Original subtitles

Announcer: This program is rated tv mals

And is intended For mature audiences.

Viewer discretion is advised.

Singer: ♪ I'mma get it to bed ♪

♪ I'mma do my thing Coast to coast ♪

Singer: ♪ coast to coast ♪ Singer: ♪ baby, for the... ♪

Man: thank you. John: just a second, ma'am.

Thank you, brother. Appreciate you.

Appreciate you. Hey, beautiful,

You didn't Have pickles, right?

Sue: nope. John: right.

I remember it.

Sue: thank you.

John: and you're welcome. But, babe,

You come in here Every day for lunch.

You're so beautiful, I was wondering

If I could take you out.

Sue: I don't think so.

Alice: good. John: oh, wow. Okay.

Alice: good job, girl.

John: ma, really? That's how you gonna do me?

I'm your son.

Alice: what? Hell, your ass Need to move out of my house

Before you start Talking about dating.

John: ma, what are you talking About? You live with me.

Alice: but, nigga, why do I pay all the damn bills?

John: okay. I'm not finna Start with you today.

Ma, why is your shirt tight?

Alice: I heard you call tom, Bill, then mike over.

John: ma, don't start that. Don't be embarrassing me.

Alice: they've been Your friends since college.

John: okay. Okay. Alice: they know me. Shit.

John: okay.

Alice: Why are they coming over here?

John: ma, do you go To know everything, really?

Alice: you got to know How hard it was

To push your big ass here Through my little bitty twat.

John: okay. Ugh, ma. Ugh.

Alice: wait. Are they Foreclosing this place?

John: no. They're not Foreclosing nothing, ma.

Alice: why the hell You got to say it like that?

You know you borrowed money From them to open this place.

John: okay, ma. I, I...

Alice: and you ain't really Paying them or me back.

John: ma, I really do Love you. I...

Alice: why you got Say it so mean?

John: ma, can we just not Talk about this?

Can we just move on? Can you get the...

Alice: why are they coming here?

[john sighs]

Alice: uh-hmm. I hope it's not Because of that level 28 boss.

I saw the "For sale" sign On that place,

And the way you were looking.

You called them about it?

John: okay, ma, since You got to know everything,

Yes, I called them about it So they can come over here

And I'm gonna talk to them About investing in it, okay?

Alice: boy, you ain't paid back The money on this damn place.

John: ma, they understand that Business is moving slow.

Alice: they gonna laugh your ass Right out that door. [laughs]

Singer: ♪ navigating through This dating life ♪

♪ trying to find me A shorty and make her mine ♪

♪ now I'll find one in no time ♪

♪ with the help of the homies ♪

♪ I'm blowing up with my bruhs ♪

♪ bruhs. Blowing up. Blowing up ♪

♪ with my bruhs. Blowing up. Blowing up ♪

♪ yeah. Blowing up. Blowing up ♪

♪ blowing up. Bruhs ♪

♪ ooh, yeah. Ooh, yeah ♪

♪ blowing with the brus ♪

Singer: ♪ go ahead, Gonna do what you want ♪

♪ live free, do what you want ♪

John: like, why you can't Just try to believe

In what I'm trying to do, ma?

Alice: no. You're saying you're getting

Further in debt with them,

And you ain't Paid me back fully.

John: what are you Talking about?

I pay you every month On the first.

Alice: and your black ass Borrowed it back on the second.

John: okay.

Alice: like when you married That little girl for two years.

John: okay. Why you got To bring that up?

Alice: what that ho name?

John: her name was... Alice: washanisha?

John: first of all, She wasn't a ho,

And that's not her name, ma.

Alice: I'm sorry, thot. Thot, that's what it is.

Tashanisha. That's it. That's it right there.

John: okay. Alice: that's it.

John: that's just... Alice: that ho.

Uh-huh, Who took all of your money.

You talking about, "Mama, she believes in me."

Your ass was home broke before I got home from the wedding.

Baby, don't get married Because the girl

Knows how to give good head.

John: what? Okay, ma. I'm--why are we--

I don't wanna talk About that with you.

Alice: I've been married 28 times.

John: okay, ma. Nah, it's nasty.

Ma, you know, talking to me Like that

About sex is child abuse.

Like, I can report you. They will take you away.

Alice: I'm just trying To help you out.

John: no. Don't. Uh, please,

Just keep that to yourself And your thoughts.

Don't--don't give that to me. Alice: boy...

John: ma, obviously, I fell On some hard times.

Alice: be grown. John: ma, look,

I fell on some hard times, yes.

Alice: uh-hmm. John: but can you

Believe in me with this? You never have.

Can you do that, ma? Please?

Alice: hold on. Get my purse right there.

John: what? Alice: right there. There it is.

Right there, get it. Just get it.

Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm looking for my passport

So I can join you On this guilt trip.

John: okay. I'm not gonna Do this with you, ma.

Alice: uh-hmm. Uh-oh. Sorry.

But I do have a "I don't Give a fuck" coupon in here.

John: ma, I'm your only son,

That's how you gonna Do me, really?

Alice: that ain't nowhere near What you did

To christie when you was born.

John: ma, who is christie?

Alice: my coochie.

John: what? Okay. Child abuse.

I'mma call them. I'mma call them.

Keep on with that, ma.

I don't wanna hear that. That's nasty.

Alice: my coochie ain't nasty. It's glorious.

John: ma, don't nobody Wanna hear that.

We at ralph sandwiches. Nobody wanna hear about coochie.

Please don't say that. Alice: uh-uh.

John: this is A place of business.

Alice: If I put some [indistinct] It may make it better.

John: ma, this is A place of business.

You can't say that Word around me.

Alice: don't you ask them boys

To borrow no more money.

John: ma, it don't hurt To ask, okay?

Alice: I tell you What does hurt.

That's laughing too hard. [laughs]

They're gonna laugh at you. They're gonna laugh at you.

They're gonna laugh at you.

John: okay. Thank you.

Alice: mark my word. They're gonna laugh.

John: oh, boy. [alice laughs]

[funky music]

Older lady: I was just weak.

Tom: well, your Blood pressure is good.

Older lady: oh, okay.

Tom: so I'll just have one of The nurses discharge you.

Older lady: okay. Excuse me.

Tom: yes? Older lady: uh, this is

My daughter, georgia.

She's single.

Georgia: mom. [tom chuckles]

Older lady: uh, you need To stop taking care of me

And get out of my house.

[tom chuckles]

Georgia: forgive her.

Older lady: um, are you single?

Georgia: mom. [tom chuckling]

Older lady: are you?

Tom: yes, I am.

Older lady: uh, oh, here. Take her number.

Georgia: oh, I am so embarrassed.

[tom chuckles] Older lady: here.

Georgia: I'm really sorry.

Tom: it's fine.

Older lady: um, call her.

Tom: I will.

Valerie: you move on quick.

Tom: valerie, I'm not Doing this today.

Valerie: so are you Gonna call her?

Tom: can you find Something to do?

Valerie: why can't that be you?

Tom: I need to go.

Valerie: where are you going?

Tom: valerie, You need to let this go.

We are not together, okay?

Valerie: no. I'm just one in a number.

Tom: valerie.

[valerie scoffs] You better be careful.

[phone rings]

Tom: yeah, yeah. I'll be right there, john.

Bye. Okay.

[hip-hop music]

Leon: aunty, what's going on?

Alice: what you ass want?

Leon: I can't come in here And get a sandwich?

Alice: no, you can't.

John: ma, ma, Don't be like that.

Alice: look, he ain't doing Nothing but selling drugs.

Leon: but I'm still Your nephew, though.

Alice: who need to be In the damn jail.

Leon: stone me out, aunty.

Alice: boy. [leon scoffs]

John: take a break, ma.

Alice: what the hell I look like to you, a mule?

John: no, ma. You don't.

Alice: you don't send me On no break.

[john sighs] Ma, don't you need cigarette?

You haven't had cigarette In, like, 12 minutes.

I'm sure you can use a break.

Alice: yeah. You right.

Leon: love you, aunty.

Alice: I don't love you.

Leon: okay.

John: What can I get for you, cuz?

Alice: a ass whooping.

John: ma, come on.

[leon chuckles] Ma still crazy, man.

John: she can't help it, man.

Leon: let me get A ham and swiss.

John: ham and swiss? I got you. [groans]

Leon: so, I heard you looking To buy level 28.

John: man, Word get around quick.

Leon: how you gonna get The cheese for that?

John: [deep sighs] Talk to my boys about it.

Leon: your boys? John: yeah.

Leon: but them dudes' Stuck up as hell, man.

John: leon, just 'cause They went to college, man,

Don't make them stuck up.

[leon sighs] Well, you know How I feel about them.

John: I do know how You feel about them, cuz.

Leon: plus, don't you Owe them money?

John: yes. But we gonna work that out.

Leon: yeah, all right. Well, look, man,

I would love to get In on that with you.

John: on what?

Leon: the business, man, Level 28.

John: cuz, you know I can't do that, all right?

We tried to do that here. That's not happening.

Leon: I know, man. But hear me out, all right?

I just need to Clear up some of this money.

I'd be like a silent partner.

John: and I'd be in jail.

No, bro. I can't do that.

Leon: hey, man. Check this out.

Let me help you out. And then

When you need me to get out, I'll get out, man.

I'll be out.

John: no. No, leon, I'm good.

I cannot do that, bro.

[leon sighs]

John: not at all.

Leon: what, you afraid Of your mama.

John: you--you know How crazy she is.

She--yes, I'm scared of her. She's crazy, bro.

Leon: j, come on, man.

John: leon, I cannot do it, okay?

I can't, bro. I cannot.

Leon: look, them dudes Don't respect you, homie.

And they never will, as long as You keep asking for money.

Let me know when you're ready To stand on your own two,

All right, cuzo? All right.

John: all right.

Leon: bill me.

John: you got all that money, You can't pay for a sandwich?

Alice: I know that motherfucker Didn't leave

Without paying you For that sandwich.

John: ma, that's my cousin. It's cool, ma.

Alice: well, he better had paid For the damn sandwich.

John: okay, ma. I'll make him pay, all right?

Alice: and you better not Call him.

John: ma, how you hear in there?

Alice: I read lips.

John: but your back was turned.

Alice: I know. You better not call him.

John: ma, please go smoke Your cigarette over...

Alice: stop telling me What the fuck to do.

John: that's why You all uptight.

You haven't been smoking.

That's--you need that To loosen up.

Alice: I don't need No cigarette.

John: oh.

Alice: I need some penis.

John: ma. You can't--ma, go. Please.

Alice: yeah, yeah. I need some penis.

John: ma, ma, please, Go take your break.

Alice: that's what I need.

John: ma, Take your break, please.

Alice: you don't understand.

John: go take your break, ma. Please.

Alice: you're young. You don't know understand.

John: ugh. Ma, no. You can't say that around here.

Alice: yeah. Let me call my man.

John: oh. What'd you want? Nasty.

Singer: ♪ let's do this For real ♪

♪ I know you wanna feel, baby ♪

♪ wanna take you off the grid ♪

[pamela moaning] No, oh, no, don't--don't stop.

Don't stop. Don't stop.

Mike: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I got to--I got to go.

Pamela: what are you doing? All right. Go.

Mike: I... Pamela: but we got to do

Something about these quickies.

Go ahead. Get dressed.

Mike: relax.

Pamela: I don't like it.

Mike: don't pretend like you Didn't just have a good time.

Pamela: mike, you know what? I'm gonna stop coming over here

Every time you call me, How about that?

Mike: okay. Okay.

Pamela: all right?

Mike: come on. You just--you just

Enjoyed yourself, did you not?

Pamela: okay. You think I love coming over here

And laying on a futon That you've had since college,

And probably had God-knows-how-many women on?

Mike: you know I'm too busy To think about new furniture.

Pamela: that's why you need To let me decorate.

Oh, come on. Mike: no.

Pamela: that's what I do.

Mike: I know. But this--this is

My place, you know. This...

Pamela: I know. It's--it's personal?

Mike: that's the word. It's personal.

Pamela: I get it.

Mike: don't act like that.

Pamela: what?

Mike: like that. You're getting mad.

Pamela: no. I mean, mike, I'm not

Asking you to have A relationship with me.

I just--I wanted to do Something nice for you.

That's all. But I'm gonna go.

Mike: no. Stop. The last time You were like this,

We didn't talk for two weeks.

Pamela: I got to go. [laughs]

Mike: stop. Stop. Um...

Pamela: oh. Mike: this is just about you

Decorating the spot, right?

Nothing else? Okay. Fine.

Fine. Fine. You can do that.

Pamela: I can do what?

Mike: You can decorate it. Here.

Pamela: is the pin Still the same. 2347?

Mike: 2374.

Pamela: thank you. Okay. Come here.

Thank you.

Mike: you're welcome.

How much do you take?

Pamela: um, well, What's my budget, mr. Lawyer?

Mike: twenty-five?

Pamela: thousand?

Mike: yeah.

Pamela: I don't know. Mike, this--

This place--you know, You're a lawyer,

And this place needs To look like you.

It needs to feel Like you, you know?

I think you should probably Give me like a hundred.

Mike: a hundred?

Pamela: uh-hmm. Come on.

Mike: thousand?

Pamela: I'll see you later.

Mike: no, You're bullshitting, right?

Pamela: no. Sweetheart, that's the minimum.

Thank you. It's gonna look great,

I don't know Why you're acting like that.

The place is gonna look amazing.

Mike: yeah. We'll talk about it.

[pamela sighs] Bye, thank you.

Mike: bye.

[hip-hop music]

[alice laughs]

John: what are you doing, ma?

Alice: I'm trying to Get you used to what

It's gonna sound like when They come in here. [laughs]

John: really? Ma, uh, You're a really great mother,

I hope you know.

Alice: well, you know, I know that. [laughs]

John: that was sarcasm, ma. Sarcasm.

Alice: you know, I don't know why.

I struggled to get you Through school.

John: now who's leading The guilt trip, ma?

Alice: no, no, no, no, listen.

Now mike's a lawyer, Tom's a doctor.

[john sighs] Here you go. Alice: and bill's an architect.

John: I know that, ma. Alice: and you,

You make sandwiches. [laughs]

John: are--are you trying To make me suicidal?

Is that what you're Trying to do, ma?

Alice: all right. But fuck it, I got insurance.

John: wow. Okay.

[alice scoffs] Don't ask Them boys for no money.

John: ma, we the bruhs, Like, it's fine.

Like, that's what You're supposed to do.

Alice: poor thing. You've been that way

Since you was a kid.

John: what--what way, ma?

Alice: slow.

John: okay. I'm not slow.

[alice chuckles] I told you it was a suv,

But it was a short bus.

John: no, it wasn't, ma.

Alice: yes, it was.

John: no, it wasn't.

Alice: you thought It was a hummer.

John: it was a hummer.

Alice: no, it wasn't no hummer. John: don't play it.

Alice: it was a short bus.

John: okay. I'm not finna play with you.

Alice: you don't even Believe me.

John: I don't believe you.

Alice: well now go on In the back back there

And make sure The meat ain't out.

I don't wanna be Failing no inspections.

John: ma, this is my place.

I would be failing The inspections.

Alice: again. John: okay.

Alice: then why do I pay All the bills?

John: ma, stop saying that. I am paying you back.

Alice: what the shit I'm gonna Do with $50 a month?

John: okay.

Alice: that won't even buy A few good blunts.

Hmm. Or a nice dinner And a date.

John: first of all, ma, You shouldn't be smoking blunts.

That's not good for you.

And you should date men your age

And they would have money To take you on a date,

At least from they Retirement plan or they job.

Alice: that's boring as hell. John: okay.

Alice: I don't wanna date No man with

Them name like Clarence or leroy.

Them old ass names. You know how hard it is

To get a clarence Or a leroy hard?

John: ma, that's nasty.

Alice: you know, they taking Pills and shit.

John: ma, I don't wanna Hear that.

Alice: I need a young man. That's what I want.

[john groans] Okay. Ma, no.

Alice: boy, I taught you Everything you know about sex.

John: no, you did not.

Alice: oh, yeah, that's right. You was watching.

John: okay. You talking About a clarence and leroy,

You--you do know Your name is alice, right?

Alice: yeah. But my name is Tanesha in the gram.

John: ma, it's on the gram.

You don't even know How to say it.

It's on the gram, tanesha.

Alice: fuck you.

Bill: yo, what up? What up, mike?

Mike: what up, man? What up?

John: what up, dude?

Mike: what up? What up? What up?

Alice: oh, yeah, now this is What I'm talking about.

Bill: hey, hey, How you doing, ms. Alice?

Alice: ooh, I'm in my prime.

You wanna be in my prime, too?

John: ma, stop it. What are you doing?

Alice: come on down. John: ma, ma, stop.

Alice: I'm making it rain In this bitch. Come on.

John: okay. Ma, stop, this is our money.

Alice: scrape the top off first.

John: ma, that's not What you about to do.

You're not trying to Embarrass me again ma, come on.

Alice: again, where do you work?

[john sighs] Ma, that is illegal.

You can't be hitting People on the butt.

It's gonna get us-- You're gonna go to jail.

Tom: man, she's been doing that All your life, dude.

John: man, I can't get away From her. Shoot.

Bill: exactly. Now you know that Ain't never gonna happen.

Tom: for real.

Mike: Did she take to the prom?

[bill laughs]

John: I'm gonna hit you. I'm gonna

[indistinct] Right now.

Mike: I'm just clarifying. I'm just clarifying. I forgot.

John: no. Don't bring that up.

Tom: hey, all right, guys, I gotta

Get back to work with this damn Stalker, so tell me what's up?

Mike: yo, that crazy chick? Tom: man, it's beyond.

Bill: yo, I thought we Told you not to do it?

John: we did. Bill: yo, never with a coworker.

Tom: yeah. Uh, I don't know.

Mike: yo, what's up With your girl?

Bill: she good.

Tom: why haven't we Seen her in months?

Bill: no, she, uh, She been with her mom.

[mike laughs] Tom: y'all break up?

Bill: no, no, can we not talk About--what--what is this--

J, what is this-- What is this about?

John: all right. All right. Okay.

[alice laughing]

Tom: bruh, What's wrong with her?

What's wrong with your mom?

John: she off--just Don't even mind her.

She off, like, she always is.

Listen, hey, I wanted To talk to y'all about level 28.

Y'all level remember 28?

Tom: yeah. Level 28 was the spot.

Bill: uh-hmm. John: it was the spot, right?

Tom: yeah. John: he's selling it. Yeah.

I was thinking about Y'all investing in it with me.

What you think about that?

[laughter]

Alice: I told you that shit Would happen. [laughs]

They're all gonna laugh at you. They're all gonna laugh at you.

[laughter]

John: what's so funny? Shit. What's up?

Shit, bruh. What's so funny?

Mike: when you say "Invest with you,"

You mean invest "To you," right?

Because you don't have No money, john.

Bill: j, because if you Do...[laughs] Where's mine?

John: listen, I got the time To put in the work.

Mike: okay. John: y'all have the money.

It works together for it To be something great.

Bill: j, j, no. Look, you still

Owe us money for This place, man.

John: I'm paying y'all, Back man.

Mike: what the hell am I Supposed to do with $50 a month?

Alice: that's what I said.

Mike: thank you.

John: come on, fellas.

Tom: hey, look, man, I'm sorry, I'm--I'm tapping out.

[john sighs] I--I know Got it, mike.

Mike: I do got it. I'm just not giving it to you.

John: wow. Okay. You all cannot

Let this opportunity pass, man.

This is a huge moneymaker.

This one's going To make us rich.

Alice: that's what You said about this place.

And look at me, Over here and living it up

In a lap of luxury, right next To the onions and the salami.

John: ma, can we talk over here Privately, please?

Alice: if your ass Wants some privacy,

Get an apartment of your own

And your ass better not Ask me to co-sign.

John: uh-huh. Thank you, ma.

If I could take her life And get away with it, I will.

Alice: I heard that. I promise you,

I'll kill you ass first.

[john sighs]

Alice: you was almost An abortion baby.

Keep that shit up. Send you back where you came.

[bill laughs]

John: why y'all laughing?

It ain't funny. It ain't funny.

[bill laughs] Mike: look, I'm sorry, man.

Tom: it's cool, bro.

John: bill, come on, man.

I know--hey, this is The one, man.

Bill: nope.

John: tom, come on. If you come in,

They got to come in. Come on, tom.

[tom exhales] Yeah, I'm not in If they're not in, bruh.

John: all right. Cool.

Tom: all right. I gotta get back to work. [sniffles]

Bill: hey, j, Look at it this way,

You make this place work And we can

Go from there, all right?

Mike: at some point, you got to Do something for yourself, man.

Bill: didn't we just say that?

John: wait, what? What do you mean

Did you just say that?

Mike: we're tired of caring you.

At some point, john has to make Something happen for john.

John: so y'all talking about me?

Bill: no. Yo, all in love, bruh.

John: you too, tom?

Tom: bruh, we--we just can't Keep doing this, man.

Mike: no, tom's Not gonna say it.

This ain't cool, man.

John: cool. Don't worry about me

Ever asking y'all for Nothing else ever again.

Trust that.

Mike: you really copping An attitude right now?

John: y'all think I can't make This deal happen on my own?

Bill: oh. Where else you gonna Get the money from, bruh?

You ain't got no credit.

Tom: hey, guys, just pull up. Relax.

Bill: no, no, we tired of it. Yo, I gotta go.

Mike: look... Bill: excuse me.

Mike: we didn't come over here To argue with you

Or make you mad, all right?

Alice: they come to laugh They ass off.

Tom: no, no, bro, All I'm saying is

You can't be mad at us for Not giving you more money.

John: tom, I don't need that.

I don't need you patronizing me. Thank you.

Tom: okay. Okay. Okay. My house tomorrow, all right?

Mike: absolutely. Bill: uh-hmm.

John: I'm good. I don't be there.

So, y'all have a good time.

Tom: are you really gonna Be like that, bruh?

John: do you, bro. I'mma do me. Have a good one.

Tom: all right. All right, bruh.

Mike: all right. Let's get going.

John: all right. Cool. All right.

Whatever, bro. Yeah. Man.

Tom: all right. Cool. John: all right.

Mike: see you. John: all right. Peace.

Mike: all right.

[chairs clattering]

John: stupid.

Alice: I told you.

John: ma, it ain't funny. They could do that to me

After all I did For them? Really?

Alice: boy, you got To stop thinking

The world owe you something.

You like your dad, You can't do anything

Without somebody helping you.

John: wow, ma, That's really low.

Thanks for kicking me while I'm down, appreciate it.

Alice: wait, did I Hurt your feelings?

Well, you hurt mine, But 14 hours of labor

And I ain't Got over it yet.

John: so you don't think I can Do this on my own either, ma?

Alice: no. Hell no. No way. Fuck no.

Never gonna happen kind of Thing, in a honest kind of way.

John: okay. Thanks for the encouragement.

Alice: you're a loser.

John: wow. Alice: but I love you.

Bye.

[giggles]

John: what up, leon? Yeah, bro.

Hey, I'mma take the money, cuz.

Yeah. I'mma take it. All right?

Let's open level 28, man. All right.

Let's get it. All right, bruh. Peace.