All language subtitles for Jane.The.Virgin.S05E02.720p.WEB.h264-TBS

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Welcome back, friends.

You'll recall our Jane
was dealing with quite a doozy

because Michael came back
from the freaking dead,

only he was
just a little different.

Actually,

I go by Jason now, ma'am.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
You see, it turns out Rose,

aka Sin Rostro,

kidnapped Michael
and gave him amnesia.

You don't remember me?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And her former lover Luisa

was determined
to find out why she did it.

I know, straight out
of a telenovela, right?

And speaking of telenovelas,

Jane's father Rogelio
was excited

to launch the American version
of The Passions of Santos,

and his costar--
the fabulous River Fields,

who he had
a rocky relationship with.

Also navigating
tricky relationships-- Alba.

See, she had a quickie wedding
to her ex-boyfriend Jorge

to help him get a green card.
The only problem--

her fake marriage had Alba
catching real feelings.

And speaking of feelings, our
Jane vowed to help Michael...

(record scratches)

...Jason get his memories back,
but she refused

to let it interfere with
her relationship with Rafael.

I want to move in with you
now. I love you, Rafael.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which, my friends,
is where we left off.

When Jane Gloriana Villanueva

was two months, 12 days
and 18 hours old,

she received
her first sacrament

in the Catholic Church.

And as she moved
through her religious life,

these were her touchstones,

her holy rites of passage.

In the name of the Father...

And of the Son

and of the Holy Spirit.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Some were solemn,

some were joyous.

Amen.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
But they were, above all,

eternal.

Or until death
do us part.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Or so Jane thought.

It wasn't the lawyer.
It was a telemarketer.

I guess she doesn't have a ton
of experience

with husbands
who come back from the dead.

I just want an answer.
I mean, yes or no?
No.

But I love that lamp.
I picked it out

and I forced you to buy it.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
That's right,

while Jane was moving out,

Jorge was moving in.

Temporarily, of course.

Like I said. And...

Abuela, you okay?

(sniffles)

But it could still be confusing.

You know I finally had
my mind off of that, right?

MATEO:
Mom!

I can't find the blue pieces
from my building set!

(phone ringing)

Hello? Hi. Yes.
Uh, so, am I married or not?

RAFAEL:
Still no answer?

No, it's crazy.

She's consulting
colleagues,

a conflicting legal
precedent, blah, blah, blah.

Your grandma let
you have this?

The point is, I might not know

if I'm married or not
for a week.

I deserve that lamp.

And for you...

Ooh. A color-coded calendar.

What is the occasion?

It's how I'm gonna help
Jason get his memories back

without letting it
interfere in our life.

I am liking this calendar.

Right? Mateo's blue. We have
to keep them apart, obviously.

Agreed. What is, uh, CCD?

Catholic classes until
his first Communion.

We talked about this.
You said yes.

I just don't want Mateo thinking

every time he does something
wrong, he's going to hell.

That is not what the
Church teaches... at first.

Look, my husband just
came back from the dead.

Can you just agree to what
you already agreed to?

Is this what Catholic guilt
feels like?

Yeah. Is it working?

Thank you. By the way,
note the calendar.

You don't leave for
work for half an hour,

and Mateo's at school.

Oh. So we have a window?

Oh, we have a window.

(both moaning)

Oh.

Hey.

(giggles)

(clears throat)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Unfortunately, they also had

a door, which had been
accidentally left open.

Sorry I'm early.

It's just I get up
with the cock's crow.

(rooster crows)

But if it's a bad time, I can
come back later... after.

No, no, it's okay. Let's get you
moved into the Marbella.

I just need to find my shoes.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And underwear.

So, how was your visit
with your dad?

Any memories?

Nope,
but I had a real good time.

What did you guys do?

Oh, you know, just

caught up on episodes of NCIS.

You guys watched television?

It was nice. Quiet.

But I'm back and ready for you
and all the talking.

(laughs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And from one amnesiac
to another.

But more sexy.

I play a sexy amnesiac,
so maybe this hair...

goes on this side, huh?

Like I forgot
how to part it properly.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
You'll recall Rogelio was
launching the American version

of The Passions of Santos.

Why are you calling again?

you don't feel
too lonely at home.

For the last time, I'm fine.

Because I can delay it
until after chemo.

Please don't say you can delay
until after chemo.

I'm serious, Rogelio.

Stop feeling guilty. I'm great.

You're finally shooting The
Passions of Steve and Brenda.

♪ ♪

Now go have a great first day,

and don't call again.

And stay professional.
Remember, you got

to a good place with River.
Don't mess it up.

I won't.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And, friends,

it's important to note:
that was his plan.

Good morning, Mr. Co-President.

Good morning,
Madam Co-President.

(laughs softly)

New script pages,
hot off the presses.

Oh. Great.

Ooh, fun.

Oh, they made
my monologue even juicier.

(grunts softly)

I thought we were running lines.

First, I want
to have a word

with those tasteless, talentless
hacks who call themselves...

Writers!

(laughs)
The finest wordsmiths

in Miami
and my very favorite people.

So, I found...

I see. Okay.

Well... good producing.

(chuckles)

Writers.

My favorite people
in the whole world.

I noticed my
monologue was missing

from the latest script.
Not to worry.

I'm sure that omitting
the most powerful moment

in the pilot was
just an oversight.

It's sweet but not too sweet.

HANNAH:
You think it's coconut sugar?

(writers voicing assent)

What are those... things?

River boats.
She gave 'em to the whole crew

to celebrate
the first day of shooting.

(writers murmuring)

I didn't know River
had a cookie line.

She's just so nice.

Agreed. So... very nice.

You just seem sarcastic
when you say that.

Oh, no. I'm very glad
to have this crazy calendar.

PETRA:
Why did the vendor
send chardonnay

when I specifically
ordered Chablis?

Weren't you on the call
when I placed the order?

I told you, always
be on my calls,

taking notes so situations
like this are avoided.

Find me the Chablis.

Now!

Turns out "temp" is just
another word for "incompetent."

Anyway, welcome to the Marbella.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yup, looks like

someone's still crushing
on Petra.

Well, thanks
for putting us up.

He could use a walk.
Come on, Bo. Come on.

No one said anything
about a dog.

Can you make an exception?

Think of him as like
an emotional support animal.

Emotional support for what?

He so much as lifts a
leg in here, he's out.

(sighs)
And that goes
for Jason, too.

Thanks. Trust me,
he needs that dog,

because he is not
a people person.

(Michael laughing loudly)

(laughing)
Oh, man.

Maybe he's just
not a Jane person.

Maybe not yet, but we're still
getting to know each other.

It'll get better.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Totally agree. Either that...

or way worse.

Okay, so I don't cook,
but Michael loved frittatas,

so this was the one thing
I learned to make.

Pretty good, but I'd add ham.

Maybe some kind of a meat.

What are you gonna eat?

Well, that was
for the both of us. (laughs)

So, what do you think?

You're messing with me, right?

There's no way
Michael liked this book.

And so, yeah, Star Wars was
Michael's favorite movie.

He actually didn't drink
anything all day

when the last one came out,
just to ensure

that he definitely wouldn't have
to go to the bathroom during it.

(snoring)

Wake up!

(sighs)

Okay, so I put together a
box of Michael's things.

Oh, those were his...
your... LSAT scores.

You passed.

Crazy. I would never
want to be a lawyer.

Oh, n-no, don't throw it away.

I'll-I'll just keep it.

Yeah.
Sure.

Oh, those are from your car.
You can have those if you want.

Uh, no, thanks.
What happened to the car?

Oh, I-I sold it.

Well, how much you get?

Like, 1,200 bucks, I think.

Can I have that, then?

Are you serious?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
He looks dead serious.

Or should I say
"back from the dead serious"?

Or like half?

Could use the money
more than a license plate.

What?

Nothing. You know,
maybe I can go

to the used car dealership
and get your car back.

Oh, I'm sure they'll remember me
since I was the one sobbing

while I handed over the keys
to my dead husband's car.

Why would they give you
the car back

when you already spent
the money?

I didn't actually mean
you'd be getting it back.

Oh, you were being sarcastic?

because you were
asking for the money.

for money.
Do you not need money?

(phone rings)

It's the lawyer.

Hi. This is Jane.

Okay. Got it.

Got it.

Great news.
(chuckles)

We're still married.

(sighs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes, friends, you'll recall

we left Jane and Jason...

For now. Apparently
Michael's death certificate

nullified
our marriage certificate,

but his death certificate
is now nullified.

So we have an appointment

to ask the judge
to uphold the dissolution.

When?

In six months.

Trust me. I don't want
to be married to Jason

for another six months.
But what can I do?

What most people do
when they don't want

to be married anymore.

Divorce.

Rafael, I'm Catholic.

And...?

And...

(organ plays)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Sorry. That was dramatic.

But so is damnation.

Jane?

Catholics can't divorce.

Yeah, but don't you think they'd
make an exception in this case?

I don't know. But if I just wait
the six months,

I won't have to go
against the Church.

But then again, you've broken
other church rules.

Like birth control,
lots of premarital sex.

Marriage is different.

It's a sacrament.

Okay.

If that's all it is.

Of course that's all it is.

Good old-fashioned
Catholic guilt.

Then again, guilt comes from
the inside, not the outside.

(phone chimes)

my sister at the precinct. Then
we're gonna head to the prison,

see if Rose will tell Luisa
why she wiped Michael's memory.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wow. There's a sentence
you don't hear every day.

Do you think Rose will tell her?

I can't guarantee it,

but I'm definitely
your best shot.

Agreed.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Aw!

You remember Dennis, right?

I just want to make sure
you're okay with meeting Rose.

I know you've had some...
struggles in the past.

Not struggles.

Complete mental breakdowns.

It's important
to just say it and own it.

Yes, I was an unstable alcoholic

who fell in love
with a sociopath.

Again and again...

and again.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And again.

But I'm not that person anymore.

Because now I'm sober.

And... I'm serious.

I can totally handle Rose.
And if she even tries

to lure me in with her magnetic
eyes and electric sexual energy,

I'm just gonna think

about the truly evil things
that she's done.

In fact,
I even made a list.

And I'll be, uh, coming as well,

for moral support.

Great. Good call.

So, look,

we found this number
buried in Michael's files.

We think it may have
something to do

with where she's hiding
her money.

Mention it to her.

Let's see how she reacts.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Also waiting for a reaction...

What do you think?

Your very own...

RoBoats.

Thanks, Rogelio.

And, look, where I come
from, the writer is God.

So I will never question
a decision you've made.

Appreciate that.

But if you want to thank me

for such a kind offering...

restore my monologue.

Sorry. No can do.

But I bought you actual boats.

Which are much better than those
cheap, carb-heavy River Rafts.

It's not personal, Rogelio.

You still have your moment.

But my moment is...

shorter.

River has a
whole speech.

And now all I say is

"I don't understand
what's going on."

Sometimes less is more.

I don't understand.

"What's going on."

I don't understand
what's going on.

See? Sounds great.

No! I'm saying that I,
Rog...elio de la Vega,

don't understand.

How could you cut my monologue
down to one line?

We thought this line

was a better reflection
of the character.

Where he's at in his journey.

With no memories.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And, friends,

that's when Rogelio's
two worlds collided,

as if by design.

Oh, yeah?

And do you know anyone
with amnesia?

Because I

happen to know
a real-life amnesiac.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us here, now.

(chuckles)
My dad wants to hire you

as an amnesia consultant
on his telenovela.

What's a... "telly-novela"?

(Latin Lover Narrator gasps)

A TV show.

My-my favorite kind, actually.

Michael and I watched one
the night that we met.

They're like... soap
operas on steroids.

You know, lots of twists
and turns and huge reveals

but with so much heart.

Sold.

Ah.

600 bucks, I'll consult.

Then we'll call it even
on the car.

Got it. I'll let him know.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And suddenly, friends,
a twist no one

saw coming.

This shot glass
looks so familiar.

(heart beating)

you and me.

It was night.

We were on, um,

Bourbon Street

in New Orleans.

And there was a guy who spilled
a drink down your back.

You freaked out.

(beating stops)

Or Bourbon Street.

Damn.

You're right.

I was remembering an episode
of NCIS: New Orleans.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
At least
Jane didn't see it coming.

I'll be right back.

I-I need some air.

♪ ♪

(exhales)

Jane.

Are you okay?

I just realized something.

(exhales)
I'm scared to get a divorce,

because what if Michael
gets his memory back?

I mean, if that happened,
I don't know

what I would do
or how I would feel.

At all.

I'm so sorry that I had to
run out. Something came up.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
A full-fledged panic attack
is what came up.

What was it?

M-My mom's cancer
flared up, actually.

A-Anyway, I will
see you on set.

600 bucks. Yay!

Okay, now-now I have
to call Rafael.

Whoa, slow down.

No, I have to.

flaring up.

Just think for a second, okay?

What are you
gonna say to him?

That if Michael's
memory comes back,

that it'll be
very confusing.

I think he knows that.

And I don't know if
I'd want to divorce him,

so it wasn't only Catholic
guilt like I said.

What was it, then?

Would you want to be
with Michael?

What? No. I love Rafael.

I-It's more that...

(sighs) How could I look
Michael in the eye and say,

"Hey, you were back
for two whole weeks

and then I filed
for divorce"?

Okay. So it is guilt,

just from a different place.

Which I should tell Rafael.

And also I should tell him

that if Michael got
his memory back,

I'm a little scared
that I'd have feelings.

But I don't want to
and I probably wouldn't?

Yeah, see, I'd wait a beat
with that last part.

It's all hypothetical.

Sort out how you're feeling
a little more first.

Yeah.

He's actually with Rose now,

trying to find out
why she did this.

Really?

Well, this is disappointing.

Why are you here?

I was very clear that
I would only speak to Luisa.

Well,
that's too bad,

'cause you're talking
to both of us.

(chuckles):
Oh.

Did you come to thank me?

I took out the competition,

got you the girl.

Why did you wipe
Michael's memory?

Is that really what you want
to ask me?

Or are you trying
to find out

if what I did to Michael
is reversible?

Afraid that if Michael
gets his memory back,

Jane will go
running back

to her one true love
like she always does?

Let me talk
to her alone.

No! No way!

This is what Rose does.

(scoffs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Too late. She was so rude.

I will get an answer.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Good. We're all waiting.

Here's the answer.

A real-life amnesiac
standing right here.

I brought him here
as a consultant

because amnesiacs, as a group,
deserve accurate representation.

And he read the monologue
as it was, and he loved it.

Right, Jason?

Yep.

True.

(clacking)

So, when you first came
back to your old life,

what was it like?

Oh. Just...

Well, we have our answer.
Monologue stays.

Let's go, Jason.

an actual amnesiac.
This is incredible.

We want to hear from him.

So, what was it like?

Oh, I was
just so confused.

in a lengthy speech.

coming at me.

Um, I was just like...

"What?"

So that's what
you said? "What?"

That's pretty much
all I could say.

That's what
we're gonna do.

Cut the line and have
him just say "What?"

What?

Perfect.

Authenticity
every time. Yes.

Oh, my God.

What?

Is that River Fields?

ROGELIO:
It is.

You work on her show?

We are costars of our show.

Can you introduce me?

Sure.

Oh, man.
(exhales)

The guys at the ranch
are gonna be like, "What?"

(chuckles)

ROGELIO:
River, this is

Jason, our real-life amnesiac.

Ms. Fields,

ma'am, I-I just want to say
I'm a huge fan.

Um, you're just...
awesome.

(chuckles)
ROGELIO:
This man

won't stop talking.

This is why I need a monologue!

I-I feel like
I'm dreaming right now.

Oh, stop. The dream is mine.

I can't even imagine
what you're going through.

And just know that if you
ever need anything from me,

and it doesn't conflict with
previously scheduled events,

I would be happy to
help you any way I can.

Wow, that's so generous of you.

Of course it is,
but you deserve it

after all you've
been through.

You're a victim.

You're a real
victimized victim.

But instead of whining about
it like some people who whine

about every little thing
like a shorter monologue,

you keep moving forward.

I can't believe what
you've been through.

But I know Jane.

I'm sure she's taking
good care of you

and giving you the
support that you need.

Okay, moving on.

Time for the big reveal.

Why did you give Michael
amnesia?

No pleasantries?

We're not even gonna say hello?

Did you get a tan?

It looks good.

It's none of your business.

And, yes, thank you.

If only this glass partition
weren't here...

Stop.

That is not why I'm here.

Tell me why you did it.

(exhales) For us.

You and I had just
gotten back into town

after our submarine tour.

I had my Eileen face on.

And I ran into Michael.

And my phone fell.

As we both bent down
to pick it up,

my mask came unglued,
just a little.

I didn't know if he saw,
but he and I

were gonna be formally
introduced later that week.

And when he saw me with you,

he could have put
two and two together.

Don't you see, Luisa?

I did it for us.

No.

You did it for yourself so that
you wouldn't end up in prison.

If that were the case, I would
have just killed Michael.

(gasps)
But I promised you

that I wouldn't
kill anymore, so...

I faked his death
with a paralytic,

and I hired some fake EMTs,

and, and I gave him amnesia.

Which was way harder,
by the way.

That is so...

Romantic?

And I don't believe you.

I think it has something to do
with this number.

So you're working
with the police now?

What if I am?

Tell them there's no chance
in hell

they'll ever figure out
what that number is.

FIRST AD:
Cut!

We got it.
Moving on to the next scene.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wait, that's it? No processing?

Let's go people, move.
Quick, quick.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Got it. Here we go. Quickly.

Where's Jason?
He left.

Of course. Why would
he let me know first?

I know. Jason is so rude.
That guy's no Michael.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Okay, this is too fast.

Let's slow down.

(sighs) Tell me the truth.

Did your mom seem lonely
when you left her?

I mean, a little.

But it's okay, Dad.

She wants you to do this,

so stop calling her
every five minutes

and stop feeling guilty.

How do you do that?

Let me know when
you figure it out.

Hey, hi, how'd it go?

Well, Rose told Luisa
why she did it.

And?

And... (sighs)

It was random.

What?

She ran into Michael
at a coffee shop.

Her mask came off
and she thought he saw.

That's it?

That's it.

So if he'd gone somewhere else
for coffee first...

You okay?

to play God for a minute,

here's what Jane wanted
to say...

No. I'm not.

There was a moment today

where I thought Michael got
his memory back,

and I had a panic attack
because I am so scared

of what would happen if he did,

and I don't want anything
to happen because I love you,

and I want to spend the rest
of my life with you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
But instead, she said...

Yeah. Hanging in. Mm. You?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And friends,
here's what he wanted to say...

In hell.

I'm just so terrified of
Michael's memory coming back.

Please, Jane, promise me...

that no matter what happens...
you'll choose me.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
But instead, he just said...

Same.

(sighs)

MATEO:
You look stressed, Mommy.

Oh, I'm just having a hard day,
Mr. Sweetface.

Don't worry, in
the CCD they told us

just to be a good person
and trust God has a plan.

You know, it's interesting
that you say that.

Because I have a friend and
she's a really good person.

Or she tries to be, at least.

And now she's in
this crazy situation

and the plan isn't so clear.

What situation?

Well...

She had a puppy and the puppy
died, so she got a new puppy.

But then, out of nowhere,
the other puppy was found.

Where?
Wandering.

Like Moses?

No. Not like Moses.
In Montana.

The point is is that now she has
two puppies,

but her parents won't let her
have two puppies.

So what's the plan for that?

I don't know.

Exactly, 'cause
there is no plan.

My friend has to
come up with a plan.

But religion
makes it seem like

it'll all just magically
work itself out,

which is totally false.

It is?

Yes.

You know, you may be
a little too young for CCD.

You're not going anymore.

Okay. Do you think we can have
the other puppy though?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Holy hell.

(doorbell rings)

we last left our Jane
having a crisis of...

Faith. Ugh.

Move. You're in the way.

Jason. You're early.

I haven't finished gathering
the rest of Michael's...

I'm out.

What do you mean, you're out?

I don't want to go through boxes

of your Michael crap anymore.

That's what I mean.

Wait. What? Why?
You can't just quit.

I'm not just quitting.

Really?
Then what do you call it?

I call it walking away
from a bad experience.

(scoffs) Well, it hasn't
exactly been rainbows

and puppies for me either;
at least I'm trying.

I'm trying, too,
but I can't do anything right.

Like with Michael's stuff,

you won't let me throw it away,
you won't let me sell it.

Fine. Do whatever
you want with it.

It's not that.

It's that every time
I do something,

or say something,
you're disappointed.

And I get it. I'm not him.

But it's also not my fault
that I'm different.

And River Fields made me realize
that I'm the victim here.

Anyway, like I said, I'm done.

JANE:
I just feel so guilty...

Jason's right. I'm disappointed
that he's not Michael, but...

I don't know what I would
do if he were Michael.

And none of that

has anything to with Jason,

who I'm not helping at all.

You're right. Yeah.

So I'll just start over.

Get to know Jason.

Mm.

JANE:
Jorge.

You two seemed to hit it off.
Any tips?

(sighs)

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And from one good team...
to another.

Rogelio. I told you
I was fine at home.

I know. But I was
feeling too guilty,

and I can't act
if I feel guilty.

And like you said,
this telenovela is everything,

so my acting has
to be top-notch.

I promise,

this is not about you,
it's about me.

Now sit, please,
so I can work in peace.

Okay, let's get moving, please.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Man, this dude needs to stop
riding me.

I'm moving.
So Rogelio went back to work,

his guilty conscience lifted,
and...

Action!

I know you don't remember

who you are, but I do.

And I will remember our love
for the both of us.

This is still your face

that I gazed upon for hours.

And these are still
your hands,

that used to hold mine.

And these are still your eyes,

that looked at me
with so much love.

You're still in there...
somewhere.

Which is why you are,
and will always be

our president

of the United States of America.

Wha...

a...

a...

a...

a...

a... t?

DIRECTOR: Cut!

That was a little slow, Rogelio.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
A little?

Was it?

I just want to give
the moment its due.

DIRECTOR:
Just pace it up a little

on this next take, okay?

Uh, River will cue you in
from her last line.

And... action.

(River exhales)

Which is why you are,
and will always be,

our president of the
United States of America.

Wha...

a...

a...

a...

a... t?

What?

a real amnesiac does it.

Much more natural.

Um. Uh, I'm sorry
to just drop by,

but I was thinking
about what you said,

and I wanted to apologize.

Okay.

Uh, I'm really sorry

that I've been acting
disappointed; that's not fair.

And I'm also sorry
that I've been so focused

on trying to remind you
who Michael was

I haven't learned
who you are now.

Well, I appreciate that.

So... (chuckles)
Who are you?

Jason.

Yeah. Yeah, you're Jason.

Um, anything else?

Okay, uh,
what's your favorite color?

Brown.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, boy.

Brown. Great. Solid color.

Mm-hmm.

And what do you like to do
for fun?

I like watching NCIS.

Right.
Uh, anything more... active?

Well, there is this one thing
that I do,

but you're probably
not gonna like it.

Try me.

(country music playing)

♪ Heel, toe,
they gonna give it a try... ♪

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Giddyap, Jane.

You want a drink?
Uh, sure.

I'll have a rosé, please.

Two picklebacks.

What's a pickleback?

Think of it
as the rosé of Montana.

(chuckles)

♪ Take off ♪

Bottoms up.

♪ Roll on ♪

♪ Like a dang old train ♪

Ugh.

It's called a pickleback,
not a picklefront.

I'll keep that in mind
when I never have this again.

Mm.

Ugh. So, is this your thing?

Drinking pickles and
watching people dance?

Oh, we're not here to watch.

I wore my dancing shoes.

♪ And my boots all ready to go ♪

♪ Yeah,
I'm breaking a few laws ♪

♪ Trying to get myself
to the show ♪

(chuckles)

Come on, I took a bite
of that Cubano.

♪ The whiskey on my breath ♪

♪ Gonna ride that bronc ♪

♪ Till he bucks me to death ♪

I don't know the steps.

Oh, no.

Pick up the pace.

That wasn't any
faster, Rogelio.

Are you sure? That
one felt good to me.

Everybody, take five.

(bell rings)

What the hell are you doing?

I am taking the same amount
of time to deliver my line

as it takes for River
to deliver hers.

Because that's what's fair.

Rogelio, do you want this pilot
to succeed or not?

You know I do.

you are embarrassing yourself
and me.

So put your ego aside
and do what's best

for this show, for this scene

and for all these people
working alongside you.

No...

Rogelio, your behavior
is stressing me out,

and it is causing my cancer
to flare up.

Seriously?

You're playing the cancer card?

(gasps)

is making me feel worse,

so unless you want
to feel guilty

for the rest of your life,

get in there and
say the damn line.

Okay, people, let's do this.

From the same spot.

Action!

Which is why you are

and will always be

our president
of the United States of America.

What?

DIRECTOR:
Cut! Brilliant!

(cheering and applause)

(mouths)

We're moving on.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Agreed. Let's go.

Here we are.

This condo is
under a false name,

so you'll be safe here.

Rose won't be able
to find you.

I'm so sorry, Rafael.

For all of this.
No.

No, I gave up your location,
and you still helped me.

That means a lot.

Don't let Rose
get under your skin.

(chuckles) Yeah, it's
easier said than done.

I know.

But Jane loves you.

You have nothing to worry about.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Then again,

this is a telenovela,
as we all know.

How do you know when to turn?

Just feel it out.

(laughs)

Oh!

The dance is more like the
Tush Push, not the Butt Grab.

Sorry. Sor... So sorry.

Try watching my feet.

I can't.
I'm blinded by your belt buckle.

♪ Barrel racing dears ♪

Here.

(laughs):
I think I got it.

♪ Rodeo ♪

This is actually pretty fun.

Jane, hold up. I'm sorry, okay?

No, it's not okay.
You know I'm with Rafael.

I got carried away.

We were having fun,
and you are my wife.

I guess I thought...

I'm sorry. Really.

I'm going to get the car.

RAFAEL:
Hey.

How was your night?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes.
How do you tell your boyfriend

that your amnesiac
possible husband...

Jason kissed me.

Okay. I guess that's how.

What?

and he got carried away,
I guess.

I-I don't know why he did it.

I do. Because you're
his wife, Jane.

Of course he thinks
you're still interested.

You know I don't want
to be married to him.

Well, then, get a divorce.

Be done with it.

Oh, come on,
enough with this Catholic guilt.

It's not because I'm Catholic.

It's because I wish
he never came back.

And I'm a terrible person
to wish that

or-or want that
just because I was happy.

Well, I'm glad
that you were happy.

(scoffs) So happy.

With you, with our life.

Which isn't fair to him.

None of this is fair.

I'm wracked with guilt
every second.

But maybe that's Catholicism.

Which is why I took Mateo
out of CCD, by the way.

I just doesn't feel like there's
a plan right now, you know?

To anything. And if there's not,
then what's the point of it all?

What am I asking Mateo
to believe in?

(chuckles): Well,
far be it from me

to fight for
religious education.

(chuckles softly)

it's been a force
for good in your life.

It has made you into
the woman that you are.

The person I fell in love with.

You win. I'll put him back in.

Mm-mm. I didn't say that.

I know. But still,
I'm wracked with guilt

about it.

But not about divorcing Jason.

Which I'm going to do.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Hmm. Now I just need to tell
my abuela I'm getting a divorce.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wow.

Alba took the news
better than I thought.

What's going on?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah. That makes more sense.

Congratulations, Jorge.

Abuela...

there's something
I need to tell you,

and I know you won't approve,
but please listen

and know I've thought
about this,

and it's the right thing to do
for me.

I can't watch.

I'm getting a divorce.

I don't feel married to Jason,
and I don't want to be.

(sighs)

You do?

(sighs):
Oh.

What do you mean?

Hmm.

Yes.

Don't say that.

You're the Rogelio Whisperer.

We couldn't have gotten through
that shoot without you.

(chuckles):
That's nice of you to say.

And since you're so good at it,

can you please whisper
one more thing to him?

(gasps)

Also scary?

Hi. I-I'm Bobby.

Thank you for accepting
this assignment.

Now, let's get to work.

I live just down the hall,

and I wanted
to say welcome.

And bring you some pie.
Do you like pie?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Please hate pie, Luisa.

I love pie.

Thank you.

Wow. Would you like to come in?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
No!

I would love to. Thank you.

Hey.

Hey. I just came here
for the divorce papers.

Listen, I'm real sorry,
again, about kissing you.

Do you have the papers?

I'm real sorry about that, too.

Um, I signed them,

but then old Bo over there

got a hold of 'em
and ripped 'em to shreds.

Your dog ate
your divorce papers?

I'll re-sign them as soon as we
can get the new ones, I swear.

Fine. I'll be in touch
as soon as I get another set.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Huh. Looks like Jason

is a Jane person, after all.