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1
00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:02,765
Kids, in the fall of 2010,
2
00:00:02,766 --> 00:00:04,304
I was designing
the new headquarters
3
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:05,609
for Goliath National Bank,
4
00:00:05,610 --> 00:00:07,650
which meant
working side by side
5
00:00:07,651 --> 00:00:08,821
with your Uncle Barney.
6
00:00:08,822 --> 00:00:09,925
I love your idea
7
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,231
about a giant
rooftop ring of fire
8
00:00:11,232 --> 00:00:12,603
you can jump through
with a motorcycle,
9
00:00:12,604 --> 00:00:14,509
but I tweaked it
slightly and...
10
00:00:14,510 --> 00:00:16,199
This is still
super bad-ass.
11
00:00:17,824 --> 00:00:20,416
It's now a patio garden
where you can bring a nice bag lunch.
12
00:00:21,420 --> 00:00:22,724
Sick.
13
00:00:22,725 --> 00:00:24,012
Yeah.
14
00:00:24,013 --> 00:00:25,099
Dude.
15
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:28,362
Working together
is gonna be legen...
16
00:00:28,363 --> 00:00:29,617
Wait for it.
17
00:00:29,618 --> 00:00:31,909
I'll send you an inter-office
memo with the rest
18
00:00:31,910 --> 00:00:33,749
'cause we freakin'
work together!
19
00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:35,473
Everything was going great.
20
00:00:35,474 --> 00:00:37,614
That is, right up
until Barney said...
21
00:00:37,615 --> 00:00:38,868
Oh, big news.
22
00:00:38,869 --> 00:00:40,743
The board finally settled on
a site for the building.
23
00:00:41,881 --> 00:00:43,135
It was the site
of The Arcadian,
24
00:00:43,136 --> 00:00:45,093
one of New York's grandest
old hotels.
25
00:00:45,094 --> 00:00:48,155
In its heyday, it was the New
York home to kings and queens.
26
00:00:48,156 --> 00:00:49,359
But lately...
27
00:00:51,869 --> 00:00:53,625
...mostly just queens.
28
00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:55,215
Hi, handsome.
29
00:00:55,216 --> 00:00:57,022
Lookin' for a date?
30
00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:58,561
Uh, no, thank you.
31
00:01:00,570 --> 00:01:03,245
Still got it.
32
00:01:03,246 --> 00:01:05,704
Barney, we have to talk.
33
00:01:05,705 --> 00:01:06,893
Sure. What's up?
34
00:01:06,894 --> 00:01:07,964
Excuse me,
Mr. Stinson.
35
00:01:07,965 --> 00:01:09,519
Not now, Trish!
36
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,113
But there's an urgent
memo for Mr. Mosby.
37
00:01:14,757 --> 00:01:17,852
"Dary."
Legendary!
38
00:01:18,639 --> 00:01:21,315
So, what's on your mind?
39
00:01:22,487 --> 00:01:24,879
I can't design the building.
40
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:35,980
Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:37,845 --> 00:01:39,936
Oh, yeah.
42
00:01:39,937 --> 00:01:42,010
Oh, baby. No, no.
43
00:01:42,011 --> 00:01:44,989
Not the slipper socks
with the rubber soles.
44
00:01:44,990 --> 00:01:47,331
I work so hard
to-to set the mood,
45
00:01:47,332 --> 00:01:48,619
and-and when I see those,
46
00:01:48,620 --> 00:01:50,677
I feel the egg go
47
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,735
right back up my Fallopian tube.
48
00:01:52,736 --> 00:01:55,362
Baby, these satin sheets
are slippery.
49
00:01:55,363 --> 00:01:57,370
Papa needs traction.
Traction?
50
00:01:57,371 --> 00:01:58,457
As you know,
51
00:01:58,458 --> 00:02:00,347
Papa likes
to get down with enthusiasm.
52
00:02:00,348 --> 00:02:02,221
Please stop calling
yourself "Papa."
53
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:03,476
And without traction,
54
00:02:03,477 --> 00:02:05,366
Papa's likely to boogie himself
right out of bed.
55
00:02:05,367 --> 00:02:06,805
It's either these
or soccer cleats.
56
00:02:09,049 --> 00:02:11,423
Hey, so I talked to Robin.
57
00:02:11,424 --> 00:02:13,648
I guess she and Max
hooked up last night.
58
00:02:13,649 --> 00:02:15,605
Kids, as you may remember,
Max was a friend of Marshall's
59
00:02:15,606 --> 00:02:16,894
from law school...
60
00:02:16,895 --> 00:02:19,555
with whom Robin was really
starting to hit it off.
61
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,328
Nice! I love that guy.
62
00:02:21,329 --> 00:02:25,393
Max is both his name
and his level of awesomeness.
63
00:02:25,394 --> 00:02:26,397
Yeah. He's a sweet guy.
64
00:02:26,398 --> 00:02:28,154
She feels really
comfortable with him.
65
00:02:28,155 --> 00:02:29,576
They bonded over hockey.
66
00:02:29,577 --> 00:02:31,249
I guess he has a small penis,
67
00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:33,006
but they want to
double-date next weekend.
68
00:02:34,245 --> 00:02:35,732
Why would you tell me that?
69
00:02:35,733 --> 00:02:37,574
So you'll clear your schedule.
70
00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:39,279
No! The other part!
71
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,919
Oh, the small penis thing?
72
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,241
Ah! Don't! Stop saying that!
73
00:02:42,242 --> 00:02:43,746
Why do you keep saying that?
You...
74
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,052
I don't want to know that.
75
00:02:45,053 --> 00:02:46,558
I'm not going to be able
to look the guy in the eye.
76
00:02:46,559 --> 00:02:49,452
I'm certainly not going
to be able to call him "Max."
77
00:02:49,453 --> 00:02:50,790
That's insane.
78
00:02:50,791 --> 00:02:52,915
I mean, just because you
know Max has a small penis...
79
00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:55,843
Just don't!
80
00:02:55,844 --> 00:02:57,332
You're kidding me.
81
00:02:57,333 --> 00:02:58,637
I'm sorry. I can't do this
82
00:02:58,638 --> 00:03:00,578
if it means tearing down
The Arcadian.
83
00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:02,251
It's an architectural landmark.
84
00:03:02,252 --> 00:03:04,158
Plus, people live there.
85
00:03:04,159 --> 00:03:06,049
How does GNB plan to get
hundreds of residents
86
00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:07,169
to just up and leave?
87
00:03:07,170 --> 00:03:08,693
Snakes.
Did you just say "snakes"?
88
00:03:08,694 --> 00:03:10,901
I don't recall saying "snakes""
89
00:03:10,902 --> 00:03:14,716
Ted, I know you love crappy
old stuff no one cares about.
90
00:03:14,717 --> 00:03:17,810
But I'm gonna give you
four words to live by:
91
00:03:17,811 --> 00:03:21,575
New is always better.
92
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,114
New is always better?
93
00:03:23,115 --> 00:03:25,323
You know who's
a million times hotter
94
00:03:25,324 --> 00:03:27,297
than the hottest girl
I've ever slept with?
95
00:03:27,298 --> 00:03:30,944
Her okay-looking friend
I haven't seen naked.
96
00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:32,282
Why?
97
00:03:32,283 --> 00:03:34,758
Because new is always better.
98
00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:37,151
Mm-hmm? And this theory
applies to everything?
99
00:03:37,152 --> 00:03:38,138
Everything.
100
00:03:38,139 --> 00:03:39,076
So, those new
101
00:03:39,077 --> 00:03:40,464
Star Wars movies...
102
00:03:40,465 --> 00:03:42,153
Those are better
than the old ones?
103
00:03:42,154 --> 00:03:45,082
Yeah. The first three
barely mention
104
00:03:45,083 --> 00:03:48,043
the intricacies
of intergalactic trade law.
105
00:03:48,044 --> 00:03:50,118
And when you're
at a Guns n' Roses concert,
106
00:03:50,119 --> 00:03:52,694
you're like, "Yeah, yeah,
Paradise City, whatever.
107
00:03:52,695 --> 00:03:56,190
When are they gonna rock me
some Chinese Democracy"?
108
00:03:56,191 --> 00:03:59,253
Axl's really matured
as a songwriter, Ted.
109
00:03:59,254 --> 00:04:01,912
Wendy! I'd like to buy
my friend a drink.
110
00:04:01,913 --> 00:04:03,268
What's your oldest Scotch?
111
00:04:03,269 --> 00:04:06,396
Glenmckenna, aged 30 years
in oak casks.
112
00:04:06,397 --> 00:04:07,350
Amazing.
113
00:04:07,351 --> 00:04:08,789
And what's your newest scotch?
114
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:12,219
Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch.
115
00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:14,226
Don't let it touch your skin.
116
00:04:15,181 --> 00:04:17,205
Your call, buddy.
117
00:04:19,481 --> 00:04:23,010
A glass of the J-Jumbo Jim's
Grape Scotch sounds lovely.
118
00:04:23,011 --> 00:04:24,935
Lots of ice.
119
00:04:25,822 --> 00:04:27,494
New is always better, Ted!
120
00:04:27,495 --> 00:04:28,582
That's a rule.
121
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:30,087
Just like bigger
is always better!
122
00:04:30,088 --> 00:04:32,262
Pfft. That's not true.
123
00:04:32,263 --> 00:04:34,387
Uh, sometimes smaller is better.
124
00:04:34,388 --> 00:04:36,813
"Hey, look how big
my cell phone is!"
125
00:04:36,814 --> 00:04:39,205
You don't hear people say that.
126
00:04:39,206 --> 00:04:40,711
No. You want
something compact
127
00:04:40,712 --> 00:04:43,472
and efficient that fits
comfortably in your pocket,
128
00:04:43,473 --> 00:04:46,399
and I think Max
is just a great guy.
129
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:47,605
Lily told you.
130
00:04:47,606 --> 00:04:48,609
Told him what?
131
00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:49,612
Max has a small penis.
132
00:04:51,252 --> 00:04:53,794
How can you speak
of such things?
133
00:04:53,795 --> 00:04:54,966
Girls talk about everything.
134
00:04:54,967 --> 00:04:56,104
Size, shape,
135
00:04:56,105 --> 00:04:57,977
left or right
leaning orientation...
136
00:04:57,978 --> 00:04:59,952
Length, resemblance to
a historical figure,
137
00:04:59,953 --> 00:05:01,391
such as Winston Churchill...
138
00:05:01,392 --> 00:05:02,628
Yes, that's one of you.
139
00:05:02,629 --> 00:05:04,000
Girth, grooming...
140
00:05:04,001 --> 00:05:06,393
How can you speak
of such things?
141
00:05:06,394 --> 00:05:07,630
You're kidding.
142
00:05:07,631 --> 00:05:10,241
Barney, every time I mention
a woman you don't know,
143
00:05:10,242 --> 00:05:12,499
the first thing
you say is, "Boobs?"
144
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,428
Not the complete sentence,
"Does she have big boobs?"
145
00:05:15,429 --> 00:05:16,883
Which also would not be great.
146
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,355
Just: "Boobs?"
147
00:05:18,356 --> 00:05:20,397
I do not do that.
148
00:05:20,398 --> 00:05:21,451
My friend Lori from work...
149
00:05:21,452 --> 00:05:23,208
Boobs? Damn it.
150
00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:24,863
But... seriously.
151
00:05:24,864 --> 00:05:26,169
Boobs?
152
00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:27,256
So why is it okay
153
00:05:27,257 --> 00:05:28,595
for guys to talk about boobs,
154
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,150
but the moment we
bring up a topic
155
00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:31,606
like Max's small penis...
156
00:05:32,912 --> 00:05:35,169
I'm gonna pretend this
conversation never happened.
157
00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:38,767
Impossible. Max's penis is stuck
in my brain like a splinter.
158
00:05:38,768 --> 00:05:41,360
Like a splinter-sized splinter.
159
00:05:41,361 --> 00:05:43,601
Speaking of
disappointing weenies...
160
00:05:43,602 --> 00:05:45,408
Ted, tell them what you told me
161
00:05:45,409 --> 00:05:48,620
I want to ask the board at GNB
162
00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:50,628
to move the site
for the new headquarters
163
00:05:50,629 --> 00:05:52,468
so we don't have to tear
down a classic old building.
164
00:05:52,469 --> 00:05:54,025
I still don't get this.
165
00:05:54,026 --> 00:05:56,702
Why, all of a sudden,
out of nowhere,
166
00:05:56,703 --> 00:05:58,643
do you want to ruin...
167
00:05:58,644 --> 00:06:00,701
Wait a minute.
168
00:06:01,203 --> 00:06:03,361
Who's the girl?
169
00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:05,184
- Duh.
- Of course there's a girl.
170
00:06:05,185 --> 00:06:06,456
What? I...
171
00:06:06,457 --> 00:06:08,431
There's no g-girl.
172
00:06:08,432 --> 00:06:10,136
Why would you even...
173
00:06:11,008 --> 00:06:13,400
Her name is Zoey.
174
00:06:13,401 --> 00:06:14,687
Boobs?
175
00:06:19,959 --> 00:06:21,915
Beautiful building, right?
176
00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:24,893
Look, mister, you
are very convincing,
177
00:06:24,894 --> 00:06:27,369
and I am very flattered.
178
00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,109
Confused, even.
179
00:06:29,110 --> 00:06:30,163
But I'm not looking...
180
00:06:30,164 --> 00:06:32,523
I'm not a drag queen.
181
00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:35,768
But you definitely have me
rethinking this eye shadow.
182
00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:37,658
Not only is she funny,
183
00:06:37,659 --> 00:06:40,001
hot and genetically female,
184
00:06:40,002 --> 00:06:41,708
but get this...
185
00:06:41,709 --> 00:06:45,188
Look at the Palladian windows,
the rusticated stonework,
186
00:06:45,189 --> 00:06:47,195
the marble cornices...
187
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,739
She's an architecture nerd!
188
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,194
A hot architecture nerd!
189
00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:52,700
That's the dream!
190
00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:54,590
Whose dream?
191
00:06:54,591 --> 00:06:56,681
We wound up talking for hours.
192
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:59,777
I love how old parts
of the city are.
193
00:06:59,778 --> 00:07:00,964
Hmm.
194
00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:02,671
It makes me feel
connected to history.
195
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:05,214
Old is always better.
I can't wait to be old.
196
00:07:05,215 --> 00:07:06,336
Me, too.
197
00:07:06,337 --> 00:07:07,891
You can wear
elastic everything.
198
00:07:07,892 --> 00:07:10,367
Your lipstick doesn't have
to stay inside the lines.
199
00:07:10,368 --> 00:07:12,659
You can shoplift and pretend
you're just confused.
200
00:07:14,618 --> 00:07:16,340
You could nap anywhere.
Uh-huh.
201
00:07:16,341 --> 00:07:17,294
Even while driving.
202
00:07:17,295 --> 00:07:18,816
It's gonna be great.
203
00:07:18,817 --> 00:07:21,141
I can't wait to be all run-down
and weathered and wrinkly.
204
00:07:21,142 --> 00:07:25,291
Well, I'd say you got
a pretty long wait.
205
00:07:25,292 --> 00:07:27,550
That's sweet.
206
00:07:27,551 --> 00:07:29,189
It would be sweeter
if you hadn't thought
207
00:07:29,190 --> 00:07:32,703
I was a tranny before,
but it's still sweet.
208
00:07:33,624 --> 00:07:35,547
Oh, Ted, that's so romantic.
209
00:07:35,548 --> 00:07:36,969
I want to fill a pillowcase
210
00:07:36,970 --> 00:07:39,312
with dead batteries
and beat you with it.
211
00:07:39,313 --> 00:07:40,900
Hey, Ted,
212
00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,357
can I ask you something?
213
00:07:42,358 --> 00:07:43,946
Anything.
214
00:07:48,431 --> 00:07:50,137
Will you sign this petition?
215
00:07:51,192 --> 00:07:53,332
"Save The Arcadian""
216
00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:55,490
We are gonna stop the bastards
at Goliath National Bank
217
00:07:55,491 --> 00:07:56,912
from demolishing it.
218
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,158
Will you support us?
219
00:08:01,296 --> 00:08:03,187
And you said...?
220
00:08:03,188 --> 00:08:05,846
Where do I sign?
221
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,326
Hmm.
222
00:08:09,327 --> 00:08:11,200
Grape scotch.
Not bad.
223
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:17,152
Ted, you only think The
Arcadian needs to be saved
224
00:08:17,153 --> 00:08:19,110
because some pretty
girl thinks that.
225
00:08:19,111 --> 00:08:20,482
And seriously...
226
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:21,285
Boobs?
227
00:08:21,286 --> 00:08:22,841
This isn't about the girl.
228
00:08:22,842 --> 00:08:24,263
It's about the building.
229
00:08:24,264 --> 00:08:26,739
And what did this "Zoey" say
230
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,847
when she found out
that you're the one
231
00:08:28,848 --> 00:08:30,687
tearing down her
beloved Arcadian?
232
00:08:30,688 --> 00:08:34,117
That you, Ted Mosby, are the
Architect Of Destruction?
233
00:08:34,118 --> 00:08:35,305
Whoa!
234
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,280
Sweet wrestling name alert.
235
00:08:37,983 --> 00:08:39,404
Well...
236
00:08:39,405 --> 00:08:42,566
Uh, it's a... it's a
funny thing about that...
237
00:08:42,567 --> 00:08:44,340
So what do you do, Ted?
238
00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:46,047
I'm a veterinarian.
239
00:08:47,085 --> 00:08:48,221
What? I panicked!
240
00:08:48,222 --> 00:08:50,932
This whole Arcadian
thing is classic Mosby.
241
00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:53,608
Changing your personality
to fit some girl.
242
00:08:53,609 --> 00:08:56,469
I don't do that.
243
00:08:57,224 --> 00:08:59,648
Well, off to meet Steph.
244
00:08:59,649 --> 00:09:03,363
We're adrenaline junkies!
245
00:09:06,091 --> 00:09:09,335
Penelope is taking me to
the Battle of Gettysburg.
246
00:09:09,336 --> 00:09:12,531
We're gonna eat squirrel!
247
00:09:18,137 --> 00:09:20,495
Look, she's really hot, okay?
248
00:09:23,709 --> 00:09:25,866
Aww!
Come on! Come on!
249
00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:28,091
We all change a little
for whoever we're into.
250
00:09:28,092 --> 00:09:30,266
Barney pretended
to be a rabbi to get laid.
251
00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:33,278
Asian girls love
them some Jews.
252
00:09:33,279 --> 00:09:34,700
And Marshall never
would've listened
253
00:09:34,701 --> 00:09:36,456
to The Indigo Girls
if it weren't for Lily.
254
00:09:36,457 --> 00:09:38,966
Um, I think you got that
backwards there, Chief.
255
00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:41,927
And you're welcome.
256
00:09:41,928 --> 00:09:43,465
The point is,
you weren't pretending
257
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:45,156
to like the Indigo Girls
for the other person.
258
00:09:45,157 --> 00:09:48,084
You realized you liked them
because of the other person.
259
00:09:48,085 --> 00:09:50,544
Just like me, Zoey
and The Arcadian.
260
00:09:51,431 --> 00:09:53,973
Did GNB really put snakes
in The Arcadian?
261
00:09:53,974 --> 00:09:55,796
No.
262
00:09:55,797 --> 00:09:57,486
Technically, they were eggs.
263
00:09:57,487 --> 00:10:00,046
Did you just say "eggs"?
I don't recall saying "eggs."
264
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,309
So I walk into my boss's office
265
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,580
and suddenly I realize,
266
00:10:04,581 --> 00:10:07,408
"Holy crap, I'm about to quit""
267
00:10:07,409 --> 00:10:08,729
Small penis.
268
00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,503
You have a small penis.
269
00:10:10,504 --> 00:10:13,749
Oh, that's super interesting,
but you have a small penis.
270
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:15,054
Damn it, Marshall!
271
00:10:15,055 --> 00:10:16,978
Okay. Okay.
Think of any two words
272
00:10:16,979 --> 00:10:19,270
other than "small" or "penis."
273
00:10:19,271 --> 00:10:21,160
Got it: small penis.
274
00:10:21,161 --> 00:10:22,332
Damn it!
275
00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:24,172
Yeah, I-I think it is so cool
276
00:10:24,173 --> 00:10:25,794
that you started
your own law firm.
277
00:10:25,795 --> 00:10:29,576
Well, right now it's
a pretty small practice.
278
00:10:29,577 --> 00:10:31,283
Hey, hey.
279
00:10:31,284 --> 00:10:33,541
I bet it's not that small.
280
00:10:34,295 --> 00:10:35,432
Bro, it's...
281
00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:37,189
pretty small.
282
00:10:37,190 --> 00:10:38,728
Yeah, but, uh,
you know what they say.
283
00:10:38,729 --> 00:10:40,819
The important thing is-is
how you use it, you know?
284
00:10:40,820 --> 00:10:42,911
"The motion of the ocean."
That whole thing.
285
00:10:42,912 --> 00:10:44,751
He said it's small, Marshall,
and everybody's fine with that.
286
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:46,374
Let's just move on.
287
00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:50,105
I'm just saying that I bet
it's bigger than he thinks.
288
00:10:50,106 --> 00:10:51,861
And thick.
289
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:54,572
Nah.
Everything about it is tiny.
290
00:10:54,573 --> 00:10:57,767
The office is tiny.
The conference room is tiny.
291
00:10:57,768 --> 00:10:59,775
Plus, I got a very small staff.
292
00:10:59,776 --> 00:11:01,599
Let's order!
293
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,824
As I was mustering
the courage to call Zoey
294
00:11:03,825 --> 00:11:05,497
and tell her
my true identity...
295
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,086
Zoey...
296
00:11:07,087 --> 00:11:09,345
I'm Batman.
297
00:11:09,346 --> 00:11:11,269
Hmm. That'd be cool.
298
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:12,909
...the strangest thing
happened.
299
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:20,136
I need your help.
300
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:21,140
Just to warn you.
301
00:11:21,141 --> 00:11:22,395
What I'm about
302
00:11:22,396 --> 00:11:24,955
to show you is not
a hundred percent legal.
303
00:11:24,956 --> 00:11:28,084
Wasn't expecting bunnies.
304
00:11:28,085 --> 00:11:29,506
I stole them, Ted.
305
00:11:29,507 --> 00:11:31,263
My animal rights group
liberated these guys
306
00:11:31,264 --> 00:11:32,884
from an evil cosmetics company.
307
00:11:32,885 --> 00:11:35,227
And I figured,
"Hey, Ted's a vet.
308
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,620
He can check them out
and make sure they're okay."
309
00:11:37,621 --> 00:11:40,799
Absolutely. Just let me run up
and get my bag of vet supplies.
310
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,221
Okay.
311
00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:45,115
Why would I say that?
312
00:11:45,116 --> 00:11:47,374
Well, I know what I'm getting.
313
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:49,248
Oh? Oh?
The porterhouse.
314
00:11:49,249 --> 00:11:50,586
I've had it here before.
315
00:11:50,587 --> 00:11:53,430
It is like this. It's huge.
316
00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:56,074
Well, spare no expense, buddy.
317
00:11:56,075 --> 00:11:57,781
Dinner is on me,
and-and get dessert.
318
00:11:57,782 --> 00:11:59,955
Maybe this molten chocolate
lava cake?
319
00:11:59,956 --> 00:12:01,679
I just want you to be happy.
320
00:12:02,516 --> 00:12:03,669
Thanks, man.
321
00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:05,444
Next time, it is on me.
Aw.
322
00:12:05,445 --> 00:12:07,367
- Excuse me. I'll be right back. All right.
- Totally.
323
00:12:07,368 --> 00:12:09,659
We'll just be here.
324
00:12:12,337 --> 00:12:15,097
You're great.
325
00:12:15,098 --> 00:12:17,070
Ah. Thanks, bro.
326
00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:19,530
It's, uh.... it's
going on a while.
327
00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,036
I know.
328
00:12:21,037 --> 00:12:23,128
Thanks.
329
00:12:23,129 --> 00:12:24,683
Damn, baby, be cool!
330
00:12:24,684 --> 00:12:25,939
You're acting like
331
00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:27,310
he has six months to live.
332
00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:28,698
It's your fault!
333
00:12:28,699 --> 00:12:30,991
You ladies
and your salty sailor talk!
334
00:12:30,992 --> 00:12:34,002
Oh, come on! What about you men
and your locker room talk?
335
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:35,123
Locker room talk.
336
00:12:35,124 --> 00:12:36,679
Do you want to know
what it's like
337
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:37,817
in a men's locker room?
338
00:12:37,818 --> 00:12:39,239
Hey.
Hey.
339
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,033
It's just a bunch
of uncomfortable dudes
340
00:12:42,034 --> 00:12:44,760
trying to get out of there
as quickly as possible.
341
00:12:44,761 --> 00:12:48,457
And one old guy
just letting it all hang out.
342
00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:49,896
Are you suggesting
343
00:12:49,897 --> 00:12:51,653
that guys don't talk about sex?
344
00:12:51,654 --> 00:12:54,247
Yes, we do,
but you know what we say?
345
00:12:54,248 --> 00:12:55,669
"I hit that."
346
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:56,973
"I got some."
347
00:12:56,974 --> 00:12:58,178
"I tapped it."
348
00:12:58,179 --> 00:12:59,817
"I squeezed those."
349
00:12:59,818 --> 00:13:01,073
Discreet and efficient.
350
00:13:01,074 --> 00:13:02,612
Not to mention classy.
351
00:13:02,613 --> 00:13:04,118
Thank God that I'm not dating.
352
00:13:04,119 --> 00:13:06,577
If I thought that Lily talked
in that much detail
353
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,802
about our sex life,
I'd probably kill myself.
354
00:13:12,317 --> 00:13:14,658
Oh, no.
355
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,114
What did you tell her?
356
00:13:16,115 --> 00:13:17,503
Oh, nothing.
357
00:13:17,504 --> 00:13:19,644
We don't talk about you!
358
00:13:19,645 --> 00:13:21,434
Are you sure?
359
00:13:21,435 --> 00:13:26,002
Yeah. That argument
has no traction whatsoever.
360
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,632
You just broke in
and stole these guys?
361
00:13:29,633 --> 00:13:31,188
Aren't you worried
about getting arrested?
362
00:13:31,189 --> 00:13:33,564
Nah. I've been arrested
lots of times.
363
00:13:44,272 --> 00:13:46,865
Chinese Democracy.
364
00:13:46,866 --> 00:13:48,119
Wow.
365
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,428
You're a little bit crazy.
366
00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:53,273
Well, I'm usually crazy
for a good cause.
367
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:55,816
I can't just sit by while
voiceless people or animals,
368
00:13:55,817 --> 00:13:57,539
or even buildings
get screwed over.
369
00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:59,630
I'm certainly not going
to just sit by
370
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:03,144
while GNB turns The Arcadian
into a soulless metal box.
371
00:14:03,145 --> 00:14:04,566
Yeah. Yeah.
372
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:06,674
Although I hear there's
a lovely rooftop patio
373
00:14:06,675 --> 00:14:09,117
where folks can enjoy a
nice bag lunch, so...
374
00:14:09,118 --> 00:14:12,998
Ted, I will find the bastards
at GNB responsible for this,
375
00:14:12,999 --> 00:14:14,670
and I promise you,
376
00:14:14,671 --> 00:14:18,067
I will take them down.
377
00:14:19,039 --> 00:14:21,045
Cuckoo!
378
00:14:21,046 --> 00:14:23,053
Ted, this woman is an anarchist,
379
00:14:23,054 --> 00:14:25,512
a sociopath, a lunatic,
380
00:14:25,513 --> 00:14:28,775
and for the love of God, boobs?!
381
00:14:28,776 --> 00:14:30,448
Solid C-cup, perky bounce.
382
00:14:30,449 --> 00:14:32,288
Momentary grudging respect.
383
00:14:34,598 --> 00:14:36,354
Zoey does
what she believes is right,
384
00:14:36,355 --> 00:14:38,111
and I want to do the same thing.
385
00:14:38,112 --> 00:14:40,603
We have to find a new site
for this building.
386
00:14:40,604 --> 00:14:42,327
Ted, that is never gonna happen.
387
00:14:42,328 --> 00:14:44,753
Well, I can't tear down
The Arcadian.
388
00:14:44,754 --> 00:14:46,845
I'm sorry,
but I'm off the project.
389
00:14:47,798 --> 00:14:49,654
Hey, guys!
390
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:50,809
I appreciate the great turnout,
391
00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:52,984
but just so we're all
on the same page,
392
00:14:52,985 --> 00:14:55,627
this is not a rally
to legalize marijuana.
393
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,803
Oh, bummer!
394
00:15:00,899 --> 00:15:02,320
Hey.
395
00:15:02,321 --> 00:15:03,542
Hey, Ted.
396
00:15:03,543 --> 00:15:05,365
I'm so glad you came.
397
00:15:05,366 --> 00:15:07,540
Well, you really got
to me the other night.
398
00:15:07,541 --> 00:15:10,184
I want to get involved
with "Save The Arcadian."
399
00:15:10,185 --> 00:15:12,526
Great. I'll grab
you a picket sign.
400
00:15:12,527 --> 00:15:13,831
Hmm.
401
00:15:13,832 --> 00:15:18,014
Do you want "GNB puts the
douche in fiduciary..""
402
00:15:19,387 --> 00:15:21,477
...or "It's always 4:20
somewhere"?
403
00:15:21,478 --> 00:15:24,204
Dudes, you forgot your signs!
404
00:15:24,205 --> 00:15:27,216
As I looked up at that
magnificent old structure,
405
00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:30,394
I realized I wasn't letting my
feelings for Zoey mislead me.
406
00:15:30,395 --> 00:15:32,854
This building really was
worth saving.
407
00:15:38,259 --> 00:15:39,596
Ted, everything okay?
408
00:15:39,597 --> 00:15:41,788
Yea... um... um...
409
00:15:44,984 --> 00:15:48,028
You work for GNB?
410
00:15:50,556 --> 00:15:52,846
Dude, why are you dressed
like a wizard?
411
00:15:52,847 --> 00:15:55,440
She was really hot, okay?
412
00:16:05,351 --> 00:16:06,621
How the hell could you do that?
413
00:16:06,622 --> 00:16:08,661
Simple. I rented the chair.
414
00:16:08,762 --> 00:16:10,602
The bunny was here already.
That was lucky.
415
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,258
I waited
to do the dramatic swivel
416
00:16:12,259 --> 00:16:13,146
until I heard your key
enter the door.
417
00:16:13,147 --> 00:16:14,485
The billboard, Barney.
418
00:16:14,486 --> 00:16:16,994
I had to. Now that you have
no shot with the girl,
419
00:16:16,995 --> 00:16:18,668
you'll realize you never cared
about the building,
420
00:16:18,669 --> 00:16:20,223
and everything can go back
to normal.
421
00:16:20,224 --> 00:16:22,180
You're wrong. I do care.
422
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:23,770
And I'm still quitting.
423
00:16:23,771 --> 00:16:25,109
Don't you get it, Ted?
424
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:27,367
We're tearing down The
Arcadian either way.
425
00:16:27,368 --> 00:16:31,048
It's a stupid old piece-of-crap,
run-down, snake-infested dump!
426
00:16:31,049 --> 00:16:33,005
Okay, are there
or aren't there snakes?!
427
00:16:33,006 --> 00:16:34,612
Who mentioned snakes?!
428
00:16:34,613 --> 00:16:36,201
And stop shouting!
429
00:16:36,202 --> 00:16:38,544
You're scaring Cottontail.
430
00:16:38,545 --> 00:16:39,748
You named the rabbit?
431
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,923
You took longer to get here
than I thought,
432
00:16:41,924 --> 00:16:43,094
we bonded, I'm keeping her.
433
00:16:43,095 --> 00:16:44,432
The point is,
434
00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:46,440
you now have a chance
435
00:16:46,441 --> 00:16:48,448
to design your own building.
436
00:16:48,449 --> 00:16:49,568
Dude,
437
00:16:49,569 --> 00:16:51,376
you can do
whatever you want with it.
438
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:52,898
You're right.
439
00:16:52,899 --> 00:16:55,826
You're right. I can
design it however I want.
440
00:16:55,827 --> 00:16:57,700
So you're back in?
441
00:16:57,701 --> 00:17:00,243
Yeah.
442
00:17:00,244 --> 00:17:02,837
That night, as I
worked on a new design
443
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:05,480
that just might solve
all my problems...
444
00:17:08,358 --> 00:17:10,951
...Marshall was visited
by a disturbing vision.
445
00:17:10,952 --> 00:17:13,343
Ugh, he thinks I like this...
446
00:17:13,344 --> 00:17:15,802
But it feels disgusting.
447
00:17:15,803 --> 00:17:18,563
Uh, it looks disgusting.
448
00:17:18,564 --> 00:17:20,203
Um...
449
00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:22,328
Uh, is this working for you?
450
00:17:22,329 --> 00:17:23,883
"Uh, is this
working for you?"
451
00:17:23,884 --> 00:17:25,139
Oh, of course,
452
00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:27,313
because what woman doesn't
like being slobbered on
453
00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:29,572
while some giant paws
at her nether regions
454
00:17:29,573 --> 00:17:32,534
like Lenny from
Of Mice and Men?
455
00:17:32,535 --> 00:17:34,072
Oh, you're bad.
456
00:17:34,073 --> 00:17:35,260
More Cosmos?
457
00:17:35,261 --> 00:17:36,415
Mm.
458
00:17:36,416 --> 00:17:37,771
I can't... I
can't do this!
459
00:17:37,772 --> 00:17:39,644
I can't stop thinking
about you and Robin!
460
00:17:39,645 --> 00:17:41,484
Oh, I've had that
a couple times.
461
00:17:41,485 --> 00:17:44,378
Just lean into it
and let it fuel things.
462
00:17:44,379 --> 00:17:45,550
Look, no. You know what?
463
00:17:45,551 --> 00:17:47,591
Why don't you just...
Why don't you just
464
00:17:47,592 --> 00:17:51,189
call Robin, okay,
and have a good laugh about it?
465
00:17:52,996 --> 00:17:54,283
Whoa!
466
00:17:54,284 --> 00:17:57,177
Traction could have
prevented that.
467
00:18:00,441 --> 00:18:02,565
Well,
468
00:18:02,566 --> 00:18:05,777
hope you don't mind, we made
some changes to the billboard.
469
00:18:09,225 --> 00:18:11,684
Well, that explains
a few voicemails.
470
00:18:11,685 --> 00:18:14,695
Listen, Zoey, I think
we can save The Arcadian.
471
00:18:14,696 --> 00:18:15,782
No. Maybe not
472
00:18:15,783 --> 00:18:17,204
in the way you were picturing,
473
00:18:17,205 --> 00:18:18,543
but I stayed up all night
474
00:18:18,544 --> 00:18:20,416
working on a new
concept, all right?
475
00:18:20,417 --> 00:18:22,274
What if my design
could incorporate
476
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:23,562
The Arcadian's facade
477
00:18:23,563 --> 00:18:25,152
into the new GNB headquarters?
478
00:18:25,153 --> 00:18:27,963
Kids, it was one
of those moments in life
479
00:18:27,964 --> 00:18:29,551
where everything
comes together...
480
00:18:29,552 --> 00:18:35,574
the girl, the building,
everything, until...
481
00:18:35,575 --> 00:18:37,532
Are you married?
Yeah.
482
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:41,547
So you were saying, the facade
will be completely preserved?
483
00:18:44,945 --> 00:18:46,283
This isn't about the girl.
484
00:18:46,284 --> 00:18:47,872
It's about the building.
485
00:18:47,873 --> 00:18:50,214
Yeah, it was about the girl.
486
00:18:50,215 --> 00:18:53,376
Ted, wh-wh-what are you doing?
487
00:18:53,377 --> 00:18:54,765
This wouldn't work.
488
00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:57,074
Zoey, The Arcadian was
a really great building once,
489
00:18:57,075 --> 00:18:59,231
but it's falling apart,
and it's full of snakes.
490
00:18:59,232 --> 00:19:01,123
Snakes?
I don't recall saying snakes.
491
00:19:02,679 --> 00:19:05,556
Then he gets this panicked look
on his face, says,
492
00:19:05,557 --> 00:19:07,865
"I can't do this,"
and storms out.
493
00:19:07,866 --> 00:19:09,153
Wow, that is weird.
494
00:19:09,154 --> 00:19:11,328
But here's the crazier part.
495
00:19:11,329 --> 00:19:13,219
No. You know what?
496
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,293
Papa don't back down
from a fight.
497
00:19:15,294 --> 00:19:19,107
So why don't you tell Robin...
about this!
498
00:19:20,916 --> 00:19:23,290
It was amazing.
499
00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:26,302
He was passionate, animalistic,
500
00:19:26,303 --> 00:19:28,276
a complete stud.
501
00:19:28,277 --> 00:19:29,648
Wow.
502
00:19:29,649 --> 00:19:32,375
So he's right there
making you say all this, huh?
503
00:19:32,376 --> 00:19:35,638
Yup. "'You're like
a Greek god,'
504
00:19:35,639 --> 00:19:37,545
I moaned, as the..."
505
00:19:37,546 --> 00:19:39,217
I can't read that, baby.
506
00:19:39,218 --> 00:19:41,410
"Musky scent of man."
507
00:19:41,411 --> 00:19:44,087
"As the musky scent of man
508
00:19:44,088 --> 00:19:50,026
"and Marshall's sure-footed
traction intoxicated
509
00:19:50,027 --> 00:19:51,264
and overpowered me."
510
00:19:51,265 --> 00:19:52,402
That sounds real.
511
00:19:52,403 --> 00:19:54,409
And as for Zoey, it was funny.
512
00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:56,635
I'd lied to her,
then completely let her down.
513
00:19:56,636 --> 00:19:58,124
And I barely knew the girl.
514
00:19:58,125 --> 00:19:59,797
But there was something
about her.
515
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:02,792
I couldn't help but wonder
if I'd ever see her again.
516
00:20:02,793 --> 00:20:04,950
Hey, Mosby!
517
00:20:04,951 --> 00:20:06,908
You're gonna have
518
00:20:06,909 --> 00:20:10,521
to come out of your hole at
some point, you son of a bitch!
519
00:20:10,522 --> 00:20:11,777
Yeah!
520
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,148
Legalize it!
521
00:20:13,149 --> 00:20:14,788
Dude!
522
00:20:14,789 --> 00:20:16,193
Ready.
523
00:20:16,194 --> 00:20:17,498
Aim.
524
00:20:17,499 --> 00:20:19,004
Fire!
525
00:20:19,005 --> 00:20:21,045
Why, yes.
526
00:20:21,046 --> 00:20:23,989
Yes, I would see her again.
527
00:20:26,884 --> 00:20:28,622
Hey. Hey.
Hey.
528
00:20:29,325 --> 00:20:30,663
How's it going with Robin?
529
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:34,027
Uh, I think
I have to break up with her.
530
00:20:34,028 --> 00:20:36,118
Really? Why?
You with her?
531
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,012
Yeah, well, there's this...
532
00:20:39,013 --> 00:20:49,285
kind of weird thing she likes
to do in the bedroom.
533
00:20:49,286 --> 00:20:51,460
Hey, what's not for everyone?
534
00:20:52,966 --> 00:20:55,257
Guys, come on.
What is it?
535
00:20:55,258 --> 00:20:56,596
Come on, bro.
536
00:20:56,597 --> 00:20:58,821
This is a locker room.
537
00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:02,000
I...
538
00:21:04,394 --> 00:21:06,299
What do you think
it was, Murray?
539
00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:08,726
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