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00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:44,501
It was the nicest little
whorehouse you ever saw.
2
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:55,387
It lay about a mile
outside the city limits,
3
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:57,639
so everybody could
feel real friendly.
4
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:02,728
Sheriff Jack Roy Wallace picked
it out for Miss Wulla Jean in 1910,
5
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,897
and she moved there
with her girls from over
6
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,232
the hardware
store on Main Street.
7
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,114
Right from the beginning,
8
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:57,157
the little house
was kinda special,
9
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,451
like a home away from home.
10
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,620
Miss Wulla Jean
put a pianola in the
11
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:04,164
parlor to sorta
help break the ice.
12
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,333
A feller could
ask a girl to dance,
13
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:09,253
or if he held back a little,
she'd ask him.
14
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:12,339
And pretty soon they'd
get a little business goin'.
15
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,049
Two dollars' worth.
16
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,679
It wasn't long
before the place became
17
00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:22,182
one of the better known
pleasure palaces in all of Texas.
18
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:25,811
So much so that the fellers
who visited during World War I
19
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:28,522
sent their sons
back in World War ll.
20
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,359
The hospitality and
friendliness never changed,
21
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:35,195
and neither did Miss Wulla
Jean's strict set of rules.
22
00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:37,823
She liked her ladies,
as she called 'em,
23
00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:40,450
to treat her
customers real good,
24
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:43,036
but never in
an unladylike way.
25
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,791
And she insisted
that each girl
26
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,127
check her
gentleman for the clap
27
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:53,255
and wash him off with
soap and warm water.
28
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:56,675
Some of the fellers claimed
that that was the best part!
29
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,224
It was only during
the Hoover depression
30
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,768
that the little house
had a spell of tough times.
31
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:10,397
Miss Wulla Jean put in a
jukebox to spark up business.
32
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:14,610
But it wasn't always easy in them
days to come up with hard cash.
33
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,199
Well... You just
keep that in the bag,
34
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:23,535
and I'll take it out back
as soon as we're finished.
35
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,458
So for a while,
as the story goes,
36
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,461
the girls began
accepting poultry in trade.
37
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,713
One bird, one lay.
38
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:37,174
And that's how
the place got its name.
39
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,593
The Chicken Ranch.
40
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:46,016
Of course, if you grew
up anywhere in Texas,
41
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:49,811
you knew at an early age they
was sellin' somethin' out there,
42
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,939
and it wasn't poultry.
43
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,862
Y'all come back now, you hear?
44
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,751
So,
for over three generations,
45
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,379
the Chicken Ranch went
peacefully about its business,
46
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:23,048
while the people here in
Gilbert went about theirs.
47
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:26,760
That is,
until about seven years ago.
48
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,305
I was a deputy back then,
49
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,516
workin' for
Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd.
50
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,560
You wanted me to remind you
about your 2:00 appointment.
51
00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,312
That was right after I had
52
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,731
lost the fried chicken
franchise here in town,
53
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,400
while Ed Earl had
been Sheriff ever
54
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,652
since old Jack
Roy Wallace retired.
55
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,905
Everybody liked Ed Earl,
56
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,949
especially Ed Earl.
57
00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,869
Course,
he sure did know his job,
58
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,247
and he was a big
influence on me,
59
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,666
taught me everything I know.
60
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,836
He used to like to
run a quiet town,
61
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:03,380
with plenty of time
off for socializin'
62
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:05,924
and coffee over at
Dulcie Mae's cafe.
63
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,260
Oh, now and again
there'd be a problem,
64
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,345
and we had some tough ones.
Right in front of my car!
65
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,223
Like the time the mule
sat on Miss Modene's car.
66
00:07:13,349 --> 00:07:15,934
He just buckled up
his legs and sat right down!
67
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,520
She was really
havin' a hissy fit,
68
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,814
but it didn't faze Ed Earl.
69
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:24,109
He just walked over to that
jackass and laid down the law.
70
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:28,196
You see, Ed Earl always
believed in talkin' first.
71
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,075
Cool reasonin', he used to tell
me, could solve any problem.
72
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,995
Course he did have
a bit of a temper.
73
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,463
Anyway, just about
the time he became sheriff,
74
00:07:44,672 --> 00:07:46,423
Miss Wulla Jean passed on.
75
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:50,969
She left the Chicken Ranch to her
favorite workin' girl, Mona Stangley,
76
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:54,514
who saw the little house
as a Texas institution
77
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,892
and aimed to keep it that way.
78
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,352
Ruby Rae, start 'em.
79
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,650
And it don't make money.
Beatrice?
80
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,574
Eloise, honey?
81
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,247
It's downright tacky.
82
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:30,837
Do you catch my drift?
83
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,976
Dawn?
84
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:48,813
Taddy Jo.
85
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:52,525
Linda Lou.
86
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,165
Are you listenin' good?
87
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,325
Well, howdy, boys.
88
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:45,370
It's good to see you.
Nice to meet you.
89
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:49,165
Come on over here.
I'd like you to meet my girls.
90
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:59,027
Well, everything was goin'
along fine, just like always,
91
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,197
until that famous
college football celebration.
92
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,492
Some folks think that that's
when the trouble started.
93
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,286
You see, for years,
the winning seniors
94
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,748
of the Texas Aggies-Texas U
football game at Thanksgiving,
95
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,918
they were treated to a night
out at the Chicken Ranch
96
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,420
by their alumni association.
97
00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:19,964
But actually,
the real trouble started
98
00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,674
brewin' about
three days before.
99
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:33,770
I can't tell you how
thrilled we are with your contribution.
100
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,730
Here's your receipt.
Thank you, Rita.
101
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,817
Those kids'll be so excited,
and the mayor, too.
102
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,945
Why, the town council will
probably vote you another plaque.
103
00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,572
Lord, I hope not. I got
a closet full of 'em now.
104
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:48,451
Hello, Dulcie Mae.
You know Miss Mona.
105
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:52,247
Oh, yes, of course!
We've met. Mornin'.
106
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,331
Good mornin'.
107
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:54,666
Isn't this wonderful?
108
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,751
Miss Mona has just
capped the goal for
109
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,878
the Little League
fund campaign.
110
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,297
Oh, how nice!
111
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:05,510
Well, on behalf of my son and
his teammates, I wanna thank you.
112
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,345
You tell them I'll be
well repaid when they
113
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,097
take the championship
next year.
114
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:10,515
Goodbye, Rita.
115
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,392
I'm sorry the sheriff
wasn't here to thank you.
116
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:15,228
He drove over to Meritsville.
He'll be gone all afternoon.
117
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,022
Well, you tell him I said hi.
Bye.
118
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:19,607
Bye.
119
00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:20,900
Bye.
120
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,620
Hey, Miss Mona.
121
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,372
How are you doin',
Deputy Fred?
122
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,665
It's nice to see you.
123
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:38,126
It's good to see you. Keepin'
an eye on my place at night?
124
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:41,129
Sure are. The Sheriff's real
particular about security out there.
125
00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,715
Well, one of these nights when you
ain't on duty, you drop in out there.
126
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,718
My girls would love to show
you a little appreciation.
127
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:49,929
Shoot, Miss Mona. You know
I'm a married man!
128
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,723
Oh, Fred, you mean to
tell me you don't think
129
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,308
the cows don't
appreciate the time off
130
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,976
when a bull goes
over to another pasture?
131
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,145
Miss Mona!
132
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,650
See you later, Miss Mona.
Okay. Goodbye.
133
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,698
Damn it!
134
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:52,200
What's the matter?
135
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,035
You're in bed already.
So?
136
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,454
So, I told you 100 times,
137
00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,539
watching you get
undressed is the best part.
138
00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:00,500
The best part?
139
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:03,503
Well, maybe not the best part,
but in the top two.
140
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:09,384
Now, would I wanna disappoint
my little honey?
141
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,973
Ah. I'm glad I was late.
142
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:19,102
Me too! You just hold your
horses. I got a surprise for you.
143
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,603
I went by the post
office this morning.
144
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:24,232
I picked up a package. The very latest
thing from Frederick's of Hollywood.
145
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,400
Yeah?
Just a little something sexy
146
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,151
I thought you might like.
147
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:28,236
What do you think?
Little?
148
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,612
It don't look
too little to me.
149
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:31,072
Well, it certainly
ain't a trainin' bra,
150
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,865
but I do believe
I can fill it out.
151
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,283
I don't think you
got any problem there.
152
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,244
I'll be back with more.
153
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,414
You know, Mona,
154
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,749
I've known a lot
of women in my life.
155
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:44,919
None of 'em has ever been
exciting to me like you are.
156
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:48,589
Really? Even after all these
years we've been meetin' like this?
157
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,133
I'll tell you something.
158
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:58,016
A year with you is like
a minute of sheer happiness.
159
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:02,437
Well, now, that is just about the
sweetest thing anybody ever said to me.
160
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,564
I know.
161
00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,400
You know, honey,
162
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:10,987
you bring out the...
The romantic in me.
163
00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:18,870
Tah-dah!
164
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,248
You did that real fast.
165
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:24,208
Well, honey,
I've had a lot of practice
166
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:25,793
gettin' in and
out of my clothes.
167
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:28,004
How do you like the outfit?
168
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,381
Hot damn.
169
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,884
Makes me feel real sexy.
170
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,809
Well, you don't look
real sexy.
171
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:44,020
What do you mean?
I look like I always look.
172
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,354
That's just it.
173
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,856
It's them damn
droopy boxer drawers.
174
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,483
I just hate
the looks of them things.
175
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,526
I've worn boxer
shorts for years!
176
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,153
And they look like it.
177
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,322
These are a brand-new pair.
178
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,574
I don't know what you're talkin'
about, "I don't look sexy. "
179
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:59,869
People tell me I have a real
sexy quality about me.
180
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,288
Well, you do,
but them boxer shorts don't.
181
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:06,167
But when I was gettin' me some
sexy things, I thought about you,
182
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,586
because they have a his 'n' hers
sexy department at Frederick's
183
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:10,838
and I thought you
might try that on for size.
184
00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,258
What the hell is it,
a Japanese slingshot?
185
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:19,388
No, it's jockey shorts with
little silver snaps on the side.
186
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:23,684
Little is the key word
here. They are real little.
187
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,812
In fact, a guy could hurt
himself wearin' those things.
188
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,522
I don't think so,
thank you very much.
189
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:32,443
Ed Earl, I paid $20 for these, plus
postage. And I want you to wear it.
190
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,987
Aw, you paid $20 for these?
191
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,155
Yes!
192
00:18:36,323 --> 00:18:37,532
Well, you got screwed.
193
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,326
Come on, Ed Earl!
194
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:41,869
No!
195
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,080
If they look half as good on
you as I think they're going to
196
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,374
you ain't gonna have to
wear 'em but a second.
197
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,625
Maybe less.
198
00:18:49,419 --> 00:18:50,670
They're ridiculous.
They're impossible.
199
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:51,796
They're sexy.
200
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,422
No, no, no!
201
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:56,551
Well, fine! Then I'm gettin'
dressed and goin' home.
202
00:18:56,718 --> 00:19:00,555
Well, fine! I'm goin' in the
bathroom and... Put these on.
203
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,937
Be like puttin' two bowling
balls in a marble bag.
204
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:11,149
Braggin', braggin', braggin'.
205
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,905
Well, I saw Dulcie
Mae in town today.
206
00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:19,157
Oh, yeah?
207
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,909
I guess you'll be goin' over
there for Thanksgivin' dinner.
208
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,452
Don't I always?
209
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,080
You know, you better check
that turkey of hers,
210
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,748
because there's a hook
in there that's gonna
211
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,584
drag your ass to
a wedding chapel.
212
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,670
No way.
213
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,594
I don't believe in matrimony.
It screws up a relationship.
214
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,554
Amen to that, Ed Earl.
215
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,098
Ready?
216
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,434
Oh, I'm always ready.
217
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,609
Well, hellfire. Is that it?
218
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:55,902
How'd you like it?
219
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,778
I didn't hardly
get to even see them!
220
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,364
That's all you're gonna see,
221
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,200
'cause I ain't gonna parade
around like no model.
222
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,577
Aw, come on, Ed Earl. For me.
223
00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:05,953
No! No.
224
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,414
Come on. One itsy-bitsy peek?
225
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:10,041
What are you doin'? Man!
226
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:14,962
Now, that's what
the little silver snaps are for.
227
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:17,215
Work, don't they?
228
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,508
Just like a snap.
229
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,012
Come on over here and give me
a little lip-lock.
230
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:26,390
Oop. Gotta brush my teeth.
231
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:27,975
Ah.
232
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:30,019
You know how I am
about my breath.
233
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:38,694
Oh, Ed Earl, I like
a lot of things,
234
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:41,072
but these afternoons with you
have got to top the list.
235
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,699
Yeah?
Well, sing it to me, honey.
236
00:22:41,651 --> 00:22:42,902
Sheriff?
237
00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:44,403
Sheriff!
238
00:22:48,617 --> 00:22:50,117
It's Deputy Fred.
Fred.
239
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:59,627
Oh. Hold that position?
240
00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:02,546
Don't move. Be right back.
241
00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:15,643
This better be important.
242
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:16,811
Well, I think it is.
243
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:18,396
I saw your car
parked from the highway
244
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:19,897
and I figured your
phone was out, because...
245
00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:21,357
What are you wearin' that for?
246
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,526
Takin' a shower.
247
00:23:23,610 --> 00:23:24,568
Oh, really?
248
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:25,820
I always take my
shower in the mornin'.
249
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,696
I read in
the Reader's Digest...
250
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,323
I don't care!
251
00:23:30,158 --> 00:23:31,283
What do you want?
252
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,244
Oh, it's the mayor.
He wants to speak to you.
253
00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:35,329
Rita's been callin' all
over the county for you.
254
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:36,997
He wants a meeting right away.
255
00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,124
Can't it wait?
256
00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:39,917
You mean till
after your shower?
257
00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:42,378
You go to your radio.
258
00:23:42,712 --> 00:23:44,338
Tell him I'll be
there when I get there.
259
00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,341
Nothing can be that important that
it can't wait till this afternoon.
260
00:23:47,676 --> 00:23:48,676
Right, Sheriff.
261
00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:51,512
Nice man, but dumb.
262
00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:02,022
Mona?
263
00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:03,816
Mona?
264
00:24:41,354 --> 00:24:42,938
Ain't that funny?
All this time Miss Mona
265
00:24:43,023 --> 00:24:45,024
was at the back
knockin' on the screen door.
266
00:24:45,108 --> 00:24:47,735
She said she's in a real big hurry
but just dropped by to give you this.
267
00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:53,824
It's a Japanese slingshot.
268
00:24:57,078 --> 00:24:59,788
Well, look at that! At last!
269
00:24:59,873 --> 00:25:02,082
Okay, Rufus.
What's on your mind?
270
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:03,334
Something that
could have serious
271
00:25:03,418 --> 00:25:05,002
implications to
the health of this town!
272
00:25:05,086 --> 00:25:06,795
Tell him, C.J.!
Just like you told me.
273
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,215
Well, Sheriff, I have this
friend that works in a TV station
274
00:25:09,299 --> 00:25:10,341
down in Houston.
275
00:25:10,425 --> 00:25:12,676
He tipped me off
that Melvin P. Thorpe's
276
00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:15,179
plannin' an expose
on the Chicken Ranch.
277
00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:16,680
Who?
278
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:18,098
Melvin P. Thorpe!
279
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,725
He's that crazy
consumer advocate.
280
00:25:19,809 --> 00:25:21,977
Has a report on
the late night news.
281
00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:24,855
He's got a new show now,
a half hour once a week,
282
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:27,233
The Watchdog Report.
It's on tonight.
283
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,653
The Chicken Ranch on TV.
Now, come on, fellas.
284
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:33,322
Television is a family medium.
285
00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:35,032
But he's a sensationalist,
Ed Earl.
286
00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:38,285
He shows up with his TV cameras
every time a consumer has a complaint.
287
00:25:38,620 --> 00:25:40,204
He's a menace to
the business community.
288
00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:43,249
He's that feller that put the
peanuts back in the chocolate bar.
289
00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:46,001
What?
290
00:25:46,086 --> 00:25:48,087
He made the makers of the
Peanut Delight candy bar
291
00:25:48,171 --> 00:25:50,381
admit that they
put less peanuts
292
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:52,091
in each bar than
they advertised.
293
00:25:52,175 --> 00:25:53,175
He made them
change their ways.
294
00:25:54,261 --> 00:25:55,302
Sounds like a tough customer.
295
00:25:55,887 --> 00:25:57,179
He's got a lot of
influence out there.
296
00:25:57,764 --> 00:25:59,640
If he brings cameras out
to the Chicken Ranch...
297
00:25:59,724 --> 00:26:03,060
Come on, Rufus!
I'll make some phone calls.
298
00:26:04,271 --> 00:26:06,897
I got a little influence
around this state myself.
299
00:26:10,485 --> 00:26:13,028
Well, it's no use talkin'
to me about it, Sheriff!
300
00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:16,407
Melvin P. Thorpe is now the
biggest attraction at this station.
301
00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:21,161
High ratings. Lots of letters.
He doesn't listen to anybody.
302
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,581
Hell, he wants to go national!
303
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:26,041
Wants to be watchdog
for the whole U.S. of A.
304
00:26:26,334 --> 00:26:27,793
Love to help you, Ed Earl,
305
00:26:27,877 --> 00:26:30,212
but just like you don't want
to mess with the Chicken Ranch,
306
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:32,298
I don't wanna ruffle
this old bird's feathers.
307
00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:35,968
Here in Houston, he's becomin'
a regular Texas attraction.
308
00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:38,262
Well, now, wait a minute,
Ed Earl.
309
00:26:38,346 --> 00:26:42,308
I'd tread easy on this one. Them
TV boys can be mighty powerful.
310
00:26:42,475 --> 00:26:44,643
And mighty useful,
if you get my meaning.
311
00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:46,103
Senator, roll call.
312
00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:48,772
Excuse me, Ed Earl.
I gotta go.
313
00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:51,233
It's that damn
bilingual bullshit again.
314
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,110
Let me give you
a word of advice from
315
00:26:53,236 --> 00:26:55,404
one elected
official to another.
316
00:26:56,197 --> 00:26:58,157
Be careful of the box.
317
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,204
Son of a bitch.
What the hell's going on?
318
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:07,041
This goddam Melvin P. Thorpe's
got the whole state bamboozled.
319
00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:09,376
This is serious, Ed Earl.
You gotta do something.
320
00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:11,462
I intend to.
321
00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:15,466
Deputy Fred. I want you to
hold down the fort for a while.
322
00:27:15,717 --> 00:27:16,967
Me?
Yeah, you.
323
00:27:17,052 --> 00:27:18,469
Where you goin'?
324
00:27:18,553 --> 00:27:19,720
I'm goin' to Houston.
I'm gonna take care
325
00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:21,305
of that little
peckerwood myself.
326
00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:44,411
This is it.
Thank you.
327
00:27:45,997 --> 00:27:47,790
Come in.
328
00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:52,544
Mr Thorpe?
329
00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:53,962
I know you.
330
00:27:54,547 --> 00:27:55,589
You do?
331
00:27:55,924 --> 00:27:59,551
Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd. They told
me you were here. Come on in.
332
00:28:00,970 --> 00:28:02,596
I hope I'm not...
333
00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:05,015
Interrupting anything.
334
00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:07,142
Oh, please!
It's my pleasure, my honor.
335
00:28:07,227 --> 00:28:08,727
What brings you
here to Houston?
336
00:28:08,812 --> 00:28:10,396
Sit down. Anywhere over here.
337
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,898
I...
I'm gettin' dressed.
338
00:28:13,024 --> 00:28:15,776
Sit down.
I've got my TV show to do,
339
00:28:15,902 --> 00:28:17,444
and I'm runnin'
a bit behind time.
340
00:28:17,946 --> 00:28:19,947
It's your show I want
to talk to you about, Mr Thorpe.
341
00:28:20,031 --> 00:28:21,407
Oop. Melvin.
342
00:28:21,491 --> 00:28:22,491
Melvin.
343
00:28:22,784 --> 00:28:24,535
Please.
You watch the show, Ed?
344
00:28:24,619 --> 00:28:25,786
Last week
Well...
345
00:28:26,329 --> 00:28:28,664
was the best ratin'
we ever had.
346
00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:32,000
The city planning commissioner
was drivin' a city car...
347
00:28:32,085 --> 00:28:33,585
Just hold that
for me, will you?
348
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:37,840
While he was on vacation.
Caught him dead to rights.
349
00:28:38,258 --> 00:28:40,175
That pitiful putz.
Would you just pull that up?
350
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,219
What?
Just pull that up.
351
00:28:43,847 --> 00:28:45,889
And we broke a 30 share.
352
00:28:45,974 --> 00:28:47,975
It's affectin' my pieces
on the late night news.
353
00:28:48,435 --> 00:28:51,353
Up, up, up. They just
love my little report.
354
00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:55,023
I hear you're very popular.
355
00:28:55,358 --> 00:29:00,863
The power of television, of public
exposure, is so great it scares me.
356
00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:03,615
I swear, I could get the
mayor's own children
357
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:04,700
to throw rocks at him.
358
00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:07,494
Which show did
you like best, Ed?
359
00:29:09,247 --> 00:29:11,373
I think the one about the...
360
00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:12,583
Nuts in the chocolate bar.
361
00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:14,752
That's one of my favorites.
362
00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:18,297
"Threescore" means 60,
like the Bible says.
363
00:29:18,381 --> 00:29:21,467
So, if it says "60
nuts" on the wrapper,
364
00:29:21,551 --> 00:29:24,595
I wanna see 60 nuts inside.
365
00:29:24,679 --> 00:29:27,473
And I'm talkin' full nuts.
I'm not talkin' a half nut,
366
00:29:27,849 --> 00:29:29,850
or nut bits or nut chips.
367
00:29:31,728 --> 00:29:33,061
I'm talkin' a full nut.
368
00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:38,901
I can see that.
369
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,614
Thank God we still live
in a society where anything
370
00:29:43,948 --> 00:29:46,784
that's phony or dishonest
can't stand the light of day.
371
00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:49,536
Sock.
Beg your pardon?
372
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:50,913
Sock.
373
00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:53,081
Thank you. Yeah.
374
00:29:54,626 --> 00:29:58,003
Most corporations involved
in false advertisin'
375
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,714
would just
laugh at a $50 fine.
376
00:30:01,382 --> 00:30:03,425
But you show up
with your TV camera
377
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,803
and give them
a little bad publicity
378
00:30:06,095 --> 00:30:10,057
and they shape up faster than goose
shit slides through a tin horn.
379
00:30:15,021 --> 00:30:18,023
Well, Melvin, it's that bad
publicity I want to talk to you about.
380
00:30:18,274 --> 00:30:20,526
That could hurt people.
You take that report
381
00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:22,152
you're doin' on
the Chicken Ranch.
382
00:30:23,029 --> 00:30:24,780
That place is older
than rocks and water.
383
00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:28,158
I wouldn't be surprised if your
granddaddy took your daddy out there
384
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,785
to learn about
the birds and the bees.
385
00:30:29,869 --> 00:30:33,622
I'm
from New Jersey.
386
00:30:34,082 --> 00:30:37,584
See, I moved to Houston
six years ago.
387
00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:39,586
Texas suits my style.
388
00:30:41,130 --> 00:30:42,840
The point I'm tryin'
to make is
389
00:30:42,924 --> 00:30:45,259
that every schoolboy in
the state knows about it.
390
00:30:46,010 --> 00:30:47,845
Most of the politicians
have slept there.
391
00:30:47,929 --> 00:30:50,055
And the mayor and the people
of my county that voted for me,
392
00:30:50,139 --> 00:30:51,765
they want to keep
things just the way they are.
393
00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:55,769
You know something,
Sheriff, it just struck me.
394
00:30:56,187 --> 00:30:58,272
We are in the same profession.
395
00:30:58,356 --> 00:30:59,398
What's that?
396
00:30:59,482 --> 00:31:00,858
Law enforcement.
397
00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:03,777
I'm out there fightin' for the
rights of the public, just like you.
398
00:31:03,862 --> 00:31:06,488
Both of us are interested
in protectin' the public.
399
00:31:06,781 --> 00:31:10,242
You in the old way,
and me in the new.
400
00:31:10,910 --> 00:31:11,994
The new?
401
00:31:12,078 --> 00:31:13,787
Television.
402
00:31:14,205 --> 00:31:16,498
I'm the electronic
bounty hunter.
403
00:31:16,583 --> 00:31:18,792
I use a camera, you use a gun.
404
00:31:19,043 --> 00:31:20,294
Yeah.
405
00:31:20,503 --> 00:31:21,837
Well, Melvin,
everybody'd be happy
406
00:31:21,921 --> 00:31:23,213
if you'd just drop
the whole thing.
407
00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:24,339
Ah.
408
00:31:24,799 --> 00:31:27,217
I mean,
those ladies out there,
409
00:31:27,635 --> 00:31:29,595
they perform
a necessary function.
410
00:31:29,679 --> 00:31:30,721
I mean, right or wrong...
411
00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:32,306
Right or wrong
don't interest me!
412
00:31:32,932 --> 00:31:36,310
I'm no moralizer. I leave
all that to the preacher.
413
00:31:36,769 --> 00:31:38,312
Well, I'm glad.
414
00:31:38,938 --> 00:31:40,439
Anyway, the mayor was
thinkin' maybe
415
00:31:40,523 --> 00:31:41,857
you'd want a little
unnecessary publicity.
416
00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:45,903
Unnecessary publicity?
He's got me all wrong!
417
00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:49,615
I'm not one of those sensation
mongers out to boost his own ego!
418
00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:50,741
Clear.
419
00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:53,577
How do you like it?
420
00:31:53,661 --> 00:31:54,786
It's different.
421
00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,581
I designed this myself.
422
00:31:57,707 --> 00:32:02,336
No, you tell your mayor he's got
nothing to fear from me on that score.
423
00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:04,421
He'll be happy to hear that.
424
00:32:04,505 --> 00:32:06,214
I'm a lawman.
That's my interest.
425
00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:08,425
The law, right, partner?
426
00:32:08,509 --> 00:32:10,135
20 seconds, Mr. Thorpe.
427
00:32:10,219 --> 00:32:13,472
Oh, I'm on!
Friend Ed, I gotta go.
428
00:32:14,515 --> 00:32:15,807
That's my cue.
429
00:32:16,351 --> 00:32:18,602
Come on!
430
00:32:19,687 --> 00:32:21,021
Apres vous!
431
00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:24,316
Come to think of it, I'd love
to do an interview with you.
432
00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:25,609
I don't think I'm the type.
433
00:32:25,693 --> 00:32:27,945
Oh, nonsense! You're exactly
what the public would like to see.
434
00:32:28,029 --> 00:32:29,988
Really? We'll discuss it after the show.
435
00:32:30,073 --> 00:32:31,949
I want you to be my guest.
436
00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:33,575
This is the sponsor's booth.
437
00:32:33,660 --> 00:32:35,118
Just go in there,
make yourself comfortable.
438
00:32:35,203 --> 00:32:37,287
Make yourself to home.
See you later, partner.
439
00:32:37,372 --> 00:32:38,455
Thank you.
440
00:33:03,231 --> 00:33:05,983
And now,
the Watchdog man himself.
441
00:33:06,067 --> 00:33:10,112
The eyes and ears of Texas,
Melvin P. Thorpe!
442
00:33:15,243 --> 00:33:19,079
Thank you, fellow Texans, and
welcome to The Watchdog Report,
443
00:33:19,205 --> 00:33:22,082
with yours truly, Melvin P.
Thorpe,
444
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:24,376
keepin' an eye
on what's goin' on
445
00:33:24,460 --> 00:33:26,378
in this beautiful state
of ours.
446
00:33:26,754 --> 00:33:30,298
This week's spotlight will
shine on a shameful situation
447
00:33:30,383 --> 00:33:34,261
that has been allowed to exist
for close to a 100 years.
448
00:33:34,637 --> 00:33:37,514
I'm talkin' about the
Chicken Ranch, my friends.
449
00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:40,851
The proprietor of this
innocent-lookin' ranch house
450
00:33:40,935 --> 00:33:44,104
is a woman known
only as Miss Mona.
451
00:33:44,272 --> 00:33:49,234
And the man who turns his back
on her illegal operation
452
00:33:49,318 --> 00:33:52,279
is Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd!
453
00:33:52,488 --> 00:33:55,532
Did I say illegal? Yes, I did!
454
00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:59,036
Now, I know that this is TV,
455
00:33:59,495 --> 00:34:02,622
so I'm gonna try to be
as delicate as I can!
456
00:34:03,082 --> 00:34:06,501
Here goes,
and may God forgive me!
457
00:35:07,855 --> 00:35:11,149
And now, our own Melvin P.
Thorpe Singers.
458
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:15,362
Oh, my goodness,
he's talkin' about us!
459
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:18,156
Suits me, Mom.
460
00:35:19,408 --> 00:35:22,702
Doreen! Get my heart pills!
461
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:27,124
Hot damn!
462
00:35:32,588 --> 00:35:33,630
Loveless copulation?
463
00:35:41,597 --> 00:35:42,681
Ah!
464
00:35:44,475 --> 00:35:45,559
Can you dig it?
465
00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:47,644
Hey!
466
00:35:57,071 --> 00:35:59,865
Don't touch that dial!
This is Melvin P. Thorpe
467
00:35:59,949 --> 00:36:02,993
sayin' I'll be back with new
and revealin' information
468
00:36:03,077 --> 00:36:05,162
about this and other cases.
469
00:36:05,246 --> 00:36:07,789
Watchdog never sleeps!
470
00:36:26,392 --> 00:36:29,895
Damn. That man is crazier
than a peach orchard sow.
471
00:36:30,605 --> 00:36:32,814
Announcin' it
straight out on TV.
472
00:36:32,899 --> 00:36:34,441
So you been sayin'.
473
00:36:34,525 --> 00:36:35,984
Everybody's talkin' about it.
474
00:36:36,068 --> 00:36:38,820
Not that it's big news to
anybody over three months of age.
475
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:41,198
But they heard it
in their livin' room.
476
00:36:41,282 --> 00:36:43,116
Sung. Sung to music.
477
00:36:43,951 --> 00:36:45,911
And he actually called
my name on television.
478
00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:49,080
Worse than that. The son
of a bitch called mine!
479
00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:52,959
You know, Ed Earl, seems like
ever since I can remember,
480
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,419
folks been jumpin' on me
481
00:36:54,503 --> 00:36:55,587
for one reason or another.
482
00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:59,466
But we're gonna beat this
thing. I ain't worried about it.
483
00:36:59,967 --> 00:37:02,302
You know why?
Because I trust you.
484
00:37:02,386 --> 00:37:04,387
'Cause you're my protector.
485
00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:11,645
Do you know he wears
a sock in his underwear?
486
00:37:12,313 --> 00:37:13,688
A sock?
Yeah.
487
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,399
All rolled up like
a Jimmy Dean sausage.
488
00:37:18,402 --> 00:37:19,986
Well, I bet he's
runnin' for office.
489
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:22,322
That's typical of
them crusadin' fanatics.
490
00:37:22,657 --> 00:37:23,990
They flare up
every few months.
491
00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:26,576
They're always
confusin' crime with sin.
492
00:37:26,661 --> 00:37:28,161
People just get
sick of hearin' it
493
00:37:28,246 --> 00:37:31,414
and pretty soon it just
clears out of the air.
494
00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:34,000
You're probably right.
495
00:37:34,168 --> 00:37:35,418
Well, ain't I always?
496
00:37:37,338 --> 00:37:39,381
What? You know what I
was thinkin', Ed Earl?
497
00:37:39,465 --> 00:37:41,216
Just how much I miss
all the little stuff
498
00:37:41,300 --> 00:37:43,760
me and you used to do,
like goin' up to the lake.
499
00:37:44,387 --> 00:37:46,805
Wouldn't it be fun just to go up
there, get a couple of six-packs
500
00:37:46,889 --> 00:37:49,099
and just get
drunker than Cootie Brown?
501
00:37:49,183 --> 00:37:52,352
Girl, that's the best idea you had
all year. When we gonna do this?
502
00:37:53,020 --> 00:37:54,271
Well,
I'd like to do it tonight.
503
00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:56,690
So would I.
504
00:38:00,611 --> 00:38:02,696
Well, I wonder who that is.
505
00:38:08,619 --> 00:38:10,328
Hey, Deputy Fred.
Morning, girls!
506
00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:11,621
How's your
tallywacker hangin'?
507
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:13,832
Fine...
508
00:38:13,916 --> 00:38:15,125
Shoot.
509
00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:20,964
Hi, Sheriff.
This better be important.
510
00:38:21,048 --> 00:38:22,966
I think it is.
That Melvin P. Thorpe
511
00:38:23,050 --> 00:38:24,259
is settin' up
his television show
512
00:38:24,343 --> 00:38:25,969
right out in front
of the courthouse!
513
00:38:26,053 --> 00:38:27,053
In front of the...
Courthouse!
514
00:38:27,430 --> 00:38:29,681
He's gettin' some pictures
for a piece on the late news tonight.
515
00:38:29,765 --> 00:38:33,643
He's got a whole posse of TV
cameramen. You better come take a look.
516
00:38:33,728 --> 00:38:35,270
Right out in front of...
Your office!
517
00:38:35,354 --> 00:38:36,438
Son of a...
Bitch.
518
00:38:40,067 --> 00:38:42,277
I cannot believe that sucker!
519
00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:44,321
You know, he even
brought his own singers.
520
00:38:44,405 --> 00:38:46,031
Wait'll I get my hands...
521
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:49,492
Go get him, Sheriff!
522
00:38:49,577 --> 00:38:50,744
Come on, Deputy Fred!
523
00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:56,583
Ed Earl, please don't go doin' something
stupid you're gonna be sorry for!
524
00:38:57,752 --> 00:38:58,793
Watch your temper.
525
00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:00,503
Everything's
gonna be fine, Mona.
526
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:01,963
Leave that
little shithead to me.
527
00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:24,778
Howdy again, good neighbors. Melvin
P. Thorpe, the old Watchdog himself,
528
00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:26,946
shinin'
a spotlight on Gilbert,
529
00:39:27,031 --> 00:39:29,240
the little town
with the big shame.
530
00:39:30,284 --> 00:39:32,035
Who's that fella in
them trick britches?
531
00:39:32,661 --> 00:39:34,788
I don't know, but it's too
late in the year for a carnival.
532
00:39:35,664 --> 00:39:37,665
One of them TV folks,
looks like to me.
533
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,502
We're here at
the Lanville County Courthouse
534
00:39:40,586 --> 00:39:42,212
to ask some of
the local citizens
535
00:39:42,421 --> 00:39:44,881
how they feel about
the infamous bordello
536
00:39:44,965 --> 00:39:48,593
runnin' wide open in
their American home town.
537
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:51,554
Cut! All right,
now, stay with me, boys.
538
00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:55,892
And when I start the music, I want
you Dogettes to start with me, brisk!
539
00:39:56,644 --> 00:40:00,146
Good people of Gilbert, may
I have your attention, please?
540
00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:03,900
I would like to speak to you about a
matter of great importance and concern.
541
00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:05,860
Let's hear it, Melvin!
Lay it on us.
542
00:40:06,153 --> 00:40:07,987
I'm speakin' to you
about nothin' less
543
00:40:08,072 --> 00:40:10,657
than your
community's moral health!
544
00:40:11,450 --> 00:40:14,828
I'm talkin' to you
about official blindness,
545
00:40:15,287 --> 00:40:19,165
official corruption,
official malfeasance.
546
00:40:19,291 --> 00:40:21,042
He sure is wound up.
547
00:40:21,168 --> 00:40:24,129
Yep. I'm just waitin'
for Ed Earl to get here.
548
00:40:24,296 --> 00:40:25,630
He's gonna kick
that boy's ass.
549
00:40:31,512 --> 00:40:33,096
It's no big secret.
550
00:40:33,180 --> 00:40:35,598
You know what's
goin' on in this town
551
00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:39,561
and what's goin'
on is evil, immoral,
552
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:42,897
brazen and against the law!
553
00:40:42,982 --> 00:40:44,023
Hit it.
554
00:41:23,063 --> 00:41:25,648
Now, Sheriff, Sheriff.
Keep a grip on yourself.
555
00:41:25,733 --> 00:41:26,816
Don't get your back up!
556
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:28,943
Stop whimperin', Rufus.
557
00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:33,907
Well, if it isn't
the man himself.
558
00:41:34,408 --> 00:41:37,035
Would you care to give me
an interview now, Sheriff?
559
00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:40,371
I'm gonna give you 30 seconds,
you fancified fart.
560
00:41:40,623 --> 00:41:42,415
Get you and your singin'
chorus the hell out of town!
561
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,500
Now, wait a minute.
562
00:41:43,584 --> 00:41:45,668
And get those cameras and the
rest of that crap off the street.
563
00:41:45,753 --> 00:41:46,920
You're blockin' traffic!
564
00:41:47,004 --> 00:41:48,588
The only traffic
we are blockin'
565
00:41:48,672 --> 00:41:50,507
is that headed out
for the Chicken Ranch.
566
00:41:50,591 --> 00:41:52,133
Right, Sheriff?
567
00:41:53,260 --> 00:41:56,763
Little fat buddy,
up to now you got two tickets.
568
00:41:57,014 --> 00:42:00,058
One for paradin' without a license
and the other for insultin' me.
569
00:42:00,726 --> 00:42:02,769
Now, you better get that
travellin' circus out of town
570
00:42:02,853 --> 00:42:05,313
or I'm gonna lock you up so
fast your corset's gonna pop!
571
00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:08,358
Oh, yeah? We're
perfectly within the law.
572
00:42:08,651 --> 00:42:11,444
As a newsman, I have
First Amendment protection.
573
00:42:11,654 --> 00:42:13,571
Get this.
574
00:42:14,114 --> 00:42:17,367
The public has a right to know
what is goin' on out there
575
00:42:17,451 --> 00:42:20,703
and what kind of pay-off
you're acceptin' to protect
576
00:42:20,788 --> 00:42:22,914
that notorious
house of ill repute.
577
00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:41,558
First thing. First thing is
you're standin' in Lanville County,
578
00:42:41,642 --> 00:42:44,310
which, by my figurin',
is about a 100 miles west
579
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:46,437
of that stinkhole
you call Houston.
580
00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,648
So I can't see
it's any of your business
581
00:42:48,732 --> 00:42:50,191
what goes on out here.
582
00:42:50,484 --> 00:42:53,236
Oh, yeah? Please...
583
00:42:54,113 --> 00:42:57,740
Number two. You ain't the
law around here and I am.
584
00:42:58,450 --> 00:43:01,035
So don't be tellin' me what
my goddamn job is,
585
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:05,164
or I'll whip your butt so bad it'll
look like the stripes on a barber pole.
586
00:43:05,291 --> 00:43:06,416
Get him, Sheriff.
587
00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:07,959
May be mean, but he's ours!
588
00:43:08,043 --> 00:43:10,753
Number three.
No sawed-off little pecker
589
00:43:10,838 --> 00:43:13,923
is gonna accuse me of takin' a
bribe and live to tell about it
590
00:43:14,008 --> 00:43:16,551
'cause I wear the badge
in this goddamn county.
591
00:43:16,635 --> 00:43:20,388
So you listen and listen good,
you over-padded, televisin' turd.
592
00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:22,724
If I ever see you or any
of those little bastards
593
00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:24,726
that work for you
in my town again,
594
00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:26,978
I'm gonna knock you
so flat you're gonna
595
00:43:27,062 --> 00:43:28,605
have to roll down
your socks to shit!
596
00:43:30,357 --> 00:43:31,941
That's tellin' him, Sheriff!
597
00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:33,318
Oh, my goodness!
598
00:43:33,527 --> 00:43:35,194
So get outta here,
you goddamn,
599
00:43:35,529 --> 00:43:37,905
wig-wearin',
citified son of a bitch!
600
00:43:42,953 --> 00:43:46,789
Holy shit!
Oh, my God, that man's crazy!
601
00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:55,340
Move, you schmuck!
602
00:43:58,052 --> 00:43:59,886
Move it! Come on!
603
00:44:00,304 --> 00:44:04,223
Get outta here!
Move this thing!
604
00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:07,435
Come on, move this thing!
I'll get you for this.
605
00:44:07,686 --> 00:44:10,563
You son of a bitch!
You'll pay for this.
606
00:44:10,689 --> 00:44:13,650
You're in trouble, Sheriff!
You're in big trouble!
607
00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:16,944
So long, partner.
608
00:44:43,764 --> 00:44:47,517
Boy, you sent him hightailin'.
I was so proud of you!
609
00:44:47,601 --> 00:44:48,726
Didn't I?
Yeah.
610
00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:55,775
Look at them stars.
611
00:44:57,861 --> 00:45:00,113
Well, there ain't nothin'
prettier than a Texas sky.
612
00:45:00,906 --> 00:45:02,115
Ain't that the truth.
613
00:45:05,244 --> 00:45:06,744
Hey, look! Did you
see that shootin' star?
614
00:45:08,789 --> 00:45:11,207
Yeah. That could've been
a spaceship, you know.
615
00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:12,291
You believe in spaceships?
616
00:45:12,376 --> 00:45:13,459
Sure.
617
00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:15,878
I saw a picture once.
618
00:45:15,963 --> 00:45:18,089
Them fellers that's
supposed to be from up there.
619
00:45:18,173 --> 00:45:19,590
Fly around.
620
00:45:20,300 --> 00:45:22,844
Tiny little fellers,
bald-headed.
621
00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:25,346
Little feet,
little hands, got no peckers.
622
00:45:26,306 --> 00:45:27,849
Got no peckers?
623
00:45:29,268 --> 00:45:32,186
Well, I ain't interested.
624
00:45:32,980 --> 00:45:34,647
I don't think my
girls would be either.
625
00:45:36,650 --> 00:45:40,069
When I was a little kid,
I used to imagine a flyin' saucer
626
00:45:40,154 --> 00:45:43,656
swoopin' down and pickin' me
up and takin' me off to heaven.
627
00:45:43,824 --> 00:45:45,450
Like the angels.
628
00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:50,121
"I looked, and behold, a
whirlwind comin' out of the north.
629
00:45:50,205 --> 00:45:51,664
"And out of the midst
of the fire came the
630
00:45:51,749 --> 00:45:53,374
"likeness of four
living creatures. "
631
00:45:55,002 --> 00:45:56,252
What the hell
you talkin' about?
632
00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:57,503
Well, that's from the Bible.
633
00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,797
That's what the Bible says
about spaceships in Ezekiel.
634
00:45:59,882 --> 00:46:01,257
Don't you know
nothin' about the Bible?
635
00:46:01,341 --> 00:46:02,759
Yeah, I know about the Bible!
636
00:46:02,843 --> 00:46:04,844
I just don't know nothin'
about no Ezekiel in the Bible.
637
00:46:05,637 --> 00:46:09,015
I knew Ezekiel Peebles
once in the eighth grade.
638
00:46:10,601 --> 00:46:12,435
Think I busted his jaw.
639
00:46:13,729 --> 00:46:15,563
Well, that was
very Christian of you.
640
00:46:15,647 --> 00:46:18,065
Well, most of my
family was Baptist.
641
00:46:19,193 --> 00:46:21,527
Well, I never stayed
with one family long enough
642
00:46:21,820 --> 00:46:23,070
to become
anything in particular.
643
00:46:23,572 --> 00:46:26,032
But I read the Bible.
I believe in Jesus.
644
00:46:26,825 --> 00:46:28,576
I think Jesus was...
645
00:46:28,994 --> 00:46:30,745
Was a real good man.
646
00:46:30,871 --> 00:46:32,663
And he was
a heck of a speaker.
647
00:46:33,290 --> 00:46:37,043
Yep. I knew a woman once
that had a vision of Jesus.
648
00:46:37,127 --> 00:46:40,671
He came right in her house, set
right down at the foot of her bed.
649
00:46:42,341 --> 00:46:44,300
I don't know what I'd do
if that happened to me.
650
00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:46,135
I'll tell you something,
honey.
651
00:46:46,220 --> 00:46:48,971
If Jesus comes to your house,
all hell's gonna break loose.
652
00:46:51,934 --> 00:46:53,810
You got a point there,
Ed Earl.
653
00:46:54,102 --> 00:46:55,394
But you know,
Jesus was really good
654
00:46:55,479 --> 00:46:57,230
to Mary Magdalene,
the fallen woman.
655
00:46:57,731 --> 00:46:59,690
He was always
bein' very sociable.
656
00:47:00,234 --> 00:47:03,945
He went to this big weddin'
once and they ran out of wine.
657
00:47:04,279 --> 00:47:06,280
You know what he did?
Turned the water into wine.
658
00:47:07,282 --> 00:47:09,909
Well, that's a man that knows
how to throw a party.
659
00:47:10,410 --> 00:47:12,537
Now, don't be sacrilegious.
660
00:47:12,871 --> 00:47:16,123
I'm not.
I'm not. He forgives me.
661
00:47:17,251 --> 00:47:18,751
He knows I was kiddin'.
662
00:47:18,877 --> 00:47:20,336
Yeah, I know he forgives you.
663
00:47:20,420 --> 00:47:23,005
That's funny, now,
how God can forgive you,
664
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:24,882
and people can't.
Now why is that?
665
00:47:25,592 --> 00:47:29,804
Well, because people are not
very God-like, Mona.
666
00:47:30,722 --> 00:47:31,931
I know.
667
00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:34,058
I know.
668
00:47:35,310 --> 00:47:36,435
Yeah.
669
00:47:51,118 --> 00:47:52,493
What is it?
670
00:47:54,538 --> 00:47:56,122
Melvin P. Thorpe
671
00:47:56,373 --> 00:47:58,958
is a sorry son of a bitch.
672
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,632
You reckon he's gonna
run for the legislature?
673
00:48:08,176 --> 00:48:09,260
Why?
674
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:14,807
I never told
anybody this, Mona, but...
675
00:48:17,477 --> 00:48:19,478
I was thinkin' of runnin'
for the legislature someday.
676
00:48:20,939 --> 00:48:22,440
Are you serious, Ed Earl?
677
00:48:22,524 --> 00:48:23,649
Yeah.
678
00:48:24,860 --> 00:48:27,945
They say an honest man can't be
elected in this country anymore.
679
00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:30,740
But I don't believe that.
680
00:48:31,491 --> 00:48:33,367
This is a good country.
681
00:48:34,620 --> 00:48:36,495
I believe I could win.
682
00:48:36,663 --> 00:48:39,540
Well, you got my vote.
I might even go register.
683
00:48:40,542 --> 00:48:42,793
Boy, I sure didn't know
you had dreams that big.
684
00:48:44,004 --> 00:48:45,588
People really do
like you, though.
685
00:48:45,672 --> 00:48:46,797
They like you, too.
686
00:48:46,882 --> 00:48:48,007
Really?
Sure.
687
00:48:48,842 --> 00:48:50,801
You ask anybody
in town about you.
688
00:48:50,969 --> 00:48:52,428
Say,
"How do you like Miss Mona?"
689
00:48:52,512 --> 00:48:57,183
They say, "Shoot, she's a fine
woman. Fine, friendly and nice. "
690
00:48:58,685 --> 00:49:02,063
Well, I always just thought if
you see somebody without a smile,
691
00:49:02,397 --> 00:49:03,856
you give 'em yours.
692
00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:05,358
I like that.
693
00:49:06,526 --> 00:49:07,902
I like that.
694
00:49:08,987 --> 00:49:11,030
Think I'll use that
as my campaign slogan.
695
00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:15,368
If you see somebody without
a smile, give 'em yours.
696
00:49:15,869 --> 00:49:17,578
I'm gonna have that
printed up on a little card.
697
00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:21,040
Oh, you're kiddin' me.
You smart-ass.
698
00:49:21,708 --> 00:49:23,417
I had a dream once.
699
00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:25,336
Yeah?
700
00:49:25,545 --> 00:49:27,004
I'll tell you if
you won't laugh.
701
00:49:27,089 --> 00:49:28,756
Oh, I won't laugh.
702
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:31,384
Well, I used to dream
of bein' a ballerina.
703
00:49:34,930 --> 00:49:36,973
Now, Ed Earl,
I ain't tellin' you nothin'.
704
00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:39,058
A ballerina?
705
00:49:39,643 --> 00:49:41,268
Yes, a ballerina!
706
00:49:41,395 --> 00:49:45,606
Well,
I think that's wonderful.
707
00:49:45,899 --> 00:49:48,359
And I think you still could be
a ballerina if you wanted to be.
708
00:49:48,485 --> 00:49:50,486
No, you could!
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
709
00:49:50,570 --> 00:49:53,614
Go into training right now.
Just start jumpin' up and down.
710
00:49:53,699 --> 00:49:55,908
Me? Jumpin' up and down?
I'd black both my eyes.
711
00:49:57,828 --> 00:49:59,954
I couldn't be a ballerina now.
I'm too top-heavy.
712
00:50:00,038 --> 00:50:01,580
I have a hard enough
time balancin' these
713
00:50:01,665 --> 00:50:03,624
things now,
without gettin' on my toes.
714
00:50:11,758 --> 00:50:13,384
You know something?
715
00:50:13,468 --> 00:50:14,635
What?
716
00:50:14,761 --> 00:50:18,097
You know that, I don't
see anybody but you anymore.
717
00:50:19,766 --> 00:50:21,517
Course, now, you can't
say the same, can you?
718
00:50:25,772 --> 00:50:29,275
I haven't been to bed with another
woman besides you in three years.
719
00:50:30,402 --> 00:50:32,278
You didn't know that, did you?
720
00:50:33,864 --> 00:50:35,781
No, I didn't know that.
721
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:39,785
Nothin' better,
once you've had the best.
722
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:42,705
Hey, I like that.
723
00:50:42,789 --> 00:50:43,956
I thought you would.
724
00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:45,583
Reckon if I was to
run for the legislature,
725
00:50:45,667 --> 00:50:48,377
I could,
put that on my card?
726
00:51:04,352 --> 00:51:08,689
Up next, Melvin P. Thorpe continues
his expose of the Chicken Ranch
727
00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:12,109
with a violent demonstration
in the Gilbert town square.
728
00:51:12,402 --> 00:51:14,403
Great God from Goldsboro!
729
00:51:22,704 --> 00:51:23,788
Oh. Yeah?
730
00:51:23,872 --> 00:51:26,499
Ed Earl,
you better turn on Channel 4.
731
00:51:27,167 --> 00:51:29,585
That Melvin P. Thorpe idiot's
got you on TV again.
732
00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:32,421
Well, I don't give a shit,
Rufus!
733
00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:35,007
It's all very well to
take that attitude, Ed Earl,
734
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:36,133
but this is serious!
Honey.
735
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,762
Put on the television.
Channel 4.
736
00:51:41,014 --> 00:51:43,974
That Melvin P. Thorpe is
shootin' off his mouth again.
737
00:51:44,059 --> 00:51:47,353
How could what he's sayin'
be so goddamn important?
738
00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:51,190
Calm down, Rufus! It can't
be as bad as all that.
739
00:51:52,234 --> 00:51:55,820
What happened to me as an
individual is not important.
740
00:51:56,404 --> 00:51:59,365
Is this the kind of man we want
runnin' our law enforcement?
741
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:01,826
Is this the kind of
foul-mouthed example
742
00:52:01,910 --> 00:52:04,537
we wanna set for our young,
innocent children?
743
00:52:05,747 --> 00:52:07,039
Run the film.
744
00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:10,292
Number three.
No sawed-offlittle
745
00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:12,920
is gonna accuse me of takin' a
bribe and live to tell about it
746
00:52:13,004 --> 00:52:15,089
because I wear the badge
in this county!
747
00:52:15,173 --> 00:52:18,843
So you and you listen good!
You!
748
00:52:18,927 --> 00:52:20,678
If I ever see you or
any of those
749
00:52:20,762 --> 00:52:22,263
that work for you
in my town again,
750
00:52:22,347 --> 00:52:25,141
I'm gonna knock you so flat
you're gonna!
751
00:52:31,231 --> 00:52:34,733
Ed Earl, that man has
made a fool out of you.
752
00:52:38,905 --> 00:52:40,739
I've had
calls from four preachers,
753
00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:43,117
six deacons, and the
presidents of two garden clubs!
754
00:52:43,201 --> 00:52:44,368
Thank you for callin'.
755
00:52:44,452 --> 00:52:45,744
The phones have
been ringin' like that
756
00:52:45,829 --> 00:52:48,247
all mornin' long.
Sheriff's office.
757
00:52:48,331 --> 00:52:50,749
I don't know why I let people
talk me into serving as mayor
758
00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:53,169
of this
incorporated sand trap anyway!
759
00:52:53,628 --> 00:52:54,879
What in the heck
is keepin' him?
760
00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:56,005
He'll be along.
761
00:52:56,882 --> 00:52:58,632
Well, he'd better!
762
00:52:58,717 --> 00:53:00,968
My wife couldn't believe
what she saw last night.
763
00:53:01,052 --> 00:53:03,179
They bleeped him out,
but she read his lips
764
00:53:03,263 --> 00:53:05,097
on every "hell,"
"goddamn," and "shit. "
765
00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:11,729
There's some folks gettin' up a
petition to close the Chicken Ranch.
766
00:53:12,105 --> 00:53:14,773
All we wanted to do
was keep it quiet.
767
00:53:14,941 --> 00:53:17,151
Now, thanks to Ed Earl,
it's the hottest thing
768
00:53:17,235 --> 00:53:19,195
on the air
since The Gong Show.
769
00:53:19,362 --> 00:53:21,572
I'll tell him you
called. Bye. Mornin', Sheriff.
770
00:53:21,656 --> 00:53:23,449
Mornin', Rita.
Here's your calls.
771
00:53:23,825 --> 00:53:25,409
Reckon you fellas are
waitin' to talk to me.
772
00:53:25,493 --> 00:53:26,493
We sure are!
773
00:53:26,578 --> 00:53:28,037
You don't know
the trouble you caused
774
00:53:28,121 --> 00:53:29,163
on this Chicken
Ranch business!
775
00:53:29,247 --> 00:53:32,541
Dad-gum it, Ed Earl! If
you ain't a pluperfect fool!
776
00:53:32,792 --> 00:53:35,044
You may be right.
I got over a dozen
777
00:53:35,128 --> 00:53:36,795
messages here from
outraged citizens,
778
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,423
tellin' me that we got a
whorehouse in Lanville County.
779
00:53:39,799 --> 00:53:42,051
Only been one here
for about 150 years.
780
00:53:42,135 --> 00:53:45,137
Ed Earl, now, you can set up
speed traps to catch the tourists.
781
00:53:45,430 --> 00:53:48,724
You can look the other way when the
wrong kid swipes a car to go joyriding.
782
00:53:49,434 --> 00:53:51,602
Hell, you can even let Miss
Mona run her place out there!
783
00:53:51,686 --> 00:53:55,522
But there's one thing you can't do
and that's broadcast gutter talk on TV.
784
00:53:55,732 --> 00:53:57,399
I didn't know they
was takin' pictures.
785
00:53:57,567 --> 00:53:59,902
What did you figure
the cameras were for?
786
00:54:00,153 --> 00:54:03,405
Damn it, C.J.!
You pious pissant.
787
00:54:03,949 --> 00:54:07,034
I don't have one-tenth the trouble
from Miss Mona's that I have from you
788
00:54:07,118 --> 00:54:10,496
for one of your all-night stag
parties over at the Legionnaire Hall.
789
00:54:10,997 --> 00:54:12,456
That ain't fair, dang it!
790
00:54:12,540 --> 00:54:13,582
There's just one thing to do.
791
00:54:13,667 --> 00:54:15,084
And that's close
the place down before
792
00:54:15,168 --> 00:54:16,418
we all go to hell
in a handbasket.
793
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:20,214
Close it down! She was just fine as
long as she was bringin' in the money
794
00:54:20,298 --> 00:54:21,632
and makin'
civic contributions,
795
00:54:21,716 --> 00:54:24,551
but the moment her luck ran
sour, you want to run out on her.
796
00:54:25,011 --> 00:54:27,721
Run out on her like
rats from a burnin' barn!
797
00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:31,850
That's just it, Ed Earl.
Who's gonna put out that fire?
798
00:54:31,977 --> 00:54:33,560
Look, if you won't
close her down, at least
799
00:54:33,645 --> 00:54:35,312
tell her to lay low
for a couple of months!
800
00:54:35,397 --> 00:54:38,315
Yeah, just until the heat
wears off a little bit.
801
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,317
Give it two months.
What's two months?
802
00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:43,946
Nobody tells me how
to run my goddam job,
803
00:54:44,030 --> 00:54:45,823
and nobody gives me advice!
804
00:54:46,199 --> 00:54:50,661
I'll do things my own way. I'm
gonna make up my own damn mind!
805
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:53,580
Two months. What's two months?
806
00:54:53,665 --> 00:54:55,916
Shut down for two months!
807
00:54:56,459 --> 00:54:59,753
That is a hell of a lot
to ask somebody, Ed Earl.
808
00:55:00,046 --> 00:55:01,463
And that's a hell
of a lot of overhead
809
00:55:01,548 --> 00:55:03,799
to pay out when
cash ain't comin' in.
810
00:55:04,301 --> 00:55:05,968
What d'you think I
ought to tell my girls?
811
00:55:06,052 --> 00:55:07,761
Well, maybe it won't
be two months.
812
00:55:07,846 --> 00:55:09,305
The holidays are comin' up.
813
00:55:09,389 --> 00:55:11,223
Maybe in a couple of weeks
the whole thing will blow over
814
00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:12,599
and then you can let
your regular customers...
815
00:55:12,684 --> 00:55:16,895
I warned you yesterday about
losin' your temper and carryin' on.
816
00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:18,939
Last night you said
you was proud of me.
817
00:55:19,107 --> 00:55:22,067
Last night I wasn't
on the 11:00 news!
818
00:55:22,610 --> 00:55:25,779
Well, I didn't know that son of a
bitch was gonna make an idiot out of me.
819
00:55:25,947 --> 00:55:28,032
I don't know anything about
that electronic bullshit!
820
00:55:28,116 --> 00:55:29,950
How was I supposed to
handle that situation?
821
00:55:30,452 --> 00:55:33,996
That's your job, Ed Earl. Ain't
that what they pay you for?
822
00:55:34,164 --> 00:55:37,541
I know what my job is! Don't be
tellin' me what my goddamn job is!
823
00:55:37,625 --> 00:55:40,085
I could close this place down
in a New York minute!
824
00:55:40,712 --> 00:55:43,339
All I'm askin' for is for you
to give me a little cooperation
825
00:55:43,423 --> 00:55:45,424
so I can get through
a difficult situation
826
00:55:45,592 --> 00:55:47,343
with as little
trouble as possible!
827
00:55:47,427 --> 00:55:50,554
Okay, okay, okay!
I'll shut it down.
828
00:55:50,805 --> 00:55:51,805
You will?
829
00:55:52,098 --> 00:55:54,266
What do you want,
a written contract?
830
00:55:54,976 --> 00:55:56,060
You promise?
831
00:55:56,436 --> 00:55:58,937
Ed Earl,
I am givin' you my word.
832
00:56:03,693 --> 00:56:06,111
I'm sorry, Mona,
about the whole situation.
833
00:56:06,988 --> 00:56:08,947
Don't feel sorry for me.
834
00:56:09,824 --> 00:56:13,869
I started out poor, and I
worked my way up to outcast.
835
00:56:17,082 --> 00:56:18,707
I know what I'm
askin' you to do is gonna
836
00:56:18,792 --> 00:56:20,292
turn out to be
the best thing for both of us.
837
00:56:21,169 --> 00:56:22,669
Just trust me.
838
00:56:26,633 --> 00:56:28,509
You know what burns my ass?
839
00:56:28,593 --> 00:56:29,718
What?
840
00:56:29,803 --> 00:56:32,179
A flame about three feet high.
841
00:56:33,598 --> 00:56:36,725
Of course I trust you, you
big cowboy. Ain't I always?
842
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:40,145
No need to stop now.
843
00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:43,941
Now get out of here.
844
00:56:44,317 --> 00:56:45,984
Everything's gonna
turn out just fine.
845
00:56:46,277 --> 00:56:48,278
Don't you worry
about a thing, honey.
846
00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:51,198
Everything's gonna turn out
slicker than cat shit
847
00:56:51,324 --> 00:56:53,117
on a linoleum floor.
848
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:00,749
Well, if it ain't
the celebrated
849
00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:02,751
cussin' sheriff
of Lanville County.
850
00:57:03,253 --> 00:57:04,420
How are you, Sheriff?
851
00:57:04,504 --> 00:57:06,213
I'm fine. How are you, Porky?
852
00:57:06,297 --> 00:57:10,259
Oh, Sheriff! I been real good
all week. I've lost six pounds.
853
00:57:10,343 --> 00:57:13,971
Oh, yeah? Well, don't take
nothin' off them cheeks.
854
00:57:14,055 --> 00:57:15,389
Oh, go on.
855
00:57:20,145 --> 00:57:22,604
Well, Jewel,
I just promised the sheriff
856
00:57:22,689 --> 00:57:24,481
that we're gonna shut
down for two months.
857
00:57:25,316 --> 00:57:27,443
What?
How can you promise that?
858
00:57:27,861 --> 00:57:30,362
What about the football game
celebration tomorrow night?
859
00:57:31,448 --> 00:57:33,740
I forgot
all about that.
860
00:57:33,867 --> 00:57:37,077
It's the Thanksgiving game, Miss
Mona. And that's real special.
861
00:57:37,203 --> 00:57:38,412
Well I know it's special,
Jewel!
862
00:57:38,496 --> 00:57:39,621
But I don't know
what to do now.
863
00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:41,206
I did promise.
864
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:43,167
You think if we just close the
doors to the regular customers,
865
00:57:43,251 --> 00:57:45,794
just went on with the party as
planned, that'd be all right?
866
00:57:46,045 --> 00:57:50,215
I'm sure it will, honey. That party
is a bigger tradition than the game.
867
00:57:58,224 --> 00:58:01,477
65,000-plus on hand
here at Kyle Field,
868
00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:04,062
and we have seen
an amazing ball game.
869
00:58:04,189 --> 00:58:07,816
Texas A&M heavily favored,
but we're tied 12-12.
870
00:58:07,901 --> 00:58:09,735
Aggies have the ball,
second down at eight.
871
00:58:09,819 --> 00:58:11,612
Time is winding down.
872
00:58:12,989 --> 00:58:14,823
They try the
middle of the Texas defense,
873
00:58:14,908 --> 00:58:17,201
and again, the Longhorns'
break is stopped.
874
00:58:17,285 --> 00:58:18,869
This University
of Texas defense...
875
00:58:25,084 --> 00:58:26,668
We string up the white first
876
00:58:26,753 --> 00:58:29,755
and after we see who wins, we
put up the orange or the maroon.
877
00:58:29,839 --> 00:58:31,590
Yes, ma'am.
878
00:58:32,967 --> 00:58:35,093
I can't stand it
if them Aggies win.
879
00:58:35,178 --> 00:58:36,345
What do you mean?
880
00:58:36,429 --> 00:58:39,765
They're such animals. Always
yellin' and jumpin' about
881
00:58:39,849 --> 00:58:41,350
and sayin' "yee-haw!"
882
00:58:41,434 --> 00:58:43,018
If they have to go for
all the marbles,
883
00:58:43,102 --> 00:58:45,270
they will have to throw to
the end zone right now.
884
00:58:45,897 --> 00:58:48,941
Time running out. Miller rolls
to the right. Pass! Touchdown!
885
00:58:51,110 --> 00:58:52,194
Yeah!
886
00:58:52,445 --> 00:58:54,613
Hell! That calls for a drink.
887
00:58:55,156 --> 00:58:56,323
Talk about the part
888
00:58:56,407 --> 00:58:58,408
that emotion plays
in a game like this!
889
00:58:58,701 --> 00:58:59,952
Don't let your
mother see you do that.
890
00:59:00,787 --> 00:59:02,079
Well, who won?
891
00:59:02,163 --> 00:59:03,205
The Aggies.
892
00:59:03,289 --> 00:59:04,581
Aw, shit.
893
00:59:12,507 --> 00:59:13,882
Hey, boys!
894
00:59:16,386 --> 00:59:18,428
All right! Hey, boys!
895
00:59:19,681 --> 00:59:23,809
Boys, boys!
That was the greatest victory
896
00:59:23,893 --> 00:59:26,144
since General Eisenhower won!
897
00:59:26,479 --> 00:59:29,147
Senator, you ain't
forgot you was gonna
898
00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:31,358
take us to
the Chicken Ranch, did ya?
899
00:59:31,442 --> 00:59:33,068
Yeah! How about it?
900
00:59:33,152 --> 00:59:35,529
I always keep my
campaign promises?
901
00:59:36,656 --> 00:59:39,324
Yes, sir. The Chicken
Ranch is a fine institution,
902
00:59:39,409 --> 00:59:41,577
and I'm proud to
have it in my district.
903
00:59:41,661 --> 00:59:44,329
And to hell with what
Melvin P. Thorpe says!
904
00:59:46,082 --> 00:59:49,001
I'll see all you
seniors out at Miss Mona's.
905
01:01:43,908 --> 01:01:45,701
Get out of the way!
906
01:01:45,827 --> 01:01:47,911
Lookit here! Watch this.
907
01:02:14,605 --> 01:02:16,815
Hey. All right! Hey, come on.
908
01:02:19,235 --> 01:02:20,485
Attaboy!
909
01:02:21,070 --> 01:02:25,240
Oh, yeah! Come on! All right!
910
01:02:29,662 --> 01:02:30,996
All right!
911
01:03:43,986 --> 01:03:45,904
What the hell happened?
912
01:03:50,409 --> 01:03:53,161
Do we have to wear
these ball gowns again?
913
01:03:53,246 --> 01:03:56,540
Yes, you do, and I don't wanna
hear any more bitchin' about it.
914
01:03:57,041 --> 01:04:00,252
Miss Mona likes to create
somethin' special for the boys.
915
01:04:00,586 --> 01:04:02,754
It's like a graduation dance.
916
01:04:51,137 --> 01:04:52,387
Y'all come on in!
917
01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:55,140
Oh,
I'm so glad to see ya.
918
01:04:55,266 --> 01:04:56,600
Congratulations!
919
01:04:56,684 --> 01:04:58,727
Hey, boys! I think you'll find
920
01:04:58,811 --> 01:05:00,937
it's a fittin' celebration
for today's victory!
921
01:05:05,276 --> 01:05:06,651
Howdy, boys!
922
01:05:08,070 --> 01:05:10,113
Howdy, ma'am.
I'm Senator Wingwood
923
01:05:10,197 --> 01:05:13,074
of the 19th District and
the Aggie class of '49.
924
01:05:13,159 --> 01:05:14,576
Mighty proud to meet you.
925
01:05:14,660 --> 01:05:17,829
To meet me! Charlie, who
you think you're talkin' to?
926
01:05:17,914 --> 01:05:19,748
How's Mary
Margaret and the kids?
927
01:05:21,792 --> 01:05:24,127
Hell, Miss Mona,
I didn't think you'd remember.
928
01:05:24,211 --> 01:05:26,755
Remember? Did you
remember to bring my check?
929
01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:29,341
I got it right here.
930
01:05:30,051 --> 01:05:32,093
Good. You know
it's always a business
931
01:05:32,178 --> 01:05:33,470
doin' pleasure
with you, Charlie.
932
01:05:34,889 --> 01:05:36,097
You boys head on out back.
933
01:05:36,182 --> 01:05:38,016
We've got a nice
surprise for you.
934
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:39,100
Come on, boys!
935
01:05:53,032 --> 01:05:56,534
Yoo-hoo! Boys!
936
01:06:00,539 --> 01:06:01,581
Hi!
937
01:06:15,471 --> 01:06:16,930
Oh!
938
01:10:13,292 --> 01:10:14,292
Yo!
939
01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:16,336
It's me, Deputy Fred!
940
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,796
Come on in, Fred!
941
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:20,965
Evenin', Sheriff.
942
01:10:21,133 --> 01:10:22,550
Happy Thanksgiving.
You want a drink?
943
01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:25,845
Aw, no, thank you. That stuff
always tears up my stomach.
944
01:10:25,930 --> 01:10:27,347
I was readin' in
the Reader's Digest...
945
01:10:27,431 --> 01:10:29,224
What d'you want, Fred?
946
01:10:29,308 --> 01:10:32,268
Oh, I was makin' my
rounds around town,
947
01:10:32,478 --> 01:10:34,604
and I saw that Melvin P. Thorpe
and a bunch of other fellers
948
01:10:34,688 --> 01:10:36,606
and they was all headed out
towards the Chicken Ranch.
949
01:10:36,899 --> 01:10:38,024
Melvin P. Thorpe.
950
01:10:38,234 --> 01:10:40,693
Goin' out to
the Chicken Ranch, was he?
951
01:10:40,819 --> 01:10:42,654
Yeah?
952
01:10:43,989 --> 01:10:46,658
He's gonna be real
disappointed!
953
01:10:47,701 --> 01:10:49,160
See, there ain't
nothin' goin' on out there.
954
01:10:49,245 --> 01:10:51,162
Miss Mona promised me to close
the place down for two months.
955
01:10:51,288 --> 01:10:54,249
Ah! Well, she didn't. I was
out there earlier this evenin'.
956
01:10:54,333 --> 01:10:56,584
Those Aggies was just
celebratin' to beat the band.
957
01:10:58,754 --> 01:10:59,963
Oh, no.
958
01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:02,507
Aw, shit!
959
01:11:39,003 --> 01:11:40,378
Quiet.
960
01:11:43,924 --> 01:11:48,052
This may be the most important
scoop of my television career.
961
01:11:51,598 --> 01:11:54,017
Not now! Idiot boy.
962
01:11:56,645 --> 01:11:58,813
Give me that. Now.
963
01:11:59,398 --> 01:12:03,443
Good neighbors, we're about
to enter the whorehouse itself.
964
01:12:03,527 --> 01:12:04,986
Cut. Come on.
965
01:12:05,738 --> 01:12:08,906
Stay with me.
Come on. Come on, boys.
966
01:12:09,450 --> 01:12:11,492
No! There's been a party here.
967
01:12:11,577 --> 01:12:13,202
Watch your step.
968
01:12:15,956 --> 01:12:17,332
Hold this.
969
01:12:23,422 --> 01:12:24,756
And quiet.
970
01:12:26,133 --> 01:12:28,092
Billy Joe, light switch.
971
01:12:33,223 --> 01:12:35,641
Come on. No!
972
01:12:39,772 --> 01:12:41,022
Careful.
973
01:12:44,026 --> 01:12:46,944
Henry. Lights. Light switch.
974
01:12:47,154 --> 01:12:49,822
Watch me.
You know what you gotta do.
975
01:12:50,157 --> 01:12:52,492
Wait. Bingo.
976
01:12:53,035 --> 01:12:55,578
Lights! Everybody up!
977
01:12:58,499 --> 01:13:00,833
Let's go!
978
01:13:00,918 --> 01:13:02,794
All right! Come along!
979
01:13:06,131 --> 01:13:07,465
Oh, shit!
980
01:13:13,555 --> 01:13:15,390
Jewel,
what in hell is goin' on?
981
01:13:15,474 --> 01:13:18,142
Call the Sheriff! It's that
Melvin P. Thorpe sucker!
982
01:13:23,357 --> 01:13:25,775
They're smokin'
cocaine!
983
01:13:25,859 --> 01:13:27,235
Take their picture!
984
01:13:35,994 --> 01:13:37,912
All right, take this!
985
01:13:37,996 --> 01:13:40,164
Take her picture! Thank you!
986
01:14:11,905 --> 01:14:12,905
Oh!
987
01:14:12,990 --> 01:14:14,574
Excuse me, ma'am.
988
01:14:14,658 --> 01:14:16,951
Y'all come back now, you hear?
989
01:14:18,036 --> 01:14:20,121
Come on! Look who's here.
990
01:14:20,205 --> 01:14:24,542
Senator, the eyes of Texas
are upon you.
991
01:14:27,379 --> 01:14:29,380
Come on, boys! We gotta leave.
992
01:14:29,882 --> 01:14:31,549
Thank you, ma'am.
993
01:14:32,009 --> 01:14:33,134
Oh!
994
01:14:37,431 --> 01:14:39,724
Oh, ho, ho, ho! Miss Mona!
995
01:14:40,184 --> 01:14:42,393
Melvin P. Thorpe. Gotcha!
996
01:14:45,063 --> 01:14:48,566
Let's get to those vans! We're
gonna make the mornin' news!
997
01:15:19,348 --> 01:15:21,432
See you on TV!
998
01:15:21,725 --> 01:15:23,100
Holy shit!
999
01:15:24,186 --> 01:15:25,520
God almighty.
1000
01:15:39,910 --> 01:15:41,410
Damn it!
You gave me your word!
1001
01:15:41,495 --> 01:15:43,079
You gave me your
word and I took it!
1002
01:15:43,163 --> 01:15:44,205
Now, I'm the law!
1003
01:15:44,289 --> 01:15:46,040
The law!
You wanna talk about the law!
1004
01:15:46,124 --> 01:15:48,501
A bunch of crazies break into
my house tonight,
1005
01:15:48,669 --> 01:15:51,170
comin' in here, takin'
pictures, invadin' my privacy,
1006
01:15:51,255 --> 01:15:53,631
and you wanna know what
the law's gonna do about that?
1007
01:15:53,715 --> 01:15:54,966
I can tell you. Nothin'!
1008
01:15:55,050 --> 01:15:56,759
They'd have no reason
to do nothin'
1009
01:15:56,843 --> 01:15:58,386
if you'd done what you
said you were gonna do!
1010
01:15:58,470 --> 01:16:00,763
I trusted you. That's
what hurt. I trusted you!
1011
01:16:00,847 --> 01:16:04,892
Don't you talk to me about trust!
I trusted you to protect me!
1012
01:16:04,977 --> 01:16:07,687
I made a mistake tonight,
okay?
1013
01:16:08,105 --> 01:16:11,482
If that's your idea of an apology,
it ain't worth armadillo crap.
1014
01:16:11,567 --> 01:16:12,984
Well, I ain't apologizin'!
1015
01:16:13,068 --> 01:16:15,403
I'm a business woman
payin' out double taxes!
1016
01:16:15,487 --> 01:16:18,155
I expect a little
protection for my money!
1017
01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:20,366
Where were you tonight? I
couldn't get you on the phone...
1018
01:16:20,450 --> 01:16:22,118
I was home in bed,
because you gave me
1019
01:16:22,202 --> 01:16:23,703
your word you
were closin' down.
1020
01:16:23,829 --> 01:16:25,746
Well, if Sheriff Jack
Roy Wallace was here,
1021
01:16:25,831 --> 01:16:27,081
none of this
would have happened.
1022
01:16:27,165 --> 01:16:28,666
Sheriff Jack Roy
Wallace couldn't
1023
01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:30,543
hold my jock!
You can't handle the job!
1024
01:16:30,627 --> 01:16:33,212
God damn it,
Mona, you're makin' me mad!
1025
01:16:33,297 --> 01:16:37,842
Listen at him cuss
and shout. Just like on TV!
1026
01:16:38,010 --> 01:16:40,720
You're just a kid
playin' at bein' a cowboy.
1027
01:16:40,804 --> 01:16:43,014
You ain't never gonna grow up!
1028
01:16:43,265 --> 01:16:45,349
You use me as your mistress.
1029
01:16:45,434 --> 01:16:48,477
You use that damn Dulcie Mae
as your in-town wife.
1030
01:16:48,562 --> 01:16:50,980
And you even use
that little boy of hers
1031
01:16:51,064 --> 01:16:52,940
so you can play weekend daddy!
1032
01:16:53,025 --> 01:16:54,108
Leave that boy out of it!
1033
01:16:54,192 --> 01:16:55,484
You're playin', Ed Earl.
1034
01:16:55,569 --> 01:16:58,821
You're just a big, overgrown
kid playin' at bein' a man!
1035
01:16:59,197 --> 01:17:03,200
I don't have to listen to this
shit. Damn it! I'm the law.
1036
01:17:03,285 --> 01:17:06,579
If I choose to, I'll close this
place down till hell freezes over.
1037
01:17:06,872 --> 01:17:10,791
Don't you threaten me. I'm
tellin' the truth, and you know it!
1038
01:17:11,335 --> 01:17:14,962
And all of your big dreams
of goin' to the legislature.
1039
01:17:15,547 --> 01:17:17,340
That's all they are.
They're just dreams,
1040
01:17:17,758 --> 01:17:20,635
'cause you ain't never gonna be
no more than you are right now.
1041
01:17:20,719 --> 01:17:23,721
A chicken-shit sheriff
in a chicken-shit town.
1042
01:17:26,808 --> 01:17:28,267
You may be right.
1043
01:17:28,352 --> 01:17:30,102
It's a hell of a lot
better than bein' a whore.
1044
01:18:33,625 --> 01:18:37,294
Legalized prostitution, pro
or con, is in the news today.
1045
01:18:37,379 --> 01:18:41,173
For a report, here is Jeff
Gerald in Gilbert, Texas.
1046
01:18:42,467 --> 01:18:45,302
The Chicken Ranch, the legendary,
long-running bawdy house,
1047
01:18:45,387 --> 01:18:47,888
is showing little activity
after the disclosure yesterday
1048
01:18:47,973 --> 01:18:49,348
of the Thanksgiving
night raid.
1049
01:18:49,808 --> 01:18:50,808
Get away!
1050
01:18:50,892 --> 01:18:52,226
The deputy at the front
gate keeps away onlookers
1051
01:18:52,310 --> 01:18:53,310
and potential customers,
1052
01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:55,187
while up at the house,
the doors are closed
1053
01:18:55,272 --> 01:18:56,856
and the principals
are not talking.
1054
01:18:58,275 --> 01:19:00,943
The sheriff of Gilbert, Ed
Earl Dodd, refused interviews,
1055
01:19:01,027 --> 01:19:03,237
while in Houston, the man
who launched the campaign,
1056
01:19:03,321 --> 01:19:05,156
consumer advocate Melvin P.
Thorpe,
1057
01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:06,741
held a press
conference this afternoon.
1058
01:19:07,159 --> 01:19:09,577
I have a report here that
says that the Chicken Ranch
1059
01:19:09,661 --> 01:19:13,706
is involved with and under the
influence of organized crime.
1060
01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:17,042
I myself am gonna take
this report to Austin
1061
01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:18,836
in the hopes that
the Governor himself
1062
01:19:19,045 --> 01:19:20,796
will come out of
his long silence
1063
01:19:20,922 --> 01:19:23,382
on this issue
and uphold the law.
1064
01:19:24,551 --> 01:19:26,260
And... Thank you.
Thank you very much.
1065
01:19:27,137 --> 01:19:29,096
At the capitol today,
the Governor made no statement,
1066
01:19:29,181 --> 01:19:30,723
but Senator
Charles Wingwood,
1067
01:19:30,849 --> 01:19:32,850
who was a principal figure
in the Watchdog news raid,
1068
01:19:33,143 --> 01:19:35,519
also held a press conference
explaining his involvement.
1069
01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:39,607
I have no independent recollection
of going to the Chicken Ranch.
1070
01:19:39,691 --> 01:19:42,109
And I can only say,
as the most dedicated
1071
01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:44,570
anticommunist in
the state legislature,
1072
01:19:44,654 --> 01:19:46,197
that I must have
been drugged
1073
01:19:46,281 --> 01:19:48,616
by communists or
communist sympathizers
1074
01:19:48,700 --> 01:19:52,536
and placed there to harm
my reputation and good name.
1075
01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:55,206
Reaction across
the state is split 50-50.
1076
01:19:55,290 --> 01:19:56,457
But here in
the town of Gilbert,
1077
01:19:56,541 --> 01:19:58,209
the Chicken Ranch
has many supporters.
1078
01:19:58,710 --> 01:20:01,212
I ain't never seen anything
bad come out of there yet,
1079
01:20:01,296 --> 01:20:03,047
and I've lived
here all my life.
1080
01:20:03,507 --> 01:20:06,467
Why, they attract a lot of
business to the community.
1081
01:20:06,551 --> 01:20:09,428
They pay their taxes.
Just like you and me!
1082
01:20:10,013 --> 01:20:13,390
No one. No one was ever
forced to go up there.
1083
01:20:13,725 --> 01:20:17,102
My Frank, when he was alive, used
to go up there every Saturday.
1084
01:20:17,187 --> 01:20:21,148
I took it as a blessin'. Of
course, things were different then.
1085
01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:25,152
Nowadays women enjoy doin'
that sort of thing themselves.
1086
01:20:25,737 --> 01:20:27,863
At least, so I've been told.
1087
01:20:28,156 --> 01:20:31,158
The Chicken Ranch?
I think it's a good idea.
1088
01:20:31,243 --> 01:20:32,535
See, you take a lot of
young boys
1089
01:20:32,619 --> 01:20:34,453
and they're gonna be out
there lookin' for women.
1090
01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:36,413
If they can't find 'em,
they'll rape 'em.
1091
01:20:36,748 --> 01:20:39,875
And if they don't do that, they'll
run to other women and get diseases!
1092
01:20:40,252 --> 01:20:41,836
Those girls went to doctors.
1093
01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:45,256
Although petitions are being
circulated to save the Chicken Ranch,
1094
01:20:45,340 --> 01:20:48,175
already this bumper sticker is
beginning to appear around the state.
1095
01:20:49,010 --> 01:20:51,095
And so, as feminists
line up behind the bill
1096
01:20:51,179 --> 01:20:52,847
for the decriminalization
of prostitution
1097
01:20:52,931 --> 01:20:56,183
already in the legislature, while
traditionalists and fundamentalists
1098
01:20:56,268 --> 01:20:58,602
lobby for its defeat, the
fate of the Chicken Ranch
1099
01:20:58,687 --> 01:20:59,812
rests with the Governor,
1100
01:20:59,896 --> 01:21:01,355
who today, again,
was unavailable for comment.
1101
01:21:02,774 --> 01:21:04,775
Jeff Gerald,
ABC News, Gilbert, Texas.
1102
01:21:05,110 --> 01:21:07,111
Thank you, Jeff.
If there are further...
1103
01:21:09,155 --> 01:21:11,240
Well, I hate admitting
I was wrong, Miss Mona.
1104
01:21:11,741 --> 01:21:14,493
But with television broadcasting
this from hell to breakfast,
1105
01:21:14,786 --> 01:21:17,955
we should've done what the sheriff
said and kept this place closed.
1106
01:21:18,957 --> 01:21:22,418
It was my fault,
Jewel. It was my decision.
1107
01:21:22,544 --> 01:21:24,545
He ain't gonna be able to
stop it this time, is he?
1108
01:21:25,505 --> 01:21:29,133
No. He'd like to,
but he's out of his league.
1109
01:21:29,217 --> 01:21:30,676
He don't know
how to fight 'em.
1110
01:21:31,469 --> 01:21:34,972
He's just a good old boy that
ain't never gonna grow up.
1111
01:21:35,682 --> 01:21:37,808
Honey, we see
everything in this profession.
1112
01:21:38,226 --> 01:21:41,937
But one thing I ain't never seen,
man nor woman, is a grown-up.
1113
01:21:42,022 --> 01:21:45,107
Don't be too hard on him.
He loves you.
1114
01:21:48,987 --> 01:21:50,654
Well, he ain't never said it.
1115
01:21:52,198 --> 01:21:54,408
Some men can't say the words,
honey.
1116
01:21:55,243 --> 01:21:57,369
But that don't mean they
don't feel it in their heart.
1117
01:21:59,205 --> 01:22:01,874
Well, it's just as
well anyhow, Jewel.
1118
01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:05,169
I set my course
a long time ago
1119
01:22:06,004 --> 01:22:08,172
and I can't go changin' now.
1120
01:22:13,428 --> 01:22:14,845
Well,
I don't know what to do.
1121
01:22:15,055 --> 01:22:18,515
Seems like folks got nothin' else to
talk about but this Chicken Ranch mess.
1122
01:22:18,725 --> 01:22:21,602
Like a broken record. Chicken
Ranch, Chicken Ranch, Chicken Ranch!
1123
01:22:21,686 --> 01:22:25,272
And all of this bad publicity's
flat ruinin' business.
1124
01:22:25,357 --> 01:22:26,523
I haven't sold
a car in a week.
1125
01:22:26,608 --> 01:22:28,484
It's ruinin' the town.
1126
01:22:28,902 --> 01:22:32,071
No one's blamin' you, Ed Earl.
It ain't your fault.
1127
01:22:32,238 --> 01:22:34,615
But we can't just sit around
here waitin' to grow tits!
1128
01:22:34,699 --> 01:22:38,285
Now, now, the way I see it, the
Chicken Ranch served a purpose once.
1129
01:22:38,370 --> 01:22:40,371
But now
everything's openin' up.
1130
01:22:40,538 --> 01:22:44,208
Do you know we are in the middle
of a worldwide sexual revolution?
1131
01:22:44,334 --> 01:22:47,336
Why, Miss Mona's ain't
obscene. It's just obsolete.
1132
01:22:47,420 --> 01:22:50,631
She ain't got a handful
of supporters left, Ed Earl.
1133
01:22:50,715 --> 01:22:53,217
All this publicity's
makin' folks think twice
1134
01:22:53,301 --> 01:22:55,678
about signin' that
petition to keep her open!
1135
01:22:55,887 --> 01:22:58,138
Why the hell can't
that station in Houston
1136
01:22:58,223 --> 01:23:00,808
turn its cameras to the
cesspool in their own backyard?
1137
01:23:00,892 --> 01:23:03,894
And how about Austin? Why, two
blocks from the state capitol,
1138
01:23:03,979 --> 01:23:05,062
you can have
anything done to you
1139
01:23:05,146 --> 01:23:07,398
for money that you
can get in Tangier!
1140
01:23:07,607 --> 01:23:09,984
Well, there's naked massages,
there's tongue baths,
1141
01:23:10,068 --> 01:23:12,653
there's somebody ticklin'
your ass with a feather.
1142
01:23:12,737 --> 01:23:16,782
If you know that for a fact,
Mr. Newspaper Editor,
1143
01:23:16,866 --> 01:23:18,784
it's your duty to expose it!
1144
01:23:18,868 --> 01:23:20,327
Well, now, you see here, C.J.!
1145
01:23:20,412 --> 01:23:21,495
I don't give a damn
1146
01:23:21,579 --> 01:23:23,998
if folks want their ass
tickled with a feather!
1147
01:23:24,082 --> 01:23:27,001
I kind of like to think that
that's what heaven is all about.
1148
01:23:30,046 --> 01:23:33,090
Boys, I got myself a pretty
good bullshit detector.
1149
01:23:34,092 --> 01:23:36,135
And I can tell when
somebody's peein' on my boots
1150
01:23:36,219 --> 01:23:37,803
and tellin' me
it's a rainstorm.
1151
01:23:38,805 --> 01:23:42,016
Now, this thing's gotten way
out of hand. I don't know how.
1152
01:23:42,684 --> 01:23:44,435
But I figure there's
only one thing left to do.
1153
01:23:44,811 --> 01:23:46,103
Close it down!
1154
01:23:46,604 --> 01:23:49,273
No. I'm goin' to Austin.
1155
01:23:49,858 --> 01:23:53,777
See the Governor, tell him Miss
Mona's side of the situation.
1156
01:23:54,779 --> 01:23:57,239
He sure as hell ain't gonna hear
about it from anybody in this room.
1157
01:23:57,323 --> 01:23:59,074
You can't go up
and see the Governor!
1158
01:23:59,159 --> 01:24:00,951
He don't see anybody!
1159
01:24:01,119 --> 01:24:02,578
He'll see me.
1160
01:24:15,842 --> 01:24:17,801
Feel like
the country dog in the city.
1161
01:24:18,094 --> 01:24:19,553
If I stand still,
they screw me.
1162
01:24:19,637 --> 01:24:21,013
If I run,
they bite me in the ass.
1163
01:24:23,183 --> 01:24:24,558
I... I wish
1164
01:24:25,643 --> 01:24:27,102
there was
somethin' I could do.
1165
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:29,813
Thank you.
1166
01:24:32,817 --> 01:24:34,359
They want me to
close her down,
1167
01:24:35,195 --> 01:24:36,987
run her out of town.
1168
01:24:40,283 --> 01:24:43,035
How can I ask her to leave when
all I want her to do is stay?
1169
01:25:04,641 --> 01:25:08,310
Ladies and gentlemen, His
Excellency, the Governor of Texas.
1170
01:25:12,816 --> 01:25:14,525
My friends,
I want to thank you
1171
01:25:14,609 --> 01:25:17,444
for that sincere and
heart-warming ovation.
1172
01:25:17,529 --> 01:25:18,612
No questions, please.
1173
01:25:19,906 --> 01:25:22,699
Governor, what do you think of
the crisis in the Middle East?
1174
01:25:22,992 --> 01:25:24,743
I was sayin' just this
morning at the weekly
1175
01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:26,537
prayer breakfast in
this historic capitol
1176
01:25:27,288 --> 01:25:29,289
that it behooves both
the Jews and the Arabs
1177
01:25:29,707 --> 01:25:31,792
to settle their differences
in a Christian manner.
1178
01:25:32,043 --> 01:25:34,002
But...
Governor! Governor...
1179
01:25:34,087 --> 01:25:36,046
Have you seen the evidence
of the disgraceful situation
1180
01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:37,965
at the Chicken Ranch?
1181
01:26:22,093 --> 01:26:23,510
What the hell did he say?
1182
01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:25,929
The same as usual.
Not a damn thing.
1183
01:26:49,412 --> 01:26:50,871
Governor!
Yeah.
1184
01:26:50,955 --> 01:26:52,497
Jerry Rogers of
the Houston Post.
1185
01:26:52,582 --> 01:26:53,790
Hi, Jerry.
1186
01:26:54,042 --> 01:26:56,877
Governor, do you plan to take
action against the Chicken Ranch?
1187
01:27:32,622 --> 01:27:33,872
Did you get any of that?
1188
01:27:33,957 --> 01:27:35,791
I hear him talking
but he don't come in.
1189
01:27:53,017 --> 01:27:54,643
There he is. Come on, boys.
1190
01:27:54,727 --> 01:27:56,561
Governor! Governor.
1191
01:27:56,646 --> 01:27:58,939
Melvin P.
Thorpe. Watchdog News.
1192
01:27:59,357 --> 01:28:02,526
Why has the Chicken Ranch
operation been so long ignored?
1193
01:28:02,610 --> 01:28:04,611
We seem to be havin' some
acoustic problems in here.
1194
01:28:04,696 --> 01:28:07,447
Aren't you afraid of
possible pay-offs and bribes?
1195
01:28:07,532 --> 01:28:09,449
Melvin, I'm sorry.
1196
01:28:09,617 --> 01:28:11,034
Enough of this pussyfootin',
Governor.
1197
01:28:11,119 --> 01:28:14,705
What do you intend to do about
Miss Mona and the Chicken Ranch?
1198
01:29:08,343 --> 01:29:10,177
Can you believe that man?
1199
01:29:10,261 --> 01:29:12,012
Was that a yes or a no?
1200
01:29:12,096 --> 01:29:13,722
That's a possible maybe.
1201
01:30:01,562 --> 01:30:03,939
Governor? I have
Sheriff Dodd from Gilbert
1202
01:30:04,023 --> 01:30:05,690
waiting outside to see you.
1203
01:30:05,775 --> 01:30:09,152
He's been here since early this
morning and is very insistent.
1204
01:30:09,654 --> 01:30:11,613
Swearin' Sheriff Dodd?
The one on TV?
1205
01:30:12,156 --> 01:30:15,325
No, no, no, no... Hi, Sheriff!
1206
01:30:16,202 --> 01:30:18,245
Just talkin' about you.
How are ya?
1207
01:30:18,746 --> 01:30:22,207
Governor. I know I'm way out of
line comin' up here like this,
1208
01:30:22,458 --> 01:30:23,917
but before you closed
down the Chicken Ranch,
1209
01:30:24,001 --> 01:30:25,001
I wanted you
to know all the facts.
1210
01:30:25,044 --> 01:30:26,962
But I haven't made
that decision yet! Good.
1211
01:30:27,046 --> 01:30:28,130
My aides are
still workin' on that.
1212
01:30:28,214 --> 01:30:30,048
Well, the Chicken...
1213
01:30:30,133 --> 01:30:32,843
The Chicken Ranch has been in my
county since before I was born.
1214
01:30:33,177 --> 01:30:37,514
Its doors have been open to
soldiers and presidents and farmers.
1215
01:30:38,349 --> 01:30:41,435
Even governors who can remember
what a great institution it is.
1216
01:30:43,312 --> 01:30:44,729
No need to bring
that up, Sheriff.
1217
01:30:44,814 --> 01:30:45,814
I ain't
threatenin' you, Governor.
1218
01:30:45,898 --> 01:30:47,315
Whatever you say,
I'm gonna do.
1219
01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:48,817
But think of
the people out there.
1220
01:30:48,943 --> 01:30:50,610
I've known Miss
Mona for 12 years.
1221
01:30:50,695 --> 01:30:52,320
You're never gonna
meet a finer woman.
1222
01:30:52,405 --> 01:30:55,198
She never refuses a charity.
The whole town likes her.
1223
01:30:55,741 --> 01:30:59,661
Hospital fund, new swimmin'
pool, even the Little Leaguers.
1224
01:30:59,745 --> 01:31:02,330
She bought 'em uniforms so they
wouldn't have to play in their overalls.
1225
01:31:03,291 --> 01:31:04,374
Well.
1226
01:31:06,461 --> 01:31:09,796
I wasn't aware of
her civic generosity.
1227
01:31:11,841 --> 01:31:12,966
But the law is the law!
1228
01:31:13,050 --> 01:31:14,551
Sometimes it's
gotta be changed.
1229
01:31:14,886 --> 01:31:16,386
I been fightin'
crime all my life,
1230
01:31:16,471 --> 01:31:18,555
but let's not confuse crime
with committin' a sin.
1231
01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:20,557
You can't legislate morality.
1232
01:31:20,641 --> 01:31:23,185
Those girls out there have never
caused any trouble to anybody.
1233
01:31:23,269 --> 01:31:26,354
They're healthy, taxpayin',
law-abidin' citizens
1234
01:31:26,439 --> 01:31:27,856
who supply
a demand and provide an
1235
01:31:27,940 --> 01:31:29,441
economic asset
to the community.
1236
01:31:30,443 --> 01:31:32,861
Ed Earl.
1237
01:31:33,654 --> 01:31:38,116
You ever think about runnin'
for office? I swear.
1238
01:31:38,242 --> 01:31:40,243
You make that whorehouse
sound like a
1239
01:31:40,328 --> 01:31:41,828
damn nonprofit
recreational facility.
1240
01:31:43,039 --> 01:31:46,041
Governor, if
the citizens who elected me
1241
01:31:46,125 --> 01:31:48,168
found it necessary
for me to close it down,
1242
01:31:48,252 --> 01:31:49,920
I would close it down.
1243
01:31:50,004 --> 01:31:54,341
If Miss Mona and the girls that work
for her were jeopardizin' the health,
1244
01:31:54,425 --> 01:31:57,677
wealth or moral scruples of the
community, I would close it down.
1245
01:31:58,095 --> 01:32:00,096
If the place was just
a piddlin' nuisance,
1246
01:32:00,431 --> 01:32:03,517
an eyesore, a fire hazard,
I would close it down!
1247
01:32:03,601 --> 01:32:04,559
But there's nothin'.
1248
01:32:04,644 --> 01:32:07,395
No reason except
the goddam cries
1249
01:32:07,480 --> 01:32:10,232
of a muckrakin'
sensationalist on television.
1250
01:32:11,025 --> 01:32:13,276
Here they are, Governor.
What you've been waitin' for.
1251
01:32:16,447 --> 01:32:18,406
Aha. I'm sorry, Ed Earl.
1252
01:32:18,491 --> 01:32:21,993
But the Chicken Ranch loses,
42 to 37, with 21 % undecided.
1253
01:32:22,411 --> 01:32:23,537
What is that?
1254
01:32:23,621 --> 01:32:26,039
The polls. You can't expect
me to go against the polls.
1255
01:32:26,123 --> 01:32:27,207
This is what the people want.
1256
01:32:27,291 --> 01:32:29,417
Melvin still outside? Maybe I
can catch the television cameras
1257
01:32:29,502 --> 01:32:31,378
before they leave.
Good seein' ya.
1258
01:32:31,671 --> 01:32:33,088
But it's not
what my people want.
1259
01:32:34,465 --> 01:32:36,967
Show's over, Sheriff.
Close it down!
1260
01:32:46,811 --> 01:32:49,020
Hooray!
Aha!
1261
01:33:44,702 --> 01:33:48,204
I'd love to see
that sheriff's face right now!
1262
01:33:49,498 --> 01:33:52,751
That Chicken Ranch
is gonna get it in the neck!
1263
01:33:53,502 --> 01:33:56,504
And Miss Mona,
she's gonna get hers, too.
1264
01:34:14,023 --> 01:34:15,565
Sorry son of a bitch.
1265
01:34:50,851 --> 01:34:52,018
Hello?
1266
01:34:53,270 --> 01:34:55,146
Mona,
this is an official call.
1267
01:34:56,440 --> 01:34:58,108
As the Sheriff of
Lanville County,
1268
01:34:58,192 --> 01:34:59,359
it's my duty to
tell you that...
1269
01:34:59,443 --> 01:35:01,945
Why don't you just get
to the point, Sheriff?
1270
01:35:03,739 --> 01:35:05,073
I gotta close you down.
1271
01:35:06,117 --> 01:35:07,283
I see.
1272
01:35:08,828 --> 01:35:10,620
How long do we have?
1273
01:35:11,122 --> 01:35:13,581
Be better to do it
as soon as possible.
1274
01:35:15,751 --> 01:35:17,210
I understand.
1275
01:35:18,254 --> 01:35:19,337
Mona.
1276
01:35:21,090 --> 01:35:22,966
About the other night.
1277
01:35:24,969 --> 01:35:26,636
I lost my temper.
1278
01:35:28,639 --> 01:35:30,432
I said some things
I shouldn't have said.
1279
01:35:32,518 --> 01:35:34,310
I want to apologize.
1280
01:35:35,187 --> 01:35:37,063
Oh, it's all right, Ed Earl.
1281
01:35:37,148 --> 01:35:40,608
I think we both said a whole
lot of things we regret.
1282
01:35:41,026 --> 01:35:42,569
If there's ever
anything I can do...
1283
01:35:42,945 --> 01:35:45,447
No, thank you. I think
you've done all you could.
1284
01:35:46,365 --> 01:35:48,324
I have to tell my girls.
1285
01:36:22,693 --> 01:36:25,195
Well, the news has come.
1286
01:36:25,738 --> 01:36:27,280
Just got a call
from the Sheriff,
1287
01:36:27,990 --> 01:36:29,866
and we are closed down.
1288
01:36:30,367 --> 01:36:32,494
Immediately and permanently.
1289
01:36:36,207 --> 01:36:37,624
Oh. What'll we do?
1290
01:36:37,708 --> 01:36:40,877
Well, Las Vegas, here I come.
1291
01:36:41,504 --> 01:36:43,463
Damn! I thought
when the Sheriff went
1292
01:36:43,547 --> 01:36:45,340
up to Austin to
speak to the Governor,
1293
01:36:45,424 --> 01:36:47,133
we'd get a reprieve.
1294
01:36:47,218 --> 01:36:48,426
What did you say?
1295
01:36:48,969 --> 01:36:50,512
Didn't you know
about that, Miss Mona?
1296
01:36:51,430 --> 01:36:52,889
He drove up last night.
1297
01:36:53,516 --> 01:36:56,434
The whole town's talkin' about
the way he fought for you.
1298
01:36:57,394 --> 01:36:59,354
Didn't he tell you that?
1299
01:36:59,647 --> 01:37:02,232
No. No, he didn't.
1300
01:41:19,740 --> 01:41:21,574
So the girls left
1301
01:41:21,658 --> 01:41:24,327
and it was a sorry
day for Lanville County.
1302
01:41:27,498 --> 01:41:28,998
It's kinda like
the end of an era.
1303
01:41:29,917 --> 01:41:32,001
You know, like when you
graduate from high school?
1304
01:41:33,087 --> 01:41:35,505
Things are just
never the same again.
1305
01:41:37,216 --> 01:41:39,967
Ed Earl's up in
the state legislature now,
1306
01:41:40,677 --> 01:41:42,678
and I became the Sheriff.
1307
01:41:50,104 --> 01:41:52,146
I suppose you're wonderin'
what happened to Miss Mona.
1308
01:41:52,606 --> 01:41:55,900
Well, Ed Earl drove up
there on her last day.
1309
01:42:12,251 --> 01:42:13,626
Hey, Sheriff.
1310
01:42:13,710 --> 01:42:14,877
Good morning, Jewel.
1311
01:42:14,962 --> 01:42:18,548
I'm so pleased to see ya. I
knew you couldn't let me leave
1312
01:42:18,632 --> 01:42:21,259
without a sweet
goodbye for your old Porky.
1313
01:42:24,179 --> 01:42:25,388
Goodbye, Jewel.
1314
01:42:25,472 --> 01:42:26,556
Goodbye, Sheriff.
1315
01:42:26,640 --> 01:42:29,142
I sure hope you come up north
to visit Miss Mona and me.
1316
01:42:29,893 --> 01:42:31,144
Where is she?
1317
01:42:31,228 --> 01:42:32,436
Inside.
1318
01:42:34,314 --> 01:42:35,940
See you're takin'
the old juke with you.
1319
01:42:36,108 --> 01:42:40,153
You know I couldn't
leave without my bell and my box.
1320
01:43:24,448 --> 01:43:25,698
Ed Earl?
1321
01:43:28,952 --> 01:43:30,745
This old place looks
kinda funny, don't it?
1322
01:43:31,997 --> 01:43:34,540
Ben Sawtuck bought all
my furniture and fixtures
1323
01:43:34,625 --> 01:43:37,084
and Langston downtown
is gonna sell the rest.
1324
01:43:42,257 --> 01:43:43,716
Mona, there's
something I wanna tell you.
1325
01:43:44,134 --> 01:43:45,801
I want you to
thank your boys for me.
1326
01:43:46,136 --> 01:43:47,470
Those sightseers and
reporters would have
1327
01:43:47,554 --> 01:43:48,846
got all out of
hand if it hadn't been
1328
01:43:48,931 --> 01:43:50,556
for your deputies
down at the gate.
1329
01:43:52,851 --> 01:43:54,268
Mona,
you know me better than that.
1330
01:43:54,353 --> 01:43:56,062
Ed Earl, I believe
the thing for you to do is
1331
01:43:56,146 --> 01:43:57,855
just to put this
whole thing behind you
1332
01:43:57,940 --> 01:43:59,941
just as quick as you can.
1333
01:44:00,025 --> 01:44:03,402
I've made a little money, I've
laughed some, I've danced to the music.
1334
01:44:03,487 --> 01:44:05,571
It's just time to pay
the fiddler, that's all.
1335
01:44:09,159 --> 01:44:10,785
Mona, we've been
together a long time.
1336
01:44:12,329 --> 01:44:14,622
Sometimes I think you know me
better than I know myself.
1337
01:44:17,292 --> 01:44:19,085
So you know how hard
this is for me to say.
1338
01:44:21,672 --> 01:44:23,005
I love you.
1339
01:44:25,842 --> 01:44:27,510
Will you marry me?
1340
01:44:27,928 --> 01:44:31,597
Oh, Ed Earl, I've loved you
since I was 16-years-old.
1341
01:44:32,140 --> 01:44:34,684
But I've thought about
this for a long time.
1342
01:44:35,102 --> 01:44:36,811
And as much as I'd
love for it to work,
1343
01:44:37,562 --> 01:44:40,356
I know deep down in my heart
it ain't never gonna be.
1344
01:44:41,066 --> 01:44:42,775
Didn't you hear what I said?
1345
01:44:43,026 --> 01:44:44,110
I did, darlin'.
1346
01:44:44,194 --> 01:44:46,696
But it's gonna
always be just like it is.
1347
01:44:47,489 --> 01:44:50,241
There just ain't no way
in this world it can work.
1348
01:44:51,076 --> 01:44:52,952
We could make it work.
1349
01:44:53,203 --> 01:44:54,704
Just have to give it a chance.
1350
01:46:38,767 --> 01:46:40,434
I know you're
gonna get your dream.
1351
01:46:42,062 --> 01:46:45,439
And I know you're gonna do a
real good job in the legislature.
1352
01:46:47,067 --> 01:46:48,609
But if you was to marry me...
1353
01:46:48,693 --> 01:46:50,027
Wait, a second.
1354
01:46:51,113 --> 01:46:52,488
I love you.
1355
01:46:53,865 --> 01:46:55,991
I don't give
a damn what people say.
1356
01:47:01,498 --> 01:47:03,791
Jewel!
Hold it right there!
1357
01:47:03,875 --> 01:47:06,168
What's that, Sheriff?
1358
01:47:08,797 --> 01:47:10,631
Which one of
them bags is hers?
1359
01:47:10,715 --> 01:47:12,007
That one.
1360
01:47:12,509 --> 01:47:15,344
And that one there, there...
1361
01:47:23,145 --> 01:47:25,312
Oh, Sheriff!
1362
01:47:27,566 --> 01:47:32,027
I always knew you'd
come through!
1363
01:47:44,499 --> 01:47:46,959
Oh!
1364
01:48:44,935 --> 01:48:48,479
Well, that's pretty darn
close to the way it happened.
1365
01:48:48,772 --> 01:48:53,067
The old Watchdog, Melvin P.
Thorpe, got what he wanted.
1366
01:48:53,944 --> 01:48:56,195
Miss Mona married Ed Earl
1367
01:48:56,279 --> 01:48:58,280
and they got what they wanted.
1368
01:48:58,365 --> 01:49:02,785
And the people of Texas, well,
they got what they wanted.
1369
01:49:02,869 --> 01:49:07,248
Another legend, the legend
of the Chicken Ranch.
1370
01:49:56,631 --> 01:49:58,674
Y'all come back now, ya hear?
105910
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