Original subtitles

- [sighs]

- I just can't--

I mean, what even is a hex?

Like a magic spell?

- Shh. I'm sorry, Brad.

Go ahead.

Tell us about the hex.

We all know what one is.

- I recorded that video, like, two years ago

after we worked a string of shit-show events.

I thought I was in the clear when you hadn't brought it up.

I really thought the hex didn't work.

I mean, why would something like that

actually work, you know?

I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

I just--

I was in a really dark place.

- Because of Ruby?

- Yes, yes, because of Ruby. - Mm-hmm.

- And then there was this stretch where

me and Ruby would get drunk and make out after events.

And it meant--honestly, it meant nothing.

But then she kept reminding me that, like, it meant nothing

and over and over.

And it just felt pointed and dismissive.

And then it made me realize, you know, how dismissive she is

of me at work as well. - Mm-hmm.

- You know, she never gives me credit when I have great ideas.

She never says thank you.

- Oh, shut up, Brad.

Yes, I do.

Remember when we hired your dad

to do magic at the Microsoft party?

I told everybody, only Brad would be that brave.

- See? Dismissive.

And maybe even a little demeaning as well.

- Yeah, for sure.

- Here you go, slugger. - Thank you.

- It's a little hot.

Be careful.

- Why are you comforting him?

Would you comfort Richard Ramirez?

Because that is essentially what you are doing.

- You mean the Night Stalker?

The serial killer?

- 13 murders, 5 attempted,

brought down by civilians in Boyle Heights.

Great cheekbones, terrible teeth.

- Exactly.

Brad is the reason why

18 people are dead. - Why is she saying that?

- So--so actually--

actually, he's worse than the Night Stalker.

It goes Zodiac, Night Stalker, Brad.

- No, it goes Ruby, Ruby, Ruby.

- AJ, please. - No.

I am only here because

previously undiscovered evidence

has reactivated my interest in the case.

I'm still very hurt and mad at you.

- I just want a chance to try and--

- Ruby shows up, tells me I'm gonna die,

and disappears--just bolts.

- She's out of there. - Out of there.

And I'm like, hi,

I have some follow-up questions.

- Well, Ruby straight-up destroyed

my five-year relationship, betrayed me,

and now my ex is gonna die as a result.

- OK, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I have made many, many mistakes.

But let's not forget that Brad is a piece of shit too.

He summoned the demons of the netherworld,

and he needs to undo the hex.

- Oh, I--yeah, I mean, I can't undo it.

- What do you mean?

- Well, I mean, it's not like--

it's not like I actually performed the hex.

That's insane. - I see. I see.

- Yeah, that's ridiculous.

No, I--some--

I don't even know what her name is.

I mean, it was some random woman

at a bar one night after the McKenzie--

you know, the McKenzie Sweet 16?

Oh, man, that event was a doozy.

95 gluten-frees, 24 vegans.

- Ruby?

[soft music]

- Isaac?

Hi. Uh...

Didn't think you were coming today.

- I didn't think you were coming.

You haven't answered any of my calls or texts.

I thought you didn't want to see me.

- Well, guess we're doing this now.

Whatever she told you about me, it isn't true.

Richie.

- Oh, you are the lighting tech, right?

- [laughs]

This guy, acting like he doesn't know me.

Looks like he just got introduced to his mistress

at a cocktail party.

All right, go ahead.

I'll leave you alone.

[clears throat]

- What's going on?

Why are you avoiding me?

Just tell me the truth.

[solemn music]

? ?

[phone chimes]

- That's from me.

I just texted you my sex timeline.

Come here.

- He definitely knows who I am.

- Isaac, what Merci told you was true.

My exes are dying.

- That's absurd.

- I know it's hard to believe,

but those 18 people with Xs over their faces,

they're dead.

And every single one of them I've slept with.

- Maybe this is just what happens in our 30s?

- And they're dying in the exact order

I slept with them.

- OK, well, there's got to be an explanation.

Right, maybe it's long--

- COVID?

No, we ruled that out. - Body--

- Hair theories?

Went through all of them.

Almost thought we had something with "surprise fire crotch."

Unexpected red pubes.

- How about plan--

- B?

Only took it once.

OK, twice.

It was three times.

I took it four to five times.

It doesn't matter. We ruled it out.

The point is, Isaac, we did all of this already.

And it's not a new Nathan Fielder show either.

I'm the problem.

And everything else Merci said,

it's all true.

Remember at the smelt tasting,

when I was upset about a horrible thing I did to AJ?

Well, the horrible thing was sleeping with her boyfriend.

- What? - You know the other night

when we kissed in the rain and you said you'd wait for me?

Well, I didn't wait for you.

Immediately after, I had sex with that guy, Richie.

- You had sex with Guy Ritchie?

- What? No.

Sorry, I didn't pause in the right place.

I had sex with that guy, comma, Richie,

because he's the only person who hasn't died,

and for some reason now he's this sex loophole.

So I had sex with him pretending

I was having sex with you.

- Look, if you're not into me or whatever, just say that.

You don't have to make up a bunch of wild stories.

- I'm not making it up.

I'm actually being completely honest

for the first time, like you told me to do

with AJ, remember?

Because I care about you.

[soft music]

? ?

- All right, whatever. Um...

I'm gonna go.

I liked it better when you were avoiding me.

- I hate to interrupt

the emotional end of "Love, Simon"

or whatever you two were doing,

but we have pressing business here.

We need to-- - Focus.

Yes, we do.

Because we are going to solve this fucking thing.

Brad, you need to retrace your steps and--

- Take us everywhere he went that night.

Yeah, me and him already decided that.

It's the only-- - Chance we have to find--

- The hex lady. - And save--

- The rest of these guys, including--

- Your ex-boyfriend who could die because I fucked him.

- I was just gonna say Zack.

Why would I say that last bit?

Put that down.

You're embarrassing yourself.

- Hence my hex. You see it? - Yeah.

Yeah. - You see why now?

- Yeah, uh-huh.

- OK, I'll just fuck off to my first day of work then.

- Kay!

["Laid" playing]

- ? This bed is on fire with passion and love ?

? The neighbors complain about the noises above ?

? But she only comes when she's on top ?

? ?

? My therapist said not to see you no more ?

? She said you're like a disease without any cure ?

? She said I'm so obsessed ?

? That I'm becoming a bore, oh, no ?

? I think you're so pretty ?

? ?

- And yeah, I don't know.

I mean, honestly, it's hard to tell.

I mean, do you think he meant, "I'm gonna go," like,

"I just need to clear my head and I'll call you later,"

or do you think he meant,

"I never want to speak to you again.

I won't even talk to you at my parents' party"?

Did you hear about that nurse

who stole that baby who was secretly an adult

who then stabbed the nurse?

Ooh, there she is.

- To be clear, I'm here for the case and only the case.

I do not want to hear about your love life problems.

And don't you dare dangle

a "fake baby, real adult" nurse killer at me.

- You're right.

That was totally unfair.

Add it to my endless list of fuck-ups.

- Here it is.

Where we threw the McKenzie Sweet 16.

- OK.

So you left the Sweet 16 at around 11:00 PM that night.

Where did you go next?

- Ugh, they went with a DJ over a band, huh?

Not the best use of the acoustics in there.

That high ceiling, the curves,

the way a vibrato can come alive.

- Hey.

Dealing with Ruby's shit is the last thing

I want to be doing right now, so I don't have time

for you to be horny for building acoustics.

Now focus.

Back to the night of the Sweet 16.

- Yeah.

All right, so-- so I left the party.

Uh, it was a brutal one, because Ruby was being

weird and dismissive, as usual.

I had a couple of drinks with some of the girls at the party.

Older ones, OK?

Relax.

The McKenzie girl had a couple of friends

who were, like, 22 or something.

- No, she didn't.

- Yeah, she did.

Anyway, after they got picked up by their moms--shit.

Mm-hmm.

You know what? Doesn't matter.

Not the point.

The point is, I wasn't ready to go home yet.

I was a teeny, tiny bit tipsy, and I decided to take a stroll.

[Latto's "Big Energy"]

- ? Bad bitch, I could be your fantasy ?

? I can tell you got big, big energy ?

? There ain't too many of them that can handle me ?

- I saw a street vendor selling a knockoff

Goyard wallet that I had to have.

Hmm.

Ah.

And so I bargained hard, but fairly for it.

[groaning]

And I don't like to brag,

but I did go to business school,

so I'm a pretty great negotiator.

? ?

[muttering unintelligibly]

- ? Pretty face, no waist, and a big ol' ass, ha ?

? Bad bitch, I could be your fantasy ?

- Ahh! [laughs]

After that, I was feeling a little hungry.

[yelling]

Mmm.

So I went to a halal cart down the block for a snack.

And then I saw it.

- ? Bitch ain't right, I got the remedy ?

- The DVD that would complete my collection.

- ? I could be your fantasy ?

? Got that big, big ?

- [muttering]

[laughing]

There you go.

- OK. Where did you go next?

- It was a nice night, so I thought

I'd go for a walk in the community garden.

[retching]

? ?

I felt great.

You know when you feel fresh and new,

like anything is possible?

So I thought I'd find a bar to have one final nightcap.

A digestif to send me off to the Land of Nod.

This bar.

[light music playing]

- This place is nicer than I was imagining.

- The bathroom for sure has a lid on the toilet tank.

- Oh, my God, do you remember that bar

that was disgusting but then had, like,

state of the art Japanese toilets?

- The case and only the case.

- Yeah.

- I remember I sat on the stool

right over here.

[groans]

[Fiona Apple's "Shadowboxer" playing]

Then someone played "Shadowboxer"

on the jukebox, which I chuckled at

because it reminded me of Ruby.

[sobbing]

- ? Once my lover, now my friend ?

- And the bartender said it was last call,

which I took in stride.

[sobbing]

I was about to order my usual, a dairy-free White Russian,

when a lady with raven hair

who smelled of cinnamon sat next to me.

- Oh. We're gonna see a lady?

- Yes, we are.

Oh.

I don't know how, but this lady could sense

something was troubling me.

So I told her all about you, Ruby,

and what an absolute monster you are.

And then the lady said...

- I can put a hex on her.

- ? And you set my soul at ease ?

? ?

? Then you let your love abound ?

- That lady didn't even know me.

I'm so tired of women not supporting women.

Witherspoon would be furious.

- Yeah, no, and she'd love how you support women.

Brad, is there anything else you remember about that night?

- No, I don't remember anything else about her.

Not even her name.

Hey, I'm sorry,

but there's just no way to find her.

- Found her.

- Sir, I will say that all of our research shows

that we were on track to follow consumer trends.

- Then what happened, Janelle?

I'm all ears, Janelle.

- Well, it's actually really not a Cinnabon problem, sir.

It's a mall issue, right?

I was actually talking with George just the other day

about the decline of malls.

George.

- And you thought Skinnabon would solve it?

- Um, well...

Mm. Mm.

People are more health-conscious now.

Mm-hmm. And it was testing well.

Mm-hmm.

How could we have known--

- Excuse me, Janelle,

your high school friends are here to see you.

- Toby and Lindsey are here?

- Who the fuck are Toby and Lindsey?

- I'm sorry, sir, those are friends of mine.

They were supposed to be in town this weekend.

I'll be right back.

- What the fuck is going on down there?

Do I need to fly in? I'm flying in from Dallas--

- George, if you fuck me on this,

I will fuck you. - Molly, pick me up

some face wash and call for the jet!

- You're not Toby and Lindsey.

- Who is this?

- This is the woman you met who put a hex on Ruby.

She smelled of cinnamon

probably because she works here.

And maybe she looks less mystical,

but you try having an ounce of whimsy around all this beige.

- Yeah, no, that's me.

- Huh.

- I can't believe we found you.

AJ, you are amazing.

- Yeah, I know.

- OK, please, we really need your help.

- I mean, you are not who I pictured in my mind,

and I have a very clear recollection of that night.

- Well, I remember you.

I remember everything from that night

because it was the worst day of my life.

- I'm sure it was, but we really need--

- Hey, this isn't about you and your sex life right now.

She wants to speak.

Please, go on.

- Thank you.

Yeah, I was in a really dark place.

I was here at work, and Toby called me.

You know when someone's mad at you

but they're trying to hide it, and you're like,

"Is everything OK?"

And they're like, "Yeah, no, I'm fine."

You know, in that register?

And you're like, "Well, you're lying,

"and you're mad.

"I'm an adult. Aren't we friends?

Bring it to me, and then I can fix it."

- I am so sorry.

We really do not have time for this, Janelle.

I'm sure it was a dark place.

Everyone is in a dark place.

Yours is a bad day at work;

mine is the blood of 18 people and counting

on my hands, so...

- Sounds like you're a really good friend, though.

Toby is lucky.

- Thank you.

I wish he thought so.

- You need to reverse the hex.

- I can't.

I'm sorry. It's irreversible.

- What?

- I know.

It's like a nightmare.

Hexes, spirits, dark arts--

things people dismiss as a silly superstition.

The ability to manipulate it runs in my family.

- And you chose to work at Cinnabon?

- Yeah.

I love morning pastries.

[chuckles]

And I love paperwork.

I wanted a different life for myself.

I only dipped my toe back in that night

because I was in such a shitty place.

- Because of Toby?

- Because of Toby.

- So that's it.

It's over.

You can't undo it.

- I'm sorry, I can't.

You can only transfer it to someone else.

[suspenseful music]

- OK.

Great.

Do that.

Transfer it.

- Oh, I can't.

Only the person who's affected can transfer it.

? ?

- OK, tell me.

Recording your voice.

We'll fully transcribe it later.

- OK.

Write down the name of the person

that you want to transfer it to on a piece of paper.

Put that paper in your shoe,

and walk with it for three hours.

- Are we talking 30 minutes on, 30 minutes off, or...

- Three hours straight. - Great. Understood.

- Get a lock of your hair, and then get a rock

from the Fremont Troll under the Aurora Bridge.

Lastly, get an object the person

you want to transfer it to has recently touched.

Tie the object, the hair, the rock, and the paper

all together and throw it into the nearest body of water.

- And that's it?

If I do all that, then all this will for sure stop?

- Yeah, it will.

- Janelle, consumer products

is calling an emergency meeting.

- Ugh. This is unrelated.

It's about our Cinnabon exercise shakes.

Apparently some guy in Miami shit himself to death.

Yeah. Wish I could laugh.

It's been a fucking nightmare.

Excuse me.

- I can't believe it.

I can save everyone who's left

and finally get my life back.

I mean, that "walk for three hours straight" part

sounded a little intense, but push comes to shove,

I can just take some Adderall and listen to a podcast.

- Incredible.

Of course you immediately want to transfer the hex.

Have you considered that if you do that,

you could be responsible for killing more people?

- Not if I find someone who it won't hurt.

Like, I don't know, a virgin on death row.

- That is your plan?

- Well, I don't know,

but I am going to figure it out,

because I need this to stop.

I mean, look, it could save Zack.

- How convenient

that the selfish thing you want to do

can look like some altruistic thing.

But this isn't about Zack.

This is about you.

This is because you want to fuck Isaac.

See, this is why you got the hex in the first place.

You are always hurting other people just to help yourself.

- But I am literally trying to save other people right now.

I am trying to not be selfish.

I am trying to be selfless.

- Oh, my God.

See, you can't even pronounce that.

You have never even said that word before.

- AJ, we literally found the key to stop this whole thing

and you're actually considering not using it?

I mean, don't you want to solve the case?

The case that you have poured so much time,

so much yarn into?

- You're asking if I want to solve a case?

It's all I've wanted since I was seven

and that Rockette I met was murdered by a drug addict.

I am just actually weighing the cost first,

something that you have never done,

which is why we are here.

- So what do you want me to do,

be alone for the rest of my life?

- Works for Najin and Fatu.

They're the last two white rhinos on Earth.

They're mother and daughter.

It's very sad.

Try listening to a podcast I send you for once!

- [inhales sharply]

Yeah, I feel like my time dealing with this

has come to a close, so I'm just gonna...

- Huzzah. Huzzah.

Huzzah.

So my back's feeling great.

No more spasms.

Probably 'cause of my new mattress

from Mattriss.

I had it shipped to my buddy Felix's place

where I'm staying right now.

Even on the floor with no box spring,

it's so comfortable.

- You deserve that type of comfort, Zack.

You've been through so much.

- How is it going with AJ?

- Not good, Starlight.

All these endorsements just make me miss her more.

All the space on my Mattriss mattress,

it's all so meaningless without my girl.

- Have you thought about doing something to win AJ back?

Show her how much she means to you?

- I--I tried.

I bought her stuffed animals, fixed things around the house,

stashed beef jerky in all of her pockets

so she'll never have to get up to get a snack.

- Those sound like things you like, Zack.

What does AJ like?

- Coffee, juice, the Rockettes.

She likes tableside guac at authentic Mexican restaurants,

true crime.

- Well, AJ sounds like a great girl.

Show her you know that.

- Show her I know that.

Yeah.

- Brave Zackary, I bequeath to you

my daughter to be your wife.

In seven days, she will be 22.

- Marry a baby? What?

No, I'm good.

[knocking]

- You AJ?

- Yeah. - Great.

Where can I set up?

- For what?

- Don't want to spoil the surprise.

- Hey, all the plants in the communal space

are infected with root rot!

- OK.

Thank you, Jill.

[stomping footsteps]

- Hey.

- Hi, Jill.

- All the plants in the communal--

[phone dings]

[thudding]

[clacking]

- So how are you doing this afternoon?

- Not great, to be honest,

but I'm loving this pageantry.

- That's what I like to hear.

Lemon OK?

- Lemon's perfect.

[crunching]

- Billy Crystal had abs?

Noted.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Tough day on the sales floor.

My head was not in the game.

This is why boxers go into isolation before a match,

because they can't have any distractions.

And you know what was on my mind all day

was your little situation.

- You were thinking about me?

- No, I was thinking about your situation.

Is that "Running Scared"?

- Yeah.

Did you know Billy Crystal had abs?

- Fuck yeah, I did.

- How did I not know?

- AJ still done with you?

- Probably forever.

- Isaac still gone?

- Mm-hmm.

He thinks I lied about everything.

- I got more popcorn for Ruby Hot Sauce.

- The kind she likes?

- White cheddar, but remember,

please only give her one kernel at a time.

- Well, she almost finished this whole bag, so...

no more for you.

[crunching]

So we found out I can transfer the hex to someone else.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Great.

OK.

Good.

So this nightmare will finally be over.

Everything will be back to normal.

No more loophole.

No more dead exes.

This is great news.

- It's not great news.

AJ thinks I should keep the hex.

And to be honest, I think I should too.

I fucked up so bad that I completely

destroyed my relationship with my best friend.

I have no family, no romantic future.

I'm probably gonna die alone.

And the sad part is I probably deserve to,

because I am a bad person.

- Ruby...

you're not a bad person.

- No, I am.

You even said it when you kidnapped me.

- Again, you were free to go.

- You said, and I quote,

that I was the worst person you've ever met.

- Look, maybe I was wrong.

OK, I wasn't.

But you're trying to be better.

Hey, look, you even wrote that letter to your dad.

That's hard to do.

- Yeah, but I didn't send it,

and I know I should,

and I want to, but I'm scared.

I'm running scared.

Maybe underneath it all, I am just a coward.

- You are not a coward.

You're working on yourself.

You're at least trying to make things better,

with the exes dying, with AJ.

- Yeah, but a good person wouldn't have slept with

her best friend's boyfriend to begin with.

- OK.

Ruby, you are not the first person to ever make a mistake.

OK?

And you've been doing the best you can

to try and make up for it.

And yes, if you look at the facts,

you might deserve some of these things

that are happening to you, but that doesn't mean

you don't deserve love.

[soft music]

Yes,

you have a lot of annoying qualities,

like how you make my place a sauna

or how you don't know how to properly load a dishwasher.

- Water comes at it in all directions.

It doesn't matter which way the bowl is facing.

- Nope, nope. Always down.

Cups and bowls always go face down

because you don't want the water spritzing every--

OK, never mind, because it doesn't matter.

Because someday,

some guy will like all of those things.

? ?

I don't know why, but he will.

? ?

And hex or not,

the right guy won't care,

because he gets you.

He gets to be with you.

? ?

[knocking]

- Wait, you were gonna say something else.

- Let me just--

- Isaac?

- Who buzzed you into the building?

I can't have an aquarium,

but anyone can just walk in here?

- I believe you.

- What?

- Everyone you slept with is dying.

I believe you.

- You do?

- After I left, I obviously wasn't able

to think about anything else.

And I even tried to "Greatest Showman" it out.

That didn't even help.

- Which number?

- "The Other Side." - Oh.

- The fuck are you guys talking about?

- But all I could think about was you and--

and why you were saying these things.

Were you trying to push me away?

I don't know.

I was honestly so confused.

And then I pulled up that thing that you texted me

of all the people that you--

- My sex timeline.

- I have a hard copy here if you want a reference.

- And I was staring at it for hours,

just staring at it and Googling their names.

And they are all dead.

- Except me.

- You were telling the truth.

- I know.

- So then I saw the next guy on the list.

The first one who didn't have an X over his face.

Marcus.

- Marcus the Chocolatorium waiter?

- I went there.

- You went to Chuckaboo's Chocolatorium?

- Yeah.

Hi.

Just curious, does someone named Marcus still work here?

[glass shattering]

- [screaming]

- Oh, no.

- I watched him die right in front of my eyes.

- Jesus.

Poor Marcus...

Whittenberg.

- So everyone you slept with is dying.

- Yeah.

- Except me.

- That's OK.

- What?

- We can figure our way around this.

I mean, yes, I don't want to die.

But also, you're unlike anyone I've ever met.

[soft music]

- Isaac--

- I know--I know you're

killing guys and girls with sex,

and you don't know why.

And I believe I worked you up into such a frenzy

that you had no choice but to immediately

sleep with that guy while you imagined me.

And I knew you'd be watching a Billy Crystal movie.

I know you, Ruby.

? ?

And I realized something.

We both want what my parents have, right?

40 years married to your soul mate.

The good OK.

But my parents didn't start at the good OK.

They had to get there.

I don't want what they have now.

I--I don't want to start there.

I--I want the messy.

I want the scary.

I want the sexy.

I want all that big beginning stuff that they had,

but I want it with you.

I want to find the good OK with you.

? ?

Because then it'll be great OK, because you're fucking great.

? ?

- Wow.

- Well, that was a hell of a romantic speech.

It's exactly what you want.

- Yeah.

It is.

[upbeat music]

? ?

["Bobby Sox" by Green Day]

- ? Do you wanna be my girlfriend? ?

? I'll take you to a movie that we've already seen ?

? Or sit at home and watch reruns ?

? There's no other place I wanna be ?

? Ooh ?

? ?

? Ooh ?

? ?

? Ooh ?

? Do you wanna be my girlfriend? ?

? Do you wanna be my girlfriend? ?

? Do you wanna be my boyfriend? ?

? We'll walk the cemetery and I'll kiss you again ?

? And make our dead friends blush ?

- I think that's a good idea.

- ? We'll be getting married right there on the scene ?

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