Original subtitles

- MALE ANNOUNCER: Previously on "Bruh."

- Uh, no need.

Bill's on his way to the hospital.

He fell off the horse. - [laughs]

- Hi. - You're here with homeboy.

I thought we had a thing.

- So that was your first time riding a horse?

- Mm-hmm.

- Look at you, all in love with her.

- I'm not in love with her.

- You gotta give me something for the pain.

Man, I gotta stop this wedding. - Girl, we're waiting on you.

- I'm making sure I'm doing the right thing.

- I love her. - ALICE: I think you are.

- I gotta try. - You ready?

- Yeah. - Let's go.

- That woman was the best thing to ever happen to me.

- Bitch, let's go.

- I gotta get her back.

- ♪

- Hm. Looking at the X-rays.

- Are we good?

- TOM: Nothing's broken.

- Good, good. - And no internal injuries.

- That's more good news.

Alright, now let's get me out of here.

- Uh, wait.

You mean you're still planning to go to--

- Don't ask him. He's doing it.

He's definitely doing it. I tried to talk him...

- Tom...can I get something for the pain?

- I can give you a shot.

- Yes. Okay. Let's do it.

- Okay, give me a second. - BILL: Okay.

Hey, what time is it? - It's, like, nine o'clock.

- Damn! - What?

- If she has married that dude--

- Bro, you know Black weddings don't start on time.

So you should be... - You're right, you're right.

You're right, you're right, you're right.

She probably there right now, just waiting on me.

Yeah. - That's what you're thinking?

- Yeah, yeah. No, I know. I know my Regina.

I know my-- [groans] I know my Regina.

- Alright, so she's sitting there,

just stalling for you to come and mess up her wedding.

- Yeah, she's waiting on me, man.

She was waiting for the horses.

[groans]

- Horse not going anywhere.

Horse is outta there, so you gotta...

- What?

You don't believe me?

- That's what you think, Bill.

- Hey, who...

who do you know at the wedding?

- I can't wait 'til he give you this shot 'cause

you just keep making too many noises.

- Who you know at the wedding? - My mama there.

- What? - Yeah.

- Well, wait. What--what--what--what--what?

How can she turn her back on me like that?

- What are you talking about, turning her back on you?

You know she likes Regina.

- Yeah, and she there supporting her ass.

- Man, what's wrong with that?

- You don't see how jacked up that is?

- I'm sorry you feel that way, bro.

You know they have a relationship.

- Where Mike at? - Mike is there too.

- [groans] What, what? - You didn't know that?

He said--he said you would be okay with it.

- Why would I be okay with it!?

[whimpers]

- He said that Pamela was going with another guy,

so he had to go.

- Okay, I get it. - Oh, you do get it?

- Yeah.

He don't wanna end up...like me.

- He don't wanna end up like you in this hospital?

Or like you and Regina? - Yeah.

- You don't know. Okay, I get it.

- Look, one day, you're gonna find a woman who loves you

like Regina loves me. - [laughs]

- Until that day, stop laughing, nigga!

Until that day--

- You're acting like you're dying.

You're not dying.

- Call your mama. Call your mama.

- Why do you want me to--

- Nigga, don't ask! Just call her!

[moans]

- You want me to call why?

- To ask if the wedding has started.

- Are you sure? - Why wouldn't I be sure?

- Because what if it started?

- Well, then I'm in the perfect place to kill myself.

- Bill, stop playing. Don't play like that, man.

- No, I'm just kidding. But for real, call her.

Now, nigga!

- I'm calling her! Chill out, man!

- [sobs, moans]

- Shh! Shut up!

- ♪ Navigating through the state of life ♪

♪ Trying to find me a shawty and make her mine ♪

♪ Now, I'll find one in no time ♪

♪ With the help of my homies

♪ I'm going out with my bruhs ♪

♪ I'm going out, I'm going out ♪

♪ With my bruhs

♪ I'm going out, I'm going out ♪

♪ With my bruhs

♪ Going out

♪ Bruhs, oh

♪ I'm going out, I'm going out ♪

♪ With the bruhs ♪

- ♪

- Hold on, motherfucker. Shit.

- ♪

- [clinking]

- Hm.

- JOHN: Hey, Ma.

- Mm.

Oh, what you want?

- Ma, did the wedding start yet?

- ALICE: You'd think I'd answer the phone?

You'd think I'd be that rude and insensitive

if the wedding had started?

- Ma, you would do that. You know that.

- ALICE: Yeah, you're right. - Exactly.

So has it started?

- ALICE: No, it hasn't.

Yeah, you know this Black people shit.

They ain't started. - Okay, Ma.

Do you think it's about to start at any time soon?

- ALICE: Why?

- Because I wanna know. - ALICE: For Bill?

- No, Ma, for myself. I'm just asking for myself.

- Mm-hmm. You know you can't lie to me.

- Ma, ain't nobody trying to lie to you.

- ALICE: Yeah. How is he?

- Who, Bill?

He good. He alright, Ma.

- Okay, good. But how the horse?

[chuckles] - The horse is fine, Ma.

What, are you an animal lover now?

- [giggles] No.

I wasn't talking about a real horse.

I was talking about that thing between his legs.

- JOHN: Okay, Ma.

Do you think it's about to start any time soon?

- ALICE: Why? - 'Cause I want to know!

- ALICE: Put Big Dick Bill on the phone.

- Ma, Bill is not with me right now.

- Stop lying. - JOHN: I ain't lyin'!

Nobody lyin'!

Okay, Bill is in the other room.

- Put Bill on the phone. I can smell him.

- Okay, I'mma go-- I'mma go in the other room

and get him, okay? Hold on.

- [feet stomping]

- Hey, Bill? My mama wanna talk to you.

[no audible speech]

- [meekly] Hello? - ALICE: Bill.

- Yes, Ms. Alice?

- I know you been listening all this time.

- No, no, I haven't. I haven't. I swear.

- You know the wedding hasn't started yet.

- Yeah, I know that. - ALICE: How did you know

the wedding hasn't started yet if you weren't listening?

- I got ESP.

- [no audible speech]

- Now don't come over here with no bullshit.

- BILL: I'm not.

- 'Cause this--this is a beautiful wedding.

- I don't...

I don't wanna know that right now!

- ALICE: You know, it's a--a--it's a hour late.

But it's gonna start in 30 minutes.

- Yeah, well?

- And she gonna be walking down that aisle right after it.

- You trying to tell me something?

- I ain't trying to tell you nothing.

You know, I'm just saying.

Don't come over here with that foolishness...

within 30 minutes.

- [high-pitched] Mm-hmm. - ALICE: Okay. Bye.

- What she say? - Shit your mama be saying.

- That could be anything. What was it?

- She asked about my arm. - What?

- [exhales slowly]

- Are you having a baby?

What's actually hurting on you?

- Hi.

- Oh, hey, Valerie. How are you doing?

- Good. Um, how are you?

- Good. How are you doing?

We good. We good.

- Yeah, uh, what--what happened?

- We shouldn't be talking to you.

- He's going through a lot of pain.

- I was just concerned.

- Well, well, thank you, Valerie.

We had enough of your kind of concern.

- Yes, we appreciate your concern.

Thank you, for real.

Can you take-- - Yeah, I'll take it.

Well, did Tom tell you? - Tell us what?

- That I went to my boss. I told her everything.

- No, he didn't tell us.

That's so nice and honorable that you did that.

- Yeah, so. - I'm glad that worked out.

Isn't that nice? That's so nice.

- They wrote me up, okay?

But I get to keep my job as long as I leave him alone.

- That's good.

- Does that extend to his friends?

- Why are you so mean?

- He in a lot of pain, Valerie.

He had a issue-- - [sobs]

- Okay. - Okay.

- He's in a lot of pain, but that's why he's being that way.

Nothing against you, you know what I mean?

But I'm glad that worked out for you.

- Thank you. - For real.

- I just wanted to tell you both I'm sorry, okay?

- Oh, that's so nice. - I'm in a much better place.

- That's so good, 'cause we gotta be in better places.

You know? - VALERIE: Yeah.

- That's good. Do you go to church?

- I do go to church. - God is good.

- Can I get you anything?

- No. Tom--Tom got me. - And me too.

He gonna take care of it.

But we do appreciate your, um, consideration.

- Okay. I can get you-- - No, we're okay, we're okay.

- I can really get you something for the pain, Bill.

- No, we're alright. Thank you so very much.

We're fine. - Okay, well, are you sure?

- No, yes, we're sure.

- [growls, barks] - It stinks, but--

- Alright, I'm gonna let you deal with that.

- Thank you, Valerie.

- Feel better. - Thank you.

- Bye. - Bye. Have a good...

God bless. Yes. [no audible speech]

- Hey, hey, hey!

Why are you so nice to her crazy ass?

- 'Cause my mama told me to be nice to crazy-ass people.

'Cause when they shoot up everybody in the damn hospital,

they ain't gonna shoot me since I was nice to her.

She gonna kill your ass.

No, that's why you be nice to crazy people.

She crazy as hell.

You remember "A Thin Line Between Love and Hate"?

She didn't just wanna kill Martin.

She tried to kill Regina King, and Bobby Brown was in that too.

You remember Bobby? - Good point.

- Exactly. - Well, I don't like her.

I don't trust her. - But she did the right thing.

She was-- - [groans]

- My bad, my bad.

But yeah, you gotta be nice to crazy people.

At least she went back and was honest.

- Oh, no, no. I'm telling you. Crazy people are planners.

They plan way ahead, man. She got an agenda.

- Bill, let it go, okay? Let it go.

Next time you see her, be nice to her, okay?

Let it go. Let it go.

What's up, Tom? - TOM: Gentlemen.

- What's up, man?

Are you gonna give him a shot? - Yup.

- Aw, that's cool. - Okay.

- Are you ready? - Yeah, yeah.

- You gonna give it in this arm?

- [screams] - Ah, my bad.

My bad, I didn't know. My bad.

- [high-pitched gibberish]

- My bad, bro.

I was just trying to make sure he knew where.

My bad. I'm sorry.

You ready? You wanna get right here?

- Yeah.

You don't need to roll up your sleeve.

- What, what, what?

- No, buddy, this one goes a lot lower.

- Hold up, you mean to tell me...

- Oh. Where it go?

- ...go up in my ass?

- That ass, though. - Really?

- Turn over on your side.

- Alright. Let me move out of the way.

I'm just gonna stay right here.

- Um, I'm right-handed.

Help me take my pants down, John.

- Nigga, I told you now.

- Okay. Alright, hold my hand.

- You want me to hold your hand while I'm looking at your ass?

- Tom, don't make this weird, okay?

Hold my damn hand.

- Why do you want him to hold your hand?

- Come on, man. - John, hold his hand.

- I am not. Don't you got nurses for this?

I'm not doing that. Call a nurse.

- No, no, no, don't call one in here.

Okay, okay, just shoot me in the ass.

Just shoot me in the ass. - Bro, don't say that.

- Okay. Okay, tell me-- tell me when you're done.

- That's weird, bro.

- BILL: Okay, count to three, okay?

- I'm just gonna wait in the car.

- No, no, no, no...

- JOHN: No, I'm gonna go get the car.

- Okay, I'm ready. Tell me when you're ready.

Tell me when you're ready. - It's already done, man.

- BILL: Tell me when you're ready!

Tell me. - Bill? It's done.

Get up, get dressed.

- Okay. Okay. It wasn't that bad.

- ♪

- So, my man, you really gonna sit between us the whole time?

- Yeah. - Alright.

Pamela, what is this?

- Hey, you can talk to-- you can talk to--

- I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to her.

Pamela--you're like a nine-year-old kid now, bruh.

Come on. Pamela? - Yeah?

- I'm gonna go sit next to my boy, alright?

- Oh. David?

- No, it's--you got a lot to deal with right here.

He's just like a kid and you just need to work through it.

I hope you enjoy the wedding.

- Oh. - You should come back.

- Are you happy now? - I'm extremely happy now.

- Oh, my God, you really are like a spoiled child.

- I'm not a spoiled child.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm just in love.

- Mm-hmm.

And all that just kinda--poof!

Came out of nowhere, right?

- Yeah.

Why don't you believe me?

- [sighs] - I'm telling you right now.

I'm in love. - Okay.

- Yeah, you look amused, though.

Look at me. Believe me.

- KAYLA: Mike? - Oh, shit.

- [laughs] I thought that was you.

How are you? - That's right.

- I'm good.

- I know. You look great.

- Thanks.

- When can I see you again?

- Um, actually off the market.

- [laughs] Okay!

- I'm sorry, is that funny?

- Girl, you gotta know this nigga.

This motherfucker ain't off the market.

[laughs] He is the market!

- Oh.

- A shopping mall.

- Okay. - I mean, straight-up ho.

He off the market. Nigga, please.

- Wow.

- Tina... - My name's Kayla.

- Damn. You can't even get...wow.

- Oh, who are you? - Uh, I'm Pamela.

- It's Pamela.

- Wait, are you the one who "took him off the market"?

[laughs] - No, no.

- KAYLA: Oh, I didn't think so.

It would be awkward. He didn't even introduce you.

- I know. - I was just about to--

- Right? - No, you weren't.

- I was. I just said-- - No, Mike.

So when can I see you again?

- I told you I'm off the market.

- [laughs] Oh, you're serious? Okay.

[laughs hysterically] - She's still laughing.

And she is still laughing.

- Well, call me.

I'm sure you still have my number.

- Listen, I'm sure he does too.

- Bye! - Bye.

- Bye.

- You...are a mess, really.

- I'm--That's not even fair.

That's not a fair representation.

- No, no, no, no, no. - Okay, fine. I give up.

- That easy? - That easy.

- Just like that? - Just like that.

I can't make you believe me. I don't know what to do.

- Put a ring on it.

- Okay. You want me to put a ring--

- Uh, put a ring--

- You want me to put a ring on it?

- Yeah. Do it.

No, that--it's gonna take more than that, Mike.

Like, come on.

- You just said "Put a ring on it."

- Mm-hmm. And you hesitated.

- I did not. - Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't. - And it shouldn't be my idea.

It should be your idea.

- Okay, it is.

- Okay, you-- Look, you are so full of it.

Just sit there. You already got him over there.

Just enjoy the wedding, okay?

- One day you'll understand.

- Until then...let's just enjoy the wedding.

- ♪

- If this motherfucker ever starts...

- Stop. - Sorry, if it starts.

- Stop it. - Okay, I'm sorry.

- ♪

- BILL: Hey, Tom, hurry up, man.

- Man, I am driving fast enough.

- Yo, how do I look?

- You look like you on that shit.

- BILL: What? - Yeah, it's just the meds.

- Look, look, I can't look high right now, man!

- Why are you hitting your--

- Yeah, well, you're not crying about being in pain anymore,

though, are ya? - Damn!

I wanted everything to be right. Just, like, perfect.

- Well, Bill-- - BILL: No, no, no.

Look, I wanted to ride on there in that wedding

with that majestic white beast of a horse

and tell her how much I love her in front of everybody.

- Did this nigga just say "majestic"?

What? Why "beast of a horse"?

What kind of medication did you give this dude, bro?

- BILL: No, I just-- - Majestic.

- BILL: You lack vision, brother.

See, I can see her crying. - I lack--this nigga's high.

- You know, just running to my arms, jumping on that horse,

and we just gallop away into the sunset, huh?

- Yeah, that--that sounds like a fantasy.

- Hey, man, stay off the Tyler Perry shit!

Man, you gotta-- - Big time.

- [indistinct arguing] - This is real life.

- But that's why I wanted to make it happen for her

in real life so it's not just a movie.

- Okay, cool. Well, let me ask you a question.

- What--what--what is it?

- So where exactly is her man during all of this?

- BILL: Man, he don't matter. - How he don't matter, Bill?

He's gonna be there too! How he don't matter?

- BILL: I'll take care of that little bitch.

You see this?

It's the eye of the tiger, baby.

Come on, scrapper. Baby, I'm a scrap--ow, shit!

I'm a scrapper, man. - A little scrapper, huh?

- BILL: Big scrapper. - You a little scrapper, man.

You not--you not a fighter.

This is gonna be real interesting.

This is gonna be real interesting.

What do you think is about to happen, bro?

You're about to walk in her wedding and just say whatever.

You think her husband gonna sit there--

or husband-to-be, let me correct myself.

You think he gonna just sit there and just let you talk?

Is that what you believe?

- Right, and he's getting embarrassed,

or his parents are there. - His whole entire family is--

- [yelling] Shut up, motherfuckers!

- Jeez. - What kind of--

- All this negative energy. Y'all sit in my way!

- Bro, you not been--

- BILL: I'm in panic mode, alright?

I'm going through some shit right now.

I need y'all to have my back!

My back! My back! - Hey man, calm down!

- Dude! - Hey! He's driving, man!

You better keep your hands to yourself!

I don't care how high you is. I'll whoop your ass in this car!

Stop rubbing his face, nigga! - Can we just get to the church?

- We're going, man! - Time is of the essence!

- What the hell did you give him, man?

Hey, can I have some?

- ♪

- [organ music playing]

- So? - What?

- Is she starting? - Yes.

- Good, 'cause I gotta go to the bathroom.

- Well, go on to the bathroom.

- Uh...now, if I go to the bathroom,

I'll have to take all this shit off.

Uh-uh, no, I'm good.

- Well, sit there and look like a puddle of blue piss, then.

- Uh! Ms. Alice, look.

This dress is supposed to be for two hours, okay?

These shoes? One hour.

Uh, if she had started on time,

I wouldn't have to use the bathroom.

- Won't you be quiet? - I'm just--I'm just saying.

You the one who taught me about Black people.

- Hush. - Janky-ass wedding.

- Everybody listening.

Talking about how much you got to pee.

- They can listen. Shit.

- You gonna be rocking like that?

- [organ music starts] - LAURA: Finally!

- [organ music playing]

- LAURA: [unintelligible] - Shh! Shh!

- LAURA: Ooh!

Ooh, he is so handsome!

- I know, mm-mm.

- And having money don't hurt either.

- It always makes it alright.

- LAURA: Mm-hmm. Is that his brother, there?

- Yeah, I'd let a motherfucker choked me for $2.

- Ooh, I'll do it for free.

- ♪

- Again. - Him and his brother.

Hey, daddy. Is that his daddy?

I'll do him too. - Okay, I need you to stop.

You got to save the old one for me, bitch.

- Deal.

- ["Wedding March" playing]

- That's nice, that's nice.

- Mm-hmm.

- ♪

- Is she wearing white!? - Hush!

- Oh! She should be wearing red like your hot ass.

Oh, no, burnt orange.

- You want me to fight you?

- Okay, I'mma stop, I'mma stop.

[clears throat]

She gonna burn. - Yeah.

- Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today

to join this man and woman.

- BILL: Hold on!

- Aw, shit!

This shit finna get good!

- You hush!

- I'm sorry, what are you doing?

- Something I should've done some years ago.

- Somebody get him out of here right now.

- Regina, marry me.

- Bill, you need to go.

- I need you. Please don't marry this clown.

- Bill-- - BILL: Marry me.

- Get out of here right now!

- Regina, will you marry me?

- I'm trying to find what to do here in the Bible.

What would Jesus-- - So what, do you not hear me?

- Man, shut up. I'm trying to get married.

- [indistinct chatter]

- Marry me.

- [gasps]

- So nobody else is gonna do it?

Huh?

- [indistinct chatter]

- I'll do it myself!

- [shouting, screaming]

- Stop it! Stop it!

- [shouting, arguing]

- ♪

- Oh, my goodness, he's kicking his ass.

Oh! Excuse me, Lord.

- ♪

- Stop it!

- [screaming]

- ♪

♪

♪♪

- ♪

- ♪