Original subtitles

Bill: Something's going on with you, man.

It's Pamela, huh?

Announcer: Previously on "Bruh"...

John: What the hell is going on with my mama?

Why is she running up and down the street?

Mike: Told her that you took the fall for me.

John: Why would you do that, Mike?

All of a sudden, you care about other people?

All you care about is yourself.

Bill: You know what? He sprung on Pamela right now.

Tom: So you mean the side piece is

making you catch feelings now?

Pamela: We're just hooking up. Alice: My baby.

Bill: We're all sorry for what we did in college.

Tom: But you're better than this.

John: I gave the deed to Leon. I pulled out.

Mike: I think you did the right thing.

Alice: I do, too.

John: Yes. Got to get it in there.

Tom: What's with all this compassion?

Don't tell me this is about Pamela.

Mike: You're not like all these other women our age

just trying to get married and shit.

Pamela: Mm-hmm. And that makes me a whore?

Mike: I'm not saying that. Pamela: You did say that.

Mike: Yeah, I did say that, but I--I didn't mean it.

I'm sorry. I was just mad.

Pamela: Why?

Mike: I saw you with that dude and...

Pamela: Tell me. Mike: I couldn't help

but to think he's with what's mine.

Pamela: I'm not--I'm not yours.

And--and also I'm--I'm not sleeping with him, Mike.

Mike: Really?

Pamela: Mike,

you are so stupid sometimes.

You're the only man that I'm sleeping with.

Mike: Didn't know. OK.

For real?

Pamela: Yes. And, I mean, I know you can't say the same.

Mike: That's not true. That's not true.

Pamela: Don't lie.

Mike: That's--that's not true.

Pamela: Don't lie.

Mike: I can say the same.

I'm the only man you're sleeping with.

Pamela: Oh, my God. Now--OK.

Now you wanna be all cute.

[Mike chuckles]

Mike: No. I wanna be yours.

Pamela: What?

Mike: I want you to be mine.

Pamela: Get the hell out of here.

Mike: I mean it. I mean it.

I'm serious.

Pamela: Mike, listen, you, you like women.

You know, lots of women.

Uh, you should get that all out of your system. OK?

Mike: Yeah--no. Hey, I think I have. I...

Pamela: That's the right word, you think.

Mike: I think I have.

Singer: ♪ Navigating through this dating life ♪

♪ Tryin' to find me a shawty and make her mine ♪

♪ Now I'll find one in no time with the help of my homies ♪

♪ I'm going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Yeah, going up and going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Going up and going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Going up, going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Ooh, going up and ♪

♪ Going up with the bruhs ♪

Pamela: Mike, that's-- that's the right word.

You--you think, you know?

Mike: Look, I mean, hey. I...

Pamela: Look, I'm gonna go. Um, I'm sorry, OK?

Mike: What, you gonna meet your boy?

Pamela: And what if I am? Like, why is...

Mike: Can we honestly just have

an honest conversation right now?...

Pamela: OK. Do it.

Talk to me. I'm here.

But here's the thing that I want you to know, Mike.

Mike: I'm listening. I'm here.

What--I don't know what else you want from me.

Pamela: Mike. You've treated me like a two-dollar whore.

Really. And the-- the thing is, is it's OK.

You know, like, I--I was OK with it

until you acted an ass.

But you can't be that guy and want to

sleep with every woman you see.

It--I'm sorry. It doesn't work like that.

Mike: OK. Pamela: OK.

Mike: All right. So if I commit to you...

Pamela: Mike. Mike: I'm serious.

Listen to me. Listen to me.

If I commit to you, will you stay?

Pamela: No.

Mike: Why?

Pamela: Because you're a cheater and a liar.

And, eventually, you'll just go back to what you had.

And on of top of it, let's--I just wanna put this in there.

You think just like Bill.

Uh, I mean, you see the girl with someone else

and you wanna, like, just stake your claim,

"That's mine." It's like...

Mike: Wait. How do you even know about that?

Pamela: Gina and I are friends.

[Mike laughing]

Pamela: Is that funny?

Mike: I didn't know that. Ha ha!

Pamela: You don't know anything about me...

Mike: That's not true. Pamela: ...at all.

Mike: That's not true.

Pamela: OK. What color are my eyes?

We've gone over this. Mike: Yeah. I know.

Pamela: We've gone over this. Mike: OK. I know. Yeah...

Pamela: I don't like typical colors.

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

They're brownish--blackish.

Pamela: All right. Bye. Mike: They're blackish.

Pamela: Bye. I got to go. No.

Mike: Pam. Pam. You see...

Pamela: No, no, no. Mike: Pam, Pam, come on.

Pamela: Don't keep trying.

Don't say it. It's too late.

Mike: I had it. I had it. I had...

Pamela: Don't say it. Mike: Pam.

Pamela: Listen.

Mike: Pam, it's sand...dune.

Sand--sand--fuck! Sand castle.

It's sand--fuck! Sand fucking castle.

I knew that shit.

Singer: ♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah... ♪

Tom: Where the hell is Mike?

Bill: Uh--uh, he, uh, said he had to

stop at home for a quick second.

John: Oh, he had to stop at home?

He's definitely not coming then.

Tom: Uh-uh.

Bill: Yo. Yo, I promise you, he coming through.

John: When Mike say he's stopping at home,

you know he got somebody coming in and out of there.

Tom: You already know. Bill: Thanks. Thanks. OK.

John: Hey. Bill: I'll drink to that. Mm.

John: Hey, I met a girl.

Tom: Oh, snap. Her? John: Yeah.

Bill: Yo. My man.

Yo, you never--you never talk about meeting a girl.

John: I know. I know, man.

She--she's beautiful, too.

Bill: Oh, OK. OK. So break it down.

John: All right. Bill: What's so special

about this one, bruh?

John: Uh, you know what I'm saying?

Like, she looked at me, like, for who I was,

past all the--you don't get what I'm saying?

Tom: What does that even mean?

John: Like, she wasn't judging me.

You know what I mean? Like, she--

she just talked to me.

It wasn't about material. It wasn't about...

Tom: Yeah. John: Yeah, man.

Tom: See, I've been trying to tell you.

Not every chick out here is trying to judge you.

Bill: Mm-hmm. Tammy did.

Tom: Stop.

Bill: Oh, yeah. And, um, Kim.

Tom: Bill.

Bill: Oh, yeah. And don't forget about Stacy.

Tom: OK. You know what?

Bill: Yeah. OK. I'm sorry.

John: It's all good. No. No.

You keep on. Let him go.

Tom: We're here for him tonight.

John: Go ahead. Keep going. Got some more?

You wanna bring up Tanesha?

Bill: Yeah. John: Ayesha?

Go ahead. Bill: Ayesha?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. [Laughter]

John: It's good. No. It's all good, man. I know...

Bill: Just... John: I know--I know

women judge me.

You know what I'm saying? Like, it--it's a thing.

Like, once they find out I ain't got that much money, they leave.

Bill: Mm-hmm. Tom: Bro, I feel you, man.

I mean, in this city--

in this city, like, women are pretentious.

They're all looking for the doctors.

John: That's it. That's...

Bill: Hold up. Says the doctor.

John: Right. [Laughter]

Tom: Hey, no. What can I say? What can I say?

John: It's all right. In every city. And a lawyer.

Bill: "Looking for a doctor." Mike: And a lawyer.

Looking for the lawyer. You know,

Mike used the hell out of that.

But, yeah, man, you know, once women find out

my mom live with me, they usually--

Bill: Wait. John: I'm sorry?

Bill: Wait. She--she knows? Ooh, that's tough.

John: Well, first of all, don't go there.

My mama lives with me.

Bill: OK. John: Stop playing.

Bill: Hey, I'm just saying.

John: Yeah. Whatever, man.

Bill: Tough like that... John: I--Mike?

Bill: Hey.

All right. All right. All right.

John: Finally came. Old boy.

Bill: Yo, yo, yo, these two didn't think

you was gonna come through, bruh.

John: I did not.

Mike: No, bruh. I'm just getting my wallet

so I can get drinks for this guy.

John: Oh, thanks, man. Well, you got this one here.

Mike: Ha ha! I'll get you.

Tom: Right here. Mike: I'll get you.

John: 'Cause I'm a little low on money.

You know what I mean? Mike: I know.

[Laughter] Bill: Oh, we know.

John: Because I just emptied myself.

Mike: Right. Yo, but for real, bro.

I'm sorry for all that shit

I put you through. For real.

Tom: Hey, we all are.

Bill: Uh, honestly, uh, you know,

we can't say that enough.

John: I appreciate that, man, but I got to take

some responsibility in it, too.

You know what I mean? Uh, so we could--

man, we could just let it go.

Bill: Uh, you can do that?

John: We can do that, man. I--

I depended on y'all way too much.

You know what I'm saying? And somewhere

in the back of my head, man, I know I definitely felt like

y'all owed me something, and that was keeping me low.

So I let it all go. You know what I mean?

Mike: Thanks, bruh.

John: Thank you, man.

Thank you, man. I appreciate it.

But know this, I ain't never, ever asking y'all

for any more money ever again. Ever.

Mike: Thanks, friend.

John: Oh, you got jokes.

Mike: No. I'm just saying. Like...

John: What? You tight.

Bill, imitating stammering: "$50,000!"

John: "I'm gonna wait..." Mike: Let it--[indistinct].

Bill: Plus these drinks.

Mike: Plus, if--I need my interest.

John: Y'all gonna keep playing--OK.

We said we was gonna let it go. Y'all keep joking.

Bill: It's gone. It's dropped.

Tom: You need it, we got you.

John: Hey. And I heard y'all went over Leon's house.

Mike: For real? John: Yeah.

Mike: Fucking snitch.

Tom: We specifically told him not to tell you.

John: That's my cousin, bro. You know he gonna tell me.

Hey, man. Thank you for coming to my rescue.

For real. Like, that situation was scary, bro.

Mike: I'm glad we could help.

John: That wasn't me.

Mike: Yeah. It ain't you.

John: No. I'ma make this shop work.

You know what I mean? Bill: Mm-hmm.

John: I'ma open up another one.

I'ma be like DJ Khaled. And another one.

Mike, Bill, and John: And another one...

Tom: That's what we wanna hear.

John: Thank you, man. Tom: That's what you do.

John: Thank you. I appreciate that.

Tom: You know we believe in you.

We're behind you. John: Thanks.

Thank you, man. I do.

Tom, thanks, bro. And I'm sorry

I was getting--I was

really upset. My bad.

OK? Um...

Mike: Yup. Yeah. Your bad.

John: Yeah. But enough about me, man.

[Mike laughs]

John: You about to get some hands, too, boy.

Mike: I'm ready.

Bill: Hey, I would have let you, too, though,

because you deserve it.

John: Real talk. We do.

Nobody say nothing,

'cause he really think he paid.

The little one in the group. [Indistinct].

Mike: "Money, money!"

John: Hey... Tom: You should have seen

this guy with your cousin, bro.

Bill: Ooh. John: He was feisty?

Mike: Yeah. What...

Bill: No, he was-- he was a punk.

You know, I was holding it down,

like, "Leon." You know what I'm saying?

John: Hey, what's been

going on in you all's world, though?

Tom: Well, I still dealing with that

crazy-ass chick at work.

Bill: Mm-hmm. John: She's still at it?

Tom: Worse now. Like, I don't even wanna talk about it.

John: I told you not to do it.

I told you that.

Tom: Thanks, John. You know the, uh,

"I told you so," that's not really helping me.

John: I'm not trying to do it like that.

I'm just--I did. told you.

Tom: Next time, I'll listen to you.

John: I appreciate that.

Tom: But, like, let's get off me for a second.

John: OK.

Tom: This young gentleman right here,

he just broke up a happy home.

John: For real? Tom: Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, Regina was about to get married,

this guy stopped it.

Mike: Mm-hmm. John: No.

Bill: Yo. No. Shut up. I didn't do that.

Tom: Oh, you didn't stop it? Bill: No.

Tom: OK. He didn't stop it. Here's what he did do.

He told her he love her, and he

got on his knees and begged her,

"Please don't marry that guy."

Bill: No, no. Hold up. Hold up.

Shut--yo, shut up. Yo. See,

that's why--that's why nobody tell you anything, Doc.

Tom: It's the bruhs, man.

John: Hey, man. That's low, bro.

Bill: Why would you say that?

John: 'Cause you don't even want that girl, Bill.

Bill: Don't say that.

Mike: Does that sound familiar? John: Mike.

Bill: Oh, Mike? Mike: That's what I said.

Bill: Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Shut up.

You--you talking about me when you over there

pining over Pam, bruh.

John: Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait. Not Pam.

You're talking about side-side-side chick Pamela?

Bill: Side-side-side. John: Side-side?

Bill: Side-side. John: Side-side-side?

Bill: Side. Mike: OK, first of all,

first of all, she was side.

Side. S--

John: She was two sides or one side?

Mike: One side. First off,

you need a main for a side. John: A what?

Mike: You need a main for a side.

Bill: I--I get that. I get that.

John: She's...

Mike: I ain't never had a main.

John: Oh, they all sides? Mike: I don't have a side.

John: So you got--you got potatoes,

you got coleslaw, you got mac and cheese on the side?

No meat. You got the meat. Hey!

[Laughter]

Bill: Hold up. Pause.

[Laughter]

Yo, [indistinct], right? Yo. So we were at this bar.

We having a drink and everything.

John: Mm-hmm. Bill: Mike sees her

with another dude.

He get all in his feelings.

He throws his drink on old boy and everything.

He's about to get his ass beat.

Tom: What?

Mike: Nah. "Get ass beat"? What you...

Bill: Oh. Who you lying to?

Come on. Put it on your deck.

Put it on your deck. Put that on your deck. Put it on it.

Tom: Mike. Mike: OK.

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Tom: It's OK, bro. Just tell us.

I mean, this girl really

got you in your feelings? Is that true?

Bill: Come on, man. Just say it.

John: It's OK. Bill: Say it.

John: Did she?

Mike: No. I'm just...

Bill: Own it. Tom: Just what?

Bill: Own it. Tom: What are you?

Mike: I'm confused. I'm confused.

Tom: Oh, OK. John: At least you're there.

Tom: So what are we confused about?

Mike: I missed you, bro.

Tom: What are we confused about, Mike?

Mike: I--I asked her, uh, "What are we doing?"

Bill: Uh-uh. Nah. Wait. Hold up.

Did you hit her with the question

that I said she was gonna hit you with?

Tom: Wow.

John: He sprung.

Bill: He sprung. Boing. [Laughter]

John: It's OK. It's OK, man.

Love is a good thing.

Tom: Pining over P. Pining over P.

John: It's OK, man.

Mike: Yo, Mohawk, can I get a--

can I get a drink, please?

Thank you. Look, I don't know

what the hell is going on with me.

Tom: Hey, Mike. It's cool, man.

We're proud of you. You're finally growing up.

Mike: I don't wanna grow up. I wanna be

the same dude I've always been.

John: You sure?

Mike: What do you mean, you sure? Yeah.

John: That's a good thing, bro.

Mike: I'm the life of the party.

Like, I don't need to change.

John: You growing is a good thing, man.

Mike: How is that a good thing?

John: Bro, first of all,

you opening up, sharing your feeling.

Mike: First of all, it's feelings.

Not fillings. That's in your teeth.

John: You wanna--look, you wanna be

a asshole right now while I'm trying to encourage you?

Mike: I--I'm just being who I am, sir.

John: OK. Be that. Tom: But--but, John...

John: I know what fillings and feelings are.

I know they're different.

Mike: Then--then say it. Tom: But, John...

Mike: Then say it. John: I know the difference

between feelings and fillings.

'Cause you got a little lawyer education,

and you wanna say it?

I went to college, nigga, for a little bit.

[Mike laughs]

Bill: Yeah. Listen real good.

John: I know a few words, man.

Tom: Hey, but, John, don't--don't encourage him.

We all know that this young brother

is not ready for that.

Bill: Hmm. Facts.

Mike: I'm not ready for that?

John: Uh-uh. Sound like it. Feelings,

they're the part that makes you mature.

Mike: You got a lot to say.

You got a lot to say. Where's your woman?

Tom: I...

Mike: "I..." Exactly. And where's your woman?

What about you?

John: I--I just met somebody.

Mike: For real? John: Yeah. I did.

Mike: Yeah. Yeah. We know what that means.

John: What you mean, you know what that mean?

Mike: You about to go all in. You always do.

John: Yeah. All right. Whatever.

Mike: Bruh, you be like, "She looked at me."

John: She did look at me. [Laughter]

She did, though. The girl--you don't know.

You don't know. That...

Bill: Hold up. Hold up. So you say...

you say you about to catch feelings?

You mean the way you caught feelings for Pamela?

[Bill laughing, Mike mock laughing]

Mike: This Pamela situation is fine, bruh.

I'm just figuring it out. Just...

Bill: Yeah. OK. Mike: ...confusing.

Bill: Yeah, bruh. Mike: It's confusing.

Bill: Oh, dude. Well, um, you about

to be a little more confused, bruh.

Mike: Why is that?

Bill: Because, um, she over there

with some other dude right now.

Mm-hmm. Almost in the same spot.

John: Damn. Ooh. Tom: Bro.

Bill: Coincidence? I think not.

Tom: Hey, Mike.

John: How are you "feelings"? Are your "feelings" OK?

I'm sorry. I--I know it's probably hurting you.

Mike: There's another dude, bro.

Tom: Mike. Mike: Another dude.

Bill: That's dude number two, by the way.

Mike: I can count. Thank you.

Bill: OK. Tom: Mike, just--just don't--

don't embarrass yourself, please.

Mike: I'm not. Tom: Don't make a scene....

Mike: I'm not. Bill: He is.

Let's give it--I give it a minute.

Mike: I just wanna know who the fuck this dude is.

John: Hey, man. How are you feeling?

He's always in his feelings. He's saying--

"fucking," all the f-words.

Feelings and the fillings and the feelings and...

OK. I'm sorry, bro. But, hey,

y'all not together, right?

Y'all not together. Yo, just, like...

Bill: Uh, no, no, no. Don't--don't say that to him.

John: Why not? Bill: You can't use logic. No.

Because, see--see, uh, Michael lives in a world where

he can sleep with as many women as he wants, but she can't.

Tom: Wow.

John: You're gonna drink my drink, too?

Bill: Savage. Tom: That sounds like

a nice world right there.

Maybe you can tell us all where it is,

and we can live there, too, bro.

Mike: "Maybe you" get to shut the fuck up, Tom?

John and Bill: Feelings. [Laughter]

John: ♪ Feelings ♪ That's OK, bro.

Just--it's all good. Hey, I need...

Mike: Hey. Excuse me? Mohawk. Drink, please?

Bill: He means can we get another drink, sir, please?

John: Can I--Valerie. Valerie's here?

Did we say Valerie was here?

Valerie: Hey, asshole.

Tom: Valerie, go on somewhere.

Valerie: No. No. I've been drinking,

and I need to tell you something.

Tom: All right, guys. I'ma head out.

Valerie: No. You're not going anywhere.

Tom: Move. Valerie: I said, you're

not going anywhere.

Tom: Valerie.

Mike: Oh, hey. Yo. Yo, wait.

Tom: Well, look at her, man.

Mike: Put your hands in the air.

Just be cool. Just do it.

Do it. Do it. Just stay cool.

Valerie: Yeah. You better listen to your boy.

So why did you do that to me?

Mike: What did he do to you, sweetheart?

Valerie: He had sex with me.

Bill: Ooh. John: How was it?

I mean, I just--I was scared.

Tom: OK. Mike: But you wanted it, right?

Valerie: Yes, I did.

Mike: OK. Then what happened?

Valerie: Yeah. He made me feel special.

Then he just dumped me.

Wouldn't even talk to me at work.

John: Why would you do that?

Valerie: He made me feel so bad.

Why do men do that, huh? Somebody?

John: I am researching that right now.

Valerie: Oh, you are? John: Yes.

Valerie: OK. You wanna get back to me with your findings?

John: I sure will. Valerie: OK.

John: Just send me your email.

Valerie: Yeah. John: OK.

Mike: But you tried to go to his boss to get even?

Valerie: I know that. And that's what I did.

Mike: Mm-hmm. Valerie: I got even.

Mike: Mm-hmm. You know he could lose his job for that.

Valerie: I don't care. I want him to go through

what I'm going through.

Mike: What was that?

Valerie: It's some bullshit is what it is.

Mike: Hmm, yeah.

Valerie: You have anything to say, Tom?

Mike: Um, I do, Valerie. Valerie: What? What?

Mike: I just recorded this whole thing.

You might wanna get some coffee and sober up.

Tell your boss in the morning...

John: Yo, hey, hey, hey.

Bill: Respect. Respect.

John: Chill out. White people in here.

Valerie: You're worse than him.

Mike: And you're worse than the both of us.

Valerie: You're a little bitch, Mike. Little bitch.

Mike: Bye.

Valerie: Yeah. Bye. Mike: Bye. Bye.

John: Hey...

Valerie: I hate you.

John: You're gonna cry tomorrow.

Mike: Bitch be gone. Bill: Yo.

John: She called you a bitch, though...

Bill: Yo, you two--you two

sure know how to pick them.

John: Great job, though, man.

Bill: Both of y'all know how to pick them.

Mike: Yo, it's funny. That's what I said about Peter.

John: Who is Peter?

Bill: Yo, that's--that's--that hurt.

Mike: Nah, dude. Bill: Yeah.

John: Who's Peter?

Mike: Peter is the dude that Regina's gonna marry.

Tom: Oh. Bill: No, no, no.

Hell no. Not if I can help it.

Mike: You serious?

Bill: Hell yeah, I'm serious.

John: There's a lot going on. We all in our feelings.

I feel good 'cause I met somebody.

He going through-- you said Peter?

Mike: Peter. John: And who do you...

Mike: I said, Peter and me, too. John: Two people with you?

Singer: ♪ I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna be OK tonight ♪

♪ Won't stay down, I'm gonna get up ♪

♪ I'm gonna get to my feet, I'm gonna fight ♪

♪ I'm gonna get away... ♪

[Indistinct chatter]

Mike: Hi, ladies. How you doing?

My name is Michael Alexander. I'm an attorney at law.

Bill: Yo, Mike, Mike. Mike: This is--chill.

This is Tom. He's a doctor.

MD, not D.O.

This is my boy Billiam. He's an architect.

This is my boy John, franchise owner.

And we were actually just talking about

how hard it is to find

nice, beautiful women nowadays, you know?

Bill: Mike. Mike.

Mike: Hey, can you let me do what I do?

Thank you. Nowadays, everybody has

a angle, you know? Trying to play games.

We just wanna meet nice, beautiful women.

So what's your name?

Christie: I'm Christie.

Mike: Christie? That's a nice name. I'm Mike.

Christie: Hi, Mike. Mike: You seem like his type.

[Mike chuckles]

Christie: So, uh, this is what you guys are doing now?

Mike: Excuse me?

John: Mike.

Mike: What's up?

John: That's her.

Mike: That's who?

John: The dean's daughter, stupid.

Christie: Hi, Mike.