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1
00:00:01,336 --> 00:00:03,307
Whoa... is that like
a uh, Van Gogh?
2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:04,676
Nah, nah Hank.
It's this girl on Etsy,
3
00:00:04,776 --> 00:00:06,814
she does these like,
hysterical pet portraits.
4
00:00:06,981 --> 00:00:09,887
I had her do one of Tammy's old
dog Rollins for her birthday.
5
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,890
Oh man that is
hysterical, Mark.
6
00:00:12,157 --> 00:00:12,826
Tammy's gonna love it.
7
00:00:12,959 --> 00:00:14,563
Yeah, I know.
I thought so, too.
8
00:00:14,663 --> 00:00:16,567
But then I found out some
surgeon she works with
9
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:20,207
got her a freakin' $200 gift
card to some fancy spa.
10
00:00:20,207 --> 00:00:22,946
Yo, that's no good, Mark.
He's clearly trying to bang her.
11
00:00:22,946 --> 00:00:24,816
I know, right!
Who the hell does this
12
00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:25,618
creep think he is, getting my
13
00:00:25,918 --> 00:00:29,826
wife some overpriced woo woo
yoga crystal massage BS?
14
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,831
Ooh, that does sound kinda nice.
15
00:00:31,964 --> 00:00:33,199
Yo this guy's good, okay?
16
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:36,172
She's gonna be all oiled up,
getting rubbed down,
17
00:00:36,305 --> 00:00:38,176
all while thinking about
that doctor.
18
00:00:38,443 --> 00:00:39,613
If you don't wanna
get cucked here,
19
00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:41,683
you gotta get her
something real special.
20
00:00:41,683 --> 00:00:42,351
Mimi go uppie.
21
00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:44,221
Mimi go uppie!
Let's go, come on, uppie?
22
00:00:44,455 --> 00:00:46,058
Never gonna happen,
Jinglebells!
23
00:00:46,058 --> 00:00:46,727
Could you not?
24
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,497
I'm trying to build
her self - esteem.
25
00:00:48,497 --> 00:00:49,933
I think she's a little
insecure around the
26
00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:51,369
poodles at Doggy Daycare.
27
00:00:51,369 --> 00:00:52,271
David, let me ask you something.
28
00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:54,676
How would you feel if
some dude at Andrea's
29
00:00:54,810 --> 00:00:56,780
work got her a $200 spa card?
30
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:57,982
Great.
She deserves it.
31
00:00:58,082 --> 00:00:58,917
She works really hard.
32
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,122
Mark, you're asking a guy
who's getting alpha'd by
33
00:01:01,255 --> 00:01:02,559
a fricken' foo foo dog.
34
00:01:02,659 --> 00:01:03,794
I'm not being alpha'd.
35
00:01:03,961 --> 00:01:05,832
I'm being a "supportive
girl dog dad".
36
00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:07,234
I want her to feel dominant.
37
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,105
You know Mark, uh,
maybe you should surprise
38
00:01:09,105 --> 00:01:10,207
Tammy with a new puppy.
39
00:01:10,207 --> 00:01:11,777
Nah, nah, nah,
don't get her a dog.
40
00:01:11,777 --> 00:01:13,981
If you really want to knock
her socks off, you should
41
00:01:13,981 --> 00:01:15,217
get her an exotic pet.
42
00:01:15,351 --> 00:01:18,090
The only thing women love
more than an exotic pet
43
00:01:18,223 --> 00:01:21,429
is a man who knows how
to handle an exotic pet.
44
00:01:21,597 --> 00:01:22,532
Oh, hell yeah!
45
00:01:22,732 --> 00:01:25,572
Hank... we're goin'
to the sketchy zoo!
46
00:01:27,274 --> 00:01:29,847
Well, I used to
work at a hot dog factory
47
00:01:29,847 --> 00:01:31,950
Until them
robots came along
48
00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:33,487
And now
there is no job for me
49
00:01:33,487 --> 00:01:35,992
But I get
3,000 bucks a month
50
00:01:36,126 --> 00:01:40,167
Thanks to UBI
51
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:44,141
Now we're
Universal Basic Guys
52
00:01:44,241 --> 00:01:45,978
It may not
sound like much
53
00:01:46,078 --> 00:01:49,118
But we're
still gonna try
54
00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:54,194
We're just
Universal Basic Guys
55
00:01:59,105 --> 00:02:00,541
Now this is how you zoo.
56
00:02:00,674 --> 00:02:03,781
There's no rules. You got
the real plastic straws, you
57
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:06,653
got these untrained ex-cons
working with the animals.
58
00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:09,291
I mean anything could happen
at this kind of place, okay?
59
00:02:09,391 --> 00:02:10,962
You can literally see one
of these zookeepers
60
00:02:10,962 --> 00:02:11,997
get their head ripped off.
61
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:14,670
Uhh, you sure these animals
should be pets, Mark?
62
00:02:14,770 --> 00:02:17,140
Now, Hank, you gotta have the
vision with these things, okay?
63
00:02:17,374 --> 00:02:20,013
Dogs weren't pets until
someone had the balls
64
00:02:20,013 --> 00:02:21,482
to domesticate wolves.
65
00:02:21,817 --> 00:02:23,588
Ooh, what about a baby tiger?
66
00:02:23,888 --> 00:02:24,824
Now that's a cool pet.
67
00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:28,730
Aw, Hank, baby tigers grow
up to become big tigers, pal.
68
00:02:28,897 --> 00:02:29,733
Oh, hm.
69
00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:31,135
You know, they should
make tigers
70
00:02:31,269 --> 00:02:32,404
that stay small
like ponies.
71
00:02:32,572 --> 00:02:33,908
Yeah, they're called House Cats.
72
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,578
Yeah, you should
get one of those.
73
00:02:35,678 --> 00:02:38,149
Hank, I didn't drive eight
hours to an exotic zoo
74
00:02:38,282 --> 00:02:39,285
to buy her a
fricken house cat.
75
00:02:39,553 --> 00:02:40,588
I need something that's
gonna blow that
76
00:02:40,721 --> 00:02:42,659
spa gift card
outta of the water.
77
00:02:42,926 --> 00:02:44,529
Ooo yeah.
Monkey time!
78
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:45,464
Now we're talking.
79
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:47,636
Oh man.
I love a good monkey.
80
00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:49,005
They just always seem so happy.
81
00:02:49,438 --> 00:02:51,176
Tammy would go nuts
for a pet like that.
82
00:02:51,176 --> 00:02:52,846
It's like a dog 3.0.
83
00:02:53,013 --> 00:02:54,749
Woah, It's the guy from
the sign!
84
00:02:55,317 --> 00:02:58,189
Doc Tropics. Welcome to my zoo.
85
00:02:58,189 --> 00:03:00,761
Yo, this place is
incredible. Incredible.
86
00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:01,429
Well, thank you.
87
00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:03,433
Did you happen to catch
our junior tiger handler
88
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:04,770
getting her hand bitten off?
89
00:03:05,437 --> 00:03:07,274
Ooh boy, that was a show!
90
00:03:07,407 --> 00:03:08,744
Aw damn, we missed it,
91
00:03:08,844 --> 00:03:11,315
but you know, we're loving
these monkeys you got here.
92
00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:14,455
Oh, yes. They're such
majestic creatures.
93
00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:16,459
Let me ask you something.
How much uh,
94
00:03:16,593 --> 00:03:17,294
one of these things go for?
95
00:03:17,394 --> 00:03:19,699
Chimps usually run
around 60 grand.
96
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:21,202
Whoa, that's no joke.
97
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,039
You think you could do
something closer like,
98
00:03:23,172 --> 00:03:24,543
I don't know,
three grand or something?
99
00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:26,345
Huh, well I'll tell you what.
100
00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:28,685
I do have one chimp who
might fit your budget,
101
00:03:28,685 --> 00:03:32,057
but he's not exactly
in mint condition.
102
00:03:32,324 --> 00:03:34,362
Okay, okay. That's not
bad, that's not bad.
103
00:03:34,362 --> 00:03:36,365
Yeah he's uh... something.
104
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:39,038
I think he was used in a few
minor medical experiments,
105
00:03:39,038 --> 00:03:41,810
but don't worry, he was
mostly in the control group.
106
00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:43,246
Hank, we gotta do this, right?
107
00:03:43,346 --> 00:03:44,716
This thing's a freakin' steal!
108
00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:47,354
Yeah, but aren't monkeys
like a lot of responsibility?
109
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:49,458
No, Hank.
They're highly intelligent,
110
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:52,364
self sufficient creatures.
Set it and forget it.
111
00:03:52,497 --> 00:03:54,001
You sure Tammy's
gonna be into this?
112
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,405
Are you kidding me?
She's gonna be through the roof.
113
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,844
What the hell is this?
114
00:03:59,078 --> 00:04:00,815
It's your new pet monkey!
115
00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:01,850
Happy birthday!
116
00:04:02,986 --> 00:04:05,858
You went and bought a
chimpanzee without asking me?
117
00:04:06,092 --> 00:04:08,196
It's called a birthday
surprise, Tam!
118
00:04:08,196 --> 00:04:09,365
I thought you wanted a pet.
119
00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:11,369
Yeah, I wanted a dog.
120
00:04:11,369 --> 00:04:13,775
Oh come on, Tam, a dog is
a low ceiling pet.
121
00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:16,546
At best it can help a
blind person across the
122
00:04:16,546 --> 00:04:19,251
street or smell a bomb
on a plane or something.
123
00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:22,057
But a monkey That's
a HIGH ceiling pet.
124
00:04:22,224 --> 00:04:25,297
Now just imagine you're watching
Summer House Reunion, you got
125
00:04:25,297 --> 00:04:29,238
the monkey, it's wearing a funny
little outfit, it's serving you
126
00:04:29,238 --> 00:04:30,674
White Claws, I mean, come on!
127
00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:32,211
That's a dream pet
right there.
128
00:04:32,211 --> 00:04:33,380
Oh my god!
129
00:04:33,514 --> 00:04:35,150
Relax. It's fine,
it's fine, okay?
130
00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,386
The guy showed me what to do.
131
00:04:36,687 --> 00:04:38,658
You connect this thing to
the nerve thingy here back
132
00:04:38,658 --> 00:04:41,462
here, and you just push until
you hear a suction sound.
133
00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:43,099
Boom. All good.
134
00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:44,569
Ah, crap.
135
00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:47,007
So not only did you
buy a chimpanzee,
136
00:04:47,007 --> 00:04:49,011
you bought a
sick chimpanzee?
137
00:04:49,278 --> 00:04:51,015
Pfft! Okay,
that's all superficial.
138
00:04:51,148 --> 00:04:52,117
This is a fixer upper!
139
00:04:52,350 --> 00:04:54,122
Mark, do you even understand
140
00:04:54,122 --> 00:04:55,658
that chimps are like, WAY
141
00:04:55,658 --> 00:04:57,461
too dangerous to keep as pets?
142
00:04:57,695 --> 00:04:59,198
Like, this is no joke here!
143
00:04:59,198 --> 00:04:59,966
What the hell are
you talking about?
144
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,837
They're like the friendliest
animals on the planet.
145
00:05:01,837 --> 00:05:04,409
Yeah, until they rip
your friggin face off.
146
00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:05,745
Pfft! This little sweetheart?
147
00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:07,281
Get outta here.
148
00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:08,316
I'm going to work, Mark.
149
00:05:08,316 --> 00:05:11,055
When I get back, this chimp
better be out of here.
150
00:05:11,189 --> 00:05:12,892
Aw, don't take it
personally, monkey.
151
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:14,494
Damnit, Hank.
152
00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:17,368
Mimi!
Mimi, come on. Uppie!
153
00:05:17,736 --> 00:05:18,638
Mimi go uppie!
154
00:05:19,438 --> 00:05:21,777
Uh. It's okay. Maybe we
could just take a quick pic?
155
00:05:26,786 --> 00:05:27,923
David... help!
156
00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:30,561
What the hell?
Mimi, stay.
157
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:36,039
Whoa!
Ah, um... I'm gonna call 911.
158
00:05:36,139 --> 00:05:38,342
No, no. Don't... call... police.
159
00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:39,579
Snake is... illegal.
160
00:05:39,713 --> 00:05:42,785
What?
Oh of course it is. Uh...
161
00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:45,724
Wha... wha... what are
you doing with that?
162
00:05:45,891 --> 00:05:47,461
I don't know.
I was gonna stab it.
163
00:05:47,729 --> 00:05:49,232
Cut its head off or something.
164
00:05:49,232 --> 00:05:49,733
No! No...
165
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:50,702
You-- You can't kill it... okay?
166
00:05:50,969 --> 00:05:53,339
This... this thing's worth
seventy five grand.
167
00:05:53,339 --> 00:05:55,611
What!? What are you,
Britney Spears?
168
00:05:55,611 --> 00:05:58,316
Who the hell owns
a $75 000 snake?
169
00:05:58,449 --> 00:06:00,486
Some people enjoy
a high end exotic.
170
00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:02,659
Oh, yeah. Seems like you're
really enjoying it.
171
00:06:02,925 --> 00:06:05,030
Hey, could you just...
friggin'...help me get it off?
172
00:06:05,163 --> 00:06:07,234
You know, maybe if you
showed it more affection,
173
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,704
it wouldn't try to kill you.
174
00:06:09,071 --> 00:06:10,373
Here, let me try something.
175
00:06:11,075 --> 00:06:12,879
Aw, there there. I know,
176
00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:16,654
Some people don't understand
animals, or anything.
177
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:20,828
But look, I'm here and you're
loved. You're appreciated.
178
00:06:21,095 --> 00:06:21,830
Oh my god.
179
00:06:21,963 --> 00:06:22,598
!
180
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:26,506
Okay monkey, we only gotta
do this for a little bit
181
00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:29,244
until we can teach you how
to use a big boy bathroom.
182
00:06:30,380 --> 00:06:32,017
Come on just let me--
Come on dude,
183
00:06:32,151 --> 00:06:32,919
this is for your own good, okay?
184
00:06:33,153 --> 00:06:35,290
All the pet monkeys on
YouTube wear diapers.
185
00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:37,160
Uh, I don't know
if he's into this.
186
00:06:37,260 --> 00:06:39,498
Come on, come on.
Relax, Hank, okay?
187
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,836
You just gotta establish
that I'm the alpha.
188
00:06:43,239 --> 00:06:43,840
Oh my god.
189
00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:48,349
Hey Mark, it ripped
your face off.
190
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:49,519
Yeah, I'm aware, Hank.
191
00:06:49,519 --> 00:06:51,089
!
192
00:06:51,089 --> 00:06:52,559
Ah, I forgot my keycard.
193
00:06:52,559 --> 00:06:54,262
Oh, crap. Tammy's back.
194
00:06:54,428 --> 00:06:55,463
Everything okay in there?
195
00:06:55,898 --> 00:06:56,465
All good, hon!
196
00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:59,872
!
197
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:06,987
Okay, don't say anything
about the face, okay?
198
00:07:06,987 --> 00:07:08,557
The last thing I need
is her raking me over
199
00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:09,726
the coals right now.
200
00:07:09,859 --> 00:07:10,527
Uh...
201
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,569
Oh my god, it's dead!
202
00:07:14,569 --> 00:07:16,306
I knew that poor thing was sick!
203
00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:18,176
Tammy, it's just
taking a nap, okay?
204
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,546
Well, why is it still here?
205
00:07:19,679 --> 00:07:21,048
Relax, we're taking
it back, okay?
206
00:07:21,182 --> 00:07:24,288
But not because it's
dangerous or rips off faces.
207
00:07:24,388 --> 00:07:25,257
Pfft, Ridiculous.
208
00:07:25,257 --> 00:07:26,425
We're doing it because...
209
00:07:26,425 --> 00:07:27,729
I'm gonna to be the bigger man,
210
00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,031
I'm going to respect
your decision.
211
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,270
Uh... are you okay, Mark?
Why won't you look at me?
212
00:07:32,404 --> 00:07:35,978
I'm fine I'm just... I'm trying
to... I'm trying to measure...
213
00:07:35,978 --> 00:07:37,848
something... on the wall here...
okay?
214
00:07:38,149 --> 00:07:41,623
20 feet... 30 feet...
I got the 40 feet...
215
00:07:41,823 --> 00:07:44,228
Okay, this'll be the perfect
dimensions for the...
216
00:07:44,328 --> 00:07:46,499
uh for the, uh, wainscoting.
217
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,904
Ah, whatever, Mark.
Just get rid of it.
218
00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,845
Ok here's the deal. That
son of a bitch sold us a lemon!
219
00:07:52,845 --> 00:07:54,582
This monkey has fricken
rabies or something.
220
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,452
Okay, you're gonna take it
back to Doc Tropix
221
00:07:56,587 --> 00:07:57,388
and get a refund, you got it?
222
00:07:57,522 --> 00:07:59,593
You want me to do that
like by myself or?
223
00:07:59,726 --> 00:08:01,462
Yes Hank, okay? I gotta go
to the hospital and
224
00:08:01,597 --> 00:08:03,466
get my face fixed before
Tammy finds out.
225
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:05,203
Doesn't Tammy work
at the hospital?
226
00:08:05,303 --> 00:08:06,640
Won't she uh, see you?
227
00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:08,777
She's not gonna recognize me.
I got no face.
228
00:08:09,011 --> 00:08:10,782
I'll just use a fake name.
Boom.
229
00:08:11,149 --> 00:08:14,890
Okay, Mr. Rambo. So the
good news is your initial
230
00:08:15,023 --> 00:08:17,227
facial reconstruction
was a success.
231
00:08:17,227 --> 00:08:18,731
So my face is good to go?
232
00:08:18,864 --> 00:08:19,398
No, no.
233
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,768
Your face-- how do I put this
234
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,873
in layman's terms,
is a mess.
235
00:08:23,273 --> 00:08:25,611
We sewed you up and threw on a
pair of temporary lips so you
236
00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:28,182
can eat, but you're going to
need extensive plastic surgery.
237
00:08:28,282 --> 00:08:30,588
Hold on, hold on, what do
you mean temporary lips?
238
00:08:30,588 --> 00:08:32,825
Do I got like some dead
guy's lips or something?
239
00:08:33,126 --> 00:08:33,827
No, no.
240
00:08:34,094 --> 00:08:34,896
Oh okay, cool. Phew!
241
00:08:35,063 --> 00:08:36,800
We used tissue
from a pig scrotum.
242
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,135
Alright, the nurse will be
243
00:08:38,135 --> 00:08:38,804
in here shortly to
244
00:08:38,804 --> 00:08:39,839
remove your bandages.
245
00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:40,508
Appreciate it.
246
00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:43,246
Mr. uh, Rocky Rambo.
247
00:08:43,379 --> 00:08:43,814
Oh, geez.
248
00:08:44,014 --> 00:08:45,518
How are you feeling today?
249
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:48,524
Hola! No hablo inglés.
250
00:08:48,824 --> 00:08:51,395
Oh, do you want me to
bring in a translator?
251
00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:54,836
Uh, es ok, es ok I...
uh, I... understand.
252
00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:55,505
Ok.
253
00:08:55,972 --> 00:08:57,909
So I'm gonna remove your
bandages and make sure
254
00:08:57,909 --> 00:09:00,681
everything is healing before the
plastic surgeon examines you.
255
00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:02,551
No, no!
No, no, I no ready!
256
00:09:02,651 --> 00:09:03,219
I no ready!
257
00:09:03,385 --> 00:09:05,423
Oh, it's okay.
Just hold still.
258
00:09:05,558 --> 00:09:06,527
This'll be quick.
259
00:09:11,436 --> 00:09:13,005
All done, Mr. Rambo.
260
00:09:14,074 --> 00:09:15,978
The plastic surgeon
will be in shortly.
261
00:09:16,079 --> 00:09:17,882
You're gonna love him.
He's the best.
262
00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:21,021
Aw thanks, Tammy.
You're the best.
263
00:09:21,321 --> 00:09:22,691
Happy birthday, by the way.
264
00:09:22,691 --> 00:09:23,727
Oh thank you.
265
00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:25,197
So, did you get
to the spa yet?
266
00:09:25,297 --> 00:09:27,434
Not yet, but I'm VERY excited.
267
00:09:27,736 --> 00:09:30,708
You should be.
The place is incredible.
268
00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:32,846
You're gonna get a facial
you'll never forget.
269
00:09:33,079 --> 00:09:35,149
Alright, let's see
what's going on here.
270
00:09:35,584 --> 00:09:38,456
Hmm... looks like a
clean degloving.
271
00:09:38,791 --> 00:09:39,760
Good news Mr. Rambo,
272
00:09:39,860 --> 00:09:43,032
you're a perfect candidate
for a new experimental
273
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:44,703
procedure I pioneered.
274
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,240
All we need is a couple
pictures of you before the
275
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,180
accident, and then we 3D
print stem cells to create an
276
00:09:50,313 --> 00:09:52,050
exact replica of your face.
277
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:52,985
Okay, that sounds dumb.
278
00:09:53,319 --> 00:09:55,858
Oh no. This new treatment
will be a game changer for
279
00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:58,697
victims of car accidents,
severe burns or even
280
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:00,233
chimp attacks like yourself.
281
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,437
Wait. Did you say
chimp attack?
282
00:10:02,571 --> 00:10:03,372
Yeah.
283
00:10:03,673 --> 00:10:06,445
Probably not the best idea to
keep a chimp as a pet,
284
00:10:06,580 --> 00:10:07,314
right Mr. Rambo?
285
00:10:07,414 --> 00:10:09,919
Hmm. Hold on...
286
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:13,761
Oh my god.
287
00:10:13,894 --> 00:10:16,633
Are you frickin' kidding me?
Mark?
288
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:17,968
You know Mr. Rambo?
289
00:10:18,135 --> 00:10:20,006
He's my husband.
I don't believe it.
290
00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:22,277
I told you that thing was
going to rip your face off.
291
00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:24,181
Really? I'm sitting here with
no freaking face
292
00:10:24,281 --> 00:10:25,884
and now you're gonna
bust my balls about it?
293
00:10:26,018 --> 00:10:28,355
Did you really think I wasn't
going to find out that your
294
00:10:28,355 --> 00:10:29,659
whole freaking face is missing?
295
00:10:30,026 --> 00:10:32,866
Listen, I can probably do
this procedure right now.
296
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,036
Did you hear that, Mark?
You better thank your
297
00:10:35,036 --> 00:10:37,007
lucky stars for Dr. Johnson.
298
00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:39,111
He's gonna do the
procedure today.
299
00:10:39,245 --> 00:10:40,213
Nah, I'm good.
300
00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:41,750
What do you mean you're good?
301
00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:44,354
Yeah, I don't need some weird
experimental surgery from
302
00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:45,891
this friggin' bozo over here.
303
00:10:45,891 --> 00:10:48,496
The hell you don't.
Have you seen your face?
304
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:51,169
Hm. Not bad, actually.
I actually think it gives
305
00:10:51,269 --> 00:10:53,306
me a little uh, character.
You know what I mean?
306
00:10:53,473 --> 00:10:56,011
Anyway, I got things to do.
I'll see you at home, Tam.
307
00:10:56,145 --> 00:10:57,113
Argh... Damnit!
308
00:11:10,641 --> 00:11:11,976
Hello, Hank.
309
00:11:12,377 --> 00:11:13,245
What the -?!
310
00:11:14,281 --> 00:11:15,283
Monkey!
311
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,254
Ah! Please don't
rip off my face!
312
00:11:17,889 --> 00:11:19,425
Relax. Watch road.
313
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,495
Wait a minute.
Is that... you?
314
00:11:21,796 --> 00:11:23,432
Are you speaking, Monkey?
315
00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:24,669
Yes.
316
00:11:24,836 --> 00:11:25,737
What the heck?
317
00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:28,308
Pull over.
Gas station.
318
00:11:28,543 --> 00:11:29,545
Uh... okay.
319
00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:30,547
Why?
320
00:11:30,848 --> 00:11:32,184
You need gas.
321
00:11:32,284 --> 00:11:33,420
Oh, yeah.
322
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:35,757
And I need bananas.
323
00:11:38,095 --> 00:11:39,733
I don't see what the
big deal is, Tam, okay?
324
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,236
A lot of cool dudes
have disfigured faces.
325
00:11:42,236 --> 00:11:42,938
Yeah, like who?
326
00:11:43,272 --> 00:11:46,446
Uh, the Phantom of the
Opera. Freddy Krueger.
327
00:11:46,947 --> 00:11:49,150
I don't know if I would
consider Freddy Krueger
328
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,386
a cool dude, Mark.
329
00:11:50,386 --> 00:11:52,825
Ok what about the uh,
The Kiss From a Rose guy?
330
00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:53,927
Uh, what's his-- Seal!
331
00:11:54,128 --> 00:11:55,698
He's got a messed up
face and he was married
332
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:56,833
to Heidi fricken Klum!
333
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,269
He's got a few scars.
334
00:11:58,269 --> 00:12:01,341
Your face looks like the
Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
335
00:12:01,341 --> 00:12:01,843
You know what?
336
00:12:02,444 --> 00:12:04,882
I may be the one with the
messed up face, but you're
337
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,019
the one who's unrecognizable.
338
00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:10,895
All the sudden you don't like
animals, you're going to fancy
339
00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:14,134
spas, and now you're telling
me to get plastic surgery!
340
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,842
You know, no one else here
seems to care about my looks.
341
00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:19,277
Yous all ready to order.
342
00:12:19,746 --> 00:12:20,614
Oh god...
343
00:12:20,881 --> 00:12:22,585
I mean... sorry... hi.
344
00:12:22,852 --> 00:12:23,987
Can I start you off with a face?
345
00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,492
I mean, uh, can
I get you a face?
346
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:30,133
I mean can I face you a drink?
I mean--
347
00:12:30,433 --> 00:12:32,872
Can I just get a tomato soup
and a tuna melt? Thanks.
348
00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:34,207
You want a face with that?
349
00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:36,880
Sorry, I meant fries.
350
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:39,952
Do you want fries
with that... face?
351
00:12:40,754 --> 00:12:41,321
Yeah.
352
00:12:41,656 --> 00:12:43,192
Okay. And do you
want that open-faced?
353
00:12:43,292 --> 00:12:44,763
Alright, c'mon,
enough, alright?
354
00:12:44,863 --> 00:12:46,265
No I actually
meant to ask that.
355
00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:47,901
Oh. Ok sure.
356
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,473
Yeah and uh, let me
get the number five.
357
00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:54,481
Mark, you got coffee
coming out of your cheek.
358
00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:56,786
I'll get you some napkins.
359
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,924
Tam, it's all about
attitude, okay?
360
00:12:58,924 --> 00:13:01,896
You see a hole in my
face, I see two mouths!
361
00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,900
Oh yeah, and it's just
what I need on you:
362
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:04,602
two mouths.
363
00:13:04,902 --> 00:13:07,373
Hey, one for talking,
one for eating, baby!
364
00:13:13,219 --> 00:13:15,222
Relax, I no rip off face.
365
00:13:15,356 --> 00:13:16,993
You ripped off my
brother's face.
366
00:13:17,427 --> 00:13:18,429
He was mean jerk.
367
00:13:18,663 --> 00:13:20,667
You are nice, beta.
No threat.
368
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:21,803
Oh thanks, yeah.
369
00:13:22,237 --> 00:13:25,409
So like uh, when did you
get all smart and stuff?
370
00:13:25,911 --> 00:13:26,647
Do not know.
371
00:13:26,947 --> 00:13:28,983
Been in many
medical experiments.
372
00:13:30,487 --> 00:13:31,756
I wish I was smart.
373
00:13:32,725 --> 00:13:36,465
Knowledge is suffering.
Much I know, I would rather not.
374
00:13:36,766 --> 00:13:40,039
So you excited to get back to
your old buddies at Doc Tropixs?
375
00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:42,712
No. They will euthanize me.
376
00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:43,346
What's wrong with that?
377
00:13:43,647 --> 00:13:44,949
Don't you want to
be young again?
378
00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:47,855
No, that's not what
euthanize mean.
379
00:13:48,222 --> 00:13:49,659
They will put me to sleep.
380
00:13:49,759 --> 00:13:52,731
Oh well, rest might be good
after these last few days.
381
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:56,673
No, Hank.
Doc Tropixs will kill me.
382
00:13:56,806 --> 00:13:58,677
Wait, what!?
Why would he do that?
383
00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:01,482
People no pay see
old, broken animal.
384
00:14:01,616 --> 00:14:04,889
I be already dead if
you guys did not bang me.
385
00:14:05,456 --> 00:14:06,325
Uh... what?
386
00:14:06,425 --> 00:14:08,096
Sorry. Autocorrect.
387
00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:11,001
I'd be already dead if
you guys did not buy me.
388
00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:13,439
Well if he's gonna kill you,
I'm not taking you there.
389
00:14:14,241 --> 00:14:16,880
Is okay, Hank.
I am mess.
390
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:20,888
No family. No troop.
Too much time in tiny cage.
391
00:14:21,122 --> 00:14:24,762
Injected with many medicine.
I have many disease.
392
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:27,635
Body hurt.
Eyeballs no stay in head.
393
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,304
Better for me to end.
394
00:14:29,605 --> 00:14:30,841
Oh I don't know, Monkey.
Come on,
395
00:14:30,841 --> 00:14:33,045
there's gotta be something
that brings you joy.
396
00:14:34,114 --> 00:14:37,320
There is one thing I've
always want to do.
397
00:15:19,772 --> 00:15:20,774
I get this.
398
00:15:20,907 --> 00:15:22,545
Whoa. Where'd you get that?
399
00:15:23,045 --> 00:15:26,418
I take from Doc pocket.
Here you take.
400
00:15:26,619 --> 00:15:27,755
I don't know, Monkey.
401
00:15:28,088 --> 00:15:30,961
Consider as refund
for broken pet.
402
00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:33,098
I mean Mark did ask me
to get his money back.
403
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:37,073
No give to brother.
Money only for Hank.
404
00:15:37,207 --> 00:15:38,811
Yeah but it's Mark's
money you know,
405
00:15:38,944 --> 00:15:39,879
he paid for you
and everything.
406
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:44,823
For duck's sake Hank, no
spend life being used by others.
407
00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:47,393
You gave me best day of life.
408
00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:49,331
You deserve such day yourself.
409
00:15:49,632 --> 00:15:51,936
Whoa, was this really the
best day of your life?
410
00:15:52,203 --> 00:15:54,074
Yes. Well, up there
411
00:15:54,074 --> 00:15:57,581
with time they
inject me with MDMA.
412
00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:01,756
I don't think playing dead
is working, Jinglebells.
413
00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:04,696
Well, that's because most
dead people don't talk!
414
00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:06,098
You got better ideas?
415
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,803
Huh? Maybe call it a
snowflake over and over?
416
00:16:08,803 --> 00:16:09,572
Would you chill?
417
00:16:09,772 --> 00:16:11,810
Every time you freak
out, it squeezes harder.
418
00:16:12,344 --> 00:16:15,349
Why couldn't you just get a
slow loris or a sugar glider?
419
00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:18,957
There's plenty of illegal exotic
pets that aren't gonna EAT YOU!
420
00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:21,863
Nah this is just kind of
territorial thing, okay?
421
00:16:21,963 --> 00:16:23,432
They rarely eat humans.
422
00:16:24,101 --> 00:16:25,871
Seems like it's trying to,
423
00:16:26,372 --> 00:16:29,010
it just can't get past
your cankles.
424
00:16:29,210 --> 00:16:32,752
Hey! Chronic edema is a
serious medical condition.
425
00:16:32,852 --> 00:16:34,756
Okay so what do
these things eat?
426
00:16:35,123 --> 00:16:38,061
Mostly small to
mid-size animals.
427
00:16:42,303 --> 00:16:42,972
Mimi no!
428
00:16:43,105 --> 00:16:44,575
Yes Mimi!
429
00:17:09,057 --> 00:17:10,059
Yes Mimi!
430
00:17:10,059 --> 00:17:12,129
You go girl!
You got it!
431
00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:13,432
Sorry, Mernft.
432
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:15,470
I know that snake
meant a lot to you.
433
00:17:15,737 --> 00:17:18,008
Eh, not really. I was just
looking to flip the thing.
434
00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:21,148
Anyway, it is what it is.
Life goes on.
435
00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:25,123
Uh... except for the 15 foot
deadly snake on the loose?
436
00:17:25,558 --> 00:17:27,761
Nah. That thing will
be dead in a day.
437
00:17:34,542 --> 00:17:38,082
Yes Mimi! Hi!
Oh, you're such a good girl!
438
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:40,252
David...
439
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,526
I was thinking, uh, you
know, maybe you could
440
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:44,494
come live with me.
441
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:46,967
I don't know, Hank.
442
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,270
I don't want to be
too much trumpet...
443
00:17:49,939 --> 00:17:50,774
Trouble.
444
00:17:50,774 --> 00:17:52,243
No way, it'll be fun.
445
00:17:53,379 --> 00:17:54,347
Maybe.
446
00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:04,133
Hey, Monkey, uh, wanna
get some breakfast?
447
00:18:04,902 --> 00:18:05,570
Hey, Monkey?
448
00:18:06,573 --> 00:18:07,273
Monkey!
449
00:18:08,241 --> 00:18:09,244
Monkey wake up!
450
00:18:09,377 --> 00:18:11,215
Monkey!
Monkey, wake up!
451
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,584
Monkey, monkey. No!
452
00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,454
No Monkey. No.
453
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:47,353
Ah what the hell, Tam?
454
00:18:47,353 --> 00:18:49,826
Why can't you just love
me for who I am, okay?
455
00:18:49,826 --> 00:18:51,161
This is my face now.
456
00:18:51,295 --> 00:18:52,764
It's not about your face, Mark.
457
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:55,302
It's that you can easily fix it
and for some reason you won't.
458
00:18:55,436 --> 00:18:57,273
Uh yeah. Because I'd
rather have a messed up
459
00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:59,645
face than one fixed by
Dr. Fifty Shades of.
460
00:18:59,812 --> 00:19:02,717
Grey's Anatomy who is clearly
trying to bang you!
461
00:19:03,285 --> 00:19:04,789
Wait a minute I'm sorry, what?
462
00:19:04,922 --> 00:19:09,031
Who the hell gets someone's
wife a $200 spa card, okay?
463
00:19:09,164 --> 00:19:10,433
That's what this is about?
464
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:11,602
Yeah. It is.
465
00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:12,905
What are you doing?
466
00:19:13,005 --> 00:19:13,707
I'm sleeping on the couch
467
00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:15,342
so you won't have to
look at me.
468
00:19:38,723 --> 00:19:39,625
Damnit.
469
00:19:40,059 --> 00:19:41,328
Mark, what is this?
470
00:19:41,696 --> 00:19:44,200
Eh nothing, it's just
some stupid birthday gift
471
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,202
I thought would be funny.
472
00:19:45,302 --> 00:19:48,409
This is HYSTERICAL, Mark!
473
00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:50,213
Yeah it is pretty
hysterical, right?
474
00:19:50,213 --> 00:19:52,183
Hon, this is so
fricken thoughtful.
475
00:19:52,450 --> 00:19:53,452
Why didn't you
just give me this?
476
00:19:53,887 --> 00:19:56,292
I was going to, and
then uh... you come in
477
00:19:56,425 --> 00:19:59,064
all excited about
Dr. Sleezebag's little card.
478
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:02,470
Yeah I got 200 dollars, and
I'm like forget it,
479
00:20:02,470 --> 00:20:03,272
I'll get you something else.
480
00:20:03,272 --> 00:20:03,973
Are you kidding me?
481
00:20:04,307 --> 00:20:06,813
This is way better than
some stupid spa card.
482
00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:10,186
Besides, 200 bucks is like a 15
minute massage at that place.
483
00:20:10,621 --> 00:20:12,156
But you know what the
best gift would be?
484
00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:13,492
I don't know, baby tiger?
485
00:20:13,492 --> 00:20:15,496
Dick's Sporting Goods
gift card.
486
00:20:15,597 --> 00:20:18,368
No... I want my husband's
handsome face back.
487
00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,740
I mean I'm not gonna lie...
It was pretty good face eh?
488
00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:22,377
So will you get
the damn surgery?
489
00:20:22,377 --> 00:20:24,214
This whole thing is absurd.
490
00:20:24,214 --> 00:20:26,351
Yeah, I guess it is kind of
hard to eat wings
491
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,621
with a pig's sack for lips.
492
00:20:27,621 --> 00:20:30,425
Oh, thank God.
Come here, you.
493
00:20:31,127 --> 00:20:31,662
Wait a minute...
494
00:20:32,029 --> 00:20:34,333
when you say "pig's sack"
do you mean...
495
00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:35,671
oh, my god.
496
00:20:35,938 --> 00:20:38,075
Well you can always
kiss the second mouth.
497
00:20:38,175 --> 00:20:39,277
Come on, last chance...
498
00:20:40,212 --> 00:20:41,715
Yeah. No chance.
499
00:20:52,971 --> 00:20:54,842
And here's your banana smoothie.
500
00:20:54,976 --> 00:20:55,409
Awesome.
501
00:20:55,911 --> 00:20:57,548
Anything else I can get you,
Mr. Hoagies?
502
00:20:57,948 --> 00:21:00,419
Yeah, you know what...
Uh... let me get one of them
503
00:21:00,419 --> 00:21:02,624
uh, woo woo yoga
crystal massages.
504
00:21:02,824 --> 00:21:03,492
You got it.
505
00:21:12,677 --> 00:21:13,880
Oh yeah.
506
00:21:15,717 --> 00:21:16,886
Whoops.
507
00:21:18,757 --> 00:21:19,892
Hmm.
37079
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