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1
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That's a loud...
2
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Yeah.
3
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I'm a robot.
4
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And a spider.
5
00:00:37,792 --> 00:00:39,333
And a spider.
6
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,458
No.
7
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,583
No, no, no, no.
8
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:48,375
Okay. Okay. Babe, stop.
9
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- Stop.
10
00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:52,292
-Oh, we need some crunchy snacks, right? -Hi!
11
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Oh, hi. Oh, my God.
12
00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:56,375
Sally, what are you doing here?
13
00:00:56,458 --> 00:00:58,625
I'm visiting my mom for the weekend.
14
00:00:58,708 --> 00:01:00,833
Baby, this is Sally.
15
00:01:00,917 --> 00:01:04,875
Yeah, Sally took over your mom's job at the gallery after you were born.
16
00:01:04,958 --> 00:01:07,417
Oh, he's super cute.
17
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,958
Do you just love getting to be home with him all the time?
18
00:01:10,042 --> 00:01:11,250
Must be so wonderful.
19
00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:15,042
Yeah. I mean, that's a-- that's a good question, you know?
20
00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:16,917
But it's complicated though because, I mean,
21
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,958
I would love to feel content.
22
00:01:20,042 --> 00:01:25,000
But instead, I feel like I'm just stuck
23
00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:28,667
inside of a prison of my own creation where I torment myself
24
00:01:28,750 --> 00:01:31,208
until I'm left binge eating Fig Newtons at midnight
25
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to keep from crying.
26
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And I feel like societal norms, and gender expectations,
27
00:01:36,375 --> 00:01:39,792
and just plain old biology, have forced me to become this person
28
00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:43,375
that I don't recognize, and I'm just angry all the time.
29
00:01:43,458 --> 00:01:45,542
Like, all the time. Like...
30
00:01:45,625 --> 00:01:48,125
And, you know, I would love to direct some of my own artwork
31
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,083
towards a critique of the modern day systems
32
00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:53,125
that articulate this, but my brain just doesn't function
33
00:01:53,208 --> 00:01:56,583
the way that it did before I had the baby, and I'm dumb now.
34
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And I am deeply afraid that I am never going to be smart,
35
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:04,500
or happy, or thin ever again.
36
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,208
Do you just love getting to be home with him all the time?
37
00:02:08,292 --> 00:02:09,583
Must be so wonderful.
38
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,958
Oh, yeah, I do. I love it.
39
00:02:12,042 --> 00:02:13,917
I do. I love being a mom.
40
00:02:22,792 --> 00:02:24,250
Seven, eight.
41
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:27,708
Wow.
42
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,125
Yucky.
43
00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:33,375
Look it... Look at the house.
44
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,333
Uh-oh.
45
00:02:43,167 --> 00:02:44,542
I'm hungry.
46
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,125
I'm gonna eat you.
47
00:02:58,042 --> 00:03:01,292
- Ooh! That scared me.
48
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:02,583
Up to the moon!
49
00:03:02,667 --> 00:03:03,833
To the moon!
50
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,042
-Are you okay?
51
00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:11,917
Four, five.
52
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,333
Where's the duck one?
53
00:03:18,833 --> 00:03:20,292
Where?
54
00:03:20,375 --> 00:03:21,375
No!
55
00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:25,417
You know.
56
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,750
One, two, three, four, five,
57
00:03:29,833 --> 00:03:32,500
six, seven, eight,
58
00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:33,833
nine, ten.
59
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,917
You light a fire early in your girlhood.
60
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:42,000
You stoke it and tend to it.
61
00:03:42,083 --> 00:03:44,333
You protect it at all costs.
62
00:03:44,875 --> 00:03:47,458
You don't let it rage into a mountain of light,
63
00:03:47,542 --> 00:03:49,958
because that's not becoming of a girl.
64
00:03:52,083 --> 00:03:53,625
You keep it secret.
65
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:56,042
You let it burn.
66
00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:04,708
It's from this point, this fire,
67
00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:06,833
you can create and fight
68
00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:08,625
and push your way through the world.
69
00:04:08,708 --> 00:04:11,708
It's from this fire that you can birth something new.
70
00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:15,833
A new version of yourself or a whole new person
71
00:04:15,917 --> 00:04:19,167
who didn't exist before you squeezed them into the world.
72
00:04:20,958 --> 00:04:25,875
A person who will one day pee in your face without blinking.
73
00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:39,667
Let's go see the truck.
74
00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:41,000
Let's go, yeah.
75
00:04:41,083 --> 00:04:42,708
Where's the...?
76
00:04:43,208 --> 00:04:45,125
-The what? -The...
77
00:04:45,208 --> 00:04:46,500
-The truck? -Yeah.
78
00:04:46,583 --> 00:04:47,875
It's up the street.
79
00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,000
It's up the street?
80
00:04:50,083 --> 00:04:51,083
Yeah.
81
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,708
-Is the truck there? -Yeah.
82
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,667
We have to put that on the street again.
83
00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:57,625
-Yeah? -Yes.
84
00:04:57,708 --> 00:05:01,292
They're going to-- next to the street with the green truck.
85
00:05:03,583 --> 00:05:06,917
-He's on the back of that. -You think so?
86
00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:11,833
Oh, he looks pretty strong. I bet he can do it.
87
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:12,917
No.
88
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,375
No, it turned away.
89
00:05:20,458 --> 00:05:22,708
-Higher. -Higher?
90
00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:24,000
How high?
91
00:05:24,083 --> 00:05:26,458
-Higher up to the moon. -To the moon?
92
00:05:26,542 --> 00:05:28,167
We're going inside.
93
00:05:28,250 --> 00:05:29,250
This?
94
00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:32,042
Yeah, we're gonna go in there. That's what we're doing.
95
00:05:32,125 --> 00:05:34,042
-Yeah. -We can go.
96
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,875
People can't say no to us.
97
00:05:35,958 --> 00:05:38,458
They can't say no to us. That's right.
98
00:05:38,542 --> 00:05:40,375
-Hi, Norma. - In the ocean, too.
99
00:05:40,458 --> 00:05:43,958
Some decomposers even help clean water.
100
00:05:44,042 --> 00:05:47,708
- Book Babies. -Wow. I had no idea.
101
00:05:47,792 --> 00:05:49,000
Oh, shit.
102
00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:12,500
The problem is I just don't enjoy the company of other moms.
103
00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:28,208
I think becoming friends with another woman
104
00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:30,792
simply because we're both mothers is pathetic.
105
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:43,042
a beautiful, smart, hilarious woman
106
00:06:43,125 --> 00:06:45,167
and we became friends,
107
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:47,667
we bond over hating Book Babies.
108
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:24,708
Oh, thank God.
109
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:33,833
Zarah Beverly.
110
00:07:36,625 --> 00:07:38,083
Caden.
111
00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:44,917
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
112
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,333
Mom!
113
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,500
I'm not coming here...
114
00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:52,792
I'm gonna fuck you up.
115
00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,375
I'm the worst mother in the world.
116
00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:01,583
Do you-- Oh, I'm sorry.
117
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,250
Do you like paint and sip?
118
00:08:05,292 --> 00:08:06,875
You're an artist, right?
119
00:08:07,583 --> 00:08:09,167
Did I tell you that?
120
00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:11,583
Oh, we chatted at mommy-baby yoga.
121
00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:12,833
Just for a sec though. Jen.
122
00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:15,042
-So, do you paint or do something else? -No.
123
00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,875
I used to do more immersive art,
124
00:08:16,958 --> 00:08:20,083
-sculptures, and found materials. -Oh, like installations?
125
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,625
Sorry to eavesdrop. I just-- I'm a big art fan.
126
00:08:22,708 --> 00:08:23,958
-Oh, are you? -Yeah. Yeah.
127
00:08:24,042 --> 00:08:25,500
-She is. -Me, too.
128
00:08:26,458 --> 00:08:28,125
I used to live in the city and I spent my lunch breaks
129
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,958
at the Modern, like, every day.
130
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,708
I showed some work at the Modern once.
131
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:35,042
-Wow. -Wow.
132
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:39,000
But that feels like a lifetime ago, so...
133
00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,083
- Yeah. -Right.
134
00:08:40,167 --> 00:08:41,167
-Totally. - Definitely.
135
00:08:41,250 --> 00:08:42,250
-We get it. -Yeah.
136
00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:43,625
I used to be a stripper...
137
00:08:44,208 --> 00:08:45,208
if you can believe that.
138
00:08:47,458 --> 00:08:50,375
It was fun though, but just for a little while, not...
139
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,167
The before times.
140
00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:54,500
-Yes. Yes.
141
00:08:54,583 --> 00:08:55,833
-Gosh. -Right.
142
00:08:55,917 --> 00:08:58,208
You know, I really have to get him home for his nap.
143
00:08:58,292 --> 00:08:59,500
Oh, yeah. Right.
144
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:01,417
-Yeah.
145
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,625
-Okay. -Well, maybe we'll see you next week.
146
00:09:03,708 --> 00:09:04,917
Yeah. He's tired.
147
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,625
Yeah, of course.
148
00:09:06,708 --> 00:09:08,667
Aww... Yes.
149
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:10,708
-So cute. - Yeah.
150
00:09:10,792 --> 00:09:11,792
I know.
151
00:09:12,833 --> 00:09:14,333
-Oh, my gosh. -I love her.
152
00:09:14,417 --> 00:09:15,667
-She's fun. -She's fun, huh?
153
00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:16,750
She is.
154
00:09:16,833 --> 00:09:19,500
"Goodnight, goodnight, construction site.
155
00:09:20,542 --> 00:09:23,333
Down in the big construction site, the tough trucks work
156
00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:24,417
with all their might."
157
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:26,125
They washed their feet.
158
00:09:27,292 --> 00:09:30,167
"Reaching, stretching, lifting high,
159
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:32,792
he swings the beams into the sky."
160
00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:35,375
"So no more huffing and puffing, teams."
161
00:09:35,458 --> 00:09:37,333
What's this one?
162
00:09:37,417 --> 00:09:39,208
Look at his big teeth.
163
00:09:39,292 --> 00:09:40,667
Where is it?
164
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:42,250
Where is it?
165
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:46,750
"One by one, they'll go to bed to yawn and rest their sleepy heads."
166
00:09:46,833 --> 00:09:48,542
Now, I'm yawning.
167
00:09:48,625 --> 00:09:49,917
Can I get down?
168
00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:52,083
No, we're gonna go sleepies, remember?
169
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:53,833
No.
170
00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:55,958
-No. -Please?
171
00:09:56,042 --> 00:09:57,500
No.
172
00:09:57,583 --> 00:09:58,667
-No. -Aren't you so tired?
173
00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,083
-All-- -No.
174
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,917
-All the vehicles are tired. -No.
175
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,042
-Yes. -No.
176
00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:04,125
-Yes. -No.
177
00:10:04,208 --> 00:10:05,875
Who is the dad?
178
00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:07,708
No, no, no. Come on.
179
00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:09,667
-Come on. Come on.
180
00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:11,417
All right.
181
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,500
-Now, let's sleep again. -No.
182
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:16,292
-It's okay. Yeah, I know.
183
00:10:16,708 --> 00:10:17,958
It's okay.
184
00:10:18,708 --> 00:10:21,083
We'll just play quiet mouse game.
185
00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:23,250
Do you wanna play quiet mouse?
186
00:10:23,958 --> 00:10:25,708
Can you be quiet mouse?
187
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:26,792
Candy.
188
00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:28,833
-Honey. -No.
189
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,042
No.
190
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:32,250
-No.
191
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:33,917
No!
192
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,250
It's my fault he doesn't sleep.
193
00:10:37,042 --> 00:10:38,583
I shouldn't be mad at him.
194
00:10:40,042 --> 00:10:42,167
Now, everybody told me, but I just didn't listen
195
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:46,583
because I liked it when he slept on my chest like a cozy warm heater.
196
00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:51,500
I should've put him down drowsy, but still awake like all the books said,
197
00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:55,708
and then he would have great sleep habits for the rest of his life.
198
00:10:56,958 --> 00:11:00,750
And I would always have a clean kitchen, a good sex life,
199
00:11:00,833 --> 00:11:02,708
and life would be amazing.
200
00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:06,167
But now I fucked that up.
201
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,292
Now what?
202
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:13,000
Maybe if I don't move, he won't see me.
203
00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:19,000
Mwah.
204
00:11:25,292 --> 00:11:26,583
I love you.
205
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:27,708
Yum.
206
00:11:27,792 --> 00:11:29,125
I love you.
207
00:11:29,208 --> 00:11:30,958
-I love you.
208
00:11:31,042 --> 00:11:33,333
-I love you. -I love you.
209
00:11:33,417 --> 00:11:37,042
-I love you. -Oh.
210
00:11:39,417 --> 00:11:40,792
Mommy.
211
00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:42,583
Let's play horsey.
212
00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:45,125
Okay.
213
00:12:00,292 --> 00:12:01,667
Is that good?
214
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,167
Mama fuzzy.
215
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:06,375
-What?
216
00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:07,958
I'm not fuzzy.
217
00:12:08,042 --> 00:12:09,667
Mama fuzzy.
218
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:10,917
Where am I fuzzy?
219
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,083
-Right here. -Ow!
220
00:12:28,417 --> 00:12:30,125
Oh, goody.
221
00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:38,292
What fresh hell awaits you today?
222
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:42,542
I've got some gray hairs.
223
00:12:43,208 --> 00:12:45,208
A lot of gray hairs and some...
224
00:12:46,542 --> 00:12:47,958
new wrinkles.
225
00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:57,875
Huh...
226
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:13,208
Huh.
227
00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:17,583
Okay.
228
00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:22,792
Well, that's where we're at.
229
00:13:24,292 --> 00:13:25,292
Okay.
230
00:13:26,375 --> 00:13:27,708
Let me get some tweezers.
231
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:36,458
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
232
00:13:36,542 --> 00:13:37,792
Hey, bud.
233
00:13:39,958 --> 00:13:42,500
Uh-oh. Spaghetti-O.
234
00:13:42,958 --> 00:13:46,417
Sometimes, I swear, it's like they don't realize that I have a life.
235
00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:49,500
I'd much rather be here at home with you guys
236
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:52,500
than sitting at some hotel room at 11:00 o'clock at night,
237
00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:54,292
typing up reports on a Thursday.
238
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:55,708
Oh, how annoying.
239
00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:56,958
It really was.
240
00:13:57,042 --> 00:14:00,125
Well, we had a fine week. We went to Book Babies, didn't we?
241
00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:01,500
Book Babies.
242
00:14:01,583 --> 00:14:03,000
I thought you hated Book Babies.
243
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:03,958
Oh, I do.
244
00:14:04,042 --> 00:14:06,750
-You still alive, you old furball?
245
00:14:07,292 --> 00:14:10,042
Speaking of furballs...
246
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:12,583
-What? -I don't know. No.
247
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,375
-What? -I shouldn't have brought it up.
248
00:14:14,458 --> 00:14:16,000
Well, no. Tell me. What?
249
00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:17,958
Well, I'm just...
250
00:14:18,833 --> 00:14:22,500
I don't know. I'm having some weird side effects from perimenopause.
251
00:14:22,583 --> 00:14:23,667
I'm not sure.
252
00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:26,125
Which is weird hairs seem to be sprouting up.
253
00:14:26,958 --> 00:14:28,708
Are you talking about your nipples?
254
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:30,333
No.
255
00:14:30,708 --> 00:14:32,917
I-I don't know. I just feel off.
256
00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:35,708
It's like I feel like I have this heightened sense of smell,
257
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,042
kind of like when I was pregnant.
258
00:14:37,125 --> 00:14:38,000
Mm.
259
00:14:38,083 --> 00:14:40,125
Like the cat's butt smells disgusting to me.
260
00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:43,167
The cat's butt smells disgusting to me too, though.
261
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,792
And look at my teeth. Hm?
262
00:14:45,417 --> 00:14:46,500
See how sharp they are?
263
00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:47,875
Right. Definitely.
264
00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:49,042
That's weird.
265
00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:51,958
Oh, honey. This is real.
266
00:14:52,042 --> 00:14:53,625
This is not in your head.
267
00:14:53,708 --> 00:14:54,958
Stop it.
268
00:14:55,042 --> 00:14:57,083
You always think that something's wrong with you.
269
00:14:57,167 --> 00:14:59,250
Well, that's the thing about being a hypochondriac,
270
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,500
is someday I'll be right and you'll be sorry.
271
00:15:09,417 --> 00:15:12,083
I can't remember the last time that I washed this shirt.
272
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:13,583
You're living the dream.
273
00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:16,333
Yeah, I'm the housewife I never wanted to be.
274
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,250
You know, the hardest part is that like I'm always on suicide watch.
275
00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:24,792
Like, if I turn my head for just a second, he's gonna stick a fork
276
00:15:24,875 --> 00:15:27,875
into a light socket or he's gonna walk off a cliff.
277
00:15:29,833 --> 00:15:33,167
It's better than leaving him with those awful ladies at that awful daycare.
278
00:15:33,250 --> 00:15:35,000
Oh, that was heartbreaking.
279
00:15:40,042 --> 00:15:42,875
If you wake him up, I will rip your throat out.
280
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:45,333
Okay. Okay.
281
00:15:45,917 --> 00:15:49,333
Look, I kind of thought this is what you wanted, you know?
282
00:15:49,417 --> 00:15:52,208
No more late nights at the gallery, you know,
283
00:15:52,292 --> 00:15:54,583
crying in the bathroom while you pumped your boobs.
284
00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:56,833
I did, I do, I do. I just...
285
00:15:58,167 --> 00:16:01,000
Maybe if I could get a part-time job.
286
00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:04,000
You know, the math doesn't totally add up.
287
00:16:04,792 --> 00:16:08,333
You know, the likelihood that you'd make more than we'd have to pay a sitter is...
288
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:12,417
Well, may-- maybe when he starts school.
289
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,000
Yeah. Just gotta hold out till kindergarten.
290
00:16:15,083 --> 00:16:16,083
Yeah.
291
00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:19,083
And then I think...
292
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:22,167
what right do I have to complain?
293
00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:25,375
You know, it's a gift I get to stay home with my baby all day long.
294
00:16:25,458 --> 00:16:26,458
I should be grateful.
295
00:16:27,792 --> 00:16:32,458
I would kill to stay home with him every day, for what it's worth.
296
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:37,750
You think that you would,
297
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:39,917
but I assure you, you would not.
298
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,417
Two, three! Whoo!
299
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:45,917
One, two, three! Whoo!
300
00:16:47,042 --> 00:16:48,750
-One, two, three. -Three.
301
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:49,958
Whoo!
302
00:16:50,708 --> 00:16:52,667
They're coming after...
303
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:53,833
All right.
304
00:16:53,917 --> 00:16:55,542
What's next?
305
00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:57,750
Um, bath time.
306
00:16:58,208 --> 00:16:59,208
I got it.
307
00:16:59,292 --> 00:17:00,875
Oh, thank you.
308
00:17:00,958 --> 00:17:02,792
Who wants to do a daddy bath?
309
00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:04,708
-Me. -All right!
310
00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:07,458
-Yeah! Say, "Woo-hoo, daddy bath!" -Thank you.
311
00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:09,042
Daddy bath.
312
00:17:09,125 --> 00:17:10,583
That's right.
313
00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:13,500
- Daddy bath. - Daddy bath.
314
00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:15,208
I'll take a bath, too.
315
00:17:28,583 --> 00:17:29,708
Honey?
316
00:17:29,792 --> 00:17:32,292
Can you grab him some toast? He said he's hungry.
317
00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,292
Honey, can you grab his sippy cup?
318
00:17:42,375 --> 00:17:43,792
My hands are full.
319
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:53,417
Honey, you mind throwing a towel in the dryer?
320
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,833
Warm it up for him?
321
00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:07,875
What?
322
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:09,667
Nothing.
323
00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:17,375
It's just when you're gone, I do this by myself every day.
324
00:18:23,708 --> 00:18:26,458
-What happened? -I-- nothin'.
325
00:18:39,417 --> 00:18:41,125
Mama, Dada.
326
00:18:42,917 --> 00:18:44,875
Mama, Dada.
327
00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:48,333
-Mommy and Daddy. - Mm.
328
00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:54,875
Hey.
329
00:18:58,625 --> 00:19:00,375
-Can you not hear him? -What?
330
00:19:00,458 --> 00:19:02,042
You fucking do something?
331
00:19:07,458 --> 00:19:10,167
Here, buddy. Go to sleep.
332
00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:11,792
-No. -Okay?
333
00:19:11,875 --> 00:19:13,583
-Go to sleep.
334
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:22,292
Mama!
335
00:19:22,375 --> 00:19:23,708
Ma...
336
00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:27,917
Did you make coffee yet?
337
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,125
No, not yet.
338
00:19:30,208 --> 00:19:31,208
Will you do it?
339
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:36,542
Sure.
340
00:19:38,458 --> 00:19:39,792
Is it two scoops?
341
00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:42,333
Well, I do three.
342
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:58,833
Alright.
343
00:20:03,667 --> 00:20:07,417
So, last night, you were, um, kind of a...
344
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,708
Um...
345
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:11,958
A bitch?
346
00:20:13,542 --> 00:20:14,708
Well...
347
00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:17,792
You said it, not me.
348
00:20:18,542 --> 00:20:19,542
Yeah.
349
00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:21,417
Nightbitch.
350
00:20:22,292 --> 00:20:24,417
I am Nightbitch.
351
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:37,292
That's not true.
352
00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:38,542
Bye-bye, Dada.
353
00:20:38,625 --> 00:20:40,042
Is Daddy gonna be back?
354
00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:41,542
Yeah, he'll be back.
355
00:20:44,958 --> 00:20:47,750
Enjoy getting four full nights of sleep.
356
00:20:47,833 --> 00:20:49,250
Oh, honey.
357
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:52,375
Are you gonna be okay?
358
00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:53,917
Yeah, I'll be fine.
359
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:58,208
You know, you should really stop worrying about your weird hair growth or whatever.
360
00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:01,042
You know, get on top of your week...
361
00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:02,917
you know, structure, you know.
362
00:21:03,458 --> 00:21:04,667
I read an article once
363
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:07,250
that said that structure was the key to mental health.
364
00:21:07,792 --> 00:21:10,500
You're gonna make up a plan, draw up a schedule,
365
00:21:10,583 --> 00:21:12,292
and treat it like it's your job.
366
00:21:12,375 --> 00:21:14,333
Happiness is a choice.
367
00:21:19,917 --> 00:21:21,417
Happiness is a choice.
368
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:22,625
I'll try.
369
00:21:23,208 --> 00:21:24,333
-Okay. -Okay.
370
00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:25,833
Say, "Bye, Daddy."
371
00:21:25,917 --> 00:21:27,667
Bye, Daddy.
372
00:21:27,750 --> 00:21:29,417
-Bye!
373
00:21:30,875 --> 00:21:33,750
We'll do a tiny part and now I...
374
00:21:34,542 --> 00:21:37,500
and I did this part, and then I did...
375
00:21:42,750 --> 00:21:44,167
Mama!
376
00:21:44,250 --> 00:21:45,417
Uh-huh.
377
00:21:52,292 --> 00:21:53,417
Oh, my God.
378
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:55,292
Oh, wow. Where did you guys come from?
379
00:21:55,375 --> 00:21:56,500
Hi.
380
00:21:56,583 --> 00:21:59,042
Are these your dogs? Oh, hi.
381
00:22:01,417 --> 00:22:02,500
Mama.
382
00:22:03,083 --> 00:22:04,958
Yeah. I guess they're nice.
383
00:22:05,042 --> 00:22:06,042
Yeah.
384
00:22:06,583 --> 00:22:08,917
-Hi. -Who are these doggies?
385
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,000
I don't know.
386
00:22:10,083 --> 00:22:11,917
Who do you belong to?
387
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,708
- Are these yours? -No.
388
00:22:13,792 --> 00:22:16,083
-Anybody? -You smell like strawberries.
389
00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:18,542
You smell like strawberries. She does.
390
00:22:20,042 --> 00:22:21,208
We're coming with you.
391
00:22:21,292 --> 00:22:22,375
Come on.
392
00:22:22,458 --> 00:22:24,042
We'll chase the doggies, come on.
393
00:22:24,833 --> 00:22:25,958
Let's get 'em!
394
00:22:26,042 --> 00:22:27,250
Get 'em!
395
00:22:27,333 --> 00:22:29,042
- Big dogs. - Come on! Wait for us!
396
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,167
Wait for us!
397
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:33,333
You got it!
398
00:22:33,417 --> 00:22:34,417
Come on!
399
00:22:36,583 --> 00:22:37,583
Look at that.
400
00:22:37,667 --> 00:22:40,083
Yeah, they're way down there. We're gonna catch 'em, come on.
401
00:22:40,167 --> 00:22:41,542
-You want me to carry you? -Yeah.
402
00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:42,875
Okay. Come on.
403
00:22:44,458 --> 00:22:46,458
Let's get 'em! Come on!
404
00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:57,958
Fall down.
405
00:23:05,667 --> 00:23:08,417
There was a great forgetting when I left home.
406
00:23:09,542 --> 00:23:12,542
Because to forget childhood meant I had survived it.
407
00:23:19,708 --> 00:23:22,250
But now, memories are poking their way back in.
408
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:39,625
My mother once told me,
409
00:23:39,708 --> 00:23:42,167
she almost became a famous singer in Europe,
410
00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:45,708
but she stayed back and had us instead.
411
00:23:56,875 --> 00:23:58,000
What else did we see?
412
00:23:59,875 --> 00:24:00,875
Oh, there's one.
413
00:24:00,958 --> 00:24:02,083
It's green.
414
00:24:02,167 --> 00:24:03,458
What's green?
415
00:24:03,542 --> 00:24:06,292
Okay. So we're gonna have an art day, okay?
416
00:24:06,375 --> 00:24:09,125
-Why? -So it's gonna be a lot of fun, okay?
417
00:24:09,208 --> 00:24:11,000
So we're just gonna put those paints.
418
00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:12,667
-Careful. -And a lots.
419
00:24:12,750 --> 00:24:13,917
Lots, okay.
420
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,125
-There's-- What color is this? -Orange.
421
00:24:16,208 --> 00:24:17,708
-Orange. Good job. -And green.
422
00:24:17,792 --> 00:24:21,333
And... yellow.
423
00:24:21,875 --> 00:24:23,833
What are you gonna paint, hmm?
424
00:24:24,917 --> 00:24:26,667
Now, what are you gonna make?
425
00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:28,750
A circle.
426
00:24:29,292 --> 00:24:32,333
Yeah. Put your fingers in it, really get a feel of the paint.
427
00:24:32,417 --> 00:24:33,833
-It's right... -Yeah.
428
00:24:33,917 --> 00:24:34,917
...here.
429
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,292
Great.
430
00:24:40,333 --> 00:24:42,458
Okay. It's so nice.
431
00:24:45,458 --> 00:24:48,000
Oh, yeah.
432
00:24:49,667 --> 00:24:51,083
Beautiful.
433
00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:54,208
-What are you gonna do? -I'm gonna put paint on you.
434
00:24:57,708 --> 00:24:59,167
-Oh, that's great. -More paint.
435
00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:00,667
-That's great. I love this.
436
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:02,625
Ooh! Oh, are you okay?
437
00:25:02,708 --> 00:25:04,875
-Yeah. -Are you okay, honey?
438
00:25:04,958 --> 00:25:07,417
-I'm gonna get more-- -Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
439
00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:08,792
No, not on the wall.
440
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:11,292
You're free.
441
00:25:11,375 --> 00:25:12,792
No rules today.
442
00:25:13,208 --> 00:25:14,583
Oh, that is so creative.
443
00:25:20,708 --> 00:25:22,750
Oh, I'm gonna touch your cheek.
444
00:25:23,333 --> 00:25:26,083
Oh, thank you. That's so nice. Thank you.
445
00:25:26,625 --> 00:25:27,792
...all over.
446
00:25:28,625 --> 00:25:30,375
It's great. Do it on the paper.
447
00:25:30,458 --> 00:25:32,125
Come do it on the paper. Oh!
448
00:25:34,625 --> 00:25:36,250
I'm gonna put it on my butt.
449
00:25:36,333 --> 00:25:37,333
Baby...
450
00:25:38,042 --> 00:25:39,958
Can you-- can you not do that?
451
00:25:43,833 --> 00:25:45,792
-No, no, no, no, no, no!
452
00:25:45,875 --> 00:25:48,042
No, no!
453
00:26:05,125 --> 00:26:06,750
What's up with that duck?
454
00:26:07,625 --> 00:26:11,000
What's up with that duck?
455
00:26:12,083 --> 00:26:14,667
What's up with that duck?
456
00:26:15,333 --> 00:26:16,333
Fuck!
457
00:26:28,208 --> 00:26:30,500
Why do these memories of my mother before she died
458
00:26:30,583 --> 00:26:31,792
keep coming back to me?
459
00:26:31,875 --> 00:26:33,042
Why now?
460
00:26:42,167 --> 00:26:43,667
Oh, fuck!
461
00:27:08,292 --> 00:27:09,375
Ow.
462
00:28:20,583 --> 00:28:22,042
I'm hysterical.
463
00:28:22,542 --> 00:28:24,875
I am hormonal, and I'm hysterical.
464
00:28:26,917 --> 00:28:27,917
Hay...
465
00:28:29,250 --> 00:28:31,000
smoke, honey.
466
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,625
A bit of fungal musk. Amazing.
467
00:28:33,708 --> 00:28:36,875
Could I always smell like this, or was I just not paying attention?
468
00:28:36,958 --> 00:28:38,208
Or is a...?
469
00:28:40,292 --> 00:28:42,583
Vegetables are very civilized.
470
00:28:42,667 --> 00:28:43,667
Yes.
471
00:28:43,750 --> 00:28:45,750
Dogs wouldn't buy vegetables.
472
00:28:45,833 --> 00:28:46,833
Look.
473
00:28:47,542 --> 00:28:48,750
-Ahh. -Ah.
474
00:31:12,083 --> 00:31:13,167
Huh.
475
00:31:19,708 --> 00:31:21,500
-It's you.
476
00:31:21,833 --> 00:31:22,667
Hi.
477
00:31:29,167 --> 00:31:30,167
No.
478
00:31:30,250 --> 00:31:32,750
-Oh!
479
00:31:32,833 --> 00:31:33,917
Stop. No!
480
00:31:46,833 --> 00:31:48,917
Mommy had a weird dream last night.
481
00:31:50,708 --> 00:31:52,333
Do you wanna eat on the porch?
482
00:31:52,417 --> 00:31:53,417
Yeah.
483
00:31:57,500 --> 00:31:59,667
-Oh, don't let the cat out.
484
00:32:07,542 --> 00:32:08,750
Oh, honey, honey.
485
00:32:08,833 --> 00:32:09,875
Yuck, yuck, yuck. Where did you get that?
486
00:32:09,958 --> 00:32:10,958
No, no, no. Put it down.
487
00:32:11,042 --> 00:32:12,417
Put it down. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
488
00:32:14,833 --> 00:32:16,917
Yuck.
489
00:32:18,375 --> 00:32:19,542
Bunny.
490
00:32:25,792 --> 00:32:27,042
-Come on. -Why?
491
00:32:27,125 --> 00:32:28,250
-Let's go inside, okay? -Why?
492
00:32:28,333 --> 00:32:29,542
We're gonna wash your hands.
493
00:32:29,625 --> 00:32:31,958
-Why? -Okay. It's yucky, huh?
494
00:32:32,042 --> 00:32:33,333
-We don't want-- -It's yucky.
495
00:32:33,417 --> 00:32:35,708
No, we don't wanna touch those, right?
496
00:32:42,625 --> 00:32:43,750
Maybe you could give me
497
00:32:43,833 --> 00:32:46,167
more of a sense of what you're looking for.
498
00:32:46,250 --> 00:32:49,917
Anything in the realm of women turning into animals,
499
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,375
transformation, metamorphosis.
500
00:32:53,875 --> 00:32:54,875
I'm doing a project.
501
00:32:54,958 --> 00:32:57,333
I'm just looking for a scientific perspective.
502
00:32:57,417 --> 00:32:59,375
Or... metaphysical.
503
00:33:02,667 --> 00:33:07,500
Well, there is this book, it's labeled "mythical ethnography"
504
00:33:07,583 --> 00:33:10,042
but it's-- really, it's quite scientific.
505
00:33:10,125 --> 00:33:12,458
Field Guide to Magical Women.
506
00:33:12,917 --> 00:33:13,917
Have you heard of this?
507
00:33:20,042 --> 00:33:22,125
-Thank you, Norma. -Mm-hm.
508
00:33:22,208 --> 00:33:23,542
-We're gonna get going. -Yeah.
509
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:28,583
"My introduction to this topic came about serendipitously.
510
00:33:28,667 --> 00:33:30,333
I was interested in the ways
511
00:33:30,417 --> 00:33:33,583
that womanhood manifests on a mythical level.
512
00:33:34,667 --> 00:33:38,167
The bird women of Peru lived in tall leafy boughs in the rainforest
513
00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:39,542
where they constructed intricate
514
00:33:39,625 --> 00:33:42,375
and breathtaking nests from sticks and reeds.
515
00:33:43,542 --> 00:33:46,917
The bird women sprouted feathers and beaks in their 60s,
516
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,708
but only after they had children who had grown.
517
00:33:56,708 --> 00:33:58,958
" The bird women spent the latter parts of their lives
518
00:33:59,042 --> 00:34:00,750
flitting from tree to tree,
519
00:34:00,833 --> 00:34:04,208
producing the loveliest calls and learning to fly."
520
00:34:13,625 --> 00:34:14,625
Mama, poop.
521
00:34:15,875 --> 00:34:16,958
Poop.
522
00:34:17,458 --> 00:34:18,708
Oh, my...
523
00:34:24,042 --> 00:34:27,042
-Mac and cheese. -Mac and cheese, great.
524
00:34:28,208 --> 00:34:29,583
One more.
525
00:34:30,667 --> 00:34:31,917
Do some mac and...
526
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,167
Meatloaf.
527
00:34:33,875 --> 00:34:36,042
-Can you share some...? -What's that?
528
00:34:36,125 --> 00:34:37,833
Can you share with me mac and cheese?
529
00:34:37,917 --> 00:34:40,833
Mm-hm. Yeah, we're gonna share it. That's right.
530
00:34:43,417 --> 00:34:44,792
Oh.
531
00:34:47,208 --> 00:34:49,292
I think I'm anemic.
532
00:34:49,917 --> 00:34:51,958
All right. Here you go, baby.
533
00:34:52,500 --> 00:34:53,625
Let's eat.
534
00:34:55,083 --> 00:34:56,958
-Here. -I need a fork.
535
00:34:57,042 --> 00:34:58,042
Well, here.
536
00:35:02,458 --> 00:35:03,583
Uh-oh.
537
00:35:16,375 --> 00:35:17,708
Mmm...
538
00:35:25,708 --> 00:35:27,167
That's real good, ain't it?
539
00:35:49,542 --> 00:35:51,167
We're doggies, right?
540
00:36:02,042 --> 00:36:03,333
Woof.
541
00:36:04,292 --> 00:36:06,958
So much fun to have a boy, right?
542
00:36:07,042 --> 00:36:09,625
We used to play dogs, too, my son and I.
543
00:36:09,708 --> 00:36:13,458
Oh. So much fun, and he just loved it.
544
00:36:13,542 --> 00:36:15,875
I didn't know that, that you had kids.
545
00:36:39,792 --> 00:36:41,250
Oh, don't go, Norma.
546
00:36:41,708 --> 00:36:43,083
Tell me about your son.
547
00:36:43,167 --> 00:36:44,667
Did you work when he was little?
548
00:36:44,750 --> 00:36:46,833
Did you make all of the right choices?
549
00:36:46,917 --> 00:36:49,125
Is there anything that you would've done differently?
550
00:36:49,208 --> 00:36:51,125
Tell me the secrets.
551
00:36:59,208 --> 00:37:00,292
Dada.
552
00:37:43,125 --> 00:37:44,500
We're out of milk.
553
00:37:45,167 --> 00:37:46,208
We are?
554
00:37:46,292 --> 00:37:49,208
Yeah. We got 20 pounds of raw meat and no milk.
555
00:37:54,458 --> 00:37:55,625
Come on, buddy.
556
00:37:58,083 --> 00:37:59,708
Can you shut the door?
557
00:38:10,333 --> 00:38:11,958
I don't understand how we're out of milk.
558
00:38:12,042 --> 00:38:13,292
Because he drank it.
559
00:38:13,375 --> 00:38:15,042
Yeah, but did you know?
560
00:38:15,708 --> 00:38:16,833
Did I know?
561
00:38:16,917 --> 00:38:19,083
Did you know that we were out of milk?
562
00:38:20,292 --> 00:38:21,458
I don't know.
563
00:38:21,917 --> 00:38:23,250
What is that supposed to mean?
564
00:38:24,958 --> 00:38:27,708
This is the first shower that I have had in a week.
565
00:38:27,792 --> 00:38:29,708
I've been to the grocery store three times,
566
00:38:29,792 --> 00:38:31,333
but I haven't washed my body in four days.
567
00:38:31,417 --> 00:38:33,083
So clearly I didn't know we were out of milk
568
00:38:33,167 --> 00:38:34,500
or I would've gotten some.
569
00:38:34,583 --> 00:38:36,625
But you're welcome to go to the supermarket with our son
570
00:38:36,708 --> 00:38:37,708
and get some milk.
571
00:38:37,792 --> 00:38:39,667
Oh, and pick me up some tampons while you're there
572
00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:41,333
because I think I'm about to start to bleed
573
00:38:41,417 --> 00:38:42,833
and this one's gonna be a doozy.
574
00:38:42,917 --> 00:38:43,958
Okay.
575
00:38:44,042 --> 00:38:45,958
That's enough, all right? Jeez.
576
00:38:52,500 --> 00:38:53,708
Perfect.
577
00:38:53,792 --> 00:38:57,000
- No. -"Construction site all tucked in tight."
578
00:38:57,083 --> 00:38:58,708
-No. No. -Shh.
579
00:38:58,792 --> 00:39:01,292
"The day is done, turn off the light.
580
00:39:02,208 --> 00:39:04,458
Great work today now." Shh.
581
00:39:04,542 --> 00:39:05,833
-No. -Shh.
582
00:39:07,250 --> 00:39:08,250
You don't want to go to bed?
583
00:39:08,333 --> 00:39:09,792
Go to sleep, please.
584
00:39:09,875 --> 00:39:11,083
-No. -Please go to sleep.
585
00:39:11,167 --> 00:39:12,292
I'm not going to sleep.
586
00:39:15,375 --> 00:39:16,458
No.
587
00:39:18,042 --> 00:39:19,542
No bed ever.
588
00:39:28,833 --> 00:39:30,375
Nitro boosters.
589
00:39:30,833 --> 00:39:32,375
See you later, suckers.
590
00:39:38,250 --> 00:39:39,333
Is he down?
591
00:39:41,542 --> 00:39:42,542
It's your turn.
592
00:39:44,542 --> 00:39:45,958
He doesn't want me.
593
00:39:47,125 --> 00:39:49,375
I don't care that he doesn't want you.
594
00:39:50,375 --> 00:39:54,292
Hey, I have been doing night-nights every night,
595
00:39:54,375 --> 00:39:57,458
of every day for 200 years,
596
00:39:57,542 --> 00:39:59,125
and it's fucking killing me.
597
00:39:59,583 --> 00:40:02,250
You have to do night-nights. It's your turn for night-nights.
598
00:40:02,333 --> 00:40:03,417
All right.
599
00:40:04,917 --> 00:40:08,125
But just for the record, I don't like the term "night-night."
600
00:40:11,125 --> 00:40:12,417
Okay. Okay. Okay.
601
00:40:24,625 --> 00:40:27,042
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
602
00:40:27,500 --> 00:40:30,208
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
603
00:40:30,292 --> 00:40:32,333
I just-- I'm sorry.
604
00:40:32,417 --> 00:40:33,875
I'm sorry. I just--
605
00:40:33,958 --> 00:40:38,958
I don't want anything else needing me or touching me.
606
00:40:42,375 --> 00:40:43,375
Over here.
607
00:40:43,458 --> 00:40:44,458
What is it?
608
00:40:44,958 --> 00:40:46,042
Take a look.
609
00:40:46,125 --> 00:40:47,250
We should get out of here.
610
00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:49,750
Let's split up.
611
00:40:49,833 --> 00:40:50,958
Don't leave.
612
00:40:52,333 --> 00:40:53,583
You wanna...
613
00:40:55,917 --> 00:40:57,083
you know?
614
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:00,083
God, no.
615
00:41:07,583 --> 00:41:09,625
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I meant like--
616
00:41:09,708 --> 00:41:11,417
That was like-- that was a little harsh.
617
00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:13,375
Well, I'm just in so much pain.
618
00:41:13,458 --> 00:41:14,708
You have no idea.
619
00:41:15,167 --> 00:41:18,125
-Okay. Well, like, I didn't know that. -Well...
620
00:41:19,708 --> 00:41:23,500
And also, I have eight nipples now, and I fear you'll be repulsed.
621
00:41:33,625 --> 00:41:35,333
No!
622
00:41:35,417 --> 00:41:37,917
"In Hindu mythology, Sarama is a she dog
623
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,417
serving the warrior-god, Indra.
624
00:41:40,500 --> 00:41:44,042
She is the mother to all clawed creatures.
625
00:41:44,125 --> 00:41:48,042
In Greek mythology, the chimera embodied all things domestic
626
00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:50,625
and motherly, a goat who nurses young
627
00:41:50,708 --> 00:41:52,042
and cares for the home front
628
00:41:52,125 --> 00:41:55,667
and simultaneously possesses the qualities of a beast."
629
00:42:01,792 --> 00:42:02,792
Mama?
630
00:42:30,875 --> 00:42:32,292
If my mother were still alive,
631
00:42:32,375 --> 00:42:34,583
I would have some serious questions for her.
632
00:42:39,417 --> 00:42:41,500
How did she deal with the anger,
633
00:42:42,958 --> 00:42:45,500
the resentment for all that she didn't do?
634
00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:49,750
How many women have delayed their greatness
635
00:42:49,833 --> 00:42:52,125
while the men around them didn't know what to do with theirs?
636
00:42:55,083 --> 00:42:57,917
I'd ask her if she ever regretted becoming a mother.
637
00:43:01,083 --> 00:43:03,042
Where should we go next, the mammals?
638
00:43:03,125 --> 00:43:05,292
-Sure.
639
00:43:05,375 --> 00:43:06,792
Yeah? You wanna go there?
640
00:43:06,875 --> 00:43:09,042
I don't-- I don't wanna go to mammals.
641
00:43:09,125 --> 00:43:11,292
I can't believe this.
642
00:43:11,375 --> 00:43:13,833
-Here you are. -Hey. Jen. Oh, wow.
643
00:43:13,917 --> 00:43:16,583
It is so weird to see you out in the wild.
644
00:43:16,667 --> 00:43:18,083
I mean, out of context.
645
00:43:18,167 --> 00:43:20,250
-Hi. I'm Jen. -Hi, Jen.
646
00:43:20,333 --> 00:43:22,708
-So nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you.
647
00:43:23,250 --> 00:43:26,333
So, are we gonna see you at baby yoga or tyke hike this week?
648
00:43:26,417 --> 00:43:27,583
Oh, no, another time.
649
00:43:27,667 --> 00:43:28,833
Poo.
650
00:43:28,917 --> 00:43:30,792
-Okay. Next time. -Okay.
651
00:43:30,875 --> 00:43:32,125
All right. Come on, kiddos.
652
00:43:32,208 --> 00:43:35,167
Let's go see some more dinosaur bones, right?
653
00:43:39,417 --> 00:43:40,750
Who the hell was that?
654
00:43:41,833 --> 00:43:43,917
She's just a mom from Book Babies.
655
00:43:44,958 --> 00:43:45,875
Hm.
656
00:43:58,167 --> 00:44:00,292
I think I'm having a bit of a realization.
657
00:44:03,667 --> 00:44:05,042
What's your realization?
658
00:44:12,750 --> 00:44:14,792
I don't think I'm an artist anymore.
659
00:44:16,875 --> 00:44:18,125
Oh, honey.
660
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,083
I don't know why I'm getting upset. I'm not upset.
661
00:44:22,167 --> 00:44:25,292
No, no, no, you don't-- you don't seem upset at all.
662
00:44:29,333 --> 00:44:30,750
Because I just have...
663
00:44:31,667 --> 00:44:34,375
this running list of all of the things that I'm not doing every day,
664
00:44:34,458 --> 00:44:36,625
and all of the ways that I'm falling behind as an artist.
665
00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:39,375
And I think that if I could focus on what I am doing,
666
00:44:39,917 --> 00:44:42,083
then I would be much happier.
667
00:44:43,750 --> 00:44:45,958
I could-- I could see that, yeah.
668
00:44:46,042 --> 00:44:49,417
And I should focus on being the best mom that I can be
669
00:44:49,500 --> 00:44:51,417
and really enjoying these moments with him,
670
00:44:51,500 --> 00:44:53,333
because this isn't going to last.
671
00:44:55,167 --> 00:44:57,042
He's growing up so fast.
672
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:00,000
Uh-oh.
673
00:45:02,625 --> 00:45:03,625
And besides...
674
00:45:04,667 --> 00:45:07,750
you know, being an artist is like the most silly,
675
00:45:07,833 --> 00:45:10,042
self-absorbed thing you can be.
676
00:45:10,125 --> 00:45:12,917
It's truly an embarrassing job to say out loud.
677
00:45:16,417 --> 00:45:19,167
It's just such a relief in just letting it all go, you know?
678
00:45:19,250 --> 00:45:20,583
-Good. -Yeah.
679
00:45:21,333 --> 00:45:24,542
I'm just really focusing on being in this moment with him.
680
00:45:30,500 --> 00:45:31,500
Okay.
681
00:45:33,375 --> 00:45:36,583
I mean, if that's what you want.
682
00:45:39,958 --> 00:45:41,000
Yeah.
683
00:45:43,042 --> 00:45:44,292
Okay.
684
00:45:50,792 --> 00:45:52,042
Mama.
685
00:47:04,625 --> 00:47:07,417
I am hair, and blood, and bone.
686
00:47:08,458 --> 00:47:10,083
I am instinct and anger.
687
00:47:14,333 --> 00:47:16,292
I know nothing but the night air.
688
00:47:20,292 --> 00:47:21,833
I have one thought.
689
00:47:22,458 --> 00:47:24,625
I am an animal.
690
00:48:03,500 --> 00:48:05,125
I'm gonna crush its skull.
691
00:48:08,208 --> 00:48:11,042
Blood! Blood, blood, blood!
692
00:48:12,750 --> 00:48:13,833
Ooh, blood!
693
00:48:18,667 --> 00:48:22,458
I was once a girl, then a woman,
694
00:48:22,542 --> 00:48:24,958
a bride, a mother,
695
00:48:25,750 --> 00:48:28,208
and now I will be this.
696
00:48:33,625 --> 00:48:34,875
Where did you go?
697
00:48:37,375 --> 00:48:38,750
I went for a run.
698
00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:41,208
I needed to clear my mind.
699
00:48:48,292 --> 00:48:49,875
Did you run barefoot?
700
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,417
You're so dirty.
701
00:49:00,333 --> 00:49:01,625
Can I get in?
702
00:49:03,333 --> 00:49:04,417
Sure.
703
00:49:16,292 --> 00:49:17,750
I am a woman.
704
00:49:17,833 --> 00:49:19,875
I am an animal.
705
00:49:20,417 --> 00:49:23,333
I am new and also ancient.
706
00:49:25,625 --> 00:49:29,000
I have been ashamed, but I will be no more.
707
00:49:30,042 --> 00:49:32,208
-Okay. Say, "Bye." - Bye.
708
00:49:32,292 --> 00:49:33,792
Can you give a good wave to Daddy?
709
00:49:33,875 --> 00:49:35,958
-Bye, Daddy. -Bye, Daddy.
710
00:49:36,042 --> 00:49:37,708
There he goes.
711
00:49:38,208 --> 00:49:39,667
Wave goodbye.
712
00:49:39,750 --> 00:49:41,750
- Bye. -Yeah.
713
00:49:43,125 --> 00:49:45,000
-Should we go have some fun? -What?
714
00:49:46,708 --> 00:49:48,250
Should we do this?
715
00:49:48,333 --> 00:49:50,125
Should we act like doggies?
716
00:50:11,917 --> 00:50:16,000
-Oh, no, no, no. Oh, that's-- You!
717
00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:22,833
Squirrel. Let's go get it.
718
00:50:24,667 --> 00:50:25,667
Come on.
719
00:50:25,750 --> 00:50:27,625
Maybe this is the secret to happiness.
720
00:50:29,042 --> 00:50:31,292
We're just animals.
721
00:50:33,708 --> 00:50:36,792
Are you hiding out on a boat, you silly puppy?
722
00:50:37,208 --> 00:50:39,083
-Should I do ears? -Yes.
723
00:50:46,583 --> 00:50:49,250
It's for you.
724
00:50:49,333 --> 00:50:51,375
Look. Look at this.
725
00:50:53,583 --> 00:50:57,167
And do doggies go night-night in their own beds?
726
00:50:57,250 --> 00:50:59,125
Yes, they do.
727
00:51:00,542 --> 00:51:03,500
And do doggies need binkies?
728
00:51:04,542 --> 00:51:06,083
No.
729
00:51:06,167 --> 00:51:07,708
That's so silly.
730
00:51:15,417 --> 00:51:17,833
- Woof. -All right.
731
00:51:17,917 --> 00:51:19,417
Goodnight, doggy.
732
00:51:53,125 --> 00:51:55,500
There you go, come on.
733
00:51:55,583 --> 00:51:56,708
There.
734
00:51:59,875 --> 00:52:01,083
Hi, Norma.
735
00:52:01,167 --> 00:52:02,917
Look, baby, it's Norma.
736
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:04,458
Shh. It's a quiet area.
737
00:52:04,542 --> 00:52:06,958
I just wanted to thank you for that book recommendation.
738
00:52:07,042 --> 00:52:09,375
I have to say, it was exactly what I was looking for.
739
00:52:09,458 --> 00:52:11,042
Just doing my job.
740
00:52:15,250 --> 00:52:17,250
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
741
00:52:17,333 --> 00:52:19,833
-Hi, ladies. -Hi.
742
00:52:19,917 --> 00:52:21,500
-He's a dog today. -Oh.
743
00:52:21,583 --> 00:52:22,917
-Sure. -Yeah.
744
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:25,917
-Cute. - "Wheels on the Bus," everyone.
745
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:27,625
-Yeah. Here. I save you a seat. -Thank you.
746
00:52:42,500 --> 00:52:44,292
You're not you anymore.
747
00:52:44,375 --> 00:52:47,792
Oh, my God, you should join us for our Friday morning hike, right?
748
00:52:47,875 --> 00:52:49,208
-Yeah. -Yes.
749
00:52:49,292 --> 00:52:50,958
No, I really don't hike.
750
00:52:51,042 --> 00:52:52,583
Oh, no. Don't worry.
751
00:52:52,667 --> 00:52:54,375
We don't do anything too major.
752
00:52:54,458 --> 00:52:57,333
You know, just a few miles early in the morning before it gets too hot.
753
00:52:57,417 --> 00:52:58,542
Sounds awful.
754
00:53:01,292 --> 00:53:04,750
You're so funny. Oh, you're so funny.
755
00:53:05,250 --> 00:53:06,792
I can't hike far these days.
756
00:53:07,208 --> 00:53:08,958
Oh, yeah, how are you feeling? May I?
757
00:53:09,042 --> 00:53:10,417
Of course.
758
00:53:14,875 --> 00:53:17,042
You smell like strawberries.
759
00:53:19,333 --> 00:53:20,750
Strawberry shampoo.
760
00:53:21,542 --> 00:53:22,583
What was that?
761
00:53:23,500 --> 00:53:26,625
Sorry, my sense of smell is just really strong right now.
762
00:53:26,708 --> 00:53:29,875
Tell me about it. I threw up from the smell of the trash this morning.
763
00:53:29,958 --> 00:53:32,125
That's because you're pregnant.
764
00:53:32,208 --> 00:53:33,875
That's where it all starts.
765
00:53:34,292 --> 00:53:36,875
There's a change in our genetic makeup.
766
00:53:36,958 --> 00:53:40,625
Nobody talks about the cellular change that happens when we become mothers.
767
00:53:40,708 --> 00:53:42,292
Yes, nobody does.
768
00:53:42,375 --> 00:53:45,708
Nobody tells you that you're never gonna jump on
769
00:53:45,792 --> 00:53:48,542
a trampoline again either. Right?
770
00:53:48,625 --> 00:53:50,625
Not to mention, that the whole concept of motherhood
771
00:53:50,708 --> 00:53:52,458
that we're sold is such bullshit.
772
00:53:52,542 --> 00:53:55,292
You're going to be expected to figure the whole thing out
773
00:53:55,375 --> 00:53:58,958
on your own without any village to speak of.
774
00:53:59,042 --> 00:54:01,583
You're going to get no maternal benefits from the government.
775
00:54:01,667 --> 00:54:04,083
You're going to get mocked by popular culture.
776
00:54:04,167 --> 00:54:07,250
And-and there's basically a billion-dollar industry
777
00:54:07,333 --> 00:54:10,667
that's designing products to make you feel like you're a terrible mother.
778
00:54:14,708 --> 00:54:18,708
But seriously, congratulations.
779
00:54:20,792 --> 00:54:23,208
I mean, you're totally right.
780
00:54:23,292 --> 00:54:26,708
My sister who lives in Berlin now got two years paid maternity leave.
781
00:54:26,792 --> 00:54:27,833
Wow.
782
00:54:29,333 --> 00:54:31,792
I can't believe I'm gonna go through this all again.
783
00:54:32,958 --> 00:54:34,000
Birth.
784
00:54:36,792 --> 00:54:39,125
That's so fucking intense.
785
00:54:40,208 --> 00:54:41,875
How do you think Daniel will do?
786
00:54:42,625 --> 00:54:44,333
He always tells the story of my first birth
787
00:54:44,417 --> 00:54:47,750
and how the doctor turned around said, "It's time to get that baby out."
788
00:54:47,833 --> 00:54:50,583
And there was a vein popping on my forehead.
789
00:54:50,667 --> 00:54:52,833
I was like a wild animal.
790
00:54:53,792 --> 00:54:54,917
Yeah, a wild animal.
791
00:54:57,333 --> 00:54:59,000
Oh, my God, yes.
792
00:54:59,083 --> 00:55:00,750
My husband said the same thing,
793
00:55:00,833 --> 00:55:04,458
that the sounds coming out of me were pure animal.
794
00:55:07,125 --> 00:55:08,625
He almost passed out.
795
00:55:08,708 --> 00:55:11,292
-I mean, he's not good with blood, but-- -Yeah, right.
796
00:55:13,750 --> 00:55:17,792
Do you ever feel like the big secret is that we are gods?
797
00:55:20,625 --> 00:55:21,667
What?
798
00:55:23,750 --> 00:55:26,458
We fucking create life.
799
00:55:26,542 --> 00:55:28,125
We make life.
800
00:55:29,875 --> 00:55:31,417
We are so powerful.
801
00:55:33,250 --> 00:55:36,375
I bet men are terrified of us. I mean, look at you.
802
00:55:36,458 --> 00:55:41,583
You are this miraculous goddess growing bones as we speak.
803
00:55:46,042 --> 00:55:47,583
I am pretty powerful.
804
00:55:57,125 --> 00:55:58,000
Oh...
805
00:55:58,083 --> 00:55:59,375
-Wow. -Yeah.
806
00:56:02,125 --> 00:56:04,750
I guess I just don't fully understand.
807
00:56:04,833 --> 00:56:07,542
It's just a game. We play dogs, and he loves it.
808
00:56:08,292 --> 00:56:09,500
Hm.
809
00:56:12,792 --> 00:56:14,750
And he's eating out of dog bowls?
810
00:56:14,833 --> 00:56:16,500
Sometimes.
811
00:56:16,583 --> 00:56:19,125
Yes, sometimes we eat out of perfectly new,
812
00:56:19,208 --> 00:56:21,542
never been used by a real dog, dog bowls.
813
00:56:23,167 --> 00:56:25,500
And he's-he's-he's wearing a collar?
814
00:56:25,583 --> 00:56:27,917
Well, he wanted to be domesticated.
815
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:30,083
I was against it, but...
816
00:56:32,083 --> 00:56:35,542
-All right. -And he sleeps in a dog bed.
817
00:56:35,625 --> 00:56:38,000
-What now? -No, but I don't have to lie with him
818
00:56:38,083 --> 00:56:39,708
for hours until he falls asleep.
819
00:56:39,792 --> 00:56:42,208
I just give him a little growl,
820
00:56:42,292 --> 00:56:44,333
and then he gets into bed on his own,
821
00:56:44,417 --> 00:56:46,333
and he falls asleep without his binky.
822
00:56:46,417 --> 00:56:47,542
It's a miracle.
823
00:56:51,417 --> 00:56:55,167
Look, I don't wanna be critical, but don't you think
824
00:56:55,250 --> 00:56:57,583
this might be a little bit confusing for him?
825
00:56:58,708 --> 00:57:00,083
Well, for him or for you?
826
00:57:00,167 --> 00:57:02,958
Come on. You gotta admit this is a little bit weird.
827
00:57:03,042 --> 00:57:05,417
No, I don't. I don't see what the problem is.
828
00:57:05,500 --> 00:57:07,792
He is sleeping, which means I'm sleeping for the first time
829
00:57:07,875 --> 00:57:10,750
in two fucking years, and I'm getting plenty of exercise.
830
00:57:10,833 --> 00:57:13,708
So my back doesn't hurt when I wake up anymore.
831
00:57:13,792 --> 00:57:17,167
I mean, I'm just trying to have some fun.
832
00:57:18,292 --> 00:57:19,667
When did you become so uptight?
833
00:57:21,958 --> 00:57:23,250
-Bite my neck. -Huh?
834
00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:24,500
Bite my neck.
835
00:57:24,583 --> 00:57:25,625
Okay.
836
00:57:36,292 --> 00:57:37,542
Can you speak?
837
00:57:38,375 --> 00:57:40,833
-Woof! -Oh, good job.
838
00:57:40,917 --> 00:57:42,833
-Woof speak. -There you go.
839
00:57:45,833 --> 00:57:48,250
It's just a little party trick we're working on.
840
00:57:48,333 --> 00:57:50,542
Right, the, uh, the dog thing.
841
00:57:51,208 --> 00:57:53,125
Oh, you feel left out, honey?
842
00:57:53,208 --> 00:57:54,625
No.
843
00:57:54,708 --> 00:57:55,917
Here you go.
844
00:57:57,125 --> 00:57:58,500
-Beg. -Mm-mm.
845
00:57:58,583 --> 00:57:59,625
Beg.
846
00:58:03,333 --> 00:58:04,375
[pants
847
00:58:04,458 --> 00:58:05,875
Good boy.
848
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:08,875
Oh, gosh, shut up.
849
00:58:08,958 --> 00:58:10,875
We fed you, you stupid animal.
850
00:58:10,958 --> 00:58:12,458
Stupid animal.
851
00:58:12,542 --> 00:58:15,250
Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty.
852
00:58:15,333 --> 00:58:19,042
I'm gonna throw you up on the roof and let you starve to death up there.
853
00:58:19,125 --> 00:58:22,333
And maybe a chicken hawk will swoop down and grab him in its talons
854
00:58:22,417 --> 00:58:24,833
while he's up there and then take him up into the sky
855
00:58:24,917 --> 00:58:28,417
and drop him from a very high height
856
00:58:28,500 --> 00:58:33,542
into a deep quarry, where heaving mining equipment
857
00:58:33,625 --> 00:58:37,292
with caterpillar treads will repeatedly run over its broken corpse.
858
00:58:43,417 --> 00:58:46,500
-Where's the tunnel? -Right there. That's the tunnel.
859
00:58:46,583 --> 00:58:47,833
-It's gonna blow the horn.
860
00:58:47,917 --> 00:58:49,292
Yee-haw!
861
00:58:49,375 --> 00:58:50,375
Hi.
862
00:58:50,458 --> 00:58:51,833
Yee-haw!
863
00:58:57,958 --> 00:59:01,792
Hey, I took your advice, and I made a plan for us, a schedule.
864
00:59:01,875 --> 00:59:03,708
-Oh, great. -Yeah.
865
00:59:03,792 --> 00:59:05,417
No, come see.
866
00:59:05,500 --> 00:59:07,833
Okay. So Monday, it's gymnastics play space.
867
00:59:07,917 --> 00:59:10,417
Tuesday is Book Babies at the libraries, my fave.
868
00:59:10,500 --> 00:59:12,458
Wednesdays, mommy baby yoga.
869
00:59:12,542 --> 00:59:14,125
Thursday is free day. See?
870
00:59:14,208 --> 00:59:16,625
And Friday is a tyke hike.
871
00:59:16,708 --> 00:59:17,875
See the pictures?
872
00:59:17,958 --> 00:59:19,417
-Wow. -Yeah.
873
00:59:19,500 --> 00:59:21,375
-Okay. - Because if I'm gonna do this,
874
00:59:21,458 --> 00:59:24,500
I should just really commit, right?
875
00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:26,917
-Right. -Right.
876
00:59:28,792 --> 00:59:31,458
Um, oh, you remember that I said that I would meet up with my friends
877
00:59:31,542 --> 00:59:33,708
from grad school in the city tonight, right?
878
00:59:33,792 --> 00:59:36,167
Yes. Yes, I'm babysittin'.
879
00:59:36,792 --> 00:59:38,958
It's not babysitting when it's your own kid.
880
00:59:39,042 --> 00:59:40,792
Whatever. You know what I mean.
881
00:59:40,875 --> 00:59:44,667
I'm on bedtime duty and you're going to have a grownup dinner.
882
00:59:44,750 --> 00:59:48,250
Yeah. 9:00 p.m. which is four hours later than I usually eat.
883
01:00:10,333 --> 01:00:12,875
It's got like an ironic wink to it.
884
01:00:12,958 --> 01:00:14,542
I didn't get that.
885
01:00:14,625 --> 01:00:18,417
I feel you have to come from a certain background to feel that irony.
886
01:00:19,458 --> 01:00:24,000
You know, work that is examining social media like my piece is tricky.
887
01:00:24,083 --> 01:00:26,583
-We've lost some objectivity. -Right.
888
01:00:26,667 --> 01:00:30,375
I'm working on a video piece about one woman's day,
889
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:33,667
taking over 24 hours side by side with an actress
890
01:00:33,750 --> 01:00:37,708
who is acting out that same day in that very same space.
891
01:00:37,792 --> 01:00:39,542
Masturbating, shitting.
892
01:00:39,625 --> 01:00:42,042
But how will you know which woman is the woman?
893
01:00:42,125 --> 01:00:43,542
Exactly.
894
01:00:43,625 --> 01:00:44,917
That's the genius of it.
895
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,417
What it is to be watched.
896
01:00:46,500 --> 01:00:48,000
Is anyone not watched?
897
01:00:48,083 --> 01:00:50,667
Wow. That sounds really interesting.
898
01:00:54,542 --> 01:00:56,500
Are you working on anything?
899
01:00:56,583 --> 01:00:58,333
-Me? -Mm-hm.
900
01:00:58,417 --> 01:01:00,792
Oh, um... No, no.
901
01:01:01,625 --> 01:01:03,583
No, I'm not really working on anything.
902
01:01:03,667 --> 01:01:04,708
Nope.
903
01:01:07,542 --> 01:01:09,417
We have a beautiful sea bass tonight.
904
01:01:09,500 --> 01:01:11,083
It's served in a white wine reduction.
905
01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:14,917
We also have homemade cavatelli with chanterelles and fiddlehead ferns.
906
01:01:18,375 --> 01:01:19,417
What's funny?
907
01:01:20,250 --> 01:01:21,583
Oh, yeah.
908
01:01:21,667 --> 01:01:25,042
Just my son and I, we have this joke about fiddlehead ferns.
909
01:01:26,292 --> 01:01:29,500
It's like we call them fiddle dee-dee ferns.
910
01:01:34,875 --> 01:01:37,917
I guess you just had to be there because he has this two-year-old lisp.
911
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,375
He can't really say the fiddle dee-dee.
912
01:01:44,958 --> 01:01:47,833
Could I have the cavatelli, but without the chanterelle?
913
01:01:47,917 --> 01:01:48,958
Yes.
914
01:01:53,167 --> 01:01:55,208
I'll have the...
915
01:01:56,042 --> 01:01:57,958
-the kale salad, please. -What?
916
01:01:58,958 --> 01:02:00,000
Kale salad.
917
01:02:00,083 --> 01:02:01,083
What?
918
01:02:01,625 --> 01:02:03,542
Um, the kale salad.
919
01:02:03,625 --> 01:02:05,750
And another Manhattan.
920
01:02:08,500 --> 01:02:09,667
And for you?
921
01:02:09,750 --> 01:02:12,125
Mm. I'll have the lamb.
922
01:02:15,125 --> 01:02:16,167
So Naya?
923
01:02:16,708 --> 01:02:18,458
-Naya? -Hm?
924
01:02:18,542 --> 01:02:19,958
How's Liliana doing?
925
01:02:20,042 --> 01:02:21,917
-Is she six now? -Yes.
926
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:23,875
She's in first grade at the music academy.
927
01:02:23,958 --> 01:02:28,750
And she's really into the cello, as well the violin.
928
01:02:28,833 --> 01:02:31,583
It's just amazing watching her blossom, you know?
929
01:02:31,667 --> 01:02:33,125
Wow.
930
01:02:33,208 --> 01:02:37,333
Is-is it ever hard to balance it all,
931
01:02:37,417 --> 01:02:39,167
like, motherhood and art?
932
01:02:39,250 --> 01:02:40,625
Not really.
933
01:02:41,417 --> 01:02:42,917
I mean, listen, I couldn't do it without Christie.
934
01:02:43,375 --> 01:02:45,500
Thank God for my nanny.
935
01:02:45,583 --> 01:02:46,958
But...
936
01:02:47,042 --> 01:02:49,583
I guess I'm a better mom because of my work.
937
01:02:49,667 --> 01:02:50,667
Yeah.
938
01:02:50,750 --> 01:02:53,792
And I just, I haven't lost myself, you know?
939
01:02:54,417 --> 01:02:56,375
Mm-hm.
940
01:02:56,458 --> 01:02:57,458
Oh, Freida...
941
01:02:58,167 --> 01:03:00,333
application for the Founder's Grant.
942
01:03:00,417 --> 01:03:02,042
-Did you get it in? - Barely.
943
01:03:02,125 --> 01:03:04,042
-I turned it in at like 2:00 a.m. - What?
944
01:03:04,125 --> 01:03:05,250
Like a fucking idiot.
945
01:03:05,333 --> 01:03:06,333
You?
946
01:03:07,042 --> 01:03:09,875
- I did it weeks ago. - Mm.
947
01:03:09,958 --> 01:03:12,250
And now we wait.
948
01:03:13,833 --> 01:03:17,167
Well, I haven't even turned in my application.
949
01:03:17,250 --> 01:03:18,542
What am I gonna do?
950
01:03:21,250 --> 01:03:24,375
Yeah, I bet everybody's wondering where's my application.
951
01:03:24,458 --> 01:03:25,625
- Sorry. - We just got here.
952
01:03:25,708 --> 01:03:27,417
I was just asking how long does it take
953
01:03:27,500 --> 01:03:28,792
-for a table to get ready? - What are you doing?
954
01:03:28,875 --> 01:03:30,792
- Whatever we wanted. - You know what?
955
01:03:30,875 --> 01:03:32,667
-Next time you pick the restaurant. - The kale for you, ma'am.
956
01:03:32,750 --> 01:03:34,458
You do this all the time.
957
01:03:34,542 --> 01:03:36,417
-No, like, she-- -It's actually more of a meditation
958
01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:39,500
-I believe from the perspective. -Let's just call a spade a spade.
959
01:03:39,583 --> 01:03:41,833
The show was the most important artistic event of our lifetime.
960
01:03:41,917 --> 01:03:44,583
-Yeah. I just don't see it that way. - Yeah, but you always disagree.
961
01:03:44,667 --> 01:03:46,333
Yeah, I think that's a little bit overrated.
962
01:03:46,417 --> 01:03:48,542
You're so hyperbolic. I mean...
963
01:03:48,625 --> 01:03:50,917
...people was trash, and what was art?
964
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:52,500
I thought that went great.
965
01:03:53,583 --> 01:03:55,500
I am a Zen cow.
966
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,625
I'm a Zen cow...
967
01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:01,708
in a soothing green...
968
01:04:02,875 --> 01:04:03,958
pasture.
969
01:04:09,042 --> 01:04:10,333
Can I have, um...
970
01:04:18,708 --> 01:04:19,708
Oh...
971
01:04:20,667 --> 01:04:21,875
This kale.
972
01:04:24,583 --> 01:04:25,708
It's just...
973
01:04:26,500 --> 01:04:28,542
pushing it down further...
974
01:04:29,875 --> 01:04:31,042
all of them,
975
01:04:31,708 --> 01:04:33,625
rage and disappointment.
976
01:04:33,708 --> 01:04:35,500
I thought that I had digested it,
977
01:04:35,583 --> 01:04:39,167
but it is still down there just burning a hole in me.
978
01:04:41,042 --> 01:04:43,792
And the woman that I used to be, this...
979
01:04:44,958 --> 01:04:46,458
talented...
980
01:04:46,542 --> 01:04:49,208
plucky young woman with big ideas,
981
01:04:49,750 --> 01:04:51,250
she's down there also...
982
01:04:52,708 --> 01:04:54,458
in my intestines...
983
01:04:55,208 --> 01:04:56,750
buried in kale.
984
01:04:57,958 --> 01:04:59,625
She's biding her time.
985
01:05:01,458 --> 01:05:03,000
Or maybe she's dead.
986
01:05:03,792 --> 01:05:05,750
She suffocated.
987
01:05:11,292 --> 01:05:12,750
And here I am...
988
01:05:15,750 --> 01:05:17,250
up here in this...
989
01:05:18,333 --> 01:05:21,833
beautiful lighting of this beautiful fucking restaurant,
990
01:05:23,250 --> 01:05:24,583
just this...
991
01:05:27,375 --> 01:05:29,542
middle-aged saggy mom with...
992
01:05:30,500 --> 01:05:33,833
nothing intelligent to add to the conversation...
993
01:05:38,208 --> 01:05:39,833
Insignificant.
994
01:05:46,583 --> 01:05:50,458
Have you seen Jermaine's installation at the Armature?
995
01:05:50,542 --> 01:05:53,083
I'm dying to get to the nighttime exhibit at Art Lucerne.
996
01:05:53,167 --> 01:05:54,917
Oh, me too. We should go together.
997
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:56,250
Now, that-- both were incredible.
998
01:05:56,333 --> 01:05:57,833
Yes. But you do need to...
999
01:05:57,917 --> 01:06:00,958
Yeah, you need to trust me and knock it out there.
1000
01:06:03,042 --> 01:06:05,625
Oh, I'm sure she's able to get a lens...
1001
01:06:05,708 --> 01:06:08,292
whoever bought it for the show.
1002
01:06:08,375 --> 01:06:09,875
-The value only goes up. - Yeah, absolutely.
1003
01:06:09,958 --> 01:06:12,000
Ugh, this kale is not sitting well.
1004
01:06:15,250 --> 01:06:16,708
What the fuck?
1005
01:06:25,083 --> 01:06:26,125
Oh, my God.
1006
01:06:28,375 --> 01:06:30,833
I could crush a walnut with my vagina.
1007
01:06:31,625 --> 01:06:34,000
Oh, my... What?
1008
01:07:11,583 --> 01:07:14,125
I wanna run and never come back.
1009
01:07:14,583 --> 01:07:17,667
I wanna never brush my hair ever again.
1010
01:07:18,500 --> 01:07:20,125
I want to stink.
1011
01:07:21,667 --> 01:07:23,000
I wanna be an artist,
1012
01:07:24,250 --> 01:07:25,333
and a woman,
1013
01:07:26,250 --> 01:07:27,458
and a mother.
1014
01:07:28,542 --> 01:07:29,750
I mean a monster.
1015
01:07:30,792 --> 01:07:33,625
I want to be a monster.
1016
01:07:33,708 --> 01:07:36,042
Oh, it's disgusting.
1017
01:08:47,958 --> 01:08:49,208
Mama.
1018
01:09:33,042 --> 01:09:34,083
Baby?
1019
01:09:36,750 --> 01:09:37,833
Okay.
1020
01:09:39,167 --> 01:09:40,250
Come down.
1021
01:09:40,917 --> 01:09:41,958
You got it.
1022
01:09:49,750 --> 01:09:50,958
Baby?
1023
01:09:52,083 --> 01:09:54,083
Have you seen a little boy?
1024
01:09:54,167 --> 01:09:55,375
-He's blonde. - No.
1025
01:09:55,458 --> 01:09:56,458
Okay.
1026
01:09:57,292 --> 01:09:58,417
Baby?
1027
01:09:59,458 --> 01:10:00,625
Baby?
1028
01:10:06,083 --> 01:10:07,250
-Here you are. -Hi.
1029
01:10:07,333 --> 01:10:08,625
Hey. Hey.
1030
01:10:08,708 --> 01:10:09,792
There you are.
1031
01:10:09,875 --> 01:10:11,750
You can't hide from mommy like that.
1032
01:10:11,833 --> 01:10:13,750
You can't hide from me like that.
1033
01:10:13,833 --> 01:10:15,625
I was counting.
1034
01:10:15,708 --> 01:10:18,125
You were counting. I know. I know.
1035
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:22,333
The cat died and you didn't even call me.
1036
01:10:22,417 --> 01:10:23,958
It was a pretty traumatic morning.
1037
01:10:24,042 --> 01:10:27,958
There was blood on the steps, and-and we had to bury him.
1038
01:10:28,042 --> 01:10:30,042
But... but I could've helped.
1039
01:10:32,500 --> 01:10:35,958
Well, I guess I've gotten pretty good at doing things by myself.
1040
01:10:37,667 --> 01:10:38,958
Oh.
1041
01:10:39,792 --> 01:10:40,958
Mm.
1042
01:10:41,917 --> 01:10:44,375
But it has made some things pretty clear though.
1043
01:10:44,917 --> 01:10:45,958
Like what?
1044
01:10:48,333 --> 01:10:49,958
I'm not doing okay.
1045
01:10:53,167 --> 01:10:56,500
You were so quick to support me
1046
01:10:56,583 --> 01:10:59,250
when I said that I wanted to give up being an artist.
1047
01:10:59,333 --> 01:11:00,708
That's what you said you wanted.
1048
01:11:00,792 --> 01:11:03,917
No, you were so quick, like there's no protestations from you.
1049
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:07,375
And it just would've been nice to have a little encouragement from you,
1050
01:11:07,458 --> 01:11:09,292
say that I'm good at what I do
1051
01:11:09,375 --> 01:11:11,542
and that it would be a shame to give it up.
1052
01:11:11,625 --> 01:11:14,958
Tell me that I'll return to it someday. But you just smile.
1053
01:11:15,042 --> 01:11:16,250
No, no, I didn't.
1054
01:11:16,333 --> 01:11:20,917
Because somewhere you knew that you were getting exactly what you've always wanted,
1055
01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:22,833
which is for me to be a stay-at-home mom just like...
1056
01:11:22,917 --> 01:11:26,750
-Whoa, wait a minute. -...just like your mom and her mother.
1057
01:11:26,833 --> 01:11:29,292
It's a sweet deal for you. You have your job and I have mine.
1058
01:11:29,375 --> 01:11:32,333
Only my job has no pay, and no vacation days,
1059
01:11:32,417 --> 01:11:35,458
and no appreciation, and includes washing your fucking underwear.
1060
01:11:35,542 --> 01:11:38,000
I never said that, okay? This feels a little bit like a trap.
1061
01:11:38,083 --> 01:11:40,208
Oh, you feel trapped?
1062
01:11:40,292 --> 01:11:43,458
Do you have any fucking clue how trapped I feel?
1063
01:11:43,542 --> 01:11:46,125
I have found myself in a fucking 1950s marriage
1064
01:11:46,208 --> 01:11:48,833
where all I do is take care of our son,
1065
01:11:48,917 --> 01:11:51,083
and you, and the fucking cat.
1066
01:11:53,250 --> 01:11:55,500
It was your idea to quit your job.
1067
01:11:55,583 --> 01:11:58,042
-I didn't suggest that. -No, I agreed to it,
1068
01:11:58,125 --> 01:12:00,958
but I had no fucking clue what I was agreeing to.
1069
01:12:01,042 --> 01:12:04,083
I didn't realize that I would feel like a single parent who has zero help,
1070
01:12:04,167 --> 01:12:07,208
who has to give up her dreams to take care of everyone.
1071
01:12:08,500 --> 01:12:10,125
I don't know what to say.
1072
01:12:10,208 --> 01:12:12,500
I-I-- I didn't know you felt this way.
1073
01:12:29,167 --> 01:12:31,292
Do you think that I want it like this?
1074
01:12:33,458 --> 01:12:35,917
I mean, do you think that I want to be married to my mother?
1075
01:12:38,042 --> 01:12:41,625
I don't wanna feel your resentment the moment I walk into my house.
1076
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:45,125
If you were so fucking unhappy,
1077
01:12:45,917 --> 01:12:47,417
why didn't you tell me?
1078
01:12:48,333 --> 01:12:50,750
Do you expect for me to read your mind?
1079
01:12:51,583 --> 01:12:54,125
Look, if you tell me that everything's fine,
1080
01:12:54,208 --> 01:12:56,708
then I think that everything is fine.
1081
01:12:56,792 --> 01:12:59,417
If you tell me that you wanna quit your job
1082
01:12:59,500 --> 01:13:01,958
and stop being an artist and stay at home with our son,
1083
01:13:02,042 --> 01:13:03,708
and I say, "Okay."
1084
01:13:03,792 --> 01:13:05,792
I think I'm supporting you.
1085
01:13:05,875 --> 01:13:08,542
That is just some passive-aggressive bullshit.
1086
01:13:08,625 --> 01:13:11,000
-No. Okay. But-- -No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1087
01:13:11,083 --> 01:13:13,167
You're not the person that I married either.
1088
01:13:13,250 --> 01:13:17,125
The person I married let things go that weren't important.
1089
01:13:17,208 --> 01:13:18,458
She was tough as shit.
1090
01:13:18,542 --> 01:13:21,292
She was-- she was weird and excited about things
1091
01:13:21,375 --> 01:13:23,125
in the world like reading books.
1092
01:13:23,208 --> 01:13:25,167
Oh, my fucking God, I cannot believe you're saying this to me!
1093
01:13:25,250 --> 01:13:28,625
No, it's fucking disappointing. It's disappointing for me, too.
1094
01:13:28,708 --> 01:13:31,500
I mean, I don't know how we got here. I really don't know how we got here.
1095
01:13:31,583 --> 01:13:34,500
You're too busy worried about fucking Book Babies
1096
01:13:34,583 --> 01:13:39,333
to ask about my day at work or-or-or keep up on current events.
1097
01:13:39,417 --> 01:13:42,667
I mean, what happened to the girl that I married, huh?
1098
01:13:42,750 --> 01:13:45,417
What happened to the-- to the girl that inspired me
1099
01:13:45,500 --> 01:13:49,500
and made me challenge this world in new and interesting ways, huh?
1100
01:13:49,583 --> 01:13:51,583
What happened to my wife?
1101
01:13:54,708 --> 01:13:56,750
She died in childbirth.
1102
01:14:25,917 --> 01:14:27,292
Mama.
1103
01:14:45,125 --> 01:14:46,625
I think that...
1104
01:14:47,375 --> 01:14:49,667
we need a separation.
1105
01:14:58,500 --> 01:15:00,500
I'm just so confused.
1106
01:15:02,750 --> 01:15:08,125
This agreement that we made isn't working for me anymore.
1107
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:12,125
I just-- I need space. I'm...
1108
01:15:15,042 --> 01:15:16,625
I don't know how'd I...
1109
01:15:19,542 --> 01:15:21,000
I don't...
1110
01:15:21,083 --> 01:15:23,792
I don't know how I feel or what I need, but...
1111
01:15:24,333 --> 01:15:27,000
I know I need-- I need to dig around in the dark
1112
01:15:27,083 --> 01:15:29,000
and just find myself again.
1113
01:15:34,292 --> 01:15:37,208
Do you-- do you regret having a kid?
1114
01:15:42,250 --> 01:15:43,250
No...
1115
01:15:44,542 --> 01:15:45,792
I don't.
1116
01:15:50,917 --> 01:15:53,667
But if I could go back in time, I would sit us down
1117
01:15:53,750 --> 01:15:56,875
and figure out a more equitable way to do this parenting thing.
1118
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:00,583
I'd have been open to that.
1119
01:16:06,125 --> 01:16:07,333
I'm sorry.
1120
01:16:10,500 --> 01:16:11,958
Me, too.
1121
01:16:25,417 --> 01:16:26,708
Daddy?
1122
01:16:29,708 --> 01:16:31,583
What's wrong, sweetie?
1123
01:16:31,667 --> 01:16:33,375
Why don't we play with your train?
1124
01:16:33,458 --> 01:16:35,333
I want Daddy.
1125
01:16:35,417 --> 01:16:37,500
Oh, choo-choo.
1126
01:16:37,583 --> 01:16:39,042
Where's the tunnel?
1127
01:16:39,125 --> 01:16:41,625
Did you kick that train?
1128
01:16:41,708 --> 01:16:42,833
What...
1129
01:16:42,917 --> 01:16:45,208
Are you mad at the train?
1130
01:16:47,583 --> 01:16:50,167
What are you doing?
1131
01:16:50,250 --> 01:16:52,208
Come here, sweetheart. I got you.
1132
01:16:52,708 --> 01:16:53,792
Come here.
1133
01:16:54,292 --> 01:16:55,542
Come here.
1134
01:16:55,625 --> 01:16:57,417
Yeah, it's okay.
1135
01:16:57,875 --> 01:16:58,875
Yeah.
1136
01:17:00,083 --> 01:17:01,333
I love you.
1137
01:17:12,542 --> 01:17:14,042
I don't want this anymore.
1138
01:17:14,958 --> 01:17:18,125
Oh, um, I-- This isn't one of ours.
1139
01:17:18,208 --> 01:17:19,417
I don't think.
1140
01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:20,500
What?
1141
01:17:21,958 --> 01:17:23,292
You gave that to me.
1142
01:17:23,375 --> 01:17:25,750
Uh, well, I don't think so.
1143
01:17:25,833 --> 01:17:27,792
Look, there's no catalog card.
1144
01:17:27,875 --> 01:17:32,708
I don't know where this book came from, but, um, we can't-- we can't take it.
1145
01:17:35,958 --> 01:17:38,917
I remember what it was like when my kids were little.
1146
01:17:39,000 --> 01:17:42,000
I had a hard time keeping things straight also.
1147
01:17:42,750 --> 01:17:44,875
I mean, you don't sleep for years, right?
1148
01:17:44,958 --> 01:17:46,625
And you're holding them with the stomachaches,
1149
01:17:46,708 --> 01:17:48,833
and the toothaches, and the bad dreams.
1150
01:17:48,917 --> 01:17:52,125
It's enough for anybody to lose their bearings.
1151
01:17:54,167 --> 01:17:56,625
You just didn't seem like a mother to me.
1152
01:17:57,333 --> 01:17:58,792
You didn't recognize it?
1153
01:18:00,667 --> 01:18:05,125
You look in the eyes of other women and you see a fire flickering there.
1154
01:18:06,792 --> 01:18:08,250
Oh, my God.
1155
01:18:08,750 --> 01:18:11,500
Yeah, the pain, the sacrifice,
1156
01:18:11,583 --> 01:18:15,125
that shared bond of all you've given up
1157
01:18:15,208 --> 01:18:17,083
for the continuation of the species.
1158
01:18:19,375 --> 01:18:22,542
It's just so much more encompassing than I thought it would be.
1159
01:18:22,625 --> 01:18:24,917
Yeah, yeah, it changes you...
1160
01:18:26,292 --> 01:18:28,125
and connects you to some...
1161
01:18:29,208 --> 01:18:30,875
primal urges.
1162
01:18:34,458 --> 01:18:35,542
Thanks.
1163
01:18:37,417 --> 01:18:39,167
What happened with your husband?
1164
01:18:43,500 --> 01:18:46,167
We were just so stuck in this horrible dynamic
1165
01:18:46,250 --> 01:18:49,458
where I was the stay-at-home mom,
1166
01:18:49,542 --> 01:18:53,917
which maybe I'm not cutout for, and he was the worker who got to go out
1167
01:18:54,000 --> 01:18:57,958
and engage in the world, and I just had to break out of it.
1168
01:18:58,542 --> 01:19:00,042
And I killed the cat this week.
1169
01:19:00,125 --> 01:19:03,958
So it just made me realize that maybe I'm not doing great...
1170
01:19:05,083 --> 01:19:06,292
emotionally.
1171
01:19:19,625 --> 01:19:21,375
I let the fish die.
1172
01:19:23,625 --> 01:19:24,833
Benign neglect.
1173
01:19:26,542 --> 01:19:29,000
I didn't wanna clean the fucking bowl.
1174
01:19:32,208 --> 01:19:35,083
I accidentally let Percy fly away.
1175
01:19:35,583 --> 01:19:37,958
- Oh. -I know, I know, I know.
1176
01:19:39,167 --> 01:19:40,292
Wait, who's Percy?
1177
01:19:40,375 --> 01:19:42,042
He's a parakeet.
1178
01:19:42,125 --> 01:19:43,958
-Great news. This is actually great news.
1179
01:19:44,042 --> 01:19:45,208
Okay.
1180
01:19:48,292 --> 01:19:49,958
Okay, I probably over-packed,
1181
01:19:50,042 --> 01:19:51,500
but you should have everything you need, okay?
1182
01:19:51,583 --> 01:19:52,625
It's in the bag.
1183
01:19:52,708 --> 01:19:53,833
-Have fun, okay? - Okay.
1184
01:19:53,917 --> 01:19:54,958
I'll miss you.
1185
01:19:59,083 --> 01:20:00,542
I'll call you if I need something.
1186
01:20:02,708 --> 01:20:04,583
-Bye.
1187
01:20:06,292 --> 01:20:07,542
Bye.
1188
01:20:08,333 --> 01:20:09,458
Bye.
1189
01:21:24,417 --> 01:21:25,542
All right, buddy.
1190
01:21:25,958 --> 01:21:27,167
All right.
1191
01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:31,625
This is Dad's famous pasta with his famous sauce, all right?
1192
01:21:31,708 --> 01:21:33,500
I'll get that, I'll get your water...
1193
01:21:35,542 --> 01:21:37,625
and some Parmesan cheese.
1194
01:21:41,083 --> 01:21:42,875
Whoa, whoa! Oh!
1195
01:21:43,667 --> 01:21:44,667
Oh, buddy.
1196
01:21:44,750 --> 01:21:46,000
Are you okay? What...
1197
01:21:46,083 --> 01:21:48,208
-It's on my arm. -Uh-huh.
1198
01:21:48,292 --> 01:21:50,708
-What happened? -It's on my arm, Dad.
1199
01:21:50,792 --> 01:21:53,125
What? Oh, it's on your arm. Okay. Let me get that off.
1200
01:22:00,042 --> 01:22:01,583
-Are you okay? -Yeah.
1201
01:22:01,667 --> 01:22:02,958
What happened?
1202
01:22:03,042 --> 01:22:05,333
It fell and then I broke it.
1203
01:22:05,417 --> 01:22:07,875
Oh, it fell, but you-- but you broke it?
1204
01:22:07,958 --> 01:22:09,958
That doesn't make a lot of sense.
1205
01:22:14,333 --> 01:22:17,042
Oh, the thing, let me just get this thing right.
1206
01:22:17,875 --> 01:22:18,875
I got it.
1207
01:22:19,792 --> 01:22:21,875
All right. You wanna go on the couch?
1208
01:22:21,958 --> 01:22:23,083
Can you sit right there?
1209
01:22:26,042 --> 01:22:28,792
You know, Dad's killing it.
1210
01:22:28,875 --> 01:22:30,375
He's killing it, isn't he?
1211
01:22:30,458 --> 01:22:33,500
And there's two under the couch.
1212
01:22:36,292 --> 01:22:37,583
Oh, yeah.
1213
01:22:46,458 --> 01:22:47,917
Right there.
1214
01:22:48,000 --> 01:22:49,000
Yeah.
1215
01:22:49,917 --> 01:22:51,000
Aww.
1216
01:22:51,083 --> 01:22:52,708
There's my baby!
1217
01:22:52,792 --> 01:22:55,083
-Come here, hi. - Like this.
1218
01:22:55,167 --> 01:22:56,167
-Like that? -Yes.
1219
01:22:56,250 --> 01:22:58,375
Oh, it's so good to see you.
1220
01:22:58,458 --> 01:22:59,708
I'm tired.
1221
01:22:59,792 --> 01:23:02,708
Oh. I know.
1222
01:23:02,792 --> 01:23:04,083
How'd it go?
1223
01:23:04,167 --> 01:23:06,542
Uh... it was good.
1224
01:23:06,625 --> 01:23:09,125
-Yeah? -It went really good, right, little dude?
1225
01:23:09,208 --> 01:23:10,208
Right?
1226
01:23:11,458 --> 01:23:13,625
-It was hard. -It was hard.
1227
01:23:13,708 --> 01:23:16,292
It was really hard, I'm not gonna lie.
1228
01:23:17,500 --> 01:23:19,000
Yeah.
1229
01:23:19,083 --> 01:23:21,417
Uh, how was your time alone?
1230
01:23:21,833 --> 01:23:22,958
Um...
1231
01:23:24,208 --> 01:23:28,875
-It was really wonderful actually. - Oh.
1232
01:23:30,583 --> 01:23:31,792
Yeah.
1233
01:23:31,875 --> 01:23:35,500
Um, I've got this new idea for a project.
1234
01:23:35,583 --> 01:23:37,917
Yeah, it's cool. I'm really-- I'm really focused right now.
1235
01:23:38,000 --> 01:23:39,458
It's amazing how efficient I can be
1236
01:23:39,542 --> 01:23:42,208
when I don't have any time, you know.
1237
01:23:42,292 --> 01:23:43,458
Thanks.
1238
01:23:44,375 --> 01:23:45,500
Yeah.
1239
01:23:48,333 --> 01:23:49,625
-Should I cut these? -Yeah.
1240
01:23:49,708 --> 01:23:50,792
-You wanna help? -No.
1241
01:23:50,875 --> 01:23:54,125
- No? Okay. - Don't cut this.
1242
01:23:54,208 --> 01:23:58,250
Oh, because it has syrup on it.
1243
01:23:58,333 --> 01:24:00,875
Oh, you want that? Yeah, get that in there.
1244
01:24:00,958 --> 01:24:02,708
Can you say bye-bye to Daddy?
1245
01:24:02,792 --> 01:24:05,083
-Bye-bye, Daddy. - Bye-bye, buddy.
1246
01:24:05,167 --> 01:24:06,958
-I'll see you soon. -Bye.
1247
01:24:07,042 --> 01:24:08,167
Bye, Mama.
1248
01:24:08,250 --> 01:24:09,667
Mama's not leaving.
1249
01:24:11,583 --> 01:24:16,250
Um, so, I will drop him, uh, on Saturday morning?
1250
01:24:16,333 --> 01:24:17,458
Oh, yeah, sure.
1251
01:24:17,542 --> 01:24:21,958
He, uh... he's-he's still not used to me.
1252
01:24:22,042 --> 01:24:24,667
I kind of felt like he thought he'd been kidnapped.
1253
01:24:25,875 --> 01:24:26,917
That'll change.
1254
01:24:28,125 --> 01:24:32,875
I don't know. He was-- he was kind of like, "Who's this weird man
1255
01:24:32,958 --> 01:24:37,125
living at this sad apartment complex with all these other sad men?"
1256
01:24:37,208 --> 01:24:39,708
I swear, the whole place is newly divorced dads.
1257
01:24:39,792 --> 01:24:44,250
It was all these kids sitting around the pool confused.
1258
01:24:44,917 --> 01:24:47,250
-Not a mom in sight.
1259
01:24:48,208 --> 01:24:50,375
All I can think of is all of these sunburned kids
1260
01:24:50,458 --> 01:24:52,792
'cause nobody remembered to bring sunscreen.
1261
01:24:53,500 --> 01:24:55,500
Shit, I didn't even think about sunscreen.
1262
01:24:57,917 --> 01:25:01,208
Uh, um, so I'll see you on Saturday.
1263
01:25:01,792 --> 01:25:03,042
Yup.
1264
01:25:10,292 --> 01:25:12,792
I missed you so much!
1265
01:25:12,875 --> 01:25:14,417
Mama!
1266
01:25:14,500 --> 01:25:15,958
Look at him chase the ball.
1267
01:25:16,667 --> 01:25:18,292
Isn't that so silly?
1268
01:25:19,292 --> 01:25:20,708
Mama.
1269
01:25:20,792 --> 01:25:23,333
Can you hold-- Oh-- That's two.
1270
01:25:23,875 --> 01:25:25,458
Can I touch your dog?
1271
01:25:25,542 --> 01:25:27,250
-Hi. -Say hi.
1272
01:25:27,333 --> 01:25:29,208
Which one should we go see? The little guy?
1273
01:25:29,292 --> 01:25:31,958
Come on, let's go. Hi.
1274
01:25:32,042 --> 01:25:33,083
Thank you.
1275
01:25:33,167 --> 01:25:35,583
Hi, oh, hello!
1276
01:25:35,667 --> 01:25:37,958
Hi! Is he yours?
1277
01:25:38,042 --> 01:25:39,375
We just love dogs, so...
1278
01:25:50,375 --> 01:25:51,958
Are you now...
1279
01:25:55,292 --> 01:25:56,708
I'm a dog.
1280
01:25:56,792 --> 01:25:58,292
No, you're not a dog.
1281
01:25:58,375 --> 01:26:00,458
What's this?
1282
01:26:00,542 --> 01:26:02,125
Do you see it?
1283
01:26:02,208 --> 01:26:03,750
Do you see all the colors?
1284
01:26:03,833 --> 01:26:08,167
Red, yellow, orange, green.
1285
01:26:08,250 --> 01:26:10,208
-Can you count? -One, two,
1286
01:26:10,292 --> 01:26:14,167
-three, four... -Two, three, four, five!
1287
01:26:14,250 --> 01:26:16,125
There's five people on that train?
1288
01:26:16,208 --> 01:26:17,958
-Yes. -That's so many.
1289
01:26:18,750 --> 01:26:21,042
-Can I tell you something? -Yeah.
1290
01:26:21,125 --> 01:26:23,833
I love being your mom.
1291
01:26:24,542 --> 01:26:26,792
Oh, I love you. I love the choo-choos.
1292
01:26:26,875 --> 01:26:29,083
-I love... -I love the-- all those choo-choos.
1293
01:26:30,125 --> 01:26:31,500
Yeah.
1294
01:26:32,792 --> 01:26:33,917
Mama?
1295
01:26:34,000 --> 01:26:36,208
I didn't want you to be scared.
1296
01:26:37,417 --> 01:26:39,458
I wanted you to know I came home.
1297
01:26:41,375 --> 01:26:42,708
Where did you go?
1298
01:26:45,167 --> 01:26:48,333
I needed some space,
1299
01:26:48,417 --> 01:26:52,958
so I went walking in the woods.
1300
01:26:54,250 --> 01:26:56,292
I thought you weren't gonna come back.
1301
01:26:58,125 --> 01:27:00,208
I will always come back.
1302
01:27:03,292 --> 01:27:07,292
I am your mama forever,
1303
01:27:08,333 --> 01:27:11,000
and I will always come back.
1304
01:27:37,792 --> 01:27:39,958
I wanna go back and grab you by the shoulders
1305
01:27:40,042 --> 01:27:41,292
and scream at you.
1306
01:27:41,375 --> 01:27:43,000
Insist on your joy.
1307
01:27:43,083 --> 01:27:44,750
Time is short.
1308
01:27:47,083 --> 01:27:48,833
Don't just do it for you.
1309
01:27:50,375 --> 01:27:51,667
Do it for me, too.
1310
01:28:04,542 --> 01:28:08,042
I always thought motherhood was sort of a weak state of being,
1311
01:28:09,333 --> 01:28:14,458
but motherhood is a far more primal, active thing than that.
1312
01:28:14,542 --> 01:28:19,542
It is probably the most violent experience a human can have aside from death itself.
1313
01:28:19,625 --> 01:28:20,958
Thanks.
1314
01:28:21,042 --> 01:28:25,208
A child's first act is violence against the woman who created it.
1315
01:28:25,292 --> 01:28:28,250
Yet still, the mother loves the child
1316
01:28:28,333 --> 01:28:31,042
with the most powerful love known in the universe.
1317
01:28:32,625 --> 01:28:34,542
This thing rips its way out of us.
1318
01:28:34,625 --> 01:28:36,500
Literally tears us in two
1319
01:28:36,583 --> 01:28:39,667
in a wash of blood, and shit, and piss,
1320
01:28:40,625 --> 01:28:43,542
or it is cut from us with a knife.
1321
01:28:43,625 --> 01:28:47,333
Our organs taken out only to be put back in and sewn up.
1322
01:28:47,417 --> 01:28:52,375
So, no, motherhood is not sunshine and baby powder,
1323
01:28:52,458 --> 01:28:55,125
little pastel mints and lacy frocks.
1324
01:28:56,708 --> 01:28:58,333
Motherhood is fucking brutal.
1325
01:29:41,000 --> 01:29:44,167
I know, I know, I just like-- I...
1326
01:29:48,208 --> 01:29:49,708
You are.
1327
01:29:51,208 --> 01:29:53,167
And the dead bird wasn't there.
1328
01:30:01,708 --> 01:30:03,833
-Thank you. -Thanks so much.
1329
01:30:06,000 --> 01:30:09,000
-Hi. -Oh, my gosh!
1330
01:30:09,083 --> 01:30:10,417
Thank you for coming!
1331
01:30:10,500 --> 01:30:12,875
-Thank you, thank you. -Oh, my gosh.
1332
01:30:13,375 --> 01:30:15,458
I am just so impressed by you.
1333
01:30:15,542 --> 01:30:19,500
-I feel so honored to be a part of this. -Thank you. Thank you, guys.
1334
01:30:19,583 --> 01:30:22,000
-Thank you. -Okay.
1335
01:30:22,083 --> 01:30:23,292
- Oh, hi. -Hi.
1336
01:30:23,375 --> 01:30:25,833
-Hi, thank you for coming. -My gosh.
1337
01:30:25,917 --> 01:30:28,167
This is so fucking cool,
1338
01:30:28,250 --> 01:30:29,917
but especially for the suburbs.
1339
01:30:30,000 --> 01:30:31,708
I'm so into this show.
1340
01:30:31,792 --> 01:30:34,250
It's very provocative. Very you.
1341
01:30:34,333 --> 01:30:35,333
Thank you.
1342
01:30:35,417 --> 01:30:37,667
It reminds me a little bit of Charlotte Ghibli's work
1343
01:30:37,750 --> 01:30:39,667
from last year, but I mean that in a good way.
1344
01:30:39,750 --> 01:30:43,792
It's not derivative, like it's in conversation. You know?
1345
01:30:45,583 --> 01:30:46,583
Excuse me.
1346
01:30:50,333 --> 01:30:52,792
-Oh. -Oh, you came!
1347
01:30:55,292 --> 01:30:56,583
You did it.
1348
01:30:57,500 --> 01:30:59,917
They called and you answered.
1349
01:31:13,917 --> 01:31:15,333
Did you see Naya?
1350
01:31:17,208 --> 01:31:20,458
I can't believe we got her out of the city.
1351
01:31:26,792 --> 01:31:27,917
You okay?
1352
01:31:31,167 --> 01:31:32,250
Not really.
1353
01:31:36,375 --> 01:31:37,375
I didn't get it.
1354
01:31:39,833 --> 01:31:41,375
Get it? Get what?
1355
01:31:41,458 --> 01:31:42,792
I didn't see it.
1356
01:31:43,375 --> 01:31:47,583
I mean, I didn't-- I didn't see all that you were giving up by being at home.
1357
01:31:49,917 --> 01:31:51,833
Oh, right.
1358
01:31:53,125 --> 01:31:55,125
I mean, look at what you fucking did.
1359
01:31:56,458 --> 01:32:00,083
It's like I feel like I've been led into this whole universe
1360
01:32:00,167 --> 01:32:02,125
that I've been totally blind to,
1361
01:32:02,208 --> 01:32:06,042
just all the things that you weren't able to say.
1362
01:32:07,667 --> 01:32:08,667
Yeah.
1363
01:32:11,000 --> 01:32:12,333
I'm just in awe.
1364
01:32:13,750 --> 01:32:15,750
I'm in fucking awe of you.
1365
01:32:17,417 --> 01:32:20,625
And I should have told you to not give this up.
1366
01:32:21,292 --> 01:32:22,583
I fucked up.
1367
01:32:23,833 --> 01:32:27,250
I fucked up, and I'm sorry.
1368
01:32:42,708 --> 01:32:44,083
You're so weird and...
1369
01:32:46,542 --> 01:32:47,750
and I love you.
1370
01:32:50,375 --> 01:32:51,583
I love you.
1371
01:33:05,792 --> 01:33:06,917
Okay.
1372
01:33:07,542 --> 01:33:09,083
I gotta go relieve the sitter.
1373
01:33:11,708 --> 01:33:12,833
I'll come with you.
1374
01:33:12,917 --> 01:33:15,208
No, no, please.
1375
01:33:15,292 --> 01:33:18,000
You should go meet up with all the moms from Book Babies.
1376
01:33:18,083 --> 01:33:19,917
They're at the bar across the street.
1377
01:33:20,000 --> 01:33:21,208
You sure?
1378
01:33:22,250 --> 01:33:24,292
Yeah, it's your night.
1379
01:33:31,583 --> 01:33:33,417
What sound's a bear make?
1380
01:33:37,250 --> 01:33:38,833
There are times when I look at my son,
1381
01:33:38,917 --> 01:33:41,667
and I cannot tell where he begins and I end.
1382
01:33:42,333 --> 01:33:45,000
He is that much a part of me.
1383
01:33:45,833 --> 01:33:47,500
We are part of one another.
1384
01:33:48,083 --> 01:33:51,917
You guys, you-you be a bear.
1385
01:33:52,000 --> 01:33:53,542
You be a bear. I'll be a bear.
1386
01:33:53,625 --> 01:33:55,750
All right, who goes first?
1387
01:33:55,833 --> 01:33:57,167
You.
1388
01:34:06,250 --> 01:34:08,792
This must be what it is to be an animal.
1389
01:34:11,500 --> 01:34:15,000
Beneath the moon, we pile inside our warm cave,
1390
01:34:15,083 --> 01:34:18,125
becoming one creature to save our warmth.
1391
01:34:20,000 --> 01:34:21,000
You go to sleep?
1392
01:34:21,083 --> 01:34:24,750
This is how it's always been and how it will continue to be.
1393
01:34:27,583 --> 01:34:30,458
Wanted to go back to sleep.
1394
01:34:44,333 --> 01:34:45,875
Sleepy time.
1395
01:34:59,667 --> 01:35:01,333
Okay. Okay. All right.
1396
01:35:06,542 --> 01:35:08,167
-I can't. -Listen to me.
1397
01:35:08,250 --> 01:35:09,333
-Yeah. -You can do this.
1398
01:35:09,417 --> 01:35:10,500
Your mother did this.
1399
01:35:10,583 --> 01:35:12,167
Her mother did this.
1400
01:35:12,250 --> 01:35:14,417
So it is time for you to dig deep.
1401
01:35:14,500 --> 01:35:15,958
Find the strength.
1402
01:35:16,792 --> 01:35:19,250
Because it's time to meet your daughter.
1403
01:35:19,333 --> 01:35:20,375
Now!
1404
01:35:22,250 --> 01:35:23,625
Come on.
1405
01:35:23,708 --> 01:35:25,125
I got it.
96396
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