Original subtitles

I can hear its heartbeat.

Who do you think this baby's gonna be?

Striker for La U.

(SANTI LAUGHS)

Climate warrior.

A researcher that cures cancer.

J wants to teach him Spanish.

We could take them both to Chile.

Hang on. Him?

Yeah.

Are you pre-gendering our baby?

No, you're the one who said striker for La U.

Excuse me, there is a woman's team.

True.

It's just crazy to me

that every human life

starts like this.

It's the most universal human thing, but it's...

...but it's so strange

and magical at the same time.

- One more big push. - (WOMAN SCREAMS ON VIDEO)

(OLY GASPS)

Oly! You can't keep looking at this.

Holy fuck!

(NEWBORN CRIES ON VIDEO)

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

(LINE RINGS)

(BEEP!)

Mum, where the hell are you?

Where is she?

- OLY: I don't know. - (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

Oh, finally!

ANGIE: Yeah, I told you I'd be here.

- OLY: At 10:00. - Yeah.

I called you, like, six times.

I was at the radiologist.

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

ANGIE: It was just a normal check-up,

except I was being interrupted by phone calls

from my daughter all the time.

Well, what if it was urgent?

What?

Um, I'm definitely in pre-labour,

and we have to rehearse my birth plan.

ANGIE: What? I didn't think you had a birth plan.

In fact, I recall you saying

that you thought a birth plan was a doomed fiction

pushed upon women by the medical patriarchy

and the pain-denying natural birth movement,

which sets women up for failure either way.

Correct. And that is why I've made a decision tree instead.

It's a decision support model

stepping through the key juncture points in the labour,

optimising outcomes from a range of divergent scenarios.

And to think that it happened without warning

in the back of an ambulance last time.

The key thing is you keep your phone on

and you're here when labour starts, OK?

- Do you understand? - Mm-hm.

You are here when the labour starts.

I will be here.

Alright, Dad and Edith or Bowie will watch Jacinda,

Santi will drive us to the hospital,

and he will also update the family group chat.

Do we have a family group chat?

I added you.

It's gonna be fine.

You're gonna be fine. The baby's gonna be fine.

You're gonna be in a safe place with good doctors

and nothing will go wrong.

And you've done this before.

Can you stop reminding me of that?

- ANGIE: Mm-hm. - J: Mum?

What's Shauna going to do when you have the baby?

What do you mean?

When you quit your job.

You can't work after you have the baby.

What? J, we're not in 'The Handmaid's Tale'.

J, what? That's insane. Where did you hear that?

YouTube.

Ooh!

- What's happening? - (OLY MOANS)

OK, we need to go right now.

OLY: Ooh!

(OLY MOANS)

Are you sure?

They said pre-labour can last a few days.

I am having this baby

in a properly staffed and fully equipped maternity hospital,

and not in a moving vehicle on the way there.

- OK? - We're gonna go.

Ooh.

SANTI: Ready, J?

(OLY GRUNTS)

SANTI: Good. You're doing great.

- You're doing amazing, OK? - Ooh!

BOWIE: Oh, mustn't forget the raspberry leaf tea.

- (OLY GROANS) - How are you feeling? Good?

SANTI: OK? Keep breathing.

BOWIE: Oh! Ooh, Rosa's candle.

SANTI: Hey, where's Dom?

Uh, he's... He will be here any second.

SANTI: OK, J, do you want to grab the car keys?

- I'll get it, I'll get it! - Thank you, Boz.

DOM: I'm here! I'm here, everyone!

It's OK, I'm here. You alright, darling?

Santi, have you updated the group chat?

Yep, I'll do that now. Thank you, Boz.

(OLY GROANS)

DOM: Deep breaths, deep breaths.

- OK. Everybody ready? - Ooh.

Let's go!

- (MESSAGE ALERT CHIMES) - I got your phone.

DOM: You got this, you got this.

Ooh!

- Go, Mum. - Ooh!

Go get 'em, tiger.

SANTI: Thank you. Mwah! Love you.

- Love you. - Love you.

Thank you. OK, baby, you're doing great.

- Love you. Good luck. - Hey.

Ah!

Ohhh!

(GENTLE MUSIC)

(SIGHS) Here we go again, huh?

Hector, mi vida.

Has visto el encendedor?

It's time. They're going in. Oly and Santi.

What? OK, I'll get the candle.

(GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

OLY: What if it's posterior?

I read that the baby can actually twist

the wrong way during labour.

Could you check that?

MIDWIFE: Not to worry.

Everything's looking good.

Baby's heart rate is strong.

We're only 2cm dilated.

OK.

Mucous plug hasn't even come out yet.

Since your waters haven't broken yet, I'm gonna...

Yeah, what about if the contractions are closer?

Well, they've actually stopped since we got here.

OK, when was the last one?

In the car.

And how long ago was that?

45 minutes or so.

Mm. It could happen.

Is there something wrong?

No. No, it's all fine.

You're healthy, you're young. This is a low-risk pregnancy.

You're just not quite ready yet.

- Oh! - SANTI: OK.

OK. So... do we just wait here?

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

(BOTH SIGH)

(MESSAGE ALERT CHIMES)

False alarm.

ARIEL: Remember when I held out

because I was convinced if I went in early,

they were gonna induce me.

- I wouldn't budge. - Yes. I do remember that.

And you were a pain in the arse.

Hey!

ARIEL: Aww, honey, you OK?

Yeah.

- Oh, it's alright. - (CHUCKLES)

It's alright. It's gonna happen.

- Somehow. - (CHUCKLES)

OK.

Mmm.

J: Where's the baby?

It's, uh, not long now, J.

J: Why is it taking ages?

SANTI: It's coming soon.

Uh, so if nothing's happening now,

I might just go to Edie's.

SANTI: OK, no worries. Thanks, Angie.

- ANGIE: See ya. - SANTI: 'Bye.

ANGIE: 'Bye. (KISSES)

(FRONT DOOR OPENS)

(FRONT DOOR SHUTS)

Oo-oo-ooh!

(CROAKILY) Ahhhhhhh-oh!

Ahhhhhh!

SANTI: Ol?

Whoa, hey, hermano.

- All good? - I thought you were Oly.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

She's on a, uh, labour-inducing walk with Reema.

I told her to try the Aztec maze shape,

but she said it was unscientific.

So whatever.

Aztec?

Yeah. Hey, big day today, huh?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.

Opening night of my extended run.

OK.

Do you reckon Dad'll come this time?

- I don't know, man. - Hey, Santi, I'm kidding.

I know it's Oly's due date.

- Do you? - Yeah.

Te amo, hermano.

You'll be great. You're a rock.

Thanks, bro.

- Maybe just keep it down a bit. - Yeah.

'Cause there's other people living here.

Yeah, that's true, that's true.

Lots of love.

(SOFTLY) Awwww-whoa-awwww!

- One, two. - Oh, yeah.

- Hold the pads for three. - Three.

(VINCE GRUNTS)

How's that new living situation?

Yeah, it's good.

- It's fun living with them. - Yeah?

Talia's a bit down at the moment.

- One, two, three. - They haven't found a donor yet.

Are you gonna do the donor thing again?

No, not me. Not me.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Agh! How about you, though?

Ready for the little baby?

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah?

More than ready, man.

I'm feeling really good about it.

I've done all the research, the calm baby classes.

Oly printed out all these sheets for me from work.

I'm feeling like, you know...

...I missed the first one, but I'm not gonna miss the next one.

It's good, and I want to do it right, you know?

Look, just be ready for anything.

- Of course. - Yeah.

- It's like a fight, you know? - Yeah, exactly.

Don't know what's gonna be thrown at you.

Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah. Like... like, what type of...

- You really wanna know? - Yeah.

- Yeah? - OK.

Dude, I've seen dads faint.

Yeah, right.

Have panic attacks, spew, even.

- Ooh. - Yeah.

Any tips?

It's a pretty low bar, really.

Just, uh, you know, don't... don't sleep through it all.

- Mmm. - Don't say dumb shit.

- I know you won't. - No, no, no.

Some dads get tired of the...

...you know, how long it all takes.

Right.

So I had one guy go,

"I played the last quarter with a knee sprain.

"How hard can it be?"

- What a fuckwit. - I know, right?

His wife's laying there

after a 30-hour labour, covered in blood.

- Blood? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Like, a lot of blood?

Yeah.

Head to toe, bro.

But, uh, no worries. You guys will be fine.

- Yeah. - Uh, I'll take the...

I'll take this.

- Ready? - Yeah.

And it's like I'll drop something on the floor,

and it won't even be worth the trip

until there are several things down there.

(REEMA SCOFFS)

It's just amazing you weren't aware of it the first time.

Remember you said it was like a demon alien

bursting out of your body?

Yes. I did say that.

Are you scared?

Oh, Ol.

It's OK.

My nan says that women's bodies are designed to give birth.

OK, that's a little bit like saying

that birth is the only thing

that the female human is good for.

You know that's...

And designed by who?

Big head.

Tiny hole.

That's not exactly an award-winning design, is it?

Uh...

And I already gave birth,

and it was terrifying.

I'm sorry, Ol.

I'm sorry. (SIGHS)

I just keep thinking about everything that can go wrong.

Well, maybe you should stop reading the internet.

Why would I do that?

Shall we keep it going? I need to pee.

REEMA: Please move.

I am busting!

OLY: Oh, dude.

I pee, like, a hundred times a day.

- OLY: Oh. - Here.

- OLY: Hello. - Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

Um... is...

Is Reema here?

Is that OK?

Yeah. It's not weird.

I didn't say weird.

Is it good?

(TAP RUNS)

(MUFFLED CONVERSATION)

- (MESSAGE ALERT CHIMES) - VINCE: Yeah.

Like I said, it's fine.

Of course. It's whatever.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

Uh, you know what? I think...

I think I gotta go, anyways.

(TYPES ON PHONE)

VINCE: Um... Shit.

I think I forgot my phone upstairs.

SANTI: That is crazy.

This guy took a 40-minute conference call.

What?

During labour.

Did he?

You alright, uso?

- Yeah. Of course. Yeah. - OLY: Reema's here.

(LIQUID POURS)

Oh.

Are you trying to avoid her, or...?

Of course not. Why would I do that?

(MESSAGE ALERT CHIMES)

VINCE: Clearly, she's the one

trying to avoid me.

You know what?

I'm gonna have to go for real this time.

(VINCE INHALES SHARPLY)

- (MESSAGE ALERT CHIMES) - (FOOTSTEPS THUD)

You know, Vince is right.

The bar is really low.

I think I'm gonna be fine.

(PHONE KEYPAD CLICKS)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

The doorbell is broken.

Oh, is nice.

You're back together.

BOTH: We're not back together.

Why not? You are the perfect couple.

I was just gonna leave.

After you. I was gonna leave too.

- After you. - OK.

(PHONE CHIMES)

OLY: Severe internal bleeding.

Potentially fatal complications.

Sharp abdominal pain.

Vaginal bleeding.

(OVERLAPPING SPEECH)

Vaginal bleeding?

(INHALES SHARPLY) Ooh!

Oh!

Santi!

- (SIREN WAILS) - What's happening?

What's happening?

- Now, what's your name? - Um, Oly.

- Oly? - What the fuck is happening?

Now, when... when's your due date? When are you due?

Oh, today.

OK, now, is this your first child?

Yeah, it's my second. (PANTS)

Here, take this. It'll help.

(PANTS AND WHEEZES)

(SIREN CONTINUES WAILING)

Uh-oh.

What?! (PANTS)

Have you been eating soft cheese?

(CHILLING MUSIC)

(VOICE DISTORTS) Don't worry.

Women's bodies are designed to have babies.

- (OMINOUS THUD) - Oh!

Bad natal outcomes correlate with poor maternal efforts.

(TUTS)

It's never too early to start your Kegels.

Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release.

- (SQUELCHING) - Oh!

Oh, that's where that was.

What?! Why...

Why... why is that there?

(BLITHELY) I had a drug-free home birth,

and I was back at yoga the next day.

You're making it all about you. (WAILS)

Estoy tomando el tiempo de tus contracciones.

(HEARTBEAT THUDS)

- Mum! - Don't politicise this.

It's gonna be fine.

Mum!

Agh!

(VOICE ECHOES) It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.

What?

Hello?

OLY: What is going on?

Oh! (GROANS)

Are you OK?

OK, we need to go right now.

- I can feel the pressure. - OK.

- The head engaging. - That's OK.

- Ooh! - Hands on your ribs.

- Ooh! - Breathe in through your nose.

Shut up, Santi.

INSTRUCTOR: Check in with your partner.

(MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYS)

How does it feel for her?

Maintaining the breath.

(PHONE BUZZES)

INSTRUCTOR: Lifting your left hand.

ANGIE: Yes?

(ANGIE GASPS)

OK, darling. Right now?!

(PARTICIPANTS WHISPER)

ANGIE: Oh, sorry.

Um, we've got to go.

INSTRUCTOR: Uh, keep the focus.

ANGIE: Sorry.

(PARTICIPANTS WHISPER AND SIGH)

My daughter's...

(WHISPERS) ..giving birth.

INSTRUCTOR: Coming back to the practice.

SANTI: Here we go. They're here.

(BREATHES HEAVILY AND GROANS)

(VEHICLE APPROACHES)

- (OLY GRUNTS) - SANTI: OK.

Hey, are you good to walk to the car?

- Take a few deep breaths. - Ooh!

SANTI: OK, let's go. Come on.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

(OLY GROANS)

SANTI: Yep. Just watch the kerb.

ANGIE: Edie, are you gonna stay?

- Can you stay with J? - EDITH: Yeah.

ANGIE: Oh, your mum's gonna be alright, darling.

- EDIE: Alright. - (OLY GROANS)

- EDIE: OK. Good luck, guys. - OK. Bye-bye. I love you.

ANGIE: I'll text you from the hospital.

SANTI: OK.

- (ENGINE STARTS) - So exciting!

- SANTI: Let's go. - ANGIE: 'Bye!

(EXPECTANT MUSIC)

- I'll get the candle. - TALIA: Yes!

(MATCH STRIKES)

I've got your playlist and the UE Boom.

Dom.

Well, the first music they hear may terraform its brain.

- Sorry, darling, but are you OK? - Yeah.

So your cervix is only at 3cm.

- What?! - And your water's...

I know it's time!

And your waters haven't broken.

OLY: I can feel it.

Please don't send us home.

Trust me, I can feel it!

I can feel the pressure!

Ohh!

Oh!

(DOOR OPENS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

- (METALLIC CLANK) - Ol?

(TOILET FLUSHES)

(DOOR CLICKS AND CREAKS)

We can go home now.

Just a poo.

Ohhh!

I feel like I've been pregnant forever.

All my entire life.

Oh, that would be the world record

for the longest pregnancy ever.

Like the elephants.

Or is it the whales that have the endless gestation?

- Hey, babe? - Hmm?

If you make another comment about whale gestation,

I'm gonna hit you with something sharp and hard.

No, you won't.

You can barely walk up the stairs.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(OLY LAUGHS)

(TENDER MUSIC)

You know, everything's gonna be OK.

OLI: Mm.

We're gonna have a beautiful baby boy.

Oh, you are so sure it's a boy?

I know it.

I did read that having sex can bring on labour.

Oh.

If you wanted to try that?

J: Mama?

Can I sleep here?

Ah, J, I...I think probably not.

Yeah, it's OK. Come. Come, baby.

(SANTI SIGHS)

Is this the last time it's going to be just us?

(ALL GIGGLE)

- Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! - (J GIGGLES)

VIDEO: We're preparing for a high-risk caesarean section.

The mother has been in labour for several hours.

- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Complications have arisen.

There's concern over fetal distress.

Hi.

So, where is it?

Where is the... Oh, the baby?

In my belly.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Marcus said you went to the hospital.

I did. Twice.

- Oh. - Still inside.

Doesn't she want to meet her Auntie Shauna?

(SHAUNA LAUGHS)

Well, I guess I'll take these back, then.

- Oh. - You know...

No. Wow.

That one's from Phil and Lil.

Um, this one's from me.

Um... Is this a work planner?

No, it's a, um, scrapbook

for you to put your memories of the kids in and stuff.

Yeah.

Aww.

Shauna, that's really thoughtful.

I just thought of the nerdiest thing

that I could get a mother, so...

Don't you want to come and meet your Auntie Shauna?

Your mummy needs to come back to work.

Oh, Shauna, technically, I still have...

- No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. - Oh.

I was kidding, obviously.

Take your time.

You know, family's important.

Phil and Lil taught me that.

VIDEO: ..carefully navigate through layers of tissue.

Also, you've got, like, nine months until the next campaign.

Which is technically enough time to have another baby.

- But let's not. (LAUGHS) - No. That's...

Yeah.

- J: Ugh! - (SHAUNA SIGHS)

- Would you like a cup of tea? - Um...

- (J SOBS AND SCREAMS) - Is she alright?

OLY: Oh, J!

(VIDEO CONTINUES PLAYING)

Ohh.

...you hear their first cries.

OLY: Sorry.

(NEWBORN CRIES ON VIDEO)

Yeah, um... I'll let you deal with that.

Two? Oh!

Good luck.

See ya.

Hey, baby. It's OK. It's just...

Ooh.

Why did you let me see that?!

Um... I'm sorry, J.

I hate the way you parent!

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

J: I want Grangie.

(OLY MOANS)

J... (MOANS)

She's a better mum than you.

You're the worst!

Mm-hm.

ANGIE: Come on, J.

Come on.

We're gonna have a Grangie-J day.

Come on. Ohh! What should we do?

Should we go and have some dumplings?

Or what about we go to the dog park?

Actually, you know what?

There is a place that I like to go

when I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Should we go and do that?

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

Mummy told me that you saw a video that upset you.

Do you want to talk about that?

Is Mummy going to die?

Hmm. I don't think so.

(OLI GROANS LOUDLY)

SANTI: OK. Now, breathe.

- (GROANS) - Just breathe.

- Ahhh. - You're doing great, Ol.

Ohh!

You're doing really, really good.

(GASPS)

There you go.

How long now?

Um...

Wait, did I lap it before?

- (OLY PANTS) - Um...

- What do you mean, the last one? - Yeah.

It can't have been eight minutes, can it?

Did I start on the hour?

So...

So, four minutes?

I thought we were supposed to go to the hospital

five minutes apart.

No, we're supposed...

Y-yes! Yes!

We're supposed to go to the hospital at five minutes apart.

OK, we have to go to the hospital right now!

- Hey. Hey, hey, hey, it's OK. - OK.

Let's go, come on.

Um, call Mum.

OK.

- (PHONE KEYPAD CLICKS) - (LINE RINGS)

Come on.

(PHONE BUZZES)

OLY: No, I need Mum.

- OK. - I need Mum.

Hey, it's OK, Ol. It's OK. It's gonna be fine.

- I've got you. - OK.

We're gonna go to the hospital now.

I'm gonna grab the bag, OK? Just wait here.

- That's pretty embarrassing. - (LAUGHS)

Farting all the way.

- (BLOWS RASPBERRIES) - (GIGGLES)

(ANGIE LAUGHS)

That's what happens when you're pregnant.

J: Mm-hm.

And the first one was perfect.

And it was in the bath.

You can have a baby in a bath?

Yeah.

Everything went really well.

I just thought I was a total legend.

And then the second one was the worst thing ever.

Everything that could go wrong went wrong.

I was in labour for 24 hours.

Late epidural, posterior birth,

episiotomy, forceps.

What are forceps?

Eh...

I'll tell you when you're older.

But was Mummy the bad one?

(LAUGHS) Yes!

Shh! Shh, shh, shh!

You cannot tell her

because she's very competitive with Uncle Bowie.

- Yeah, she is. - (WHISPERS) Don't tell her.

- Yeah. - (LAUGHS)

(J LAUGHS)

I was there when you were born.

Your poor Mum.

She was very... surprised.

Because I was born in a toilet?

No, you were born in an ambulance.

And you came out and you were perfect!

(ANGIE LAUGHS)

Birth's scary, but it is a superpower.

I'd rather be able to fly.

(LAUGHS)

Would you, now?

J: Mm-hm.

But does it mean I have to do it?

Because I'm a girl?

Does it mean I have to?

Well, you live in a country where you get to choose.

What?

No. You don't have to do it.

That's good.

(LAUGHS)

- J: Aah! - (ANGIE CHUCKLES)

J: Stop.

(J GIGGLES)

- (GROANS) - SANTI: We're good.

- Oh! - (FLUID GUSHES)

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

My waters just broke!

(OLY GROANS)

SANTI: OK.

SANTI: Let's go. We're gonna go. Let's go.

- (OLY GROANS LOUDLY) - We're gonna go.

- OLY: Oh! Oh! Oh! - OK.

- (OLY GROANS) - Right.

- (GROANS) - SANTI: What the fuck?

(GROANS LOUDLY)

I swear I put them right here.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

(OLY GROANS)

Honey, I can't find the keys.

I can't do this! I can't do this! I can't do this!

It's OK. OK, Ol. Ol, you need to stay calm.

OLY: Oooh! Oh! I can feel it!

SANTI: OK, stay calm.

(GROANS)

SANTI: It's OK, Oly.

No, no.

- (SANTI MUTTERS) - (KEYS CLINK)

SANTI: I put them... (OPENS CABINET)

I swear that...

(CLOSES CABINET)

SANTI: I put them right here. They were right here.

OK, just think.

(AUDIENCE CHATTERS)

(PHONE CHIMES)

(MESSAGE ALERT RINGS)

(AUDIENCE CHATTERS)

REEMA: This time, right?

RAKIM: Inshallah.

(BOTH BLOW)

- (TALIA CHOPS FOOD) - (MESSAGE ALERT CHIMES)

Are we lighting another candle?

I changed my mind.

- About the candle? - (BOTH LAUGH)

About... being your donor.

Wait. So you'll do it?

You guys are my family.

- TALIA: Wait. So you'll do it? - I'll do it.

(TALIA LAUGHS)

No!

- VINCE: Yes. - (ARIEL SQUEALS)

TALIA: Oh, my God. (LAUGHS)

ARIEL: Yes!

- (WATER SPRAYS) - Ooh! (LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) This is so fun!

- Are you ready? - Yeah.

(ANGIE LAUGHS)

(GROANS PAINFULLY)

Oh, fuck!

- (BOTTLES CLINK) - Oh, fuck!

(GROANS)

OK, let's go. Come on, Oly, let's go.

It's too late!

No, no, no, no. No, Oly, not like this.

Here we go!

(WATER WHOOSHES)

Oh, my God.

(ETHEREAL MUSIC)

(WATER ROARS)

- (GROANS) - SANTI: OK. I've got you.

(OLY PANTS)

(GROANS) Get a towel! Blanket!

(OLY GROANS)

(GROANS)

(ETHEREAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

SANTI: I got it.

(OLY GROANS)

(OLY CRIES)

- (OLY GROANS) - (SANTI GRUNTS)

(ETHEREAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(OLY GROANS)

(OLY SOBS)

(WATER PATTERS)

(ETHEREAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

Oh.

(OLY SOBS AND PANTS)

(ETHEREAL VOCALISATIONS)

(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY)

It's alright. (INHALES)

I'm ready.

FALLING JOYS: ? Take me home

? Lock it up

? Take me home

? Lock it up

? Take me home

? Lock it up

? Take me home

? Lock it up

? It's a sign

? When you're around... ?

(SONG FADES)

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