Original subtitles

- I love you. - Just shut up.

- Well, stop. Stop! - What? What?

- Please just don't marry him.

- MALE ANNOUNCER: Previously on "Bruh."

- Tomorrow morning, I am walking down that aisle.

- What the hell was all of this about?

- Where's Regina? - She went to the bathroom.

- She's been in there a long time.

- So you mean the side piece

is making you catch feelings for him?

- We're just hooking up.

- Is he ready? - Is he ready for what?

Hey, that's my momma.

Hey, get your hand off her ass, man!

- I love her, and I'm gonna keep fighting for her.

- What are y'all doing back there?

Get your ass out of here, man!

- I gotta get up early, bruh. I got a wedding to stop.

- Oh, no.

- ♪

- Five...four...three...

two...one. - [doorbell rings]

- [chuckles] Hey, man.

You forgot your security blanket.

- Not right now, man. - Hey, for real, for real.

You gonna really stop the wedding?

- Yeah, I am.

- Come on, Bill. Think about this, man.

- Well, what? What else is there to think about?

- Imma be honest with you.

She asked me were you ready.

- You see? Exactly. - No.

- She wants to stay. - Bill, that's not what it is.

- Come on, what, what? What did you say?

- I didn't answer her. - What the hell?

- I just want you to think about what you're doing.

Consider the situation.

- What is that exactly, man?

- She's happy, man.

- Damn.

- She is!

- Okay. Well, if she's so happy,

why was she in there screaming my name?

- 'Cause she confused.

- John, listen, man-- - It's the truth!

And you can do her a huge favor by walking away.

- Whose side are you on, man? - I'm on your side, of course.

- It don't--it don't sound like it right now.

- Bill...you should let her go live her life, man.

- You're a really good friend, and I appreciate you.

- I'm--I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, man.

Just you're not-- are you ready?

- Wait, hold up. - To be a--hold on.

- I know what it is. You don't think I'm good enough.

- It ain't got nothin' to do with being good enough.

I don't think you're ready. Are you ready to be a father?

- Wait, father? What are you talking about?

- Regina want kids.

She getting a house in the suburbs.

- J, come on, man. - Are you ready for that?

Are you ready to be a father? - Yes.

If that's what it takes to keep her, yes, I'm ready.

- You ready?

- Yes. - Think about it!

Think about it, Bill. Think about it.

- You know what? You know what?

Right now, you sound a lot like Mike, bruh.

- I don't sound nothin' like Mike, okay?

I'm just--I'm not even trying

to change your mind from going after her.

I'm just trying to make sure you know what you're getting into,

and make sure you know that's what you want for real, man.

Don't be playing with somebody's life like that.

- Yeah, what are you saying?

- You're sleeping with her before her wedding.

You don't think that's gonna come back to haunt you?

- Not if you wear protection.

- Ma--I thought you was gone, Ma.

- I came through the back. I forgot my--

- JOHN: Your weed. Yeah, sure, mm-hmm.

- Listen to him.

You can learn a lot from a dummy.

- Ma...

- That was a compliment, little nigga.

- Ma, that's a terrible--that's not how you compliment somebody.

That's terrible.

- ♪ Navigating through this state of life ♪

♪ Trying to find me a shawdy and make her mine ♪

♪ Now, I'll find one in no time ♪

♪ With the help of my homies

♪ I'm going out with my BRUHS

♪ My BRUHS

♪ I'm going out, I'm going out ♪

♪ With my BRUHS

♪ I'm going out, I'm going out ♪

♪ With my BRUHS

♪ Going out

♪ Oh

♪ I'm going out with my BRUHS ♪

- [phone ringing]

- Hey.

- JOHN: Hey.

- What's up?

- JOHN: What happened?

- What?

I'm sorry, I--I...

I'm sorry.

I was just hoping it was somebody else.

- JOHN: Who?

- Don't worry about it. What's happening?

- JOHN: I need to talk to you about Bill, Mike.

- What about Bill?

- JOHN: Listen, he wants to crash that wedding tomorrow.

It's going to be in the evening time.

I was thinking we can all get together and be with him.

- Why?

- JOHN: Because he really wants to crash it.

That's why. - For what?

- JOHN: Because he wants to tell her not to marry him.

- This nigga...

- JOHN: Look, man, I gotta go to bed.

But Imma hit you and Tom in the morning.

- Goodnight.

- JOHN: I'll talk to you later. - Yeah.

- ♪

♪ She a boss, boss, boss

♪ Independent

♪ Calling all the shots

♪ Shot, shot, shot, shots

♪ Shot

♪ She a boss, a boss, a boss

♪ Independent

♪ Calling all the shots

- ♪

- Hey, Ma! What's going on? Man!

Ma, why you--why you got this man?

Hey, bro, you have to go.

Hey, man, get the hell out.

- Who are you talking to?

- Ma, why--why you got this-- Ma, he got to go.

- Didn't you see the scarf on the door?

- Yeah, I see the scarf on the door.

- And you know what that mean?

- No, I do not know what that means.

- It means I got a date.

- Ma--

- And you motherfucker go away!

- Ma, this is my house too, okay?

He got to go!

Man--Ma. - Mm. [giggles]

- I wanna go in my room, and I wanna go to sleep, okay?

I got a long day tomorrow.

- Oh, well, that's good. Start early.

Go to the sandwich shop.

- I'm not going to no sandwich shop.

I wanna lay in my bed and go to sleep.

- ALICE: Okay, fine, do that.

But it's gonna be loud in here.

- Ma, no, that-- what's wrong with you?

- You are.

- Get his head off your titty!

Get your head off my mother's--Ma.

- I'd like you to do both at the same time.

- JOHN: What's wrong with you, Mama?

Why can't you be a regular mother?

Huh? Like Miss Jones.

- Who? - JOHN: Huh?

Miss Jones across the street who bake the nice cookies

and go to church every Sunday! Why can't you be like her?

- ALICE: That old bitch been

cheating on her husband for years.

Now she out there sucking dick for meth.

- What? No, she's not.

- ALICE: Yup, yup, yup. - No, it's not, Ma.

That lady got a shelter she run for the homeless.

- No, no, that's a Breaking Bad. That bitch is Breaking Bad.

- No, she's not. She's a nice lady.

You need to be like her.

- [sighs] - Please!

- Oh, that's what you're gonna be sayin'.

"Mama, Mama, please."

- JOHN: For real, Mama.

- Woo-hoo-hoo! What?

- Like...for real.

- Well, go on back there and put your headphones on.

- JOHN: I don't wanna put no headphones on.

I ain't no three-year-old kid anymore.

I'm a grown man!

- You finished?

- I want you to be a regular mom!

- What the fuck is a regular mama?

- A mama that don't got no stripper in the front room

when she livin' with her son!

- She missin' out, is she?

- Okay, I'm--I'm trying to be as respectful as possible.

- ALICE: No, you not. - He got--Ma, he got to go.

- Oh, fine, fine, I'll take him in my room.

Mm, come on.

- Ma, he should go out. - [giggles]

- STRIPPER: I wanna go if you can get on your knees.

- JOHN: Nasty-ass man.

He young, Ma! He my age!

- ALICE: [giggles]

- JOHN: Stop fucking smiling at me, man!

- STRIPPER: [chuckles]

- Man! What?

- ♪

- Ma, you got to sanitize this!

I want it clean! I want it--wipe it down!

Ma!

- ♪

- ALICE: [giggles]

- Stop it!

♪ Nah, nah, nah

Ma!

[screams] - ALICE: [moaning]

- Ma, I don't wanna hear it!

Stop!

- ALICE: Ooh! - Ma, stop it!

Where my headphones at?

I need to play something!

Ma, you going to church Sunday!

Thank you.

- ♪

- [phone ringing]

- Yeah. - Hey, Tom.

So, what time are you off tomorrow, man?

- Uh, I'm not sure. What's up?

- Bill's gonna stop this wedding and we gotta be there.

- Wow.

- So what time?

- You know what? Let me text you in the morning,

because I gotta figure out how many patients there's gonna be.

- Alright, I'mma holla at you later.

- Okay.

- That's all you gotta say?

- Hey, man, we gotta let Bill do what makes him happy.

- JOHN: I know, man, I know.

- All right?

All right, I'm gonna get to bed, bro.

All right, talk later.

- All right.

All right, peace.

- ALICE: [panting]

- Ma!

- ALICE: [panting]

- [screams] Ma, stop!

Ma! Ma, stop!

Ma, please!

- [phone ringing]

- Yeah?

- JOHN: What chapter are you on now?

- Come on, man, what is it?

- Hey, can I come over, man?

- I'm about to go to bed, man.

- JOHN: I know, man.

Hey, my mama got a man here, bro,

and I'm trying to-- I just need to come over.

- Okay, man, tell you what.

I'm gonna leave the door unlocked and, uh,

I'll leave some pillows on the couch for you. Cool?

- JOHN: Hey, bro, thank you. For sure, I appreciate that.

- Yeah, no doubt. I'll see you in the morning.

- JOHN: All right. - All right.

- ♪

♪

♪

♪

- [clears throat]

- FIONA: Hey.

- Hey.

- FIONA: Hey.

- You up?

- FIONA: No.

It's late.

- I wanted to see you.

- FIONA: You want me to come over?

- Yeah. You act like you don't live upstairs.

- FIONA: [sighs] No, Mike, I am not coming by.

- Why?

- FIONA: You just want a booty call.

Call one of your others.

- What are you talking about?

- FIONA: I'm in the bed-- - Come on.

Either you come down here or I'm coming up there.

- FIONA: Okay, okay.

- All right, cool. - FIONA: Give me...10 minutes.

- All right.

- ♪

- I don't need you, Pam.

- ♪

- ♪

♪

- Hey. - Hey.

- I thought you were asleep. - Yeah, man, I can't.

- What happened, man? You good?

- Just still dealing with that crazy-ass Valerie at work.

- Man, she done turned into a nightmare, huh?

- Yeah. I never thought she would lie to my boss

and try to get me fired.

- Man, well, you got Mike.

Mike got that on tape, so you got her lies,

so you should be good, man.

- Bro, she tried to destroy me.

- Man, you gonna be good, bro. She ain't gonna destroy you.

All right? [sighs]

Oh, man, this is--this is nice.

- Yeah, imported Italian. - Okay.

- No big deal. $8,000 will get you one too.

- [laughs] $8,000?

Ooh, I'm gonna save up for it.

But you gonna be good, man. Don't worry about that.

- Yeah, it's just--she's such a wildcard, man.

Like, I'm going to work tomorrow.

I have no idea what to expect.

- I'm sorry.

- What happened to us, man?

- What you mean?

- Like, back in college, we were just young and full of hope.

- [chuckles] Some of us was. - No, you too.

I mean, even with all the shit you were dealing with, you too.

- Bros, we grow up, we go through life.

That's what happens, man.

- Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

- Look, man, you got a nice place.

You're doing good for yourself, right?

It's all right.

- Yeah, no, it's-- I mean, it's good.

I'm thankful. - Yeah, man. It's good.

- But I just--I never thought

we'd have to put up with this many bullshit.

- Man, look. I never thought

I'd be sharing an apartment with my mama.

- Yeah, I never thought that either.

- [laughing]

- Look at me, on your $8,000 couch, you know what I mean?

I never thought this is where I would be.

Look at God. Look how he blessed me.

You know what I mean? [laughs]

No, man, I thought I was gonna be

some big business franchise owner, man.

I--I--you know, all of these thoughts,

sometimes life just take you through the journeys, man.

You gotta keep trying to find your way.

- Hey, that franchise is gonna happen for you.

- Man, I hope so.

- It will. I got no doubt in my mind.

You're a good dude,

and that type of good always comes back to you.

- Oh, thanks, Tom. Tell my mama that.

- I will if you want me to. - Yeah, that would be nice.

It probably won't move her out of my apartment.

But, you know, look, we can try.

- Well, then maybe you're the one who needs to do the moving.

- With what money? Huh? Are you gonna let me pawn this?

[laughs] Hey, man.

Thank you, man. I appreciate it.

- I don't know, but...

All I know is you'll figure it out 'cause you always do.

I believe in you. - I appreciate you.

I will figure it out. Thanks.

Tom...what we gonna do about Bill?

- We'll just let Bill be Bill.

- [sighs] They had sex, bro.

- Who? Bill and Regina?

- Mm-hmm.

Tonight at the sandwich shop.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- That's, uh...and she's getting married tomorrow?

- Yup.

- That is low. - I know.

Hey, man.

I know you gotta get some rest, boy.

- All right, man. - Goodnight, boy.

- Yeah. - Love.

Appreciate you, man.

Thanks for the $8,000 couch, man.

- TOM: Hey, you welcome anytime. - Thank you, man.

- Just...put the sheet under you.

- All right, man, I'm clean. [laughs]

- No drooling either. I know you're a mouth-breather.

- Oh, good night, Tom.

- [knocking at door]

- ♪

- [knocking at door] - Hold up!

- ♪

- You see?

- What's up?

- You got me coming out here like this.

- I wanted to see you.

- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.

- No...you wanna have sex.

- No, I don't.

- Boy, stop, just-- - MIKE: No, look.

I don't.

- Mike, I know you.

All you think about is sex.

- Amongst other things, yeah.

- Okay. What is it? - MIKE: What?

- Why are you acting so strange?

We do this all the time.

- ♪

- Yeah. Um...

I think I'm gonna go to bed.

- Okay, so you had me come from my apartment.

Now you wanna go to bed?

- Yeah. - No. No.

That's--no. - What is it?

- FIONA: I need to be asking you that.

What is it, Mike? What are you doing?

- I just...I just wanted to--

- Sex. - No.

- Mike, what is going on?

- ♪

- Uh, we can...have sex.

It's...

I just wanted you to come lay with me.

- Are you...going soft on me?

- No.

- So what is this "lay"?

Oh, shit.

- What?

- Are you in love with me?

- No.

- You sure? - I'm very sure.

- Oh, well, then you must love one of us.

Is it the cute girl with the blue sports car?

- What you know about that?

- I see her.

She be giving me the side eye.

- [chuckles]

- Oh, so it is her.

Okay.

Look, uh, you should call her.

- I did.

She's not picking up.

- Mm. - Probably on a date.

- You're jealous.

- I'm not jealous.

- When you stop lying,

your life is gonna get so much easier, okay?

- I'm not lying.

- You need therapy, Mike.

That's--yeah.

- Look, are you gonna come lay with me or not?

- You gonna call blue sports car girl?

- No.

- I'm going back to my apartment.

- Babe, no, no, babe.

- Mike, you need to sort this out for yourself.

- You just gonna leave me like that?

- Me staying here is not helping.

- Yeah, what's up with y'all women, man?

- I don't know exactly what that means, but be careful.

- Now, you say you want a dude to open up.

But as soon as he opens up...

you go the other way.

Help me, 'cause I'm trying to figure it out.

I really am.

- You are on such thin ice right now.

- How so?

- 'Cause y'all are the ones with the problem, not us.

Trust me.

- Nah, it's y'all for sure.

- Yeah, okay, I'm out.

- ♪

- [knocking at door]

- Oh, god, why is she opening your door?

- See what I mean?

♪♪

- ♪

- ♪