Original subtitles

Alice: Won't you get the hell up outta here?

John: Ma, this is my business, too.

Announcer: Previously on "Bruh"...

John: Ma, I'm not about to argue with you.

Alice: Then shut up while I chew that ass out.

Mike: Look, we're here to talk about John.

Tom: What's the plan? Alice: What you gonna do

when they raid the place, when they find out

you're using drug money?

Mike: I owe that dude a lot.

Laura: I'm a woman... John: Laura, Laura.

Mike: Me and my boys. Here to talk.

Leon: You got ghosts behind you, homie?

Mike: Yo! Let's go! United front.

Laura: Climb up in it.

John: Laura, I will beat your ass...OK.

Mike: You're gonna take the 500,000

and you're gonna walk away from Level Twenty-eight Bar.

Leon: I should pop a cap in your ass right now.

[Cocks gun] Mike: Oh!

Bill: What the hell?

Yo, let's get--let's get out of here, man. Damn.

Mike: That's supposed to scare me?

Leon: Nah.

Mike: The hell you doing?

Leon: Sending a message.

Bill: Hey, we got the message loud and clear.

We're good, Mr. Leon.

Leon: Listen, you better be.

Bill: Let's go. Mike: Get your bitch ass back...

Stay with me! [Indistinct].

Bill: He had a gun. Real one, nigga.

Mike: I ain't going nowhere.

Leon: Oh, is that right?

Tom: Mike, let's go, let's go.

Mike: Came here to talk business.

Not leaving till I do.

Tom: Mike. Leon: You better get the fuck up

out my spot right now.

Tom: Mike, come on. Bill: Let's go, let's go.

Mike: No.

Leon: You better listen to your little bitches.

Bill: I ain't--ain't gonna be too many bitches.

Mike: You sound like one right now.

Your voice quivering and shit. Shut up.

Bill: Ahem. [Softly] Shut up.

Tom: Just hold on a second.

Leon: Are you bucking up, too?

Tom: Just--there's no need for the name-calling.

Leon: Huh. You hear that, fellas?

[Mocking] No need for the name-calling.

Get your Oreo ass up outta here.

Tom: Know what? Bill: Come on, Tom.

Come on, now. You know you can't fight.

All you do is windmill. Come on!

Tom: You are a bitch-ass punk.

Bill: Thomas, why you gotta call him names? Come on!

Tom: Ah, man. Mr. Black People, right?

You sell drugs to our people, to our kids.

And every day, I'm treating those kids,

'cause they bought bad shit off the street.

And it's your ignorant ass selling it to them.

So, I'm the Oreo?

Leon: You better get your boy.

Mike: Fuck you. Leon: Is that right?

Mike: You heard me.

Leon: You're a tough guy.

Mike: Told you I came here to talk business.

Gonna take this 500,000.

Gonna crawl back into whatever hole you came out of.

Leon: Why would I do that?

Mike: I'm not asking you.

I'm demanding, bitch.

Leon: Oh, you're demanding something of me?

Tom: Yeah, you heard him. Bill: Yeah.

[Leon scoffs] Fuck you.

Mike: Leon, you know I'm a lawyer, right?

Leon: A tax lawyer.

Mike: Yeah.

Leon: That supposed to mean something to me?

Mike: It should.

I talk to the IRS every day.

John is gonna get a case.

He's gonna be in jail.

You're gonna be in a cell right next to him.

Leon: Oh, so, you a snitch.

Mike: For my boy, I'm singing like a bird.

Bill: Yo, come on, man. He look like he listen to rap.

You know what they say. They don't like snitches.

Snitches get stitches and put in ditches.

Come on, we shouldn't be messing with nobody

who's bold enough to wear a snakeskin jacket.

In the summer.

Mike: I don't like you.

Bill: He's trying to get us killed, man.

Mike: So, you gonna let this go or you gonna be in jail?

Leon: You better be real confident talking like that.

Mike: And you better call me in 24 hours

and tell me where to leave the money.

Or in 36 hours, you're gonna be in a cell.

My number. Call me in 24 hours.

Don't say shit to John.

Rapper: ♪ ...boys with the toys on the flipside ♪

♪ I wanna smoke good but they stateside... ♪

Bill: It's OK to take your time. Think about it.

36 hours is a long time.

Rapper: ♪ We just be dealing and winnin' ♪

♪ And dressin', impressin', just doin' the job ♪

Singer: ♪ Navigating through this dating life ♪

♪ Trying to find me a shawty and make her mine ♪

♪ Now I'll find one in no time with the help of my homies ♪

♪ I'm going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Yeah, going up and going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Going up and going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Going up, going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Ooh, going up and ♪

♪ Going up with the bruhs ♪

Rapper: ♪ Comin' now, do that, who that ♪

♪ Comin' now, do that, who that ♪

♪ Comin' now, do that, who that ♪

♪ Comin' now, do that, now get it ♪

♪ You don't really want no smoke ♪

♪ You ain't trying to come down, do that ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, you don't really want no smoke ♪

♪ You don't want me comin' down, do that, whoa ♪

Mike: That's what the hell I'm talkin' about.

Tom: Yo. Hey, that was--

you did your thing, man.

Mike: Thank you. Thank you.

Tom: But do you think he's gonna call, though?

Mike: Hell yeah, he's gonna call.

Bill: Hell yeah. Yo, he was scared to death.

[Chuckles]

Mike: Nigga, you were scared to death.

Bill: Yo, no, I wasn't.

Tom: Man, he punked you.

Bill: No, no, he didn't punk me.

That little gun is what punked me.

Mike: Nigga, he was holding the loaded gun.

Bill: Self-preservation, Michael.

You know, forget it. Why you on me like this? What?

Michael: Bruh. Tom: Hey, but seriously.

You gonna really turn him in?

Mike: Hell yeah, I'll turn that nigga in.

Tom: Well, guess we'll see if that plan works, man.

Mike: Yeah, it will. [Bill chuckles]

His ole bitch ass thinking he had us scared.

[Chuckles] The nerve. Heh.

Mike: Did he say that?

Bill: What?

Mike: Bruh, you were scared as shit.

Bill: No the hell I wasn't.

Tom: Well, uh, your brave face

sure looks a hell of a lot

like your scared face, though.

Bill: No--what you saw there was my game face.

Mike: That--that was your game face?

Bill: Really?

Mike: I'm just saying.

Tom: I didn't-- I didn't see that.

Mike: I didn't see that. Tom: No.

Mike: Not at all. Bill: Yo, yo, what's up, man?

You really--you gonna get on me right now?

[Tom chuckles] Mike: I just call it how I see it.

Bill: You ain't see it good enough.

Mike: Well, the smell of piss...

Bill: No, no, no, no. Don't come at me like that, OK?

Nobody pissed, man.

See, that was a fart, see?

I get--I get gassy when I get nervous.

That's what that was. Mike: So, you about to shit yourself.

Bill: I wasn't about-- Tom: It's a medical condition.

Mike: Yeah. Look at that. Bill: Really?

Tom: It's called bitchabulitis. Yeah.

Bill: Thank you, doc.

[Phone ringing]

Mike: Oh, damn. [Ringing]

Tom: Is that him? Mike: Hell yeah.

Tom: Wow. He wasted no time.

Mike: I told you he's a little bitch.

[Ringing] Tom: You didn't just tell me.

You told him to his face.

Bill: We all did. We told him he a bitch...

Mike: No, two out of the 3 of us called him a bitch.

You ain't call him a bitch. Bill: My voice cracked a little bit

but I called it. Said it.

Mike: All right. [Ringing]

Bill: You gonna answer it? Mike: No.

Bill: Why not? [Phone beeps]

Mike: Let him sweat a little bit.

Bill: Ooh, mm-mm. Don't know about that one.

Come on, man.

Mike: I know how to negotiate. Let me...

Tom: No, listen. I know you know how to negotiate,

but dude, I just want to put this behind us, please.

Mike: I get it. I understand.

I got this, all right?

Tom: OK. All right. I got you.

Mike: All right, yo, he left a voicemail.

Leon on phone: Bring the money here tomorrow,

plus 10% interest.

Mike: That's not gonna happen.

Tom: OK. So, what are we gonna do?

Mike: We gonna give that nigga exactly what he gave John.

Tom: OK. Sounds like a plan to me. [Chuckles]

Bill: Hey, yo, Mike, when you say "we"

gonna give him the money, what do you mean by that?

I need some clarity back here.

Tom: This dude.

Bill: Yo, I'm just saying.

We don't all need to go, right?

Three's a crowd? That's what they say?

Mike: You ain't scared. That's not fear.

Bill: Yo, if something happens to y'all,

who's gonna tell Sharpton? Hmm?

[Tom sniffs] You smell that?

Mike: It smell like bitch. Tom: Yeah.

Bill: Ain't nobody smell it--no.

Smells like smarts, OK?

Alice: You missed a spot. Put your back in.

[Laura sighs] Damn! Alice: What?

Laura: This is hard work. Alice: Girl, please.

Laura: What? Alice: Do you know what

I had to do to make a living?

Laura: OK, I really don't want to know.

Alice: I worked 7 jobs when I was raising John.

Laura: Ms. Alice...

Alice: What?

Laura: How is that possible?

Alice: It is!

You young girls don't know shit.

I made a dollar out of 15 cent

my entire motherfuckin' life,

and this boy gonna turn on me.

Laura: Ms. Alice.

Alice: What?

Laura: He just opened another place.

Alice: Hell, you don't know what's going on.

Laura: No, I don't. Tell me.

Alice: I'm not telling you nothing with your nosey ass.

Laura: Nosey? I am not nosey.

Alice: Girl, please. No, I'm not.

Laura: I'm not nosey. Just tell me.

OK, you know what? It's whatever. It's OK.

Alice: You probably already know.

Laura: What? About the drug money?

Alice: How the hell you know that?

Laura: These streets be talking.

Alice: What are they saying?

Laura: They say that he got the money from Leon.

Alice: Oh, it's horrible!

Laura: Oh, my God--Ms. Alice. [Laughs]

Alice: My life is ruined!

[Laura laughs]

Alice: What the hell you laughing at?

Laura: You are so dramatic!

Alice: No, girl. It's horrible.

Laura: OK, OK, I know it is, I know it is,

but hey, John is a smart dude, right?

He's smart. He will figure it out.

Alice: What'd you say?

Laura: He's gonna figure it out.

Alice: No, the other part.

Laura: He's a smart dude? [Alice laughs]

Oh, girl, get out of here with that bullshit.

Laura: He is. [Alice laughs]

His ass ain't never been smart.

I took him to kindergarten.

He took 3 hours to put

a round peg in a round hole.

Laura: Ms. Alice...

Alice: What? I kept trying to tell him.

It's the square one, motherfucker.

Laura: Oh. OK.

Alice: But damn, he just didn't get it.

Laura: Right. Mm. Yeah, he not the smart one.

Alice: No. You say something? Laura: Oh? No. Huh?

Alice: Mm. Laura: Oh, no.

You feel that?

Alice: I heard you, heifer.

[Bell on door rings]

Tom: Hey. Alice: Tom.

Mike. Bill.

Bill: Good to see you. Tom: How you doing?

We needed to talk to you.

Alice: What is it?

What did he do now?

Did they kill him? Is he dead?

[Screaming indistinctly]

[Bell on door rings]

Laura: She's always about the drama!

[Screaming continues]

Bill: Who?

What the hell?

Tom: Hey, go get her, man.

Bill: Who, me? Tom: Yeah.

Mike: You're the track star. Bill: No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no. Laura: You better be careful.

Bill: Why? Laura: She got heavy hands.

Bill: Damn. Tom: Go on, man.

Bill: She halfway up the block already.

Tom: Hop up on your good foot. Go!

Bill: You know, this is some bullshit.

Ms. Alice!

Woman: Hi.

John: Hey. We not open.

Woman: Oh, I'm Charlie.

John: The contractor?

Charlie: Yeah.

I know. You thought I was a man.

John: Yeah, I'm sorry. Charlie.

Charlie: It's OK. I get it all the time.

John: You look familiar.

Charlie: I flipped it.

John: Ah, that is you!

How you doing? I'm John.

Charlie: Hi. Hi, John.

John: Pleasure to meet you.

Charlie: This place is beautiful.

John: Think so?

Charlie: When did you buy it?

John: Um, recently.

Charlie: Huh. Wow. This is awesome.

John: Thank you.

Charlie: This is on the National Historic Registry.

John: The what? Charlie: The National Historic Registry.

John: Oh, OK, wow.

Sounds like something really is special, huh?

Charlie: Yeah, well, that's a good and a bad thing.

Laura: Hi.

Mike: Hi.

Laura: What's your name?

Mike: I'm Mike.

Laura: Have we met before?

Mike: Every time that I come in here.

Laura: Oh. OK, OK, well,

you know, how you doing? How you been?

Mike: Laura. You flirt with me

every time you see me.

Laura: Well, I mean, I'm just trying to see

if I can get my chance.

Mike: What do you mean get your chance?

Laura: Man, I heard about you, big boy.

[Laughs]

Mike: You did, huh? Laura: Uh-huh. [Laughs]

You know, I got skills, too.

Mike: How you hear about me?

Laura: Pamela. [Giggles softly]

Mike: You know Pamela?

Laura: Yeah, we go to the same wax lady.

Mike: What'd she say?

Laura: You know what? I always do this.

Always just start running my mouth.

Mike: Hey, no, no, hey, no, speak--speak now.

Laura: Ooh. A little more forceful.

Say it again. Choke me. Choke me...

Mike: Yo, girl, chill! Relax.

Laura: OK. OK. She said

that you're a womanizer

and that you loved yourself

and that you loved sex.

Mike: So, she been talking about me?

Laura: Mm-hmm. All in these streets.

Mike: OK.

Laura: So, you know,

when are we gonna go out?

Mike: Heh. Laura, look. You're super sweet and...

Laura: OK. All right, yeah.

I get it, I get it. You got

too many stallions running around. OK.

Mike: What? Laura: OK, I get it.

But hey, I got strong knees, too,

and if you ever want to hit me up,

just call me. OK?

Excuse me.

Tom: What was that about?

Mike: Fuckin' Pamela.

Tom: What?

Mike: She's out here telling all my business.

She take out a damn ad, bro?

I'm gonna sue her. Tom: OK...

Mike: No, no, no, no, no, no. Tom: Take it easy. Calm down.

Mike: You wait till we leave here. I'm gonna call her ass up.

It's all good. Bill: Ms. Alice!

[Alice yelps, groans]

Mike: Oh, no.

Tom: Get her a chair. There you go.

Have a seat, have a seat. Let's check your pulse.

[Alice groaning]

Tom: Ms. Alice, you OK?

Bill: Yo, this old lady fast as hell.

Mike: Did you tell her? Bill: No. Every time

I tried to say something, she kept screaming.

Alice: My baby! Oh, my baby!

Tom: Ms. Alice, breathe. Can you hear me?

OK. He's not dead.

Alice: What?

Tom: John is not dead.

Alice: What the hell y'all come in here like this?

Mike: We just wanted to tell you what we did.

Alice: Did you kill him?

Bill: Ms. Alice.

Alice: Well, before y'all

do something like that,

let an old woman know

so she can up her insurance.

Bill: This is hopeless. Tom: Yeah.

Bill: You see how quick she switched up, though, right?

Tom: Ever since we've known her, she's been like that.

Bill: Yeah. There's gotta be some kind of

medication to treat that.

Alice: They call that weed.

Bill: Yeah. That'll do it.

And whatever else you took

to get you to run so damn fast.

Alice: What's going on?

Mike: You want to tell her?

Tom: Mike...

Mike: Um, we went and talked to Leon

and told him we'd give the money back.

Alice: What money?

Mike: The 500,000.

Alice: Y'all got that kind of money?

Mike: Between the 3 of us, yes, ma'am, we do.

Alice: Damn.

Tom: What?

Alice: Shit.

Cute, young, rich. Mm.

If I was 3 years younger.

Bill: 3?

Alice: Yeah, that was before my hip replacement.

Did you know you're not supposed to open your legs

a certain kind of way?

Bill: Oh, good. That's good to know.

Thank--thank God for modern medicine, right, Tom? Right?

Tom: I'm not sure that's true, but OK.

Alice: Yeah, but I can still work it out.

Tom: Can we talk about John?

Alice: Oh, OK, OK, I'm sorry.

Mike: I talked to Leon

and I told him to take the money.

Alice: He's gonna take it?

Mike: Yes.

Alice: Really?

Mike: Yes, ma'am.

Alice: Just like that?

Mike: Yeah.

Bill: I mean, you know,

I had to get a little rough with him, you know,

ahem, but, you know,

he got the message, right?

Mike: [Softly] Yeah, right. Tom: Yeah, no.

Alice: Shit. Tom: What?

Alice: I almost believed you when you said

you was gonna give him the money.

But, uh, that lie that Bill just told...

Bill: It's not a lie. It's the truth.

All facts. Promise.

Alice: Well, you can't keep up with me,

and I got a bad knee and a new hip.

How the hell you say that?

Bill: Got a cramp.

Mike: Look, he's gonna take the money.

Alice: I appreciate that.

But how is that gonna help John?

Mike: Ms. Alice...

Alice: Y'all been bailing him out since college.

He gotta stand on his feet at some point.

Tom: No, Ms. Alice, we want to do this.

Mike: It's no problem. It really isn't.

Alice: No, I want him to take the money back

and walk away from it on his own.

Tom: That's probably not gonna happen.

Alice: And why not?

Tom: This is OK. Trust me.

Mike: It--it's fine.

Alice: I don't like it. Mike: Ms. Alice.

Alice: But if y'all want to...

Mike: We do.

We do, right? [Tom and Mike talking at once]

Mike: We do. Bill: Mm-hmm.

Alice: Uh-huh. Well, I gotta see him first

so I can tell him how.

Tom: OK, so, we, um...

we actually don't want him to know.

Alice: Oh, no, no, no. That nigga gonna know.

Tom: Heh. We have to insist

that he not know we're in this one. Just...

Alice: But y'all been so good to him.

Mike: No, he's been good to us. Yeah. Right?

Bill: That's true. Alice: How the fuck he gonna be good to you?

When all he do is borrow money?

Mike: Ms. Alice... it's tough to explain.

Alice: No, y'all been there for him.

You know, helping him with his tests.

Oh, and helping him with that trouble

when he got in with that white girl.

Bill: Well...not exact-- that's kind of...

Alice: I was so damn mad.

I'm still paying on them student loans,

and he got kicked out of school.

Tom: This is for the best.

It really is.

Alice: I'm telling. And I'm telling him

because he could've been a better son.

I'm not letting y'all rescue him again.

I'm calling him up.

Tom: Uh, no, no, no, you're not.

Alice: Boy, don't be grabbing my phone.

You gonna hurt yourself.

Mike: Hey. Ms. Alice,

we don't want him to know.

Alice: Thank you, but I don't care.

Mike: OK. Ms., Ms. Alice,

I want to tell you something.

Alice: OK.

[Mike clears throat]

The reason that John got in trouble in college

is because of me.

I got that girl drunk.

Alice: What? Mike: Yeah,

and he took the fall for it.

Alice: No! My baby?

[Screaming indistinctly]

[Bell on door rings]

[Screaming continues]

Bill: Yo, it's your turn to get her.

Mike: [Indistinct]. I ain't chasing her.

Bill: It's you. Come on back.

[Alice screaming indistinctly]