Original subtitles

Narrator: This program is rated TV-MA L,

and is intended for mature audiences.

Viewer discretion is advised.

Regina: There is no us!

We're over!

Narrator: Previously on "Bruh"...

Pamela: Are you catching feelings?

Mike: Hell no. Pamela: We're just hooking up.

Tom: Ms. Alice, what are you doing here?

Alice: I need a prescription.

Tom: For what? Alice: Weed.

Mike: She's playing me, man.

What am I supposed to do?

Bill: I don't care. I ain't got time for this.

Alice: You wanna check my breast? [Tom chuckles]

John: What the hell am I doing here, man? Shit.

Bill: You know what we had.

Regina: What we had was you breaking my heart

and treating me small like I didn't even matter.

Bill: Baby, all I know is that I love you.

Now. do you love him the way you love me?

[Regina clears throat]

Bill: Shit.

Peter: So.

Regina: Peter... Peter: No.

No, no, no. Please. Go on.

Bill: Look, man, this is--all this, this is all my fault.

Peter: I wasn't talking to you.

Bill: Well, I was talking to you.

Peter: Man, look, you better get your little side piece.

Regina: Please stop, okay?

Peter: You know what? I felt bad

so I came back up here, and I'm glad,

I'm so glad I did.

Regina: Peter, I don't-- I don't know what--

what you think this is.

Peter: Who do you love more?

Hmm?

Regina: Can we just talk about this at home?

Peter: No. We cannot talk about this at home.

We're gonna talk about this right here, right now.

In front of--in front of this person.

Bill: Hey, what you mean "this person"?

Peter: Answer me.

Regina: I love you.

Peter: That's not the answer to the question.

Regina: Peter, that's the answer.

Peter: Who do you love more, Regina?

Regina: No, I'm not.

I'm not doing this. I'm not.

Peter: Okay.

I guess--[chuckles]

I guess you just answered it.

Regina: No, Peter, don't leave.

Don't go. Peter: Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

By the way, you should probably know

this is the same guy that was trying to

hide from you in the sandwich shop

the other day.

Regina: What? Peter: Yeah.

Why don't you go ahead and tell her?

You know, he--he--he didn't know that I knew you.

Tell her! Bill: No.

You need to get the hell up out of my house.

Peter: No, big man.

Why don't you go ahead? Tell her.

Bill: Man, I swear to God... Peter: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, this was the same guy that said,

"Oh, you're his crazy ex," and now all of a sudden,

this man is telling you he loves you?

Come on!

You wasted three whole years with this bum!

Bill: Yo, you need to get the fuck out of my house.

Peter: Hey, man, fuck you!

Bill: Get him up out of here.

Peter: No. She don't need to do nothing.

You get me up out of here. Regina: Stop. Please stop.

Bill: Keep going, boy.

Regina: Stop it.

Peter: You know what?

You answered the question.

Go ahead.

Be with him.

Regina: Peter, don't do that. Peter: Oh, uh, and by the way,

you should probably know that, uh, the wedding?

Yeah, that shit is off.

Regina: Wait. We can just talk about this.

Peter: No.

I'm done talking about this, okay?

And I want you to understand that once you realize that

this is a big hamster wheel, and this man is gonna keep

doing the same thing over and over and over again...

I want you to realize that you lost out on a good man.

Regina: You can't be serious. Peter: Yes, I'm serious.

You came up here and said you wanted to talk to him,

so I let you.

Had I known it would have been to ruin us,

I would have said no.

Bill: And she would have felt the exact

same way, man.

Regina: Okay. Stop. Seriously. Shut up.

Bill: Okay. Regina: And shut up now.

Bill: Okay!

Peter: Yeah, shut up.

And shut your ass up now.

Bill: Yo, get the fuck up out of my house, man!

Peter: Okay.

Oh, uh, by the way, little cute design

you got going on over there.

Yeah, that's real cute.

But you can forget about it.

That bid is my father's company.

And it ain't no other work in this town.

[Scoffs]

Singer: ♪ Navigating through this dating life ♪

♪ Trying to find me a shawty and make her mine ♪

♪ Now I'll find one in no time, with the help of my homies ♪

♪ I'm going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Yeah, going up, going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Going up, going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Going up, going up with my bruhs ♪

♪ Ooh, going up ♪

♪ Going up with the bruhs ♪

Bill: I'm--I'm so sorry.

Regina: You did that shit on purpose.

Bill: No, I swear I didn't.

Regina: Yeah, okay.

Bill: Hold up, where you going?

Regina: Why does it matter?

Bill: It matters.

Regina: Bill, what are you even saying?

Bill: I want you to stay here with me tonight.

Regina: You don't mean that.

Bill: Yes, I do. I do.

Regina: Bill, I'm not doing another three years of this.

Bill: Regina, it's not gonna be like that.

Regina: I won't.

I'm gonna go talk to him.

Bill: So, what, you're just gonna go marry him now?

Regina: Yes!

Bill: Why? Why? Regina: Yes, I am.

Because I love him!

Bill: But not like you love me.

Regina: Exactly.

Bill: What is that supposed to mean?

Regina: That means I will never love anyone

like I loved you, Bill.

I won't.

That's over and done.

Bill: So what?

You're just giving up on me?

Regina: Just like you gave up on me.

Bill: How many times can I say it? Huh?

I was--I was dumb, I was stupid, I was a idiot.

I was a fool. How many times do I got to say it?

Regina: No. I was. I was.

For even bringing you up.

[Bill sighs] Come on.

Just stay here with me.

Come on. Stay.

Just--come on.

Regina: No.

Bill: No. Come on, I just need to--just--

a little more time.

Regina: Just let me go!

Bill: I just wanna talk a little longer.

Come on. Mike: Yo, yo.

Let her go, bro.

That could be a Class A felony.

Regina: And you would know.

Mike: What?

Regina: You would know.

Mike: What the hell does that mean?

Bill: Yo, Regina, come on now.

Let's just--let's finish our conversation.

Regina: Oh.

I get it. Did you put him up to this?

Mike: Put him up to what? Regina: Yeah, you did.

Because you've always been small-minded and immature.

Mike: You know what? Bye, Regina.

Bill: Mike, come on, man. Chill.

Regina: Bill, don't call me again.

Okay? Don't. Mike: You called her?

What you doing calling her?

Bill: Mike, not right now, man.

Mike: You can get any ass in this city...

Bill: Yo, come on, man. Regina!

Mike: He can get any ass in this city that he wants to!

Bill: Yo, Mike, shut the hell up!

Mike: Yo, what the hell is going on, bro?

Bill: Nothing. Mike: Why is she here?

Bill: I said nothing, man. Drop it.

Mike: Yo, why is she here?

Bill: It's--it's nothing, man.

Mike: And she--and she said you called her?

Bill: Yeah, I did.

Mike: Why?

Bill: You know what?

You wouldn't be able to get this one.

Mike: Try me.

Bill: Okay.

Look, man, I love her.

Mike: Come on. Tell me the truth.

Bill: Man, this thing--see?

I knew you weren't getting that. Fuck.

Mike: You're serious?

Bill: Yes, I'm serious.

Mike: You really love that girl?

Bill: How many times I gotta--yes,

I love her, okay? I love her!

Mike: Come on. Bill.

Bill: Yo, don't "but Bill" me, man.

Mike: Uh, you dumped her, you let it go, and you've been

out here messing around.

Bill: Look, man, I know. Okay? I know.

Mike: Yeah. So-- Bill: And I blew it, okay?

Mike: So you're really gonna do this?

Bill: Do what? Mike: Trying to get back with this girl.

Bill: Man, how many times I gotta say it?

Yes, yes, yes.

Mike: Wow, dawg, that's not fair.

Bill: Look who's talking. Mike: It's not.

Bill: Look who's talking. Mike: Look who's talking?

What you talking about?

Bill: Bruh, you sleep with women for sport.

Mike: And? [Bill scoffs]

And you're gonna stand up here and tell me

what the hell is fair?

Mike: Bruh, okay.

You're acting like a bitch.

Bill: You know what? Go to hell.

Mike: Bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh.

It's the sandwich, right? She was sprinkling

your shit in bitch, huh?

Bill: Yo, is everything a damn joke to you, bruh?

Mike: Yes, dude. Bro, this is--look.

She's gonna marry that pumpernickel prick, okay?

And you over here hounding her about it.

Bill: I told her to call it off.

Mike: Why?

Bill: Because I wanna marry her.

Mike: This--I'm gonna slap the shit out of you, bro.

Bill: Why? Because I'm being honest?

I'm being for real right now.

Mike: You didn't even like that girl.

She was just a piece of ass.

Bill: Don't--don't say that. Mike: You said that!

Bill: Look, I know, okay?

Look, Regina is the one, all right?

And I think I just blew it.

Mike: Bill, you realize that if she calls this wedding off,

she's gonna expect you to marry her.

Bill: Yeah, I know that.

Mike: Not in three years, now.

Bill: I know.

Mike: Okay. So that means

no more ass, bruh.

Just hers.

And now you quiet.

Now you ain't got nothing to say.

Bill: What, man? Yo,

you ain't never gonna understand this, okay?

I love that woman.

Mike: Bruh, monogamy is for the birds.

Bill: No, I'm telling you.

One day, a woman's gonna come along

and she's gonna make you fall for her the way Regina

made me fall for her.

Mike: Nigga, Regina's gone, bro!

It's over!

Bill: Not if I can help it, bruh.

[Mike sighs]

I see how this gonna go.

Bill: Yeah, what, man? Mike: Now you gonna go do

something stupid and you're gonna come back to me.

I have to hear you talk shit.

You'll complain. Bill: I ain't doing none of that.

I ain't doing none of that.

Mike: I don't want none of this, bro.

We've been down this road before.

Bill: You know what, wait, why are you even here?

Mike: I just wanted to go get some drinks with my boy.

Bill: No. No.

Mike: Look, look, look, look. Bro.

I'm sorry, all right?

Let's go get drinks, come back here,

and let's talk about it, all right?

Bill: No, Mike, ain't no talking to you, man.

Mike: Come on, bro. Come on, man.

We need to talk about it.

You can talk to me.

Bill: Yo, yo, you don't know love.

Mike: I don't need to know love to talk to my boy.

I could talk to my boy.

Bill: No. You don't know love, man.

You just know hoes, man.

Mike: Bro, hoes is love, nigga.

[Bill laughs]

Mike: Yo, let's go get some drinks, bro.

Bill: Yo, it's on you, though.

Mike: Fine. I got it.

Bill: Thanks for making me laugh, man.

Mike: I got you. Walk up in here,

you all up in your feelings, bro.

[Bill chuckles]

Mike: Acting strange.

Bill: No, man.

Mike: I know you, nigga.

Bill: Well, I mean, yo, the drinks is on you.

Mike: I got the drinks as long as you ain't about just

talking about no hoes falling in love, bro.

Didn't I tell you?

Didn't I tell you not to kiss them on the lips?

Something about kissing them on the lips make you feel like

you're in love, bruh?

That ain't true.

That ain't it.

Kiss the cheeks, kiss the neck.

Kiss everything else. Don't kiss the lips.

Bruh, that's why I don't fall in love, bruh.

Ain't no hoes gonna get me, gonna kiss me on the lips.

Good night, baby.

I run them hoes.

Hoes don't run me.

Bill: Okay. Okay.

Mike: You know what I'm saying?

Let's go for this drink.

[Bill chuckles] All right. Shit.

Mike: Talking about he in love and shit.

There ain't love with these hoes, nigga.

Bill: [Indistinct]

still, yo--

John: Holy shit. What am I doing here?

Tom: Bruh.

John: What you doing here, Tom?

Tom: Well, I just came by to check on you.

John: Okay. I'm doing good.

Tom: You sure?

John: What does it look like, Tom?

Tom: It looks like you're scared, man.

John: Why would I be scared? Hmm?

Tom: Let's be real, man. I know you got

that money from Leon.

John: Okay. I know you know that, Tom.

Tom: But that's all bad, bro.

John: Tom.

It's done already, all right?

Why don't you just leave, bro?

Just leave.

I got this.

I paid you your money back, so we even.

Ain't nothing else to talk about.

Tom: Are we?

John: Tom, don't be bringing up

no old memories, man.

Okay? Don't be bringing them up.

Tom: I'm not. John: Okay,

because I never do.

Tom: I know. But maybe we should.

John: Tom, do you think I asked y'all for that money

because I felt like y'all owed me something?

Huh?

Okay?

You don't? Okay.

Because I didn't.

I asked as a friend.

Tom: No.

John: Do you?

Tom: Here.

John: What is this?

Tom: That's my money, my share of the money,

and that's Bill's share.

Give that money back to Leon.

John: Tom, take that.

It's way too late for that, man.

Tom: Why is it too late?

John: Tom, I bought the place.

I'm in business now.

Tom: Okay. Take this money now,

I'mma talk to the bruhs, we'll get the rest

of the money, we'll buy Leon out--

John: Tom. Tom: And then we--

John: Stop.

It's already done, okay?

You don't owe me anything.

I don't owe you nothing, okay?

Just leave, man.

Tom: No. No. I'm not leaving.

[John sighs] All right. Fine, Tom.

Don't worry about leaving. You stay, I'mma leave.

Tom: John. John: Tom.

Leave me alone, man, damn! Just let me do me!

When I asked you earlier for it, you all didn't even give

a fuck about me, bro!

I'm doing me now.

Just accept that. Fuck!

Tom: All right.

Singer: ♪ I'll fix it, that's not specific ♪

[Doorbell rings]

Regina: Hi.

Alice: Who are you?

Go away, I'm busy.

Regina: Ms. Alice. Miss.

Alice: Hmm?

Oh, Regina?

Oh, girl. [Laughs]

[Regina chuckles] How are you?

Alice: All good.

Hey, I ain't seen you in so long,

I forgot what you look like.

Regina: I know. I know.

Alice: Where you been?

Regina: I'm just living life.

Alice: Well, the life you've been living must be

full of shit.

The way you look like.

Why do you look like that?

Regina: It's Bill.

Alice: Oh, shit. I don't wanna hear this shit.

Regina: No, no, no, no, no. Ms. Alice, you've always

given me really good advice when it came to him.

Alice: Couldn't have been too good.

You with some other nigga.

Regina: No, you did.

Alice: All right.

Tell me what he did now.

Regina: Well, I ran into him the other day

and I don't know. He just--

Alice: You all got butt-naked and you all went to fucking.

Regina: No, Ms. Alice. Alice: Uh-uh.

Regina: No. Alice: That's what you did.

That's what I would have did.

That nigga fine.

That bald head. I'd have hit it.

Regina: Okay.

Alice: Oh, I'm sorry.

Baby, go ahead, I'm kidding.

[Chuckles] Give it to me.

Regina: I don't know. He was just--he just--

he was just looking... Alice: And he was looking good?

[Regina sighs] Hmm...[Laughs]

Alice: Smelling good? [Laughs]

And you remember that D.

Regina: Oh, my God. Ms. Alice!

[Alice laughs]

And you just want to lick him up, do you, girl?

[Laughs] Regina: Okay.

That's why I like coming to talk to you.

Alice: Yeah, girl, because you know I keep it real.

Regina: Yes, you keep it real. [Alice laughs]

Regina: No, but we--I mean, he wanted to talk to me and--

and I talked to him, and he-- he told me that he loved me.

Alice: Oh...

Regina: And then he asked me to call off my wedding.

Alice: What? Don't he know

how much a wedding cost?

What did you say?

Regina: Well, I told him

he was a selfish asshole

and that he shouldn't have said it.

Alice: Oh, girl, you sound just like me.

You just should've threw a couple of

motherfuckers in there.

[Regina chuckles]

[Alice chuckles]

Regina: Yeah.

And then Peter heard it.

Alice: Peter?

Who's Peter?

Regina: My fiance.

Alice: Oh.

The little half-white one?

Regina: He's not half-white.

Alice: Oh, he's just light-skinned, then.

Oh, okay.

Y'all gonna have a pretty baby.

I won't bet that sex is good, though, but y'all gonna have

a pretty baby.

Because I look at him. I look at the way he walk.

He ain't got no rhythm in his hip.

If he had rhythm in his hips, then I know he can fuck.

But he ain't no rhythm, no good fucking.

Regina: You done? Alice: Yeah. Uh-hmm.

Regina: Well, he called off the wedding.

[Alice chuckles]

Girl, that's some shit for Maury Povich.

Regina: Ms. Alice... Alice: Okay, okay, okay, child.

Regina: What--what--what am I gonna do?

Alice: What'd you wanna do?

[Regina sighs]

I--I wanna marry Peter.

Alice: Then do that.

Regina: But I don't know.

I--I just--I never loved a man like I loved Bill.

Alice: Well, you just said it.

Regina: Said what?

Alice: Love-ed Bill.

Regina: Uh-hmm.

Yeah, I guess I did say that.

Alice: Yeah, you did.

[Regina sighs] God.

I don't know.

It's just, I always wanted for him to--to love me

and just to be present, you know?

Alice: Baby, men are like dumb rocks.

They don't know what they want until they get chopped down

into smaller stones.

Regina: Okay, that part sounds like a lot of work.

Alice: Ooh, not with the right tools.

And you can make a masterpiece.

[Regina sighs] Ms. Alice, you're not

helping me at all.

Alice: Oh, if you want me to tell you to be with him,

I'm not gonna do that.

I'mma tell you to do what you think is best.

Cut one off completely.

Regina: But then won't I be just wondering all the time?

Alice: Yeah. Yeah.

I still wonder about John's daddy to the day.

Regina: Do you? Alice: Uh-hmm.

Regina: I'm curious. What was he like?

Alice: The hell if I know.

Regina: Wait. So you didn't know his daddy?

Alice: Well, look. He--he--yeah,

he probably was a nice person.

Regina: Okay.

You didn't know him. [Laughs]

Alice: Well, I got a few hunches.

Bitch, I was drinking.

Regina: Okay. [Chuckles]

Thank you for your help, Ms. Alice.

Alice: Look.

Just follow your heart.

Regina: I will. Alice: Uh-hmm.

Regina: Thank you. Alice: You're welcome.

Hey. Here you go.

Regina: Oh, no, no. I didn't--I didn't

order anything to eat.

Alice: Well, that's for my time.

Regina: Girl. [Chuckles]

Alice: Bitch, you laughing.

Regina: Oh, you're serious?

Alice: The hell yeah.

Mike: You really wanna do this?

Bill: Yeah. How many times I gotta tell you this?

I told you over and over again, yes.

Mike: All right.

Bill: All right.

Look, can you stop judging me? Just--just--

Mike: I'm not judging you. I'm not judging you.

I'm just trying to figure out why men ever commit.

Bill: What, you never thought about it?

Mike: No.

[Bill chuckles] Okay.

All the women you've been with?

Not one of them? Not one of them?

Mike: No.

[Bill chuckles] Okay.

Not even Pamela?

With the fine ass? Hmm?

Mike: No.

She's a sidepiece. I mean, we cool.

[Bill chuckles] Yeah. Okay.

Uh-hmm.

Mike: What? She's not the one.

Bill: Okay. So she, uh,

she can just date whoever she wants,

she can sleep around, dudes can run in,

revolving door type shit.

And you perfectly cool with that?

Mike: Uh-hmm.

Bill: Okay. Mike: I don't care.

Bill: Okay. That's--that's good to know.

Mike: I mean, I know she cool, whatever,

I'm not gonna lie, she cool, man.

But she's not a wifey.

Bill: Yeah. Well, yo,

I appreciate that honesty. That's good to know.

Mike: Yeah. Bill: Yeah.

Because there she is with that dude in the booth over there.

Mike: Yeah? Bill: And she wearing

the hell out of that dress, too.

[Laughs]