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1
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,342
Oh, lover, send me secrets
2
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:11,879
Down there from the dark fume
of the fire
3
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,252
Into the garden
we would walk
4
00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:20,888
And ball your body
into wire...
5
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:21,889
You! Clean that window.
6
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,092
MAN:
Yes, sir.
7
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:27,728
Pistachios?
This isn't a baseball game.
8
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:32,166
No, you want to present the
plate-- aioli smear at 12:00,
9
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,236
and for God's sake,
call them servilletes.
10
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,677
All good. Smashing. No notes.
11
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,713
AtenciĆ³n!
12
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:49,583
Hello, help.
13
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,051
In my history
as a wedding guest,
14
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,221
I have successfully heckled
15
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,224
so many ceremonies, people are
gonna be gunning for us today.
16
00:00:56,257 --> 00:01:00,294
Thus, our nuptials
must be absolutely flawless.
17
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,963
So, in the tradition
of punching a bully
18
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,798
to demonstrate one's gravitas,
19
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,867
you, ma'am, are sacked.
20
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:10,771
You have been made redundant.
You are proper on the dole now.
21
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,473
Let that be a warning
to you all.
22
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,908
Oh, and have fun!
23
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:27,121
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
24
00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:29,257
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
25
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:32,860
* Gonna leave you anyway.
26
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,519
Jimmy! Blessed day.
27
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,855
Really, just jacked to shit.
I love you so goddamn much.
28
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,591
Anyfarts, what are you
doing out here?
29
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:06,594
Editing my vows, but now
I've pulled a thread.
30
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,429
It's all starting to unravel.
31
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,831
I did that to a sweater once.
You hear Gretchen's vows yet?
32
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,666
No, but I cannot wait.
33
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,502
You know they're
gonna be so emo.
34
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,937
-(laughs)
-I hope she cries so hard she vomits.
35
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,639
(both laugh)
36
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:19,640
-Oh, shit!
-Hey, welcome, guys.
37
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,675
We can't see each other.
38
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,012
SAM:
Gretchen.
39
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,547
-Missed you.
-Huh, glad they're
40
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,881
on good terms again.
41
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:29,016
Hurry, hand it over.
42
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,017
VERNON:
What's he handing her?
43
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,852
JIMMY:
I don't know.
44
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:35,623
That was weird.
Anyjunk, what's up?
45
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,325
Why'd you need me early?
Last-minute titty bar?
46
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:40,294
No. You're best man now.
47
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,029
What?
(laughs)
48
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,130
What?!
49
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,899
No. No.
50
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,902
Oh, my God!
51
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,471
JIMMY:
Well, well, well.
52
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,374
Here comes my big apology.
53
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,008
Vernon, you're no longer
best man.
54
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:59,413
Oh, okay. That's-that's fine.
I'm fine.
55
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,820
-All right. Let's have it.
-Let's have what?
56
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:09,056
The begging, the groveling.
57
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,924
Perhaps one of your
signature pancakes
58
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,261
with "sorry" spelled out
in frosting.
59
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,596
Oh, no, I meant what I said.
60
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,731
I just came to bring you
your rings.
61
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,600
Oh, shit. Right, yeah.
62
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,902
I was, uh, about to text you
for these.
63
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,072
(tires screeching)
64
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:35,949
(cries)
65
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,521
PODCAST HOST: Katie Overholser
was not the kind
66
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,723
of girl you could ignore,
so when she went missing...
67
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:43,924
What are you doing?
68
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,559
Waiting here in case
you change your mind
69
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:46,727
and need a quick getaway.
70
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,128
And it was that swiftness,
71
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:50,097
with which the search
for Katie began,
72
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:53,601
that would, four days later,
lead to her death.
73
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:57,070
(panting)
74
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,072
You're best man again.
75
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,308
(whoops)
76
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,042
What a roller coaster!
77
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,578
It tastes so much sweeter
now that it was taken away.
78
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:07,415
Your first order of business:
get rid of Edgar.
79
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:18,626
(string music playing)
80
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:19,960
(laughs)
81
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,732
Hey, Paul.
82
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,335
Lindsay.
Perhaps you can help me.
83
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,737
It says I'm assigned
to Table 13,
84
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,640
but I don't see any other guests
assigned to that table.
85
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,309
Cool mystery.
86
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,746
Hey, it was really nice
talking on the phone last night.
87
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:41,415
It was, wasn't it?
(laughs)
88
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:44,418
I'm glad to see I'm not the
only one here without a date.
89
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:47,187
-Oh, I'm actually...
-Here you go, lover.
90
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:50,524
Thank you. Keep the change.
91
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,926
Seriously? Whoa.
92
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,828
No one ever tips
at the Froyo store.
93
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,296
I've thought about
putting a cup out,
94
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,532
but it just feels desperate,
you know?
95
00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:01,769
-You brought the Froyo guy?
-I didn't want to come alone.
96
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:05,005
Anyway, I better get this
Bride Fuel to Gretchen.
97
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,341
See you boys later.
98
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:15,849
Hey, got any errands
you need done for tips?
99
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:20,688
Actually, would you see what you
can find out about Table 13?
100
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,723
Will do, boss.
101
00:05:25,593 --> 00:05:27,661
GRETCHEN:
Okay, it's on.
102
00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,363
(squeals)
Hold on!
103
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:33,033
You're going to want this moment
captured forever.
104
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,536
Okay, come out. Let's see it.
105
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,476
(gasps)
106
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:45,078
It's so beautiful.
107
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,654
Oh.
108
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:56,256
Gretchen.
109
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,692
I can't believe this day
is finally here.
110
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:01,429
Oh, if you make me cry,
I'll kill you.
111
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:04,832
I mean, think about all the men
it took to get here.
112
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,267
-All right.
-So, so many men.
113
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:12,105
So many men...
that I wrote a song about it.
114
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,273
-(music playing)
-It's called
115
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,843
"The Very Last Dick."
116
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,277
-No.
-(music stops)
117
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,346
I love you, though.
118
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,249
Well, I love you, too.
Just a few lines?
119
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,684
I rhyme Horatio and fel...
120
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,954
No, no, no, no. Shh.
121
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,789
(inhales)
122
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,223
Mmm.
123
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,259
(indistinct chatter)
124
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,532
(sighs)
125
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:39,533
(man speaks indistinctly)
126
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:40,868
-It's Jimmy.
-Jimmy.
127
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,903
(cheering and applause)
128
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:49,710
JIMMY:
There they are.
129
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,145
All right.
130
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,280
MAN:
Excuse me.
131
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:54,715
WOMAN:
Yeah, I'd still do him.
132
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,717
-Nice suit.
-Hello.
133
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,285
-Hey, how's it going?
-JIMMY: Yeah, excuse me.
134
00:06:58,318 --> 00:06:59,720
-PAUL: Groom advice.
-Yeah, thank you.
135
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,921
Advice for the groom, excuse me.
136
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,490
(chuckles)
137
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:05,459
Just know that she's
never gonna change. (laughs)
138
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,227
Lindsay sure didn't.
139
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:10,130
Well, until she wanted to plow
other guys in front of me.
140
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,099
That was a rather seismic shift.
141
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,267
-Yeah, cuck, bye.
-But, hey, I have earthquake insurance.
142
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,504
Jimmy, never go back.
143
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,406
Oh, wait, that's the tagline
for Jack Reacher 2.
144
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,809
Did you know that Tom Cruise
is actually six-foot-one?
145
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,844
If you want to add that
to your vows, Jimmy, go ahead.
146
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:24,845
JIMMY:
What?
147
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,913
(sighs):
Ah...
148
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,915
I've been reading
about you in the trades.
149
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,750
-Shame about your movie.
-Mm-hmm.
150
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,918
But you'll sell another one.
151
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,587
Or get staffed.
152
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:36,256
You have to, because you're
marrying my daughter,
153
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:39,927
which means you're responsible
for her now, forever.
154
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,829
Yeah, unlike you.
Cheers, bye-bye.
155
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,531
Oh, this is great, Jimmy.
156
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,833
All weddings should open
with alcohol times.
157
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,502
I got blue one and other one.
158
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:49,937
WOMAN:
What happened?
159
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,172
WOMAN 2: I slept
with my Uber driver last night.
160
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:53,941
(Jimmy groans)
161
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,476
Well, well, well.
162
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,812
I am so happy
for the two of you.
163
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:01,515
Look, just say whatever
awful thing you're gonna say.
164
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:04,518
No, I'm serious. I think you
guys are perfect for each other.
165
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,987
-That said...
-Here we go.
166
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,190
...since you're not
technically married yet,
167
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:14,962
my pregnancy hormones
have made me extra squishy.
168
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,030
(groans)
169
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:18,866
-Everyone here's an alcoholic.
-SAM: Jimmy!
170
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,133
He's coming, he's coming,
he's coming, he's coming.
171
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,168
-WOMAN: See?
-WOMAN 2: You're right.
172
00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,370
Jimmy! What a beautiful day.
173
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,138
I got goose bumps already.
174
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,140
It reminds me of my nuptials,
except, you know,
175
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,009
less timelessly elegant.
176
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,410
-Uh, was I there?
-Yes.
177
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,245
Yes, yes, great event.
So lovely.
178
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:36,349
Listen, what did you fellas
hand Gretchen this morning?
179
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,351
-Uh, Forever Stamps.
-Passport photo for your honeymoon.
180
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:40,420
-Uh, cash, Mafia-style.
-Uh, ticket to Dudamel's Mahler cycle, yeah.
181
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,823
Bitcoins.
182
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,092
Okay, fine.
She asked us for coke.
183
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,728
She was worried she'd get too
drunk and ruin the special day.
184
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,230
Oh. Oh, well,
phew, what a relief.
185
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,600
I thought it was something bad.
No follow-ups.
186
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,234
(stammering)
187
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,936
There you are. The photographer
needs us around back.
188
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,738
Did you get rid of Edgar?
189
00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:01,408
It's in process. Just get your
butt out there and look pretty.
190
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,012
Lindsay.
191
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,614
Huge emergency.
192
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,917
Edgar's in his car
and you need to get rid of him,
193
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,252
and I'm commandeering these
on behalf of the groom.
194
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:15,388
Nothing I do today counts. Bye!
195
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,124
HOST:
So, you were sleeping together?
196
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,126
-MAN: Yeah, I mean...
-What?
197
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,861
How could she
not tell the attorney
198
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,429
that she used to date Kevin?
199
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:24,464
Fuck.
200
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:27,067
-Jesus, Lindsay.
-(beeps)
201
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,237
What the fuck are you doing
out here in your car?
202
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,305
I told Jimmy
not to marry Gretchen.
203
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:35,643
What?! (sighs)
204
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,277
Edgar.
205
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:40,113
Jesus, you are the dumb one.
206
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,582
You killed the group.
207
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:47,655
(sniffles)
208
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,471
MAN: That's why I didn't say
anything; it was just for us.
209
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,773
HOST: But you knew
it could be important.
210
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,813
Okay, now Charlie's Angels.
211
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,082
Twins poster.
212
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:18,418
You have four arms!
213
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,353
An Officer and a Gentleman.
I'm the lady.
214
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,322
Catch me! (grunts)
215
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,458
(groans)
216
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:26,727
Weekend at Bernie's.
217
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,364
Right, I think we're good, yeah?
218
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,266
I'll take the bride
and maid of honor next.
219
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:37,537
Quick, go that way
so you don't run into her.
220
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,826
Oh, my God, Jimmy, I'd hit it.
221
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:02,129
I was never sure before,
but now, yeah,
222
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,396
I'd definitely hit it.
223
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,301
Someone said that Vernon
was taking photos with Jimmy.
224
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,870
How come?
225
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:13,240
Uh, yeah, no biggie, but Vernon
is Jimmy's best man now.
226
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,809
Ooh, let's do the Stanky Legg.
227
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:19,212
What? Why? Where's Edgar?
228
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:22,182
-HOST: The fiber testing--
it failed spectacularly. -No!
229
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,184
What is the D.A. doing?
230
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:27,654
The cops could've dragged in
those fibers on their shoes.
231
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,389
-(groans)
-(car door opens)
232
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,424
(beeps)
233
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,065
Most girlfriends would have
234
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:41,601
tolerated you for a month maybe.
235
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,837
But letting you stay with him
236
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:47,274
was, at times
of particular assholishness,
237
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:50,377
the one humanizing thing
about Jimmy.
238
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,279
Listen, I-I never meant to...
239
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,414
I wouldn't say a word.
I really wouldn't.
240
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:58,518
And while I liked you, Edgar,
241
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,221
the one thing I could never do
was respect you.
242
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:04,124
Because the first few times
it's like, "Hey,
243
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,126
be nicer to the guy."
244
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,762
But the next 2,000 times,
that's on you.
245
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,764
I know. That's why I'm here.
246
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:14,201
He is never going
to respect you.
247
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,237
Never. Never.
248
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,441
I'm just trying to stop him
from making a mistake.
249
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,576
I don't even pity you anymore.
250
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,612
I just hate you now.
251
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,614
Leave.
252
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,817
(car door opens)
253
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,852
Leave now.
254
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,291
(engine starts)
255
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,474
(tires screech)
256
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,650
(engine stops)
257
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:06,086
HOST: And it was.
They did throughout the case.
258
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,588
(string music playing)
259
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,858
Hey, friend. Bad news.
260
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:13,693
There is no Table 13.
261
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,963
-I don't understand.
-Seems it's an old wedding joke
262
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,365
for someone
no one wants to sit with.
263
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:22,035
Oh, dear.
264
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:25,538
Oh, my. That's dispiriting.
265
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:29,342
Yeah, anyway,
why don't we say 50 bucks?
266
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,611
I'll give you $200 to leave.
267
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,646
Deal.
268
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,455
(inhales)
269
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,291
VERNON:
All right, Ben Folds.
270
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,126
Ready to get your socks
knocked off?
271
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,729
Whoa, that's delicious.
272
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,231
What the heck is it?
273
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,233
-It's called trash juice.
-Trash juice.
274
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,468
It's magnificent.
275
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,906
(laughs)
I knew I'd find you one day.
276
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:03,911
(bell ringing)
277
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,754
Ladies and gentlemen,
we will be opening the doors
278
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:18,425
to the main hall in 15 minutes.
279
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:29,336
Wait. What's "squishy"?
280
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,306
Everything.
(laughs)
281
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:47,620
Jimbo, I have
a very special guest. Aw-ooga!
282
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:50,723
MILF alert, MILF alert.
It's Gretchen's mom.
283
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,759
(exclaims)
284
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,696
Just say whatever
you need to say.
285
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,231
It's not gonna change anything.
286
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,636
This was from her
great-grandmother, Gretchen.
287
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,939
She was similarly feisty.
288
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:09,776
I'd appreciate it if you'd give
it to her before the ceremony.
289
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:11,444
Something old.
290
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,449
A word of advice, Jimmy.
291
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:19,286
The more you love Gretchen
and try to take care of her,
292
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,954
the more she'll resent you.
293
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,423
I really love her.
294
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,659
I'm glad.
295
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:35,969
HOST:
So, you and Katie were lovers?
296
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:38,972
That sounds so old-timey.
297
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,807
Look, Gretchen, I'm not leaving.
298
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,475
-Okay?
-Take me home, Dmitri.
299
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,078
I'm not your Lyft, Ben Folds.
300
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,515
For real?
Dang, I keep doing that.
301
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,183
I remember you.
302
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,419
You're friend
with that British guy.
303
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,287
How do you do it?
304
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:57,357
Adult friendships
are so hard to maintain.
305
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:59,792
Billy Corgan and I were
really close until that year
306
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:02,695
that I got the better greenroom
at Weenie Roast.
307
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,532
He never got over that.
308
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:08,301
Point is, you're lucky.
309
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,105
(horn honks)
310
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:13,973
Okay, there's my ride.
311
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:16,009
Folds out, motherfucker.
312
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,718
HOST:
And then she died.
313
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,975
Ah.
314
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,911
Ah, okay.
315
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:54,414
Hell yeah.
316
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,992
No, no, no!
317
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,927
I am not supposed to see you.
318
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,429
What are you doing in here?
319
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,498
You didn't write your vows?
320
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,434
What? What are you
even talking about?
321
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,504
I have them right... Oh, fine.
322
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,840
I had the boys help me.
323
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,909
You care so little
324
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:26,779
about this wedding that
you even farmed out your vows?
325
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:31,017
No. I care so much
that I hired a professional.
326
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,087
Shitstain had his first poem in
The New Yorker when he was 19.
327
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,522
You don't pick out the flowers,
328
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,424
you don't get
your own dress, fine.
329
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,427
But these, these are your vows!
330
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:42,795
They're a sacred pledge to me,
331
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,631
and you have someone else
write them?
332
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:47,066
Why do you even...?
333
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,535
Is Edgar getting in your head?
334
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,736
Is that what this is about?
335
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,438
No. What-what? No.
336
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:53,240
If what Edgar said
didn't affect you,
337
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,074
then why didn't you
tell me about it?
338
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,377
Admit it, you normally
wouldn't give two shits
339
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,579
if I didn't write my own vows.
340
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,248
You're looking for an excuse.
341
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:04,951
No, Gretchen.
I've been so busy justifying
342
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,887
your lack of participation
343
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,890
that I've ignored what you've
been trying to tell me:
344
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,626
-you don't want to get married.
-I'm not well!
345
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,929
No! You can't use that
as an excuse here.
346
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:19,566
-Your mom was right.
-Do not bring up my mom!
347
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,469
There's a part of you
that will resent me forever
348
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,471
if I marry you.
You hate constraints,
349
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,673
and that is what
I will forever be.
350
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,676
-This is insane!
-Do you want to marry me?
351
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,245
-I am here, aren't I?
-You're still not saying it.
352
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,581
I'm in a dress! My mom is here.
353
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,583
Say "I want to marry you."
354
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,017
Stop bullying me!
355
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,687
(groans)
Fine!
356
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,389
I want to marry you!
357
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,194
I do. I want to marry you.
358
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:51,598
(exhales)
Goddamn it, Gretchen.
359
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,601
(crying):
Well...
360
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,237
I-I don't think
that I want to marry you.
361
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,390
-You okay?
-It's an ambush.
362
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:19,692
I've been ambushed. Gretchen...
363
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,294
I know. I should have told you.
364
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,363
You knew? What, you knew?
365
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,098
I'm sorry, Jimmy, but I think
it's time you guys talked.
366
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,913
They didn't tell you
I'd be here.
367
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:42,349
-Nope.
-Ah.
368
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,816
Yeah.
369
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,418
(chuckles)
Listen, I don't...
370
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:47,254
How's New York?
371
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,889
Good. Loud.
372
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,459
Lots of triggers,
but I'm adapting.
373
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:56,929
I'm sorry for what I did
back then.
374
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:01,067
-I'm sorry.
-You should be.
375
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,271
It was inconceivably abhorrent.
376
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,539
I know.
377
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,176
But you were proved right.
378
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:13,346
It took me a while to admit it,
379
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,181
but it was, ultimately,
380
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:20,253
a rather brave and...
selfless act.
381
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:23,256
It wasn't selfless.
382
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:27,059
It was the only way
I could get away from you.
383
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,631
S-So, how are you?
384
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,266
Good.
385
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,702
Oh, really good.
I'm adapting a murder podcast.
386
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,037
-Ah.
-Yeah, it's...
387
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,939
(sighs) taken years
to work out the rights,
388
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:42,875
but I'm interviewing
some writers while I'm in town.
389
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,278
Ah. Well, I would throw
my hat in the ring,
390
00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,647
but I'm busy writing Depth.
391
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,649
Yes. You know, I read Height.
So good.
392
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:52,819
Man, those Victorians
were messed up.
393
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,054
-(chuckles)
-So much spanking.
394
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,089
Ah, you don't know
the half of it.
395
00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:00,627
-(laughs)
-You don't talk to me.
396
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:02,529
Come on. It's been long enough.
397
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:09,636
Besides, haven't you learned
by now that I'm always right?
398
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,743
-(roars)
-Rawr! (squeals)
399
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,745
Leave Uncle Edgar alone, baby.
400
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,447
You already caught him.
401
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,915
-Pick me up, Daddy.
-Yes, Miss Bossypants.
402
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,116
(grunts)
403
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:26,486
You met behind my back?
404
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,120
Earlier today.
405
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:30,323
I conned Edgar into playing
tiger with Felicity.
406
00:21:30,357 --> 00:21:31,524
MARIAH:
Come on, Wormy.
407
00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:33,460
Let's go find the appetizers.
408
00:21:33,493 --> 00:21:35,094
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
409
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,763
Yeah.
410
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:38,998
Is that...?
411
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:42,969
Uh, the florist who essed
Jimmy's dee? Yes.
412
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:46,473
And it got all possible sexual
tension off the table forever,
413
00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:48,675
thus the perfect nanny.
414
00:21:48,708 --> 00:21:50,176
No danger of Afflecking here.
415
00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:51,711
PAUL:
There they are.
416
00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:53,045
What the hell are you guys
all doing out here?
417
00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:55,314
You can't miss our first dance.
418
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:58,685
I mean, our second first dance.
Paul took lessons.
419
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:00,487
Yes. I'm all prepared
420
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:04,156
-to do the Lindsay Hop.
-(both laugh)
421
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:06,359
Or perhaps I'll save that
particular move for tonight.
422
00:22:06,393 --> 00:22:09,696
(laughs) I don't know
what you're saying.
423
00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:12,031
We'll be right there.
I love you.
424
00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:18,337
-EDGAR: Hey, wait up.
-PAUL: Ooh, we met Jimmy Fallon...
425
00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:21,040
You mad?
426
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:23,510
Only murderously.
427
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:26,713
Though I suppose that dead
little heart of yours
428
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:29,015
-was in the right place.
-How'd it go with the house?
429
00:22:29,048 --> 00:22:32,819
(sighs) Well, it's officially
not ours anymore.
430
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:34,654
Oh, I'm sorry, bud.
431
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,823
But you know it was
a death trap for kids.
432
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:39,191
Yeah. How was your hotel?
433
00:22:39,225 --> 00:22:41,594
Ugh, great.
434
00:22:41,628 --> 00:22:43,396
You were right.
435
00:22:43,430 --> 00:22:45,498
I couldn't get through
a month without drinking.
436
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:46,566
Ah.
437
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,568
But I did get digits.
438
00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:51,904
Cute, too. Mama's still got it.
439
00:22:51,938 --> 00:22:53,740
Oh, we should probably go in.
440
00:22:53,773 --> 00:22:58,945
Watch Paul and Lindsay make
the same mistake twice.
441
00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:01,113
First I'm gonna shake
all the presents.
442
00:23:01,147 --> 00:23:02,949
They ripped off
our non-wedding venue,
443
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:05,117
they owe me a food processor.
444
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:07,153
(laughs)
445
00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:15,795
Forgot my lighter.
I'll be right in.
446
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:26,205
-Oh.
-I see Katie's parents, but they won't look at me.
447
00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:27,206
The mood is tense.
448
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,708
The judge enters.
449
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:31,110
The jury enters,
looking tired, ragged.
450
00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:32,111
The forewoman Mary Elizabeth
stands.
451
00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:33,713
Damn it, Jimmy.
452
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:35,214
FOREWOMAN: We, the jury,
find the defendant...
453
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:36,382
(beeps)
454
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:38,417
Let me clear some space for you.
455
00:23:39,986 --> 00:23:41,888
GRETCHEN:
Jimmy!
456
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:44,423
Jimmy, no!
457
00:23:44,457 --> 00:23:46,759
No, Jimmy.
458
00:23:46,793 --> 00:23:48,628
It's not gonna be that easy
to leave me this time.
459
00:23:48,661 --> 00:23:50,229
You knew who I was.
460
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,565
That's all you have to say?
That you're damaged?
461
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:54,066
I'm getting
straight into Edgar's car.
462
00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:55,735
He's not here anymore, I...
463
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:57,369
Motherfucker!
464
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:00,272
Look.
465
00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:02,842
I tried to write my vows. I did.
466
00:24:02,875 --> 00:24:06,278
Many times, I tried with
all of this and I failed.
467
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:10,950
Mine are just as phony.
468
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:12,184
What?
469
00:24:12,218 --> 00:24:16,122
Writing them, I couldn't
imagine myself up there
470
00:24:16,155 --> 00:24:20,126
saying these things, so...
I wrote them as a character.
471
00:24:20,159 --> 00:24:22,261
Named Theodore.
472
00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:23,696
Writing to his future bride.
473
00:24:23,730 --> 00:24:26,432
A character named Samantha.
Sammy to friends.
474
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:30,136
I had to pretend
to be someone who wants
475
00:24:30,169 --> 00:24:32,138
to take care of someone
in sickness and health.
476
00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:36,643
False concepts like "forever,"
"eternity," "until death."
477
00:24:36,676 --> 00:24:41,447
Who wants to lie
in front of everyone they know
478
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,950
that they're gonna love
someone forever?
479
00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:46,819
How can you know that?!
480
00:24:46,853 --> 00:24:48,988
You can't!
481
00:24:50,189 --> 00:24:53,459
I feel like we're not
going back inside.
482
00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:55,828
You've been saying all along
that we might change.
483
00:24:55,862 --> 00:24:58,731
Well, can you really promise
that your feelings
484
00:24:58,765 --> 00:25:00,867
won't change 40 years from now?
485
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:03,402
20 years from now?
Five years from now?
486
00:25:03,435 --> 00:25:07,173
This ceremony... is a fiction.
487
00:25:07,206 --> 00:25:09,475
It's a false guarantee
488
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,844
that protects us
from exactly nothing.
489
00:25:11,878 --> 00:25:13,746
It's novocaine.
490
00:25:13,780 --> 00:25:15,247
It's an opiate.
491
00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:18,384
It's a lie.
492
00:25:18,417 --> 00:25:20,252
You were right.
493
00:25:23,255 --> 00:25:24,591
(heavy sigh)
494
00:25:24,624 --> 00:25:27,059
I know.
495
00:25:27,093 --> 00:25:29,095
I know I was.
496
00:25:32,965 --> 00:25:36,703
So, instead of making
these giant, fake,
497
00:25:36,736 --> 00:25:38,905
impossible-to-live-up-to
pledges,
498
00:25:38,938 --> 00:25:40,372
what the fuck are we gonna do?
499
00:25:40,406 --> 00:25:42,174
(sighs)
500
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:44,543
What do you want, Jimmy?
501
00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:48,948
Pancakes.
502
00:25:53,753 --> 00:25:55,755
*
503
00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:22,048
(seat belt clicks)
504
00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:23,616
(beeps)
505
00:26:23,650 --> 00:26:24,817
FOREWOMAN:
Not guilty.
506
00:26:24,851 --> 00:26:26,753
(gallery gasping on podcast)
507
00:26:26,786 --> 00:26:28,988
What, seriously? No.
508
00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:31,624
Oh, my God, that is insane.
509
00:26:37,263 --> 00:26:39,932
I can't find them.
510
00:26:39,966 --> 00:26:41,968
You have to do something.
511
00:26:47,106 --> 00:26:49,075
I couldn't help but overhear.
512
00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,943
Jimmy might have gotten
cold feet?
513
00:26:50,977 --> 00:26:53,012
I don't know, maybe.
514
00:26:53,045 --> 00:26:56,015
Well, the prospect of marriage
515
00:26:56,048 --> 00:26:58,584
can be very daunting.
516
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,419
Hey.
517
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:02,989
Did you have dauntings
about marrying me?
518
00:27:03,022 --> 00:27:04,456
No way, Jose.
519
00:27:04,490 --> 00:27:07,326
No dauntings.
520
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,929
Me neither.
I'm sorry. (chuckles)
521
00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:11,163
(microphone feedback)
522
00:27:11,197 --> 00:27:12,298
VERNON:
Hello, everyone.
523
00:27:12,331 --> 00:27:13,766
Hello.
524
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,535
Shut up!
525
00:27:16,568 --> 00:27:18,104
Best Man Vernon here.
526
00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:19,839
I don't want anyone
to lose their shit,
527
00:27:19,872 --> 00:27:22,141
but we can't find
the bride or groom.
528
00:27:22,174 --> 00:27:24,143
That really can
only mean one thing.
529
00:27:24,176 --> 00:27:26,278
Jimmy and Gretchen
are likely dead
530
00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:27,947
or have been
in a horrible accident,
531
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:29,481
so starting to picture a life
without them
532
00:27:29,515 --> 00:27:31,718
is probably a smart move
at this point!
533
00:27:31,751 --> 00:27:33,452
(crowd murmuring)
534
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:35,321
(chuckles) Hi.
535
00:27:35,354 --> 00:27:37,289
Sorry about that, everybody.
536
00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:41,327
Vernon is not good
in stressful situations.
537
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:42,494
-(feedback)
-I'm so not!
538
00:27:42,528 --> 00:27:44,296
Everything is fine.
539
00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:45,865
(phones clacking,
text messages whooshing)
540
00:27:45,898 --> 00:27:48,234
The best thing to do...
541
00:27:48,267 --> 00:27:50,002
at a moment like this...
542
00:27:50,036 --> 00:27:51,203
(phones clacking,
messages whooshing)
543
00:27:51,237 --> 00:27:54,540
...is to listen
to a song I wrote.
544
00:27:54,573 --> 00:27:56,575
For the bride.
545
00:27:57,877 --> 00:28:00,146
(jazzy music plays)
546
00:28:00,179 --> 00:28:02,414
There's Gregory at South By
547
00:28:02,448 --> 00:28:04,150
Justin with the abs
548
00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:07,987
Peter and Ruben
from Foot Locker
549
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:10,556
There's Eugene
from the deaf school
550
00:28:10,589 --> 00:28:12,524
And Dylan, who sold coke
551
00:28:12,558 --> 00:28:16,428
And don't forget that singer
from Spin Doctors
552
00:28:16,462 --> 00:28:18,697
Bryce, who was weirdly loud
553
00:28:18,731 --> 00:28:21,067
Mike, who was well-endowed
554
00:28:21,100 --> 00:28:24,771
If far longer than thick
555
00:28:24,804 --> 00:28:26,773
Quite possibly piled up
556
00:28:26,806 --> 00:28:29,708
Couldn't beat
557
00:28:29,742 --> 00:28:31,744
The very last dick.
558
00:28:31,778 --> 00:28:34,513
(guests murmuring)
559
00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:36,048
(line ringing)
560
00:28:36,082 --> 00:28:38,084
(phones ringing, buzzing)
561
00:28:50,329 --> 00:28:53,465
-So we're not getting married.
-No.
562
00:28:53,499 --> 00:28:55,868
-But we're not breaking up.
-No.
563
00:28:55,902 --> 00:28:57,669
So what are we going to do?
564
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:03,575
Every day... we choose.
565
00:29:03,609 --> 00:29:05,611
Huh?
566
00:29:07,613 --> 00:29:09,215
I don't want to be with you
567
00:29:09,248 --> 00:29:11,750
because I made a promise
to be with you.
568
00:29:11,784 --> 00:29:13,886
I want to be with you
because I want to be with you.
569
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,957
So every day... we wake up,
570
00:29:17,990 --> 00:29:19,758
we look at each other and say,
571
00:29:19,792 --> 00:29:24,630
"Today, again... I choose you."
572
00:29:24,663 --> 00:29:28,467
Until maybe one day we don't.
573
00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:30,669
You know I love the idea
of always having
574
00:29:30,702 --> 00:29:32,104
one foot out the door.
575
00:29:32,138 --> 00:29:33,505
We don't declare anything.
576
00:29:33,539 --> 00:29:36,508
Except this.
577
00:29:36,542 --> 00:29:40,880
Gretchen, every day I will
make the choice to love you.
578
00:29:42,281 --> 00:29:45,317
And love you I will.
579
00:29:45,351 --> 00:29:47,786
Wholeheartedly.
580
00:29:47,820 --> 00:29:50,456
That one day.
581
00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:52,458
Because I choose to.
582
00:29:55,494 --> 00:29:57,964
I really like it.
583
00:29:57,997 --> 00:29:59,465
Me, too.
584
00:30:01,500 --> 00:30:04,636
(both sigh)
585
00:30:04,670 --> 00:30:07,273
I'm sorry you didn't get
your wedding.
586
00:30:07,306 --> 00:30:09,275
We got photos of me
looking fly as hell,
587
00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:11,043
that's really all that matters.
588
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:13,712
You know the one thing
I do regret?
589
00:30:13,745 --> 00:30:15,147
All the money we wasted?
590
00:30:15,181 --> 00:30:17,283
Leaving everyone in the lurch?
591
00:30:17,316 --> 00:30:20,386
Not getting the chance to see
Paul wandering around,
592
00:30:20,419 --> 00:30:22,021
looking for his table all night?
593
00:30:22,054 --> 00:30:24,891
Leaving behind all those gifts.
594
00:30:24,924 --> 00:30:28,294
I already texted Vernon
to load up the car with them.
595
00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:29,828
God, I love you.
596
00:30:29,862 --> 00:30:31,864
("Nothing" by Jennifer Sawdon
playing)
597
00:30:33,265 --> 00:30:37,403
Just think of the times
598
00:30:37,436 --> 00:30:40,239
You do nothing...
599
00:30:40,272 --> 00:30:41,540
(applause, whooping)
600
00:30:41,573 --> 00:30:43,575
With me.
601
00:30:47,113 --> 00:30:52,218
Fading back into the night
602
00:30:52,251 --> 00:30:55,854
No, nothing's
gonna wake me now
603
00:30:55,888 --> 00:31:00,692
Far away from what we are
604
00:31:04,263 --> 00:31:09,235
Hold me up into the light
605
00:31:09,268 --> 00:31:12,604
Get back
to where we started out
606
00:31:12,638 --> 00:31:17,609
Find a way up in the sky
607
00:31:21,247 --> 00:31:23,282
608
00:31:25,317 --> 00:31:30,856
Bring back the fever again.
609
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:33,292
("No Children"
by The Mountain Goats playing)
610
00:31:39,765 --> 00:31:42,734
I hope that our
few remaining friends
611
00:31:42,768 --> 00:31:44,971
Give up on trying to save us
612
00:31:45,004 --> 00:31:48,374
I hope we come off
with a fail-safe plot
613
00:31:48,407 --> 00:31:51,310
To piss off the dumb few
that forgave us
614
00:31:51,343 --> 00:31:52,945
I hope the fences we mended
615
00:31:52,979 --> 00:31:56,415
Fall down beneath
their own weight
616
00:31:56,448 --> 00:31:59,952
And I hope we hang on
past the last exit
617
00:31:59,986 --> 00:32:02,554
I hope it's already too late
618
00:32:02,588 --> 00:32:05,491
And I hope the junkyard
a few blocks from here
619
00:32:05,524 --> 00:32:08,294
Someday burns down
620
00:32:08,327 --> 00:32:10,796
And I hope the rising black
smoke carries me far away
621
00:32:10,829 --> 00:32:15,734
And I never come back
to this town again
622
00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:18,437
In my life
623
00:32:18,470 --> 00:32:20,206
I hope I lie
624
00:32:22,274 --> 00:32:24,643
And tell everyone
you were a good wife
625
00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:27,446
And I hope you die
626
00:32:27,479 --> 00:32:31,017
I hope we both die
627
00:32:38,390 --> 00:32:41,660
628
00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:44,696
I hope I cut myself
shaving tomorrow
629
00:32:44,730 --> 00:32:47,633
I hope it bleeds
all day long
630
00:32:47,666 --> 00:32:50,702
Our friends say it's darkest
before the sun rises
631
00:32:50,736 --> 00:32:53,672
We're pretty sure
they're all wrong
632
00:32:53,705 --> 00:32:56,642
I hope it stays dark forever
633
00:32:56,675 --> 00:32:58,710
I hope the worst isn't over
634
00:32:58,744 --> 00:33:02,114
And I hope you blink
before I do
635
00:33:02,148 --> 00:33:04,516
I hope I never get sober
636
00:33:04,550 --> 00:33:06,452
And I hope,
when you think of me
637
00:33:06,485 --> 00:33:08,354
Years down the line,
you can't find
638
00:33:08,387 --> 00:33:10,189
One good thing to say
639
00:33:10,222 --> 00:33:12,491
And I'd hope that,
if I found the strength
640
00:33:12,524 --> 00:33:16,228
To walk out, you'd stay
the hell out of my way
641
00:33:16,262 --> 00:33:20,699
I am drowning,
there is no sign of land
642
00:33:20,732 --> 00:33:24,070
You are coming down with me
643
00:33:24,103 --> 00:33:26,972
Hand in unlovable hand
644
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:29,475
And I hope you die
645
00:33:29,508 --> 00:33:31,543
I hope we both die.
646
00:33:45,091 --> 00:33:48,927
Hey, you know that there's
always a possibility
647
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,430
that some day I might leave
my phone and keys at home
648
00:33:51,463 --> 00:33:53,532
and step in front of a train.
649
00:33:53,565 --> 00:33:55,801
You know that, right?
650
00:33:59,305 --> 00:34:00,739
Yeah.
651
00:34:00,772 --> 00:34:02,841
But I'll move on really quickly.
652
00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:05,844
Like, record-setting.
653
00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:07,513
Okay.
654
00:34:07,546 --> 00:34:09,548
(chuckles softly)
655
00:34:11,150 --> 00:34:13,152
Mmm.
656
00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:30,202
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
657
00:34:30,236 --> 00:34:33,705
("Ten Things" by Paul Baribeau
playing)
658
00:34:33,739 --> 00:34:35,707
Name ten things you want
to do before you die
659
00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:38,244
And then go do them
660
00:34:38,277 --> 00:34:41,247
Name ten places you really
want to be before you die
661
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:43,749
And then go to them
662
00:34:45,517 --> 00:34:47,986
Name ten books you want
to read before you die
663
00:34:48,019 --> 00:34:51,257
And then go read them
664
00:34:51,290 --> 00:34:54,126
Name ten songs you want
to hear again before you die
665
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,262
Get all your friends together
and...
666
00:34:56,295 --> 00:34:59,265
(dog barks)
667
00:34:59,315 --> 00:35:03,865
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