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1
00:00:00,873 --> 00:00:03,202
Hi. Tammy, alcoholic. GROUP: Hi, Tammy.
2
00:00:03,227 --> 00:00:05,390
Whew. I'm still a little rattled.
3
00:00:05,415 --> 00:00:08,343
I'm standing in line
at the salad bar today,
4
00:00:08,368 --> 00:00:10,751
and there's this cop behind me.
5
00:00:10,776 --> 00:00:13,527
So, of course, fresh out
of jail, I get paranoid.
6
00:00:13,552 --> 00:00:17,468
My hands start shaking,
chickpeas rolling off the plate.
7
00:00:17,804 --> 00:00:20,851
Freaked me out so
much, I left without getting
8
00:00:20,876 --> 00:00:22,425
any of those itty-bitty corncobs,
9
00:00:22,450 --> 00:00:24,149
which is the whole reason I went.
10
00:00:25,812 --> 00:00:27,775
I mean, am I gonna
spend the rest of my life
11
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,601
looking over my shoulder, afraid
they're gonna lock me up again?
12
00:00:30,983 --> 00:00:32,999
I can't go back to jail.
13
00:00:33,191 --> 00:00:35,273
There's no tiny corn there.
14
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,007
And people stab you.
15
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,872
Anyway, thanks.
16
00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:45,530
Would anyone else like to share?
17
00:00:45,555 --> 00:00:47,628
Hi. Christy, alcoholic.
18
00:00:47,653 --> 00:00:48,985
Hi, Christy.
19
00:00:49,018 --> 00:00:51,953
I was so not planning on
coming to the meeting today.
20
00:00:51,978 --> 00:00:54,935
I mean, I had no school, no work,
21
00:00:55,032 --> 00:00:57,365
and all I wanted to
do was lie on the couch
22
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,031
and binge-watch Chopped.
23
00:00:59,629 --> 00:01:02,179
P.S. I would be great on that show.
24
00:01:02,218 --> 00:01:04,648
I can't tell you how many
times I've opened up the fridge
25
00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:07,982
and all I had was gummy
bears, tortillas and mustard.
26
00:01:08,171 --> 00:01:10,609
That was a challenging Thanksgiving.
27
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:15,239
But next thing I knew,
I was putting my shoes on,
28
00:01:15,264 --> 00:01:17,781
getting in the car and driving here.
29
00:01:17,806 --> 00:01:20,661
I can't believe it; I have sober feet.
30
00:01:22,093 --> 00:01:23,642
They know where I'm supposed to be,
31
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,366
even when I don't want to be there.
32
00:01:26,711 --> 00:01:28,077
Sober feet.
33
00:01:30,306 --> 00:01:31,960
Anyway, that's all.
34
00:01:31,985 --> 00:01:34,225
Really glad to be here.
35
00:01:36,108 --> 00:01:37,601
- Anyone else?
- I'll go.
36
00:01:37,626 --> 00:01:39,820
- Hi. Bonnie, alcoholic.
- Hi, Bonnie.
37
00:01:39,845 --> 00:01:43,411
Well, my fiancé's bar has
finally turned a corner.
38
00:01:43,789 --> 00:01:46,070
So, with Adam busy, I have
a lot of time to myself,
39
00:01:46,095 --> 00:01:47,655
which, when I drank, could be dangerous,
40
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,000
but now is kind of nice.
41
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:52,193
I can eat what I want,
see any movie I want.
42
00:01:52,218 --> 00:01:54,815
By golly, for the first time in my life,
43
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:56,506
I get to be a little selfish.
44
00:01:56,670 --> 00:01:58,586
Too easy.
45
00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:03,420
Come on. "Sober feet."
46
00:02:03,506 --> 00:02:05,765
That's recovery gold right there.
47
00:02:06,002 --> 00:02:08,369
But I look over at Nora, I get nothing.
48
00:02:08,394 --> 00:02:11,105
Not a smile, not a wink,
not even a finger gun.
49
00:02:12,705 --> 00:02:15,843
You know, sweetie, needy's
not a good color on you.
50
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,780
It's not needy to want an "attaboy"
51
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,604
from my sponsor once in a while.
52
00:02:20,629 --> 00:02:23,213
I always give my sponsees
my full attention.
53
00:02:23,238 --> 00:02:26,476
Oh, please. You slept through
my entire share last week.
54
00:02:26,843 --> 00:02:28,612
I was meditating.
55
00:02:28,698 --> 00:02:31,843
Is your secret mantra, "I'm awake"?
56
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,053
Spot-on, Big Sauce.
She does the same thing
57
00:02:35,078 --> 00:02:36,744
when we're at home watching Blue Bloods.
58
00:02:36,769 --> 00:02:39,186
Well, it's the only way I
can get you to stop talking.
59
00:02:39,414 --> 00:02:42,242
I do get chatty when
Donnie Wahlberg's on camera.
60
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,820
I just have a feeling
he's a fascinating person.
61
00:02:48,572 --> 00:02:51,523
All right, coffee pot is
clean. I'm out of here.
62
00:02:51,548 --> 00:02:53,554
Hey, Nora!
63
00:02:55,671 --> 00:02:57,558
Awesome share.
64
00:02:57,593 --> 00:03:00,476
I always get so much out
of what you have to say.
65
00:03:00,501 --> 00:03:02,050
Thanks.
66
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:05,816
Well, that was hard to watch.
67
00:03:05,841 --> 00:03:07,423
She knows how it works.
68
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,897
"Hey, I liked your share."
69
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,638
"Thanks. I liked your share, too."
70
00:03:10,663 --> 00:03:12,412
Well, I liked your share today.
71
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:14,807
Thank you, Wendy. I
liked your share, too.
72
00:03:14,832 --> 00:03:16,048
I didn't share.
73
00:03:16,221 --> 00:03:17,703
Oh.
74
00:03:18,481 --> 00:03:20,815
Attaboy.
75
00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:37,767
Subtitle sync and corrections by
ChrisKe for www.addic7ed.com.
76
00:03:41,632 --> 00:03:44,068
Oh!
77
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,131
What's the body count so far?
78
00:03:46,156 --> 00:03:48,539
Well, assuming that cheerleader
can't sew her head back on,
79
00:03:48,564 --> 00:03:50,435
- we're up to five.
- Yeah.
80
00:03:50,725 --> 00:03:54,406
Her head's on the floor, but her
hands still think she's alive.
81
00:03:54,431 --> 00:03:55,747
Is it safe to look now?
82
00:03:55,832 --> 00:03:57,155
Hang on.
83
00:03:57,978 --> 00:03:59,311
All clear.
84
00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:04,482
You guys suck!
85
00:04:04,507 --> 00:04:07,141
The-the jock gets it in the jockstrap.
86
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,248
Now, that's good writing.
87
00:04:09,273 --> 00:04:10,239
Mm.
88
00:04:10,264 --> 00:04:12,030
Unbelievable. What?
89
00:04:12,055 --> 00:04:15,183
I texted Nora an hour ago,
and she still hasn't responded.
90
00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:16,591
So I paused the movie
91
00:04:16,616 --> 00:04:17,927
for something that
didn't actually happen?
92
00:04:17,952 --> 00:04:19,118
Yeah.
93
00:04:19,143 --> 00:04:21,276
Why are you so obsessed
with Nora's approval?
94
00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:23,022
I mean, is it 'cause
she's famous or something?
95
00:04:23,047 --> 00:04:25,679
She's not famous; she does
the weather for the local news.
96
00:04:25,704 --> 00:04:29,225
And co-hosts the Napa Valley
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
97
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,643
It's on two channels.
98
00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:33,679
Christy's always been
an approval junkie.
99
00:04:33,704 --> 00:04:35,850
In high school, if there
was one person in her class
100
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:38,125
that didn't like her, that's
who she'd have sex with.
101
00:04:38,425 --> 00:04:40,092
Hey, it worked.
102
00:04:40,117 --> 00:04:42,200
You should take a page
from the Book of Bonnie.
103
00:04:42,225 --> 00:04:43,536
She never cares what people think.
104
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:44,596
She should.
105
00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:47,093
See, you say that; don't care.
106
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,414
Oh, look, it's Nora.
107
00:04:52,439 --> 00:04:54,796
- She called you?
- Relax. It's Jill.
108
00:04:55,413 --> 00:04:56,785
What's up?
109
00:04:56,950 --> 00:04:58,718
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.
110
00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:02,124
- Are you okay?
- What happened?
111
00:05:02,149 --> 00:05:04,566
Someone broke into her
house. Uh, we're on our way.
112
00:05:05,147 --> 00:05:08,070
Okay, listen, if the
police ask any questions,
113
00:05:08,095 --> 00:05:10,229
I was here with you all
night watching movies.
114
00:05:10,324 --> 00:05:12,157
You were watching a movie with us.
115
00:05:12,182 --> 00:05:14,099
Oh, good, say it just like that.
116
00:05:17,225 --> 00:05:20,048
I just keep thinking, if I'd
gotten home ten minutes earlier,
117
00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:21,739
maybe they still would've been in here.
118
00:05:21,764 --> 00:05:23,814
I could be lying on the floor dead.
119
00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:27,061
But your hands don't know it
yet, so they're still twitching.
120
00:05:27,765 --> 00:05:28,817
Quit it.
121
00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:33,452
We're just glad you're
okay. What'd they get?
122
00:05:33,514 --> 00:05:35,897
Oh, all the jewelry
that wasn't in the safe
123
00:05:35,922 --> 00:05:38,122
and everything from the loose cash bowl.
124
00:05:38,147 --> 00:05:40,129
- The what?
- You know how you have
125
00:05:40,154 --> 00:05:41,703
a bowl with loose
pennies and buttons in it?
126
00:05:41,728 --> 00:05:43,666
Jill does that with 20s and 50s.
127
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:47,609
It's for tips,
trick-or-treaters or Mormons.
128
00:05:49,163 --> 00:05:50,529
How much was in there?
129
00:05:50,914 --> 00:05:53,945
I don't know, couple of inches?
130
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:55,504
I can't find the milk.
131
00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:57,980
Oh, my God, those
bastards took the milk.
132
00:05:58,115 --> 00:05:59,648
Ms. Kendall?
133
00:05:59,673 --> 00:06:01,148
In the kitchen!
134
00:06:01,173 --> 00:06:02,806
Big house. Doesn't help.
135
00:06:02,831 --> 00:06:06,344
Follow my voice, follow
my voice, follow my voice!
136
00:06:07,775 --> 00:06:10,442
All right, checked the
whole property. It's clear.
137
00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:11,776
Thank you, Officer.
138
00:06:11,886 --> 00:06:13,268
No problem.
139
00:06:13,293 --> 00:06:15,259
Sir, just so you know, I'm on parole.
140
00:06:15,284 --> 00:06:17,499
But I have an alibi; I was with them
141
00:06:17,524 --> 00:06:19,107
watching slasher movies all night.
142
00:06:19,132 --> 00:06:21,382
Oh. Yeah, those are fun,
143
00:06:21,407 --> 00:06:23,422
till you walk in on a real crime scene.
144
00:06:24,099 --> 00:06:26,508
I bet you've seen some messed-up stuff.
145
00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:29,523
I don't like to talk about it, but no.
146
00:06:30,070 --> 00:06:31,620
This is Napa Valley.
147
00:06:31,645 --> 00:06:34,492
People call 911 when they
get a bad wedge of brie.
148
00:06:34,517 --> 00:06:36,099
Oh, I love brie.
149
00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:38,240
All right, here's my card.
150
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,375
Give me a call tomorrow with
a list of what's gone missing,
151
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,316
you know, for your insurance.
152
00:06:41,341 --> 00:06:42,591
Thank you.
153
00:06:42,616 --> 00:06:45,563
Oh, and, uh, I, uh...
154
00:06:46,587 --> 00:06:48,053
I just got one more question for you.
155
00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:50,656
Um, is that a Kalamazoo
grill in the backyard?
156
00:06:50,924 --> 00:06:52,656
I don't know. My ex-husband put it in.
157
00:06:52,681 --> 00:06:53,930
I don't touch the thing.
158
00:06:54,359 --> 00:06:56,428
How can...
159
00:06:58,497 --> 00:07:00,210
How can you not...
160
00:07:00,944 --> 00:07:03,245
I'm sorry. It's just, when
I buy a lottery ticket,
161
00:07:03,270 --> 00:07:05,320
that grill is what I'm dreaming of.
162
00:07:05,345 --> 00:07:07,984
You can burn wood,
charcoal, gas, or-or...
163
00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:10,108
you can go infrared.
164
00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:14,117
Infrared.
165
00:07:15,494 --> 00:07:16,971
You're getting a little
worked up here, Officer.
166
00:07:16,996 --> 00:07:18,579
It's just sitting there!
167
00:07:18,889 --> 00:07:20,939
Well, good thing they didn't steal that.
168
00:07:20,964 --> 00:07:22,580
Okay.
169
00:07:22,617 --> 00:07:24,339
You can't steal it; it's built-in.
170
00:07:24,374 --> 00:07:25,340
I'm sorry.
171
00:07:25,365 --> 00:07:27,282
You ladies, have a, have a good night.
172
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,921
It's a left, two rights and a left.
173
00:07:31,953 --> 00:07:33,312
Copy that.
174
00:07:34,695 --> 00:07:38,186
Well, thanks again for coming,
but I think I'm okay now.
175
00:07:38,211 --> 00:07:39,744
Yeah. Unless they come back.
176
00:07:39,769 --> 00:07:40,935
What?
177
00:07:41,141 --> 00:07:42,441
Why would you say that?
178
00:07:42,476 --> 00:07:43,809
It happens all the time.
179
00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:45,362
I mean, now that the
guy knows the layout,
180
00:07:45,387 --> 00:07:46,414
he could get a couple
buddies, come back,
181
00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:48,929
- toss this place like a Caesar salad.
- Tammy!
182
00:07:48,954 --> 00:07:51,765
I'm sorry! You're right.
It could be a chick.
183
00:07:54,146 --> 00:07:57,064
I really appreciate you
guys spending the night.
184
00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:02,172
I still think you could've
made room for me up there.
185
00:08:02,197 --> 00:08:04,921
I still think, while you're
down there, you can rub my feet.
186
00:08:06,632 --> 00:08:08,966
Bonnie, would you please
check the windows again?
187
00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:10,767
Sure.
188
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,179
- Back.
- Damn it.
189
00:08:16,527 --> 00:08:18,004
You know, we can't
sleep here every night.
190
00:08:18,029 --> 00:08:19,529
Speak for yourself.
191
00:08:19,554 --> 00:08:22,515
This mattress is taking
on the shape of my ass.
192
00:08:23,695 --> 00:08:27,157
- It's memory foam.
- Well, I want to marry it.
193
00:08:27,317 --> 00:08:29,150
Maybe you should hire
some security, you know,
194
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,468
someone to stay here till
you get over the yips.
195
00:08:31,493 --> 00:08:32,792
How 'bout that cop?
196
00:08:32,817 --> 00:08:34,567
A lot of those guys do off-duty work.
197
00:08:34,592 --> 00:08:36,058
Mm, I don't know.
198
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,500
He wouldn't shut up about my barbecue.
199
00:08:38,525 --> 00:08:41,275
I mean, what man
notices that and not me?
200
00:08:41,553 --> 00:08:44,103
You're right, don't call
a cop. Call a Hells Angel.
201
00:08:44,128 --> 00:08:47,765
They know how to crack heads
and appreciate a pretty lady.
202
00:08:48,618 --> 00:08:51,869
Shh, shh, shh! Did you just hear that?
203
00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:54,335
Jill, the alarm's on,
you're surrounded by us,
204
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,638
and Christy's closest to the
door... they'll get her first.
205
00:08:58,265 --> 00:08:59,764
The hell they will!
206
00:09:02,805 --> 00:09:05,723
Geez, shave your legs once in a while!
207
00:09:07,811 --> 00:09:09,778
Okay, if this is gonna work,
208
00:09:09,803 --> 00:09:11,770
everybody has to sleep on their side.
209
00:09:19,577 --> 00:09:21,494
- Flip the dolphin, Tam.
- Oh, sure, sure.
210
00:09:26,853 --> 00:09:28,093
What's this?
211
00:09:29,362 --> 00:09:31,195
Warm brown food?
212
00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:33,257
I'm in.
213
00:09:35,472 --> 00:09:37,856
Appears to be some sort of chili.
214
00:09:40,207 --> 00:09:41,873
Yep, chili.
215
00:09:42,536 --> 00:09:45,920
Hey! What are you doing, you big moose?!
216
00:09:46,592 --> 00:09:47,682
You just walk in
217
00:09:47,707 --> 00:09:49,351
and eat anything that's
cooking on the stove?
218
00:09:49,376 --> 00:09:51,259
It's kept me alive so far.
219
00:09:51,284 --> 00:09:53,534
Well, it's not for you. It's for Nora.
220
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,643
I did a little snooping
around on Instagram;
221
00:09:55,668 --> 00:09:57,084
found out it's her favorite thing.
222
00:09:57,109 --> 00:09:59,359
Oh, my God, you're making chili for Nora
223
00:09:59,384 --> 00:10:00,717
just so she'll like you.
224
00:10:00,742 --> 00:10:02,499
Hey, I used to make you screwdrivers
225
00:10:02,524 --> 00:10:04,024
to get you to like me.
226
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:08,123
You did have a good firm
pour for an eight-year-old.
227
00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:10,770
I really think this is gonna work.
228
00:10:10,919 --> 00:10:13,052
I can almost feel her loving me already.
229
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:15,178
You're really quite
pathetic, do you know that?
230
00:10:15,796 --> 00:10:17,762
I've never denied it.
231
00:10:23,024 --> 00:10:24,974
Excuse me.
232
00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:28,050
I'm paying you to protect
me, not to sit here watching
233
00:10:28,075 --> 00:10:31,803
six tiny black-and-white
movies at the same time.
234
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:36,199
You figured out those are the
security cameras I set up, yeah?
235
00:10:36,224 --> 00:10:37,935
Halfway through.
236
00:10:39,903 --> 00:10:42,349
What's going on there?
Those squirrels fighting?
237
00:10:42,998 --> 00:10:44,915
Oh. Oh.
238
00:10:47,494 --> 00:10:49,607
Yeah, they've been going
at it hot and heavy.
239
00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:50,848
Definitely not married.
240
00:10:54,502 --> 00:10:56,752
You know, you don't have to
keep bringing your own food.
241
00:10:56,777 --> 00:10:58,239
You're welcome to
anything in the fridge.
242
00:10:58,264 --> 00:11:01,617
Oh. Thanks, but years
of police work tell me
243
00:11:01,642 --> 00:11:03,442
there's probably less
than a thousand calories
244
00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:04,582
in this entire house.
245
00:11:05,622 --> 00:11:06,943
Oh, really?
246
00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:14,170
I got to ask you a
question, Ms. Kendall.
247
00:11:14,239 --> 00:11:17,374
Oh, you've seen me without
makeup; call me Jill.
248
00:11:17,752 --> 00:11:20,419
You've seen me without
makeup; call me Andy.
249
00:11:20,444 --> 00:11:22,661
Great, Andy. Ask away.
250
00:11:23,615 --> 00:11:26,665
This is a huge house, and
you're just one person.
251
00:11:26,690 --> 00:11:29,074
Don't you think you'd feel
safer in a smaller place?
252
00:11:29,646 --> 00:11:30,849
Maybe.
253
00:11:32,289 --> 00:11:35,951
But I've just been here so long,
I guess I'm kind of used to it.
254
00:11:37,375 --> 00:11:39,104
And my ex wanted it in the divorce,
255
00:11:39,129 --> 00:11:41,429
so I cried until the
judge said I could have it.
256
00:11:41,454 --> 00:11:43,203
Mm.
257
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:46,293
Yeah, my ex did the same
thing with my Raiders tickets.
258
00:11:47,263 --> 00:11:49,301
And she doesn't even go.
259
00:11:50,871 --> 00:11:52,334
It's painful enough trying
to watch a Raiders game.
260
00:11:52,359 --> 00:11:54,275
Now I got to turn it on and see
261
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,988
those two empty seats in the end zone.
262
00:11:56,878 --> 00:11:59,963
Oh, that's nothing.
263
00:11:59,988 --> 00:12:02,205
Does your ex have a beautiful young wife
264
00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:04,146
and an okay-looking child?
265
00:12:04,902 --> 00:12:07,155
No. She's dating another bald cop
266
00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:09,691
who could stand to lose 20 pounds.
267
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:12,426
What was wrong with me?
268
00:12:13,977 --> 00:12:16,167
I'm done being on Team Sad.
269
00:12:16,192 --> 00:12:18,859
I been through all
four stages of grief...
270
00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:21,516
eating, crying, drinking, snorting.
271
00:12:21,835 --> 00:12:24,157
I been down that path.
272
00:12:25,175 --> 00:12:27,092
Got stuck on eating.
273
00:12:28,762 --> 00:12:30,311
Want a bite?
274
00:12:30,954 --> 00:12:32,266
Nah.
275
00:12:32,291 --> 00:12:35,075
I'm not eating bread,
cheese or meat right now.
276
00:12:35,192 --> 00:12:36,859
- Watch your fingers.
- Oh.
277
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,076
Hey, what are you doing?
278
00:12:45,101 --> 00:12:47,568
I was watching... whatever that was.
279
00:12:48,048 --> 00:12:49,591
I want to watch the weather.
280
00:12:49,616 --> 00:12:51,082
We live in California.
281
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:53,883
Here's your five-day forecast... Nice.
282
00:12:54,546 --> 00:12:57,516
Oh, wait. You want to watch
Nora so you can tell her
283
00:12:57,541 --> 00:12:59,674
how much you love the
way she points at things.
284
00:13:00,944 --> 00:13:02,477
Suck-up.
285
00:13:02,502 --> 00:13:04,302
Am not.
286
00:13:04,327 --> 00:13:07,055
Did I get a text saying
how much she loved my chili?
287
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,496
Yes, I did.
288
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,154
She even asked how my day was going.
289
00:13:10,179 --> 00:13:12,096
Is that the sound of
the ice queen cracking?
290
00:13:12,121 --> 00:13:13,788
I think so.
291
00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:16,524
Are you gonna ask questions
and also answer them?
292
00:13:16,549 --> 00:13:17,881
Is that your new thing?
293
00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:20,493
Is it? I don't know.
294
00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,647
Shh, shh! My new bestie's on.
295
00:13:22,672 --> 00:13:23,805
Ah, thanks, Rob!
296
00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:25,780
And I agree, that is some tie.
297
00:13:27,296 --> 00:13:28,712
Well, looks like we might need
298
00:13:28,737 --> 00:13:30,119
to break out the sweaters, folks.
299
00:13:30,214 --> 00:13:31,914
Temperatures will be
cooling down this week
300
00:13:32,038 --> 00:13:33,838
thanks to winds coming in from the west.
301
00:13:40,616 --> 00:13:43,860
Hey, you and your chili
just got a shout-out.
302
00:13:46,329 --> 00:13:49,406
♪ Winds coming in from the west ♪
303
00:13:49,431 --> 00:13:51,631
♪ Winds coming in from the west ♪
304
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,490
♪ Winds coming in from the west... ♪
305
00:13:53,695 --> 00:13:55,745
600,000 views!
306
00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:58,438
The minute I saw this, I said,
"Let's make a YouTube video."
307
00:13:58,473 --> 00:14:01,808
And Christy's all, "No, we
can't humiliate my sponsor."
308
00:14:01,833 --> 00:14:04,464
Once again, my daughter
holds me back from greatness!
309
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:06,863
I feel sorry for her.
310
00:14:07,009 --> 00:14:08,592
Okay, when did you let one rip?
311
00:14:08,617 --> 00:14:10,116
High school talent show.
312
00:14:10,152 --> 00:14:13,046
I was playing the flute,
but not nearly loud enough.
313
00:14:14,322 --> 00:14:15,705
Move over, sex with Abe Lincoln.
314
00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:17,790
That is now number one
on my time machine list.
315
00:14:17,826 --> 00:14:19,826
Man, poor Nora.
316
00:14:20,262 --> 00:14:21,562
Let's watch it again.
317
00:14:23,425 --> 00:14:26,977
Seriously, there's a 5% chance
they're laughing at Wendy.
318
00:14:27,002 --> 00:14:29,219
We both know who they're laughing at.
319
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:30,685
Here's your Tupperware.
320
00:14:30,710 --> 00:14:31,742
I'm so sorry.
321
00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:33,150
Well, don't be.
322
00:14:33,175 --> 00:14:35,725
Am I feeling a little
embarrassed? Absolutely.
323
00:14:36,032 --> 00:14:38,989
I'm human and I frickin' farted on TV.
324
00:14:39,415 --> 00:14:41,898
- And do you want to talk about that?
- Not with you.
325
00:14:41,983 --> 00:14:43,983
I'll bring it to my
sponsor, who, by the way,
326
00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,091
I'm also not buddies with.
327
00:14:46,478 --> 00:14:48,444
Thank you for the coffee. I got to go.
328
00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:50,444
Right. Well, maybe we should...
329
00:14:50,469 --> 00:14:52,636
Okay. All right. Bye!
330
00:14:52,661 --> 00:14:54,743
Marjorie, give me my phone back.
331
00:14:55,947 --> 00:14:58,331
How did you get from
farts to cat videos?
332
00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:01,234
How's Nora?
333
00:15:01,259 --> 00:15:03,710
Our friendship is dead, and
here's the murder weapon.
334
00:15:03,796 --> 00:15:05,679
I just don't get what the big deal is.
335
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:08,405
We all do it. We burp, we
fart, we pee when we laugh,
336
00:15:08,430 --> 00:15:10,625
which only makes us laugh
more, which makes us pee more.
337
00:15:10,650 --> 00:15:12,350
Circle of life.
338
00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:14,675
Ooh, motion sensor alert.
339
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,214
Aw, look. Andy's bringing in my mail.
340
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,300
How long you gonna keep him around?
341
00:15:20,385 --> 00:15:22,802
I don't know. He makes me feel safe.
342
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:24,637
And he's a lot of fun.
343
00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:26,328
We stayed up all night just gabbing.
344
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,508
He told me stories about being a Marine.
345
00:15:28,593 --> 00:15:30,593
He really knows how to
take care of business.
346
00:15:30,618 --> 00:15:33,204
Yeah? Did he take care of your business?
347
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,931
While you were gabbing all night?
348
00:15:34,956 --> 00:15:36,206
Uh-huh.
349
00:15:36,231 --> 00:15:37,868
Girl!
350
00:15:38,748 --> 00:15:41,882
He's a great guy, but
you met him; he's not my type.
351
00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,940
I don't know. He brought in your mail.
352
00:15:44,025 --> 00:15:45,358
Yeah, he did.
353
00:15:45,383 --> 00:15:47,349
Girl!
354
00:15:47,507 --> 00:15:49,423
Wendy, it's not working.
355
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,626
I know.
356
00:15:52,512 --> 00:15:55,095
Okay, here are the
keys to your new locks.
357
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,003
Motion detectors are
up, cameras are working,
358
00:15:57,028 --> 00:15:58,456
and I think the squirrels got married.
359
00:15:59,477 --> 00:16:00,494
How can you tell?
360
00:16:00,519 --> 00:16:03,019
They're just eating in
silence next to each other.
361
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:08,014
You sure you
can't stay one more night?
362
00:16:08,159 --> 00:16:11,361
At this point, I'd just be
taking your money. You're safe.
363
00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:12,936
I don't know how to thank you.
364
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:14,270
Promise me one thing.
365
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,940
I know, I know. I got to
use that big fancy grill.
366
00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:19,976
I was gonna say please be sure
to set your alarm, but, yeah,
367
00:16:20,121 --> 00:16:22,038
I will sleep better at
night knowing you finally
368
00:16:22,063 --> 00:16:24,368
tossed a rib eye on
that magnificent bastard.
369
00:16:27,328 --> 00:16:29,118
- Bye.
- Bye.
370
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:33,433
Girl!
371
00:16:33,907 --> 00:16:35,602
Oh, stop.
372
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:37,210
Let's just start watching the movie.
373
00:16:37,356 --> 00:16:38,939
- I think we just watched one.
- Mm-hmm.
374
00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:40,296
A little romantic comedy
375
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,215
about the lonely rich
girl and her bodyguard.
376
00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:47,923
♪ And I-ee-I... ♪
377
00:16:47,948 --> 00:16:51,844
♪ Will always love you-ooh-ooh... ♪
378
00:16:52,677 --> 00:16:54,394
All right, knock it off.
379
00:16:55,981 --> 00:16:57,730
I told you, he's not my type.
380
00:16:57,816 --> 00:16:59,933
You're right. You only
date super handsome,
381
00:16:59,958 --> 00:17:01,791
emotionally unavailable jerks.
382
00:17:01,816 --> 00:17:05,451
Mmm. Just hearing that turns me on.
383
00:17:05,718 --> 00:17:07,861
Maybe it's time for a change.
384
00:17:07,886 --> 00:17:09,252
No one's gonna judge you.
385
00:17:09,277 --> 00:17:10,837
And if they do, who cares? You're happy.
386
00:17:10,862 --> 00:17:12,195
Yeah. Hey, I had a type, too,
387
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,863
and it wasn't a guy in a wheelchair.
388
00:17:13,915 --> 00:17:15,940
- Yeah, but Adam's hot.
- So hot.
389
00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:18,265
And taken. Taken.
390
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,837
We'll see.
391
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,294
The point is that cop made you smile
392
00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:30,736
like I haven't seen in a long time.
393
00:17:30,943 --> 00:17:32,359
You guys are really underestimating
394
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,133
how shallow I am.
395
00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:41,441
Knockity-knock.
396
00:17:41,466 --> 00:17:43,333
Hey. What are you doing here?
397
00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:47,376
I just came by to bring you
this tiny cactus for luck.
398
00:17:48,733 --> 00:17:53,712
I know it's your first day
back since the... incident.
399
00:17:54,212 --> 00:17:56,132
"Incident." I like that.
400
00:17:56,157 --> 00:17:59,993
Around here, they just call
it "that time I farted on TV."
401
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,851
I hope you're not mad
at me over all of this.
402
00:18:02,876 --> 00:18:05,725
Okay, we got to nip this in the bud.
403
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,477
Remember when I first
started sponsoring you
404
00:18:07,516 --> 00:18:09,586
and I asked you to do a fear inventory?
405
00:18:09,731 --> 00:18:11,481
Yeah. Maybe it's time for you to do
406
00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:13,534
another one, because I don't
remember you writing down,
407
00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:15,558
"I'm terrified that
people won't like me."
408
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,904
- I didn't write that down.
- Why not?
409
00:18:17,929 --> 00:18:20,480
I was afraid it would
make you not like me.
410
00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:22,742
Do you see what you're doing here?
411
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:24,601
Yeah, yeah.
412
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,813
No.
413
00:18:28,805 --> 00:18:31,574
If you always seek the
validation of other people,
414
00:18:31,599 --> 00:18:33,181
you will never be content,
415
00:18:33,338 --> 00:18:35,388
because you're making
them your higher power.
416
00:18:35,474 --> 00:18:37,057
You're doing it with me.
417
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:40,283
And at the end of the day,
I'm just another drunk.
418
00:18:40,429 --> 00:18:43,094
Oh. One who is 60 seconds
away from doing the weather.
419
00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:44,119
Walk with me.
420
00:18:44,407 --> 00:18:46,614
Ooh, we're gonna do the weather?
421
00:18:46,639 --> 00:18:48,055
Mm-hmm.
422
00:18:49,609 --> 00:18:51,909
- Nora, I just want to...
- Watch the cables.
423
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:56,571
Oh, my God, that's
Sports with Kane Stevens!
424
00:18:57,862 --> 00:18:59,746
And you don't need
him to like you either.
425
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,020
Yes, I do. No, you don't.
426
00:19:01,045 --> 00:19:03,556
Look, I didn't have a lot
going for me growing up,
427
00:19:03,581 --> 00:19:05,919
but winning people over
was one of my strong suits.
428
00:19:06,005 --> 00:19:09,623
And I'm sure it served you,
but you don't need it anymore.
429
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,948
Let me ask you something.
Do you like yourself?
430
00:19:12,043 --> 00:19:14,594
'Cause that's the only person
you should be concerned about.
431
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:15,929
Now, off my set.
432
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:21,240
All right. In five, four, three, two...
433
00:19:21,265 --> 00:19:22,969
Look who's back.
434
00:19:23,235 --> 00:19:25,605
All right, before I
get to the five-day,
435
00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:28,414
let me acknowledge something
that got away from me last week.
436
00:19:28,439 --> 00:19:30,355
Laugh it up, Rob.
437
00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:33,087
We all know you're not
wearing pants behind that desk.
438
00:19:34,172 --> 00:19:36,389
Point is, we're all human.
439
00:19:36,534 --> 00:19:39,402
We have our sunny days and rainy days.
440
00:19:39,488 --> 00:19:41,955
It's how you dust yourself off
441
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:44,321
to get to the next day that matters.
442
00:19:44,827 --> 00:19:45,959
So, looking ahead at...
443
00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:48,587
Oh, my God, she winked at me.
444
00:19:48,853 --> 00:19:52,477
Which is not a big
deal... beginning now.
445
00:20:22,243 --> 00:20:24,906
Andy! I was sleeping, and
the alarm started going off.
446
00:20:24,931 --> 00:20:27,015
I think somebody's breaking in.
447
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,149
You will?
448
00:20:28,174 --> 00:20:31,125
You're the best. See you soon.
449
00:20:42,759 --> 00:20:44,569
Girl.
450
00:20:44,594 --> 00:20:49,594
Subtitle sync and corrections by
ChrisKe for www.addic7ed.com.
33372
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