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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:44,501 It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw. 2 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,387 It lay about a mile outside the city limits, 3 00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,639 so everybody could feel real friendly. 4 00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:02,728 Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace picked it out for Miss Wulla Jean in 1910, 5 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,897 and she moved there with her girls from over 6 00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,232 the hardware store on Main Street. 7 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,114 Right from the beginning, 8 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:57,157 the little house was kinda special, 9 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,451 like a home away from home. 10 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,620 Miss Wulla Jean put a pianola in the 11 00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:04,164 parlor to sorta help break the ice. 12 00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,333 A feller could ask a girl to dance, 13 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,253 or if he held back a little, she'd ask him. 14 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:12,339 And pretty soon they'd get a little business goin'. 15 00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,049 Two dollars' worth. 16 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,679 It wasn't long before the place became 17 00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:22,182 one of the better known pleasure palaces in all of Texas. 18 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:25,811 So much so that the fellers who visited during World War I 19 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:28,522 sent their sons back in World War ll. 20 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,359 The hospitality and friendliness never changed, 21 00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:35,195 and neither did Miss Wulla Jean's strict set of rules. 22 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:37,823 She liked her ladies, as she called 'em, 23 00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:40,450 to treat her customers real good, 24 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:43,036 but never in an unladylike way. 25 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,791 And she insisted that each girl 26 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,127 check her gentleman for the clap 27 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:53,255 and wash him off with soap and warm water. 28 00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:56,675 Some of the fellers claimed that that was the best part! 29 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,224 It was only during the Hoover depression 30 00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,768 that the little house had a spell of tough times. 31 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:10,397 Miss Wulla Jean put in a jukebox to spark up business. 32 00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:14,610 But it wasn't always easy in them days to come up with hard cash. 33 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,199 Well... You just keep that in the bag, 34 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:23,535 and I'll take it out back as soon as we're finished. 35 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,458 So for a while, as the story goes, 36 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,461 the girls began accepting poultry in trade. 37 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,713 One bird, one lay. 38 00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:37,174 And that's how the place got its name. 39 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,593 The Chicken Ranch. 40 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,016 Of course, if you grew up anywhere in Texas, 41 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:49,811 you knew at an early age they was sellin' somethin' out there, 42 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,939 and it wasn't poultry. 43 00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,862 Y'all come back now, you hear? 44 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,751 So, for over three generations, 45 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,379 the Chicken Ranch went peacefully about its business, 46 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:23,048 while the people here in Gilbert went about theirs. 47 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:26,760 That is, until about seven years ago. 48 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,305 I was a deputy back then, 49 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,516 workin' for Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd. 50 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,560 You wanted me to remind you about your 2:00 appointment. 51 00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,312 That was right after I had 52 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,731 lost the fried chicken franchise here in town, 53 00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,400 while Ed Earl had been Sheriff ever 54 00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,652 since old Jack Roy Wallace retired. 55 00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,905 Everybody liked Ed Earl, 56 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,949 especially Ed Earl. 57 00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,869 Course, he sure did know his job, 58 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,247 and he was a big influence on me, 59 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,666 taught me everything I know. 60 00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,836 He used to like to run a quiet town, 61 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,380 with plenty of time off for socializin' 62 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,924 and coffee over at Dulcie Mae's cafe. 63 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,260 Oh, now and again there'd be a problem, 64 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,345 and we had some tough ones. Right in front of my car! 65 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,223 Like the time the mule sat on Miss Modene's car. 66 00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:15,934 He just buckled up his legs and sat right down! 67 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,520 She was really havin' a hissy fit, 68 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,814 but it didn't faze Ed Earl. 69 00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:24,109 He just walked over to that jackass and laid down the law. 70 00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:28,196 You see, Ed Earl always believed in talkin' first. 71 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,075 Cool reasonin', he used to tell me, could solve any problem. 72 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,995 Course he did have a bit of a temper. 73 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,463 Anyway, just about the time he became sheriff, 74 00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,423 Miss Wulla Jean passed on. 75 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:50,969 She left the Chicken Ranch to her favorite workin' girl, Mona Stangley, 76 00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:54,514 who saw the little house as a Texas institution 77 00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,892 and aimed to keep it that way. 78 00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,352 Ruby Rae, start 'em. 79 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,650 And it don't make money. Beatrice? 80 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,574 Eloise, honey? 81 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,247 It's downright tacky. 82 00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,837 Do you catch my drift? 83 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,976 Dawn? 84 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:48,813 Taddy Jo. 85 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:52,525 Linda Lou. 86 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,165 Are you listenin' good? 87 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,325 Well, howdy, boys. 88 00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:45,370 It's good to see you. Nice to meet you. 89 00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:49,165 Come on over here. I'd like you to meet my girls. 90 00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:59,027 Well, everything was goin' along fine, just like always, 91 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,197 until that famous college football celebration. 92 00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,492 Some folks think that that's when the trouble started. 93 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,286 You see, for years, the winning seniors 94 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,748 of the Texas Aggies-Texas U football game at Thanksgiving, 95 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,918 they were treated to a night out at the Chicken Ranch 96 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,420 by their alumni association. 97 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:19,964 But actually, the real trouble started 98 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,674 brewin' about three days before. 99 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:33,770 I can't tell you how thrilled we are with your contribution. 100 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,730 Here's your receipt. Thank you, Rita. 101 00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,817 Those kids'll be so excited, and the mayor, too. 102 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,945 Why, the town council will probably vote you another plaque. 103 00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,572 Lord, I hope not. I got a closet full of 'em now. 104 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:48,451 Hello, Dulcie Mae. You know Miss Mona. 105 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:52,247 Oh, yes, of course! We've met. Mornin'. 106 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,331 Good mornin'. 107 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:54,666 Isn't this wonderful? 108 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,751 Miss Mona has just capped the goal for 109 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,878 the Little League fund campaign. 110 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,297 Oh, how nice! 111 00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:05,510 Well, on behalf of my son and his teammates, I wanna thank you. 112 00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,345 You tell them I'll be well repaid when they 113 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,097 take the championship next year. 114 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,515 Goodbye, Rita. 115 00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,392 I'm sorry the sheriff wasn't here to thank you. 116 00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:15,228 He drove over to Meritsville. He'll be gone all afternoon. 117 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,022 Well, you tell him I said hi. Bye. 118 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,607 Bye. 119 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:20,900 Bye. 120 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,620 Hey, Miss Mona. 121 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,372 How are you doin', Deputy Fred? 122 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,665 It's nice to see you. 123 00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:38,126 It's good to see you. Keepin' an eye on my place at night? 124 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,129 Sure are. The Sheriff's real particular about security out there. 125 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,715 Well, one of these nights when you ain't on duty, you drop in out there. 126 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,718 My girls would love to show you a little appreciation. 127 00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:49,929 Shoot, Miss Mona. You know I'm a married man! 128 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,723 Oh, Fred, you mean to tell me you don't think 129 00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,308 the cows don't appreciate the time off 130 00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,976 when a bull goes over to another pasture? 131 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,145 Miss Mona! 132 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,650 See you later, Miss Mona. Okay. Goodbye. 133 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,698 Damn it! 134 00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,200 What's the matter? 135 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,035 You're in bed already. So? 136 00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,454 So, I told you 100 times, 137 00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,539 watching you get undressed is the best part. 138 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,500 The best part? 139 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:03,503 Well, maybe not the best part, but in the top two. 140 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,384 Now, would I wanna disappoint my little honey? 141 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,973 Ah. I'm glad I was late. 142 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:19,102 Me too! You just hold your horses. I got a surprise for you. 143 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,603 I went by the post office this morning. 144 00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:24,232 I picked up a package. The very latest thing from Frederick's of Hollywood. 145 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,400 Yeah? Just a little something sexy 146 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,151 I thought you might like. 147 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,236 What do you think? Little? 148 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,612 It don't look too little to me. 149 00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,072 Well, it certainly ain't a trainin' bra, 150 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,865 but I do believe I can fill it out. 151 00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,283 I don't think you got any problem there. 152 00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,244 I'll be back with more. 153 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,414 You know, Mona, 154 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,749 I've known a lot of women in my life. 155 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:44,919 None of 'em has ever been exciting to me like you are. 156 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:48,589 Really? Even after all these years we've been meetin' like this? 157 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,133 I'll tell you something. 158 00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:58,016 A year with you is like a minute of sheer happiness. 159 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:02,437 Well, now, that is just about the sweetest thing anybody ever said to me. 160 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,564 I know. 161 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,400 You know, honey, 162 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:10,987 you bring out the... The romantic in me. 163 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:18,870 Tah-dah! 164 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,248 You did that real fast. 165 00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:24,208 Well, honey, I've had a lot of practice 166 00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,793 gettin' in and out of my clothes. 167 00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:28,004 How do you like the outfit? 168 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,381 Hot damn. 169 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,884 Makes me feel real sexy. 170 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,809 Well, you don't look real sexy. 171 00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:44,020 What do you mean? I look like I always look. 172 00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,354 That's just it. 173 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,856 It's them damn droopy boxer drawers. 174 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,483 I just hate the looks of them things. 175 00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,526 I've worn boxer shorts for years! 176 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,153 And they look like it. 177 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,322 These are a brand-new pair. 178 00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,574 I don't know what you're talkin' about, "I don't look sexy. " 179 00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:59,869 People tell me I have a real sexy quality about me. 180 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,288 Well, you do, but them boxer shorts don't. 181 00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:06,167 But when I was gettin' me some sexy things, I thought about you, 182 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,586 because they have a his 'n' hers sexy department at Frederick's 183 00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,838 and I thought you might try that on for size. 184 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,258 What the hell is it, a Japanese slingshot? 185 00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:19,388 No, it's jockey shorts with little silver snaps on the side. 186 00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:23,684 Little is the key word here. They are real little. 187 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,812 In fact, a guy could hurt himself wearin' those things. 188 00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,522 I don't think so, thank you very much. 189 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:32,443 Ed Earl, I paid $20 for these, plus postage. And I want you to wear it. 190 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,987 Aw, you paid $20 for these? 191 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,155 Yes! 192 00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:37,532 Well, you got screwed. 193 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,326 Come on, Ed Earl! 194 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:41,869 No! 195 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,080 If they look half as good on you as I think they're going to 196 00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,374 you ain't gonna have to wear 'em but a second. 197 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,625 Maybe less. 198 00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,670 They're ridiculous. They're impossible. 199 00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:51,796 They're sexy. 200 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,422 No, no, no! 201 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:56,551 Well, fine! Then I'm gettin' dressed and goin' home. 202 00:18:56,718 --> 00:19:00,555 Well, fine! I'm goin' in the bathroom and... Put these on. 203 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,937 Be like puttin' two bowling balls in a marble bag. 204 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,149 Braggin', braggin', braggin'. 205 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,905 Well, I saw Dulcie Mae in town today. 206 00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:19,157 Oh, yeah? 207 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,909 I guess you'll be goin' over there for Thanksgivin' dinner. 208 00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,452 Don't I always? 209 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,080 You know, you better check that turkey of hers, 210 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,748 because there's a hook in there that's gonna 211 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,584 drag your ass to a wedding chapel. 212 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,670 No way. 213 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,594 I don't believe in matrimony. It screws up a relationship. 214 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,554 Amen to that, Ed Earl. 215 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,098 Ready? 216 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,434 Oh, I'm always ready. 217 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,609 Well, hellfire. Is that it? 218 00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:55,902 How'd you like it? 219 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,778 I didn't hardly get to even see them! 220 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,364 That's all you're gonna see, 221 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,200 'cause I ain't gonna parade around like no model. 222 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,577 Aw, come on, Ed Earl. For me. 223 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:05,953 No! No. 224 00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,414 Come on. One itsy-bitsy peek? 225 00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,041 What are you doin'? Man! 226 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:14,962 Now, that's what the little silver snaps are for. 227 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:17,215 Work, don't they? 228 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,508 Just like a snap. 229 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,012 Come on over here and give me a little lip-lock. 230 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:26,390 Oop. Gotta brush my teeth. 231 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:27,975 Ah. 232 00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,019 You know how I am about my breath. 233 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:38,694 Oh, Ed Earl, I like a lot of things, 234 00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,072 but these afternoons with you have got to top the list. 235 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,699 Yeah? Well, sing it to me, honey. 236 00:22:41,651 --> 00:22:42,902 Sheriff? 237 00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:44,403 Sheriff! 238 00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:50,117 It's Deputy Fred. Fred. 239 00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:59,627 Oh. Hold that position? 240 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,546 Don't move. Be right back. 241 00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:15,643 This better be important. 242 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:16,811 Well, I think it is. 243 00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:18,396 I saw your car parked from the highway 244 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,897 and I figured your phone was out, because... 245 00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:21,357 What are you wearin' that for? 246 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,526 Takin' a shower. 247 00:23:23,610 --> 00:23:24,568 Oh, really? 248 00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:25,820 I always take my shower in the mornin'. 249 00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,696 I read in the Reader's Digest... 250 00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,323 I don't care! 251 00:23:30,158 --> 00:23:31,283 What do you want? 252 00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,244 Oh, it's the mayor. He wants to speak to you. 253 00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:35,329 Rita's been callin' all over the county for you. 254 00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:36,997 He wants a meeting right away. 255 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,124 Can't it wait? 256 00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:39,917 You mean till after your shower? 257 00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:42,378 You go to your radio. 258 00:23:42,712 --> 00:23:44,338 Tell him I'll be there when I get there. 259 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,341 Nothing can be that important that it can't wait till this afternoon. 260 00:23:47,676 --> 00:23:48,676 Right, Sheriff. 261 00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:51,512 Nice man, but dumb. 262 00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:02,022 Mona? 263 00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:03,816 Mona? 264 00:24:41,354 --> 00:24:42,938 Ain't that funny? All this time Miss Mona 265 00:24:43,023 --> 00:24:45,024 was at the back knockin' on the screen door. 266 00:24:45,108 --> 00:24:47,735 She said she's in a real big hurry but just dropped by to give you this. 267 00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:53,824 It's a Japanese slingshot. 268 00:24:57,078 --> 00:24:59,788 Well, look at that! At last! 269 00:24:59,873 --> 00:25:02,082 Okay, Rufus. What's on your mind? 270 00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:03,334 Something that could have serious 271 00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:05,002 implications to the health of this town! 272 00:25:05,086 --> 00:25:06,795 Tell him, C.J.! Just like you told me. 273 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,215 Well, Sheriff, I have this friend that works in a TV station 274 00:25:09,299 --> 00:25:10,341 down in Houston. 275 00:25:10,425 --> 00:25:12,676 He tipped me off that Melvin P. Thorpe's 276 00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:15,179 plannin' an expose on the Chicken Ranch. 277 00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:16,680 Who? 278 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:18,098 Melvin P. Thorpe! 279 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,725 He's that crazy consumer advocate. 280 00:25:19,809 --> 00:25:21,977 Has a report on the late night news. 281 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:24,855 He's got a new show now, a half hour once a week, 282 00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:27,233 The Watchdog Report. It's on tonight. 283 00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,653 The Chicken Ranch on TV. Now, come on, fellas. 284 00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:33,322 Television is a family medium. 285 00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:35,032 But he's a sensationalist, Ed Earl. 286 00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:38,285 He shows up with his TV cameras every time a consumer has a complaint. 287 00:25:38,620 --> 00:25:40,204 He's a menace to the business community. 288 00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:43,249 He's that feller that put the peanuts back in the chocolate bar. 289 00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:46,001 What? 290 00:25:46,086 --> 00:25:48,087 He made the makers of the Peanut Delight candy bar 291 00:25:48,171 --> 00:25:50,381 admit that they put less peanuts 292 00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:52,091 in each bar than they advertised. 293 00:25:52,175 --> 00:25:53,175 He made them change their ways. 294 00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:55,302 Sounds like a tough customer. 295 00:25:55,887 --> 00:25:57,179 He's got a lot of influence out there. 296 00:25:57,764 --> 00:25:59,640 If he brings cameras out to the Chicken Ranch... 297 00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:03,060 Come on, Rufus! I'll make some phone calls. 298 00:26:04,271 --> 00:26:06,897 I got a little influence around this state myself. 299 00:26:10,485 --> 00:26:13,028 Well, it's no use talkin' to me about it, Sheriff! 300 00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:16,407 Melvin P. Thorpe is now the biggest attraction at this station. 301 00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:21,161 High ratings. Lots of letters. He doesn't listen to anybody. 302 00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,581 Hell, he wants to go national! 303 00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:26,041 Wants to be watchdog for the whole U.S. of A. 304 00:26:26,334 --> 00:26:27,793 Love to help you, Ed Earl, 305 00:26:27,877 --> 00:26:30,212 but just like you don't want to mess with the Chicken Ranch, 306 00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,298 I don't wanna ruffle this old bird's feathers. 307 00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:35,968 Here in Houston, he's becomin' a regular Texas attraction. 308 00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:38,262 Well, now, wait a minute, Ed Earl. 309 00:26:38,346 --> 00:26:42,308 I'd tread easy on this one. Them TV boys can be mighty powerful. 310 00:26:42,475 --> 00:26:44,643 And mighty useful, if you get my meaning. 311 00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:46,103 Senator, roll call. 312 00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:48,772 Excuse me, Ed Earl. I gotta go. 313 00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:51,233 It's that damn bilingual bullshit again. 314 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,110 Let me give you a word of advice from 315 00:26:53,236 --> 00:26:55,404 one elected official to another. 316 00:26:56,197 --> 00:26:58,157 Be careful of the box. 317 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,204 Son of a bitch. What the hell's going on? 318 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:07,041 This goddam Melvin P. Thorpe's got the whole state bamboozled. 319 00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:09,376 This is serious, Ed Earl. You gotta do something. 320 00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:11,462 I intend to. 321 00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:15,466 Deputy Fred. I want you to hold down the fort for a while. 322 00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:16,967 Me? Yeah, you. 323 00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,469 Where you goin'? 324 00:27:18,553 --> 00:27:19,720 I'm goin' to Houston. I'm gonna take care 325 00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:21,305 of that little peckerwood myself. 326 00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:44,411 This is it. Thank you. 327 00:27:45,997 --> 00:27:47,790 Come in. 328 00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:52,544 Mr Thorpe? 329 00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:53,962 I know you. 330 00:27:54,547 --> 00:27:55,589 You do? 331 00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:59,551 Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd. They told me you were here. Come on in. 332 00:28:00,970 --> 00:28:02,596 I hope I'm not... 333 00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:05,015 Interrupting anything. 334 00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:07,142 Oh, please! It's my pleasure, my honor. 335 00:28:07,227 --> 00:28:08,727 What brings you here to Houston? 336 00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:10,396 Sit down. Anywhere over here. 337 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,898 I... I'm gettin' dressed. 338 00:28:13,024 --> 00:28:15,776 Sit down. I've got my TV show to do, 339 00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:17,444 and I'm runnin' a bit behind time. 340 00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:19,947 It's your show I want to talk to you about, Mr Thorpe. 341 00:28:20,031 --> 00:28:21,407 Oop. Melvin. 342 00:28:21,491 --> 00:28:22,491 Melvin. 343 00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:24,535 Please. You watch the show, Ed? 344 00:28:24,619 --> 00:28:25,786 Last week Well... 345 00:28:26,329 --> 00:28:28,664 was the best ratin' we ever had. 346 00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:32,000 The city planning commissioner was drivin' a city car... 347 00:28:32,085 --> 00:28:33,585 Just hold that for me, will you? 348 00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:37,840 While he was on vacation. Caught him dead to rights. 349 00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:40,175 That pitiful putz. Would you just pull that up? 350 00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,219 What? Just pull that up. 351 00:28:43,847 --> 00:28:45,889 And we broke a 30 share. 352 00:28:45,974 --> 00:28:47,975 It's affectin' my pieces on the late night news. 353 00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:51,353 Up, up, up. They just love my little report. 354 00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:55,023 I hear you're very popular. 355 00:28:55,358 --> 00:29:00,863 The power of television, of public exposure, is so great it scares me. 356 00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:03,615 I swear, I could get the mayor's own children 357 00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:04,700 to throw rocks at him. 358 00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:07,494 Which show did you like best, Ed? 359 00:29:09,247 --> 00:29:11,373 I think the one about the... 360 00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:12,583 Nuts in the chocolate bar. 361 00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:14,752 That's one of my favorites. 362 00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:18,297 "Threescore" means 60, like the Bible says. 363 00:29:18,381 --> 00:29:21,467 So, if it says "60 nuts" on the wrapper, 364 00:29:21,551 --> 00:29:24,595 I wanna see 60 nuts inside. 365 00:29:24,679 --> 00:29:27,473 And I'm talkin' full nuts. I'm not talkin' a half nut, 366 00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:29,850 or nut bits or nut chips. 367 00:29:31,728 --> 00:29:33,061 I'm talkin' a full nut. 368 00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:38,901 I can see that. 369 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,614 Thank God we still live in a society where anything 370 00:29:43,948 --> 00:29:46,784 that's phony or dishonest can't stand the light of day. 371 00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:49,536 Sock. Beg your pardon? 372 00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:50,913 Sock. 373 00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:53,081 Thank you. Yeah. 374 00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:58,003 Most corporations involved in false advertisin' 375 00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,714 would just laugh at a $50 fine. 376 00:30:01,382 --> 00:30:03,425 But you show up with your TV camera 377 00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,803 and give them a little bad publicity 378 00:30:06,095 --> 00:30:10,057 and they shape up faster than goose shit slides through a tin horn. 379 00:30:15,021 --> 00:30:18,023 Well, Melvin, it's that bad publicity I want to talk to you about. 380 00:30:18,274 --> 00:30:20,526 That could hurt people. You take that report 381 00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:22,152 you're doin' on the Chicken Ranch. 382 00:30:23,029 --> 00:30:24,780 That place is older than rocks and water. 383 00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:28,158 I wouldn't be surprised if your granddaddy took your daddy out there 384 00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,785 to learn about the birds and the bees. 385 00:30:29,869 --> 00:30:33,622 I'm from New Jersey. 386 00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:37,584 See, I moved to Houston six years ago. 387 00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:39,586 Texas suits my style. 388 00:30:41,130 --> 00:30:42,840 The point I'm tryin' to make is 389 00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:45,259 that every schoolboy in the state knows about it. 390 00:30:46,010 --> 00:30:47,845 Most of the politicians have slept there. 391 00:30:47,929 --> 00:30:50,055 And the mayor and the people of my county that voted for me, 392 00:30:50,139 --> 00:30:51,765 they want to keep things just the way they are. 393 00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:55,769 You know something, Sheriff, it just struck me. 394 00:30:56,187 --> 00:30:58,272 We are in the same profession. 395 00:30:58,356 --> 00:30:59,398 What's that? 396 00:30:59,482 --> 00:31:00,858 Law enforcement. 397 00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:03,777 I'm out there fightin' for the rights of the public, just like you. 398 00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,488 Both of us are interested in protectin' the public. 399 00:31:06,781 --> 00:31:10,242 You in the old way, and me in the new. 400 00:31:10,910 --> 00:31:11,994 The new? 401 00:31:12,078 --> 00:31:13,787 Television. 402 00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:16,498 I'm the electronic bounty hunter. 403 00:31:16,583 --> 00:31:18,792 I use a camera, you use a gun. 404 00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:20,294 Yeah. 405 00:31:20,503 --> 00:31:21,837 Well, Melvin, everybody'd be happy 406 00:31:21,921 --> 00:31:23,213 if you'd just drop the whole thing. 407 00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:24,339 Ah. 408 00:31:24,799 --> 00:31:27,217 I mean, those ladies out there, 409 00:31:27,635 --> 00:31:29,595 they perform a necessary function. 410 00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:30,721 I mean, right or wrong... 411 00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:32,306 Right or wrong don't interest me! 412 00:31:32,932 --> 00:31:36,310 I'm no moralizer. I leave all that to the preacher. 413 00:31:36,769 --> 00:31:38,312 Well, I'm glad. 414 00:31:38,938 --> 00:31:40,439 Anyway, the mayor was thinkin' maybe 415 00:31:40,523 --> 00:31:41,857 you'd want a little unnecessary publicity. 416 00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:45,903 Unnecessary publicity? He's got me all wrong! 417 00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:49,615 I'm not one of those sensation mongers out to boost his own ego! 418 00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:50,741 Clear. 419 00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:53,577 How do you like it? 420 00:31:53,661 --> 00:31:54,786 It's different. 421 00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,581 I designed this myself. 422 00:31:57,707 --> 00:32:02,336 No, you tell your mayor he's got nothing to fear from me on that score. 423 00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:04,421 He'll be happy to hear that. 424 00:32:04,505 --> 00:32:06,214 I'm a lawman. That's my interest. 425 00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:08,425 The law, right, partner? 426 00:32:08,509 --> 00:32:10,135 20 seconds, Mr. Thorpe. 427 00:32:10,219 --> 00:32:13,472 Oh, I'm on! Friend Ed, I gotta go. 428 00:32:14,515 --> 00:32:15,807 That's my cue. 429 00:32:16,351 --> 00:32:18,602 Come on! 430 00:32:19,687 --> 00:32:21,021 Apres vous! 431 00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:24,316 Come to think of it, I'd love to do an interview with you. 432 00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:25,609 I don't think I'm the type. 433 00:32:25,693 --> 00:32:27,945 Oh, nonsense! You're exactly what the public would like to see. 434 00:32:28,029 --> 00:32:29,988 Really? We'll discuss it after the show. 435 00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:31,949 I want you to be my guest. 436 00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:33,575 This is the sponsor's booth. 437 00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,118 Just go in there, make yourself comfortable. 438 00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:37,287 Make yourself to home. See you later, partner. 439 00:32:37,372 --> 00:32:38,455 Thank you. 440 00:33:03,231 --> 00:33:05,983 And now, the Watchdog man himself. 441 00:33:06,067 --> 00:33:10,112 The eyes and ears of Texas, Melvin P. Thorpe! 442 00:33:15,243 --> 00:33:19,079 Thank you, fellow Texans, and welcome to The Watchdog Report, 443 00:33:19,205 --> 00:33:22,082 with yours truly, Melvin P. Thorpe, 444 00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:24,376 keepin' an eye on what's goin' on 445 00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:26,378 in this beautiful state of ours. 446 00:33:26,754 --> 00:33:30,298 This week's spotlight will shine on a shameful situation 447 00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:34,261 that has been allowed to exist for close to a 100 years. 448 00:33:34,637 --> 00:33:37,514 I'm talkin' about the Chicken Ranch, my friends. 449 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:40,851 The proprietor of this innocent-lookin' ranch house 450 00:33:40,935 --> 00:33:44,104 is a woman known only as Miss Mona. 451 00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:49,234 And the man who turns his back on her illegal operation 452 00:33:49,318 --> 00:33:52,279 is Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd! 453 00:33:52,488 --> 00:33:55,532 Did I say illegal? Yes, I did! 454 00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:59,036 Now, I know that this is TV, 455 00:33:59,495 --> 00:34:02,622 so I'm gonna try to be as delicate as I can! 456 00:34:03,082 --> 00:34:06,501 Here goes, and may God forgive me! 457 00:35:07,855 --> 00:35:11,149 And now, our own Melvin P. Thorpe Singers. 458 00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:15,362 Oh, my goodness, he's talkin' about us! 459 00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:18,156 Suits me, Mom. 460 00:35:19,408 --> 00:35:22,702 Doreen! Get my heart pills! 461 00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:27,124 Hot damn! 462 00:35:32,588 --> 00:35:33,630 Loveless copulation? 463 00:35:41,597 --> 00:35:42,681 Ah! 464 00:35:44,475 --> 00:35:45,559 Can you dig it? 465 00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:47,644 Hey! 466 00:35:57,071 --> 00:35:59,865 Don't touch that dial! This is Melvin P. Thorpe 467 00:35:59,949 --> 00:36:02,993 sayin' I'll be back with new and revealin' information 468 00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:05,162 about this and other cases. 469 00:36:05,246 --> 00:36:07,789 Watchdog never sleeps! 470 00:36:26,392 --> 00:36:29,895 Damn. That man is crazier than a peach orchard sow. 471 00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:32,814 Announcin' it straight out on TV. 472 00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:34,441 So you been sayin'. 473 00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:35,984 Everybody's talkin' about it. 474 00:36:36,068 --> 00:36:38,820 Not that it's big news to anybody over three months of age. 475 00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:41,198 But they heard it in their livin' room. 476 00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:43,116 Sung. Sung to music. 477 00:36:43,951 --> 00:36:45,911 And he actually called my name on television. 478 00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:49,080 Worse than that. The son of a bitch called mine! 479 00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:52,959 You know, Ed Earl, seems like ever since I can remember, 480 00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,419 folks been jumpin' on me 481 00:36:54,503 --> 00:36:55,587 for one reason or another. 482 00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:59,466 But we're gonna beat this thing. I ain't worried about it. 483 00:36:59,967 --> 00:37:02,302 You know why? Because I trust you. 484 00:37:02,386 --> 00:37:04,387 'Cause you're my protector. 485 00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,645 Do you know he wears a sock in his underwear? 486 00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:13,688 A sock? Yeah. 487 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,399 All rolled up like a Jimmy Dean sausage. 488 00:37:18,402 --> 00:37:19,986 Well, I bet he's runnin' for office. 489 00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:22,322 That's typical of them crusadin' fanatics. 490 00:37:22,657 --> 00:37:23,990 They flare up every few months. 491 00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:26,576 They're always confusin' crime with sin. 492 00:37:26,661 --> 00:37:28,161 People just get sick of hearin' it 493 00:37:28,246 --> 00:37:31,414 and pretty soon it just clears out of the air. 494 00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:34,000 You're probably right. 495 00:37:34,168 --> 00:37:35,418 Well, ain't I always? 496 00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:39,381 What? You know what I was thinkin', Ed Earl? 497 00:37:39,465 --> 00:37:41,216 Just how much I miss all the little stuff 498 00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:43,760 me and you used to do, like goin' up to the lake. 499 00:37:44,387 --> 00:37:46,805 Wouldn't it be fun just to go up there, get a couple of six-packs 500 00:37:46,889 --> 00:37:49,099 and just get drunker than Cootie Brown? 501 00:37:49,183 --> 00:37:52,352 Girl, that's the best idea you had all year. When we gonna do this? 502 00:37:53,020 --> 00:37:54,271 Well, I'd like to do it tonight. 503 00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:56,690 So would I. 504 00:38:00,611 --> 00:38:02,696 Well, I wonder who that is. 505 00:38:08,619 --> 00:38:10,328 Hey, Deputy Fred. Morning, girls! 506 00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:11,621 How's your tallywacker hangin'? 507 00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:13,832 Fine... 508 00:38:13,916 --> 00:38:15,125 Shoot. 509 00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:20,964 Hi, Sheriff. This better be important. 510 00:38:21,048 --> 00:38:22,966 I think it is. That Melvin P. Thorpe 511 00:38:23,050 --> 00:38:24,259 is settin' up his television show 512 00:38:24,343 --> 00:38:25,969 right out in front of the courthouse! 513 00:38:26,053 --> 00:38:27,053 In front of the... Courthouse! 514 00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,681 He's gettin' some pictures for a piece on the late news tonight. 515 00:38:29,765 --> 00:38:33,643 He's got a whole posse of TV cameramen. You better come take a look. 516 00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:35,270 Right out in front of... Your office! 517 00:38:35,354 --> 00:38:36,438 Son of a... Bitch. 518 00:38:40,067 --> 00:38:42,277 I cannot believe that sucker! 519 00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:44,321 You know, he even brought his own singers. 520 00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:46,031 Wait'll I get my hands... 521 00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,492 Go get him, Sheriff! 522 00:38:49,577 --> 00:38:50,744 Come on, Deputy Fred! 523 00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:56,583 Ed Earl, please don't go doin' something stupid you're gonna be sorry for! 524 00:38:57,752 --> 00:38:58,793 Watch your temper. 525 00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:00,503 Everything's gonna be fine, Mona. 526 00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:01,963 Leave that little shithead to me. 527 00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:24,778 Howdy again, good neighbors. Melvin P. Thorpe, the old Watchdog himself, 528 00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:26,946 shinin' a spotlight on Gilbert, 529 00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:29,240 the little town with the big shame. 530 00:39:30,284 --> 00:39:32,035 Who's that fella in them trick britches? 531 00:39:32,661 --> 00:39:34,788 I don't know, but it's too late in the year for a carnival. 532 00:39:35,664 --> 00:39:37,665 One of them TV folks, looks like to me. 533 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,502 We're here at the Lanville County Courthouse 534 00:39:40,586 --> 00:39:42,212 to ask some of the local citizens 535 00:39:42,421 --> 00:39:44,881 how they feel about the infamous bordello 536 00:39:44,965 --> 00:39:48,593 runnin' wide open in their American home town. 537 00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:51,554 Cut! All right, now, stay with me, boys. 538 00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:55,892 And when I start the music, I want you Dogettes to start with me, brisk! 539 00:39:56,644 --> 00:40:00,146 Good people of Gilbert, may I have your attention, please? 540 00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:03,900 I would like to speak to you about a matter of great importance and concern. 541 00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:05,860 Let's hear it, Melvin! Lay it on us. 542 00:40:06,153 --> 00:40:07,987 I'm speakin' to you about nothin' less 543 00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:10,657 than your community's moral health! 544 00:40:11,450 --> 00:40:14,828 I'm talkin' to you about official blindness, 545 00:40:15,287 --> 00:40:19,165 official corruption, official malfeasance. 546 00:40:19,291 --> 00:40:21,042 He sure is wound up. 547 00:40:21,168 --> 00:40:24,129 Yep. I'm just waitin' for Ed Earl to get here. 548 00:40:24,296 --> 00:40:25,630 He's gonna kick that boy's ass. 549 00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:33,096 It's no big secret. 550 00:40:33,180 --> 00:40:35,598 You know what's goin' on in this town 551 00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:39,561 and what's goin' on is evil, immoral, 552 00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:42,897 brazen and against the law! 553 00:40:42,982 --> 00:40:44,023 Hit it. 554 00:41:23,063 --> 00:41:25,648 Now, Sheriff, Sheriff. Keep a grip on yourself. 555 00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:26,816 Don't get your back up! 556 00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:28,943 Stop whimperin', Rufus. 557 00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:33,907 Well, if it isn't the man himself. 558 00:41:34,408 --> 00:41:37,035 Would you care to give me an interview now, Sheriff? 559 00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:40,371 I'm gonna give you 30 seconds, you fancified fart. 560 00:41:40,623 --> 00:41:42,415 Get you and your singin' chorus the hell out of town! 561 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,500 Now, wait a minute. 562 00:41:43,584 --> 00:41:45,668 And get those cameras and the rest of that crap off the street. 563 00:41:45,753 --> 00:41:46,920 You're blockin' traffic! 564 00:41:47,004 --> 00:41:48,588 The only traffic we are blockin' 565 00:41:48,672 --> 00:41:50,507 is that headed out for the Chicken Ranch. 566 00:41:50,591 --> 00:41:52,133 Right, Sheriff? 567 00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:56,763 Little fat buddy, up to now you got two tickets. 568 00:41:57,014 --> 00:42:00,058 One for paradin' without a license and the other for insultin' me. 569 00:42:00,726 --> 00:42:02,769 Now, you better get that travellin' circus out of town 570 00:42:02,853 --> 00:42:05,313 or I'm gonna lock you up so fast your corset's gonna pop! 571 00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:08,358 Oh, yeah? We're perfectly within the law. 572 00:42:08,651 --> 00:42:11,444 As a newsman, I have First Amendment protection. 573 00:42:11,654 --> 00:42:13,571 Get this. 574 00:42:14,114 --> 00:42:17,367 The public has a right to know what is goin' on out there 575 00:42:17,451 --> 00:42:20,703 and what kind of pay-off you're acceptin' to protect 576 00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:22,914 that notorious house of ill repute. 577 00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:41,558 First thing. First thing is you're standin' in Lanville County, 578 00:42:41,642 --> 00:42:44,310 which, by my figurin', is about a 100 miles west 579 00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:46,437 of that stinkhole you call Houston. 580 00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,648 So I can't see it's any of your business 581 00:42:48,732 --> 00:42:50,191 what goes on out here. 582 00:42:50,484 --> 00:42:53,236 Oh, yeah? Please... 583 00:42:54,113 --> 00:42:57,740 Number two. You ain't the law around here and I am. 584 00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:01,035 So don't be tellin' me what my goddamn job is, 585 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:05,164 or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll look like the stripes on a barber pole. 586 00:43:05,291 --> 00:43:06,416 Get him, Sheriff. 587 00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:07,959 May be mean, but he's ours! 588 00:43:08,043 --> 00:43:10,753 Number three. No sawed-off little pecker 589 00:43:10,838 --> 00:43:13,923 is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live to tell about it 590 00:43:14,008 --> 00:43:16,551 'cause I wear the badge in this goddamn county. 591 00:43:16,635 --> 00:43:20,388 So you listen and listen good, you over-padded, televisin' turd. 592 00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:22,724 If I ever see you or any of those little bastards 593 00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:24,726 that work for you in my town again, 594 00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:26,978 I'm gonna knock you so flat you're gonna 595 00:43:27,062 --> 00:43:28,605 have to roll down your socks to shit! 596 00:43:30,357 --> 00:43:31,941 That's tellin' him, Sheriff! 597 00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:33,318 Oh, my goodness! 598 00:43:33,527 --> 00:43:35,194 So get outta here, you goddamn, 599 00:43:35,529 --> 00:43:37,905 wig-wearin', citified son of a bitch! 600 00:43:42,953 --> 00:43:46,789 Holy shit! Oh, my God, that man's crazy! 601 00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:55,340 Move, you schmuck! 602 00:43:58,052 --> 00:43:59,886 Move it! Come on! 603 00:44:00,304 --> 00:44:04,223 Get outta here! Move this thing! 604 00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:07,435 Come on, move this thing! I'll get you for this. 605 00:44:07,686 --> 00:44:10,563 You son of a bitch! You'll pay for this. 606 00:44:10,689 --> 00:44:13,650 You're in trouble, Sheriff! You're in big trouble! 607 00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:16,944 So long, partner. 608 00:44:43,764 --> 00:44:47,517 Boy, you sent him hightailin'. I was so proud of you! 609 00:44:47,601 --> 00:44:48,726 Didn't I? Yeah. 610 00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:55,775 Look at them stars. 611 00:44:57,861 --> 00:45:00,113 Well, there ain't nothin' prettier than a Texas sky. 612 00:45:00,906 --> 00:45:02,115 Ain't that the truth. 613 00:45:05,244 --> 00:45:06,744 Hey, look! Did you see that shootin' star? 614 00:45:08,789 --> 00:45:11,207 Yeah. That could've been a spaceship, you know. 615 00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:12,291 You believe in spaceships? 616 00:45:12,376 --> 00:45:13,459 Sure. 617 00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:15,878 I saw a picture once. 618 00:45:15,963 --> 00:45:18,089 Them fellers that's supposed to be from up there. 619 00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:19,590 Fly around. 620 00:45:20,300 --> 00:45:22,844 Tiny little fellers, bald-headed. 621 00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:25,346 Little feet, little hands, got no peckers. 622 00:45:26,306 --> 00:45:27,849 Got no peckers? 623 00:45:29,268 --> 00:45:32,186 Well, I ain't interested. 624 00:45:32,980 --> 00:45:34,647 I don't think my girls would be either. 625 00:45:36,650 --> 00:45:40,069 When I was a little kid, I used to imagine a flyin' saucer 626 00:45:40,154 --> 00:45:43,656 swoopin' down and pickin' me up and takin' me off to heaven. 627 00:45:43,824 --> 00:45:45,450 Like the angels. 628 00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:50,121 "I looked, and behold, a whirlwind comin' out of the north. 629 00:45:50,205 --> 00:45:51,664 "And out of the midst of the fire came the 630 00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:53,374 "likeness of four living creatures. " 631 00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,252 What the hell you talkin' about? 632 00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:57,503 Well, that's from the Bible. 633 00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,797 That's what the Bible says about spaceships in Ezekiel. 634 00:45:59,882 --> 00:46:01,257 Don't you know nothin' about the Bible? 635 00:46:01,341 --> 00:46:02,759 Yeah, I know about the Bible! 636 00:46:02,843 --> 00:46:04,844 I just don't know nothin' about no Ezekiel in the Bible. 637 00:46:05,637 --> 00:46:09,015 I knew Ezekiel Peebles once in the eighth grade. 638 00:46:10,601 --> 00:46:12,435 Think I busted his jaw. 639 00:46:13,729 --> 00:46:15,563 Well, that was very Christian of you. 640 00:46:15,647 --> 00:46:18,065 Well, most of my family was Baptist. 641 00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:21,527 Well, I never stayed with one family long enough 642 00:46:21,820 --> 00:46:23,070 to become anything in particular. 643 00:46:23,572 --> 00:46:26,032 But I read the Bible. I believe in Jesus. 644 00:46:26,825 --> 00:46:28,576 I think Jesus was... 645 00:46:28,994 --> 00:46:30,745 Was a real good man. 646 00:46:30,871 --> 00:46:32,663 And he was a heck of a speaker. 647 00:46:33,290 --> 00:46:37,043 Yep. I knew a woman once that had a vision of Jesus. 648 00:46:37,127 --> 00:46:40,671 He came right in her house, set right down at the foot of her bed. 649 00:46:42,341 --> 00:46:44,300 I don't know what I'd do if that happened to me. 650 00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:46,135 I'll tell you something, honey. 651 00:46:46,220 --> 00:46:48,971 If Jesus comes to your house, all hell's gonna break loose. 652 00:46:51,934 --> 00:46:53,810 You got a point there, Ed Earl. 653 00:46:54,102 --> 00:46:55,394 But you know, Jesus was really good 654 00:46:55,479 --> 00:46:57,230 to Mary Magdalene, the fallen woman. 655 00:46:57,731 --> 00:46:59,690 He was always bein' very sociable. 656 00:47:00,234 --> 00:47:03,945 He went to this big weddin' once and they ran out of wine. 657 00:47:04,279 --> 00:47:06,280 You know what he did? Turned the water into wine. 658 00:47:07,282 --> 00:47:09,909 Well, that's a man that knows how to throw a party. 659 00:47:10,410 --> 00:47:12,537 Now, don't be sacrilegious. 660 00:47:12,871 --> 00:47:16,123 I'm not. I'm not. He forgives me. 661 00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,751 He knows I was kiddin'. 662 00:47:18,877 --> 00:47:20,336 Yeah, I know he forgives you. 663 00:47:20,420 --> 00:47:23,005 That's funny, now, how God can forgive you, 664 00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:24,882 and people can't. Now why is that? 665 00:47:25,592 --> 00:47:29,804 Well, because people are not very God-like, Mona. 666 00:47:30,722 --> 00:47:31,931 I know. 667 00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:34,058 I know. 668 00:47:35,310 --> 00:47:36,435 Yeah. 669 00:47:51,118 --> 00:47:52,493 What is it? 670 00:47:54,538 --> 00:47:56,122 Melvin P. Thorpe 671 00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,958 is a sorry son of a bitch. 672 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,632 You reckon he's gonna run for the legislature? 673 00:48:08,176 --> 00:48:09,260 Why? 674 00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:14,807 I never told anybody this, Mona, but... 675 00:48:17,477 --> 00:48:19,478 I was thinkin' of runnin' for the legislature someday. 676 00:48:20,939 --> 00:48:22,440 Are you serious, Ed Earl? 677 00:48:22,524 --> 00:48:23,649 Yeah. 678 00:48:24,860 --> 00:48:27,945 They say an honest man can't be elected in this country anymore. 679 00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:30,740 But I don't believe that. 680 00:48:31,491 --> 00:48:33,367 This is a good country. 681 00:48:34,620 --> 00:48:36,495 I believe I could win. 682 00:48:36,663 --> 00:48:39,540 Well, you got my vote. I might even go register. 683 00:48:40,542 --> 00:48:42,793 Boy, I sure didn't know you had dreams that big. 684 00:48:44,004 --> 00:48:45,588 People really do like you, though. 685 00:48:45,672 --> 00:48:46,797 They like you, too. 686 00:48:46,882 --> 00:48:48,007 Really? Sure. 687 00:48:48,842 --> 00:48:50,801 You ask anybody in town about you. 688 00:48:50,969 --> 00:48:52,428 Say, "How do you like Miss Mona?" 689 00:48:52,512 --> 00:48:57,183 They say, "Shoot, she's a fine woman. Fine, friendly and nice. " 690 00:48:58,685 --> 00:49:02,063 Well, I always just thought if you see somebody without a smile, 691 00:49:02,397 --> 00:49:03,856 you give 'em yours. 692 00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:05,358 I like that. 693 00:49:06,526 --> 00:49:07,902 I like that. 694 00:49:08,987 --> 00:49:11,030 Think I'll use that as my campaign slogan. 695 00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:15,368 If you see somebody without a smile, give 'em yours. 696 00:49:15,869 --> 00:49:17,578 I'm gonna have that printed up on a little card. 697 00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:21,040 Oh, you're kiddin' me. You smart-ass. 698 00:49:21,708 --> 00:49:23,417 I had a dream once. 699 00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:25,336 Yeah? 700 00:49:25,545 --> 00:49:27,004 I'll tell you if you won't laugh. 701 00:49:27,089 --> 00:49:28,756 Oh, I won't laugh. 702 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,384 Well, I used to dream of bein' a ballerina. 703 00:49:34,930 --> 00:49:36,973 Now, Ed Earl, I ain't tellin' you nothin'. 704 00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:39,058 A ballerina? 705 00:49:39,643 --> 00:49:41,268 Yes, a ballerina! 706 00:49:41,395 --> 00:49:45,606 Well, I think that's wonderful. 707 00:49:45,899 --> 00:49:48,359 And I think you still could be a ballerina if you wanted to be. 708 00:49:48,485 --> 00:49:50,486 No, you could! Oh, don't be ridiculous! 709 00:49:50,570 --> 00:49:53,614 Go into training right now. Just start jumpin' up and down. 710 00:49:53,699 --> 00:49:55,908 Me? Jumpin' up and down? I'd black both my eyes. 711 00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:59,954 I couldn't be a ballerina now. I'm too top-heavy. 712 00:50:00,038 --> 00:50:01,580 I have a hard enough time balancin' these 713 00:50:01,665 --> 00:50:03,624 things now, without gettin' on my toes. 714 00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:13,384 You know something? 715 00:50:13,468 --> 00:50:14,635 What? 716 00:50:14,761 --> 00:50:18,097 You know that, I don't see anybody but you anymore. 717 00:50:19,766 --> 00:50:21,517 Course, now, you can't say the same, can you? 718 00:50:25,772 --> 00:50:29,275 I haven't been to bed with another woman besides you in three years. 719 00:50:30,402 --> 00:50:32,278 You didn't know that, did you? 720 00:50:33,864 --> 00:50:35,781 No, I didn't know that. 721 00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:39,785 Nothin' better, once you've had the best. 722 00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:42,705 Hey, I like that. 723 00:50:42,789 --> 00:50:43,956 I thought you would. 724 00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:45,583 Reckon if I was to run for the legislature, 725 00:50:45,667 --> 00:50:48,377 I could, put that on my card? 726 00:51:04,352 --> 00:51:08,689 Up next, Melvin P. Thorpe continues his expose of the Chicken Ranch 727 00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:12,109 with a violent demonstration in the Gilbert town square. 728 00:51:12,402 --> 00:51:14,403 Great God from Goldsboro! 729 00:51:22,704 --> 00:51:23,788 Oh. Yeah? 730 00:51:23,872 --> 00:51:26,499 Ed Earl, you better turn on Channel 4. 731 00:51:27,167 --> 00:51:29,585 That Melvin P. Thorpe idiot's got you on TV again. 732 00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:32,421 Well, I don't give a shit, Rufus! 733 00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:35,007 It's all very well to take that attitude, Ed Earl, 734 00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:36,133 but this is serious! Honey. 735 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,762 Put on the television. Channel 4. 736 00:51:41,014 --> 00:51:43,974 That Melvin P. Thorpe is shootin' off his mouth again. 737 00:51:44,059 --> 00:51:47,353 How could what he's sayin' be so goddamn important? 738 00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:51,190 Calm down, Rufus! It can't be as bad as all that. 739 00:51:52,234 --> 00:51:55,820 What happened to me as an individual is not important. 740 00:51:56,404 --> 00:51:59,365 Is this the kind of man we want runnin' our law enforcement? 741 00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:01,826 Is this the kind of foul-mouthed example 742 00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:04,537 we wanna set for our young, innocent children? 743 00:52:05,747 --> 00:52:07,039 Run the film. 744 00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:10,292 Number three. No sawed-offlittle 745 00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:12,920 is gonna accuse me of takin' a bribe and live to tell about it 746 00:52:13,004 --> 00:52:15,089 because I wear the badge in this county! 747 00:52:15,173 --> 00:52:18,843 So you and you listen good! You! 748 00:52:18,927 --> 00:52:20,678 If I ever see you or any of those 749 00:52:20,762 --> 00:52:22,263 that work for you in my town again, 750 00:52:22,347 --> 00:52:25,141 I'm gonna knock you so flat you're gonna! 751 00:52:31,231 --> 00:52:34,733 Ed Earl, that man has made a fool out of you. 752 00:52:38,905 --> 00:52:40,739 I've had calls from four preachers, 753 00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:43,117 six deacons, and the presidents of two garden clubs! 754 00:52:43,201 --> 00:52:44,368 Thank you for callin'. 755 00:52:44,452 --> 00:52:45,744 The phones have been ringin' like that 756 00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:48,247 all mornin' long. Sheriff's office. 757 00:52:48,331 --> 00:52:50,749 I don't know why I let people talk me into serving as mayor 758 00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:53,169 of this incorporated sand trap anyway! 759 00:52:53,628 --> 00:52:54,879 What in the heck is keepin' him? 760 00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:56,005 He'll be along. 761 00:52:56,882 --> 00:52:58,632 Well, he'd better! 762 00:52:58,717 --> 00:53:00,968 My wife couldn't believe what she saw last night. 763 00:53:01,052 --> 00:53:03,179 They bleeped him out, but she read his lips 764 00:53:03,263 --> 00:53:05,097 on every "hell," "goddamn," and "shit. " 765 00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:11,729 There's some folks gettin' up a petition to close the Chicken Ranch. 766 00:53:12,105 --> 00:53:14,773 All we wanted to do was keep it quiet. 767 00:53:14,941 --> 00:53:17,151 Now, thanks to Ed Earl, it's the hottest thing 768 00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:19,195 on the air since The Gong Show. 769 00:53:19,362 --> 00:53:21,572 I'll tell him you called. Bye. Mornin', Sheriff. 770 00:53:21,656 --> 00:53:23,449 Mornin', Rita. Here's your calls. 771 00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:25,409 Reckon you fellas are waitin' to talk to me. 772 00:53:25,493 --> 00:53:26,493 We sure are! 773 00:53:26,578 --> 00:53:28,037 You don't know the trouble you caused 774 00:53:28,121 --> 00:53:29,163 on this Chicken Ranch business! 775 00:53:29,247 --> 00:53:32,541 Dad-gum it, Ed Earl! If you ain't a pluperfect fool! 776 00:53:32,792 --> 00:53:35,044 You may be right. I got over a dozen 777 00:53:35,128 --> 00:53:36,795 messages here from outraged citizens, 778 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,423 tellin' me that we got a whorehouse in Lanville County. 779 00:53:39,799 --> 00:53:42,051 Only been one here for about 150 years. 780 00:53:42,135 --> 00:53:45,137 Ed Earl, now, you can set up speed traps to catch the tourists. 781 00:53:45,430 --> 00:53:48,724 You can look the other way when the wrong kid swipes a car to go joyriding. 782 00:53:49,434 --> 00:53:51,602 Hell, you can even let Miss Mona run her place out there! 783 00:53:51,686 --> 00:53:55,522 But there's one thing you can't do and that's broadcast gutter talk on TV. 784 00:53:55,732 --> 00:53:57,399 I didn't know they was takin' pictures. 785 00:53:57,567 --> 00:53:59,902 What did you figure the cameras were for? 786 00:54:00,153 --> 00:54:03,405 Damn it, C.J.! You pious pissant. 787 00:54:03,949 --> 00:54:07,034 I don't have one-tenth the trouble from Miss Mona's that I have from you 788 00:54:07,118 --> 00:54:10,496 for one of your all-night stag parties over at the Legionnaire Hall. 789 00:54:10,997 --> 00:54:12,456 That ain't fair, dang it! 790 00:54:12,540 --> 00:54:13,582 There's just one thing to do. 791 00:54:13,667 --> 00:54:15,084 And that's close the place down before 792 00:54:15,168 --> 00:54:16,418 we all go to hell in a handbasket. 793 00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:20,214 Close it down! She was just fine as long as she was bringin' in the money 794 00:54:20,298 --> 00:54:21,632 and makin' civic contributions, 795 00:54:21,716 --> 00:54:24,551 but the moment her luck ran sour, you want to run out on her. 796 00:54:25,011 --> 00:54:27,721 Run out on her like rats from a burnin' barn! 797 00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:31,850 That's just it, Ed Earl. Who's gonna put out that fire? 798 00:54:31,977 --> 00:54:33,560 Look, if you won't close her down, at least 799 00:54:33,645 --> 00:54:35,312 tell her to lay low for a couple of months! 800 00:54:35,397 --> 00:54:38,315 Yeah, just until the heat wears off a little bit. 801 00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,317 Give it two months. What's two months? 802 00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:43,946 Nobody tells me how to run my goddam job, 803 00:54:44,030 --> 00:54:45,823 and nobody gives me advice! 804 00:54:46,199 --> 00:54:50,661 I'll do things my own way. I'm gonna make up my own damn mind! 805 00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:53,580 Two months. What's two months? 806 00:54:53,665 --> 00:54:55,916 Shut down for two months! 807 00:54:56,459 --> 00:54:59,753 That is a hell of a lot to ask somebody, Ed Earl. 808 00:55:00,046 --> 00:55:01,463 And that's a hell of a lot of overhead 809 00:55:01,548 --> 00:55:03,799 to pay out when cash ain't comin' in. 810 00:55:04,301 --> 00:55:05,968 What d'you think I ought to tell my girls? 811 00:55:06,052 --> 00:55:07,761 Well, maybe it won't be two months. 812 00:55:07,846 --> 00:55:09,305 The holidays are comin' up. 813 00:55:09,389 --> 00:55:11,223 Maybe in a couple of weeks the whole thing will blow over 814 00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:12,599 and then you can let your regular customers... 815 00:55:12,684 --> 00:55:16,895 I warned you yesterday about losin' your temper and carryin' on. 816 00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:18,939 Last night you said you was proud of me. 817 00:55:19,107 --> 00:55:22,067 Last night I wasn't on the 11:00 news! 818 00:55:22,610 --> 00:55:25,779 Well, I didn't know that son of a bitch was gonna make an idiot out of me. 819 00:55:25,947 --> 00:55:28,032 I don't know anything about that electronic bullshit! 820 00:55:28,116 --> 00:55:29,950 How was I supposed to handle that situation? 821 00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:33,996 That's your job, Ed Earl. Ain't that what they pay you for? 822 00:55:34,164 --> 00:55:37,541 I know what my job is! Don't be tellin' me what my goddamn job is! 823 00:55:37,625 --> 00:55:40,085 I could close this place down in a New York minute! 824 00:55:40,712 --> 00:55:43,339 All I'm askin' for is for you to give me a little cooperation 825 00:55:43,423 --> 00:55:45,424 so I can get through a difficult situation 826 00:55:45,592 --> 00:55:47,343 with as little trouble as possible! 827 00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:50,554 Okay, okay, okay! I'll shut it down. 828 00:55:50,805 --> 00:55:51,805 You will? 829 00:55:52,098 --> 00:55:54,266 What do you want, a written contract? 830 00:55:54,976 --> 00:55:56,060 You promise? 831 00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,937 Ed Earl, I am givin' you my word. 832 00:56:03,693 --> 00:56:06,111 I'm sorry, Mona, about the whole situation. 833 00:56:06,988 --> 00:56:08,947 Don't feel sorry for me. 834 00:56:09,824 --> 00:56:13,869 I started out poor, and I worked my way up to outcast. 835 00:56:17,082 --> 00:56:18,707 I know what I'm askin' you to do is gonna 836 00:56:18,792 --> 00:56:20,292 turn out to be the best thing for both of us. 837 00:56:21,169 --> 00:56:22,669 Just trust me. 838 00:56:26,633 --> 00:56:28,509 You know what burns my ass? 839 00:56:28,593 --> 00:56:29,718 What? 840 00:56:29,803 --> 00:56:32,179 A flame about three feet high. 841 00:56:33,598 --> 00:56:36,725 Of course I trust you, you big cowboy. Ain't I always? 842 00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:40,145 No need to stop now. 843 00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:43,941 Now get out of here. 844 00:56:44,317 --> 00:56:45,984 Everything's gonna turn out just fine. 845 00:56:46,277 --> 00:56:48,278 Don't you worry about a thing, honey. 846 00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:51,198 Everything's gonna turn out slicker than cat shit 847 00:56:51,324 --> 00:56:53,117 on a linoleum floor. 848 00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:00,749 Well, if it ain't the celebrated 849 00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:02,751 cussin' sheriff of Lanville County. 850 00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:04,420 How are you, Sheriff? 851 00:57:04,504 --> 00:57:06,213 I'm fine. How are you, Porky? 852 00:57:06,297 --> 00:57:10,259 Oh, Sheriff! I been real good all week. I've lost six pounds. 853 00:57:10,343 --> 00:57:13,971 Oh, yeah? Well, don't take nothin' off them cheeks. 854 00:57:14,055 --> 00:57:15,389 Oh, go on. 855 00:57:20,145 --> 00:57:22,604 Well, Jewel, I just promised the sheriff 856 00:57:22,689 --> 00:57:24,481 that we're gonna shut down for two months. 857 00:57:25,316 --> 00:57:27,443 What? How can you promise that? 858 00:57:27,861 --> 00:57:30,362 What about the football game celebration tomorrow night? 859 00:57:31,448 --> 00:57:33,740 I forgot all about that. 860 00:57:33,867 --> 00:57:37,077 It's the Thanksgiving game, Miss Mona. And that's real special. 861 00:57:37,203 --> 00:57:38,412 Well I know it's special, Jewel! 862 00:57:38,496 --> 00:57:39,621 But I don't know what to do now. 863 00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:41,206 I did promise. 864 00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:43,167 You think if we just close the doors to the regular customers, 865 00:57:43,251 --> 00:57:45,794 just went on with the party as planned, that'd be all right? 866 00:57:46,045 --> 00:57:50,215 I'm sure it will, honey. That party is a bigger tradition than the game. 867 00:57:58,224 --> 00:58:01,477 65,000-plus on hand here at Kyle Field, 868 00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:04,062 and we have seen an amazing ball game. 869 00:58:04,189 --> 00:58:07,816 Texas A&M heavily favored, but we're tied 12-12. 870 00:58:07,901 --> 00:58:09,735 Aggies have the ball, second down at eight. 871 00:58:09,819 --> 00:58:11,612 Time is winding down. 872 00:58:12,989 --> 00:58:14,823 They try the middle of the Texas defense, 873 00:58:14,908 --> 00:58:17,201 and again, the Longhorns' break is stopped. 874 00:58:17,285 --> 00:58:18,869 This University of Texas defense... 875 00:58:25,084 --> 00:58:26,668 We string up the white first 876 00:58:26,753 --> 00:58:29,755 and after we see who wins, we put up the orange or the maroon. 877 00:58:29,839 --> 00:58:31,590 Yes, ma'am. 878 00:58:32,967 --> 00:58:35,093 I can't stand it if them Aggies win. 879 00:58:35,178 --> 00:58:36,345 What do you mean? 880 00:58:36,429 --> 00:58:39,765 They're such animals. Always yellin' and jumpin' about 881 00:58:39,849 --> 00:58:41,350 and sayin' "yee-haw!" 882 00:58:41,434 --> 00:58:43,018 If they have to go for all the marbles, 883 00:58:43,102 --> 00:58:45,270 they will have to throw to the end zone right now. 884 00:58:45,897 --> 00:58:48,941 Time running out. Miller rolls to the right. Pass! Touchdown! 885 00:58:51,110 --> 00:58:52,194 Yeah! 886 00:58:52,445 --> 00:58:54,613 Hell! That calls for a drink. 887 00:58:55,156 --> 00:58:56,323 Talk about the part 888 00:58:56,407 --> 00:58:58,408 that emotion plays in a game like this! 889 00:58:58,701 --> 00:58:59,952 Don't let your mother see you do that. 890 00:59:00,787 --> 00:59:02,079 Well, who won? 891 00:59:02,163 --> 00:59:03,205 The Aggies. 892 00:59:03,289 --> 00:59:04,581 Aw, shit. 893 00:59:12,507 --> 00:59:13,882 Hey, boys! 894 00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:18,428 All right! Hey, boys! 895 00:59:19,681 --> 00:59:23,809 Boys, boys! That was the greatest victory 896 00:59:23,893 --> 00:59:26,144 since General Eisenhower won! 897 00:59:26,479 --> 00:59:29,147 Senator, you ain't forgot you was gonna 898 00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:31,358 take us to the Chicken Ranch, did ya? 899 00:59:31,442 --> 00:59:33,068 Yeah! How about it? 900 00:59:33,152 --> 00:59:35,529 I always keep my campaign promises? 901 00:59:36,656 --> 00:59:39,324 Yes, sir. The Chicken Ranch is a fine institution, 902 00:59:39,409 --> 00:59:41,577 and I'm proud to have it in my district. 903 00:59:41,661 --> 00:59:44,329 And to hell with what Melvin P. Thorpe says! 904 00:59:46,082 --> 00:59:49,001 I'll see all you seniors out at Miss Mona's. 905 01:01:43,908 --> 01:01:45,701 Get out of the way! 906 01:01:45,827 --> 01:01:47,911 Lookit here! Watch this. 907 01:02:14,605 --> 01:02:16,815 Hey. All right! Hey, come on. 908 01:02:19,235 --> 01:02:20,485 Attaboy! 909 01:02:21,070 --> 01:02:25,240 Oh, yeah! Come on! All right! 910 01:02:29,662 --> 01:02:30,996 All right! 911 01:03:43,986 --> 01:03:45,904 What the hell happened? 912 01:03:50,409 --> 01:03:53,161 Do we have to wear these ball gowns again? 913 01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:56,540 Yes, you do, and I don't wanna hear any more bitchin' about it. 914 01:03:57,041 --> 01:04:00,252 Miss Mona likes to create somethin' special for the boys. 915 01:04:00,586 --> 01:04:02,754 It's like a graduation dance. 916 01:04:51,137 --> 01:04:52,387 Y'all come on in! 917 01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:55,140 Oh, I'm so glad to see ya. 918 01:04:55,266 --> 01:04:56,600 Congratulations! 919 01:04:56,684 --> 01:04:58,727 Hey, boys! I think you'll find 920 01:04:58,811 --> 01:05:00,937 it's a fittin' celebration for today's victory! 921 01:05:05,276 --> 01:05:06,651 Howdy, boys! 922 01:05:08,070 --> 01:05:10,113 Howdy, ma'am. I'm Senator Wingwood 923 01:05:10,197 --> 01:05:13,074 of the 19th District and the Aggie class of '49. 924 01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:14,576 Mighty proud to meet you. 925 01:05:14,660 --> 01:05:17,829 To meet me! Charlie, who you think you're talkin' to? 926 01:05:17,914 --> 01:05:19,748 How's Mary Margaret and the kids? 927 01:05:21,792 --> 01:05:24,127 Hell, Miss Mona, I didn't think you'd remember. 928 01:05:24,211 --> 01:05:26,755 Remember? Did you remember to bring my check? 929 01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:29,341 I got it right here. 930 01:05:30,051 --> 01:05:32,093 Good. You know it's always a business 931 01:05:32,178 --> 01:05:33,470 doin' pleasure with you, Charlie. 932 01:05:34,889 --> 01:05:36,097 You boys head on out back. 933 01:05:36,182 --> 01:05:38,016 We've got a nice surprise for you. 934 01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:39,100 Come on, boys! 935 01:05:53,032 --> 01:05:56,534 Yoo-hoo! Boys! 936 01:06:00,539 --> 01:06:01,581 Hi! 937 01:06:15,471 --> 01:06:16,930 Oh! 938 01:10:13,292 --> 01:10:14,292 Yo! 939 01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:16,336 It's me, Deputy Fred! 940 01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,796 Come on in, Fred! 941 01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:20,965 Evenin', Sheriff. 942 01:10:21,133 --> 01:10:22,550 Happy Thanksgiving. You want a drink? 943 01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:25,845 Aw, no, thank you. That stuff always tears up my stomach. 944 01:10:25,930 --> 01:10:27,347 I was readin' in the Reader's Digest... 945 01:10:27,431 --> 01:10:29,224 What d'you want, Fred? 946 01:10:29,308 --> 01:10:32,268 Oh, I was makin' my rounds around town, 947 01:10:32,478 --> 01:10:34,604 and I saw that Melvin P. Thorpe and a bunch of other fellers 948 01:10:34,688 --> 01:10:36,606 and they was all headed out towards the Chicken Ranch. 949 01:10:36,899 --> 01:10:38,024 Melvin P. Thorpe. 950 01:10:38,234 --> 01:10:40,693 Goin' out to the Chicken Ranch, was he? 951 01:10:40,819 --> 01:10:42,654 Yeah? 952 01:10:43,989 --> 01:10:46,658 He's gonna be real disappointed! 953 01:10:47,701 --> 01:10:49,160 See, there ain't nothin' goin' on out there. 954 01:10:49,245 --> 01:10:51,162 Miss Mona promised me to close the place down for two months. 955 01:10:51,288 --> 01:10:54,249 Ah! Well, she didn't. I was out there earlier this evenin'. 956 01:10:54,333 --> 01:10:56,584 Those Aggies was just celebratin' to beat the band. 957 01:10:58,754 --> 01:10:59,963 Oh, no. 958 01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:02,507 Aw, shit! 959 01:11:39,003 --> 01:11:40,378 Quiet. 960 01:11:43,924 --> 01:11:48,052 This may be the most important scoop of my television career. 961 01:11:51,598 --> 01:11:54,017 Not now! Idiot boy. 962 01:11:56,645 --> 01:11:58,813 Give me that. Now. 963 01:11:59,398 --> 01:12:03,443 Good neighbors, we're about to enter the whorehouse itself. 964 01:12:03,527 --> 01:12:04,986 Cut. Come on. 965 01:12:05,738 --> 01:12:08,906 Stay with me. Come on. Come on, boys. 966 01:12:09,450 --> 01:12:11,492 No! There's been a party here. 967 01:12:11,577 --> 01:12:13,202 Watch your step. 968 01:12:15,956 --> 01:12:17,332 Hold this. 969 01:12:23,422 --> 01:12:24,756 And quiet. 970 01:12:26,133 --> 01:12:28,092 Billy Joe, light switch. 971 01:12:33,223 --> 01:12:35,641 Come on. No! 972 01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:41,022 Careful. 973 01:12:44,026 --> 01:12:46,944 Henry. Lights. Light switch. 974 01:12:47,154 --> 01:12:49,822 Watch me. You know what you gotta do. 975 01:12:50,157 --> 01:12:52,492 Wait. Bingo. 976 01:12:53,035 --> 01:12:55,578 Lights! Everybody up! 977 01:12:58,499 --> 01:13:00,833 Let's go! 978 01:13:00,918 --> 01:13:02,794 All right! Come along! 979 01:13:06,131 --> 01:13:07,465 Oh, shit! 980 01:13:13,555 --> 01:13:15,390 Jewel, what in hell is goin' on? 981 01:13:15,474 --> 01:13:18,142 Call the Sheriff! It's that Melvin P. Thorpe sucker! 982 01:13:23,357 --> 01:13:25,775 They're smokin' cocaine! 983 01:13:25,859 --> 01:13:27,235 Take their picture! 984 01:13:35,994 --> 01:13:37,912 All right, take this! 985 01:13:37,996 --> 01:13:40,164 Take her picture! Thank you! 986 01:14:11,905 --> 01:14:12,905 Oh! 987 01:14:12,990 --> 01:14:14,574 Excuse me, ma'am. 988 01:14:14,658 --> 01:14:16,951 Y'all come back now, you hear? 989 01:14:18,036 --> 01:14:20,121 Come on! Look who's here. 990 01:14:20,205 --> 01:14:24,542 Senator, the eyes of Texas are upon you. 991 01:14:27,379 --> 01:14:29,380 Come on, boys! We gotta leave. 992 01:14:29,882 --> 01:14:31,549 Thank you, ma'am. 993 01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:33,134 Oh! 994 01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:39,724 Oh, ho, ho, ho! Miss Mona! 995 01:14:40,184 --> 01:14:42,393 Melvin P. Thorpe. Gotcha! 996 01:14:45,063 --> 01:14:48,566 Let's get to those vans! We're gonna make the mornin' news! 997 01:15:19,348 --> 01:15:21,432 See you on TV! 998 01:15:21,725 --> 01:15:23,100 Holy shit! 999 01:15:24,186 --> 01:15:25,520 God almighty. 1000 01:15:39,910 --> 01:15:41,410 Damn it! You gave me your word! 1001 01:15:41,495 --> 01:15:43,079 You gave me your word and I took it! 1002 01:15:43,163 --> 01:15:44,205 Now, I'm the law! 1003 01:15:44,289 --> 01:15:46,040 The law! You wanna talk about the law! 1004 01:15:46,124 --> 01:15:48,501 A bunch of crazies break into my house tonight, 1005 01:15:48,669 --> 01:15:51,170 comin' in here, takin' pictures, invadin' my privacy, 1006 01:15:51,255 --> 01:15:53,631 and you wanna know what the law's gonna do about that? 1007 01:15:53,715 --> 01:15:54,966 I can tell you. Nothin'! 1008 01:15:55,050 --> 01:15:56,759 They'd have no reason to do nothin' 1009 01:15:56,843 --> 01:15:58,386 if you'd done what you said you were gonna do! 1010 01:15:58,470 --> 01:16:00,763 I trusted you. That's what hurt. I trusted you! 1011 01:16:00,847 --> 01:16:04,892 Don't you talk to me about trust! I trusted you to protect me! 1012 01:16:04,977 --> 01:16:07,687 I made a mistake tonight, okay? 1013 01:16:08,105 --> 01:16:11,482 If that's your idea of an apology, it ain't worth armadillo crap. 1014 01:16:11,567 --> 01:16:12,984 Well, I ain't apologizin'! 1015 01:16:13,068 --> 01:16:15,403 I'm a business woman payin' out double taxes! 1016 01:16:15,487 --> 01:16:18,155 I expect a little protection for my money! 1017 01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:20,366 Where were you tonight? I couldn't get you on the phone... 1018 01:16:20,450 --> 01:16:22,118 I was home in bed, because you gave me 1019 01:16:22,202 --> 01:16:23,703 your word you were closin' down. 1020 01:16:23,829 --> 01:16:25,746 Well, if Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace was here, 1021 01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:27,081 none of this would have happened. 1022 01:16:27,165 --> 01:16:28,666 Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace couldn't 1023 01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,543 hold my jock! You can't handle the job! 1024 01:16:30,627 --> 01:16:33,212 God damn it, Mona, you're makin' me mad! 1025 01:16:33,297 --> 01:16:37,842 Listen at him cuss and shout. Just like on TV! 1026 01:16:38,010 --> 01:16:40,720 You're just a kid playin' at bein' a cowboy. 1027 01:16:40,804 --> 01:16:43,014 You ain't never gonna grow up! 1028 01:16:43,265 --> 01:16:45,349 You use me as your mistress. 1029 01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:48,477 You use that damn Dulcie Mae as your in-town wife. 1030 01:16:48,562 --> 01:16:50,980 And you even use that little boy of hers 1031 01:16:51,064 --> 01:16:52,940 so you can play weekend daddy! 1032 01:16:53,025 --> 01:16:54,108 Leave that boy out of it! 1033 01:16:54,192 --> 01:16:55,484 You're playin', Ed Earl. 1034 01:16:55,569 --> 01:16:58,821 You're just a big, overgrown kid playin' at bein' a man! 1035 01:16:59,197 --> 01:17:03,200 I don't have to listen to this shit. Damn it! I'm the law. 1036 01:17:03,285 --> 01:17:06,579 If I choose to, I'll close this place down till hell freezes over. 1037 01:17:06,872 --> 01:17:10,791 Don't you threaten me. I'm tellin' the truth, and you know it! 1038 01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:14,962 And all of your big dreams of goin' to the legislature. 1039 01:17:15,547 --> 01:17:17,340 That's all they are. They're just dreams, 1040 01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:20,635 'cause you ain't never gonna be no more than you are right now. 1041 01:17:20,719 --> 01:17:23,721 A chicken-shit sheriff in a chicken-shit town. 1042 01:17:26,808 --> 01:17:28,267 You may be right. 1043 01:17:28,352 --> 01:17:30,102 It's a hell of a lot better than bein' a whore. 1044 01:18:33,625 --> 01:18:37,294 Legalized prostitution, pro or con, is in the news today. 1045 01:18:37,379 --> 01:18:41,173 For a report, here is Jeff Gerald in Gilbert, Texas. 1046 01:18:42,467 --> 01:18:45,302 The Chicken Ranch, the legendary, long-running bawdy house, 1047 01:18:45,387 --> 01:18:47,888 is showing little activity after the disclosure yesterday 1048 01:18:47,973 --> 01:18:49,348 of the Thanksgiving night raid. 1049 01:18:49,808 --> 01:18:50,808 Get away! 1050 01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:52,226 The deputy at the front gate keeps away onlookers 1051 01:18:52,310 --> 01:18:53,310 and potential customers, 1052 01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:55,187 while up at the house, the doors are closed 1053 01:18:55,272 --> 01:18:56,856 and the principals are not talking. 1054 01:18:58,275 --> 01:19:00,943 The sheriff of Gilbert, Ed Earl Dodd, refused interviews, 1055 01:19:01,027 --> 01:19:03,237 while in Houston, the man who launched the campaign, 1056 01:19:03,321 --> 01:19:05,156 consumer advocate Melvin P. Thorpe, 1057 01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:06,741 held a press conference this afternoon. 1058 01:19:07,159 --> 01:19:09,577 I have a report here that says that the Chicken Ranch 1059 01:19:09,661 --> 01:19:13,706 is involved with and under the influence of organized crime. 1060 01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:17,042 I myself am gonna take this report to Austin 1061 01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:18,836 in the hopes that the Governor himself 1062 01:19:19,045 --> 01:19:20,796 will come out of his long silence 1063 01:19:20,922 --> 01:19:23,382 on this issue and uphold the law. 1064 01:19:24,551 --> 01:19:26,260 And... Thank you. Thank you very much. 1065 01:19:27,137 --> 01:19:29,096 At the capitol today, the Governor made no statement, 1066 01:19:29,181 --> 01:19:30,723 but Senator Charles Wingwood, 1067 01:19:30,849 --> 01:19:32,850 who was a principal figure in the Watchdog news raid, 1068 01:19:33,143 --> 01:19:35,519 also held a press conference explaining his involvement. 1069 01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:39,607 I have no independent recollection of going to the Chicken Ranch. 1070 01:19:39,691 --> 01:19:42,109 And I can only say, as the most dedicated 1071 01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:44,570 anticommunist in the state legislature, 1072 01:19:44,654 --> 01:19:46,197 that I must have been drugged 1073 01:19:46,281 --> 01:19:48,616 by communists or communist sympathizers 1074 01:19:48,700 --> 01:19:52,536 and placed there to harm my reputation and good name. 1075 01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:55,206 Reaction across the state is split 50-50. 1076 01:19:55,290 --> 01:19:56,457 But here in the town of Gilbert, 1077 01:19:56,541 --> 01:19:58,209 the Chicken Ranch has many supporters. 1078 01:19:58,710 --> 01:20:01,212 I ain't never seen anything bad come out of there yet, 1079 01:20:01,296 --> 01:20:03,047 and I've lived here all my life. 1080 01:20:03,507 --> 01:20:06,467 Why, they attract a lot of business to the community. 1081 01:20:06,551 --> 01:20:09,428 They pay their taxes. Just like you and me! 1082 01:20:10,013 --> 01:20:13,390 No one. No one was ever forced to go up there. 1083 01:20:13,725 --> 01:20:17,102 My Frank, when he was alive, used to go up there every Saturday. 1084 01:20:17,187 --> 01:20:21,148 I took it as a blessin'. Of course, things were different then. 1085 01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:25,152 Nowadays women enjoy doin' that sort of thing themselves. 1086 01:20:25,737 --> 01:20:27,863 At least, so I've been told. 1087 01:20:28,156 --> 01:20:31,158 The Chicken Ranch? I think it's a good idea. 1088 01:20:31,243 --> 01:20:32,535 See, you take a lot of young boys 1089 01:20:32,619 --> 01:20:34,453 and they're gonna be out there lookin' for women. 1090 01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:36,413 If they can't find 'em, they'll rape 'em. 1091 01:20:36,748 --> 01:20:39,875 And if they don't do that, they'll run to other women and get diseases! 1092 01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:41,836 Those girls went to doctors. 1093 01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:45,256 Although petitions are being circulated to save the Chicken Ranch, 1094 01:20:45,340 --> 01:20:48,175 already this bumper sticker is beginning to appear around the state. 1095 01:20:49,010 --> 01:20:51,095 And so, as feminists line up behind the bill 1096 01:20:51,179 --> 01:20:52,847 for the decriminalization of prostitution 1097 01:20:52,931 --> 01:20:56,183 already in the legislature, while traditionalists and fundamentalists 1098 01:20:56,268 --> 01:20:58,602 lobby for its defeat, the fate of the Chicken Ranch 1099 01:20:58,687 --> 01:20:59,812 rests with the Governor, 1100 01:20:59,896 --> 01:21:01,355 who today, again, was unavailable for comment. 1101 01:21:02,774 --> 01:21:04,775 Jeff Gerald, ABC News, Gilbert, Texas. 1102 01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:07,111 Thank you, Jeff. If there are further... 1103 01:21:09,155 --> 01:21:11,240 Well, I hate admitting I was wrong, Miss Mona. 1104 01:21:11,741 --> 01:21:14,493 But with television broadcasting this from hell to breakfast, 1105 01:21:14,786 --> 01:21:17,955 we should've done what the sheriff said and kept this place closed. 1106 01:21:18,957 --> 01:21:22,418 It was my fault, Jewel. It was my decision. 1107 01:21:22,544 --> 01:21:24,545 He ain't gonna be able to stop it this time, is he? 1108 01:21:25,505 --> 01:21:29,133 No. He'd like to, but he's out of his league. 1109 01:21:29,217 --> 01:21:30,676 He don't know how to fight 'em. 1110 01:21:31,469 --> 01:21:34,972 He's just a good old boy that ain't never gonna grow up. 1111 01:21:35,682 --> 01:21:37,808 Honey, we see everything in this profession. 1112 01:21:38,226 --> 01:21:41,937 But one thing I ain't never seen, man nor woman, is a grown-up. 1113 01:21:42,022 --> 01:21:45,107 Don't be too hard on him. He loves you. 1114 01:21:48,987 --> 01:21:50,654 Well, he ain't never said it. 1115 01:21:52,198 --> 01:21:54,408 Some men can't say the words, honey. 1116 01:21:55,243 --> 01:21:57,369 But that don't mean they don't feel it in their heart. 1117 01:21:59,205 --> 01:22:01,874 Well, it's just as well anyhow, Jewel. 1118 01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:05,169 I set my course a long time ago 1119 01:22:06,004 --> 01:22:08,172 and I can't go changin' now. 1120 01:22:13,428 --> 01:22:14,845 Well, I don't know what to do. 1121 01:22:15,055 --> 01:22:18,515 Seems like folks got nothin' else to talk about but this Chicken Ranch mess. 1122 01:22:18,725 --> 01:22:21,602 Like a broken record. Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch! 1123 01:22:21,686 --> 01:22:25,272 And all of this bad publicity's flat ruinin' business. 1124 01:22:25,357 --> 01:22:26,523 I haven't sold a car in a week. 1125 01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:28,484 It's ruinin' the town. 1126 01:22:28,902 --> 01:22:32,071 No one's blamin' you, Ed Earl. It ain't your fault. 1127 01:22:32,238 --> 01:22:34,615 But we can't just sit around here waitin' to grow tits! 1128 01:22:34,699 --> 01:22:38,285 Now, now, the way I see it, the Chicken Ranch served a purpose once. 1129 01:22:38,370 --> 01:22:40,371 But now everything's openin' up. 1130 01:22:40,538 --> 01:22:44,208 Do you know we are in the middle of a worldwide sexual revolution? 1131 01:22:44,334 --> 01:22:47,336 Why, Miss Mona's ain't obscene. It's just obsolete. 1132 01:22:47,420 --> 01:22:50,631 She ain't got a handful of supporters left, Ed Earl. 1133 01:22:50,715 --> 01:22:53,217 All this publicity's makin' folks think twice 1134 01:22:53,301 --> 01:22:55,678 about signin' that petition to keep her open! 1135 01:22:55,887 --> 01:22:58,138 Why the hell can't that station in Houston 1136 01:22:58,223 --> 01:23:00,808 turn its cameras to the cesspool in their own backyard? 1137 01:23:00,892 --> 01:23:03,894 And how about Austin? Why, two blocks from the state capitol, 1138 01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:05,062 you can have anything done to you 1139 01:23:05,146 --> 01:23:07,398 for money that you can get in Tangier! 1140 01:23:07,607 --> 01:23:09,984 Well, there's naked massages, there's tongue baths, 1141 01:23:10,068 --> 01:23:12,653 there's somebody ticklin' your ass with a feather. 1142 01:23:12,737 --> 01:23:16,782 If you know that for a fact, Mr. Newspaper Editor, 1143 01:23:16,866 --> 01:23:18,784 it's your duty to expose it! 1144 01:23:18,868 --> 01:23:20,327 Well, now, you see here, C.J.! 1145 01:23:20,412 --> 01:23:21,495 I don't give a damn 1146 01:23:21,579 --> 01:23:23,998 if folks want their ass tickled with a feather! 1147 01:23:24,082 --> 01:23:27,001 I kind of like to think that that's what heaven is all about. 1148 01:23:30,046 --> 01:23:33,090 Boys, I got myself a pretty good bullshit detector. 1149 01:23:34,092 --> 01:23:36,135 And I can tell when somebody's peein' on my boots 1150 01:23:36,219 --> 01:23:37,803 and tellin' me it's a rainstorm. 1151 01:23:38,805 --> 01:23:42,016 Now, this thing's gotten way out of hand. I don't know how. 1152 01:23:42,684 --> 01:23:44,435 But I figure there's only one thing left to do. 1153 01:23:44,811 --> 01:23:46,103 Close it down! 1154 01:23:46,604 --> 01:23:49,273 No. I'm goin' to Austin. 1155 01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,777 See the Governor, tell him Miss Mona's side of the situation. 1156 01:23:54,779 --> 01:23:57,239 He sure as hell ain't gonna hear about it from anybody in this room. 1157 01:23:57,323 --> 01:23:59,074 You can't go up and see the Governor! 1158 01:23:59,159 --> 01:24:00,951 He don't see anybody! 1159 01:24:01,119 --> 01:24:02,578 He'll see me. 1160 01:24:15,842 --> 01:24:17,801 Feel like the country dog in the city. 1161 01:24:18,094 --> 01:24:19,553 If I stand still, they screw me. 1162 01:24:19,637 --> 01:24:21,013 If I run, they bite me in the ass. 1163 01:24:23,183 --> 01:24:24,558 I... I wish 1164 01:24:25,643 --> 01:24:27,102 there was somethin' I could do. 1165 01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:29,813 Thank you. 1166 01:24:32,817 --> 01:24:34,359 They want me to close her down, 1167 01:24:35,195 --> 01:24:36,987 run her out of town. 1168 01:24:40,283 --> 01:24:43,035 How can I ask her to leave when all I want her to do is stay? 1169 01:25:04,641 --> 01:25:08,310 Ladies and gentlemen, His Excellency, the Governor of Texas. 1170 01:25:12,816 --> 01:25:14,525 My friends, I want to thank you 1171 01:25:14,609 --> 01:25:17,444 for that sincere and heart-warming ovation. 1172 01:25:17,529 --> 01:25:18,612 No questions, please. 1173 01:25:19,906 --> 01:25:22,699 Governor, what do you think of the crisis in the Middle East? 1174 01:25:22,992 --> 01:25:24,743 I was sayin' just this morning at the weekly 1175 01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:26,537 prayer breakfast in this historic capitol 1176 01:25:27,288 --> 01:25:29,289 that it behooves both the Jews and the Arabs 1177 01:25:29,707 --> 01:25:31,792 to settle their differences in a Christian manner. 1178 01:25:32,043 --> 01:25:34,002 But... Governor! Governor... 1179 01:25:34,087 --> 01:25:36,046 Have you seen the evidence of the disgraceful situation 1180 01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:37,965 at the Chicken Ranch? 1181 01:26:22,093 --> 01:26:23,510 What the hell did he say? 1182 01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:25,929 The same as usual. Not a damn thing. 1183 01:26:49,412 --> 01:26:50,871 Governor! Yeah. 1184 01:26:50,955 --> 01:26:52,497 Jerry Rogers of the Houston Post. 1185 01:26:52,582 --> 01:26:53,790 Hi, Jerry. 1186 01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:56,877 Governor, do you plan to take action against the Chicken Ranch? 1187 01:27:32,622 --> 01:27:33,872 Did you get any of that? 1188 01:27:33,957 --> 01:27:35,791 I hear him talking but he don't come in. 1189 01:27:53,017 --> 01:27:54,643 There he is. Come on, boys. 1190 01:27:54,727 --> 01:27:56,561 Governor! Governor. 1191 01:27:56,646 --> 01:27:58,939 Melvin P. Thorpe. Watchdog News. 1192 01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:02,526 Why has the Chicken Ranch operation been so long ignored? 1193 01:28:02,610 --> 01:28:04,611 We seem to be havin' some acoustic problems in here. 1194 01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:07,447 Aren't you afraid of possible pay-offs and bribes? 1195 01:28:07,532 --> 01:28:09,449 Melvin, I'm sorry. 1196 01:28:09,617 --> 01:28:11,034 Enough of this pussyfootin', Governor. 1197 01:28:11,119 --> 01:28:14,705 What do you intend to do about Miss Mona and the Chicken Ranch? 1198 01:29:08,343 --> 01:29:10,177 Can you believe that man? 1199 01:29:10,261 --> 01:29:12,012 Was that a yes or a no? 1200 01:29:12,096 --> 01:29:13,722 That's a possible maybe. 1201 01:30:01,562 --> 01:30:03,939 Governor? I have Sheriff Dodd from Gilbert 1202 01:30:04,023 --> 01:30:05,690 waiting outside to see you. 1203 01:30:05,775 --> 01:30:09,152 He's been here since early this morning and is very insistent. 1204 01:30:09,654 --> 01:30:11,613 Swearin' Sheriff Dodd? The one on TV? 1205 01:30:12,156 --> 01:30:15,325 No, no, no, no... Hi, Sheriff! 1206 01:30:16,202 --> 01:30:18,245 Just talkin' about you. How are ya? 1207 01:30:18,746 --> 01:30:22,207 Governor. I know I'm way out of line comin' up here like this, 1208 01:30:22,458 --> 01:30:23,917 but before you closed down the Chicken Ranch, 1209 01:30:24,001 --> 01:30:25,001 I wanted you to know all the facts. 1210 01:30:25,044 --> 01:30:26,962 But I haven't made that decision yet! Good. 1211 01:30:27,046 --> 01:30:28,130 My aides are still workin' on that. 1212 01:30:28,214 --> 01:30:30,048 Well, the Chicken... 1213 01:30:30,133 --> 01:30:32,843 The Chicken Ranch has been in my county since before I was born. 1214 01:30:33,177 --> 01:30:37,514 Its doors have been open to soldiers and presidents and farmers. 1215 01:30:38,349 --> 01:30:41,435 Even governors who can remember what a great institution it is. 1216 01:30:43,312 --> 01:30:44,729 No need to bring that up, Sheriff. 1217 01:30:44,814 --> 01:30:45,814 I ain't threatenin' you, Governor. 1218 01:30:45,898 --> 01:30:47,315 Whatever you say, I'm gonna do. 1219 01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:48,817 But think of the people out there. 1220 01:30:48,943 --> 01:30:50,610 I've known Miss Mona for 12 years. 1221 01:30:50,695 --> 01:30:52,320 You're never gonna meet a finer woman. 1222 01:30:52,405 --> 01:30:55,198 She never refuses a charity. The whole town likes her. 1223 01:30:55,741 --> 01:30:59,661 Hospital fund, new swimmin' pool, even the Little Leaguers. 1224 01:30:59,745 --> 01:31:02,330 She bought 'em uniforms so they wouldn't have to play in their overalls. 1225 01:31:03,291 --> 01:31:04,374 Well. 1226 01:31:06,461 --> 01:31:09,796 I wasn't aware of her civic generosity. 1227 01:31:11,841 --> 01:31:12,966 But the law is the law! 1228 01:31:13,050 --> 01:31:14,551 Sometimes it's gotta be changed. 1229 01:31:14,886 --> 01:31:16,386 I been fightin' crime all my life, 1230 01:31:16,471 --> 01:31:18,555 but let's not confuse crime with committin' a sin. 1231 01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:20,557 You can't legislate morality. 1232 01:31:20,641 --> 01:31:23,185 Those girls out there have never caused any trouble to anybody. 1233 01:31:23,269 --> 01:31:26,354 They're healthy, taxpayin', law-abidin' citizens 1234 01:31:26,439 --> 01:31:27,856 who supply a demand and provide an 1235 01:31:27,940 --> 01:31:29,441 economic asset to the community. 1236 01:31:30,443 --> 01:31:32,861 Ed Earl. 1237 01:31:33,654 --> 01:31:38,116 You ever think about runnin' for office? I swear. 1238 01:31:38,242 --> 01:31:40,243 You make that whorehouse sound like a 1239 01:31:40,328 --> 01:31:41,828 damn nonprofit recreational facility. 1240 01:31:43,039 --> 01:31:46,041 Governor, if the citizens who elected me 1241 01:31:46,125 --> 01:31:48,168 found it necessary for me to close it down, 1242 01:31:48,252 --> 01:31:49,920 I would close it down. 1243 01:31:50,004 --> 01:31:54,341 If Miss Mona and the girls that work for her were jeopardizin' the health, 1244 01:31:54,425 --> 01:31:57,677 wealth or moral scruples of the community, I would close it down. 1245 01:31:58,095 --> 01:32:00,096 If the place was just a piddlin' nuisance, 1246 01:32:00,431 --> 01:32:03,517 an eyesore, a fire hazard, I would close it down! 1247 01:32:03,601 --> 01:32:04,559 But there's nothin'. 1248 01:32:04,644 --> 01:32:07,395 No reason except the goddam cries 1249 01:32:07,480 --> 01:32:10,232 of a muckrakin' sensationalist on television. 1250 01:32:11,025 --> 01:32:13,276 Here they are, Governor. What you've been waitin' for. 1251 01:32:16,447 --> 01:32:18,406 Aha. I'm sorry, Ed Earl. 1252 01:32:18,491 --> 01:32:21,993 But the Chicken Ranch loses, 42 to 37, with 21 % undecided. 1253 01:32:22,411 --> 01:32:23,537 What is that? 1254 01:32:23,621 --> 01:32:26,039 The polls. You can't expect me to go against the polls. 1255 01:32:26,123 --> 01:32:27,207 This is what the people want. 1256 01:32:27,291 --> 01:32:29,417 Melvin still outside? Maybe I can catch the television cameras 1257 01:32:29,502 --> 01:32:31,378 before they leave. Good seein' ya. 1258 01:32:31,671 --> 01:32:33,088 But it's not what my people want. 1259 01:32:34,465 --> 01:32:36,967 Show's over, Sheriff. Close it down! 1260 01:32:46,811 --> 01:32:49,020 Hooray! Aha! 1261 01:33:44,702 --> 01:33:48,204 I'd love to see that sheriff's face right now! 1262 01:33:49,498 --> 01:33:52,751 That Chicken Ranch is gonna get it in the neck! 1263 01:33:53,502 --> 01:33:56,504 And Miss Mona, she's gonna get hers, too. 1264 01:34:14,023 --> 01:34:15,565 Sorry son of a bitch. 1265 01:34:50,851 --> 01:34:52,018 Hello? 1266 01:34:53,270 --> 01:34:55,146 Mona, this is an official call. 1267 01:34:56,440 --> 01:34:58,108 As the Sheriff of Lanville County, 1268 01:34:58,192 --> 01:34:59,359 it's my duty to tell you that... 1269 01:34:59,443 --> 01:35:01,945 Why don't you just get to the point, Sheriff? 1270 01:35:03,739 --> 01:35:05,073 I gotta close you down. 1271 01:35:06,117 --> 01:35:07,283 I see. 1272 01:35:08,828 --> 01:35:10,620 How long do we have? 1273 01:35:11,122 --> 01:35:13,581 Be better to do it as soon as possible. 1274 01:35:15,751 --> 01:35:17,210 I understand. 1275 01:35:18,254 --> 01:35:19,337 Mona. 1276 01:35:21,090 --> 01:35:22,966 About the other night. 1277 01:35:24,969 --> 01:35:26,636 I lost my temper. 1278 01:35:28,639 --> 01:35:30,432 I said some things I shouldn't have said. 1279 01:35:32,518 --> 01:35:34,310 I want to apologize. 1280 01:35:35,187 --> 01:35:37,063 Oh, it's all right, Ed Earl. 1281 01:35:37,148 --> 01:35:40,608 I think we both said a whole lot of things we regret. 1282 01:35:41,026 --> 01:35:42,569 If there's ever anything I can do... 1283 01:35:42,945 --> 01:35:45,447 No, thank you. I think you've done all you could. 1284 01:35:46,365 --> 01:35:48,324 I have to tell my girls. 1285 01:36:22,693 --> 01:36:25,195 Well, the news has come. 1286 01:36:25,738 --> 01:36:27,280 Just got a call from the Sheriff, 1287 01:36:27,990 --> 01:36:29,866 and we are closed down. 1288 01:36:30,367 --> 01:36:32,494 Immediately and permanently. 1289 01:36:36,207 --> 01:36:37,624 Oh. What'll we do? 1290 01:36:37,708 --> 01:36:40,877 Well, Las Vegas, here I come. 1291 01:36:41,504 --> 01:36:43,463 Damn! I thought when the Sheriff went 1292 01:36:43,547 --> 01:36:45,340 up to Austin to speak to the Governor, 1293 01:36:45,424 --> 01:36:47,133 we'd get a reprieve. 1294 01:36:47,218 --> 01:36:48,426 What did you say? 1295 01:36:48,969 --> 01:36:50,512 Didn't you know about that, Miss Mona? 1296 01:36:51,430 --> 01:36:52,889 He drove up last night. 1297 01:36:53,516 --> 01:36:56,434 The whole town's talkin' about the way he fought for you. 1298 01:36:57,394 --> 01:36:59,354 Didn't he tell you that? 1299 01:36:59,647 --> 01:37:02,232 No. No, he didn't. 1300 01:41:19,740 --> 01:41:21,574 So the girls left 1301 01:41:21,658 --> 01:41:24,327 and it was a sorry day for Lanville County. 1302 01:41:27,498 --> 01:41:28,998 It's kinda like the end of an era. 1303 01:41:29,917 --> 01:41:32,001 You know, like when you graduate from high school? 1304 01:41:33,087 --> 01:41:35,505 Things are just never the same again. 1305 01:41:37,216 --> 01:41:39,967 Ed Earl's up in the state legislature now, 1306 01:41:40,677 --> 01:41:42,678 and I became the Sheriff. 1307 01:41:50,104 --> 01:41:52,146 I suppose you're wonderin' what happened to Miss Mona. 1308 01:41:52,606 --> 01:41:55,900 Well, Ed Earl drove up there on her last day. 1309 01:42:12,251 --> 01:42:13,626 Hey, Sheriff. 1310 01:42:13,710 --> 01:42:14,877 Good morning, Jewel. 1311 01:42:14,962 --> 01:42:18,548 I'm so pleased to see ya. I knew you couldn't let me leave 1312 01:42:18,632 --> 01:42:21,259 without a sweet goodbye for your old Porky. 1313 01:42:24,179 --> 01:42:25,388 Goodbye, Jewel. 1314 01:42:25,472 --> 01:42:26,556 Goodbye, Sheriff. 1315 01:42:26,640 --> 01:42:29,142 I sure hope you come up north to visit Miss Mona and me. 1316 01:42:29,893 --> 01:42:31,144 Where is she? 1317 01:42:31,228 --> 01:42:32,436 Inside. 1318 01:42:34,314 --> 01:42:35,940 See you're takin' the old juke with you. 1319 01:42:36,108 --> 01:42:40,153 You know I couldn't leave without my bell and my box. 1320 01:43:24,448 --> 01:43:25,698 Ed Earl? 1321 01:43:28,952 --> 01:43:30,745 This old place looks kinda funny, don't it? 1322 01:43:31,997 --> 01:43:34,540 Ben Sawtuck bought all my furniture and fixtures 1323 01:43:34,625 --> 01:43:37,084 and Langston downtown is gonna sell the rest. 1324 01:43:42,257 --> 01:43:43,716 Mona, there's something I wanna tell you. 1325 01:43:44,134 --> 01:43:45,801 I want you to thank your boys for me. 1326 01:43:46,136 --> 01:43:47,470 Those sightseers and reporters would have 1327 01:43:47,554 --> 01:43:48,846 got all out of hand if it hadn't been 1328 01:43:48,931 --> 01:43:50,556 for your deputies down at the gate. 1329 01:43:52,851 --> 01:43:54,268 Mona, you know me better than that. 1330 01:43:54,353 --> 01:43:56,062 Ed Earl, I believe the thing for you to do is 1331 01:43:56,146 --> 01:43:57,855 just to put this whole thing behind you 1332 01:43:57,940 --> 01:43:59,941 just as quick as you can. 1333 01:44:00,025 --> 01:44:03,402 I've made a little money, I've laughed some, I've danced to the music. 1334 01:44:03,487 --> 01:44:05,571 It's just time to pay the fiddler, that's all. 1335 01:44:09,159 --> 01:44:10,785 Mona, we've been together a long time. 1336 01:44:12,329 --> 01:44:14,622 Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. 1337 01:44:17,292 --> 01:44:19,085 So you know how hard this is for me to say. 1338 01:44:21,672 --> 01:44:23,005 I love you. 1339 01:44:25,842 --> 01:44:27,510 Will you marry me? 1340 01:44:27,928 --> 01:44:31,597 Oh, Ed Earl, I've loved you since I was 16-years-old. 1341 01:44:32,140 --> 01:44:34,684 But I've thought about this for a long time. 1342 01:44:35,102 --> 01:44:36,811 And as much as I'd love for it to work, 1343 01:44:37,562 --> 01:44:40,356 I know deep down in my heart it ain't never gonna be. 1344 01:44:41,066 --> 01:44:42,775 Didn't you hear what I said? 1345 01:44:43,026 --> 01:44:44,110 I did, darlin'. 1346 01:44:44,194 --> 01:44:46,696 But it's gonna always be just like it is. 1347 01:44:47,489 --> 01:44:50,241 There just ain't no way in this world it can work. 1348 01:44:51,076 --> 01:44:52,952 We could make it work. 1349 01:44:53,203 --> 01:44:54,704 Just have to give it a chance. 1350 01:46:38,767 --> 01:46:40,434 I know you're gonna get your dream. 1351 01:46:42,062 --> 01:46:45,439 And I know you're gonna do a real good job in the legislature. 1352 01:46:47,067 --> 01:46:48,609 But if you was to marry me... 1353 01:46:48,693 --> 01:46:50,027 Wait, a second. 1354 01:46:51,113 --> 01:46:52,488 I love you. 1355 01:46:53,865 --> 01:46:55,991 I don't give a damn what people say. 1356 01:47:01,498 --> 01:47:03,791 Jewel! Hold it right there! 1357 01:47:03,875 --> 01:47:06,168 What's that, Sheriff? 1358 01:47:08,797 --> 01:47:10,631 Which one of them bags is hers? 1359 01:47:10,715 --> 01:47:12,007 That one. 1360 01:47:12,509 --> 01:47:15,344 And that one there, there... 1361 01:47:23,145 --> 01:47:25,312 Oh, Sheriff! 1362 01:47:27,566 --> 01:47:32,027 I always knew you'd come through! 1363 01:47:44,499 --> 01:47:46,959 Oh! 1364 01:48:44,935 --> 01:48:48,479 Well, that's pretty darn close to the way it happened. 1365 01:48:48,772 --> 01:48:53,067 The old Watchdog, Melvin P. Thorpe, got what he wanted. 1366 01:48:53,944 --> 01:48:56,195 Miss Mona married Ed Earl 1367 01:48:56,279 --> 01:48:58,280 and they got what they wanted. 1368 01:48:58,365 --> 01:49:02,785 And the people of Texas, well, they got what they wanted. 1369 01:49:02,869 --> 01:49:07,248 Another legend, the legend of the Chicken Ranch. 1370 01:49:56,631 --> 01:49:58,674 Y'all come back now, ya hear? 105910

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