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1
00:00:01,136 --> 00:00:02,606
No no no, see, you're not
considering that
2
00:00:02,606 --> 00:00:05,678
Oompa Loompas are
basically super nurses.
3
00:00:05,678 --> 00:00:06,514
I mean come on,
4
00:00:06,781 --> 00:00:09,151
that one girl was basically
a stage 4 blueberry and
5
00:00:09,285 --> 00:00:11,122
they juiced her back
to life in like a day.
6
00:00:11,122 --> 00:00:12,859
No, no no.
Completely wrong, okay?
7
00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:14,830
A Gremlin would demolish
an Oompa Loompa.
8
00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:17,702
All you'd find is DNA evidence
of its stupid little wig and
9
00:00:17,702 --> 00:00:20,741
its little orange skin, okay?
Guy did a whole video on it.
10
00:00:21,910 --> 00:00:23,346
Ah, stupid ads.
11
00:00:23,914 --> 00:00:24,583
Ew Mark.
12
00:00:24,883 --> 00:00:26,920
You gotta skip a
ten second ad that badly?
13
00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:28,925
Yes, okay. It's a
matter of principle.
14
00:00:29,125 --> 00:00:32,464
I'm like the Postal Service.
Okay, rain, sleet, snow,
15
00:00:32,464 --> 00:00:34,770
buffalo sauce, I'm hittin'
that skip button.
16
00:00:34,903 --> 00:00:35,639
Oh my god!
17
00:00:35,772 --> 00:00:36,773
No, it's fine. I got it.
18
00:00:36,773 --> 00:00:38,645
No, I think that guy's choking.
19
00:00:41,651 --> 00:00:42,653
Eh, he's fine.
20
00:00:42,786 --> 00:00:43,453
No no no.
21
00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:44,890
He's choking!
He's choking!
22
00:00:48,163 --> 00:00:49,398
Come on, work with me!
23
00:00:53,073 --> 00:00:54,041
You okay, hon?
24
00:00:54,442 --> 00:00:56,781
I- I think so.
Thank you so much.
25
00:00:56,881 --> 00:00:58,083
Oh, don't worry about it.
26
00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,954
Just drink some water
and you'll be fine.
27
00:01:00,989 --> 00:01:03,628
Tam, you missed the whole part
where he explains Oompa Loompas,
28
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,631
they could even have
little Whangdoodles.
29
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:07,467
What?
30
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,171
You're not gonna
acknowledge the fact
31
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:10,742
I just saved the guy's life?
32
00:01:10,742 --> 00:01:13,280
I mean, I think you're being
a little dramatic Tam, okay?
33
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,282
The guy was gonna be fine.
34
00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,117
He was turning purple.
35
00:01:15,384 --> 00:01:17,454
Listen, I just take a more
measured approach before
36
00:01:17,454 --> 00:01:20,060
rushing into a risky
maneuver like the Heimlich.
37
00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:21,363
I mean, if you don't know
what you're doing,
38
00:01:21,363 --> 00:01:22,932
you could crack
someone's ribs.
39
00:01:23,032 --> 00:01:24,502
Mark, I know what I'm doing.
40
00:01:24,603 --> 00:01:26,472
I'm certified in
advanced life support.
41
00:01:26,472 --> 00:01:28,711
Yeah, well I'm trained
in advanced...
42
00:01:28,711 --> 00:01:29,847
real life hard knocks.
43
00:01:29,847 --> 00:01:31,918
I think you're just embarrassed
because your wife saved
44
00:01:31,918 --> 00:01:34,723
a guy's life while you sat on
your ass eating chicken wings
45
00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:37,327
and watching videos about
wangnoodles or something.
46
00:01:38,463 --> 00:01:39,699
They're whangdoodles, Tam.
47
00:01:41,803 --> 00:01:44,342
Well, I used to work
at a hot dog factory
48
00:01:44,475 --> 00:01:46,479
Until them
robots came along
49
00:01:46,613 --> 00:01:48,217
And now
there is no job for me
50
00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:50,821
But I get
3,000 bucks a month
51
00:01:50,821 --> 00:01:54,996
Thanks to UBI
52
00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:58,938
Now we're
Universal Basic Guys
53
00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:00,842
It may not sound like much
54
00:02:00,842 --> 00:02:03,948
But we're still gonna try
55
00:02:03,948 --> 00:02:08,757
We're just
Universal Basic Guys
56
00:02:15,137 --> 00:02:17,274
Hey, yo!
Stop eating all my cookies.
57
00:02:17,274 --> 00:02:18,844
What are you talking
about, your cookies?
58
00:02:19,011 --> 00:02:20,815
These are from Paul.
59
00:02:20,815 --> 00:02:21,617
Paul? Who's that?
60
00:02:21,817 --> 00:02:23,721
The guy from the restaurant.
Read the note.
61
00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:26,125
"For Tammy, my hero."
62
00:02:26,226 --> 00:02:27,161
Yeah, okay, creep.
63
00:02:27,161 --> 00:02:28,597
The hell is wrong
with this guy?
64
00:02:28,697 --> 00:02:29,833
He's not a creep, Mark.
65
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:32,271
This is what happens when
you save someone's life.
66
00:02:32,404 --> 00:02:34,909
People appreciate it.
Unlike someone I know...
67
00:02:34,909 --> 00:02:35,711
Oh c'mon, okay?
68
00:02:35,878 --> 00:02:38,250
I think "hero" is a
bit of a stretch okay?
69
00:02:38,250 --> 00:02:40,019
You were in the right
place at the right time.
70
00:02:40,019 --> 00:02:40,721
Hah! Oh yeah?
71
00:02:40,955 --> 00:02:42,926
How many lives you
save this week, Mark?
72
00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:43,894
How 'bout this month?
73
00:02:44,261 --> 00:02:45,832
Have you ever saved a life?
74
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,436
I mean I'm just waiting for
my opportunity, that's all.
75
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:50,641
And what are you gonna to do
when that opportunity arises?
76
00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:53,146
You haven't even taken
a basic first aid class.
77
00:02:53,146 --> 00:02:55,016
Nah nah nah.
It's not about training, Tam.
78
00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:56,687
It's about having
the right stuff,
79
00:02:56,854 --> 00:02:59,425
the guts to run into
that burning building.
80
00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:02,899
The courage to punch that
shark, boom, right in the face.
81
00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:05,738
Guys like
me, being a hero?
82
00:03:05,738 --> 00:03:06,405
It's in our blood.
83
00:03:06,405 --> 00:03:08,276
Nuh uh.
Life-savers only.
84
00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,817
Mm. The taste of appreciation.
85
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:12,518
Pfft!
86
00:03:13,086 --> 00:03:16,258
Right place. Right time.
87
00:03:19,465 --> 00:03:20,802
Ah, here we go. Here we go.
88
00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:22,672
!
89
00:03:22,672 --> 00:03:23,808
Ooh! Damn.
90
00:03:23,808 --> 00:03:25,010
You want a hot dog, Mark?
91
00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:26,346
Come on Hank.
Not now, okay?
92
00:03:26,346 --> 00:03:28,183
We're here to save
lives not eat hot dogs.
93
00:03:28,350 --> 00:03:30,321
According to my police scanner
app, there's already been
94
00:03:30,321 --> 00:03:31,289
two accidents here today.
95
00:03:31,557 --> 00:03:34,495
This whole intersection's a
fricken black ice death trap.
96
00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:38,103
Oh. Well, maybe
we should... uh... move?
97
00:03:38,103 --> 00:03:38,905
What are you talking about?
98
00:03:38,905 --> 00:03:40,608
We're in a prime
position right here.
99
00:03:40,608 --> 00:03:43,113
The minute we see
a crash, we swoop in,
100
00:03:43,113 --> 00:03:44,583
pull 'em to safety, and bam,
101
00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:46,452
we're getting cookies
sent to the house
102
00:03:46,452 --> 00:03:47,755
and Tammy's gettin'
none of them.
103
00:03:47,755 --> 00:03:50,126
And also we could
save someone's life.
104
00:03:50,226 --> 00:03:51,229
Yeah, also that, yeah.
105
00:03:51,329 --> 00:03:52,130
!
106
00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:53,366
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
107
00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:56,305
Oh hell yeah!
Let's go Hank! It's showtime.
108
00:03:57,842 --> 00:03:58,376
Whoa.
109
00:03:58,978 --> 00:03:59,780
Watch yourself Hank, okay?
110
00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,850
This is a slippery
situation here.
111
00:04:04,221 --> 00:04:06,526
Ma'am. I need you
to stay calm, okay?
112
00:04:06,526 --> 00:04:07,929
We're gonna get you out of here.
113
00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:10,100
Come on, come on!
114
00:04:10,502 --> 00:04:11,737
Ah, the fricken door is locked.
115
00:04:12,506 --> 00:04:15,243
Okay ma'am listen,
I need you to unlock the door
116
00:04:15,243 --> 00:04:17,280
so we can go in there
and save your life.
117
00:04:17,414 --> 00:04:19,853
Uh, maybe we should call 9-1-1?
118
00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:20,988
Why would we do that?
119
00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:22,525
So she can get help?
120
00:04:22,525 --> 00:04:24,027
She's already got help.
121
00:04:25,163 --> 00:04:25,999
Ow!
122
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:27,702
Hank, could you
break the window?
123
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:28,570
Okay.
124
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,246
Yo this glass is no joke.
125
00:04:33,246 --> 00:04:34,381
Probably bulletproof.
126
00:04:34,683 --> 00:04:36,152
She might be a
diplomat or something.
127
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:37,822
Whoa whoa whoa!
Hank, are you nuts?
128
00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:39,559
You're gonna crush
that lady's head.
129
00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:41,428
Throw it through
the back window.
130
00:04:43,099 --> 00:04:44,570
Okay, ma'am
I'm coming in.
131
00:04:44,803 --> 00:04:46,673
I'm coming in ma'am.
I'm gonna help you.
132
00:04:46,673 --> 00:04:48,442
I'm here to save,
oh, ow.
133
00:04:48,442 --> 00:04:49,646
Stand aside!
134
00:04:53,787 --> 00:04:55,323
Whoa. Cool.
135
00:04:55,457 --> 00:04:56,694
How you doin' pal?
Okay, listen up.
136
00:04:56,827 --> 00:04:58,463
I need your guys on
crowd control, okay?
137
00:04:58,463 --> 00:04:59,966
I need them securing
this perimeter okay?
138
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,806
You, I need you holding my legs
as I go through the back window
139
00:05:02,806 --> 00:05:05,176
and pull the driver to safety.
You got that?
140
00:05:05,176 --> 00:05:06,847
Sir, I need you out of the way.
141
00:05:06,847 --> 00:05:09,384
Nuh uh. Sorry, pal.
This is my scene.
142
00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:10,822
Can we get this guy out of here?
143
00:05:10,822 --> 00:05:12,291
Alright bud, come on,
back up, back up.
144
00:05:12,291 --> 00:05:13,393
Ay come on. What the hell?
145
00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:14,930
Is this how we treat
heroes these days?
146
00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:17,501
Hey Tom, fire up the Jaws.
147
00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:28,389
Ahh!
148
00:05:29,158 --> 00:05:29,959
Thank you.
149
00:05:31,930 --> 00:05:32,599
Unbelievable
150
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,636
Man, firefighters are awesome.
151
00:05:34,736 --> 00:05:36,573
Oh come on, they didn't
do anything, okay?
152
00:05:36,707 --> 00:05:38,142
The Jaws of Life did everything.
153
00:05:38,276 --> 00:05:41,315
It's all about being in the
right place at the right time,
154
00:05:41,448 --> 00:05:43,219
and having the right tools.
155
00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:44,790
Yeah but that's
a hell of a tool.
156
00:05:45,224 --> 00:05:46,425
Hell yeah it is...
157
00:05:47,093 --> 00:05:48,096
Yoooo.
158
00:05:48,096 --> 00:05:48,998
What's goin' on Hank?
159
00:05:49,198 --> 00:05:51,971
You wanna grill up some dogs
and watch the Flyers?
160
00:05:52,071 --> 00:05:52,972
Not today Hank.
161
00:05:53,206 --> 00:05:53,974
Check it out.
162
00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:56,246
Whoa. Is that what
I think it is?
163
00:05:56,346 --> 00:05:57,682
Aw, you know it.
164
00:05:57,849 --> 00:05:59,352
Jaws of Life baby!
165
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,657
We're gonna save so many
lives with this bad boy.
166
00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:03,894
Man. These instructions
are no joke.
167
00:06:03,894 --> 00:06:05,998
Oh, c'mon.
Nobody reads that crap, Hank.
168
00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,000
Just YouTube it.
169
00:06:07,669 --> 00:06:09,505
Here's one: "How to
use the Jaws of Life."
170
00:06:09,505 --> 00:06:11,175
Oh come on,
eleven minutes long?
171
00:06:11,175 --> 00:06:12,845
Forget it.
I'll just figure it out.
172
00:06:14,381 --> 00:06:16,352
Alright Hank,
so this is just a simple
173
00:06:16,352 --> 00:06:18,356
grab-and-lift maneuver, okay?
Basic stuff.
174
00:06:18,524 --> 00:06:20,595
Yo after this I wanna
test out those cutters.
175
00:06:20,595 --> 00:06:21,429
Don't worry I got you.
176
00:06:21,429 --> 00:06:23,499
So am I gonna get
a Jaws of Life?
177
00:06:23,499 --> 00:06:25,805
No, no Hank. You got a
way more important job.
178
00:06:25,805 --> 00:06:26,472
Oh, yeah?
179
00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:28,276
Oh yeah. You're
the kill switch guy.
180
00:06:28,410 --> 00:06:30,380
That means you
run the generator.
181
00:06:30,514 --> 00:06:32,986
You give life to
the Jaws of Life.
182
00:06:32,986 --> 00:06:34,488
Whoa. How do I do that?
183
00:06:34,488 --> 00:06:35,858
Okay, so you see this
switch right here?
184
00:06:35,858 --> 00:06:36,292
Yeah.
185
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:38,029
Okay. You flip that on and off.
186
00:06:38,162 --> 00:06:38,864
Awesome.
187
00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:40,567
Okay Hank. Fire it up.
188
00:06:43,674 --> 00:06:45,110
What is going on here?
189
00:06:45,243 --> 00:06:46,345
Yo stand back, Tam, okay?
190
00:06:46,345 --> 00:06:49,118
This is a very powerful piece
of machinery right here.
191
00:06:49,218 --> 00:06:50,788
And how much did
you spend on this?
192
00:06:50,922 --> 00:06:51,857
You should know
better than anyone.
193
00:06:51,857 --> 00:06:54,127
You can't put a price
tag on saving lives.
194
00:06:54,261 --> 00:06:55,430
Hah, yeah, okay.
195
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,637
Well, I'm headed to the
hospital to actually save lives.
196
00:06:59,137 --> 00:07:00,006
Oh Geez.
197
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,311
Looks like I might not
be the only one headed
198
00:07:02,311 --> 00:07:03,113
to the hospital today.
199
00:07:03,246 --> 00:07:06,018
Very funny, Tam.
I know what I'm doing.
200
00:07:06,151 --> 00:07:06,853
!
201
00:07:07,555 --> 00:07:08,658
Boom!
Nailed it.
202
00:07:08,958 --> 00:07:10,427
Okay Mernft.
Let me see that leg.
203
00:07:10,695 --> 00:07:11,997
Actually you know what,
I'm-- I'm good.
204
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:15,170
All engines, we got a
minor stuck in the jungle gym
205
00:07:15,170 --> 00:07:16,539
at Glantontown Elementary.
206
00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:18,043
Holy crap, did you
hear that, Hank?
207
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,178
Kid stuck in a jungle gym?
208
00:07:19,178 --> 00:07:21,415
That's like a classic
Jaws of Life opportunity.
209
00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:22,084
Oh that's true.
210
00:07:22,217 --> 00:07:23,319
Maybe we should
call the firemen.
211
00:07:23,419 --> 00:07:26,158
No, Hank. If it's on a scanner
they already know about it
212
00:07:26,158 --> 00:07:27,161
so we gotta get there quick!
213
00:07:27,294 --> 00:07:28,930
Come on, let's go,
go, go, go, go!
214
00:07:34,274 --> 00:07:35,611
It's gonna be okay, sweetie.
215
00:07:35,744 --> 00:07:36,747
The firemen are coming.
216
00:07:36,947 --> 00:07:39,987
Uh oh. Looks like
somebody's in a pickle!
217
00:07:40,153 --> 00:07:42,626
But don't worry bud, I'm
here to save your life.
218
00:07:42,726 --> 00:07:45,363
Wh--, what?
Save my life?
219
00:07:45,363 --> 00:07:47,502
Mommy?
Am I gonna die?
220
00:07:47,602 --> 00:07:48,169
No no no.
221
00:07:48,269 --> 00:07:49,438
It's gonna be okay sweetie.
222
00:07:49,438 --> 00:07:50,440
Don't you worry.
223
00:07:50,541 --> 00:07:51,710
Okay, okay.
224
00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:53,213
We're gonna get you
out of here, dude.
225
00:07:53,446 --> 00:07:55,350
I'm sorry.
I'm just a little confused here.
226
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,720
Are you with the
fire department?
227
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,224
Nah. Even better.
I'm with Hoagies FD.
228
00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:00,761
"Hoagies FD?"
229
00:08:00,895 --> 00:08:02,030
Oh, we're the best of the best.
230
00:08:02,030 --> 00:08:05,103
The ones the firefighters
call when they need rescuing.
231
00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:09,913
Now just stay calm, buddy, okay?
232
00:08:09,913 --> 00:08:11,984
It's totally safe
what I'm doing here.
233
00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:13,720
So how we doin' today?
234
00:08:14,088 --> 00:08:14,856
Bad.
235
00:08:15,257 --> 00:08:17,762
Ah c'mon. Let me tell you
could be a lot worse, okay?
236
00:08:17,762 --> 00:08:18,697
I've seen some stuff, okay?
237
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:21,737
I saw this one video, this
guy under a train, friggin'
238
00:08:21,737 --> 00:08:24,041
half his body's out there,
organs are wiggling like it's
239
00:08:24,041 --> 00:08:25,511
friggin' some android
and aliens--
240
00:08:25,511 --> 00:08:26,746
Yeah. Okay, let's not.
241
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,818
What the hell
is going on here?
242
00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:29,619
Oh here we go.
243
00:08:29,753 --> 00:08:31,489
Everything's under
control okay?
244
00:08:31,489 --> 00:08:33,493
Oh god, this guy again?
245
00:08:33,627 --> 00:08:34,295
Where'd you get that?
246
00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,366
Yeah none of your
jurisdiction pal.
247
00:08:36,499 --> 00:08:37,067
Okay, pal.
248
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,640
Well this is not a
Jaws of Life situation.
249
00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:40,440
Are you kidding me?
250
00:08:40,575 --> 00:08:42,812
This is a textbook
Jaws of Life situation.
251
00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,382
It's a three-minute wrench job.
252
00:08:44,382 --> 00:08:45,952
Well, we don't have
that kind of time.
253
00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:49,693
Okay, I need you to stand
back so we can do our job
254
00:08:49,693 --> 00:08:50,628
and get those bolts off.
255
00:08:50,895 --> 00:08:53,567
Uh excuse me, but maybe let
the Jaws of Life Specialists
256
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:54,368
determine our approach.
257
00:08:54,536 --> 00:08:56,540
Buddy, are you even
trained on that thing?
258
00:08:56,673 --> 00:08:59,646
Pffft! Was Schindler trained on
how to make lists when
259
00:08:59,646 --> 00:09:00,581
he saved a bunch of Jews?
260
00:09:00,814 --> 00:09:04,656
Was Harriet Tubman trained
on underground railroading?
261
00:09:04,789 --> 00:09:08,296
Was friggin' Indiana Jones
trained on pulling little
262
00:09:08,296 --> 00:09:09,666
Asian boys out of Lava Pits?
263
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,302
No, I don't think so.
264
00:09:11,537 --> 00:09:14,141
Guys like me,
we are born with a PhD
265
00:09:14,141 --> 00:09:15,644
in saving lives, buddy.
266
00:09:17,314 --> 00:09:18,283
Hank, what the hell!
267
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,184
Hit the kill switch!
268
00:09:22,324 --> 00:09:24,829
Man, these last few
days the ER has been nuts.
269
00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:27,735
If I ever find the dude
who designed that intersection
270
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,805
I'm gonna put him in
the emergency room.
271
00:09:29,939 --> 00:09:32,143
Well, if it isn't
my guardian angel!
272
00:09:32,410 --> 00:09:33,947
Oh, hey... uh... Paul?
273
00:09:33,947 --> 00:09:36,954
You remembered?
Her coffee's on me.
274
00:09:36,954 --> 00:09:39,793
Oh, you don't have to do that.
You've already been so generous,
275
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,832
what with the restaurant tab
and the cookie basket and all?
276
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,336
I insist. Heroes shouldn't
have to pay for coffee.
277
00:09:45,436 --> 00:09:47,340
You know... that is so true.
278
00:09:47,441 --> 00:09:48,476
Ha, ha. Thank you.
279
00:09:48,476 --> 00:09:49,311
See you around!
280
00:09:50,347 --> 00:09:51,850
That was kind of weird.
281
00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:54,722
Oh he's just appreciative.
I saved his life.
282
00:09:54,823 --> 00:09:56,727
But like, how'd he
get your address?
283
00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:58,229
I don't know... Google?
284
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:01,636
Oh!
285
00:10:05,177 --> 00:10:05,911
Eh!
286
00:10:08,416 --> 00:10:09,752
You okay, pal?
You're doing great.
287
00:10:10,086 --> 00:10:12,792
Yeah. I'm alright.
Are you okay?
288
00:10:13,092 --> 00:10:13,627
Oh, yeah.
289
00:10:13,894 --> 00:10:15,329
I can't even feel
my arm anymore.
290
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,100
There you go.
291
00:10:17,502 --> 00:10:18,771
You were very brave.
292
00:10:19,004 --> 00:10:22,344
In fact, I think you could
be a firefighter someday.
293
00:10:22,344 --> 00:10:23,513
Oh, my god, get a room.
294
00:10:23,647 --> 00:10:25,183
Really?
That's cool.
295
00:10:27,354 --> 00:10:28,523
Get out of here, kid.
296
00:10:28,523 --> 00:10:30,326
See? I told ya.
297
00:10:30,326 --> 00:10:32,397
This was never a Jaws
of Life situation...
298
00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:35,069
But it is now.
299
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,240
Tom, grab the Jaws.
300
00:10:37,474 --> 00:10:38,910
Let's cut this moron out.
301
00:10:45,356 --> 00:10:46,125
There you go.
302
00:10:46,492 --> 00:10:48,463
Hey, if you really want
to be a hero,
303
00:10:48,463 --> 00:10:50,367
next time, just call us.
304
00:10:50,768 --> 00:10:52,371
Here. Stay out of trouble.
305
00:10:54,374 --> 00:10:55,511
Okay well that was rude.
306
00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:57,916
Yeah. He didn't even
offer me a lollipop.
307
00:10:58,016 --> 00:10:59,686
Friggin' knock off
piece of crap.
308
00:10:59,819 --> 00:11:00,721
Thing snap like a twig.
309
00:11:00,888 --> 00:11:03,258
I guess those firemen got
the better tools, eh?
310
00:11:03,693 --> 00:11:05,898
Hmm...
Not for long.
311
00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:13,112
Whoa! Is that the
fricken Hoagie Brothers?
312
00:11:13,112 --> 00:11:13,614
Hey, Artie.
313
00:11:13,614 --> 00:11:14,616
How's it goin' Artie?
314
00:11:14,616 --> 00:11:16,418
Ah you know, keepin' busy.
315
00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:20,794
Ah you know I still can't
believe they let you go, man.
316
00:11:20,794 --> 00:11:22,330
I mean with all those
new robots in the factory
317
00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:24,101
you'd figure they'd still
need a technician, right?
318
00:11:24,201 --> 00:11:26,974
Yeah well, apparently
those Humantis robots
319
00:11:27,074 --> 00:11:28,844
got other robots
who do the fixing.
320
00:11:28,844 --> 00:11:31,850
Wait, so who fixes the robots
that fix the robots?
321
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:34,154
It's robots all
the way down, Hank.
322
00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:35,190
Whoa.
323
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:37,862
So I know youse ain't
here for a welfare check.
324
00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:38,930
What do youse need?
325
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:43,072
I call it
The Exoskeleton of Life.
326
00:11:43,205 --> 00:11:45,545
What is this, your fricken
arts and crafts project
327
00:11:45,545 --> 00:11:46,078
from when you were eight?
328
00:11:46,547 --> 00:11:49,251
No Artie, it's the
ultimate life saving tool.
329
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,554
Can you build it or not?
330
00:11:50,554 --> 00:11:51,790
Yeah, of course I can build it.
331
00:11:52,091 --> 00:11:53,827
The question is why
the hell would I?
332
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,698
Uh, how about to save lives?
333
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,267
Eh. I don't really like people.
334
00:11:57,267 --> 00:12:00,474
C'mon, Artie. Just imagine me
in this thing, smashing glass,
335
00:12:00,474 --> 00:12:04,214
slashing through steel, prying
open hunks of burning metal...
336
00:12:04,214 --> 00:12:05,016
It'll be awesome!
337
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:08,355
Oh man, that sounds
like a freakin' disaster.
338
00:12:10,093 --> 00:12:10,594
I'll do it.
339
00:12:11,128 --> 00:12:13,032
When she opened up the freezer,
340
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:15,203
what she found was...
a human head.
341
00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:16,305
Oh!
342
00:12:18,176 --> 00:12:18,944
Oh...
343
00:12:19,311 --> 00:12:20,080
Paul.
344
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:20,948
Haha, yep.
345
00:12:21,215 --> 00:12:24,087
So I realized I sent you
chocolate chip cookies before,
346
00:12:24,087 --> 00:12:26,559
but then I saw on your IG
that you're more of an oatmeal
347
00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:29,131
cookie enthusiast so I was
kicking myself and decided,
348
00:12:29,131 --> 00:12:30,868
ah what the heck,
I'll just bring her
349
00:12:30,868 --> 00:12:32,003
some oatmeal cookies. Hehe.
350
00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:33,874
Paul, you really
don't have to do this.
351
00:12:34,008 --> 00:12:35,644
You've already done
more than enough.
352
00:12:35,644 --> 00:12:36,879
Oh get outta town!
353
00:12:36,879 --> 00:12:38,750
Tammy, you gave me my life back.
354
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:40,086
This is nothing.
355
00:12:42,758 --> 00:12:44,595
Okay well, have a nice day.
356
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,935
"Oatmeal cookie enthusiast"?
357
00:12:48,737 --> 00:12:50,239
2014?
358
00:12:53,445 --> 00:12:54,782
Okay Hank, you ready?
359
00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:56,252
Yeah. Let's go.
360
00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:57,120
Fire it up.
361
00:13:05,771 --> 00:13:06,038
Whoa.
362
00:13:06,673 --> 00:13:08,376
Uh, did I pull the string
too hard or?
363
00:13:08,376 --> 00:13:09,177
What the hell, Mark?
364
00:13:09,478 --> 00:13:11,650
You can't wait five seconds
for the door to open!
365
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,052
Yo Artie you killed it, man.
366
00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:14,355
This thing is too
fricken awesome.
367
00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,191
Alright, let me show you
what you're working with.
368
00:13:16,358 --> 00:13:19,565
So let's see. You got your
spreader tool. You got your ram.
369
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,101
Your circular saw.
370
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,041
Right here you got your
extendable grabber claw.
371
00:13:24,041 --> 00:13:26,178
On your hip is a
wideband police scanner
372
00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:29,852
and I even built in a hot dog
cannon in case you need a snack.
373
00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:32,023
Awesome.
374
00:13:33,527 --> 00:13:35,396
Hell yeah.
C'mon, Hank.
375
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:37,534
Time to go lend a helping hand.
376
00:14:03,587 --> 00:14:05,323
!
377
00:14:08,697 --> 00:14:10,267
Man, we're really
making a difference
378
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,403
in the community Mark.
Feels good, eh?
379
00:14:12,571 --> 00:14:13,339
Hell yeah.
380
00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:17,548
Yo Tam check it out,
I just saved a life.
381
00:14:18,415 --> 00:14:19,117
Hon, that's a cat.
382
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,656
Cats are people too.
You ever heard of Garfield?
383
00:14:21,656 --> 00:14:23,860
How about you give up this
charade and I'll let you
384
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:24,996
have some of my cookies.
385
00:14:25,129 --> 00:14:26,900
Paul just dropped
off another box.
386
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,135
Wait what!?
Oh, come--
387
00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:30,440
I told you that guy was
a fricken weirdo dude.
388
00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:33,112
No he's just a... a nice guy,
389
00:14:33,412 --> 00:14:36,485
who's... really, really...
uh... appreciative.
390
00:14:36,719 --> 00:14:37,988
Yeah well you know what,
I'm good.
391
00:14:38,155 --> 00:14:40,160
I'm getting my own cookies.
Later, hon.
392
00:14:40,528 --> 00:14:42,497
Yo, ma'am, can I get
some cookies for that?
393
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:43,867
You totaled my car.
394
00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:44,936
Pfft okay whatever.
395
00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:47,508
We've got an overturned
school bus on the corner
396
00:14:47,508 --> 00:14:48,510
of Maple and Western...
397
00:14:48,610 --> 00:14:49,879
Oh no, that sounds pretty bad.
398
00:14:50,146 --> 00:14:51,382
We gotta call the
fire department.
399
00:14:51,382 --> 00:14:53,553
No, Hank!
An overturned school bus!?
400
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,058
That's like the filet mignon
of saving lives, okay!
401
00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:58,061
We're gonna be swimming
in cookies. Lets go!
402
00:14:58,161 --> 00:15:00,433
Where do you think you're going?
I need your information!
403
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:02,336
Sorry, ma'am,
I got lives to save.
404
00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:19,538
What the
hell is it with this guy?
405
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,418
Tammy, you need
to block this dude.
406
00:15:26,586 --> 00:15:28,455
I mean maybe he's from
the Midwest or something
407
00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:30,426
and we're not used to being
treated the way that--
408
00:15:30,426 --> 00:15:31,529
Oh my god!
409
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:34,969
Jasmine he's still here.
410
00:15:34,969 --> 00:15:35,470
What!?
411
00:15:35,971 --> 00:15:38,075
Tell him to get lost
and call Mark, now--
412
00:15:38,075 --> 00:15:39,645
Okay, okay, I gotta go.
413
00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:41,348
No thank you!
414
00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:42,651
I insist!
415
00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:43,520
No.
416
00:15:44,354 --> 00:15:45,356
Ew!
417
00:15:47,528 --> 00:15:48,530
Ahh!
418
00:15:48,830 --> 00:15:50,299
How the hell did you get in?
419
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,205
Oh, I just let myself in
through the chimney.
420
00:15:53,372 --> 00:15:55,376
Sorry to get all
Santy Claus on you!
421
00:15:55,577 --> 00:15:56,546
Hahaha.
422
00:15:56,546 --> 00:15:58,583
Anyway, I got you flowers!
423
00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,250
Enough!
424
00:15:59,652 --> 00:16:01,722
You need to get your ass
out of my house right now.
425
00:16:01,722 --> 00:16:04,327
I don't understand.
I thought you liked tulips.
426
00:16:04,596 --> 00:16:04,829
Hey!
427
00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:05,764
Ah come on! Out!
428
00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:07,400
I was just trying to
show my gratitude!
429
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,370
You're my guardian
angel, my hero!
430
00:16:09,370 --> 00:16:10,406
We have a special connection!
431
00:16:10,507 --> 00:16:14,114
No. I'm not a hero, and I'm
not your guardian angel.
432
00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:15,149
I'm just a fricken nurse.
433
00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:19,190
I save lives every day.
It's just part of the job.
434
00:16:19,859 --> 00:16:21,494
But you need to be appreciated!
435
00:16:21,662 --> 00:16:24,234
Nuh uh. I don't need any
more appreciation.
436
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,575
I need you to leave. Or else
I'm gonna get you a gift, pal...
437
00:16:27,742 --> 00:16:28,877
a restraining order!
438
00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:34,454
Daddy does not do
rejection well.
439
00:16:38,663 --> 00:16:41,636
Alright children I need
you to all remain calm.
440
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,140
For I am here to save you.
441
00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:54,963
Where the hell are the kids?
442
00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:57,500
Oh no we're too late.
They're already ghosts.
443
00:16:58,503 --> 00:17:01,374
Ah are you kidding me!
Fricken first responders.
444
00:17:26,626 --> 00:17:28,462
Ugh. What a day. Ugh.
445
00:17:28,563 --> 00:17:30,767
Oh great,
now the fricken power
446
00:17:30,767 --> 00:17:31,536
is out too.
447
00:17:31,736 --> 00:17:32,771
Man this grid's a joke.
448
00:17:32,771 --> 00:17:34,542
Tax dollars hard at work eh?
449
00:17:35,076 --> 00:17:36,311
Whoa there, Bryce Harper.
450
00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:37,881
What's with the bat?
Everything okay?
451
00:17:37,881 --> 00:17:39,585
Oh yeah no all good just um...
452
00:17:39,585 --> 00:17:41,756
power's out and you never
know if some weird creep
453
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,994
might happen to... not that
there would be but you know...
454
00:17:43,994 --> 00:17:46,331
with all the cops busy dealing
with all the chaos and all
455
00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:47,969
I'm just keeping an eye out.
456
00:17:48,169 --> 00:17:49,939
Oh my god.
Wait a minute. You're right!
457
00:17:50,173 --> 00:17:50,708
It's perfect!
458
00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:52,711
There's probably
accidents galore.
459
00:17:52,978 --> 00:17:55,316
This is like the gold rush of
saving lives right here!
460
00:17:55,584 --> 00:17:57,822
Right place. Right time.
Right tool...
461
00:17:57,922 --> 00:17:59,559
and not enough
first responders.
462
00:17:59,692 --> 00:18:01,394
Hank! Fire up the suit!
463
00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:06,506
Aw what in the hell, Mark!?
464
00:18:06,506 --> 00:18:09,277
Sorry Tam, there's people
out there who need me.
465
00:18:13,251 --> 00:18:14,955
I tried to be nice
to you, Tammy.
466
00:18:15,122 --> 00:18:17,260
Grrr, I treated
you like an angel.
467
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:20,265
And if you don't
want to be my angel,
468
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,271
then I'm gonna send you to hell.
469
00:18:24,675 --> 00:18:25,544
Woah!
470
00:18:33,225 --> 00:18:35,363
Oh boy Hank.
We got a live one baby!
471
00:18:35,497 --> 00:18:37,500
Right place, right time,
right tools...
472
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:39,237
and no firefighters in sight.
473
00:18:39,404 --> 00:18:40,707
Oh geez. You're right.
474
00:18:40,974 --> 00:18:42,176
I'm going in!
475
00:19:02,283 --> 00:19:04,253
We did it, Mark.
We saved this guy's life!
476
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:05,256
Hell yeah, I did!
477
00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:08,228
We're eating gift basket
cookies tonight, baby!
478
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:10,232
Uh huh.
479
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,137
Wait. Do I know you
from somewhere?
480
00:19:12,237 --> 00:19:14,307
You saved me...
481
00:19:15,275 --> 00:19:16,077
It's all good, bud.
482
00:19:16,378 --> 00:19:18,550
You know, I'm just a good
samaritan who happens to
483
00:19:18,550 --> 00:19:20,453
like double chocolate chip
cookies, so you know...
484
00:19:20,554 --> 00:19:22,156
Uh, I think
he's choking, Mark.
485
00:19:22,557 --> 00:19:25,162
Oh, that's who this guy is.
486
00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:27,635
Uh, maybe we should give
him the Hitler Maneuver?
487
00:19:27,802 --> 00:19:28,469
The Heimlich?
488
00:19:28,637 --> 00:19:29,137
Oh is that it?
489
00:19:29,304 --> 00:19:31,174
Okay come 'ere.
Come 'ere.
490
00:19:31,743 --> 00:19:32,443
Alright...
491
00:19:32,778 --> 00:19:35,015
Uh... you want me to find
a YouTube tutorial?
492
00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:36,318
Nah nah nah,
I got this, okay?
493
00:19:36,318 --> 00:19:37,386
It's basic stuff.
494
00:19:41,327 --> 00:19:43,431
Come on, you son of a bitch.
Come on, get it out.
495
00:19:43,431 --> 00:19:46,205
Spit it out. Come on, buddy
pop the dog, pop the dog.
496
00:19:46,305 --> 00:19:47,775
Pop it out.
Pop, pop, pop.
497
00:19:50,078 --> 00:19:50,580
You know what?
498
00:19:51,147 --> 00:19:53,185
I think we all learned
an important lesson today:
499
00:19:53,419 --> 00:19:55,590
When the Grim Reaper
decides it's time,
500
00:19:55,590 --> 00:19:58,195
there's really no special tool
that can get in his way.
501
00:19:58,496 --> 00:20:00,199
Sometimes it's just your time...
502
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,203
I got him. I got him.
Move!
503
00:20:02,303 --> 00:20:03,038
Whoa! Okay.
504
00:20:03,172 --> 00:20:03,740
Yo what the hell?
505
00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:05,610
How do they always
get here so fast?
506
00:20:05,610 --> 00:20:08,650
Wait, Hank. Did you call
the fire department?
507
00:20:08,783 --> 00:20:09,150
Yeah.
508
00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:10,486
Why the hell'd you do that?
509
00:20:10,721 --> 00:20:12,490
I don't know.
I thought they could help.
510
00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:14,695
Dammit Hank.
Let's get out of here.
511
00:20:15,029 --> 00:20:15,931
Argh!
512
00:20:18,536 --> 00:20:19,303
My...
513
00:20:19,939 --> 00:20:21,475
new... hero.
514
00:20:21,475 --> 00:20:23,613
Don't worry about it, pal.
Just doing my job.
515
00:20:23,746 --> 00:20:25,483
Well can I at least,
I don't know,
516
00:20:25,483 --> 00:20:26,418
buy you a beer
or something?
517
00:20:26,418 --> 00:20:30,259
I-- I don't normally...
eh... you know what?
518
00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:31,996
What the hell.
It's been a long day.
519
00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:34,936
I mean really, who the hell's
this Heimlich guy anyway?
520
00:20:34,936 --> 00:20:37,440
Some German pervert running
around humping people
521
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,645
and one day a piece of steak
flies outta someone's mouth,
522
00:20:39,645 --> 00:20:42,050
and now he's a freakin'
Thomas Edison of choking?
523
00:20:42,050 --> 00:20:43,686
Pfft. I don't buy it.
524
00:20:49,598 --> 00:20:49,965
Oh yeah.
525
00:20:50,099 --> 00:20:50,867
You're nuts.
526
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:52,370
Shaggy would eat
sandwiches like
527
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:53,873
two feet high in one bite.
528
00:20:53,873 --> 00:20:55,978
Nah Tam, wouldn't even
be a contest, okay?
529
00:20:55,978 --> 00:20:57,380
Alf has eight stomachs.
530
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,150
Yeah but he only eats cats.
531
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:01,287
No no no. He ate
all kinds of stuff okay?
532
00:21:01,287 --> 00:21:02,858
The cats were just a delicacy.
533
00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,732
So, how was your
first aid class?
534
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:07,868
Eh, not for me.
535
00:21:08,035 --> 00:21:08,970
Hank said you fell asleep.
536
00:21:09,104 --> 00:21:10,372
I mean well it's just,
you know, by the thirtieth
537
00:21:10,372 --> 00:21:12,978
chest compression
it's like, I get it.
538
00:21:13,479 --> 00:21:15,684
Coming up at 11:
539
00:21:15,684 --> 00:21:19,390
A Glantontown firefighter kills
a home intruder with an axe,
540
00:21:19,390 --> 00:21:20,828
after the man apparently...
- Oh my god.
541
00:21:20,828 --> 00:21:22,898
entered his house through
the chimney.
542
00:21:24,535 --> 00:21:25,269
Somebody help!
543
00:21:25,436 --> 00:21:26,471
He's choking!
544
00:21:27,908 --> 00:21:29,310
Uh, we'll take the check.
38915
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