Original subtitles

Christie: Come on, buy me a drink.

So you can tell your father that we tried to get you drunk

and take advantage of you?

Bill: Previously on "Bruh"...

Christie: Can't this just be in the past?

What's the big deal?

Bill: The big deal is that you got my boy kicked out of school.

John: You knew he never did anything to you.

What are you doing?

Just trying to get to know your family.

Man: I'm trying to go on my date here.

- You don't know me. - Mike.

I will drop you on this table right now.

Man: Wow...he's still going.

Mike: I love you.

Man: My, my.

I was hoping I wouldn't run into you.

She gettin' married tomorrow.

- Regina, what you doing? - Shut up.

[Music playing]

Singer: ♪ It's not gon' be sweet all the time ♪

♪ And that surely changes our mind, oh ♪

♪ It just things that love make you do ♪

♪ Like when you speak from the heart ♪

♪ Then you know you're speaking truth ♪

♪ I know they O.G. fine, but, girl, no, they ain't you ♪

Regina: No, no. Bill: Stop.

Regina: No. Bill: Stop.

Bill: You're drunk.

Regina: I am.

Bill: No. OK, OK, so then stop it.

Regina: You owe me.

Bill: I know that.

Regina: I wasn't even thinking about you.

Bill: Yo, yo, just stop!

Regina: What? Shut up.

Bill: No. Look, look, I can't, all right?

Regina: Shut up. Bill: I love you.

Regina: Oh, God, just shut up.

Bill: Come on, now stop! Stop! Shit.

Regina: Why can't you just listen to me?

Why?

Bill: I don't want to do this.

Regina: Well, you're doin' it.

Bill: No! Stop!

Look, come on. This--

Regina: What is it? What? What?

Bill: Please just don't marry him.

Regina: Well, you're makin' that a little hard right now,

don't you think?

Bill: You came on to me.

Regina: I know that.

Regina: But you came here, so...

Bill: Look, I didn't know you were here.

Regina: But that didn't stop you.

Bill: I know.

Regina: I don't get you.

You still want me.

Bill: I know.

That's because I love you.

Regina: Right. This is not love.

Bill: Can you stop saying that shit?

Yes, it is. This--this--

I love you impossibly.

Regina: Well, what the hell does that mean?

Bill: It means that all this shit that's happening right now,

this is impossible.

Regina: OK, I know that, too.

Bill: Look, all I want is you.

Regina: I'm getting married.

Bill: You know you can still call it off.

Regina: No.

Bill: Please don't.

Regina: Bill...

tomorrow morning, I'm walking down that aisle.

Bill: Even after all of this?

Regina: Yeah.

Bill: No guilt.

Regina: No. No room for it.

Bill: But there's no room for me?

[Regina sighs] No. No room for you.

Bill: OK.

Regina: This is it, Bill.

I'll never see you again.

Singer: ♪ Navigating through this state of life ♪

♪ Trying to find me a shawty and make her mine ♪

♪ Now I'll find one in no time with the help of my homies ♪

♪ I'm going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Yeah, going up and going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Going up and going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Going up, going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Ooh, going up and ♪

♪ Going up with the bruhs ♪

Singer: ♪ Glorious, you cannot follow me ♪

♪ I just want everything ♪

♪ I just want everything ♪

♪ Feelin' so glorious ♪

♪ You cannot follow me ♪

♪ I just want everything ♪

♪ I just want everything ♪

♪ It's all about you ♪

♪ Let 'em know about you ♪

♪ Let 'em know about you ♪

Bill: Say it again.

Regina: I'll never see you again.

Bill: This time, make me believe it.

Regina: You'll believe it when you never see me again.

Bill: OK.

Bill: So if I'm never gonna see you again,

what the hell was all of this about?

Regina: I mean, I guess I was trying to remember

if it was good or not.

Bill: And?

Regina: Well...

you know how you want something so bad

'cause you don't have it,

and then you revisit it and realize

that it's actually not as great as you thought?

Well, that's what I was doing.

And now I can move on.

Bill: OK. Well... that's what it is.

And just so you know,

I was too in my head right now to be in the moment with you.

Regina: Yeah, OK.

Bill: You know what, this whole time

all you wanted was a revenge fuck,

some kind of post-breakup sex,

you should have just-- Regina: Actually,

what I want you to do is leave me alone. Bill.

Singer: ♪ Wanna get you out of my system ♪

Bill: Now who's gonna stop?

[Moaning]

Alice: Uh! No. I told her. I said, "Pearl,

"you need to leave him alone.

I will whoop that ass." Ha ha ha!

Alice: Y'all want to know the difference

between my first man and my second man?

What, ma? Tell us.

Alice: 6 inches! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ma...

John: Ma, that's funny!

Keep tellin' jokes, Ma. You are hilarious!

Ma, you ever thought about comedy?

You are a genius. Go ahead.

Alice: You ain't never liked my jokes.

Oh, what you talkin' about? That joke is hilarious!

6 inches, though? That's like a hysterectomy. Ha ha!

You can't walk after that. Ha ha!

Ah!

Hey!

Where you goin'?

Alice: What you up to?

John: What you mean, what I'm up to?

- I'm up to nothing. - What you doing?

Look, I wanna just be close to you, Ma.

- You takin' my shit? - What? What you talkin' about?

My good pills.

Oh, Mama, I ain't takin' no pills.

What is it?

♪ Ain't nothin' like my mama ♪ I should go writin.'

I love you, Ma.

You know I never really liked you, right?

Ma, you love me. I'm your only son.

I'm your only son, yeah.

OK, stop drinking.

John: OK. After this one.

Aaah...

[Chuckling]

I'm stopping.

- Sober. I'm sober. - Not good.

Ma, this is so nice.

What?

Like, what you did for Regina and her girls.

They so beautiful. You opened up for them.

This is nice, Ma.

I opened up for some money, shit.

Well, that's a good thing, too.

- Yeah, it is. - Get the money. You know what I mean?

- Mm-hmm. - Get your money.

You know we need some money.

Where's Regina?

I think she went to the bathroom.

Oh, she been in there a long time.

John: Yeah, she fine, though.

Yeah.

Where's Bill?

[Clears throat] He left, Ma.

I didn't see him leave.

I got him an Uber.

Ma, where you going? Hmm?

I'm gonna check on Regina.

- Oh, Ma-- - She been drinkin'.

She fine. She fine, Ma.

She a grown woman.

John: You need another drink. You know what I'm sayin'?

- I don't want another drink. - You and 74.

Ha ha! You and 74.

- You and 74. - You damn sure ain't 74.

John: Ha ha ha! Mama, I done grew.

I don't want to talk about it, but I grew up.

Yeah, your head rollin' that way.

- OK. - Yeah, OK.

Ma, you want-- get you another drink.

I don't want another drink.

John: Since when you don't want another drink?

Ma, that's what you do!

- Uh-huh. - Come on.

Since I pay for 'em, hell.

I don't pay for no drinks.

You drink and smoke.

It's like puff puff. You drink, smoke.

That's what you do. You tell me all the time.

You drink, you smoke. You say you're livin' your life.

Keep going. Let me. I'm livin' with you.

Boy, get out the way.

Ma. Ma.

Wait a minute. Bill's car is still outside.

How do you know that?

John: That's 'cause-- that's 'cause he, um...

he had told me I could use it, Ma,

'cause I gotta go run some errands.

I'm lookin' at some other investments for us

so we can be like Subway-- we be everywhere.

Yeah, you lyin'.

No, I'm not. I'm not lyin'.

Alice: John, you never could lie to me.

Ma, I lie really well to you.

What you talkin' about?

Well, you remember that dress,

that dress I say I love so much?

That blue one with the lace?

John: The blue with the lace! Ha ha!

I hate that fuckin' dress.

[Slap] Oh!

Ma, I'm sorry.

Watch your motherfuckin' mouth.

All that motherfuckin' cussin'.

Alice: Don't you disrespect me, motherfucker.

I don't know where you get all that fuckin' cussin' from.

- What? - Motherfucker.

Fuck! You're in my fuckin' way.

You don't hear yourself?

I know you don't like the dress.

That's why I wear it all the time.

Mama, Mama, let's just go home. OK?

Alice: Why you tryin' to get rid of me?

If you tell me that girl in that bathroom with Bill,

I'm gonna--

- Did you touch me? - Uh-uh.

- Aw, shit. - I ain't touch you!

- Yeah, you did. - No, you just felt something.

No, no, I felt your motherfuckin' hand.

John: Uh-uh. It was the quickening of the spirit, Ma.

Yeah, it ain't quickening of the spirits.

OK, Ma. I didn't touch you, ma'am.

John: It was a bad reaction. I just--

It was like I got a twitch, Ma.

It was a twitch in my arm.

Remember when I was playing basketball

and that dude hit me here?

Here. Remember, when I was 7?

And I was tryin' to be like Kobe. You don't remember it?

No, hell, no. I don't remember.

I didn't mean to hit you. I'm sorry.

No. A bad reaction is having to pull out hot lead

from your bilical cords.

My what?

You heard me. Get your ass out the way!

Ma, Ma. "Get your ass out the way"?

You ever thought about that?

"Get your ass out of the way" is just--

it is a silly saying

because your-- your A-S-S--

'cause you told me I couldn't cuss--

your A-S-S is like behind you.

So how is it in the way?

You ever thought about that?

You could say that in one of your jokes.

Right?

[Clears throat]

You playin' with fire, boy.

Ma, you can't go in there. The door's locked.

Hell, I got a key.

Ma, she in there.

Move the fuck--

John: Hey! My mom got a key! She about to come in!

She's about to come in! She about to come in.

[Bill and Regina moaning]

John: Mama. Alice: Hmm?

John: Mama?

John: You O--you OK?

Alice: Yes.

John: Why you--why you act-- why you look--

why you actin' like that?

Why you actin' like that?

I just saw my next ex-husband.

John: OK. What?

Alice: That boy hung.

- He 76. - I'm done.

John: I'm not about to start with you, Ma.

That's nasty.

Damn, Bill.

Ma!

I'll pay all your damn bills.

John: Ma, my God.

Ma, that's my friend.

Ain't you remember when he was younger?

That's not legal.

Alice: So you knew that?

I didn't--I didn't know they was doing--

- I didn't know that! - Yeah, you did.

John: Ma, no, I didn't.

I mean, I knew they was in there,

but I didn't know they was...in there.

You knew they was in the bathroom?

I--I saw 'em-- I saw one go to the bathroom,

and then I saw the other one go to the bathroom

and thought "Oh, maybe they going in there to, um,

you know, just congratulate," you know, I don't know.

What the hell you think they were going in there to do?

John: Ma, I didn't know.

- I don't know. - Yeah, you did.

You did it on purpose.

John: What? Why would I do that on purpose?

You brought him, and you know she gettin' married.

Ma, I don't...

I did not do it on purpose.

I did not know. I did not bring him.

We just came to my shop.

And you with the "ass" and...

Get your ass out of here.

John: See, Ma, you're going with the "get the A-S-S

out of here."

- Play with me. - I don't want to play with you.

- Come on. - I don't want to play with you.

- Come on, John. - Ma, I don't want to play.

- No, thank you. - Come on.

- Uh-uh. I don't want to. - [Indistinct].

Ma, why are you-- why are you sweating, though?

I got turned on.

Ugh!

He's gonna be like a son to you.

It's nasty.

I'm gonna be sick, Ma.

Good. Go home and be sick.

Now go.

Oh. Ma, I can't leave him here.

Well, if you don't get up out of here,

they gonna be takin' out two bodies.

[John sighs] He on his own.

[Moaning]

So this is it?

Regina: Miss Alice.

[Bill panting]

I was in here before. Y'all ain't gonna stop?

Regina: Miss Alice, please. This...

Bill: Miss Alice...

You turn around, boy.

Bill: No!

Why not?

Bill: Damn it, just go.

Regina: We were--we were just about to--

Shut up with your nasty ass!

Regina: Miss Alice.

[Wall hanging rattles]

[Toilet lid rattles]

What you doing?

Miss Alice, we'll be right out, OK?

What that mean? You want me to leave?

Bill: Yes, yes.

That ain't gonna happen, you big dick bastard.

[Regina clears throat]

Miss Alice, please.

[Sniffs] Mmm!

Smell like that good, old, hot, drippin'...sex.

Mmm!

Hee hee hee! Ooh!

Where's my blood pressure medicine?

Regina: Miss Alice, please.

What the hell you think you doin'?

Bill: Look, look, I'm gonna--I'm gonna go.

I wasn't talkin' to you. I was talkin' to her.

Regina: We--we were-- we were just--

Fuckin'.

Miss Alice... you know...

Well, you're getting married tomorrow.

Regina: I know.

I don't wanna be a part of this.

Regina: I'm sorry.

Bill: OK. I'm gonna go.

Well, what's going on?

Bill: Uh...nothin'.

Yeah, I'm talkin to both of y'all.

Regina: Well, I... I was drunk.

Off a wine cooler?

Alice: Please. I don't wanna hear that bullshit.

Regina: Miss Alice, you know I'm a lightweight.

Girl, please, you wanted this man.

You wanted him, so admit it.

Regina: I did.

Alice: And he wanted you.

Bill: I did. I do.

So what's y'all gonna do?

Bill: Uh, I'm--I'm gonna go. I don't know where.

No, I'm talkin' to her

because she's the one that's got to walk down the aisle

smellin' like Bill nuts.

Regina: OK. Miss Alice, that was vulgar.

Oh! So we climbin' off the dick

and climbin' back on our high horse?

Regina: OK. You know what? I'm gonna go.

Alice: Yeah, you do that. You're mad, babe.

Now you.

Bill: I'm sorry.

You in here blowing her back out?

In my bathroom?

Well, actually, it's technically John's bathroom.

You can't say nothin'.

I'm sorry.

You know what I oughta do?

No, but-- no, uh-uh.

You don't know what I'm thinkin'!

Well, I don't want to know.

Bill: You're lookin' at me like I'm some kind of--

A sausage biscuit.

Bill: You know what?

I'm leavin'.

Alice: Well, you know, I was a gymnast

in the 1963 Olympics.

I wasn't even born yet.

Take this maturity.

- All right, I'm gonna... - Take it like a man.

John: Come back again. We open every day. Ha ha!

Whoo!

Aw, thank you, beautiful. All right.

Oh, wow. She is good.

- Hey! - Hey, have you seen my purse?

- Uh, this one? - Nope.

Nope? OK. Oh, this one.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

What?

What you mean?

Why are you lookin' at me like that?

I ain't lookin' at you like nothin'.

- Yeah, you are. - No, I'm not!

Yeah, with all that judgment.

John: I'm not judging you.

Regina: Mm-hmm.

It feels that way.

John: I promise you, I'm not judging you.

- No judgment here. - OK.

Well...

tell me what you think.

About what?

He's your boy. Tell me what you think.

I'm sorry. I don't know what you're asking me.

Is he ready? Has he grown up?

Is he ready for what?

Oh, did you...

Regina: You know what?

- Forget it. - No, I--

You answered my question.

No, Regina, I don't know what you're asking.

Nothing.

John: Just ask me straight up.

I don't know what you're sayin'.

Regina? Well...

Congratulations.

Alice: Don't run away.

I'm sure you can do it a second time.

Bill: No.

[Sniffs] Ahh...

Sex!

Hee hee hee!

John: What's up, man?

You good?

Bill: Yeah, I'm good, man.

Hey, Regina leave?

Yeah, she just left.

[Bathroom door closes]

Think she gonna go through with it?

Sure hope not.

Bill.

Yo man, we just had sex, bruh.

Alice: Good sex!

John: Ma, I thought you was gone!

Get--what y'all doin' back there?

Alice: Making sandwiches.

John: Hey! Y'all gotta get from around there.

Alice: This my place.

John: Ma--hey, man. Hey, get your ass outta here, man!

Naked ass by my sandwiches. Move!

Hurry up, man!

John: Ain't got no damn clothes?

Alice: I'll call you.

John: Ma, you not calling nobody.

Alice: I'll do what I damn wanna do.

Bill: Oh, that's really unsanitary, man.

John: It's very unsanitary.

Bill: You know I'm never eating here again.

Alice: And you know what else?

They had good sex with no condoms.

Ma, that's not our business now.

Alice: It will be in 9 months.

Ma, what are you talking about?

I remember on my wedding night.

I was there and pregnant.

And he thought he was the father.

Are you talking about my dad? With my dad, Ma?

- Ma. - Huh?

Are you talking about with my dad?

Hmm?

Are you talking about with my dad?

Hmm?

Ma! I know you heard what I asked.

Alice: Whoo! I'm tired. OK.

John: Ma-- Alice: Go and lock up.

OK, baby, I'll talk to you.

Ma, no, stop playin'. Tell me--

You was playin', right? You was just playin', right?

Bill: Nah, I don't think she was playin'.

Shut up. She was playin'.

- No, she wasn't. - No, she was playin'.

Bill: No, she avoided it.

I'll ask her when I get home.

Yo, bruh. I can't believe she came at me like that.

Regina, man, yeah--

Bill: No. I'm talkin' about your mama.

Oh, well, you know, that's how my mama is.

Yo, Regina, she just jumped up all up on me in there, man.

You a'ight?

I love her, man.

I know you do, bro.

Bill: And I'm gonna keep fighting for her.

John: I know you will.

Yeah, man, I gotta go home.

John: OK.

Gotta get up early, bruh.

Oh, what you got going in the morning?

I got a wedding to stop, man.

A wedding what? Oh. - Yeah.

A wedding?

You talkin' about Regina's?

Bill: Yeah.

Oh, no.

Ooh, I'm supposed to call Mike.

Think I need to call Tom, somebody responsible.