Original subtitles

[ Sultry hip hop plays ]

Lay on your back.

♪♪

Do you know why we're doing this?

Because you're beneath me and you should feel my feet

on top of you to know that.

♪♪

So, for this class, [ Whimsical tune plays ]

all the things that you're going to learn today,

you can apply those in your everyday life.

-Mmm! -Does anyone want to join me?

Mm-hmm. -[Giggles]

[ Rock music plays ]

When I was growing up, my sex education consisted

of being locked in a chastity belt

and shown a slideshow of the world's

most heinous cases of herpes.

Luckily, porn exists, -Unh! Unh!

so I just learned about sex from there,

thus, explaining my gangbang fantasy

and the fact that my entire generation

is riddled with sexual anxiety.

Lol!

I got to thinking,

when fighting the dark forces

of sex-negative America,

"What can the superheroes of sex ed do to save us?"

♪♪

♪ Evan and Cindy

♪ [Scat singing] -y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y ♪

♪ To me, they're

♪ The same -In large parts of America,

young people are receiving

their first sexual information through porn.

Porn has its recreational benefits,

but it's not intended as an educational tool.

So I'm meeting up with Cindy Gallop,

who created a website called Make Love Not Porn,

which hosts videos of real people having real sex,

for audiences to learn from and jerk off to.

Multi-tasking.

-♪ Oh, I love Cindy

Gallop: Everybody wants to be good in bed.

No one knows exactly what that means,

and so you'll seize your cues from anywhere you can.

If the only cues you've seen are in porn,

those are the ones you'll take.

So are you anti-porn?

Not in the slightest!

This is why our tagline at Make Love Not Porn

deliberately is "Pro-sex. Pro-porn.

Pro-knowing the difference."

People have unconsciously internalized porn tropes

without even realizing they're doing it

because porn is now so ubiquitous.

Sex in porn is performative...

[ Shouting ]

Oh, yeahhh!

Whoa.

...and sex in the real world isn't.

Difficult getting on.

[ Laughter]

No one ever laughs in porn.

I've noticed that. It's very serious.

You know, if you can't laugh at yourselves in bed,

when can you?

We are what Facebook would be

if it allowed you to socially share real-world sex.

And what kind of people

submit videos to your site?

The answer to that, Karley, is: People just like you and me.

So, our Make Love Not Porn stars range in age

from 18 to 70, -Ahhh!

real-world bodies,

real-world penis size,

real-world breast size.

They are from all walks of life.

They are from all countries in the world.

Anybody and everybody. -It's global.

It is global, yeah.

Cool, recording.

Nothing educates people about sex

like watching people actually having it.

These videos look hot.

Yeah. No, they really are, I tell you.

This guy's cute.

[ Whimsical outro plays ] [ Siren wailing ]

We also want to use our unique language and tags

to change the way people think about sex.

[ Mid-tempo tune plays ]

The language of porn is predominantly male-generated.

So the person who coined the term "finger blasting"

didn't have a vagina. [ Musical powerdown ]

Pounding, banging, slamming,

wrecking, smashing, destroying,

all terms created by the people

who do not possess the soft, internal tissue

to which those things are being done.

So, at Make Love Not Porn,

we are building a new vocabulary.

Juicy, succulent.

Our term for oral is "downtown,"

and we do that because it's language you can use

to talk about what you want to do in bed

in a celebratory, positive, and generical way.

That would've been so valuable to me

when I was young.

Exactly.

[ Upbeat rock plays ]

Karley: Okay, cool.

But who are the crazies out there

making their own normcore porn?

Hi. -Hi!

[ Laughing ] -Hello.

We've been married nine years.

Before we had our child, you know,

we were on each other all the time, you know,

it was that perfect honeymoon phase.

We still had a lot of fun, but, after we had our baby, then,

it was just like it just went downhill.

-Dry spell. -Yeah.

-Yes. -[laughing] A very long one.

Ugh!

Everything was focused on the baby

and you're just exhausted, by the end of the night.

How did you guys find out about Make Love Not Porn?

I was looking through different sites

that would be more like couple-friendly.

So when we looked at the videos on there,

it was like, "Look! People who have regular bodies."

'Cause when you have your body postpartum,

it is nothing like what it looks like

before you get pregnant.

It felt like a whole world opened up again.

And then, whose idea was it

to start making your own videos?

I was very adamant about it.

I was like, "No, we need to do this."

♪♪

♪♪

That seems like such a jump.

Most people would be sonervous

to make a video of themselves having sex.

-Oh, yeah. We were nervous, too. -I'd imagine.

♪♪

It's still very scary 'cause you are

putting yourself out there,

but... -It's exciting,

at the same time. -It just felt like, yeah,

like it was exciting and let's -- let's have

a new adventure like together. -Yeah,

-Like this is so perfect. -and it was together, yeah.

That's what I like about it, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Thankfully, for us,

it's been very positive. -Very positive, yes.

-Very positive. -Been very positive.

Everyone's in agreement about that.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Yeah, see, we're showing glare.

So do the people

that you're close to in your lives

know that you guys do this?

-They don't. -No.

So it's kind of like our fun secret.

It's like, "Who's gonna find out -Both: first

and ask us about it?"

What have you guys learned about each other

since finding the site?

I think communication is the big thing.

Watching our own videos, it's interesting 'cause,

I watch it and I can see how she move

the way she liked.

Also, I will talk about it, if we would watch it,

and I'd be like, "Oh! Okay."

It's like, "I see this now."

It was the same for me, too, 'cause just figuring out

what you both like.

♪♪

Okay, well, I don't wanna like get in your way.

I know you're gonna

work right now.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

Karley: So, clearly, good sex can be learned in the bedroom.

But what about in the classroom?

Is today's sex-ed curriculum equally stimulating?

Barrica: "15 Ways to Blow His Mind.

"Eat a doughnut off his dick."

Do you feel that most people in your school

are actually being abstinent?

I -- no.

It's not about hitting as hard as you can.

♪♪

[ Upbeat rock plays ]

I grew up in a town where the parents petitioned

to prevent our health teacher

from teaching us how to put a condom on a banana.

[ Warble!]

Spoiler alert: I didn't get great sex ed.

So I've come to the glamorous and sweaty state of Georgia

to ask random strangers whether their sex-ed experience

was just as tragic as mine.

Did you have any form of sex ed growing up?

I vaguely remember it, but I don't think so.

No.

I didn't know what masturbation was

until I was 16.

You just figured it out for yourself?

Fortunately.

I've heard that, if you hug someone, in a bathing suit,

and they're also in a bathing suit,

then you'll get pregnant.

So who was the first person

who taught you about sex?

My sister. She was like, "You kind of just like

rub each other until it like feels numb."

All I remember was having to watch like a live birth.

-Oh! -A friend of mine,

when I was 16, we went downtown.

We met a nice lady and, for a small fee,

we learned about sex.

The true rite of passage.

♪♪

Confirmed: My generation's sex ed was a pile of trash.

But I wonder if anything's changed since Iwas a kid.

To find out, I'm meeting up

with a precocious teenager named Trinity.

At Trinity's high school, the sex-ed curriculum

was all about avoiding sex completely.

Helpful.

So, what sort of stuff does one learn

in an abstinence-only sex-ed class?

In Georgia, the law requires that all sex-education programs

A, promote abstinence, and B, imply that any sexual activity

is best within the confines of marriage.

Pfff. That's hard.

Basically, it's like, "If you have sex,

you'll get pregnant and die."

It just creates fear and panic.

What if I wanna have sex beforeI get married?

Well, I guess you just

have to be prepared to die.

Scare tactic, that's all they wanna do.

They wanna scare kids into not having sex

and it obviously is not working.

Condoms, do you think that's a good way to go?

When you use a condom,

it's like you're playing Russian roulette.

Also, I don't think it says the word gay once in the whole book.

Wow.

I'm a gay woman, myself,

and I did feel kind of invisible.

They're actively dismissing queer people.

Yeah. Also, just implies that sex is only

for the use of procreation, in a way.

You know, it's just like it's very outdated.

Do you feel that most people

in your school, your age,

are actually being abstinent?

[laughing] No. I -- No.

But, yeah, I think, you know, a student that received

this "You get pregnant and die and that's it" sex education,

they don't know how to engage in a relationship in a healthy way.

Which I assume, in turn, leads to higher rates

of unwanted pregnancies

and higher rates of STDs.

Yeah. Actually, when the curriculum was introduced

in my area, the gonorrhea and chlamydia rates

increased about 300%, among teenagers.

Karley: Yikes! Sounds scary.

But Georgia isn't the only state waging a war on sex

[ Squeaking] with just-say-no sex ed.

Thirty-six American states currently teach

federally funded abstinence-only curriculum,

which were recently rebranded

as sexual-risk-avoidance programs.

That's a lot of slut-shamey tax dollars.

I know you're organizing an event this evening.

What's gonna happen?

I wanna communicate these concerns are valid

and so I invited some of my peers

to have kind of a focus group and talk about what we can do

to make the curriculum more inclusive

and just better for all students.

So what you all have in your hands is

the standard sex-education abstinence-only curriculum.

A lot of abstinence-only programs

actually have a pledge you can sign.

So this one has a pledge as well.

I signed it. I signed it.

Ugh, wonderful.

And, if you didn't sign it, then you were like

publicly shamed. -Yeah.

Like they said, "Your virginity is a special gift

only for your husband.

I want you to pretend

that it's a physical, small object

that you can unwrap and give to him

on your wedding night."

The virginity construct is always on women

and it's always on girls. -Yeah.

-Yes. -When I went to middle school,

there was this sex-education video

and they compared a girl to a shoe.

[ Sultry R&B plays ] Michelle, what are these?

My sneakers?

And the guy said, "Oh, my god."

It looks like the entire football team

has been in these things.

-[Gasp ] -Yeah.

Did anyone else do the tape thing?

-Yes. -We had the tape thing.

She's kinda tall and thin.

Pretend this is your new girlfriend, okay?

-Yeah. -My teacher actually took

a piece of tape

and she stuck it on a student's arm

and then she went and stuck it

on another student's arm, and stuck it

on another student's arm, and stuck it,

and then she held it up. She's like...

This is the metaphor for what happens

when we have sex before we get married.

"This is all gross-looking

and it's not sticking to people anymore."

Don't be this gross piece of tape.

Not quite as tight, not quite as good.

"If you keep having sex, you're gonna be

nasty-looking and nobody's gonna want you."

At this age, we're already having self-image problems.

At this point, we don't need more of that

just because we chose to have sex with someone.

I love that it says, "You have time to focus

your energy on life goals," like sex is gonna take up

so much energy [ Laughter ]

that you're like depleted forever.

Also like what if sex is your life goal?

[ Laughter ]

So what do you guys think are some ways that

we can promote change and make the curriculum better?

Provide them with medically accurate information.

Meet them without shame and stigma.

Provide something that's comprehensive and inclusive.

What happens if someone is abstinent until they're married,

and then they get married and they're not equipped

to like have conversations about consent,

avoiding pregnancy, avoiding STIs, with their spouse?

In the event that I do have sex,

how do I do it in a way that I don'tget STDs,

in a way that I don'tget pregnant?

[ Whimsical tune plays ] It's so impressive,

how informed you are, and, when I was 18,

I primarily cared about being blacked out at a rave.

Amazing, that you're all really joining together

to make a huge change and I really think

that it's possible.

Us informing each other, us educating each other,

is a really powerful tool

that we have that they can't take away from us.

We're gonna mobilize and vote

and bring this issue to other people's awareness

and it's time we just say enough is enough

and we deserve better.

[ Hip hop plays ]

[ Indistinct conversations ] ♪♪

If more people knew about how just awful the curriculum was,

I think there would definitely be more change happening.

How cool would it be if you

just went to school and people were like,

"Sexual orientation's on a spectrum," and like,

-Yeah, that'd be great. -"This is how to say no,"

and like, "This is how to come."

-Yeah. -That will never happen.

[laughing] Maybe the first two, but the last one, probably not.

Karley: Okay, sex canbe risky

and it's important to teach young people how to do it

in a way that doesn't result in a plethora

of unwanted diseases and babies.

That said, where the F do people go to learn all the ways

that banging can actually be, you know, fun?

Did anyone here learn about pleasure?

♪♪

[ Upbeat rock plays ]

♪♪

After years of personal and pseudoscientific research

into the subject of sexuality,

I've come to the conclusion that sex can actually be

fun. Who knew?

So I'm headed to meet Andrea Barrica,

the founder of O.school,

a company that livestreams sex-ed videos

that focus on pleasure, which, weirdly, is controversial.

Hey, O.school! We're about to do

a querying up sex-ed livestream

at the Center for Sex and Culture.

Wherever you are in the world, so good to have you.

Thanks for coming!

The state of sex ed in America today

is worse than it's been in decades.

♪♪

That's really what led me to start O.school.

What are some of the classes

that would be taught through O.school?

We have livestreams every single day.

Anywhere from buying your first sex toy,

all the way to "I think I might be bi, queer, poly."

And what's important to us is that people are finding experts

and educators that share some of their own lived experiences.

For example, we have an educator on the platform

who has cerebral palsy

and educates on all the issues of sexuality

that can come with having a disability.

People from 130 countries have tuned in

and been able to experience this type of education

for the first time.

Why is it important that we have

pleasure-based sex ed?

Sex and pleasure

are major parts of human sexual wellness.

I'm shocked that we're still not admitting to young people

that a lot of the reasons we have sex

is 'cause it feels really, really good.

Well, it should be the most obvious thing,

but it's always left out.

Hey, everybody. How are you doing?

[ Cheering and applause ]

Thank you for being he-e-e-re!

Okay.

How many of you had any sex ed at all in school?

Okay.

And did anyone here learn about pleasure?

In general, where do we learn about sex and pleasure?

-Porn. -Porn.

-Cosmo,anyone? -[Laughing]

Seventh grade, never forget it:

"15 Ways to Blow His Mind.

Number 7: Eat a doughnut off his dick."

[ Laughter ] Anyone get that one?

Well, it's 2018.

As a society, we should be teaching people

that it's [ striking palm] okay to have sex for pleasure,

and fun and connection

and things that have nothing to do that procreation.

How many of you can identify what this is?

[ Whimsical tune plays ]

Tell me about when you learned about the clitoris.

I literally founded O.school

before I learned the structure of the clitoris,

so you will not be embarrassed.

You cannot be more embarrassed than me,

starting a pleasure education company

and being like, "What's that? [ Laughter ]

Why does it look like a dinosaur?"

This is the clitoral hood.

This is the clitoris, but just a part of it, just the tip.

And what people don't know is this little nub here

is part of a larger structure

that's about 4 centimeters in the body.

It has 8,000 nerve endings.

It's the only organ in the human body

that's only job is to have pleasure.

Did anyone learn that in school?

-No. -No.

-I have held this up in places

all over the country, with doctors in the audience,

and they can't identify this organ.

And the reason why: it was written out

of medical textbooks in the '50s.

They just were like, "Not important."

We didn't fully understand it

until Dr. Helen O'Connell discovered it in 1998.

They actually found the clitoris 20 years ago?

-Yeah. -Wow.

-So what that means is we

put someone on the Moon,

we invented the Internet,

before we really understood

this organ that's in half the population today.

How can we build a culture of sexual respect

if we do not allow people to reach their sexual potential,

whatever that is, and to get the education that they need?

[ Cheering and applause ]

Thank you. -Awesome job.

Thank you.

I just left O.school.

I learned so much.

Specifically, the fact that my clit has legs.

Like who knew? Not me.

Clearly, when it comes to learning about sex and pleasure,

we have a long way to go, especially when there are

so many different ways to be turned on.

[ Bell clanging ]

It's important not to go directly on the nipples.

♪♪

[ Laughing ]

♪ My libido

♪ Point me in the

♪ I thought

[ Bird whistles ] ♪ I really

♪ Had me a man

So far, we've learned the importance

of pleasure-based sex ed,

but good sex isn't just physical.

It's mental, too.

Duh.

So I'm attending a BDSM class with sex educator Lola Jean,

who schools people on how exploring

the psychological aspects of kink

can help to enhance your sex life.

[ Funk plays ]

All right, submissives.

Please let the doms enter.

♪♪

[ Chuckle ]

♪♪

Bow.

Welcome to FemDom 101, or BDSM 101.

A lot of people think that

domination is all going to be about pain,

but, really, that's only, like 10% of it.

For the most part, it's more in the psychological.

Do you consider what you do sex ed?

Yes. BDSM can be an amazing tool to build confidence,

build sexual confidence, and to help with our insecurities.

-Yeah. -And women,

they often are in this role where they're told

to be small and submissive naturally,

so I want to give them the opportunity

to be able to switch that role,

and that's what this class is more geared to.

-I'm down for that. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[ Whimsical tune plays ]

So, I wanna go over a bit

of what I call the kink starter pack.

To start off, we are going to do like a hair-pull exercise.

So you wanna get towards the back of the neck here

'cause there's less nerve endings.

This is also where mothers pick up their youth,

so it's a very dominant, yet maternal feeling.

I'm not pulling.

I'm just making a fist.

People do like a hair pull, and like that's just porn.

[ Laughter ] But in this way,

you have all this control.

When you learn how to dom, you're basically learning

how to navigate power dynamics.

I wanna use Monk for a bit of trampling.

And, with trampling, he's literally underneath me.

So it's another kind of tool of dominance.

I'm trying to stay on more fleshier, meatier areas.

-Mmm! [ Laughter ]

Okay. Nipple play.

It's important not to go directly on the nipple,

and pinch, like pinch the areola.

How about this? You stick out your tongue if it's too much.

Doesn't necessarily have to be torture.

Or I can kind of be a dick about it.

[ Laughter ]

Karley: Oh, right. Discovering

your partner's boundaries can actually be lol.

[ Laughing ]

♪♪

We think of domination,

it's not about going straight for the climax.

It's about building this repetition.

And, if I get him used to this,

when I change it up,

I makes it a surprise.

[ Thwack! ]

♪♪

The experience is all located around the submissive,

in what they want or don't want, what their boundaries are.

Does this feel nice, Monk?

Yeah. That's your playground.

[ Thwack! ]

So thank you all for coming to FemDom 101.

I hope that you have all the tools that you need

to start exploring your dominant side.

[ Applause ]

♪♪

Do you think that it's important

that classes like this

be included in our sex education?

Absolutely. It talks about consent and boundaries,

which can be applied in every aspect of our lives.

And I've always been more submissive

and so I'm really enjoying like

owning my dominance.

[ Thwack! ]

Karley: Wow. So I guess learning

how to safely assault your partner

can make you super well-rounded.

[ Thwack! ]Very good.

♪♪

When it comes to sex ed,

we're starting with such a low bar

that simply acknowledging that sex exists,

and won't necessarily kill you,

is a radical act.

Thankfully, the slutty superheroes of today

are paving the way for a future where,

one day, lessons that include intimacy, kink,

and how to have a [bleep] orgasm once in a while

won't be the exception, but the rule.

[ Thwack ]

Class dismissed, sluts.

♪♪

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