into letting us use one for the staff.

Just as I was finishing up, Travis pushed his way in

and locked us both in there together.

- Scarlett, the reason I locked us in here

has nothing to do with sex.

I need a private place to talk.

- Okay, a couple minutes,

but we better get outta here so we don't miss the bus.

- Scarlett, I'm very nervous

about inheriting all that money.

I've lost a fortune five times, like I told you.

I've got terrible judgment about investments.

My mother always told me

that I needed a sensible level-headed woman

to help me make important decisions in life.

Scarlett, I'm convinced you are that woman.

Would you help me?

- Help you do what exactly?

Them are some big words, Travis.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

- Scarlett, honey, you could be my very rich wife.

We could see the world together,

stay in the best hotels, eat in fabulous restaurants.

Take that 34 million,

and together turn it into a hundred million or a billion.

You've got what it takes.

I knew that you shouldn't be there taking a bus

any more than I should be there,

unless it was for a higher purpose.

And it's obvious what that purpose was.

The good Lord put us both in that bus station

at the exact same moment so we would meet.

Scarlett, baby, I love you to pieces.

Will you marry me?

- Just like that?

Are you crazy?

- (laughs) Crazy like a fox.

- Travis, I don't even know your last name,

and you don't know much about me.

- Now, there'll be enough time for all that later.

My last name is Wilde,

like Oscar Wilde, the playwright,

or Cornel Wilde, the actor.

Travis Lee Wilde.

- And at that, it all started.

And it got so outta hand,

I don't know how to explain any of it.

But let's start with the ceiling in that bathroom.

It had cracks a mile wide.

I guess we was in there quite a while.

When we went back into the restaurant, no bus.

Damn, those bastards left without us.

Don't that take some nerve?

Now we're really screwed.

- Don't worry, dear Scarlett.

We'll think of something.

- How can you be so calm?

Everything I packed for my trip

is in my suitcase on that bus.

My mama's dress clothes for my grand jury testimony,

and my dictionary's gone too.

How am I gonna look up words I don't understand?

If this is my destination in life

to have everything keep going wrong-

- You mean destiny?

- What?

- Your destiny in life?

Isn't that what you meant when you said destination?

- Yeah, destiny, I guess.

Thank the Lord my summons is still here,

or I wouldn't even know where to go.

Oh, damn it all.

We shouldn't have done what we've done.

This is a message from the Lord.

- Well, it may be a message,

but you're not hearing it right.

Mark my words, this'll all turn out fine.

I'm sure we don't need that bus

to get to Georgetown to see my mama.

There's other ways.

- But what about my suitcase full of stuff?

- I'll replace everything with better stuff.

All it takes is money.

- And we ain't got none,

or we'd be going by plane.

- Miss, please bring this little lady here a Coke, okay?

Eh, like something else?

- A grilled cheese with a slice of tomato.

Make that a thin slice,

plus one even thinner slice of pickle.

And I like the cheese hot and runny.

That's the way we always like it

down in Honeysuckle Grove, Alabama.

- Hot and runny cheese coming right up,

with tomato and pickle extra thin.

And, um, excuse me, miss, do you mind?

I think you're sitting on my newspaper.

- I'm sorry, ma'am.

Hope I didn't mess up your paper or nothing.

- Don't you worry.

It's not soiled a bit.

Anyway, it's the latest edition from Atlanta.

Just got here.

I was reading it, but you can read it if you want.

- That's okay.

I never find nothing to like about reading the news.

Travis didn't order nothing for himself.

He sauntered over to the bar

where the limo driver was downing one more shot

that was sure to knock him out cold.

Say, who's the Lincoln Continental for?

Don't seem like there's nobody important here.

- That's Chuck over there at the bar.

He's gonna pick up Senator Eaton at his family home

and drive him to Atlanta.

It's the senator's car.

- Seems like it's not a good idea

for Chuck to be drinking so much.

- Yeah, he had more than usual last night.

He's been sleeping it off, so he'll probably be okay.

He usually holds his liquor better than me even. (laughs)

Say, honey, maybe you oughta read this today,

seeing as how you said you're from Honeysuckle Grove.

There's an article about some murder in your hometown

right there in the lower corner on the front page.

- What?

- It's all there.

- Sure enough, I saw the article,

and as soon as I finished reading it,

I almost had a heart attack.

Sheriff Peabody was dead.

(uptempo twangy music)

Oh Lord, I'm in big trouble now.

Travis, oh no.

- You see that Lincoln Continental?

Scarlett, we're heading for Washington in style.

- Oh, God, no.

Anyway, my grilled cheese ain't here yet.

- We'll get you another grilled cheese.

Come on, baby.

Don't dawdle, get your butt out of that chair now!

- But, Travis, Sheriff Peabody's been murdered,

and it probably happened right outside my mama's trailer

after I left for the bus station.

I'm sure the police want me for questioning,

and my ass is in a heap of trouble.

- Don't worry your sweet little head

about any of that now.

Let's move!

- That waitress is gonna be pissed.

I'm sure they went to lots of extra trouble

to make my cheese hot and runny,

and to slice up the tomato and pickle and all.

- Babe, like I said,

they're gonna be worrying about other things

more important than runny cheese,

like where this car went.

But Washington here we come!

(lively twangy music)

(engine revving)

- Travis, what have you done?

You just stole this car,

(tires screeching)

and it belongs to a Georgia Senator.

- We're just borrowing it.

Stealing is when you keep it.

- Travis, we should have just taken the next bus.

- The next bus could have been full up for all we know.

- But they'll catch us.

- Don't worry your pretty little head so much.

I drive fast.

- Travis, if you really love me,

you will stop this car right now and let me out.

- Honey-bun, that don't make any sense.

If I let you out, then what are you gonna do?

- I'll hitch-hike to Washington.

- My future bride is not gonna hitch-hike nowhere.

- Travis, I didn't say I'd marry you yet.

Besides, I'm probably a wanted woman right now,

and you're gonna be in a whole lot of trouble

if they find you with me.

- What do you mean a wanted woman?

- Wasn't you listening to a word I said?

That newspaper had the whole story.

Sheriff Peabody's dead.

- Who's Sheriff Peabody?

- He's the Sheriff of my hometown, Honeysuckle Grove.

And I think he was shot by a man

who came from Africa, all the way from Bogatoga,

to help me get $4 million from the estate of this German man

who died in an airplane crash.

- You ain't making no sense, Scarlett.

Why was a man from Africa gonna help you get $4 million?

(tires screeching) - Because of the internet.

Because they picked me to get the money.

- It sounds bogus to me.

- That's what everybody thinks, but it ain't.

- So why did he shoot the Sheriff?

- How should I know?

But I was the last woman to see the Sheriff alive,

and the cops are gonna wanna know all the details,

and so are the newspapers.

If they catch me, I might be arrested

for a murder I didn't commit.

Your mama will up and die if she finds out

you're thinking of marrying a renegade from the law like me.

- Well, Scarlett, that's the whole idea,

that it's time for my mama to up and die.

- Now, that's a nasty thing to say.

I don't think I could ever marry a man

who has so little respect for his mama.

- Would you stop nagging at me, Scarlett?

Besides, I ain't really got any mama.

- You ain't?

- Nope.

- Then you ain't really gonna inherit $34 million?

- Nope.

- And you made all that up just to impress me?

- Yep.

- I bet you didn't even sing

in "Phantom of the Opry" on Broadway neither.

- Nope.

(sirens wailing) - Why, you lying asshoe.

I'm sick and tired of men lying to me

just to get in my panties.

- This wasn't about sex, Scarlett.

I really do love you.

- Well, that don't make no difference, 'cause I hate you.

Let me outta this car.

This is kidnapping.

- No it ain't.

- Stop the car! (sirens wailing)

- You came with me of your own free will.

In fact, you're probably an accomplice at stealing this car.

- I thought you said we wasn't stealing it.

You said we was just borrowing it.

- Well, the cops will call it stealing.

- I'm underage.

I ain't even 18.

You'll get 20 years in jail when I tell the cops

that you raped me and kidnapped me.

Plus what you'll get for car theft.

So let me out now, you bastard!

- Jesus!

(lively twangy music continues)

(sirens wailing)

(uptempo twangy music)

? I'm on the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? somewhere on Bourbon Street ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? I'm gonna drown my misery ?

? Well, I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders ?

? and a bottle in front of me ?

? yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? and it's bottoms up for me ?

? I'm on the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? Half ?

? Poor old pitiful old me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? is looking down on me ?

? Well, I've got the weight ?

? of the world on my shoulders ?

? and a bottle in front of me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? Half ?

? Bottoms up for me ?

? Yeah, the bottom half of rock bottom ?

? Ain't no kind of place to be ?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0