Original subtitles

♪ See the lady in the street car light ♪

♪ Color a la Toulouse ♪

♪ Television and the red red wine ♪

♪ So won't you tell me ♪

♪ Won't you tell me the truth ♪

♪ Are you old enough ♪

♪ Are you old enough ♪

♪ Are you old enough, ooh ooh ♪

♪ Are you old enough ♪

♪ Are you old enough ♪

♪ Are you old enough ♪

♪ Are you old enough ♪

♪ Are you old enough ♪

- [Roger] Pamello, why is the child

still in bed on a school morning?

- Well, darling, I went to wake her and I just couldn't.

I mean, look at her.

She's so beautiful.

You shouldn't wake beautiful women, Roger, you know that.

- I thought she'd be jumping out of bed

now that Debbie's back.

- Debbie's back!

- Thanks, what's on it?

- [Judy] Your favorite.

- Whose favorite?

- My favorite.

Devon and sauce.

- [Judy] You're up.

- Yes, it has become apparent

that I am now standing in a vertical fashion.

- Terrific, because we are all so looking forward

to hearing about what you've got planned for your life

ever since you ejected yourself

from the greatest opportunity you've ever been given.

- We sure are!

- Well, I haven't really got much to say yet.

Other than, can you pass the Coco Pops?

Thank you.

- I saw a sign in the window

of the bakery, looking for help.

Maybe you could make finger buns for the next 40 years.

- Morning.

You going to school?

- Yeah, seems a week in her pajamas was enough.

School is part of my plan, Mum.

- You can't just land on people's laps and say, "I'm here!"

Have you told Mrs. Grantham that you're coming?

Oh, this day is already giving me a headache.

- Sweetheart, I'll drive you.

- Hey! - Hey!

(students applauding)

- Settle down, settle down.

What are you doing here, Vickers?

- Um, I left my other school, so I came back.

- Disappointing.

I present to you the wonders of physics.

A ball, a green field, and 13 of the most incredible.

- What did Mrs. Grantham say?

- Same as everyone.

Disappoint, disappointing, disappointing.

- I didn't let anyone sit in your seat while you were gone.

- Well, I wore the same pair of socks for a week

after I saw you to demonstrate

the appropriate level of grief.

- You're a disgusting disgrace, Debbie Vickers.

- Girls!

Now, when a football travels through the air,

it follows a curved, or parabolic,

path because the downward direction of the ball

is influenced by the force of gravity.

Here we are, watch this.

Watching?

- Come on, the Sharks.

Come on, the Sharkies!

- Oh! - Yes!

- How is that for a parabolic.

- Wonder how long Candy's been perving on Vicki for?

- [Mr. Candy] The force of gravity could never

alter the horizontal velocity.

- She's been in sick bay for weeks.

Now all the girls wanna get up the duff

so they can get off class too.

- Wonder if he used to perv on her in here.

- Wonder if she's ever sucked him off at school.

- Ugh, brain, please, rub that out!

- Girls!

- Ow, sir!

- Get up here, Vickers.

- [Sports Announcer] Beautiful drive and a half.

(chair scraping drowns out speech)

Only about 10 minutes ago.

(footsteps drown out speech)

Right back into the game now.

- Kiss the screen.

- What, no, why?

- Because every day since Year 7 science,

all I have heard is the continual

chatter-chatter-chatter of you and Sue Knight

scratching about each other like two old chooks.

You're back now, and that old, familiar sound

is making my face twitch.

- You're watching the footy.

- I'm teaching you a valuable lesson

about a man and his game.

Now, kiss it.

Kiss the Sharks.

Kiss the Sharks.

(students laughing)

(student whistles)

Welcome back, Vickers.

- Tracey's got crabs.

- [Debbie] True?

- [Sue] That's what the boys reckon.

- Hey, Sue!

I looked up the word spunk in the dictionary...

- Bye.

- So, is Woody your boyfriend or not?

- Mm, it's this equal mix of root me, I think you're funny

and piss off, you're annoying me sort of feeling.

- Sue Knight!

I think you're in love.

- Bruce, shark!

What are you doing?

- Fishing.

- But there's no water.

How'd you even pass your birth certificate?

Well, at least it is good to see you fishing again, mate.

- Just trying to keep my mind off shooting up.

Keeps on creeping back in.

- Like the Blob, growing all over your brain.

- Nothing can destroy the Blob.

Nothing.

Not fire, not water.

Not even bullets! (laughs) - Even bullets!

- Worst movie.

But you can, Brucey.

Son of Blob.

(curious music)

- Bloody hell.

What a sorry sight you are!

- I'd like you to leave.

- Yeah?

Well, chase me out.

- Fuck you.

- Go on, let yourself be angry, Graham.

Isn't that what you say when you're poisoning

my wife with your fuckin' hippie shit?

- Some people find it helps.

- God, I can't believe you have a dick.

- Well, ask your wife about it.

She knows it's there.

- You need to tell her that it's over.

She's bad luck for you.

And you don't need any more bad luck, do you?

- No.

- Lose gracefully.

Otherwise I'll come in one night,

(Graham groans)

extract your upper rights,

maybe a lower cuspid or two as well.

You understand?

Good.

- [Judy] You could have at least ironed your school shirt.

- If you're wondering how school went?

- I wasn't.

I've given up on wondering.

- Well, it went alright.

- Well, you should be happy that you can now erase

the whole All Saints experience from your memory.

- I'm sorry, Mum.

About the way it happened.

- It's over to you now, Debbie.

For better or for worse, you are in charge of your life.

- I missed you.

- More than Gary, less than Sue?

- As much as.

- I missed you, too.

Hello!

- What you reckon, Mrs. Vickers?

You should have seen it.

Mum asked Greg to come home and ask Dad

if he could have my hand or some shit,

and then Dad goes, "I'll shoot him!"

But then Greg goes, "I've got Sharks season tickets,"

and now he loves him.

They're best mates.

- Congratulations, Mrs. Candy.

- You're marrying Greg Candy?

- Shit, yeah.

- Vicki, have you thought this through?

He's almost twice your age.

- I've been dreaming of it my whole life.

We gotta get married quick too,

before my belly gets too fat for the piccies.

- You're pregnant too?

- Shotgun!

- Money cat, money cat.

Where'd all the money go, money cat?

- (laughs) Roger Knight's losing the plot.

- No, no, no.

Roger Knight's losing money hand over fist.

So I'm asking this penny-pinching smarmy little bugger

what happened to all the dough

we were meant to be raking in, according to you?

- Well, darling, all I remember is the little guy

said one paw is for good luck and one paw is for wealth.

- Oh, yeah?

Well, which one is it, hm?

Which paw?

Tell me or I'll sell ya.

- Oh, darling, don't sell him.

That might be bad luck.

- Bye-bye, money.

Bye-bye, now.

- So I guess this makes you a bridesmaid.

- Guess this makes you a hairy slut-breath.

- Knew you were gonna say that.

- Moll.

- And that.

- Cheryl, I wanted to ask you if you'd like a cup of tea.

- Nah, I'm alright, thanks.

- I said, would you like a cup of tea?

- (laughs) Where did you get this from?

- Angus & Coote.

You know, just because Debbie's back,

doesn't mean I still don't think you're the best,

chuck out all the rest.

You know, the rest being Debbie.

- Thanks, sprog.

It's the grousest ring I've ever got.

(waves crashing)

- [Roger] Morning, girls.

- Morning.

- [Roger] How you going?

- Not bad.

- Have a good one.

Nice day, eh?

- Beautiful.

- Pammy!

Bikinis!

Do you know what I love?

I love bikinis.

- Bikinis?

- You're looking at my I've just had

the most incredible idea face.

- Oh, I see.

- It involves your Janome.

- Which one?

This one or that one out there?

- That first one first, and then the second one second.

(bright music)

Show me your Janome.

(both giggling)

- Something old?

- [Cheryl] Your husband?

- Nah.

I got a shell necklace.

Greg reckons shells are real old.

- [Debbie] All right, something new.

- [Cheryl] Sprog in your guts.

- Yeah, true.

- You need something borrowed.

- Well, you already owe me 10 bucks.

- Perf.

- And something blue.

- The way she's gonna feel

when it comes out looking like Danny.

- Shut up, you moll, or you can't be bridesmaid.

- Who else is gonna be one?

- Told my sisters they're too fat.

So just you three.

- What about me?

- You're not a blonde.

- Debbie, your girlfriend wants you.

You got her a Chiko Roll too?

- Shut up.

- Turkish delight?

Hazelnut whirl?

- If I can't unwrap the things myself,

because my own fucking hands don't work properly,

then it's a shitty fucking thing to bring, don't you think?

- People understand you're going through a dark patch.

I think that orange chocolate delight is my favorite.

Try it.

- Just get away from me.

You're a cane toad, Yvonne.

And you jumped into my life with your leathery skin

and your wide, unassuming smile

and then you just spat poison

all over me from your deathly neck glands.

- Gray-Gray?

Gray-Gray, what's happened?

Are you depressed?

I think you're depressed.

- I want you and your disgusting cane toad of a husband

to hop out that door and never think of me again.

- But I'm your soul mate.

You told me what we have is true love.

- Just hop the bloody fuck outta here.

- Are you breaking up with me?

- I wish I'd never met you.

- If you're trying to free me...

- Oh, go on!

Hop, hop, hop!

(knocking)

- Vonnie?

Have you fallen in or something?

- I'll be out in a minute.

♪ Julia ♪

♪ Julia ♪

♪ Brush your hair and think about you ♪

- Sorry, darling, I'm not feeling very well.

- Is it Graham?

- He told me not to visit him in the hospital anymore.

Or ever again, was his sentiment.

- Oh, poor little Vonnie.

Always wanting to be liked.

Who's that in the mirror?

- Oh, Ferris, I look terrible.

- I'm talking about the handsome bloke standing behind you.

That is your husband, standing here,

waiting for you.

Now, what do you say?

You reckon we can rebuild this train wreck?

- Yes.

- Say it again, my darling.

- Yes. - Yes.

(lips smacking)

Come on.

Let's go downstairs, I'll open some wine.

You can get the dinner on.

We'll have a night in, hm?

- [Yvonne] Yeah, that sounds like a lovely idea.

- Ferris knows how to make it better.

(doorbell rings)

- Oh.

I was expecting the postman.

I was expecting my friend Gavin, bringing back my comics.

I was expecting my mother returning home early

from Franklins 'cause she'd forgotten her purse.

I was expecting Johnny Young more than I was expecting you.

- Surprise?

- Why are you here, Sue?

Did Debbie die?

- I wanted to tell you that you can

go round with me if you want.

- You can't ask.

I'm the guy, I ask.

- Cripes, I'm not asking!

I'm saying that if you happened to ask me

to go round with you in the next five minutes,

be a higher chance that I'd say yes

than there ever has been before.

- Okay, well, thanks for the warning.

- Well, you gonna ask me?

- In my own time.

- Oh!

- Come on in.

If I was your boyfriend,

would you talk to me in front of your friends?

- I'm not ruling anything out.

You could be my date to Vicki's wedding.

- Are you gonna hold my hand?

- At times.

- Are you lifting the French kissing ban?

- Yeah.

(gentle music)

- Sue Knight, will you go round with me?

- Um, yeah, alright.

(candy fizzing)

(Sue groaning)

(Cheryl groaning)

(girl groaning)

(Vicki groaning)

(girls laughing)

- That was Danny.

- Like that, except it's like he's trying

to answer a really hard question.

Like, (groans). (girls laughing)

- Jonno's the worst.

- Such a dud root.

- Dead root.

- Tongue like a lipstick.

It's like.

- Hey, Mum!

Where's me garter?

- How would I know?

Youse look beautiful!

I'm gonna get the camera.

♪ I know I got the feel but I don't know why ♪

- You're so lucky.

I had to get up the duff to get tits like you.

- You're gonna have to keep getting up the duff to keep 'em.

- Say cheese!

- [All] Cheese!

- [Man] Give us your money!

Get on the fucking ground!

- Weak act.

Get lost, I'm trying to tie a Windsor.

- Pretend like you're packing death.

- Oh, help me, I'm packing death.

- Gaz, get on the fuckin' ground!

- [Gary] Ooh, oh, don't shoot, don't shoot!

- If you were a fish and chip shop in Botany,

you'd be shaking in your boots right now.

- Don't do this, Brucey.

You're gonna get busted, trust me.

- You should come with us.

We'll give you a cut.

- No way, I've got a wedding to go to.

- [Bruce] Stacks on!

- [Gary] I'm wearing a suit.

I'm wearing a suit!

Piss off!

(gun fires)

(birds squawking)

Shit!

- Works.

- Vicki seems attentive but is not sure

of basic religious truths.

(crowd laughing)

Talks too much, but not in French.

Vicki is very disruptive

and talks continuously during class.

Room to improve.

Room to improve.

Room to improve.

Seems to be a pattern forming here.

Room to improve.

- Oh, sir, that's slack!

- Vicki, I don't see any room for improvement.

I've loved you since Year 7.

(Sue laughs)

And I'm gonna keep loving you

until we grow old and gray together.

Or at least until I do.

(crowd laughs)

- I'm so fuckin' happy, eh?

- So, bottoms up to my wife.

(crowd cheering)

- [Vicki] Woo!

♪ You light up my life ♪

♪ You give me hope ♪

♪ To carry on ♪

♪ You light up my days ♪

♪ And fill my night ♪

♪ With song ♪

♪ Rollin' at sea, ♪

♪ Adrift on the water ♪

- Hey, Mum.

- I don't know what you're smiling at in that dress.

- It's Vicki's.

How's Nathan?

- Pretty shit.

Still waiting on a date for his trial.

- I don't care about him.

I was talking about little Nathan.

- Your brother hardly knows who you are anymore.

♪ To be all alone ♪

♪ You light up my life ♪

(Sue gags)

(vomit splashes)

- Oopsie.

So, you and Woody are cute together.

I can see why you like him.

He seems fun.

Flush.

(Sue groans)

- Oh, it reeks in here!

- Sue Knight can't hold her piss!

- [Vicki] Oh, move, I'm gonna spew.

- [Sue] Oh, Deb, it's happening again.

- [Vicki] Hold my veil!

- Slag.

- Bitch.

- Spaz.

- Tard.

- Dog.

♪ You and me ♪

♪ We're taking a trip ♪

- I love being up the duff.

Everyone's always telling you to put your feet up,

and that you're glowing and stuff.

It's a winning ticket.

- Yep.

- Could it be possible that I'm actually jealous of Vicki?

I just love Gary so much that sometimes I feel

like I can't hold him tight enough

and I just want our cells to merge or something.

- You realize the only way your cells can merge

grows into something that will

follow you around for the rest of your life?

- Rattled my keys on the bar to make me look 18,

then I made up a conversation with the bar lady

about a car that I don't own and she gave me free drinks.

So smooth!

- Uh, there's a tab on the bar.

- He's a strange kind of funny.

- [Sue] Mm.

- [Cheryl] Debbie Vickers.

- [Debbie] What?

- It's curfew.

Gotta go home.

- Go home, then.

To your own home where your own mum is.

Oh, but that's right, she doesn't want you.

- Well, yours does.

- You must realize by now that the only reason

my family are pretending to tolerate you in my house

is because my mum feels sorry for you.

- Well, she likes me more than you.

- You're so up yourself.

- And your dad asked me to go diving.

Muff diving.

- [Man] Check out Cheryl!

- Oh!

- [Man] Ain't no bloke here hasn't seen those tits!

Granny bra!

- He's not a bad boyfriend, I suppose.

- Perhaps even a good one?

- Then I shall keep him.

- You shall keep him.

To love!

- To love.

(all laughing)

Come to mine in the morning, for breakfast.

- [Debbie] All right!

Sleep well, ma cherie!

(Woody yells)

- [Gary] You've lost it.

Hey.

- I'm getting dizzy.

You know you nearly ruined this.

- Don't think about it.

- Can't really help that.

- Come here.

(gentle music)

Don't move.

Don't ever move.

- I won't ever move.

(both laughing)

- [Gary] Ah! (Debbie shrieks)

(moaning)

- Stop that.

Get out of here!

Go on, get out!

Judy!

(Sue clears throat)

- Oh, oh.

Darling, what did I tell you

about standing at the end of the bed

like that kid from "The Exorcist"?

- Can I ask your permission about something?

- You alright, possum?

- Can Woody stay the night?

As in last night.

- Oh, is Woody here?

- We came back from the wedding and we were talking

and I don't know what happened.

We dozed off.

- Oh, you can't wake a man from sleep

and spring things on him.

A second ago I was fast asleep, and now I feel sprung upon.

- I didn't want you to wake up and get a shock.

- Well, sweetheart, you should have asked us beforehand.

But you know I've always said

I'd much rather you under our roof

than sneaking around somewhere.

So you're not in trouble.

As long as Woody promises to stay for breakfast, okay?

- Thanks, Mum.

- Stay for breakfast?

What are you talking about?

Now I've gotta wait on that little mongrel?

- We may as well get to know him.

- Why?

- Sprog.

- You no longer have the privilege of calling me that.

- What are you doing?

- I want my ring back.

I want my ring back.

- Bloody hell! (Debbie screams)

Fuck!

- [Debbie] Jesus.

- [Gary] Shit.

- [Bruce] Sorry, man.

- Bruce, you can't come in here!

- [Gary] What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Get the fuck out!

- I can't.

I really can't.

My stash is under your bed.

- That's the best place you could think of to put it?

- Yeah.

- [Gary] What is all this?

- Stuff we got from the fish and chip shop last night.

Mate, it went off without a hitch.

You should have seen it, Hennessy.

It was perf.

Honestly, best night of my life.

- I'm glad.

- I think I might get going.

(eggs sizzling)

- Woody, how do you like your eggs, sweetheart?

- Sunny side up.

- Sunny side up!

- Sunny side up, darling.

- Sunny side up it is.

- Despite what you just did, I think you're doing great.

Right, that's me off!

See you later, alligators.

Mwah!

See you, Woody!

(soft bright music)

- Thank you, Mr. Knight.

So, do you prefer Mr. Knight or Roger?

Or Rog?

- h, Debbie!

(both blow raspberry)

Toast eggs?

- Egg and toast.

- Sue, where are you going?

Don't leave me alone with him!

(Cheryl crying)

- Cheryl, slow down.

Before you do anything, we need to talk.

- Debbie's back now.

You don't need me here anymore.

- Darling, we like having you here.

- Stop pretending!

I know you all think I'm some low-life slut.

And I am, so just let me be one.

- So, where are you going to go?

- I don't know.

Maybe I'll find some schoolteacher

who can get me pregnant and I'll pop out

a couple of sprogs and get fat with Vicki.

She's never been so happy.

- No way, Jose.

You can put these things

back on the rack. - I don't want to!

I won't.

I don't wanna live here anymore!

You are all so boring.

And I'm not like you.

And I'm sick of sleeping on the floor like some dog.

- But you're doing so well.

Your marks are so good, Cheryl...

- You think my mum cares about school?

Or what I'm gonna be?

She doesn't, and that's fine.

That's just who we are.

You're not my family.

- Who does David ask for

on the football field every Saturday morning?

- Me.

- What color are Martin's socks?

- Brown.

He only has brown.

- What happens when the news comes on?

- David has to take a bath.

- [Judy] And does he want to?

- No.

- [Judy] What does he wanna do?

- Watch "Doctor Who."

- Is he allowed?

Well, it sounds like you're family to me.

- Two, three, four, five, six, seven.

What's going on?

- Um, Cheryl rooted a guy in your bed.

- What?

Mum!

- Debbie, you promised me that you'd be home

straight after the wedding, and now here you are,

just strolling in like it was yesterday.

Where have you been?

- I can tell you where I haven't been.

I haven't been here, rooting a guy on my bed.

- Well, Cheryl is very sorry about that.

And I know that she has a few things

that she would like to say to you.

- I'm really sorry, Debbie.

- Sorry?

What a fucking joke.

You know what, you took the blanket

away from me and Gary when we were outside

on the trampoline even though we said we were cold,

because you don't trust me.

Dad said, "Not under my roof,"

when I was sitting with my knees up at the table.

And you said I'd be out on my ear

when I said I wanted to drop a unit of English.

- Well, obviously that's not working,

so I'm trying something new.

- [Debbie] What would happen if I did it?

- [Judy] I don't know.

- What would happen if I did it, Mum?

- I don't know.

You are a complete stranger to me.

I don't know what to do with you anymore.

- What happened when Cheryl did it?

She got a hug.

Ever since I got back, I can't work out

if everything's the same or if it's different.

Or maybe I'm different.

I can't tell.

I really can't.

All I know is that my head is spinning

and everything seems to be fighting against me being here.

Mum.

Cheryl.

School is completely pointless.

I think they're all sinking.

They're sinking into this place, you know?

- We're not sinking.

I won't let us sink.

- You're the only person who makes sense to me.

- I need you too.

Or else who's gonna hold my hair

back off my face when I spew?

(both laugh)

It's you and me, Debbie Vickers.

You and me against the world.

- Don't you mean it's me and you?

- No, I insist.

It's you and me.

- Me and you.

- No, you and me.

- Me and you!

- No, you and me!

(both laughing)

It's you and me.

- Come on, it's me and you.

- It's you and me.

- It's us.

(uneasy music)