Original subtitles

( bells jangling )

♪ SLEIGH BELLS RING, ARE YOU LISTENING? ♪

♪ IN THE LANE, SNOW IS GLISTENING ♪

♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪

♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪

♪ GONE AWAY IS THE BLUEBIRD ♪

♪ HERE TO STAY IS THE NEW BIRD ♪

♪ HE SINGS A LOVE SONG AS WE GO ALONG ♪

♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪

♪ IN THE MEADOW, WE CAN BUILD A SNOWMAN ♪

♪ THEN PRETEND THAT HE'S A CIRCUS CLOWN ♪

♪ WE'LL HAVE LOTS OF FUN WITH MR. SNOWMAN ♪

♪ UNTIL THE OTHER KIDDIES KNOCK HIM DOWN ♪

♪ SLEIGH BELLS RING, ARE YOU LISTENING? ♪

♪ IN THE LANE, SNOW IS GLISTENING ♪

♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪

♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪

♪ SLEIGH BELLS RING, ARE YOU LISTENING? ♪

♪ IN THE LANE, SNOW IS GLISTENING ♪

♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪

♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND ♪

♪ A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, WE'RE HAPPY TONIGHT ♪

♪ WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND. ♪

HEY, NICK.

I HAVE SOMETHING REALLY WONDERFUL I WANTED TO TELL YOU.

YOU'RE TOO FAR AWAY.

SORRY, I'M JUST GONNA MOVE A LITTLE CLOSER.

SO MUCH BETTER.

I WANTED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

UM, IT'S IMPORTANT. I, UH...

NICK, DINNER'S READY!

NICK?

HOW CAN YOU TINKER UP HERE

WHEN THE AWESOMENESS OF MY COOKING

IS WAFTING ITS WAY THROUGH THE HOUSE?

NICK?

WHERE ARE YOU?

NICK? YOU PROMISED, NO REINDEER TRAINING BEFORE DINNER!

NICK?

WHOO-HOOO!

HA! THATSABOY! COME ON, THATAWAY!

PULL UP RIGHT ABOUT HERE. STEP TO THE BEAT, BOYS!

STEP TO THE BEAT!

WHOO-HOOO!

FASTER FASTER FASTER!

SLOWER. SLOWER! SLOWER.

THAT'S NOT SLOW.

ABORT! ABORT!

ABOOOOOOOORT!

NOT FUNNY. SO NOT FUNNY.

OH, YOU GUYS THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

WHAT PART OF "ABORT" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

SEND ME THROUGH THE AIR. LAUGH IT UP, LAUGH IT UP, SNOWY.

YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY, BUDDY?

IT'S NOT FUNNY.

WHAT IS WITH YOU GUYS?

YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THE TEST RIDE WITH THE DOGS

IF YOU WOULD GET AIRBORNE!

LAUGH IT UP, YOU LAZY FURBALLS.

LOOK AT YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TRAINING;

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ATTENTION AND TRAINING.

YOU DON'T THINK I'LL TAKE THE DOGS?

OH, I'LL TAKE THE DOGS!

AND NO MORE SNACKING!

( belches )

CUTE.

- ( belching ) - VERY CUTE.

( reindeer moans )

( Nick grunting )

HOLY-- FAT FARM.

( electrical whirring )

( pop music playing )

Woman: ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

SHOULDER, SHOULDER, ROLL IT.

AND ONE, DOWN, TWO, DOWN,

THREE-- SHOULDER UP, SHOULDER UP.

IN YOUR FACE, IN YOUR FACE.

SLIDE! HERE WE GO, LADIES. WORK IT.

SHOULDER UP, SHOULDER UP. IN YOUR FACE, IN YOUR FACE.

SLIDE! HERE WE GO, LADIES.

- WORK IT! - WHOO! WHOO!

( girls scream )

( crashing sounds )

THAT LAST MOVE?

I CAN TEACH YOU THAT IF YOU'D LIKE.

SO WHAT KIND OF PROGRAM WERE YOU LOOKING FOR?

IS YOUR GOAL TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT OR GAIN SOME MUSCLE?

LOSE WEIGHT. DEFINITELY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

- I NEED SOMETHING QUICK. - LET ME GUESS-- YOU WANT RESULTS BY CHRISTMAS, RIGHT?

CHRISTMAS EVE, TO BE EXACT.

- THREE DAYS? - YEAH.

WELL, I SUPPOSE IT'S POSSIBLE TO LOSE A FEW POUNDS.

NO, A FEW POUNDS.

UM, NOT JUST A FEW POUNDS.

MORE LIKE-- MORE LIKE 50 lbs.

NOT FOR ME. NO, I GOT THE OLD ROCK-HARD ABS, YOU KNOW.

NEED SOME CLOTHES THAT NEED WASHING? TIKETA-TIKETA-TIKETA.

I'M YOUR GUY. NO, I GOT THESE FRIENDS WHO ARE SNACKING--

- MM-HMM. - --BETWEEN MEALS.

GRAZING, I SHOULD SAY-- POWER GRAZING, MORE LIKE IT.

I MEAN, WE ARE TALKING ZERO SELF-CONTROL.

THEIR ATTITUDE SEEMS TO BE, "WHY STOP AT ONE BALE OF HAY

WHEN WE CAN HAVE THREE BALES OF HAY?"

NOW WE GOT A PROBLEM, OKAY?

BECAUSE NORMALLY IT TAKES ME ABOUT 20 FEET OF TARMAC

TO GET THE OLD SLEIGH AIRBORNE,

BUT NOW I CAN RUN 'EM FLUSH THE LENGTH OF A FOOTBALL FIELD

AND THEY WOULD NOT CLEAR YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S MISTLETOE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD SAY THE PROGRAM'S FOR ME.

( radio playing jazz )

MMM. THIS IS REALLY GOOD,

IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.

I'M REALLY GLAD THAT WE GOT TO SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER.

YOU'RE VERY CUTE WHEN YOU EAT.

( turns off radio )

WITH EVERYTHING THERE WAS TO DO, BUDDY,

NICK'S PARENTS ALWAYS SEEMED TO FIND TIME FOR EACH OTHER AT CHRISTMAS.

( dog barking )

( wind howling )

( electrical whirring )

GO ON, GET UP THERE, YOU NAUGHTY BOY.

GET PHYSICAL. COME ON, GET--

YOU GOTTA GET IN THE FAT-BURNING ZONE. YOU'RE NOT BURNING.

HIT "MANUAL." HIT "MANUAL." GET IN THE ZONE.

NICK, WHAT IS ALL THIS?

AH, SANDY, WE'RE EXERCISING. WE'RE EXERCISING, RIGHT, GUYS?

I GOT A TREADMILL, I GOT MYSELF A STAIRMASTER,

I GOT MYSELF AN ANTLER-PULL, I GOT MYSELF A JUMP ROPE.

( groans )

WE'RE WORKING ON THE JUMP ROPE.

AND AT 11:30, WE'RE GONNA DO SOME YOGA.

THEY'RE A LITTLE IFFY WITH IT. THEY DON'T LIKE SOME OF THE POSES.

WON'T DO DOWNWARD DOG. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

- THEY WANNA DO "DOWNWARD DEER." - NICK!

YOU WERE GONE FOR HOURS. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

- I MADE A BIG DINNER-- - YEAH.

--AND WE WERE GONNA DECORATE THE TREE.

YOU KNOW, THIS WAS GONNA BE OUR CHRISTMAS

BEFORE THINGS WITH THE REGULAR CHRISTMAS GOT TOO CRAZY.

WHAT? OH, YEAH.

HONEY, I'M-- I'M SORRY.

I JUST, YOU KNOW, I LOST TRACK OF TIME GETTING ALL THIS EQUIPMENT.

ALL THIS GYM EQUIPMENT?

YEAH, I GOTTA PUT THE GUYS THROUGH BOOT CAMP.

BOOT CAMP? HOOF CAMP? HOOF CAMP.

- 'CAUSE THEY'RE GETTING TOO FAT TO FLY. - TOO FAT?

YEAH, FAT, THEY'RE-- THEY'RE ZAFTIG, THEY'RE FULL-FIGURED,

THEY'RE RUBINESQUE, THEY'RE FAT. THEY'RE FAT.

SOMEONE'S BEEN INDULGING THEIR, MMM, SWEET TOOTH LATELY.

RIGHT. AM I RIGHT? RIGHT.

AH, SOMEONE? THERE'S ONLY YOU AND ME UP HERE.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT I MADE THE REINDEER FAT?

NO NO-- YEAH.

YEAH. I MEAN, NOT INTENTIONALLY,

BUT YOU DID INSIST ON TAKING OVER THE FEEDINGS, SO--

WELL, I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU.

YOU KNOW, YOU GET SO OVERWHELMED.

YEAH, I'M UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE. MUSIC!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WE NEED MUSIC, SOMETHING TO MOTIVATE 'EM.

"DECK THE HALLS WITH"-- "SHAKE YOUR BOOTY"-- SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

"SILENT NIGHT FEVER."

WHERE'S ALL MY STUFF?

OH, I-- I STRAIGHTENED UP.

NO NO NO-- NO STRAIGHTENING.

SANTA'S MESSY ON PURPOSE I HAVE EVERYTHING EXACTLY THE WAY I WANT-- ( gasps )

- WHERE'S THE BOOK? - WHAT BOOK?

THE BOOK? THE BOOK-- THE BOOK.

THE BIG OLD DUSTY LEATHER BINDING--

- OH, THIS BOOK? - THAT BOOK.

THIS, SANDY, THIS-- OKAY--

IS NOT JUST "A" BOOK. THIS IS "THE" BOOK.

IT'S THE JOB MANUAL-- EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW

ABOUT BEING FATHER CHRISTMAS, SANTA CLAUS, THE BIG CHRISTMAS CHEESE,

JOLLY OLD ST. NICK, IS IN THIS BOOK--

HOW TO FLY THE SLEIGH, HOW TO SEE THEM WHEN THEY'RE SLEEPING,

HOW TO KNOW WHEN THEY'RE AWAKE, HOW TO KNOW IF THEY'VE BEEN GOOD,

HOW TO KNOW IF THEY'VE BEEN-- SWEETHEART?

THEY MIGHT BE GOOD, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE--

YOU CAN TOUCH ANYTHING IN HERE.

WHAT'D I SAY?

SANDY, COME--

I'M UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE HERE.

OH, NO, I KNOW. I HEARD YOU.

YOU'RE THE BIG CHRISTMAS CHEESE,

FATHER CHRISTMAS AND JOLLY ST. NICK.

YEAH, BUT IT'S MY CHRISTMAS TOO.

YOU KNOW, IT'S OURS, TOGETHER.

I PUT EXTRA EGG IN THE NOG.

I MEAN, DOESN'T SANTA GET TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS TOO?

YES, BUT I'M WORKING, SO--

NO. I MEAN, IT'S MY SECOND CHRISTMAS.

I GOT BIG BOOTS TO FILL AND--

- AND THIS IS HAPHAZARD TINSEL... - ( door opens )

- ...HANGING-- - ( reindeer bellows )

BUDDY, UH... BARN, BUDDY.

YOU HEARD ME. LISTEN, BUDDY--

NO, WE'RE NOT FIGHTING, WE'RE JUST ANNUNCIATING

LOUDLY FOR CLARITY PURPOSES. GIVE US A MINUTE?

NOW.

( snorts )

THANK YOU, BUDDY.

YOU KNOW, TONIGHT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME.

THERE WAS SOMETHING I WANTED TO TELL YOU.

I-- WHEN TINSEL ATTACKS. ALL RIGHT.

WHY DON'T-- WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME NOW?

- OKAY. - OKAY.

- OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW. - OKAY.

I'M READY.

IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT NOW.

- YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME NOW. - NO.

LISTEN,

YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO LAST CHRISTMAS

WHEN YOU CLIMBED ABOARD MY SLEIGH.

YEAH, I THOUGHT I DID.

THOUGHT YOU DID? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

YOU THINK THIS WAS A MISTAKE?

NO, IT'S NOT THAT IT WAS A MISTAKE-- THAT'S CRAZY.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.

- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? - I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T KNOW? OKAY, WELL, WHEN YOU KNOW,

- LET ME KNOW. OKAY? - WAIT. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- I'M LEAVING. - WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT.

- YOU'RE JUST GONNA WALK AWAY? - I'M GONNA MAKE IT THE END OF AN ARGUMENT.

OKAY, FINE. GREAT. GO.

- FINE, I WILL. - FINE.

- FINE! - FINE!

- FINE. - YOU KNOW WHAT? IF THERE WERE A DOOR HERE,

- I WOULD SO SLAM IT RIGHT NOW. - WELL, IF THERE WERE A DOOR HERE,

I WOULD SLAM IT AFTER YOU-- TWICE!

TWICE? WELL, I WOULD OPEN-- I WOULD GET THE DOOR--

- I WON ALREADY. - DICKY PUDDING.

( reindeer bellowing )

NOT A WORD, NOT A SINGLE WORD.

YES, SHE WON.

I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING. I'M GONNA CLEAR MY HEAD.

BURN THE FAT!

Woman: GUSTAVO, I'M LEAVING.

THESE ARE THE NUMBERS TO REACH ME IN AN EMERGENCY--

CELL, CORPORATE OFFICE, HOTEL;

THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR HIS MEALS, HIS MEDICATIONS.

- HERE ARE THE KEYS. - YEAH, I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

WHY DOES CHRISTMAS ALWAYS COME AT MY BUSIEST TIME OF YEAR?

IT'S JUST A FEW DAYS, DAD.

I'M GONNA BE CALLING EVERY DAY. I'LL BE BACK ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

- I WANT YOU TO MIND GUSTAVO. - MMM.

AND PROMISE ME YOU'LL STAY AWAY FROM THE OLD CLUB.

I'M SERIOUS.

THAT BUILDING ISN'T SAFE ANYMORE.

( electrical whirring )

WHAT IS THAT?

WHAT IN THE WORLD?

- ( whirring increases ) - Nick: WHOOOAA!

I REALLY GOTTA WORK ON MY ENTRY SKILLS.

Gustavo: I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

MAYBE IT WAS JUST A RAT.

WHOA.

OH, MY-- IS HE ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S ONE BIG RAT.

HE'S BREATHING.

HEY, EXCUSE ME?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR GARAGE?

OH, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. I WAS JUST--

I'M GONNA CALL 911.

GUSTAVO, WATCH HIM. DAD, YOU COME WITH ME.

- DAD! - I'M COMING, KATIE.

WHEN YOU'RE SANTA CLAUS AND THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE

GET TO BE NOT-SO-FUN, LIKE, MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW,

THERE'S AN ARGUMENT, YOU CAN JUST FLY AWAY.

BUT ME? OH, NO, I'M ON TINSEL DUTY.

BUT WATCH THIS-- HEY NICK, IT'S COOL IF I JUST COVER THE TREE

IN TINSEL, RIGHT? OH, NO ANSWER?

COOL, I GUESS THAT MEANS "YES."

( grunts )

( steady beeping )

( distant siren wails )

( fast beeping )

FOR THIS I WENT TO JOURNALISM SCHOOL--

DIGGING UP SOME SAPPY CHRISTMAS ANGLE AT THE LOCAL HOSPITAL.

COULD BE WORSE. I COULD BE BACK IN STUDIO

TRACKING SANTA'S SLEIGH ON RADAR.

SWEETIE, WHAT D'YOU GOT?

WE'RE VERY BUSY.

Woman: ARE YOU CHECKING ON ROOM 325?

Woman #2: I'M GOING TO CHECK ON IT NOW.

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, HONEY,

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE FRIGHTENED OF.

NO ONE HERE IS GONNA HURT YOU.

- AHH! - YOU TOOK A NASTY BLOW TO THE HEAD TONIGHT.

- DO YOU REMEMBER? - NO.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?

NO.

DO YOU KNOW YOUR NAME?

AH, MY NAME.

M-MY NAME...

NO.

WHAT-- WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?

YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL. THE DOCTOR NEEDS TO TAKE SOME TESTS.

AND I AM JUST GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING

TO HELP YOU RELAX.

AHH! IT'S KINDA HARD FOR ME TO RELAX

WITH YOU COMING AT ME WITH THAT POINTY NEEDLE-LOOKING THING.

HA HA HA-- AHHH!

OH, NO, YOU DON'T!

- GET AWAY FROM ME! - GET BACK HERE.

- SOMEBODY STOP HIM! - HOW YOU DOIN'?

- HOOO! - AW, GIVE HIM ANOTHER NEEDLE.

- AHH! - STAY RIGHT THERE.

WHOA!

HALT! LOOK, A KITTEN.

DON'T YOU GO MESSING WITH THIS TREE NOW, MR. NO-MEMORY.

IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN.

YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME, EVIL POINTY-NEEDLE LADY.

WHAT WAS IN THE EVIL POINTY NEEDLE ANYWAY?

- A SEDATIVE. - SEDATIVE? SO, AHHH!

THE JOKE'S ON YOU. IT'S NOT WORKING.

AHA HA HA, AHA HA HA, AH--

Woman: SOMEONE GET ME A GURNEY!

AND A NEW TREE.

♪ Baby, you stole my heart ♪

♪ How come you took it away... ♪

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

CHRISTMAS.

I HATE CHRISTMAS.

AND I AIN'T AFRAID TO SAY IT.

YOU TELL ME ONE GOOD THING THAT EVER CAME OF IT, HUH?

AN UGLY TIE,

DRIED-UP FRUIT CAKE.

I HATE UGLY TIES.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST.

IT WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS--

DOWN ON MY LUCK.

I WAS A WORLD-CLASS BIG-GAME HUNTER.

I HAD A LADY FRIEND, SANDY.

I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD.

THEN HE CAME ALONG--

A NOTHING, NOBODY-- STEALS MY GIRL,

SWIPES MY FLYING REINDEER.

YOU'RE FLYING WHAT?

I WAS GONNA BE RICH.

AND HE TOOK IT ALL-- ALL OF IT-- ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

AND IF I HEAR ONE MORE STINKIN' CHRISTMAS CAROL...

- ( jukebox record flips ) - ♪ Jingle bells! ♪

♪ Jingle bells! ♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells... ♪

- AHHH! - ♪ Through the snow ♪

♪ In a one-horse open... ♪

Woman: ...live at Mercy Hospital

where a true Christmas story is unfolding.

- ( jukebox warbling ) - Nick: No, I don't know my name.

I think I like vanilla best.

I don't like this boat very much, though.

- It's not very-- - I told you, you vultures,

he has amnesia.

Reporter: Sir, what is your name?

Nick: My name-- I don't know my name.

Where did you come from, sir?

Ooh, something smells like a--

WELL...

LOOKY WHAT SANTA STUCK UNDER MY CHRISTMAS TREE.

Reporter: For John Doe Christmas, there will be no dashing through the snow,

no halls decked with holly,

no chestnuts roasting on an open fire--

not without the efforts of you, our loyal viewers.

If any of you out there know this man, please,

there are three days left until Christmas Eve.

Help us get him home.

HA!

Sandy: MIRROR ON!

OKAY, YOU ARE IN THERE

AND I AM OUT HERE. THIS CANNOT BE THIS HARD.

OPEN SESAME.

REINDEER MONKEY!

( low voice ) IT IS I, NICK.

OOH!

YOU GUYS, ANY IDEAS? ANYTHING?

( bellows )

HOW DO I KNOW HOW TO DO WHAT HE DOES?

HOW DO I KNOW? HOW DO I KNOW HOW TO DO WHAT HE DOES?

THE SANTA BOOK!

YES!

COME ON, COME ON.

NICK SAID EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW

ABOUT BEING SANTA CLAUS WAS IN...

THIS BOOK.

THE PAGES ARE BLANK.

WHY-- WHY ARE ALL THE PAGES BLANK?

( whooshing sound )

( coughs ) WHO OPENS THE BOOK?

AHHH! OH!

AH, ME. SANDY. WAIT, WHO ARE YOU?

AH, NICK HAS SPOKEN OF YOU.

I AM GALFRID...

KEEPER OF THE BOOK!

ALL THAT HATH BEEN GLEANED OF THE WIZARD'S SPELL

IS RECORDED ON THOSE PAGES.

AH, BUT-- BUT THE PAGES ARE BLANK.

NO, IT'S JUST ALL UP HERE,

CATALOGUED, CROSS-REFERENCED.

YOU SEE, I EMBODY THE WRITTEN WORDS--

ALL THEIR WISDOM, ALL THEIR EXPERIENCE.

I MUST SAY, THOU ART THE FAIREST CREATURE

TO HAVE GRACED THIS LAND IN MANY A CENTURY.

FORGIVE ME.

IT DOTH GET LONELY WITHIN THE MARGINS.

WAIT, YOU LIVE INSIDE THIS BOOK?

PRECISELY.

AND WHEN A QUESTION IS ASKED OF THE BOOK.

I AM COMPELLED TO APPEAR AND RESPOND. SO...

WHAT ANSWERS DOST THOU SEEK?

SEEK? AH, MY NICK-ETH...

HAST WANDERED AFAR.

DO I HAVE TO TALK LIKE THAT?

SOME FIND IT CHARMING.

I NEED TO GET THROUGH THE MIRROR AND I DON'T HAVE NICK'S MAGIC.

SIMPLE, MY DEAR.

OH.

TAKE THIS, FILL IT WITH SNOW FROM OUR HIDDEN KINGDOM,

AND THEN SPRINKLE SOME SNOWFLAKES OVER THE GLASS.

AND THEN IMAGINE YOUR DESTINATION AND STEP THROUGH THE PORTAL.

GREAT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

B-B-BUT WAIT!

WHY THIS JOURNEY?

OH, NICK WENT THROUGH THE MIRROR

AND HE GOT AMNESIA. SO I'VE GOT TO GO FIND HIM,

TELL HIM THAT HE'S SANTA CLAUS

AND THAT THE WORLD NEEDS HIM, AND BRING HIM HOME.

MY DEAR, HE'D NEVER BELIEVE SUCH A TALE.

AND IF HIS DOUBT SHOULD START TO GROW, THE MAGIC WILL NO LONGER WORK.

HE MUST COME TO IT ON HIS OWN.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?

STEER HIM,

PROTECT HIM AS BEST YOU CAN,

LOVE HIM,

BUT JUST DON'T TELL HIM!

DON'T TELL HIM-- THAT'S GOOD. OKAY.

AND FOR CHRISTMAS'S SAKES, HURRY!

OKAY! THANK YOU.

OOH, SOMEBODY PINCH ME.

IT REALLY IS YOU, ISN'T IT?

I'M SORRY. DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER?

TELL ME IT'S NOT AN ACT.

TELL ME THAT HEAD OF YOURS IS COMPLETELY EMPTY.

EMPTY?

YEAH-- YEAH. ARE THOSE FOR ME?

OKAY.

- LET'S SKEDADDLE! - SKEDADDLE?

- GET DRESSED. WE'RE BUSTING YOU OUT. - BUSTING OUT?

- OH, YEAH, YOU'RE A SITTING DUCK IN THIS ROOM. - SITTING DUCK?

OKAY, LESS REPEATING WHAT I SAY,

MORE PULLING ON THE PANTS.

RIGHT, THEY DON'T GO ON MY HEAD.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, THOUGH.

LOOK, HERE'S THE THING--

SOMEONE'S LOOKING FOR YOU,

SOMEONE YOU'D RATHER NOT HAVE TRACK YOU DOWN.

OH, WAIT, DID I-- DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

ONE COULD SAY THAT. AND THIS PERSON IS JONESING FOR PAYBACK.

JONESING FOR PAYBACK? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

BAD.

BAD! SEE, I DON'T REMEMBER DOING ANYTHING WRONG.

I DON'T-- I DON'T-- I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

AHH! ME?

I'M JUST AN OLD FAMILY FRIEND...

HERE TO GET YOU TO WHERE YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE A LONG TIME AGO.

IT WORKED!

IT WORKED, YOU GUYS!

EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OKAY. IT IS ALL UNDER CONTROL.

I AM GONNA GO GET NICK,

YOU GUYS STAY HERE AND-- AND DO SOME HOOF--

HOOF-RAISES; HOOF-UPS, HOOF--

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T WORK OUT.

Man: Downtown express is leaving on track 5--

OH, YOUR FAMILY'S GOING TO BE SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM.

- YOU'LL BE THERE IN NO TIME. TRUST ME. - GOOD!

NOW HOW DO WE KNOW EACH OTHER? DID WE GROW UP TOGETHER?

DID WE PLAY BALL? PLAY COWBOYS AND INDIANS

AND CHASE FROGS AND HUNT SNAKES AND SKIN OUR KNEES

AND SKIP STONES AND HAVE MALTEDS AT THE DINER?

I THINK I LIKE MALTEDS. AND DID WE GO TO THE PROM AND--

OOH, WHO GOT THE GIRL?

REMEMBER,

YOU'RE ON THE 6:00 TRAIN ON TRACK 4. GOT IT?

6:00 TRAIN, TRACK 4. GOT IT.

ADIOS, NICK. HAVE A GREAT TRIP.

THANK-- WHOA, HEY...

OKAY, NOW IF MY INSTINCTS ARE CORRECT,

OUR LITTLE BOBCAT WILL BE LOOKING FOR OLD NICKSTER AT THE HOSPITAL.

AND THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE WAITING.

( electric whirring )

Sandy: OOOOO-- AHHHHHH!

( screams )

OH... OH.

OH. ( laughs )

TALK ABOUT A WRONG TURN.

UNLESS THEY'RE SERVING UP FRESH MOP TODAY,

THAT IS NOT THE CAFETERIA!

NO!

HI. HELLO.

UM, I'M HERE FOR NICK-- AH, JOHN DOE CHRISTMAS,

THE GUY WITH AMNESIA.

YOU A REPORTER?

NO NO NO NO! I AM HIS WIFE. SEE?

I GOTTA CALL YOU BACK.

ABOUT YOUR MAN,

I'M AFRAID THERE'S BEEN A COMPLICATION.

HE'S ALL RIGHT, ISN'T HE?

OH, YES, DON'T YOU WORRY. HE'S FINE--

AT LEAST IN THEORY. THE THING IS,

HE'S MISSING.

- MISSING? - WE'VE SEARCHED THE HOSPITAL,

THERE IS NO TRACE OF HIM. HONEY, HE'S MORE GONE

THAN THE SNOWMAN COOKIES IN THE NURSES' LOUNGE.

- NO, THAT CAN'T BE. - ALL WE'VE GOT IS HIS RING.

WE HAD IT REMOVED WHEN HE CHECKED IN.

HIS RING? THAT'S IT?

HOW COULD YOU LET HIM GET AWAY? WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS?

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS? WHO'S GONNA FLY THE SLEIGH?

WHO'S GONNA DELIVER THE PRESENTS?

- LET ME CHECK FOR YOU. - CHECK!

( dialing )

YEAH, CAN I GET A COUPLE ORDERLIES UP IN HERE?

- ORDER-- UH-OH. - THAT'S RIGHT.

- BIG ONES. - OKAY.

MA'AM! DOCTOR!

OH, SORRY. I'LL GO THAT WAY.

WAIT, HEY. MIND IF I BORROW YOU FOR A MINUTE?

- WHO ARE YOU? - OH, THEY'RE GONNA TAKE GREAT CARE OF YOU IN THERE.

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THANKING ME.

ANYONE WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING.

SANDY! DON'T FORGET TO CALL ME. LET ME KNOW WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS.

- BUT I DON'T HAVE YOUR NUMBER. - PERFECT!

- ( man groans ) - BUCK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

ME? OH, NOTHING. I WAS OUT FOR A DRIVE

AND I FOUND THIS NICE OLD MAN IN HIS OVERTURNED CAR.

THERE WAS A FIRE, I PULLED HIM OUT-- NO BIG DEAL.

BUT THIS, RUNNING INTO YOU, THIS IS AMAZING.

- HOW YOU BEEN? - WELL...

WHAT IS IT, BOBCAT?

IT'S NICK. HE HAS AMNESIA.

- AMNESIA? - AND HE'S MISSING.

HE WAS IN THIS HOSPITAL AND THEN HE JUST DISAPPEARED.

BOY, IS THAT SOME KIND OF LUCK.

HAVE YOU GONE TO THE POLICE?

NO!

WELL, LOOK, SANDY,

YOU DON'T NEED ME BEING A DISTRACTION RIGHT NOW.

I'LL GO.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO...

THREE, TWO, ONE...

BUCK, WAIT!

( laughs ) I ONLY HAVE TWO DAYS

AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT ALONE. YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL TRACKER.

WHOA, BOBCAT, I TRACK ANIMALS.

I KNOW. AND I KNOW THAT WE HAVE HISTORY.

I'VE SAID MEAN THINGS TO YOU IN THE PAST,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN.

WELL, DON'T YOU FRET, BOBCAT.

- REALLY? - YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT GUY.

OH! OH-HO!

OKAY.

Woman: All aboard! Cleveland express departing in five minutes.

All aboard.

( snoring )

Man: Now boarding Metro express to Cleveland on track--

AHH! HEY!

HEY!

COME ON, MAN!

OKAY, SO WHERE ARE YOU GOING,

AND HOW MUCH AM I GONNA MAKE WHEN I CASH THIS IN?

( laughs )

THE JOKE'S ON YOU, YOU MEDDLESOME AND MISCHIEVOUS IMP.

I'M ONLY GOING ON A SHORT TRIP TO SEE MY FAMILY IN--

- BOLIVIA? - BOLIVIA! BOLIVIA?

BOLIVIA. YEAH, BOLIVIA.

- I DON'T FEEL BOLIVIAN. - WHO GAVE YOU THIS?

A FRIEND, MR. MUST-KNOW-IT-ALL.

DOESN'T SOUND LIKE MUCH OF A FRIEND TO ME.

SOUNDS MORE LIKE HE WANTED TO GET RID OF YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT? HEY, THAT'S IMPORTANT. I DREW THAT.

AND WHAT'S WITH THIS WEIRD DRAWING?

VERY GOOD DRAWING AND IT'S-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

THEN WHY DID YOU DRAW IT?

- DON'T KNOW. - WHO ARE YOU?

- I DON'T KNOW. - WAIT A MINUTE.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MEMORY? LIKE YOU'RE A TOTAL BLANK?

COULD BE. MAYBE.

WHOA, COOL.

COOL?

YOU KNOW, IT REALLY IS PRETTY BAD,

BUT I'VE SEEN THIS BEFORE.

YOU HAVE?

HERE.

I'M RYAN.

I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.

I KNOW.

TELL YOU WHAT-- I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT,

BUT I'M THINKING THERE'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO FOR ME.

WHAT'S THAT?

( rock song playing )

( plates clanking )

MM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO THEIR CHEESEBURGERS HERE,

BUT THIS IS AMAZING.

GOTTA BE THE SAUCE.

COME ON, BUCK, WE HAVE TO GET BACK TO SEARCHING; WE'RE LOSING TIME.

NONSENSE, BOBCAT.

THE FIRST LESSON IN THE BUCK SEGER SCHOOL OF TRACKING:

KNOW YOUR PREY. WE GOTTA GET INSIDE HIS HEAD.

NOW TELL ME, HOW HAVE THINGS BEEN BETWEEN YOU TWO?

- ANY TENSION? - NO. NO, NONE.

I MEAN, WE HAD A TINY FIGHT.

- OH? - IT WAS NOTHING.

I'M SORRY.

NOW WHAT IF WE'VE BEEN GOING ABOUT THIS ALL WRONG?

I MEAN, WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO WE THINK IS LOST.

WHAT IF HE'S A MAN THAT DOESN'T WANT TO BE FOUND?

DO YOU THINK HE SAW YOU COMING AND MAYBE...

- HE TOOK OFF? - NO.

NO. BUCK, AS SOON AS HE SEES ME,

EVERYTHING IS GONNA COME FLOODING BACK.

OF COURSE, BOBCAT. FORGET IT.

I AM SURE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

COULD YOU SPARE SOME CHANGE? COME ON.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

- THANKS! - THANK YOU.

WOULD IT KILL YOU TO MAKE WITH THE "HO HO HO"S?

HO HO HO? THIS SUIT IS ITCHY. IT'S AN ITCHY SUIT.

WHO WEARS THIS STUFF ANYWAY?

SANTA CLAUS.

JOLLY OLD ST. NICK?

THE FAT DUDE WITH THE REINDEER.

- I'LL LET YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET. - WHAT?

- YOU'RE JUST A DISTRACTION. - OH, IS THAT RIGHT?

- WATCH THIS. - WHERE YOU GOING?

- RING THE BELL. - I'M RINGING.

- WHERE YOU GOING? - SHHH.

WHY ARE YOU SHUSHING ME?

- OH! - I'M SORRY THERE.

SORRY. HE'S A CLUMSY LITTLE ELF.

- THIS IS THE REAL GAIN. - AH! NAUGHTY!

- HEY, WHAT-- - NAUGHTY! HEY!

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME, SIR?

SORRY, I THINK YOU MAY HAVE DROPPED THIS.

OH, NO, I HAVE MY--

THAT IS MY WALLET. THANKS. HOW'D YOU--

YOU'RE WELCOME.

- MERRY CHRISTMAS. - MERRY--

- HEY-- - WHAT ARE YOU?

- A BOY SCOUT? - WHAT ARE YOU? SOME KIND OF TINY THIEF?

...THAT KID...

NOW YOU'VE DONE IT. GRAB THE STUFF AND COME ON!

- GO GET HIM! - STOP!

- WHOO! - HEY, YOU!

STOP! ( blows whistle )

I GOT IT.

WELL, IF I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA PICK UP THE TAB,

I WOULD HAVE ORDERED THE HONEY-DRENCHED CHRISTMAS FRITTERS.

OH! OH, GOSH!

YOU KNOW WHAT? I BROUGHT THE WRONG PURSE.

SO, UM, WOULD YOU MIND GETTING THIS?

- SURE. - I'M GONNA MEET YOU OUTSIDE.

( whistle blowing )

Woman: HEY!

- AHH! - OH!

- OHH! - I'M SO SORRY.

EXCUSE ME. I--

NICK?

Police radio: Suspect is wearing a red Santa suit...

YEAH, THAT'S ME,

JOLLY OLD ST. NICK. UH, LITTLE HELP WITH THE LAW?

- MA'AM? - WHAT?

- THAT MAN IN THE SANTA SUIT-- - OH, YEAH?

- --DID YOU SEE WHERE HE WENT? - I DID.

UH, YEAH, HE WENT RIGHT DOWN THAT STREET RIGHT THERE.

- THANK YOU, THANK YOU. - YEAH.

- WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? - IT WAS NICK.

HE WAS HERE. HE HAD A WHITE BEARD AND A SANTA SUIT.

- HE WAS BEING CHASED BY THE POLICE. - WHOA WHOA WHOA, SANDY.

COME ON, HE WENT THIS WAY. BEFORE THE TRAIL GETS COLD!

( groaning )

HI.

FRUSTRATING BEARD...

GAH!

AH, KRIS KRINGLE!

EASY. EASY THERE...

LITTLE REINDEER.

FELLA, I'M NOT THE GUY YOU THINK I AM.

I JUST-- THIS IS A RENTAL.

IT'S PROBABLY POLYESTER. AHH!

AHH! WHEN REINDEERS ATTACK!

AHHH! WHOA WHOA WHOA.

HO HO HO!

GOOD... KING WENCESLAS.

FIRST I LOSE MY MEMORY,

NOW I'M LOSING MY MIND.

- NICK? - HEY!

- OH, SORRY. - CRAZY LADY.

I'M SO SORRY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE.

SANDY!

OH, I'M SORRY!

SORRY. HAVE YOU SEEN A MAN DRESSED AS SANTA?

OFFICE PARTY. BIG FAN OF THE EGG-NOG.

I DIDN'T DRINK ANY EGG-NOG.

YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THAT TO EVERY STREET SANTA YOU SEE.

BUT ANY ONE OF THEM COULD BE NICK.

IT WASN'T NICK!

LOOK AROUND--

THE SNOW, THE LIGHTS.

IT'S CHRISTMASY HERE.

IF THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT NICK,

HE'S GOT A REAL THING FOR THIS HOLIDAY.

IF I'M SUPPOSED TO TRACK HIM DOWN,

I NEED TO BE ABLE TO THINK LIKE HIM.

MAYBE A COZY STROLL THROUGH ALL THIS CHRISTMAS STUFF

WILL HELP TRIGGER SOMETHING.

YEAH, BUT HE'S HERE SOMEWHERE.

TELL YOU WHAT--

LET'S CALL IT QUITS FOR TONIGHT.

WE'LL GET A FRESH START TOMORROW MORNING.

LET'S GO BACK TO MY HOUSE.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALONE TONIGHT. YOU CAN HAVE THE BED,

I'LL CRASH ON THE COUCH.

( bellows softly )

THAT'S SO NICE OF YOU.

UM, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOOD.

I'M GONNA GO. I'LL MEET UP WITH YOU TOMORROW.

OKAY? THANK YOU.

Ryan: PSST! HEY, SANTA!

GET OVER HERE.

COME ON.

COME ON, HURRY UP.

- RYAN? - NO, IT'S AN ELF.

OF COURSE IT'S ME. NOW HURRY.

OW.

( indistinct police radio )

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

IT'S LIKE SOME OLD CLUB--

ONE OF MY HIDEOUTS.

GOOD PLACE TO KEEP WARM.

( door creaks )

I FEEL LIKE I KNOW...

THIS PLACE.

- SO WHERE'S MY KA-CHIT? - WHAT?

- THE JACK. - SORRY?

- THE KITTY. - COME AGAIN?

- THE CHOWDER. - I DON'T FOLLOW.

- THE MONEY! - OH! OH, THE MONEY.

HA! YOU'RE GONNA LAUGH.

YOU KNOW, THERE I WAS, RUNNING DOWN THE STREET,

YOU KNOW, WE-- AND I KINDA, BOOM!

I RUN INTO THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND I--

Man: THIS IS THE POLICE!

- WHO'S IN THERE? - THE COPS! HIDE.

HEY.

BUDDY? BUDDY, WHERE ARE YOU?

BUDDY?

( grunts )

BUDDY, THERE YOU ARE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT IF BUCK SEES YOU? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN EATING? WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH?

OH, ICICLES.

I FORGOT TO FEED THE REINDEER.

DON'T WORRY, BUDDY. I JUST GOTTA FIND A MIRROR.

THEN I'LL BE UP THERE IN A FLASH. WAIT A SECOND.

( bellows )

HEY, WAIT.

THIS IS NICK'S PLAID SHIRT. YOU SAW HIM TOO, DIDN'T YOU?

( grunts )

SANDY?

OH.

HIDE! GO. GO!

GO, HIDE.

- HI! - IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

YES! TOTALLY.

YEAH. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP. YOU'VE BEEN AWESOME.

WELL, NOW, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? TRACKS.

REINDEER TRACKS.

( glass shattering )

( creaks )

AHHHH!

WHOA-- AHH, BRIGHT LIGHT.

YOU ARE THE SPITTING IMAGE OF YOUR FATHER, YES.

THOUGH IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, YOU HAVE YOUR MOTHER'S EYES.

MY MOTH--

YOU-- YOU KNEW MY PARENTS?

WE IN THE SECRET ORDER ALL KNEW YOUR PARENTS.

BUT WHEN THEY STOPPED COMING, I ALONE KEPT THE VIGIL.

I KNEW IN TIME YOU'D TAKE HIS PLACE.

I STILL BELIEVED...

THAT YOU WOULD COME BACK ONE DAY.

ME? YOU KNOW ME?

AHA. WHEN I SAW YOU IN MY GARAGE,

I KNEW YOU CAME BACK TO RESTORE WHAT WAS,

TO SEE ONE LAST MAGIC CHRISTMAS EVE

BEFORE MY TIME IS GONE.

MM-HMM, MM-HMM. I'M GONNA GO WITH, "HUH?"

THE FEAST, THE DECORATING,

THE CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY--

IT ALL FALLS ON YOU NOW, NICK.

- LET THE WALLS TALK YOU THROUGH IT. - TALK ME--

IT'S YOUR PAST. IT'S YOUR FUTURE.

ON CHRISTMAS EVE, ALL WILL BE REVEALED.

ALL WILL BE REVEALED? WHAT--

- Man: THIS IS THE POLICE! - THEY SHOULDN'T GET YOU HERE. HURRY.

( door creaks )

HENRY, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE.

COME ON, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET YOU HOME?

BUT CHRISTMAS EVE IS TWO DAYS AWAY!

- IT'S OKAY, HENRY. COME ON. - CHRISTMAS EVE IS TWO DAYS AWAY!

COME ON, LET'S GO.

HMM.

Sandy: COME ON, BUDDY, THIS WAY.

THERE'S GOTTA BE A MIRROR IN HERE.

OKAY.

HERE WE GO, BUDDY. READY?

HERE WE GO.

( electrical whirring )

WHOA.

- AHH! - AHHHHH!

- I KNEW YOU WERE THERE. - YEAH, SURE.

NO, I DID. I WAS PLAY-ACTING.

MM-HMM.

WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE? TALKING TO A GHOST?

NOT TALKING TO A GHOST, ACTUALLY.

TALKING TO A PLEASANT OLD-TIMER WHO SAID HE KNEW ME,

KNEW MY PARENTS.

GAVE ME THIS.

I KNOW THIS.

MM, NO YOU DON'T.

I'M ONTO YOU, CONNIVING MINOR.

I KNOW YOUR SCHEMING WAYS.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY DRAWINGS.

YOU ONLY SAID SO SO I'D WEAR THE SANTA SUIT.

AND AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER!

I'M HURT.

LOOK.

MM-HMM.

YULETIDE CAROLS BEING SUNG BY A CHOIR!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

I TOLD YOU.

SO WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

WHY, "IT IS YOUR PAST. IT IS YOUR FUTURE.

THE WALLS WILL TALK YOU THROUGH IT," HE SAID.

FOR ONE LAST BIG CHRISTMAS PARTY.

HE SAID ON CHRISTMAS EVE

ALL WILL BE REVEALED.

- WHAT WILL BE REVEALED? - I DON'T KNOW.

BUT WHATEVER IT IS,

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN RIGHT HERE.

AND IT'S UP TO US TO GET READY FOR IT.

( chewing, belching )

WHOA, NO NO NO.

- ( bellows ) - STEP AWAY FROM THE FEED BARRELS.

YOU GUYS ARE ON A MEAL PLAN.

NOW I WANT YOU TREADMILLING.

I WANT YOU JUMP ROPING.

I WANT YOU YOGA-ING.

YOU'VE GOT LESS THAN 24 HOURS TO GET YOUR PORTLY SELVES AIRBORNE.

( all moaning )

I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING.

AHH! OH.

GALFRID, YOU HAVE GOT TO STOP SNEAKING UP ON ME LIKE THAT.

WELL, YOU LEFT THE BOOK OPEN, MY DEAR.

AND JUST TO BE CLEAR, I DON'T SNEAK,

I TURN SLOWLY.

SO YOU'VE RETURNED WITH NICK AND ALL IS WELL?

YEAH... NO.

BUDDY AND I RAN INTO HIM BY ACCIDENT AND THEN HE JUST DISAPPEARED.

WE HAVE TO FIND HIM.

OH, MY. ALL IS LOST.

CHRISTMAS IS RUINED FOREVER.

OH, NO, REALLY?

OH, MY FAIR SANDY, WHAT KIND OF BOOK DO YOU THINK I LIVE IN?

"SANTA CLAUS FOR DUMMIES"?

THEY HAVE A "SANTA CLAUS FOR DUMMIES"?

( groans )

THE REINDEER! THEY CAN ALWAYS FIND THEIR MASTER.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

YOU, GALFRID, YOU, ARE A GENIUS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

GET BACK IN THAT BOOK.

HA! THERE HE IS.

- GREAT JOB, BUDDY. - ( grunts )

IF YOU WEREN'T A FLYING REINDEER, YOU'D BE A REALLY GOOD BLOODHOUND.

OKAY, HERE'S THE PLAN--

I'M GONNA GO GET NICK

AND I WANT YOU TO GO STRAIGHT HOME, ALL RIGHT?

PROMISE ME. BUDDY?

BUDDY, DO YOU PROMISE?

OH, THAT'S AWESOME.

WELL, THE T.V. DID A STORY ON ME SO MAYBE A NEWSPAPER DID A STORY ON ME,

AND IF A NEWSPAPER DID A STORY, WE CAN GET THE OLD MAN'S ADDRESS.

- WE FIND THE OLD MAN-- - THAT'S A LOT OF MAYBES.

- OH! - OH, NOEL!

I'M SO SORRY. I SHOULD WATCH WHERE I'M GOING--

- ARE YOU-- - I'M SUCH A KLUTZ.

I KNOW YOU.

YOU DO?

- OH! - YEAH, I KNOW YOU.

I CRASHED INTO YOU ON THE STREET YESTERDAY.

REMEMBER? YESTERDAY-- OH, THAT'S 'CAUSE I WAS WEARING A BIG--

- I HAD A BIG-- JOLLY OLD ST. NICK. - ST. NICK, RIGHT.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SPILLED OUR HARD-EARNED COIN?

- OOH. - HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO EAT?

OOH, EASY. DOWN, BOY. EASY, STREET URCHIN WITH ANGER ISSUES.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I INSIST I MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

- LET ME BUY YOU BREAKFAST. - WE'D LIKE TO BUT WE CAN'T DO IT.

- WE'RE DEVISING A PLAN. - PANCAKES? WAFFLES?

I'M HAVING MINE WITH BLUEBERRIES.

I GUESS WE'LL STAY FOR BREAKFAST.

DEAL.

SO YOU-- YOU WOKE UP WITH AN IMAGE IN YOUR HEAD,

WHICH LED YOU TO THE CLUB.

AND NOW YOU WANT TO TRACK DOWN THE MAN WHO OWNS THE PLACE.

IT'S-- WELL, IT'S NOT JUST AN IMAGE.

- IT'S MORE LIKE A-- A-- - FEELING.

--FEELING. THANK YOU. AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT.

I JUST KNOW THE OLD MAN'S GOT SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THERE, AT THAT PLACE, IN THAT BUILDING

ON CHRISTMAS EVE AT A PARTY.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY, DOESN'T IT?

TRUST ME...

I'VE HEARD CRAZIER.

Ryan: CRAZY LIKE A FOX.

WE'LL PULL IN SERIOUS GREEN FROM THAT CHRISTMAS AFFAIR--

COAT CHECK, HOT--

ALL RIGHT, CALM DOWN, EATING MACHINE, ALL RIGHT?

AND DON'T TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL. IT'S A VERY NAUGHTY TRAIT.

YEAH, OKAY, SANTA. AHH!

OH, THAT'S UNFORTUNATE THAT HAPPENED,

'CAUSE LOOK, THERE GO THE PLATES.

- ALL RIGHT, WE HATE TO EAT AND RUN. - SO DON'T--

- BUT WE'RE GONNA EAT AND RUN. LET'S GO. - WAIT! WAIT!

SORRY. THAT WAS EMPHATIC.

I WAS THINKING, AN AMBULANCE PICKED YOU UP FROM THE OLD MAN'S HOUSE

AND TOOK YOU TO THE HOSPITAL, SO THERE MUST BE A RECORD OF THE PICKUP IN YOUR FILE.

SORRY, WE DON'T GIVE OUT PERSONAL INFORMATION.

YOU WANT IT? YOU'RE GONNA NEED AN ORDER FROM A JUDGE.

UH-HUH. AND WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT JUDGE WOULD SAY

IF HE FOUND OUT A HOSPITAL EMPLOYEE LET A MAN WITH AMNESIA

STROLL OUT THE DOOR ON HER WATCH?

HI.

THAT'S-- THAT'S HER. THAT'S HER.

HERE SHE COMES.

THE LOVELY LADY INSIDE MISPLACED SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT OF MINE,

SO SHE FELT SHE OWED ME A FAVOR.

DECK THE HALLS! YOU'RE GOOD. SHE'S GOOD. YOU'RE GOOD.

- I'M GOOD. - SO WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR SPRINGING THE OLD MAN?

- YOU GOT A PLAN FOR SPRINGING THE OLD MAN? - YEAH, I DO.

OKAY, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO-- RYAN AND I WILL KNOCK ON HIS DOOR.

AND THEN WE'LL COME UP...

WELL WELL, BOBCAT.

LOOKS LIKE YOU FOUND NICKY BOY AFTER ALL.

BUT WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW?

OH, LOOK AT THAT! HE GOT PUNCHED IN THE EYE.

HO! I SAID DON'T GO IN THERE. HOW MANY TIMES I GOTTA YELL--

HOE MANY TIMES I GOT TO TELL YOU, MAN?

- WHAT'D YOU DO WITH MY NEW SUIT? - MAN, I STASHED IT.

YOU DON'T NEED A NEW SUIT TO WATCH SOAP OPERAS.

I DON'T INTEND TO WASTE MY DAY IN FRONT OF THE BOOBIS TUBIS.

I MIGHT HAVE A HOT DATE OR STEP OUTSIDE FOR SOME FRESH AIR.

YOU GOT PLENTY OF FRESH AIR RIGHT HERE.

BESIDES, BROTHER, HOT DATE? I THINK THOSE DAYS ARE LONG GONE.

YOU AIN'T GETTING OUT OF MY SIGHT AGAIN. YOU GOT AWAY FROM ME ONCE.

IT AIN'T HAPPENING AGAIN, BABY.

I CAN TELL BY THE ARMY OF CRUMBS MOBILIZED ON YOUR T-SHIRT

THAT YOU ARE INDEED A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH.

- LOOK AT-- - ( doorbell rings )

AHH!

DO YOU MIND?

YEAH.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MISTER.

WE'RE COLLECTING OLD GAMES AND G.I. JOES FOR UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS.

MM, WELL, YOU GOT THE WRONG HOUSE.

AIN'T NOTHING BUT OLD PEOPLE UP IN HERE!

MISTER, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY TOYS LEFT?

- GOT ANY GRANDKIDS OR SOMETHING? - THERE NEVER BEEN NO GRANDK.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET? THEY GOT GRANDKIDS.

NO NO NO! WAIT WAIT WAIT!

I THINK I MAY HAVE-- YES, I HAVE PRECISELY WHAT YOU MIGHT NEED

OUT BACK, IN THE GARAGE.

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH. WE REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

I'M NOT GONNA MISS MY STORY, OKAY?

NOBODY ASKED YOU TO COME WITH US.

LIKE I'M GONNA LET YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.

WHAT'S THAT?

WHOA WHOA-- DON'T TOUCH NOTHING.

IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. LEAVE 'EM ALONE.

OH, MAN, THAT CAR'S OFF THE HOOK!

KATIE HAD PLENTY OF DOLLS WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG.

MY EMMA KEPT 'EM IN THIS STORAGE CLOSET.

GUSTAVO, WOULD YOU MIND TAKING SOME OF THE BOXES DOWN FOR THE LADY?

WELL, IT'S FOR THE LADY.

OH, THANKS.

YEAH, A FEW OF THOSE IN THE BACK.

- IN THE BACK. - LIKE BACK HERE?

- THIS WHAT YOU MEAN? - YEAH. YEAH, THOSE UP THERE.

HEY, THESE AIN'T DOLLS.

THIS IS A BUNCH OF MACARONI AND CHEESE.

AIN'T NO DOLLS IN HERE.

HEY, WHAT-- HEY, WHAT YOU DOING?

- HEY! HEY, MAN. - GIVE ME A HAND.

LET ME OUT OF HERE! WHERE YOU GOING?

THE T.V. DON'T WORK!

BUCKLE UP, EVERYBODY.

AND ALL WILL BE REVEALED AT THE PARTY LIKE YOU SAID, RIGHT?

AND, UH, YOU CAN DRIVE THIS THING?

All: WHOA! AHH!

- HANG ON! - SLOW DOWN.

Sandy: HENRY!

SANDY, THERE'S A TREE STAND IN THE BACK SEAT.

- WILL YOU GET IT? - OF COURSE.

DECEMBER 23rd! THAT'S A BIT LATE FOR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, LITTLE LADY.

BUCK!

YOU VANISHED ON ME.

OH! I'M SORRY.

THINGS GOT SO CRAZY. HOW'D YOU FIND ME?

YOU KNOW IT IS WHAT I DO.

SO I SEE EVERYTHING WORKED OUT WITH OLD NICKY BOY.

YEAH YEAH, I FOUND HIM. EVERYTHING'S GREAT.

HIS MEMORY IS BACK?

- WE'RE-- WE'RE WORKING ON THAT. - GOOD.

REALLY, DESPITE WHAT HAPPENED LAST CHRISTMAS,

ALL I EVER WANTED WAS YOU TO BE HAPPY.

OH, THAT'S SO SWEET, BUCK. I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY TOO.

WELL, I BEST SNEAK OUT BEFORE NICK SEES ME.

- FRIENDS? - OF COURSE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH AND HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.

FUSE BOX WORKS.

I GOT THE REST OF THE LIGHTS TO WORK.

I'LL SAY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE HOW ALIVE THIS PLACE ONCE WAS.

- THAT RIGHT? - THE MUSIC, THE DANCING--

- CHRISTMAS EVE WAS THE NIGHT. - REALLY?

MM-HMM. ORDER OF THE CARIBOU.

ONLY THOSE SWORN TO SECRECY COULD ATTEND.

ONLY THOSE WITH THE PASSWORD COULD GET IN.

REALLY? WHY ALL THE-- ♪ DA DA DA! ♪ CLOAK AND DAGGER?

'CAUSE WITHIN THESE WALLS WAS KEPT THE BIGGEST SECRET

IN RECORDED HISTORY.

- OH, SO THAT'S WHY. - MM-HMM.

OH, BOY.

Henry: EVERY YEAR ON CHRISTMAS EVE

WE REVELERS WOULD GATHER, FILLED WITH MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.

THEN THE CLOCK WOULD STRIKE 12:00

AND THE MAGIC WOULD TRULY BEGIN.

THE MIRROR WOULD GLOW A RADIANT BLUE,

- A TERRIFIC WIND WITH SNOW WOULD KICK UP... - ( gasps )

NICK'S PARENTS?

- ...AND YOUR PARENTS WOULD STEP-- - HENRY!

SORRY, WHAT-- MY PARENTS WOULD WHAT?

UH, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

I'M SO SORRY. EXCUSE ME.

NO, MY PARENTS--

UM, NICK'S PARENTS--

WAS THAT YOUR SECRET?

OH, MY DEAR, YOU'RE HIS LOVE, AREN'T YOU?

YOU'RE HIS LOVE AND HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU EITHER.

BUT HE HAS TO COME TO IT ON HIS OWN.

IF WE TELL HIM STRAIGHT OUT WHO HE IS,

IT COULD BE DESTRUCTIVE TO NICK AND THE MAGIC.

CHRISTMAS EVE IS TOMORROW. WHO'S GONNA FLY THE SLEIGH?

I KNOW. I HOPE THIS PARTY TRIGGERS HIS MEMORY SO...

I THINK THIS NIGHT OF YOURS IS MEANT TO HAPPEN.

WAIT, I'M SORRY.

MY PARENTS WOULD STEP RIGHT THROUGH WHAT NOW?

OH, UM, THE DOOR. YEAH, THEY STEPPED RIGHT THROUGH THE DOOR.

THEY WERE ALWAYS LATE. SNAPPY DANCERS, THOUGH.

I BARELY KNEW 'EM AT ALL. ANYWAY, RYAN!

RYAN, LET'S TAKE THAT TRASH OUT IN THE ALLEY.

HELP ME OUT HERE, OKAY, KID?

- CRAZY OLD DUDE. - RYAN?

UM, I WAS THINKING,

DO YOU-- DO YOU WANT TO HELP ME DECORATE THE TREE?

UH, THE TREE--

I DON'T-- I DON'T KNOW IF I'D BE VERY GOOD AT THAT.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I BET YOU'RE A NATURAL.

- WOW. - YEAH.

- THAT'S GREAT. - THANKS.

HERE GOES NOTHING.

( all gasping )

OH, WOW.

LET IT SNOW.

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

SURE IS.

- AHH. - OH.

WHOA, HOLD ON, SANDY.

NO, NOT THE TREE, NOT THE TREE!

NOT THE KID, NOT THE KID!

( screams )

- OH, THANKS. - GOT YA. SURE.

- NICE WORK THERE, CATCHING ME. - GOOD JOB ON THE FALLING.

- I FELL ON YOU. - IT WAS MY PLEASURE.

- ARE YOU GUYS OKAY? - YEAH.

- YOU OKAY? - WHAT?

- I'M GOOD. - I'M FINE.

YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT? GOOD, I'M FINE.

THAT'S GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO, STOP FOOLING AROUND.

WELL, WAIT TILL THE MEMBERS OF THE ORDER SEE THIS.

NOT BAD FOR A DAY'S WORK.

TRULY WORTHY OF SANTA.

SANTA? DON'T SANTA IT UP FOR ME.

I GAVE UP ON SANTA A LONG TIME AGO.

I MIGHT RECONSIDER THAT IF I WERE YOU, YOUNG MAN.

LET'S SEE WHAT THIS STUFF CAN DO.

OKAY, LET IT SNOW, BABY.

OKAY, MIRROR, TAKE ME TO SANDY'S HOUSE.

WHOOOA!

OH, UH...

ANOTHER SANTA YOU FLATTENED ON THE SIDEWALK?

( laughs ) THERE'S BEEN SO MANY, WHO CAN KEEP TRACK?

YOU HAVE A THING FOR THESE SANTAS?

- DEFINE "THING." - ( Nick laughs )

I'D HATE TO BE THAT GUY, THOUGH.

TODAY'S SANTA-- CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF LIFE WOULD THAT BE?

YOU KNOW, ALL BY YOURSELF,

DISAPPEARING FOR MOST OF THE YEAR, ALONE.

HOW WOULD-- HOW WOULD HE MEET SOMEONE?

I MEAN, HOW WOULD HE...

FIND SOMEONE?

HE WOULD FIND SOMEONE.

YOU KNOW, I BET IT'S ACTUALLY--

IT'S PRETTY NICE UP-- UP NORTH.

NORTH-- NORTH POLE.

- YEAH. - I BET IT'S ROMANTIC.

YOU DO HAVE A THING FOR THE SANTAS.

YES, I DO.

DUDE, WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S A RECORD PLAYER.

IT PLAYS MUSIC.

PRETTY TOUGH TO TAKE TO THE GYM.

( laughs )

YOU'RE NOT MUCH OF A BELIEVER IN CHRISTMAS, ARE YOU?

ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR.

SOME SERIOUS COIN TO BE MADE.

THAT'S NOT QUITE THE TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.

SO WHAT IS IT FOR YOU?

MMM, IT'S A TIME OF JOY, CELEBRATION.

IT'S THE MOST MAGICAL TIME OF THE YEAR.

OR AT LEAST, IT USED TO BE.

AND IT WILL BE AGAIN TOMORROW NIGHT...

IF WE GET OUR WORK DONE.

- SO LET'S GET TO IT. - 'KAY.

SO DO YOU GET THIS FEELING THAT THERE MIGHT BE SOMEBODY OUT THERE

LOOKING FOR YOU? MAYBE SOMEONE SPECIAL?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. PROBABLY NOT.

I MEAN, I THINK THAT I WOULD KNOW, YOU KNOW?

EVEN WITH THE AMNESIA, IF I WERE TRULY IN LOVE,

I'D FEEL IT... IN MY HEART.

HOW ABOUT YOU? DO YOU HAVE SOMEBODY SPECIAL

- TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH? - NO.

- OH. - WELL, I MEAN, NO, I DO.

- OH. - I MEAN, YES. I--

- OH. - NO.

OH.

- IT'S COMPLICATED. - OH.

- COMPLICATED. - CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

OF COURSE.

IF YOU, UH, KNEW SOMETHING IMPORTANT

THAT SOUNDED REALLY HARD TO BELIEVE,

BUT YOU NEEDED TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT

AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

I'D HAVE TO TRY.

( snorts )

- MM-- OH! - OH. OOH.

( snorts )

- I GOTTA GO. - YOU--

- OH. - I'LL MEET YOU AT THE CLUB.

AT THE CLUB. YEAH, OKAY.

- OKAY, BYE. - BYE.

THAT WENT WELL.

AHEM.

Sandy: BUDDY!

( Buddy bellows )

( gasps ) BUDDY!

- BUDDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - ( grunts )

SOMEONE COULD SEE YOU STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO BUCK'S TRUCK.

WHAT IS BUCK'S TRUCK DOING HERE?

( grunts )

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

BUCK!

( electrical whirring )

Buck: WHOOOOAAA!

( grunts )

( chuckles )

BUCK SEGER,

YOU JUST HIT THE CHRISTMAS JACKPOT.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

WELL, IT'S STRANGE,

YOU KNOW, NOT-- THANKS--

NOT KNOWING WHO I AM THE LAST FEW DAYS OR EVEN WHERE I COME FROM.

BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK THAT THE OLD GUY'S RIGHT.

SOMETHING'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT.

LET'S HOPE IT HAPPENS BEFORE MIDNIGHT.

- WHAT WAS THAT? - WHAT?

PARDON?

SO NOTHING'S RINGING ANY BELLS?

NO FAMILIAR VISIONS OF SUGARPLUMS DANCING IN YOUR HEAD?

UM, NOT SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU ASKED ME FIVE MINUTES AGO.

NO.

WELL, MAYBE IT WAS SOMETHING SO SEEMINGLY IMPLAUSIBLE--

THE NORTH POLE-- THAT YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO MENTION IT--

BUDDY THE FLYING REINDEER-- FOR FEAR THAT YOU MIGHT

ENDING UP SOUNDING CRAZY-- YOU'RE SANTA CLAUS. AHEM, WHAT?

YOU DOING OKAY?

- HITTING THE NOG? - WHAT?

I'M GREAT.

I'M SO GOOD.

YOU'RE GONNA BE HERE, RIGHT?

I MEAN-- I MEAN,

NOT THAT-- A GIRL LIKE YOU PROBABLY HAS A MILLION OPTIONS.

LIKE, TONIGHT, CHRISTMAS EVE--

YOU PROBABLY HAVE PLANS WITH MR. IT'S-SO-COMPLICATED,

WHICH IS GREAT-- GREAT.

BUT YOU KNOW, IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO THE GUYS

IF YOU WERE TO STICK AROUND-- TO ME.

IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME IF YOU--

- IF YOU'D-- - I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

HEY, YOU TWO,

- THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE IN THE KITCHEN. - OKAY.

HENRY, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED GUESTS?

YOU WORRY ABOUT THE CHRISTMAS EVE FEAST

AND I'LL SET ABOUT RALLYING UP THE SECRET ORDER OF THE CARIBOU.

- WHAT'S WITH THE-- - I DUNNO.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, THEN...

- LET'S COOK. - OKAY.

CAN I COOK?

( pop song playing )

♪ 365 DAYS OF HARD WORK EVERY YEAR... ♪

HI, THIS IS HENRY MAYS.

I'M TRYING TO ROUND UP SOME OF THE MEMBERS OF THE CARIBOU CLUB.

♪ AND WHEN WE GET TOGETHER ♪

♪ IT'S LIKE THE GOOD OLD DAYS ♪

♪ GREAT FOOD AND A BIG OLD TREE ♪

♪ TIME TO CELEBRATE... ♪

HI, MAY I SPEAK TO DARREN, PLEASE?

CHARLIE EVANS, PLEASE.

HEY!

HI, CAN I SPEAK TO TATE, PLEASE?

♪ EVERYBODY GATHER ROUND ♪

- ♪ I'M SO GLAD THAT CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE... ♪ - HERBERT, PLEASE.

♪ NAH NAH NAH NAH HEY HEY ♪

♪ NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH ♪

- ♪ I'M SO GLAD THAT CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE... ♪ - ( sneezes )

♪ EVERYONE PLAYING LIKE THIS, IT'S KEEPING US ALL WARM ♪

♪ PLAYING ON THE RADIO ♪

♪ ALL OUR FAVORITE SONGS ♪

♪ I'M SO GLAD THAT CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE ♪

♪ I'M SO GLAD THAT CHRISTMASTIME IS-- ♪

♪ HOO OOH ♪

♪ HEY EY ♪

♪ I'M SO GLAD THAT CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE. ♪

OHH!

WHOA.

HUH.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

HO! JACKPOT!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

WELL, THAT'S A KEEPER.

HUH.

NOW WHY WOULD SOMEONE KEEP A CRUMMY OLD BOOK

WITH BLANK PAGES?

AHHH!

OW! OH.

WHO OPENS THE BOOK... UPSIDE DOWN?

WHO ARE YOU? WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?

I AM GALFRID, KEEPER OF THE BOOK.

ALL THAT HATH BEEN GLEANED OF THE WIZARD'S SPELL

CAN BE FOUND RECORDED IN THESE PAGES

SO THAT THE PRESENT-DAY DESCENDENTS CAN FIND GUIDANCE, IF NEED BE.

BUT THESE PAGES ARE BLANK.

OH, I CAN SEE WE'VE GOT A FRIGHTFULLY QUICK ONE HERE.

I EMBODY THE WRITTEN WORD-- ALL THEIR WISDOM, ALL THEIR EXPERIENCE.

THUSLY, WHEN A QUESTION IS ASKED OF THE BOOK,

I AM COMPELLED TO RESPOND.

- COMPELLED? - YES.

MEANING YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHATEVER I WANT TO KNOW...

ABOUT NICK, ABOUT THE FLYING MEATLOAF,

ABOUT THIS SPELL.

YES.

I'M AFRAID I DO INDEED.

WELL, DON'T THAT BEAT ALL?

GOOD... KING WENCESLAS.

YOU LOOK AMAZING.

REALLY?

YEAH. I MEAN, YEAH. I MEAN, YEAH.

SO DO YOU.

YOU LOOK PRETTY HANDSOME TOO, RYAN.

THANKS. BUT IF YOU GUYS THINK THIS IS A PARTY,

I'M NOT WAITING AROUND FOR NEW YEAR'S.

WHERE ARE THE PEOPLE AND THEIR COATS?

SETTLE DOWN, ANGRY ELF. THEY'LL BE HERE.

OLD HENRY KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

( door opens )

I'M AFRAID I DON'T.

- NOBODY'S COMING. - Sandy: WHAT?

YES, THEY ARE. OF COURSE THEY ARE.

WE NEED TO GET YOU DRESSED.

NO, I CALLED EVERYBODY. TURNS OUT

AS FOLKS GET OLDER, SOME MOVE ON

AND OTHERS JUST LOSE THE FAITH.

OH, HENRY, I'M SO SORRY.

I'M THE ONE THAT'S SORRY, FOR ALL OF THIS.

( sighs ) I FEEL LIKE A FOOL.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

OH, HENRY, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

COME ON, NICK.

LOOKS LIKE IT'S BACK TO THE CORNER AND THE BELL.

NO. NO. SIT.

SIT. YOU GUYS, WE CAN DO THIS.

NOW LOOK, WE HAVE ALL THIS AMAZING FOOD.

THIS PLACE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.

I THINK WE SHOULD ALL HAVE DINNER TOGETHER.

IT'LL BE LIKE WE'RE A FAMILY.

NO, SANDY, IT'S--

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

YOU SHOULD BE WITH MR. IT'S-COMPLICATED.

HENRY, YOU SHOULD BE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.

- RYAN-- - DON'T BRING ME INTO THIS.

I'M OUTTA HERE.

I-- I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU'RE TRYING TO DO. I REALLY DO.

I JUST-- I DON'T THINK I'M THE GUY YOU THOUGHT I WAS.

YOU ARE THE GUY.

NO, I'M NOT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM.

I'M SURE THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE WHO DOES

AND I'M SURE THEY'RE LOOKING FOR ME RIGHT NOW SO--

I'M LOOKING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

SANDY, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU TOLD HIM.

TOLD ME WHAT?

WE GOT INTO A FIGHT.

AND YOU WENT THROUGH A MIRROR

AND YOU HIT YOUR HEAD.

- I WENT THROUGH A MIRROR? - YEAH.

I'LL PROVE IT TO YOU. THIS MIRROR IS A PORTAL.

AND IF YOU TOUCH IT, IT'S GONNA TAKE YOU WHEREVER YOU NEED TO GO.

I'M SORRY. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE.

BUCK WENT THROUGH THE MIRROR

AND THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE HE'S CAUSING.

NICK, I WAS ONCE WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

I HAD TO BELIEVE AND NOW YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE.

TRUST ME.

TOUCH THE MIRROR.

TOUCH IT.

NO SURPRISE THERE.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?

YOU KNOW, FOR A MINUTE THERE, YOU ALMOST HAD ME.

WAIT. WAIT, NICK, WAIT. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

HENRY? HENRY?

THE MAGIC'S NOT WORKING. WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?

NICK, WAIT.

WE'VE GOT TO GO AFTER HIM.

I'LL GO.

HE'LL LISTEN TO ME, RIGHT?

YOU GUYS ARE BOTH CRAZY.

( electrical whirring )

WHOO-HOO!

- AHHH! - BUCK?

- WOW! - AHHH!

YEE-HA! THAT'S MORE FUN THAN SNOWBOARDING DOWN EVEREST.

OH, A PARTY?

HOPE YOU DON'T MIND IF I STEAL THE HOSTESS.

BUCK, NO!

NO!

AHHHHH!

OKAY, THAT MIRROR IS GONNA MAKE SOMEONE A LOT OF MONEY.

COME ON, RYAN, WE GOTTA GO FIND NICK.

( deep growling )

( bellowing )

- ( bellowing continues ) - AHH!

AHHH!

WHAT IS WITH THIS TOWN?

DOWN HERE!

- Nick: WHY DO YOU KEEP FOLLOWING ME? - NICK!

LISTEN, NICK.

EVERYTHING SANDY TOLD YOU IS REAL.

THE MIRROR'S MAGIC. THERE WAS A BLUE LIGHT

AND A WIND. SOME GUY NAMED BUCK JUMPED OUT AND STOLE HER.

- WHAT? - SHE WAS TELLING YOU THE TRUTH.

SHE'S YOUR GIRL, NICK. SHE'S YOUR LOVE.

AND THAT'S YOUR REINDEER.

( grunts )

HI.

DAD?

Gustavo: IS SOMEONE OUT THERE?

GUSTAVO?

I'M FREEZING IN HERE!

I CAN'T TAKE NO MORE OF THIS POWDERED CHEESE.

HE-- HE TRICKED ME.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT WORK.

I MEAN, I DON'T REMEMBER.

WELL, NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO START.

COME ON, BUDDY.

YOU GOTTA HELP SANTA.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE.

SHE SAID ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE.

MY NAME IS NICK SNOWDEN.

I'M SANTA CLAUS.

NICK, HURRY. YOU GOTTA SAVE SANDY.

YEAH, RIGHT. BUDDY! BUDDY, LET'S GO.

( electrical whirring )

WAIT, NICK.

ARE YOU COMING BACK?

OF COURSE I AM.

BUT I TELL YOU WHAT--

OPEN YOUR HAND.

HANG ONTO A LITTLE BIT OF THIS SNOW. IT'LL NEVER MELT.

THAT WAY YOU'LL ALWAYS BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS.

I GOTTA GO.

GOTTA GO SAVE CHRISTMAS.

( whirring )

( Sandy grunting )

WELL, LOOK WHO JUST HAPPENED THROUGH THAT NIFTY LITTLE MIRROR,

JUST IN TIME.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, BUCK? YOU'RE GONNA BE SANTA CLAUS NOW?

- YOU'RE JUST GONNA TAKE OVER? - HA HA!

THIS IS MY PERSONAL A.T.M.

IT IS GONNA HELP FUND ME A BIG-GAME-HUNTING RANCH.

AND THIS FLYING MEATLOAF

IS GONNA HELP ME HAVE A WHOLE HERD OF FLYING MEATLOAF.

( grunts )

MY OLD CLIENTS ARE GONNA LINE UP

FOR A CHANCE TO BAG ONE OF THESE AND MOUNT THEIR HEADS ON THE WALL.

AM I GONNA BE THE NEXT NEW SANTA?

NO.

BUT I AM GONNA BE STINKIN' RICH.

YOU'RE DESPICABLE, BUCK.

HA.

YOU ALWAYS WERE THE FEISTY ONE.

BUT DON'T YOU WORRY. WON'T BE LONG

BEFORE YOU FORGET ABOUT OLD NICKSTER

AND FALL HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH YOURS TRULY.

EW.

( electrical whirring )

TIME TO FLY.

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FLYING SLEIGHS?

INTERESTING FELLOW, THAT LITTLE BOOKWORM, GALFRID.

BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU ASK HIM HOW TO FLY A SLEIGH,

HE'S GOTTA TELL YA. HYAH!

- ( all groaning ) - HYAH!

- HYAH! - ( reindeer grunts )

LOOKS LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN NOTES.

- NICK! - SANDY.

- NICK! - BUCK!

- NICK! - I'M BACK.

YOU'RE NO MATCH FOR BUCK SEGER.

I GOT EVERYTHING I NEED RIGHT HERE.

I REMEMBER EVERYTHING.

HE'S GOING THROUGH THE MIRROR! GO!

OH, HE'S GONE. WE'RE TOO LATE.

AH, HAD TO GET SOME FUEL.

NOW NICK...

GET OUT OF THE WAY.

I'M SORRY, BUCK.

- I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT. - NO. NO.

WE-- WE CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT.

WE CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT.

ISN'T THAT CUTE?

WHO SAYS MARRIAGE IS DEAD?

BUT I DON'T THINK EITHER OF YOU HAVE IT IN YOU.

REALLY?

THEN WE'LL JUST GET OURSELVES SOME HELP.

OH?

BUDDY, GET THE BAG.

( grunts )

WHOA-- HO HO! EASY, FRIEND.

WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT HERE.

( bellowing )

EASY, FELLA.

WE'RE GOING INTO BUSINESS TOGETHER, REMEMBER?

I CAN GET YOU ARCTIC MOSS ALL YEAR ROUND.

UH, HOW ABOUT A NICE NEW SET OF SLEIGH BELLS?

MAYBE A RED NOSE? IT GLOWS, I SWEAR.

GOOD BOY. NO NO NO, EASY. COME ON, FRIENDS HERE.

NO NO NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. OKAY. OKAY, HERE.

NOT THE BAG! WHOA WHOA WHOA!

AHA! WHOOOOOAA!

- HA! - HE'S GONE!

OH, AND LOOK-- HE LEFT EVERYTHING HERE.

AH! WE STILL HAVE THE BOOK.

IS HE STILL HERE, THAT DESPICABLE MAN?

- NO, HE'S GONE. - HE'S GONE.

BUT GALFRID, I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO TELL HIM

HOW TO FLY THE SLEIGH IF HE ASKED.

YES, INDEED, I WAS COMPELLED TO TELL HIM

HOW SANTA FLIES HIS SLEIGH.

FUNNY, YOU'D THINK A SECOND-RATE CROCODILE HUNTER

WOULD KNOW HOW TO RELEASE AN EMERGENCY BRAKE.

GALFRID!

NAUGHTY AND NICE.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY--

NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS...

KEEPER.

( laughs )

NO?

ANYWAY, WHERE DO YOU THINK BUCK WENT?

SEARCH ME.

( whirring )

WHOOOAA!

WHERE AM I?

AHH!

WHO AM I?

- ( gasps ) - WHOA.

- OH MY GOODNESS. - THIS IS NICE.

WHAT--

KAITLIN, YOU'RE HOME.

LOOK WHAT WE'VE DONE. ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?

DAD, WE HAD AN AGREEMENT--

NO MORE OF THESE FANTASIES; NO MORE CARIBOU CLUB.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP BELIEVING IN THINGS THAT DON'T EXIST.

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD START. - DAD, PLEASE.

THIS BUILDING, THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, IT ISN'T SAFE.

LADY, I'D LISTEN TO THE MAN IF I WERE YOU.

- WHO ARE YOU? - ( whirring )

- Nick: INCOMING! - NICK?

WHOO-HOO! HA!

YOU CAME BACK.

WELL, OF COURSE. THE CLAUSES DON'T MISS A CHRISTMAS PARTY.

YOU ARE YOUR FATHER'S SON.

THANKS, HENRY. LISTEN, ARE YOU OKAY?

WE BOTH FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT THE CARIBOU CLUB AND ALL.

THANKS, NICK. BUT EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.

( air whooshing softly )

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, OLD FRIEND,

AND THIS OLD CLUB TOO.

( laughs ) WHAT MEMORIES.

WHO-- WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

MOM.

DAD.

BUT YOU'RE--

IT'S CHRISTMAS, NICK.

NICHOLAS, ARE YOU GOING TO INTRODUCE US?

SANDY,

THIS IS MARILYN AND CHRIS.

THEY'RE MY PARENTS.

I AM SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU.

IS HE DRIVING YOU MAD YET?

- MOM. - MAD? NO!

COME ON. I MEAN, HE'S BUSY.

I'M BUSY.

YOU KNOW, NICHOLAS,

YOUR FATHER WAS PERFECTLY INEPT WHEN HE FIRST TOOK OVER THE JOB.

EACH CHRISTMAS WAS ONE MISADVENTURE AFTER THE OTHER.

AHEM! THE POINT IS, NICK,

TO DO THE JOB RIGHT, EVEN SANTA NEEDS A CHRISTMAS,

JUST AS YOUR MOTHER AND I HAD EACH YEAR

RIGHT HERE.

OW.

YEAH, I KINDA LOST TRACK OF THAT.

LOTS OF PEOPLE LOSE TRACK OF WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT:

LOVE AND FAMILY.

Marilyn: CHRISTMAS EVE WILL WORK OUT, NICHOLAS,

ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

THAT'S THE MAGIC OF IT.

WELL, LET'S GET THIS CHRISTMAS PARTY STARTED.

MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

WELL, YES, YOU MAY.

( jazz playing )

♪ The snow is snowing ♪

♪ The wind is blowing ♪

♪ But I can weather... ♪

MAYBE WE SHOULD KEEP THE CLUB AFTER ALL, DAD.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, DARLING.

IF IT'S OKAY WITH RYAN,

WE MAY BE KEEPING MORE THAN JUST THE CLUB.

♪ I've got my love ♪

♪ To keep me warm... ♪

( all laughing )

WHOOA!

WHOO! AH, MY NEWLY-SVELTE FLIERS, THAT WAS A GLOBE WELL-COVERED.

TAKE US HOME. NORTH POLE, PLEASE.

WITH A LITTLE ALTITUDE. WHOO!

EASY ON THE ATTITUDE!

WELL, THAT CAME TOGETHER QUITE NICELY, DON'T YOU THINK?

IT WAS MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS EVER.

ME TOO.

OH, HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

SEEMS LIKE THERE'S ONE LEFT.

OH, NO, WE MISS SOMEBODY?

- SANTA DOESN'T MISS SOMEBODY. - OOH.

AND THE TAG SAYS "NICK."

NICK? OH, WHEW, THAT'S ME. OH! THAT'S ME.

HERE, TAKE THE REINS.

OH, IT'S A LITTLE-- IT'S A--

IT'S A NEW SANTA SUIT.

LITTLE-- LITTLE SMALL.

YEAH.

WELL, SEE, THE FUNNY THING IS,

UM, IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

NO? THEN WHO'S IT--

- YEAH! - ( laughing )

IT TRULY IS THE BEST TIME OF YEAR.

TAKE US HOME IN STYLE, BOYS.

WE'RE A FAMILY NOW.

- ( reindeer grunting ) - ( Sandy hooting )

Nick: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Both: AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!