Original subtitles

Hello, my favorite freshthems!

Tomorrow is the start of Pre-Frosh Weekend,

where newly-accepted students visit

to get their first taste of the Essex experience.

How exciting! I'll never forget my Pre-Frosh Weekend.

My host was so fun.

But she got really drunk and I had to watch them pump her stomach.

And I tried Thai food for the first time.

Not for me.

If any of you are hosting potential new students,

please, be responsible with them.

FYI, we are hosting one.

- Wait, we are? - Yeah.

It's my friend from back home. Her name is Priya.

She's a sweet Indian nerd. I just sent an old pic of us to our thread.

Damn. No one zoom in, it made me sad.

Bela, for your wellbeing, don't send photos like that.

Okay, fine, but everyone be nice to Priya.

She always looked up to me

like I was her way cooler big sister.

And you were cooler than her when this photo was taken?

Clearly.

So, nobody make a big thing about this,

but my dad texted me saying that he's bringing up my cousin

to campus for Pre-Frosh Weekend and I have decided to come out.

- You are? - That's awesome!

Yeah, I'm ready. It's time.

Maybe you can do it in a fun way.

My cousin proposed using a nursing home flash mob. It was slow, but moving.

Yeah, I think I'm just going to tell him.

- With words. - Yeah.

I'm just sick of keeping this a secret.

I also have a secret.

Oh, my God, you're gay, too?

What? No.

I had sex with Andrew.

- You did? - What? The Bio bro?

Don't you two, like, hate each other?

Yes, he's insufferable! But also, he has, like, secret surprise arm muscles?

But it was a one-time thing.

Sleeping with my lab partner is way too complicated.

Okay. Oh, my God, that's Priya.

Everyone stop talking about sex!

Her dorky little ears cannot handle that.

Talk about Microsoft Excel.

- Bela! - Priya!

It's so good to see you.

I didn't even recognize you.

You got hot and grew boobs.

Come in!

I'm so excited you got into Essex.

Here's the place I knew you'd want to visit first.

The library.

Stop! Your friends are gonna think I'm an epic loser.

One summer, Priya spent so much time reading,

that she got something called "juvenile hunchback."

She had to wear a brace.

I made it look cool.

You're going to love Essex.

It's, like, the best place in the world.

I am so excited to be here.

This is actually my first night ever away from home.

Right. You weren't allowed to do anything in high school.

We had to have all our sleepovers at your house.

Remember that time you got your braces caught in a knit blanket

and you cried so hard that you barfed?

I don't think we need to tell your friends that story.

I'm gonna go peek inside the building.

She seems great.

Yeah, agreed. She's so cool.

- Wait, even you think she's cool? - Oh, my God, yeah.

I mean, she has great style, gorgeous hair,

a well-curated but effortless social media vibe.

She's cool as hell.

Took you months to call me cool.

I called you cool? I don't think I ever said that.

Weird. I feel like you say it a lot.

Ooh, Kimberly, here comes Jackson.

- How do I look? - Who cares? How about me?

Hey, I'd like to order a coffee, Kimberly style.

What's Kimberly style?

Extra hot.

Damn.

We actually do have to serve all our coffee at a standard temperature

because of a recent lawsuit, though.

That's okay. I just came by to say a quick hello before class.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

You're still hanging out with the action figure, huh?

Leave her alone.

I'm proud of our girl. She loves herself a hot boy.

- What does that mean? - First, Nico, now Farmer Long John.

You go for the ripped big hotties.

- Not just 'cause they're hot. - Oh, please!

You work this whole Ruth Bader Ginsburg angle,

but you like the hot guy. It's okay to be a little shallow.

- I'm not shallow! - It's fine.

I love it when people only like me for my looks.

It happens very frequently.

Okay, name one thing you have in common with that guy.

We both are born during winter months.

That's a bad answer.

Okay, so maybe I don't know what we have in common yet, but I'll find it.

- All right? - Whoa! Okay.

Okay. It's getting pretty heated.

I suggest everyone take an unpaid five.

Unpaid five!

I am such a great manager.

God, I love this campus!

It's so nice up here!

I'm really glad we get a chance to catch up.

It's just, your mom and I are going through a bit of a hard time right now.

The whole thing with your brother, you know?

Yeah.

And then, her charity is being investigated by the DA,

so she could be in a lot of trouble,

you know. And I'm not going down for that, you know. I won't.

And then, also, please don't tell anybody about this,

but her Japanese hair transplant didn't take,

so she's got a tiny bald spot,

but act like you don't notice it.

- That's a lot. - It is a lot.

It is a lot, but that's why I'm happy to be here.

- So, what's going on with you? - Me?

Nothing. Really nothing.

- Nothing? - No, nothing.

You know, just the same old stuff.

Hey, Andrew, I think we need to talk about the other day.

Yeah, I've been thinking, and we shouldn't hook up again.

It's just not worth it for me.

Wait. You're saying sleeping with me isn't worth it for you?

Yeah.

Do you not see how much hotter than you I am?

Listen, I did the math,

and I'm 3% more productive without you as a distraction.

What's so distracting about me?

Well, for one, you're wearing a skirt to the lab

when all legs should be covered in case of chemical spillage.

But, instead, you're�

A distraction?

Damn it.

I wouldn't say I'm a campus celebrity,

but, sure, I guess other people might.

- Hey, you're Priya, right? - Yeah.

I'm Graham.

- Hey, Graham. - Like the cracker. Motherfucker!

I'm sorry. I didn't even see you there.

Didn't even register there was another person here.

A bunch of us are planning a party in the woods

with, like, a fire and stuff, if you wanna come.

Wow, um, yeah.

I've never been to a party like that before.

It sounds super fun.

- Can my friend come? - Is this your friend?

I thought she was your accountant or something.

But if it means you'll be there, sure, bring her.

Actually, we already have plans.

Sorry. We do?

Yeah. Our dorm is hosting a big floor party.

It's going to be huge.

You didn't think I'd invite you to campus and not show you how hard we kick it,

- did you? - Okay. I'm sorry.

It's all good.

Boys invite me to parties all the time.

I can barely keep track of all the invites.

We're throwing a party tonight and it has to be good.

But I already had plans to finish my vision board.

I finally found a picture of AOC playing chess.

You can forget about that because we need to show Priya

how cool I am by throwing a rager.

- Wait. Where is Priya? - At a Pre-Frosh event,

which gives us time to get this place in order.

Wait, why are you stressed? Doesn't Priya look up to you or something?

She used to before her face cleared up

and she grew perfect tits and an amazing peach ass.

Is she old enough for you to be talking about her like that?

A cute guy just hit on her in front of me,

and made it clear I gave him absolutely no boner.

It's like the student has become the teacher.

Isn't that a good thing? Isn't that what the teacher wants?

No! Teachers want their students

to fall in love with them and worship them forever.

- No. - I don't think so.

Why is Priya's approval so important to you?

Because she used to think I was the best,

and that made me feel good about myself.

I don't want to lose that.

- Yeah, I get that. - Okay.

We need to make sure we have a ton of booze and a packed house.

Leighton, is your dad still here?

Can he buy us a bunch of top-shelf stuff?

You know, he's taking a walk in a sculpture garden.

He's not really in a good place, so I didn't come out to him.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Does Priya know you're gay? Can I tell her? She might like that.

Fine. I'll let you tell her.

That is not what that look meant.

Is that Jackson?

- Jackson! - Hey.

What are you listening to?

Is it the podcast on erosion I told you about?

I hope you're enjoying it as much as I did.

No, it's my workout mix.

It's a mash-up of EDM and country.

Do you listen to either of those?

No, my workout mix is mostly talk radio and think pieces.

I'm gonna go watch SmackDown. You want to join?

- Oh, and that is� - Wrestling.

Right! Yeah. I knew that.

Sanctioned violence. Whoo-hoo!

Come on.

Whitney!

What's up, girl?

Where are you guys coming from?

You know, just getting our steps in.

Two hundred? What the hell? This campus is tiny!

Hold on, who is that?

- Did you two� - You hooked up with him again?

You said you can't stand him.

It just keeps happening.

Interesting trajectory to go from Canaan to that.

Hey, you almost hit me!

Scooters are vehicles, and they should be in the street.

If you want to stop hooking up with him, quit spending time alone with him.

I know. The thing is, he's smart, so working with him is helpful.

Well, keep it in public, then.

Not some little lab where you two keep getting freaky.

Honestly, though, I get it.

Nerds are hot, like Albert Einstein.

What? I love a thick 'stache.

It shouldn't be a problem

that I parked in the fire lane this one time, right?

- It's always a problem. - Murray? Is that you?

George!

- Yes. - What are you doing here?

I'm on the commencement committee.

- I just came up for a meeting. - Come on!

- Great to see you, buddy, - You too, man.

Leighton, this is my old friend, George.

We were in the same pledge class together.

Alpha Psi until I die!

By the way, this is my daughter, Tatum.

Actually, Leighton and I know each other.

Yeah, we're friends, or, um, acquaintances.

The next generation of the unbreakable Essex bond.

Yeah, well, heads up, though, Murray, they are packed tonight.

We couldn't even get a seat at the bar.

Oh, we have a reservation. Just sit with us.

- Dad, they don't wanna eat with us. - We'd love to.

- Oh, great. - Great.

Tatum, can I talk to you for a second?

Hi. I am so sorry. This is awkward.

My dad doesn't know that I'm gay.

And I'm sure you think that is super closeted of me. And I get it, okay?

My ex-girlfriend, Alicia, really hated it when it came to that

- because I could never talk� - Okay, chill.

It's fine. There's no timeline on coming out.

Also, we just started dating, so it's cool, I got you.

Okay, thanks.

One more thing. My dad also orders a dirty martini in an uncomfortable way,

- so I do just want to get ahead of that. - I will prepare myself.

Yeah. You should.

I know I'm constantly complaining, but it's freezing in here.

- You want my hoodie? - No. I'm good.

You have goose bumps. Here.

- You don't have to take it� - I know.

Thank you. That's very nice.

I love how quiet it is up here.

Hurry up before someone comes.

Are you seriously telling me to hurry up right now?

Whitney?

- Canaan! - Oh, shit! I'm sorry. I just� I came.

I came to get a book about Ronald Reagan.

- Yeah. - Yeah, and I got it.

So, you're good, so�

- Okay. - I'm gonna go.

Sounds great.

Fuck.

What are you� Pull your pants up.

- We're stopping, for sure? - Yeah, we're done.

Doesn't this party look so fucking good?

I've really outdone myself.

Damn, Bela, where'd you get all of that?

I conned a grad student into buying it for me.

All I had to do was pay him double the cost of alcohol.

What a deal, right?

Hey, how do I look?

Priya texted and said that she'll try and be here soon.

She said "try"?

As someone who loves to bail on things, that's something I would say a lot.

She might be super-hot and look like a mean girl now,

but, trust me, she wouldn't just blow me off like that.

Come on. We've been friends for, like, ten years now.

She'll be here.

You guys going to this party in the woods?

Priya just texted me. It's popping off.

What the hell?

She's bailing on my party and texting you?

How'd she even get your number? You won't even give it to me.

We just clicked.

We're both the hottest of our siblings. You wouldn't understand.

That's it. I'm going to the woods.

Okay. Well, I guess we're going.

I'm not gonna miss this.

She's gonna go slap a little girl in the woods!

Tatum, your dad in college was the king of pranks.

The king of pranks.

He used to do this thing

where he would put shaving cream in our shoes.

- Yup. I called it creamy toes. - Right!

You're literally the funniest person I've ever met.

I'm gonna order another drink.

Excuse me.

Hi, may I have another dirty martini, please?

But this one, I'd like to be extra dirty.

Like, filthy dirty.

Like, I want this martini to be ashamed of itself.

He gets it.

- You haven't changed a bit, Murray. - Come on.

Well, this dinner has been great.

But what if we just go ahead and, like, box this up and then I can go home

- and get all my math homework done? - Well, honey�

Damn! You raised yourself a real nerd here.

- Nerd alert. - Okay.

Tatum, you should find a smart girl like her.

Well, I am trying.

Yeah? Well, what about that girl, Lydia?

- I miss her. - Oh, God, no. Do not miss Lydia.

Her personality was as ugly as her name.

Mean, but fair.

Okay, not a looker.

I got to say, guys, I think this is so cool

that you guys can just talk about dating like this.

Like, I ask Leighton anything about her dating life, and she just ices me out.

- That's not true. - It is true.

I've asked you a million times. You are a closed book.

Okay, well, that is because I can't�

'Cause what?

I'm gay.

I'm gay and I've actually been dating Tatum.

- What? - It's true.

We've been going on dates. We've been on three dates.

Four, if you include this weird dinner with our dads. But, yeah, I'm gay.

I'm going to order a drink.

Okay.

Cool. Yeah. Cool.

Will you excuse me for just a second?

It's late to be playing music out here.

I hope it's not disrupting the nocturnal creatures who call these woods home.

Damn, this party looks great.

Way better than the one you threw, Bela.

Priya, what the hell?

What are you doing here?

I love this fit.

I have to talk to you.

What?

I can't believe you ditched the very cool party I threw for you.

I invited, like, 200 people, and I only know, like, 25 of them.

I even got you George Clooney tequila!

I didn't ask you to do that.

Well, you've changed.

And it's not just cause you're hotter with bigger tits,

perfect complexion and lip fillers.

I didn't get lip fillers.

Those are just my lips.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

- That's amazing. - Stunning.

I'd love some beauty tips, but later, you two keep fighting.

Bela, I'm sorry for ditching you, but I just�

I wanted to be around people who didn't make me feel like the loser I used to be.

The first thing you did when I got here

was tell your roommates a story that made me sound like a giant nerd.

- I didn't realize. - I'm trying to reinvent myself.

I thought you, of all people, would understand that.

I want to feel good about myself and, like, kiss a boy

and post a cute picture of him to make mean girls back home jealous.

I get that.

I guess I was just worried that you're, like, so cool now,

that you'd, like, leave me behind.

Are you kidding?

Bela, I'm coming to Essex for you. Okay?

I have always looked up to you.

Fuck! Come here!

Okay.

- I love you. - I love you, too.

I guess I'll just head back to the party.

Okay. I will be seeing you back there, though.

Okay? I'm just going to make out with Graham first.

Yeah, you will.

Yeah, girl. You go get that young tongue.

La, la, la, la.

Come on, let's give her some space.

Do you guys think we should make an anonymous call to the fire marshal?

Hell, no.

These open flames are very dangerous.

Hey, Dad, you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, of course I am.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to add any more stress to your life.

I know that there is a lot going on.

No, honey, don't apologize, please.

That's not why I�

Leighton, I love you.

My reaction was about me.

I was just shocked, you know.

The fact that I didn't see this coming,

I don't know what that says about me as a parent.

It might mean that I'm just really good at being closeted.

I don't know. Is that a good thing?

Yeah. No, it's probably not.

Are you happy?

That is a big question.

But, in terms of who I am

and my sexuality�

Yes. Yes, I am.

I'm so happy you told me.

And I'm so proud of you.

And for what it's worth, I really like Tatum for you.

Well, you do not have to say that.

No, I really do.

When you look at her, you smile with your teeth and everything.

That's your tell, kiddo.

You can't ignore that.

I will not be discussing gay dating with my dad.

Oh, yes, you will. I'm gonna be calling every week.

Whit, how did ending things with Andrew go?

- Was he upset? - Not really.

Mostly because I didn't end things,

then we had sex in the library.

In the library?

And then Canaan walked in.

Holy shit!

- Hi. - Hi!

Well, I did it. I finally came out to my dad.

- How did it go? - Good. And he definitely likes Tatum.

- Maybe a little too much. - He invited me golfing.

He just assumed she golfs because she's gay.

And he was right.

Whitney! Nice to see you�

for the second time today, huh?

Okay. Yeah. Don't do that.

You get any good studying in? Read some new books?

Please do not make me leave my own dorm party.

I have nowhere else to go.

So, who's the guy?

He's just some guy from class.

It's casual.

- Okay. Well, casual looks good on you. - Thank you.

- There she is! Did you kiss that boy? - I did.

- He's really bad at it! - Most are.

His tongue darted in and it just stayed there.

Been there. Let's find you someone else.

No. Not tonight.

I wanna hang with you.

That is so sweet.

Well, if that's the case, let's all work on finding someone for me.

I'm not picky, as long as he's perfect looking.

So, I wanted to talk to you about something.

Okay, what's up?

I'm starting to think that we don't have a lot in common.

Yeah?

You may be right, but�

I think it's good that we're different.

You don't spend time worrying about how much you do

and don't have in common with your friends, do you?

No.

So, why would it be an issue for us?

I like learning new things from you.

Like that podcast you told me about.

You listened to the series on erosion?

Yeah, it wasn't good to run to, but it was eye-opening.

I'm just saying, I don't want to date someone who's just like me.

You said "date."

Are we dating?

I think so.

Is that cool?

Yeah.

But I don't want to watch wrestling with you.

The stories are so lazy.

Those aren't stories. Those are real.

- Oh� - I'm kidding. I'm not an idiot.