Original subtitles

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

I'VE GOT TROUBLES WALL TO WALL

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

YEAH

MUST BE AN ENDING TO IT ALL

OH

BUT HOLD ON

IT WON'T BE LONG

JUST YOU BE STRONG

AND IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

PARKER, YOU GOING TO CHURCH?

YES, MA'AM, MISS YOHAY, I AM.

I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK TOO LATE LAST NIGHT.

THE LORD DON'T MIND YOU YAWNING IN HIS HOUSE

JUST AS LONG AS YOU GET THERE.

I WENT TO EARLY CHURCH, MYSELF.

THAT'S REAL NICE, MISS YOHAY.

YOU OUGHT TO MAKE IT A HABIT.

YOU SOUND JUST LIKE PENNY.

THAT GIRL'S GOT GOOD SENSE.

YOU OUGHT TO MARRY HER.

ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD DO, MISS YOHAY?

YES. RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.

I'M TRYING.

WELL, YOU DO THAT.

THEY JUST TOOK WHAT THEY COULD GRAB.

GOOD STUFF'S STILL IN THERE.

SHOULD WE GO FOR PRINTS?

IT'S A STORE. THERE'LL BE THOUSANDS OF PRINTS.

STAY WITH MR. FLETCHER TILL HIS WINDOW'S BOARDED UP.

MAYBE WE SHOULD HELP HIM DO IT.

SURE WOULD LIKE TO GET HOME TO SEE THE GAME.

GO ON AND HELP HIM.

LET ME HAVE THE CHIEF.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

EXCUSE ME, JAN. FORBES HERE.

THAT JEWELRY ROBBERY WAS JUST SMALLTIME STUFF.

JUST SMASH AND GRAB.

OWNER GET THERE YET?

HE'S HERE. HE'S PRETTY CALM.

HE'S ALSO INSURED.

I'M GOING ON INTO CHURCH.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

10-4.

[BACKFIRE]

[JIGGLING DOORKNOB]

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO PERSUADE THAT DOOR A LITTLE BIT.

THIS OUGHT TO DO THE TRICK.

ALL RIGHT, MY DUCKY, DEAR. COME ON IN.

COME ON IN, RODA.

COME ON NOW.

WE GOT TO UNLOAD THIS TRUCK, GET UNPACKED,

TAKE A BATH.

WE'VE BEEN BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ON THAT ROAD

FOR MANY HOURS NOW,

EATING THE FUMES OF THE HIGHWAY.

COME ON NOW.

COME OPEN THE DOOR, ROY.

I AM TIRED, RODA.

I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A LADY

BEFITTING THIS BEAUTIFUL PLACE.

OH, WELL, ALL RIGHT THEN.

MY DEAR DUCHESS,

COULD YOU DESCEND NOW

FROM YOUR CARRIAGE?

I'VE ALWAYS DEPENDED ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS.

WHAT STRANGER? YOU COULDN'T MEAN ME.

I DON'T MEAN YOU.

I JUST REMEMBERED A BEAUTIFUL LINE

FROM A MOVIE SO SAD

I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ANYMORE.

NOW YOU CARRY ME THROUGH THE DOOR.

WELL, HON, THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.

THE TWO OF US WON'T FIT THROUGH THAT DOOR.

WHY? IT'S JUST A REGULAR DOOR.

BUT OUR BEHINDS AIN'T REGULAR.

COME ON, LET'S GO. LET'S GO GET IT.

OH, MY GOD.

WE GOT A BURGLARY IN PROGRESS

ON THE WEST SIDE OF TOWN

IN THE RANCHLAND ESTATES DEVELOPMENT.

MRS. YOHAY AT 723 RANCHLAND ESTATES ROAD

HEARD GUNFIRE AND WITNESSED A BREAK-IN.

THE PERPETRATOR'S DESCRIBED AS A WHITE MALE

ABOUT 65.

[LUANN] RANCHLAND ESTATES? I'M LOOKING AT IT.

I REPEAT-- THE SUSPECT IS ARMED.

WE GOT IT.

I HATE WALKING INTO SERVICE LATE.

WHAT'S EVERYBODY GOING TO THINK?

THAT WE STAYED IN BED TOO LONG.

WE WEREN'T IN THE SAME BED.

THAT'S NOT MY FAULT.

YOU'RE WORKING ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT.

I'M A COP. ALL RIGHT?

BEING SUNDAY, YOU OUGHT TO GET THERE IN 20 MINUTES.

THAT'S NICE. LET ME REVIEW THIS.

I GO OUT HERE, TURN LEFT,

GO ABOUT 3 MILES.

I THINK YOU SAID FIVE TRAFFIC LIGHTS.

WELL, WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?

YOU FORGOT YOUR LUNCH MONA MADE UP FOR YOU.

OH, SO I DID.

HOW NICE OF YOU TO DROP IT BY.

IT'S WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT.

I THOUGHT YOU JUST COULDN'T STAND BEING AWAY FROM ME.

I CAN'T, BUT I WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY, TOO.

OH, GOOD.

BYE.

DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A DEPUTY WILLIAM PARKER

ON THE FORCE HERE?

NO, SIR. WE DON'T.

WHO OWNS THE BROWN CHEVY WITH THE FLORIDA PLATE?

I DO, YOUNG LADY.

IT'S MISSING A CURRENT STICKER.

OH... MERELY FORGOT TO REPLACE IT.

WE HAVE A WILLIAM PANKHURST,

AND THERE'S A SERGEANT PARKER WILLIAMS

WITH THE SPARTA POLICE DEPARTMENT.

NO, NO, NO. WRONG NAMES. WRONG NAMES.

I WANT TO THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR BEING SO KIND TO ME.

GOODBYE.

IS SHE POINTING AT PARKER'S HOUSE?

IT LOOKS LIKE IT.

WELL, LOOK AT THAT.

LOOKS MORE LIKE A MOVE-IN THAN A BREAK-IN.

IT SURE DOES.

OH, HI. Y'ALL MUST BE LOOKING FOR PARKER.

IS HE HERE?

NO, HE'S NOT. I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS,

BUT I'M SURE HE'LL BE BACK SOON.

AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE?

I'M SO SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE RUDE.

I'M RODA LaMOYNE.

PARKER'S STEPDADDY ROY AND ME,

WE JUST GOT IN FROM FLORIDA.

COME TO VISIT PARKER FOR A BIT.

WELL, WELCOME, WELCOME. HOW Y'ALL DOING?

LET ME GO IN THERE AND FIX YOU A DRINK.

COME ON. LET ME.

I'M ROY EVERSOLE.

I'M PARKER WILLIAMS' STEPDADDY.

THIS IS A PLEASURE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE.

GEE, THE TWO OF YOU LOOK LIKE SUCH NICE KIDS.

I CAN'T IMAGINE YOU BEATING ANYBODY UP.

EXCUSE ME.

WE GOT SOME MORE STUFF THERE.

WELL, THIS IS FUN.

WHY DON'T YOU COME IN AND HAVE SOME LEMONADE?

WE GOT A REPORT OF GUNFIRE

AND BREAKING AND ENTERING.

IT'S POSSIBLE.

FOR ALL WE KNOW,

MURDER AND ROBBERY MIGHT BE HAPPENING RIGHT THIS MINUTE

IN ONE OF THESE PEACEFUL LITTLE HOMES.

ROY'S RIGHT. SOME INNOCENT PERSON

COULD JUST BE LYING ON THE FLOOR

IN A POOL OF BLOOD

IN SOME OF THOSE PARLORS.

THAT LOCK RIGHT THERE LOOKS BROKEN,

THAT ONE ON PARKER'S DOOR.

THAT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT MY KEY.

PARKER HIMSELF GIVE ME THAT KEY.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,

YOU JUST ASK HIM WHEN HE GETS HOME.

THAT'S RIGHT. AS YOU CAN SEE,

WE ARE ADDING TO THE HOUSEHOLD, NOT SUBTRACTING.

WELL, LUKE, YOU KEEP THEM COMPANY.

I'M GOING TO CALL THIS IN.

DISPATCH, THIS IS CORBIN AT RANCHLAND ESTATES.

IT'S PARKER'S HOUSE.

PARKER'S DADDY IS HERE.

HE SAYS IT'S OKAY TO BE HERE.

HERE COMES PARKER NOW. I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

O.K., I COPY.

LUANN, WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU GOT COMPANY.

COMPANY?

ROY.

PARKER, SON...

IT IS SURE GOOD TO SEE YOU, BOY.

YOU RASCAL, I'VE BEEN WANTING

TO SEE YOU FOR MONTHS.

SON, I WANT YOU TO MEET MY SWEETHEART.

HOW DO YOU DO?

JUST A PLEASURE, A REAL PLEASURE.

PARKER, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE,

AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN YOUR HOUSE?

UH...

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M PENNY.

PENNY.

OH, LORD, HELP ME.

ARE THEY YOUR PEOPLE?

ARE THEY?

PARKER WILLIAMS,

ARE THESE FUNNY-LOOKING PEOPLE YOURS?

IS THIS KID RETARDED,

OR IS IT THAT SHE AIN'T GOT NO CHARM?

PARKER WILLIAMS.

HUH?

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

UH-HUH. UH...

YES, OPERATOR. THIS IS A COLLECT CALL.

HONEY, HOLD YOUR HORSES.

NO, THE NUMBER I GAVE YOU

IS UNDER THE NAME VOLLEN, MINE,

AND THE GENTLEMAN WHO WILL BE RESPONDING TO THE CALL

WILL BE A MR. MERDYER.

WOULD YOU HOLD THE PHONE?

YES. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

BUT, HONEY, IT DIDN'T MEAN NOTHING.

NO, HONEY.

NO, I DO NOT THINK I'M VINCE GILL

OR ANY OTHER BODY, NEITHER.

I'M JUST ME.

NOW, HONEY, IT'S GOING TO BE NIGHT,

AND I DON'T WANNA BE

SLEEPING IN THE TRUCK

WITH THE DOG.

OH, BITSY. I'M GLAD I GOT YOU.

NOW, LISTEN. I FOUND THE OBJET D'ART.

YES.

AND ROY'S SON IS REALLY A COP.

NOW, I'M NO GOOD WITH COPS,

SO YOU GOT TO COME UP HERE NOW

BECAUSE THERE MIGHT BE SOME KILLING TO DO.

I SAID I WOULDN'T SEE HER NO MORE.

NEVER...

UNLESS SHE BRINGS ME INTO COURT.

NO, I WON'T SEE HER SISTER, NEITHER.

BITSY, BITSY, KILLING IS IN YOUR FIELD,

YOUR LINE, NOT MINE.

NOW YOU GET UP HERE RIGHT AWAY.

I HEARD THE BAD NEWS, PARKER,

AND I'M TERRIBLY, TERRIBLY SORRY.

OH, THANK YOU, SIR.

NOW, I'M REAL ASHAMED OF ROY

FOR BREAKING HIS PROMISE TO YOU.

WHAT DID HE PROMISE YOU?

TO STAY DOWN THERE IN FLORIDA

IN EXCHANGE FOR A ONE-WAY TICKET DOWN THERE.

FOR AN INDEFINITE AMOUNT OF TIME.

IT WAS FOREVER, AS I RECALL,

WASN'T IT, PARKER?

YES, SIR. FOREVER.

LISTEN, CHIEF. I'M OUT OF HERE.

PARKER, HANG IN THERE, ALL RIGHT?

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GRAB SOME DINNER TONIGHT?

WELL, I... SEE YOU, BILL.

YES.

YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO CHEER YOURSELF UP

IF YOU MEDITATE A LITTLE ON JOB?

JOB?

YEAH, THE BOOK OF JOB.

JOB.

PARKER, YOU GOTTA BE STRAIGHT OUT

WITH ROY AND RODA.

TELL THEM YOU DON'T WANT THEM.

DEE, YOU KNOW ME.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T TELL THAT TO PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW THE WORST THING?

WHAT?

ROY AND RODA TOOK MY BED AWAY FROM ME.

I THOUGHT PENNY WAS GOING TO MOVE IN?

RIGHT NOW SHE WANTS TO DUMP ME.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY PRIVACY.

MY BATHROOM'S GOT STOCKINGS AND BRASSIERES

AND HAIR ROLLERS AND ALL KINDS OF UNMENTIONABLES

HANGING EVERYWHERE.

PENNY WENT IN THERE,

AND SHE COULDN'T EVEN FIND THE SIT-DOWN.

ROY, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.

NOW--

PARKER, IT SURE IS PEACEFUL HERE.

ONE OF THE MOST PEACEFUL LITTLE PIECES OF NOWHERE

I EVER DID SEE.

JUST AWFUL, AWFUL NICE.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A GIRL,

I'D HAVE GONE NUTS HERE,

BUT NOW THAT I'M OLDER,

I THINK I CAN TAKE IT.

THAT'S HOW NICE IT IS.

THANK YOU, I THINK.

WASN'T THAT PEACEFUL, THAT PLACE WHERE WE WAS.

OH, I THOUGHT FLORIDA WAS FAIRLY--

OH, WELL, ONE OR TWO OF THOSE SPOTS

ARE REAL REFINED, LIKE MIAMI,

BUT MOST OF THEM PLACES DOWN THERE,

WE MIGHT AS WELL BE ON THE MEXICAN BORDER.

YEAH, THE MEXICAN SIDE OF IT.

CAN YOU IMAGINE US IN A TRAILER PARK?

YES, MA'AM.

YOU GOT A TRAILER RIGHT OUTSIDE.

SON, THAT IS SHIP TO SHORE,

TEMPORARY MOORING,

A STOP ALONG THE WAY,

ANY PORT IN THE STORM.

I GOT THE POINT, ROY.

WE WAS JUST DOING THE BEST WE COULD.

RODA THERE LOVED TO EAT OUTDOORS.

SHE EVEN TRIED TO PICNIC

IN A HURRICANE ONCE.

[RODA] I...I LIKE TO IMAGINE I'M DOROTHY LAMOUR.

[ROY] WE WERE DINING OUT UNDERNEATH THE PALMS,

AND OUR NEIGHBOR NEXT DOOR OSCAR VOLLEN

WAVED HELLO TO US.

THEY SEEMED LIKE MIGHTY FINE GENTLEMEN.

IN FACT, THEY INVITED ME OVER

FOR A FRIENDLY GAME OF POKER.

SON, DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.

MY LUCK HAD CHANGED.

SEEMED IT WAS LIKE 1944 ALL OVER AGAIN FOR ME.

I CANNOT LOSE AT THE POKER TABLE.

SO I WENT OVER THERE A LITTLE LATER.

THE CARDS ARE COMING, AND THE STAKES ARE GETTING HIGHER,

AND HAND AFTER HAND IS COMING TO ME,

AND I WIPED THEM OUT!

I SCOOPED ALL MY WINNINGS UP,

AND I RUSHED BACK HOME TO MY DUCKY DEAR,

BUT WE SHOULD HAVE WEIGHED ANCHOR THAT EVENING.

THEM LOWDOWN HOOLIGANS,

THEY ATTACKED US WHILE WE WERE SLEEPING PEACEFULLY,

AND THEY MADE OFF WITH THE LOOT, BUT NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT.

[RODA] I SAW THAT OSCAR VOLLEN TAKE THE MONEY.

ROY WAS JUST LAID OUT COLD.

[ROY] I WAS PLAYING POSSUM, SEMI-COLD.

[RODA] YOU WERE SOLID COLD, HONEY.

[ROY] WELL, ANYWAY, THEY TOOK THAT MONEY

THE NEXT DAY OUT TO THE RACE TRACK

AND BLEW IT,

BUT I GOT MY OWN BACK.

[RODA] YOU GOT NOTHING BACK.

[ROY] I GOT SATISFACTION.

[RODA] I GOT SICK.

THE VALUE OF WHAT I COMMANDEERED

CAN BE CALCULATED

ONLY IN THE CURRENCY

OF PERSONAL PRIDE.

YOU GOT A BUNCH OF JUNK

IS WHAT YOU GOT. JUNK.

HONEY, WE GOT WHAT WE COULD.

THIS WAS NOT THE HOME OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS.

[RODA] WELL, WHY DID WE HAVE TO TAKE THAT OLD TV WITH US,

JUST DRAG IT ALONG HERE ALL THE WAY?

AND THEN WE HAD TO TAKE THAT PAINTING.

THAT PAINTING WAS JUST AWFUL.

IT'S, LIKE, A BUNCH OF BIRDS AND A LONELY OLD BARN.

JUST MADE ME CRY.

REMINDED ME OF WHERE I GREW UP WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

THE PAINTING IS NOT FOR YOU ANYWAY.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

THAT'S PROBABLY FOR YOU, PARKER.

WELL, ROY EVERSOLE,

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S REALLY YOU.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE ROY GAVE ME HIS WORD THAT I WOULD NEVER SEE HIM IN SPARTA AGAIN.

WELL, WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

TO AVOID A SOJOURN IN MY JAIL

AND TO EARN HIMSELF

A FREE, ONE-WAY TICKET TO ORLANDO.

ORLANDO?

THAT'S WHERE YOU HAD THE GIRLFRIEND?

THAT'S SHOCKING.

GILLESPIE, I'M SURE YOU COME HERE TO SEE MY SON.

WE OUGHT TO SAVE THIS GIFT-GIVING TILL LATER.

WE GOING TO GIVE IT NOW.

WE OUGHT TO SAVE IT TILL LATER.

JUST TRUST ME.

RODA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M MAKING ROOM FOR YOUR SURPRISE.

IT'S GETTING SO I DON'T LIKE SURPRISES ANYMORE.

YOU GOING TO LOVE THIS ONE.

BUT THAT PICTURE OF CUSTER'S LAST STAND,

THAT'S MY FAVORITE PICTURE IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

IT'S FAMOUS, I THINK.

IT IS?

I'M SURE I'VE SEEN IT ON A CALENDAR.

WHO'S SHE?

I'M PENNY.PENNY.

I MEANT THE MEXICAN.

THAT'S CHRISTINA SURILLO.

SHE'S A DEPUTY WHO WORKS FOR SHERIFF GILLESPIE.

WE HEARD YOU HAD A MEXICAN GIRLFRIEND, GILLESPIE.

ROY, JUST SHUSH.

WELL, SOMEBODY COLORED ANYWAY.

GOD.

LET ME ASK YOU. WHERE DID YOU ALL GET THAT PICTURE UP THERE?

GOT THAT IN SATISFACTION OF A DEBT.

PARKER, YOU CAN GET PRETTIER THAN THAT AT WALMART.

I WISH HARRIET WERE HERE TO LOOK AT THAT

BECAUSE I THINK THAT MIGHT BE

A GENUINE OLD OIL PAINTING.

I WANT MY PICTURE OF CUSTER'S LAST STAND

BACK ON MY WALL.

I DON'T BLAME YOU, PARKER.

ROY, LET'S GIVE IT TO A SCHOOL.

SCHOOLS WILL TAKE ANYTHING.

NO. I WANT IT.

I WANT TO HOLD IT A LITTLE WHILE.

YOU GOT NO RIGHT TO THAT.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

I JUST WANT TO HOLD IT

IN SATISFACTION OF A DEBT THAT'S OWED ME.

I'M PUERTO RICAN.

GOOD AFTERNOON, LIEUTENANT.

I'M VICTOR DUFOXE.

COME ON IN.

I'M LONNIE JAMISON.

PLEASURE.

CHIEF'S EXPECTING YOU.

BUT YOU--[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME ON IN.

HEY!

VICTOR!

HA HA!

HA HA HA!

MAN, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

SAME HERE, HAMP.

THIS IS MISS HARRIET DeLONG FROM SPARTA CITY COUNCIL,

OUR ART HISTORIAN PRO TEM.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

COME ON, MAN, SIT DOWN.

OH, THANKS.

VICTOR'S HERE BECAUSE OF A THEFT

AT A MIAMI MUSEUM.

ONE GREAT PAINTING GONE AND ONE CURATOR DEAD.

OH, ARE YOU MIAMI POLICE?

NO, I'M WITH AN INSURANCE COMPANY.

WE INSURE GREAT ART.

NATURALLY, WE GO LOOKING FOR IT WHEN IT'S MISSING.

VICTOR AND I MET IN MEMPHIS

WHEN A CERTAIN SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN OF UNTOLD WEALTH

WAS ROBBED OF A MASTERPIECE.

YOU MEAN A PAINTING.

NO.

A CHAMBER POT.

YOU MEAN A POT THAT--

FOR UNDER THE BED.

EXACTLY.

CRAFTED IN ENGLISH SILVER IN 1770 BY PAUL REVERE,

BUT NOW, I AM INDEED AFTER A PAINTING.

WHO'S THE ARTIST?

VINCENT VAN GOLEM.

WHOA.

WELL, I GET PEOPLE BRINGING PAINTINGS TO ME ALL THE TIME

THINKING THEY MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING OF VALUE,

BUT I'D KNOW IF I'D SEEN A VAN GOLEM.

NOW, WHY HERE, VICTOR?

THIS IS NO PLACE TO DISPOSE OF STOLEN ART.

YOU NEVER KNOW.

I'VE BEEN ON THE TRAIL OF ONE BITSY MERDYER.

GOT REASON TO BELIEVE THAT HE'S HERE IN SPARTA.

YOU GOT A PICTURE OF HIM?

YEAH. SURE.

NOW, WE BELIEVE THE CURATOR OF A MUSEUM

WAS INVOLVED IN THE THEFT.

HE GOT BLOWN AWAY BY BITSY.

I TAPPED BITSY'S PHONE IN FLORIDA,

PICKED UP A CALL FROM A MAN IN SPARTA.

I BELIEVE HE MIGHT BE BITSY'S PARTNER.

OSCAR VOLLEN.

TRYING TO PEDDLE A PAINTING HERE?

YEAH, BUT WHO WOULD PUT

A STOLEN MASTERPIECE ON THE WALL?

WELL, THERE ARE SUCH PEOPLE

KEEPING PRICELESS PAINTINGS

ON THE WALLS OF LOCKED ROOMS.

WELL, I'LL MAKE A COPY AND PUT IT OUT.

ALL RIGHT, LIEUTENANT.

WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE CHAMBER POT?

HA HA HA HA!

COULD YOU HELP ME MOVE THIS COUCH A SMIDGE

SO I CAN PUT MY LITTLE ANTIQUE TABLE HERE?

THAT THAT BROKEN-DOWN BRIDGE TABLE WAS AN ANTIQUE?

I SAY IT'S AN ANTIQUE.

I'VE BEEN DRAGGING IT AROUND

FROM PILLAR TO POST FOR 25 YEARS.

THAT MAKES IT AN ANTIQUE.

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE YOURSELF AN ANTIQUE

IF YOU KEEP SCREWING UP YOUR FACE LIKE A PRUNE.

RODA, THE LOOK ON MY FACE

DEPENDS ON WHAT I'M LOOKING AT,

WHICH, AT THE MOMENT, ISN'T TOO INSPIRATIONAL.

HA HA HA!

WELL, ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME WITH THIS COUCH,

OR DO I BUST A GUT?

I'LL MOVE IT. WHERE TO?

WHY, THANK YOU, OFFICER. THANK YOU.

JUST MOVE IT A LITTLE BIT, JUST A SMIDGE

TOWARD THAT END TABLE.

YES, MA'AM.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE.

PARKER DOES NOT WANT THAT THERE.

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU'RE FIXING TO MOVE IN.

WELL, WE ARE MOVED IN.

WHAT I'M FIXING IS THE LAYOUT.

YEAH, THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.

WHY, THAT'S JUST PERFECT. THANK YOU.

OH, NOW WHAT WE NEED IS A FIRE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO GET US FIREWOOD, PRUNE FACE?

OH!

IS THE FIREWOOD OUT THERE?

NO, MA'AM. FIREWOOD'S IN THAT BOX RIGHT THERE.

WHAT'S OUT THERE?

JUST THE FRONT DOOR.

DID I SAY SOMETHING?

I DON'T KNOW, MA'AM. I WAS JUST HELPING YOU MOVE YOUR SOFA.

LISTEN, IS ROY ABOUT?

UH, NOT AT THE MOMENT. WHY?

I JUST WANTED TO RUN SOME NAMES BY HIM--

OSCAR VOLLEN, BERNARD BITSY MERDYER.

SOUND FAMILIAR?

NOPE.

WELL, WHERE IS ROY?

OH, HE'S AT CHOIR PRACTICE.

I'LL RAISE JUST A LITTLE BIT.

JUST A LITTLE BIT. FIVE BLUIES.

COMING 'ROUND.

HA HA HA!

YOU GUYS WANT IN, YOU'LL HAVE TO CHANGE TO REGULAR CLOTHES.

WHY? HE'S CUTE THE WAY HE IS.

HELLO, FOLKS.

MY STEPSON'S ONE OF Y'ALL.

PARKER WILLIAMS.

YES, SIR. PARKER'S A SERGEANT.

WELL, HOW MUCH A SERGEANT MAKE, SUGAR BABY?

22 WITH TIME.

NOW HON, DON'T GO REVEALING MY SON'S PERSONAL SECRETS THERE.

IT'S ALL PUBLIC, SIR.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

MR. EVERSOLE, PARKER'S OUTSIDE,

AND HE WANTS TO SEE YOU.

WELL, LET ME FINISH THIS HAND.

I GOT KINGS ON DECK,

I WANT TO FINISH IT. SAY FIVE--

UH, DON'T MENTION MONEY.

NO. FIVE LITTLE REDIES.

FIVE REDIES.

WELL, ISN'T THAT FORTUNATE?

UH, YOU AIN'T LEAVING TOWN, IS YOU?

NO, I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.

I'M RETIRING ON MY STOCK FOLIO.

THIS IS ONE SWEET TOWN.

ALL MY LOVED ONES ARE HERE.

AND THEY'RE ALL WORRIED ABOUT YOU, ROY. LET'S GO.

COUNT THIS OUT FOR ME.

LET ME SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.

THANKS, GUYS.

ROY, YOU BEEN IN TOWN, WHAT, TWO MINUTES?

AND YOU ALREADY FOUND A FLOATING POKER GAME.

PARKER, I WAS A FOUNDING MEMBER OF THAT POKER CIRCLE.

ROY, I'M A POLICEMAN.

I CAN'T HAVE YOU RUNNING AROUND DOING SHADY THINGS.

HOW'S THAT GOING TO LOOK TO PEOPLE?

SON, PEOPLE AREN'T WATCHING ME. WHY SHOULD THEY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A SINNER, ROY,

AND THEY LOVE TO WATCH SINNERS.

YEAH, BUT THEY DON'T PERSECUTE SINNERS NO MORE.

NO, SIR, THEY SPOIL THE SINNERS.

THEY PERSECUTE THE RELATIVES.

NOW GET ON HOME!

O.K. ALL RIGHT.

GO HOME, ROY.

ON MY WAY, PARKER.

BYE, ROY.

BYE, PARKER.

IS THIS GUY THE SHERIFF?

YES.

WHY DID HE TAKE THE PICTURE OFF OF WHAT'S-HIS-NAME

AND WHAT'S-HER-NAME?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE BRINGS THE PICTURE TO HIS OFFICE,

THEN HE TAKES IT TO HIS GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE?

THAT'S HIS HOUSE.

IS HE A CROOKED SHERIFF?

LOOKS THAT WAY. HE LOOKS THAT WAY.

I CAN'T FIGURE.

THE TWO CHARACTERS PASS THE PICTURE OFF US.

THEY KNOW IT'S VALUABLE?

THIS HAYSEED COP TAKES IT OFF THEM.

DOES HE KNOW IT'S VALUABLE?

HOW DOES HE KNOW?

WHO KNOWS?

I'M TOO OLD A FOX NOT TO KNOW WHEN I'M BEING FOLLOWED.

BILL'S RIGHT. THERE ARE TWO MEN IN A CAR.

FROM THE BEDROOM WINDOW,

I COULDN'T GET A GOOD LOOK,

BUT I THINK THEY'RE BOTH WHITE.

BILL, HOW WOULD THEY KNOW THAT YOU HAVE THIS PAINTING?

WHO KNOWS?

THEY MAY NOT BE BITSY AND OSCAR.

BUT THEY PROBABLY ARE.

THIS IS WHAT I THINK WE OUGHT TO DO.

LET'S ALL GO OUT SOMEWHERE.

OUT? WHERE?

NOT FAR.

FIRST, WE GOT TO WRAP UP THAT PAINTING.

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO TAKE IT?

NOWHERE.

BILL, THEY'RE RIGHT THERE.

WHY DON'T WE JUST CALL SOME COPS--

I MEAN, SOME REGULAR COPS AND JUST GRAB THEM?

BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT TO CATCH THEM

WITH THIS PAINTING IN THEIR HANDS,

OTHERWISE THEY COULD GET OFF.

I CAN'T LET THEM TOUCH THIS PAINTING.

MR. DUFOXE,

I GUARANTEE YOU WILL NOT LOSE THAT PAINTING.

JUST PLAY ALONG, VIC.

I HAVE NOTHING BUT THE UTMOST CONFIDENCE IN THE SHERIFF.

THANK YOU, HAMP.

COME ON, LET'S WRAP THIS UP.

I'M GETTING HUNGRY, OSCAR.

I NEVER STOPPED TO EAT ALL THE WAY FROM FLORIDA.

I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD WITH ME HERE, BITSY.

ONE OF US COULD GO GET BURGERS.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

ALL RIGHT, PIZZA.

LET ME UNDERSTAND. ONE OF US TAKES THE CAR.

NO, WALKS.

ONE OF US WALKS.

MEANWHILE, SOMEONE COMES OUT OF THAT HOUSE

WITH THE PAINTING.

WELL, I'LL TAKE IT OFF THEM.

YOU TAKE IT OFF THEM--

A POLICE CHIEF, A SHERIFF,

AND A TOUGH INSURANCE DICK.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL FOLLOW THEM.

YOU FOLLOW THEM WHILE I...

GO FOR THE PIZZA.

IF I WERE A KILLER,

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'D DO?

WHAT?

I'D KILL YOU.

LOOK.

THERE GO TWO OF YOUR BIG GUNS NOW.

I CAN TAKE CARE OF FATHER TOM

AND THAT BROWN-SKINNED BROAD EASY.

WAIT. LET'S MAKE A PLAN FIRST.

WE KNOW THE PAINTING'S STILL IN THERE,

BUT WHERE?

IS IT IN THE CLOSET OR THE SAFE?

UP ON A WALL, MAYBE.

YEAH, THAT WOULD BE CLEVER. BUT THEY'RE NOT CLEVER.

O.K., YOU'RE CLEVER. WHAT'S YOUR CALL?

WE NEED TIME TO PLAN.

LET'S BACK OFF.

LOOK.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

IT MEANS NO ONE'S IN THAT HOUSE

EXCEPT THAT PAINTING. LET'S GO.

WAIT--WAIT UNTIL THEY GET TO THE CORNER.

COME ON.

OH, MY, OH, MY.

OH, MY. OH, MY, OH, MY.

OH, MY.

THIS SITUATION STINKS.

STINKS? HOW?

THEY LEFT IT COMPLETELY UNPROTECTED.

RIGHT.

THEY'VE BEEN HAD.

THEY WALTZED OUT AND LEFT US THE PICTURE.

OHH.

THEY LEFT THE BAIT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TRAP.

AND IN WE CAME.

WE'VE BEEN HAD.

OH, LET ME THINK. LET ME THINK.

WHY?

WHY WOULD THEY HAVE LEFT THE PAINTING WITH US?

WHY?

I'M TALKING TO MYSELF.

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M IN HERE. I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

GET OUT OF THERE, YOU CLOWN.

I'M HUNGRIER THAN A BUZZARD IN A BONEYARD.

WANT A SANDWICH?

WHY DID THEY LEAVE US WITH THE PAINTING?

BECAUSE THEY AIN'T CLEVER, OSCAR. THAT'S ALL.

THEY AIN'T CLEVER.

WE'RE IN THE BACK OF 748.

NOTHING HAPPENING. THEY'RE STILL INSIDE.

IF THEY RUN IN THE DIRECTION THEY'RE FACING,

I'LL GET BEHIND THEM.

WHO'S GOING TO CUT THEM OFF IN FRONT?

CORBIN AND EVERETT ARE ON THE CORNER OF MONTICELLO.

CORBIN HERE, CHIEF.

WE'RE IN THAT POSITION NOW.

LUANN, I'LL TELL YOU WHEN TO BLOCK MONTICELLO.

ALL RIGHT?

COPY THAT, CHIEF.

THEY'RE COMING OUT NOW.

THEY GOT THE PAINTING.

START THE CAR.

WHERE DO WE GO?

STRAIGHT AHEAD.

THE FIRST STREET, MAKE A RIGHT TURN.

IT'LL LEAD US TO THE MOTEL.

WE CAN'T STAY THERE.

WE'LL PICK UP OUR CAR.

WHY? IT'S JUNK.

IT'S OURS.

SO IS THIS IF WE SAY IT IS.

GO, PLEASE. STRAIGHT AHEAD.

I GOTTA THINK.

THEY'RE HEADED YOUR WAY.

ALL RIGHT. I CAN SEE THEM.

I'M ON HIM.

HE'S HEADED FOR PEASLEY.

NOW, LET'S BLOCK IT.

10-4, CHIEF.

WANT A BITE?

HUH?

BITE?

NO, THANK YOU.

HUH, WHO'S THAT?

WHAT?

BEHIND US.

IT'S THE COPS. GO FASTER.

HE NOTICED US.

OH, MAN, WHAT IS HE DOING?

THIS IS CRAZY.

LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT AHEAD!

GO! GO!

[FORBES] HE CUT TO HIS LEFT.

LET'S BLOCK THAT ALLEY, NOW.

WE'RE THERE NOW, BLOCKING THE ALLEY.

[VOLLEN] WATCH OUT FOR THE RED CAR!

OH, MY GOODNESS! BACK UP. BACK UP!

THEY'RE BACKING UP TO BROWN STREET.

GIVE ME THAT SANDWICH. YOU CAN'T DRIVE WITH A SANDWICH.

HEY!

UH-OH.

WE'RE TRAPPED. WE'RE TRAPPED.

COME ON.

[GUNSHOTS]

OW!

[CRASH]

I'M YOURS, SIR. ABSOLUTELY YOURS.

UNARMED.

UP AGAINST THE DUMPSTER.

YES, SIR.

WHOA!

OOH!

WHERE'S THE LITTLE CRATE WITH THE PAINTING IN IT?

EXCUSE ME, I THOUGHT VIOLENT PEOPLE WERE CHASING US.

THIS GUY WAS CARRYING SOMETHING

WHEN HE WENT BEHIND THIS DUMPSTER.

MR. VOLLEN, WHERE'S YOUR PARTNER?

OH, YOU SEE,

HE--HE WAS AWFULLY, AWFULLY FRIGHTENED, AND THEN...

HERE IT IS, HAMP.

SEEMS LIKE IT'S UNHARMED.

WHATEVER IT IS,

I'M VERY GLAD YOU FOUND IT.

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR A NUMBER OF THINGS.

BEING AN ART THIEF IS BUT ONE.

ART?

OH, OH, I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ART, SIR.

I'M IN THE LINOLEUM/RUG BUSINESS, SIR.

HE DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SHOOTING EITHER,

BUT THAT'S WHAT HE WAS DOING.

HE FIRED IN YOUR DIRECTION, DID HE?

TURNED OUT TO BE A GENERAL EASTERLY DIRECTION.

TAKE HIM AWAY, PLEASE.

LET ME TELL YOU--

I KNOW ALL ABOUT RESTRICTIONS.

IT WILL NOT GO.

OH, YOU'RE TELLING ME?

I AM TELLING YOU.

I'M SORRY.

A LEGAL PIECE OF PAPER.

I'VE GOT FRIENDS WHO HAVE PAPER.

I DON'T NEED PAPER FROM YOU.

MY EX-BROTHER- IN-LAW'S A LAWYER.

EXCUSE ME. WHERE'S THE PICTURE?

WE GOING TO GET IT BACK?

NO, MA'AM.

Y'ALL ARE NOT THE TRUE OWNERS OF THE PAINTING.

WE HAVE TO ESTABLISH THAT.

I BROUGHT MISS HARRIET DeLONG TO EXPLAIN IT.

SHE'S ON THE CITY COUNCIL.

HIM AND HER'S A THING.

WHAT?

YOU KNOW, TOGETHER.

HUNTING AND FISHING WITHOUT A LICENSE.

WHAT?

MRS. EVERSOLE, THAT PAINTING--

NO, NO. MY NAME IS LaMOYNE.

RODA.

YOU CAN CALL ME RODE.

RODE, THAT PAINTING BELONGS--

I JUST TOLD PARKER INSIDE

IF YOU AND ROY AIN'T OUT OF HERE BY TONIGHT,

HE'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.

SO IF I WERE YOU, I'D START REPACKING THAT TRAILER.

YOU CAN'T LIVE IN THAT TRAILER.

SHERIFF HERE KNOWS THAT.

EXCUSE ME, SHERIFF,

BUT I HEARD THAT PICTURE'S WORTH A LOT OF MONEY.

IF IT IS THE VINCENT VAN GOLEM,

STOLEN FROM MIAMI,

IT'S WORTH ABOUT $2 MILLION.

WORTH 2 MILLION TO WHO?

TO COLLECTORS.

TO MUSEUMS.

WHERE IS IT?

IT'S AT POLICE HEADQUARTERS.

SON, GO GET IT. I GOT A FINANCIAL HOOK IN THAT.

WHAT?

I DEMAND CUSTODY OF IT

UNTIL WE AUCTION IT OFF IN PUBLIC.

I WANT A 10 PERCENT COMMISSION

TO SET UP A TRUST FOR YOUR KIDS.

WHERE'S THAT LITTLE GIRL

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH?

SHE JUST LEFT HIM.

OH, WELL, SHE'S NOT VERY BRIGHT, PARKER.

MAYBE YOU'RE LUCKY.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, ROY

FOR RUINING MY LIFE!

OH, WE SAVED YOUR LIFE, DARLING.

SAVED YOU FROM THAT LITTLE HARPY.

NO! RODA!

SAVED YOU FROM THAT TACKY SLUT.

WE DON'T WANT NO TRAILER TOADS IN THIS SMALL TOWN.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TOAD, LADY?

[EVERYONE ARGUING AT ONCE]

I'LL START THE CAR, HONK THE HORN. RUN FOR IT.

[ARGUING LOUDER]

[HONK HONK]

NOW YOU DROPPED YOUR HAT. PICK IT UP.

LISTEN, LOOK AT THAT. IT'S A PICKUP.

THIS IS MY HOME.

IT'S A PALACE INSIDE.