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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,851 --> 00:00:02,184 ♪ MTV ♪ 2 00:00:12,730 --> 00:00:15,698 - Oh, hey, darlings. I didn't see you there. 3 00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:18,867 Just Michelle Visage here enjoying a cozy night in, 4 00:00:18,869 --> 00:00:20,269 sitting by the fire, 5 00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:22,771 sipping on a brand-sponsored cocktail, 6 00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:27,176 and cracking open one of my favorite holiday classics. 7 00:00:27,178 --> 00:00:30,479 It's a story that's full of holiday spirit, 8 00:00:30,481 --> 00:00:33,549 filled with quirky small-town characters, 9 00:00:33,551 --> 00:00:38,253 and banned in 32 countries for being, quote, "too gay." 10 00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:40,789 So kick your boots off, grab yourself a drink... 11 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,057 if there's anything left... 12 00:00:42,059 --> 00:00:43,959 and enjoy a tale that begins 13 00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:46,095 like all other Christmas stories: 14 00:00:46,097 --> 00:00:50,165 with sweeping shots of New York City. 15 00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:52,167 - ♪ La-la, la-la, la ♪ 16 00:00:53,404 --> 00:00:55,337 ♪ La-la, la-la, la ♪ 17 00:00:55,339 --> 00:00:57,873 ♪ Is my favorite holiday ♪ 18 00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:14,857 Twas the week before Christmas 19 00:01:14,859 --> 00:01:16,258 and all through New York, 20 00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:18,427 everyone was feeling the spirit, 21 00:01:18,429 --> 00:01:20,829 except one lady hard at work. 22 00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:29,204 - Take this up to publishing, size 80 headline. 23 00:01:29,206 --> 00:01:30,739 Something splashy like, 24 00:01:30,741 --> 00:01:32,741 "Twelve Skirts That Say I'm a Slut, 25 00:01:32,743 --> 00:01:34,743 but I Kind of Know Math." 26 00:01:39,383 --> 00:01:42,217 - Hey, queen. - Tristan. 27 00:01:42,219 --> 00:01:44,686 Is that my favorite gay coworker? 28 00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:47,122 - Does this answer your question? 29 00:01:47,124 --> 00:01:49,358 - Ah, it's so gay! I love it. 30 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,660 - It's almost like it's my entire personality. 31 00:01:52,630 --> 00:01:54,696 - So, any plans for the holidays? 32 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,833 - Oh, you know me. I'll be working the whole time. 33 00:01:57,835 --> 00:02:00,936 The only thing I'll be opening on Christmas is my emails. 34 00:02:00,938 --> 00:02:03,071 - Girl, do you not have any family or friends 35 00:02:03,073 --> 00:02:04,773 to spend the holidays with? 36 00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:06,642 - Well, I have you, right? You're my friend. 37 00:02:06,644 --> 00:02:09,244 - No, babe. I'm your gay coworker. 38 00:02:09,246 --> 00:02:11,046 I'm just here to blindly support you 39 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:14,116 and recite catchphrases that I learned from black women. 40 00:02:14,118 --> 00:02:15,951 Wig. 41 00:02:15,953 --> 00:02:18,287 - Well, I'm trying to look good for the promotion. 42 00:02:18,289 --> 00:02:20,155 - You mean... 43 00:02:20,157 --> 00:02:22,457 Executive Fashion Ladyboss in Chief. 44 00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:23,992 - Ah, you're totally gonna get it. 45 00:02:23,994 --> 00:02:25,761 You are, like, the Joan Didion 46 00:02:25,763 --> 00:02:28,664 of telling people to wear scarves as shirts. 47 00:02:28,666 --> 00:02:31,500 - Well, I just hope Hannah thinks so. 48 00:02:31,502 --> 00:02:35,404 - Olivia! - In my office now! 49 00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:37,105 - Wish me luck. 50 00:02:41,979 --> 00:02:43,478 Olivia! 51 00:02:51,488 --> 00:02:57,125 - Someone please find me a new assistant! 52 00:02:58,162 --> 00:02:59,461 - What did she do? 53 00:02:59,463 --> 00:03:00,762 I don't know. 54 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:03,832 Something about chemo, taking off work. 55 00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:05,701 I don't know. Hah! 56 00:03:05,703 --> 00:03:07,936 Hey, listen, thanks for coming in. 57 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:11,907 There's something exciting I'd like to discuss with you. 58 00:03:11,909 --> 00:03:15,177 Does the name "Tuckahoe" mean anything to you? 59 00:03:15,179 --> 00:03:17,246 - Is that, like, German for "big taco"? 60 00:03:20,351 --> 00:03:21,884 It's this little town that 61 00:03:21,886 --> 00:03:24,920 all the major rags are buzzing about. 62 00:03:24,922 --> 00:03:27,990 Apparently they're obsessed with the holidays. 63 00:03:27,992 --> 00:03:29,157 Hah, hah, hah! 64 00:03:29,159 --> 00:03:30,959 Makes me want to vomit. 65 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:34,396 - So you want me to write an exposé on a Christmas town? 66 00:03:34,398 --> 00:03:36,531 - Dear girl. 67 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:40,569 Readership numbers are down, Olivia. 68 00:03:40,571 --> 00:03:43,805 Everyone's saying that print journalism is dead. 69 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:46,975 Well, we need something controversial 70 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:49,845 to put us back on top. 71 00:03:49,847 --> 00:03:54,850 Imagine it: nice little town, top of the naughty list. 72 00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:00,122 I want you to go there and dig up some dirt... 73 00:04:00,124 --> 00:04:02,024 covertly, of course. 74 00:04:02,026 --> 00:04:03,558 And most importantly, 75 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:07,629 get your hands on this winter crown. 76 00:04:09,066 --> 00:04:13,702 Whoa. 77 00:04:13,704 --> 00:04:15,904 Mesmerizing, isn't it? 78 00:04:15,906 --> 00:04:18,941 It's the grand prize at this silly little competition 79 00:04:18,943 --> 00:04:20,642 they throw every year. 80 00:04:20,644 --> 00:04:23,779 The ultimate winter accessory 81 00:04:23,781 --> 00:04:28,517 that will have the world reading this exposé. 82 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:31,320 I want it on the cover, Olivia, 83 00:04:31,322 --> 00:04:34,990 of the annual Christmas issue. 84 00:04:34,992 --> 00:04:36,291 That's right... 85 00:04:36,293 --> 00:04:39,361 The most important issue in fashion. 86 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:40,963 Wait. 87 00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:43,098 How am I supposed to write about Christmas? 88 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,733 I always spend it at work. 89 00:04:46,437 --> 00:04:48,637 - All I'm saying is it would look pretty good for that 90 00:04:48,639 --> 00:04:50,572 promotion you've been eyeing? 91 00:04:50,574 --> 00:04:55,410 But if you don't wanna do it, I'll find someone who will. 92 00:04:55,412 --> 00:04:58,947 Maybe...Tristan. 93 00:04:58,949 --> 00:05:01,683 You are snatching my edges, sis! 94 00:05:01,685 --> 00:05:04,286 - If he ever gets around to doing work. 95 00:05:04,288 --> 00:05:05,687 - He's... 96 00:05:05,689 --> 00:05:09,157 - Look, I'm gonna need an answer by tomorrow, okay? 97 00:05:15,366 --> 00:05:18,800 As Olivia sat there, she pondered and reminisced. 98 00:05:18,802 --> 00:05:23,805 Is Christmas a day she regrets to have Christ-missed? 99 00:05:23,807 --> 00:05:25,807 - What do you think, Barbara? 100 00:05:25,809 --> 00:05:28,443 What do you do when you're at a crossroads? 101 00:05:28,445 --> 00:05:31,346 - Take the job, Olivia! 102 00:05:31,348 --> 00:05:32,914 - Barbara? 103 00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:38,353 - All great lady journalists do anything to get the story. 104 00:05:38,355 --> 00:05:41,923 Ask tough questions. Go undercover. 105 00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:48,263 Go undercover, huh? 106 00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:00,842 - Hannah? I'll do it. 107 00:06:00,844 --> 00:06:04,212 You'll have the exposé on your desk in a week. 108 00:06:04,214 --> 00:06:06,281 Goodbye, Olivia St. LaPelle. 109 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,950 Hello, Maggie Zeen. 110 00:06:33,444 --> 00:06:34,709 - Excuse me? 111 00:06:34,711 --> 00:06:38,013 Can you tell me where the Tuck'd Inn is? 112 00:06:38,015 --> 00:06:39,448 I'm here on business. 113 00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:41,016 - Christmas business? 114 00:06:41,018 --> 00:06:42,451 - Um, sure. 115 00:06:42,453 --> 00:06:45,954 It's starting! 116 00:06:45,956 --> 00:06:47,656 - What's starting? 117 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:50,158 - Really not from around here, are you? 118 00:06:52,863 --> 00:06:54,963 - ♪ The Christmas trees are on display ♪ 119 00:06:54,965 --> 00:06:56,998 ♪ And looking picture perfect ♪ 120 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,934 ♪ It's coming from their college fund ♪ 121 00:06:58,936 --> 00:07:00,969 ♪ And definitely worth it ♪ 122 00:07:00,971 --> 00:07:02,938 - ♪ There's cookies in the oven ♪ 123 00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:05,073 - ♪ And Grandma in the kitchen ♪ 124 00:07:05,075 --> 00:07:07,275 - ♪ The snowball fights are mostly ice ♪ 125 00:07:07,277 --> 00:07:09,478 ♪ But hey, that's just tradition ♪ 126 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,646 - ♪ I met a man of mystery one day ♪ 127 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:13,348 ♪ And been in love since ♪ 128 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:15,117 ♪ He's from abroad and super hot ♪ 129 00:07:15,119 --> 00:07:17,552 - ♪ And definitely not a prince ♪ 130 00:07:17,554 --> 00:07:19,554 - ♪ There's mistletoe on every door ♪ 131 00:07:19,556 --> 00:07:21,523 ♪ And kissing without worries ♪ 132 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,625 - ♪ Except for maybe one, which is ♪ 133 00:07:23,627 --> 00:07:25,560 ♪ Whoever gave me herpes ♪ 134 00:07:25,562 --> 00:07:27,596 - ♪ It's a Tuckahoe Christmas ♪ 135 00:07:27,598 --> 00:07:29,764 ♪ There's magic in the air ♪ 136 00:07:29,766 --> 00:07:31,633 - ♪ And if you listen, you'll hear the children ♪ 137 00:07:31,635 --> 00:07:33,602 ♪ All caroling out in the square...shut up! ♪ 138 00:07:33,604 --> 00:07:35,670 - ♪ It's a Tuckahoe Christmas ♪ 139 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,772 ♪ In case you didn't know ♪ 140 00:07:37,774 --> 00:07:42,010 ♪ It's Christmastime in Tuckahoe ♪ 141 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:45,780 - ♪ We've got a kid with polio ♪ 142 00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,782 ♪ And look, he's got his crutches ♪ 143 00:07:47,784 --> 00:07:49,885 - ♪ I haven't felt my legs in years ♪ 144 00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:51,887 ♪ But hey, it's got its blessings ♪ 145 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:53,955 - ♪ A Christmas ghost, a talking dog ♪ 146 00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:55,957 ♪ And look, it's Dolly Parton ♪ 147 00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,859 - ♪ I'm only here for this one part ♪ 148 00:07:57,861 --> 00:07:59,628 ♪ 'Cause I ain't been paid, darlin' ♪ 149 00:07:59,630 --> 00:08:01,596 - ♪ It's a Tuckahoe Christmas ♪ 150 00:08:01,598 --> 00:08:03,665 ♪ There's toys in every store ♪ 151 00:08:03,667 --> 00:08:05,600 - ♪ A chance to do something real creepy ♪ 152 00:08:05,602 --> 00:08:07,736 ♪ Outside a woman's door...hi ♪ 153 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,638 - ♪ It's a Tuckahoe Christmas ♪ 154 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,673 ♪ In case you didn't know ♪ 155 00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:15,911 ♪ It's Christmastime in Tuckahoe ♪ 156 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,812 - ♪ I plan on finding ♪ 157 00:08:17,814 --> 00:08:19,948 ♪ What this town is hiding ♪ 158 00:08:19,950 --> 00:08:24,085 ♪ When I do, I know that the promotion will be mine ♪ 159 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,388 Why did I just sing that? Oh, pardon me. 160 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,359 Woo! 161 00:08:32,462 --> 00:08:36,431 - Those are your...husbands? - Mm-hmm. Why do you ask? 162 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:37,832 Woo! 163 00:08:44,007 --> 00:08:45,840 - ♪ It's a Tuckahoe Christmas ♪ 164 00:08:45,842 --> 00:08:47,943 ♪ It's kinda about God ♪ 165 00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:50,145 - In a consumer-capitalist commercial way that uses 166 00:08:50,147 --> 00:08:51,913 - religion as a façade. - Shut up! 167 00:08:51,915 --> 00:08:53,915 - ♪ It's a Tuckahoe Christmas ♪ 168 00:08:53,917 --> 00:08:55,951 ♪ In case you didn't know ♪ 169 00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,386 ♪ It's Christmastime in Tucka... ♪ 170 00:08:58,388 --> 00:09:00,522 ♪ Christmastime in Tucka... ♪ 171 00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,458 - It's Mayor Coont! 172 00:09:14,571 --> 00:09:16,905 - Merry Christmas, Tuckahoe! 173 00:09:16,907 --> 00:09:18,840 - ♪ It's Christmastime in Tucka... ♪ 174 00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:20,809 - ♪ Christmastime in Tucka... ♪ 175 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,811 - ♪ Christmastime in Tucka... ♪ 176 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,579 ♪ Christmastime in Tucka... ♪ 177 00:09:24,581 --> 00:09:26,548 - ♪ Christmastime in Tucka...hi ♪ 178 00:09:26,550 --> 00:09:28,817 - ♪ Christmastime in Tucka... ♪ 179 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:30,785 - Oh, sorry. 180 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,554 ♪ Christmastime in Tucka... ♪ 181 00:09:32,556 --> 00:09:38,460 - ♪ Christmastime in Tuckahoe ♪♪ 182 00:09:44,401 --> 00:09:46,635 - Is that the mayor? - Coont. 183 00:09:46,637 --> 00:09:48,203 - What did you just call me? 184 00:09:48,205 --> 00:09:50,105 - Mayor Coont? 185 00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:53,908 Seasons tidings, my town! 186 00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:56,978 Tomorrow marks a very special day. 187 00:09:56,980 --> 00:10:00,548 It's the first day of our annual Winter Ball! 188 00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,954 - Now, I don't need to tell you how it works, 189 00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:10,659 but I will anyway just in case somebody comes from out of town 190 00:10:10,661 --> 00:10:12,727 on Christmas business or something. 191 00:10:12,729 --> 00:10:16,364 The ball. The ball is a weeklong, 192 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:20,201 multi-part competition to judge 193 00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:25,707 what street in town embodies the holiday spirit the most. 194 00:10:29,012 --> 00:10:34,215 - Delia, the crown, please. 195 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,350 - Work it, girl! 196 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,219 Gonna miss sleeping in this little number. 197 00:10:39,589 --> 00:10:40,922 - As Delia Von Whitewoman, 198 00:10:40,924 --> 00:10:43,491 the head housewife of Kittenheel Court, 199 00:10:43,493 --> 00:10:46,895 and the winner of the last eleven winter balls, 200 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,697 I just wanna say... 201 00:10:48,699 --> 00:10:50,432 it's just a silly little crown, 202 00:10:50,434 --> 00:10:53,201 and not something to plan your entire year/life around. 203 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,943 - Let it go, Delia! 204 00:11:01,945 --> 00:11:03,545 Or what? 205 00:11:05,015 --> 00:11:08,283 - I mean, here you go, Mayor Coont. 206 00:11:08,285 --> 00:11:10,385 - What? Wow. 207 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:14,189 - As our forefathers once ordained, 208 00:11:14,191 --> 00:11:18,526 no citizen shall see the crown before the final pageant, 209 00:11:18,528 --> 00:11:21,763 or else they will fall victim 210 00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:24,699 to the dreadful Tuckahoe Curse. 211 00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:26,034 Mm-hmm. 212 00:11:26,036 --> 00:11:27,802 I'm sure everyone here remembers 213 00:11:27,804 --> 00:11:29,738 what happened to Little Lennie, 214 00:11:29,740 --> 00:11:31,840 our local polio child. 215 00:11:31,842 --> 00:11:33,108 - Little Lennie! 216 00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:37,145 - Russ, could you please lock this away? 217 00:11:39,082 --> 00:11:40,882 All right. 218 00:11:40,884 --> 00:11:43,618 Tuckahoe, start your engines, 219 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:47,455 and may the best housewife win! 220 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:56,965 - Bitches! 221 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:08,042 - Oh! 222 00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:09,043 Oops! 223 00:12:09,045 --> 00:12:11,212 - Oh my god! I'm so sorry. 224 00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:12,414 - No worries! 225 00:12:12,416 --> 00:12:14,549 I'm...I'm sure it will come out in the wash. 226 00:12:14,551 --> 00:12:16,151 Can you hold this? 227 00:12:25,395 --> 00:12:27,095 Hey, Mack? 228 00:12:27,097 --> 00:12:28,797 Could you take the crown to that secret location 229 00:12:28,799 --> 00:12:30,965 nobody knows about? - Oh... 230 00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,802 - Sorry about that. 231 00:12:33,804 --> 00:12:37,005 Name's Big Russ. I'm the mayor's security. 232 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,340 - Maggie. Uh, Maggie Zeen. 233 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:43,645 - Well, looks like I owe you another, uh... 234 00:12:43,647 --> 00:12:44,979 Wait a second, is this coffee? 235 00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:47,582 - It is. It is coffee, yeah. 236 00:12:47,584 --> 00:12:49,818 I actually love coffee. 237 00:12:49,820 --> 00:12:52,754 - Well, you love coffee? That is crazy! 238 00:12:52,756 --> 00:12:55,690 'Cause I also love coffee. 239 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,125 - Really? Oh my god, 240 00:12:57,127 --> 00:12:59,794 I've never met anyone else who loves coffee. 241 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:03,131 I actually even have this saying in the morning: 242 00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,866 don't talk to me until I've had my... 243 00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,135 ...hot bean water. 244 00:13:11,408 --> 00:13:14,943 - Would you maybe wanna grab a cup with me? 245 00:13:14,945 --> 00:13:19,514 - Uh...I'm really busy with work. 246 00:13:19,516 --> 00:13:23,585 But...maybe I'll see you around. 247 00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:30,091 - Bye, Maggie Zeen. 248 00:13:32,863 --> 00:13:34,462 - Lost the scent of the crown. 249 00:13:34,464 --> 00:13:37,432 But fortunately, I have a reservation at the town inn. 250 00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:41,002 It's the perfect place to chat up the locals and get the scoop. 251 00:13:41,004 --> 00:13:43,338 Someone's bound to know where that crown is hiding. 252 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,344 Oh my god! I'm sorry! 253 00:13:49,346 --> 00:13:51,279 I was just checking to see if you were on duty. 254 00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:54,516 - Ooh, girl, I thought you were that Annabelle doll! 255 00:13:54,518 --> 00:13:56,951 Yeah, I'm on duty. 256 00:13:56,953 --> 00:14:00,088 And I am happy to take you! 257 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,990 Just so you know, 258 00:14:01,992 --> 00:14:04,259 I almost lost my license last week, 259 00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:06,027 but for nothin' serious. Huh! 260 00:14:06,029 --> 00:14:08,763 Judge used all this legal jargon. 261 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,232 You know, like "vehicular manslaughter" 262 00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:13,368 or something like that, I don't know. 263 00:14:13,370 --> 00:14:15,436 Anyway, where you goin'? - The...Tuck'd Inn? 264 00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,305 - Oh, I love that little hole in the wall. 265 00:14:17,307 --> 00:14:19,541 - Oh, yeah, yeah, the pictures online looked really quaint. 266 00:14:19,543 --> 00:14:22,977 - No, there's literally a hole in the wall. 267 00:14:22,979 --> 00:14:24,879 Tried parallel parking? 268 00:14:24,881 --> 00:14:27,582 Hmph, backed right into the lobby. 269 00:14:27,584 --> 00:14:29,250 Buckle up! 270 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,323 - Oh, your name is Bea Eep, like a car? 271 00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:38,526 Nah, bitch, like a... 272 00:14:38,528 --> 00:14:39,594 Woo! 273 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:43,731 - Hold on. - I know a shortcut. 274 00:14:48,672 --> 00:14:51,973 After many misturns and the cab breaking down, 275 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:56,010 the two pulled up at dawn to a seedy edge of town. 276 00:15:02,619 --> 00:15:04,919 Who said my name? 277 00:15:14,030 --> 00:15:17,498 - Not from around here, are you? 278 00:15:18,935 --> 00:15:21,836 - Oh, uh, do you work here? 279 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:26,741 - If by "here" you mean this alley, then yeah, I work here. 280 00:15:26,743 --> 00:15:28,810 - Oh, so you...you do construction? 281 00:15:28,812 --> 00:15:30,478 - If by "construction" you mean 282 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,947 handling heavy pipes with my hands, 283 00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:35,316 then yeah, I do construction. 284 00:15:35,318 --> 00:15:38,586 - Oh, so you're a...plumber? 285 00:15:38,588 --> 00:15:40,388 - If by "plumber" you mean 286 00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:43,057 sucking massive clogs out of people's holes, 287 00:15:43,059 --> 00:15:46,961 then yeah, I'm a plumber. 288 00:15:46,963 --> 00:15:48,730 - Oh, you're a whore. 289 00:15:48,732 --> 00:15:50,632 - Ooh, yeah, that's me! 290 00:15:50,634 --> 00:15:53,334 The name's Kitti. 291 00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:55,103 Allow me. 292 00:15:58,675 --> 00:16:01,876 - Oh, follow me, please. 293 00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,177 Excuse me. 294 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:05,546 Time for my morning cold potato offer. 295 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,582 Boys! Good news! 296 00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:11,519 Just got back from the clinic clean as a whistle... 297 00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:13,187 that was just in someone's ass. 298 00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:17,158 Come! We drink. 299 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,127 - Oh, look at you! 300 00:16:39,015 --> 00:16:40,682 - Hello? 301 00:16:51,127 --> 00:16:53,828 - Woo! Oh! Hiya, gal pal. 302 00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:55,930 You checkin' in? - Are you okay? 303 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,465 What...what were you doing up there? 304 00:16:57,467 --> 00:17:01,736 - Oh! I thought it'd be neat to install a fire pole. 305 00:17:01,738 --> 00:17:04,238 Turns out I forgot the pole. 306 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,441 But there is a fire up there. 307 00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,443 Oh, I'll get to it later. 308 00:17:10,013 --> 00:17:13,047 Hazel Delashes. I run the inn... 309 00:17:13,049 --> 00:17:16,184 well, when it isn't running away from me. 310 00:17:16,186 --> 00:17:18,786 - I have a reservation under Zeen. 311 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,588 First name, Maggie. 312 00:17:20,590 --> 00:17:22,490 - Maggie...Zeen? 313 00:17:22,492 --> 00:17:25,359 Well, like a magazine? 314 00:17:25,361 --> 00:17:28,096 You're not one of those reporters from the big city, 315 00:17:28,098 --> 00:17:29,630 are ya? 316 00:17:31,101 --> 00:17:32,767 - No, of course not! 317 00:17:32,769 --> 00:17:35,670 No, I'm a... 318 00:17:35,672 --> 00:17:37,905 jar... 319 00:17:37,907 --> 00:17:41,008 nail... 320 00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:43,010 ...list. 321 00:17:43,012 --> 00:17:45,580 - A journalist? 322 00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:51,252 - Like somebody who makes journals? 323 00:17:51,254 --> 00:17:53,521 - Yes! That! Oh, yeah! 324 00:17:53,523 --> 00:17:57,158 - Why didn't you say so in the first place, girly? 325 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,561 Journals are one of my top five favorite things. 326 00:18:00,563 --> 00:18:03,164 Let me show you to your room. 327 00:18:05,568 --> 00:18:07,168 - It's one of these. Come on. 328 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:11,756 Oh, son of a bisque! 329 00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:18,830 Ooh! 330 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,904 It's musty. 331 00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:29,407 - Mm, that's just me. 332 00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:34,245 - Oh! Why is the mattress wet? 333 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,814 - Didn't ya ask for the pirate theme? 334 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,951 Arrgh! 335 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,752 It's probably pee. 336 00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:43,454 For pirate? 337 00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,399 - I thought so. Oh! 338 00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:56,934 Ladies. 339 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,506 Ladies! 340 00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,942 Thank you all for coming 341 00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:07,478 to the Kittenheel Court Announcement Club, 342 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,948 and for adhering to this month's theme: big hats. 343 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,050 Remember, next month is little gloves, 344 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,886 as suggested by Bernice. 345 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,056 - Good suggestion. - Thank you, Bernice. 346 00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:22,326 Our first announcement, as you all know, 347 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,662 is that tomorrow is the Winter Ball. 348 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,898 I hope you all are well rested. 349 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:29,300 - With the twins running around, fat chance. 350 00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,404 - That's funny, Lanette. 351 00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,840 Do you think this is something to laugh about? 352 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,910 - It's just a joke. - Oh, I'm sorry. 353 00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:40,678 I didn't realize I had front-row tickets to 354 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,314 " Live at the Giggle Factory." 355 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,616 Please, tell another joke. 356 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,385 - I don't have another joke. 357 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,353 - Well, then what are you good for? 358 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:52,256 Get out. And take your ugly hat with you. 359 00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:58,162 You look like a bargain bin Pippa Middleton. 360 00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,497 See you tomorrow, hon. 361 00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:00,598 - I think she went too far... 362 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,367 - Now, where were we? Oh, I remember. 363 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,069 Oh, Bertram! 364 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,709 - You all have met my husband, Bertram, 365 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,545 the very rich owner of the local bank. 366 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,782 And I couldn't be luckier to have found such a generous, 367 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:21,586 open, and understanding prenup as ours. 368 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,187 Isn't that right, Bertram? 369 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,555 - Aww! - Aww! 370 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,325 - Bertram, stop. Not in front of everyone! 371 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,426 Lights. 372 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,532 - Christmas Eve marks yet another year 373 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:38,603 where Kittenheel Court takes home the crown. 374 00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,905 But I'd also like to announce that it will commence 375 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:44,242 of the grand remodeling of downtown Tuckahoe! 376 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:49,480 - With Bertram's help, we ladies of Kittenheel Court 377 00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:53,284 are going to turn this... 378 00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:56,320 into this. 379 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:01,425 - No more hookers or wild dogs, 380 00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:04,595 or that bedbug-infested Tuck'd Inn. 381 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:08,532 Now we'll have what we always dreamed of... 382 00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:10,468 the largest Cardigan Super Outlet 383 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:12,270 in the tristate area! 384 00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,576 - Oh, crap! 385 00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:19,677 As Olivia walked through the bar 386 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,512 in her cocktail skirt, 387 00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:24,949 she chatted up Hazel to dig up some dirt. 388 00:21:28,187 --> 00:21:30,187 - I'll take a Manhattan. 389 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:34,191 - You mean like that city where some people are from? 390 00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:37,628 - I mean a...cosmopolitan. 391 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:42,266 - You mean like the people that are from that city? 392 00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:43,868 - I'll take a water! 393 00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:49,040 - Water, huh? 394 00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:51,776 Love that stuff. 395 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:53,678 - I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were there. 396 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,246 - No one ever does. 397 00:21:55,248 --> 00:21:59,183 I was actually diagnosed with chronic no personality disorder. 398 00:21:59,185 --> 00:22:03,854 No interests, no talents, no original ideas. 399 00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:07,291 Kind of like a background character in my own life. 400 00:22:07,293 --> 00:22:09,860 - Well, what do you want to do with your life? 401 00:22:09,862 --> 00:22:12,963 - Become an international pop star. 402 00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:14,799 I'm Jane McBeige. 403 00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:16,600 I deliver all the mail here in town. 404 00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:19,036 Well, until my big break. 405 00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:23,207 - Maggie. Say... 406 00:22:23,209 --> 00:22:28,412 if you deliver the mail, you must've heard about some 407 00:22:28,414 --> 00:22:29,980 scandals, corruption? 408 00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,916 Maybe where a certain crown is being kept? 409 00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:33,684 Doll, that crown 410 00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:36,420 is locked up tighter than my ex-husband. 411 00:22:36,422 --> 00:22:40,257 The only way of getting your hands on it is by winning it. 412 00:22:40,259 --> 00:22:43,894 - Oh, by the way, Hazel, you got another letter from the bank. 413 00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:46,130 - Well, it's probably about that loan. 414 00:22:48,835 --> 00:22:53,904 Oh no! Oh no, no, no! 415 00:22:53,906 --> 00:22:57,875 - What is it, Hazel? - It's an eviction notice. 416 00:22:57,877 --> 00:23:02,880 It says they're gonna tear down the inn on Christmas Eve! 417 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,716 - What? They can't do that! 418 00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:07,618 This is where I get all my work. 419 00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:10,821 - I'm so behind on the loan they're gonna... 420 00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:14,425 they're gonna bulldoze the inn in five days! 421 00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:18,129 - I guess that's just how banks work. 422 00:23:18,131 --> 00:23:19,697 - Oh, come on! 423 00:23:19,699 --> 00:23:21,832 There's got to be something we can do! 424 00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:23,801 But as Olivia sat there 425 00:23:23,803 --> 00:23:26,303 next to the Broads of Downtown, 426 00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:31,709 she had an idea, a way to get close to the crown. 427 00:23:31,711 --> 00:23:34,211 - What if you entered the Winter Ball? 428 00:23:34,213 --> 00:23:37,148 - Huh? - What? 429 00:23:39,285 --> 00:23:40,651 - No... - Very funny. 430 00:23:40,653 --> 00:23:42,353 - Think about it. 431 00:23:42,355 --> 00:23:45,156 If you won the crown, the downtown would be named 432 00:23:45,158 --> 00:23:48,259 the most Christmassy street in Tuckahoe. 433 00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:51,095 There's no way the mayor would tear it down then. 434 00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:56,500 But how are we gonna beat Kittenheel Court? 435 00:23:56,502 --> 00:23:58,669 - You know what? 436 00:23:59,672 --> 00:24:02,173 - Oh my goodness. 437 00:24:02,175 --> 00:24:06,277 - I may just be a girl named Maggie who makes journals. 438 00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:07,745 But I can feel it. 439 00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:09,780 There is magic in this inn. 440 00:24:21,194 --> 00:24:23,694 - We need a leader if we are going to compete. 441 00:24:23,696 --> 00:24:28,499 And who is going to lead a bunch of busted-ass broads like us? 442 00:24:30,703 --> 00:24:33,904 - I'll do it! - You? 443 00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:35,673 Yeah, that's right! 444 00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:38,142 Tomorrow I'm gonna be in the square 445 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:42,680 repping the Broads of Downtown. 446 00:24:42,682 --> 00:24:45,816 Who's with me? 447 00:24:45,818 --> 00:24:47,952 - Oh, like I'm gonna let anybody else 448 00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:50,354 destroy this place before me. 449 00:24:51,524 --> 00:24:52,656 - And like I'm gonna let them 450 00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:55,526 demolish the last gloryhole in town? 451 00:24:55,528 --> 00:24:57,027 - Like I'm gonna let you gals 452 00:24:57,029 --> 00:25:00,297 put your hands in a pileup without me. 453 00:25:00,299 --> 00:25:04,168 - Oh, if we're gonna compete, we need one more person. 454 00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:05,069 - I'll do it. 455 00:25:05,071 --> 00:25:07,271 - Any takers? Come on, ladies. 456 00:25:07,273 --> 00:25:09,173 - I'll do it. 457 00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:12,009 - Is there anybody around here? - I don't think there's... 458 00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:13,611 - Hey, what about you, Jane? 459 00:25:13,613 --> 00:25:15,346 - Oh! - Oh! 460 00:25:15,348 --> 00:25:18,282 - I'll do it! 461 00:25:18,284 --> 00:25:19,650 - Then it's settled. 462 00:25:19,652 --> 00:25:22,653 We'll win the crown and save the inn! 463 00:25:24,991 --> 00:25:26,423 - Very exciting. Very exciting. 464 00:25:26,425 --> 00:25:30,961 - But first we need to do something about...this. 465 00:25:30,963 --> 00:25:32,596 - What? I put on deodorant today. 466 00:25:35,601 --> 00:25:37,801 - You hear that, ladies? 467 00:25:37,803 --> 00:25:41,672 That's the sound of a makeover montage! 468 00:25:41,674 --> 00:25:44,174 - No, that's actually just the sound of a couple of rats 469 00:25:44,176 --> 00:25:46,710 ... each other off in a radiator. 470 00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:48,178 Oh. 471 00:26:00,459 --> 00:26:02,493 - Oh! Oh! 472 00:26:07,934 --> 00:26:10,034 - Careful, she left a snail trail all over the bar. 473 00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:12,503 - That's it! - Oh, you like that? 474 00:26:12,505 --> 00:26:13,804 - Yeah, I like the hands. 475 00:26:13,806 --> 00:26:16,106 - ♪ Now sissy that walk ♪ 476 00:26:16,108 --> 00:26:17,541 - Oh! 477 00:26:17,543 --> 00:26:19,677 - ♪ Now sissy that walk ♪ 478 00:26:30,623 --> 00:26:33,290 ♪ Uh oh... now sissy that walk... ♪ 479 00:26:33,292 --> 00:26:35,559 Yes! 480 00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:37,294 - How do we look? 481 00:26:37,296 --> 00:26:38,562 - Like winners. 482 00:26:41,050 --> 00:26:42,716 Live from downtown Tuckahoe, 483 00:26:42,718 --> 00:26:45,219 the Christ-missiest town in America, 484 00:26:45,221 --> 00:26:48,555 it's the Tuckahoe Annual Winter Ball! 485 00:26:48,557 --> 00:26:51,358 - Well, it is a beautiful winter evening here in Tuckahoe 486 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:55,162 and the perfect night to kick off the annual Winter Ball. 487 00:26:55,164 --> 00:26:56,463 Isn't that right, Kreston Carsley? 488 00:26:56,465 --> 00:26:59,199 - Oh, it sure is, Matt Rothews! 489 00:26:59,201 --> 00:27:01,735 Even our wives joined us here tonight in the audience. 490 00:27:01,737 --> 00:27:03,804 - Oh, hi, hon! - Look at her. 491 00:27:03,806 --> 00:27:06,006 - Oh, your wife looks cute. - Thanks, I did her hair. 492 00:27:06,008 --> 00:27:07,608 - Oh, I love it. Did she get a new bra? 493 00:27:07,610 --> 00:27:09,677 - Mm, I'm not sure, but I cannot wait to 494 00:27:09,679 --> 00:27:13,080 bend her over my desk later and mess that thing up. 495 00:27:13,082 --> 00:27:14,315 - Yup, that's hot. 496 00:27:14,317 --> 00:27:15,916 Alright, now, for the first competition, 497 00:27:15,918 --> 00:27:18,018 it's going to be the Holiday Runway. 498 00:27:18,020 --> 00:27:19,153 Isn't that right? - Yes! 499 00:27:19,155 --> 00:27:20,454 And for the Holiday Runway, 500 00:27:20,456 --> 00:27:22,823 each street will debut a series of unified looks 501 00:27:22,825 --> 00:27:24,925 for a chance to impress the mayor. 502 00:27:24,927 --> 00:27:26,860 Ooh, here she comes now. 503 00:27:35,104 --> 00:27:38,672 - First up, L'Chaim Lane, serving us Hannakouture. 504 00:27:38,674 --> 00:27:40,174 - Hm, mazel. 505 00:27:54,957 --> 00:27:56,824 - Well, well, well. 506 00:27:56,826 --> 00:27:59,827 Looks like the downtown rats made it out of the sewer! 507 00:27:59,829 --> 00:28:01,061 - Bitch. 508 00:28:01,063 --> 00:28:02,896 - Oh! Your hair looks expensive. 509 00:28:02,898 --> 00:28:04,465 Who might you be? 510 00:28:04,467 --> 00:28:06,500 - I'm Maggie Zeen. 511 00:28:06,502 --> 00:28:10,437 And I just wanna say you better watch your back. 512 00:28:10,439 --> 00:28:11,572 'Cause this year, 513 00:28:11,574 --> 00:28:13,374 the competition's gonna get a little tougher. 514 00:28:13,376 --> 00:28:14,808 - Mm-hmm. 515 00:28:14,810 --> 00:28:18,112 - Tougher, yeah, if you took out the "e" and put the "r" 516 00:28:18,114 --> 00:28:21,882 between the "t" and the "o." 517 00:28:21,884 --> 00:28:24,318 - Troug? - Trug? 518 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:26,120 - Truffaut? - Wait, no... 519 00:28:26,122 --> 00:28:28,322 - It's trough, as in the thing 520 00:28:28,324 --> 00:28:31,458 you'll be eating out of 'cause you're pigs. 521 00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:36,163 - I'm so sorry, can you say it one more time, please? 522 00:28:36,165 --> 00:28:39,199 - I...I thought you just said that we were rats. 523 00:28:39,201 --> 00:28:42,136 Kittenheel Court to the stage, please. 524 00:28:42,138 --> 00:28:45,873 - Watch and learn, little rats. Squeak squeak. 525 00:28:47,943 --> 00:28:51,779 - And of course Kittenheel Court serving Nativity Scene Realness. 526 00:28:51,781 --> 00:28:53,647 - ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 527 00:28:53,649 --> 00:28:55,816 ♪ Joy to the world ♪ 528 00:28:55,818 --> 00:28:59,620 ♪ Let heaven and nature... ♪ 529 00:28:59,622 --> 00:29:01,188 - I like her shoes. 530 00:29:05,361 --> 00:29:08,495 - ♪ Joy the world, the Lord is come ♪ 531 00:29:08,497 --> 00:29:09,696 - Mary! 532 00:29:09,698 --> 00:29:12,933 - Are you there, God? It's me, your baby mama. 533 00:29:12,935 --> 00:29:14,401 - Very creative. 534 00:29:14,403 --> 00:29:17,838 - ♪ Joy ♪ 535 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,107 ♪ Joy to the world ♪♪ 536 00:29:22,378 --> 00:29:24,745 - Ooh, next up, I wasn't expecting this. 537 00:29:24,747 --> 00:29:26,046 - This is a real shocker. 538 00:29:26,048 --> 00:29:28,315 - It's the Broads of Downtown Tuckahoe 539 00:29:28,317 --> 00:29:30,918 giving us Santa's Werk Room. 540 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:33,454 - Hm! - I don't know... 541 00:29:33,456 --> 00:29:37,691 - ♪ Come and taste my Christmas cookies ♪ 542 00:29:37,693 --> 00:29:43,597 ♪ From my lovin' oven ♪ 543 00:29:44,867 --> 00:29:45,933 ♪ Come and taste... ♪ 544 00:29:45,935 --> 00:29:46,900 Oh! 545 00:29:48,437 --> 00:29:50,237 - Ow! 546 00:29:52,107 --> 00:29:53,640 - That's gonna leave a mark ♪ 547 00:29:53,642 --> 00:29:56,210 - ♪ O-o-oven ♪ 548 00:30:07,623 --> 00:30:09,156 - A level of unprofessionalism... 549 00:30:09,158 --> 00:30:10,824 - Far too much. 550 00:30:18,067 --> 00:30:20,300 - Mayor Coont, your final judgment? 551 00:30:20,302 --> 00:30:23,070 - Put that away! 552 00:30:23,072 --> 00:30:25,973 - Kittenheel Court is the winner! 553 00:30:37,319 --> 00:30:40,454 - I told you to lock it away. 554 00:30:40,456 --> 00:30:42,256 Lock what away? 555 00:30:42,258 --> 00:30:43,824 - The crown! - I did. 556 00:30:43,826 --> 00:30:47,027 It's in a secret location that no one knows about. 557 00:30:47,029 --> 00:30:48,562 And it's locked up? 558 00:30:48,564 --> 00:30:49,763 I couldn't find the key, 559 00:30:49,765 --> 00:30:51,832 so I just put a really heavy book 560 00:30:51,834 --> 00:30:53,500 in front of the door. 561 00:30:53,502 --> 00:30:56,703 Russ, like I say every year, there's no key. 562 00:30:56,705 --> 00:30:57,871 It's a code. 563 00:30:57,873 --> 00:31:00,774 Mm, that explains the keypad. 564 00:31:00,776 --> 00:31:02,342 So, uh, what was the code? 565 00:31:02,344 --> 00:31:05,212 - Oh, I told you the code! 566 00:31:05,214 --> 00:31:08,282 It's 80085... 567 00:31:15,691 --> 00:31:18,358 - Oh! - Oh! 568 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:19,893 - Careful there, Coffee Girl. 569 00:31:19,895 --> 00:31:23,230 - Oh. Hey...Coffee Guy. 570 00:31:25,467 --> 00:31:26,967 - Yeah, will that be cream or sugar? 571 00:31:26,969 --> 00:31:29,269 - Uh, oat milk, please, or else I'll ... my pants. 572 00:31:37,580 --> 00:31:39,746 - What were you doing back there? 573 00:31:39,748 --> 00:31:43,650 - Oh, I wa...I was just climbing up to... 574 00:31:43,652 --> 00:31:47,454 get a better look at this big tree. 575 00:31:47,456 --> 00:31:51,191 Wow, we don't have those where I'm from. 576 00:31:51,193 --> 00:31:53,293 - And where is that? 577 00:31:53,295 --> 00:31:56,730 - The Gobi Desert. 578 00:31:56,732 --> 00:31:58,465 - Oh. 579 00:31:58,467 --> 00:32:00,267 Oh no, your tape recorder's all wet. 580 00:32:00,269 --> 00:32:01,935 - Oh. Oh... 581 00:32:03,339 --> 00:32:04,972 - Here. 582 00:32:10,412 --> 00:32:12,279 - Thank you. 583 00:32:15,818 --> 00:32:19,052 - Look, I know you're some classy business lady 584 00:32:19,054 --> 00:32:22,289 and I'm just some security guard with a tragic backstory 585 00:32:22,291 --> 00:32:25,392 that's left me incredibly single, but... 586 00:32:25,394 --> 00:32:26,927 is there any chance that you might... 587 00:32:28,697 --> 00:32:31,698 - I'm sorry. I...I have to take this. 588 00:32:35,270 --> 00:32:37,638 - Hannah? - Do you have the crown? 589 00:32:40,142 --> 00:32:42,275 - I'm...working on it. 590 00:32:42,277 --> 00:32:44,077 Well, what's the hold up? 591 00:32:44,079 --> 00:32:45,579 Olivia, I did not send you there 592 00:32:45,581 --> 00:32:49,549 to walk around with your thumb up your ass. 593 00:32:49,551 --> 00:32:53,453 Olivia, do I need to remind you how much you owe me? 594 00:32:53,455 --> 00:32:59,426 Darling, I was there for you when nobody else was. 595 00:32:59,428 --> 00:33:02,162 Olivia, if you drop one more call, 596 00:33:02,164 --> 00:33:06,099 you're going back out on the street where I found you. 597 00:33:06,101 --> 00:33:08,568 - Yes, Hannah. 598 00:33:11,173 --> 00:33:12,806 Let me tell you something. 599 00:33:12,808 --> 00:33:15,709 You're lucky I found you on that stoop. 600 00:33:15,711 --> 00:33:18,378 I risked my career for you, so you better repay me... 601 00:33:18,380 --> 00:33:22,349 - I will. I will get it, Hannah. 602 00:33:22,351 --> 00:33:24,685 That's a good girl. 603 00:33:26,488 --> 00:33:28,188 After a series of losses, 604 00:33:28,190 --> 00:33:32,325 the broads were losing faith. Holed up in the bar... 605 00:33:33,962 --> 00:33:39,700 - Who the hell? - Hi! What's up, bitch? 606 00:33:39,702 --> 00:33:41,735 - Kim Petras, what are you doing here? 607 00:33:41,737 --> 00:33:44,638 - ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of... ♪ 608 00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:45,906 - No, hold up, uh-uh. 609 00:33:45,908 --> 00:33:47,474 You can't just come into people's houses 610 00:33:47,476 --> 00:33:48,709 and start singing. 611 00:33:48,711 --> 00:33:50,377 I am in the middle of something, so... 612 00:33:50,379 --> 00:33:52,079 Oh, okay. 613 00:33:54,416 --> 00:33:55,782 - Right. - Okay. 614 00:33:55,784 --> 00:33:59,720 - Now, where were we? Ah, right. 615 00:33:59,722 --> 00:34:03,356 The broads were just thinking maybe they should just give up. 616 00:34:06,028 --> 00:34:09,663 - You know, maybe we should just give up. 617 00:34:09,665 --> 00:34:12,532 - I'll never be a pop star after this. 618 00:34:12,534 --> 00:34:14,067 - No, we can't give up. 619 00:34:16,038 --> 00:34:18,438 I mean, did Katie Couric give up 620 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,640 when her daytime talk show was canceled? 621 00:34:20,642 --> 00:34:22,175 - Who? 622 00:34:22,177 --> 00:34:24,578 - Did Rachel Maddow give up when...when everyone said 623 00:34:24,580 --> 00:34:27,080 she looked like a lesbian Andrew Garfield? 624 00:34:27,082 --> 00:34:31,651 - Yeah, but girl, even if we set our ... up 625 00:34:31,653 --> 00:34:36,089 to the Nth degree, we still ain't no Kittenheel Court. 626 00:34:36,091 --> 00:34:38,358 - Maybe that's the problem. 627 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,894 We're trying to be Kittenheel Court. 628 00:34:45,067 --> 00:34:47,868 - Oh, Christ on a cracker, she's climbing on the furniture. 629 00:34:47,870 --> 00:34:50,670 - Who are these Kittenheel Court ladies anyway, huh? 630 00:34:50,672 --> 00:34:53,707 Huh? They're rich. So? 631 00:34:53,709 --> 00:34:55,909 They're...they're...they're manicured. 632 00:34:55,911 --> 00:34:57,010 What else? 633 00:34:57,012 --> 00:34:58,812 - Oh, they also bleach their ass... . 634 00:34:58,814 --> 00:35:01,615 - Exactly! And guess what? 635 00:35:01,617 --> 00:35:04,651 Our ass... aren't bleached. 636 00:35:04,653 --> 00:35:07,287 Ours are the color of ... ! 637 00:35:07,289 --> 00:35:08,588 And you know why? 638 00:35:08,590 --> 00:35:10,791 - Because that's where ... comes out of? 639 00:35:10,793 --> 00:35:14,561 - Yes, Jane! That is where ... comes out of! 640 00:35:14,563 --> 00:35:17,063 - I like where this is going. 641 00:35:17,065 --> 00:35:20,867 - The Broads are gross. 642 00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:23,170 Hey? We're sluts! 643 00:35:23,172 --> 00:35:24,638 We're messes! 644 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,307 And we are proud of it. 645 00:35:27,309 --> 00:35:31,511 We've just gotta take our nasty ... 646 00:35:31,513 --> 00:35:34,414 and shove it in their faces. 647 00:35:34,416 --> 00:35:36,850 - What if I usually charge for that? 648 00:35:36,852 --> 00:35:42,722 - We just have to show this town why we are special. 649 00:35:42,724 --> 00:35:46,560 - But...but the Carol Showdown is tomorrow night! 650 00:35:46,562 --> 00:35:49,129 What are we supposed to do? 651 00:35:49,131 --> 00:35:54,367 - Uh...come on, ladies. I've got a plan. 652 00:35:54,369 --> 00:35:55,569 - Is it topless? 653 00:35:59,975 --> 00:36:01,675 - And for those of you just joining us, 654 00:36:01,677 --> 00:36:04,144 tonight is the ultimate Carol Showdown. 655 00:36:04,146 --> 00:36:06,580 - Yes, and the rules are very simple. 656 00:36:06,582 --> 00:36:08,615 Two teams are forced to go head to head 657 00:36:08,617 --> 00:36:11,651 in a high-stakes carol sing-off. 658 00:36:11,653 --> 00:36:15,889 - ♪ Joy to the world, the Lord has come ♪ 659 00:36:15,891 --> 00:36:19,426 ♪ Let earth receive her king ♪ 660 00:36:19,428 --> 00:36:20,861 - ♪ Her king ♪ 661 00:36:20,863 --> 00:36:23,563 - ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 662 00:36:23,565 --> 00:36:25,866 ♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 663 00:36:25,868 --> 00:36:28,435 ♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪ 664 00:36:28,437 --> 00:36:31,171 - We better back up, Matt. We're in the splash zone. 665 00:36:31,173 --> 00:36:33,173 - ♪ Spread your legs and grab your ankles ♪ 666 00:36:33,175 --> 00:36:35,609 ♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 667 00:36:35,611 --> 00:36:39,045 - ♪ Away in a manger ♪ 668 00:36:39,047 --> 00:36:42,782 ♪ No crib for a bed ♪ 669 00:36:42,784 --> 00:36:46,586 ♪ The little Lord Jesus ♪ 670 00:36:46,588 --> 00:36:50,090 ♪ Lay down his sweet head ♪ 671 00:36:50,092 --> 00:36:52,525 - ♪ Just rail me, merry gentlemen ♪ 672 00:36:52,527 --> 00:36:54,828 ♪ And let me ride that thing ♪ 673 00:36:54,830 --> 00:36:57,063 - ♪ I'll grind on top and I won't stop ♪ 674 00:36:57,065 --> 00:36:59,833 ♪ Until my bussy sings ♪ 675 00:36:59,835 --> 00:37:01,201 - What's a bussy? 676 00:37:02,671 --> 00:37:04,771 - Skip to the end! 677 00:37:06,041 --> 00:37:07,774 - ♪ On the 12th day of Christmas ♪ 678 00:37:07,776 --> 00:37:09,809 ♪ My true love gave to me ♪ 679 00:37:09,811 --> 00:37:11,011 - ♪ Twelve drummers drumming ♪ 680 00:37:11,013 --> 00:37:12,479 - ♪ Eleven vodka tampons ♪ 681 00:37:12,481 --> 00:37:13,613 - ♪ Ten lords a-leaping ♪ 682 00:37:13,615 --> 00:37:14,881 - ♪ Nine lines of cocaine ♪ 683 00:37:14,883 --> 00:37:16,049 - ♪ Eight maids a-milking ♪ 684 00:37:16,051 --> 00:37:17,417 - ♪ Seven hookers sucking ♪ 685 00:37:17,419 --> 00:37:18,785 - ♪ Six geese a-laying ♪ 686 00:37:18,787 --> 00:37:23,089 - ♪ Five gold ... rings ♪ 687 00:37:23,091 --> 00:37:24,391 - ♪ Four calling birds ♪ 688 00:37:24,393 --> 00:37:25,425 - ♪ Three big ... ♪ 689 00:37:25,427 --> 00:37:26,626 - ♪ Two turtledoves ♪ 690 00:37:26,628 --> 00:37:27,594 - ♪ And a... ♪ 691 00:37:31,033 --> 00:37:32,265 - Ooh! 692 00:37:34,903 --> 00:37:38,438 - ♪ In an orgy ♪♪ 693 00:37:44,079 --> 00:37:46,780 - That was the most inappropriate, 694 00:37:46,782 --> 00:37:49,416 disgusting, puerile performance 695 00:37:49,418 --> 00:37:53,453 in the history of the ball! 696 00:37:53,455 --> 00:37:55,555 And I'm gagging for more! 697 00:37:58,660 --> 00:38:01,261 - Oh! I might as well just call it now. 698 00:38:01,263 --> 00:38:05,665 The Broads win the entire carol battle! 699 00:38:07,569 --> 00:38:08,969 - Oh! 700 00:38:12,007 --> 00:38:15,175 - Everybody! - Okay! 701 00:38:15,177 --> 00:38:17,577 Ladies, I think it's time to wrap it up. 702 00:38:17,579 --> 00:38:18,745 - Oh, no! 703 00:38:18,747 --> 00:38:20,313 - Yes, you guys! 704 00:38:20,315 --> 00:38:21,715 We have to practice. 705 00:38:21,717 --> 00:38:23,450 So get some rest for tomorrow, okay? 706 00:38:24,619 --> 00:38:26,753 - You too, Hazel. I'm gonna close up. 707 00:38:26,755 --> 00:38:29,589 - Mm, well, goodnight. - Goodnight. 708 00:38:29,591 --> 00:38:31,157 - Rest? I have to go to work now. 709 00:38:31,159 --> 00:38:34,627 - She should close up shop. - Come on, girls. 710 00:38:36,631 --> 00:38:39,733 - Oh, I'm sorry, we're closed. 711 00:38:39,735 --> 00:38:41,801 - So I guess I'm too late for a nightcap? 712 00:38:48,477 --> 00:38:50,343 - So what's a girl from the Gobi Desert doing 713 00:38:50,345 --> 00:38:51,845 in a town like this? 714 00:38:53,415 --> 00:38:55,548 - You have any... 715 00:38:55,550 --> 00:38:56,950 Gobi boyfriends? 716 00:38:56,952 --> 00:38:58,985 - Oh, no, no. 717 00:38:58,987 --> 00:39:00,420 I'm sort of married to my job. 718 00:39:03,692 --> 00:39:05,592 - I feel that. 719 00:39:05,594 --> 00:39:09,662 I've also thrown myself into my job ever since... 720 00:39:09,664 --> 00:39:11,865 the accident. 721 00:39:11,867 --> 00:39:14,067 - She was my wife. 722 00:39:14,069 --> 00:39:16,903 - Oh, we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. 723 00:39:16,905 --> 00:39:20,774 - It was December. A day like any other. 724 00:39:20,776 --> 00:39:23,943 Except it was the day my wife died. 725 00:39:23,945 --> 00:39:26,880 There I was, watching her leave for her job 726 00:39:26,882 --> 00:39:29,582 as the town's clock tower technician. 727 00:39:30,519 --> 00:39:32,419 - Aw! 728 00:39:32,421 --> 00:39:35,422 - She knew that clock inside and out. 729 00:39:35,424 --> 00:39:40,894 AM...and PM. 730 00:39:40,896 --> 00:39:43,997 It was supposed to be a routine maintenance job. 731 00:39:43,999 --> 00:39:46,199 Loosening of a bolt here. 732 00:39:46,201 --> 00:39:49,669 Straightening of a hand there. 733 00:39:49,671 --> 00:39:53,440 Just like every other inspection. 734 00:39:53,442 --> 00:39:55,341 Except it was the one that killed my wife. 735 00:39:55,343 --> 00:39:56,843 - Again, if this is too touchy for you... 736 00:39:56,845 --> 00:39:58,678 - She was mangled. 737 00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,782 Sucked into the gears like a piece of saltwater taffy. 738 00:40:02,784 --> 00:40:05,552 Her bones crushed by the pendulum. 739 00:40:05,554 --> 00:40:08,154 Her head... 740 00:40:08,156 --> 00:40:12,425 popping open from the sheer force of the pulleys. 741 00:40:12,427 --> 00:40:16,362 You ever try wiping brain matter off a giant bell? 742 00:40:16,364 --> 00:40:17,730 - No, I haven't. 743 00:40:17,732 --> 00:40:21,034 - That's because your wife didn't die in a clocktower! 744 00:40:27,776 --> 00:40:30,810 - She was so dead. 745 00:40:30,812 --> 00:40:34,681 Deader than print journalism. 746 00:40:34,683 --> 00:40:37,817 Her body so... 747 00:40:37,819 --> 00:40:42,021 mangled by the gears, so stiff with... 748 00:40:42,023 --> 00:40:45,291 rigor mortis. 749 00:40:45,293 --> 00:40:47,327 It was impossible to get out. 750 00:40:49,131 --> 00:40:52,832 So now every time I look up... 751 00:40:52,834 --> 00:40:55,368 I know the exact time she died. 752 00:41:01,710 --> 00:41:04,744 - Wow. 753 00:41:04,746 --> 00:41:08,281 I never told anyone that before. 754 00:41:08,283 --> 00:41:10,950 Except everyone in town who watched it happen. 755 00:41:10,952 --> 00:41:12,719 - Yeah. 756 00:41:12,721 --> 00:41:14,420 - You look just like her. - Oh... 757 00:41:14,422 --> 00:41:16,489 - Would you ever consider wearing a blonde wig? 758 00:41:17,692 --> 00:41:19,792 - Sorry. 759 00:41:19,794 --> 00:41:21,027 - Olivia, darling, 760 00:41:21,029 --> 00:41:23,930 why are you not answering my phone calls? 761 00:41:23,932 --> 00:41:26,065 Were you eaten by dogs or something? 762 00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:27,934 - Sorry, bitch. - This mailbox is full. 763 00:41:27,936 --> 00:41:29,802 - It better not be. 764 00:41:29,804 --> 00:41:31,337 Making room for more messages. 765 00:41:31,339 --> 00:41:34,007 You ain't gotta be all extra. - Good, thank you. 766 00:41:36,645 --> 00:41:40,480 Never send a reporter to do an editor's job. 767 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,054 - What were we even laughing about? 768 00:41:48,056 --> 00:41:49,822 - Can't even remember! 769 00:41:52,627 --> 00:41:56,930 So, what about you? You have any family? 770 00:41:56,932 --> 00:41:58,998 - Oh, um... 771 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,634 I don't really talk about my family that much. 772 00:42:01,636 --> 00:42:04,604 - Is that because they died in a clock tower? 773 00:42:04,606 --> 00:42:07,140 - No, uh... 774 00:42:07,142 --> 00:42:09,342 I just don't think they ever really wanted me. 775 00:42:12,647 --> 00:42:15,381 - Hey, um, what's that? 776 00:42:15,383 --> 00:42:19,152 - Oh, that's Mayor Coont 30 years ago. 777 00:42:19,154 --> 00:42:23,323 She was the best winter queen this town ever had. 778 00:42:23,325 --> 00:42:25,425 - Who's that standing behind her? 779 00:42:25,427 --> 00:42:28,194 That's her sister, Marianne. 780 00:42:28,196 --> 00:42:29,829 She used to write for the local paper, 781 00:42:29,831 --> 00:42:33,132 but nobody ever read her articles. 782 00:42:33,134 --> 00:42:35,335 It's sad, really. 783 00:42:35,337 --> 00:42:38,638 She was always living in the Mayor's shadow. 784 00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,006 - Was? 785 00:42:43,278 --> 00:42:46,346 - Nobody ever knew what happened to her. 786 00:42:46,348 --> 00:42:47,347 - Oh. 787 00:42:47,349 --> 00:42:49,716 - She went missing on that very day. 788 00:42:56,658 --> 00:42:58,625 - Well, it's getting late. - Yeah. 789 00:43:02,330 --> 00:43:04,097 Hey. 790 00:43:05,166 --> 00:43:07,400 Maybe I could take you out for that coffee sometime. 791 00:43:09,271 --> 00:43:10,536 And don't worry. 792 00:43:10,538 --> 00:43:14,040 I won't talk about my dead wife. 793 00:43:14,042 --> 00:43:15,208 Too much. 794 00:43:18,346 --> 00:43:20,246 - I'll think about it. 795 00:43:32,694 --> 00:43:34,294 Yeah, I'll just let myself out. 796 00:43:36,648 --> 00:43:37,981 - Three minutes left in the Tree Lighting Challenge, 797 00:43:37,983 --> 00:43:39,615 and this competition is heating up 798 00:43:39,617 --> 00:43:41,684 faster than my wife's undercarriage. 799 00:43:41,686 --> 00:43:45,521 - Mm, and trust me, that is pretty fast. 800 00:43:45,523 --> 00:43:48,858 - And how would you know that, Matt? 801 00:43:55,367 --> 00:43:56,666 - Oh. - Oh. 802 00:43:56,668 --> 00:43:57,867 - Oh. - Oh! 803 00:43:57,869 --> 00:43:59,369 - Bea, that's our tree? 804 00:43:59,371 --> 00:44:00,670 - Yeah, and you might wanna grab it 805 00:44:00,672 --> 00:44:03,239 before the hospital realizes it's missing. 806 00:44:03,241 --> 00:44:06,109 Get it! - Uh, ladies? 807 00:44:06,111 --> 00:44:08,244 Look at Kittenheel Court. 808 00:44:08,246 --> 00:44:11,014 - Yoo-hoo! Get a load of this, girls! 809 00:44:15,387 --> 00:44:17,220 - You know, I think we're going to need more lights. 810 00:44:17,222 --> 00:44:18,421 - Yeah. 811 00:44:20,091 --> 00:44:21,324 - I have an idea. 812 00:44:21,326 --> 00:44:25,661 - Oh, good. Where are you going? 813 00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:28,398 - Bertram! - We only have a few minutes. 814 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:33,102 Mmmwah! Ah ha...oh! Oh, no! 815 00:44:33,104 --> 00:44:37,373 Ah, I feel so safe with you, Bertram. 816 00:44:37,375 --> 00:44:39,842 Oh, oh, oh... 817 00:44:42,247 --> 00:44:46,516 That's why I trusted you 818 00:44:46,518 --> 00:44:50,887 to keep the crown in your bank. Ooh, yeah! 819 00:44:50,889 --> 00:44:52,989 Shh, shh, shh! 820 00:44:55,727 --> 00:44:57,627 - Oh, ladies, that looks a lot better. 821 00:44:57,629 --> 00:44:59,295 It's like Rockefeller Center. 822 00:45:00,832 --> 00:45:03,366 - But you know, this tree's still missing a certain... 823 00:45:03,368 --> 00:45:05,134 je ne sais quoi. 824 00:45:05,136 --> 00:45:07,070 Oh, I know! 825 00:45:07,072 --> 00:45:10,039 We don't have a star for the top. 826 00:45:10,041 --> 00:45:12,275 - I have another idea. 827 00:45:12,277 --> 00:45:14,544 - Oh. 828 00:45:14,546 --> 00:45:17,046 - And now for the final judging. 829 00:45:27,258 --> 00:45:29,859 Oh! 830 00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:40,570 - Get her, Jane. 831 00:45:47,112 --> 00:45:53,015 - ♪ Ave Maria ♪ 832 00:45:56,087 --> 00:46:01,724 ♪ Gratia plena ♪ 833 00:46:01,726 --> 00:46:07,630 ♪ Maria something, something Latin ♪ 834 00:46:07,632 --> 00:46:12,502 ♪ Maria is a cool name ♪ 835 00:46:12,504 --> 00:46:17,240 ♪ Name, name ♪♪ 836 00:46:29,254 --> 00:46:30,620 - We need to talk. 837 00:46:31,689 --> 00:46:34,423 - We are saving this inn! 838 00:46:38,363 --> 00:46:40,563 - Girls, tonight, for the rest of the night, 839 00:46:40,565 --> 00:46:42,598 all drinks are on me. 840 00:46:45,403 --> 00:46:47,870 - I got you, girl! I got you! 841 00:46:54,245 --> 00:46:56,479 - So I was thinking about that coffee. 842 00:47:01,853 --> 00:47:05,121 - Maggie's phone. This is Hazel speaking? 843 00:47:05,123 --> 00:47:07,857 - Who the hell is Maggie? 844 00:47:07,859 --> 00:47:09,625 - Hazel? Hazel, what are you doing? 845 00:47:09,627 --> 00:47:11,227 - Oh, I'm just talking to some woman 846 00:47:11,229 --> 00:47:12,995 that's trapped inside your phone. 847 00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:15,031 - I'm her boss. 848 00:47:15,033 --> 00:47:16,065 - Oh! - What? 849 00:47:16,067 --> 00:47:17,333 No, no, girls, look. 850 00:47:17,335 --> 00:47:19,468 It's Maggie's boss from the journal factory! 851 00:47:23,341 --> 00:47:26,742 - Maggie's the best! 852 00:47:26,744 --> 00:47:28,844 - Hannah, I'm just gonna go over that journal protoype. 853 00:47:28,846 --> 00:47:32,315 It just...it has a gun in it. 854 00:47:32,317 --> 00:47:35,451 - Oh, I love guns! 855 00:47:35,453 --> 00:47:36,752 Olivia, tell me, darling, 856 00:47:36,754 --> 00:47:39,622 does my limo have a toilet in it? 857 00:47:39,624 --> 00:47:40,790 - Not that I know of. 858 00:47:40,792 --> 00:47:42,325 - Then why did you send me something 859 00:47:42,327 --> 00:47:44,860 I could wipe my ass with? 860 00:47:44,862 --> 00:47:47,096 - It's a new take on the exposé. 861 00:47:47,098 --> 00:47:50,800 It's...it's strong women coming together against all odds. 862 00:47:50,802 --> 00:47:53,703 - You were supposed to find me gossip. 863 00:47:53,705 --> 00:47:57,473 You were supposed to find me that crown. 864 00:47:57,475 --> 00:47:59,642 But, if you'd rather make friends with a bunch of 865 00:47:59,644 --> 00:48:04,447 overgrown orangutans, then be my guest. 866 00:48:04,449 --> 00:48:08,851 I guess that promotion is going up in flames. 867 00:48:08,853 --> 00:48:11,587 I'm hanging up. - No, wait, wait, wait. 868 00:48:11,589 --> 00:48:14,357 I know where the crown is hiding. 869 00:48:14,359 --> 00:48:17,994 It's in a vault, locked in a bank. 870 00:48:17,996 --> 00:48:19,762 And I have the code. 871 00:48:19,764 --> 00:48:21,964 - How do you know that? - I eavesdropped on the mayor 872 00:48:21,966 --> 00:48:24,200 having an affair with the banker. 873 00:48:24,202 --> 00:48:25,835 - Well, well, well. 874 00:48:25,837 --> 00:48:28,304 It looks like this town's grapevine 875 00:48:28,306 --> 00:48:31,140 just got a whole lot juicier. 876 00:48:32,910 --> 00:48:36,646 I've changed my mind. Don't worry about the crown. 877 00:48:36,648 --> 00:48:39,215 Focus on rewriting the exposé. 878 00:48:39,217 --> 00:48:43,786 But I want something that grabs me by the labia 879 00:48:43,788 --> 00:48:45,755 and makes me wanna listen. 880 00:48:45,757 --> 00:48:50,293 Uh, uh, uh, cheating husbands, slutty mayors. 881 00:48:50,295 --> 00:48:52,695 Those ugly friends of yours. 882 00:48:52,697 --> 00:48:55,765 - The Broads? No, no, they're great. 883 00:48:55,767 --> 00:48:57,867 They're...they're like the "Sex and the City" girls. 884 00:48:57,869 --> 00:49:00,269 - Yeah, if the city were Chernobyl. 885 00:49:01,472 --> 00:49:03,339 Hey, just curious. 886 00:49:03,341 --> 00:49:06,742 What is the code to that crown vault? 887 00:49:06,744 --> 00:49:09,979 - Oh, it...it's just 80085. Why? 888 00:49:09,981 --> 00:49:11,047 - No reason. 889 00:49:11,049 --> 00:49:14,083 Hey listen, I'm getting another call. 890 00:49:14,085 --> 00:49:18,921 Just have that exposé in my email tomorrow morning... 891 00:49:18,923 --> 00:49:24,260 and that promotion is yours. 892 00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:28,631 - You can come out now. 893 00:49:31,135 --> 00:49:33,235 You're the private investigator I called. 894 00:49:33,237 --> 00:49:36,305 - Mr. E at your service. 895 00:49:36,307 --> 00:49:38,207 - Her name is Maggie Zeen. 896 00:49:38,209 --> 00:49:40,876 Something about her doesn't sit right with me. 897 00:49:40,878 --> 00:49:43,646 - So you think someone murdered her. 898 00:49:43,648 --> 00:49:45,715 - What? No, she's alive. 899 00:49:45,717 --> 00:49:49,418 - Lady, I specialize in homicide. 900 00:49:49,420 --> 00:49:51,087 Dead girls, mostly. 901 00:49:51,089 --> 00:49:55,057 I can find a dead girl in a quarry, or a stream, 902 00:49:55,059 --> 00:50:00,029 or an oil drum floating down a cranberry bog. 903 00:50:00,031 --> 00:50:02,131 - I just need you to look into her. 904 00:50:02,133 --> 00:50:03,599 Dig around, find any... 905 00:50:03,601 --> 00:50:06,168 - Semen inside her? 906 00:50:06,170 --> 00:50:07,670 - No. 907 00:50:07,672 --> 00:50:11,407 She's at the Tuck'd Inn right now, as in not dead? 908 00:50:11,409 --> 00:50:12,942 - She's dead. 909 00:50:12,944 --> 00:50:14,977 - And she's with all these other women. 910 00:50:14,979 --> 00:50:17,847 - Oh my, we're talking about a serial killer. 911 00:50:17,849 --> 00:50:20,049 - None of them are dead. 912 00:50:20,051 --> 00:50:25,054 - Dead girls at an inn. Got it. 913 00:50:25,056 --> 00:50:26,589 Well, here's what I'm gonna do. 914 00:50:26,591 --> 00:50:28,958 Go down there, shine my black light, 915 00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:33,829 hopefully find enough semen to crack this case wide open. 916 00:50:33,831 --> 00:50:38,067 - You can't just walk in there. You look like a detective. 917 00:50:38,069 --> 00:50:41,670 - Oh yeah? What's that supposed to mean? 918 00:50:41,672 --> 00:50:43,239 - You'll need a disguise, 919 00:50:43,241 --> 00:50:46,475 something to blend in with these women. 920 00:50:46,477 --> 00:50:49,211 - Lady, I'm a detective. 921 00:50:49,213 --> 00:50:53,749 All I wear is a badge and an alcohol-soaked jacket 922 00:50:53,751 --> 00:50:57,052 that screams my son died in a car wreck. 923 00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:59,155 - I think I might have something. 924 00:51:05,563 --> 00:51:06,896 - I just came home. 925 00:51:10,585 --> 00:51:12,852 All night, Olivia typed, tangled up in her sheets, 926 00:51:12,854 --> 00:51:16,689 with a focus on the Broads for her new smear piece. 927 00:51:16,691 --> 00:51:20,493 - They were ugly, with no sense of style. 928 00:51:20,495 --> 00:51:24,363 Did I mention they were really ugly? 929 00:51:24,365 --> 00:51:26,866 Damn, I hate how good this is. 930 00:51:28,603 --> 00:51:30,903 - Uh... - Knock knock! 931 00:51:30,905 --> 00:51:34,006 Room service! 932 00:51:34,008 --> 00:51:36,208 Did somebody order up the best friend special? 933 00:51:36,210 --> 00:51:38,177 - Oh girls, I'm not really dressed! 934 00:51:38,179 --> 00:51:41,347 - We wanted to find you before the Winter Feast today 935 00:51:41,349 --> 00:51:42,882 and give you a little gift 936 00:51:42,884 --> 00:51:45,284 for all the ways you've been helping us. 937 00:51:46,254 --> 00:51:48,320 - It's an... - It's an ornament. 938 00:51:48,322 --> 00:51:51,223 You know, a symbol of our friendship. 939 00:51:51,225 --> 00:51:54,260 You know how we would never betray or lie to each other? 940 00:51:54,262 --> 00:51:56,595 - And the glass represents how transparent 941 00:51:56,597 --> 00:51:57,897 we've all been with each other. 942 00:51:57,899 --> 00:51:59,298 - And it's broken to represent 943 00:51:59,300 --> 00:52:01,734 how if one of us stabs the rest of us in the back, 944 00:52:01,736 --> 00:52:05,137 it would just break our hearts into a million little pieces. 945 00:52:05,139 --> 00:52:07,540 Just get out... 946 00:52:07,542 --> 00:52:09,008 - Wha... 947 00:52:09,010 --> 00:52:12,344 In that moment, Olivia's blood ran cold. 948 00:52:12,346 --> 00:52:14,680 Did they find out her secret? Only the... 949 00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:17,950 - Okay, now who is that? 950 00:52:17,952 --> 00:52:20,719 Charo! 951 00:52:22,857 --> 00:52:25,357 that we are in the same neighborhood! Woo! 952 00:52:25,359 --> 00:52:28,027 - Charo, we don't live in the same neighborhood. 953 00:52:28,029 --> 00:52:32,031 I am in a cabin in the middle of the goddamn mountains. 954 00:52:32,033 --> 00:52:37,203 Please, please, please? 955 00:52:37,205 --> 00:52:39,205 Mucho, mucho, mucho! Por favor? 956 00:52:39,207 --> 00:52:40,606 - You want to sing me a song? 957 00:52:40,608 --> 00:52:42,942 - Claro. ♪ Cuchi Cuchi Cuchi ♪ 958 00:52:42,944 --> 00:52:44,410 - You know what I want? 959 00:52:44,412 --> 00:52:47,746 I want people to call before they come and visit me. 960 00:52:47,748 --> 00:52:49,548 But that's not gonna happen, is it? 961 00:52:49,550 --> 00:52:50,849 - No, surprise. 962 00:52:50,851 --> 00:52:53,185 - So, sientate. Sit next to Kim Petras. 963 00:52:53,187 --> 00:52:55,087 And I'd like to wrap up this story, okay? 964 00:52:55,089 --> 00:52:56,355 - Okay. - Okay. 965 00:52:56,357 --> 00:52:57,323 - Okay. 966 00:52:57,325 --> 00:52:58,557 - It's getting pretty good, yeah. 967 00:52:58,559 --> 00:53:00,226 - Very good. - Yeah. 968 00:53:00,228 --> 00:53:03,395 - Okay, now, where were we? 969 00:53:03,397 --> 00:53:06,198 Right. 970 00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:10,269 - Did you really think you could fool us? 971 00:53:10,271 --> 00:53:14,006 - Oh my god. How did you find out? 972 00:53:14,008 --> 00:53:16,008 - What? That we disturbed Maggie Zeen 973 00:53:16,010 --> 00:53:17,876 flicking the old Maggie bean? 974 00:53:20,147 --> 00:53:22,281 You got it! You got me! 975 00:53:22,283 --> 00:53:24,516 - Come on, girls, let her whip up a bowl 976 00:53:24,518 --> 00:53:26,485 of ... chili in piece. 977 00:53:27,955 --> 00:53:29,989 - And now you know why that mattress is so wet. 978 00:53:31,792 --> 00:53:33,525 - Circular motions or mixed? 979 00:53:33,527 --> 00:53:36,028 - Do you need a hand? - 'Cause I watched some videos. 980 00:53:42,837 --> 00:53:45,237 - What were we even laughing about? 981 00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:46,839 - I literally can never remember. 982 00:53:49,010 --> 00:53:51,176 - Here, I got you something. 983 00:53:51,178 --> 00:53:52,678 - Oh, good, another present. 984 00:53:54,015 --> 00:53:57,650 Oh, oh, thank god. It's just some old newspaper. 985 00:53:57,652 --> 00:53:59,652 - Oh, no, I just wrapped it in that. 986 00:53:59,654 --> 00:54:02,921 It's actually an ornament that represents our relationship. 987 00:54:02,923 --> 00:54:08,127 - Oh. I'll open it later. 988 00:54:08,129 --> 00:54:10,562 Hey, what is this article? 989 00:54:10,564 --> 00:54:11,630 I don't know. 990 00:54:11,632 --> 00:54:13,165 I found it in the mayor's office. 991 00:54:13,167 --> 00:54:14,700 Now it's all dirty. 992 00:54:21,642 --> 00:54:22,808 - Um... 993 00:54:22,810 --> 00:54:27,012 "The mayor's sister, Marianne..." 994 00:54:27,014 --> 00:54:29,214 Hey, I thought their name was "Coont," not "Urcoont." 995 00:54:29,216 --> 00:54:30,249 - It was. 996 00:54:30,251 --> 00:54:32,251 The mayor changed it for the campaign. 997 00:54:32,253 --> 00:54:34,153 Easier to say. 998 00:54:34,155 --> 00:54:35,888 It's funny how some people think they can get ahead 999 00:54:35,890 --> 00:54:37,923 just by changing their whole identity. 1000 00:54:42,029 --> 00:54:44,163 - Russ, there's something I have to tell you. 1001 00:54:44,165 --> 00:54:46,532 - Shhhh! 1002 00:54:48,903 --> 00:54:51,670 You don't even need to say it. 1003 00:54:51,672 --> 00:54:54,807 I'm falling in love with you too. 1004 00:54:54,809 --> 00:54:56,809 - Oh! 1005 00:54:56,811 --> 00:55:02,014 - And...I know it feels wrong to say in front of my dead wife... 1006 00:55:07,488 --> 00:55:09,955 - ...but these last three days have opened my eyes 1007 00:55:09,957 --> 00:55:12,758 to what love looks like. 1008 00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:16,195 Real love, not dead wife love. 1009 00:55:16,197 --> 00:55:20,099 - Oh, Russ. I'm not who I say I am. 1010 00:55:23,003 --> 00:55:24,670 - What was that? 1011 00:55:24,672 --> 00:55:27,639 - Oh, um, I was just saying that I'm not Maggie. 1012 00:55:29,744 --> 00:55:32,344 - What were you saying? - I've been lying to you. 1013 00:55:34,749 --> 00:55:36,181 I'm an undercover reporter. 1014 00:55:38,419 --> 00:55:40,285 My name's Olivia St. LaPelle, and I... 1015 00:55:42,223 --> 00:55:44,390 This isn't even my real hair. 1016 00:55:51,432 --> 00:55:54,199 - I have no idea what you just said. 1017 00:55:54,201 --> 00:55:58,504 All I know is that I love you, Maggie Zeen. 1018 00:55:58,506 --> 00:56:00,706 - I love you too! 1019 00:56:17,358 --> 00:56:22,461 - Uh, hi. I would like a room, please. 1020 00:56:22,463 --> 00:56:27,699 Um, if possible, next to Maggie Zeen. 1021 00:56:27,701 --> 00:56:30,169 - This broad knows Maggie? 1022 00:56:30,171 --> 00:56:32,805 - You look a little funny to me. 1023 00:56:32,807 --> 00:56:35,607 - I do? - Yes. 1024 00:56:35,609 --> 00:56:39,778 You're a suspiciously tall woman. 1025 00:56:39,780 --> 00:56:41,980 - Who did you say you were again? 1026 00:56:41,982 --> 00:56:43,715 - Oh, I'm... 1027 00:56:43,717 --> 00:56:46,485 um... 1028 00:56:46,487 --> 00:56:48,921 Inn... 1029 00:56:48,923 --> 00:56:52,758 vest... 1030 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:55,160 ...tigator. 1031 00:56:55,162 --> 00:56:57,362 - An investigator? 1032 00:56:57,364 --> 00:56:59,031 - Oh, ... . 1033 00:56:59,033 --> 00:57:02,167 - Oh! Like you invest in the reptiles! 1034 00:57:03,871 --> 00:57:07,072 - Why didn't you say so in the first place, girl? 1035 00:57:08,108 --> 00:57:10,142 - Faster. - Oh. 1036 00:57:27,528 --> 00:57:29,561 - Definitely... 1037 00:57:29,563 --> 00:57:33,599 Ooh, a lot of semen. 1038 00:57:33,601 --> 00:57:36,068 Naughty business, huh? 1039 00:57:36,070 --> 00:57:38,537 Ah! 1040 00:57:38,539 --> 00:57:41,273 Well, well, well. 1041 00:57:41,275 --> 00:57:43,876 "Olivia St. LaPelle." 1042 00:57:43,878 --> 00:57:46,912 That's not your name. 1043 00:57:46,914 --> 00:57:48,847 Busted! 1044 00:57:57,057 --> 00:58:02,661 - Delia? Yeah, I think I got something. 1045 00:58:02,663 --> 00:58:05,097 - Now, the Christmas Feast is one of the most nerve-wracking 1046 00:58:05,099 --> 00:58:07,232 challenges in the Winter Ball. 1047 00:58:07,234 --> 00:58:09,635 - And Mayor Coont never says what she's thinking, 1048 00:58:09,637 --> 00:58:12,137 but there are a few telltale signs. 1049 00:58:12,139 --> 00:58:15,574 If she raises an eyebrow, she likes it. 1050 00:58:20,180 --> 00:58:21,446 - Yep. - She likes it. 1051 00:58:21,448 --> 00:58:23,148 And if she purses her lips, ooh! 1052 00:58:23,150 --> 00:58:25,350 It's awful. 1053 00:58:29,223 --> 00:58:30,822 Yuck! 1054 00:58:30,824 --> 00:58:34,826 - And if she scratches her head, it's because she has eczema. 1055 00:58:36,830 --> 00:58:39,331 - Careful, honey, it's heavy. 1056 00:58:51,145 --> 00:58:52,778 - I'll take seconds. 1057 00:58:55,783 --> 00:58:57,115 - Oh! - What? 1058 00:58:57,117 --> 00:58:59,284 For the first time in Winter Ball history, 1059 00:58:59,286 --> 00:59:02,120 the mayor is getting seconds! 1060 00:59:02,122 --> 00:59:04,222 - Yay, I love this part! 1061 00:59:07,027 --> 00:59:10,896 - Well, what's a Christmas feast without a little toast? 1062 00:59:10,898 --> 00:59:13,332 To the Downtown Broads. 1063 00:59:15,903 --> 00:59:17,903 - Oh, let's not forget their incomparable leader, 1064 00:59:17,905 --> 00:59:19,137 Maggie Zeen. 1065 00:59:19,139 --> 00:59:20,772 Let's hear it for Maggie Zeen, y'all! 1066 00:59:24,578 --> 00:59:30,015 - Or should I say, Olivia St. LaPelle. 1067 00:59:30,017 --> 00:59:32,651 - Olivia St...LaWho? 1068 00:59:32,653 --> 00:59:35,954 - Your little leader is actually an undercover journalist. 1069 00:59:35,956 --> 00:59:37,656 - What? 1070 00:59:37,658 --> 00:59:38,890 - A journalist? 1071 00:59:38,892 --> 00:59:40,659 She makes journals. 1072 00:59:40,661 --> 00:59:41,994 - Yeah. 1073 00:59:41,996 --> 00:59:46,064 - No, she's a reporter writing an exposé on Tuckahoe! 1074 00:59:51,171 --> 00:59:55,140 - "It's fitting that I, Olivia, not Maggie, 1075 00:59:55,142 --> 00:59:57,643 "pretended to lead them to victory. 1076 00:59:57,645 --> 01:00:00,112 "After all, I can't imagine a more fitting street 1077 01:00:00,114 --> 01:00:02,180 "to exemplify Tuckahoe, 1078 01:00:02,182 --> 01:00:05,350 "a back-alley cesspool of fugly-ass skanks 1079 01:00:05,352 --> 01:00:07,352 "with no discernable talent. 1080 01:00:07,354 --> 01:00:10,088 And oh yeah, they also smelled like ...." 1081 01:00:12,993 --> 01:00:14,459 Damn, that's good! 1082 01:00:16,997 --> 01:00:18,964 - Maggie? Is this true? 1083 01:00:18,966 --> 01:00:22,067 - Russ, this is what I was trying to tell you earlier. 1084 01:00:22,069 --> 01:00:24,670 - And now you're gaslighting me? 1085 01:00:24,672 --> 01:00:26,772 Are you even from the Gobi Desert? 1086 01:00:30,944 --> 01:00:36,214 - If these allegations are true, the Downtown Broads will be 1087 01:00:36,216 --> 01:00:41,753 immediately eliminated from this ball. Well? 1088 01:00:45,292 --> 01:00:46,258 - They're true. 1089 01:00:49,897 --> 01:00:51,196 - They're all true. 1090 01:00:52,733 --> 01:00:54,533 - That was a wig? 1091 01:00:54,535 --> 01:01:00,305 - Maggie Zeen, your team is disqualified! 1092 01:01:01,442 --> 01:01:03,675 - Girls! Girls, I'm so sorry! 1093 01:01:03,677 --> 01:01:08,313 - No. You don't come near us. 1094 01:01:08,315 --> 01:01:10,882 You were never a Broad. 1095 01:01:10,884 --> 01:01:12,484 You're just a bitch. 1096 01:01:14,188 --> 01:01:16,488 Boo! 1097 01:01:16,490 --> 01:01:19,758 - Wow. I guess print journalism really is dead! 1098 01:01:32,272 --> 01:01:34,473 - Oh, hi. 1099 01:01:34,475 --> 01:01:37,209 I'm here to open an account. 1100 01:01:37,211 --> 01:01:38,710 Mind if I light up? 1101 01:01:43,050 --> 01:01:48,153 - Oh, and, uh, by the way, this isn't a deposit. 1102 01:01:48,155 --> 01:01:51,356 It's a withdrawal. 1103 01:01:57,164 --> 01:02:01,299 80085-pound-enter. 1104 01:02:35,602 --> 01:02:39,571 Oh, hello, gorgeous. 1105 01:02:39,573 --> 01:02:42,174 If the crown fits... 1106 01:02:42,176 --> 01:02:43,975 take it. 1107 01:02:49,283 --> 01:02:52,184 As Hannah hatched her plan and snatched the crown, 1108 01:02:52,186 --> 01:02:56,988 Olivia packed her bags and said goodbye to that little town. 1109 01:03:02,462 --> 01:03:04,629 - Getting on? 1110 01:03:17,578 --> 01:03:19,878 - You're not a regular bus driver, are you? 1111 01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:23,281 - Of course not, hon! I'm the spirit of Christmas. 1112 01:03:23,283 --> 01:03:26,985 - So are you gonna take me to scenes from my past and... 1113 01:03:26,987 --> 01:03:29,354 hopefully change my perspective about Christmas? 1114 01:03:29,356 --> 01:03:31,890 - You're about to see all the moments 1115 01:03:31,892 --> 01:03:35,227 that made you who you are, Madelyn. 1116 01:03:35,229 --> 01:03:38,163 - Madelyn? Who's Madelyn? 1117 01:03:38,165 --> 01:03:39,264 - You're not Madelyn? 1118 01:03:39,266 --> 01:03:43,168 No, I'm Olivia.- ... ! 1119 01:03:44,538 --> 01:03:46,805 - Why, I was supposed to be Madelyn's spirit guide tonight. 1120 01:03:46,807 --> 01:03:48,406 Where the ... is she? 1121 01:03:48,408 --> 01:03:49,674 - I, I don't...I don't know. 1122 01:03:49,676 --> 01:03:52,277 I'm...I'm sorry I can't help you. 1123 01:03:52,279 --> 01:03:57,782 Well, you look like you're goin' through something. 1124 01:03:57,784 --> 01:04:00,151 Maybe we can work out your stuff instead. 1125 01:04:00,153 --> 01:04:01,386 - Okay, yeah, sure. 1126 01:04:01,388 --> 01:04:04,856 - Hang on, baby. 1127 01:04:08,362 --> 01:04:11,229 - Wow. Where are we? 1128 01:04:11,231 --> 01:04:13,265 - Girl, I don't know. This is your past. 1129 01:04:18,672 --> 01:04:20,238 Olivia! 1130 01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:22,607 You drop one more call and you're back out on the street 1131 01:04:22,609 --> 01:04:24,276 where I found you. 1132 01:04:24,278 --> 01:04:26,978 - Yes, Hannah. 1133 01:04:26,980 --> 01:04:28,980 Now I'm off for my third lunch, baby. 1134 01:04:28,982 --> 01:04:31,283 Those articles better be proofread and on my desk 1135 01:04:31,285 --> 01:04:33,485 by the end of the day. 1136 01:04:33,487 --> 01:04:36,221 - But, isn't it Christmas? 1137 01:04:36,223 --> 01:04:39,591 - Christmas? Who cares about Christmas? 1138 01:04:39,593 --> 01:04:42,661 The one thing that's gonna make you happy in this bankrupt world 1139 01:04:42,663 --> 01:04:45,397 is a promotion! Remember that! 1140 01:04:58,045 --> 01:05:01,913 - Hey, there, girly. Uh, what are you doing? 1141 01:05:01,915 --> 01:05:05,383 - Working, like always. 1142 01:05:05,385 --> 01:05:06,751 - Oh, why don't you take a break? 1143 01:05:06,753 --> 01:05:08,954 You know, go outside, make some friends? 1144 01:05:11,325 --> 01:05:13,591 Stop it. Stop. 1145 01:05:13,593 --> 01:05:16,461 Stop working. No... 1146 01:05:16,463 --> 01:05:17,996 Stop it! Don't... 1147 01:05:18,899 --> 01:05:21,533 Just...just look at me! Hey! 1148 01:05:21,535 --> 01:05:24,636 - It's almost as if you always threw yourself into work because 1149 01:05:24,638 --> 01:05:27,472 that's where you derive all your worth. 1150 01:05:27,474 --> 01:05:28,974 Come on. 1151 01:05:28,976 --> 01:05:31,009 - But how was I supposed to know any better? 1152 01:05:31,011 --> 01:05:34,045 My parents abandoned me on a goddamn stoop. 1153 01:05:34,047 --> 01:05:35,914 - It's because you didn't have parents who accepted you that 1154 01:05:35,916 --> 01:05:41,286 you grew up thinking that you weren't worthy of love? 1155 01:05:41,288 --> 01:05:42,687 - Damn, you're good at this. 1156 01:05:42,689 --> 01:05:45,223 - That's why they pay me the big bucks. 1157 01:05:45,225 --> 01:05:46,925 Speaking of... 1158 01:05:46,927 --> 01:05:48,994 Mm-hmm, oh yeah, mm-hmm. 1159 01:05:48,996 --> 01:05:52,464 So, traveling to the past, uh-huh. 1160 01:05:52,466 --> 01:05:56,067 Speaking to your younger self, ah-ha. 1161 01:05:56,069 --> 01:06:00,772 And resolving some childhood trauma, okay. 1162 01:06:00,774 --> 01:06:04,876 Comes out to...hm. 1163 01:06:04,878 --> 01:06:06,778 - Guess therapy isn't free anywhere, right? 1164 01:06:08,782 --> 01:06:10,548 - Will this be debit or credit? 1165 01:06:10,550 --> 01:06:11,883 - Uh, debit. - Okay. 1166 01:06:15,022 --> 01:06:16,121 Yo, lady? 1167 01:06:20,227 --> 01:06:23,228 - One way to New York, are you coming or not? 1168 01:06:23,230 --> 01:06:24,496 - Oh. 1169 01:06:29,136 --> 01:06:31,369 - Oh, I seen this look before. 1170 01:06:31,371 --> 01:06:33,338 Don't tell me you got some unfinished business to... 1171 01:06:33,340 --> 01:06:35,974 - I've got some unfinished business to take care of. 1172 01:06:39,546 --> 01:06:41,012 - Excuse me? 1173 01:06:42,682 --> 01:06:45,417 Is this the Spirit of Christmas? 1174 01:06:45,419 --> 01:06:48,286 - The ... no. Who are you? 1175 01:06:48,288 --> 01:06:51,823 - I'm...Madelyn? 1176 01:06:54,494 --> 01:06:55,427 Take me to the church. 1177 01:07:03,703 --> 01:07:06,671 - All right, say your goodbyes, ladies. 1178 01:07:06,673 --> 01:07:09,808 Goodbyes, ladies. 1179 01:07:11,378 --> 01:07:14,946 Wait, wait! Don't! 1180 01:07:14,948 --> 01:07:16,948 - Don't what? - I don't know. 1181 01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:18,783 I haven't thought past that part. 1182 01:07:18,785 --> 01:07:20,685 - What are you doing here? 1183 01:07:20,687 --> 01:07:23,655 Come to stab us in the back again? 1184 01:07:23,657 --> 01:07:27,125 - Look, I came back because I think we can still save the inn. 1185 01:07:27,127 --> 01:07:31,863 What if I told you there is a loophole? 1186 01:07:31,865 --> 01:07:34,299 Look, it says here on page 46, article A7... 1187 01:07:34,301 --> 01:07:36,901 - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1188 01:07:36,903 --> 01:07:40,138 You mean to tell us that you found this book right before 1189 01:07:40,140 --> 01:07:42,941 the last challenge? - Yeah. 1190 01:07:46,146 --> 01:07:48,079 - Okay. - Checks out, it makes sense. 1191 01:07:48,081 --> 01:07:52,250 - It says, "Any team competing in the Winter Ball can only be 1192 01:07:52,252 --> 01:07:55,053 disqualified on the name of its leader." 1193 01:07:55,055 --> 01:07:56,554 Which means, yes, the Broads 1194 01:07:56,556 --> 01:07:59,057 were disqualified under Maggie Zeen. 1195 01:07:59,059 --> 01:08:02,861 But we can still compete under Olivia St. LaPelle. 1196 01:08:02,863 --> 01:08:05,964 - Oh, right! Your real name. 1197 01:08:07,968 --> 01:08:09,300 - You know what? 1198 01:08:11,705 --> 01:08:13,071 - She's climbing it. 1199 01:08:13,073 --> 01:08:15,406 - Why is she always climbing up on everything? 1200 01:08:15,408 --> 01:08:17,842 - I'm sorry I lied to you. 1201 01:08:17,844 --> 01:08:19,711 But I didn't have any friends growing up. 1202 01:08:19,713 --> 01:08:22,747 I didn't even have any family. 1203 01:08:22,749 --> 01:08:27,552 But what I realized over this last week is that I found both. 1204 01:08:27,554 --> 01:08:31,689 And I am not gonna let a Pulitzer Prize-worthy exposé 1205 01:08:31,691 --> 01:08:34,192 get in the way of that. 1206 01:08:34,194 --> 01:08:39,197 Because families, honey, we stick together. 1207 01:08:39,199 --> 01:08:41,533 Just like the boards holding up this inn. 1208 01:08:46,239 --> 01:08:49,607 - Oh, oh! Eew! 1209 01:08:49,609 --> 01:08:52,377 What kind of purgatory ... ? 1210 01:08:52,379 --> 01:08:53,545 Hmph! 1211 01:08:56,816 --> 01:08:59,450 - All I can say is... 1212 01:08:59,452 --> 01:09:02,153 that I choose you, ladies. 1213 01:09:02,155 --> 01:09:04,322 And all I'm asking is that you choose me too. 1214 01:09:09,429 --> 01:09:13,331 I understand. 1215 01:09:13,333 --> 01:09:14,966 - Hey, Olivia? 1216 01:09:17,170 --> 01:09:21,472 We can't compete with just four. Come on. 1217 01:09:21,474 --> 01:09:23,007 - Really? - Yessss! 1218 01:09:23,009 --> 01:09:25,577 - Oh, thank goodness! I missed you. 1219 01:09:31,902 --> 01:09:33,201 - We are on the final performance 1220 01:09:33,203 --> 01:09:34,435 of our Christmas pageant, 1221 01:09:34,437 --> 01:09:37,305 and it's all been leading up to this. 1222 01:09:37,307 --> 01:09:38,373 It's Kittenheel Court performing 1223 01:09:38,375 --> 01:09:41,142 a heartfelt interpretive dance piece, 1224 01:09:41,144 --> 01:09:44,879 "The Snow Is White and So Am I." 1225 01:10:18,348 --> 01:10:21,749 - Yeah, well...and that's it, folks. 1226 01:10:25,388 --> 01:10:28,122 - Well, it appears the Broads are back. 1227 01:10:28,124 --> 01:10:30,892 - This ain't Christmas anymore, bitch. 1228 01:10:30,894 --> 01:10:33,995 It's Sis-mas! 1229 01:10:33,997 --> 01:10:37,732 ♪ Every Christmas, working to the bone ♪ 1230 01:10:37,734 --> 01:10:39,267 ♪ Seven-dollar loan ♪ 1231 01:10:39,269 --> 01:10:41,970 ♪ That's until I found a home ♪ 1232 01:10:41,972 --> 01:10:45,406 - ♪ Each December, fighting wild dogs ♪ 1233 01:10:45,408 --> 01:10:47,475 ♪ A little light tax fraud ♪ 1234 01:10:47,477 --> 01:10:50,044 ♪ That's until I found my broads ♪ 1235 01:10:50,046 --> 01:10:52,180 - ♪ Christmas ain't about ♪ 1236 01:10:52,182 --> 01:10:54,115 ♪ Sitting on a couch ♪ 1237 01:10:54,117 --> 01:10:57,618 ♪ It's a girls' night out ♪ 1238 01:10:57,620 --> 01:11:01,689 - ♪ You can't build a snowman all on your own ♪ 1239 01:11:01,691 --> 01:11:05,593 ♪ Santa can't sleigh without his ho, ho, hos ♪ 1240 01:11:05,595 --> 01:11:09,464 ♪ You can't start a fire without raising hell ♪ 1241 01:11:09,466 --> 01:11:11,799 ♪ You can't spell Christmas without ♪ 1242 01:11:11,801 --> 01:11:14,168 ♪ G-I-R-L ♪ 1243 01:11:17,707 --> 01:11:21,342 - ♪ Now each season, crashing all the fun ♪ 1244 01:11:21,344 --> 01:11:23,578 ♪ Like a hit and run ♪ 1245 01:11:23,580 --> 01:11:25,747 Literally, I did a hit and run today. 1246 01:11:25,749 --> 01:11:27,648 - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, Kitti under your tree ♪ 1247 01:11:27,650 --> 01:11:29,584 ♪ Your finger in my stocking, my hand on your D ♪ 1248 01:11:29,586 --> 01:11:31,552 ♪ You cross my girls, you'll catch a fist! ♪ 1249 01:11:31,554 --> 01:11:33,921 ♪ My bottom's on top of the naughty list ♪ 1250 01:11:33,923 --> 01:11:36,157 - ♪ Christmas ain't about ♪ 1251 01:11:36,159 --> 01:11:38,192 ♪ Sittin' on the couch ♪ 1252 01:11:38,194 --> 01:11:41,596 - ♪ It's a girls' night out ♪ 1253 01:11:41,598 --> 01:11:45,633 - ♪ You can't build a snowman all on your own ♪ 1254 01:11:45,635 --> 01:11:49,604 ♪ Santa can't sleigh without his ho, ho, hos ♪ 1255 01:11:49,606 --> 01:11:53,474 ♪ You can't start fire without raising hell ♪ 1256 01:11:53,476 --> 01:11:55,843 ♪ You can't spell Christmas without ♪ 1257 01:11:55,845 --> 01:11:58,312 ♪ G-I-R-L ♪ 1258 01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:01,716 - ♪ They say I have no personality ♪ 1259 01:12:01,718 --> 01:12:05,686 ♪ Well, I found a mole on my thigh today ♪ 1260 01:12:05,688 --> 01:12:10,124 ♪ Now I'm gonna make it my thing ♪ 1261 01:12:10,126 --> 01:12:12,527 ♪ Watch out, world, it's Mole Girl, yeah ♪ 1262 01:12:12,529 --> 01:12:15,797 - ♪ You can't build a snowman all on your own ♪ 1263 01:12:15,799 --> 01:12:19,500 ♪ Santa can't sleigh without his ho-ho-hos ♪ 1264 01:12:19,502 --> 01:12:23,438 ♪ You can't start a fire without raising hell ♪ 1265 01:12:23,440 --> 01:12:25,673 ♪ You can't spell Christmas without ♪ 1266 01:12:25,675 --> 01:12:27,742 - ♪ Can't spell Christmas without... ♪ 1267 01:12:27,744 --> 01:12:29,911 - ♪ Can't spell Christmas without... ♪ 1268 01:12:29,913 --> 01:12:31,879 - ♪ G-I-R-L ♪ 1269 01:12:31,881 --> 01:12:34,282 - E! 1270 01:12:39,923 --> 01:12:41,422 - That was incredible, Kreston. 1271 01:12:41,424 --> 01:12:45,093 Have you ever seen anything so surprising? 1272 01:12:45,095 --> 01:12:47,295 - Well, not since I found some guy's hair 1273 01:12:47,297 --> 01:12:51,099 on my wife's pillow this morning. 1274 01:12:51,101 --> 01:12:52,400 - Look over there! 1275 01:12:52,402 --> 01:12:54,702 The mayor is ready to make her decision! 1276 01:12:54,704 --> 01:12:57,772 - This was an incredibly tough decision. 1277 01:13:00,443 --> 01:13:02,877 I thought long and hard. 1278 01:13:04,547 --> 01:13:08,950 The winner of this year's Winter Ball is... 1279 01:13:08,952 --> 01:13:10,952 - The crown! It's gone! 1280 01:13:10,954 --> 01:13:12,220 Someone stole it. 1281 01:13:14,090 --> 01:13:16,657 - What!? - No, no, no. 1282 01:13:16,659 --> 01:13:19,494 - It's her! She must've stolen it. 1283 01:13:19,496 --> 01:13:22,196 We all read her exposé. She's obsessed with the crown! 1284 01:13:27,170 --> 01:13:29,737 - Hey, hey! - It wasn't me, I swear! 1285 01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:32,440 - Well, if you didn't steal it, then who did? 1286 01:13:32,442 --> 01:13:34,275 Get out of Tuckahoe, you bitch! 1287 01:13:34,277 --> 01:13:36,043 - But it's just a silly little crown, 1288 01:13:36,045 --> 01:13:39,547 and not something to plan your entire year/life around. 1289 01:13:39,549 --> 01:13:42,216 - The ultimate winter accessory 1290 01:13:42,218 --> 01:13:46,254 that will have the world reading this exposé. 1291 01:13:46,256 --> 01:13:47,688 - She used to write for the local paper, 1292 01:13:47,690 --> 01:13:50,625 but nobody ever read her articles. 1293 01:13:59,669 --> 01:14:01,936 - It was her! Hannah Contour! 1294 01:14:04,174 --> 01:14:09,110 - Also known as Marianne Urcoont. 1295 01:14:10,747 --> 01:14:13,447 - Take a picture. It'll last longer. 1296 01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:16,384 My sister!? 1297 01:14:16,386 --> 01:14:17,852 - That's right. 1298 01:14:17,854 --> 01:14:20,521 I should've known it when I saw her name in the paper! 1299 01:14:20,523 --> 01:14:23,491 "Urcoont" is anagram for "Contour"! 1300 01:14:25,595 --> 01:14:29,864 - So, you finally figured it out. 1301 01:14:29,866 --> 01:14:31,499 Bravo. 1302 01:14:34,404 --> 01:14:37,738 Aren't you the smart one? 1303 01:14:39,909 --> 01:14:44,612 I knew only you could sniff out the crown. 1304 01:14:44,614 --> 01:14:47,982 And when I learned you found out 1305 01:14:47,984 --> 01:14:50,718 the code for the vault 1306 01:14:50,720 --> 01:14:55,323 after spying on Mayor Coont and Bertram's affair... 1307 01:14:56,960 --> 01:14:58,125 - Bertram? 1308 01:14:58,127 --> 01:14:59,627 - An affair? 1309 01:14:59,629 --> 01:15:02,597 - I knew what I had to do. 1310 01:15:02,599 --> 01:15:04,665 - Oh! 1311 01:15:06,469 --> 01:15:10,571 - There's still one thing that I haven't figured out. 1312 01:15:10,573 --> 01:15:11,839 Why? 1313 01:15:11,841 --> 01:15:15,943 - I needed to sell the crown so I could save "Gorge." 1314 01:15:15,945 --> 01:15:17,411 - Save it? 1315 01:15:17,413 --> 01:15:22,950 - The magazine's been failing for years and years. 1316 01:15:22,952 --> 01:15:26,020 Print journalism is dead. 1317 01:15:26,022 --> 01:15:27,321 - Everything's online. 1318 01:15:27,323 --> 01:15:28,689 It's gone the way of the dinosaur. 1319 01:15:28,691 --> 01:15:30,191 Oh, okay. 1320 01:15:30,193 --> 01:15:32,793 - I mean, magazines are dead. 1321 01:15:32,795 --> 01:15:35,062 That's why I had to steal the crown! 1322 01:15:36,966 --> 01:15:38,366 Isn't it pretty? 1323 01:15:38,368 --> 01:15:42,103 - But Marianne, I thought you disappeared! 1324 01:15:42,105 --> 01:15:45,640 - Marianne? Child, please. 1325 01:15:45,642 --> 01:15:50,278 Marianne is long gone, okay? 1326 01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:54,515 She left the day you humiliated me. 1327 01:15:54,517 --> 01:15:58,452 Remember when you made me accept this crown for our street? 1328 01:15:58,454 --> 01:16:00,254 Remember that? 1329 01:16:00,256 --> 01:16:04,158 And when I lifted it onto my head and my belly bursted out of 1330 01:16:04,160 --> 01:16:08,329 my gorgeous corset because I was nine months pregnant? 1331 01:16:08,331 --> 01:16:10,998 You remember that? 1332 01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:13,501 You humiliated me. 1333 01:16:13,503 --> 01:16:16,103 - Russ, apprehend that woman. Get my crown! 1334 01:16:16,105 --> 01:16:20,007 - Oh no, you better don't. You better back up. 1335 01:16:20,009 --> 01:16:22,410 I said, you better back up! 1336 01:16:22,412 --> 01:16:25,079 'Cause I got me an appointment. 1337 01:16:25,081 --> 01:16:26,213 I got an appointment with 1338 01:16:26,215 --> 01:16:28,449 a sheikh who has a penchant for what? 1339 01:16:28,451 --> 01:16:32,653 Headwear! Headwear. 1340 01:16:32,655 --> 01:16:35,656 He has a penchant for headwear. 1341 01:16:35,658 --> 01:16:37,992 And I'm not gonna miss this meeting. 1342 01:16:37,994 --> 01:16:39,660 Uh-uh. So Russ, 1343 01:16:39,662 --> 01:16:42,530 you better back up, because that right there? 1344 01:16:46,602 --> 01:16:50,604 - Honey, that's my ride. Yoo-hoo! 1345 01:16:53,042 --> 01:16:56,110 - Christ on a cracker, she's going up the Christmas tree, 1346 01:16:56,112 --> 01:16:57,778 Olivia. Do something! 1347 01:16:57,780 --> 01:16:59,980 - Is she going to jump from there? 1348 01:17:08,124 --> 01:17:09,857 - Come with me, Olivia! 1349 01:17:09,859 --> 01:17:15,296 I'll give you that promotion you've always dreamed of! 1350 01:17:15,298 --> 01:17:16,397 - You mean... 1351 01:17:16,399 --> 01:17:18,899 Executive Fashion Ladyboss in Chief? 1352 01:17:18,901 --> 01:17:20,067 - Better! 1353 01:17:20,069 --> 01:17:24,972 Chief Executive Fashion Ladyboss in Chief! 1354 01:17:25,908 --> 01:17:28,642 - We have to save "Gorge" Olivia! 1355 01:17:28,644 --> 01:17:31,078 You and me, we're the same. 1356 01:17:31,080 --> 01:17:35,149 We're...we're nobodies without our careers. 1357 01:17:35,151 --> 01:17:37,351 - I am nothing like you! 1358 01:17:37,353 --> 01:17:39,453 - Are you so sure about that? 1359 01:17:39,455 --> 01:17:43,624 Aren't you curious about my pregnancy all those years ago? 1360 01:17:43,626 --> 01:17:47,094 Who I was pregnant with? 1361 01:17:47,096 --> 01:17:51,065 Your parents never abandoned you on that stoop, Olivia. 1362 01:17:51,067 --> 01:17:53,367 It was a lie! 1363 01:17:53,369 --> 01:17:56,771 - What? No! No, that can't be! 1364 01:17:56,773 --> 01:18:01,709 - I gave birth to you on the steps of "Gorge"! 1365 01:18:01,711 --> 01:18:04,478 I knew if the magazine found out I was a mother, 1366 01:18:04,480 --> 01:18:07,515 I'd never get as far. 1367 01:18:07,517 --> 01:18:12,920 So I did what I had to do our family. 1368 01:18:12,922 --> 01:18:14,488 - Our family? 1369 01:18:16,325 --> 01:18:20,594 You were never my mother! 1370 01:18:20,596 --> 01:18:23,330 Ow! Bitch! 1371 01:18:23,332 --> 01:18:27,234 I've always been your mother! 1372 01:18:27,236 --> 01:18:28,669 - Aah! 1373 01:18:29,939 --> 01:18:34,375 Well, a mother would not make her daughter her assistant! 1374 01:18:34,377 --> 01:18:35,843 Aah! 1375 01:18:35,845 --> 01:18:38,112 - You cheated on me with her? 1376 01:18:38,114 --> 01:18:39,547 - Oh, don't you hit him! 1377 01:18:39,549 --> 01:18:42,316 - You got my sister pregnant! 1378 01:18:42,318 --> 01:18:44,585 - Your grandpa's your father's dad? 1379 01:18:44,587 --> 01:18:46,687 - And I'm taking the kids. 1380 01:18:46,689 --> 01:18:49,457 - You ... my wife, didn't you? 1381 01:18:49,459 --> 01:18:51,559 - Only 'cause you ... mine! 1382 01:18:51,561 --> 01:18:54,495 - I hate myself. I hate myself. 1383 01:18:54,497 --> 01:18:55,896 - Snap out of it! 1384 01:19:00,102 --> 01:19:02,403 - Give me that crown! - No! No! 1385 01:19:02,405 --> 01:19:03,771 - Give it to me! 1386 01:19:03,773 --> 01:19:05,940 - It doesn't matter if you're my mother... 1387 01:19:05,942 --> 01:19:07,942 'cause I found my real family. 1388 01:19:07,944 --> 01:19:11,879 And they are right down there! 1389 01:19:20,356 --> 01:19:23,190 - It's saved! The crown is saved! 1390 01:19:27,530 --> 01:19:30,297 - You dumb bitch! 1391 01:19:30,299 --> 01:19:32,800 We could've had it all, 1392 01:19:32,802 --> 01:19:35,202 but you had to throw it away! 1393 01:19:35,204 --> 01:19:37,171 You had to throw it away! 1394 01:19:37,173 --> 01:19:42,276 Well, looks like that promotion is going to Tristan after all! 1395 01:19:46,349 --> 01:19:48,415 Goodbye, Olivia! 1396 01:19:54,657 --> 01:19:57,358 - Are you safe? 1397 01:19:57,360 --> 01:19:58,659 Stop it. 1398 01:20:01,230 --> 01:20:02,763 - What? Did you Broads really think 1399 01:20:02,765 --> 01:20:04,732 your little loophole would work? 1400 01:20:04,734 --> 01:20:08,168 Did you forget you missed, like, 98% of this pageant? 1401 01:20:08,170 --> 01:20:10,170 - We weren't here. I didn't understand. 1402 01:20:10,172 --> 01:20:11,505 Was there a schedule? 1403 01:20:11,507 --> 01:20:13,841 - That is true. 1404 01:20:13,843 --> 01:20:18,746 Oh, Kittenheel Court wins the Winter Ball! 1405 01:20:20,516 --> 01:20:23,884 - Oh, no, no! 1406 01:20:23,886 --> 01:20:26,687 - As winter queen, my first order of business is 1407 01:20:26,689 --> 01:20:30,424 destroying your little inn. Bulldozers! 1408 01:20:31,994 --> 01:20:34,328 - Well, that's it, girls. 1409 01:20:34,330 --> 01:20:39,600 Now we'll never have enough money to...to pay the loan! 1410 01:20:39,602 --> 01:20:43,003 - Oh, it's okay. We'll figure it out. 1411 01:20:43,005 --> 01:20:47,374 - After saving the crown, it's the least we can do. 1412 01:20:47,376 --> 01:20:48,943 - That's...that's for us? 1413 01:20:50,613 --> 01:20:52,346 - Oh, oh! 1414 01:21:00,890 --> 01:21:03,924 - Do I have to take my top off? Oh, oh, it's real! 1415 01:21:03,926 --> 01:21:05,259 - Oh, no, keep your top on 1416 01:21:05,261 --> 01:21:07,695 if you want them to keep throwing money. 1417 01:21:16,138 --> 01:21:20,608 - Well, I think this should cover it. 1418 01:21:23,112 --> 01:21:26,347 - Girls, we did! We saved the inn! 1419 01:21:27,883 --> 01:21:29,984 - My Cardigan Outlet! 1420 01:21:29,986 --> 01:21:32,586 This isn't over. Girls, we're leaving. 1421 01:21:32,588 --> 01:21:34,488 - Oh, no, Delia. - Uh-uh. 1422 01:21:34,490 --> 01:21:36,824 - Girls? 1423 01:21:36,826 --> 01:21:38,492 - Hey, Delia. 1424 01:21:38,494 --> 01:21:40,160 I got a little joke for you. 1425 01:21:40,162 --> 01:21:45,366 We voted, and you are no longer the leader of Kittenheel Court. 1426 01:21:45,368 --> 01:21:48,402 And here is the punchline. 1427 01:21:53,175 --> 01:21:54,808 - Bertram? 1428 01:21:58,881 --> 01:22:00,414 - You know, that looks great on you. 1429 01:22:04,370 --> 01:22:06,403 - Oh! - Your customers requested it. 1430 01:22:06,405 --> 01:22:07,805 - Oh, bless them! 1431 01:22:07,807 --> 01:22:10,641 - Olivia, what is all this? 1432 01:22:12,044 --> 01:22:14,211 - I've never really done this Christmas thing before, 1433 01:22:14,213 --> 01:22:16,847 so I hope you like it. - Thank you. 1434 01:22:16,849 --> 01:22:18,682 - Should we open them together? 1435 01:22:18,684 --> 01:22:20,584 - Yeah! 1436 01:22:24,123 --> 01:22:26,924 - Today we're all queens. 1437 01:22:31,664 --> 01:22:33,163 - Thank you so much. 1438 01:22:35,935 --> 01:22:37,735 Oh, you look like... 1439 01:22:37,737 --> 01:22:40,571 Oh, thank you, Danny DeVito, that's very kind. 1440 01:22:40,573 --> 01:22:41,538 - Mayor Coont? 1441 01:22:41,540 --> 01:22:44,475 - Shh! Urcoont. 1442 01:22:44,477 --> 01:22:47,277 I decided to embrace who I truly am 1443 01:22:47,279 --> 01:22:50,481 after confronting so much of my past yesterday. 1444 01:22:50,483 --> 01:22:55,552 Thank you, Olivia, for saving my town. 1445 01:22:55,554 --> 01:22:57,121 And one more thing. 1446 01:23:01,794 --> 01:23:04,628 - I came back last night after getting into a horrific 1447 01:23:04,630 --> 01:23:06,630 helicopter crash. 1448 01:23:06,632 --> 01:23:10,901 Turns out the Tuckahoe curse is very real. 1449 01:23:10,903 --> 01:23:13,704 - Me and my sister got to talking 1450 01:23:13,706 --> 01:23:15,205 and spent the whole night 1451 01:23:15,207 --> 01:23:20,577 remembering what it was like to be a family again. 1452 01:23:20,579 --> 01:23:24,181 - And I thought about what you said to me in that tree and I... 1453 01:23:24,183 --> 01:23:27,851 I realized that you always admired me. 1454 01:23:27,853 --> 01:23:32,056 Turns out the appreciation I was searching for all those years 1455 01:23:32,058 --> 01:23:35,626 was right outside my office door. 1456 01:23:35,628 --> 01:23:38,095 And look, I...I may not be good at it, 1457 01:23:38,097 --> 01:23:41,131 and I...I have a lot of time to make up for, 1458 01:23:41,133 --> 01:23:46,904 but I kind of sort of maybe, 1459 01:23:46,906 --> 01:23:50,407 maybe just ready to be a mom. 1460 01:23:50,409 --> 01:23:53,110 If you'll have me, of course. 1461 01:23:54,513 --> 01:23:58,015 Call me...Mother? 1462 01:23:58,017 --> 01:23:59,416 - I don't know. 1463 01:23:59,418 --> 01:24:01,652 I think that's gonna take a long time. 1464 01:24:01,654 --> 01:24:07,157 - Hm. I understand. 1465 01:24:07,159 --> 01:24:10,861 - But today...we're all family. 1466 01:24:10,863 --> 01:24:14,231 - Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh! 1467 01:24:14,233 --> 01:24:17,568 Oh, come on, sis! Come on, sissy! 1468 01:24:22,675 --> 01:24:25,075 - Olivia, you were right. 1469 01:24:25,077 --> 01:24:27,077 What we have is real, 1470 01:24:27,079 --> 01:24:30,647 even if you are Maggie... or Olivia, or Olaggie, 1471 01:24:30,649 --> 01:24:34,718 or Magivia, or Tina, or Stephanie. 1472 01:24:34,720 --> 01:24:36,220 - Oh, Russ! 1473 01:24:36,222 --> 01:24:41,191 - What I'm trying to say is... 1474 01:24:41,193 --> 01:24:43,927 Will you marry me? 1475 01:24:43,929 --> 01:24:46,330 - Russ... 1476 01:24:46,332 --> 01:24:48,832 haven't we only known each other for, like, four days? 1477 01:24:48,834 --> 01:24:52,269 Yeah, you're right. 1478 01:24:52,271 --> 01:24:54,872 What am I doing? - I don't know! 1479 01:24:54,874 --> 01:24:56,406 - Can you imagine if you said yes? 1480 01:24:56,408 --> 01:24:58,542 Oh my god, you're so crazy! 1481 01:24:58,544 --> 01:25:00,544 Come on in here. Take your shirt off. 1482 01:25:00,546 --> 01:25:02,146 - Okay. 1483 01:25:02,148 --> 01:25:04,781 - Oh, hello. - Hello, Russ. 1484 01:25:04,783 --> 01:25:07,084 On that morning, Olivia saw it, 1485 01:25:07,086 --> 01:25:09,419 all the rainbow hues. 1486 01:25:09,421 --> 01:25:12,055 A kaleidoscope of family... 1487 01:25:12,057 --> 01:25:13,957 the family you choose. 1488 01:25:13,959 --> 01:25:18,328 And what is Christmas if not a silly little stunt 1489 01:25:18,330 --> 01:25:21,165 for family to come together 1490 01:25:21,167 --> 01:25:24,701 and absolutely serve... 1491 01:25:24,703 --> 01:25:25,736 Coont. 1492 01:25:25,738 --> 01:25:27,771 - Now let the music play. 1493 01:25:29,542 --> 01:25:31,408 - ♪ Christmas ain't about ♪ 1494 01:25:31,410 --> 01:25:33,377 ♪ Sitting on the couch ♪ 1495 01:25:33,379 --> 01:25:36,813 ♪ It's a girls' night out ♪ 1496 01:25:36,815 --> 01:25:40,784 ♪ You can't build a snowman all on your own ♪ 1497 01:25:40,786 --> 01:25:44,655 ♪ Santa can't sleigh without his ho, ho, hos ♪ 1498 01:25:44,657 --> 01:25:48,592 ♪ You can't start a fire without raising hell ♪ 1499 01:25:48,594 --> 01:25:50,994 ♪ You can't spell Christmas without ♪ 1500 01:25:50,996 --> 01:25:53,163 ♪ G-I-R-L ♪ 1501 01:25:53,165 --> 01:25:54,765 - E!108589

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