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1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:05,070
Memphis stormfront
in the channel 3 news copter
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:07,872
With something still exclusive
to live tv --
3
00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:09,474
A police chase!
4
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,010
And if you're watching this
on youtube years later --
5
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:14,679
Smash that like button, brah!
6
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:16,548
Dad, that looks like
your suv.
7
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,083
It can't be.
Mine's in the shop.
8
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:20,285
It's making a weird sound,
kinda like...
9
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,420
[ wheezing ]
pa-h-h-h-h.
10
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,422
[ tires screech,
engine wheezes ]
11
00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:26,825
Lot of smoke, and that
"pa-h-h-h-h" can't be good.
12
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:29,694
Oh, he's getting out.
He's making a run for it!
13
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,830
[ gasps ]
that's wendell. My mechanic!
14
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:33,966
The police are closing in.
Wait.
15
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,035
He's carjacking that bugatti!
[ engine revs ]
16
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:39,437
He is gone, gone, gone!
17
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:42,507
Two things -- we might need to
look for a new mechanic.
18
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:44,376
And I definitely need to get
a bugatti.
19
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,911
But, honey,
you love your suv.
20
00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:48,580
Well, everyone's getting
bugattis!
21
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,248
Even my friend wendell
has one!
22
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,317
A sports car!
Wow.
23
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:55,587
What would the kids at school
say if we had a bugatti?
24
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:57,722
[ harp plays ]
25
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,658
[ tires screech, engine revs ]
26
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,593
[ window whirring ]
hey ladies.
27
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,863
Need a ride?
There's room on my mom's lap.
28
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:07,466
[ engine revving,
girls laughing ]
29
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:09,868
[ harp plays ]
30
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:11,103
Hell, yeah.
31
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,672
[ harp plays ]
32
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,607
[ engine revs, tires screech ]
33
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:18,210
Hey, boys.
Need a ride?
34
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:21,814
[ engine revving, men laughing ]
[ harp plays ]
35
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:23,215
Hell, yeah!
36
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:24,749
[ harp plays ]
37
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,152
[ engine revving, men laughing ]
38
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,088
Hell, yeah.
39
00:01:30,156 --> 00:01:32,490
[ harp plays ]
40
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,758
That settles it.
41
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,227
The smiths are getting
a bugatti.
42
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:37,762
Francine, hayley,
we're running behind,
43
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,764
So hurry up and get
your fantasies in before the --
44
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,500
[ theme music plays ]
45
00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:45,237
♪ good morning, u.S.A.
46
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:48,506
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
47
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:51,844
♪ the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
48
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:56,515
♪ and he's shinin' a salute
to the american race ♪
49
00:01:58,052 --> 00:02:01,586
♪ oh, boy, it's swell to say
50
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,856
♪ good --
♪ good morning, u.S.A.
51
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,157
Aah!
52
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:09,994
♪ good morning, u.S.A.
53
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:12,196
♪♪
54
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,599
I've been kicked out
of car dealerships before,
55
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,000
But never
for financial reasons.
56
00:02:16,002 --> 00:02:18,403
Bugattis are like
a million dollars.
57
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,804
We're fine with the suv.
58
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,874
We can barely even afford
to fix that.
59
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,076
Where is all our money going
these days?
60
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,879
Okay. I was gonna be
baby plumber jr. Today,
61
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:30,682
But after hearing your money
woes, I think it's a day for...
62
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:34,686
Suzy orwoman,
financial adviseress.
63
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:37,021
Want to know why
you can't afford that bugatti?
64
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,690
You're not making your assets
work for you.
65
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,759
Intriguing.
Go on, mrs. Orwoman.
66
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,094
That's miss orwoman.
67
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,762
Still haven't found
the right lady
68
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,430
To make an honest woman
out of me.
69
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,832
[ whispering ] I'm a lesbian,
so stop flirting with me.
70
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,235
Okay. Let's take inventory
of your assets.
71
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,504
Well, I've got this fridge
and the garage fridge--
72
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:57,041
No, no, no. Not material stuff.
I'm talking these assets.
73
00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:59,912
What are these little flesh-and-
bone piggy banks doing for you?
74
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,846
Steve. Contributions.
Go!
Easy!
75
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,649
You know those couple hundred
sketches of toshi
76
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,718
I did last summer?
Yes.
77
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,387
Well, they're on sale
on my etsy page,
78
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:12,991
And *let's just say there's
a lot of buzz.
79
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:14,526
Speaking of buzzed --
hayley?
80
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:17,329
I keep our food budget down
with restaurant leftovers,
81
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:18,997
Like the hub's
all-you-can-eat-
82
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:20,532
But-you-should've-eaten-it-
yesterday tuna salad.
83
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,335
If we're talking budgets,
that's my department.
84
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:28,206
I keep our books like I keep
my man -- sexually satisfied.
85
00:03:28,274 --> 00:03:31,543
Okay. Okay.
Assets lookin' good so far.
86
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:34,346
But what about
fleshbeard?
87
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:35,480
Me?
88
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,816
Mooch alert!
Jeff is not a mooch.
89
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,418
Well, he doesn't
bring anything in.
90
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,887
And he takes a lot out.
Hey. That's right.
91
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,556
He even mooched
off my bugatti fantasy.
92
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:48,893
Lay off! What jeff lacks in
income he makes up for in heart.
93
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:52,164
Please. Financially, there's
no monetary value to heart.
94
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,632
Hit it, klaus!
95
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:56,768
[ switch clicks,
down-tempo introduction plays ]
96
00:03:56,837 --> 00:04:01,439
♪ let me tell you 'bout
jeffrey the moocher ♪
97
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,241
♪ he's a grabbin'-and-takin'
98
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:07,111
♪ and no-money-makin'
low-down coochie-hoocher ♪
99
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:10,248
[ trumpet playing ]
[ laughs ]
100
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,584
♪♪
101
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,786
♪ he'll borrow your car, bro
102
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,255
♪ and bring it back
with a dent ♪
103
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:19,791
♪ he'll have a bunch
of your cap'n crunch ♪
104
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,060
♪ and never offer you a cent
105
00:04:22,128 --> 00:04:25,463
♪ ho-de-ho-ho-de-ho
106
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:28,733
[ trombone playing ]
107
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:31,269
♪♪
108
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,606
[ smacks lips ]
this trombone tastes like shit.
109
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:38,810
Ah! This is the heavily used
plunger from my plumber costume.
110
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,278
Face it, smiths.
111
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:42,747
When it comes to your finances,
jeff's worthless.
112
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,482
Jeff, why are you
dancing around
113
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:46,618
To a song about you being
a mooch?
114
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,620
[ gasps ]
that song was about me?!
115
00:04:52,461 --> 00:04:54,127
Babe?
116
00:04:54,129 --> 00:04:57,264
You ever get the feeling
the family thinks I'm a mooch?
117
00:04:57,333 --> 00:04:59,132
Well, yeah.
Klaus sang a whole so--
118
00:04:59,202 --> 00:05:00,801
N-never mind.
Don't listen to them.
119
00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:02,203
Stan: Yoink!
[ gasps ]
120
00:05:02,271 --> 00:05:05,138
Your nightlight is costing us
10 cents a month.
121
00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:08,008
Ten cents I'll never see again,
thanks to you, jeff.
122
00:05:08,077 --> 00:05:10,011
But I'm scared
of the boogeyman!
123
00:05:10,079 --> 00:05:12,345
Here. There's one
starter bullet in there.
124
00:05:12,347 --> 00:05:16,017
You can earn the rest
by really making that one count.
125
00:05:16,819 --> 00:05:18,619
I think I need to get
a job.
126
00:05:18,687 --> 00:05:22,155
Well, whatever it is,
just don't go overboard with it.
127
00:05:22,225 --> 00:05:24,091
Start with something
simple.
128
00:05:24,159 --> 00:05:28,896
Jeff: Okay.
Big ball on a chain.
129
00:05:28,964 --> 00:05:31,298
Nothing simpler than that!
130
00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:34,568
[ machinery whirring ]
131
00:05:35,037 --> 00:05:37,705
[ metal creaking ]
aw, shoot. I missed.
132
00:05:37,773 --> 00:05:39,840
Well, at least no one got hur--
133
00:05:41,376 --> 00:05:43,710
♪♪
134
00:05:43,779 --> 00:05:45,045
A construction accident?
135
00:05:45,114 --> 00:05:46,980
He doesn't have
health insurance yet.
136
00:05:47,049 --> 00:05:49,049
Here, doc.
Take my wallet to the er.
137
00:05:49,118 --> 00:05:51,452
It's hemorrhaging.
[ laughs ]
138
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,255
Thanks. But seriously,
how much was his ambulance ride?
139
00:05:54,323 --> 00:05:55,989
You don't have to worry
about that.
140
00:05:56,058 --> 00:05:59,192
[ snorts, chuckles ]
he came by wrecking ball!
141
00:05:59,262 --> 00:06:01,262
This isn't funny.
He's my husband!
142
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:04,265
Sorry. I think that pipe
is laughing gas.
143
00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:07,468
So that's gonna make the
bad news I have very awkward.
144
00:06:07,536 --> 00:06:09,403
Jeff's...
[ laughs ]
145
00:06:09,472 --> 00:06:10,671
...Brain dead!
146
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:12,005
Brain dead?
147
00:06:12,007 --> 00:06:14,741
And on...Fft!...
...Life support!
148
00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:17,811
Life support?
[ laughs ]
149
00:06:17,813 --> 00:06:21,014
I have to see him
one last time!
150
00:06:21,016 --> 00:06:23,784
[ laughter ]
151
00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:26,820
[ laughter intensifies ]
152
00:06:26,889 --> 00:06:28,421
[ monitor beeping ]
hey, babe!
153
00:06:28,423 --> 00:06:31,024
Oh, my god! Jeff!
We can't afford this room.
154
00:06:31,093 --> 00:06:32,893
Look at that.
The meter is already running.
155
00:06:32,962 --> 00:06:34,628
That's a heart monitor.
Turn it off!
156
00:06:34,630 --> 00:06:37,965
Almost no brain activity.
Yet he's still functional.
157
00:06:38,033 --> 00:06:39,967
Oh, this is totally normal
for him.
158
00:06:40,035 --> 00:06:42,435
[ knock on door ]
did someone say...
159
00:06:42,437 --> 00:06:44,638
"I promise not to sue"?
Who are you?
160
00:06:44,707 --> 00:06:47,574
I'm a settlement lawyer on
behalf of termite demolitions.
161
00:06:47,643 --> 00:06:50,243
Are you the victim?
No. I'm the jeff.
162
00:06:50,313 --> 00:06:54,047
Whoa! Clearly some major
brain damage here.
163
00:06:54,049 --> 00:06:56,717
[ sighs ] that's gonna take
some extra zeros.
164
00:06:56,786 --> 00:07:00,321
Let's call this a healthy
shut-the-hell-up settlement.
165
00:07:00,389 --> 00:07:03,123
Keep termite's name
out of your mouth.
166
00:07:03,192 --> 00:07:04,257
[ paper tearing ]
167
00:07:04,327 --> 00:07:07,461
Holy...
Hey, you're rich!
168
00:07:07,530 --> 00:07:09,096
Nope.
Still jeff.
169
00:07:12,835 --> 00:07:15,035
[ snoring softly ]
170
00:07:15,103 --> 00:07:16,837
Jeffy boy!
Boogeyman!
171
00:07:16,905 --> 00:07:18,238
Nope.
Just boogeystan.
172
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:19,840
And don't you worry
about your nightlight.
173
00:07:19,908 --> 00:07:21,441
I'll get that for you.
174
00:07:21,510 --> 00:07:23,910
It just needs to be unsmashed
with my unhammer.
175
00:07:23,979 --> 00:07:25,446
Anything else you need?
More pillows?
176
00:07:25,514 --> 00:07:29,382
We want our el jeff-ay
nice and comfy.
177
00:07:29,384 --> 00:07:31,051
We've been calling you
el jeff-ay.
178
00:07:31,119 --> 00:07:33,454
I picked you up a box
of condoms, el jeff-ay.
179
00:07:33,522 --> 00:07:34,587
Just in case.
180
00:07:34,657 --> 00:07:36,256
I poked holes in all of 'em.
181
00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:38,458
The next step is to get him
to impregnate one of us,
182
00:07:38,527 --> 00:07:40,127
Then we've got him
locked down.
183
00:07:40,195 --> 00:07:41,795
I'm not picky
about who.
184
00:07:41,864 --> 00:07:43,463
Let me rap at you,
el jeff-ay.
185
00:07:43,532 --> 00:07:46,533
Now that you're a millionaire
many, many, many times over,
186
00:07:46,601 --> 00:07:49,402
We thought you could help us get
some important things we need.
187
00:07:49,471 --> 00:07:50,671
Like a bugatti.
188
00:07:50,739 --> 00:07:54,074
Yes, jeff. Stan's car
is still in the shop, so...
189
00:07:54,142 --> 00:07:55,275
I'm gonna need one too.
190
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:57,277
And as you know,
toshi and I
191
00:07:57,346 --> 00:08:00,280
Have been working on our
siegfried and roy tribute show.
192
00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:03,016
I feel a white tiger
is a necessary next step.
193
00:08:03,018 --> 00:08:04,685
Get out of here, you vultures!
194
00:08:04,753 --> 00:08:06,386
It's hayley!
Split!
195
00:08:07,622 --> 00:08:10,423
Jeff, do not start
buying them stuff.
196
00:08:10,425 --> 00:08:12,493
They're trying to mooch
off you now.
197
00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:15,161
Look, we need to make smart
investments with this money
198
00:08:15,230 --> 00:08:16,829
And plan for our future.
199
00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:18,231
What are you saying?
200
00:08:18,233 --> 00:08:20,167
That we can get away
from all this.
201
00:08:20,235 --> 00:08:23,103
The vultures.
My childhood bedroom.
202
00:08:23,172 --> 00:08:25,706
The boogeyman?
Yes! You get it!
203
00:08:25,774 --> 00:08:27,174
And we'll get
our own place.
204
00:08:27,242 --> 00:08:30,911
Wow. I never really thought
about that before.
205
00:08:30,979 --> 00:08:32,713
But actually the boogeyman
is an entity
206
00:08:32,781 --> 00:08:34,981
That transcends
physical space.
207
00:08:35,050 --> 00:08:37,450
So there's really
no escaping him.
208
00:08:37,519 --> 00:08:39,853
♪♪
209
00:08:39,922 --> 00:08:42,188
[ all cheering ]
210
00:08:42,257 --> 00:08:43,856
Lobster, el jeff-ay?
211
00:08:43,858 --> 00:08:45,926
Francine's already cracked
the claws on this one,
212
00:08:45,994 --> 00:08:48,661
And how soon are we getting
all the stuff we asked for?
213
00:08:48,663 --> 00:08:50,397
It's hayley!
Split!
214
00:08:50,465 --> 00:08:51,798
Jeff, where were you?
215
00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:54,200
I was waiting at the open house
for an hour.
216
00:08:54,269 --> 00:08:55,535
I'm sorry, babe.
217
00:08:55,604 --> 00:08:57,537
But I want to tell everyone
our new plan
218
00:08:57,606 --> 00:09:01,074
And let them know why I
won't be buying them goobotties.
219
00:09:01,076 --> 00:09:02,743
Open house?
New plan?
220
00:09:02,811 --> 00:09:04,545
Goobotties?
Klaus!
221
00:09:04,613 --> 00:09:07,280
Babe, you're gonna be
so proud of me.
222
00:09:07,282 --> 00:09:09,282
I ingested the money
wisely!
223
00:09:09,351 --> 00:09:11,752
You know the movie
"we bought a zoo"?
224
00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:14,887
Please tell me
you did not buy a zoo.
225
00:09:14,889 --> 00:09:16,156
I didn't.
226
00:09:16,225 --> 00:09:19,092
I got the exclusive
redbox streaming rights
227
00:09:19,094 --> 00:09:20,827
To the movie
"we bought a zoo"!
228
00:09:20,896 --> 00:09:22,028
Aw [bleep]
229
00:09:22,097 --> 00:09:24,431
There's more!
Check this out.
230
00:09:24,499 --> 00:09:27,700
It's new underwear
that hides your fart sounds.
231
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:30,170
Listen.
[ cat meows ]
232
00:09:30,239 --> 00:09:32,439
Ugh!
What's that smell?
233
00:09:32,507 --> 00:09:34,707
Yeah.
They smell way worse now.
234
00:09:34,777 --> 00:09:36,242
But we're workin' on it!
235
00:09:36,311 --> 00:09:38,311
I bought the company
for a cool million.
236
00:09:38,313 --> 00:09:39,780
What?!
What?!
237
00:09:39,848 --> 00:09:42,449
Well, I've heard enough --
and smelled enough.
238
00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:45,718
I think it's time to let you in
on one of suzy orwoman's
239
00:09:45,788 --> 00:09:47,253
Once-in-a-lifetime deals.
240
00:09:47,322 --> 00:09:49,256
These only come along
every couple months.
241
00:09:49,324 --> 00:09:51,992
Feast your eyes
on mount suzymore!
242
00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:53,526
Our casino, jeff.
243
00:09:53,595 --> 00:09:56,129
You see, it's been my dream
to teach my methods
244
00:09:56,198 --> 00:09:57,998
Through the responsible
tradition of gambling.
245
00:09:58,066 --> 00:10:00,601
With your money,
we can make my dream come true.
246
00:10:00,669 --> 00:10:03,536
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It is not happening.
247
00:10:03,538 --> 00:10:06,673
Jeff, I am getting you away
from these parasites.
248
00:10:06,741 --> 00:10:08,275
[ dog barks ]
that was me.
249
00:10:08,343 --> 00:10:10,743
I invested
in a competing underwear.
250
00:10:10,813 --> 00:10:12,145
[ insects chirping ]
251
00:10:12,214 --> 00:10:13,413
It's not fair.
252
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,748
All these years
of jeff taking from us,
253
00:10:15,818 --> 00:10:17,884
And now he can finally
give back, and he won't!
254
00:10:17,953 --> 00:10:19,552
Well, he did get us
shakira.
255
00:10:19,621 --> 00:10:23,023
She sucks!
She has one paw on the grave!
256
00:10:23,091 --> 00:10:26,959
At this rate, jeff's gonna lose
all that money in days --
257
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:30,831
Days -- da-a-a-a-ys.
[ machinery whirring ]
258
00:10:30,899 --> 00:10:32,565
Oh, I forgot to mention --
259
00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:35,969
Jeff also got us this robot
that looks just like me.
260
00:10:36,038 --> 00:10:38,171
I'll put her away --
for now.
261
00:10:38,173 --> 00:10:39,406
[ knock on door ]
262
00:10:40,042 --> 00:10:41,641
Hi, steve.
263
00:10:41,710 --> 00:10:43,776
Did a gross old biddy
make her way over here?
264
00:10:43,846 --> 00:10:46,379
If she does, that's my mother,
so please send her home.
265
00:10:46,381 --> 00:10:48,648
I didn't know your mother
was living with you.
266
00:10:48,717 --> 00:10:49,850
I just moved her in.
267
00:10:49,918 --> 00:10:51,518
The court named me
as her conservator,
268
00:10:51,586 --> 00:10:53,720
So I'm managing all her affairs
and finances now.
269
00:10:53,788 --> 00:10:55,922
[ phone chimes ]
oh! Someone found her.
270
00:10:55,991 --> 00:10:58,391
I'm so relieved.
271
00:10:58,727 --> 00:11:01,928
Huh. A conservatorship.
That's not...
272
00:11:01,997 --> 00:11:05,265
I mean, that's not something
we could do with jeff...
273
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:07,200
Is it?
No, no.
274
00:11:07,269 --> 00:11:08,668
We can't do that.
275
00:11:08,737 --> 00:11:10,336
But...Could we?
276
00:11:10,405 --> 00:11:13,273
Well, it's an interesting word,
isn't it?
277
00:11:13,342 --> 00:11:16,409
"conserve."
like saving.
278
00:11:16,411 --> 00:11:19,079
Yeah.
Saving jeff!
279
00:11:19,147 --> 00:11:20,947
Saving jeff from jeff!
280
00:11:21,016 --> 00:11:23,816
And who better to save him
than the people who know him
281
00:11:23,818 --> 00:11:25,351
And how much money he has
best!
282
00:11:25,420 --> 00:11:26,687
Hayley:
I don't believe this!
283
00:11:26,755 --> 00:11:28,889
You're actually talking about
taking away
284
00:11:28,957 --> 00:11:30,357
Jeff's independence?
285
00:11:30,425 --> 00:11:31,892
We can't leave jeff
in charge of the money.
286
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,160
He's gonna piss it all away.
And let's face it.
287
00:11:34,229 --> 00:11:36,096
He's never had
good bladder control.
288
00:11:36,164 --> 00:11:38,098
I am not gonna let you
do this.
289
00:11:38,166 --> 00:11:41,368
Well, I guess we'll have to
settle this in court, then.
290
00:11:41,436 --> 00:11:44,971
The basketball court?
291
00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:46,839
[ indistinct conversations ]
292
00:11:46,909 --> 00:11:47,974
Dang.
293
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:49,442
Listen, jeff.
294
00:11:49,444 --> 00:11:51,844
I'll do all the talking.
You just sit there.
295
00:11:51,914 --> 00:11:53,179
Here.
Work on this.
296
00:11:53,248 --> 00:11:54,581
Bailiff:
Court is now in session.
297
00:11:54,649 --> 00:11:56,783
Honorable judge grenier
presiding.
298
00:11:56,851 --> 00:11:59,586
Oh! Hopefully we have
something sexy today.
299
00:11:59,654 --> 00:12:02,255
Like a murder or a kidnapping.
300
00:12:02,257 --> 00:12:04,324
A conservatorship hearing?!
301
00:12:04,392 --> 00:12:08,128
Aw, man. I wish someone would
murder or kidnap me right now.
302
00:12:08,196 --> 00:12:11,598
To see if a person meets the
legal standard for stupidity --
303
00:12:11,666 --> 00:12:13,333
I mean mental incompetency --
304
00:12:13,402 --> 00:12:15,602
We use what we call
the gilligan scale.
305
00:12:15,670 --> 00:12:17,938
At first I thought jeff fischer
was more of a rose
306
00:12:18,006 --> 00:12:19,606
From "the golden girls."
307
00:12:19,674 --> 00:12:21,808
But after further examination,
I can confidently say
308
00:12:21,876 --> 00:12:24,277
He and gilligan are
a perfect match.
309
00:12:24,346 --> 00:12:25,745
[ spectators murmuring ]
310
00:12:25,814 --> 00:12:28,081
Objection!
That scale is absurd!
311
00:12:28,150 --> 00:12:29,215
Knock, knock.
312
00:12:29,284 --> 00:12:30,483
Who's there?
313
00:12:30,485 --> 00:12:32,085
O!
"o" who?
314
00:12:32,154 --> 00:12:35,021
"o"-verruled!
And that's lunch.
315
00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:40,093
I have here a sworn affidavit
from a pillar of our community.
316
00:12:40,162 --> 00:12:43,764
I'm talking about tom
from the grocery store now.
317
00:12:43,832 --> 00:12:47,433
It's a list of things
jeff fischer has slipped on
318
00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:49,569
In the last year alone.
319
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:53,506
"forty-seven banana peels,
sixteen different soup cans,
320
00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:55,708
A recently unmopped floor--"
321
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:57,510
I can't take any more
of this.
322
00:12:57,512 --> 00:13:00,847
Oh!
This is gettin' good!
323
00:13:00,915 --> 00:13:03,116
Your honor,
my family is not concerned
324
00:13:03,185 --> 00:13:04,517
With jeff's well-being
at all.
325
00:13:04,519 --> 00:13:06,052
They just want
his money.
326
00:13:06,121 --> 00:13:08,521
They are the last people
who should be caring for him.
327
00:13:08,590 --> 00:13:10,723
My dad once asked
a homeless man
328
00:13:10,792 --> 00:13:12,859
To babysit me
while he went go-kart riding.
329
00:13:12,927 --> 00:13:15,528
My mom was kicked out
of lollapalooza
330
00:13:15,530 --> 00:13:16,596
For being too naked.
331
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,064
And my brother, steve --
332
00:13:18,132 --> 00:13:20,800
Well, his etsy reviews speak
for themselves.
333
00:13:20,869 --> 00:13:22,002
One star.
334
00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:24,537
The buyers thought toshi
was tilda swinton.
335
00:13:24,539 --> 00:13:26,673
And furthermore,
they live with a fish
336
00:13:26,741 --> 00:13:29,409
Who was at January 6th!
[ spectators gasp ]
337
00:13:29,478 --> 00:13:31,678
I was just gonna see
the pandas at the zoo
338
00:13:31,746 --> 00:13:33,346
And got all turned around!
339
00:13:33,348 --> 00:13:34,947
Order!
I've heard enough!
340
00:13:34,949 --> 00:13:36,683
But I want to take
the stand!
341
00:13:36,751 --> 00:13:38,418
Not a good idea, babe.
No!
342
00:13:38,486 --> 00:13:40,753
It's a great idea.
343
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:45,025
If he lands on his head,
I grant conservatorship!
344
00:13:45,093 --> 00:13:46,259
[ grunts ]
345
00:13:47,229 --> 00:13:49,095
Conservatorship granted!
No!
346
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:51,498
But not to the greedy family.
Oh, thank god.
347
00:13:51,566 --> 00:13:53,166
And not to you either!
348
00:13:53,235 --> 00:13:54,967
You thought this was
a basketball court!
349
00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:57,704
There's only one person
that's right for this job.
350
00:13:57,772 --> 00:14:00,172
And she happens to be
my aa sponsor
351
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,774
And my financial adviser.
352
00:14:01,776 --> 00:14:03,910
Roger:
Hey! Damn it. The door's stuck.
353
00:14:03,978 --> 00:14:07,113
Open this door! I'm missing
my big entrance moment -- aah!
354
00:14:07,182 --> 00:14:08,982
[ spectators gasp ]
355
00:14:10,852 --> 00:14:12,985
Uh, what's happening?
Don't worry.
356
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:14,787
I'm gonna take great care
of you
357
00:14:14,789 --> 00:14:17,457
And all your gorgeous gobs
and gobs of money.
358
00:14:17,526 --> 00:14:19,592
Come on!
No! I don't want to!
359
00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:20,927
What about babe?
360
00:14:20,995 --> 00:14:22,929
I'm your babe now.
361
00:14:22,997 --> 00:14:25,665
[ door rattling ]
damn it!
How is this thing stuck again?
362
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:28,935
From the inside?
Where does it even lock from --
363
00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:31,805
Oh, jeff. You opened it.
You're a genius.
364
00:14:34,054 --> 00:14:35,387
♪♪
365
00:14:35,455 --> 00:14:37,389
[ knock, door opens ]
366
00:14:37,457 --> 00:14:40,526
Hey, babe.
Right on time, hayley!
367
00:14:40,594 --> 00:14:42,060
This has got to stop.
368
00:14:42,062 --> 00:14:43,862
You can't keep jeff prisoner
like this.
369
00:14:43,931 --> 00:14:46,532
Prisoner? Please.
Look at his view.
370
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,536
It's a casino prison penthouse,
just like britney spears.
371
00:14:50,604 --> 00:14:53,539
This is nothing like that.
[ gulps ]
372
00:14:53,607 --> 00:14:54,940
Although I do
have him performing
373
00:14:55,009 --> 00:14:57,476
In a song-and-dance revue
in the casino theater.
374
00:14:57,545 --> 00:14:59,411
Look at him. He's miserable.
375
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,946
It's just
a tummy ache.
376
00:15:01,015 --> 00:15:03,281
He won't stop eating
the glitter bombs from the show.
377
00:15:03,351 --> 00:15:06,084
Plus he's anxious to start this
conjugal visit you demanded.
378
00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:07,419
Chop-chop.
379
00:15:07,487 --> 00:15:08,821
Can we please have
a little privacy?
380
00:15:08,889 --> 00:15:13,025
Oh, of course. Sorry. Sorry.
Hey, goons! Get out!
381
00:15:15,496 --> 00:15:17,229
Whenever you're ready.
382
00:15:17,297 --> 00:15:19,565
[ insects chirping ]
383
00:15:19,633 --> 00:15:22,168
Well, the suv's back.
384
00:15:22,236 --> 00:15:24,370
Cost me our monthly nut
to fix it.
385
00:15:24,438 --> 00:15:26,504
Looks like shakira's funeral
will have to wait
386
00:15:26,506 --> 00:15:27,906
Until we can save up.
387
00:15:27,975 --> 00:15:29,575
[ sighs ]
I feel awful.
388
00:15:29,643 --> 00:15:30,842
Of course you do.
389
00:15:30,911 --> 00:15:32,978
We were this close
to the sweet life.
390
00:15:33,047 --> 00:15:34,913
No. It's not that.
391
00:15:34,915 --> 00:15:38,116
Could it be that maybe we feel
bad about what we did to jeff?
392
00:15:38,185 --> 00:15:40,052
Yeah.
No! I mean...Maybe.
393
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,187
It's hayley! Split!
Oop. Sorry. Reflex.
394
00:15:42,256 --> 00:15:44,990
How's jeff?
Stop acting like you care!
395
00:15:45,059 --> 00:15:48,060
It's your fault
jeff got taken away from me!
396
00:15:48,128 --> 00:15:51,529
[ sobs ]
oh, hayley,
we're so sorry.
397
00:15:51,531 --> 00:15:52,865
We didn't want this.
398
00:15:52,933 --> 00:15:54,933
We just wanted
lots of new stuff.
399
00:15:55,002 --> 00:15:57,603
We want to make this right
and bring jeff home.
400
00:15:57,671 --> 00:16:00,806
Well, there is something
you can help with.
401
00:16:00,874 --> 00:16:02,608
[ up-tempo introduction plays ]
402
00:16:02,676 --> 00:16:05,811
[ off-key ] ♪ you shake my
nerves and you rattle my brain ♪
403
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,413
♪ too much love drives
a man -- ♪
404
00:16:07,481 --> 00:16:09,281
Roger: Nope. No, no.
Stop. Stop the music.
405
00:16:09,349 --> 00:16:12,884
Jeff, it's all wrong. Whoa.
Those things are dangerous.
406
00:16:12,953 --> 00:16:15,353
Hold the balls.
Hold the flaming balls.
407
00:16:15,355 --> 00:16:18,023
Jeff, opening-night tickets
are about to go on sale,
408
00:16:18,092 --> 00:16:21,093
So I need passion in those eyes,
and all I'm getting is fear.
409
00:16:21,161 --> 00:16:23,361
It's so off-putting.
[ phone buzzing ]
410
00:16:23,431 --> 00:16:25,097
Hold on a second.
Go for suzy.
411
00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:27,032
Can I go home today?
412
00:16:27,101 --> 00:16:29,367
Protesters chanting
"free jeff"?
413
00:16:29,437 --> 00:16:31,369
That could be
very misleading.
414
00:16:31,439 --> 00:16:34,106
Tickets to see jeff start
at $27.
415
00:16:34,174 --> 00:16:35,707
Goons, with me.
416
00:16:35,776 --> 00:16:39,245
And don't let me catch you
eating any more glitter bombs.
417
00:16:39,313 --> 00:16:41,780
Ah-choo!
418
00:16:41,849 --> 00:16:43,916
Even better on the way up.
419
00:16:43,984 --> 00:16:47,585
Free jeff! Free jeff!
Free jeff!
420
00:16:47,587 --> 00:16:50,656
You guys better get out of here
or at least buy tickets.
421
00:16:50,724 --> 00:16:53,459
We're not going anywhere
until you let jeff go!
422
00:16:53,527 --> 00:16:55,193
Free jeff!
Free jeff!
Free jeff!
423
00:16:55,262 --> 00:16:58,530
You fools are no match for --
wait. Only four smiths?
424
00:16:58,598 --> 00:17:00,398
Where's the girl?
Ha! You fell for it.
425
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:04,336
This was hayley's ruse.
She's inside, freeing jeff.
426
00:17:04,404 --> 00:17:05,671
Aw, you got rused
so hard.
427
00:17:05,739 --> 00:17:07,605
Stan!
Did I say that too early?
428
00:17:07,607 --> 00:17:08,940
To the getaway car!
429
00:17:09,009 --> 00:17:11,677
Goons, we got to
get to jeff now!
430
00:17:11,745 --> 00:17:14,280
[ grunts ]
are you friggin' kidding me?
431
00:17:14,348 --> 00:17:15,947
Hold on.
I'mma get it this time.
432
00:17:16,016 --> 00:17:17,615
Don't you try and help me,
frankie.
433
00:17:17,617 --> 00:17:18,750
Don't you dare!
434
00:17:18,819 --> 00:17:20,886
Jeff! Come with me.
Hurry.
435
00:17:20,955 --> 00:17:23,421
There's a loophole to get you
out of the conservatorship.
436
00:17:23,491 --> 00:17:25,891
But we've got to get you
across state lines to do it.
437
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,895
Huh. A whole new life
in west vagina?
438
00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:31,997
Exactly.
Let's go.
439
00:17:33,634 --> 00:17:35,100
Let's roll!
440
00:17:35,169 --> 00:17:37,769
[ engine wheezes ]
oh, no, no, no, no, no!
441
00:17:37,838 --> 00:17:40,506
I thought you got
this damn jalopy fixed.
442
00:17:40,574 --> 00:17:41,974
Jeff, this is all your fault.
443
00:17:42,042 --> 00:17:43,909
If you'd only bought me
that car I asked for!
444
00:17:43,978 --> 00:17:46,311
Dad, are you serious?
Look!
445
00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:48,914
[ engine revs, tires screech ]
stan: It's a goobotti!
446
00:17:48,982 --> 00:17:51,049
Steve: I've never seen one
this close.
447
00:17:51,118 --> 00:17:52,384
It's...
448
00:17:52,452 --> 00:17:55,321
It's gorgeous!
449
00:17:55,389 --> 00:17:59,057
[ suspenseful music plays ]
450
00:17:59,059 --> 00:18:00,726
[ engine revs, tires screech ]
451
00:18:00,794 --> 00:18:03,128
Okay. I'm just gonna say
what everyone's thinking.
452
00:18:03,197 --> 00:18:04,262
Jeff owes us.
453
00:18:04,331 --> 00:18:05,531
Yeah!
Yeah!
454
00:18:05,599 --> 00:18:07,465
♪ let me
tell you 'bout -- ♪
455
00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:08,734
No, klaus!
456
00:18:08,802 --> 00:18:09,935
We've got to get jeff
out of here.
457
00:18:10,004 --> 00:18:12,070
I'm not so sure
about that.
458
00:18:12,139 --> 00:18:14,806
I've got those conservator
forms somewhere.
459
00:18:14,875 --> 00:18:18,143
This is extortion.
This is -- jeff?
460
00:18:18,212 --> 00:18:20,412
[ burping ]
461
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,813
Whoa!
Ahh!
462
00:18:21,882 --> 00:18:24,416
Ohh...Aah!
Ohh...Aah!
Ohh...Aah!
463
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:26,684
Steve:
Oh, god!
464
00:18:26,686 --> 00:18:30,155
It was beautiful,
but it stings so bad!
465
00:18:30,224 --> 00:18:31,557
[ dramatic music plays ]
466
00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:34,560
Keep going, jeff!
I'll fight 'em off!
467
00:18:34,628 --> 00:18:36,362
[ grunts ]
468
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:39,164
[ slot machines chiming ]
469
00:18:39,233 --> 00:18:44,703
Like my reviews on etsy say --
"bad. Very bad."
470
00:18:44,772 --> 00:18:51,109
♪♪
471
00:18:51,178 --> 00:18:52,711
[ gasps ]
472
00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:56,248
Look! There's money --
I-I mean jeff!
473
00:18:56,316 --> 00:18:58,050
♪♪
474
00:18:58,118 --> 00:18:59,752
[ all scream ]
475
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,320
Jeff!
Give me your hand!
476
00:19:02,389 --> 00:19:05,057
♪♪
477
00:19:05,125 --> 00:19:06,925
Let's get
all the boring paperwork
478
00:19:06,994 --> 00:19:08,526
Out of the way first,
huh?
479
00:19:08,528 --> 00:19:09,995
Jeff:
[ straining ]
480
00:19:10,063 --> 00:19:12,664
Everybody hold on
to me!
481
00:19:12,733 --> 00:19:14,666
♪♪
482
00:19:14,735 --> 00:19:16,735
Steve, switch places
with me.
483
00:19:16,804 --> 00:19:18,336
[ all screaming ]
484
00:19:18,405 --> 00:19:21,339
No!
485
00:19:21,408 --> 00:19:22,674
♪♪
486
00:19:22,742 --> 00:19:24,610
Stan, do something!
487
00:19:24,678 --> 00:19:26,744
I'm comin',
shakira!
488
00:19:26,746 --> 00:19:27,879
♪♪
489
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:30,548
Got you!
Climb up!
490
00:19:30,618 --> 00:19:34,486
♪♪
491
00:19:34,554 --> 00:19:36,554
[ breathing heavily ]
492
00:19:36,624 --> 00:19:39,090
Okay.
I can sign the form now.
493
00:19:39,159 --> 00:19:42,094
Jeff, don't sign anything
or they'll control you!
494
00:19:42,162 --> 00:19:44,830
I don't care.
I just want to go home.
495
00:19:44,898 --> 00:19:46,632
You still want to live
with them?
496
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:48,967
They're the only family
I've ever had!
497
00:19:48,969 --> 00:19:50,368
I don't want to lose them!
498
00:19:50,437 --> 00:19:52,971
That's why I tried to get rid
of the money.
499
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:54,372
Get rid of the money?
500
00:19:54,374 --> 00:19:56,842
Yeah. I knew those investments
were stupid.
501
00:19:56,910 --> 00:19:59,778
But I was afraid we'd use
the money to buy a house.
502
00:19:59,847 --> 00:20:02,314
I don't want to move away
from my family.
503
00:20:03,117 --> 00:20:06,117
Oh, jeff.
We're so sorry.
504
00:20:06,186 --> 00:20:08,854
It doesn't matter
that you don't contribute.
505
00:20:08,922 --> 00:20:10,922
He literally just saved
your lives.
506
00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:12,724
Contribute money,
hayley.
507
00:20:12,793 --> 00:20:15,894
Jeff, what you contribute
is you.
508
00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:19,665
You're free to spend your money
however you want.
509
00:20:19,733 --> 00:20:21,132
Roger:
Yeah. About that.
510
00:20:21,201 --> 00:20:22,934
There's no money.
What?!
What?!
511
00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:25,471
Turns out I know nothing
about casino management.
512
00:20:25,539 --> 00:20:28,740
My blackjack tables were
paying out a thousand to one.
513
00:20:28,808 --> 00:20:30,342
I think I'm bad
with money.
514
00:20:30,410 --> 00:20:32,744
But I guess we could sell
the casino.
515
00:20:32,812 --> 00:20:35,180
[ laughing ]
516
00:20:41,821 --> 00:20:43,889
Or not.
Most likely not.
517
00:20:43,957 --> 00:20:45,290
[ down-tempo music plays ]
518
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,360
This one's on the house,
jeff.
519
00:20:48,428 --> 00:20:50,962
♪♪
520
00:20:51,031 --> 00:20:53,164
[ suspenseful music plays ]
521
00:20:53,233 --> 00:20:57,035
Boogeyman:
[ hisses ] it's back!
522
00:20:57,104 --> 00:20:58,236
Shit.
523
00:20:58,305 --> 00:21:00,372
Bye!
Have a beautiful time.
36365
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