Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
OpenSubtitles.org require your login in mx player
for uploading subtitles, please login now
2
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:08,675
[Dogs Barking]
3
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:15,355
[Toys Squeaking]
4
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:18,159
[Dogs Whimpering]
5
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,760
[Guns Cocking]
6
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,559
Ah, the Heckler & Koch G-36.
7
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,835
Quite deadly in the right hands.
8
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,114
Ah, Agent One.
9
00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,192
I have been so looking
forward to this moment.
10
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:05,717
Well, in that case,
I'll try not to disappoint.
11
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:10,715
You overestimate your power
over women, Mr English.
12
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,680
I'd say that would be
virtually impossible.
13
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:31,074
Sir? Sir?
14
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,789
- Sir! Have you got them?
- [Gasps]
15
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,509
- Hmm?
- The mission documents. Agent One's flying tonight.
16
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:43,037
Yes, the mission documents.
They're here somewhere. Ah, here we are.
17
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,596
Agent One.
18
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,477
Gentlemen.
19
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,477
I'm here for my documents.
20
00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,757
Bough, Agent One's
documents, please.
21
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,350
- [Clears Throat]
- Thank you.
22
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,476
Your mission documents,
Agent One.
23
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,269
Including the codes for the submarine
hatch, which I've checked myself.
24
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,033
Thank you.
25
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:20,069
So, is it just France tonight, or will you
be slipping over the Pyrenees as well?
26
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:23,869
If I told you that,
I'm afraid I'd have to kill you.
27
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:28,112
Oh.
[Nervous Chuckle]
28
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:33,479
[Muttering] Oh, yes, yes.
Well, I expect you would.
29
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,471
Cheerio, Agent One.
30
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,632
Bonne chance.
Arrivederci.
31
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,870
Such class.
Such distinction.
32
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:49,472
[Bell Tolling] To: MI7 All Depts. Urgent!
Agent One killed in action in Biarritz.
33
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:53,030
Submarine hatch failed to open.
34
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:58,148
The greatest secret agent England's
ever had snuffed out in an instant.
35
00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,993
Terrible.
36
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,993
Do you know what makes us envied
the world over, Bough?
37
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:08,834
- That there's always another agent waiting to step in.
- Absolutely, sir.
38
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:12,230
And every last one of them
is gathered around that grave.
39
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:16,598
It is our honour and privilege
to guard them while they grieve.
40
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,673
Their lives are in our hands, Bough.
41
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,069
[Tyres Screeching]
42
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:31,999
Everything in order, English?
43
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,789
I think you'll find it's rather
more than just in order, sir.
44
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:39,793
You're now entering the most secure
location in the whole of England.
45
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,111
[Cow Mooing]
46
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,395
[Man] Pegasus,
we face a national crisis.
47
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:53,359
Agent One was clearly onto something,
and we have to find out what.
48
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,352
I need another agent on this.
Who else is there?
49
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,637
No one, Prime Minister.
They all died in the explosion.
50
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,995
All of them?
51
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,719
Well, luckily there is
one who survived.
52
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,074
Who?
53
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,515
# One eye on the shadows #
54
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,319
# Protecting his fellows #
55
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:14,437
- # From sunup till the moon on his back #
- [Grunting]
56
00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:17,717
- # Sendin' villains to Hades a hit with the ladies #
- Johnny English.
57
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,031
# A stallion in the sack #
58
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:25,113
- # You can't get your life back when right follows left, Jack #
- [Groaning]
59
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,590
# The more you see
the less you know #
60
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:32,878
# When others would leak it
His service is secret #
61
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,669
# Plays God
when it's your time to go #
62
00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,593
# Hey, fellas
Don't be jealous #
63
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:43,036
# When they made him
they broke the mould #
64
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,193
# So charismatic
with an automatic #
65
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,352
# Never prematurely
shooting his load #
66
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,351
Hah!
67
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,431
# Queen and country
safe and sound #
68
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,476
# With villains
six feet underground #
69
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,074
# And no one knows 'cause
no one's found any trace #
70
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,116
# Of a man for all seasons #
71
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,714
# Loves 'em
and leaves 'em alone #
72
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,270
# So alone #
73
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,114
# And you and I wouldn't have a clue
who's doin' what, why, when and who #
74
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,236
# Up a creek with no canoe
Watch out #
75
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,834
# For the man
for all seasons #
76
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,718
# Loves 'em
and leaves 'em alone #
77
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,711
# So alone #
78
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:25,920
- # But safe at home #
- # But safe at home #
79
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,470
- # Oh, yeah, yeah #
- # But safe at home #
80
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:32,154
# But safe at home
But safe at home #
81
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,996
# Then you and I wouldn't have a clue
who's doin' what, why, when and who #
82
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,277
# Up a creek with no canoe
Watch out #
83
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,555
# For the man
for all seasons #
84
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,349
# Loves 'em and leaves 'em
alone, so alone #
85
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:53,433
# But safe at home ##
86
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,471
Right.
87
00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,473
Johnny English.
I'm here to see Pegasus.
88
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,757
Still, no sense rushing things.
89
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,271
There are some items you need
to sign before your briefing.
90
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,272
This is your new retinal I.D. card,
91
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,477
and this is your level
nine security clearance.
92
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,677
Sign and date, please.
93
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,876
Ah.
94
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,555
Oh, reminds me of the old
service issue ballpoint.
95
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:29,030
I remember every agent would
carry a pen that looked just like this.
96
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,317
Completely innocent to the
untrained eye, but click it twice--
97
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,311
[Gasps]
98
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,269
Ah, English, there you are.
99
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,272
Have you seen my secretary?
100
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,557
Um... she went out.
101
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:49,275
Um... shall we?
102
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:56,277
Now, Agent One believed that there
was a plot to steal the Crown Jewels.
103
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,477
They've recently been through
a multimillion-pound restoration,
104
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,676
largely paid for by a corporate sponsor.
105
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,150
They're due to be unveiled
tonight at the Tower of London.
106
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:09,358
The queen is insisting that the ceremony
goes ahead, so what we want you to--
107
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,316
Hah! Who-- Who--
108
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,994
Who is the sponsor, sir?
109
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,389
Pascal Sauvage.
110
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,392
What, that flouncy Frenchman
who owns a couple of prisons?
111
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,756
Sauvage's L7 billion empire,
English,
112
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,752
operates over 400 prisons
in 60 countries.
113
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,274
- He's built 25 of them here.
- Right, sir.
114
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,999
The man's related to the royal family,
for goodness'sake.
115
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:39,995
As far as the prime minister's concerned,
he's one of the greatest friends England's got.
116
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:45,677
Now, English, I want you at the Tower
tonight, monitoring this unveiling.
117
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,274
Any chink in security,
any weakness,
118
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,113
however slight,
must be plugged immediately.
119
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,555
Do we understand each other?
120
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,631
- Perfectly, sir.
- Good.
121
00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,439
- Oh, yes.
- And, uh, English...
122
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:02,069
we can't afford any mistakes--
not tonight.
123
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,756
The word ''mistake'' sir, is not one
that appears in my dictionary.
124
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,434
THE TOWER OF LONDON
125
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,476
[Engine Revs]
126
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,551
Fantastic car, sir!
127
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:28,076
Mr English, Colonel Sir Anthony
Chevenix, head of Royal Security.
128
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,071
Ah, Colonel, good evening.
129
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,993
- Snipers posted on the roof as per my request?
- Thirteen of them.
130
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,992
- Windows?
- Refitted with bullet and shatter-proof glass.
131
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,834
I shall now mingle
inconspicuously with the guests.
132
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,878
- Let me know when Her Majesty arrives.
- Very good.
133
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,554
Shall I mingle with you, sir?
134
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,712
Oh, yes, Bough.
Once you've checked the roof.
135
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,349
[Screaming]
136
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,476
Help! Help!
137
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,516
Well, hello.
138
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,511
Hello yourself.
139
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,398
Johnny English.
140
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,994
Lorna Campbell.
141
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,878
A Bloody Mary, please,
not too spicy.
142
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,475
So, are you here in
some professional capacity?
143
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:34,835
I worked on the restoration of the jewels.
144
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,832
- Intriguing.
- And yourself?
145
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:41,549
If I told you that,
I'm afraid I'd have to kill you.
146
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,835
I'd like to see you try.
147
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,596
Monsieur Sauvage,
on behalf of Her Majesty,
148
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,875
may I welcome you to the Tower.
149
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,428
Merci, monsieur.
150
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,272
So, are you here alone,
Mr English?
151
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,397
That's how I choose
to live my life, Miss Campbell.
152
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:07,156
Women want safety, security.
I can offer them nothing but danger.
153
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,038
Some women find danger very attractive.
154
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,157
Women like you, Miss Campbell?
155
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,037
Women like me expect men like you...
156
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,270
to find that out for yourself.
157
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:23,079
Hmm.
158
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,913
Madame.
159
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:30,471
Oh, it's for me, actually. Could your
rustle up some of those cheesy niblets?
160
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,915
Now, where were we?
161
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,833
You obviously haven't met
our host, Monsieur Sauvage.
162
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,990
No, thank God.
163
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:42,631
You know, I think I'd rather have
my bottom impaled on a giant cactus...
164
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,359
than exchange pleasantries
with that jumped-up Frenchman.
165
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:50,355
As far as I'm concerned, the only thing
the French should host is an invasion.
166
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,433
[Snickers]
Sorry, can I help?
167
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:58,035
Pascal Sauvage, jumped-up Frenchman.
168
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:01,112
Lorna Campbell. I've been so
looking forward to meeting you.
169
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,760
- Enchant�.
- [Muttering]
170
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,912
But of course! You're Johnny English.
I've heard all about you.
171
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,515
And between you and me,
I'm not so keen on the French myself.
172
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,478
But please don't tell them that.
173
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,757
Let me go and search
for your nibbly cheese bits.
174
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:20,674
- No, no, no. I--
- I insist. The French are, after all, fantastic waiters.
175
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,876
- The best in the world.
- Well-- But-But--
176
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,032
- Wait here, and I will wait on you.
- No, really. There's no--
177
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,317
No. Please, please, please!
178
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,431
Hmm. Les Fran�ais.
179
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:38,719
Ils sont very...
n'est-ce pas?
180
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,875
Ladies and gentlemen,
mesdames est messieurs,
181
00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:01,431
bienvenus, welcome tonight
to this wonderful occasion.
182
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:05,229
As we stand here
in the Tower of London,
183
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,390
the most famous prison
in the world,
184
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,916
where these wonderful
jewels will rest safely...
185
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,116
under lock and key,
186
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,919
I want to thank you...
187
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,151
for giving me
this wonderful experience...
188
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:23,677
to contribute to the restoration
of these jewels.
189
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:28,072
It was, as we say in France,
le top, le best of.
190
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,594
- [Feigned Chuckle]
- And what a beautiful--
191
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,599
[Screaming]
192
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:48,478
[Grunts]
193
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:51,074
[Woman Screams]
194
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:55,438
It's Colonel Chevenix! He's got
a nasty wound, sir. Who hit him?
195
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,990
The assailant.
He ran in here.
196
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,435
Bough, you guard the door.
197
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:05,069
Aha!
[Grunting]
198
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,594
[Pounding, Grunting]
199
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,036
For God's sake, Bough, don't come in.
The man's a maniac!
200
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:14,351
- [Guests Gasp]
- You don't frighten me!
201
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,590
- [Glass Shatters]
- Missed!
202
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:19,478
[Guests Gasping]
203
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,873
[Grunting Continues]
204
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,189
[Karate Yells]
205
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,670
[Body Falls]
206
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:48,034
- [Guests Gasping]
- I've managed to subdue the assailant.
207
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:52,193
The panic's over.
Everything's under control.
208
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:56,068
- [Applause]
- [Chevenix Groans]
209
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,913
Thank you. And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
210
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,753
we should compose ourselves
for the arrival of Her Majesty...
211
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,912
and return to the site
of our great nation's...
212
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:09,278
magnificently restored
Crown Jewels.
213
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,269
[All Gasping]
214
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:15,271
I know. I feel it too.
215
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,749
The very symbols
of our island nation,
216
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,594
so close we could almost
reach out and--
217
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:27,038
- ## [Trumpet Fanfare]
- Pray silence for Her Majesty the Queen.
218
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,078
[Queen]
Oh, where are the jewels?
219
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,355
[Pegasus]
It's an unmitigated disaster, English.
220
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,193
I couldn't agree more, sir.
221
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,909
Well, we need to get these
jewels back, English, and fast.
222
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:46,714
Tell me about this assailant. When they
searched the room, there was no sign of him.
223
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,598
Well, the man was clearly
a professional.
224
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,752
He must have escaped while
the queen was being sedated.
225
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,752
But he's the only lead we've got.
We have to find him.
226
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,833
Come in. This is--
This is Roger from Data Support.
227
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,957
Please sit down. He'll produce
a likeness based on your description.
228
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,316
So tell us,
what did this man look like?
229
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,392
Um... well...
230
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,597
he was... big.
231
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:18,471
- Hair colour?
- Um... orange.
232
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,597
- Orange?
- Mmm. And curly.
233
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:25,309
Well, frizzy, actually.
Frizzy sort of thing.
234
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,834
- Frizzy.
- An eyepatch.
235
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,390
Broken nose.
Very few teeth.
236
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,710
Two, I would say,
at the most.
237
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:37,076
And a scar on his cheek...
238
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:41,392
in the shape... of a banana.
239
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:45,359
- Which cheek?
- Both cheeks.
240
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:48,238
They sort of met in the middle.
241
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,030
Are you sure about this, English?
242
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:02,432
[Gasps] Oh, yes, that's him.
An uncanny resemblance.
243
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:06,718
Why, it's just as if
he's in the room with us.
244
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,394
[Horn Honking, Tyres Screeching]
245
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:16,520
Wow! Look at this, sir.
Got all the bells and whistles.
246
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,478
Never mind about the gadgets.
Just focus on the case.
247
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,471
[Horn Honks]
248
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,475
[Engine Revs]
249
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,313
Oh, uh--
250
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,555
Good morning, gentlemen.
Thank you very much for waiting.
251
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,918
Now, the question that faces us
this morning is a simple one.
252
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,391
Namely, how did the thieves gain access
to this highly secure environment...
253
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,677
and then escape
with the jewels afterwards?
254
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:54,550
A simple question, but one
which I believe has a complex answer.
255
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,757
- Actually, sir--
- Uh, please, Bough. My mind is at work.
256
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,718
Now, what you must grasp, gentlemen,
is that the master criminal...
257
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:04,998
sees not a room
but a series of opportunities.
258
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,355
Should I go in
through the window?
259
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,351
Possibly.
260
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,797
- Should I drop down from the ceiling?
- Actually, sir--
261
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:17,634
There's one thing I think
we can be fairly confident about,
262
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,280
that is that they didn't
come up through the floor--
263
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,476
I've got you, sir.
264
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,233
That's all right.
Just come my way, Bough.
265
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,949
- That'll bring me right over the hole, sir.
- There's no need to panic.
266
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,355
Can you see
the bottom yet, Bough?
267
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:37,273
Not yet, sir. The shaft
appears to be narrowing.
268
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,193
I'm just a little bit worried
I might get stuck.
269
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:44,432
Trust me, Bough. You won't
get stuck if you just keep moving.
270
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,193
Yes, sir.
[Bough Grunting]
271
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,113
I'm okay, sir.
272
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,555
Are you at the bottom
now, Bough?
273
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,074
No, I am in fact stuck now, sir.
274
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,755
Oh, for God's sake, Bough.
Stay there! I'm coming down.
275
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,957
Uh, I'm not especially sure
that's a good idea, sir.
276
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,759
Don't Worry.
277
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,274
Be careful, sir!
278
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,829
Gently does it.
279
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,559
- [Screaming]
- Sir?
280
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,473
- Are you all right, sir?
- Yes. I landed on something quite soft.
281
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,233
- That was me, sir.
- Oh, good.
282
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,551
What now?
283
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,393
There's no way back
up there, that's for sure.
284
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,471
But this must lead somewhere.
285
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,630
I'm slightly uncomfortable in the dark, sir.
286
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,870
There's nothing
to worry about, Bough.
287
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:41,873
- It may be pitch black, but we can still see.
- Can we, sir? How?
288
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,633
The Bedouin monks of
the Al Maghreb mountains...
289
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:47,029
developed a system of sonic chanting.
290
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:49,759
- I see, sir.
- The sound of their chanting...
291
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:51,990
would bounce back
off any obstacles,
292
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,275
and using their highly tuned ears...
293
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,079
they could paint a mental
picture of the path ahead.
294
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,232
- Brilliant, sir.
- However, you must always sing in E-flat.
295
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,709
## [Humming]
296
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:07,078
# E-flat, E-flat, E-flat #
297
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,870
# Thank you for the music
The songs I'm singing #
298
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,554
- Is it working, sir?
- Extremely well, thank you, Bough.
299
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,551
# Thanks for all the joy that-- ##
300
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,551
- [Thud]
- Ow!
301
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,950
You all right, sir? I think
I can see something, sir.
302
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,474
Oh, yeah. Come on.
303
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,233
[Quiet Chattering]
304
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,676
[Man]
Here is the long one.
305
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,796
[Man #2]
It is a long one.
306
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,836
Careful.
307
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:55,710
- I knew it.
- Shall we call for backup, sir?
308
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,634
What? And watch some fat-bottomed
bobby make our arrest for us?
309
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,631
I don't think so.
310
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:08,072
Good morning, gentlemen.
MI7 at your service.
311
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:12,915
Observe, Bough, the dull
incompetence of the criminal mind.
312
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,073
It can never hope to match
our level of technical expertise.
313
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,150
- [Tyres Screeching]
- [Coughing]
314
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,316
- You've got it.
- [Bough] What do we do now, sir?
315
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,391
Watch and learn, Bough.
316
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,279
- They're too far ahead of us.
- Have faith, Bough. They're heading south.
317
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,670
[Nuns Screaming]
318
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,433
- There they are, sir!
- Just as I thought.
319
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:34,515
- Hang on tight, Bough.
- [Bough Groaning]
320
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:44,350
- [Horns Honking]
- We're never gonna catch them in this.
321
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,318
- Take the wheel, Bough. I'm getting in the Aston.
- Sir?
322
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,312
[Truck Horn Honking]
323
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:54,109
Change places, Bough.
I'm getting out the other side.
324
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,111
Sir?
325
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,070
Set, Bough. Take me up.
326
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,394
Swing me out, Bough!
327
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:35,470
- Whoa.
- Down.
328
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:42,428
- [Horn Honking]
- Up! Up!
329
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,078
Sorry!
330
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,236
Bough, pull out!
331
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,238
Ow! Ow!
332
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:04,199
Those idiots are right behind us.
Faster!
333
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,673
[Horns Honking]
334
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,830
Uh-huh.
335
00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:35,750
[Beeping]
336
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,913
[Horn Honking]
337
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,040
Drop me here, Bough!
338
00:24:58,120 --> 00:25:01,476
Ow! Oh.
339
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,757
No! No! No!
340
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,195
[Bough]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
341
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,634
[Engine Starts, Revs]
342
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,392
[English] They're turning into
the Brompton Cemetery.
343
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,870
Get here as soon as you can.
I'm going in.
344
00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:00,158
In a wheelchair. But Geoffrey
overcame these terrible disabilities...
345
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,949
with that simple resilience
and sunny optimism...
346
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,112
that so warmed
all of us who knew him,
347
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,555
spending the rest of his life
in the service...
348
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,518
of the poor and disabled
of this parish.
349
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,639
It's very good.
Really very good.
350
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,359
No, no, please go on.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
351
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,193
- It's very entertaining.
- Who's that?
352
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:27,149
That priest act of yours should keep the
other prisoners entertained for hours.
353
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,073
Oh, I'm so sorry. Where are
my manners? Johnny English,
354
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,277
British Secret Service,
and you are all under arrest.
355
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,920
I must say you've done
this whole thing very well.
356
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,514
The attention to detail
is excellent.
357
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,637
You, the grieving granny,
you're very convincing.
358
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,679
Oh, look. Real tears.
Do you get paid extra for that?
359
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,514
Ahh, what we're all here for.
360
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,990
I know! Why don't we
take a look inside?
361
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:57,631
- [Mourners Gasp]
- Oh, you've nailed it down!
362
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,075
Why would you do that?
363
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:04,950
I know you're gonna come back
in two weeks and dig it up again.
364
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:07,349
## [Hums]
365
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:12,309
Now, what are you playing in this
little vignette of deceit and villainy?
366
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,436
I'm the hearse driver.
367
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,193
- You're the hearse driver?
- Yes, sir.
368
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,590
- You're the hearse driver?
- Yes, sir.
369
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,558
Ah! Aha!
370
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,950
There you are... Gunther.
371
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:32,192
Uh, I do hope he hasn't
made a nuisance of himself.
372
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,750
I'm Doctor, um...
373
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:42,557
Bough, of the Lunatic Response Unit.
374
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,599
I'm afraid Gunther here wasn't
supposed to be released until 2028.
375
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,399
Isn't that right, Gunther?
376
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,758
Yes, yes, there's been
the most monumental cock-up.
377
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:58,195
Um, if you'll excuse me,
with the deepest respect,
378
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,510
utmost sympathy.
379
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,194
Uh, he hasn't urinated
on anyone, has he?
380
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,998
- No.
- No, no.
381
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,232
That's a blessing. Are you
gonna give me the gun, Gunther?
382
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:18,309
There. That wasn't too difficult, was it?
383
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,473
- Are you going to come home now?
- [Speaking Gibberish]
384
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,990
[Speaking Gibberish]
385
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,517
Oh... in the van!
Yes, we are going in the van.
386
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,909
Yes, yes.
Vroom, vroom.
387
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,072
- Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom.
- Yes. Yeah.
388
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:41,517
- [Gibberish]
- Yes. He's waving good-bye. Good-bye, everyone.
389
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:43,909
- Good-bye.
- Good-bye, Gunther.
390
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,753
Mind the nice dead people.
There we go.
391
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,632
[Squeaks]
392
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,713
Oh, we'll just go to the path
here. There. Big step.
393
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:59,110
It's a graveyard. It's
where they bring people--
394
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,270
Yes, all right.
You can stop now.
395
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,114
- For appearances, I'll just hold your arm.
- Just keep walking.
396
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,555
In fact, run, run, run!
397
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,035
I can't believe I've done this.
398
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:21,238
I mean, I really
cannot believe I've done this!
399
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,671
You see, 200 years ago,
400
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:33,595
my family should have inherited
the throne of England,
401
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,433
but they were cast aside.
402
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,751
Well, in a few very short days,
403
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,957
it will be back where it belongs.
404
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,120
With me.
405
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:53,513
Shall I try it on?
Yes? No? Maybe?
406
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:57,513
To make you king, we need the
archbishop of Canterbury to do that.
407
00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:59,670
The archbishop of Canterbury...
408
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,639
is being taken care of even as we speak.
TARGET ACQUIRED
409
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,837
TARGET LOCKED
410
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:19,148
There's only one thing, sir.
What are we going to do about English?
411
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:25,793
If I were you, I wouldn't worry
too much about English.
412
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:29,509
He is no threat to us.
I had his flat bugged.
413
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,635
[Karate Yells]
414
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,708
- [Yells]
- [Duck Squeaks]
415
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,270
Clearly, the aptly named
English is a fool.
416
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,875
He might be a fool, but he's
a fool who keeps showing up.
417
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:06,873
Well, the next time
he shows up,
418
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,996
eliminate him.
419
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:10,069
Thank you.
420
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,630
Dieter Klein and Klaus Vendetta, sir.
421
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,508
Released from prison six months ago.
327 convictions between them.
422
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:19,636
Armed robbery,
grievous bodily harm...
423
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:22,029
and combined parking
fines of more than 400--
424
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,953
Uh, yes, all right. Thank you, Bough.
I think we get the picture.
425
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,192
The point is, sir,
that Vendetta and Klein...
426
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,670
are both in the employ
of Monsieur Sauvage.
427
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,752
- Pascal Sauvage?
- Precisely, sir.
428
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,593
But you're not suggesting
Sauvage is involved?
429
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,750
I think he's more
than just involved, sir.
430
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,195
I'm convinced he's
up to his French neck in it.
431
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,670
Don't be absurd. Sauvage
employs thousands of people.
432
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,877
Just because two of them
are villains doesn't mean that he is.
433
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,952
I want him discounted from this
investigation immediately.
434
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:53,951
Yes, sir.
435
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:02,115
All right. Tonight I shall be at Sauvage's
reception for the new French ambassador.
436
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,873
Any developments,
you can reach me there.
437
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,350
Apart from that, I don't want you
within a hundred miles of the man.
438
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:10,396
Absolutely, sir.
439
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:14,395
Requisition order: MI7 quartermasters
for immediate supply;
440
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:18,439
one military transport plane, fully fueled,
with permission for nighttime city over flight;
441
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:22,991
two night camouflage parachutes, plus reserves,
plus neoprene bodysuits, twice, in black.
442
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,275
I've never liked the navy blue.
443
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,716
And a 40-inch chest for me
'cause I need the sleeve length.
444
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,119
- Morning, Felch.
- Morning.
445
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,589
Oh, and two Special Forces signet rings,
446
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,591
primed and colour-coded.
447
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,240
- What's all this for?
- For tonight's operation.
448
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,039
We're going to break into
Sauvage's headquarters.
449
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,395
- But Pegasus said--
- Let me worry about Pegasus.
450
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,712
I know that Sauvage is behind all this,
and tonight we're going to get the evidence.
451
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,076
- Is something wrong, sir?
- Did that sound like Felch to you?
452
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,237
[Whispers]
Bough--
453
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,275
[Whispers]
You, upstairs.
454
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,274
[Grunts, Groans]
455
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,271
Ow.
456
00:34:24,240 --> 00:34:26,310
Can you see him, Bough?
457
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,517
He's on the upper level, sir.
458
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,791
Got him.
459
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,878
And like a coiled viper...
he strikes.
460
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,749
[Bough Groans]
461
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,872
So what you're saying, sir,
is there must have been two of them?
462
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,155
Oh, at least, Bough. Possibly four.
463
00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,276
I wonder why I didn't see them.
464
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,669
You mustn't dwell on your mistakes.
465
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,991
- You must learn from them, then move on.
- Yes, sir.
466
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,959
- So where were you, sir?
- Just drop it, Bough!
467
00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:20,031
- Aah! What is it, sir?
- That bike.
468
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,669
You get things sorted out for tonight.
469
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,878
Well, well, we meet again.
470
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,474
Mr English. What a pleasant surprise.
471
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:46,596
I wondered when
you might show up again.
472
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:51,071
On the contrary, Miss Campbell. It is
not I who keeps showing up. It's you.
473
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,549
Do you like sushi?
474
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,596
Hmm?
475
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,515
Oh, sushi! I practically
live off the stuff.
476
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,388
You might say the mysteries
of the Orient are no mystery to me.
477
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,794
- Sake?
- Ah. Sake.
478
00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:19,756
[Speaking Japanese]
Cheers.
479
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:24,994
May all your daughters
be born with three bottoms.
480
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:35,038
Now then, perhaps
you can explain how it is...
481
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,680
that I run into you
at two crime scenes...
482
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:41,355
and then can't find any record of you
on a single government computer.
483
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,954
Shouldn't you ask
the government that?
484
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,600
I am the government
and I'm asking you.
485
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,237
Let me.
486
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,154
Mmm. You're brave.
487
00:36:56,240 --> 00:36:59,277
They say that sea urchin's
the ultimate acquired taste.
488
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:03,035
Hmm. It's a personal
favourite of mine.
489
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:11,035
I think people are put off
by how it feeds through its bottom.
490
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,350
Would you excuse me
for a moment?
491
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:17,069
[Gagging]
492
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,672
[Shouting In Japanese]
493
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:35,272
Excuse me. Sorry. I'm from MI7.
Sorry. I'm a secret agent.
494
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:56,432
- Everything set, Bough?
- Just about, sir.
495
00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,638
Actually, sir, do you mind if I
run through the plan one more time?
496
00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:02,950
- No, no.
- These are the two buildings here.
497
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:07,477
This one is our target, Sauvage's
headquarters, next to City Hospital.
498
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,757
I jump first and land
on the south side of the roof,
499
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:13,991
abseil down 14 floors and
cut through this window here.
500
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:17,914
[English] I then land on the east side
and abseil down 12 floors.
501
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,151
Where you wait for my signal
that I've disabled the alarm system.
502
00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:23,708
- Yes.
- You them break into this window here,
503
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,473
work your way along the secure corridor
and penetrate Sauvage's office.
504
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,518
- Yes, yes.
- Is that okay, sir?
505
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,558
It's been okay ever since
I thought up the idea, Bough.
506
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,672
Oh, I nearly forgot, sir.
Your laser beacon.
507
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,672
- My what?
- Your laser beacon!
508
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:45,354
It'll guide you onto Sauvage's building.
509
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,796
Your dependence on hardware
really does amuse me, Bough.
510
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,599
I've been dropped into
the Kalahari Desert...
511
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:56,037
carrying nothing more than a toothbrush
and a packet of sherbet lemons,
512
00:38:56,120 --> 00:39:00,272
and I still found my way to
Bulawayo before Ramadan.
513
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,194
So thank you, Bough,
but no thank you.
514
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:09,395
- [Buzzer Sounds]
- Bough, go!
515
00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,948
Geronimo!
516
00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:42,271
- [Buzzer Sounds]
- Fandango!
517
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:07,757
Ugh! Ai-yi-yi.
518
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,909
Right.
519
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:33,230
- [Beeps]
- Alarm's disabled, sir.
520
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:35,231
Roger that, Bough.
521
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,078
[Grunts, Groans]
522
00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:14,118
This is worse
than I thought, Bough.
523
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:18,239
Sauvage has got some kind
of laboratory set up here.
524
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:21,357
God knows what kind
of sick operation he's running.
525
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,351
[Door Opens]
526
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,639
My God, what
have they done to you?
527
00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,917
They've taken some of my blood.
528
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,390
- Bastards!
- It's only for tests.
529
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,233
Of course it is.
Come on, my friend.
530
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:49,392
Let's get you out of here
before they take anything else.
531
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,195
[Groaning]
532
00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:01,359
Ah! Good evening,
Dr Frankenstein.
533
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,476
This way, please.
534
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,313
Come on. I haven't got all night.
535
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,278
And you, you angels of death.
536
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,999
About turn. Come on, let's go.
537
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,310
Come on, come on.
Keep moving.
538
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,790
Come on. Over there. I know
what you're doing here. And you.
539
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:20,952
Come on. Quicker. Quicker.
Over there.
540
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,113
Now then,
541
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,192
perhaps you could direct me
to your evil paymaster.
542
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:32,637
- What are you talking about?
- You know exactly what I'm talking about.
543
00:42:32,720 --> 00:42:36,599
Where is the office
of Pascal Sauvage?
544
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:03,512
Are you coming over here
in a minute, sir?
545
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,512
I'm from MI7.
546
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:10,433
This has been a test of your
emergency response systems,
547
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,637
and I have to say
you've all done extremely well.
548
00:43:13,720 --> 00:43:16,837
Right. Well, I'll leave you to it.
549
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,911
And, uh, get well soon.
550
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:28,358
Oh, God!
551
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,550
Sir. Sir.
552
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:55,035
[Exhales]
553
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:58,396
Did you just land
on the wrong building?
554
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:02,234
I did a precautionary sweep
of the immediate environment.
555
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,311
Right.
556
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,835
- And everything was fine.
- Good.
557
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,036
Okay, let's go.
558
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:19,556
I will be downstairs
at the reception--
559
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:29,908
- That's far enough.
- Well, good evening.
560
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,072
- Perhaps you'd like this as well.
- What is it?
561
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,879
- Let me show you.
- Aah!
562
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,394
Well executed, Bough,
but completely redundant.
563
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,552
- How do you mean, sir?
- Super-strength muscle relaxant.
564
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:44,950
When he wakes up, he'll be
as floppy as a damp old sock.
565
00:44:46,720 --> 00:44:49,439
[Men Conversing, Indistinct]
566
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:52,677
What's this?
567
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:10,190
That's the face of
the archbishop of Canterbury.
568
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:16,039
[English]
What are they doing?
569
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:23,116
[English] What's this got to do
with the Crown Jewels?
570
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,151
Bough.
571
00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:03,032
[Beep, Whirring]
572
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,076
[Bough]
English.
573
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,913
A people whose empire
once covered...
574
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,310
one quarter of the surface
of the earth.
575
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,675
Alas, no longer.
576
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,911
My friends ask me, ''Pascal,
how can you be so interested...
577
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:21,073
in such a backward,
grotty little country?''
578
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,879
My answer is simple:
the queen.
579
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:27,748
The queen has more power
in her tiny white gloves...
580
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:31,276
than any other head of state
in the entire world.
581
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:33,635
She can declare war
or make peace,
582
00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:35,995
and most intriguingly...
583
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:40,756
she can seize any piece of land
which takes her fancy.
584
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:44,549
Of course,
the queen never uses...
585
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:47,313
the enormous power
afforded to her.
586
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,916
But imagine someone
who would use that power.
587
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:55,515
Imagine, say, me.
588
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:59,639
But how could he do that, sir?
How could he make himself king?
589
00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:01,790
The archbishop.
590
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:04,314
- [Sauvage Continues, Indistinct]
- [Door Opens]
591
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,071
Ow.
592
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:17,790
Hands up.
There's a good fellow.
593
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:19,632
Heavily armed for a late night
at the office.
594
00:47:19,720 --> 00:47:24,032
You fool, English. You'll never
get out of the building alive.
595
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,315
I'd save your breath
for my questioning.
596
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,277
I'm not telling you
anything.
597
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,032
Incorrect.
598
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,111
Sodium pentothal.
599
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,590
- I won't lie to you. It's a truth serum.
- [Groans]
600
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:41,196
Now then, why does Sauvage
want to have himself crowned?
601
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,477
You have no idea
what's going on here, do you?
602
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:47,552
[Chuckles] It would be funny
if it wasn't so ''pablibblit''.
603
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:48,959
What?
604
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:53,192
[Mumbling Gibberish]
605
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:57,915
- He's talking gibberish, sir.
- I can hear that.
606
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,911
[Groans]
607
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,878
- He's collapsed onto me, sir.
- I can see that.
608
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,236
- You don't think you could've got the syringes mixed up?
- What?
609
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,153
Given the guard outside truth serum
and given Klein the muscle relaxant?
610
00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:11,151
Aah!
611
00:48:11,240 --> 00:48:15,552
Don't be ridiculous, Bough.
I think I know my right from my left.
612
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:18,632
- Sir?
- Oh, bugger it.
613
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,116
Bough, take ''flodd''.
614
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:26,159
- Take what, sir?
- ''Flodd''. ''Schlage''.
615
00:48:26,240 --> 00:48:29,596
- I'm not quite getting that second word, sir.
- ''Schlaaaagh!''
616
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,591
- Write it down, sir.
- ''Schlaaaagh!''
617
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,672
Yes!
[Muttering Gibberish]
618
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,428
''C.'' C-A-- Uh--
619
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:42,274
Car! Take the car!
We came by plane.
620
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,113
[Muttering Gibberish]
Bugger off!
621
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,395
- Hold it right there.
- [Groans]
622
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,870
- What's wrong with them?
- I'm not telling you.
623
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,758
Wrong answer.
624
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,990
What is it with you two?
625
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,310
Huh?
[Groaning]
626
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:01,318
Let's get outta here.
627
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,311
Sorry, but who are you, exactly?
628
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,994
Special Agent Campbell.
I'm attached to Interpol in Paris.
629
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,275
We've been watching
Sauvage for months.
630
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,271
Why?
631
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,432
Because every major convict released
from a Sauvage prison in six months...
632
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:15,670
has been employed
by one of his companies.
633
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:18,115
We believe he's recruiting them
for a major criminal conspiracy.
634
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,794
- We just don't know what yet.
- [English Mumbles Gibberish]
635
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,315
- What did he say?
- Pegasus!
636
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,675
We have to report
to Pegasus!
637
00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:28,716
Oh, no, sir.
No, no, no.
638
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,792
- How do we get out of here?
- Hey, you tWo!
639
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,553
What you did to me really hurt.
640
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:38,872
Yeah. Sorry about that. How do we
get out of here without being seen?
641
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,633
Okay.
642
00:49:41,720 --> 00:49:45,429
Left by the fountain, right by the fire
exit, to the elevator at the end.
643
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:47,829
- Thank you.
- Oh, my God.
644
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,592
Nice job, Bough.
645
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,478
- Left, sir. Left!
- [English Muttering]
646
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:55,518
[Bough] Sir, you can't go
to Sauvage's reception in this state.
647
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,398
The effect of the drug
has practically worn off.
648
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,357
I'm ''fline''--
649
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:02,590
''schline''--
uh, ''gline''--
650
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:05,353
## [Orchestra]
651
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:14,754
- Monsieur.
- Ah. Thank you.
652
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:16,831
[Glass Shatters]
653
00:50:18,720 --> 00:50:20,915
- Would you like another?
- Please.
654
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:28,792
Thank you.
655
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:33,871
[Groans]
656
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,030
What in God's name--
657
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:38,076
Ah, Foreign ''Sebretarary.''
658
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,594
Um--
[Moans]
659
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:42,511
Aah!
660
00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,831
- ## [Up-tempo]
- Shall we dance?
661
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,274
[Groans]
662
00:51:33,720 --> 00:51:36,678
Excuse me, sir.
I'm very sorry to interrupt--
663
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:38,796
Pascal, how nice
to see you again.
664
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:41,394
- Enjoying the party?
- Oh, splendid affair.
665
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:46,395
I was until I was informed
that your man English...
666
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:49,313
and his curious boyfriend here
have spent the evening...
667
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:52,790
breaking into my office
and assaulting my staff.
668
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:56,031
- Is this true, Bough?
- Well, we-- we--
669
00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:08,235
What do you think
you're up to?
670
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:11,073
- Sir, if I could just offer--
- Go home, Bough!
671
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:12,912
Now!
672
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,514
I gave you direct orders
not to meddle with Sauvage.
673
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,910
What do you do? Break into his office
and assault two of his staff.
674
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:23,232
Then you march in here, loaded with God
knows what, and insult the foreign secretary.
675
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:26,039
I haven't encountered such
behaviour in Whitehall in 30 years.
676
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:28,918
- But--
- There are no ''buts'', English.
677
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:32,470
You're off the case. Your security
clearance is hereby cancelled.
678
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:35,791
After a three-month leave of absence,
you will return at your old grade.
679
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,872
And I hope never
to hear your name again.
680
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:05,074
[Thunder Rumbling]
681
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,829
[Sauvage]
English has seen too much.
682
00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:34,309
We go to Plan B.
683
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:36,709
Get rid of
the fake archbishop...
684
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,598
and green-light
the visit to Her Majesty.
685
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:43,355
Then this pathetic country
can humiliate itself...
686
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,000
by crowning me officially.
687
00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:01,273
THE QUEEN'S RESIDENCE
AT SANDRINGHAM
688
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:13,031
That's a letter
of abdication...
689
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,031
renouncing your claims
to the throne...
690
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:18,078
and the claims
of your entire family.
691
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:20,071
Sign it.
692
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:29,791
Never!
693
00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:33,235
[Yelps]
694
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:35,709
- [Gun Cocks]
- [Whimpers]
695
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:40,398
[Dog Barks]
696
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:43,916
- [Rings]
- Yes?
697
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:46,958
Prime Minister, sorry to call so late,
but I'm afraid the queen is abdicating.
698
00:54:47,040 --> 00:54:48,678
What?
699
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:52,992
Abdicated?
But that's not possible.
700
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:55,196
I only wish that were true.
701
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:59,239
- Let me talk to her. Maybe she just--
- Pascal, she's gone.
702
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:01,959
My people have spent
the last 10 hours...
703
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:05,476
trying to track down
the rightful heir to the throne...
704
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:08,677
and they've come up with a name,
which they've double-checked.
705
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:11,149
Who is it?
706
00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:14,232
- It's you.
- No!
707
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:18,354
## [Whistling]
708
00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:21,352
[Radio Announcer] In the wake
of the return of the Crown Jewels...
709
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,396
to a police station
in North London,
710
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:26,119
Pascal Sauvage has requested
that his coronation...
711
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:28,634
take place this Thursday.
712
00:55:28,720 --> 00:55:32,508
In the House, the prime minister said he
was looking forward to the ceremony...
713
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:35,034
and he believed that Monsieur Sauvage
will make a fine king...
714
00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:39,750
and will bring all that is best about
modern Europe to our ancient institutions.
715
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:42,149
[Doorbell Ringing]
716
00:55:46,960 --> 00:55:49,520
Get your car keys.
We've got work to do.
717
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,637
- Miss Campbell.
- Sauvage is heading back to France.
718
00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:57,191
He's invited 13 of the richest criminal
masterminds in the world to meet him there.
719
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:00,590
I'm sorry, Miss Campbell.
I'm off the case.
720
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:02,199
It's been reassigned.
721
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:04,840
I know.
Reassigned to me.
722
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:10,954
- I want you with me.
- Just leave me alone.
723
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:14,669
Are you gonna sit here in this
grotty flat feeling sorry for yourself?
724
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,877
Or are you gonna get out there
and save your country?
725
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:21,270
I'm gonna sit in the flat.
726
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:25,273
- Johnny, this is ridiculous.
- I'm a spent force.
727
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,679
Spent, my ass.
728
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:36,112
Ow.
729
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:39,709
Will... you...
please... stop?
730
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,036
[Groans]
731
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,111
I'll just be a minute.
732
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,517
NORTHERN FRANCE
733
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:40,995
It'll be nightfall in an hour.
Then we can strike out for the chateau.
734
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:44,197
The fact is, the moment Sauvage
gets that crown on his head,
735
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:47,397
he'll be able to do whatever he likes
with the country that I love,
736
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:50,119
and that is why you and I
have got to stop him.
737
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:55,355
- Relishing the thought?
- Something like that.
738
00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:01,795
I suppose you've made love
to lots of women, haven't you, Johnny?
739
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:08,031
Uh--
Uh, well, you know,
740
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:10,714
one does one's best.
741
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:13,872
It's just--
742
00:58:13,960 --> 00:58:18,795
Well, it's been three years
since my fianc� left me,
743
00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:22,555
and since then I haven't
made love to anyone.
744
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:24,471
But then I met you...
745
00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:28,598
and I felt this...
hunger...
746
00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:31,797
deep down inside.
747
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,952
I wanted to say things to you,
I wanted to do things to you...
748
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:39,397
that I haven't wanted to do
in a very, very, very long time.
749
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:43,148
[Gulps]
750
00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:45,993
What, uh--
751
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,833
What sort of things
are we talking about?
752
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:51,718
Things like
punching you in the face,
753
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:55,031
kicking you in the backside for being
such a pompous, know-nothing asshole.
754
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:59,238
But then I started to see beyond
the idiot that everybody else saw.
755
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:02,232
I started to see
the man on the inside...
756
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:06,279
who was determined to do his duty,
no matter what or who lay in his way.
757
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:10,148
And I began to feel
other things for him,
758
00:59:10,240 --> 00:59:14,870
to want to do
other things for him.
759
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:17,315
Things...
760
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:21,029
involving plastic toys
and soft cheese?
761
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:25,636
- What? [Scoffs]
- What? What?
762
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:29,998
You're toying with me. You're telling me
to stop in the gentlest way you know how.
763
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:32,071
No. N-N-No--
764
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:33,752
You're such a special person...
765
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:36,912
not to take advantage of me
while I'm vulnerable.
766
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,434
- N-No-- Well--
- So thank you...
767
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,715
for being such a gentleman.
768
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,355
Not at all.
769
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:10,231
I know what you're thinking,
Miss Campbell.
770
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:13,039
If we don't pull this off, God knows
what might happen to England.
771
01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:16,396
Actually, I was thinking there must be
a better way in than that pipe.
772
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:19,516
Well, there isn't.
773
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:22,512
I've analysed it from every angle,
and this is the best option.
774
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:26,229
I'll go in first, and if it's a clear
way through, I'll call down.
775
01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:29,876
Johnny.
776
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:33,111
- Be careful.
- I'm always careful.
777
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:34,997
Ohh.
778
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:05,712
[Gagging, Coughing]
779
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:10,350
[Fart]
780
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:20,392
[Toilets Flushing]
781
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:25,796
- [Tapping On Glass]
- Gentlemen.
782
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:27,677
In a few hours time...
783
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:30,320
I will become
the next king of England.
784
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:49,509
[Whispers]
Oh, no.
785
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:06,111
Hyah--
[Gagging, Coughing]
786
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:08,953
- How did you get here?
- Up the ladder.
787
01:02:09,040 --> 01:02:11,474
Pull yourself together.
It's only a bit of poo.
788
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:18,557
Oh! Oh, it's cold!
It's cold!
789
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:20,672
What is the one commodity...
790
01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:25,436
the world never seems
to run out of?
791
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:27,556
Criminals, gentlemen.
792
01:02:27,640 --> 01:02:29,835
- [Guests Murmuring]
- Lawbreakers.
793
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:33,515
Every nation in the world
struggles...
794
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:36,239
with the issue
of overcrowded prisons.
795
01:02:36,320 --> 01:02:41,440
So, what do we do
with all these villains?
796
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:44,432
Find the solution
to that problem...
797
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:48,718
and the governments of the world
would pay you through their nose.
798
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:52,709
Fortunately,
I have found a solution.
799
01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:58,793
We empty every prison
on the entire planet,
800
01:02:58,880 --> 01:03:03,715
we take the resulting
tidal wave of human scum...
801
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:06,360
and we put it here.
802
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:08,510
[Gasping, Murmuring]
803
01:03:09,760 --> 01:03:13,116
The moment
I am crowned king,
804
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:15,794
I will turn England
into the largest prison...
805
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:18,633
in the history
of the world.
806
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:23,355
210,000 square miles...
807
01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:25,510
of prime real estate...
808
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:29,149
conveniently separated
from true civilization...
809
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:31,390
by 20 miles of ocean...
810
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:33,630
- and soon to be available...
- Come on.
811
01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:39,431
for the entire world
to dump its human waste in.
812
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:41,511
According to
current projections,
813
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:47,277
we will not run out of prison space
for the next 500 years.
814
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:51,273
So, tonight one,
and only one, of you...
815
01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:56,229
will leave here
owning 49 percent...
816
01:03:56,320 --> 01:03:58,629
of this venture.
817
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:03,430
So that's his little game.
We must get hold of that DVD.
818
01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:06,512
But how, Johnny?
There's only two of us.
819
01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:08,750
You're young, Miss Campbell,
and inexperienced.
820
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,070
What you seem to
have forgotten is that...
821
01:04:11,160 --> 01:04:14,470
[Over P.A. Speaker]
nobody knows we are here.
822
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:17,916
At our disposal we have
the vital element of surprise.
823
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,958
Now, my plan is simple
but effective.
824
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:25,431
I shall drop from the gallery at this end
of the room and take Sauvage prisoner.
825
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:29,957
You will then enter from the far door,
cutting off any means of escape.
826
01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:35,273
Then, using Sauvage as a hostage,
we'll get the hell out of here. Clear?
827
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:44,675
Get 'em up,
you French ponce.
828
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:49,117
But, Mr English,
I'm gobsmacked!
829
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:51,589
What an unexpected surprise.
830
01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:55,150
Surprises are very much
my speciality, Sauvage.
831
01:04:56,360 --> 01:04:59,033
I think we've seen
enough of this.
832
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:05,673
I know exactly what you're planning,
and I'm here to put a stop to it.
833
01:05:05,760 --> 01:05:10,311
My bottom will be king of England
before you are.
834
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:12,311
Wrong again.
835
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:15,472
Perhaps you'd care
to look behind you.
836
01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:17,790
Oh, please.
837
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:20,713
[Weapons Cock]
838
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,791
Lorna!
839
01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:27,471
I'm sorry, Johnny.
840
01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:31,314
Well, I'm afraid
that we'll have to...
841
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:33,994
conclude the floor show
for tonight.
842
01:05:34,080 --> 01:05:35,832
Not so fast, Sauvage.
843
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:40,232
You may have taken me,
but you'll never take England.
844
01:05:40,320 --> 01:05:42,993
Not as long as I have
breath in my body...
845
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:45,275
or a bullet in my gun.
846
01:05:45,360 --> 01:05:47,351
[Click]
847
01:05:54,040 --> 01:05:58,511
You know, Mr English,
I'm going to miss you. Really.
848
01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:00,750
You're very entertaining.
I thank you.
849
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:02,432
Take them away.
850
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:08,592
[Radio Announcer]
Good morning, everybody,
851
01:06:08,680 --> 01:06:10,750
and welcome to
the breakfast show.
852
01:06:10,840 --> 01:06:12,956
[Speaking French]
853
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:16,157
As the crowds are gathering here for
the crowning of our first French king...
854
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:18,276
since the year 1066,
855
01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:23,115
call here at London FM with the top ten
things you most love about the French.
856
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:26,510
We haven't had
any calls yet, uh, at all,
857
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:29,990
but the lines are still open
and I'll give you that number again--
858
01:06:30,080 --> 01:06:33,072
0-2-0-7--
zero, deux, zero, sept--
859
01:06:35,640 --> 01:06:37,756
This is not good,
Johnny.
860
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:39,910
We've got to think
of something.
861
01:06:41,600 --> 01:06:44,717
[Johnny]
Wait a minute. I've got an idea.
862
01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:46,358
Hop! Hop!
863
01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:50,035
And hop! And hop!
And stop!
864
01:06:50,120 --> 01:06:52,475
Now, are you familiar...
865
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:56,109
with the shaman throat warblers
of the Guatemalan delta?
866
01:06:56,200 --> 01:06:57,519
What?
867
01:06:57,600 --> 01:06:59,511
It has long been
their belief...
868
01:06:59,600 --> 01:07:03,479
that a whistle pitched at the precise
resonant frequency of a metal lock...
869
01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:07,473
will vibrate the levers in such a way
that the door will simply swing open.
870
01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:09,357
Unbelievable.
871
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:12,273
- And kneel.
- [Groaning]
872
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:17,918
Right. Here goes.
873
01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:21,072
[Whistle: Ascending Tone]
874
01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:23,913
- [Sighs]
- [Whistle Continues]
875
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:26,036
[Tone Goes Silent]
876
01:07:28,880 --> 01:07:32,998
- I can't hear anything.
- I'm into ultrasonic.
877
01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:35,878
Will you just stop all this
and face facts?
878
01:07:35,960 --> 01:07:39,555
We've failed. The only thing
that can save us now is a miracle.
879
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,070
- [Rasping Tone]
- [Lock Clicks]
880
01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:47,752
It worked!
881
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:50,479
- Ohh!
- Sir?
882
01:07:58,360 --> 01:08:01,272
I don't know why you hauled yourself up
that dreadful poo tube, Bough,
883
01:08:01,360 --> 01:08:04,989
when there was a perfectly good ladder
right beside it.
884
01:08:05,080 --> 01:08:07,389
Now, Sauvage may have
fooled the country...
885
01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:10,119
with his fake archbishop
and his secret agenda,
886
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:12,475
but he hasn't fooled me.
887
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:16,274
- So, here's the plan.
- [Gasps]
888
01:08:42,440 --> 01:08:45,955
## [Orchestra, Chorus: Majestic]
889
01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:12,479
# Let all good people
rejoice #
890
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:16,071
[Chorus]
# Rejoice #
891
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:19,550
- # Rejoice #
- Aaah!
892
01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:23,394
# Let all good people
rejoice #
893
01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:27,478
# Rejoice #
894
01:09:27,560 --> 01:09:28,959
# Rejoice #
895
01:09:30,040 --> 01:09:32,429
# Rejoice #
896
01:09:32,520 --> 01:09:34,954
# Rejoice #
897
01:09:35,040 --> 01:09:37,474
# Rejoice #
898
01:09:37,560 --> 01:09:43,351
# And sing ##
899
01:09:43,440 --> 01:09:47,274
Sirs, you are hereby called
to witness the anointing...
900
01:09:47,360 --> 01:09:53,390
of your one true lord
and future king Pascal.
901
01:09:53,480 --> 01:09:57,359
Pascal, are you willing
to take the oath?
902
01:09:57,440 --> 01:10:00,716
I am willing.
903
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:04,156
Then be thou anointed...
904
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:07,869
with this holy oil.
905
01:10:08,240 --> 01:10:14,315
And do you, the chosen bishops
of England, Scotland and Wales,
906
01:10:14,400 --> 01:10:17,119
ascent to this anointing?
907
01:10:17,200 --> 01:10:19,634
For Scotland, I do.
908
01:10:19,720 --> 01:10:21,358
For Wales, I do.
909
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:25,152
For England, I do not!
910
01:10:25,240 --> 01:10:28,835
- [Congregation Gasping, Murmuring]
- English!
911
01:10:31,040 --> 01:10:35,511
That man must not be crowned king
because he is...
912
01:10:35,600 --> 01:10:38,273
a fraudster, a charlatan
and a thief.
913
01:10:38,360 --> 01:10:41,830
No, please.
Let him speak.
914
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:46,478
It is this man,
Pascal Sauvage,
915
01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:49,632
who stole the Crown Jewels,
916
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:51,836
who forced the queen
to abdicate...
917
01:10:51,920 --> 01:10:55,674
and who would kill anyone
who got in his way.
918
01:10:55,760 --> 01:10:57,637
It is the end,
Herr English.
919
01:10:57,720 --> 01:10:59,199
[Yells]
920
01:10:59,280 --> 01:11:02,636
[English] He has cheated,
conned and manipulated...
921
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:05,359
this great country
for his own ends.
922
01:11:05,440 --> 01:11:07,670
He's fooled you all!
923
01:11:09,600 --> 01:11:12,910
What's more,
this whole ceremony is a sham...
924
01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:16,436
because that man
standing in front of you...
925
01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:19,557
is not the archbishop
of Canterbury.
926
01:11:19,640 --> 01:11:21,835
[Congregation Gasps]
927
01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:25,595
English, a word of advice.�
Don't go there.
928
01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:30,037
Shut it, Frenchy. I'll go
wherever I damn well please.
929
01:11:30,120 --> 01:11:33,476
- Now take it off.
- What?
930
01:11:33,560 --> 01:11:36,791
Your face
is made of plastic.
931
01:11:38,400 --> 01:11:40,277
Remove it at once.
932
01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:42,749
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
933
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:46,719
Right. I'll just have to
remove it myself.
934
01:11:46,800 --> 01:11:50,839
Come on!
[Grunting, Muttering]
935
01:11:50,920 --> 01:11:54,071
- Maybe it pulls up from the front.
- [Archbishop Groaning]
936
01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:56,515
Come on, you!
937
01:12:11,240 --> 01:12:13,674
- Aaah!
- Thank you very much.
938
01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:17,356
Must be a join here
somewhere.
939
01:12:17,440 --> 01:12:20,238
Fascinating performance
as always, Monsieur English,
940
01:12:20,320 --> 01:12:22,834
but I'm afraid
We must move on.
941
01:12:22,920 --> 01:12:27,118
Nobody's moving anywhere until I'm
finished with this piece of low-life.
942
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:30,112
Do you or do you you not...
943
01:12:30,200 --> 01:12:33,272
have tattooed on your bottom
the words,
944
01:12:33,360 --> 01:12:36,272
''Jesus is coming--
look busy''?
945
01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:40,239
- [Congregation Murmuring]
- Are you insane?
946
01:12:40,320 --> 01:12:42,470
Well, let's find out,
shall we?
947
01:12:42,560 --> 01:12:45,120
Go on, over.
Let's have a look.
948
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:51,916
[Screaming, Gasping]
949
01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:56,110
- [Laughing Hysterically]
- Excellent!
950
01:13:05,040 --> 01:13:08,953
All right, so I was wrong
about the archbishop's bottom.
951
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:13,353
- But there's more.
- But not, I'm afraid, today.
952
01:13:13,440 --> 01:13:15,795
Sergeant, please
take this man away.
953
01:13:15,880 --> 01:13:19,429
- But be gentle with him.
- Do you think that's it?
954
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:21,829
You think I don't have
more evidence?
955
01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:25,230
My loyal subordinate
is standing by with a DVD...
956
01:13:25,320 --> 01:13:28,790
which shows Sauvage's
hideous plans for this country.
957
01:13:28,880 --> 01:13:30,996
Get him out!
Get him out of here!
958
01:13:31,080 --> 01:13:34,789
- Play it, Bough! Play the disk!
- Play it! Now!
959
01:13:35,960 --> 01:13:39,953
## [Upbeat Pop]
960
01:13:50,360 --> 01:13:53,670
- [Lip Synching]
- # You're so hot teasing me #
961
01:13:53,760 --> 01:13:59,596
# So you're blue, but I can't
take a chance on a chick like you #
962
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:02,831
# It's somethin'
I couldn't do #
963
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:07,957
# Well, I can dance with you, honey
if you think it's funny #
964
01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:10,713
# Does your mother know
that you're out #
965
01:14:10,800 --> 01:14:14,349
# And I could shout with you, baby
Flirt a little, maybe #
966
01:14:14,440 --> 01:14:17,432
# Does your mother know
that you're out #
967
01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:20,114
- # Take it easy #
- # Take it easy #
968
01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:22,475
# Better slow down, girl
That's no way to go #
969
01:14:22,560 --> 01:14:25,916
# Does your mother know #
970
01:14:26,000 --> 01:14:28,389
## [Continues]
971
01:14:33,080 --> 01:14:35,310
- Oi!
- Hey!
972
01:14:39,520 --> 01:14:43,069
[Mutters In French]
973
01:14:43,160 --> 01:14:45,276
Well, shall we?
974
01:14:48,840 --> 01:14:51,035
[Sighs]
975
01:14:51,600 --> 01:14:54,751
[Archbishop]
Then as Solomon was anointed king...
976
01:14:54,840 --> 01:14:58,992
by Zadok the priest
and Nathan the prophet,
977
01:14:59,080 --> 01:15:02,390
so be thou anointed...
978
01:15:02,480 --> 01:15:04,311
and consecrated king...
979
01:15:06,040 --> 01:15:09,476
over all the peoples...
980
01:15:09,560 --> 01:15:11,471
whom the Lord thy God...
981
01:15:11,560 --> 01:15:14,916
hath given thee to govern...
982
01:15:15,000 --> 01:15:18,231
and of all your possessions,
983
01:15:18,320 --> 01:15:20,151
wherever they may be.
984
01:15:20,240 --> 01:15:24,438
And so,
in the name of the Father...
985
01:15:24,520 --> 01:15:26,112
and of the Son...
986
01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:28,111
and of the Holy Ghost,
987
01:15:30,080 --> 01:15:32,230
I crown you--
988
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:34,629
[Congregation Gasping]
989
01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:38,395
[Groans]
Damn it!
990
01:15:38,480 --> 01:15:40,471
- Give it back!
- No!
991
01:15:40,560 --> 01:15:42,391
- That is my crown!
- Never!
992
01:15:42,480 --> 01:15:45,870
- Give it back!
- Never in a million years, Sauvage!
993
01:15:45,960 --> 01:15:47,837
- Give it to me!
- Get off.
994
01:15:47,920 --> 01:15:50,514
Merde!
[Shouting In French]
995
01:15:52,800 --> 01:15:54,199
Give it back!
996
01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:57,757
- Stop!
- Shut up!
997
01:15:57,840 --> 01:15:59,512
[All Gasping]
998
01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:03,479
All this stupid little country
have to do is stand in line...
999
01:16:03,560 --> 01:16:07,712
and do what it's told
for one miserable day!
1000
01:16:07,800 --> 01:16:10,473
But can it do that?
1001
01:16:10,560 --> 01:16:12,949
My fragrant French ass,
it can!
1002
01:16:15,720 --> 01:16:17,472
[Gunshot]
1003
01:16:17,560 --> 01:16:20,074
Merde!
1004
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:23,434
- [Gunshot]
- Aah!
1005
01:16:24,720 --> 01:16:27,632
Give it! The crown, eh?
The crown! Go!
1006
01:16:28,920 --> 01:16:32,515
[Shouting In French]
1007
01:16:32,600 --> 01:16:34,875
And so, in the name
of the Father...
1008
01:16:34,960 --> 01:16:37,315
and of the Son
and of the Holy Ghost,
1009
01:16:38,480 --> 01:16:39,959
I crown you...
1010
01:16:42,840 --> 01:16:44,637
king.
1011
01:16:44,720 --> 01:16:46,711
What--
1012
01:17:12,560 --> 01:17:15,518
Arrest that man...
1013
01:17:15,600 --> 01:17:17,670
and lock him away.
1014
01:17:17,760 --> 01:17:20,149
[Congregation Cheering]
1015
01:17:22,280 --> 01:17:26,068
# God save the king
Long live the king #
1016
01:17:26,160 --> 01:17:28,754
# God save the king #
1017
01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:33,072
## [Chorus Continues]
1018
01:17:33,160 --> 01:17:37,597
# Amen, amen, amen, amen
Amen, amen #
1019
01:17:37,680 --> 01:17:41,468
## [Continues]
1020
01:17:43,400 --> 01:17:48,713
# Ahh, amen, amen
Amen, hallelujah #
1021
01:17:48,800 --> 01:17:50,870
# Amen #
1022
01:17:56,360 --> 01:17:59,079
[Cheering, Applause]
[Continue]
1023
01:17:59,760 --> 01:18:02,991
# God save the king ##
1024
01:18:03,080 --> 01:18:07,756
Words can hardly express just how much
we appreciate everything you've done.
1025
01:18:07,840 --> 01:18:10,149
Nothing more
than my duty, ma'am.
1026
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:15,155
And in return, is there anything that
your queen and country can do for you?
1027
01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:17,356
Well,
1028
01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:21,274
since one is asking,
ma'am--
1029
01:18:21,360 --> 01:18:24,432
[Radio Announcer] In celebration
of her return to the throne,
1030
01:18:24,520 --> 01:18:27,432
the queen has declared
August 5 a national holiday...
1031
01:18:27,520 --> 01:18:31,957
and has conferred a knighthood
on the unnamed MI7 agent...
1032
01:18:32,040 --> 01:18:36,033
responsible for foiling the plot of
French businessman Pascal Sauvage.
1033
01:18:36,120 --> 01:18:38,634
Mr Sauvage is now awaiting trial
for high treason,
1034
01:18:38,720 --> 01:18:40,870
a crime which still
carries the death penalty.
1035
01:18:40,960 --> 01:18:45,238
If found guilty, he's asked that his
brain be donated to medical science...
1036
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:49,154
to further research into the causes
of hyper manic schizophrenia.
1037
01:18:49,240 --> 01:18:51,674
Meanwhile, the unnamed English agent
has left the country...
1038
01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:54,797
and has already embarked
on his next challenging mission.
1039
01:18:57,600 --> 01:19:00,512
SOMEWHERE
IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE
1040
01:19:00,600 --> 01:19:02,750
[Lorna]
Sir Johnny English.
1041
01:19:02,840 --> 01:19:05,593
Her Majesty
did seem very grateful.
1042
01:19:07,160 --> 01:19:09,230
She's not the only one.
1043
01:19:17,520 --> 01:19:20,637
Mmm. You are
full of surprises.
1044
01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:28,077
Aaaah!
1045
01:19:28,160 --> 01:19:31,675
- Johnny!
- Oh, f--
1046
01:19:31,920 --> 01:19:34,309
# One eye on the shadows #
1047
01:19:34,400 --> 01:19:36,311
# Protecting his fellows #
1048
01:19:36,400 --> 01:19:39,358
# From sunup
to the moon on his back #
1049
01:19:39,440 --> 01:19:43,558
# Sendin' villains to Hades
A hit with the ladies #
1050
01:19:43,640 --> 01:19:47,315
# A stallion in the sack #
1051
01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:51,075
# You can't get your life back
when right follows left, jack #
1052
01:19:51,160 --> 01:19:54,675
# The more you see
the less you know #
1053
01:19:54,760 --> 01:19:58,275
# When others would leak it
his service is secret #
1054
01:19:58,360 --> 01:20:01,318
# Plays God
when it's your time to go #
1055
01:20:01,400 --> 01:20:06,428
# Hey, fellas
Don't be jealous #
1056
01:20:06,520 --> 01:20:09,398
# When they made him
they broke the mould #
1057
01:20:09,480 --> 01:20:12,438
# So charismatic
with an automatic #
1058
01:20:12,520 --> 01:20:17,389
# Never prematurely
shooting his load, ha #
1059
01:20:17,480 --> 01:20:19,391
# Queen and country
safe and sound #
1060
01:20:19,480 --> 01:20:21,198
# With villains
six feet underground #
1061
01:20:21,280 --> 01:20:24,078
# And no one knows 'cause
no one's found any trace #
1062
01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:26,515
# Of a man for all seasons #
1063
01:20:26,600 --> 01:20:29,637
# Loves 'em
and leaves 'em alone #
1064
01:20:29,720 --> 01:20:32,439
# So alone #
1065
01:20:32,520 --> 01:20:34,238
# And you and I
wouldn't have a clue #
1066
01:20:34,320 --> 01:20:36,311
# Who's doin' what, why
when and who #
1067
01:20:36,400 --> 01:20:38,118
# Up a creek with no canoe #
1068
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:41,351
# Watch out for
the man for all seasons #
1069
01:20:41,440 --> 01:20:44,352
# Loves 'em
and leaves 'em alone #
1070
01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:47,512
# So alone
But safe at home #
1071
01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:51,752
# But safe at home
But safe at home #
1072
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:56,518
# Queen and country
safe and sound #
1073
01:20:56,600 --> 01:20:58,352
# With villains
six feet underground #
1074
01:20:58,440 --> 01:21:01,193
# And no one knows 'cause
no one's found any trace #
1075
01:21:01,280 --> 01:21:03,589
# Of a man for all seasons #
1076
01:21:03,680 --> 01:21:06,752
# Loves 'em
and leaves 'em alone #
1077
01:21:06,840 --> 01:21:09,559
# So alone #
1078
01:21:09,640 --> 01:21:11,312
# And you and I
wouldn't have a clue #
1079
01:21:11,400 --> 01:21:13,391
# Who's doin' what, why
when and who #
1080
01:21:13,480 --> 01:21:15,232
# Up a creek with no canoe #
1081
01:21:15,320 --> 01:21:18,471
# Watch out for
the man for all seasons #
1082
01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:21,472
# Loves 'em
and leaves 'em alone #
1083
01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:24,552
# So alone
But safe at home #
1084
01:21:24,640 --> 01:21:26,278
# Queen and country
Safe and sound #
1085
01:21:26,360 --> 01:21:28,112
# With villains
six feet underground #
1086
01:21:28,200 --> 01:21:30,919
# And no one knows 'cause
no one's found any trace #
1087
01:21:31,000 --> 01:21:33,355
# Of a man for all seasons #
1088
01:21:33,440 --> 01:21:36,512
# Loves 'em
and leaves 'em alone #
1089
01:21:36,600 --> 01:21:39,319
# So alone #
1090
01:21:39,400 --> 01:21:41,038
# And you and I
wouldn't have a clue #
1091
01:21:41,120 --> 01:21:43,111
# Who's doin' what, why
when and who #
1092
01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:44,952
# Up a creek with no canoe #
1093
01:21:45,040 --> 01:21:48,191
# Watch out for
the man for all seasons #
1094
01:21:48,280 --> 01:21:51,272
# Loves 'em
and leaves 'em alone #
1095
01:21:51,360 --> 01:21:52,509
# So alone #
1096
01:21:52,600 --> 01:21:56,912
# But safe at home #
1097
01:21:57,000 --> 01:22:00,549
# Oh-Oh-Ohh, yeah ##
1098
01:22:01,305 --> 01:22:07,633
OpenSubtitles.org require your login in mx player
for uploading subtitles, please login now85118
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.