Original subtitles

- No, no, you can't just kiss me like that!

-Previously on "Bruh."

- Hey, Regina.

Girl, he didn't fall for it, no.

- She kissed you?

- Yeah, she called Regina, and, you know,

made it see like it was her.

- I need to move my car out of the red zone.

- Or I'll have to arrest you.

- You promise?

- Got on the phone,

act like she was talking to Regina.

I was right next to her.

I didn't hear nobody on the other end.

- No harm, no fool. Let this go.

- All right. - Just don't say nothing.

- There's something you're not telling me.

You need to just tell me now.

- It's... - What, what? Talk!

- She kissed me!

- She what?

- She kissed me.

- She kissed you?

- Mm-hmm.

- Bill, how does that happen?

- Well, see, we-- we was driving.

You know me, 10-20, 10-2, all that.

- Mm-hmm.

-And then she just-- , bam.

She, you know--kissed me. - No.

Did you fuck her?

- No!

- Are you sure?

- I think I would know if I fucked her. Trust me.

- Don't play with me right now, I swear to God.

Don't play with me. - I'm not playing, I'm not.

- Why are you telling me this?

- Because if she told you, then...

- Like, what, what? You did more than kiss her?

- No, okay, look, look,

I just feel being your bruh and all,

you're my man-- you know, uh, uh-uh.

- I'm not your--

- I just think I should be the one to tell you.

- So, yes, you did more than kiss her.

- No!

- Then what was it, a peck? - It was...

- What? - It was kiss.

- What was it? Tell me. Tongue?

Bill, I will knock your ass

out right now. - A little, a little, a little.

But, look, I stopped, and I was like, "No, Pam, no!"

- Mm-hmm, and what did she say?

- She said that she knew that I wanted her,

and that Regina put her up to it.

- What did--Regina?

- Yeah, she said that it was all a joke,

it was--you know, her and Regina

put some elaborate scheme together

to see if I'd fall for it. - Sounds like a lie.

- Exactly, 'cause when she jumped on the phone,

I ain't hear nobody else on the other end.

- So you kissed the woman that I love.

- Mike, no, she kissed me, bruh.

- Except, nigga, your tongue came out of your mouth.

- No!

Look, I--look, I'm--

Look, I'm sorry, man.

- You're sorry? -I'm sorry.

- Give fuck about you're sorry?

Nigga, you was sitting there with your dick hard

with my girl, you talk about sorry?

The fuck about you're sorry? - No, no. It was his fault,

not me. - Nigga,

I don't give a fuck, nigga! I don't care!

Nigga, get out.

- Okay, you know what, look, it's some bullshit, okay?

-Get out, get out. - I get it.

-Get the fuck out. Get out.

-Relax. - Get out! Get out!

Get out right now!

Get out.

- Man, this is some bullshit. - I don't give a fuck, get out.

Put some pep in your fucking step, nigga, move! Get out!

-Alright.

- Hey. - Yo.

- Yo, that shit did not go well.

-What happened, man?

- That boy Mike was mad as hell.

- Man, I don't know if that was the right thing to do.

- I mean, come on, I had to do it.

- A'ight, fo' sho'.

I'ma call Mike and we'll have a drink later. Cool?

- He ain't gonna want to talk to me.

- Hey, I don't know. He should calm down, though.

- I'm telling you, the boy was heated.

He's not gonna talk to me.

- A'ight, I'll see. - All right, okay.

-I'll hit you up later, a'ight?

- Yep.

- A'ight, peace.

- You gonna get yo' ass off this phone

and help me with this lunch rush.

- What lunch rush? It is not a soul in here!

- That's your damn fault.

- How is it my fault?

- You don't want me to make this place topless.

- Mom. Mom, come on, please.

- What?

No, I will have all the men on their knees.

- What fantasy world do you live in?

- The one where a nigga like you was aborted.

- What the hell?

Ma, damn, come on now with that! Please!

That's not something you keep saying to your son

about being aborted, all right?

- No, you standing there talking about me?

Oh, hell no.

- You telling me to get off the phone, for what?

- Yes. - And help you?

- That's right.

- There's no one in here.

- Oh, you a hater.

- Mom, how am I a hater?

-Now, see, because if we go topless,

this place will be...

- Mom, and I'll be full of vomit,

and we will have to clean up every time

'cause nobody wants to see that, Mom, okay?

- You gon' make me shoot you. - Ma, really?

- Mm-hmm. - For real?

- No, I love you, but I will shoot yo' ass.

- Because I don't wanna see your topless self

jumping around here? - You got it.

- Okay, okay, Mom. What you want me to do?

- Mop the damn floor.

- Mom, I just mopped the floor, and this is my store, okay?

- Well, wipe down the counter.

- I did that already, Mom.

- Well? - Well?

You do know this is my store too, right?

- But you can't do shit without me.

- Are you sure you're my mom?

You sure you didn't adopt me or something?

- I'm sure you're a pain in my ass.

-Okay. - That's what I'm sure of.

- Okay, what are the odds, huh?

- They want me to go to the office.

- Okay, Mom, finish up out here.

You can go to the office.

- Ain't nothing to do back there.

- There's nothing to do in here, either.

- Though we have to get some customers,

or this place is going under.

- Ma, it's the summer.

It's always slow in the summer, you know that.

- Well?

- Ma, we go through this every year.

You say this every year.

- Well, I don't like it every year.

- That's why I tell you you have to save

in the winter and the fall

so that we can be ready for this moment.

That's why I tell you we'd still be in it.

I be trying to tell you that! - I needed a car.

- But now we need more money, Ma,

'cause you wanted a car.

- Well, I had to get something

to keep the young men interested.

- Ma, if they on you for a car, then...

- Well?

- Ma, that's the other problem, you be paying them.

- The first time.

- Are you serious, Ma?

I pay 'em once,

and then after I put this thing on 'em,

they be paying me.

- See, them young girls, they don't know shit.

And we got it.

We just have to get them to give us a chance.

- Mom, okay, I don't wanna hear any of this.

- Well, leave then, shit, 'cause I'ma talk about this.

- Ma, these kids are my age! - I know.

Hell, I don't want no old-ass man in his 60s

who can't keep it up.

- But, Ma, remember your heart condition?

- I know.

That's why I need that horizontal exercise.

- Okay, no more talking to you, Mom. You can go.

- You can't talk to me? You could talk to me.

- No, I cannot. Have a good night.

- No, no, no, what you talking about?

- Mom, bye, please, bye.

- No, like, for real?

- Mom. Mom. Ssh. Oh, see, there's a customer.

How you doing? Good to see you.

- Hey, how are you? - Oh, shit, they can wait.

- Mom, you just said we needed the money!

- Okay, okay, fine, fine.

Uh, can I help you?

- Uh, yeah, can I get a grande double shot

almond milk latte, please?

- I don't make all that shit. That shit just on there.

Pick something you see on the fucking menu, man.

- Wow.

Uh, I'll have a Loosely Lips sandwich?

- I named that one after my coochie.

I'll be right back. Stay there. I'll be right back.

- What? - Hey, man, come on.

Is that any way to talk to your bruh? Come on.

- Nigga, what is it? I'm busy.

- You ain't doing shit.

- John. - Look, I talked to Bill, okay?

- Did he tell you that he fucked Pam?

- Wait, what? - Yeah.

- He said that they kissed.

- Nah, he's not telling you everything, I know it.

Nah, they fucked. They fucked.

- Mike. I wanna talk to you, man.

He didn't do that.

- I know he did. - Come on, man, can we meet?

- I'm not talking to him, all right?

- Mike, he didn't do that, man.

- What did he tell you?

- He told me they kissed, man.

- Okay. Look, I know him, and I damn sure know her,

and they fucked.

He's not telling me everything.

- Mike!

- Okay, you just wait until I talk to her.

- When you gonna talk to her?

- I already called her, all right?

I'm just waiting for her to call me back.

-Mike, Mike, Mike!

You need to calm down before you talk to her, man.

- I don't need to do shit, all right?

I'm done with Bill's bitch ass, I'm done with you.

This friendship is over. The bruhs are over, all right?

- Mike!

-All right, get off my line.

I don't wanna hear shit, okay? Bye!

- Damn.

- Yeah?

-Me and Bill will be at your house at seven.

Get Mike over there.

- Ah, okay?

Uh, what's going on?

-They are at each other,

and Mike says he's done with the bruhs.

- Oh, geez, really? -Yeah.

- Okay, okay, listen, I'll call him later.

-Okay.

- All right, cool.

Listen, I got a patient right now, but, um,

I'll talk to you guys in a bit.

-Bye. - All right, cool, bye.

-Hello, Mrs.-- - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey, how are you?

- Good, how you doing? - How's it going?

- What's going on? - Oh.

-Good to see you. - You too.

- So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit today?

- You know, I wanted to talk to the friend with some sense.

- Well, I'm honored you thought that was me.

Thank you. - Yes, it is. It is.

- Have a seat, yes. - Thank you.

- So I feel like-- - So, uh, tell me

what this might be about?

- I think you can guess. It's Mike.

- Yeah, yeah, I figured it might be.

- Yeah, I mean...

this guy--he has been driving me crazy, Tom.

Like, I've been acting crazy.

He makes me angry.

He makes me--

I don't know. - Yeah, yeah, listen,

he makes us all feel the same way.

That's Mike, that's who he is.

- Oh, but I love him.

- We do too.

- And I want to be with him.

You know, I want him to love me.

I want him to openly have eyes for me.

I know how that sounds.

- No, oh, no, that's not too much to ask.

- Yes, it is, and you know it.

Well, I know Mike, and I...

- Right.

So, I mean, you know that he's not into that.

- Hmm, no...

Listen. - Mm-hmm.

- I'm not saying he's not into it,

but I think you need to talk to him.

- No, mm-hmm.

I'm done talking to him.

I'm tired of talking to him, Tom.

- Okay, Pam, well, I don't know how you're gonna get anywhere

with this 'cause that's kind of what it requires.

- I know, I know.

- And...

I think you should talk to him about kissing Bill.

- Wait.

You know--wait.

- Yeah, I know about that. - How do you know about that?

- I know about that. It's not a secret any more.

- Damn.

- What was that about, Pamela? Why?

- Don't get mad at--

Regina and I just wanted to see what he would do. That's it.

- Hmm. So you actually talked to her about it?

- Uh-huh, yeah.

- Oh.

- Wh--what, why did you say it like that?

- Well, I, um...

- What? Tom, say it.

- Bill didn't hear anybody on the other end of the phone.

So...

- Okay. - Yeah.

- Wait, so, does he think that I did that?

- Huh, yeah.

He thinks you actually made a pass at him.

He said you were very drunk, so...

- Okay, he heard me call her.

- Yes, Pamela, but was there anybody on the phone?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- Tom, are you kidding? - If you say that, okay.

- Are you kidding me? No.

- If that's what you're saying.

But just know Mike knows too.

- Wow, okay. -Yeah.

- Wow.

So, what? So now he thinks that I'm the one

that's playing games?

- Well, Pamela, what do you call that?

That's a game.

- It was Regina's idea, Tom!

It wasn't even my idea.

- Okay, okay, well...

- It was! It was Regina's idea.

- Okay, but-- - Look, here.

- Fine, then I have a question for you.

- No. - No, I have a question for you.

How did she know that you would just so happen

to be in the car with Bill?

Hmm?

- She didn't.

- She didn't? -No.

- Well, then how did you know to do it?

- Why you sound like a lawyer right now?

- I'm just asking the obvious questions here.

Like, this is real. -Okay, look,

we talked about it beforehand, right,

and she said if I was ever in that position,

then I should let her know-- which I was, so I did,

and she told me to go for it.

- Here, look, look.

- You're getting a little far-fetched here, Pam.

Let's just-- - No, look, look.

Look at the text messages. - I don't--that's none

of my business. I don't wanna look at the text messages.

- Look at them! Tom, look at them, look. Look.

Uh-huh.

- You two are wild. - Can I have an apology now?

Receipts! These are receipts! - You two are--okay, fine.

Fine, yes, you two are something else, but okay.

- Okay. So what, so now-- - Listen.

- Wait, Mike thinks that I'm the one that's playing games?

Can we--

-Okay.

Can you be at my house tonight? Seven o'clock?

- Mm.

Uh, yeah.

- With Regina.

- Okay. - Okay.

We're gonna put this all to bed once and for all.

Okay, no more funny business.

That okay?

Can we do that? - Okay.

- Okay, good. - All right...

- Unless I can give you a flu shot or something?

- No, no, no, no, no, thank you, I don't want that.

All right, thank you for talking to me.

- Of course, Pamela, thank you for coming in.

We'll handle this, okay?

- Thank you. How are you doing, by the way?

Are you good? - Yeah, I'm pretty good.

You know, a couple things I'm dealing with,

but, you know, I think the bruhs can figure it out.

- You guys.

Um, all right, I'll see you at seven.

- Okay. Wait, Pamela. Just bring Regina.

- I will. - Okay.

- You guys need to get these doors fixed.

- Hey. - What?

- Don't tell her. - Tom!

- I'm serious! - Tom!

- Don't tell her. - I won't!

- Okay, but I'm trying--

- Tom, you already saw the text messages.

- Okay. See you tonight. - Okay.

- Bye, Pamela.

See you.

- Oh. Yeah?

-Yo, it's Bill, man. Come on.

-Yo, what up, what up? Come on in.

- What's going on? -Chilling. Come on.

- I been calling and texting you all day.

- Man, my phone is in the bathroom

locked with my momma. I don't know what

she doing in there. - All right, let's hurry.

Let's go, man. - A'ight, cool.

- Yo, what's up? Let's go, man!

- Just told you that my phone was in there.

You gotta wait.

- All right, well, hurry up, man.

Tom's waiting for us. - Okay, then, I got you.

- Alright.

What? What's up?

- I told you, my phone is in there.

I can't go nowhere without my phone.

- Hey, use mine. - What if the bartender call me?

- What bartender, bruh?

- The bartender, the one I was telling you about!

The beautiful one.

- Can we come on?

- Fine, at least let me get my watch.

- Nigga, who still wears a watch?

- A nigga with no phone, that's why.

- Boy, you testing me.

- Mom...

What the f--

Mom? - Hey, Bill.

- Hey, Miss Alice.

- You like my dress?

- Mom, that's not a dress! It's like a napkin!

Where are you going?

- Mm-hmm, I borrowed it from the restaurant.

- You should've burnt it at the restaurant, Mom.

Like, where you think you're going?

- To the Hip-Hop Awards.

- Mom, that's just embarrassing. People know me.

- Well, we even.

- Ma, you shouldn't be going. It's embarrassing.

You shouldn't be wearing this. - You embarrass me every day.

- All right, let's go. Let's go. - I'm going, let's go.

I need to get my phone, though. - All right.

- Don't come home too early. - What you mean, don't--

That's crazy, man. Excuse me!

- I love you. -Whatever.

- Yeah.

If I'm lucky, I'll have a few rappers

over for an unwrapping party.

- Oh, get your momma and let's go.

-Mom! - Let's go.

- Why you got all this glitter on my phone?

- I know! It went everywhere!

- Why you put it on my phone? - I wanted everything

to sparkle. - Why you--not my stuff!

This is not yours!

- It makes it look better. - No, it don't!

Like, act your age, Mom!

Like, put some clothes on!

You just don't-- - You like it, don't you, Bill?

Thank you. See, Bill likes it.

- Okay, I'm finna go.

- Yeah, me too. Let's get going, J.

-Excuse me, excuse me. - Well?

- Let's go. - I'm a savage. Ratchet.

- Mom! You not a savage, okay?

- Who is it? -It's the police.

- What the hell?

- Hey. Hey. - Hey.

Uh, do you remember me?

- Yeah, you're the officer that helped me move in, right?

- Yeah, um.

- Yeah, what?

- Okay, so, I'm so embarrassed right now,

but my girlfriends are in my apartment,

and they dared me to come over here

and bring you a bottle of wine.

- Oh, thank you!

-Yes, as--um, as a housewarming gift.

- Oh, well, technically, it's not my house.

I'm just staying with a friend. - Damn.

- But I appreciate it, though, this is nice.

- Oh, yeah.

Um, okay, um.

They are looking at me through that peep hole,

and I am gonna be mortified if you're mean to me.

- Why don't you come in? - Are you sure?

- Yeah, come on. - Well...

- You're a police officer, right?

- Yeah.

- So I'm sure you can handle yourself.

- You're right. - Come on in.

- Uh, oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.

I'll just sit here for a minute.

- Don't be, it's fine.

- I'm sorry, I...

It's late.

- Yeah, but it's cool.

- Don't you have to be at the hospital tomorrow

to save some lives or something?

- Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm not yet

technically licensed to practice out here in Atlanta.

- Oh, so, does that mean that if I got sick,

you couldn't save me?

-Of course I could.

If I got into some trouble, could you save me?

- Well, I am a police officer, so, yeah.

- I see.

Would you like a glass?

- Only if you let me pour.

- Okay, I'll get some glasses.

- Okay.

Is there a wine opener? I can help you get it.

-I got it, it's right here.

- Oh, well, thank you.

- No problem.

I'll let you open that. - Thank you.

This is fancy!

- So...

Wait, are you barefoot?

- Oh, is that bad?

- No, no. You have cute feet.

- Oh, you think so? -Yeah.

- Thank you!

- Here--here, you gotta let me open this.

- Okay, okay, fine. I admittedly suck at that.

- It's all right.

- There we go.

- Thank you. - I'll pour yours first.

- Thank you. I would've never gotten that out then.

I am a mess.

- I'm the one making a mess in here.

- Oh, no, it's fine, thank you. - Here you go.

Um, to getting up the nerve.

- Yes, to getting it up.

- Wait, what?

- Oh, my--no, I swear I didn't mean it like that.

- No, no, that's cute. - No, I swear I didn't.

- Okay, whatever you say. - Oh my gosh, I'm such a dork!

- You're not a dork.

- Oh, well, you let them tell it, I am.

- So, why'd you let them put you up to this?

- Okay, confession?

- I, um--I've been talking about you.

- You have?

- Uh-huh, I, um--I noticed you

the first time I saw you.

I was pulling out of the garage,

and I was going to yell at you for being a flagrant criminal

parking in the red, but, um, when I approached you...

- What?

- Oh, it's stupid, it's dumb.

I saw the compassion in your eyes.

It just--it made me want to know you more.

- Oh.

Well, here's to getting--

- Don't say getting it up, please.

- I was going to say

here's to getting to know each other.

- Yes.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I'll get that.

- No, no, those are just my stupid girlfriends

trying to listen.

- Really? - Yeah, I'm--I'm gonna go.

- You are? - Yes.

- You can keep the glass. - Oh, no.

- No, keep it.

It'll give you a reason to bring it back.

- Okay.

- You have a good night, okay?

- Okay, uh, yeah, and you,

um, have a good night too.

Um, um, good night.

Oh my god. - Sure.

-Oh, I should kill you! Oh my--

- Well, a lot of activity in our hallway.

- Yeah, her friends just dared her

to come say hi to me.

- Really? So what happened?

- We had a glass of wine.

- Damn, wine already?

So you been at my place one night.

You're already having wine with my neighbors.

I don't even know my neighbors.

I mean, look at you, young playa!

- I guess, it was...

It was cool. It was cool.

- Okay, well, it sounds cool, man.

-Somebody at the door.

- Hey, how are you? - Good, how you doing?

-- Thank you for doing this. -- Of course, any time.

- You're a really good listener.

- Try to be, you know? - Yeah.

- I mean, I'm a good listener, but Tom, really--

he really, really is.

- I'm sorry, who are you? - I'm single.

- Greg--hey, hey. - Oh, no.

- Take it easy, playboy. - Who is this guy?

- Playboy, this is Mike's lady, okay?

- No, I wouldn't say all that. - Oh!

- You know.

- Oh, I'm--no, I'm sorry, I get it.

- I'm Pam.

- I'm Greg, Tom's friend from college.

Nice to meet you. - Yeah, nice to meet you too.

- Oh.

So we're gonna do this? Well, is he staying?

- That's Mike.

- No, don't tell him that I'm here. Wait.

- Hold on.

-No, no, no, no, don't tell him that I'm here.

- Answer the door. Shh.

-Mike, what's up, baby? - What's up? Greg?

- What up, Mike?

-Yo, what are you doing here?

- Well...

- Greg's moving here.

- You moving to Atlanta? - Looks that way.

- Hey, Greg, can you give us a minute for a second?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll be here. - Thanks, man.

-- Nice seeing you, Mike. -- Appreciate it.

-You, too. Welcome to Atlanta, bro.

- All right.

- Why am I here?

- Well, first off, thanks for coming, okay?

Nice to have you here. - Answer me.

Why am I here?

- Mike, just relax.

You want a drink or something, have a seat?

- No, I don't. Why am I here? Tell me.

- So we can talk, bruh.

- There's nothing to talk about.

- Mike, come on. We're bruhs.

We can always talk. It's always been that way.

- Not about this.

- Mike, just-- - No, we have a code.

Do not let these hoes come between us.

- Okay, okay, Mike, let's not call them hoes.

We can talk civilly, okay? -What, really?

- No, Mike, seriously. - Bill fucked Pam.

- No, no, no, he didn't do that.

- Yes, he did. - No, Mike.

- He knew what a sleazy slut she is.

- Trust me, Mike, no, just don't go into all that.

- I can't stand that bitch.

-Mike, that's not true. - Fuck her.

- No, relax, don't talk like that right now.

- I can't stand that bitch. -Just stop it, please?

- I swear to God. - Mike, we're talking--

- No, no, no, go ahead. - What the fuck?

- Say what you have to say. - Just--

- You too, Tom?

- Mike, no, listen. -No.

I only have...

- What the fuck? - What are you doing?