Original subtitles

Top? Zara. Skirt is Miu Miu.

Necklace? Well, it is a long story

involving Gigi Hadid in a Burger King.

Oh, yeah. Don't stop. Don't stop.

Oh, come on.

I mean, no one needs to groan like that.

Leight, I'm just gonna say it,

this video you're making is embarrassing,

not just for you, but for all of us.

Excuse me, fit-vids are a vital part of the Kappa rush process.

If I can't come up with fun and flirty content,

I might as well be a Pi Phi.

- Is that a bad thing? - I'd rather drown myself.

Oh, okay. I'll text Jackson.

Ask him what position he was doing.

It sounded like Reverse Cat Dog.

What the hell is Reverse Cat Dog?

Whitney, you'd love it. I'll send you a link.

Here. You're on fan duty now.

Wait, where are you going?

I'm off to the loan office to tell them I lost my co-signer.

- Oof. - Sorry, girl.

But I'm feeling hopeful.

I even found a heads-up penny on the street today.

It was next to a dead pigeon, but still.

All right. Well, looks like our neighbors got the message.

So, let's go, ladies.

Good luck.

Top? Zara. Skirt�

Seriously?

Hey, guys, Bela here. Big fan of your work.

- Should we move? - Oh, my God!

Bela, is your resistance at a zero?

I'm not here to work out. I'm here to look at the crew team lift.

They're so shredded and tall.

It's like looking at a bunch of hot muscle-y skyscrapers.

Hey, so, are you still taking that Biochem class?

Yeah, ugh, kill me. Why?

Because you and I are about to do some bonding.

Ionic bonding. Wazzup, classmate?

Why are you taking Biochem?

It's one of the hardest classes on campus.

I'm literally only taking it because my parents are making me.

I wanna challenge myself. Expand my interests, see what I'm good at.

Stop. No more nerdy science talk.

The crew team is coming. Look hot. Stick your tits out.

What's up? I saw you watching us.

"Us" meaning� Are you with the crew team?

But aren't you, like, short?

Yeah. I'm the Coxswain.

I make sure the boat finishes first.

I could do the same for you.

See you around.

Holy shit.

At first I was disappointed but then I thought, don't stress.

You and Taylor will put your heads together,

brainstorm other options.

Kimberly, I love a brainstorm.

You should see my wedding Pinterest board.

That said, the only thing this office can offer you is a loan.

Right. Are there any grants I can apply for?

Or how long would I have to serve in the military to pay for this?

I can do a push-up if I'm on my knees.

You want my honest advice?

Yes. Just tell me what to do and I will do it.

Get the best grades you can.

It'll maximize your options for new schools you can transfer to.

Hey, could you stop reading my phone screen?

We're roommates. It's my right.

Yeah, I'm kinda with Bela on this one. Spill it.

Your phone is blowing up and I know they're from dating apps.

Is it?

- Okay, it is. - Yeah.

I finally put a face pic up on my profile,

and it seems that I have a face that people like to message.

Oh, how many girls are you talking to?

- I don't know, like, 30. - What?

Damn, Leight. That's like two basketball teams.

Look, I lived in the closet for, like, my entire life.

I could never just approach someone out in the open as myself.

So, now that I'm finally out, it's my turn to catch up.

You never need to justify that to us.

Agreed, I'd never slut-shame you.

In fact, I'd only shame you for not being enough of a slut.

Okay, calc is this way. I'm gonna see you guys later.

Hey, get some hottie's number while you're in there.

Biochemistry can be divided into three fields,

structural biology, enzymology and metabolism.

Hey, take my picture.

Here? Why?

I'm gonna send it to my parents to prove I'm in this class.

But� Okay. Dude, I'm trying to focus.

Damn, I look good. Maybe I'll send it to that crew guy.

The short one from the gym?

He followed me and his profile is kinda hot.

I mean, look at his body.

I mean his proportions are crazy.

He's as wide as he is tall. He's like a hot muscle-y box.

You're not wrong. He's like a sexy little mini fridge.

Hey, can you shut up?

I'm sorry.

Is there an issue?

I'm sorry, Professor, but I can't hear anything

with them talking in the back.

Ladies, I advise you to focus.

Students who fall behind in this class rarely catch up.

I wish we could just skip to the end of shopping period

when half these people drop this class.

God, can you believe that guy?

I know. It's like, I'll pay attention when the class actually starts.

It started 30 minutes ago.

Shit. Do you have a pen?

Shut up!

Shit, sorry.

It's all good. I think you dropped something.

No, no, I� Sorry.

It's just some random pamphlet I picked up as a goof.

Whoa, hey, don't litter.

Right. Yeah, I just had that thought.

My name is Kimberly. I'm your neighbor. I'm not a litterer.

Yeah, I know who you are.

You leave your retainer in the bathroom sometimes.

Right. Yes.

Well, it was nice running into you and I'll see you around.

Wait. You're not taking Irish Lit, are you?

Yeah. Is that surprising?

I'm just not used to seeing people who look like you in a class like this.

Well, yeah, it's gonna be really hard for me. I can't read.

Okay. Very funny. I get it.

This is the right building, right?

That says Literature, doesn't it?

Very funny. Let's go.

He wants to call us out in class?

We should be calling him out for being such a damn kiss-ass.

He was such a Bio bro.

That guy sounds like a jerk.

But also, Biochem is really hard. Are you sure you wanna take that?

I am not some token athlete who only takes easy classes.

Okay. I mean, to date, have I done exactly that? Yes.

But I'm switching it up.

Wait, wait, wait, do you guys hear that?

Is someone else in here?

Leighton, are you in there with someone?

Goddamn it.

- That was fun. - Yeah.

- I will call you later. - Okay.

Bye.

Stop looking at me like that.

You had a girl in there?

The whole time?

Okay. I am an adult woman.

I should be allowed to bring people back to my room without questions.

Agreed. Except for the questions part.

Did you do toy stuff, hand stuff?

Did you use my bed? Because it is completely okay if you did.

Okay. We're done here. I am going to dinner.

It's build your own pasta bowl night.

I love building my own pasta bowl.

I built wrong.

Yeah, you used teriyaki sauce.

I saw someone do that on the Food Network once

when I watched cable at a friend's house.

Bela, are you still texting with the short guy from the gym?

Wes? Yeah. He's a really sexy texter.

He uses full sentences with punctuation.

It's like, okay, write me a novel, daddy.

Oh.

What? What's wrong?

He just wrote, "Have you thought about

"the upside of fucking a guy two inches shorter than you?"

What does that mean?

It takes less time for his pants to hit the floor?

Or maybe he's saying you'll be less cramped in a twin bed?

Wait. Do you think he means the height of his dick,

like, where it's at?

Oh, my God, maybe.

Hey, Kimberly, you're about as tall as him. Stand up.

Wait, what do you want me to do?

Just hold this at your crotch like a penis.

- Bela, I don't wanna� - Now thrust.

Thrust.

He's right. Look.

Yeah, that angle is, like, perfect.

Can I stop?

That's it. I'm gonna start eating in my room.

Oh, my God. Y'all, it's official. I'm gonna fuck a short king.

I also have some exciting news.

I went to the Financial Aid office today

and I think I found a way to stay at Essex.

- Thank God. - That's great.

- That's amazing. - How?

I might sell my eggs.

Wait, Kimberly, are you being serious?

Yeah. Turns out I can make $80,000. That's crazy, right?

Well, I love this for you.

Celebrities buy smart-girl eggs all the time.

You could be the female half of a famous baby.

Isn't this like a major surgery?

Lots of people do it all the time. It's super common.

Also, I might be able to fix my problem with something that's in my body.

That seems cool and, like, feminist.

All right, but what happens when, 20 years from now,

your hot personal trainer says, "I'm your son"?

Is that why he took the job?

Oh, my God. You almost kissed your son.

Okay. What if this is the only way Kimberly can stay here?

I mean, shouldn't she do it?

I just think you should do some research so you know what you're getting into.

And if you do it

and end up being the subject of a New York Magazine article

that gets turned into a movie, I would love to write it for you.

Hey, Mom, what a nice surprise.

I love hearing your voice, baby.

My assistant put you in my schedule to call,

so this is me calling.

You don't have to say that. You can just call.

How's the new trimester going?

Great. I'm taking a class

I actually think you're gonna be pretty impressed with.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. It's Biochem.

It's super hard, and has one of the lowest pass rates on campus.

- So I was thinking� - Well, why are you doing that?

Uh, what?

"Don't bite off more than you can chew." That's a saying for a reason.

Uh, why does no one think I can handle this class?

Do you think I'm, like, not smart or something?

Of course I think you're smart.

But it's not like you're going to become a chemist or a doctor.

How do you know? What if I'm secretly brilliant at science?

I could be the next, like, Bill Nye.

Honey, listen. Just take classes that will get you a good GPA

and I'll get you hooked up somewhere.

You wanna work for Obama? Easy.

I'll find you something.

Well, maybe I already found something.

And maybe I'm gonna kick its ass.

Anyone else but Andrew?

Anyone?

Whitney.

Trigonal planar.

Nice.

Okay, now for an easy one.

Damn, it's like we're a puzzle.

Okay. Show me you can do it.

Okay, hemoglobin. Go.

Hemoglobin carries oxygen

from the respiratory organs to the rest of the body.

Correct. You're gonna kill this quiz tomorrow.

I hope so. Honestly, Biochem is interesting.

I love knowing why the stuff in our world is the way it is.

It's such a rush to, like, learn stuff.

I know, right?

I always thought college was just what you had to do

before starting your life, but I get it now.

Any more thoughts on the egg stuff?

Lots. I made a pros and cons list.

Oh, wow. You really got into the margins there, huh?

Yeah, I mean, I knew this would be a difficult decision,

but it's really overwhelming.

Well, it is a really big deal.

But I'm sure you'll figure out what's best.

Thank you.

Hey, what's with the ginger ale in the pros column?

Ooh, I figure, after the surgery,

I'll be allowed to drink a lot of free hospital ginger ale.

Oh.

I guess that shouldn't factor into my decision.

Bela, why are your pants so short?

These cropped joggers are the full-length pants of the guy I've been boning.

That's right. Another perk to fucking a short king.

It's that good?

It's everything. My girl Zendaya knows what's up.

Shorter guys are where it's at.

I'm so glad you have a nice connection with him.

No, I'm talking about his dick.

Scientifically superior.

The blood flow is way more efficient in small guys.

That actually makes sense.

Leight, I ran into Anne on the quad and she said to say hi.

Oh, no, don't talk to Anne.

I ended things. She won't be coming back here.

Aw. Anne was sweet. I liked that she brought cookies.

See, I liked Claire and her hat game.

Tough to pull off a flat brim.

Oh, my God, don't talk to Claire, either.

I did see Claire yesterday and I did say hi.

No. No. Why would you do that?

So you're not dating Claire or Anne?

I'm not dating anyone.

Sorry, it's tough to keep up.

Okay. I can't believe I'm saying this, but, fine,

I will update you on some details of my recent hookups.

- Okay. - I have been praying for this.

Yes. But pay attention because I am never doing this again.

Here's the line-up.

I'm gonna start a Google Doc.

I'm still seeing Tori. Stephanie's out.

August is in. If Monica sends one more gif, she's out.

Molly's in. Jess is out.

Hot bangs girl from the student center flossed in front of me, so she's out.

Which one gave us the fancy candle that I light when I have dairy?

That's Cat. Do not let her in. Yes, Kimberly?

Anne friended me on GoodReads and I want to accept.

Do not accept.

I already did.

What are you writing that's so funny?

You really wanna know? 'Cause it's about my sex life.

You're just gonna ask me to read it to make it funnier anyway, so�

Okay, well, I'm writing a piece about how short kings are unexpected sex gods.

Wow, I'm flattered. Thank you.

I'm not talking about you. Wait, do you think you're a short king?

Well, I'm 5'8", so maybe.

Eric, sweetie, you're not a short king.

You're like a nerd prince. You're like a straight twink.

Straight twink is definitely not how I see myself.

Short kings are thick and meaty.

They're not guys who get pushed away by the wind.

I got picked up by a gust of wind one time and you won't let it go.

Who's the short king?

Hold up. Are you jealous?

- No. I still see other people. - Exactly.

Also, I think that it's not fair that you can talk about my body shape

and I can't say anything about yours.

Really? Well, come at me.

Fine, you're, like, really boney.

Like, when we have sex, our pelvises clang together.

It sounds like someone's trying to fix an old car.

That's because you're just as skinny as me, bro.

Which is why it's weird that the sex is so good.

I know. It's almost as good as with the short king.

It's actually kinda better.

Sorry, what was that? What was the last part?

Shut up, you heard me.

It's just I'm so tall

that it's hard to hear from up here sometimes, so�

In Meghan's Quandary, the decision is a tough one.

Does Meghan, penniless and starving, return to Dublin?

Or does she pursue her dreams in America?

And of course, there are no clear right or wrong answers.

That being said, Meghan did return home to Ireland

and promptly died of cholera.

Her last words? "Why did I do it?"

Her decision haunted her.

Excuse me.

It's an overwhelming story for many.

Now let's discuss the epilogue.

You okay? You ran out of there really fast.

Was it a bathroom thing?

Oh, my God. Jesus Christ, no, no. My stomach is great.

I'm just stressed.

Sorry.

I don't know if I'll be able to stay here at Essex.

Oh, shit.

But I'm fine. I don't wanna bother you with that.

No, it's fine. I mean, I had to leave my college, too.

If it wasn't for that tornado just absolutely shredding my college to pieces,

I'd still be in Kansas with my friends, frat, my truck.

Oh, I didn't realize you missed your old school so much.

You seem like you'd fit in anywhere you go.

Yeah. No, not really.

I mean, yeah, sexually, people are pretty receptive to me here,

but making friends is harder.

Yeah, I feel the same way. Except sexually, it's hard for me, too.

Look, all I'm saying is, I know that leaving a place you love sucks,

so I really hope you don't have to go through that.

Thanks.

I'll see you around.

All right, everyone, 30 minutes left on the test.

Holy shit, that test was brutal.

I know, but I think I did okay.

Did I know everything? Absolutely not. But I kind of impressed myself.

Hell yeah, you did.

I'm not raising my voice. I'm just empathetically�

Guys, we've discussed this.

Don't listen outside our door. It's creepy.

Leighton is in there with two other girls and it is a knock-down drag-out fight.

I guess a girl named Molly brought Leighton some flowers.

But then this girl named Jess showed up at the same time,

and Molly and Jess have history, and Leighton either knew or she didn't.

Okay. Get out of our way.

I can't believe I brought you peonies. They're not even in season.

And I can't believe you were dating my ex.

Okay. I only slept with Molly once.

So we're not together?

No, not right now.

Okay. I would not have bought us Phoebe Bridgers tickets

if I knew you were seeing other people.

Oh, Phoebe Bridgers is the shit. I'll go with you.

Okay. I told you both, I'm newly out and I'm just� I'm taking it slow.

Leighton?

Cat, what are you doing here?

I'm here to return your underwear.

Oh, shit.

Oh, hey, Molly. Leighton, I didn't know you knew my ex.

- You guys dated too? - I love this.

Okay. Everyone, shut up.

Leighton can bang who she wants, this is not Bridgerton.

Everybody out. Hustle, hustle.

- Get out, guys. - Let's go, lesbians. Let's go.

- And why the hell are you two here anyway? - Oh,

excuse us for being messy bitches who love drama.

Ooh, let's go next door and try to eavesdrop from there.

Turns out, secretly fucking suburban moms is a whole lot easier

than navigating the queer community at Essex,

where everyone has slept with everyone else.

Okay. Be honest, are we gonna have to change our locks?

Did you give anyone a key?

Oh, God, here we go.

What? But I studied my ass off.

Holy shit, you got a 62? I got a four.

As a reminder, today is the last day to drop this class.

So, if you're not feeling confident, I suggest you leave.

Whit, I'm never gonna pass this class.

I think we should drop it while we still can.

Look, I know we didn't do well, but I wanna stay.

Seriously?

Yeah. I really think I can do this.

Even though I didn't do the best, I wanna keep trying.

Fine. Fuck it. I'll stay too.

All right. The rest of you, let's get started.

Let's turn to page�

Hey, hey, I know you probably weren't paying attention

but now is your time to leave.

Yeah, I'm staying.

And just like an electron around a nucleus,

I'm gonna run circles around your ass.

Okay.

Anyone?

Did I get that right?

I don't fucking know, but that was cool as hell.

Hi. Yes. My name is Kimberly Finkle. And I wanted to apply to sell my eggs.

Okay. The jacket is Veronica Beard, jeans are Hudson and the boots are Gucci.

Jeez.

Okay, Leighton, you've tested positive for Chlamydia.

What? No. I've only been with women recently,

so that's actually impossible.

It's actually very possible

and something you should contact all your recent partners about.