Original subtitles

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I've got to go home.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do. I'm going.

Why?

'Cause I don't want to be here right now.

Why not?

I love this place.

Come here.

No.

I'm going home. I want to wake up in my own bed.

Come here for a second.

No.

I'm going home, really, I am.

Take this off.

- No. - Yes.

You're stronger than me. Let me go.

I'm going home.

Suit yourself.

What?

You're not here with me.

You're thinking about something.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry.

Okay.

It's all right.

Why do you hold me so tight?

- I'm sorry. - Stop saying that.

So I can stop saying, "Don't be sorry."

What time is it?

It's late.

Come here.

Do you ever think about me?

Never.

Good.

To begin at the beginning.

Hush.

The babies are sleeping.

The farmers, the fishers,

the tradesmen, and pensioners...

...the undertaker, and the fancy woman,

drunkard, dressmaker, preacher, policeman,

the web-foot cockle women and their tidy wives.

Young girls lie bedded soft,

but glide in their dreams,

with rings and trousseau,

bridesmaided by glow-worms

down the aisles of the organ-playing wood.

The boys are dreaming wicked...

and the cats nap in the slant corners

or lope sly, streaking and needling,

on the one cloud of the roofs.

You can hear the dew falling,

and a hushed town, breathing.

Only your eyes are unclosed.

And you alone can hear the invisible starfall.

The darkest-before-dawn

minutely dewgrazed stir

of the black, dab-filled sea.

...the Arethusa, the Curlew, and the Skylark,

Zanzibar, Rhiannon, the Rover, the Cormorant,

the Star of Wales... tilt and ride.

Listen...

...the dew falling, ...starfall... sleep of birds,

...milk wood.

This hallway's closed for the next half hour.

- What happened? - Nothing.

We'll be out of here in a half hour.

But I need to get to my apartment and it's down there.

- Right. - Hey.

I need to use that bathroom.

Use the third floor, please.

The bathroom's right there.

And I paid for that.

And I'm telling you to use the third floor.

Okay.

Don't make a federal case about it.

Listen. Look...

dumbly, royally

winding through the Coronation of cherry trees;

going through the graveyard of Bethesda

with winds gloved and folded,

and dew doffed;

tumbling by the Sailors Arms.

New York, New York, New York!!

Neeeew Yoork!

Fucking city! Yes!

Whoa!

How long have we been up?

Uhh... oh Christ,

You gotta figure we've been on the road

since uh... yesterday,

and it's already today, so...

Time passes.

Listen...

Time passes.

Come closer now.

Only you can hear the houses

sleeping in the streets in the slow deep salt

and silent black, bandaged night.

Only you can see it, in the blinded bedrooms,

the combs and petticoats over the chairs,

the jugs and basins, the glasses of teeth.

Thou Shalt Not on the wall.

Endurance.

Responsibility is a necessity for happiness.

And the yellowing dickybird-watching

pictures of the dead.

Cat's purr in the kitchen.

It smells like shit.

Is it an overdose or a suicide?

An overdose is suicide.

I'm a man, Greta. One of the last goddamn men.

Unfortunately, there's only three of us left.

Unfortunately, we're all drunks.

And that ain't nothing new.

Nothing new.

You're born in this world and they shove it down your throat.

Only you can hear and see,

behind the eyes of the sleepers,

the movements and countries and colors

and rainbows and...

First, I want to go to 42nd Street.

Then, I want to go to Harlem.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, there we are.

I feel fucking sick.

And flight and fall and despairs and big seas...

Do you know where we're going?

- I think so. - All right.

I gave everyone 100%.

Whatever they take away is their business.

- Who is it? - Thank God! Listen.

I lost my key to the bathroom. Can I use your key?

- Please... - I'm sleeping.

- I'm sorry... - I don't have the key.

Please!

Hello? Hello?!

Hi.

No. Go away.

- Leave me alone. - Audrey?

Val?

Val?

- Goddamn slob. - Talk about beautiful.

I'll tell you about beautiful. This place used to be beautiful.

Everybody lived here. Everybody who was anybody.

It's fucking disgusting.

There's vomit everywhere.

I missed you.

I didn't think you were coming back.

Where have you been? Are you gonna stay?

Look at this...

songs.

There's tons of them.

Psst.

Pills for epilepsy.

Nyquil bottles, empty... all empty.

This guy must have had some sore throat.

You don't believe me, but I'm telling you,

40 years ago this place was beautiful.

It still is from the outside.

Some frog from New Orleans built it for artist types.

Supposed to be a hotel for artists.

Artists...

shit.

Hotel for drug addicts.

There was a fire here last week and nobody told me.

I go to the store to get a pack of cigarettes,

and there are all these people in the lobby.

I asked them why and they said because there was a fire.

And no one told me!

I'm staying this time.

♪ Promising ♪

♪ Promising... ♪

♪ Promising ♪

♪ Promising ♪

♪ I promise you and you promise me ♪

♪ Not to admit defeat ♪

♪ I promise ♪

♪ Do you promise me? ♪

Yeah.

I don't know, I must have passed out from the fumes.

My stove is still leaking.

Might have been that.

Why don't you fix my stove...

and then you'll get your painting?

I said tomorrow.

I said tomorrow! I meant tomorrow.

Yes.

I don't feel like they're pep talks,

I feel like they're more...

annoying disturbances.

Yes.

Okay.

You try painting and then...

you give me advice, okay?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can you hang on one second?

10 years ago I was living in San Diego

off and on.

Spent a lot of time in Carmel and Big Sur.

I ran naked and fasted.

I found the lightness of existence.

I freed myself from all of society's burdens.

I let the spirits pass through me.

I let the spirits talk to me, all that shit.

I was into candles, and incense and the death of JFK,

and Martin Luther King,

and Bobby and Malcolm X.

This is where I'm coming from.

It may or may not be important.

For Christ's sake, man.

Look at you.

I got $2,000 out of it.

What happened to your dog?

Rock, you mean.

Died.

What happened was...

I was working for my uncle in my uncle's shop.

- Uncle Vern. - Shit.

You're not there, and everyone hates me.

I'm doing a lot of drugs,

I'm under the gun. I found out you were here,

and me and Rock got on the train, and...

fell on me.

Or I fell off of it.

I don't remember.

I came to The Chelsea to help a friend.

A friend who was beyond help.

And I never left.

If it wasn't for this place, I wouldn't live in New York.

For the first year I rarely left my room.

I had spent years, man.

Years living with the vibe!

How's the wife doing?

Cute...

socialite, Brandy Alexander?

Does she wear lace for you?

Is it like a French movie?

It's okay.

I love her.

You're a weak man.

Yeah, well...

You should come back with me.

You're miserable.

- Where are you going? - Going to Mexico.

Getting lost in Mexico,

under the gun. But I am.

Guess what? You are too, only you don't admit it,

you've weakened for lacy, soft pleasures.

...And they found me.

I wasn't looking.

I wasn't asking.

It wasn't God, it wasn't Buddha.

It was a conversation.

I had a fucking conversation...

with Dylan Thomas.

Well...

I think about leaving all the time.

I love her, you don't understand that.

You're right. I'm probably the devil.

You came here to hear this.

You've heard his sounds,

you've felt his feelings, this is sacred.

We've all got to come together...

and realize...

that ghosts

are our most valuable resource.

We need them as much as they need us.

They stay here at The Chelsea

because this is the only place people listen to them.

Their blood is on the walls.

Hey, are you Bob?

Hey, are you Bob Dylan?

By any chance can I kiss your boot?

Fuck off.

You're from Minnesota, aren't you? You must be him.

Seriously, fuck off.

Bob! Bob! Bob!

Listen, you're not gonna believe this.

I'm down in the lobby, right?

Yeah?

There's this guy putting up a painting,

so I'm helping him with the ladder.

He tells me he lives here

in a room just like this one,

but he's got it all for free.

All he's gotta do is give a painting to the manager.

This guy's...

bullshitting me about

how he's an artist, and the manager understands,

and as long as he's creating,

he can live here.

- The guy was lying. - That's what I thought,

but...

the manager was standing fucking right there.

What did it look like?

- What? - The painting, dumbshit.

That's the best part. It's ugly as shit.

I could have done it, easy.

A whole bunch of colors thrown all around.

I don't know.

I don't know...

This place fucking kills me.

Fuck.

♪ Cross your fingers ♪

♪ Behind your back ♪

♪ Squeeze mine ♪

♪ Until they crack ♪

♪ I must have known ♪

♪ You were just promising... ♪

I never had it before. Somebody gave it to me.

- Sure. - I'll get you some more honey.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

I dropped... this is sticky.

Do you have a sponge?

I do.

Here.

You should get up on the counter.

I hated school.

I never wanted to go.

I wanted to drop out, even.

Why didn't you?

A teacher... he drove a motorcycle.

Who did?

The teacher,

not me.

Where's your garbage?

Um... here.

Just...

Sink.

I have this reoccurring dream.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I'm a in cold water flat in the East Village...

and it's cold...

and bare-bones empty, I mean nothing.

Yeah?

Yeah.

And that dream reminds me of you.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

It's kind of sad.

I'm all alone in the dream.

It's kind of sad.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I should go.

Umm...

all right.

Are you gonna walk me to the door?

Sure.

Just...

Jump up...

Okay. Are you ready?

Yep.

- Are you okay? - Um-huh.

♪ Toothy smile ♪

♪ Curly style ♪

♪ In the backyard... ♪

Who is it?

- Shoeshine. - Come on in.

I'm gonna ask you

a few questions.

If you pay me enough, I'll answer your questions.

Not that kind.

Just simple questions.

- Like what? - What does O.T.B. mean to you?

Off Track Betting.

Nice.

Brilliant.

It doesn't take a genius.

Settle down.

Settle down.

There's an O.T.B. next door.

I'm gonna give you an envelope.

You don't look inside that envelope.

You got that?

I got you.

I win.

You win.

What if you lose?

You promised me!

I know.

Well?

I'll go wake him up.

You gave me your word.

I'm sorry.

Yo!

Yo.

- Ouch! - Get up!

Get up!

Come on. Get the fuck up.

- Relax. - No, you relax. Get up.

Let go of me.

Let go. Get...

I'm up.

Whoa! Come here, hot shot.

Come on back.

You like Billie Holiday?

Yeah.

Come on over.

We're gonna listen to Billie,

she's gonna tell you who to bet on.

I don't want to.

No Billie, no envelope.

Give me my fucking crutches.

Hi, Audrey.

Hi. You sure are looking...

Sure are looking pretty today.

You should be real happy. You fucked up everything for me.

You fucked up things for me a long time ago.

I'm not going with you, even if she kicks me out.

She'll kick you out.

Eventually.

Sayonara.

Hey, lilac-lily-girl.

It's all safe.

$43.

What?

That's all we got.

So?

"So?" We're starving here.

Yeah...

Maybe I should go.

Oh, I see.

- No, you don't. - I think I do.

It's hard to see you live like this.

Like what? We're just living.

A lot of people live like this.

- Starving? - Yeah, and worse.

The real question is...

What?

- You lied to me. - I didn't lie.

Okay.

You're not gonna kick me out, are you?

No way.

Come here.

Oh, may it come,

the time of love,

the time we'd be enamored of.

I've been patient too long,

my memory is dead,

all fears and all wrongs to the heavens have fled,

while all my veins burst with a sickly thirst.

Oh, may it come, the time of love...

...the time we'd be enamored of.

Oh, may it come,

the time of love,

the time we'd be enamored of.

♪ I love you ♪

♪ What a little moonlight can do ♪

♪ Wait a while ♪

♪ Till a little moonbeam comes leaping through ♪

♪ You get bold... ♪

Are you in the dark?

Yes, actually I am.

- You mean the light. - I know.

Should I come in or stay here?

it's bad for you today, isn't it?

Wait a minute, let's...

make it better.

How's that?

Um-hmm.

You want an aspirin? I'm gonna have one myself.

No, maybe later.

- I'll get it. - No, no.

You know what I've been thinking about lately?

No. What?

What have you been thinking about?

About how my father used to put gasoline behind his ear,

like perfume,

so when he held a girl close at a dance,

she'd know he had a car.

Yeah?

That's what I was thinking about as you were walking up the stairs.

Lately?

Here, sit down.

It's easier for me to stand, but you shouldn't have to.

Uh-huh.

What?

Hello. Nothing, nothing.

I'm on to you, you know?

There's a word in German.

- Which one? - One word.

It means...

a near paralyzing fear

of not being able to connect.

In America we call it fear. One word.

You know what I'm talking about.

Instead of talking about that bottle of whiskey...

Yes, yes.

I'm not drinking it. My glass is just for water.

You got the whole bottle for me, myself, alone?

Yeah. I figured it was either that, or a philosophy lesson.

I don't want a lesson. I'm in no shape for it.

No lessons.

All right.

Well? Are you gonna stand?

Are you gonna sit? Want me to stand?

No. I'll sit down with you.

Here's to those fields that I won time.

Oh, no.

To cowardice.

No.

To "no."

No.

This is a good way to get sober.

We'll disagree on what to drink to.

Here's to everyone...

thinking that they know everything,

when they don't know anything at all.

What are you talking about...

really?

Jealousy and what a horrible trait it is.

But you don't possess it?

No, I have my own set of qualities

that aren't so admirable.

Let's drink to those.

Maybe.

- What are they? - You know them.

- I don't. - You do!

The big one is impatience.

- That doesn't bother me. - It's a horrible fault.

Huge fault.

You want to drink to your impatience?

Yes, and...

to cowardice.

All right.

All right.

I got off easy.

I have a lot worse qualities.

No, you don't, cowardice is the worst,

especially in a man.

Wow.

I did something bad the other day.

You didn't take a drink.

I told you I'm not drinking.

So what's the bad thing you did?

It's nothing.

All right,

you'll tell me about it later,

and I'll make sure to tell you everything is all right.

And you'll feel much better.

- I feel better already. - Yeah.

You know what would be better even?

- What? - Better than a drink?

What?

If you rubbed my back.

Okay.

Oh God, why am I here?

I don't want to be here.

We could help each other.

I want to believe that, but I don't.

You told me a long time ago

that I didn't have any faith.

You were right.

I finally realized what you meant by that.

I didn't mean that.

It's true.

You can look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't have faith?

If I could look at you in the eyes?

Yes.

I...

Yes.

It just seems...

so impossible.

- What seems impossible? - You!

Do I make you feel safe?

I feel...

I feel safe, but I'm not.

Why not?

Because when I look at you,

I can't get out.

I get lost.

- Completely? - You know.

You can have me completely.

- No. No. - You know that, right?

You're wrong.

We could help each other.

I want to believe that...

but I don't.

It's the truth, whether you believe it or not.

You're no good to yourself and you hide it from me.

Why can't you understand that when you hurt yourself

you might as well hurt me?

If you...

just turn it around, I mean...

you'd have no patience for me if I destroyed myself.

How would you feel? Would you feel loved?

Would you feel like you had me completely?

You do hurt yourself.

How?

By being with me.

You came to save me, didn't you?

Of course I did.

At least I haven't had a drink in years.

Yeah, sure.

At least I don't need it tonight.

Well, I might.

Nah, you don't.

Yes.

Come here.

Dusk and ceremonial dust.

And night's first darkening snow,

and sleep of birds drift under and through

the live dusk of this place of love.

♪ After the show ♪

♪ You walked right past ♪

♪ Arms reached out ♪

♪ For your autograph ♪

♪ As you flashed ♪

♪ Your backstage pass ♪

♪ I caught your eye ♪

♪ The cameras flashed... ♪

It's getting dark.

The light's over there.

♪ The band came out ♪

♪ They stood behind you ♪

♪ You stood alone ♪

♪ And the lights went blue ♪

♪ You stood alone in the halo's haze... ♪

Can I see your letters?

No.

- Please? - No, it's against the rules.

♪ You were the lonely one ♪

♪ And you earned it ♪

♪ The lonely one... ♪

♪ You performed so intense ♪

♪ With a critic's pen I write ♪

♪ Your defense... ♪

Do you want to dance?

♪ I'm just a fan ♪

♪ When I get home ♪

♪ I turn off the alarm ♪

♪ And check the phone ♪

♪ The message is on... ♪

"Holy."

12 points.

♪ You were the lonely one... ♪

I don't believe it.

♪ The lonely one... ♪

Believe it.

♪ The lonely one... ♪

"Trinity."

Seven letters...

63 points.

♪ The lonely one... ♪

Holy trinity.

It's just a coincidence.

♪ You performed ♪

♪ So intense ♪

♪ With a critic's pen I write ♪

♪ Your defense ♪

♪ I understand I'm just a fan ♪

♪ I'm just a fan ♪

♪ When I get home ♪

♪ I turn off the alarm ♪

♪ And check the phone ♪

♪ The message is on ♪

♪ I play the ones from yesterday ♪

♪ I play your song just to hear you say that ♪

♪ You... ♪

♪ You are the lonely one ♪

♪ You are ♪

♪ The lonely one ♪

♪ You... ♪

♪ The lonely one ♪

♪ You are ♪

♪ The lonely one. ♪

- When the two guitars come in, - I... I...

- It's pretty good. - I screwed up.

I think it's good, after the chorus,

if you stay with the first progression.

- Yeah. - Great.

That's nice.

When I was a windy boy and a bit

and the black spit of the chapel fold,

Sighed the old ramrod,

dying of women,

I tiptoed shy through the gooseberry wood

The rude owl cried like a tell-tale tit,

and I skipped blushing

as the big girls rolled ninepins

down on the donkeys' common.

And on the seesaw Sunday nights,

I wooed whoever I would with my wicked eye.

The whole of the moon

I could love and leave

all the green leaved little weddings' wives

in the coal black bush and let them grieve.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

You're too kind. You're too kind.

You're too beautiful and you're too kind.

Not only are you beautiful on the outside,

let's face it, you are,

buy you're also beautiful on the inside.

Let's hear it for the waitress. Drop another glass.

Each one of you, every one of you...

you got a mind. You know what they say?

"A mind is a terrible thing to waste."

Which leads me to mind reduction.

I'm the dream man, the dream maker,

the vision keeper, your memory.

All the world's nostalgia,

your dictionary,

your encyclopedia. Welcome. Hey!

We've got a great show.

Sit back, relax...

and go to sleep if you want to. Just kidding.

What I'm about to do for you tonight,

and this is a warning of sorts,

I'm gonna be with you.

It's sort of a spell I cast on people.

I don't mean to do it, but I do.

Let's say, for example...

I'm your subconscious,

and you... you're my jailer.

I do something wrong, you hold the key.

I don't even know you,

but in the dark of the night our eyes meet.

And then, my friend, I'm through.

She...

There's always a "she"...

And she is known as...

"the one who got away."

Bring it down, boys.

About 4:00 a.m. the other night I finished my vodka,

the bottle, that is.

In other words, I'm referring to,

the bottle that I finished.

Liquor stores are closed, so I'm contemplating a tatoo...

"The one who got away."

Then I remembered what a religious guy I am,

and how our maker

didn't intend for tatoos,

with us being made in His vision, and all that.

Hey, that's good enough for me.

So I'm without a tattoo.

I don't have a drink.

And I don't have her.

Time has a funny way...

of finding us in the strangest places.

Terry?

Hey, Terr.

Hey, Terry.

- Listen. - Jesus, Ross.

Where the fuck have you been?

We have some nice guests here.

You should be hospitable.

They're mine, okay?

Hey, this is...

my good friend Terry. He came out here with me.

Terry, I'd like you to meet...

Lorna Doone.

Um-huh.

- What's your name? - Wall.

Yeah, Wall!

Wall and...

this is all of us.

It's very nice to meet everybody.

Yeah.

They sure know how to breed them out there with them cows.

Yeah.

Men are so ugly in New York.

I know.

Got any more of these?

You got an ID?

Just give it to him.

What the hell? The man wants a beer.

I'm gonna go to sleep again.

I'm first.

Here. I got something for you.

Get over here.

Come over to the quiet part.

Come over to the quiet part.

Don't bother him. He's quiet.

Hey.

Are you gonna sleep with your clothes on?

Yes.

It's a game of rhythm. It's called Thumper.

Don't you want to get under the covers?

No.

Can I tuck you in?

Um...

No.

It's okay.

Tired boy, huh?

Hi.

Why do they call you Lorna Doone? Ain't that a cookie?

You can call me whatever you want.

Do you want me to sleep with you?

Huh?

No.

Are you sure about that?

Hey.

♪ I was dreaming ♪

♪ Of the past ♪

♪ And my heart ♪

♪ Was beating fast ♪

♪ I began to lose control... ♪

Listen, have a drink with me.

I left some booze at your house in the kitchen.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Go pour yourself a glass.

Yeah, I got mine right here.

Don't mind if I do.

Did you have a drink?

Good. Yeah, it's here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Royal blue, yeah.

♪ I was feeling insecure ♪

♪ You might not ♪

♪ Love me anymore ♪

Well, the point is,

if I can't uh...

function alone,

but I'm scared to death to love,

that I'm in a real...

predicament.

And it's real deep too.

Because I'm not a kid anymore.

And I'm not broke anymore.

Why didn't you stop me?

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

I don't want to open it.

I may never open it.

Greta, answer me honestly.

Have you ever sat down to have a drink

and it falls down you like a waterfall of fire?

Like it splits you down the middle,

like it burns a hole in your brain

and drains the blood out of your heart and onto the floor.

What do I like?

You want a list?

Okay, okay.

I like booze.

I like you.

I like...

little girls older than four and younger than six.

Little girls like that, they should open presents.

I'm a grown man for Christ's sake.

I've uh... come up with something.

And uh...

well,

I think...

I just need...

unconditional love.

Are you there?

Oh.

Well, what do you think?

About that.

I was in the elevator on the way up here,

and there was a little girl with her mother in there with her.

The little girl had these huge brown eyes,

curls all over her head,

and she beamed at me and then hugged my leg.

I just looked at her, you know,

and smiled, grinned really.

No teeth.

Teeth scare kids I think.

♪ I was tryin' ♪

♪ To catch your eye ♪

♪ Thought ♪

♪ That you were tryin' to hide ♪

And it was so strange, as I got out,

her mother said,

"She's gonna fall in love with men who look like you

and not know why.

But I will."

And then the elevator door closed.

It was...

oddly...

beautiful.

♪ I didn't ♪

♪ Mean to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ That I made you cry ♪

♪ I didn't ♪

♪ Mean to hurt you ♪

♪ I'm just ♪

♪ A jealous guy. ♪

And I've had a couple of drinks

so it's all dreamy, but...

I couldn't help wondering about you as a little girl

in an elevator with your mother.

I wonder...

I wonder if you ever saw a man

like me.

I'm tired, baby.

Goodnight.

What do you know about human frailty?

Enough, Buster!

- What's that? - A wall.

A beer wall.

It's nice.

I know.

So what do you do?

Are you a gambler like your friend?

No. He's not a gambler either.

I want to be a Pinkerton.

Is that what your dad does?

No. He's a professional.

Professional what?

A professional, is all.

Why do you want to be a spy?

I want to be a private detective.

I'm going to be very mysterious.

And invincible.

And nobody will know who I am.

I've got a code name

and I'm going to get cards.

They're going to ask for "Wallman."

That's me,

'cause well,

I'll just melt into walls.

Like a human wall.

A human bug,

a human tape recorder, a human tap on phones.

Everybody is going to love me.

I've got to learn how to go days without sleeping.

Can't eat neither.

Wallman's got to be real skinny. My business cards will say,

"For the Wallman...

I'll find you."

Jesus.

I want to be a lost poem

in a stranger's coat pocket,

that conveys the importance of you.

To assure you of my desire,

to assure you of dreams.

I want all the possibilities of you in writing.

I want to give you your reflection,

I want your eyes on me,

I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there,

and I want everything before you...

...everything before you to follow us like a trail behind me.

I want never to say goodbye to you,

even on the street corner or the phone.

I want,

I want so much I'm breathless.

I want to put my power into a poem to burn a hole

in your pocket

so I can sew it.

I want my words to scream through you

I want the poem not to mean that much.

And I want to contradict myself by accident,

And for you to know what I mean.

I want you to be distant and for me to feel you close,

I want endless days when it's day and...

nighttime never to end when it's night.

I want all the seasons in one day.

I want the sun to set before us and come up in front of us.

I want water up to our waists and to be drenched by the rain,

up to our ankles with holes in our shoes.

...with holes in our shoes.

I want to think your thoughts because they're mine.

I want only what's urgent with you.

I want to get in the way of the barriers

and I want you to be a tough guy when you're supposed to,

like you do already.

...when you're supposed to.

And I want you to be tender, like you do already.

And I want us to have met for a reason

and I want that reason to be important.

And I want it to be bigger than us,

I want it to take over us.

I want to forget.

I want to remember us.

And when you say you love me

I don't want to think you really mean New York City,

and all the fun we have in it.

And I want your smile always,

and your grimaces too.

I want your scar on my lips,

and I want your disappointments in my heart.

I want your strength in my soul

and I want your soul in my eyes,

I want to believe everything you say,

and I do.

And I want you to tell me what's best

when I don't know.

And when you're lost I want to find you.

And when you're weary

I want to give you steeples

and cathedral thoughts

and coliseum dreams.

I want to drag you from the darkness

and kneel with you

exhausted with the blinding light blaring on us,

And...

So...

I met Terry's brother first at treatment.

And then I went to a halfway house

and I ended up in a storefront downtown.

So Terry comes in,

I don't even know how Terry knew I was there,

I didn't even know Terry.

But everybody knew Terry Olsen,

Hmm...

- Really? - He, uh...

So...

- Terry came in to my place, - Uh-huh?

And he says,

"Hey..."

No. He said,

"Get your shit... get your shit together.

Why are you... why are you wasting your life away?"

And you know what?

He was right.

Hmm...

♪ One, two, three, four... ♪

♪ They were strolling in the gloaming ♪

♪ Where the roses were in bloom ♪

- ♪ A soldier and his sweetheart ♪ - Bud: Grace!

♪ Brave and true... ♪

Oh, man!

Wait a second!

Uh...

Hey, it's late.

What's the matter?!

I'm very, very, very, very, very...

very, very, very, very drunk.

May I come in?

What's this?

I stole it for you.

You stole it?

Uh-huh.

It's not as old-fashioned as flowers.

Can I come in?

Actually I was just about to go to bed, so...

Just for a second.

Can I get you something?

- May I use the... - Sure.

Grace?

Yes?

You must promise me something.

- Okay. - Don't be scared of me.

I'm not a scary drunk.

I'm not even a mean drunk.

Actually, they say it's a sickness,

so it's...

not even my fault.

- Just friends. - Sure.

What?

"Just friends," that song.

Chet Baker.

Yeah?

I heard you play that song.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I came over because

I have no friends and I need a friend and...

you like that song... you told me.

Maybe you should just go home and get some sleep, though.

I'm sure you'll feel much better in the morning.

Do you have any aspirin?

Aspirin? Uhm...

I don't think I do.

I hate going to bed drunk.

I get scared I won't wake up.

Maybe you should go and get some coffee then.

Coffee is a fallacy.

It makes you sober because that's what you've been told,

it's psychological.

The only way to get sober

is to sweat it out, stay up.

Well, uh...

I'd love to sweat it out with you, but...

I really, really got to get some sleep.

Sing to me.

Sing to you?

I'm... I'm just not a singer.

What's it going to take, Grace?

What do you mean?

I mean...

who do you want me to be?

Oh, I think you're fine, Bud.

You're just a little drunk.

Let me ask you something.

Have you ever been drunk?

Me?

Of course.

Have you ever been drunk?

Honey, you just asked me that.

I mean, have you ever been in love?

It's none of your business.

Of course I have.

Well, let me tell you something.

I know exactly what I'm saying,

and I know exactly what I'm doing.

And I've seen people come and go.

And I just want...

I want...

I don't know what to say to you, Bud.

Don't say anything.

Oh my God!

- Hello? - Grace, are you there?

I'm calling you from the plane, are you there?

I can't hear you! Can you hear me?

- Hello?! - Yes, I can hear you.

Great! If we get cut off I'll call you right back.

All right? So just sit by the phone.

- All right? Okay? - Okay.

Jesus, Grace! I called to talk to you. Say something!

You talk.

Listen to this. They want me to do The Tonight Show, right?

I told them, I get tired going back to fucking New York,

and if you want me to do this then you find a goddamn way!

- Grace? Can you fucking hear me? - Yeah.

Did you hear what I've just said?

Yeah.

What do you think?!

I think it's great.

Yeah, all right. You talk for a while, okay?

And speak up for Christ sakes!

- Hello?! - Well,

you probably think you're going to hate this but...

All right, yeah, what?

I went walking through the Farmer's Market today

and uh...

and I heard this saxophone, out of nowhere, like an angel.

It was "Willow Weep For Me," by Ben Webster,

it was extraordinary, and...

Sam?

Sam?

Hello?

Collect call from who?

Oh yes.

Val?

Val, are you there?

Are you okay?

He punched you? Are you okay?

When are you coming back?

I miss you too.

Oh, I just remembered...

Oh, I'm sweating,

I had this awful dream...

that these Vietnam soldiers...

Yeah, they're Vietnamese, they broke into my room...

Yeah, through the french windows...

Yeah, they had machine guns...

It sounds silly but it wasn't silly in my dream, it was scary.

I'm lonely and scared?

How do you know?

Val?

Val?

- Sam? - Yeah, it's Sam.

Of course it's me. Who else is it going to be?

So what happened?

- What happened? - Yeah, the Ben Webster story?

I was reading the liner notes,

and you know they used to call him "The Frog"?

And sometimes "The Brute."

Uh-huh?

Yeah.

So?

So...

It's so beautiful, Sam.

His sound.

Are you asleep?! Or what?

I mean, what are you talking about?!

I told you you'd hate it.

Oh for Christ's sakes, I don't hate it.

Listen, I have been thinking about you the whole time,

missing you.

I miss you too.

Do you remember that DP on the movie,

the one that I told you about?

Right. I told him that you were a writer and he went on,

telling me this story about a student

who becomes obsessed with a poet, a philosopher guy, right?

And he reads everything the poet writes and taught himself French

so he could read the original poems in their original form,

and he quits college and spends all his money just to go to France

and find this poet.

And he gets there, and not only does he meet the guy,

but he gets himself invited to the old guy's house.

And, I mean, it is beautiful!

The sun is shining through the windows,

he couldn't have dreamt for a more perfect situation.

They sat down to lunch, he asked him some questions he had prepared...

And the poet starts to answer, and the student realizes

that he's forgotten his tape recorder,

and since he's self-educated from a book,

he doesn't understand a word the guy says.

But the poet talks on and on all afternoon enthusiastically,

with this great knowing light in his eyes,

and the student just sits opposite this guy,

not understanding a word he says.

Too humble or shy or whatever,

to assert himself, and then he nodded his head,

thanked the poet and got back on the plane, penniless.

But he did learn.

- Yeah. - He learned...

that there are no answers.

I'm not a writer.

What?!

What?! What are you talking about?

Sounds wonderful.

Bullshit, I didn't tell it any good,

you should've heard Jean Paul.

Listen, Grace, I'm landing in 45 minutes,

- You want to pick me up? - It's 5:00 in the morning.

Yeah, I know. Come on.

I don't...

What? You don't want to?

No, I mean...

- What?! - I don't have $30 on me.

Oh bullshit! That's an excuse!

It's not an excuse...

This is not about me. You use money

and the lack of it as an excuse.

Okay? I need you. I feel like fucking shit!

My movie is horrible, nobody likes it,

I'm exhausted, I feel sick, I want to see you

- And you won't fucking do it! - Oh my God, Sam.

What?!

I want to be there but I just can't.

No, but you won't! All right?

All right, fuck it, all right?

Fuck it! Fuck you!

Yeah.

There's three of us.

That's my brother's.

Brian's.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, he's got a gun.

So, is this your brother's place?

No.

It's nice.

Yeah.

And then there's Michael.

Michael is a Jesuit.

A what?

A priest.

He lives in Italy.

He was a green beret in Vietnam.

He got the purple heart.

He's God.

I wish I could meet him.

Yeah.

He lives in Italy. At the Vatican.

The what?

Where the Pope is.

Oh.

And then there's Tom.

Tom's the youngest.

I did that to Tom.

I beat the shit out of that kid.

When he was this big.

Why?

We all did.

So...

when he was caught...

Caught?

Someone told me once,

one of the detectives,

that some people are born bad.

What do you think?

I don't know.

He's just about your age.

He wasn't born bad.

And he was beautiful.

When he smiled...

he just broke my heart.

He hardly ever did it.

It's the fucking streets.

You have to go to school tomorrow, don't you?

Yeah.

High school?

Yeah.

Wow!

What?

You can put your clothes on.

I'm gonna take you home.

I don't understand why you won't meet me at the airport.

Things are just starting to go good with us,

and I think you're fucking it up, okay?

- Grace, you're just... - I'm just what, Sam?

You... you just don't care about anything.

All right? Not me, not yourself, not us.

You just don't care.

Hello?

I do care.

Well, listen, you know...

Goodnight, Sam.

Hold on a second. I'll be getting in around...

Hi.

Hello.

I'm Wall.

Hello, Wall.

Can you sleep over?

Hmm...

no, I don't think I can sleep over, but...

I can come over sometime. Sure.

I can take you over to my friend Diane's house 'cause...

she has an aquarium and...

after that I was thinking

you could come over to my house and read some Langston Hughes.

Some what?

Langston Hughes.

Where'd you get Langston Hughes?

My dad.

Oh. Is your dad a poet?

No. I don't know.

It's hard to say who's really a poet.

You know?

I've got to go now. The sun's coming up.

His grandfather discovered gold...

..."Daddo?" Billy puts his hat back to see his father.

He's here just to consider him more of an institution...

...he's always still, like that.

I took a chance. I said, "I told her that I had an unresolved pain,

that no one had ever loved me enough."

I looked at her and said,

"I'll get better."

She said, "I hope so, honey."

It'd be hard not to love a girl who says that all the time.

Then she tells me about the sea,

she tells me that in the deep sea, in the black sea,

there's a shaft of light or moonbeam.

And the people who see that light swim for miles.

...in the deep sea, in the black sea.

...they can't touch the rapture. It's like a rainbow.

It seems like it's in your reach, but it ain't.

My grandfather discovered gold in this country.

He blazed a trail that's still there today...

I ain't trying to have my heritage. I'm part of something.

Can't you see!

He didn't care about much else...

I know I'm not the only one left still thinking about it.

Why is that a man can stand in a corn field or in a river...?

So I took the hair from her face.

Why does that same man look at the one he loves...

...still live in the deep sea, in the black sea.

"Where'd she go?" Daddo, asked.

No one ever loved you enough, son.

...this was his land. He was never in a hurry to get off it.

♪ Come home ♪

♪ Come home ♪

♪ Ye who are weary come home ♪

♪ Harmlessly, tenderly, Jesus is calling ♪

♪ Calling all sinners ♪

♪ Come home ♪

- Hey. - Hey.

Thanks.

Are you okay?

Well, I... I tried calling and...

you know, you're never there or it's busy...

- Yeah. - I was worried,

and I just came by to check up on you.

Yeah, um...

I'm... I'm... I've been working is all.

But... I'm fine.

How are you?

Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine.

- You're sure? - Yeah, sure, sure.

- You seem kind of sad tonight. - Nah.

You just want someone to talk to?

I was...

I was just walking by here,

and I thought of you. I think about you sometimes when I...

when I walk by, you know?

Yeah.

How are you doing?

I've been working.

Well, I hope that sometime you call me.

You know, you need something...

I know, Frank. I know.

I... I... I'll go.

I'll go.

I'm sorry for waking you. I just wanted to see you're okay.

- Grace, I... - I'm okay.

You know, I thought that maybe sometime

we could have a cup of coffee...

and just talk.

Yeah. Maybe sometime.

And talk about life.

I don't know.

Yeah. Okay.

Uh...

Anyway, Grace, I...

Well... okay, goodnight.

Goodnight.

- Are you okay? - Oh, yeah.

Goodnight.

♪ Come home ♪

♪ Come home ♪

No one ever loved you enough, son.

I'm sorry for that.

I give everyone a 100% off the bat.

It doesn't matter who it is either.

I'll give it all.

Whatever they take away is their business,

makes no difference to me.

Can you hear the lovesick wood pigeons mooning in bed?

A dog barks in his sleep. Farmyards awake.

A town ripples like a lake in the waking haze.

Why do you have to wear a suit?

I don't know.

Can I shave you?

Of course you can.

...I was just looking at this picture...

Well, you know...

You know how I feel about you.

Oh, really? I didn't... I didn't know...

if you'd want to talk to me.

I don't use a tape recorder.

I'll just take notes if that's okay?

Sure, whatever. Yeah.

So, tell me about him.

Just what comes to mind...

What's the insufferable hunger of the damned?

Where did you find that?

In your pants pocket.

It's a title.

To what?

To anything I ever write.

He used to say that success was incidental.

Because time moved too fast.

I guess I just called to...

I wanted to tell you that...

I had a real nice time in Minneapolis with you.

And um...

you know, I was wondering if you were coming out here because...

I really... I'd like to...

take you to dinner or out...

For Christmas?

Well, it's April...

Hold on.

Why the "Insufferable Hunger of the Damned"?

I don't know, it's...

it's the last thing people want to see.

I was going to call it "Eat Shit," but I...

I figured people want to see that,

and you can be sure no one wants to know about

the insufferable hunger of the damned.

No, I think I'm going to be here for a while.

That's just...

it...

It's just that this ain't right.

I... I can't stand it.

I'm working all night, I'm sleeping all day, and...

You know, this is boring. I don't want to talk about it.

You know, in July, I was thinking,

I was going to go up to Duluth, have you ever been there?

Yeah.

Just, you know, going fishing and...

live right.

No, I've got some family up there.

Is it about us?

Yeah.

It's... everybody.

That's the point.

Well, I'd been around the block a few times before I met him.

So... I knew,

for fact, mind you, not a rumor,

that he had read the same poem,

in the same way to another woman,

in the same week

that he had read it to me.

I didn't mind his duplicity.

There's something beautiful about

a man who loves too much...

you know, that kind of playboy I've always understood.

But he doesn't love anyone.

He loves art, he loves...

he loves sex.

I'd say...

that he never loved me.

He had no respect for me, really.

He thought he did.

But...

when you love someone and they don't even know

they don't respect you,

you've got a real problem on your hands.

Tell me the dream one more time.

We, uh...

we were walking in Central Park,

and it was snowing,

and the snow was untouched

except for the footprints behind us,

and we were wearing overcoats,

the expensive kind and...

we were older and...

we were happy.

All I ever think about is my music.

I go to bed thinking about it, I wake up thinking about it...

I guess that's why I don't have anyone, you know.

There's no room.

I just... I don't... I just feel like I'm...

going nowhere fast.

I wish we were in that dream right now.

So do I.

I'll buy you a fishing license.

I'll bet you no one has ever offered you that before.

Yeah.

Well...

if you ever do come out here,

or if ever I get home,

I would like to take you out.

The core of him was...

and probably still is,

cold.

It said,

"Baby,

if it's me or you,

it's got to be me."

And...

I may have a million faults

and I've made thousands of mistakes,

but I've never been able to look

into the eyes of the one I love with cold eyes.

And...

he could do that.

He did do that.

Take this and...

don't resist.

I can't.

Look,

if you love me you'll take it

and you'll take care of yourself.

I'll be back.

Get the hell out!

Bud, it's me.

It's you?

There's your goddamn book!

- Where? - You're standing on it.

This, uh?

Yeah, that.

I'll make some coffee.

Oh, that's real subtle.

Why don't you throw me in a cold shower while you're at it?

It's not a bad idea.

Jesus Christ! You come in here,

you come in here like you're my old lady

and give me that look like I have to clean up my room.

You wanted a book? Well, you got a book.

At least you put page numbers on it.

"At least you put page numbers on it."

I'm not a baby!

I don't need to be patronized like this!

No! I will not!

I refuse for you to speak to me like that!

I guess you never get over a man like that.

It's very painful

to fall in love with someone in the confines of four walls

where you share everything.

To be silent while they work for...

days sometimes.

To be...

taken into it,

into them,

their body, spirit.

To be...

worshiped and...

magnified, immortalized.

And then to see that

to them,

to Bud,

it's work.

I brought you something, I've...

you left your St. Christopher

in my office.

Oh, yeah, the clasp was broken.

I had it fixed.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks a whole hell of a lot.

And I gave a part of my life to him,

and I did it willingly.

And...

I'd like to say,

and I...

I never have before, that...

I was...

very much in love with

a great, great man.

Who despite everything,

didn't know

love.

- I'm glad to see you. - Yeah.

Come on, guys.

Now I am a man

no more.

No more.

And the black reward for a roaring life,

Sighed the old ramrod,

dying of bitches!

Tidy and cool

in my dove cooed room

I lie down thin and hear the good bells jaw...

For, oh, my soul found a Sunday wife

in the coal black night

and she bore angels!

Harpies around me out of her womb.

Chastity prays for me, piety sings

Innocence sweetens my last black breath,

Modesty covers my thighs with her wings.

And all of the deadly virtues

plague...

my death.

Clocks with no hands!

Forever drumming out time

without ever knowing what time it is!

Christ,

I think I'm...

I think I'm hungry.

I...

I think I'm...

just a little...

tired.

That's all right.

Let me get you something to eat and then...

we'll put those pages together.

No, no, no.

- Didn't anyone ever tell you? - Tell me what?

That all the king's horses and all the king's men

couldn't put Humpty-Dumpty back together again.

I sat there with you,

you hung on me with the weight of a bear,

heavy after some coffee...

Who has the last word from paradise.

She came back alive enough to feed the black tongue of a giraffe.

The memory's landscape

is enormous.

Where men and women really do hate each other.

I knew that.

You are another Hamlet.

For as the sailor's proverb goes,

a sea refuses no river.

Is there nothing quite like the face of a losing man?

A soldier, a boxer, a lover, a boy.

They know. That greatness falls...

Only an American would bring a canary

down with him in the mines.

Only an American would make a sport

where you could steal home and win.

Just wanting to leave the scene.

Beautifully leave you.

In the dust,

in the jungle,

luminous in your shadow.

♪ Cross your fingers ♪

♪ Behind your back ♪

♪ Squeeze mine ♪

♪ Until they crack ♪

♪ I must've known ♪

♪ That you were just promising ♪

♪ Promising ♪

♪ Promising ♪

♪ Toothy smile ♪

♪ Curly style ♪

♪ In the backyard ♪

♪ All the while ♪

♪ I must've known ♪

♪ That you're just promising ♪

♪ Promising ♪

♪ Promising ♪

♪ I promise you ♪

♪ And you promise me ♪

♪ Not to admit defeat ♪

♪ I promise ♪

♪ You promise me ♪

♪ It's comforting ♪

♪ To wear your ring ♪

♪ Over my head ♪

♪ Around my finger ♪

♪ I must've known ♪

♪ You were just promising ♪

♪ Promising ♪

♪ Promising ♪

♪ I promise you and you promise me ♪

♪ Not to admit defeat ♪

♪ I promise ♪

♪ You promise me ♪

♪ I promise ♪

♪ You promise me ♪