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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,240 Ladies and gentlemen! 2 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,639 Eddie Murphy! 3 00:03:42,996 --> 00:03:49,395 Thank you. Thank you so much. Two times, far two times. 4 00:03:49,875 --> 00:03:55,875 Before I even get started how about a big round of applause for the Bus Boys. 5 00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:15,033 There's some rules, I got some rules when I show down and I do my standup, I got rules and shit. 6 00:04:15,073 --> 00:04:19,553 Faggots aren't allowed to look at my ass while I'm on stage! 7 00:04:24,272 --> 00:04:27,214 That's why I keep moving while I'm up here. 8 00:04:27,477 --> 00:04:31,455 You don't know where the faggot section is, you gotta keep movin'. 9 00:04:31,592 --> 00:04:37,391 So if they do see it, quick, you switch, they don't get no long stares at your shit... 10 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:40,151 ... so that their imagination is flowing about my... 11 00:04:40,951 --> 00:04:44,551 I know when you're looking, 'cos my ass starts to get hot. 12 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:49,310 I'm afraid of gay people. Petrified. I have nightmares about gay people. 13 00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:55,310 I have this nightmare that I go to Hollywood and find out that Mr. T is a faggot. 14 00:04:56,070 --> 00:05:01,509 Really, and he'd be walking up to people going: "Hey, boy! Hey, boy! " 15 00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:06,349 "You look mighty cute in them jeans! " 16 00:05:11,069 --> 00:05:17,108 "Now come on over here, and fuck me up the ass! " 17 00:05:19,628 --> 00:05:22,548 "I'm gonna bend over now! " 18 00:05:29,187 --> 00:05:33,907 "Hey, boy, slow down! You're gonna miss the round, and come too fast! " 19 00:05:34,147 --> 00:05:38,546 "You make me get get mad I clench up my buttcheeks and rip your dick of! " 20 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:48,545 You know who would be a funny faggot? Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton! 21 00:05:49,145 --> 00:05:56,345 Ralph Kramden leaning out the window and: "Norton! Come on down, I wanna show you somethin'!" 22 00:05:58,465 --> 00:06:01,064 "Ralphie-boy, whaddaya say there pal of mine? " 23 00:06:01,344 --> 00:06:04,744 "You know Norton, I've been watching you. 24 00:06:05,744 --> 00:06:11,144 And I know you've been watching me. You watch me! I know!" 25 00:06:11,303 --> 00:06:12,783 "So, Ralph, what are you gettin' at?" 26 00:06:12,943 --> 00:06:19,063 "Norton, my friend! How would you like to fuck me up the ass?" 27 00:06:19,903 --> 00:06:22,063 "I know you wanna fuck me, Norton!" 28 00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:26,542 "And you know that I know that you know that I know that you wanna fuck me!" 29 00:06:26,742 --> 00:06:33,102 "Now I'm gonna bend over, and when I do, start fuckin'!" 30 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,701 "Here I go! " 31 00:06:49,380 --> 00:06:52,540 "Way to go there, Ralphie-boy!" 32 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:57,700 I kid the homosexuals a lot, 'cos they're homosexuals. 33 00:06:59,259 --> 00:07:04,019 I fuck with everybody. I don't give a fuck if they're... Just like I'm... I don't mean anything by it. 34 00:07:04,179 --> 00:07:05,499 You can hang out with a gay person. 35 00:07:06,619 --> 00:07:09,899 Them guys don't feel, you know, alienated, like, gay people, 'cos they're gay. 36 00:07:09,939 --> 00:07:13,138 You can play tennis with a gay person. Really! 37 00:07:13,378 --> 00:07:15,698 Just after the game you say: "I'm gonna get a beer, what's you gonna do? " 38 00:07:15,738 --> 00:07:19,138 "I think I'm gonna suck some guy's dick. " "Well, I'll see you later!" 39 00:07:21,418 --> 00:07:24,057 "You go suck that dick, I'm gonna have the beer. " 40 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:27,737 Ladies are hip to it too. Ladies be hanging out with gay people. 41 00:07:27,977 --> 00:07:31,217 Ladies say: "Gay men are the best friends I have! " 42 00:07:31,657 --> 00:07:34,137 "'cos they don't want anything from you, you don't want anything from them, you just hang out, 43 00:07:34,297 --> 00:07:37,776 you can be with them and get fun and just talk to them and all that bullshit, maybe hanging out with them. 44 00:07:38,336 --> 00:07:41,494 You know what's really scary about it? That new AIDS shit. 45 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:44,691 AIDS is scary 'cos it kills motherfuckers, AIDS! 46 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:49,091 That ain't like the good ol' days when venereal disease was simple. 47 00:07:49,431 --> 00:07:54,103 In the good old days, you got gonorhea, you dick hurt, go get a shot, cleared right up. 48 00:07:54,255 --> 00:07:58,135 Then they came out with herpes, you keep that shit forever like luggage. 49 00:08:03,054 --> 00:08:06,054 And now they got AIDS, that just kills motherfuckers. 50 00:08:06,127 --> 00:08:10,894 I say what's next, I guess you just put your dick in it and explodes! 51 00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:25,852 And the girl would be on the bed: "Maybe I should see a doctor about it... " 52 00:08:26,932 --> 00:08:31,252 Kills people! It petrifies me 'cos girls be hanging out with them. 53 00:08:31,492 --> 00:08:35,331 One night they could be in the club having fun with their gayfriend, give them a little kiss. 54 00:08:35,411 --> 00:08:37,291 And go home with AIDS on their lips! 55 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,211 And then when her husband, like five years later. 56 00:08:41,451 --> 00:08:44,771 "AIDS?! But I'm not homosexual!" 57 00:08:45,611 --> 00:08:48,370 "Sure you're not homosexual... " 58 00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:56,210 All the diseases scare me 'cos I'm like these... these are fuck years for me, like I'm... 59 00:08:56,930 --> 00:09:00,609 I'm in my sexual prime, this, I fuck now! 60 00:09:03,049 --> 00:09:06,489 These are the years to fuck! This is when you do your best fucking. 61 00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:12,168 And you just start to learn your body and getting it on your shoulders on to fuck... 62 00:09:12,528 --> 00:09:16,168 Like 18 year olds, let me hear you all in the audience! 63 00:09:17,568 --> 00:09:20,728 See y'all don't know how to fuck yet, see. 64 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:30,471 You get 22. You start movin' all this shit. 65 00:09:31,064 --> 00:09:34,095 Makin' faces, ever made them fuck faces its a cool motherfucking thing. 66 00:09:39,926 --> 00:09:43,126 You don't do that when you're 18. There's just 1 expression 'cos you be surprised you fuckin'. 67 00:09:49,765 --> 00:09:53,045 Plus you don't have no dick control when you're 18! 68 00:09:53,525 --> 00:09:58,245 Ever been sitting around when you was young man, just sitting in class, your dick gets hard for nothing? 69 00:09:59,284 --> 00:10:02,724 You be just sitting there and your dick's here: "What's going on out there?" 70 00:10:04,684 --> 00:10:08,484 That's when the teacher say: "Mr Murphy, would you come over by the board?" 71 00:10:09,324 --> 00:10:13,603 "No, that's allright. I'll take the zero. " 72 00:10:14,949 --> 00:10:16,309 Really, no dick control at all. 73 00:10:16,323 --> 00:10:18,390 It's even hard to find the pussy when you're 18. 74 00:10:18,391 --> 00:10:21,265 Ever had that guys? You'd be searching for the pussy down there. 75 00:10:21,723 --> 00:10:27,642 And your dick be sliding down and shit, and the girl be going: "That's not it... " 76 00:10:33,042 --> 00:10:35,601 "Is there any problem? " "No, ain't no problem, baby. " 77 00:10:36,721 --> 00:10:40,041 "You got a shoe horn or some shit like that?" 78 00:10:46,801 --> 00:10:51,760 And this is the business to be in if you want some pussy. That's why I got in show bussiness, for pussy. 79 00:10:52,790 --> 00:10:56,600 I figured, if Jimmy Walker can fuck, I'm fucking everybody. 80 00:11:00,867 --> 00:11:02,045 And it's like that too. 81 00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:06,079 When you do TV-shows, women would be throwing pussy at me on the street like frisbee. 82 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,519 "Ed! " "Thank you! Appreciate that! " 83 00:11:18,038 --> 00:11:20,918 Too much pussy, pussy would be falling outta my pocket. 84 00:11:21,278 --> 00:11:25,437 Walking out the street, you say: "Oh, watch your step, that's mine. " 85 00:11:32,957 --> 00:11:38,316 Being a comic though ain't like being no singer. The singers get all the pussy. 86 00:11:38,716 --> 00:11:45,716 Like the Bus Boys: they fuck everybody. Bus Boys will fuck anything that moves. 87 00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:49,995 Come to my house the fish stop swimming. They don't play. 88 00:11:53,075 --> 00:11:56,115 Singers gets pussy. 'cos you don't have to, 89 00:11:56,235 --> 00:11:58,874 even you don't have to look good, you can sing and get pussy. 90 00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:03,474 Just be interesting. 'cos this Sex Symbol is getting pussy and is ugly motherfucker. 91 00:12:04,314 --> 00:12:08,354 'cos all you have to do is sing, its somethin bout singing, that is the business, you sing, women go crazy. 92 00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:12,633 Cos, Mick Jagger is an ugly motherfucker! 93 00:12:17,353 --> 00:12:18,833 With big ass lips! 94 00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:24,152 Mick Jagger's lips are so big black people be going: "You got some big ass lips! " 95 00:12:27,112 --> 00:12:29,232 "These are big motherfucking lips! " 96 00:12:29,472 --> 00:12:31,672 But he's singing! If you sing you'll get over. 97 00:12:32,592 --> 00:12:36,111 Luther Vandross is a big Kentucky Fried Chicken eating motherfucker. 98 00:12:37,871 --> 00:12:41,431 But he put that shit up like... . And women go: 99 00:12:45,111 --> 00:12:48,150 Sing! 'cos all you got to do is sing. 100 00:12:48,470 --> 00:12:52,430 Michael Jackson, who can sing, and is a good looking guy. 101 00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:56,830 But ain't the most masculine fellow in the world. 102 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,949 That's Michael's hook, his sensivity! 103 00:13:06,589 --> 00:13:09,309 That's when women be sayin: "Michael's just so sensitive... " 104 00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:10,702 And they eat that shit up. Mike knows. 105 00:13:10,828 --> 00:13:15,188 He be using women. I've seen Mike walk up to a girl and they'd be in the audience and say: 106 00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:19,188 "Is it allright if I come down there to sing to you... " 107 00:13:20,948 --> 00:13:25,067 And women go: "Whaaaaa! " 108 00:13:26,027 --> 00:13:30,467 Then, if you don't scream, Michael gets really sensitive and cries on your ass. 109 00:13:30,907 --> 00:13:33,107 Ever hear that record "She's out of my life"? 110 00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:20,103 "Tito, give me some tissues. " 111 00:14:25,422 --> 00:14:28,302 "Jermaine, stop teasing. " 112 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:34,302 You just sing! I like dudes with masculine voices, you know, like Teddy Pendergrass. 113 00:14:36,221 --> 00:14:38,341 Teddy just comes out, takes the lyrics and: 114 00:14:41,261 --> 00:14:43,701 And scare the bitches that are liking him. 115 00:14:44,445 --> 00:14:47,855 That motherfucker's crazy, throw your panties on the stage. 116 00:14:47,982 --> 00:14:50,829 That's whats happening. I like Elvis Presley! 117 00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:56,860 Really I give credit where credit is due. When Elvis was young, he was a bad motherfucker. 118 00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:04,499 He was vicious. Sing his ass off. He sang so good, they let him do movies, he couldn't act. 119 00:15:04,979 --> 00:15:07,339 They said: "Fuck it! Let him sing all his dialogues! " 120 00:15:08,419 --> 00:15:11,898 "Elvis, we got to win this race!" "We got to win this race... . " 121 00:15:13,578 --> 00:15:20,058 "Elvis, want some lemonade?" "Lemonade, that cool, refreshing drink... . " 122 00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:23,097 Let him sing 'till he was older too, Elvis was 42 years old. 123 00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:31,097 He would come out, his stomach was all fat and shit ... and his butt be sticking out and shit... 124 00:15:31,537 --> 00:15:35,896 looking like he had to shit, out walking on the stage like this... 125 00:16:07,414 --> 00:16:10,693 "Excuse me. " 126 00:16:13,893 --> 00:16:19,413 Sing! That's the key to it. You don't even have to be able to talk. 127 00:16:20,573 --> 00:16:25,412 Just sing and get famous. James Brown's been singing for 20 years. 128 00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:29,292 I don't know what the fuck James is talkin' about! 129 00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,772 I don't understand shit James says! 130 00:16:33,252 --> 00:16:36,771 I met him once at Saturday Night Live, walked up to him and said "James, I luv your stuff". 131 00:16:43,091 --> 00:16:49,090 And whatever James is saying is some really heavy shit to James. 132 00:16:49,330 --> 00:16:52,090 'cos at the end of every sentence he ended up with: 133 00:16:53,290 --> 00:16:55,890 He meant that shit that he just said! 134 00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:01,923 And you getting mad you start putting the needle back "What the fuck did I just miss?" 135 00:17:11,088 --> 00:17:15,008 That's a James Brown lyric. He wrote that shit! 136 00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:17,608 He's writing a song and: "I need a word in here: Heaay! " 137 00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:20,488 "That's good! " 138 00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,722 Band be going: "What the fuck is James talking about?" 139 00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:27,723 I don't know but we're getting paid, keep singing. 140 00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:41,221 And people take singers. There's something about singers that people just love and shit. 141 00:18:41,481 --> 00:18:45,521 'Cos I... I did Stevie Wonder on a show once. 142 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,000 And black people lost their motherfucking minds! 143 00:18:52,058 --> 00:18:53,354 I have brothers rawling up on me going: 144 00:18:53,501 --> 00:18:56,406 "Hey! You the motherfucker that'd been doing Stevie Wonder?" 145 00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:59,559 "That shit ain't funny, motherfucker! " 146 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,999 "Don't you never let me see you do that shit again! I'll fuck you up! " 147 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,799 "Stevie Wonder is a musical genius! " 148 00:19:15,678 --> 00:19:21,798 That's terrible! That's terrible, man! Your mother brought you up wrong. 149 00:19:23,197 --> 00:19:25,550 I got mad, I was hanging out with Stevie two months ago, I said: 150 00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:28,241 "Look, Steve, I get 2 months flack over this impression. " 151 00:19:28,757 --> 00:19:31,677 "I don't like doin', I ain't doing this shit no more. " Stevie says: "Well I feel that... " 152 00:19:31,917 --> 00:19:33,997 "Shut the fuck up! " 153 00:19:34,596 --> 00:19:38,516 'Cos you gotta cut Steve off quick, 'cos if he starts rolling he talks your ears off. 154 00:19:39,076 --> 00:19:42,916 You ever seen Steve win a Grammy and come up to give one of those long ass acceptance speeches? 155 00:19:43,796 --> 00:19:49,675 "And the winner is Stevie Wonder! " 156 00:19:52,475 --> 00:19:56,835 '... God's chosen and... " "Just take the motherfuckin award and get the fuck out! " 157 00:19:57,595 --> 00:20:02,194 'cos if you don't say that the credits will be rolling and Stevie going: "And I'd like to thank... " 158 00:20:02,794 --> 00:20:05,254 I've been in the car and said: "Just shut the fuck up, Steve!" 159 00:20:05,364 --> 00:20:08,514 I'm telling you, genius and all that shit, but you're my boy, man, we hang and, 160 00:20:08,539 --> 00:20:11,862 I mean, like, it's nice and shit but I don't appreciate all the flack. 161 00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:14,878 And personally, the piano and the singing, I told you how I feel about singing... 162 00:20:15,022 --> 00:20:16,297 "... I ain't impressed. " 163 00:20:17,393 --> 00:20:21,273 "You wanna impress me? Take the wheel for a little while, motherfucker! " 164 00:20:25,912 --> 00:20:29,672 "I heard that shit, man! " "That shit wasn't funny! " 165 00:20:29,952 --> 00:20:32,727 Then I suppose in your little sketch Stevie crashed in a tree, right? 166 00:20:32,903 --> 00:20:35,486 "Ha-ha, very funny, motherfucker! " 167 00:20:38,151 --> 00:20:41,471 "Your mother got a wooden leg with a kick stand, motherfucker! " 168 00:20:45,351 --> 00:20:49,470 "Your mother got a mouth in the back of her neck and the bitch chews like this! " 169 00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:55,990 "Motherfucker Stevie Wonder jokes and shit! " 170 00:21:04,749 --> 00:21:07,509 It's hot as fuck in here! 171 00:21:08,589 --> 00:21:10,668 "Take it off! " 172 00:21:11,148 --> 00:21:18,108 No, I can't take it off. Maybe ladies would run up the place holding their pussies going: "Aaaah! " 173 00:21:19,428 --> 00:21:22,707 What's going on over there? Ladies run down the street and... can't do that. 174 00:21:24,307 --> 00:21:26,987 Do we have the icecream man around here? 175 00:21:31,147 --> 00:21:33,827 Remember when the icecream man used to come to town when you was little? 176 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:37,266 And no matter what you was doing you would stop and lose your fucking mind! 177 00:21:38,746 --> 00:21:41,666 There's something about the icecream truck that makes kids lose it. 178 00:21:42,226 --> 00:21:46,065 And they can hear that shit from ten blocks away. They don't hear their mothers calling 179 00:21:46,225 --> 00:21:48,185 but they hear that motherfucking icecream truck. 180 00:21:49,305 --> 00:21:54,385 And no matter what was was going on, the iceman came, it stopped. You be gettin' some marbles and shit: 181 00:21:57,944 --> 00:22:07,584 "Icecream! Icecream! The icecream man is coming! The icecream man is coming! " 182 00:22:09,104 --> 00:22:16,063 "Mom! Mom! " "Throw down some money! " 183 00:22:16,863 --> 00:22:20,103 "The icecream man is coming! " 184 00:22:21,862 --> 00:22:26,662 Then your mother come to the window and be throwing change and say: 185 00:22:26,742 --> 00:22:28,582 and bring back my change. 186 00:22:28,742 --> 00:22:31,382 Catch all that shit and run down the street, top speed. 187 00:22:32,182 --> 00:22:35,461 Chasing icecream truck and: "Icecream! " 188 00:22:35,901 --> 00:22:40,061 Icecream man always drove extra blocks away. And I know he's seen us and shit, 189 00:22:41,301 --> 00:22:46,060 but I think he just be in the car with his friends and say: "Watch me how fast I make these motherfuckers run" 190 00:22:48,620 --> 00:22:53,300 You'd be behind him doing 50 and going: "Icecream! " 191 00:23:00,219 --> 00:23:02,419 "Thank you, icecream man! Thank you! " 192 00:23:04,873 --> 00:23:08,785 I'd get my icecream and I didn't eat it just sing for a little while. 193 00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:10,575 You know how kids are. 194 00:23:13,218 --> 00:23:24,057 "I have some icecream, I have some icecream, and I'm gonna eat it all, I'm gonna eat it all... " 195 00:23:27,457 --> 00:23:37,456 The icecream be running down your arm and shit 196 00:23:41,496 --> 00:23:50,895 "You don't have no icecream! You didn't get none! You didn't get none! 197 00:23:51,255 --> 00:24:01,934 "'cos you are under wellfare, you can't afford it. " 198 00:24:03,974 --> 00:24:10,573 Other kids would join in: "You can't afford it, and his father is an alcoholic! " 199 00:24:35,011 --> 00:24:39,571 "You dropped your icecream, you dropped your icecream... " 200 00:24:57,490 --> 00:25:03,129 Eat it. I could drop my icecream in a pile of shit and eat it. I would be like "It's just sprinkles" 201 00:25:03,929 --> 00:25:06,575 Unless your mother catch you doin' that nasty shit, though. 202 00:25:06,988 --> 00:25:09,308 My mother caught me doing that, she made me put it down in 1 sentence: 203 00:25:10,372 --> 00:25:12,848 And you dropped that shit, quick. 204 00:25:15,208 --> 00:25:18,048 Anybody got them mothers that would hit you with a shoe? 205 00:25:19,008 --> 00:25:22,807 I had a mother, that was so ashoed she would do at the drop of a dime. 206 00:25:22,927 --> 00:25:25,167 And fuck you up, wherever she was aiming. 207 00:25:26,687 --> 00:25:32,447 And bad with the shoe, carry that shit like a gun, my mother was like Clint Eastwood with the shoe. 208 00:25:32,967 --> 00:25:35,766 And you fucked up, my mom was walking the room just like: 209 00:25:47,245 --> 00:25:51,805 "Why did you eat your icecream off the floor? " "I didn't, I just... " 210 00:26:00,364 --> 00:26:03,124 Bad! Accurate! 211 00:26:03,444 --> 00:26:07,924 You'd be in a supermarket and shit and be grabbing cereals off the counter going: "Mom, can we get this? " 212 00:26:09,523 --> 00:26:11,003 " I guess not! " 213 00:26:12,323 --> 00:26:15,563 And could be doing three different things, be on the phone with my grandmother, be cooking with this 214 00:26:15,683 --> 00:26:18,243 hand have the phone like this and be sayin' "Yeah, mama, hold on a second. " 215 00:26:23,082 --> 00:26:27,042 Fuck you up and God forbid, my mother be dressed up and had them high heels on. 216 00:26:27,922 --> 00:26:31,002 Them pumps, 'cos then she gets boomerang action going on your ass! 217 00:26:31,122 --> 00:26:34,081 And fuck you up in your room, you won't even know what the fuck happened. 218 00:26:34,561 --> 00:26:36,277 They can hear you when you're getting ready to walk out the door. 219 00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:38,705 And hear you on the bunk beds fucking around. They got that mother hearing. 220 00:26:39,201 --> 00:26:41,121 "Wait a minute, baby. " 221 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,040 "Let's go. " 222 00:27:09,399 --> 00:27:12,685 She was the one who did all the disciplining around the house and shit. 223 00:27:14,570 --> 00:27:16,819 Very, very strict house I came from. 224 00:27:16,838 --> 00:27:24,637 And I remember when I first went to my first contact with a white family, it freaked me out. 225 00:27:30,037 --> 00:27:34,876 And I was there, I found some white kids can curse around the house! That fucked me up! 226 00:27:35,836 --> 00:27:39,716 Coz I couldn't even say "dagg" around my house, my momma said "sounds too much like damn. " 227 00:27:40,776 --> 00:27:42,846 I got in trouble for saying shit the wrong way. 228 00:27:42,846 --> 00:27:44,676 I was in the house with Tom Kildez. 229 00:27:44,676 --> 00:27:50,395 His mother said "Tom you're a little late. He said "Come on mom I'm moving as fast as I can shit. " 230 00:27:51,195 --> 00:27:53,595 And I was standing like this: 231 00:27:56,795 --> 00:28:00,394 And if I tried to pull some shit like that in my house? "Ed, you're a little late! " 232 00:28:00,754 --> 00:28:05,394 "Oh, come on, pop, shit, what is this! Come on, damn! " My pop just go: 233 00:28:15,753 --> 00:28:18,273 "That motherfucker's crazy! " 234 00:28:30,112 --> 00:28:32,832 Remember in the old days when you could beat up a woman? 235 00:28:33,311 --> 00:28:37,271 Remember that shit back in the 20's, the guys just smacked their wives in the movies... And they just go: 236 00:28:39,711 --> 00:28:45,430 You can't do shit like that no more. Women be takin' aerobics, and they'll fuck you up now! 237 00:28:50,710 --> 00:28:55,630 It's scary too, man! Especially a black woman. You hit a black woman she lose her mind! 238 00:28:58,349 --> 00:29:01,429 Seriously. They go crazy, you can have a really timid sister for a girl, and smack it be like: 239 00:29:01,869 --> 00:29:08,149 "I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker! You don't hit me like that! You don't hit me shit! 240 00:29:08,429 --> 00:29:13,948 "You don't put your hands on my face! 241 00:29:15,148 --> 00:29:19,868 "Baby, please, stop! Baby, please... stop! Baby, hold on, stop, please! " 242 00:29:20,808 --> 00:29:26,177 "Calm down, baby, calm down! " "You don't hit me, motherfucker! " 243 00:29:26,657 --> 00:29:28,227 "So get the fuck out!" 244 00:29:28,227 --> 00:29:32,237 Throw you out your own house, you be so scared you get the fuck out too. 245 00:29:32,837 --> 00:29:37,476 That's some shit. You know you're scared when a woman says get the fuck out your own house and you leave. 246 00:29:38,426 --> 00:29:41,946 I had a girlfriend once, I smacked her and got all cool and shit. 247 00:29:42,066 --> 00:29:44,786 And then she got cool and scared me more and I just left. 248 00:29:45,785 --> 00:29:51,025 "I didn't want to do that shit, baby! But you brought that shit on yourself" 249 00:29:52,025 --> 00:29:54,245 "Dont make me have to do it again. " 250 00:29:54,245 --> 00:29:56,685 She said: "No, no I did bring it on myself. " 251 00:29:57,744 --> 00:30:00,624 "Why don't you just go to sleep! " 252 00:30:06,984 --> 00:30:08,704 Got the fuck out. People are changing. 253 00:30:11,223 --> 00:30:15,263 Men are changing too, this shit the guys do now you couldn't do what they did 30 years ago. 254 00:30:16,183 --> 00:30:20,063 In the old days, you had an argument with your girl in the car, she say: "Let me out of here! " 255 00:30:20,663 --> 00:30:23,542 Men would say: "No, no, we can't have any of that. " 256 00:30:23,942 --> 00:30:27,822 And nowadays a woman say that shit, dude: "Get the fuck out! " 257 00:30:36,901 --> 00:30:39,701 Somebody broke wind in here! 258 00:30:40,021 --> 00:30:44,501 I've been trying like not say nothing but someone farted in this motherfucker. 259 00:30:48,140 --> 00:30:51,420 That's some long-distance fart too, boy. 260 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,960 I know you get down with your friends have a good time. 261 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:58,589 Especially fellas. . ya know they play that game, they play the fart game you know. 262 00:30:59,089 --> 00:31:01,209 You know you fart around your fellas and its funny. 263 00:31:01,769 --> 00:31:06,209 Dudes be doing that they be gettin in elevators farting and laughing and shit. 264 00:31:06,579 --> 00:31:12,818 It's nasty! You play the fart game. I think deep down inside people wanna smell other people's farts. 265 00:31:13,938 --> 00:31:17,738 'Cos you smell them. And people always tell you they farted. 266 00:31:18,778 --> 00:31:23,817 They say: "I farted. " You don't leave, you pause a second. "Yeah, you did! " 267 00:31:25,497 --> 00:31:28,869 'cos in the back of your mind you wanna grade the fart. 268 00:31:28,904 --> 00:31:30,668 'cos if it smells bad enough, two years later you be going: 269 00:31:30,817 --> 00:31:33,776 "Remember that fart you made, two years ago? " 270 00:31:34,496 --> 00:31:38,266 The fart game you play. Starts off around the house when you're little. 271 00:31:38,756 --> 00:31:40,656 Your father introduces you to it. 272 00:31:40,676 --> 00:31:43,696 You'd be sitting in the house on a Saturday morning, watching cartoons and your father make a fart and: 273 00:31:44,176 --> 00:31:47,015 "That wasn't me, that was your mother. " 274 00:31:47,535 --> 00:31:51,455 "Oh, baby, baby! I want a divorce, uh! You're rotten, baby, shit! " 275 00:31:53,005 --> 00:31:58,334 And you join in, grab your little brother, sit on his head and fart. You ever do that? 276 00:31:58,884 --> 00:32:02,984 That's a fun game, you little brother freak out and go: "Waaah" 277 00:32:03,864 --> 00:32:06,994 And your father goes: "It's the fart game, you'll play one day son. " 278 00:32:06,994 --> 00:32:10,053 The fart game, you get your best friend in on that shit too. 279 00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:14,143 You can walk up to your best friend while he's watching a football game and fart in his face. 280 00:32:14,143 --> 00:32:15,143 He won't even get mad. 281 00:32:15,643 --> 00:32:18,583 He just go: "Ok, you got me. " 282 00:32:20,173 --> 00:32:24,812 "That was a good one, too! My mouth was open. My mouth was open on that! " 283 00:32:26,302 --> 00:32:31,082 I got a scar, over my eye till this day from playing the fart game in the bathtub. 284 00:32:31,292 --> 00:32:36,731 Me and my big brother used to play it. We were poor, we didn't have mr. bubble, we played the fart game. 285 00:32:50,010 --> 00:32:52,610 "I think it's smelly! " 286 00:33:01,129 --> 00:33:04,609 "I'm G. I Joe, I'm swimming on the water... " 287 00:33:34,526 --> 00:33:39,776 And my big brother was sitting in the other end of the tub, and made shit in the tub. 288 00:33:40,176 --> 00:33:43,446 He wanted to add some excitement to the game. 289 00:33:44,666 --> 00:33:48,445 He said: "And then a big brown shark came. " 290 00:33:52,255 --> 00:33:54,305 I jumped up and said: "Aaaaah. " 291 00:33:54,415 --> 00:33:57,884 Cut my eye on the soap dish, blood gushing out and shit. 292 00:33:57,884 --> 00:34:00,294 Screaming, my mother ran in the bathroom. 293 00:34:00,534 --> 00:34:04,534 Seeing my big brother sittin in the bathroom with a piece of shit in his hand. 294 00:34:06,844 --> 00:34:10,313 I was layin at the bottom of the water with blood gushing outta my eye... 295 00:34:10,493 --> 00:34:14,083 And G. I. Joe up my ass... 296 00:34:17,843 --> 00:34:20,323 My mother: "What the fuck is going on over here? " 297 00:34:26,282 --> 00:34:28,882 Can I hold somebody's camera. Anybody bring a camera? 298 00:34:30,802 --> 00:34:33,561 Does its flash go immediately? 299 00:34:33,561 --> 00:34:38,481 Like I don't have to be waiting like my aunt and shit "Wait a second now! " 300 00:34:42,521 --> 00:34:46,760 They try to press it and the shit don't work they be going like: "There's something wrong with it... " 301 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:54,520 And it go immediately the flash. Are you sure? I'll take a picture of the crowd, for myself. 302 00:35:04,879 --> 00:35:07,799 OK, y'all come over here on this now? 303 00:35:11,118 --> 00:35:13,718 You know? I'll take two of them. 304 00:35:17,238 --> 00:35:20,198 This ain't no instamatic motherfucker! 305 00:35:21,237 --> 00:35:23,077 I got to wait for the flash and shit! 306 00:35:30,867 --> 00:35:34,196 See you got me waiting I should break your shit. 307 00:35:41,156 --> 00:35:45,475 See the brothers sitting in the back go: "All this money and he taking motherfucking pictures! " 308 00:35:46,002 --> 00:35:49,749 "I want my picture took, I'd steal a car motherfucker!" 309 00:35:55,155 --> 00:35:57,554 "Hey, man, I said one fuckin' picture! " 310 00:35:59,394 --> 00:36:02,594 "You're going to ruin my fucking film, man. Come on, shit! " 311 00:36:03,754 --> 00:36:06,194 "Who the fuck do you think you are, man! " 312 00:36:17,473 --> 00:36:20,473 I'll see you explain the last one to the guy at the Photomat. 313 00:36:21,792 --> 00:36:24,792 "That's a picture of Eddie Murphy's dick... " 314 00:36:25,072 --> 00:36:28,392 You know what would be a good picture? Can all the brothers stand up? 315 00:36:28,512 --> 00:36:30,632 All the brothers in the audience? Straight up! Everybody up! 316 00:36:33,911 --> 00:36:40,151 Straight up! I'm serious! What the fuck are you doing? Will you, motherfucker stand up? Up! 317 00:36:41,231 --> 00:36:43,291 And all the ladies get the cameras up. 318 00:36:43,451 --> 00:36:45,690 We're gonna set the record straight here. 319 00:36:45,910 --> 00:36:47,080 When I say go... 320 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:50,190 ... everybody whip out their dick and go: "Wuuuhaaa" 321 00:36:51,205 --> 00:36:53,873 Look how fast the white dudes sat down. 322 00:37:00,069 --> 00:37:03,309 Some of them still standing. Y'all must be italian! 323 00:37:07,189 --> 00:37:11,268 We got some shit on us. 324 00:37:12,148 --> 00:37:14,028 We got all this shit! 325 00:37:15,308 --> 00:37:17,988 We got some dicks hanging down! 326 00:37:18,628 --> 00:37:21,867 Dicks down to this motherfucker! 327 00:37:22,787 --> 00:37:23,907 You don't believe it. 328 00:37:24,107 --> 00:37:28,347 White people don't believe it. What's funny about it, white people are the ones that made up the rumor. 329 00:37:30,347 --> 00:37:34,986 "You know, black people have tremendous dicks, but I don't believe it! " 330 00:37:36,666 --> 00:37:42,386 You know remains of the first dick was found in Africa? Big ass piece of bone dick on the floor. 331 00:37:43,466 --> 00:37:46,145 "What is this shit? " "It's an old dried up dick. " 332 00:37:47,905 --> 00:37:50,345 "That means the first dick belonged to a black man. " 333 00:37:51,185 --> 00:37:53,625 Dicks. We got the shit for it. 334 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:57,584 We got nice asses, too. We got our shit on. 335 00:38:02,244 --> 00:38:04,284 You see a white dude would be in this suit like this. 336 00:38:08,464 --> 00:38:14,423 "All right, man! All right, maaan! " 337 00:38:18,263 --> 00:38:23,582 I got a friend, Doug, there go Doug, my friend, Doug's ass is way up here on his back. 338 00:38:24,462 --> 00:38:28,942 Ain't it, Doug? Doug be getting shit stains on his collar. 339 00:38:31,092 --> 00:38:34,601 And in restaurants be reaching for his wallet: "Lemme get my wallet" 340 00:38:35,651 --> 00:38:40,041 Coz we got our shit hooked, all this is hooked up with black people. 341 00:38:40,041 --> 00:38:44,321 Chinese people are fucked all around, coz they got little dicks and little asses. 342 00:38:44,321 --> 00:38:45,840 They do and its fucked up the way they walk. 343 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:49,810 They be walking all light coz they ain't got no shit pulling them down. 344 00:38:49,820 --> 00:38:54,700 Now, a brother's dick is too big it fucks up his balance so he'd have to do all this shit. . 345 00:39:03,499 --> 00:39:07,819 Everytime you see a brother in a wheel chair he ain't always cripple. 346 00:39:09,098 --> 00:39:11,028 He's got big shit hanging down! 347 00:39:11,438 --> 00:39:15,378 That's why all the brothers model they drawers in the newspapers. Think 'bout it. 348 00:39:16,048 --> 00:39:19,818 I've been seeing newspapers every sunday morning. A white dude in his drawers... 349 00:39:20,947 --> 00:39:23,147 Never have no balls in they drawers. 350 00:39:23,577 --> 00:39:29,057 Smiling and shit. If I had no balls I wouldn't be smiling this shit. 351 00:39:33,456 --> 00:39:35,696 "I don't have any dick! " 352 00:39:35,696 --> 00:39:41,336 Brother be standing there. . if a brother models his drawers they need an extra fold in the page. 353 00:39:42,726 --> 00:39:45,875 They're selling underwear but this niggers dick is in my coffee. 354 00:39:46,375 --> 00:39:48,215 "Want me stir it for you? " 355 00:39:55,335 --> 00:39:57,094 That's some true shit. 356 00:39:58,454 --> 00:40:00,054 What's today's date? 357 00:40:06,984 --> 00:40:08,313 Don't go to cook-outs. 358 00:40:08,813 --> 00:40:10,363 I hate cook-outs man. 359 00:40:10,393 --> 00:40:14,263 Stay away from cook-outs, if you're like me stay away. 360 00:40:14,503 --> 00:40:19,283 I don't like my family come by the house, with the relatives I ain't seen since the last cook-out. 361 00:40:19,663 --> 00:40:22,692 You got certain relatives you just see at the cook-out. 362 00:40:22,692 --> 00:40:25,702 And they get on your fuckin nerves every year. 363 00:40:25,872 --> 00:40:28,092 My uncle Gus come by the house every year. 364 00:40:28,092 --> 00:40:30,982 My uncle Gus is the uncle that likes to work the grill. 365 00:40:30,982 --> 00:40:33,991 And don't let nobody touch the grill when he's around and shit. 366 00:40:33,991 --> 00:40:34,991 As as soon as he walks in the house its like: 367 00:40:35,001 --> 00:40:36,001 "Get away from that grill you dunna know how to start a fire" 368 00:40:37,081 --> 00:40:38,771 "You dunna start no fire, put this fire out. This ain't no fire goddamnit. " 369 00:40:38,951 --> 00:40:42,491 "Eddie. Eddie go over there get all of that wood I need half a tree. Chop that tree. " 370 00:40:42,491 --> 00:40:43,491 "Chop down that tree and give me the wood. " 371 00:40:43,891 --> 00:40:45,900 "And Charlie go get me 2 gallons of gasoline out the shed. " 372 00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:48,890 "Two gallons of gasoline, you kids roll up your shirt we're gonna start a fire. " 373 00:40:49,130 --> 00:40:49,910 "Come on, you wanna eat? You wanna eat?. " 374 00:40:50,070 --> 00:40:51,510 "Then shut up and put it on the fire. " 375 00:40:51,510 --> 00:40:52,510 "O. k. put that wood on the side there. " 376 00:40:52,510 --> 00:40:53,510 "O. k. gimme the gasoline Charlie. " 377 00:40:53,510 --> 00:40:55,800 "Hold the match, when I tell you throw the match on the gasoline all right?" 378 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:56,799 "When I tell you right? We gonna make a fire. We gonna eat. 379 00:40:58,569 --> 00:41:00,579 "Here we go pour the gasoline on like this. " 380 00:41:00,579 --> 00:41:03,319 "We need the hole 2... get that goddamn lighter fluid out of here we can't use that shit. " 381 00:41:03,319 --> 00:41:05,519 "Using all the 2 gallons gasoline on this wood. " 382 00:41:05,519 --> 00:41:07,379 "And make a fire, we're gonna eat a hamburger o. k. ?" 383 00:41:07,379 --> 00:41:08,748 "Here we go, Charlie throw the match. " 384 00:41:10,138 --> 00:41:11,508 "NOW THAT"S A FIRE!" 385 00:41:11,508 --> 00:41:14,298 "That's a fire, look at that, look at that. " 386 00:41:14,468 --> 00:41:17,498 "He be alright, roll Charlie 'round, roll him around. " 387 00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:24,887 And uncle Gus is married to my aunt Bunny. My aunt Bunny got a moustache and shit! 388 00:41:25,807 --> 00:41:29,377 You know one of them lady moustaches? It was really cool, back when she was 20. 389 00:41:29,587 --> 00:41:31,837 Ladies had them little thin ones and shit. 390 00:41:32,057 --> 00:41:36,086 Then when they get about 45 like aunt Bunny they be havin' a Billy Dee Williams' look. 391 00:41:37,366 --> 00:41:39,526 The shit is bigger than a man's and shit! 392 00:41:39,766 --> 00:41:42,216 Aunt Bunny weight like 300 pounds. 393 00:41:42,316 --> 00:41:46,045 Like 250, real heavy lady and shit. And the kids were scared of her. 394 00:41:46,265 --> 00:41:49,415 You got that kid logic going. I remember my aunt Bunny come by the house. 395 00:41:49,415 --> 00:41:50,415 It was like. 396 00:41:50,415 --> 00:41:54,095 I was petrified coz she always wanted to kiss me and touch me and some shit. 397 00:41:54,165 --> 00:41:58,004 Soon as she walked on the door was like: "Come here and give aunt Bunny a kiss, baby. " 398 00:41:58,764 --> 00:41:59,884 Then you go: "Waaaaa!" 399 00:42:05,564 --> 00:42:07,284 And my mom would say: "Why don't you go and kiss your aunt Bunny? " 400 00:42:07,484 --> 00:42:10,163 Kids don't give a fuck, they go: "She's got a moustache! " 401 00:42:21,842 --> 00:42:24,442 Why do kids move so slow when they be crying? 402 00:42:26,322 --> 00:42:27,722 "Stop making all that noise! " 403 00:42:30,602 --> 00:42:31,842 " I said shut up! " 404 00:42:38,471 --> 00:42:41,641 You be mad coz your mother hit you. You be standing there wishing hateful shit on your mother. 405 00:42:43,841 --> 00:42:46,120 "God please kill her! " 406 00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:52,960 "I hope she gets hit by a truck and die! " 407 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,239 "I hate her! I hate her! I hate her! I hate her! " 408 00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,119 Shut up or I'll come and give you something to cry about. 409 00:43:02,999 --> 00:43:08,798 Than my pop starts talking. And my pop is fucked up every 4th of July! " 410 00:43:10,838 --> 00:43:13,238 Black men like to claim the house when they're drunk. 411 00:43:13,538 --> 00:43:16,318 Men period I think, like to claim their house. 412 00:43:16,388 --> 00:43:20,117 They want you to know that if you drunk and they're drunk. And you in their house, that it's their house. 413 00:43:20,717 --> 00:43:24,157 My father standing in the middle of the cook-out saying: "It's my house! " 414 00:43:26,117 --> 00:43:30,477 "You know that it is? And if you don't like it, you get the fuck out! " 415 00:43:32,436 --> 00:43:34,196 "I don't give a fuck! " 416 00:43:34,836 --> 00:43:38,716 "I don't give a... I pay the motherfucker bills in this motherfucker! " 417 00:43:39,236 --> 00:43:43,276 "And, hey... Kiss my ass if you don't like it! " 418 00:43:46,235 --> 00:43:48,755 "Yes! Yes, motherfucker, yes! " 'cos you know what it is? 419 00:43:50,715 --> 00:43:55,755 I'm drunk. So what? Beautiful! I'm drunk. I'm drunk! So what? I'm drunk. 420 00:43:55,955 --> 00:43:57,754 "You know what? I got drunk in my motherfucking kitchen, 421 00:43:58,434 --> 00:44:01,514 I was drinking out of my glass in my motherfucker house. " 422 00:44:02,834 --> 00:44:03,954 "So, fuck it! " 423 00:44:04,834 --> 00:44:11,953 Then he attacks the whole family, like: "Gus! Gus, can I ask you a question?" 424 00:44:12,753 --> 00:44:14,473 "Why is the fire so big? " 425 00:44:15,313 --> 00:44:19,793 "Why you made the fire so big? Look at this shit! Is a motherfucker ridiculous, Gus! " 426 00:44:20,832 --> 00:44:24,152 "The fire is too motherfucker big! Why? 427 00:44:24,352 --> 00:44:26,512 You're coming in every motherfuckin' year, Gus... " 428 00:44:26,832 --> 00:44:31,032 "... and you burn out my motherfucker backyard! Why? " 429 00:44:31,472 --> 00:44:33,871 "I'm cooking motherfucker hamburgers this big? " 430 00:44:33,991 --> 00:44:37,751 "I'm not cookin' no motherfucking brontosaurus burgers in this motherfucker! " 431 00:44:41,111 --> 00:44:45,750 "This ain't the motherfucking Flintstones, Gus! It's my house, motherfucker! " 432 00:44:46,150 --> 00:44:49,440 "Look at Charlie standing over there with 3rd degree burns on em. " 433 00:44:52,340 --> 00:44:54,620 "It doesn't make sense no. But you take things too far Gus. " 434 00:44:55,830 --> 00:44:58,949 "I tell you go an inch, you go 3 inches. Tell you go 4 inches you go 5. " 435 00:44:58,949 --> 00:45:00,809 "Give a nigga rope gonna be a cowboy Gus. " 436 00:45:00,819 --> 00:45:04,319 "Why don't you listen. Eddie, get that motherfucking dog away from my plate. " 437 00:45:04,319 --> 00:45:06,109 "I'm gonna shoot this dog. " 438 00:45:06,189 --> 00:45:08,698 "I'm gonna shoot this mother... shut up. I'm gonna shoot it. Stop crying. " 439 00:45:08,718 --> 00:45:11,038 "Stop crying Eddie, cuz you can get the fuck out. " 440 00:45:11,628 --> 00:45:14,148 "You're gettin' the fuck... I know you're seven! " 441 00:45:14,908 --> 00:45:19,068 "But you'll be a seven year old walkin' the dog no house motherfucker! " 442 00:45:25,117 --> 00:45:26,927 "I hate this motherfucking dog. " 443 00:45:28,257 --> 00:45:29,987 "You don't spend time with the dog Eddie. " 444 00:45:29,987 --> 00:45:30,987 "You don't feed the motherfucker. " 445 00:45:31,717 --> 00:45:35,486 "You don't pet it. You don't even know what the fuck the dogs name is anymore do you" 446 00:45:35,486 --> 00:45:39,436 "The dog don't give a fuck he don't know his name. The dog is 3 yrs old dont know his name. " 447 00:45:39,466 --> 00:45:41,626 "Watch this: Coco! Where the fuck is it goin'? 448 00:45:42,546 --> 00:45:45,465 The dog's stupid! 'cos you don't spend time with the motherfucker. " 449 00:45:45,625 --> 00:45:49,065 I'm supposed to work hard all day and come home to feed the motherfucking dog? 450 00:45:49,265 --> 00:45:51,065 Fuck no, I'm not feeding the motherfucker! " 451 00:45:51,065 --> 00:45:52,945 "You know Eddie, when nobody's home. " 452 00:45:53,065 --> 00:45:54,665 "When nobody's home you know what I do?" 453 00:45:54,705 --> 00:45:57,504 "I walk to the dog and I kick the motherfucker! " 454 00:45:58,384 --> 00:46:03,824 "I kick the motherfucker with everything I got, Eddie! And then I giggle my motherfucking ass off. " 455 00:46:04,184 --> 00:46:09,103 "'cos I hate the motherfucker! 'cos you don't clean up behind it! 456 00:46:09,303 --> 00:46:11,783 "This ain't Scooby-Doo motherfucker! " 457 00:46:12,343 --> 00:46:14,123 "Why can't you clean the dog. " 458 00:46:14,133 --> 00:46:17,933 "The dog shits all over the house. If noone tells you Eddie you dont clean the shit. " 459 00:46:18,053 --> 00:46:19,063 "You let the shit stay forever. " 460 00:46:19,553 --> 00:46:22,252 "Shit been in the den for 6 months Eddie. " 461 00:46:22,732 --> 00:46:26,492 It's been in the den for 6 months, you kids go pass it you act like you don't see it. 462 00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:28,332 "And unless you're told you won't clean the shit. " 463 00:46:28,862 --> 00:46:32,261 "The shit is hard as a rock now! It's like motherfuckin furniture in there! " 464 00:46:33,741 --> 00:46:37,991 "I went in there last week to watch the fight, and said fuck it I put my drink on top of it Eddie" 465 00:46:38,461 --> 00:46:42,061 "It's a coffee table now! Why can't you clean up shit? " 466 00:46:42,061 --> 00:46:45,910 "My friends come over and they oh that's lovely. It's not lovely it's a piece of shit. " 467 00:46:47,700 --> 00:46:50,020 "'Cos my children don't listen! " 468 00:46:50,100 --> 00:46:53,780 Then my aunt Bunny would fall down the steps. Almost every year. 469 00:46:54,580 --> 00:46:59,139 Ever had a heavy set aunt fall down the steps? Make a whole lotta fucking noise! 470 00:46:59,739 --> 00:47:03,099 It's scary, too, 'cos they'll be calling Jesus on the way down! 471 00:47:04,179 --> 00:47:07,243 And aunts don't like to fall straight down the steps like a kid, 472 00:47:07,298 --> 00:47:10,285 They be trying to break the fall and hold it and stop the shit. 473 00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:12,578 And that's what makes the fall take a half hour then. 474 00:47:13,538 --> 00:47:14,698 Real loud, like: 475 00:47:18,938 --> 00:47:22,257 "Lord, Jesus Christ, help my lord, please, Jesus, please! " 476 00:47:26,057 --> 00:47:30,977 "Jesus, God, help, my lord, Jesus, help me I'm falling down the steps oh lord Jesus Christ please! " 477 00:47:36,936 --> 00:47:38,256 "My shoe! " 478 00:47:40,976 --> 00:47:43,815 "Oh lord Jesus God help us! " 479 00:47:45,295 --> 00:47:48,615 "I'm half way down now help my lord Jesus! " 480 00:47:49,855 --> 00:47:53,135 "Lilian! " "What is all that fuckin' noise?! " 481 00:47:57,774 --> 00:48:02,134 "Lilian! The bitch is falling down the steps again! " 482 00:48:09,853 --> 00:48:13,453 "Lilian! Lilian! " "What's wrong, Bunny? " 483 00:48:13,493 --> 00:48:15,773 "I fell down the steps! " 484 00:48:16,773 --> 00:48:19,368 "Bunny fell down the steps! Bunny fell down the steps! " 485 00:48:19,549 --> 00:48:21,830 Eddie, go get your aunt Bunny something cool for her head! " 486 00:48:22,092 --> 00:48:24,972 "What happened? " "Bunny fell down the steps! " 487 00:48:31,611 --> 00:48:36,171 "Hey, Charlie! Aunt Bunny fell down the steps! " 488 00:48:41,331 --> 00:48:44,050 "Gus! What the fuck is wrong with your wife? " 489 00:48:45,210 --> 00:48:50,010 "Why can't she walk the fryer steps? You come up every fuckin' year, Gus... " 490 00:48:50,650 --> 00:48:55,170 "... and you burn down my motherfucker backyard and your wife rips down the steps! " 491 00:48:55,889 --> 00:48:59,129 "Why? I work hard to get my place beautiful... " 492 00:48:59,529 --> 00:49:02,129 "... and then the motherfucker come over and rips the steps down! " 493 00:49:03,129 --> 00:49:05,889 "Look at the motherfucker steps! They're fucked up, Gus! " 494 00:49:06,769 --> 00:49:09,288 "Why can't she walk the steps? You know why she can't walk the steps? " 495 00:49:09,448 --> 00:49:13,088 "'cos she's a fat hairy bitch! That's why! " 496 00:49:14,048 --> 00:49:18,048 "That's why, Gus! And my children are afraid of your wife. " 497 00:49:18,568 --> 00:49:21,127 "Eddie's afraid of her! He has nightmares about your wife! " 498 00:49:21,527 --> 00:49:25,407 I went to his room last week, Gus, he was in the bed screaming, Oh, help me, help me! " 499 00:49:25,567 --> 00:49:29,607 "I just walk up to him, shake him, ask: What's wrong? He said: Aunt Bunny is coming to get me! " 500 00:49:30,687 --> 00:49:34,486 "He's afraid of your wife, 'cos she has a bigger moustache than his father! " 501 00:49:35,406 --> 00:49:38,286 But you know what it is, Gus! I figured out about your wife. And I'm gonna say it. . 502 00:49:41,606 --> 00:49:44,925 I figured out about your wife. I know where you met your wife. 503 00:49:45,165 --> 00:49:48,045 You told me you met your wife 15 years ago on a motherfucking camping trip... 504 00:49:48,165 --> 00:49:51,965 "... and that your wife was portorican. Your wife ain't no motherfucker portorican! " 505 00:49:52,325 --> 00:49:56,444 "I thought she wasn't from the first minute 'cos I walked up to her I said: "Hi, my name is Vernon. " 506 00:49:56,564 --> 00:49:58,964 And she said: "Hello, I'm Bunny. Guni gugu! " 507 00:49:59,884 --> 00:50:02,364 "What the fuck does guni gugu mean, Gus? " 508 00:50:02,844 --> 00:50:07,204 "I don't know what the fuck that shit is as to this day. I thought I learned some new spanish shit! " 509 00:50:07,683 --> 00:50:13,003 I went up to my friend: "Hey, Sanchez! Guni gugu! And Sanchez says: "Get the fuck outta here! " 510 00:50:13,763 --> 00:50:15,748 I've been walking around for years confused. 511 00:50:15,749 --> 00:50:18,333 And I finally figured out about your wife, where you met your wife. 512 00:50:18,443 --> 00:50:20,802 "You didn't meet your motherfucker wife on no camping trip! " 513 00:50:22,322 --> 00:50:24,642 "Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she, Gus? " 514 00:50:25,922 --> 00:50:30,322 "Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she, that's why the bitch's mustache is so motherfucker thick! " 515 00:50:30,722 --> 00:50:33,241 "'Cos you shaved the bitch down and taught it to speak! " 516 00:50:34,361 --> 00:50:37,241 "I know a motherfuckin' Bigfoot when I see one! " 517 00:50:37,921 --> 00:50:41,441 "You bring a Bigfoot in my home, Gus? On my children? " 518 00:50:42,001 --> 00:50:46,880 The bitch can't talk, she can't walk the fryer steps! She's not trained well, Gus! " 519 00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:52,280 She can not walk steps. I bet she climb the fuck out a tree though, don't she, Gus? " 520 00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,839 "Doesn't she? Doesn't she? " 521 00:50:56,239 --> 00:50:58,159 "But you had to bring her out here! " 522 00:50:58,399 --> 00:51:03,079 Fuck her! And your motherfucker children? They're Bigfeet too! They're half Bigfoot, Gus. 523 00:51:03,079 --> 00:51:07,768 "Cos the m. f. is 6 yrs old and have afros 17 inches long. " 524 00:51:08,128 --> 00:51:11,358 "They're little hairy m. f. just like their mother. " 525 00:51:11,359 --> 00:51:13,952 Look at the motherfuckers, you know how I found out they was bigfoot? 526 00:51:15,107 --> 00:51:16,791 When I took your kids fishing last week. 527 00:51:16,792 --> 00:51:18,793 I put the motherfuckers in the boat Gus. 528 00:51:18,794 --> 00:51:20,789 And I took the worm and I put it on the hooks. 529 00:51:20,790 --> 00:51:24,638 And they both sat there, and put the poles down in the boat. 530 00:51:24,639 --> 00:51:27,789 And slammed their face in the water, for 2 mins. 531 00:51:28,190 --> 00:51:30,821 And I think what the fuck are these kids doin. 532 00:51:31,227 --> 00:51:32,710 Then they start movin their heads like this 533 00:51:32,818 --> 00:51:35,087 and the motherfuckers come up with fish. 534 00:51:38,368 --> 00:51:42,086 I jumped back and said can you believe this motherfuckin shit. 535 00:51:42,196 --> 00:51:46,595 Then kid took the fish out of his mouth, looked at his brother and said: "Guni gugu! " 536 00:51:47,875 --> 00:51:50,875 "I said, what the fuck is going on here? " 537 00:51:52,835 --> 00:51:56,714 "Normal kids don't do shit like that, Gus! But I'll tell you somethin' motherfucker! " 538 00:51:56,874 --> 00:52:01,634 You can take your motherfucker hairy fat ass white mustache bitch out the fuck. 539 00:52:01,914 --> 00:52:05,394 "you can go upstairs and get the motherfuckin' dog and scoop up the shit... " 540 00:52:05,514 --> 00:52:10,753 "and take Eddie and get these motherfucker long Angela Davis afro-ware motherfucker kids of yours... 541 00:52:10,993 --> 00:52:13,993 "... and put them in the motherfucker guni gugu-mobile and get the fuck out! " 542 00:52:14,113 --> 00:52:16,593 "And if my wife don't like it she can get the fuck out too! " 543 00:52:17,353 --> 00:52:18,913 "You missed me, bitch! " 544 00:52:27,992 --> 00:52:29,232 Thank you! 545 00:52:34,391 --> 00:52:36,391 Oh, Jesus. 546 00:52:48,990 --> 00:52:52,310 Oh, shit... I'm in Washington D. C. ! 547 00:52:57,829 --> 00:53:00,389 Jesus! Christ! 548 00:53:00,590 --> 00:53:03,990 This is where Reagan lives. Not far from here. 549 00:53:06,875 --> 00:53:09,266 Hey Ron everyone's booing and I ain't said shit. 550 00:53:17,268 --> 00:53:19,707 Well, tell us something we don't know, motherfucker! 551 00:53:21,105 --> 00:53:25,075 It ain't like people sit around going "Really does it suck?" 552 00:53:27,750 --> 00:53:30,311 Shit's changing though, we got black politicians now. 553 00:53:30,547 --> 00:53:32,706 Who's that boy... Harold Washington? 554 00:53:33,466 --> 00:53:37,306 Harold Washington said: "Fuck it! " And won. 555 00:53:39,066 --> 00:53:42,266 I know he's still sitting around going: "I really won the motherfucker?" 556 00:53:44,592 --> 00:53:47,681 And Jesse Jackson seen that shit and said: "Fuck it, imma run too, fuck it" 557 00:53:48,740 --> 00:53:50,681 "Jesse you can win" i see these brothers going. 558 00:53:50,682 --> 00:53:54,470 "You can win Jesse, coz you're bigger than motherfucking Harold Washington. " 559 00:53:54,471 --> 00:53:56,136 "Fuck Harold Washington. " 560 00:53:56,319 --> 00:53:58,055 "Fuck him man, run for president. " 561 00:53:58,104 --> 00:54:00,863 And Jesse going: "Yeah, fuck that shit. " 562 00:54:02,944 --> 00:54:06,384 I've seen Jesse in the gym, working the fuck out, too, for getting into shape. 563 00:54:07,823 --> 00:54:10,570 You know he got a chance he can win. White dudes like to do shit like that... 564 00:54:10,571 --> 00:54:13,191 ... vote for the wrong dude as a goof. 565 00:54:13,823 --> 00:54:17,543 They get drunk and shit and go like: "Let's vote for Jesse Jackson! " 566 00:54:21,742 --> 00:54:23,782 "I just voted for Jesse Jackson! " 567 00:54:24,182 --> 00:54:26,982 And next day would be like this: "He fuckin' won?" 568 00:54:29,862 --> 00:54:33,461 Jesse knows that shit can happen. He gets in shape. I've seen him running round the track and shit. 569 00:54:33,821 --> 00:54:37,181 I said: "Why the fuck you getting in shape like this?" He says: ""cos I'm gonna be the first black president. " 570 00:54:37,461 --> 00:54:40,181 "I have to give speeches like this: My fellow americans! As your president I feel 571 00:54:50,740 --> 00:54:51,860 And dude be going: 572 00:54:53,420 --> 00:54:55,499 "He won't stand still! " 573 00:55:09,763 --> 00:55:12,148 I ain't hooked up into all that racism shit. 574 00:55:12,228 --> 00:55:15,341 My motto is, life just be happy with the motherfuckers. 575 00:55:15,358 --> 00:55:16,694 I ain't into all that racism shit. 576 00:55:16,808 --> 00:55:20,576 Racism ain't as bad as it used to be anyway man. . I mean its fucked up but, 577 00:55:20,577 --> 00:55:23,105 They don't call niggers, niggers no more and shit. 578 00:55:23,106 --> 00:55:24,097 White people don't say it. 579 00:55:24,107 --> 00:55:27,483 Especially when there's niggas around. So I guess I wouldn't know it. 580 00:55:29,697 --> 00:55:32,896 I went to Texas to look into racism, about two months ago. 581 00:55:33,216 --> 00:55:37,536 I had a show down in Texas, got off the plane and shit, walked up looking for racism. 582 00:55:37,696 --> 00:55:42,136 My friends always told me: "You better not go to Texas! They'll fuck you up! " 583 00:55:43,055 --> 00:55:46,935 And when a modern day brother here that shit "What! They ain't fucking nobody up!" 584 00:55:47,135 --> 00:55:50,294 Brothers act like they couldn't have been slaves back 200 years ago. 585 00:55:50,295 --> 00:55:52,920 Its like motherfuckers liked that shit. 586 00:55:53,415 --> 00:55:56,070 "I wish I was a slave; I would fuck somebody up!" 587 00:55:57,605 --> 00:56:00,152 "Shit. . tell me to bale some motherfucking cotton. " 588 00:56:00,153 --> 00:56:01,612 "I would have been on the street and shit. . 589 00:56:01,613 --> 00:56:04,509 "He would came up and say ey yo nigga bale this cotton?" 590 00:56:04,566 --> 00:56:07,005 "I'd say suck my dick master. " 591 00:56:07,905 --> 00:56:10,274 "Suck my motherfucking dick. " 592 00:56:10,275 --> 00:56:11,275 "That's right I ain't baling a motherfucker. " 593 00:56:16,013 --> 00:56:18,213 The first dude that got off the boat said that shit. 594 00:56:18,514 --> 00:56:19,795 "Bale that cotton. " 595 00:56:19,971 --> 00:56:22,052 "Fuck you, motherfucker! " 596 00:56:23,358 --> 00:56:26,304 Other motherfuckers say: "We bale the shit, just keep that shit away. " 597 00:56:26,697 --> 00:56:28,539 "Just keep that fuckin' shit away from me. " 598 00:56:29,892 --> 00:56:32,099 I got of the motherfucking plane, walked up, 599 00:56:32,478 --> 00:56:33,855 Got up, walked up, my bag. 600 00:56:33,955 --> 00:56:38,383 All my black shit on, black leather, big ass medallion and shit on like this. 601 00:56:38,650 --> 00:56:40,060 Little white dude walk up and say: "This your bag?" 602 00:56:40,095 --> 00:56:41,986 I said: "Yes, my fuckin' bag! " 603 00:56:43,250 --> 00:56:47,490 "Why, motherfucker? A black man can't have a suitcase? " 604 00:56:52,890 --> 00:56:55,769 And the dude is like: "What the fuck's wrong with this guy? " 605 00:56:58,729 --> 00:57:00,889 Wasn't that bad at all. 606 00:57:01,569 --> 00:57:04,649 I'm winded. I'm out of breath. 607 00:57:04,969 --> 00:57:06,489 Sweating and shit. 608 00:57:06,689 --> 00:57:09,288 "Do take it off!" "Shut up, bitch!!" 609 00:57:43,630 --> 00:57:46,261 Y'all didn't know I was a ventriloquist too. 610 00:58:00,094 --> 00:58:01,495 Shit ain't as bad as it used to be. 611 00:58:01,764 --> 00:58:03,894 You know who get it real bad now? Chinese people. 612 00:58:03,904 --> 00:58:05,876 They are the ones who be getting fucked over bad. 613 00:58:05,877 --> 00:58:06,876 You be teasin' them and shit. 614 00:58:06,993 --> 00:58:09,126 Ever go into a restaurant and order up some food. 615 00:58:09,142 --> 00:58:11,536 Chinese dude would be in there. and when he leave you do like this: 616 00:58:14,203 --> 00:58:17,158 Everybody makes fun of chinese when they order some food up and shit. 617 00:58:17,190 --> 00:58:19,118 And they're nice guys, be all courteous and shit. 618 00:58:26,425 --> 00:58:27,868 Your friends and shit be laughing. 619 00:58:27,869 --> 00:58:30,943 And he look out the back and say: "The food is coming right up. " 620 00:58:34,761 --> 00:58:43,000 He be in the back watching us: "Very funny. Very funny. " 621 00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:49,160 "Make a special Won-Ton soup for him... " 622 00:58:56,319 --> 00:58:58,999 I wonder if they have, like a McDonald's in China? 623 00:58:59,479 --> 00:59:05,159 Chinese people would be walking and say: "Give me a Big Mac and a strawberry shake, a large order fry and a cherry pie. " 624 00:59:05,799 --> 00:59:09,398 And dude say: "Big Mac, strawberry shake, large order fry and a cherry pie, coming right up. " 625 00:59:21,157 --> 00:59:24,157 That's a fucked up language too, chinese. Hard to learn. 626 00:59:24,637 --> 00:59:27,277 I wanna learn to speak spanish. That's the shit. 627 00:59:27,557 --> 00:59:32,316 You know what I'd really want to speak? I'd like to learn how to speak french, 'cos that's some cool shit, french. 628 00:59:34,076 --> 00:59:36,396 You can say "I gotta shit" in french and it would sound good: 629 00:59:42,715 --> 00:59:44,275 Just sounds good. 630 00:59:45,115 --> 00:59:49,995 I don't like that shit that arabic. That the motherfuckers be speaking in the 7-11. That shit's fucked for me. 631 00:59:55,114 --> 00:59:56,954 It sounds nasty and shit, would be getting like: 632 01:00:02,674 --> 01:00:05,314 That's a word in arabic: That means some shit to them! 633 01:00:10,513 --> 01:00:12,233 "Could I have a hamburger cheese roll?" 634 01:00:14,353 --> 01:00:15,593 "Never mind, man. " 635 01:00:16,433 --> 01:00:19,352 "I don't want no hakana on my bread, motherfucker! " 636 01:00:21,272 --> 01:00:22,122 Spanish language. 637 01:00:22,272 --> 01:00:25,752 You know why I want to learn how to speak spanish? Coz I was always a Ricky Ricardo buff. 638 01:00:26,112 --> 01:00:29,072 When he would get mad of Lucy and be saying: 639 01:00:30,187 --> 01:00:32,336 I'd say: "Go on Ricky curse the bitch out. " 640 01:00:33,591 --> 01:00:36,209 Ricky would lose his mind. Ricky was cool and shit. 641 01:00:36,473 --> 01:00:40,093 For the fifties Desi Arnaz, Ricky Ricardo was a cool motherfucker. 642 01:00:40,094 --> 01:00:43,460 He had his baggies on, pointed shoes, in the club Babaloo and shit. 643 01:01:06,160 --> 01:01:07,324 Remember that shit? 644 01:01:07,467 --> 01:01:08,865 You be sittin' there like this: 645 01:01:11,188 --> 01:01:13,308 He had a cool ass laugh too, it was like: 646 01:01:21,427 --> 01:01:23,667 "It's justa ridiculous! " 647 01:01:24,507 --> 01:01:28,827 "Hey, Fred! How would you like to fuck me up the ass? " 648 01:01:38,586 --> 01:01:40,906 TV is all screwed... Any kids here? 649 01:01:41,506 --> 01:01:44,665 I mean, little kids. I don't like you bringing those kids down here. 650 01:01:45,105 --> 01:01:47,985 How old are you, man? How old? 651 01:01:48,625 --> 01:01:51,425 13? Oh, you're gonna be fucked up when you leave. 652 01:01:52,505 --> 01:01:54,624 "Dad! What's a dick, what is that? " 653 01:01:55,304 --> 01:01:57,024 How old is the other girl, over there? 654 01:01:57,504 --> 01:01:59,504 Oh, y'all fucked up now! 655 01:01:59,988 --> 01:02:01,234 Y'all thought I would be going like this: 656 01:02:03,644 --> 01:02:06,304 You didn't know I'd be saying: "A dick this big! " 657 01:02:09,383 --> 01:02:13,423 The kid's gonna be waking up and: "A negro's dick's coming to get me mom! " 658 01:02:14,463 --> 01:02:18,542 I'mma tell you all a joke you can tell in school, all right, 'cos I've been telling this dirty stuff. 659 01:02:19,462 --> 01:02:22,222 Here's a little joke... Y'all can listen to it too. 660 01:02:23,022 --> 01:02:28,502 I know lots of times people seen my show then go to work and try to tell and fuck my jokes up on the job and shit. 661 01:02:30,182 --> 01:02:32,461 "... and then he said guni gugu! " 662 01:02:34,341 --> 01:02:36,461 "And he had a G. I. Joe up his ass!" 663 01:02:37,261 --> 01:02:41,301 "Hey, I'm Mr. T, I'll rip your cock off with my ass! " 664 01:02:43,740 --> 01:02:46,780 And dude be standing all: "Yeah, very funny shit, right... " 665 01:02:47,500 --> 01:02:51,820 Here's a joke you can tell at school, when school starts. 666 01:02:52,140 --> 01:02:54,220 Everybody be quiet now. Are you listening guys? 667 01:02:55,059 --> 01:02:59,299 A bear and a rabbit are takin' a shit in the woods. 668 01:03:00,259 --> 01:03:05,299 And the bear turns to the rabbit and says: "Excuse me, you have problems with shit sticking to your fur? " 669 01:03:06,259 --> 01:03:07,658 And the rabbit says: "No. " 670 01:03:08,018 --> 01:03:10,938 So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. 671 01:03:26,097 --> 01:03:27,897 I like that joke. 672 01:03:38,136 --> 01:03:41,496 Oh, shit! Anybody got cable? 673 01:03:44,095 --> 01:03:50,295 I've been watching a lot of cable lately 'cos I'm so mad with it. Only good TV show now is Star Trek. 674 01:03:51,295 --> 01:03:53,295 That's some good shit! 675 01:03:54,494 --> 01:03:58,454 I like Captain Kirk, 'cos Captain Kirk will fuck anybody! 676 01:03:58,894 --> 01:04:03,214 I've seen him beamed down on a planet- ever seen that when he's fucked this dream bitch? 677 01:04:03,814 --> 01:04:07,213 You gotta be a horny motherfucker to fuck a dream bitch! 678 01:04:08,093 --> 01:04:12,253 I mean, I'm no racist, but if the bitch is green there's something wrong with the pussy! 679 01:04:13,333 --> 01:04:15,213 He'll be fucking a mutant and: 680 01:04:22,972 --> 01:04:27,172 Ship be gettin' all fucked up. Mr Scott, I like him he made me laugh, he's never cool and shit. 681 01:04:27,412 --> 01:04:30,331 He's the opposite of Spock. The ship be all fucked up and Mr. Scott say: 682 01:04:30,571 --> 01:04:35,291 "Captain, my ship can't take much more of this sir. She's about to blow! " 683 01:04:36,811 --> 01:04:38,611 "Let Spock handle it. " 684 01:04:39,371 --> 01:04:44,450 And Spock say: "Mr Scott, why don't you take the phasers and point them at the dylithium crystals 685 01:04:44,570 --> 01:04:46,970 and point them phasers at them and then use the power from the phasers 686 01:04:47,210 --> 01:04:50,330 to regenerate the dylithium crystals and we can get out on the impulse power. " 687 01:04:50,570 --> 01:04:54,050 "Mr Spock! It just might wax it! " 688 01:04:54,289 --> 01:04:56,969 "The shit worked last week, motherfucker! " 689 01:04:59,049 --> 01:05:01,869 I got fed up with TV and shit, coz I seen all the Star Treks. 690 01:05:01,879 --> 01:05:03,067 I start watching cable. 691 01:05:03,809 --> 01:05:06,609 I was watching Poltergeist last month. 692 01:05:06,644 --> 01:05:07,965 I got a question. 693 01:05:08,528 --> 01:05:12,448 Why don't white people just leave the house when there's a ghost in the house? 694 01:05:17,128 --> 01:05:20,207 Y'all stay in the house too fuckin' long. Get the fuck out of the house! 695 01:05:20,607 --> 01:05:23,927 Very simple: If there's a ghost in the house, get the fuck out! 696 01:05:25,487 --> 01:05:30,206 And not only did they stay in the house with the poltergeist, they invite more people over! 697 01:05:30,846 --> 01:05:33,886 Sitting around going: "Our daughter Carroll-Ann's in the television set. " 698 01:05:33,887 --> 01:05:36,173 I would have been gone. 699 01:05:36,174 --> 01:05:37,174 If I had a daughter, went down to the precinct and say 700 01:05:37,175 --> 01:05:42,474 "Look man, I went home my fucking daughter's in the t. v. set and I just fucking left. " 701 01:05:42,941 --> 01:05:45,685 You can have all this, I ain't going back to the motherfucker. 702 01:05:45,686 --> 01:05:49,807 I just came down so when she ain't at the school you don't think I killed the bitch or anything like that. 703 01:05:49,808 --> 01:05:53,209 But she is inside the tv set you can have all that shit. Thank you. 704 01:05:53,210 --> 01:05:55,035 "Mr. Murphy didn't you try to save your daughter?" 705 01:05:55,036 --> 01:05:56,838 Yeah, I'm a man, see I tried to save her 706 01:05:56,894 --> 01:06:00,959 I turned the channels the shit didn't work. I got the fuck out. 707 01:06:02,811 --> 01:06:06,470 The kid was only 6 years old in the movie, they couldn't have been to attached to her. 708 01:06:08,513 --> 01:06:11,840 In the amityville horror the ghost told them to get out of the house. 709 01:06:11,841 --> 01:06:15,848 White people stayed in there. Now that's a hint and a half for your ass. 710 01:06:16,283 --> 01:06:19,802 A ghost say get the fuck out, I would just tip the fuck out the door! 711 01:06:19,803 --> 01:06:23,370 Lou Walker looked in the toilet bowl, the're was blood in the toilet. 712 01:06:23,371 --> 01:06:25,433 And said, "That's peculiar. " 713 01:06:26,808 --> 01:06:30,023 I would 've been in the house saying: "Oh baby this is beautiful. " 714 01:06:30,024 --> 01:06:33,993 "We got a chandelier hanging up here, kids outside playing. Its a beautiful neighbourhood. " 715 01:06:33,994 --> 01:06:36,348 "We ain't got nuttin to worry, I really love it this is really nice. " 716 01:06:36,561 --> 01:06:40,241 "GET OUT! " "Too bad we can't stay, baby! " 717 01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:49,440 You know, I wanna say something. 718 01:06:50,520 --> 01:06:56,639 I think maybe like 30 years ago there was a woman that wanted to sing, a black lady wanted to sing opera... 719 01:06:57,319 --> 01:06:58,839 What was her name? 720 01:06:59,119 --> 01:07:03,879 Mary Anderson? And this place was like segregated and she couldn't sing here. 721 01:07:06,358 --> 01:07:10,358 And she couldn't sing in the place. And here we are, like not even 50 years later, 722 01:07:10,478 --> 01:07:15,598 A 22 year old black male on stage getting paid to hold his dick. 723 01:07:17,598 --> 01:07:23,117 God bless America! I gotta go now. Y'all take it easy, bye bye! 71112

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