Original subtitles

[Intense rock music]

[Christmas song playing] ♪ Oh Oooh it's Christmas

♪ getting cozy all up in this blanket ♪

♪ just hanging the garlands ♪

♪ wrapping the presents ♪

♪ watching the fire ♪

♪ the one that I want ♪

♪ is finally here ♪

♪ let's put up the star ♪

♪ oh it's Christmas ♪

♪ and I miss this ♪

♪ so come and hold me tight ♪

♪ all your kisses ♪

♪ match my wish list ♪

♪ it won't be a silent night ♪

♪ It's Christmas time with my baby ♪

♪ oh Santa I've been so patient ♪

♪ I've gotten to go ♪

♪ open up at your home ♪

♪ I'm never alone ♪

♪ was waiting for you ♪

[Car window closing] ♪ to come on back too and... ♪

[Radio] You are listening to

by Five O'Clock Charlie

We've got more Christmas cheers

after a brief word from our sponsor. [Button click]

[Echoing groan]

Stop it!

I grew up in a really big old house.

It's a beautiful house.

It had a lot of problems.

Chief among them were mice.

Not a lot, but a decent amount.

[Janus] My sisters

despite all being vegetarian,

couldn't stand the mice

[Janus] Screaming

[Zipper] at all hours of the night

demanding we do something about it.

Now, my sister, closest to me in age.

Lyda.

She was never one to complain without doing anything.

So she asked me what to do.

I told her we needed mouse traps

and she came back with 20 traps.

Used all her allowance to get them.

Only she didn't get the right ones.

She got the glue traps.

Not the old school snap ones

that kill the mouse instantly.

[Janus] See, the glue traps

They merely trap the poor animal.

Kill them slowly.

They either starve to death or

break their own legs trying to get off the trap.

Some mice have even eaten off their own limbs.

[Somber music] So strong is their will to survive.

[Janus] I warned Lyda about the traps but

she didn't want to go back to the store, so

So she set them all out

around the house and we went to bed.

Middle of the night

I woke up to a screeching sound coming from the kitchen.

[Suspenseful music]

I got downstairs,

I saw Lydia

crying,

crying, staring at something ..

When I got closer,

I saw a little mouse

desperately trying to get itself off the trap.

[Janus] Now, Lyda begged me

to help the mouse

to set it free,

but I told her

that wasn't possible.

[Janus] Once it's been stuck,

that's it.

The only thing she could do to help

was to decide

how long it suffered.

What do you mean?

Well,

she could leave it as is.

Try and sleep through the animal's cries of pain

as it died slowly.

Or

She could do the humane thing,

put it out of its misery.

[Somber music]

Kill it.

[Janus] My method was to

put it in a trash bag

hit it with a cast iron skillet.

[May] You did it for her.

I didn't mind doing it the first time.

She was scared.

She'd never had to deal with anything like this.

But...

you better believe

the second time

I heard the screech.

[Pfft]

I stayed in bed.

[Mouths words]

The only way a person can ever fully learn something

[Intense music]

is to do it themselves.

[Janus] When Lyda... Have you ever been to Antartica?

What makes you think my story was done?

I was done hearing it.

You know, I can tell long boring stories, too, if I wanted.

[Janus] It isn't nice to cut people off.

- Deal with it. - Izzy stop!

You should listen to your friend “Izzy”

Isabella and I do what I want, thank you.

[Suspenseful music]

Is anyone else hungry?

Can we stop for food?

Is that allowed?

Why are you asking us?

I don't know where we are.

The last time you were in was called Lowville.

We should probably get out before then.

[Janus] Are you eager to get out?

Will you leave her alone?

I don't think we ever got your name.

[Nails clicking]

Janus

Yah-noos? Is that Spanish.

Greek?

Does it mean anything?

I think my name is just a month.

[Janus] Janus is a Roman God.

Ha! Of course it is!

[Janus] Janus is the God of gateways and beginnings.

[Janus] Janus is the God of gateways and beginnings.

My name is a month also.

January.

Wow! You two have so much in common!

Jealous?

[Isabella] You'd like that?

Stop!

Stop what?

Look at him, he's a big boy. He can handle himself.

[May Scoffs]

[Janus] May

- If you don't like what's going on... - Stop talking to her!

[Janus] You can stop it. You have control.

Stop talking to her like she's your friend!

I can pull over the car, I'll get rid of Izzy

I can pull over the car, I'll get rid of Izzy

- And we'll go together... - You're not taking her

[Janus] Look at her, does she look like she wants to go anywhere with you?

[Isabella] Stop trying to make us turn on each other!

[Janus] I'm not making her do anything!

[Isabella] She looks like you're giving her a seizure!

[Janus] What I thing May needs us to do... [Isabella] I knew it!

[Isabella] I had the feeling when I first laid eyes on you

[Janus] I think what May needs us to do [Isabella] ..that you would be the biggest

[Isabella] pain in the ass in the world -Stop!

[Electrifying music]

You are the one with the gun May, hmm?

You make the decisions, not her.

No.

We make the decisions.

[May] Izzy and I are a team.

[Janus] But you're not.

[Janus] Hmm?

[Janus] I can tell.

[Janus] You don't want to do this.

[Janus] I have a niece

-She watches your show incessantly -Stop!

May?

Help me untie my legs.

May help me untie my legs.

And me and you can go to the cops and tell them

You don't have to escalate things because she's obsessed with murder.

I'm not.

I can't get out of this without you. Hey!

[Music de-escalates]

[Intense music]

Do you really think that I am an unwilling participant?

Izzy and I both have our parts.

Mine just hasn't started yet.

[Screeching sounds]

[Chuckles]

[Isabella] You were right! [May laughs] I told you!

You made a big mistake rushing my part!

Your part?

Are you still hungry?

[Scoffs]

We can't look well fed when they find us.

Find us?

Did you call the cops?

[Scoffs]

Yes we called the co..

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

but once the truth comes out, you're probably going to jail.

Sure!

[Intense music builds up]

Your show is stupid, by the way.

Ouch!

Who wants to watch two idiots

put on makeup and talk about murder.

Apparently, a lot of people.

1.1 million, to be exact.

It's not just makeup and murder.

Don't forget Cookie Corner.

I watched one with my niece.

That was 30 minutes of you putting on makeup

while eating breakfast.

[Animated music starts]

I'm May Marigold

And I'm Isabella Laningham

and this is Murder She Cooked!

[Giggles] [Janus] 30 minutes

before either of you spoke.

People nowadays are too affraid of silence.

Don't try and make what you do sound intelligent.

[May] Just because you don't get it

doesn't diminish the value of it.

Art is up to the interpreter.

What you do is not art.

[Scoffs]

And what makes you the arbiter of what ..

[Laughs] The arbiter...

[May chuckles]

Only saw one episode, huh?

How is it what we do different than performance art?

Maybe it's because... we're on the internet!

Nothing wrong with embracing technology.

[Intense music] What you do is trash.

Everything about people like you is garbage.

In fact I think what you do

it's what's wrong with western civilization.

Oh huh!

[May] You are definitely more familiar than 1 ep..

[Isabella] We are what's wrong with western civilization?

Like he's written a dissertation on us!

I don't waste my time on people like you.

Like what?

Talentless fame-seekers

who feel the need to document

every single minute

of their pointless, meaningless existence.

[Car engine sound]

It seems to me,

from our limited interactions with one another

that you are the kind of human being

who loooves to hear himself speak.

My guess: He's a teacher.

Hmm, but he's too verbose

to teach younger kids.

- High school? - College.

Some sort of subject

where he gets to give

long boring lectures

about mice on glue traps.

[Isabella] Maybe ones about social media

and it's impact on the modern world.

[Clears her throat]

The Power of Social Media

[Intense music]

[May giggles]

So how about it?

Are we close?

We must be close.

Look at how touchy he's being.

[Isabella giggles]

I bet he's the kind o..

That flirts with his students.

I'm sure you say to yourself

it hasn't been that long since I was in college.

I bet I still look the same.

You bet wrong.

We're probably the same age.

Not spiritually.

Jesus!

You two coat yourselves

in 20 lbs of makeup every day

and make cookies on an internet show for living

and you have the nerve to come at me

for hypothetically flirting with my students

who are at most, what?

16 years younger than me?

16 years?

Probably how old his baby niece is.

Fuck you!

Huh?

Don't be mad at us.

Be mad at your Freudian weak brain

that's forcing an Electra complex with your niece.

Stop saying things like that

about my 11 year old niece.

[Suspenseful music]

[Janus] Now what?

What?

We'd have to be as stupid as you think we are not to notice.

[Janus] Notice what?

- You know us. - Like, really know us.

- [Janus] No, I told you.. - My question is

What do we do with him now?

Oh! You mean, hmm...

how do we kill him?

Oh my God,

please don't kill me!

[Isabella] We have to make it big and dramatic!

Display him somewhere where lots of people can see him.

Please!...Please!

Oh, well, gee. Now I don't know.

Maybe we shouldn't.

He did say please.

I love a man with manners.

Maybe we just play it by ear.

We could... flip a coin.

Heads we kill him

tails we don't?

It has to be more dramatic than that.

You got a coin?

[Isabella] Oh! Here's one on the floor!

Huh... You can do it? [Giggles]

[Coin drops]

Tails.

[Giggles]

Emotionally or physically?

Why limit ourselves?

So is this what you do?

Hmm?

You go around killing innocent people?

I think you're playing fast and loose with the word innocent.

[Janus] When it comes to you two, I am.

I've never done anything to either of you

ever in my life.

Lying, again!

I'm sure you've hurt people.

You know, my instant dislike of you Janus

isn't just the fact that you delude yourself into thinking

that you are better than us.

It's the fact that after we've proven

unimpeachable evidence of your own mediocrity

you still feel deep down inside superior.

Maybe I do.

[Chuckles]

[Janus] But why do you care?

Hmm?

Why me?

When there are people who actively hate you.

People who troll your comment boards and

write nasty think pieces on you on twitter.

I nothing you.

The only reason I know you exist is because of my niece.

You on Twitter, janus?

For my job, yes.

Huh.

It's interesting to me a man who abhors social media

as much as you would be on it.

We all have to make a living.

That's right.

We do.

I wanna get back to the student fucking for a moment.

I've never fucked my students!

[Isabella] Sure, sure, sure.

But let's say big huge Janus over here

starts to hit on little 5 foot nothing Kimberly.

- Your typical pocket blonde. - Maybe 100 lbs soaking wet.

Just moved her from Oklahoma

or some sort of stupid mid west place like that.

She wants to be a dancer some day!

Or a contestant on

[In unison] The Bachelor!

[Giggles]

Anyway,

she's failing your class and

she comes to you begging for some sort of extra credit

so that way she doesn't get kicked out of school

-and have to move home to Omaha -Oklahoma

Whatever!

And instead of extra credit

you try to offer another kind of deal.

Some sort of sexual quid pro quo.

Our little Kimberly really doesn't want to do a thing like that

with an ape like you!

But...

she's in your office after hours.

You're a big intimidating man

and she's an itty bitty little girl.

I'm sure you say to yourself

she could have left if she was uncomfortable.

I didn't force her to do anything.

Do you think I'm somebody else?

Well you did!

You put that girls in a position where she ..

And she couldn't get away.

If that's not rape I don't know what is.

I've never raped anyone!

You sound very defensive for some who's completely innocent.

[Intense music] You're both fucking crazy!

Calling women crazy!

Next he's gonna ask if we're on our period.

[Janus] Stop.

Stop being hysterical women.

Being hysterical women.

You're not dealing with pocket blonde Kimberly.

May and I aren't tiny little women who are scared of you.

You have me all wrong.

I..I don't intimidate people.

I don't want women to be scared of me.

[Laughs] because you're super woke, huh?

Janny likes to think of himself as an ally.

Probably has one of those frames on his Facebook profile

that says “I Stand With Women”

[Both laugh]

[Laughing louder]

[Continue laughing]

[May] Your face!

[laughing]

[Sigh]

[Sad music]

I need to get home.

Now you're in a rush.

My girlfriend is waiting for me.

You don't have a girlfriend.

Yes I do.

One blow job from Kimberly does not make her your..

Stop saying that!

Why were you so eager to pick up two absolute strangers

Why were you so eager to pick up two absolute strangers

in that dinner, if you had a girlfriend to get home to.

Being a nice person?

Was it because we were too pretty girls?

We're no Kimberly but I think we're cute.

[Giggles] Who smiled and flirted with you?

I did it because

I recognized you.

I wanted to be nice.

-You wanted to get into panties -Actually...

-You wanted to get into panties -Actually...

I was hoping you'd sign something for my niece.

My money's on you May.

'cause I remind him of Lyda.

Jesus!

[Isabella] Just a feeling

Maybe it's the way he tried to..

Not a bad point but an arrogant man like this

I bet he thought he could get us both.

I think he buddied up to me because he erroneously assumed

assumed that I was the easier to manipulate out of the two.

Much like one of his students!

Yeah he was definitely hoping to bang us.

Even if I was

I could still have a girlfriend

and she could still be waiting for me wondering where I am.

Izzy?

Yes?

How long would you wait for me to get home

before you decide something was wrong,

panicked, then called the police.

Not sure.

The diner we were at was in

-Lyonsfalls -That's right.

And we passed Lowville about

[Pfft]

- 20 minutes ago? - Also right!

- 20 minutes ago? - Also right!

And Janny over here said he was going to Fort Drum

but offered to take us to Chaumont

and extra 30 minutes out of the way.

How do you know so much about this area?

Are you from here?

I gotta tell you Janus

it's looking more un-likely that you have a girlfriend.

Well, that aside

you were already planning to be home in what... an hour and a half?

And let's say that this totally real and not made up girlfriend

is the world's most nervous woman

even she wouldn't start worrying until

a half hour after you were supposed to arrive?

So I don't think anyone is sounding the alarm for you

Until you are at least multiple hours late.

What about my sisters? Huh?

It's almost Christmas. They'll be worried about me too.

If they had any clue they needed to be.

You probably got there for Christmas dinner.

Brunch.

Probably wants to watch his niece open her presents.

Aw.

That's practically 24 hours..

If you just check my phone you'll probably see...

- a bunch of messages -You're embarrassing yourself.

[May chuckles]

[Car engine sound]

People saw us leave the diner together.

[Somber music] It's only a matter of time until

Until what?

[Hissing] You're just gonna have to wait and see!

[Janus] Fuck you!

Fuck you both.

You know, correct me if I'm wrong Izzy

but do they make a lot of Lifetime movies about

strange women who kidnap men?

I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. That's right.

That's right! It is the other way around.

[Sad music]

-Janny -Janus

Do you really think

you're the one that's going to look good

once the cops catch up to us?

The cops aren't stupid.

The facts aren't going to line up.

Fact: 2 women got into the car of a strange man

Fact: We've already been reported as missing

Fact: The waitress at the diner already got my note

asking for help.

What?

Oh! Yeah, I didn't tell you?

[Sigh] I... I was nervous

about getting into a car with a strange man but

my best friend Izzy thought we'd be okay

but just to be safe I left a note detailing

both you and your car to her just in case.

[Suspenseful music]

Smiley face!

Jesus Christ!

[Giggles] The odds are against you.

[Giggles]

You bitches.

Oh!

[Suspenseful music]

[Whines]

Yes! Bitch!

The word used by all woke men who are allies.

What if I just kill us all.

Will you slow down!

[May] Do you really want to scare

someone who's holding a gun to your back?

Slow down!

I've got what, 30 lbs on you bitches!

I'll probably walk away with minor injuries!

Not if May shoots you!

[Car engine revving]

[Silence]

Grrr!!

[May groans]

[All breath heavily]

[Car engine]

[Breathing slows down]

[Laughs]

Wow! [Laughs]

I gotta tell you Janny: That was pretty exciting.

[Laughs]

This is our first time taking our little act on the road and

I had no idea

how much more thrilling the car would make things.

[Chuckles]

[May] um...

[Car engine]

[Clicking nails]

I haven't heard any pleads for your safe return.

[Chuckles]

Aw, it's almost as if nobody knows or cares that you're m..

Uh!

They care.

[Burst into laughter]

Oh, come on!

Janus lighten up!

Can't take a joke this guy.

[May laughs]

Uh... Ummm!

Uh

Okay... Uh...

[Isabella] What are you doing?

I... I need a minute. I... I can't drive anymore.

Did I say you can pull over?

[Janus] My ankles are killing me.

[Car stops]

Such a pussy!

[Janus whimpers]

That's okay.

Pull over up here.

This is as good a place as any to stop.

[Sad music]

[Gear sound, keys]

I have a family

5 older sisters

[Click]

My father died 2 years ago

but my mother still needs to be taken ca..

Here he goes again!

I'm gonna pee. Want to shut him up?

[Belt unbuckles]

[Car door opens]

[Door closes]

[Footsteps on dry leaves]

Don't maim him too much! [Door closes]

[Door opens]

Look at you: My little mouse on a glue trap.

[Intense music]

Big strong man like yourself, bested by two young women.

Not exactly young, are you?

What are you, pushing 40?

-I'm 32 -Uh...

Sorry.

First time seeing your face without a filter.

[Chuckles]

Again with the belittlement.

First you try mansplaining to me with that

condescending little Aesop's fable

then when that doesn't work

you try driving a wedge between me and Izzy

because obviously you are arrogant enough to think

that one or two pointed comments from you

Could end a lifetime of trust and friendship

Let's not forget uh... Kimberly?

And your little speed racer routine

but finally, you save the best for last:

You try the hostage negotiation tactic?

On us?

Telling us about your super dead dad

your soon to be dead mom, your five million sisters,

your imaginary girlfriend, your darling little niece

and you know what?

We just don't give a fuck!

Argh!

Because

at the end of the day, Janus

the roman God of gateways and motherfucking January

[Janus] Please! Please!

No matter how your ego helps you cope with the events of today

I just want you to remember

this unfiltered face

that's holding you captive by your balls right now.

[Janus whimpers]

Ugh!

[Breathes heavily]

Um!

Ugh! Um!

[Intense music]

[Kiss]

[Spits]

- Ooh! - Grr!

[Breathes heavily]

Now is the time when you

decide whether or not you're going to

Accept your fate

Urgh!

Or chew off one of your own limbs to survive.

Oh God! Ugh!

[Whimpers]

[Screams]

[Somber music]

[Inaudible]

[Door opens]

[Breaths heavily]

[Clicking]

[Button click]

[Radio] Here's one for the last minute shoppers

whose Amazon orders won't be coming in time for Christmas.

And they are quickly driving

from Walmart to Walmart

to find that special gift.

[Bells jingle]

Here's Sweater Weather by Lindsey Boering

♪ Snow falling all around me ♪

♪ under this coat my heart's pounding ♪

♪ Cuddled up here with you ♪

♪ Thinking of what I'd like to do ♪

♪ Your kiss tastes like peppermint ♪

♪ The light gives your skin a pretty tint ♪

[Muffled]

[Music becomes distorted]

♪ When you're with me it feels like Christmas ♪

♪ Nothing could be better than sweater weather ♪

♪ When you're with me the world feels so bright ♪

♪ The naughty list never felt so nice ♪

[Music fades]

[Struggling]

[Thump]

[Sad music]

[Flapping]

[Door opens]

[Chuckles] Oh my gosh, Check this out!

[Chuckles]

[Pulsating music]

[Grinding]

Mm!

[Whimpers]

[Whimpers]

[Snip]

[Silence]

[Heartbeat]

[Struggling]

[Whoosh]

[Heartbeat]

[Snip]

Um...

[Grinding]

Hm!

Umph!

Huh!

Huh?

Argh!

Hm!

[Nausea]

Blaargh!

[Digging]

What the fuck did you to me?

[Footsteps]

[Lively music]

[Phone] The following has just been obtained from the Facebook

of the man suspected of kidnapping

May Marigold and Isabella Laningham.

[Swoosh]

A warning: the following images a..

I'm a dirty whore

All I care about is how many followers I have

Human beings mean nothing to me

No! Don't hurt me! [Thud]

That was May marigold obviously being forced

to say something by the suspected kidnapper

Janus Balaskas

While his motives are still unclear,

police have been trying to ping his cel phone

in an attempt to locate the victims before it's too late.

That was just the latest drama from our Youtube stars

known for their hit show: Murder She Cooked

[Giggles]

[Lively music]

You two

You're sick motherfuckers, you know that?

[Exhales]

What is wrong with you?

Why?

- Why me? - I don't have it in me

for another why you why this person debate.

Yeah, right.

You clearly love to talk.

That's right! I do.

But I work hard so I've earned the right to speak

as much or as little as I fucking want to.

You know, I don't know Izzy

I think we should flip the coin again.

I don't think he deserves to live.

We usually do best out of three.

Wait!

Oh yeah, that'..

You still have the coin?

Oh my God,

[Laughs]

Do you wanna kiss it for good luck?

Please!

Please!

[Coin flips]

Oh! I was ..

Ahrg!

You see it?

[May] I think it landed somewhere over here?

Hm...

[Footsteps]

[Isabella] Where could it be?

Where could it be?

Oh!

[May] Here it is!

Huh! Just kidding! It's the top of an acorn.

[Isabella laughs]

[May] Don't worry little Janny we'll find it.

We'll find it. n

[May chuckles]

[May] Doesn't look good.

[Isabella] It sure doesn't.

[Birds chirping]

[Footsteps]

[Thud] Augh!

[Distorted sound]

[Thump]

What the fuck!

[Intense music]

[Whimpers]

[Buzzing sound]

You know what? Um, Why don't you just go wait in the car

and I'll come get you when I'm done.

[May] Don't sleep, ok?

Can you make it?

You're sure?...Okay?

Yeah? Don't sleep.

[Footsteps]

[Somber music]

Ugh! Ugh! Urgh!!

[Grunts]

[Struggles]

Um, ugh...

[Grunts]

[Muffled] No!!

Ahrg!

[Grinding]

[Grunts]

[Pulsating drums]

[Whimpers]

[Grinding]

Um!...Um!

I know this is something you'd like to think you can avoid.

[Janus whimpers]

That you can somehow will yourself not to get hard.

[Heavy breathing]

[Muffled] Hm!

But at the end of the day, friction is friction.

[Whimpers]

[Janus groans]

[Janus groans]

[Janus groans]

[Muffled scream]

[Janus grunts]

[Somber music]

[Mirror creaks]

[Closes mirror]

[Slam]

[Somber music]

[Cries]

[Heavy breathing]

[Fast breathing]

[Deep breathing]

[Screams]

[Deep breathing]

[Exhales]

[Footsteps]

[Intense music]

[Click, slam]

[Nails clicking]

[Lock clicks]

[Door slams]

Are you okay?

It's done?

[Somber music]

[Intense music]

[Suspenseful music]

[Car doors open]

[Door slams]

[Door slams]

[Birds chirping]

[Grinding]

[Janus moans]

[Grinding]

[Muffled whimpering]

[Grinding]

[Footsteps]

[Isabella] You didn't cover him up?

[Scoffs]

[Bag drops]

[Janus sniffles]

Hm..

[Janus] Hmph!

Thank you.

Trouble in paradise?

[May] You'd like that wouldn't you?

[Clicks]

[Janus] Izzy?

[Janus] Do you have any water?

Why are you asking me?

[May scoffs] Janny...

are you back to try and drive a wedge between us again?

Because it went so well for you the first time...

May?

Yes?

Do you have any water?

Yes, there's some in my bag.

Can I have some?

[Looks through bag]

[Uncaps bottle]

[Drinks] Ah!...Thank you.

[Whispers] Do you want some more?

[Janus] No.

Thank you.

[Puts bottle in bag]

Well, it's grand finale time.

What does that mean?

[May] Time for the final coin toss.

[Whimpers]

[Sighs] But you know, before I flip this coin

[May] I think it's time you confessed.

[Clip] [Janus] Confess what?

I told you it was too tight!

[Janus] I can't feel my hands.

- Ugh! - You don't need to.

I think you know us Janus.

I think you know us very well.

So well in fact

I think you taught an entire semester about us.

So what? I mentioned you in my class.

I talk about all kinds of online personalities.

Don't you mean influencers?

Specially influencers that are causing the fall of western society?

Ones that could “Tell teenage girls”

to put Tide pods in their cookie batter”

and the young impressionable women will dutifully tweet back

How many?

[Janus] Is that what this is about?

There are consequences to the things we say professor Balaskas.

That account is private.

Nothing is private on the internet.

You of all people should know that.

[Laughs]

[Janus] This is what this is really about?

I've tweeted about you what...

twice?

Maybe three times?

Sticks and stones Janus.

You two are pathetic.

Flip the coin. I don't give a fuck anymore.

[Tribal drums]

[Janus groans]

Ugh!

[Janus] Stop! Stop!

[Suffocates]

I need your help.

Ah!

[May] I need your help.

[Isabella whimpers]

[Isabella] Urgh!

[Janus whimpers]

[Isabella and Janus struggle]

[Janus whimpers]

[Tightens ziptie]

[Tightens ziptie]

Did you really just... kill her?

Actually I think you did.

Are you cold?

[Janus] What just happened?

I asked you if you were cold ‘cause if you are I can

help you put your pants back on.

Yes. I'm cold.

[Birds chirping]

[Janus] Hmph!

[Both struggle]

[Isabella] Ugh!

[Dusting jacket]

My fly is down.

- [Janus] Ugh! - What's wrong?

[Janus] My hands, I think they're really messed up.

[Breaths heavily]

[Isabella} Yeah, they're a little gnarly looking.

Jesus!

[Isabella] Don't be a drama queen. It's not like you're gonna lose them.

You're such a pussy.

[Scoffs]

You know... Hm,

I don't see how you saying pussy and me saying bitch are any different

It is.

So,

It's not okay for me to use derogatory terms to bring down your sex

but when you do it, it's totally fine.

Right?

[Janus] it's not like... women

[Janus] betraying the sisterhood or some shit.

Janice?

Yes?

Shut the fuck up.

So,

Are you two fucking?

What is wrong with you?

[Janus] Seems like it.

I know in your depraved mind,

two females who love each other have to be having

nightly pillow fights and wrestle in jello,

but real love and friendship know no physical bounds.

Hm...

I've seen you kiss.

[Isabella] You don't kiss your friends?

No, I don't.

You're missing out.

[Birds chirping]

[Janus] Did I really kill her?

You're concerned?

[Janus] Not for her.

For yourself?

Of course I am.

At least with her alive... I had a chance to...

[Isabella] At what?

[Scoffs]

[Laughs] I don't know.

Proving my innocence?

[Isabella] You'll be fine.

How?

How will I ever be again?

I wish my hands weren't so numb,

'cause then I could've felt that bitch's throat

snap in my fingers.

Oh!

That, scandalized you.

[Janus] That upset your delicate disposition?

[Janus] You put me through hell.

And I'm supposed to feel

anything? For you?

You ruined my career, I could go to jail...

I don't understand why this is happening to me.

[Isabella] Why would you!

Don't give me that arrogant bullshit again!

You don't know fuck all about me.

You chose me at random.

You could have picked anyone of your little trolls

but for some God forsaken reason you chose me.

[Janus] I'm not a perfect person

but I definitely do not deserve this.

You're right! You're not a perfect person.

That doesn't give you and twiddle psycho over there

the right to jigsaw me!

I'm just...

a normal dude.

I'm no worse

no better than anyone else.

[Isabella] Why not you?

What do you mean?

If we're following your logic then, why not you?

You're no better or no worse than anyone.

Why would anyone else deserve this to happen to them?

Why do some people get cancer and others get to live 'till 90?

We don't live in a fair or just world.

So why should man I treat you fairly or justly?

Shit happens. We just happen to be the ones creating it.

[Janus] But this is how I'm going to be remembered?

I'm going to die tied to this tree.

My family is going to remember nice uncle Janus

who snapped one day and killed two Z-List celebrities.

You act like that's something bad?

It is bad, you fucking lunatic!

May and I have given you the chance to be remembered!

Most people live and die and are never thought of again.

Maybe the check out guy at the 7-11 may one day ask:

What ever happened to such and such?

Everyone remembers John Hinkley Jr.

[Janus] Everyone 30 and older does.

The average Gen-Z hasn't the faintest fucking clue!

They ate the story up when we talked about it on the show!

That's because he tried to kill a seating president!

And he was obsessed with Jodie Foster.

[Janus] Another person they don't know.

And news flash: You're no Jodie Foster.

May and I are still in our infancy.

You have no idea what we'll become.

And I really don't fucking care.

But you've taken that choice from me.

I'm now forced to live this narrative you've created.

And I should have control of that.

I should!

I should!

[Janus cries]

Aaargh! Fuck you!

Fuck you!

[Crying]

I should be...

I should...

[Crying]

Fuck me!

[Crying]

[Whimpers]

Seriously?

[Chuckles]

Just do it.

Just kill me, okay?

I've got nothing left to live for and...

I'm in so much pain.

You win

[Sniffles]

[Exhales]

[Whimpers]

[Heavy breathing]

[Snip]

Oh!

Fuck!

[Isabella] Feel better?

Kinda like that feeling of being on your feet all day and then

finally sitting.

[Somber music] [Click]

[Rummages through bag]

[Isabella] Uhm!

[Phone: Piano music]

[Isabella] Is this you?

[Phone: Janus] What are we showing them today, huh?

[Birds chirping]

You're not bad!

Huh? Is your niece the little girl?

[Phone: Janus' niece] I actually have a song I wrote.

[Phone: Janus] Oh!

[Phone: Piano music]

She's pretty.

Did you teach her how to play?

Oh, what. You're finally done talking?

[Scoffs]

I assume with your last breath you'd still be crying ab..

What bitches we were and how we did you wrong.

[Isabella] Why do you have so many selfies at the gym?

[Isabella] Has that ever turned a woman on?

Gonna check your recently deleted to see if there are any dick picks!

I've already seen it but still...

What do I fucking have to do to get a reaction from you?

Want me to tie your hands back up! 'Cause I will!

What do you want from me?

I want you to pay attention to me!

[Isabella scoffs]

[Isabella scoffs]

She isn't dead, you know?

I'd never do that to her.

Yay.

[Scoffs]

I'm sorry... okay?

I'm sorry your hands got all fucked up.

I't wasn't part of the plan.

No?

[Isabella] No, May just...

[Isabella scoffs]

May... what?

[Isabella scoffs]

May what?

[Isabella whimpers]

[Somber music]

[Janus] There's still time to fix things!

We can go to the police.

We can tell them everything that's happened...

Is this the supposed girlfriend?

Ex.

Ah! So you lied, huh?

Yeah, I did.

[Somber music]

[Isabella: Mouth clicks] She looks tiny.

Gymnast?

[Janus] No.

Former student?

We didn't start dating after she graduated.

Of course you didn't.

I really don't want to do this again.

Do what?

This insufferable back and forth

where I have to defend everything I say and I do.

She looks young.

[Isabella] Can she vote?

She's legal, okay?

Boy, that fills me with confidence!

[Janus] I'm not a pedophile.

[Intense music]

[Distorted music]

[Janus] I just like being with someone who looks up to me.

[Janus] And women my own age tend not to.

[Isabella] That's shocking to hear, Janus.

[Janus] There's nothing wrong with dating someone younger than you.

Stop trying to make everything I do problematic.

I won't let you feel better

about ruining my life!

[Intense music]

[Janus] Did May fuck things up by messing up my hands?

[Janus] Does she sometimes go too far?

Your little niece has been tweeting about you.

[Isabella] Don't worry uncle Janus. She's defending you.

[Blows on hands]

[Picks up leather jacket]

[Footsteps]

Thank you?

She's not using it.

Want some cold fries?

[Somber music]

[Sad music]

[Closes container]

[Scoffs]

What?

This kid is definitely related to you.

What'd she say?

She just tweeted

It is not only what we do

but also what we do not do for which we are accountable.

Moliere.

Yup.

Jesus.

I know. She's almost as pretentious as ..

What 11 year old talks like this?

[Sad music]

Aw... She not only added you but me and May.

She still loves us by the way.

No one's perfect.

[Sad music]

A lot of people are coming at her.

[Janus] What do you mean?

“How can you defend him. He's a monster.”

“Obviously the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.”

Who's saying these things to her?

[Isabella] All kinds of people.

She's child!

[Isabella] People don't care.

Well, they should.

Also who lets a child that young have a Tweeter account?

I said the same thing to my sister.

She doesn't care.

Humanity must be exterminated.

Hmm.

“This situation is much larger than any of us”

'You shouldn't be posting about this”

Who said that?

Lyda.

God forbid she parent in person.

“People don't think about the big picture or the greater good.”

“They're all myopic.”

”All anyone cares about is the instant gratification of their needs.”

Who wrote that?

No one. I'm just saying it.

How many of my lectures have you listened to?

All of the ones that were available online.

I always loved having me quoted back to me.

You know...

May means more to me than anyone or anything in th..

Then why did you hurt her?

[Scoffs] Things haven't been going as planned.

I wouldn't say anything to anyone if you just let me go.

I just want my life back, huh?

I... I will drive away. You'll never hear from me again.

[Isabella] You're already all over the news.

You could say it was a... a stunt or... or something... for your show.

[Janus] A war of the worlds type thing for the internet age.

Will you stop talking about us in your class?

I will never mention either one of your names ever again

in my fucking life!

I... I'll do whatever you want me to do

if... if you just let me get out of here.

[Janus] I... I'll even stop teaching!

I'll retire early! I'll take up fucking knitting.

Whatever you want me to do I'll do!

[Footsteps]

What are you doing?

[Isabella sniffles]

[Clip]

Run!

[Gasping for air]

[Whimpers]

Now!

Agh!

[Clip]

[Clip]

[Janus screams in pain]

[Deep breathing]

[Keys rattle]

Huh!...Go!

[Coughs]

[Footsteps]

[Exhales heavily]

[Thundering sound]

Run! Ask is is a professor of media studies at Anglesea

[May coughing]

[Footsteps]

[Janus] Urgh!

[Footsteps]

[May coughing]

[Keys rattling]

[Opening door]

[Slamming door]

[Engine starts]

[Radio] Balaskas is a prof..

With no known connection between him and the victims at this time.

[Radio] Balaskas is driving a 2012 red Saturn minivan.

If you have any information on his whereabouts

please call our hotline

AAArgh! [Radio] 1-800-367-9678

Once more: If you see a 2012 red Saturn minivan

please call our hotline 1-800-367-9678

[Sad music]

[Intense musical build up]

Help!...Help!

We're at the woods, over near Copenhagen

He tried to...

[Hangs up]

[Intense musical build up]

[Phone chimes]

[Phone chimes]

[phone chimes build up]

[May and Izzy wimper]

[phone chimes continue]

[Dramatic music continues]