Original subtitles

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGS)

(DOOR OPENS)

Angela Davis?

I'm Maryanne Brant. You're Angela?

Hi. Angie, yeah.

- Hi. - Hi, Maryanne.

Hello. And, uh... you're the...

Uh, partner. Edith.

MARYANNE: Hi, Edith. And...

- ANGIE: My kids. - Mm-hm.

- Oly. - Bowie.

- Santi. - My husband.

And...

Oh, I'm her ex and her brother.

Uh-huh. OK.

- Uh, come on in. - ANGIE: Thank you.

Uh, OK. I just think we might need a few more chairs.

WOMAN: Yeah, OK, sure, I'll bring...

Another hot oncologist.

(CLEARS THROAT) JJ?

Hey, just wait here, darling, OK?

We won't be long, alright?

(SIGHS)

(CURIOUS MUSIC)

Unfortunately, you have fallen into the small percentage

of women with a triple-negative subtype

and this is typically the most aggressive subtype.

(WHISPERS) Wait outside.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(PHONE RINGS)

And although your treatment last time was successful,

unfortunately, the cancer has regrown in the breast.

I know that this is not the news that any of you wanted to hear

and it is important to have realistic expectations...

(FADES) ..but to also understand that there are

many good treatment options available to you,

and we will treat this aggressively.

Angie, do you need a moment?

No, no. Go. No, go ahead.

MARYANNE: OK.

Uh, so I've consulted with our surgical team

and we have agreed that you will need to have a mastectomy

and reconstruction.

And we'll follow the surgery with a course of chemotherapy

and immunotherapy, which typically takes six months.

(SPARSE MUSIC)

(DOG YAPS)

- (WHINES) - You look just like Bluey!

Hi, Bluey!

Hi, Bluey!

- (GIGGLES) - (PUPPY WHINES AND YAPS)

Hi, Bluey!

(SIGHS)

MARYANNE: If there's no further questions, then...

...I'll see you Friday.

- Friday? - Surgery.

MARYANNE: We do need to get started

on the treatment right away.

Please, you call the office

if you think of anything in the meantime.

EDIE: Mmm.

- Excuse me, Doc? - Mmm. Yeah?

- Just one question. - Mm.

Do you think you could have a quick squiz at this lump

in my armpit?

No. No, I won't. I won't look at that.

You need to get a dermatologist to look at that one.

- Yeah, but you can just... - Not here.

No, thank you.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

OK, well, we've gotta get going, so...

Alright, but...

...that was mostly good news, right?

Yeah. I mean, now we know exactly what we're dealing with.

It's good to have some certainty.

It's good that you can get treatment straightaway.

Yeah, you'll be done and dusted by the time the baby comes.

And it's amazing what they can do with technology,

medical technology.

Amazing.

What's amazing?

OK, well, it's after 9:00, so we've gotta get going.

Yeah, I'm gonna be late for court.

I'm sure you guys have got really busy days, so...

- No. - No, not me.

- Not me. - What are you...

- I could get lunch. - Should we...

- SANTI: I can't. - I'm gonna be late.

We should go.

Can you guys give me a lift to the city?

- I've just got my big meeting. - Yeah, course. Yep.

SANTI: I'll be there in just a sec.

Hey. You OK?

- Santi? - Coming.

I'll see you this arvo?

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

Good girl, Bluey!

- Mum? - Mmm?

I don't feel well.

Really?

I think I'm probably sick.

Can I please stay home and not go to school?

(COUGHS)

I feel pale.

Yeah, fine.

Why doesn't anyone in my family...

...have a job?

Except you two.

Well, Oly's trying to find a new job.

Mmm.

SANTI: And Bowie...

Bowie quit teaching, didn't he?

Dom, you know, he DJ'ed a second wedding and a 50th.

I don't care about Dom.

Hey, Ange, I hope everything's OK.

Good luck.

(DOOR CLOSES)

So that was big.

Yeah. Just confirms what we knew.

Yeah, but...

I don't know.

How are you feeling?

I can stay home with you.

Well, no, I can't today, but I would.

I know, but you've got court. Go!

I'll be fine.

Did you have to find an oncologist quite that hot?

Have you got some kind of secret stash

of sexy cancer doctors?

(LAUGHS)

You know the ugly ones work harder?

Edie! Go!

I'm not nearly as sick as I'm gonna be!

(EDIE GROANS)

(SPARSE MUSIC)

(GROANS SOFTLY)

(SLOW, KOOKY MUSIC)

My gland?

(SIGHS)

(BOWIE GROANS)

- Dum-Dum? - DOM: Yo!

Do we have any blankets?

Um, just... (CLICKS FINGERS) ...over here.

Why?

JJ: I'm making a cubby.

OLY: You're sick. You should rest.

JJ: I'll rest in the cubby.

Alright, well, clean it up afterwards.

OK. I will.

Alright.

What are you doing?

Fixing the books.

Research.

I mean with your lives.

OLY: Mum, I'm pregnant.

And I was fired.

Uh, yeah, a month ago, Oly.

What happened to your job interviews?

They haven't called me back.

- And what about you, Bowie? - (GROANS)

Have you gone for any jobs since you threw that position away

at a great school?

Mum, don't start.

Ange, you OK?

ANGIE: And what about rent?

BOWIE: Oly and Santi don't pay rent.

OLY: Um, yes, we do.

ANGIE: You used to pay rent.

I don't have a job!

BOWIE: It's not just their house.

No, it's not - it's Dom and my house.

And, Bowie, you're 26 years old.

You need to take responsibility for your life.

- OLY: He's actually 28. - 28, Mum.

Oh, well, all the more reason.

- Ange? - Yeah?

He takes after you, you know?

Um, what are you doing, Bowie?

I don't know, Angela!

I had some pretty bad news today,

so I don't really feel like doing anything.

- Get up! - No. No, no, no! Get off.

- No, no, no. No, no. - Get up.

Turquoise or teal?

BOWIE: No, I'm sitting here. No. No!

- Oh, maybe chartreuse? - BOWIE: No! I'm staying!

ANGIE: No, I want you to get up, right now!

(YELPS) No!

We think it's terrific.

It's edgy but relatable.

Tell us a little bit more about it.

Yeah, sure. Um...

It's a very personal project of mine, actually.

Um, my daughter was being bullied at school

for being born on a toilet.

(PHONE CHIMES)

She wasn't. She... she was a surprise.

We had her when we were still at high school.

- (PHONE KEYBOARD CLACKS) - So...

I think growing up, for her, she was always aware of

being different, of...

...you know, of having really young parents.

- Um... - (PHONE KEYBOARD CLACKS)

So I made this for her, to encourage her

to love those parts of her that make her different.

- (PHONE CHIMES) - And, uh...

And she really loves it.

And we love it too.

We wanna develop it.

- (PHONE BEEPS) - Really?

Well, it's great IP.

Maybe a kids series first,

spin it off into a game down the track.

- Animated feature. - (SANTI LAUGHS) Wow!

- (MESSAGE WHOOSHES) - OK, amazing. Awesome.

Look, there's just one tiny, um, top-line note, really.

- Maybe two. - OK?

- Couple of commercial things. - Yeah.

How would you feel if it was a little boy?

- (PHONE BEEPS) - Oh!

You see, little boys won't watch a little girl character.

Little girls will watch a little boy character.

What about Bluey?

Everyone watches 'Bluey'.

The exception that proves the rule.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not... Yeah.

Toilet Baby. Um, does she have to - or he -

need to be born in a toilet?

Toilet's a bit, you know...

OLDER MAN: How about a spa?

Um...

- Spas are sexy. - Oh, God.

Um, what about a bath?

(PHONE KEYBOARD CLACKS)

I guess lots of babies are born in baths, right?

YOUNGER MAN: They are.

Yeah, so it could be, like...

(PHONE BEEPS)

...like, Bath Boy.

Perfect.

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

OK. Yeah.

Where do I sign?

What do you do when you hear an ambulance siren coming?

Uh, I don't...

Get left. Immediately get out of its way.

What does that sign mean?

Tunnel coming?

Jesus! It means a speed bump ahead.

Can you cross double white lines?

Uh, I don't think you can, no.

Wrong. Yes, you can.

You can cross two double white lines

when you're going into a driveway.

Uh, what do you have to do every time

before you get out of the car?

Um, you... you stop.

Oh, very funny, Bowie.

No, you have to check your mirrors,

you check your blind spots for cyclists.

- Oh, cyclists, right. - OK, you're in a roundabout.

Are you listening? You're in a roundabout.

There's two lanes. You're in the right lane.

Can you exit left?

- What are you doing? - You're in a roundabout.

- What are you doing, Angela? - They're everywhere, mate.

- You have to know what to do. - What is this?

Bowie, you've been on roads all your life.

BOWIE: What?

If you're in a roundabout, there's two lanes.

- What is going on? - You're in the right lane.

Can you go left? Can you exit left?

(SIGHS) Oh, God.

- OK... - No. Nuh.

- OK, we're here. - No. No, no, no.

- No, no. No, no. - Yes.

- Why... - We're here, Bowie.

(SEATBELT CLICKS)

Mum, no.

Angela, no. Angela!

Come on, out you get.

Out you get.

Bowie, out you get.

(SLOW, KOOKY MUSIC)

(RATTLING)

Fuck. (SIGHS) This is absolutely disgusting.

This hasn't been cleaned since the internet was invented.

Ugh.

- What's that for? - Homework.

Alright. Well, clean it up, please, after.

JJ: I will!

- I've got the protein powder. - Yeah, cool.

- (FRONT DOOR CLOSES) - Um... you have that one.

And do you want... I don't know how much.

Yo.

Dude! Did you get it?

I got it.

Yo!

BOTH: That's heaps good!

Yes!

So it's gonna be a game type of thing?

Yeah, yeah, they have a whole IP strategy, like 'The Witcher'.

They're gonna release the book first

to build a little bit of momentum.

And they're talking about licensing for a game.

- An animated feature. - That's fucking awesome, man!

I mean, 'Toilet Baby'! J's gonna be so stoked.

- Yeah. - ROSA: What's the noise?

Why are we all so happy?

He got the job!

Well, it's a development deal, but...

It's a deal! Ah, congratulations!

Ah, mi amor, que bien!

So 'Toilet Baby', right?

You have to do a Spanish version.

Um, like, um...

...'Beb� de Ba�o' o algo as�.

Yeah, I am gonna have to change,

uh, like, from 'Toilet Baby' to 'Bath Boy'.

Wait, wait, wait. What?

No, wait. Who's Bath Boy?

Well, the main character will now be a boy

who was, you know, born in a bath.

- Oh. - 'Cause they...

Apparently that happens. It's more commercial.

It's what the market's buying.

And... we've got the second baby coming

and Oly's not working, so... we need the money.

Ahh.

What?

Yeah! What? No. Nothing.

SANTI: Hmm?

Feel like you wanna say something.

No, I don't wanna say anything.

You know what, man, like, it's still cool.

- It's cool. - Yeah, dude.

Come on. Congrats, man.

And that's heaps better!

Heaps.

Um, when are...

What's the news with Angie?

Does she has to, like...

(CLICKS TONGUE)

(GROANS)

Yeah, it's really... full on.

She's got months of chemo and immunotherapy.

It's... Yeah, it's not easy.

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

SANTI: Rosa!

(SOFT MUSIC)

Mum, what's wrong?

Nothing's wrong, sweetie.

Are you hungry?

(SIGHS)

- Parents are dumb, Bluey. - (GROWLS PLAYFULLY)

If they don't wanna tell me their stupid secret,

well, I've got a secret too.

You're my secret.

(PUPPY SNUFFLES)

Yes, you are!

(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

Bluey!

I got you a dental stick.

- Here you are. Here you are! - (SNARLS PLAYFULLY)

Uh-oh.

(PUPPY SNARLS PLAYFULLY)

(WHISPERS) Stay in there, Bluey.

(SQUELCH!)

Come on.

Let's go.

What, we're not just gonna take a moment

to celebrate my wondrous victory?

If you'd got it 12 years ago, maybe.

Come on, in you get.

Keys, ignition.

OK.

Come on, you've driven before.

Yeah, like, three times.

I mean, I don't really see the point of this, like...

You know, they're gonna have

self-driving cars and stuff by the time that I'm...

What, you're 45?

Come on, drive. Into the ignition.

Handbrake off.

- (STARTS ENGINE) - Handbrake, handbrake.

Handbrake off and into reverse. Just press that button there.

And right indicator.

- OK... - Right indicator.

No, no. The right. On the right.

- No, the right indicator. - (GROANS)

- That's the windscreen wiper. - (BOWIE SIGHS)

- Put your foot on the pedal. - (INDICATOR CLICKS)

No, not that. The other pedal.

- That one. - Yes.

OK, you're gonna press down slow there. Go.

(INDICATOR CLICKS STEADILY)

Mum...

...what are you doing?

Just pretend I'm not here.

Just do what you'd do if I wasn't here.

(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

- (ENGINE REVS) - (TYRES SCREECH)

BOWIE: Ahh!

ANGIE: Ohh!

- BOWIE: Going forward... - ANGIE: Bowie!

- No! - In forward motion.

- Bowie, no, just go sl... Ahh! - (TYRES SQUEAL)

- Mum, just... - (ENGINE REVS)

- ANGIE: Oh, my God! - BOWIE: It's not funny!

- (BOWIE SHRIEKS) - ANGIE: Bowie!

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(WRY MUSIC)

(GAS HISSES)

I thought you'd know what to do.

I just thought you needed some encouragement...

...so you could trust your instincts.

BOWIE: Why would you think that?

Driving is not an instinct!

I just need to be sure

that I have taught you everything that you need.

- For what? - To survive without me.

Well, you definitely haven't, so...

Bowie, you need a life skill.

At least one.

I have a range of life skills!

Oh, OK. Name one.

That's not... That's not fair.

- No, I'm not... - Bowie.

I should be able to die knowing that you'll be fine.

Are you serious?

You're talking about dying

and your biggest concern is that I'm a fuck-up?

Yes! Both of you, actually, right now.

Both of us what?

Yeah, Mum's concerned that we're both fuck-ups

who are somehow ruining her ability to die happy.

I mean, I paraphrase, but that's the fuckin' gist!

What?

Mum, that's not fair. Bowie is the fuck-up.

Look at what he just did to Edie's car.

I'm just temporarily unemployed and pregnant.

Oly, you are moping around

and you are feeling sorry for yourself.

No, I am not!

You are! What did you do today?

Organise bookshelves?

By colour gradient!

- Get a job! - Mum!

Oly, you're miserable!

Life is short, you just...

You love working!

I also have a sick child at home

who, by the way, would love to know what's going on with you.

No, not yet.

OLY: Well, we should probably tell her soon.

And no-one's called me back.

No-one's gonna hire me because I'm pregnant.

And you're sick.

And I've lost my career.

And I'm gonna be forever raising children!

Oh, come on!

Just get some temp work.

Or go and talk to Shauna.

She can't sack you because you reported on her.

That is unfair dismissal.

So just go and tell her that you want your job back.

Harden up!

OK.

Mum,

are you OK?

I just need to know

that you guys are gonna be alright without me.

Oh... Mum...

Mum, Mum, you're not dying dying.

Oh, you heard the doctor.

The odds aren't great, are they?

And if either one of you tell me to be positive,

I swear to God I will smash this car again.

(SANTI KNOCKS) Hello?

Ahh!

Someone's feeling better, huh?

Yep.

SANTI: That's good.

Bedtime in 15 minutes, OK?

(SNIFFS)

What's that smell?

I can't smell anything.

Hmm.

Maybe something died in the roof.

Let me open up a window for you.

You know, J, you told Mum you were gonna clean up the cubby.

Tomorrow.

Hey, J.

You know Toilet Baby?

How would you feel

if, say... she was a boy?

She's a girl.

No, I know, but let's just say,

hypothetically,

that she is a boy.

That would still be kinda cool, right?

No way.

Hmm.

(PUPPY WHINES)

What is that?

(PUPPY WHINES)

What is that?!

Uh, nothing.

- J... - (PUPPY YAPS)

Oh, my God! J!

- OLY: Oh, my God! - JJ: Bluey!

Where did it come from?

She, not it. She's Bluey.

I found her outside the doctor's today.

What, she... she was lost?

Technically, no.

Oh...

Hang on. J, you stole a dog?

No, Jacinda, you cannot steal dogs!

(WHINES)

I don't want the baby anymore.

The baby made you all weird.

No-one's telling me anything.

- (PUPPY YAPS) - Oh, J...

(EXHALES STRONGLY) Baby, the...

People aren't being weird because of the baby.

Then why were we all at the doctor's?

(PUPPY YAPS)

J, the baby's gonna be fine.

Um... yeah, the baby's gonna be great.

People are being weird because of other stuff.

What other stuff?

Hmm...

It's adult stuff, J.

(SIGHS) Yeah. Yep.

Yeah.

(PUPPY YAPS)

SANTI: You stole a dog!

Mmm, we're gonna have to find the owners first thing, OK?

What's that smell?

(SNIFFS)

(PLAYFUL MUSIC)

(SANTI EXHALES)

- (OLY SNIFFS) - (PUPPY GRUMBLES)

SANTI AND OLY: Ohh!

- OLY: Jacinda! - J!

- (GIGGLES) - SANTI: Come on!

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

OLY: You're gonna have to incinerate those blankets.

Oly?

You OK?

You seem really down.

OLY: Yeah, well...

SANTI: Are you regretting getting pregnant?

OLY: I don't know how to answer that today.

(BIRDS CHIRP AND WARBLE)

(PUPPY YAPS)

- (KETTLE WHISTLES) - (PUPPY GRUMBLES PLAYFULLY)

Aww, so cute!

Ohh, such a sweetie! Yes!

SANTI: You know, the owner seemed

really pissed off on the phone, guys.

Yeah, well, their puppy was just stolen

by a delinquent child, so...

SANTI: You know, I still don't understand

how none of you realised there was a dog in the house

the entire day.

EDIE: You've met Dom, Santi.

Oh, bloody hell! I mean, there's crusts on this.

I've spent all day looking after a sick child

and all I cop is criticism.

Can you guys please shut up?

Yeah, guys. No, come on.

Mum doesn't need the stress right now.

Bowie, don't cotton-wool me.

- I'm a full-grown human. - (PHONE CHIMES)

Yeah, well, your children are lost fuckin' causes.

SANTI: Oly. Oly.

- They're here. - Yes!

OLY: They're here.

- DOM: They're here. - SANTI: JJ.

Get Biscuit ready. Come on.

Hi. Please, come in.

We're, uh, really sorry about the misunderstanding.

Hi, I'm Oly.

We think what's happened is that our daughter

thought that it was her puppy.

Does she have a puppy?

She, uh... She d... No.

No. No.

J, would you like to come give Biscuit back, please?

Her name's Bluey.

- His name... is Biscuit. - Come on, J.

Well, I don't think the dog cares about its pronouns, but...

Come on, J.

- OLY: Good girl. - (BISCUIT GRUMBLES)

Give Biscuit back.

- Thank you. - And, J, what do we say?

What's your name, sweetie?

Jacinda.

That dates.

J, come on. Apologise.

We've got a lot going on as a family.

I think it's affecting her behaviour.

- Is this paint? - Oh...

- Uh... - Is it paint?

Yes, we thought...

...maybe the dog came with that.

Why would we paint our dog?

Look how young they are. I'm not surprised.

BOTH: Excuse me?

WOMAN: Oh, no. Sorry.

You're doing a really great job of being parents.

Your child stole our puppy.

- OK, she's a little girl. - We could press charges!

Oh, FUCK OFF, lady!

You've got your dog back.

Chill out, you know?

MAN: Hey!

There is no need to talk to my wife like that!

- Whoa. You need to relax. - I can speak for myself, Boyd.

What is wrong with you people?!

Our mum has cancer.

And nobody's dealing with it very well.

Oh, well, that's convenient.

- Sorry? - What?

"Mum has cancer!"

Did the dog eat your homework too?

OK, you know what, mate?

Would you like to see a medical certificate?

Or maybe you'd like to speak on the phone to her oncologist?

Should we show you her scans?

Our mother's dying, arsehole!

What kind of people bully a dying woman's family?

I might only have a few months to live.

I don't know how you can sleep.

Hope you're feeling really good about yourselves.

OLY: You don't deserve that beautiful puppy!

OK, I think we're gonna wrap this up.

If you guys are happy you got your dog?

If you're happy, let's get out.

DOM: I possibly have cancer of the armpit!

- OLY: Dad! - What?

I think you should apologise.

- Please. - Apology!

- It's OK. - DOM: Go on!

- Do it! - (BISCUIT YAPS)

Hope you're OK! Let's get outta here.

DOM: How about a reward for the safe return of...

WOMAN: Oh, my God.

We'll take any currency! Bitcoin?

- (ALL LAUGH) - SANTI: Guys!

- Guys! - "My mother's dying, arsehole!"

SANTI: Jesus Christ, guys! No, no!

Oh, come on! Come on!

- (ALL LAUGH) - Thanks, Boz.

BOWIE: Those guys are arseholes. You guys are great parents!

- Are you OK? - SANTI: Yes, OK.

I appreciate it, that was funny.

You know it's been six weeks and I still don't feel pregnant?

I've had no changes, no cravings.

No morning sickness. Nothing.

SANTI: Guys.

(DOM AND BOWIE LAUGH)

Oh, J.

Is Grangie dying?

SANTI: Oh. JJ, come here.

That's not what's happening, puchita.

No, she's not going anywhere.

Oh, God.

There it is.

(VOMITS)

(OLY GAGS)

(SLOW, QUIRKY MUSIC)

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