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(MUFFLED ALARM SOUNDING)
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MARNIE: Everything's cool for the first few seconds.
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Then I remember what I'm like and how I have to be that
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today, tomorrow, and every day until I'm not.
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-(INHALES) -Mmm.
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MARNIE: Why am I here? SHEREEN: Don't you remember?
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(GROANS)
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(GROANS)
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You said everything was spinning.
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Yeah, 'cause I'd just drank a bottle of vodka.
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Why?
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I lost my job, and I fell out with someone.
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-It's what people do. -I don't.
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Well, not everyone's problems
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can be solved by cat videos and anal clenches.
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(SIGHS) Sorry, Shereen, I don't mean that.
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You've done so much. Letting me stay.
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I'm taking the piss. You should evict me.
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But you're a guest, not a tenant.
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I wouldn't let a tenant sleep in my bed.
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It would be breach of the lease.
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It shuts my head up.
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Drink.
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Well, how can I help you?
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Don't let me go to Oddbins.
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Shiatsu's really good for anxiety.
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And I need someone to practise on for my course.
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(SIGHS) I think I feel worse than that.
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(MOBILE PHONE BUZZING)
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(GRUNTS)
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(SIGHS)
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(GRUNTS)
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(SIGHS)
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Look, this is as bad as you're going to feel. Promise.
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MARNIE: This was a positive bonding experience,
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even if I am going to spend the rest of today
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worrying I tried to sleep-finger her.
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♪ Don't know what to do by myself
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♪ 'Cause all of my thoughts are with you ♪
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MARNIE: It's time to bring in the big guns,
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(SIGHS) before I shoot myself in the head with one.
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Before you ask, I had a really nice childhood.
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I wasn't abused.
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Unless not being allowed a horse is abuse.
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Okay, good to know.
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So, why do I think about
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molesting strangers and
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going down on my mum?
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Yeah, intrusive thoughts can be ridiculous,
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but it is normal to have them.
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But why would I think them if I didn't want to do them?
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Can you tell me another one of your intrusions?
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Like the last one you had, perhaps?
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-(SIGHS) -Well, I know this is difficult,
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but everything you say stays in here.
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I was thinking about fingering you.
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I was thinking about stabbing you in the face with my pen,
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and how I'd have to pay my cleaner extra
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because of the blood and the ink stains.
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(SIGHS)
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-It was only a thought. -(SIGHS)
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It doesn't mean anything.
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Well, what did you do
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in response to that thought?
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Erm, I told myself I didn't want to do it.
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And when you tried to reassure yourself,
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did that work?
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No. Still thinking about it.
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And you haven't touched me.
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Which would suggest that you are not going to act
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on your intrusions.
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But I have acted on them.
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With various people,
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and various genders, in various ways.
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Oh. So you keep checking?
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Yeah, that's a compulsion.
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Anything you do as a reaction to your intrusive thoughts
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is a compulsion.
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Do any of these things stop the thoughts
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or the anxiety they cause you?
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No.
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So, could it be that
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your solutions are part of the problem?
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OCD is a recognised condition
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that people get help for.
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Help. (CHUCKLES)
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(BOTH CHUCKLE)
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-I'm cured. -Really?
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No. I've got to come back.
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Ah.
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Everything okay?
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Er, it's an anxiety thing.
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Snap.
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It's probably because we're both creative.
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(CHUCKLES) It's like nature's compliment.
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-(CHUCKLES) -(MOBILE PHONE BUZZING)
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Ah, thanks so much for this. I'll pay you back.
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Oh. It's my treat. (CHUCKLES)
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(CHUCKLES) The last functional present I got was, er,
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when my parents got me an office chair for my Christmas.
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(INHALES) This is much better.
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(CHUCKLES) Come.
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All right, it's me. The knob end from his mum and dad's house.
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Again.
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Have you, er... Have you blocked me?
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I'm starting to think you have.
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I've sent a lot of texts. (CHUCKLES)
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Anyway, will you just, erm...
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Will you ring me back?
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'Cause, erm, yeah, I'm meant to...
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I'm meant to be going to this thing later,
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and I've got to convince these work people that I'm all right.
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And, er... You know, I'm not.
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I feel, erm... I feel shit, actually, erm, 'cause of...
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You know, 'cause of how I was with you.
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So, yeah... Yeah, will you just, erm...
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Will you just talk to me?
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I know I don't really know you,
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but I feel like I know enough.
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Too much, perhaps. (CHUCKLES)
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But you know too much about me and all.
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And, that's, erm...
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That's why we should be mates.
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So, erm, yeah, call me back.
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(WHISPERING) Oh, fuck.
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(SIGHS)
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♪ I got some troubles, but they won't last
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♪ I'm gonna lay right down here in the grass ♪
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MARNIE: All the fucked up stuff I've done
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is 'cause of my disorder.
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Even the sex stuff.
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From now on, I am off it.
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This is a friend zone.
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If you see me near anyone's genitals,
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just smack them out of my hands.
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(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
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£62.37, right?
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Yeah, thanks.
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I didn't think you'd come.
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Unless it's the ghost of you and you've come to haunt me,
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which I would deserve.
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I'd haunt the fuck out of you.
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Chuck your furniture about, wake you up
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in the middle of the night 'cause
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that was...
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-(SIGHS) I know. -I don't even know
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what that was.
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-Inexcusable? -I would love an excuse.
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I'm trying to think of one.
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I don't want you to make one up.
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I want you to talk to me,
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'cause I did you a favour.
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I know, and I'm
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-so grateful. -Libby thinks that I get
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junior staff off Tinder.
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She started calling them "Tin-terns."
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I fully accept responsibility
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for how fucked up I was, both times.
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But I know it's me, and I'm addressing it.
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(SIGHS) I'm really sorry.
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(GROANS)
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It wasn't all you,
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and my recruitment strategy is clearly flawed.
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Can't seem to keep it in my pants
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because I keep taking my pants off for all the shagging.
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What can I say? I'm a people person.
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(BOTH CHUCKLE)
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Especially when the people want to come back to my place.
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It's a nice place.
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-You should see my place. -Yeah?
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Not that it's anything special,
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or even mine.
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But I could cook you dinner, say sorry?
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I... Dinner. Yeah, sounds good.
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(CHUCKLES) I'm like,
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"Please, be my friend".
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You don't have to try so hard.
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-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) -(DOOR CLOSES)
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-(SIGHS) -What?
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MARNIE: I didn't know he was coming.
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AMBER: No, it'll be grand.
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I let him come 'cause he finally got rid of Shula.
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He didn't murder her. They just split up.
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(CHUCKLES)
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And I didn't want to leave him on his own.
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Drinks? What are you drinking?
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Usual.
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Er, no. This is fine.
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It's just an intrusive thought.
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I don't have feelings for him, I have a medical condition.
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-(MOBILE PHONE BUZZING) -Shit.
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This is work.
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Been trying to pin her down for ages.
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Don't shag her.
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Hi, Nancy. It's actually an honour to be talking to you...
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-You seem... -Warmer?
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I am. Not just in my bra this time.
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(BOTH LAUGH)
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Well, I was gonna say better.
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Well, er, nobody's called me Moira since.
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-So... -(BOTH CHUCKLE)
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I have to run off to meet someone.
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I'm not being a dick. It's for work.
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The woman sounds like high maintenance.
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But I'll see you for the dinner, right?
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MARNIE: Yeah.
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-Sorry to leave you with him. -(LAUGHS) It's fine.
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I always forget people are into this.
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MARNIE: Not me.
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I'm not into this.
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And he is definitely not into this.
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We're two people not being into this.
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Hey, we should get that drink now.
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Still not drinking. That's peer pressure.
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Doesn't have to be alcohol.
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Do you mean a friendly drink?
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(LAUGHS) Or a sexy drink?
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Er, just so I know what I'm dealing with.
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I was thinking like a sexy drink.
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-(LAUGHS) -(SIGHS)
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Why?
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Because I'm available,
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and you seemed up for it.
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-You think I'm up for it? -No, not "up for it," willing.
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-'Cause I'm so up for it. -No, this is... Er, I mean...
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It's just like, er, really? After everything you've seen?
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I like what I've seen. I want to see more of it.
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-I'm quite messed up right now. -I don't care.
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Well... (STAMMERS) I do care. I just mean I don't mind.
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I'm like, "Come at me, bro. I'm into it."
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Er, I mean, not into it.
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Well, I was, 'cause it was kinda hot.
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(LAUGHS) This is coming out wrong.
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Are you actually being serious?
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Do you like vulnerable women or something?
236
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No, I prefer stable ones.
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Wow.
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-Er, that's not what I meant. -No, fine.
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I'm just gonna go. (EXHALES)
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-Bye. -(SIGHS)
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Marnie.
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-Oi, you left your money. -(BELL RINGING)
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(YELPING)
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-(GROANING) -Oh, shit.
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♪ Be for real don't be a stranger
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♪ We can achieve it We can achieve it
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♪ Come a little bit closer, baby
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♪ Get it on, get it on
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♪ 'Cause tonight is the night
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♪ When two become one... ♪
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Can you play something else?
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(BABY CRYING)
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MARNIE: Being friends with someone means
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doing stuff for them that you don't want to do.
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Like, listening to that dream they had
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or doing their birthday drinks.
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This is like that,
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with more disinfectant and screaming.
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-Does it hurt? -Yeah, a little bit.
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I'm sorry about before.
261
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:53,334
Suggesting you're a predator. You're not.
262
00:12:53,417 --> 00:12:55,167
Well, I don't know what you get up to in your free time.
263
00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:56,083
Maybe you are.
264
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:58,876
But until I hear otherwise, you're not.
265
00:13:01,918 --> 00:13:02,667
Thanks?
266
00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:12,000
I've been having some technical issues lately.
267
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,918
So apologies for any inconvenience this has caused.
268
00:13:18,417 --> 00:13:18,834
Yeah, it is a bit inconvenient.
269
00:13:21,459 --> 00:13:22,751
How am I meant to prey on vulnerable women
270
00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:24,083
-if I've got a limp? -(LAUGHING)
271
00:13:28,959 --> 00:13:32,083
It's weird the driver didn't see you wearing your high-vis.
272
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:35,000
Like a shit lollipop, man. You got run over.
273
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:36,834
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, what did you come as? Loft insulation?
274
00:13:38,667 --> 00:13:40,375
It's human bubble wrap.
275
00:13:40,459 --> 00:13:41,834
So I don't hurt myself on London.
276
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:47,709
Did my nipples just quiver?
277
00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:50,542
Yeah, but 'cause of anxiety, not arousal.
278
00:13:50,626 --> 00:13:52,584
He's a trigger, not a turn-on.
279
00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:53,751
(SIGHS) They're taking ages.
280
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,459
Yeah, if you want to get off...
281
00:13:57,542 --> 00:13:59,417
-Do you want me to? -No, I just won't be offended.
282
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:02,292
-'Cause I can stay. -Yeah. I mean, whatever.
283
00:14:03,626 --> 00:14:06,375
I'm staying, so you don't get run over by a trolley.
284
00:14:06,459 --> 00:14:07,626
-NURSE: Joseph Madaki? -Yeah.
285
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,834
-Should... Should I... -Could you...
286
00:14:09,918 --> 00:14:09,959
-Yeah. -Thanks.
287
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:15,167
JOE: Fuck. Sorry, it's just really sore.
288
00:14:16,792 --> 00:14:18,584
NURSE: Your girlfriend can come, too.
289
00:14:18,667 --> 00:14:20,751
-JOE: No, she's not... No. -Oh, hello. No,
290
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:21,959
not his girlfriend.
291
00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:25,834
Okay, thanks.
292
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,709
Hi, sorry, have you got someone?
293
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:32,751
Right. Cheers.
294
00:14:38,542 --> 00:14:40,459
This lady doesn't have anyone.
295
00:14:40,542 --> 00:14:40,792
Anyone need a person?
296
00:14:42,542 --> 00:14:43,626
She's alone.
297
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:46,959
Er, I'll have to take you.
298
00:14:52,751 --> 00:14:55,834
(CLEARS THROAT) Tonight,
299
00:14:55,918 --> 00:15:00,292
we're focusing on how to calm, tonify,
300
00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:01,792
and dispersing chi.
301
00:15:13,375 --> 00:15:14,500
Hi.
302
00:15:15,542 --> 00:15:18,334
(CLEARS THROAT) Hi. Amber Doherty.
303
00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:21,709
Er, Nancy Vergallo's plus one?
304
00:15:21,792 --> 00:15:23,083
I guess so. Yeah.
305
00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:24,167
We're so pleased you could make it.
306
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:26,209
Thanks.
307
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:27,834
She's not here yet, but you can go through.
308
00:15:27,918 --> 00:15:29,751
-Great. -Can I take your phone?
309
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:32,042
Er, nope, that's fine. I'm gonna keep that.
310
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:33,834
It's the rules.
311
00:15:33,918 --> 00:15:35,042
Sorry, is this like some sort of really polite mugging?
312
00:15:35,125 --> 00:15:38,834
-I need it for work. -NANCY: No, you don't. She doesn't.
313
00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:41,334
Nancy, hi. Erm, Amber Doherty, Ethel.
314
00:15:41,417 --> 00:15:43,000
I know, I googled you.
315
00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:47,292
Erm, stick it in the same one, please. Nancy Vergallo.
316
00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:49,209
We're so glad you could make it.
317
00:15:49,292 --> 00:15:52,667
Like, actually glad. (CHUCKLES) Genuinely.
318
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:55,834
-(DRAWER OPENING) -(KEY JINGLING)
319
00:15:55,918 --> 00:15:58,751
-I really love your work. -And I love yours.
320
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:00,083
I love it, too. I think it is great. I love it.
321
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:03,459
Shall we?
322
00:16:03,792 --> 00:16:05,459
Yes.
323
00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:06,709
ANGUS: It's just hard to believe
324
00:16:06,792 --> 00:16:08,459
that the woman who used to lovingly
325
00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:10,500
lay out my socks every morning
326
00:16:10,584 --> 00:16:12,667
is the same one who spray-painted
327
00:16:12,751 --> 00:16:14,375
a cock on my Audi.
328
00:16:14,459 --> 00:16:16,876
Well, I've become a complete cynic in these matters.
329
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:19,500
-(LAUGHS) -I'd stay well away from women
330
00:16:19,584 --> 00:16:21,000
-if I were you. -(SIGHS)
331
00:16:21,083 --> 00:16:22,083
CHARLIE: I will.
332
00:16:22,876 --> 00:16:24,209
Oh, shit, there's one.
333
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:26,292
Oh, and another one.
334
00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:28,709
(CHUCKLES)
335
00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:30,542
You should have a word with them.
336
00:16:30,626 --> 00:16:33,042
SARAH: With women? Oh, of course.
337
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:34,042
And, erm, as spokesperson for all women,
338
00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:36,709
I'd like to apologise for your wife's audacity
339
00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:39,417
to claim reasonable compensation
340
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,167
for the cost of access to her womb,
341
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:41,876
and the best years of her life.
342
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,918
-What a bitch! -(ALL LAUGHING)
343
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,834
This is lovely. I'll go for the, erm, sea bass.
344
00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:50,083
Could get used to this.
345
00:16:50,167 --> 00:16:53,042
Obviously, subject to you letting me back.
346
00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:57,334
Well, it's up to her. I just do what she says.
347
00:17:00,542 --> 00:17:01,584
(CHUCKLES)
348
00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:03,876
WAITRESS: You ready to order? ANGUS: Ladies first.
349
00:17:04,542 --> 00:17:06,667
-Off you go, then. -Oh!
350
00:17:06,751 --> 00:17:07,417
WAITRESS: We're out of the sea bass,
351
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,876
-so apologies for that. -Oh, no.
352
00:17:09,959 --> 00:17:11,500
Oh, he's gonna have to have more time off. (CHUCKLES)
353
00:17:11,584 --> 00:17:12,918
(ALL LAUGH)
354
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,417
(MAN SCREAMING)
355
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,000
Do you think he's getting an injection?
356
00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:26,209
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
357
00:17:26,292 --> 00:17:28,792
Not unless it's a massive needle.
358
00:17:28,876 --> 00:17:32,876
Like a knitting needle, or a skewer. Lance.
359
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:34,959
-A joust. -Okay, less pointy words.
360
00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:38,459
Are you scared?
361
00:17:39,709 --> 00:17:41,083
I don't like being poked by things.
362
00:17:42,334 --> 00:17:46,334
Okay. So, you're not pregnant or breastfeeding
363
00:17:46,417 --> 00:17:47,417
or about to operate any heavy machinery?
364
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,209
-No. -Good.
365
00:17:50,292 --> 00:17:51,542
Then you can enjoy these.
366
00:17:53,792 --> 00:17:55,876
Once they've kicked in, we'll get you down to X-ray.
367
00:17:57,292 --> 00:18:00,751
First, I need to get some blood in case you need surgery.
368
00:18:02,167 --> 00:18:03,083
(EXHALES)
369
00:18:06,751 --> 00:18:07,834
MARNIE: Christ!
370
00:18:07,918 --> 00:18:09,167
Day one of celibacy and I'm
371
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:12,000
already holding hands with someone.
372
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:14,459
What if this is a gateway gesture?
373
00:18:14,542 --> 00:18:17,250
Hands today, genitals tomorrow.
374
00:18:17,334 --> 00:18:20,542
Great, now my labia is twitching. What does that mean?
375
00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:27,751
How do I know what's OCD, and what's me being horny?
376
00:18:28,751 --> 00:18:32,292
(HUMMING 2 BECOME 1)
377
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:35,584
♪ A dream of you and me together
378
00:18:36,918 --> 00:18:38,667
That's not a side effect.
379
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:41,167
♪ Say you believe it
380
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:45,584
♪ Free your mind of doubt and danger
381
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:49,209
♪ Be for real don't be a stranger
382
00:18:49,292 --> 00:18:51,959
♪ We can achieve it
383
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:54,876
♪ We can achieve it ♪
384
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:58,334
(EXHALES) It's in now, it's in now!
385
00:18:58,417 --> 00:19:00,375
Metal rod in my vein.
386
00:19:00,459 --> 00:19:04,209
-(BREATHING HEAVILY) -NURSE: And we're done.
387
00:19:04,292 --> 00:19:05,083
(GRUNTS)
388
00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:07,083
-(EXHALES) -Finger on there, please.
389
00:19:09,292 --> 00:19:10,042
Get off.
390
00:19:11,292 --> 00:19:13,709
Taking advantage when I'm in a vulnerable position.
391
00:19:13,792 --> 00:19:18,083
MARNIE: Shit. Am I sexually attracted to men being feeble?
392
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,709
AMBER: (SIGHS) So, I am just going to
393
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,292
launch right in, if that is okay.
394
00:19:23,375 --> 00:19:25,417
Oh, you've done questions.
395
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:29,626
-(CHUCKLES) -Yeah, it is pretty out there
396
00:19:29,709 --> 00:19:31,042
in terms of, er, interview technique,
397
00:19:31,125 --> 00:19:33,792
but it seems to work for me, so...
398
00:19:38,792 --> 00:19:40,876
Can I have it back?
399
00:19:41,542 --> 00:19:42,083
Let's not do this tonight.
400
00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:44,417
Sorry, what?
401
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:47,584
I don't really do interviews.
402
00:19:48,626 --> 00:19:50,417
I know. Which is why
403
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,042
-I'm so grateful... -(GLASS CLINKING)
404
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,751
MAN: So, okay, thanks all for coming.
405
00:19:54,834 --> 00:19:57,709
This girl has got something,
406
00:19:57,792 --> 00:20:02,709
er, very unique and truthful to say
407
00:20:02,792 --> 00:20:04,584
about the millennial female experience...
408
00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:09,000
KWINE: Er, this album is not about the millennial female experience.
409
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,918
It's a discourse on current human...
410
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,209
It's so real. It's so authentic.
411
00:20:15,125 --> 00:20:16,459
I get it.
412
00:20:16,542 --> 00:20:17,626
We're delighted
413
00:20:17,709 --> 00:20:19,042
-she's saying it with us... -So, sorry,
414
00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:20,834
why am I here then, if you don't...
415
00:20:20,918 --> 00:20:22,209
'Cause you're fit.
416
00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:23,626
And your Twitter's quite funny.
417
00:20:26,250 --> 00:20:27,542
Am I supposed to be flattered?
418
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:29,751
MAN: Er, so, without further ado,
419
00:20:30,542 --> 00:20:31,834
this is Kwine,
420
00:20:33,417 --> 00:20:34,334
with Tongue Centre.
421
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,042
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
422
00:20:37,125 --> 00:20:38,167
My editor is expecting an article...
423
00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:40,918
Okay... (SHUSHING) It's starting, it's starting.
424
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,167
(SOMBRE MUSIC CONTINUES)
425
00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:47,876
KWINE: (OVER SPEAKERS) We are here.
426
00:20:48,626 --> 00:20:53,918
Here we are.
427
00:20:55,167 --> 00:20:55,209
Hello.
428
00:20:56,876 --> 00:21:00,709
Hello. Hello?
429
00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:06,209
-Hello? -This is really offensive.
430
00:21:06,292 --> 00:21:08,375
(FEEDBACK OVER SPEAKERS)
431
00:21:10,375 --> 00:21:11,709
You are here.
432
00:21:12,751 --> 00:21:13,792
Nancy.
433
00:21:14,375 --> 00:21:16,167
I am here.
434
00:21:16,584 --> 00:21:17,667
Nancy.
435
00:21:17,751 --> 00:21:19,500
We are here.
436
00:21:19,584 --> 00:21:20,918
Nancy.
437
00:21:22,083 --> 00:21:23,500
Here we are.
438
00:21:23,918 --> 00:21:25,500
Fuck this.
439
00:21:35,125 --> 00:21:37,500
KWINE: We are here.
440
00:21:37,584 --> 00:21:39,209
NANCY: Okay, fine, fine, I'll do it, I'll do it.
441
00:21:40,542 --> 00:21:42,500
Shit, I forgot my phone.
442
00:21:45,959 --> 00:21:47,375
(SIGHS) Are you fucking kidding me?
443
00:21:47,459 --> 00:21:49,584
-What's the number? -NANCY: I don't know.
444
00:21:50,167 --> 00:21:51,751
Give me the ticket.
445
00:22:01,751 --> 00:22:03,626
Fucking full of yourself, aren't you?
446
00:22:03,709 --> 00:22:05,375
What? That was you.
447
00:22:05,459 --> 00:22:06,334
That was not me, that was you.
448
00:22:14,876 --> 00:22:16,292
So, are we gonna go to a real bar and do this or what?
449
00:22:17,834 --> 00:22:18,834
Nah.
450
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:20,250
We're gonna go to mine.
451
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,626
I'm doing an article on celibacy. So...
452
00:22:29,209 --> 00:22:30,209
Oh, fuck it.
453
00:22:31,417 --> 00:22:34,209
-...or we go to my club. -Sorry, cab, please. Thank you.
454
00:22:35,083 --> 00:22:37,459
Well, it's great to see you.
455
00:22:37,542 --> 00:22:39,334
-Yeah, lovely, so... -Yeah.
456
00:22:39,417 --> 00:22:40,792
Are you coming for one more,
457
00:22:40,876 --> 00:22:42,250
or have you gotta get home and phone the Samaritans?
458
00:22:42,334 --> 00:22:44,751
If I don't, they'll worry, won't they?
459
00:22:44,834 --> 00:22:45,876
Yeah, they're a good bunch.
460
00:22:45,959 --> 00:22:47,417
I ran the London for them last year.
461
00:22:48,375 --> 00:22:50,542
'Cause of my little sister.
462
00:22:50,626 --> 00:22:52,626
MAN: Come on, Angus. SARAH: Need a lift, Charlie?
463
00:22:52,709 --> 00:22:54,083
Better do as your mum says.
464
00:22:54,167 --> 00:22:56,250
CHARLIE: If you don't mind, yeah.
465
00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:57,125
SARAH: Of course.
466
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:58,375
Er, that'd be great. Thank you.
467
00:23:09,876 --> 00:23:11,250
Safety first. (CHUCKLES)
468
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:19,334
I feel great.
469
00:23:22,959 --> 00:23:25,209
Really optimistic.
470
00:23:25,292 --> 00:23:28,083
Optimism is a side effect of codeine.
471
00:23:29,876 --> 00:23:33,083
It's a side effect of you.
472
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:34,459
(CHUCKLES) It's definitely the drugs.
473
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:38,459
Stop. Stop it.
474
00:23:42,584 --> 00:23:43,667
I'm itchy.
475
00:23:45,042 --> 00:23:47,792
NURSE: Other side effects may include vomiting,
476
00:23:47,876 --> 00:23:49,459
constipation, confusion, rash.
477
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,000
Got your prescription.
478
00:23:52,083 --> 00:23:53,542
I'll give it to you, because he'll try and eat it.
479
00:23:55,125 --> 00:23:58,083
And he's good to go.
480
00:23:58,167 --> 00:23:59,626
He'll need some help, though.
481
00:24:00,584 --> 00:24:01,459
Great.
482
00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:04,459
I'm like his carer.
483
00:24:06,417 --> 00:24:10,167
His creepy carer who fancies him.
484
00:24:16,584 --> 00:24:18,334
SARAH: Sorry about teasing you.
485
00:24:18,417 --> 00:24:22,042
Just so you don't think I'm a complete twat.
486
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:24,959
-(BOTH LAUGH) -You're not a twat.
487
00:24:25,042 --> 00:24:28,334
I am actually... I'm actually part twat.
488
00:24:28,417 --> 00:24:33,334
Well, Angus is full twat, but it kind of rubs off.
489
00:24:33,417 --> 00:24:33,876
(CHUCKLES) Honestly, I don't think you're a twat.
490
00:24:33,959 --> 00:24:36,083
I think you're nice.
491
00:24:36,167 --> 00:24:37,375
I think you're smart.
492
00:24:37,459 --> 00:24:40,209
-Like, in your head, smart. -Mmm-hmm.
493
00:24:40,292 --> 00:24:43,334
And... And, you've got, you know, nice blouses.
494
00:24:43,417 --> 00:24:45,417
(STAMMERS) Is that what you call them? Tops.
495
00:24:45,500 --> 00:24:47,334
-"Tops". -No, I like them. They're, um...
496
00:24:47,417 --> 00:24:51,500
They're nice. They're professional...
497
00:24:51,584 --> 00:24:52,709
(CLEARS THROAT)
498
00:24:52,792 --> 00:24:55,500
But like, sexy as well. No, no, no, not sexy. Erm...
499
00:24:58,459 --> 00:25:02,709
Fun. Like, you know... (STAMMERS) In a respectful way.
500
00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:06,375
(CHUCKLES) You are... You are very sweet, Charlie.
501
00:25:08,626 --> 00:25:10,542
Why do you want to come and work for a bunch of twats like us?
502
00:25:11,959 --> 00:25:13,417
I love twats.
503
00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:14,584
Can't get enough of them.
504
00:25:21,167 --> 00:25:23,000
Maybe you should come back, then.
505
00:25:24,792 --> 00:25:26,125
I would... I would love that.
506
00:25:27,042 --> 00:25:28,334
So would I.
507
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,250
Er, I've... (STAMMERS)
508
00:25:36,334 --> 00:25:40,918
-I've got to get out here. -Yeah.
509
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,626
Er, yeah, yeah, I've got to get out right here.
510
00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:44,542
-Oh, yeah, okay. -Er, erm...
511
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:46,459
There's a Tesco. I need to get some milk.
512
00:25:46,542 --> 00:25:49,459
-Could you, erm... -Pull over, pull over.
513
00:25:49,542 --> 00:25:54,125
-Er, thanks. Thanks. -No, thank you. Thank you.
514
00:25:54,209 --> 00:25:55,209
-I'll see you Monday, okay? -Yeah.
515
00:25:55,292 --> 00:25:56,751
-Yeah. -Indeed, you will.
516
00:25:56,834 --> 00:25:57,292
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
517
00:25:57,375 --> 00:25:59,292
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
518
00:25:59,375 --> 00:26:01,876
♪ Lord, in the dark
519
00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:05,751
♪ It's just you and I
520
00:26:07,083 --> 00:26:08,500
Shit.
521
00:26:08,584 --> 00:26:10,083
♪ Not a sound
522
00:26:10,167 --> 00:26:12,626
♪ There's not one sigh
523
00:26:12,709 --> 00:26:14,626
♪ Just a beat... ♪
524
00:26:14,709 --> 00:26:17,375
MARNIE: Why am I cock-blocking myself?
525
00:26:17,459 --> 00:26:19,042
If I want to shag him, I'll shag him
526
00:26:19,125 --> 00:26:20,542
and no one can fucking stop me.
527
00:26:20,626 --> 00:26:22,209
Obviously not when he's vulnerable,
528
00:26:22,292 --> 00:26:22,667
'cause that's immoral.
529
00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:29,500
-Where do you... -I was gonna... In the bed.
530
00:26:29,584 --> 00:26:30,709
Okay, in the bed.
531
00:26:38,626 --> 00:26:39,667
(CHUCKLES) Could've made it.
532
00:26:39,751 --> 00:26:41,667
Yeah, I wasn't expecting company.
533
00:26:47,334 --> 00:26:47,500
(GRUNTS)
534
00:26:53,250 --> 00:26:54,542
(CHUCKLES)
535
00:26:54,626 --> 00:26:56,500
Can you, er, give me a hand?
536
00:26:56,584 --> 00:26:58,250
Yeah. Sorry, I was just watching.
537
00:26:58,918 --> 00:27:00,834
Thanks.
538
00:27:02,459 --> 00:27:05,042
Er, right, my work here is done.
539
00:27:06,209 --> 00:27:08,751
-Give me my gear. -Mmm, yeah.
540
00:27:08,834 --> 00:27:11,626
These should say "may experience girl power"
541
00:27:11,709 --> 00:27:13,375
-on the side. -(BOTH CHUCKLE)
542
00:27:14,292 --> 00:27:15,959
Yeah, sorry you had to see that.
543
00:27:16,042 --> 00:27:17,125
(CHUCKLES)
544
00:27:18,083 --> 00:27:19,584
(CHUCKLES) Bye.
545
00:27:22,459 --> 00:27:23,751
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
546
00:27:25,375 --> 00:27:26,334
Aw.
547
00:27:28,584 --> 00:27:29,709
Okay, yep, thanks. (CHUCKLES)
548
00:27:31,918 --> 00:27:33,250
How you getting back?
549
00:27:33,334 --> 00:27:34,542
Er, I'm just gonna go outside and hope for the best.
550
00:27:34,626 --> 00:27:38,751
-(BOTH CHUCKLE) -You're so in the moment.
551
00:27:38,834 --> 00:27:41,709
No, just blase about personal safety.
552
00:27:41,792 --> 00:27:43,292
(CHUCKLES) This is what I mean.
553
00:27:44,042 --> 00:27:45,709
I don't think you're vulnerable.
554
00:27:48,459 --> 00:27:50,584
I think you're Teflon.
555
00:27:50,667 --> 00:27:53,000
Like a non-stick pan? No need to soap.
556
00:27:53,083 --> 00:27:57,250
Take last week. You didn't think, you just did.
557
00:27:57,334 --> 00:27:58,918
I want to be like that.
558
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,417
I want to go out in my boxers in a cloud of muffins. (LAUGHS)
559
00:28:02,500 --> 00:28:04,417
You don't give a shit about what's gonna happen.
560
00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:06,125
You just go with it.
561
00:28:07,584 --> 00:28:08,959
It's cool.
562
00:28:09,626 --> 00:28:10,667
Okay.
563
00:28:11,918 --> 00:28:15,417
Well, reality claxon.
564
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:18,375
I always think before I do.
565
00:28:18,459 --> 00:28:20,584
So that was all me, which is disturbing.
566
00:28:23,167 --> 00:28:24,542
I still like it.
567
00:28:26,584 --> 00:28:28,209
That doesn't mean you have to like this.
568
00:28:28,292 --> 00:28:31,959
No, I do. Objectively...
569
00:28:32,834 --> 00:28:35,959
It's all very visually appealing.
570
00:28:46,209 --> 00:28:47,709
-Oh, yes. -Get out!
571
00:28:47,792 --> 00:28:47,876
(ECHOES) Stop!
572
00:28:49,751 --> 00:28:52,459
Er... Erm...
573
00:28:52,542 --> 00:28:55,542
I... I just don't know
574
00:28:56,375 --> 00:28:59,167
if it's a good idea right now.
575
00:28:59,876 --> 00:29:00,751
If this had been last week,
576
00:29:00,834 --> 00:29:04,542
I would've been on there like... (GROANS)
577
00:29:04,626 --> 00:29:06,542
But, now, I'm like,
578
00:29:07,209 --> 00:29:09,459
"Do I? I don't know."
579
00:29:11,542 --> 00:29:13,542
I am getting mixed signals.
580
00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:15,667
I know. Me, too.
581
00:29:15,751 --> 00:29:18,792
I'm getting mixed signals from myself.
582
00:29:19,792 --> 00:29:21,500
This is so confusing. (SIGHS)
583
00:29:25,042 --> 00:29:28,500
I don't want to do anything until I feel less confused
584
00:29:30,709 --> 00:29:33,500
about myself, and other people.
585
00:29:35,083 --> 00:29:36,292
Like you.
586
00:29:38,250 --> 00:29:41,667
Nah, it is me.
587
00:29:41,751 --> 00:29:46,918
I am, whew, away 'cause of the drugs.
588
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:48,375
Don't know what I'm saying.
589
00:29:48,459 --> 00:29:49,667
Yeah, you junkie.
590
00:29:49,751 --> 00:29:54,125
You're a disgrace, being all nice to me.
591
00:29:54,209 --> 00:29:54,751
-Call the police. -Yeah.
592
00:30:01,292 --> 00:30:01,751
I'm gonna go.
593
00:30:07,209 --> 00:30:09,542
But, mate,
594
00:30:09,626 --> 00:30:12,334
we should do dinner soon.
595
00:30:13,292 --> 00:30:14,792
Yeah, great.
596
00:30:16,918 --> 00:30:18,876
We should set that up.
597
00:30:18,959 --> 00:30:20,417
♪ I got to leave
598
00:30:20,500 --> 00:30:21,876
(CHUCKLES)
599
00:30:21,959 --> 00:30:23,459
♪ Before I start to scream
600
00:30:24,542 --> 00:30:26,876
♪ 'Cause someone locked the door
601
00:30:26,959 --> 00:30:28,918
♪ And took the key... ♪
602
00:30:30,167 --> 00:30:33,250
MARNIE: That wouldn't have just been a kiss.
603
00:30:33,334 --> 00:30:35,292
It would've been another fucked-up loop
604
00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:36,918
in my sexual spiral of despair.
605
00:30:39,500 --> 00:30:40,876
I can't have sex in real life
606
00:30:40,959 --> 00:30:42,834
when there's this much sex in my head.
607
00:30:47,709 --> 00:30:49,292
-Well, erm... -(CHUCKLES)
608
00:30:50,959 --> 00:30:51,792
-Bye. -Bye?
609
00:30:51,876 --> 00:30:56,584
Yeah, erm, I've actually got a Skype call
610
00:30:56,667 --> 00:30:58,250
-early in the morning. -Oh.
611
00:30:58,334 --> 00:31:01,334
It's just gonna be a bit awkward with some girl here. (LAUGHS)
612
00:31:02,125 --> 00:31:04,292
Obviously, I wasn't gonna stay.
613
00:31:04,375 --> 00:31:07,667
I was actually about to say I was gonna go. So...
614
00:31:09,250 --> 00:31:10,959
I'll text you, yeah?
615
00:31:11,042 --> 00:31:13,167
I'll, er... No, I'll text you. So...
616
00:31:14,709 --> 00:31:16,542
I'll just grab these.
617
00:31:19,500 --> 00:31:21,667
SHEREEN: Did you know touch is the only sense
618
00:31:21,751 --> 00:31:23,292
you can die from a lack of?
619
00:31:23,375 --> 00:31:24,918
-Mmm-hmm? -Hmm.
620
00:31:26,209 --> 00:31:28,959
MARNIE: It's hard to fake this much holy bliss,
621
00:31:29,042 --> 00:31:31,792
but I have to suck it up if I want to be friends
622
00:31:31,876 --> 00:31:33,459
with a tactile person.
623
00:31:33,542 --> 00:31:34,792
It'll probably lead to human extinction, 'cause we'll all be
624
00:31:34,876 --> 00:31:38,459
on our phones instead of touching. (LAUGHS)
625
00:31:38,542 --> 00:31:39,792
You can't Instagram a hug. (CHUCKLES)
626
00:31:41,918 --> 00:31:43,584
(GASPS) Okay. Thanks.
627
00:31:43,667 --> 00:31:46,459
Oh, but I haven't found your Palace of Anxiety yet.
628
00:31:46,542 --> 00:31:47,792
Maybe next time.
629
00:31:47,876 --> 00:31:48,959
Well, how do you feel?
630
00:31:49,709 --> 00:31:52,125
Er, dishevelled? (CHUCKLES)
631
00:31:52,959 --> 00:31:53,959
But, er, a bit less anxious.
632
00:31:56,292 --> 00:31:57,500
-Thank you. -Aw.
633
00:32:01,584 --> 00:32:02,792
It's good we can talk about stuff.
634
00:32:02,876 --> 00:32:05,584
I feel like I could tell you anything.
635
00:32:06,584 --> 00:32:08,375
-Yeah. -(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
636
00:32:18,876 --> 00:32:20,167
CHARLIE: (OVER VOICEMAIL) Last one,
637
00:32:20,250 --> 00:32:21,709
and I'll leave you alone, I promise.
638
00:32:21,792 --> 00:32:23,876
I'm sorry. I've said that.
639
00:32:23,959 --> 00:32:26,584
I don't think I have, but I am.
640
00:32:28,375 --> 00:32:29,292
-(DOORBELL RINGS) -Well, fuck this.
641
00:32:29,375 --> 00:32:32,459
I've fucked it, haven't I? Fuck.
642
00:32:38,083 --> 00:32:38,125
MARNIE: Hi.
643
00:32:39,959 --> 00:32:42,959
Er, I got your message. I... I did ring.
644
00:32:43,042 --> 00:32:45,918
I didn't just pop round. Do people even pop in London?
645
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:47,667
(CHUCKLES)
646
00:32:48,918 --> 00:32:50,500
I just wanted to talk to you.
647
00:32:51,959 --> 00:32:54,751
'Cause you're the only person I can really talk to.
648
00:32:54,834 --> 00:32:56,542
And I only got that
649
00:32:56,626 --> 00:32:58,834
-'cause we weren't talking. -Okay.
650
00:33:00,459 --> 00:33:02,876
I know it's late.
651
00:33:02,959 --> 00:33:05,584
-Yeah, it's pretty late. -Yeah.
652
00:33:05,667 --> 00:33:07,209
I'm realising that now.
653
00:33:07,292 --> 00:33:09,417
Erm, and this is quite weird of me.
654
00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:12,292
-(BOTH LAUGH) -So, I might just...
655
00:33:12,375 --> 00:33:15,209
Come back, actually, at a more convenient time.
656
00:33:15,292 --> 00:33:17,667
-Okay, bye. -Marnie. Marnie, wait.
657
00:33:20,542 --> 00:33:22,667
-I thought I'd fucked this up. -You haven't.
658
00:33:22,751 --> 00:33:25,125
What were we doing? We don't even fancy each other.
659
00:33:25,209 --> 00:33:26,417
Yeah, I know.
660
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:28,751
I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a total catch.
661
00:33:28,834 --> 00:33:32,083
-You're a catch. -(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
662
00:33:32,167 --> 00:33:34,542
I'm just not in a place for...
663
00:33:34,626 --> 00:33:37,250
No, no, I'm... I'm not in a place.
664
00:33:38,709 --> 00:33:39,792
So, we should just be...
665
00:33:39,876 --> 00:33:42,834
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, we should just be...
666
00:33:57,500 --> 00:33:59,709
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
667
00:34:02,459 --> 00:34:05,334
♪ I shall love
668
00:34:06,292 --> 00:34:08,584
♪ I shall love
669
00:34:09,375 --> 00:34:11,876
♪ I shall love
670
00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:14,918
♪ I shall love
671
00:34:15,542 --> 00:34:18,626
♪ I shall love
672
00:34:18,709 --> 00:34:21,626
♪ I shall love, I shall love
673
00:34:21,709 --> 00:34:23,918
♪ I shall love, I shall love
674
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,125
♪ I shall love, I shall love
675
00:34:26,209 --> 00:34:30,083
♪ I shall, I shall I shall love
676
00:34:30,167 --> 00:34:32,792
♪ I shall, I shall, I shall love... ♪
47442
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