Original subtitles

MARNIE: I've got a dirty mind and everybody knows it.

Fuck!

Mind.

MARNIE: Just scrubbing the shame off the taps,

hoovering some regret off the carpet,

and cleaning up the general horror of last week.

♪ You're gonna wake up one morning ♪

♪ As the sun greets the dawn ♪

♪ You're gonna look around in your mind, girl ♪

(DOOR OPENING)

-Hi. -Hi.

MARNIE: I cleaned the flat.

Er, yeah. It needed it.

Mmm.

And I got a job.

Well done.

Are you gonna go to Amber's party?

Cos we could go together.

Seeing as you don't really know that many people.

Probably not. Erm...

Right, I'll maybe see you in the kitchen later.

Er... I feel like I've hardly seen you all week.

I've been working.

Had to let Karen go.

There's been a lot of interim admin.

I'm not always nice to people.

I said sorry.

Can we just go back to how things were?

Cos I'm uncomfortable enough as it is in my cupboard.

-Er, maybe it isn't working. -No. I like the cupboard,

and I'm not even that uncomfortable.

I'm used to it. I sleep in a ball

anyway and that is comforting.

No. Erm... Maybe you should move out.

Why?

You said it was just until you got yourself sorted.

It's not because of your disorder.

(SIGHS) Well, you mentioning it

kinda makes it seem like it is.

Cos why would you bring it up if it's not?

It's just like standing over a dead body and going,

-"It wasn't me." -It's because of you.

It's because of you and the way you are with people.

(DOOR CLOSES)

How I am with people, is because of my OCD.

It makes me a shit person

and I'm gonna be shit until I'm better.

So, it's just like, when is that?

Cos I've had three sessions now,

and I thought I was gonna feel better than this.

What do you think, "being better" means?

I'll be a better person

when I don't have these thoughts and wonder what they mean

and who I am.

The problem isn't the thoughts, though.

It's the way they make you feel

and the shame you have about them.

That's why we need to find a way for you

to have a different relationship with them.

I don't want a relationship with them.

I want them to go away. That's why I'm here.

That's what I'm paying for.

Having absurd thoughts is part of being human.

If you got rid of them completely,

you'd be brain-dead.

I just want you to tell me

when they'll stop and when I'll be better,

so I can stop worrying about dying

alone cos I'm such a shit person.

Therapy is not gonna help you get rid of your thoughts.

And the more you try to do that, the more you'll have,

and the more distressed you'll get.

(TEARFULLY) So, I'm always gonna have them.

I know you're looking for a definitive answer.

I am going to get better though.

I'm... I'm sorry, I can't give you that.

(CHUCKLES)

(THUDS)

(COUGHS)

(MOANS)

(WHISPERS) Hey.

Thought you weren't staying.

Yeah, I know. I must've just fallen asleep.

Whoops.

Well, that's a natural human response.

I won't hold it against you.

(KISSES)

So, what shall we do?

(GROANS) I don't know about you,

but I'm gonna go and do a HIIT class.

-I'm not doing a HIIT class. -Why? You should.

(WHISPERS) Fuck it!

Do you want to come to my birthday party?

When is it?

Today, actually.

Birthday and party.

(CHUCKLES) What are you doing here, man?

Er, it was the only time you could do...

(NANCY SIGHS)

So, do you wanna come, or...

Why?

Cos people in London are flakes

and I don't want it to be just

me and four others staring at some fucking Gs.

Right. Who's gonna be there?

Loads of people. You know,

(SIGHS) people from work, people not from work.

-People from your house. -(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS) Yeah.

I don't know. It's just a bit much.

I don't want you to come.

It's just for numbers.

I'm asking everyone. I'm asking my colourist.

But, we should catch up next week.

(KISSES)

Yeah. Catch up.

CHARLIE: I thought you didn't like coffee.

(CHUCKLES) I slept with a barista.

Now I'm a barista.

It's like a hipster STD.

You should've stuck with him. He could've given you some tips.

Since you have absolutely no idea what you're doing.

-I've had half a day's training. -As what?

As this?

(WHISPERS) For fuck's sake.

Marnie, just let me do it. It's fine, I'll do it.

Can you just clear, please?

And take that lady her muffin?

Don't. I need this.

Otherwise, I'm just another homeless Scottish person.

I'm sorry. It's such a stereotype.

You can always crash at mine if you get stuck.

Are you sure?

Might be a bit awkward, because

last time you asked me over you showed me your cock.

I take it back then.

Are you coming to Amber's?

Er, meant to be seeing Sarah.

You should bring her.

Not sure she'll be up for it.

Really? Thought she'd love a chance

to hang out with the kids.

No. She'd rather stay in and have sex with me.

So, does that mean you're "better"?

Getting there, yeah.

That's why you go felting.

Menopausal women do it for you.

They must do.

Hope it works this time.

Yeah, it will.

It will.

-I'll leave you to it. -Yeah. Have a good one.

-I will. -Yeah, fine.

See you around, then.

MARNIE: I might have a mental disorder,

but it's other people who have the problem.

I just wanna be a normal 24-year-old woman,

currently living in London.

I'm just gonna style it out and act like nothing happened.

Like a clumsy fall or a fanny fart.

MARNIE: Happy birthday!

Hey. Wow! Wow, you are really early, aren't you?

Er, well, you said any time after 9:00,

and it's one minute past. So, after 9:00.

Exactly. And most people interpret

that as 10:00, at the earliest.

Also, I just wanted to check that we were okay.

After the whole pastagate thing.

I'm not thinking about your vagina. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Yeah, we're, erm... We're fine.

Did you get anything nice for your birthday?

Yep. Er, cards, money

and a load of comments on Facebook.

So, it has been a gas.

Well, this is from me.

Aw, thanks.

(CHUCKLES) You really wrapped it there.

Yeah. It's not exciting.

Cool. Perfume.

Yeah, so, you don't smell like a dead old lady.

No, I won't. (LAUGHS)

Give it an ol' spray.

-It's quite sweet. -Mmm, it's nothing.

I meant the smell.

It's quite a... A summery scent than a wintry one.

I like it, though.

You could always use it as a room spritz.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Did you ever have a party and then it's time for the party,

and then you can't be fucking arsed with the party.

Yeah.

And then you have all these people in your house,

you're like,

"Get out of my fuckin' house."

And that's if they even turn up at all.

-I... I wasn't looking. -No, I know you weren't.

(CHUCKLES)

(NERVOUSLY) It's the material. What is it?

-Polyester. -Looks great.

Joe!

He'll be down in a minute to talk to you.

Do you wanna grab yourself a drink?

I'm just gonna get some clothes on, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

MARNIE: So what if I imagined honking her breast?

She literally does that all the time to people.

At least vodka's my friend.

JOE: Hey.

(CHUCKLES)

Amber says you have to talk to me.

-Okay. -How's your foot?

It's good. Yeah. How's your...

Disorder?

(STUTTERS) Sorry. I don't know how to...

(LAUGHS) Still disordering.

Erm, that's why,

I couldn't,

when you tried to...

And, if I'd known, I wouldn't have.

Right.

Not many people would.

I wouldn't.

No, not cos I don't wanna know, cos I do.

I Googled you.

(CHUCKLES) I'm not a sheep breeder from Wick,

I've never worked for easyJet,

and I didn't die in 1847.

Different Marnie MacAuley.

I Googled what you have.

Cos you wanted to look at

stock images of distressed-looking women?

Yeah.

You could've just gone to a chemist and

hung out by the cystitis sachets.

I can't. There's a poster of me behind the till.

(LAUGHING)

Nah, I wanted to...

I don't know. Educate myself

and talk to you about it. If you wanted.

Cos maybe you don't wanna talk. But if you do, I'm here.

(LAUGHS)

Thanks.

If I was gonna buy a man off Amazon,

I'd buy you.

Great picture, good reviews...

Same day delivery.

(LAUGHING) I don't know what that means.

AMBER: Ugh. Come on, lads. It's the food preparation area.

Er, I washed my hands.

She had something in her eye.

Your tongue?

(CHUCKLES)

(REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

Shit, wait. Do you have a girlfriend?

No!

Okay. I never know.

You're on, then you're off, then you're on again.

Like somebody playing with the light.

It's off now. It's dark.

Not dark, as in sinister. Dark, as in "it's not happening."

It's like someone took the dimmer switch

and turned it down really slowly.

Ooh, mood lighting.

AMBER: All right, you, come on in and give your coat to Joe.

Oh shit.

JOE: Don't worry about them. You're old news.

The new one of you has a massive necklace,

and they're obsessed by it.

Rattles every time she moves.

-You can hear her coming. -AMBER: Joe!

JOE: Better go. SEF: Is he banging Moira?

-The one with the... -No, they're just really good

mates. So, er,

kitchen is the bar. So, help yourselves.

Mate, do you want some birthday cake?

Maybe later.

Boring.

Have you got any good red wine?

AMBER: Probably, yes. LIBBY: Good, though?

AMBER: Do you know what? Let me see what I can do.

-LIBBY: Not saying hello? -Oh, my God, hi.

Yes. I didn't see you. Yes, I'm saying hello. Hello.

(YELPS)

Amber told me what was wrong with you.

Or, the more PC version of that. Whatever that is.

Mmm. She shouldn't have done that.

She thought I was owed an explanation.

I'm sorry for bringing my mental health issues...

So are you not constantly horny?

Er, more like constantly confused and frustrated.

You should write about it.

-For Ethel? -Not for Ethel.

I'm not sure you quite fitted in.

That wasn't really me.

So, the drinking at work and the general misconduct.

Who was that then?

-AMBER: Is Rioja all right? -Haven't you got any Malbec?

No.

Oh, my God.

Am I running a wine bar?

-What? -You told her.

And I also told her not to tell you.

I was trying to get you a reference.

-NANCY: Hi. -Oh, God, you came.

-Oh, hi! Hi! -How's it going?

AMBER: When did you get here?

Oh, great. I have to introduce you to my...

...you're gonna fucking love him.

What are you drinking?

MARNIE: This isn't me being alone.

It's me not socialising with twats.

I'm glad I'm peak drunk or it'd be highly embarrassing.

Thanks for coming in... Er, round.

No. Thank you.

And, erm, thank you for letting me...

Well, you know, everything.

Feeling better about it has helped.

I'm glad. I'm... I'm really glad.

It's been great.

It's been really great for me. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, me too.

Why do some blokes not like...

-It, you know? -You are generous, diligent,

(EXHALES) punctual, polite.

-Thank you. -Case in point.

Erm, a bit of constructive feedback,

though, if you're open.

Yeah. Always.

(WHISPERS) It's a bit same-y.

Erm, a bit of variety wouldn't go amiss.

I've only been round twice.

Yeah, mix up the speed, the pressure.

-I mean, it's not an appraisal. -Kind of is, though.

-Like an end-of-the-week review. -More like an exit interview.

Sorry.

Sarah, don't do this.

(IN A CHILDISH VOICE) Sarah.

-Sarah, don't do... -Stop it. Stop.

Sorry. Sorry.

Erm...

(SIGH) Can I, er, ask why?

I'm a doer. I like... I like doing.

And at the moment, I'm not doing much except lying there.

And it's lovely, but it's not enough.

Sometimes, you just want a cock.

Sometimes you want a cock, Charlie, okay? That's it.

(CHUCKLES) Well, you are in luck, madame.

Because, this little thing. (CHUCKLES)

Er, it'll take about half an hour to kick in.

-Charlie... -Just bear with me.

-Charlie... -Talk amongst yourselves,

and I will be...

(EXASPERATED SIGH) Oh, Charlie.

-Erm... Um. -Sneaky little bastard.

Isn't this cheating?

No. Cos I'm not with anyone, am I?

-You know what I mean, Charlie. -I know.

You know, I don't wanna let you down.

You don't wanna do this with me.

Find yourself a nice young lady

and get to know each other gently,

without, you know, rushing.

(SIGHS) Well,

I know a nice young lady. So...

(DOOR BELL RINGS)

♪ Got ready for the night and ♪

♪ She's heading for the lights ♪

Yes! Shereen! You're here.

Now, I don't have to try and think of

cool things to say to people.

I didn't come here to chum you.

You don't know anyone. Who else are you gonna talk to?

I don't know, other people?

(SARCASTICALLY) Yeah, that's a great place to sit, guys.

Oh, no, she won't.

Hi. I'm Shereen. Nice to meet you.

I'm Sef.

♪ She can't tell the difference yet ♪

Erm...

♪ That's what you're coming for ♪

♪ But they won't let you in ♪

♪ And you drop your bag to the floor ♪

Excuse me. Sorry.

♪ Well, it's getting late now, hey now ♪

♪ Enough of your arguments ♪

That's actually mine.

Sorry. Yeah, somebody drank mine,

so, I thought it was maybe a "help yourself" kind of thing.

It's not.

Are you this selfish in bed, love?

♪ You ask them what's happening ♪

NANCY: Here, have one of mine.

I bet she steals all the covers.

Yeah, and makes loads of crumbs.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Who do you know here?

You. Cheers.

-Are you all right? -Oh, yes.

Er, just a bit drunk.

You wanna sit down?

No, no. I'll just keep my eyes shut.

No, don't. That'll make it worse.

Eyes on a fixed point. Come on, look at me.

That's right.

MARNIE: What would she taste like?

What the fuck, Nancy?

MARNIE: Nancy?

AMBER: Maybe you should go find Joe.

I thought this was a bit much?

Yeah, it is a bit, mate. Chill out.

Were you gonna say hi to me or were you just gonna spend

the whole night in the kitchen getting handsy with my mates?

MARNIE: Did you come in here to drink booze

or people's saliva?

Fuck!

AMBER: It's too much!

This entire thing has been 20% sex

and 80% me waiting for you to text,

and I'm fed up, Nancy.

-I'm fed up. -Babe, I'm...

I've got you a card.

You got me a card?

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

...it's just entirely misconceived, right?

Because, fashion isn't about wearing a piece of cloth.

It's like you're wearing a mask, but on your body.

But, then, it's the opposite of wearing a mask,

because it completely exposes who you are.

-Have you seen Marnie at all? -Er, no. Sorry.

MARNIE: I might be full of booze, but I'm empty inside.

(LAUGHING IN THE DISTANCE)

I want someone to fill me up.

CHARLIE: Marnie.

Excuse me.

Mar.

-What? -I'm doing sexy face.

It's like the start of a murder.

(LAUGHS)

I'm not gonna murder you.

It's like the opposite of a murder.

-Ow. -(LAUGHS) What?

Oh. Are you showing me your helmet?

-(LAUGHS) It's not mine. -It's rubbish, then.

Careful. Hey.

(WHISPERS) Fuck me.

-Not tonight. -Yes, tonight.

Come on. I want to.

-I don't think we should. -We should.

You fuck me and I'll fuck you back.

-Are you all right? -I will be.

When you fuck me.

JOE: Wait. Wait.

-What if someone comes in? -I locked the door.

-Stop fucking about. -You started it.

I've not had as much as you.

What, so, you're not drunk enough to have sex with me?

No. You've had too much.

(LAUGHING) It's fine, I consent. I consent.

(CHUCKLES) Marnie, stop it.

-Look. Stop it. -Don't be so sexy, then.

Marnie. Stop it. Mar... Look, Marnie...

You want me to.

-Stop. Stop it. -I want to.

-Stop. Marnie, no. -Chill the fuck out.

-Just let... -Marnie.

I'm sorry.

-(GROANS) -Marnie, you need help.

I know I need help.

This will help. You'd be helping me.

Not like this. Not until you're better.

No. If you don't wanna help me, don't touch me.

(SIREN WAILING)

I'm gonna get you some water.

(MOANS)

(MOANING)

Excuse me. Excuse me.

(MOANS)

I can't breathe.

I need to get out.

(CRYING) I can't breathe.

MARNIE: I could do anything and no one would even notice.

I'm anonymous. A nobody.

An actual fucking stranger.

I could be anyone.

London doesn't give a shit what that is.

I still don't know what I am.

I'm lost in a city of eight million people.

I can't find myself here.

And every time I think I do, I always spin away,

like a fucked-up whirlwind.

I want to blow myself out.

♪ Horns surrounding me ♪

♪ Sing so forcefully and high ♪

-(KNOCKING) -SEF: Hello.

If you don't come out, I'm gonna tell everyone you're pooing.

-Just a minute. -(KNOCKING)

You won't get through. I've tried...

Marnie, just answer your phone.

Where do you think she went?

I have no idea where she could be.

Sorry.

-SEF: Come on. -All right.

SEF: There's a guy having a poo in the loo. He's...

It's all yours.

-Do you do coke? -No.

JOE: She just got a bit... She's had too much.

I went to get her some water.

Charlie, did you find Marnie?

AMBER: What happened? JOE: She just lost it.

-What did you do to her, mate? -Nothing, mate.

It's not gonna work. She's not picking up.

You all right, kiddo? Where are you?

What? How come she picked up for him?

Marnie, where? (SIGHS)

BOTH: What did she say?

CHARLIE: It's fine. I've got it.

Charlie!

(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoo!

Be sexier.

You're not... You're not being sexy enough.

-Hey. -Hi.

I'd like one.

(SLURRING) Excuse... Your hair is long.

-Excuse me. -WOMAN: Who wants a dance, boys?

-(ALL SHOUTING) -Sorry. Sorry.

(SLURRING) He is drunk.

Hey, I'd like one.

-WOMAN: You're so drunk. -One nude private dance, please.

WOMAN: You look lonely.

Er, nah. He doesn't look into it.

I look into it cos I am. (LAUGHS)

Er, how much is it?

-Er, thirty for... -Can you leave me alone, please?

Fifty? I'll give you more if you...

No. I said, no. I said, no.

-I can go into my overdraft... -Can you not touch my hair?

Whoa, whoa, what are you... What are you doing, mate?

I thought you were a feminist.

(TEARFULLY) I'm trying to buy a lap dance,

but she won't give me one.

Okay. Well, let me give you one at home, all right?

And it'll be funny, instead of like this.

-Come on, let's go. -No, I'm not finished.

Why you doing this?

Cos this is the stuff I think about.

No matter who I'm with or what I'm doing,

this is what's in my head.

And I need to know what it means.

No wonder I can't be around people.

They can't be around me. I don't wanna be around me.

-I wanna be around you. -I'm seeing if this turns me on,

so I know what I like and what I am.

I need to know it in here.

If I can just get a fucking lap dance!

Did your therapist put you up to this?

I told me to do this.

Cos I'm the one in my head

and I'm the one who can't be in it a minute longer.

-Come on. I'm taking you home. -(CRYING) No. I don't know yet.

I can't leave until I know how I really feel.

You're not gonna find out in here.

It's not real.

But, I don't feel real.

You are real.

Cos I'm real.

(CHUCKLES) And we're both in here.

Come here.

Why are you here? I was such a dick to you.

It's all right. It's all right.

(MARNIE CRYING)

CHARLIE: I'm here cos you're here. That's the deal.

Door-to-door service.

Just as well. I don't know how I would've got home.

I spent all my money on strippers and booze.

Yeah. It was, er... It was on my way, so...

Was it?

It really wasn't. It was a massive inconvenience. (LAUGHS)

I know it was.

I'll, er... I'll get off, then.

And, yeah.

-Oh! -MARNIE: Thank you.

Er, text me when you get home.

Yeah. You too.

I know you're on your doorstep,

but, fuck knows what'll happen between now and then.

Or I could make you a cup of tea.

Yeah. Yeah, it's the least you could do.

(SIGHS) You should tell Joe you're all right.

He'll be worried.

I think he'll be fine.

What happened with you two?

Not like, in detail. Just the gist.

So I know whether to fight him.

Something happened.

Right, yeah, yeah. Obviously.

But, it won't again.

I don't wanna be around someone

who's always secretly wishing I'm better than I am.

What does "being better" even mean, anyway?

You managed it. Sarah.

Yeah, that's... That's not happening.

It didn't happen. I'm not better.

I'm like you. We're both...

Fuck-ups together.

I think I'll save it for a special occasion.

Your birthday or something? Mother's Day?

(DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSING)

(EXHALES) You shouldn't worry people like that.

I'm sorry.

Thank you for worrying. I don't deserve it.

No, you don't.

See you, Charlie.

(SIGHS) Shereen.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Anyway, you two obviously have stuff to sort out.

So...

You sure? What about your tea?

(CHUCKLES) I've seen how you make hot drinks, mate.

Not happening.

You can buy me one next week, if you want. Good night.

-Eat a banana. -(DOOR CLOSES)

(SIGHS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

I didn't say come in.

I just wanna say,

I never wanted to live here in the first place.

The only reason I did, is cos I had nowhere else to go.

And it was rent-free.

I was a shit person, Shereen.

I still am.

And it's not because of what I've got.

You were right when you said it was me.

It is me. It's how I am with people

and I don't wanna be like that with people. Especially not you.

You make me feel like a small person, and I'm not.

I know you're not.

Cos some of the things I've done for you

have actually been quite big.

Like letting you live here, paying for your therapy,

(CRYING) making that huge pavlova that hardly anybody ate.

Sorry.

(CRYING) It's in the fridge decaying.

Like our friendship.

It might still be edible.

Meringue keeps for ages.

-I love living with you. -I love living with you!

Please, can I stay?

No.

(EXHALES) Fine. Er,

I'll start looking for places tomorrow.

Preferably somewhere not in Tottenham.

Wow. Okay.

Somewhere really far away like Lewisham or Streatham.

Okay, Shereen. I get it.

And make sure it's got two bedrooms.

You're a fully grown woman.

You can't sleep in a cupboard forever.

(LAUGHING)

♪ Looking from a window above ♪

♪ It's like a story of love ♪

(LAUGHING)

♪ Can you hear me? ♪

MARNIE: I've spent so long trying to find myself

in London,

I almost didn't see all the other people.

♪ Want you near me ♪

To truly find yourself,

you have to show others who you are.

Wow. Turns out, I am a massive wanker.

♪ And all I ever knew, only you ♪

♪ All I needed was the love you gave ♪

♪ All I needed for another day ♪

♪ And all I ever knew, only you ♪