Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,288 --> 00:00:04,186
Kids, one morning in 2010,I opened the newspaper
2
00:00:04,286 --> 00:00:06,687
only to discover an op-edwritten by Zoey Pierson.
3
00:00:07,732 --> 00:00:08,799
You remember Zoey.
4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,335
Key Ted Mosby's car.
5
00:00:11,336 --> 00:00:13,404
In those four column inches,she railed against me
6
00:00:13,405 --> 00:00:14,755
and my company, GNB,
7
00:00:14,756 --> 00:00:17,741
for wanting to tear downa beautiful old building:
8
00:00:17,742 --> 00:00:18,842
The Arcadian.
9
00:00:18,843 --> 00:00:20,311
And as if thatwasn't bad enough,
10
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:23,280
the piece ran on a Saturday,which as you both know,
11
00:00:23,281 --> 00:00:25,382
is Dad's crossword day.
12
00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:27,618
She ruined crossword day!
13
00:00:27,619 --> 00:00:28,442
I can't believe this.
14
00:00:28,443 --> 00:00:30,243
She singles me out by name.
15
00:00:30,755 --> 00:00:34,225
Calls me a "fat cat."
Me and my "fat-cat friends."
16
00:00:34,226 --> 00:00:35,626
We're not fat cats.
17
00:00:35,627 --> 00:00:36,229
Exactly.
18
00:00:36,230 --> 00:00:38,481
I say, Marshall, my good
man, how's my bow tie?
19
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:39,930
Impeccable, old bean.
20
00:00:39,931 --> 00:00:42,283
To industry!
Ah, bully!
21
00:00:42,284 --> 00:00:45,803
Okay, that night we
weren'tentirely un-fat-catty.
22
00:00:45,804 --> 00:00:48,122
You see, every yearthe Natural History Museum
23
00:00:48,123 --> 00:00:49,990
holds its Autumn Spectacular.
24
00:00:49,991 --> 00:00:51,442
It's attendedby some of the most powerful
25
00:00:51,443 --> 00:00:53,711
and important peoplein New York.
26
00:00:53,712 --> 00:00:56,080
And, thanks toGoliath National Bank...
27
00:00:56,081 --> 00:00:56,982
us.
28
00:00:56,983 --> 00:00:58,517
Look at us, huh?
29
00:00:58,685 --> 00:00:59,885
In tuxedos?
30
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,408
Can you imagine if our college
selves saw us like this?
31
00:01:02,508 --> 00:01:04,075
They'd pelt us
with their Phish bootlegs.
32
00:01:04,923 --> 00:01:08,062
Yeah, we were pretty
anti-establishment back then.
33
00:01:08,063 --> 00:01:09,997
Oh, God, remember Russell?
34
00:01:10,595 --> 00:01:11,929
Oh.
35
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:15,075
Nice monkey suit, Russell.
Yeah.
36
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:16,476
Come on, guys.
37
00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:18,411
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you
38
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,080
with that corporate noose
around your neck.
39
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:22,882
And don't even try showing up
to the drum circle this weekend.
40
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,084
Yeah.
41
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:27,833
Oh, hey. You guys
seen Russell?
44
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,962
You know why? Because you
can't kick a story in the nuts.
45
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:38,231
Hey, we're still those people.
46
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,533
One of these days, Marshall's
going to quit his job
47
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,068
and go to work for the NRDC,
48
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:44,471
and save the world,
right, baby?
49
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,239
Absotively.
50
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,474
But let's just
remember, I mean,
51
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:49,109
nobody's the same
as they were in college.
52
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,511
You know, it's like, I wear
a suit to work every day.
53
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,446
Well, yeah, but you
wear it ironically,
54
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,181
like Ted's fanny pack.
55
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:57,183
Next time we go
to Great Adventure,
56
00:01:57,184 --> 00:02:00,987
you're carrying
your own sunblock.
57
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,961
Ooh! I love this exhibit.
58
00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:10,663
One time when I was a kid, this
room was closed for cleaning,
59
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,232
so I snuck under the rope.
60
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,266
Ooh.
61
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,501
Wow, that's pretty cool.
62
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,236
When I was a kid,
I knocked down the blue whale.
63
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:19,172
Okay, the giant blue whale
hanging from the ceiling?
64
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,524
I was six. My uncle Jerry
brought me here for the day.
65
00:02:21,525 --> 00:02:23,176
He said, "Don't touch anything""
66
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,410
To a kid.
67
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:26,246
That's like someone telling us,
68
00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:27,564
"Don't look at that girl's perky
69
00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:29,566
and impossibly symmetrical
knockers."
70
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:30,683
Ooh.
71
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,118
Not bad.
72
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:35,722
So, naturally, I snapped
the rib off a triceratops,
73
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,258
blahbity-blahbity-blue,
I knocked down the whale.
74
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,360
I'm surprised security
didn't stop me on the way in.
75
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,078
Well, I'm sure
they don't remember.
76
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,913
I mean, it's been like 30 years
77
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,032
since that completely
made-up story didn't happen.
78
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,767
It happened.
79
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,302
And these people don't forget.
80
00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:51,704
This is not the
Natural Stuff That Happened
81
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,973
No More Than Five Minutes Ago
Museum. Huh?
82
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,808
Marshall, Barney,
there you are.
83
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,211
I want you to meet an old friend
of mine from Exeter,
84
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,096
George Van Smoot.
85
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,882
But you can, and should,
call me The Captain.
86
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,817
The Captain?
The Captain?
87
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,720
Back in school we met during
a production of Guys and Dolls.
88
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:12,892
The Captain was Nathan Detroit
to my assistant stage manager.
89
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,894
Marshall and Barney here,
90
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,063
are the future
of Goliath National Bank.
91
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:18,498
Well, ahoy.
92
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,800
Ahoy.
Ahoy, The Captain.
93
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,535
The Captain pretty much paid
for this entire shindig.
94
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,736
Please, enjoy yourselves,
95
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,706
have fun,
but don't touch anything.
96
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,808
Thank you, The Captain.
Challenge accepted.
97
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:32,128
Wow.
98
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,464
"The future of
Goliath National Bank"?
99
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,683
I know, it's so, uh...
100
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:39,052
You know, I totally forgot
to tell you, but, um,
101
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:42,355
the other day, Arthur offered
me a five-year contract.
102
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:45,642
Oh, well, don't turn him down
here in public.
103
00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:48,428
I broke up with Scooter
at the prom.
104
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,480
Right before the picture, too.
105
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,369
So whatever you do, don't tell
him here tonight, 'cause...
106
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,004
I think I'm going to say yes.
107
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,477
Ah, that's the stuff.
108
00:04:04,797 --> 00:04:07,297
Sync by vNaru
109
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,659
I didn't realize you
were small potatoes.
110
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,929
And to be clear, I am
referring to your testicles.
111
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,170
Impressive.
112
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:34,240
Try this on for size.
113
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,483
You want to dance?
114
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,286
Let's dance.
115
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,190
I live for the dance.
116
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:55,194
Get... your other hand...
117
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,163
off my ass.
118
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,332
Sorry, sorry.
119
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,002
What do you mean,
you're going to say yes?
120
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:05,355
I-I want to keep
working at GNB.
121
00:05:05,356 --> 00:05:06,639
But I thought that you...
122
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:07,690
Guys, guys, guys?
123
00:05:07,691 --> 00:05:09,359
Architecture fun fact:
124
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,028
If you stand right here,
and you whisper,
125
00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:13,846
a person all the way across
the other end of the room
126
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,982
hears it like you're standing
right next to them.
127
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,817
It's one of the most
sophisticated pieces
128
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,119
of acoustical design
in the world. Watch.
129
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,888
Diarrhea.
130
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:26,492
Right? Right?
131
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,078
But a five-year
contract.
132
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,663
I thought you hated GNB.
133
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,165
Look, I don't hate all of it.
134
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,366
Tonight's fun.
135
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,667
Take a look around.
136
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,052
I mean, this is
pretty high-class.
137
00:05:36,053 --> 00:05:37,737
Poo-poo.
138
00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:41,057
Poo-poo platter.
139
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,411
Zoey?
140
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:54,588
Well, well, well.
141
00:05:55,217 --> 00:05:57,518
You have got to be kidding me.
142
00:05:57,519 --> 00:05:58,786
So, what are we protesting
tonight?
143
00:05:58,787 --> 00:06:00,722
Rising cost of jet fuel?
144
00:06:00,723 --> 00:06:03,958
The government's oppressive
top hat and monocle tax?
145
00:06:03,959 --> 00:06:05,393
And what are you doing here?
146
00:06:05,394 --> 00:06:07,028
Oh, right.
147
00:06:07,029 --> 00:06:09,597
Beautiful old building...
you're here to knock it down.
148
00:06:10,399 --> 00:06:11,766
Can I finish my drink first?
149
00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:13,034
Darling, there you are.
150
00:06:13,035 --> 00:06:14,202
Hi.
Hi.
151
00:06:14,203 --> 00:06:16,237
Ted, this is my husband.
152
00:06:17,206 --> 00:06:19,941
Yeah, old stuff's great.
153
00:06:28,951 --> 00:06:32,387
Mmm. Ah, this Scotch
is good. How's your drink?
154
00:06:32,388 --> 00:06:35,456
This is ridiculous.
155
00:06:35,457 --> 00:06:39,093
We are two grown adults standing
among the greatest collection
156
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:41,095
of natural artifacts
in the Western hemisphere,
157
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,330
and look at what we're doing.
158
00:06:42,331 --> 00:06:45,133
You're right.
159
00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:50,838
Want to go touch
a bunch of stuff?
160
00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:52,674
Yeah, I do.
161
00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:10,258
So, Captain.
162
00:07:10,259 --> 00:07:11,592
How'd you get that name, anyway?
163
00:07:11,593 --> 00:07:13,061
Gave it to myself.
164
00:07:13,062 --> 00:07:15,263
A real man chooses
his own name.
165
00:07:15,264 --> 00:07:16,998
Well, pleased to meet you,
Captain.
166
00:07:16,999 --> 00:07:20,034
I'm Galactic President
Superstar McAwesomeville.
167
00:07:20,035 --> 00:07:21,736
This is Ted.
Capital.
168
00:07:21,737 --> 00:07:22,937
Honey, I may cut out early.
169
00:07:22,938 --> 00:07:24,772
I have to go check up
on the boat.
170
00:07:24,773 --> 00:07:26,557
The boat?
There's a boat?
171
00:07:26,558 --> 00:07:28,343
You must tell me about
this boat, Captain.
172
00:07:28,344 --> 00:07:30,511
Well, she's an 85-foot sloop.
173
00:07:30,512 --> 00:07:32,213
She!
Do you like boats?
174
00:07:32,214 --> 00:07:35,016
Does the sea call to you
like it calls to me?
175
00:07:35,017 --> 00:07:38,987
Yes. The sea is all like,
"Ted, come hang out."
176
00:07:38,988 --> 00:07:42,890
I like Galactic President
Superstar McAwesomeville.
177
00:07:42,891 --> 00:07:44,759
You're coming on
the boat sometime.
178
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,077
Stepping off.
179
00:07:47,463 --> 00:07:50,965
Man, I wish me and my dad
were as close as you guys are.
180
00:07:50,966 --> 00:07:52,967
Oh. You want
to make this personal?
181
00:07:52,968 --> 00:07:54,419
Okay.
182
00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:57,438
Destroy Ted Mosby.
183
00:07:57,439 --> 00:07:58,639
Now it's personal.
184
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,408
No, if I wanted
to make it personal,
185
00:08:00,409 --> 00:08:02,810
I'd call you
a bored little trophy wife
186
00:08:02,811 --> 00:08:04,278
who likes to play activist
187
00:08:04,279 --> 00:08:06,681
when the shops
on 5th Avenue are closed.
188
00:08:06,682 --> 00:08:08,082
You're going down.
189
00:08:08,083 --> 00:08:10,551
Down where?
To the yacht club?
190
00:08:10,552 --> 00:08:12,086
Oh! I would love to.
191
00:08:12,087 --> 00:08:13,688
W-w-wait.
192
00:08:13,689 --> 00:08:16,224
I'm half Jewish,
will that be a problem?
193
00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:18,926
So what about becoming
an environmental lawyer?
194
00:08:18,927 --> 00:08:20,895
What about saving the world?
195
00:08:20,896 --> 00:08:22,096
Wieners.
196
00:08:22,097 --> 00:08:23,698
That was a great dream.
197
00:08:23,699 --> 00:08:26,584
But we have a mortgage,
and we're trying to have kids.
198
00:08:26,585 --> 00:08:27,668
We're grown-ups now, Lily.
199
00:08:27,669 --> 00:08:29,370
Wieners and gonads.
200
00:08:29,371 --> 00:08:30,638
What would College You say
201
00:08:30,639 --> 00:08:32,540
if he heard what
you were saying right now?
202
00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:34,776
Honestly? Probably
something pretentious,
203
00:08:34,777 --> 00:08:36,010
and pseudo-intellectual, like...
204
00:08:36,011 --> 00:08:37,378
Boogers.
205
00:08:38,781 --> 00:08:40,148
We all change, Lily.
206
00:08:40,149 --> 00:08:42,950
You know, you don't spell
"women" with a "Y" anymore.
207
00:08:42,951 --> 00:08:45,219
And I'm okay with that.
208
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:47,088
And you need to be okay
with the fact
209
00:08:47,089 --> 00:08:49,557
that I may never become
an environmental lawyer.
210
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,461
So how long have
you felt this way?
211
00:08:53,462 --> 00:08:55,663
Honestly?
212
00:08:56,799 --> 00:08:58,900
Since my first day at GNB.
213
00:08:59,735 --> 00:09:01,903
Hershey squirts.
214
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:11,412
Hey. How do you
like my date's tux?
215
00:09:11,413 --> 00:09:12,580
Ooh!
216
00:09:12,581 --> 00:09:14,165
Uh, a-thank you!
217
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:16,918
Oh, none for him.
He's stuffed.
218
00:09:19,088 --> 00:09:21,255
Stuffed.
219
00:09:22,124 --> 00:09:24,625
Oh! Zoey! There you are.
220
00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:26,127
Oh, my God.
221
00:09:26,128 --> 00:09:28,129
You have a monocle.
222
00:09:28,130 --> 00:09:29,497
Is this real?
223
00:09:29,498 --> 00:09:30,731
Is this really happening?
Can you excuse us for a moment?
224
00:09:30,732 --> 00:09:32,517
Let's go for a walk.
225
00:09:32,518 --> 00:09:34,602
Good luck killing James Bond.
226
00:09:37,406 --> 00:09:38,990
Are we allowed in here?
227
00:09:38,991 --> 00:09:40,007
What do you want from me?
228
00:09:40,008 --> 00:09:41,709
I want my crossword day back.
229
00:09:41,710 --> 00:09:44,112
Okay? Go live your perfect
little life,
230
00:09:44,113 --> 00:09:45,379
and leave me the hell alone.
231
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:46,747
My life isn't perfect.
232
00:09:46,748 --> 00:09:48,649
Oh, please,
what's your biggest problem?
233
00:09:48,650 --> 00:09:50,084
Having to sail
back to the marina
234
00:09:50,085 --> 00:09:52,019
because the Captain's
all out of white Zin?
235
00:09:53,922 --> 00:09:55,823
Oh. Great.
Now you're crying.
236
00:09:55,824 --> 00:09:57,925
Like that's going
to get my sympathy.
237
00:09:57,926 --> 00:10:01,162
It did.
238
00:10:01,163 --> 00:10:04,098
You've known about this
for two and a half years?
239
00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:05,500
So every time you've
240
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:08,336
talked about wanting to be an
environmental lawyer since then,
241
00:10:08,337 --> 00:10:09,470
that was a lie.
242
00:10:09,471 --> 00:10:12,039
Technically, I never lied.
243
00:10:12,674 --> 00:10:14,475
You asked me questions,
244
00:10:14,476 --> 00:10:17,645
and I responded
with made-up words.
245
00:10:17,646 --> 00:10:18,913
What?
246
00:10:18,914 --> 00:10:21,816
So, you'll probably quit GNB
in a couple years, right?
247
00:10:21,817 --> 00:10:23,651
Affirmatootly.
248
00:10:23,652 --> 00:10:25,353
And become
an environmental lawyer?
249
00:10:25,354 --> 00:10:26,687
Yepskerdoodles.
250
00:10:26,688 --> 00:10:28,723
Hey, by the way,
do you like this scarf?
251
00:10:28,724 --> 00:10:32,860
Posititochadochmecochepopocha.
252
00:10:32,861 --> 00:10:34,128
Lawyered.
253
00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:36,330
Okay, that's also
a made-up word.
254
00:10:36,331 --> 00:10:39,333
Okay. Lily,
what do you want from me?
255
00:10:39,334 --> 00:10:43,271
I want you to be the person
I fell in love with.
256
00:10:55,484 --> 00:10:57,652
Niled it!
257
00:10:57,653 --> 00:10:59,687
Excuse me.
258
00:11:00,388 --> 00:11:02,156
Thank God you're here.
259
00:11:02,157 --> 00:11:05,760
She's been messing
with the exhibits.
260
00:11:05,761 --> 00:11:08,229
I got married when I was 22
261
00:11:08,230 --> 00:11:11,399
to a man who calls himself
The Captain.
262
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,335
He seems like a good guy.
263
00:11:14,336 --> 00:11:17,305
He wears those red pants.
264
00:11:17,306 --> 00:11:19,040
I hate boats, Ted.
265
00:11:19,675 --> 00:11:21,108
I do, I hate 'em.
266
00:11:21,109 --> 00:11:22,443
I can't be on them.
267
00:11:22,444 --> 00:11:23,778
I can't be near them.
268
00:11:23,779 --> 00:11:26,447
I can't even think about them
without getting seasick.
269
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:31,752
You want to know why I want
to save that building?
270
00:11:31,753 --> 00:11:33,888
Because when I look up
at The Arcadian,
271
00:11:33,889 --> 00:11:37,458
I see something big and solid,
272
00:11:37,459 --> 00:11:39,927
and right now everything else
in my life
273
00:11:39,928 --> 00:11:42,063
just feels like I'm on a boat.
274
00:11:43,198 --> 00:11:46,601
I know it's crazy to care
that much about a building.
275
00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:48,102
It's not crazy at all.
276
00:11:48,103 --> 00:11:49,337
I'm the same way.
277
00:11:49,338 --> 00:11:50,988
Look, Zoey,
278
00:11:50,989 --> 00:11:55,309
The Arcadian should be
a landmark, it should.
279
00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:58,679
The lion head stonework
is iconic.
280
00:11:59,715 --> 00:12:01,582
I hate that we have
to tear it down.
281
00:12:01,583 --> 00:12:03,384
I hate working for GNB.
282
00:12:03,385 --> 00:12:07,722
They're a bunch of wieners
and gonads.
283
00:12:07,723 --> 00:12:10,658
Ted, that was...
284
00:12:10,659 --> 00:12:12,927
really easy.
285
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:14,595
What?
286
00:12:16,665 --> 00:12:20,568
They're a
bunch of wieners and gonads.
287
00:12:20,569 --> 00:12:22,937
This should be useful.
288
00:12:22,938 --> 00:12:24,305
And in that moment,
289
00:12:24,306 --> 00:12:26,674
another headline appearedbefore my eyes.
290
00:12:32,581 --> 00:12:34,048
You tricked me.
291
00:12:34,049 --> 00:12:35,916
Well, it the bug room, Ted.
292
00:12:35,917 --> 00:12:38,119
Your ass just got bugged.
293
00:12:40,289 --> 00:12:42,540
Oh, the offer still stands.
294
00:12:42,541 --> 00:12:45,526
We simply must have you out
on the boat sometime.
295
00:12:54,079 --> 00:12:55,679
Well, aren't you two clever.
296
00:12:56,186 --> 00:12:57,587
Well, guess what,
this museum has seen
297
00:12:57,588 --> 00:12:59,272
every kind of prank
you can think of.
298
00:12:59,273 --> 00:13:00,306
Mummies playing poker,
299
00:13:00,307 --> 00:13:02,558
penguins sticking
out of volcanoes,
300
00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:04,494
dinosaurs from
the Cretaceous period
301
00:13:04,495 --> 00:13:06,763
hanging out with dinosaurs
from the Jurassic period.
302
00:13:06,764 --> 00:13:08,831
One time a kid knocked down
the blue whale.
303
00:13:08,832 --> 00:13:10,266
You name it...
304
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:12,602
I'm sorry. Did you say someone
knocked down the blue whale?
305
00:13:12,603 --> 00:13:13,903
Oh no, not just someone.
306
00:13:13,904 --> 00:13:14,937
A six-year-old.
307
00:13:14,938 --> 00:13:16,957
Oh, yeah, that
story is legend...
308
00:13:16,958 --> 00:13:17,907
Hold on.
309
00:13:19,163 --> 00:13:19,947
...dary.
310
00:13:19,993 --> 00:13:22,478
And, um, would you
happen to know
311
00:13:22,479 --> 00:13:24,414
what that young man's name was?
312
00:13:24,415 --> 00:13:26,749
No.
313
00:13:26,750 --> 00:13:30,420
But I could,
uh, check the files.
314
00:13:33,757 --> 00:13:35,358
Thank you.
315
00:13:35,359 --> 00:13:37,560
Now, Arthur, your turn.
316
00:13:37,561 --> 00:13:39,262
I just sang three songs.
317
00:13:39,263 --> 00:13:42,098
Now you-you do your part
from Guys and Dolls.
318
00:13:45,436 --> 00:13:47,670
Take your seats, everyone.
319
00:13:47,671 --> 00:13:49,605
The show's about to start.
320
00:13:50,691 --> 00:13:51,941
Douche.
321
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:59,815
So I hear my wife
got you pretty good.
322
00:14:01,618 --> 00:14:04,654
She caught me on
tape trashing GNB.
323
00:14:04,655 --> 00:14:06,689
Oh, that damn recorder.
324
00:14:06,690 --> 00:14:08,391
Try being married to that.
325
00:14:08,392 --> 00:14:12,595
"But you said you'd get the
corgis neutered this weekend."
326
00:14:12,596 --> 00:14:14,263
"I said no such thing."
327
00:14:14,264 --> 00:14:16,466
"Oh, yeah?" Click.
328
00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:19,268
You're a good guy,
329
00:14:19,269 --> 00:14:21,871
Galactic President
Superstar McAwesomeville.
330
00:14:22,906 --> 00:14:24,574
Tell you what,
when Zoey goes to sleep,
331
00:14:24,575 --> 00:14:26,642
I'll find that tape
and erase it for you.
332
00:14:26,643 --> 00:14:27,777
No hard feelings.
333
00:14:27,778 --> 00:14:28,878
Really?
334
00:14:28,879 --> 00:14:30,680
You'd do that to your own wife?
335
00:14:30,681 --> 00:14:31,981
Sure. Why not?
336
00:14:31,982 --> 00:14:35,084
I mean, I'm glad she has
these little causes,
337
00:14:35,085 --> 00:14:36,686
they keep her out of trouble,
338
00:14:36,687 --> 00:14:38,855
but when she throws
a temper tantrum
339
00:14:38,856 --> 00:14:40,256
and it gets in the way
of someone doing their job,
340
00:14:40,257 --> 00:14:41,924
that's a problem.
341
00:14:41,925 --> 00:14:43,826
No, you know what?
342
00:14:43,827 --> 00:14:45,695
Don't erase the tape.
343
00:14:45,696 --> 00:14:47,530
And for what it's worth,
344
00:14:47,531 --> 00:14:49,565
I don't think
she's throwing temper tantrums.
345
00:14:49,566 --> 00:14:50,867
I just think she's, you know,
346
00:14:50,868 --> 00:14:52,902
standing up
for what she believes in.
347
00:14:53,604 --> 00:14:55,338
I respect that.
348
00:14:56,573 --> 00:14:58,741
Hey, what about this?
349
00:14:58,742 --> 00:15:01,277
I'll take you out
on the boat sometime.
350
00:15:01,945 --> 00:15:04,547
You've got to see this boat.
351
00:15:04,548 --> 00:15:06,182
She's breathtaking.
352
00:15:06,183 --> 00:15:08,885
Kids, there's an amazingarchitectural phenomenon
353
00:15:08,886 --> 00:15:10,820
in the Natural History Museum.
354
00:15:10,821 --> 00:15:12,522
If you stand in the right spot,
355
00:15:12,523 --> 00:15:15,381
you can hearan entire conversation
356
00:15:17,038 --> 00:15:18,341
all the way across the room.
357
00:15:21,064 --> 00:15:22,832
July 23, 1981,
358
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:23,933
incident report.
359
00:15:23,934 --> 00:15:26,636
At approximately 1000 hours,
360
00:15:26,637 --> 00:15:28,358
No.
...vandal dislodged
361
00:15:28,359 --> 00:15:30,909
rib from triceratops skeleton...
No...
362
00:15:30,910 --> 00:15:32,944
...and flung said rib
at giant whale.
363
00:15:33,243 --> 00:15:33,944
No.
364
00:15:33,945 --> 00:15:37,747
Causing said giant whale to fall
in a downward trajectory.
365
00:15:38,048 --> 00:15:40,026
No.
And the vandal's name...
366
00:15:40,171 --> 00:15:40,962
No.
367
00:15:41,351 --> 00:15:44,234
Well, I'll be damned...
Barney Stinson.
368
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,035
No! No!
369
00:15:46,089 --> 00:15:48,224
Who's the master, Leroy?
370
00:15:48,225 --> 00:15:49,692
Stinson was reprimanded
371
00:15:49,693 --> 00:15:53,462
and returned to the custody
of his father, Jerome Whittaker.
372
00:15:53,463 --> 00:15:56,065
Uh, no, uncle.
Jerome Whittaker is my uncle.
373
00:15:56,066 --> 00:15:58,667
Uncle Jerry. Says father.
Even signed it
374
00:15:58,668 --> 00:16:01,503
and checked the box
for father and everything.
375
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,656
Jerry's my uncle.
376
00:16:16,553 --> 00:16:18,788
Lily?
377
00:16:21,792 --> 00:16:23,492
Honey, what's wrong?
378
00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:24,961
You okay?
379
00:16:24,962 --> 00:16:27,196
Do you want a hit
of this sandwich?
380
00:16:27,197 --> 00:16:29,265
I want you.
381
00:16:29,266 --> 00:16:32,818
Awesome. Let me just put
a sock on the doorknob.
382
00:16:32,819 --> 00:16:34,837
No. I mean, I want you
383
00:16:34,838 --> 00:16:37,506
as opposed to who you've become.
384
00:16:37,507 --> 00:16:40,142
You've changed so much.
385
00:16:40,143 --> 00:16:42,044
What? How have I changed?
386
00:16:42,045 --> 00:16:44,780
Did I cheat on you?
387
00:16:44,781 --> 00:16:45,715
No.
388
00:16:45,716 --> 00:16:47,283
Did I stop writing poems
for you?
389
00:16:47,284 --> 00:16:49,619
Yes, but I'm okay with that.
390
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:54,323
Am I not as good at making
the sweet, sweet love to you?
391
00:16:54,324 --> 00:16:56,525
Actually, you're way better now.
392
00:16:56,526 --> 00:16:59,428
You last, like, two,
three times as long.
393
00:16:59,429 --> 00:17:02,131
You said that any longer
would be too much.
394
00:17:02,132 --> 00:17:05,801
It's okay. College Lily thinks
those are orgasms.
395
00:17:05,802 --> 00:17:07,470
No, it's...
396
00:17:07,471 --> 00:17:08,905
it's none of that.
397
00:17:08,906 --> 00:17:12,575
It's just this new Marshall...
Corporate Marshall...
398
00:17:12,576 --> 00:17:13,976
he wears suits
399
00:17:13,977 --> 00:17:15,478
all the time.
400
00:17:15,479 --> 00:17:17,880
He doesn't care about
saving the world.
401
00:17:17,881 --> 00:17:20,383
He's not you.
402
00:17:20,384 --> 00:17:22,351
I want you back.
403
00:17:22,352 --> 00:17:25,688
Well, you can't have me.
404
00:17:25,689 --> 00:17:29,558
Look at the sign.
405
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:31,127
I'm extinct.
406
00:17:31,128 --> 00:17:33,429
I've gone the way
of Jane's Addiction.
407
00:17:33,430 --> 00:17:35,831
Actually, Jane's Addiction
got back together.
408
00:17:35,832 --> 00:17:37,300
They did?
409
00:17:37,301 --> 00:17:40,036
Yeah, they've done a few tours,
they put out a new album.
410
00:17:40,037 --> 00:17:41,938
Are you serious?!
That is awesome!
411
00:17:41,939 --> 00:17:43,205
Are they just as good?
412
00:17:43,206 --> 00:17:44,707
Sure.
413
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:48,477
Look, I know that
Corporate Marshall
414
00:17:48,478 --> 00:17:52,214
wears a tie and everything,
but it sounds like
415
00:17:52,215 --> 00:17:55,184
he hasn't changed
where it counts.
416
00:18:00,857 --> 00:18:01,890
Hey.
417
00:18:01,891 --> 00:18:03,025
Hi.
418
00:18:03,026 --> 00:18:05,127
Look, Lily,
419
00:18:05,128 --> 00:18:07,296
I know that you
would have been okay
420
00:18:07,297 --> 00:18:10,166
if we were poor and I was
trying to save the world,
421
00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:12,301
but will you still be okay
422
00:18:12,302 --> 00:18:14,370
if I make a lot of money
423
00:18:14,371 --> 00:18:18,474
and I spend all of it
spoiling you and our kids?
424
00:18:19,810 --> 00:18:22,211
We'll make it work.
425
00:18:31,054 --> 00:18:32,788
There he goes.
426
00:18:32,789 --> 00:18:34,957
The Marathon Man.
427
00:18:34,958 --> 00:18:37,393
Mr. Stamina himself.
428
00:18:37,394 --> 00:18:42,231
I can kiss better
than that old man.
429
00:18:42,232 --> 00:18:45,267
So when was the last
time you saw him?
430
00:18:45,268 --> 00:18:48,004
It was that day...
431
00:18:48,005 --> 00:18:50,806
July 23, 1981.
432
00:18:50,807 --> 00:18:53,376
My mom got pretty mad
that he let me destroy
433
00:18:53,377 --> 00:18:54,910
a New York City landmark.
434
00:18:54,911 --> 00:18:56,846
Moms.
435
00:18:56,847 --> 00:18:59,648
He never came around
anymore after that.
436
00:19:00,450 --> 00:19:03,185
Think he moved away.
437
00:19:03,186 --> 00:19:05,654
Well, maybe the security guy
had it wrong.
438
00:19:05,655 --> 00:19:07,423
You never know...
439
00:19:07,424 --> 00:19:10,593
But you do know, you do know.
That's the thing. You know.
440
00:19:12,596 --> 00:19:15,131
He's my dad.
441
00:19:15,132 --> 00:19:17,099
Barney, do you want...?
442
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:18,651
I don't want to do anything.
443
00:19:18,652 --> 00:19:21,137
Don't tell anyone
about this, okay?
444
00:19:22,572 --> 00:19:24,273
I'm serious.
It's a great look.
445
00:19:24,274 --> 00:19:26,192
I think it could come
back, but one question.
446
00:19:26,193 --> 00:19:28,327
Does it cost half
as much as glasses?
447
00:19:28,328 --> 00:19:30,145
Can I steal you for a second?
448
00:19:34,701 --> 00:19:36,318
You don't need
to worry. I...
449
00:19:36,319 --> 00:19:37,820
What are you doing?
450
00:19:37,821 --> 00:19:40,623
Oh, I thought we were...
451
00:19:40,624 --> 00:19:42,892
Fine.
452
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,327
I erased the tape.
453
00:19:45,328 --> 00:19:46,929
What?
454
00:19:46,930 --> 00:19:48,364
I don't need it.
455
00:19:48,365 --> 00:19:50,099
I'm going to beat
you fair and square.
456
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:52,635
Thanks.
457
00:19:52,636 --> 00:19:53,853
But it's good to know
458
00:19:53,854 --> 00:19:57,807
how easily you can be
manipulated by a woman.
459
00:19:57,808 --> 00:20:00,509
You look gross when
you cry, you know that?
460
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:02,311
Some women look cute.
461
00:20:02,312 --> 00:20:04,246
You look like a basset hound.
462
00:20:04,247 --> 00:20:06,315
Oh, laugh it up now.
463
00:20:06,316 --> 00:20:08,284
Because starting Monday,
464
00:20:08,285 --> 00:20:10,185
I got you in my crosshairs.
465
00:20:10,186 --> 00:20:12,621
Bring it on, Princess.
466
00:20:36,055 --> 00:20:37,189
Eriksen...
467
00:20:37,268 --> 00:20:39,503
It's, uh, 3:00 a.m.
468
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:43,707
You know what, you might
as well not even go home.
469
00:20:52,186 --> 00:20:55,054
And so Marshall stayed right on
at Goliath National Bank.
470
00:20:55,055 --> 00:20:59,092
Of course,it wouldn't last forever.
471
00:20:59,093 --> 00:21:02,294
But that's another story.
32847
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof