Original subtitles

- got me coming out here Like this.

- I wanted to see you. - you wanna have sex.

- male announcer: Previously on "Bruh"--

- are you in love with me? - no.

- I know you still Want me.

- you're gonna really Stop the wedding?

- yeah, I am.

- I'm gonna go talk to The chief of staff.

- well, you do what you Gotta do then.

- you think you're something With your handsome face

And your chiseled body.

- what's up with y'all women?

You say you want a dude To open up--

- I swear to god that I love you.

- --as soon as he opens up, You go the other way.

- I don't believe you At all.

- you all are the ones With the problem, not us.

See what I mean?

- ♪

- blue sports car.

- excuse me?

- I'm fiona.

- I'm pamela.

- we were just talking About you.

- okay, yeah, fiona, You can--

- no, no, no, let her stay.

- she can-- - [door closes]

- oh, you sure you don't Want me to stay?

- look, now you can go. - no, 'cause I can

Tell her everything we were Just saying about her.

- [laughs] Oh, please do. Come on.

- I can tell her that You love her.

- ooh.

- and you are so confused.

- he is.

- I can tell her how you Called me ten minutes ago

To come down here. - mm.

- yeah. - [laughs]

- I can also tell her that You didn't wanna have sex.

- oh. - mm.

- he wanted to hold me. - no, see--

- so I could remind him Of you.

- oh my god, please, Go on.

I like her. [laughs] - okay, okay.

- you know what? - no, please, actually--

- I can't-- - yes, yes, you can.

You can go. Thank you.

Talk to you later.

- [laughs]

- now, look, that's not What that looks like,

You know? - okay.

- what are you doing here?

- you texted me.

- yeah, you didn't Text back.

- it said, "Come over."

- I know.

- do you wanna call her Back in here?

- no, I don't.

- are you sure? - I'm sure.

- because I can go. - no.

I just want you, Honestly.

- no, no, no, no, What are you saying?

- I'm saying that I want you all the time.

- no one else?

- no one else.

- so are you asking me To be exc--

Like, exclusive?

- yeah. - [laughs]

Okay, well, I have A problem with that.

We've never been On a date.

- we can change that. - you don't know

Anything about me. - that's not true.

- no, I know about you. - no--

- you don't know About me.

- I do know about you. Okay, first...

You like peppermint tea.

Uh, you bathe In lavender oil.

You-- - pretty shallow.

- okay, um, you want Kids.

Yeah? - deeper.

- yeah? - yeah.

- um, you're afraid Of loving.

- come on.

- you dad wasn't A very good man.

You haven't talked To your sister in five years.

You're worried about Your future.

You're in love With me.

- okay, fine, you have Been listening.

- both: [laugh]

- except for the love part.

- what do you mean?

[laughs]

- you've never said that.

- hmm-mm, I haven't.

- do you?

- ♪ navigating through This state of life ♪

♪ trying to find me a shawty And make her mine ♪

♪ now I'll find one in no time

♪ with the help of my homies

♪ I'm going up with my bruhs

- ♪ we're going up, We're going up ♪

- ♪ with my bruhs

♪ we're going up, we're Going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ going up

- ♪ we're going up, We're going up ♪

♪ with my bruhs

♪ we're going up, We're going up ♪

♪ with my bruhs ♪

- ♪

- ah-- - mike...

- pam... Do you?

- I don't know, I'm...

I can't afford To love you.

- ♪

- what's that mean?

- mike, it just feels like If I were to give you my heart,

You would just leave me Bankrupt, you know?

Like--brrru--like what bill Is doing to gina.

[laughs] I mean--

- I'm not bill.

- and I'm not In love with you.

- but you could be?

Tell me you can.

- I could be. - you could be.

But you won't.

- I don't know, I-- I feel like I'm...

Scared of you, because...

I know you don't wanna Just be with one woman.

I mean, look at what Just--

- that wasn't what It looked like.

That was about you.

I just want you.

That's it.

Only you.

- yeah, for now. - forever.

- what are you saying?

- I want to get to know Each other.

I want you to stay With me,

And I want to be together.

- oh, it's so easy For you to say stuff

Like that. - that is not easy.

Do you not know me?

Do you not know me? That is not easy.

- okay, well, how many Relationships have you even had?

Exactly.

How many? - I've had one.

- okay. How long Did it last?

- a while.

- how long, mike?

- like, three months.

- and that's a long time To you?

Oh. - [laughs]

It was a long time at the time, I'm different now.

- okay. How long ago Was it?

- many years ago.

- how long?

- uh...

- don't-- - three years ago.

It was three years ago.

- okay. - it was three years ago.

- so you see, like, you're-- You're so not ready.

- I am ready.

I'm ready for you.

I'm ready to love you.

I'm serious-- - okay, alright, yeah, no,

I'm gonna have to think About all this.

- alright. - okay.

- think about it. - thank you.

- and I'm gonna have to Watch your actions.

- mike: that's fair.

- and that's gonna Take some time.

- okay, I got time.

- 'cause I wanna make-- - I got time.

- I wanna make sure That this is real.

- mike: alright.

- and so you're saying that, Like, if we try this

That you're only gonna be Committed to me?

- mm-hmm. Only you.

Don't roll your eyes. - [laughs]

- mike: don't Roll your eyes.

Only you. - okay.

Okay. - and you only to me.

- mike. - you only to me.

- oh, okay, so wait...

You're asking to date me Exclusively?

- what have I been saying This whole time? Yes.

- are you sure? - yeah, I'm serious.

- okay.

- mike: okay?

- I mean-- - mike: I mean--

- [indistinct mumbling]

- both: [laughing]

- come here. I missed you.

I'm lonely.

- you come here. - no, you come here.

- no, you come here.

- I'll meet you halfway.

- ♪ I love the way, I love the way you love me ♪

♪ I love the way, I love The way you love me ♪

♪ I love the way, I love The way you love me ♪

♪ I love the way, I love The way you love me ♪

- ♪ I love the way you move - ♪ I love ♪

- ♪

- life is beautiful.

You know, what's there not Be to be happy about?

- well, I'm glad you're Happy.

Last night, you look like You was gonna

Take it all on, you was Gonna lose your life.

You was gonna Take ya life.

- yeah, well, you know, You taught me sometimes

You gotta have a positive Outlook, my friend.

- got you, bro.

- you want some coffee?

- no, I want sleep. Thank you though. Hmm.

- well, you just stay here As long as you need.

I am gonna Get ready for work.

- thanks, bro, I appreciate This, aight.

- got you, man. - good lookin', boy.

- no problem. - alright.

- [knocking at door]

- who the hell is that?

- I don't know. I don't live here.

- ♪

- hey. - hey.

- hey, I knew you'd Be up.

- yeah, what are you Doing here?

- uh, I need to talk To you, bruh.

- alright.

- I wanted to talk to john, But he just keep--

- john keep what?

- damn. - yeah, nigga,

You didn't know I was here. - yo, what--

- pop up, nigga. - what are you doing here, man?

- I had to stay over, man. My ma had company.

"Boy john keep" what? What do you have to say?

- well, nothing, bruh, I was--

- so you're breaking up The wedding, huh?

- I'm not breaking up Any wedding.

It's about making An impression.

- has she called you? - what?

Since last night?

- yeah. - no, man.

- so maybe she don't Wanna talk to you.

- no, no, I know her.

- you can know her, b, but-- - no, no, no.

She--she wants to talk to me, I know that.

She--she needs help deciding.

She's just a little Confused.

- oh.

Well, I'm confused, too.

So, she had sex with you. - mm-hmm.

- did you tell him Everything?

- yo, hey. - I had to.

- what's wrong with you. - hey.

Focus here.

And she's getting Married today.

And she has not called you.

- yeah.

- and you still think She's the one that's confused?

- yes.

- that is so insulting.

- what do you mean?

- so you're saying that she Doesn't know what she wants?

- yes. - so you're saying women don't

Know how to make up their minds Is what you're saying?

- no, no, I didn't say-- - that sounded like

That's what he was saying, John.

- that's what it sounded Like to me.

- no, you know, I can't Even get my version in

When you keep sharing your Slanted-ass version.

- it's slanted? - yeah, man.

- it's slanted, really? - yeah.

- I don't think it's slanted. - ur, okay.

You're leaving out All of the facts, bruh.

- what's the facts, bill?

Say it, I'm listening.

- alright, every time we go Out to eat--

- mm-hmm. - --she can never make up

Her mind, she can never decide.

- that's it? - mm.

- that's--that's-- That's your explanation?

[laughs] Okay.

So you're saying that Her marrying you is better

Because it's easy for her To order a number two.

It's like--it's just like Ordering a number two

Is what you're saying? - or a number three.

- y'all think this shit Is funny?

- hmm-mm. - I'm just trying to understand

Your logic, like-- - okay.

- it's not funny. It's not funny at all.

- it's hilarious, actually. - no, shut up.

One time we went shopping, Right?

- mm-hmm. - and it took her, like,

Six to eight hours to decide On one pair of shoes.

And they were both red.

Like, I rest my case. - okay.

- [laughs] Okay.

- so you're talking about Shoes,

But now we're talking about Marriage.

- tom. - well, to her,

It's the same thing. - tom, don't even try

To explain. - no, no, no, I get it.

I get it, she needs Help deciding.

- bill-- - no. Hey.

I know her.

I got this.

- well, you know what?

If you're good with it.

- I am. - okay.

- then we ain't gonna stop you.

- we're not gonna Stop him?

- no, why would we Do that?

- because he gonna embarrass His self

And he gonna ruin the wedding.

- mm-hmm. - what?

- she did that when she Slept with me.

- she embarrassed herself When she slept with you?

- [laughs] - no, stupid.

She ruined her wedding.

- okay, that don't--bro, This is somebody wedding.

- okay, I just-- I just got one question.

- what's up?

- does she know that you Are going to do that?

- no, that's gonna Ruin the surprise.

- it's gonna--it's gonna Ruin the--

- okay, john, you--you Were right.

- I told you, the boy's Gone.

- whoa, wait, right About what?

- you're gone with the wind.

You--you out there. - yeah, you know what?

- you're gone. - where's that tux you had?

- a tux? - no, not you, nigga.

You don't own nice stuff.

- what tux? - okay.

- the one you wore In the gala.

- uh, it's in my closet. - come on, come on.

Come on.

- what about it?

- you--I mean, can I wear it?

- bill, that's not-- - come on.

- you're not even Really my size.

- well, I promise you, it's Gonna look good on me.

- so you're gonna go there Dressed like you the groom?

- shut up, man. - oh, you--

You wanna wear that to A wedding?

- yeah. - yeah.

Look, I can't show up Looking half-ass, right?

- alright, go ahead. - thank you.

- you gonna let him--you Gonna let him do it?

- yeah, man, why not?

- whatever. - yeah, okay, cool.

So, I'll be back In a little bit.

I gotta go see a man About a horse.

- wait, wait, stop.

Say what? - what?

- yeah.

See, I'm gonna ride in there On a white stallion,

And I'm gonna take My woman back.

- boy, you gonna take A shit or something?

- no, what are you Talking about, john?

- you're the one saying you Gotta see a man about a horse,

I mean, why are--I'm just trying To understand you.

- I gotta see a man About a horse.

- when people say that, That means they're

Going to the bathroom.

It's like dropping the kids Off at the pool.

- no. - it's a saying.

- no, it's--I'm gonna ride In there on a white stallion

And I'm gonna take My woman back.

- oh, you talking about A real horse?

- yes.

- so you mean to tell me You gonna get on a horse

And you gonna ride it To the wedding?

Are you gonna park it? Are you gonna valet it?

Like, where you gonna Leave it?

- I'm gonna ride in there-- - mm-hmm.

Inside the--inside the church? - yes.

Just gonna be romantic, Okay?

- on a white horse?

To get a black woman? - [laughs]

- yeah, contrast.

- do you know how much Horses shit?

- ♪

- all up and down The aisle, she just

Gonna be walking in the mess. - I mean--

Well, that's what y'all There for.

Can't you-- - nigga, are you cra--

You're off. Are you serious?

You know that she's not Expecting you,

And you think it's just Gonna be a surprise

Like a good--you saying it Like it's a good thing.

She gonna be surprised Like, "Oh my god."

- hey, hey. I know regina.

I'm gonna ride in there On a white horse, okay?

And I'm gonna get My woman back.

- okay. Did you just hear Yourself say that out loud?

- yeah. It sounds Incredibly romantic, right?

- it sounds like a movie Or tv.

This is real life.

- or it actually sounds like One of my patients

Who's had one too many Edibles.

- you--enough with y'all, okay? - man, we just--

- I'll be back. I'll be back for The tux, okay?

- bill, bro, like, you Not being rational, man.

You think he really gonna go in There on a white horse?

- yeah.

- and you're gonna let him Wear your tux

On the white horse?

- I got it overseas. It's not too bad.

- y'all niggas got money, 'cause I--if it's my--

I ain't got but one.

- wait, you have a tux?

- it's a black suit, But I call it the tux.

My dad left it to me.

Got shiny lapel, little Something,

You know what I mean?

Seriously, alright, what We gonna do about bill, bro?

- ♪

- we gotta let bill Do bill.

- that's bullshit, man.

He can't ruin that girl's Wedding.

That's her--that's the most Special day

That she dream about.

You know, little girl, they Dream about that.

He fittin' to mess all that Up for her.

- what if she wants him To?

- who in the hell wants you To mess up their wedding?

- so who in the hell sleeps With their ex

The night Before their wedding day?

- touché, you got a point there.

- I know. - but--but--

Okay. But she--I don't know.

She was just horny, and The husband wasn't there,

So she just thought, "Let me go ahead,

Go with what's familiar." - [laughs]

- "Let me go on, see what It tastes like, feel like,

Before the day."

'cause she ain't technically Cheating, 'cause

She ain't legally married, You know what I'm saying?

So she probably thought Like, "Hey"--

- one last chance? - yeah, bachelorette,

Bachelor party, you kinda Get to do what you want.

- fair. - you know what I'm saying?

'cause if you really think About it--

- john? - hmm?

- please shut up. - okay, I'm just trying

To let you know, 'cause I Know you do the doctor thing.

I do math, if you count-- - I gotta go to work.

- but if you carry your one, It makes sense. Alright.

- bye. - okay.

I'm going back to sleep Anyway.

Wake me up at-- - don't drool on the pillow.

- man, shut up, bro.

- ♪

- tom, in my office.

- sure.

- close the door.

Have a seat.

- what's this about now?

- do you wanna tell him?

- ♪

- well, is somebody gonna Tell me what's going on?

- she told me That she lied.

- mm-hmm, I told you That.

- well, she also told me why.

- okay, so does this mean That this will no longer

Be in my file? - yes.

We are removing it. - okay.

Great.

- I also made sure that she Understood

The seriousness of this.

- okay.

- so, I just wanted You to know that.

- so, what's gonna Happen to her?

Will she continue Working here?

- she will be disciplined.

- but will she be Working here?

- are you serious? Tom?

- no, will she? - tom...

I--I-- - no, listen, at this point,

We cannot work in the same Place after everything

That has transpired. - I'm not transferring.

I'm not.

- so you're saying--chief?

You're saying she's gonna Get away with this?

- tom, look, I--I Told her the truth.

What do you want me to do? - okay, okay.

Miss morris, could you Wait outside, please?

Thank you.

- I'm sorry, tom.

- [door closes]

- well, she will be Disciplined,

But you are protected.

- okay, so that's it?

- I thought you would Be happy.

- why would you think that?

- she just saved you A lot of heartache.

- she caused the heartache, Okay?

- what--what--am I Missing something?

- yeah, yeah.

You remember the last time I was in this office?

The way you talked to me? - [chuckles]

Well, I was going to just-- - well, so--so,

If anybody owes me an apology,

That'd be you.

- you're right. And I'm sorry.

- oh, and that college thing That you brought up.

The exact same thing is Happening to me

Is what happened to my friend.

The only difference is He never slept with that girl.

But he definitely Paid the price.

- I understand.

- do you?

Because you called me in here

And you started talking about The way that I look,

Which is highly inappropriate.

- I know. - yeah, and if I was a woman,

I wouldn't have to deal With any of this treatment.

- I understand your frustration, Tom.

- do you? - yes, I do.

- okay.

- and I am truly sorry. - okay.

- you don't have to be So dismissive about it.

- yeah, okay.

- the reason why I talked About the way you looked

Is because you're A handsome man.

You're very sexy,

All the girls Around here swoon over you.

- what are you talking about?

Like that--that doesn't make Me a bad person.

- I realize that now.

And I'm sorry.

- okay, um... We done?

- don't forget who you're Talking to.

- oh, I certainly haven't Forgotten that.

- well, you may wanna be A little more respectful.

- you're right.

I'm sorry.

- thank you.

That's better.

- well then, chief, may I Please leave?

- what do I have to do To get you to sleep with me?

- ♪

♪

- ♪

- ♪