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1
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Water.
2
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,528
Mother Nature's piss.
3
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,807
And it's what brings us here today, together.
4
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,248
The unveiling of my luxurious,
brand new swimming pool.
5
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:26,970
That's right. I did this.
6
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,686
My own brother,
so full of envy over my success,
7
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,485
that son of a bitch
didn't even show up here today.
8
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But his wife showed up.
9
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,520
Cassie, big ups to you for being supportive.
10
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,802
You've got much bigger balls
than your husband does.
11
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,530
Much better man than him.
12
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,884
Mere months ago, I was in the darkest,
dirtiest, shittiest hole of my life.
13
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,760
Standing in a crowded room
while my wife was being honored.
14
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,127
And I was miserable.
15
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,846
But finally,
all the struggles and sleepless nights...
16
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,564
Dixie. Dixie?
17
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,449
Dixie!
18
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:01,521
Get out of here, Gene.
19
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,570
- Security, get him the fuck out of here.
- I need to talk to you, baby. I love you!
20
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,483
What the fuck are you doing? Get off me!
21
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:07,607
Gene...
22
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,887
- No adulterers allowed.
- Put me the fuck down, asshole!
23
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,450
Loser.
24
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,922
Anyway, what I was saying was
even though things were that dark,
25
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:19,005
I persevered
and I never stopped going for what I wanted.
26
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,286
And now look what's happened.
27
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:21,567
Oops.
28
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,245
Somebody got
a salt water motherfucking pool.
29
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,401
That's right.
30
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:28,241
So let the deep sparkly waters
serve as a symbol to each of you,
31
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:34,362
that if you work hard enough,
you dream big enough, anything is possible.
32
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,363
Pool's open, y'all!
33
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,769
$5,000 suit, y'all.
34
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,406
$5,000 suit and I don't even care!
35
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,205
My pool party was the shit.
36
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,328
Now bring them big old titties over here.
37
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,084
- Come on.
- Listen to me.
38
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,482
What were you meaning
when you were talking about my award today?
39
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,927
You said that you were miserable?
40
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,480
I think maybe you need to
stop paying attention to that shit,
41
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,326
and you need to come over here
and suck on that dick.
42
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,640
Not happening.
43
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,961
- I'm about to buy that pussy then.
- Don't buy it.
44
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,681
Look at this.
45
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,762
- I think I'm about to pay for this shit.
- Don't get close to me.
46
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:28,729
- You cannot do that.
- I can do it. It's happening right now.
47
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,006
I'm 'bout to fucking make it rain on your head.
48
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,081
- Not gonna accept it.
- Come on.
49
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,242
- Rick Ross. Rick Ross.
- Take it back. Stop!
50
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,209
- Shake it, girl. Shake it.
- Look at you. No.
51
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,931
- Shake it.
- Look at you being so obnoxious with money.
52
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,207
Why you trying to
cause class warfare on my ass here?
53
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,044
Insult a man
'cause I'm trying to share my wealth.
54
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,168
I think that you're losing touch.
55
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,571
- Speaking of losing touch...
- What?
56
00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:47,688
- Honk.
- No. No.
57
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:52,004
You know, I've been talking to Tel and Viv
about their therapist that they're seeing.
58
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,286
- A therapist?
- Yep.
59
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,971
- Some motherfucker with a little flute?
- No.
60
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,371
Makes a fucking cobra come out of a basket.
61
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,650
Listen, Viv said that their therapist
has helped them communicate better.
62
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,761
No, no, no, no, no.
63
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,368
Therapists, all they do is
they try to fucking smooth everybody out,
64
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,044
keep everybody even,
walking a straight line.
65
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,281
I got no interest in that.
66
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,762
The only kind of therapy you need
is that ding-a-ling therapy.
67
00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,325
Not in the mood tonight.
68
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,367
You playing?
69
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,204
Well, too bad, baby doll. You're on the clock.
70
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,884
I done just bought that pussy.
71
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,530
This shit's paid for.
72
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,046
We in Thailand.
Come on, lady boy. Dance for me.
73
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,804
- Good night. Good night.
- Make dance for me.
74
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,451
- Thai boy, dance for me.
- Nobody is... Good night.
75
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:28,846
Come here, let me spit on you.
76
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,285
Good night.
77
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,081
Yeah, yeah. Stop, drop, open up shop.
78
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,083
Look up here, y'all.
79
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,044
I return to you victorious.
Just like I promised I would.
80
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,050
I won that motherfucking Dragon Boat race,
and with the winnings,
81
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,842
I've turned this disgusting field
into a state-of-the-art Little League facility.
82
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,930
I got rid of the sofa.
Got rid of the hypodermics, the tampons.
83
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,083
Got rid of the goddamn
thrown-up sizzurp that was everywhere.
84
00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,084
- The orange drank.
- All that drank-drank is gone.
85
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,846
And on top of it,
I also hooked y'all up with some new gear.
86
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,326
There it all is.
87
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:11,641
Come. Enjoy, my childrens.
88
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,803
Yeah, yeah. Go on in there.
Break you off some.
89
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,963
Enjoy new things
for the very first time in your lives.
90
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:19,849
What the fuck?
91
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,605
- Is that kid stealing the shit?
- I think so.
92
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:23,920
Go get his ass.
93
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,731
Hey! Off the bike!
Get your poor ass off the bike!
94
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,689
Come on, man.
He's getting half way down the fucking street.
95
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,521
- Punch it!
- Hey, man.
96
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,131
That's my bike!
97
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,611
That motherfucker's an assassin.
98
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,047
So let that be a lesson to you guys, all right?
99
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,121
Question. Yes. Ja Rule.
100
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,964
- Who are you?
- Who am I?
101
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,087
I'm your handsome white Jesus,
motherfucker.
102
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,286
Yeah.
103
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,645
Yes, yes, y'all.
104
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,805
It's time for the Sports Sesh.
105
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:03,771
What's happening?
106
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,126
All right, all right, all right.
107
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,050
Well, welcome back to
another sesh of Sports Sesh.
108
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,481
I'm Guy Young,
109
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,528
and let's address the elephant in the room.
110
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,170
We lost another co-host.
111
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:19,201
Unfortunately, Jed Forney, a very dear friend,
he left the show and he won't be coming back.
112
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,931
He left for personal reasons and...
113
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,209
Well, I don't know what they are,
and quite frankly, I don't care.
114
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,529
Let's move on to our first hot topic
and she is hot.
115
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,610
Cat Cora, Iron Chef from the Food Network.
116
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,125
Are you kidding me?
117
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,691
- How you doing, darling? Good to see you.
- You, too.
118
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,171
- You look great.
- Good to be here. Thank you.
119
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,846
All right. Well, it's playoff time.
Let's get into it.
120
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,604
Well, I'm making Game-Day Nachos.
121
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,282
First, you start with a bean and cheese base.
122
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,647
- And then we add aromatics.
- You got...
123
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:49,846
- Things like onions.
- I love onions.
124
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,729
Just don't kiss your girlfriend
right afterwards.
125
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,847
That's right.
126
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,843
And jalapeno peppers.
127
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:56,729
Jalapeno peppers?
128
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,165
Kenny's cutting in.
129
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,361
Kenny, get back over there
with the co-hosts, okay?
130
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,442
Behave yourself. Get over there.
131
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,489
Get back over there.
132
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,568
Cat, you know why I love jalapeno peppers
so goddamn much?
133
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,291
- Why's that, Kenny?
- Because they're so spicy!
134
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,488
God damn, are they spicy.
135
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,485
We making something.
136
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:26,122
Maybe it's nachos, maybe it's a kid.
Who knows?
137
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,567
- I gotta ask you a question here, Cat.
- Yeah.
138
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,962
Have you ever seen a human motherfucker
eat a shitload of peppers before?
139
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,442
I don't know, Kenny.
Those peppers are pretty hot.
140
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,568
Who wants to see me
eat 50 of these in a minute?
141
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,528
- I don't think we have time for that.
- You do. You at home do.
142
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,126
Ready? One. Count 'em off, everybody.
143
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,645
- One!
- Those are pretty hot.
144
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,410
- Two!
- Here he goes.
145
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,482
- Three!
- Three.
146
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,289
So hot!
147
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,762
- Four!
- I can't believe it. Just... Gluttonous.
148
00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:00,765
- Kenny! Kenny! Kenny!
- So hot!
149
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,205
Come on, Kenny.
150
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,931
Oh, God!
151
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,529
God damn. Look at your kids.
Little Mexican jumping beans.
152
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,011
Here you go, more beers.
153
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,889
Yeah. There you go.
154
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:28,011
- Guess I should make some food?
- Nah, baby. Just business right now.
155
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,366
Okay.
156
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,249
Come here. Come here.
157
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,441
Yeah.
158
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,369
I want you so badly.
159
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,722
Hey. Okay. Hey. What the fuck?
160
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,290
- Yeah.
- Come on.
161
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,209
You wait for me in the bedroom, bitch.
162
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,647
- Okay.
- Put that pussy on ice.
163
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:53,525
Me and Maria been fucking like cave people
since I've been getting paid, man.
164
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,570
My dick's all pruny
from being up in that sweet punany.
165
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,642
Sounds like 50 Shades of Gross to me,
motherfucker.
166
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,326
Now it's time for you to
take out that notepad software.
167
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,243
I want to talk a little bidness.
168
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,601
What do you have in mind
to talk about today?
169
00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:07,841
Well, there's no doubt my stock is soaring.
170
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,207
- I'm more recognizable than I have ever been.
- True.
171
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,169
I think it's high time we finally cash in on
172
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,846
these lucrative opportunities
that my fame has brought upon us.
173
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,241
Yeah, okay. I like this.
174
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,084
Tell me more.
175
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,926
I think it's time Kenny Powers
opens up a motherfucking restaurant chain.
176
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,005
Are you serious?
177
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,411
Yes!
178
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,882
The concept, well, it's simply brilliant.
179
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,530
It's TNT. You know what it stands for?
180
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,250
It's, like, a code or something.
181
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,527
Yeah. The "T" is for taters.
182
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,170
"N" is for and.
183
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,369
And the final "T," tits.
184
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:45,047
'Cause all the waitresses at TNT
have huge tits.
185
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,646
- Taters 'N' Tits.
- Oh, my God.
186
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,722
How on earth did you even think of this?
187
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,524
How does any genius
figure out his inventions?
188
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,001
I mean, how did Leonardo DiCaprio
figure out about gravity?
189
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,209
'Cause the bitch was sleeping underneath
a tree and an apple hit him on his head.
190
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:59,806
This is amazing. I'm all over this.
191
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:02,850
Look at the men we've become.
192
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,720
And on a personal side note, those contacts
are doing wonders for your look.
193
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,931
- You got those Paul Walker eyes.
- Thank you.
194
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,685
I'm thinking about fixing
my other weak zones, too.
195
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,761
Like your chin?
196
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,763
What...
197
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,285
My chin... What's wrong with my chin?
198
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,647
See, it's almost just like a high neck fold.
199
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,042
From your profile here,
it's just face down to tits.
200
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,087
It's just nothing.
201
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,606
It's like a fucking little nub
at the bottom of your face.
202
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,722
Yeah, my chin is shitty.
203
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,290
God damn it.
204
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,890
Okay. Look, Kenny is here.
205
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,804
Don't freak out, okay?
He brought gifts for the boys.
206
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,447
Honey, he wants forgiveness. All right?
207
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:51,760
Maybe just hear him out.
208
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,564
Fuck yeah! Love that shit.
209
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,290
Doesn't it feel good?
Man, you just take that deep breath.
210
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,886
Shoot a man right in his heart.
211
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,321
Meat Loaf, how you liking that guitar?
212
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,606
- It's the shit, huh?
- Yeah.
213
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:11,727
- Yeah.
- Hey!
214
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,844
Yo, Dustin. What's up?
I came to buy back your forgiveness.
215
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,809
The fuck are you doing
giving my kid an assault rifle?
216
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,928
Hey, man. Dustin Jr. is a well-adjusted kid.
217
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,525
He's responsible enough
to own an assault rifle.
218
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:23,166
Notice I didn't get Wayne one.
I'm thinking this thing through.
219
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,287
Take it back. Return it.
220
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,362
You should hold on to that, man.
They're about to ban that shit.
221
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:27,601
I'm trying to protect your household.
How much?
222
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:28,647
What are you doing?
223
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,324
Come on.
How much is your forgiveness worth?
224
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,249
- Put your money away. Take the damn rifle.
- How much?
225
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,010
Say a number. I'll break you a piece off.
226
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:37,766
No. Not a chance. Take it. Take the guitar.
Get the fuck off my property.
227
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,161
God, Dustin.
Can't you just grow up for a second?
228
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,811
I'm trying to reach out to you
and be the bigger man, all right?
229
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,360
I love you, brother.
230
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,408
And I just wanna discuss our issues.
231
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,482
I'm just trying to make good here, all right?
232
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,324
I don't know how to fucking
make up with people, all right?
233
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,890
It's not something I usually do.
234
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:57,090
But for whatever reason, it's important to me
that you and I are just not enemies.
235
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,281
It just doesn't feel right.
236
00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,885
I feel like things are all fucked up and gross
237
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,121
just because you and I aren't friends.
238
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,167
I don't like it.
239
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,244
Dustin, he is clearly hurting.
I mean, look at him.
240
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:07,521
Ow.
241
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,331
- Okay. Come on. Be the bigger man.
- I'm hurting. Help me.
242
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,124
Okay. Just tell him how you feel.
243
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:13,440
You wanna get into this right here?
244
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,045
I'd love to, brother.
245
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,605
For one thing, you really hurt me.
246
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,001
- When you... When you faked your own death.
- I know.
247
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,650
And we were all really worried, Kenny.
248
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:22,687
Hold on for one second. Just...
249
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,000
My shit's blowing up real quick.
250
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,406
- Kenny, I'm talking to you.
- Yeah. Fuck.
251
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,925
- I thought we were gonna...
- Guy Young just texted me.
252
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,042
Kenny, you just said
you wanted to talk about this.
253
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,566
No, I do, but... Yeah.
It's Guy Young. He's my boss.
254
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,641
It's work, so...
255
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:36,723
This motherfucker
sends the funniest emoticons.
256
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,888
Put the phone away.
257
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,371
He wants me to come out to the lake.
258
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,363
Okay, look. You're obviously upset.
259
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:43,726
I can see that.
260
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,361
Why don't you just gather your thoughts,
really think about what's hurting you,
261
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,601
and then figure out a good way to, like,
262
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:49,841
formulay it that everyone can understand?
263
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:50,887
Formulate it.
264
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,041
That's what I said, all right?
265
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,248
Love you guys. Really nice to see everyone.
266
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,970
Before I go...
267
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,006
Love you guys.
268
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,007
What the fuck is that?
269
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,206
There he is, Kenny Powers.
270
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,690
Guy!
271
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,481
- What's up, KP?
- You look cool as fuck out there, dude!
272
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,403
It's fucking priceless.
273
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,681
Holy shit!
274
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:46,886
God damn.
275
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,928
- Pretty impressive little unit, huh?
- Dude, that's it.
276
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,446
I'm fucking getting one of those.
That's the shit.
277
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,126
Yeah, well,
they're about a quarter million a pop, so...
278
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,931
I think they might be
a little bit out of your range there, KP.
279
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,490
I might have to check with the wife.
280
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,281
I still think it might be
a little out of your range.
281
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,169
Well, we'll see. I'll check with my wife.
282
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,686
Speaking of which, I wanted to
talk to you about the show for a minute.
283
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,410
- Okay, yeah. What's up?
- Look.
284
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,324
Kenny, I don't wanna hurt your feelings,
you know what I mean?
285
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:14,007
But I feel like you need to take your
performance down a little bit on the show.
286
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,161
Just take it down a notch.
287
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,446
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
288
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,490
I'm just doing what you told me to do.
Just being myself, man.
289
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,484
- Wild card's gotta be wild, right?
- Sure, sure.
290
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,689
But If I'm being honest,
I'm starting to see shades of Dontel here.
291
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,880
- Are you serious?
- Little bit.
292
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,291
I mean, case in point.
293
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,601
You know how
nobody came over for the nacho bit
294
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,330
but you came over for the nacho bit?
295
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,801
You don't have to come over for every bit.
You know what I mean?
296
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,410
You don't have to do that.
297
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,847
Well, I mean, I just was kind of
feeling the vibe of the audience.
298
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,524
- You know, I thought I had 'em in stitches.
- Right, right.
299
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,490
But if you come over and you eat the peppers
and then I can't eat the peppers,
300
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,244
then I'm left with no options.
301
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,448
I'm painted into a corner, right?
302
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,204
I look like a fucking boob.
303
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,009
Well, dude,
I'm not trying to make you look like boobs.
304
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,321
I just... I didn't think
eating peppers was, like, your thing.
305
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,846
It's not about the goddamn peppers, Kenny!
306
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,082
Okay? It's about your place on the show.
307
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,847
I mean, it's like this fucking jet pack.
308
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,641
I spent my whole life working my ass off
to afford something like this,
309
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,326
and then you walk up and you're like,
"Hey, I'm gonna get me one of those."
310
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,925
No, you're not, motherfucker. No.
311
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,447
One, because you can't afford it, and two,
because you haven't fucking earned it.
312
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,204
- Got it?
- I wasn't talking about getting one right now.
313
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,681
I just meant, like, eventually,
it would be cool to, like, go buy one.
314
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:23,209
No, but you shouldn't even be
thinking about jet packs, Kenny, okay?
315
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,884
You're not there yet.
316
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,248
And this Kenny cutting in shit,
that's gotta go, okay?
317
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,129
Those one-on-ones, that's my shit.
318
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,725
That's my domain, got it?
319
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,404
- People seem to like the "Kenny's cutting in."
- Oh, God.
320
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,801
Kenny, fucking A, man.
Listen to what I'm saying.
321
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,484
All right?
322
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,040
Everything we do,
we do for the best of the show.
323
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,121
And for you.
324
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,282
Yeah, and for me, motherfucker.
Yeah, that's right.
325
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,209
Because I'm the star of the show. Not you, me.
326
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,163
I'm the fucking star.
327
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:48,884
Okay?
328
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:49,927
Yeah, okay. I got it.
329
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,970
- You cool with that?
- Yeah, you're the main star of the show.
330
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,204
Okay.
331
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,204
Just remember, Kenny,
332
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,169
not everybody can fly, buddy.
333
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,165
Not everybody can fly.
334
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,243
See you.
335
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,601
Don't stay out too late, dude.
336
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,287
Now, Kenny, I've been doing a lot of thinking.
337
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,283
You know how you said
we don't wanna be fucking Pinkberry?
338
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,124
Well, what do you think about
339
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:47,242
starting with something
along the lines of that kiosk right there?
340
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,448
Check it out. This is how it's gonna work.
341
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,409
First, we'll get people's attention
342
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,370
with how hot and how banging
our waitresses are, right?
343
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,010
And then, when they walk over,
344
00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,642
they're gonna smell those baked potatoes
cooking in the microwave and ka-ching!
345
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,200
We're making money,
money, money, money, money.
346
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,169
No diggity, no doubt. I like to bag it up.
347
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,642
This is fucking wonderful, homes.
I'm loving how you sexualized the food.
348
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,210
This is perfect for a shopping mall.
349
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,526
It's very sexy.
350
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,523
The only thing I'm seeing
I'd like to put an amend on...
351
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,207
Perhaps a little more room here for the fixins.
You know what I'm talking about?
352
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,442
We're gonna have a lot of fixins?
353
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,410
Dude, we're gonna have so many
fucking fixins up in this motherfucker.
354
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,404
We call the sauce station the sauce rack.
355
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,642
- Get it? Goes with the tit theme.
- Yeah.
356
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,167
Yeah, so every single sauce
needs to have a double entendre sexual name.
357
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,481
- Do you understand?
- Instead of bacon bits, bacon tits.
358
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,722
- That's fucking good. Hell, yeah.
- Yeah.
359
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,325
This shit's gonna go through the roof, man.
360
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,368
God damn, I'm shitting gold these days.
361
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,010
Kind of makes me wonder why the hell
362
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,048
so many people
are trying to tell me to slow down.
363
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,169
Seems like motherfuckers should be
shutting the hell up and enjoying the show.
364
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,050
Who the fuck is trying to tell you
to fucking slow down?
365
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,044
Guy Young, for one. Yeah.
366
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,849
Telling me I'm becoming
too popular too quick.
367
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,331
I need to lower my energy.
368
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,846
I mean, god damn, dude.
I'm reaching my potential.
369
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,049
The audience loves me and now
he wants me to adhere to his leadership?
370
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,531
I ain't trying to hear that, see?
371
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,887
Well, Kenny,
we got a good thing going here, right?
372
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,049
I finally got the respect of my wife and kids.
373
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:09,690
You have a fucking pool.
374
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:11,842
Guy Young,
he's been in this business a long time.
375
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:16,369
So maybe you should just, you know,
follow his lead and listen to him.
376
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,681
Nah, he ain't trying to think about
what the audiences want.
377
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,331
Homeboy's scared.
He senses my dangerous potential.
378
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,925
Trying to confine me to
the Scottie Pippen role.
379
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,161
I don't know about that.
380
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,562
I mean, I've been Scottie Pippen
for a while now and it's pretty awesome.
381
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:31,361
I mean, plenty of pussy and cash
for nasty old Scottie Pippen.
382
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,523
Well, that might be all right for you,
but I was born to fly, dog.
383
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,491
Michael Jordan.
Air Jordans. Air Maxes. Number 24.
384
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,684
We are infinite!
385
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,807
You looking for that mallet,
but this ain't Red Lobster, sweetheart.
386
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,168
They don't give you mallets
in the fucking expensive restaurants.
387
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,129
I bet you love sucking on them crab legs
388
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,771
as opposed to sucking on
some goddamn therapy, too, huh?
389
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,491
Spending money. Drinking expensive cognac.
390
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:06,561
Mmm.
391
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,806
Go on, girl. Get that white meat.
392
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,609
Yeah. Keep it down.
393
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,604
Yeah, yeah. Swallow that load of gold, baby.
394
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,842
- Kenny, stop it.
- No, but seriously.
395
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,490
You charmed?
396
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,280
No?
397
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:20,600
Not yet?
398
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:24,446
Well then, maybe you ought to
take a look underneath your seat.
399
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,441
Go on.
400
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:29,646
What?
401
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,123
$3,000 Chanel purse.
402
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,602
- Take a look inside.
- Oh, my God.
403
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:39,767
Kindle Paperwhite.
404
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:44,482
Pre-loaded with over 500 e-books,
including all of Dean R. Koontz's novels.
405
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,802
Take a look at that side pocket.
What's in there?
406
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,803
$500.
407
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,167
Hold on. I think I gotta take a shit.
408
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,481
There's 100 bucks.
409
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,483
- Yeah, wow.
- Hey, what's that?
410
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,607
- What?
- Something's behind your ear over here.
411
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,086
$100 bill.
412
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,487
Damn, all this giving's making me thirsty.
413
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,324
Look out. Chump change.
414
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,801
This is what I was afraid of. This is...
415
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,645
Right now what's happening
is my biggest fear.
416
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,449
I feel like you're not taking me seriously.
417
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,410
I feel like
you are getting caught up in the bullshit.
418
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,006
- You're not listening to me.
- Okay, I'm listening.
419
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,764
What the fuck do you want me to do?
420
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,127
I want to go to therapy.
421
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,406
Jesus Christ.
422
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,162
Please, can we go?
423
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,605
We need it.
424
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:29,801
Okay, fine. You know what?
425
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,041
- You wanna go to therapy?
- Yes.
426
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,724
Let's waste our money on therapy. That's fine.
427
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:33,881
Not because we can't afford it.
428
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,530
'Cause trust me, sweetheart, we can afford it.
429
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,204
It's just, my motto's always been,
430
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,403
"Just 'cause you have money, you don't need
to be wasting it on frivolous nonsense."
431
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:45,122
But if my wife wants fucking therapy,
then looks like we're going to see a therapist.
432
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,204
Thank you.
433
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,282
Now then,
can we please enjoy this luxurious dinner?
434
00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,361
Yeah.
435
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,281
Garçon.
436
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,368
Finest bottle of white zinfandel, please.
437
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:17,487
No. I'm okay.
438
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,410
Bravo!
439
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,482
Fuck yeah.
440
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,289
Isn't this the picture of tranquility?
441
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,601
Billy. Trent.
You guys can take the children upstairs.
442
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,444
You're relieved of your duties
for this evening.
443
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:50,971
Thank you for your services.
444
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,210
Good night.
445
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,288
Pleasant dreams.
446
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,446
You know, I'm kind of tired, too,
so I'm gonna go to bed.
447
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:09,605
- But I just wanna thank you for tonight.
- Yeah.
448
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,045
Good night.
449
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,201
Stop everything, ladies.
You can't improve on perfection.
450
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,964
- Look at you.
- Yeah, yeah, that's right. Good looking.
451
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,929
Man.
452
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,047
Champion.
453
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,600
- You ready to rock today's show?
- You know me, Guy.
454
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,331
Always ready to bust a nut
on this television audience.
455
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,801
Okay. But remember
what we talked about, right?
456
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:57,044
Yeah. That's what I mean, like, bust a nut,
but at the same time, remember my place.
457
00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:59,805
That's right. So you're usually about an 11.
458
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,127
We're gonna bring it down
to a five or a six, okay?
459
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,611
All right.
460
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,762
That's what you ask for,
that's what you're gonna get.
461
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:06,841
Hey.
462
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,126
You're my favorite co-host.
463
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:11,804
Thank you.
464
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,362
- Nice meeting you.
- Yeah. Good to see you again.
465
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:18,524
Some good advice, Kenny.
466
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,046
Five or a six.
467
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,204
Welcome back to
another session of Sports Sesh.
468
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,363
I'm Guy Young and I don't know how
I got talked into this segment.
469
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,444
We're here with Jeff, the animal expert,
and we have a...
470
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,569
- What do we have with us?
- It's called a black and white ruffed lemur.
471
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,927
You know,
those eyes remind me of Rodney's ex-wife.
472
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,525
Not cool.
473
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,444
We got another one coming in. Great.
474
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:48,045
And what is this? This isn't a lemur.
475
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,805
This is called an anteater. A tamandua.
476
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,611
- They smell like weed in an Italian restaurant.
- Let me see that.
477
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:55,603
Get in there. Get right in there. Get right...
478
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:56,761
I don't want it to bite me.
479
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,922
I'm seeing so many
missed-joke opportunities here.
480
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,240
All right. Hey, keep an eye on this thing.
481
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,810
- I don't want it...
- I will. You're safe.
482
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,211
- Now who's this?
- I promise you. This is Bella.
483
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,521
She's a white belly
or black-handed spider monkey.
484
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:06,567
Is that right?
485
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,688
Look, I bet he won't even say anything
about spanking the monkey.
486
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:09,886
- Mischievous, these monkeys?
- Yeah.
487
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,042
You gotta keep your eye on these guys.
They'll steal your jewelry.
488
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,970
And when they do that,
do you ever spank the monkey?
489
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,129
All right. Well, okay.
That was kind of obvious. He got that one.
490
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,248
- Would you let me feed Bella? Is that okay?
- No.
491
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,527
She doesn't take food from strangers.
No. We do...
492
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,728
- We teach her the whole "stranger danger."
- I see, I see.
493
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:26,842
- Well, that's probably safer for both parties.
- Sure.
494
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,041
Fuck this.
495
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:39,646
I think it's time to stop monkeying around.
496
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:41,324
Kenny's cutting in.
497
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,922
No, that's all right, Ken.
We're good over here. We're cool.
498
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,082
- We're good. Sit back down.
- Cutting in.
499
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:52,281
Guy, let me take this.
500
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:55,170
If there's one thing I know,
it's monkey business.
501
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:58,167
Yeah. Is that right?
502
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:00,766
Do you have a special relationship
with monkeys, do you?
503
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,410
Well, you know I got people in Atlanta.
504
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:09,603
And they all love Skittles, red Kool-Aid,
and some of them even like Froot Loops.
505
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,045
That's right.
506
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,690
Bella, you like Froot Loops?
507
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,328
There we go.
508
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,246
Wonderful.
509
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,641
I think Bella and me
are making a little connection here, huh?
510
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,961
I found me a date to the prom.
511
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,041
Yeah.
512
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:28,121
Put on some Jodeci.
513
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,682
Let's slow dance, Bella.
What you say? What you say?
514
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,450
They say greatness comes at a cost.
515
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:46,121
If you want to achieve legendary status,
you must make certain sacrifices.
516
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:52,327
The demands of others oftentimes conflict
with the demands of living an exceptional life.
517
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:55,605
It takes a goddamn superman
518
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,008
to meet all the expectations
put upon a celebrity figure nowadays.
519
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,767
Could Schwarzenegger have ascended to
the top of both film and politics
520
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,002
if he had actually
given a fuck about his family?
521
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:09,730
I doubt it.
522
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:15,763
Would Alexander the Great have
conquered the world if he had dialed it back?
523
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,686
Is it even possible to reconcile
the needs of others with the need to win
524
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,970
when winning often means
defeating your rivals at any cost?
525
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,882
Any word from your husband?
526
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,566
He must be running late.
527
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,249
I suppose it remains to be seen.
528
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:59,008
But there is one simple truth that you can
always rely on in this fucked up world.
529
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:05,122
Victory is its own reward.
42356
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