All language subtitles for The Simpsons - S01E01 - Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire [1080p] [x265] [pseudo]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,071 --> 00:00:09,948 Ooh! Careful, Homer! 2 00:00:10,073 --> 00:00:12,451 There's no time. We're late. 3 00:00:14,870 --> 00:00:17,164 O little town of Bethlehem 4 00:00:17,164 --> 00:00:18,457 O little town of Bethlehem 5 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:23,253 How still we see the elie 6 00:00:23,378 --> 00:00:26,048 -Excuse me. Pardon me. 7 00:00:26,173 --> 00:00:28,050 - Sorry. Excuse me. - Hey, Norman, how's it goin'? 8 00:00:28,175 --> 00:00:30,052 So you got dragged down here too, huh? 9 00:00:30,177 --> 00:00:32,054 - How you doin', Fred? - Sorry. Excuse me. 10 00:00:32,179 --> 00:00:34,056 - Yeah. 'Scuse me. Oh! 11 00:00:34,139 --> 00:00:37,351 Pardon my galoshes. 12 00:00:37,351 --> 00:00:41,939 Are met in thee tonight 13 00:00:44,149 --> 00:00:46,568 Wasn't that wonderful? 14 00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:50,739 And now "Santas of many lands," 15 00:00:50,864 --> 00:00:54,368 as presented by the entire second grade class. 16 00:00:54,451 --> 00:00:56,954 Oh! Lisa's class. 17 00:00:57,079 --> 00:00:59,373 Frohliche Weihnachten. 18 00:00:59,456 --> 00:01:01,959 That's German for " Merry Christmas." 19 00:01:01,959 --> 00:01:07,464 In Germany, Santa's servant Ruprecht gives presents to good children... 20 00:01:07,548 --> 00:01:10,759 and whipping rods to the parents of bad ones. 21 00:01:14,179 --> 00:01:16,056 Merry Kurisumasu. 22 00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:21,478 I am Hotseiosha, a japanese priest who acts like Santa Claus. 23 00:01:21,562 --> 00:01:24,064 I have eyes in the back ofmy head... 24 00:01:24,148 --> 00:01:27,442 so children better behave when I'm nearby. 25 00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:32,739 Now presenting Lisa Simpson... 26 00:01:32,865 --> 00:01:38,162 as Tawanga, the Santa Claus of the South Seas. 27 00:01:38,245 --> 00:01:40,164 Ooh, it's Lisa! That's ours. 28 00:01:54,261 --> 00:01:58,473 Ah, the fourth grade will now favor us with a melody-- 29 00:01:58,557 --> 00:02:02,144 Uh, medley of holiday "flavorites." 30 00:02:02,269 --> 00:02:04,771 Dashing through the snow 31 00:02:04,855 --> 00:02:07,274 In a one-horse open sleigh 32 00:02:07,357 --> 00:02:09,276 O'er the fields we go 33 00:02:09,359 --> 00:02:11,445 Laughing all the way Ha ha ha 34 00:02:11,570 --> 00:02:13,655 Bells on bobtail ring 35 00:02:13,780 --> 00:02:16,950 - Isn't Bart sweet, Homer? 36 00:02:17,075 --> 00:02:20,245 He sings like an angel. 37 00:02:20,370 --> 00:02:23,749 Oh, jingle bells Batman smells 38 00:02:23,874 --> 00:02:25,751 Robin laid an egg 39 00:02:25,876 --> 00:02:27,961 The Batmobile broke its wheel 40 00:02:28,045 --> 00:02:30,255 The joker got awa-- 41 00:02:30,255 --> 00:02:32,466 Jingle bells Jingle bells 42 00:02:32,549 --> 00:02:34,468 Jingle all 43 00:02:34,551 --> 00:02:36,762 The fifth grade will now favour us... 44 00:02:36,762 --> 00:02:41,850 with a scene from Charles, uh, Dickens' A Christmas Carol. 45 00:02:41,975 --> 00:02:46,480 How many grades does this school have? 46 00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:50,150 " Dear friends of the Simpson family, 47 00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:53,445 "We had some sadness and some gladness this year. 48 00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:55,948 " First, the sadness. Our little cat Snowball... 49 00:02:56,073 --> 00:02:59,159 "was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven. 50 00:02:59,243 --> 00:03:01,870 "But we bought a new little cat, Snowball I. 51 00:03:01,954 --> 00:03:04,665 "So I guess life goes on. 52 00:03:04,748 --> 00:03:09,461 "Speaking of life going on, Grandpa's still with us, feisty as ever. 53 00:03:09,545 --> 00:03:11,463 " Maggie is walking by herself, 54 00:03:11,547 --> 00:03:15,175 "Lisa got straight A's, and Bart-- 55 00:03:15,259 --> 00:03:17,678 "Well, we love Bart. 56 00:03:17,761 --> 00:03:20,681 "The magic of the season has touched us all. 57 00:03:20,764 --> 00:03:22,975 Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet? 58 00:03:22,975 --> 00:03:26,270 - " Homer sends his love. Happy holidays. - Marge! 59 00:03:26,353 --> 00:03:28,647 - The Simpsons." - Marge, where's the extension cord? 60 00:03:28,772 --> 00:03:31,567 For heaven's sake, Homer. It's in the utility drawer. 61 00:03:31,650 --> 00:03:34,069 Sorry. I'm just a big kid. 62 00:03:34,153 --> 00:03:36,446 And I love Christmas so much. 63 00:03:37,573 --> 00:03:40,576 D'oh! 64 00:03:40,659 --> 00:03:42,744 All right, children, let me have those letters. 65 00:03:42,870 --> 00:03:45,664 I'll send them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole. 66 00:03:45,664 --> 00:03:47,749 Oh, please. There's only one fat guy that brings us presents, 67 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,751 and his name ain't Santa. 68 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:53,046 Uh-- A pony? 69 00:03:53,172 --> 00:03:56,758 Oh, Lisa, you've asked for that for the last three years, 70 00:03:56,842 --> 00:04:00,345 and I keep telling you Santa can't fit a pony into his sleigh. 71 00:04:00,470 --> 00:04:02,347 Can't you take a hint? 72 00:04:02,472 --> 00:04:04,349 But I really want a pony, 73 00:04:04,474 --> 00:04:07,644 - and I've been really good this year. - Oh, dear. 74 00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:10,481 Maybe Bart is a little more realistic. 75 00:04:10,564 --> 00:04:12,441 - A tattoo? - A what? 76 00:04:12,566 --> 00:04:14,860 Yeah! They're cool, and they last the rest of your life. 77 00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:17,654 you will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas. 78 00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,949 Yeah. If you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your allowance. 79 00:04:21,074 --> 00:04:22,451 - All right! - Homer! 80 00:04:22,451 --> 00:04:24,453 - "Yello." 81 00:04:24,453 --> 00:04:26,455 - Marge, please. - Who's this? 82 00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:28,457 May I please speak to Marge? 83 00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:31,376 - This is her sister, isn't it? - Is Marge there? 84 00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:34,880 - Who shall I say is calling? - Marge, please. 85 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:38,175 It's your sister. Oh! 86 00:04:38,258 --> 00:04:40,761 - Hello. - Hello, Marge. It's Patty. 87 00:04:40,844 --> 00:04:45,349 Selma and I couldn't be more excited about seeing our sister Christmas Eve. 88 00:04:45,474 --> 00:04:49,478 Well, Homer and I are looking forward to your visit too. 89 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:53,941 Somehow I doubt that Homer is excited. 90 00:04:54,066 --> 00:04:55,943 of all the men you could've married, 91 00:04:56,068 --> 00:04:58,946 I don't know why you picked one who's always so rude to us. 92 00:04:59,071 --> 00:05:01,365 - Good one, Dad. 93 00:05:01,448 --> 00:05:04,159 Okay, kids, prepare to be dazzled. 94 00:05:04,243 --> 00:05:06,954 Marge, turn on the juice! 95 00:05:09,456 --> 00:05:11,875 - What do you think, kids? 96 00:05:11,959 --> 00:05:13,877 - Nice try, Dad. 97 00:05:13,961 --> 00:05:16,171 Just hold your horses, son. Hey, Simpson! 98 00:05:16,255 --> 00:05:20,050 - What is it, Flanders? - Do you think this looks okay? 99 00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:23,846 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 100 00:05:23,971 --> 00:05:25,347 - Oh! - Oh, neato! 101 00:05:25,472 --> 00:05:27,850 It's too bright. 102 00:05:27,975 --> 00:05:30,269 I oughta-- Flanders. What a big show-off. 103 00:05:33,564 --> 00:05:35,858 - Kids, wanna go Christmas shopping? - I do! 104 00:05:35,941 --> 00:05:38,443 - All right! The mall! - Go get your money. 105 00:05:38,569 --> 00:05:41,780 Tell us, Marge. Where have you been hiding the Christmas money? 106 00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:44,575 Oh, I have my secrets. 107 00:05:44,658 --> 00:05:46,660 Turn around. 108 00:05:49,663 --> 00:05:53,250 - you can look now. - Ooh! Big jar this year. 109 00:06:12,853 --> 00:06:14,855 Oh, Bart, that's so sweet. 110 00:06:14,855 --> 00:06:17,357 It's the best present a mother could get, 111 00:06:17,483 --> 00:06:19,943 and it makes you look so dangerous. 112 00:06:22,654 --> 00:06:24,781 - One " Mother," please. 113 00:06:24,865 --> 00:06:26,742 Wait a minute. How old are you? 114 00:06:26,867 --> 00:06:28,869 - Twenty-one, sir. - Get in the chair. 115 00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:37,044 Mm-hmm. 116 00:06:37,169 --> 00:06:40,047 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 117 00:06:40,172 --> 00:06:43,050 - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 118 00:06:43,175 --> 00:06:45,761 Attention, all personnel, please keep working... 119 00:06:45,844 --> 00:06:47,763 during the following announcement. 120 00:06:47,846 --> 00:06:51,350 And now our boss and friend Mr. Burns. 121 00:06:51,475 --> 00:06:53,769 Hello. I'm proud to announce... 122 00:06:53,852 --> 00:06:56,772 that we've been able to increase safety here at the plant... 123 00:06:56,855 --> 00:06:59,066 without increasing the cost to the consumer... 124 00:06:59,149 --> 00:07:01,360 or affecting management payraises. 125 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:04,446 However, for you semiskilled workers, 126 00:07:04,446 --> 00:07:06,448 there will be no Christmas bonuses. 127 00:07:06,448 --> 00:07:10,077 - Oh, and one more thing. 128 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,079 Merry Christmas! 129 00:07:12,162 --> 00:07:15,666 - Oh, thank God for the big jar. 130 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,963 - Where's that Bart? 131 00:07:27,052 --> 00:07:31,056 But, Mom, I thought you'd like it. 132 00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:35,644 Yes, Mrs. Simpson, we can remove your son's tattoo. 133 00:07:35,769 --> 00:07:38,147 It's a simple routine involving lasers. 134 00:07:38,272 --> 00:07:40,566 - Cool! - However, it is rather expensive, 135 00:07:40,566 --> 00:07:43,360 and we must insist on a cash payment up front. 136 00:07:43,443 --> 00:07:45,571 - Cash? - Mm-hmm. 137 00:07:45,571 --> 00:07:48,574 Thank God for Homer's Christmas bonus. 138 00:07:50,367 --> 00:07:53,954 - Ay, caramba! - Now, whatever you do, don't squirm. 139 00:07:54,079 --> 00:07:58,083 you don't wanna get this sucker near your eye or your groin. 140 00:08:00,169 --> 00:08:03,755 - Ow! Quit it. 141 00:08:03,881 --> 00:08:05,757 Ow! Quit it. 142 00:08:05,883 --> 00:08:07,759 Ow! Quit it. 143 00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:10,262 - Ow! Quit it. - Hey, what's with this? 144 00:08:10,262 --> 00:08:14,057 Ow! Quit it! Used to be a real boss tattoo. 145 00:08:14,183 --> 00:08:17,477 Mom had to spend the Christmas money having it surgically removed. 146 00:08:17,561 --> 00:08:20,272 Huh? 147 00:08:21,356 --> 00:08:24,359 It's true! 148 00:08:24,443 --> 00:08:28,155 The jar is empty! Oh, my God! 149 00:08:28,155 --> 00:08:30,574 We're ruined. Christmas is canceled. 150 00:08:30,657 --> 00:08:32,743 No presents for anyone! 151 00:08:32,868 --> 00:08:36,580 Don't worry, Homer. We'll just have to stretch your Christmas bonus... 152 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:38,957 - even further this year. 153 00:08:38,957 --> 00:08:42,169 - Homer? - Oh, yeah. My Christmas bonus. 154 00:08:42,252 --> 00:08:44,963 How silly of me. 155 00:08:45,047 --> 00:08:48,050 This'll be the best Christmas yet. 156 00:08:48,050 --> 00:08:50,052 The best any family ever had. 157 00:08:53,764 --> 00:08:55,766 Hohoho. 158 00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,977 Hohoho. 159 00:09:00,145 --> 00:09:02,773 Hohoho. 160 00:09:04,066 --> 00:09:07,277 Ho ho ho. 161 00:09:07,361 --> 00:09:09,279 Hohoho. 162 00:09:12,074 --> 00:09:15,577 Hmm. I get the feeling there's something you haven't told me, Homer. 163 00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:19,373 - Huh? Oh. I love you, Marge. - you tell me that all the time. 164 00:09:19,373 --> 00:09:21,583 Oh, good, because I do love you. 165 00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:24,753 I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet... 166 00:09:24,753 --> 00:09:27,673 and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping. 167 00:09:27,756 --> 00:09:30,968 I think it does have something to do with your Christmas bonus. 168 00:09:31,051 --> 00:09:32,970 I keep asking for it, but-- 169 00:09:33,053 --> 00:09:36,557 Marge, um, let me be honest with you. 170 00:09:36,682 --> 00:09:40,853 - Yes? - Well, I would-- 171 00:09:44,565 --> 00:09:47,276 I-- I wanna do the Christmas shopping this year. 172 00:09:47,276 --> 00:09:49,945 Uh, sure, okay. 173 00:09:53,782 --> 00:09:57,077 Marge, Marge. Hmm. Let'ssee. 174 00:09:57,161 --> 00:09:59,371 Ooh, look! 175 00:09:59,454 --> 00:10:02,875 Pantyhose. Practical and alluring. 176 00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:06,253 A six-pack. Oh! Only 4.99. 177 00:10:06,253 --> 00:10:08,463 Ooh! Pads of paper. 178 00:10:08,547 --> 00:10:11,758 I bet Bart can think of a million things to do with these. 179 00:10:11,884 --> 00:10:15,262 That just leaves little Maggie. Oh, look! 180 00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:17,347 A little squeak toy. 181 00:10:17,347 --> 00:10:20,350 It says it's for dogs, but she can't read. 182 00:10:21,351 --> 00:10:24,480 Ow! Oh, Simpson, it's you. 183 00:10:24,563 --> 00:10:28,150 - Hello, Flanders. - Oh, my! What a mess we've got here. 184 00:10:28,275 --> 00:10:30,652 Well, which ones are yours and which ones are mine? 185 00:10:30,652 --> 00:10:33,947 - Well, let's see. - Oh, this one's mine. This one's mine. 186 00:10:34,072 --> 00:10:36,575 - This one's mine, and this-- - They're all yours! 187 00:10:36,575 --> 00:10:39,745 - Hey, you dropped your pork chop. 188 00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:43,457 - Gimme that! - Well, happy holidays, Simpson. 189 00:10:43,582 --> 00:10:48,045 - Gee, this is the best Christmas ever. - You bet. 190 00:10:57,554 --> 00:11:01,683 What's the matter, Homer? Somebody leave a lump of coal in your stocking? 191 00:11:01,767 --> 00:11:03,977 You've been sitting there, sucking on a beer all day long. 192 00:11:04,061 --> 00:11:06,355 - So? - So, it's Christmas. 193 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:10,150 - Thanks, Moe. 194 00:11:10,275 --> 00:11:12,152 Drinks all around! 195 00:11:12,277 --> 00:11:14,154 What's with the crazy getup, Barn? 196 00:11:14,279 --> 00:11:18,784 I got me a part-timejob working as a Santa down at the mall. 197 00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:20,744 Wow! Can I do that? 198 00:11:20,744 --> 00:11:23,664 I don't know. They're pretty selective. 199 00:11:23,747 --> 00:11:25,666 Do you like children? 200 00:11:25,749 --> 00:11:29,044 What do you mean? All the time? Even when they're nuts? 201 00:11:29,169 --> 00:11:32,673 - Hmm. - Uh, I certainly do. 202 00:11:32,756 --> 00:11:34,675 Welcome aboard, Simpson. 203 00:11:34,758 --> 00:11:37,386 Pending your successful completion of our training program, that is. 204 00:11:37,386 --> 00:11:40,681 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 205 00:11:40,764 --> 00:11:43,684 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 206 00:11:43,684 --> 00:11:46,854 - What is it now, Simpson? - Uh, when do we get paid? 207 00:11:46,979 --> 00:11:50,482 Not a dime till Christmas Eve! Now, from the top. 208 00:11:50,566 --> 00:11:54,444 Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. 209 00:11:54,570 --> 00:11:57,447 Um, Dasher. 210 00:11:57,573 --> 00:12:00,159 - Dancer. - Mm-hmm. 211 00:12:00,159 --> 00:12:02,369 - Prancer. - Mm-hmm. 212 00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:04,371 Nixon. 213 00:12:04,454 --> 00:12:07,749 Comet and... Cupid. 214 00:12:07,875 --> 00:12:09,751 - Donna Dixon? - Sit down, Simpson. 215 00:12:09,877 --> 00:12:11,753 And what would you like, little boy? 216 00:12:11,879 --> 00:12:14,256 - You're not really Santa, tubby. - Why, you little egghead! 217 00:12:14,256 --> 00:12:16,967 No, Homer! If such an emergency arises, 218 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:19,845 you just tell them Santa's vey busy this time of year, 219 00:12:19,845 --> 00:12:23,557 - and you are one of his helpers. - Oh, I knew that one too! 220 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,062 Homer, why are you seven hours late? 221 00:12:29,146 --> 00:12:32,065 Not a word, Marge. I'm heading straight for the tub. 222 00:12:32,065 --> 00:12:34,067 But, Homer, my sisters are here. 223 00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:36,278 - Don't you wanna say hello? 224 00:12:38,655 --> 00:12:41,450 - Daddy! We're so glad to see you! - Oh, Dad, you're finally home! 225 00:12:41,575 --> 00:12:44,953 What? Why? Oh, yeah. 226 00:12:45,078 --> 00:12:47,664 Hello, Patty. Hello, Selma. 227 00:12:47,748 --> 00:12:50,083 - How was your trip? - Fine. 228 00:12:50,167 --> 00:12:52,377 - you both look well. - Thank you. 229 00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:55,672 - Yeah, well, Merry Christmas. - It's Christmas? 230 00:12:55,672 --> 00:12:58,550 - you wouldn't know it around here. - And why is that? 231 00:12:58,675 --> 00:13:02,679 - For one thing, there's no tree - I was just on my way out to get one! 232 00:13:02,763 --> 00:13:04,473 - Can we go too, Dad? - Yeah, can we? 233 00:13:04,556 --> 00:13:05,766 No! 234 00:13:05,849 --> 00:13:08,477 Sleighbells ring 235 00:13:08,477 --> 00:13:11,063 Are you listening 236 00:13:11,063 --> 00:13:13,857 In the lane 237 00:13:13,857 --> 00:13:16,485 Snow is glistening 238 00:13:16,485 --> 00:13:19,863 A beautiful sight 239 00:13:19,863 --> 00:13:22,866 We're happy tonight 240 00:13:22,866 --> 00:13:26,453 - Walking in a winter wonderland 241 00:13:29,081 --> 00:13:31,375 Hey! What do you think you're doin'? 242 00:13:31,458 --> 00:13:33,377 - Uh-oh. - Hey! Hey! 243 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:35,546 - Come back here! 244 00:13:38,257 --> 00:13:41,552 So what do you think, kids? Beauty, isn't it? 245 00:13:41,552 --> 00:13:44,471 - Wow! Yay, Dad! - Way to go, Dad! 246 00:13:44,555 --> 00:13:48,350 - Why is there a birdhouse in it? - Uh, that's an ornament. 247 00:13:48,475 --> 00:13:50,769 Do I smell gunpowder? 248 00:13:51,061 --> 00:13:53,647 and then I want some Robotoids. 249 00:13:53,772 --> 00:13:55,858 And then I want a Goop Monster. 250 00:13:55,983 --> 00:13:57,860 And then I want a great big, giant-- 251 00:13:57,985 --> 00:13:59,862 Aw, son, you don't need all that junk. 252 00:13:59,987 --> 00:14:03,073 I'm sure you've already got something much more important-- 253 00:14:03,157 --> 00:14:07,661 a decent home and a loving father who would do anything for you. 254 00:14:07,786 --> 00:14:10,455 Hey, I couldn't afford lunch. Give me a bite of that donut. 255 00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:15,377 Get a load of that quote-unquote Santa. 256 00:14:15,460 --> 00:14:17,671 I can't believe those kids are falling for it. 257 00:14:17,671 --> 00:14:19,882 Hey, Milhouse, I dare you to sit on his lap. 258 00:14:19,965 --> 00:14:24,469 - I dare you to yank his beard off. - Ah, touche. 259 00:14:24,553 --> 00:14:26,471 I hope you feel better, Santa. 260 00:14:26,555 --> 00:14:29,057 Oh, I will when Mrs. Claus' sisters get outta town. 261 00:14:29,057 --> 00:14:31,059 Thanks for listenin', kid. 262 00:14:33,187 --> 00:14:35,063 Hey, Santa, what's shakin', man? 263 00:14:35,147 --> 00:14:38,859 What's your name, Bart... ner? Uh, little partner? 264 00:14:38,984 --> 00:14:42,154 - I'm Bart Simpson. Who are you? - I'm jolly Old St. Nick. 265 00:14:42,154 --> 00:14:44,656 Oh, yeah? We'll just see about that. 266 00:14:44,781 --> 00:14:47,367 D'oh! 267 00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:51,246 - Homer! - A word with you in Santa's workshop. 268 00:14:51,371 --> 00:14:54,666 - Cover for me, Elfie. - I didn't know it was you. 269 00:14:54,750 --> 00:14:56,752 Nobody knows. It's a secret. 270 00:14:56,752 --> 00:14:58,754 I didn't get my bonus this year. 271 00:14:58,754 --> 00:15:01,048 But to keep the family from missing out on Christmas, 272 00:15:01,048 --> 00:15:02,966 - I'd do anything. - I'll say, Dad. 273 00:15:03,050 --> 00:15:06,261 you must really love us to sink so low. 274 00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:09,556 Now, let's not get mushy, son. 275 00:15:09,681 --> 00:15:11,683 I still have a job to do. 276 00:15:11,683 --> 00:15:13,685 Hey, little ones. Santa's back. 277 00:15:13,769 --> 00:15:15,771 Ho ho-- D'oh! 278 00:15:15,854 --> 00:15:18,649 Damn it to-- 279 00:15:18,774 --> 00:15:20,984 Ah, son, one day you're gonna know... 280 00:15:20,984 --> 00:15:22,986 the satisfaction of payday. 281 00:15:22,986 --> 00:15:26,365 Receiving a big fat check for a job well done. 282 00:15:26,448 --> 00:15:28,367 Simpson, Homer? Here ya go. 283 00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:32,955 Come on, son. Let's go cash this baby and get presents for-- 284 00:15:32,955 --> 00:15:35,874 Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute. 285 00:15:35,958 --> 00:15:37,876 That's right. $120 gross. 286 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,878 Less Social Security, less unemployment insurance, 287 00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:41,964 - less Santa training... - Santa training? 288 00:15:41,964 --> 00:15:43,966 less costume purchase, less beard rental, less Christmas club. 289 00:15:44,049 --> 00:15:46,176 - But-- But-- - See ya next year. 290 00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:49,388 - Ohh! - Come on, Dad. Let's go home. 291 00:15:49,388 --> 00:15:51,348 Thirteen bucks? 292 00:15:51,348 --> 00:15:53,684 you can't get anything for 13 bucks. 293 00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:56,770 Allright! Thirteen bigones! 294 00:15:56,854 --> 00:15:58,981 Springfield Downs, here I come! 295 00:15:58,981 --> 00:16:01,275 - What? - you heard me. 296 00:16:01,358 --> 00:16:03,277 I'm goin' to the dog track. 297 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,362 I got a hot little puppy in the fourth race. 298 00:16:05,487 --> 00:16:07,447 - Wanna come? - Sory, Barney. 299 00:16:07,447 --> 00:16:10,784 I may be a total washout as a father, but I'm not gonna take my kid... 300 00:16:10,868 --> 00:16:13,162 to a sleazy dog track on Christmas Eve. 301 00:16:13,287 --> 00:16:16,957 Come on, Simpson. The dog's name is Whirlwind. 302 00:16:17,082 --> 00:16:19,459 Ten-to-one shot. Money in the bank. 303 00:16:19,459 --> 00:16:21,461 - Uh-uh. - Ah, come on, Dad. 304 00:16:21,461 --> 00:16:24,381 This can be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. 305 00:16:24,464 --> 00:16:26,383 If TV has taught me anything, 306 00:16:26,466 --> 00:16:29,469 it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. 307 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:33,265 It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, 308 00:16:33,348 --> 00:16:35,350 it happened to the Smurfs and it's gonna happen to us. 309 00:16:36,977 --> 00:16:40,481 Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim? 310 00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:44,067 Hey, Moldy, do you think Santa will be able to find... 311 00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:46,487 ElfCounty under all this snow? 312 00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:51,283 I doubt it, Bubbles. We'll be sad little elves this Christmas. 313 00:16:51,366 --> 00:16:53,285 - Oh, no! - Oh, brother. 314 00:16:53,368 --> 00:16:55,370 - Where's your husband? - Yeah. It's getting late. 315 00:16:55,454 --> 00:16:58,081 Said he went caroling with Bart. 316 00:16:58,165 --> 00:17:02,085 We're in the money, we're in the money 317 00:17:02,085 --> 00:17:05,380 We got a lot of what it takes to get along 318 00:17:05,464 --> 00:17:07,549 I can't believe I'm doing this. 319 00:17:07,674 --> 00:17:10,677 Can we open our presents now, Dad? 320 00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:13,764 you know the tradition, son. Not till the eighth race. 321 00:17:13,847 --> 00:17:16,058 Hey, Barney, which one is Whirlwind? 322 00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:20,062 Number Six. That's our lucky dog right over there. 323 00:17:20,187 --> 00:17:22,648 He's won his last five races. 324 00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:25,150 What? That scrawny little bag of bones? 325 00:17:25,275 --> 00:17:27,861 Come on, Dad. They're all scrawny little bags of bones. 326 00:17:27,986 --> 00:17:30,364 Yeah, you're right. 327 00:17:30,489 --> 00:17:33,784 I guess Whirlwind is our only hope for a Merry Christmas. 328 00:17:33,867 --> 00:17:36,161 Attention, racing fans, we have a late scratch... 329 00:17:36,161 --> 00:17:38,163 in the fourth race. 330 00:17:38,163 --> 00:17:41,250 Number 8, Sir Galahad will be replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 331 00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:45,379 Once again, Sir Galahad has been replaced by Santa's Little Helper. 332 00:17:45,462 --> 00:17:47,464 Bart, did you hear that? 333 00:17:47,464 --> 00:17:49,466 What a name! Santa's Little Helper! 334 00:17:49,550 --> 00:17:53,387 - It's a sign! It's an omen! - It's a coincidence, Dad. 335 00:17:53,387 --> 00:17:56,473 - What are the odds on Santa's Little Helper? - Ninety-nine to one. 336 00:17:56,557 --> 00:18:02,187 Wow! Ninety-nine times thirteen equals... Merry Christmas! 337 00:18:02,271 --> 00:18:04,189 I got a bad feeling about this. 338 00:18:04,273 --> 00:18:06,150 - Don't you believe in me, son? - Uh-- 339 00:18:06,275 --> 00:18:09,278 Come on, boy. Sometimes your faith is all that keeps me going. 340 00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:14,283 Oh, go for it, Dad. 341 00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:18,162 That's my boy! Eveything on Santa's Little Helper. 342 00:18:18,162 --> 00:18:20,581 Three cheers for Brainy! 343 00:18:20,581 --> 00:18:23,167 - Hip hip hooray! - Yay! 344 00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:25,169 Unadulterated pap. 345 00:18:25,252 --> 00:18:27,754 It's almost 9:00. Where's Homer anyway? 346 00:18:27,754 --> 00:18:30,757 It's so typical of the big doof us to spoil it all. 347 00:18:30,757 --> 00:18:33,051 - What, Aunt Patty? - Oh, nothing, dear. 348 00:18:33,177 --> 00:18:35,179 I'm just trashing your father. 349 00:18:35,179 --> 00:18:37,181 Well, I wish you wouldn't... 350 00:18:37,181 --> 00:18:41,560 because aside from the fact he has the same frailties as all human belings. 351 00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:43,562 he's the only father I have. 352 00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:46,356 Therefore, he is my model of manhood, 353 00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:50,861 and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. 354 00:18:50,986 --> 00:18:54,656 So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, 355 00:18:54,656 --> 00:18:59,077 and I'm far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts. 356 00:19:00,162 --> 00:19:03,373 Mm-hmm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear. 357 00:19:03,373 --> 00:19:05,375 Come on, Bart. 358 00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:08,170 Kiss the ticket for good luck, not that we need it. 359 00:19:11,548 --> 00:19:13,884 Here comes Screwy the mechanical rabbit. 360 00:19:13,884 --> 00:19:15,469 - and they're off! 361 00:19:15,552 --> 00:19:18,764 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 362 00:19:18,764 --> 00:19:21,975 It's Whirlwind in the lane, and coming up on the left is Quadruped, 363 00:19:22,059 --> 00:19:24,186 followed by Dog O'War and Fido. 364 00:19:24,269 --> 00:19:27,272 - Go! Come on, boy! - Go! Come on, get that rabbit! 365 00:19:27,356 --> 00:19:29,858 Dog O'War coming up fast on the outside. 366 00:19:29,983 --> 00:19:31,985 - Come on, Santa's Little Helper! - Come on, dog! Go, man, go! 367 00:19:32,069 --> 00:19:35,280 And with a lock on last place, it's Santa's Little Helper. 368 00:19:35,364 --> 00:19:39,076 - Don't worry, Dad. 369 00:19:39,159 --> 00:19:42,371 Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens. 370 00:19:42,454 --> 00:19:45,874 - Come on, you stupid dog! Come on! - Go, go! 371 00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:48,168 - Run! Run! - Run, run! Come on, get that rabbit! 372 00:19:48,252 --> 00:19:50,963 - Go, go, Santa's Little Helper! Run! - Go, go, go! 373 00:19:51,088 --> 00:19:55,259 Whirlwind by a countrymile, second, ChewMyShoe, followed by Dog O'War. 374 00:19:55,384 --> 00:19:57,761 Oh, jeez! 375 00:19:57,761 --> 00:20:01,181 Doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me. 376 00:20:01,181 --> 00:20:03,767 I don't wanna leave till our dog finishes. 377 00:20:08,981 --> 00:20:10,858 Ah, forget it. Let's go. 378 00:20:20,075 --> 00:20:22,786 - Find any winners, son? - Sory, Dad. 379 00:20:22,870 --> 00:20:25,873 Hey, hey, Simpson! What'dl tell you? 380 00:20:25,873 --> 00:20:29,168 Whirlwind! Let's go, Daria. 381 00:20:33,881 --> 00:20:37,050 Beat it! Scram! Get lost! 382 00:20:37,176 --> 00:20:39,887 - you came in last for the last time! 383 00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:42,264 Look, Dad, it's Santa's Little Helper. 384 00:20:42,389 --> 00:20:45,267 And don't come back! 385 00:20:45,267 --> 00:20:47,853 Oh, no, you don't! No, no! Get away from me! Uh-uh! 386 00:20:51,064 --> 00:20:53,650 Oh, can we keep him, Dad, please? 387 00:20:53,775 --> 00:20:57,070 But he's a loser! He's pathetic! He's-- 388 00:20:59,156 --> 00:21:01,158 A Simpson. 389 00:21:04,286 --> 00:21:06,872 Hmm. Maybe I should call the police. 390 00:21:06,955 --> 00:21:10,167 - Oh, he'll sober up. - Yeah. Come staggering home. 391 00:21:10,167 --> 00:21:12,461 Mm-hmm. Smelling of cheap perfume. 392 00:21:12,461 --> 00:21:14,671 - Homer! 393 00:21:14,755 --> 00:21:17,382 - What? What the-- Who the-- - Look, eveybody, 394 00:21:17,466 --> 00:21:21,053 - I have a confession to make. - This should be good. 395 00:21:21,178 --> 00:21:23,555 I didn't get my Christmas bonus. 396 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,350 I tried not to let it ruin Christmas for eveybody, 397 00:21:26,475 --> 00:21:28,352 but no matter what I did-- 398 00:21:28,477 --> 00:21:31,980 - Hey, eveybody, lookwhat we got! 399 00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:34,858 A dog! All right, Dad! 400 00:21:34,983 --> 00:21:38,862 - God bless him. - So love at first sight is possible. 401 00:21:38,987 --> 00:21:41,573 And if he runs away, he'll be easy to catch. 402 00:21:41,573 --> 00:21:43,784 Oh, this is the best gift of all, Homer! 403 00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:46,578 - It is? - Yes. Something to share our love... 404 00:21:46,578 --> 00:21:48,580 and frighten prowlers. 405 00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:50,874 - What's his name? - Number 8-- 406 00:21:50,874 --> 00:21:53,669 I mean, Santa's Little Helper. 407 00:22:07,266 --> 00:22:09,977 Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer 408 00:22:09,977 --> 00:22:13,188 Had a very shiny nose 409 00:22:13,272 --> 00:22:16,066 And if you ever saw it 410 00:22:16,191 --> 00:22:19,278 - you would even say it glows - Like a light bulb! 411 00:22:19,278 --> 00:22:22,281 -Bart! - All of the other reindeer 412 00:22:22,281 --> 00:22:24,283 Used to laugh and call him names 413 00:22:24,283 --> 00:22:26,285 - Like Shnozzola! -Lisa! 414 00:22:26,285 --> 00:22:28,579 They never let poor Rudolph 415 00:22:28,662 --> 00:22:31,456 - Join in any reindeergames -Like strippoker! 416 00:22:31,582 --> 00:22:34,960 -I'm warning you two! - Then one foggy Christmas Eve 417 00:22:35,085 --> 00:22:38,088 - Santa came to say - Take it, Homer! 418 00:22:38,088 --> 00:22:41,592 Uh, Rudolph get your nose over here 419 00:22:41,675 --> 00:22:45,179 - So you can guide my sleigh today - Oh, Homer. 420 00:22:45,179 --> 00:22:48,056 Then all the reindeer loved him 421 00:22:48,056 --> 00:22:51,185 and they shouted out with glee 422 00:22:51,268 --> 00:22:54,062 Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer 423 00:22:54,188 --> 00:22:57,774 You'll go down in history 424 00:22:57,774 --> 00:22:59,359 -Like Attila the Hu-- - You little-- 425 00:23:03,071 --> 00:23:04,990 Shh. 32660

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