All language subtitles for Eephus (2024) Carson Lund

It's the top of the hour.

And welcome back to Before We Begin.

I’m Branch Moreland.

Accident report for Hillsborough County:
on Route 472 in Bridgeridge

a pickup truck lost its brakes and skidded
off the road for about 500 feet.

Thank God this happened in Bridgeridge.

Otherwise, he might have hit something.

Top story of the day.

A coyote terrorizing local dogs.

has been killed in a display of New Hampshire
cowboy justice,

which means in ten days
it’ll be safe to celebrate Halloween.

So bring your dogs trick or treating.

But of course,
make sure not to give them any chocolate.

Plenty of Halloween activities in the area

the rest of the month to keep you busy
as the weather gets colder.

Unfortunately, the Topbury candy corn
eating competition is not happening

this year, because the whiz kid
who can count really fast

and tallied all the candy
corns, his family moved away.

And speaking of counting, it's official.

A vote has been passed
to begin construction on the currently

unnamed middle school in Douglas
within the next three weeks.

The Hillsborough County Board
approved measures to repurpose

county land in the center of Douglas
to build that school.

It's the biggest construction
project in town in years,

but it means building on top of Soldiers
Field, where recreational baseball

teams from Douglas and adjoining towns
have faced off for decades.

As of yet, we don't know of any plans
to build a new ball field, but I'm told

the neighboring soccer field will remain
as a site for gym class activities.

Parents in the North County area
will surely be delighted.

No more driving
25 miles or more to Rumsack Middle School,

especially with a long, cold winter
just around the corner.

I know many parents who--

Today, I consider myself

the luckiest man

on the face of--.

Hey, Franny.

You peeping at the neighbors again?

Sunny day, Ed?

Yeah. Can't ask for much more.

Cool and dry.

It's a pitcher's wind.

Got that right Franny. Ball won’t carry.

Wood bats harden up.

Stings the palm.

Thank God the Marines are here.

Honey, we're free.

What’s in the bag Glen?

Last game fireworks.

Big ones.

Like watching an angel puke.

Out-fucking-standing.

I can respect a man
carrying a big artillery.

I brought the ordinance, brother.

Overseeing the construction is Graham
Morris.

Mr. Morris, will construction
begin this week?

It won't be until November.

There's still baseball
being played at the field the land is on.

Do you think people are going to miss
the old baseball field,

or are they going to be more glad
to not have to drive to Rumsack?

I don't know.

We meet again, boss.

You’re leadoff, right?

Shortstop?

Last two times
we played, you struck me out.

Now I got you figured out.

Yeah, well,
it's your last chance to prove it.

Ayy-up!

Hey, these are for after, ok?

No boozing on the mound.

Not till after the ninth, when I pitch a
no hitter.

Watch the rash.

Louis, I've been doing this so long I know
your body better than your wife does.

Just don't tell your wife.

Hey, what’s
a young gun like that gonna do after this?

After what?

After this goes the way of the Hindenburg.

Hell, what are these guys gonna do?

I don't know.

I just don’t have the energy for all that, you know?

Looking up all the movies,
then driving to all the theaters.

Yeah, I'm into reading books.

I just got a book
that doesn't have any pictures.

My wife loves all the ads.

Yeah. Any skin flicks?

Definitely not in a theater.

That’s alright,
I don’t watch that shit anyway.

I'm gonna tell your wife. Go ahead.
We got an agreement.

She likes game shows and I like pornos.

Is there a porno game show?
Maybe in Japan.

Hey, guys. Or Texas? I just want to say

good luck.

And it's what's in here, right?

That’s what counts.

Hey, Franny.

Am I late?

What's the score?

Bill Belinda.

I was just writing your name,
Bill Belinda.

Yeah. It's a good one.

My mom really knocked it
out of the park with that one.

Kids coming today?

They'll be here.

If you see them first, tell them their old
man's coming home with the game ball.

C’mon, kid.

Don't pull out.

Hands and hips.

Stay square.

Keep your head down.

Rich, he plays college.

He's better than you.

What do you know?

Logan, are you better than Rich?

I am considerably

better than Rich.

You know what, Derek?

I’m gonna fuck up your good knee.

Well, the bell just rung.

Looks like school's out for us,
which means we are headed to

a word from our sponsors.

Got a ball Glen?

Got two.

Let’s go.

For 20 years,
my family told me I make awesome steaks.

I'm Robert Brendan, and I’m delighted
to invite you to my brand new restaurant.

We know you love beef, steak tips
and everything in between.

And we'd love to have you at Robert
Brendan’s restaurant.

Next time you’re driving through Nashua,

look for the giant sign
with my initials on it.

Bring your whole family.

We can't wait for them
to find out about RB’s.

The prime rib was melt-in-your-mouth
outrageous.

It came with green beans--

Hey, it's Merritt.

Ayy-up!

It’s Eephus Boy.

Hey Riverdogs.

Who's your ninth player?

Shit. Where's Garrett?

We only have eight.

That's a forfeit. Hold on.

Can't play with eight. Need nine.

They have 11. You can make a trade.

Otherwise, I'm going home.

We’re the away team, right? Yes.

So we bat first? That's right.

I'm warmed up. I say we play.

Yeah, c’mon, let's just do this.

Has anyone heard from Garrett?

He told me he’d be here.

Well he better bat eighth
because I can't bat for shit.

Garrett will bat ninth.

He'll be here by then.

Fellas, it's the last game.

It’s their last game.

I don’t care if it’s their last game.

It’s a forfeit when his spot comes up. That’s it.

It’ll be a quick game. You go to first.

Alright.

It’s a forfeit when his spot comes up.

Nice. Take the field.

Alright boys, let's do this.

Boys let's go, last one.

Make it count.

Hey Ed, try
not to get my jersey dirty for the finale.

If I gotta dive for any grounders,
it means you pitched shitty.

God dammit, John.

Pick it up, Kevin. Jesus Christ.

Infield flies only, Kevin.

Alright, Ed, let's do this.

One, two, three, gentlemen. One, two, three. We dancin’.

“If your uniform don't get dirty,
ya ain't done nothin’.”

Rickey Henderson.

Alright, guys.

Don't let nothing get by ya. I don't care
if it's gotta hit you in the mouth.

Gentlemen, let's play.

OK, Ed.

Show ‘em what you got.

Let's go, Wilton.

Batter’s out!

Anywhere else.

Motherfucker!

That's one for the history books.

Nice swing, Wilton.

Tough break, kid.

If he strikes out,
we’re one out away from forfeiting.

End of my baseball career.

You can always join the Merrimack
County League.

I’m not driving
two towns over to play at Dustice Park.

Fuck!

Dig it out, dig it out, dig it out.

Safe!

Still alive.

Worst part of this sport is the running.

Amen to that.

Now batting.

King of the Riverdogs.

Destroyer of Fields.

Graham Morris.

Alright, Ed.

Easy out.

Turn two boys. C’mon.

Hey Ed, plunk him. Maybe he’ll forget to destroy the field.

Low.

Fuck, anybody chew tobacco anymore?
You’re all a bunch of vegetarians?

Birds eat seeds.

Good eye, Graham.

I’m a shelled peanut guy.

Ah, Christ.

Ball four.

Walk, walk, walk.

Settle down there.

Heart of the order, Ed.

Don’t let him rattle you.

Bobby, get cutoff!

He’s going home!

Three, three, three, three, three.

All right, boys, closest base!

Let’s go, Rich.

Hey, ducks on the pond, Rich,
give it a ride.

Bring him home, man.

Bunt, bunt, bunt!

There it is, there it is, there it is!

Get it, Ed, get it! He’s safe.

Way to go Sarge, how to dig it out.

Ed, walk this guy so we can keep playing.

Not gonna happen.

Dead ball.

Man, good thing
the kids weren't here to see that.

You’re alright, right?

I'm okay, Ed.

Take your base, Billy Anna.

Yeah, he’s OK. It’s part of the game.
He's alright.

Let’s go, Ed.

Can you believe this?

We're down two already.

Bottom of the lineup here.

We should get out of this.

Turn two, guys. Any base.

Did you guys start playing already?

Garrett, you’re up!

Who’s up? You're up. Let’s go!

I’m up? Awesome.

Here you go, buddy. Here you go.

Thanks, chief.

Good to see you.

Hey sorry I'm late.

Wanna take a second
to stretch or something?

Nah. Alright kid, your funeral.

I stretched on the drive here.

Come on, man.

What are you doing?

Thanks for showing up, Garrett.

Hey, Tim.

Close one there.

Close one there, huh Franny?

Almost had a short day at the park.

Hey. Hey.

You get out of rehearsal early?

No, that was yesterday.

I was just in the neighborhood.

Good luck! Thanks.

Good day for ball, Blue.

Sorry again for the wait.

Yeah, more like a good day for blue balls.

Here we go.

Hey, settle in four, settle in.

Come on now, Troy.

Right down the middle.

Steee-rike.

This your first game?

We just started dating.

I don't really know
a whole lot about baseball.

He looks like he's swinging a lead pipe.

He’s got this.

He’s got this.

Strike 3!

Looks like somebody forgot
to hit the cages this week.

Cages don't have a drunk pitcher option.

Did you forget to hit the cages this week,
Adrian?

He’s fucking throwing meatballs.

Looks like he's throwing
a whole pasta primavera from here.

Fucking Italian dinner.

Fucking spaghetti dinner.

With wine.

Candles.

Plays to first!

Nice throw, Billy, nice throw.

Fine and dandy. Fine and dandy.

Great range, Bill.

All right, here we go, Troy.

Strike 3.

Low strike zone today, boys.

Hey Blue, how much are they giving you?

As an athlete, there's
nothing spookier than losing

That's why this Halloween,
we have a special deal at MG sports

where there's more than just bats
and balls.

Nets, pucks, and all manner of shoes.

Don't get caught with a bad bat.

And I don't mean the kind that follows
Dracula around.

We have 22% of all wooden bats--

Can you fuckin believe it, boys?
$32.95 all in at Lloyd's.

Can't even get a pack of Cloud Blasters
for that price.

And with these I get twice the power.
Three times the boom.

Three times, huh?

Guy, they were giving thim away.

They were so cheap
I had to buy eight of them.

I drove by Lloyd’s.

That deal is for $39.99.

Why would you lie about that?
Thanksgiving?

Think there's a sound ordinance.

Who's ever heard of fireworks
on Thanksgiving?

Hey, why don't you give the extras
to Graham for when the school opens?

How’s that going anyway?

You know, it's underway.

I try not to talk
too much about work on the weekends.

Nice try, Troy.

Alright, so we wake the neighbors with these
and then we hit Jumpin’ Aces after?

I love that bar.

It's great.

Sliders and shooters deal on Sundays.

Isn't that Saturdays? Sundays.

I get fucked up there on Sundays.

Left, left, left, left, left, left, left,
left, left.

Right there, cut it!

Timmy! Timmy!

Out. Nice throw, T.

You got me back. No, that was easy.

We're not even yet.

Little greedy there
big guy, huh? You rat bastard.

I had a fun pitch to hit, man.

Plays to first.

Hey bat on ball, bat on ball.

Oh! Mother McCree!

Ay-up!

Why does he run like a penguin?

Hey bro you want some?

Hey, buddy,

you got the time?

Yeah, time for you to fuck right off.

What's the score? 2-0.

How many touchdowns?

You know what?

Why don't you two weasel dicks

go fuck with the soccer players
over there?

They don't have a baseball bat like I do.

Play ball!

“A game of inches. A game of inches.”

Branch Rickey.

Hey, pound the zone, four.

Right at him here.

Got him right in your sights, baby,
come on.

Strike 3!

Strike zone’s at home plate,
not first base.

Can’t get anything going
if we can’t get a call our way, Blue.

Bullshit, man! That was at my Adam’s apple.

And you've got
a giraffe neck, so, that’s bad.

We play through the calls, boys.

You can't!

Guy needs an optical exam.

Well, to be fair, I think we could
all use some medical work.

Yeah,

I got a herniated
disk putting paper in my printer.

It hurts so bad.

Medical bills...

Call it!

We got it.

Nice.

Two down!

Family good, Bill?

Chugging along. The kids?

Getting older, talking back.

They here?

They will be.

Two down.

You got this, Troy.

Let's go, baby.

Right at him, Troy. Here
you go, wait for yours.

We got two.

Come on now, Troy.

Oh, Miss Anna.

Plays to one, plays to one.

We got plenty of time.

There it is, Troy.

Don't rub it.

Come on, now.

We got him out.
That’s the important thing.

Hey that's your beer now.

Don't put it back in the cooler.

Hey, Wilton, how's your arm today?

It's all good, boss.
Whatever you need. Great.

Easy there, captain.
Troy'll give you nine.

Hit him with a shovel,
he’ll still give you nine.

Yeah, he didn't even feel that.

Guy's on Pluto right now.

He'll finish.

Keep your ears open, fellas,
this one's gonna be a barn burner.

Who's playing? What's the score?

It's from 1972.

Breaking pitch
just misses inside to Robinson.

Two balls, two strikes.

One dollar Colas.

Sausage.

Pepperoni.

Cheese.

Right here, right now.

Grandma Mallinari’s famous recipe.

Grand slam with a slice today.

Crispy crust.

Dough.

Strike 3! That’s it baby!

How do you like me now, huh?

That’s one, boys! Front of the box, kid.

Shake it off.

Nice and red the way Nonna made it.

Hey you think you're gonna grab a slice
later?

Ball. C’mon Blue, what’s that?

Hey, fresh, hot and ready.

Sounds like your girlfriend, Kev!

One ball, two strikes!

I'm sorry, Kev.
You know I'm just screwing around.

Just rude, Bobby.

That's just rude.

Full count!

Bobby.

You gonna get us a pie later?

For the last game? Yeah. Yeah.

What do you like on it?

I was thinking cheese?

Yeah, Bobby, you seem like a
fruit on pizza kind of guy.

Oh, Mother McCree.

Cut off, cut off at second! Dig it out!

Move your ass, Chuck!

Do I go?

Do I go?

Who’s the third base coach?

Who's the third base...

coach?

Your mother moves faster than you,
you asshole!

What are you,
a bunch of fucking ballerinas?

Make the plays!

Well, shit.

I guess I'll be my own third base coach.

Extra cheesy.

Right here.

Watch him, Preston.

All right, Murray.

As the third base coach,
here are the secret signs.

Well, Coach Glen, what does that mean?

It means that on any pass ball,
we’re gonna steal home.

Well, Coach Glen, you must think I'm
some kind of fast spring ch--

He’s out!

Fuck Glen!

What are you, six?

Goofy son of a bitch.

Alright boys, keep it up, let's go!

Last game.

Dickhead.

Doughy and delicious.

Another zero.

White sauce.

One dollar off for the winning team.

White pizza.

Red pizza.

That's a pretty cloud.

Fresh.

Hot. Pizza.

Right here.

Right now.

$1.50 a slice.

$6 a pie.

All the toppings you could ever want.

$1 Colas.

Sausage.

Pepperoni.

Cheese.

Right here, right now.

Grandma Mallinari’s famous recipe.

You play ball, kid?

Yeah.

Do yourself a favor.

Don't.

Hit a home run with a slice today.

Here we go, Troy. Nice.

Sausage. Pepperoni.

Go get me a pack of smokes, will ya?

White pizza.

Red pizza.

I've been thinking about retirement.

Or at least getting out on the road.

Driving,

driving this truck.

Maybe

all the way to the desert.

To New Mexico. To Montana.

Strike three!

I can't fucking bat
with the fucking hoagie opera out there.

I got this, D!

Fuckin shit.

This has gotta be hell on your diet, dude.

Why don’t you take a cheat day?

You know, get something to eat?

He must be starving.

I got something for you.

Little snack for my big guy.

You two are a fuckin regular
Laurel and Hardy, aren’t ya?

Are you hungry, Howie?

No, I don't think so. No.

I’m just saying. Mr. Malllinari is here
and I can get you a pizza if you want one.

Pizza. We don't eat pizza at ballgames.
Hot dogs.

Eaten a lot of hot dogs in your day?

Oh, loads and loads of hot dogs, really.

Ball fields, diners.

Probably ate at all the diners in town.

And they're mostly gone now, the diners.

But hot dogs will always be here.

And that's a good thing.

Nobody knows this,

but our town is the only town in
the region that has triangular manholes.

No shit.

What shape does everyone else use?

Circular.

I had no idea
there was a baseball field right here.

I've been driving this all around.

Main Street in Wooten.

Keene Pond Park.

What do they need a school for?

I mean, you know...

To learn, I guess. But kids learn on the job.

I mean they don’t need a school,

you know, practical day in and day out
kind of thing.

Flipping burgers,

cooking hot dogs at hot dog stands.

Sausage.

Pepperoni.

Cheese.

I hate this goddamn business.

Grandma Mallinari’s famous recipe.

Well done.

Circles?

So the workers could roll them.

The foundry made triangular manholes
in the twenties.

If you get your hands on one, you could
probably command a high bid at an auction.

Some people say
it reminds them of the recycling symbol,

but every year they replace a few more
with the circulars.

Just another thing to write into the history books.

Huh, truck’s leaving.

Go right at him, four.

We've got ‘em at Jumpin’ Aces
Bar and Grill.

Cheeseburger sliders and
shooters of the hard stuff.

Pick your poison.

And all season long we've got
cowboy sliders.

That's right.

They've got an onion ring on ‘em.

You can lead a horse to water.

But you can lead a man to Jumpin’ Aces.

Nice meeting you.

You think bunt was named after somebody?

I knew someone in high school
named Terry Foul.

Where’s he off to?

Beats me.

But if I had to guess, Suzie Q’s
probably dragging him off to Niagara Falls again.

No way I could focus if my wife was here.

Yeah.

That's probably why
he never goes and plays where it matters.

If I was him,

I'd go play in Florida.

Yeah.

Get in front of the guys
that can make something happen for him.

Fuckin shame.

Kid’s got what it takes.

Here it's just one big backyard.

My backyard.

Till fuckin Graham builds that school.

Then this dugout becomes an art class.

With fuckin...easels.

Then it’s off to Dustice.

Well, maybe they'll get married
and they’ll have a kid

that goes to school here
and they can draw a painting

of me pitching nine innings
and hitting a walk off homer.

Yeah.

“It's getting late early.”

Yogi Berra.

Ed keeps saying he's gonna go nine.

You think you’re pitching today?

I don't think Ed's gonna be very good

the next couple of innings.

Good pitch.

It's a good pitch?

Oh I was looking at the catcher.
I don’t like his framing.

But he probably threw a curveball,
which is the right move.

Yeah, I think it was.

Definitely.

Curvey.

Ed throws pretty fast.

He looks good to me.

If Ed were 19, he could get that fastball

up to 83, 85 with decent command.

But he's gotta grunt to get to 75
because he's old.

Oh, you fucking kidding me?

Get under it.

Get there John!

Ah, Jesus! Two down.

He should throw slower.

You can tell what that pitch
is gonna be coming out of his hands.

Good hustle. I need to be put down.

I still haven't seen you throw that weird pitch
that Tim was telling me about.

I throw it sometimes.

I've been here a few games now.

I don't think I've seen it.
It's a curveball?

Eephus.

God bless you.

Sorry, what, what is it?

The Eephus pitch is a type of curveball
that is pitched

so unnaturally slow
that it confuses the batter.

He swings too early or too late.

You lob it so it looks like a curveball.

But you give it no power.

Double if he can leg this out.

I wish I was sitting down too.

Hit the cut.

Go to second!

So it's like a curveball with no power?

Your elbow stays in the same place
that it would for your curveball.

You tell the batter with your hips
that you're throwing hard.

Everybody on the field
is expecting a meatball.

So I give them a weird meatball.

If I throw it right,
the pitch looks like it stops in mid air.

Ed is doing bad.

Ah, c’mon.

We’re down two now.

That would suck
if we lost the last game of this park.

You’d get over it.

It's almost Halloween.

Yeah, that's why you
gotta throw the Eephus pitch.

Give the field to sendoff it deserves.

Oh! Hey I think Ed just threw an Eephus.

He threw a bad slow pitch.

Yeah, that's....isn't
that what an Eephus is?

Maybe if Ed throws it.

You can tell when it's an Eephus.

It stays in the air forever.

You get bored watching it.

I get bored.

And the hitter does, so he tries

to swing at it like normal.

But it's already past him

or it waits until he's done swinging.

The Eephus makes him lose track of time.

It's pretty mean that way.

Strike three.

Batter’s out.

I like that.

It's kind of like baseball.

I'm looking around
for something to happen.

Then poof! Game’s over.

Play ball!

Hey, Wilton. Wilton! Check this out.

Pizza!

Hot, fresh pizza!

Sausage.

Onions.

Marinara.

Extra cheese.

White alfredo sauce.

Anchovies.

That’s alright, wait for yours, D.

It’s alright, D.

Green peppers.

Portabella mushrooms!

Pulled pork!

Hot, fresh pizza.

Parmesan cheese.

Macadamia nuts.

Strike two.

Not a lot wrong with that one, D.

Meatball sub.

Lasagna.

Gabagool.

Soppressata. I’ll crack your nose, kid.

Fellas.

Right through that damn mask.
Time!

Fellas! Am I in a deli?

Is this a meat market?

Am I selling you ham?

Cut the shit and play.

You like pizza on ham?

Pizza on ham?

Ham on pizza.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Hey, ah, Blue. Did you call A4 yet?

Pizza!

Dead ball!

Hey! Take your base!

Don’t rub it, man.

Careful, Garrett.

You got any more chants, big guy?

No, sir.

Just goofin’.

Just horsing around, that's all.

You know, it's important to have fun
when we're out here.

Ah, shit!

By a mile, asshole.

You’re not third base coaching?

No, he'll just ignore all my signs, no matter what.

But he's quick.

He'll do just fine.

I used to be pretty fast in my heyday.

If you say so.

But I think this is it for me.

They got a league in Dustice.
No Miss Anna.

What's wrong with Dustice?

Problem with Dustice is it's too far.

Game’s are at weird hours.

That place sucks.

It's like half little league,
half farmers market.

And don't forget that septic issue too.

You make it all the way out there,
I wouldn't play third base.

Or left field.

Whole fuckin town stinks!

Fuckin Dustice. Fuckin Dustice.

Sir Glen Lights the Sky Up.

Look who it is.

What's in the box?

Heard you brought some sky heat.

Little aerial TNT. Huh?

Sky heat.

Ahh. Oh yeah. I got the whole show
planned for after.

We got everything going off
in sequential order.

I light one and then we let it go up.

And the next one starts going off,
and by the time that's done...

What, are you gonna fuck each other blue?

Jesus, Bobby, go to second.

Nice goatee, John.

Shut up, Glen.

Bases loaded, Linda.

Kids might wanna see it.

Go, go, go, dig it out!

He’s out! Hey, atta pepper!

Yeah Logan!

Let's go, boys.

Troy got us out of a jam.

Now let's pick him up.
You've seen this guy’s pitches.

Time up that curveball and let's hang
a ten spot on these guys.

Four to two ball game.

Expand that lead.
Yeah. Everybody hits, guys. Let’s go.

Let’s go, Bill, start us up.

You think Graham actually gives a shit
about this game?

Do you?

Yeah, as much as anybody, but him, ehh.

Company man.

Derek and I know company men.

Military’s full of ‘em.

Pricks.

I don't know.

I mean, he does all the coaching.

The guy works hard for the cause.

The cause?

You know about the cause?

Nah, you’re too young.

It's all combat.

Life.

This game.

Combat.

Going to the store.

Combat.

Picking up your kids from school.

Combat.

Going to see your ninety year
old grandmother in the hospital

dying of stage four uterine cancer?

That's not combat.

That's love.

Sarge, you dying out here?
You’re giving a speech like you just got shot.

When I go to the doctor,
that’s definitely combat.

Alright, Bill. Get it started now.

Ed, was that ball four?

So you do want to get hit again, huh? No.

Joe, getting on base for real this time.

Fuckin half wit.

Watch your mouth, Ed.

Kids are around.

I went to one of my friend Edward’s games.

These guys aren’t much better than them.

Alright, this one’s the best guy.

Watch.

He's the king of the team.

No, no, I don't think he is.

Why do they care so much?

Don’t they have more important things going on?

They're just like plumbers and stuff.

Ed, you got it baby,

you got it baby.

I've been watching this for an hour
and I still don't understand baseball.

Any plans this fall?

Yeah, yeah.

Thinking about going to law school,
taking the bar. Oh yeah? Yeah.

You should talk to my son.

Tell him what a noble profession that is.

Yeah, I’d love to.

He's fucking with you, Bill.

He's gonna be gambling on basketball.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I don't touch the pros.
The house knows too much.

College hockey.

What about you, Bill?

Ever been to Sin City?

Send him!

Wait, hold, hold, hold, Bill, hold!

Fucking bullshit!

Bill had that by a mile!
Should be 5-2 now.

You want to win this game or what, Graham?

Guys, I'm the third base coach.

Oh yeah, you call the shots, tough guy.

Yeah, that's right.
Bill would have been gunned down.

You got to take him at his word, fellas.

His word’s why we’re
losing the whole goddamn field, Bill.

Time!

Fucking idiot. Fuck.

He is right.

I don't know why they’re shitting a brick.

D and Tim had the relay.

Maybe. But we were lucky there.

Yeah.

How you feeling anyway?

Your arm hurt? Your back stiff?

Your balls sweaty?

Losing a little zip on the fastball
the last couple innings.

Between you and me, I’ve been better.

Hey, uhh...

we should put Merritt in.

I'm giving you nine.

I'm just saying Merritt's there.

I'm still giving you nine.

He’s got more in the tank, jackoff.

If you say so.

You're the boss.

Hey, just don't pitch to this next guy, huh?

Don't worry.

I know what I'm doing.

I'm not pitching to him.

That's not the way it works.

I’m not pitching to him.

Go ahead, man. Take your base.

Don’t look at him.

Go to first.

I don't feel like it.

Alright, who's up?

Coach Graham’s up.

And I’m coaching third.

Alright, Bill Belinda. Let's get you home.

Big opportunity here, fellas.

C’mon, Graham,
let's see what you got, buddy.

Wait for yours.

If it’s high, let it fly.

If it's low, let it go.

Strike.

Come on, Graham.

Can’t hit a thing
if you don't take a swing.

Come on, boss. Come on, boss.

Stay sharp, Bill.

0-2! Swing and a miss!

Here we go. One more.

Felt the breeze from here.

Come on, put some wood on it
if you can find it.

Use a good eye, Graham.

Show me what you got.

Wild pitch!
Go, go, go.

Hold, hold, hold, Bill.

What the fuck?

What the fuck is that, Graham?

Now you’re just trying to
sabotage the whole thing.

Rich, I started this team.

“Oh I started this team.”
Oh yeah? Hey, Adler's!

You guys got a spare jersey in the dugout?

Yeah, maybe we could trade this clown
for Tim’s brother or something.

Fuck you, Graham!

Calm down, Rich. Shut up, Bill.

C’mon, man, we're winning.

We can blow this open!

Come on, man.

Gentlemen, let's play.

Fuck you, Graham.

Coming to you guys.

Infield flies only, huh, Ed?

Nice try.

Mr. Santucci,

tell the folks at home. How did you do it?

How did you make the finest defensive
play in the history of Soldiers Field?

Well, you know, Chuck? Every great
defensive play starts with shitty pitching

and Ed Mortanian
can throw with the worst of ‘em.

Had it been a routine ground ball,
might not have had to bust my knees.

We need those knees. And we're here...

with coach Ed Mortanian.

Your pitcher, Ed Mortanian,
what's missing for him today?

Shut up, Chuck. Hold on.

You think he's already
looking forward to next season?

You got your niece’s christening!

We've got to attend, c’mon!

I’m in the middle of something here.
I’m fuckin busy!

It’s your niece's christening! That's now?

Today?

20 goddamn minutes, god dammit!

We already missed lunch at Margarine’s.
Nah, nah, can't they push it back?

I mean, really?

They gotta do this now?

The priest is a busy man!

He has a long line of babies.

If we don't do it today,
the baby will be too fuckin old!

So what? The baby don’t care!

God cares, you asshole!

What am I gonna wear?
You got a suit for me?

Exactly what you're wearing now.

You're a fucking bum anyway.

We got Eephus Boy.

Get your fuckin ass in the car already,
you fucking idiot.

All the time. You pull the same shit
all the time.

You did it with Dad, you did it with Mom,
you did it with everybody.

You always pull the same shit.

Come on!

This is for your family,
you son of a bitch.

Come on, be a man!

All right, all right.

Shut your fucking piehole.

Playing a boy’s fuckin game there.

You got your fucking way, alright?

My way?

This is your family, you son of a bitch.

Ed! Who's in charge?

That's why I'm never having a niece.

“You're one strike closer to the next home run.”

The Great Bambino.

Hey Gare, how you doing?

Pretty good.

You know, back in college.

Nice. Tell your brother I said hi.

What a hit.

Fellas, since the game’s tied, want you
all to know we're coming up on time here.

What do we got? About 15 minutes.

What, are you kidding me?

Can't do 30?

Ask my wife.

Ah, come on!

At least stay through the stretch.

15 minutes?

Got any flexibility on that?

It’s not my call to make.

Alright.

I hit it big in the meat
raffle last night.

I got two pork loins in the truck
the size of my fucking arm.

I'm hungry. I’m listening.

Well, we can make something happen
if we can make something happen.

I’ll see what I can do.

Convince Paul Bunyan over there.

Take care, Franny.

You're leaving?

How could you leave during a tie?

Oh, I've seen ties.

I can go to sleep with a tie.

Really? Yeah.

That's when it gets good.

Kind of like a game reset, you know?

And all the stuff before mattered and
sort of didn't matter at the same time.

Everyone's gotta just put all that
good work behind them.

All the big plays and good runs.

Just gotta push on and play hard.

I'll still be sleeping.

All right, well, have a good one, Howie.

Have you ever been
to the Polish American Club?

I haven't, actually.

You could be a Polack.

No.

My uncle was, but we didn't share blood.

Well,

be well.

Yeah.

Have a good one, Howie.

Look alive, Chuck.

Ayy-up!

If he strikes out on that pitch,

you owe me ten.

I don't think I'm taking that bet.

Alright, man.

You saw the guy.

Hit it, will ya, man?

Come on.

Strike three.

That’s it, baby!

Happy to have that Hamilton.

There's your designated non hitter.

Not a home run swing...I’ve
been telling you.

Slow it down.

Look how slow this guy's pitching.

You just gotta frame him up. Make contact.

Logan will drive you in.

Hey meat, throw strikes!
You're burning daylight.

Throwing the ball pretty well, Tiger.

Changing speeds. He’s calling a good game.

Keep it up, keep it up.

You play?

I used to play about 30 years ago
right here.

I’ve been coming here forever.
I don’t ever remember seeing you.

No, you wouldn’t have.

You were a puppy back
then. Pooping yellow.

I still do.

Well, change your diet.

Eat more ruffage.

Most of the players
I've played with are dead.

Half of them are
and the other half wish they were dead.

Because you just don't want to carry
around an old corpse with you.

You don't want to end up in a nursing home and

wiping dab snot out of the corners of your cheeks.

Do you pitch? I was a pitcher.

I had a good sinker, screwball,
overhand deuce and some high cheese.

I'm ready to go.

Oh, a can of corn here!

There we go!

Alright, gentlemen, I'm calling it.

What? Come on, Blue.

You can’t call it now.

The whole game would be fucking pointless.

It was already pointless, fellas.

As much as I'd like to horse around

with you boys in the dark,
I don't get overtime pay.

All right, shuttle's leaving.

Wait, I'll give you $9 to stay.

Shuttle’s leaving, Clark,
with or without you.

Thanks, Glen.

I say we still play.

Hell, yeah, brother.

Start a game, gotta finish it.

Yeah, he's right.

I know we all want to get back at him
for that home run,

and this place deserves a sendoff.

Sendoff without an ump?

I mean, the old guy can ump.

Hey, Franny,

can you ump?

Not well, but I'll do it.

You got pads?

No need. I'll stay right here.

Well, that's something.

No, Bill, That's stupid.

How’s he gonna call balls
and strike through a fence?

Franny's been paying attention,
but we can help him make the calls.

What? Honor system?

Honor system.

In the event of a dispute,
we'll look to Franny as the tiebreaker.

Yeah, I'm not buying it.

Making baseball a democracy?

We're all gonna kill each other.

Guys, I brought fireworks!

Take me out to the ballgame.

Take me out to the crowd.

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks.

I don't care if I never get back for it’s

root, root, root for the River...

Paint.

If they don't win it’s a shame.

For it’s one, two, three strikes you’re

out at the old ball game.

C’mon, let's hear it for Julie.

Debbie,

Julie.

On behalf of Adler’s Paint...

Nevermind.

Thanks, Bobby.

Short but pointless.

Ayy-up!

Graham, I'm boiled like shoe leather, man.

I gotta come out.

You sure?

You still look fresh.

Let Lee pitch.

I'll get you three outs,

like rolling off a log.

Good to meet you.

You play on a team?

Well, I've been pushing a lawn mower

for the last three decades,
but I'll get you three outs.

He took down the Soviet Union, coach.

Sure you can still throw?

Well, when I was younger,
I didn't throw that hard.

And now I'm older,
I don't throw much harder.

But I got good shit.

I'll get you three outs.

John, is Ed coming back?

Niece’s christening.

Who's in charge now? I am. Tim is.

Up in the air.

Alright, uhh...

well...

new pitcher.

Hey, thanks for giving me the opportunity.

It's nice to be back on this grass field.

It's a shame
those pricks are building a school here.

Where’d you find those cleats?

Oh, snap.

Yeah, this should be good.

Warmups? I don't need no stinkin’ warmups.

His name is Lee.

You gonna pray or get in the box?

This guy just crawl out of the woods?

I think so.

Dead bird. Dead bird.

Fetch, fetch.

Fetch, Cujo.

Ok, this is Henderson the Rainmaker.

Or, the Eephus.

Whoa.

Strike.

The key to the Eephus
is to never throw three in a row.

Four seamer right down Broadway.

Strike.

No offense to Troy,
we might have a real pitcher.

You know this guy from back in the day,
Franny?

Is that the blind guy
up in the press box again?

Can't say I do.

I’ve come to a lot of games over the years.

He could be three or four guys I remember.

Not a bad pitch.

In the big leagues,
they hit the shit out of that.

Franny, the guys and I want to say thanks.

For coming out to all these games.

I know no one’s probably said that to you, but...

Thank you.

I don't want the thanks.

It's been a good time.

Bring a dog with you next time!

He takes a stretch,
he winds up over his head, he turns.

Oh, what a beauty!

That was real slow.

That ball sounded inside.

Franny, this place is gross.

Fran Man.

What up, Red?.

Yeah, Franny, so whatever Preston said...

Like uhh...
yeah, we appreciate it or whatever.

Hitting up Jumpin’ Aces after.
Buy you a cold one?

Monkey Boy and Shag are playing.

Sliders. Shooters. Sliders and shooters.

Thanks, gentlemen.

That stuff's not for me.

What, do you hate combos?

Uh oh, Bobby's going.

Studs up, Bobby, studs up!

Got him!

Big time safe.

Way safe. Out?

Safe? Looks like an out to me.

No, Franny, he’s in there.

Let's take a vote.

If he's out, say “out”.

Out. Safe. Alright, Franny, break the tie.

I already said he's out.

Dammit. Boom, good play!

Final word, gentlemen.

Is there anything more beautiful than the
sun setting on a fat man stealing second base?

Franny,

where are you going after this?

It’s high school football season.

Don't know.

You know any movies out?

No.

Well,

I live near Leda Lanes.

Yeah, you can always go bowling.

That's something.

Always.

Play at first, Bill.

Hey, way to pick it.

Hey, hell of a throw.

One, two, three, Lee.

I think I know who this fella is.

Way to go, boys.

Sun don't shine on the same dog's ass
every day.

There’s that old Hank Aaron motto.

“Keep swinging, keep swinging.”

Hey, do these work?

Yeah.

Nobody's paying that bill in October.

Honey. Honey.

Yeah.

The kids are getting cold,
so we're gonna head home.

We'd love to stay, but...

I'm up next.

Just stay for this, okay?

I'll get a hit for you.

I just wanted to let you know, man.

It's been...

really great
having you catch me all these years.

Of course, dude.

I might never catch again.

Ah, just missed that one.

Don't say that, man.

You need to get back out there.

Make the next pitcher feel safe.

Make the world...

A better place.

I guess I do feel like your protector.

That's nice.

Pitcher’s spot's up next.

I can't hit.

Where's Lee?

Lee? Lee?

Lee? Lee?

Oh, you son of a bitch.

I got you, John.

Fuck.

There it is.

Way to go, hun, you almost had it.

Bye, Dad. We'll save you a baked potato.

I'll grab dessert.

I just realized that guy's wife's
name is Linda Belinda.

Get him next time, kid.

You know,
that might have been the last time

the kids saw the old man
come to the plate.

They're so young,

they won't even remember this.

They’re 10 and 12.

Then they'll probably love that
you struck out.

It's funny.

Not to me.

Hey, boss. How come you're the only one
that has family that come here?

Yeah.

There you go. Thatta baby, G.

One run wins it. One run wins it.

Troy, you're next. Troy, you’re next. Just like that.

Wilton, we're gonna need you.

Bringing you in, carrot, Garrett.

C’mon, lollipop.

We're gonna need that ball, guys.

Nose goes.

I'm getting it.

Just in time for winter.

All chains come with a ten year
warranty and service agreement.

We put them on and
take them off for you any time.

We even do it for foreign cars.

You two deadbeats out there?

Don’t you fuck with me,
you little weasel dicks.

I know where you live!

You get lost?

What, are you worried about me?

No, just gotta look for some other balls.

Troy just hit three more fouls.

Well, got mine.

Okay, well that will get us
through this at-bat.

But after that, who knows?

Back!

Oh, by a mile!

Here we go.

Troy, you dirtbag.

You alright, Troy?

You okay, man?

Just give me a minute, man. I just needed a quick nap.

Feels like my warm bed, baby.

Think we’re losing light, dude.

C’mon, I gotcha.

I need a beer.

Troy, I need you again. Me?

I'm so done, dude.

I've been asking for a ride home
for 10 minutes now.

Not giving you a ride, Troy.

You'll be back in 2 minutes.
The game is still going.

I know, I’m so tired.

Hey, who’s pitching here, Bulldozer Boy?

I think they're still figuring
that out, sir.

Alright, I have somebody else in mind.

Starter Troy is out.

Who’s taking over, coach Graham?

Reliever Troy.

The fuck are you talking about?

You know, I can’t just put you in center
field.

Just become Reliever Troy and finish
what Starter Troy started.

Here.

Oh, no. No, come on!

Graham, there’s rules and shit!
Now you're Reliever Troy.

How do you feel?

Glen.

So just as a courtesy,

I thought I'd let you know
we're running low on baseballs.

And light.

My guys can deal with that.

We just want to keep playing.

Well, then you should probably know
we're low too.

You didn’t bring a bucket?

No. That's Ed's job,

and I didn't see him bring one.

So he's done playing baseball for good?

Graham, wake up.

Did you bring a bucket?

No, I didn't either.

Play ball then.

Booyah.

Where the hell is the plate?
I can't even see it.

It’s like right here.

Is that a one or a two?

It's a two.

Thanks for the help.

Strike?

Strike.

Absolute fucking garbage.

I tell ya I am not going to miss how much this hurts.

You look fantastic out there.

Kid. My knees are on fire.

I could cook a rack of ribs
on these fuckers.

It's worth it, though.

Worth every pin and needle.

Yeah.

I could play all night.

Yeah, you guys have fun with that.

Why are you such a party pisser?

John, I got a life.

I got work tomorrow.

I shouldn’t be here.

No one should.

It’s dark and it’s late.

It's the last game, pal.

It's not like this always happens.

Strike three.

Well I've got a son at home who thought
I'd be there a fuckin hour ago.

We have a serious problem.

No one can see.

Ball.

Look, man.

If you want to finish this game,
you can't be taking pitches right now.

Throw me a strike, then.

Troy, could you throw him a strike, please?

Did anybody see where that went?

Anyone hear it land?

We'll call it a balk?

Christ, is there even a pitcher out there?

Right here. I can see you.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Just pitch.

Fuck.

What the fuck are we doing?

What’s wrong?

Are you blind?

Nah I just can’t see well.

Get this fucking over with.

Pointless!

Maybe just...

try to listen for it.

Fuck!

Look, I'm not trying to be an asshole
or anything.

But what the fuck are we doing here?

Come on, what's happening?

No, this is bullshit. Tell him, D.

What, am I the only one who has an issue
with playing in the fuckin dark?

We keep playing like this, we're gonna
lose 8 to 7 on nothing but wild pitches.

Amen.

We're all
looking really fucking stupid out here.

Gentlemen, there's ways to keep playing.

Ways to keep playing?

That's real fucking rich coming from you.

Dilberto's got a point.

All I want to do is go home

and drink a fucking beer.

But we're not done.

Yeah let's just finish this thing
to say that we did. Yes.

Well, does anyone have a flashlight?

Flashlights? What are you gonna do?

Get 100 people in the outfield
with flashlights?

Well, do we have that many?

Sunroofs, upholstery, AM and FM radio.

Well, I was actually kidding.

But I think this will work.

Troy, does this work for you?

Troy already throws blindfolded.

But this light might help Eephus
Boy over there.

Hey, nothing like a nightcap.

That’s Satchel Paige pitching philosophy.

“Keep the ball away from the bat.”

Plays to one.

Strike.

There you go.

Hey, solid contact here.

We have any in-between shades?

Yellow ones, maybe?

Cut it, cut it, cut it.

Find it, then cut it.

Come on, boys. It’s right there.

He’s taking two!

It’s like the Black Sea out here.

Round ball, round bat, hit square.

Going!

Go, go, go. Alright.

Hustle, hustle, hustle.

That's a safe.

No, it's not. Franny,
I got the tag in.

Out!

No! What?

All the arguing in the world can't change the decision of the umpire.

Thought he’d throw a slow curve.

He heard me go.

I think he changed it.

It was worth the risk.

You're right.

Yeah, try and run on me you Bacco bitch.

You definitely had that, man.

Ball two.

Can't quit this field, huh?

Field doesn't want to stop playing.

You hear that, Graham?

Field’s talking.

Doesn't wanna leave.

Field’s staying.

They’re just gonna put a bunch of bricks
on top of it.

C’mon, Logan.

Here we go!

It’s in the gap, it’s in the gap.

Lost it. Where is it?

Ah, you got it.

Get it in, get it in.

Find it, find it.

It’s right there.

Get the ball, guys.

We’re losing Dilberto.

Where the hell is he going?

Getting more balls, maybe.

Ok, we need a right fielder.

Dilberto left to tuck in his
twelve year old son.

Wasn't worth the risk.

Hey, Cooper, take Dilberto’s place.

Where is Cooper?

Coop?

Cooper?

Right field, kid.

Where were you?

Hanging out by the creek.

Fair enough.

Kinda cold out here, guys.

Warmer in the dugout.

Up! Get there, John.

Get it!

Nice.

Franny, what are you doing?
Playing with squirrels?

Chop chop!

This Halloween...

Are you finally brave enough
for the Creepy Climb?

Terror awaits on the Creepy Climb.

Ascend this haunted hill if you dare.

See horror in a new dimension: height.

Every 100 feet promises a new scare.

C’mon, right to the glove, Troy.

God dammit, Timothy. Sorry, John.

Here you go.

Call it.

Two, two, two.

Derek!
C’mon, guys.

I'm here. I'm here.

It’s right--
Get the fucking ball.

He's going. It's gone.

C’mon, guys, get it in.

Four! Again? Fuck!

I don't know.

Does he really not?

No, no, no, wait.
Did it go under the car?

Wait, Derek, did it go under the car?
Because we could argue for that.

Troy, we could argue for interference.
No, I'm done, man.

It’s one more inning, man. We need you.

No, it's a no go for me this time.

I should have left with the umps
a long time ago.

All right, come on.

Switch with Wilton. Hey, Wilton.

No way, boss.

I ain't stupid.

There's no way I'm shortstopping
anyway, buddy.

All right, switch with Logan.

Logan. Pitch? Logan.

Hey Garrett, grab my other glove.

Come on.

I'm doing this for the kid.

Okay?

And I'm...

I’m doing it under protest.

Whatever the hell that means.

Hey, good outing, good outing.

I don’t think you need the shades anymore.

Oh, fuck off.

How’s your arm feel?

Good enough to get to extras.

I don't think anyone wants to play.

Just one batter at a time.

What are you focusing on at community?

Staying in the lineup.

No. What are you studying?

Engineering.

Good to know.

If you need a job, give me a call.

No fuckin way I'm staying for a tenth.

You won’t have to.

Just visualize the victory.

Visualize the victory.

See the hitting that pine tree out there.

And make it a reality.

Mind over matter.

Oh yeah?

Sometimes when it's cold,

I go out on my deck and sleep in my chair,

using my mind to keep me warm.

You're up.

Go use your mind.

Hey, you got another smoke?

Ball one.

Strike zone doesn't exist anymore.

Just let ‘em hit it.

You got a light?

Ball two.

This is fun.

Ball three.

That's a strike. My man.

Where did that miss? Above the letters.

His letters are too low. Bad shirt.

Take it easy, guys.

Ball four.

Get me a jacket.

Where do you want it?

I..I'm trying.

No, I don't need this.

No wild pitches.

Hey. New guy.

Oh, hey. What did I miss?

Not much.

Just started.

Cooper, don't swing. Ok.

This isn't mom pitching. Ok. Ok.

You don't to swing at everything.

Test him, Logan.

Ball one.

There you go.

Ball two.

Ball three.

Hitter’s count. If you like it, drive it.

No, Bobby.

He's not swinging.

Is it really gonna end this way?

Strike two.

Full count.

Ball four.

Hell yeah, Coop!

First base, Coop.

Final run at Soldier’s Field.

Way to go, Timbo. Thanks, buddy.

Nice job, Coop.

Good eye, Coop.
Thanks everybody.

Awesome.

Sorry, Garrett.

Aces, aces, aces.

Walk off base on balls.

We got a tradition for that.
You know what I'm talking about.

Hey, are you OK? Yep.

Where’s Ed's bag?

That one?

This one?

Happy early Thanksgiving.

Kevin, turn the car on.

Yeah.

You want a beer?

Yeah.

Hey, umm, maybe we do a meet up
over the winter at a bar.

You have everyone's contacts.

Could be worth reaching out.

Yeah, I'll think on it.

You need any help? Nah.

Guess I'm just kind of winging it now.

Today, day, day, day...

I consider myself, self, self...

The luckiest man, man, man...

On the face of the earth, earth, earth....

Where do we go, Joe DiMaggio?