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(ALARM CLOCK PLAYING)
4
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:06,600
* Well, I don't like
doing things *
5
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,270
* That other folks
tell me to do *
6
00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:12,373
* So I hit him with a hammer *
7
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,575
* And now he's quite subdued *
8
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:15,643
KYLE: Whoa!
9
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:20,714
Hey, Lemar, what's up?
You owe me 10 bucks!
10
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:23,451
Sorry, guys.
Sorry about that.
11
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:28,021
So then you're gonna
walk through it going...
Whoa!
12
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:29,757
Good morning, Ithaca!
13
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,428
Hey, Lisa,
you were supposed
to call me!
14
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,464
Call me tonight,
all right?
15
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,701
(GASPS)
16
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:43,737
(GROANING)
17
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,306
(STUDENTS EXCLAIMING)
18
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,541
Oh, God!
19
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,877
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
20
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:51,745
You cut off his leg!
21
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,582
Somebody get some help!
I need a tourniquet
and some ice.
22
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:57,785
Okay, don't panic.
Don't panic.
Everything's gonna be okay.
23
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,154
I'm a trained
first responder, okay?
24
00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,289
Can you hear me?
25
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:02,323
I am so fired.
26
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:05,693
(CHUCKLING)
27
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,561
Is he laughing?
28
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,096
(LAUGHS)
29
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,498
Y'all got punk'd!
30
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,366
What?
31
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,405
Son of a bitch.
32
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,943
Works every time, yo.
Thanks, man.
33
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,545
(EXCLAIMS)
34
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:30,484
Welcome to
the University of Ithaca.
I'm Kyle, your PUSE.
35
00:02:32,019 --> 00:02:33,854
Come on, pervs.
36
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:39,126
PUSE.
It stands for Prospective
Undergraduate Student Envoy.
37
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:43,264
Come on, people.
Lighten up, it was a joke.
He's fine.
38
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,498
Take it easy, man.
39
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,534
You owe me a beer.
40
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,603
See? We're all about
special needs here.
41
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,672
As a matter of fact,
our motto is,
42
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,508
"If you're special,
we needs you."
43
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,647
So, besides being a PUSE,
44
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,949
what do you do
at Ithaca, Kyle?
45
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:05,453
Well, I've been
an RA for four years.
46
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,321
I'm currently
getting my Ph.D.,
47
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,657
and I'm the alumni
advisor for my frat.
48
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:10,824
Wow.
49
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,426
Yeah. What percentage
of Ithaca students
50
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,528
end up going to
Ivy League grad schools?
51
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,764
That's a good question,
and I'm not really sure.
52
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,699
Okay, well,
am I going to be limited
in the number of hours
53
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,602
that I can take
in a semester, or...
54
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,837
I don't know,
but if not,
you sure should be.
55
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:27,575
Can I be both
a double major
and a double minor?
56
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:31,111
Hmm.
57
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,680
I really don't know
about that, either.
58
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,983
So, what do you know,
Mr. PUSE?
59
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,654
That Ithaca is
the proud holder
60
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,657
of a national
athletic championship.
61
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:44,725
Yeah, no way.
62
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,660
No, this is
an academic institution.
63
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,862
I mean,
your mascot's a librarian.
64
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:49,830
WOMAN: Lydia, stop.
65
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,765
LYDIA: What?
He's a moron.
66
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,868
I'm sorry.
She's under a lot
of stress right now.
67
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:55,803
It's okay.
68
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:57,104
Mom, you're
doing it again.
69
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,506
What? Doing what?
70
00:03:58,506 --> 00:03:59,973
You know what
I'm talking about.
71
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:03,611
Ryan told me what you did
during his campus visit.
72
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,814
I have no idea what
she's talking about.
73
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,549
Oh, my God.
74
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:11,352
You get back here
right now, missy!
75
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,553
Oh, or what?
76
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:13,987
No, it's cool,
she can leave.
77
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,523
Of course,
you're gonna be
missing out
78
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,691
on a really great story.
79
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,360
Love.
80
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,761
Sex.
81
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,995
Oh, God.
82
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:25,699
The relentless pursuit
of academic excellence.
83
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,006
Fine.
84
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:41,048
KYLE: Okay, so,
85
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:45,553
there's this guy named Andy
who lives on my floor, right?
86
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:49,357
And he's been dating
this girl named Katy
for, like, ever.
87
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:51,359
They began as high
school lab partners
88
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,927
in Mr. Blankenbaker's
biology class.
89
00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:56,229
Andy helped Katy
win the science fair,
90
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:59,600
and Katy became
Andy's band manager
and biggest fan.
91
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,969
They were in love,
whatever that is,
92
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,671
and they promised
that graduation
93
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,305
would only make
them stronger.
94
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,874
Though their bodies
were separated,
95
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,876
their hearts
stayed together tight,
96
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,778
till the start of
their junior year.
97
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:14,548
(PLAYING GUITAR)
* After five years of love *
98
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:17,585
* This song's just not enough *
99
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:23,290
* So I decided
I won't be denied
and I'll sing it in the buff *
100
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,926
* In the buff, in the buff *
101
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,497
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
102
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:33,100
* In the buff, in the buff *
103
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:36,937
* Girl, it ain't so tough
to sing it in the buff *
104
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:43,477
* In the buff *
105
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:46,647
Dude! What the fuck?
106
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,582
Korky, a little help.
My toe's cramping up.
107
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:50,884
KORKIN: I don't care
if you're having
fucking seizures.
108
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,753
That is horrible.
Korky.
109
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,087
Oh, did you ever
hear of manscaping?
I need help.
110
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,824
Don't touch me.
I'll be outside.
111
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,258
(GROANING)
112
00:05:58,258 --> 00:05:59,893
Do you actually
have testicles?
113
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,729
Didn't you just
see them?
114
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:04,532
I'm serious, man.
My cousin,
his never dropped.
115
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,467
He literally has no balls.
116
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,001
So when he tells me
that he can't
117
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:11,071
break up with
his girlfriend,
I get that.
118
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:14,307
No, it's not that
I can't, Korkin.
I don't want to.
119
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:17,745
I mean, Katy's beautiful.
She's smart. She's...
120
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:21,582
Got your balls locked
in her Hello Kitty
hope chest?
121
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,718
KORKIN: Whoa!
Wait, wait, wait.
122
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,554
What is that shit?
123
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,922
This, my friend,
is known as an ILMAG.
124
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,157
A what?
125
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,360
An Improvised Last-Minute
Anniversary Gift.
126
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,729
Every year I have
a reminder set
on my computer,
127
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,866
but this year,
mysteriously,
it didn't go off.
128
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,202
You're welcome.
129
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:45,539
Dude! Uncool.
130
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,608
Sabotage was
my last resort.
131
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,009
You're 21
and you act 40.
132
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,844
You never go out.
You never party.
133
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,613
I play beer pong
every weekend.
134
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,548
And you go right home
after every tournament.
135
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,949
Know why?
Why?
136
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,685
Because you fear
temptation.
137
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,754
And who fears temptation
but a man with doubts?
138
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,457
Work it, Chloe.
139
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,225
CHLOE: Bite it, Korkin.
140
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,560
(EXCLAIMS)
141
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,330
(CLEARING THROAT)
142
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,534
Okay, okay,
so sometimes
I'm tempted.
143
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,435
But overall,
I'm a very happy man, okay?
144
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,070
Let me make you happier.
145
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,841
Designate Katy as
your back-home girl.
Your hometown honey.
146
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:24,712
She's there for weekends,
vacations, long dry spells.
147
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,046
Let her think
whatever she wants,
148
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,616
but here,
you do whatever
you want.
149
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:30,083
It's a win-win.
150
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:32,586
Okay, unlike you,
I don't cheat.
151
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,821
What does that even mean?
152
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,856
It means I don't cheat.
153
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,193
KORKIN: In that bucket
is concentrated urine
and feces.
154
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,029
(LAUGHING)
155
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:45,833
Any Hagan Hall man known
to have a steady girlfriend
gets treed.
156
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:50,170
Ass Turd will be there
till she comes
to rescue him.
157
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,906
Guess I better not mention
K-A-T-Y to these guys.
158
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,474
Korkin, no.
159
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,010
You don't want to know
what else they
put in that bucket.
160
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,846
You know,
maybe you could
have mentioned that
161
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,714
before I swapped dorms.
162
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,282
Please don't swap dorms.
163
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,584
Katy?
164
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:06,086
It took me forever
to find this one.
165
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,022
(LAUGHING) What are
you doing here?
166
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,124
Your big
tournament's tonight,
167
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,027
so I wanted to say
happy anniversary
and cheer you on in person.
168
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,663
That is so cool.
169
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,698
I'm not done.
Guess what else?
170
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,533
What could be better?
171
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:23,537
I transferred here,
to Ithaca!
172
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:24,972
Wow!
173
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,574
Wow!
174
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:29,509
Better update those
hepatitis shots, bro.
175
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,381
JAKE: There's
a storm brewing, boys.
176
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:38,586
Wind, four knots.
177
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,588
Barometric pressure,
178
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,792
falling.
179
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,828
Perfect conditions
for Hurricane Jake.
180
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:51,599
* Well, I was walking
back home real late *
181
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,066
* Looked at the stars
up in the sky *
182
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,035
* Thought of the wishes
I had made *
183
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:58,305
* Then started thinkin' about
all the time we had left *
184
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:02,409
* Was counting all my mistakes
and counting all my regrets *
185
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:03,744
JAKE: Oh!
186
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,314
Ponage!
187
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,117
Only his third try, Raz-R.
188
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,485
See you at Nationals.
Eat pussy.
189
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:13,854
You suck.
190
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,756
As soon as I capture
this tape,
191
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,691
I can upload it
to YouTube.
192
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,660
ANDY: What about
your full ride at CMU?
193
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:23,964
I mean,
it's like the Harvard
of horticulture.
194
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:27,100
Yeah, it's amazing,
but so are you.
195
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,403
I mean,
we only have one chance
to be in college together.
196
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,139
I don't want to waste it.
197
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,607
Didn't you feel like
we were slipping away
198
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,910
with all the e-mails
and Skype sex?
199
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,812
I don't know. Maybe.
200
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,548
I freaked you out,
didn't I?
201
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:42,616
No!
202
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:44,351
I mean, no, I...
203
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,820
It's gonna be great.
204
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,288
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
205
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,489
Okay.
206
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,324
* ...to sing it in the buff *
207
00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,561
* In the buff *
208
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:55,963
(SCOFFS)
209
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,701
There's a storm brewing,
boys.
210
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,873
Wind, four knots.
211
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,375
Barometric pressure, falling.
212
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:11,244
Perfect conditions
for Hurricane Jake.
213
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,447
Uh-oh.
Somebody looks freaked out.
214
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,582
I'm not freaked out.
215
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,284
Well, you should be.
216
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,820
She's gonna
suck you into some
off-campus apartment
217
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:22,255
with curtains
and coasters
218
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:26,226
and a chaise lounger
with those giant
fucking pillows.
219
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,728
Kick her ass to the curb
220
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:30,764
before you get doused
with concentrated
urine and feces.
221
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,432
No woman is worth that.
222
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,936
But right now,
both you douche bags
need to focus.
223
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,773
We go to war in one hour.
224
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,776
Awesome.
225
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,411
New uniforms.
226
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,146
Are you ready to
protect this house?
227
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:51,685
Sexy.
228
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,153
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
229
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,389
Go away.
Unless you have breasts.
230
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,891
Hey, guys. What's up?
231
00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:00,027
Kyle! The man!
232
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,494
Dude, you're back!
233
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,430
Yeah, I went to
Prague in May
on a convention
234
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,766
that ended up
on a three-month
pub crawl
235
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,567
where I got laid a lot.
236
00:11:07,567 --> 00:11:08,769
Very nice.
237
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,203
By different girls.
238
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,740
KORKIN: Wow.
That's real diversity, Kyle.
239
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,975
Wait, is the tournament
tonight?
240
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,309
The finals. You coming?
241
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:19,813
No, I can't.
I've got a frat meeting.
242
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:22,015
We're practicing
for our new step show.
243
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,821
What?
Nice!
244
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,890
KYLE: Yeah, well,
245
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:33,026
it's better with,
like, more black guys,
but there's a little taste.
246
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,195
Well, I'm bummed
I'm gonna miss tonight.
247
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,265
Well, give them
hell for Hagan Hall.
248
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:41,368
You, too, Kyle.
Give them hell, bro.
249
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,770
Glad you're back, man.
250
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,471
Take it easy, guys.
KORKIN: Peace.
251
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,806
Peace.
252
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,776
Shit. It's ready.
253
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,313
Shit. Raz-R beat us to it.
254
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,948
What?
255
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:58,451
That's the
third trick shot he's
uploaded this week.
256
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,991
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
257
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,926
(GIRLS EXCLAIMING)
258
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,461
What up, Jake the Fake?
259
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,363
Just wanted to say
good luck tonight,
260
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:13,166
so I can kick your
bony ass in Atlanta.
261
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,701
That's right, baby.
262
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,870
Do not let him
into your head.
263
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,607
He's already there.
264
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,310
(SCOFFS) God.
265
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,445
See, there was
a time eons ago
266
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,848
when beer pong
was simply
a fringe novelty game
267
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:33,153
played by Cro-Magnons
in cave-like garages
using paddles.
268
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,257
But the sport,
thank you very much,
has now evolved
269
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,393
into a grueling
mano a mano
death match
270
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:45,933
designed to push mind,
body and liver to
their furthest limits.
271
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,801
Thus the high-tech
athletic gear.
272
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:51,371
Exactly, me lady.
Our bodies are
our weapons.
273
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,374
Jake is one of
the best trick-shotters
in the country.
274
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,877
This right here is
like our Olympic trials.
275
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,145
Hello!
276
00:12:58,145 --> 00:12:59,446
Well, Godspeed,
good sirs,
277
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,149
and may you vanquish
your many enemies.
278
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,851
God, that's so lame.
279
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,785
Korkin.
280
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,220
Zoink!
281
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,756
Right, here you go.
Thank you.
282
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,424
There's something
I forgot to tell you
about this place.
283
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,526
What?
When somebody puts money
in the jar...
284
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,662
(SIREN WAILING)
MAN: It's titty time!
285
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:16,763
Ooh!
286
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,765
...they flash you.
287
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,801
(APPLAUDING)
288
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,071
Welcome
to the show, honey.
289
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,007
No, I'm not done yet.
290
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,775
(BOYS EXCLAIMING)
291
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:32,579
EMCEE: Welcome to
the University of Ithaca's
292
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,747
Beer Pong Finals,
293
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,850
(ALL CHEERING)
294
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:42,355
where tonight one
of these eight teams
will win full sponsorship
295
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,824
from TaTa's Pub
to compete for
296
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,760
the National
Collegiate Championship!
297
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,097
This is it!
298
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:54,134
Let's pong it out,
bitches!
299
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,403
(SIREN WAILING)
It's titty time!
300
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,205
(EMCEE HOWLING)
301
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,276
We go eye to eye
for possession.
302
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,444
Okay.
303
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,216
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
304
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,854
Splash!
305
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:27,467
We get the balls back
for two-hit shots,
306
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,904
but we get to keep shooting
until one of us misses.
307
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,872
(EXCLAIMING)
308
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:51,024
I'm so glad I'm here.
309
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,725
I'm not glad you're here.
310
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,996
Hey, buddy, listen.
You shoot. I'll talk.
311
00:14:55,996 --> 00:15:00,900
Katy, hi.
Girlfriends and beer pong
312
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,769
(BOYS EXCLAIMING)
313
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,237
don't mix.
314
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,143
Unless, of course,
you can do that.
315
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,347
Nope. Can't do that.
316
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:18,418
EMCEE: All right,
Ithaca's boys are going to
Atlanta next week.
317
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,854
(ALL EXCLAIM)
318
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,923
KORKIN: Bounce shots
can be blocked,
319
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,625
and guys can finger the rim
320
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,261
when it's a spinner,
but not girls.
321
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:35,168
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
322
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:38,705
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
323
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,673
Andy! Andy!
324
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,542
Yeah!
325
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,812
KORKIN: Girls can
blow the hole and
it scores as our miss.
326
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,880
Damn it.
327
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,382
Son of a...
328
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,187
Oh!
329
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:57,424
Kiki, a drink
for our opponents.
330
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,958
Oh...
331
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,994
I remember.
332
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,996
Now, go do your thing.
333
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,632
She's just a distraction.
334
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:09,502
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
335
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:10,670
Hey, Lester.
336
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:14,574
Now check this out.
Andy, you the man!
337
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,945
That's our secret phrase.
338
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:22,682
Hit a cup in our
opponent's hand,
and it's...
339
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:23,850
Booya!
340
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,352
Death cup.
341
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:28,055
Game over, asshole.
342
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,756
(WHISTLES)
343
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,091
ANDY: Yes!
344
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,661
Yes, man! Yes!
345
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,063
(EXCLAIMING)
346
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:37,764
EMCEE: All right,
all right, all right!
347
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:40,700
Who's going to
the A-town next week?
Lock and load.
348
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,736
(SIREN WAILING)
MAN: It's titty time!
349
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:44,771
(CHEERING)
350
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,206
(WHISTLING)
351
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,941
All right, Ithacans!
This is it, the finals!
352
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:51,911
We trick-shot
for possession.
353
00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,546
Come on, Jake.
354
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,335
EMCEE: Did you see that?
Did you see that?
355
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,941
Possession, Hagan Hall!
356
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:24,577
Hagan! Hagan! Hagan!
357
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,683
Hagan Hall.
358
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,952
So do I get to wear
your beer pong
359
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,655
Letterman jacket,
you jock stud?
360
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,858
Actually,
it wasn't my best night.
361
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,594
Maybe I can change that.
362
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,496
It's time to celebrate
our anniversary.
363
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,764
How?
364
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,369
See you in an hour.
365
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,570
Ooh.
366
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,474
ANDY: What's up, guys?
367
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,809
Dude,
this is what awaits us
368
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,646
at the end
of the rainbow,
my friend,
369
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,181
if you get your
fucking head straight.
370
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,316
No way.
371
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,720
What?
I knew her before I met Katy.
372
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,123
Her name's Jenna.
She's French.
373
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,891
Bullshit.
374
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:15,228
KYLE: So, before Katy,
there was Jenna.
She was a total babe.
375
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:18,831
Sexy. Exotic.
A real woman among boys,
376
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:21,134
not unlike
the lovely lady
by my side.
377
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,802
(GASPS)
378
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,304
Did I trip you?
379
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,208
I'm sorry.
380
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:34,447
Such soft,
gentle hands.
381
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,083
So, what's your degree in?
382
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:39,219
Interpretive Urban Dance.
383
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,787
It is so hot.
384
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,789
Yeah, so, I'm sorry,
you were saying,
385
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,358
about the young,
hot, exotic Jenna?
386
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,894
Yeah. Way back before
there was ever a Katy,
387
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,697
Jenna was
Andy's first crush,
his first kiss,
388
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,599
and would have even been
his first boink,
389
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,134
if not for the vicious,
man-eating corn snake
390
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,769
who called their
love nest home.
391
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:59,172
(SCREAMING)
392
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,773
KYLE: Jenna's foot
recovered nicely
393
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:03,776
with donated
replacement tendons
from a cadaver.
394
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,678
But once she was loaded
into the ambulance,
395
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:08,147
Andy never heard
from her again.
396
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,449
Bullshit.
ANDY: No, I'm serious.
397
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:12,051
We met at summer camp
when I was 16.
398
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,886
She gave me this bracelet.
399
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,722
Bullshit.
400
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:19,292
KYLE: To prove
the lovely Jenna was once
his willing near-boink,
401
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,094
Andy logged on
to the Pong America web site
402
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,963
in an effort to find her.
403
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:26,666
Booya!
404
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,068
KYLE: And Jenna nearly wet
her dainty little panties
405
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:32,472
when Andy pinged her,
406
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,674
which gave him
a virtual hard-on.
407
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,075
(EXCLAIMING)
408
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,910
She gave me her digits.
409
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:40,413
Call her.
410
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,881
I'm going to.
Okay.
411
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,684
Of course
I remember mon Andrew!
412
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,587
Of course she remembers
mon Andrew.
413
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,922
I have wondered
about you many times.
414
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,559
She's wondered
about me many times.
415
00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:55,828
Wondered if
you're straight?
416
00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,330
We actually won
our beer pong tournament.
417
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,731
I'm coming to
Atlanta next week!
418
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,967
No! First you must
come meet me on the tour!
419
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:04,471
You can hang out
with me and the other
girls on the bus!
420
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:06,005
(WHISPERING)
Do you wanna go? No?
421
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,140
Yes. Yes.
422
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,609
Okay. Where are you?
423
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,711
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
Tomorrow we are in Illinois.
424
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,145
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
I'll meet you in Illinois.
425
00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:14,981
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
Where the hell is Illinois?
426
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,451
(EXCLAIMING)
427
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,952
He's coming to see me.
428
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,022
Wait. I can't leave.
429
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,724
What? What?
430
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:28,928
I can't go anywhere.
Katy just transferred here.
431
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,563
Give me her.
432
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,866
Dude, this chick is
a world-class hottie,
433
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:37,537
and some snake
stole your chance
to consummate?
434
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,740
You have to go to her.
435
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:45,712
Now. It's a rite of passage,
a vision quest.
436
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:46,846
Vision.
437
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,782
I can't.
438
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,384
Okay. Tell me this.
439
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:55,588
Is Katy just your first,
your first of many,
or your first and last?
440
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,856
How should I know?
441
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,526
Then let's go
find this goddess,
442
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,661
and then if you realize
you still want Katy,
443
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,597
you'll never have to worry
about having doubts again.
444
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,766
You'll know she's the one.
445
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:16,042
That was the best week
of my life.
446
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:18,411
Until now.
447
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,413
ALL: Road trip!
448
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:23,516
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
449
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:25,785
The bar gave us tickets
to Atlanta.
450
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,555
Who's paying for us
to get to Illinois?
451
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:30,890
We need some chump
to sponsor us.
452
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,794
I know a guy.
453
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:40,032
JAKE: His name is Arash.
His dad's the dictator
of Tandoor.
454
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:41,368
KORKIN: Where the hell
is Tandoor?
455
00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,035
JAKE: Next to Illinois.
456
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:45,304
No, it's an island
off the coast
of Indonesia.
457
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,540
He's loaded.
458
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:49,842
I took Intro to
Modern Drug Cultures
with him.
459
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,978
Awesome class.
Changed my life.
460
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,846
(PHONE RINGING)
461
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:54,781
ARASH: Yes?
462
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:56,849
Hey, man.
It's Jake.
463
00:21:57,950 --> 00:21:59,652
I brought some weed.
464
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:03,556
ARASH: I'm winning this.
This is the game...
465
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,425
This is the game
of real life.
466
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:08,961
This is not a fantasy.
Welcome to real life.
I hope you like...
467
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,898
I bet you guys
kick ass at paintball.
468
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:17,103
I have the weed.
I don't know...
469
00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:19,038
(INAUDIBLE)
470
00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:21,974
ARASH: You're dying.
You're not living anymore.
471
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:26,312
This is the real life.
Do not fuck with me,
Lawdawg54!
472
00:22:26,312 --> 00:22:27,747
I am now owning your ass!
473
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:31,017
I am the property master
and you are my servant!
474
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:34,421
Yes. In your face!
That hurts bad.
Go to sleep!
475
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:40,860
I admired your essay
on the socio-political
relevance
476
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,195
of Up in Smoke
very much, Jake.
477
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,697
Thanks, man.
478
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,833
So, tell me,
why are you really here?
479
00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:49,869
My friend and I are
beer pong players,
480
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,905
and we come requesting
sponsorship for our team.
481
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,675
Beer pong?
482
00:22:55,675 --> 00:22:57,610
Let me demonstrate.
483
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:02,449
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
484
00:23:02,449 --> 00:23:04,817
I have seen this.
You Americans
485
00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:07,454
can turn even drinking
into a contest.
486
00:23:07,454 --> 00:23:11,390
Indeed. But if we win,
your investment
will be doubled,
487
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:17,163
and you will bring
glory to your father,
your country and to Ithaca.
488
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:18,631
I will travel with you?
489
00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,467
Probably better
if we go it alone.
490
00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:23,736
Keep costs down.
Stay low profile.
491
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:26,706
I have no need for money,
I hate my father,
492
00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:30,276
my country is a shit bucket,
and Ithaca was my fallback.
493
00:23:30,276 --> 00:23:32,645
Evidently,
Harvard does not accept
the sons of despots.
494
00:23:32,645 --> 00:23:34,547
Who knew?
Leave me now.
495
00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:36,583
I will keep your hashish
in return for my time.
496
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:38,551
Wait! You can come,
497
00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:42,855
and I'll put us
on a busload
of gorgeous models.
498
00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:44,156
Look, this girl
in the middle,
499
00:23:44,156 --> 00:23:47,126
that's the girl
I'm going to see.
500
00:23:47,126 --> 00:23:48,394
ARASH: Is she a virgin?
501
00:23:48,394 --> 00:23:51,764
She's all natural, man.
502
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,533
Except for some tendons
in her foot.
503
00:23:53,533 --> 00:23:55,702
And her private regions?
Jungle bush?
504
00:24:01,741 --> 00:24:04,977
Okay. If you are lying,
you will all be kidnapped
505
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:07,213
and sent to my
father's mines,
506
00:24:07,213 --> 00:24:09,448
where you will work
in complete darkness
507
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:13,185
until you die of
the black lung,
508
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:16,956
filthy, emaciated and cold.
509
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:21,894
Works for me.
No problem. Yes.
510
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:23,295
Then we have a deal.
Yes.
511
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,731
Yes.
512
00:24:24,731 --> 00:24:27,500
Here we go.
Okay. Very good.
Thank you.
513
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:29,836
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
514
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,174
Phone the hanger.
Have them prepare
515
00:24:35,174 --> 00:24:36,643
Tandoor 2 for
a dawn departure.
516
00:24:36,643 --> 00:24:38,578
And make me some soup.
517
00:24:38,578 --> 00:24:40,146
(STAMMERING)
What is Tandoor 2?
518
00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:41,581
It's the royal jet.
519
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:46,619
Fuck yeah, it is!
Welcome to the team!
520
00:24:47,453 --> 00:24:48,888
Fuck yeah, it is!
521
00:24:48,888 --> 00:24:51,490
Hey, what's this?
Not good.
522
00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:52,659
(GLASS SHATTERING)
523
00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:54,694
Shit.
ARASH: Adji!
524
00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:57,630
COMMANDO: This is the CIA.
You're surrounded,
and we're coming in.
525
00:24:59,231 --> 00:25:01,100
(EXCLAIMS)
526
00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,636
It's him.
He's the terrorist!
527
00:25:07,574 --> 00:25:10,442
Andy, where are you?
528
00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:13,780
It's been, like, three hours.
Please call me back.
529
00:25:21,387 --> 00:25:24,456
(EXCLAIMING)
530
00:25:24,456 --> 00:25:29,696
Your turn, Jenna.
And no dares for you.
I want the truth.
531
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:32,799
Was this Andy guy
your first?
532
00:25:32,799 --> 00:25:34,133
JENNA: I'm working.
533
00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:35,635
Yeah, we wanna
hear the truth, sister.
534
00:25:35,635 --> 00:25:37,103
Come on, Jenna.
535
00:25:37,103 --> 00:25:40,607
Fine, the answer is no,
but almost.
536
00:25:40,607 --> 00:25:43,676
Within one week
we were in love.
537
00:25:43,676 --> 00:25:45,912
So, you guys gonna
hook up or what?
538
00:25:45,912 --> 00:25:48,948
I don't hook up.
I'm a lady.
539
00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:50,349
Who sells beer
with her breasts.
540
00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,218
Right.
541
00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:55,321
KYLE: And then,
overwhelmed by
the inter-gravitational pull
542
00:25:55,321 --> 00:25:56,889
of their mutual hotness,
543
00:25:56,889 --> 00:26:00,326
the beer pong girls engaged
in a naked pillow fight.
544
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:11,537
What a bunch of male
wish-fulfillment bullshit.
545
00:26:11,537 --> 00:26:15,341
I've never been
in a naked
pillow fight before.
546
00:26:15,341 --> 00:26:17,343
I have.
547
00:26:17,343 --> 00:26:18,711
KYLE: Right.
548
00:26:18,711 --> 00:26:21,113
So anyway,
our heroes were transported
549
00:26:21,113 --> 00:26:23,549
to a secret CIA
interrogation center,
550
00:26:23,549 --> 00:26:26,385
where they were
interrogated...
551
00:26:26,385 --> 00:26:30,089
ANDY: No. No.
552
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:31,824
That looks like
Korkin's mom.
553
00:26:31,824 --> 00:26:32,825
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
KYLE: ...tortured...
554
00:26:32,825 --> 00:26:34,193
This is a bad trip.
555
00:26:35,527 --> 00:26:38,030
I'm tripping out, man!
556
00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:39,932
Hey, man.
KYLE: ...and humiliated.
557
00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:41,567
You don't need to do it.
558
00:26:41,567 --> 00:26:42,935
WOMAN: Open wide
for mommy!
Oh!
559
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:44,837
What the fuck is that?
560
00:26:44,837 --> 00:26:48,340
No, no, no, no, no.
Back up. Back up.
561
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:51,944
(SCREAMING)
562
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:54,881
KYLE: Turns out papa tyrant
was overthrown in a coup.
563
00:26:54,881 --> 00:26:56,949
All of his assets
were seized and given
564
00:26:56,949 --> 00:26:59,351
to the poor,
hungry people of Tandoor.
565
00:26:59,351 --> 00:27:02,421
Greedy bastards.
I thought my dad was bad,
566
00:27:02,421 --> 00:27:06,192
but apparently
some despotic parents
can never be pleased.
567
00:27:21,207 --> 00:27:23,142
Okay, it's safe.
568
00:27:23,142 --> 00:27:26,645
(PANTING)
569
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:31,183
My dick hole is the size of a
garden hose, you son of a bitch!
570
00:27:31,183 --> 00:27:33,119
Whoa! Whoa!
So sorry.
571
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:36,723
Okay, okay, all right.
Allow me to apologize
to you all.
572
00:27:36,723 --> 00:27:38,490
I had no idea my father
would be overthrown
573
00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:40,993
by a group of 12
unarmed peasants
and a wizard.
574
00:27:40,993 --> 00:27:43,662
I am now destitute,
penniless, homeless.
575
00:27:43,662 --> 00:27:45,264
Welcome to America.
576
00:27:45,264 --> 00:27:46,766
Whoa, whoa, Korkin,
it's not his fault.
577
00:27:46,766 --> 00:27:48,768
We're lucky
they let us go.
578
00:27:48,768 --> 00:27:50,636
Let's just find
out where we are.
579
00:27:50,636 --> 00:27:51,971
"Bethesda"?
580
00:27:52,905 --> 00:27:54,506
JAKE: That's bullshit, man.
581
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,308
Maryland?
582
00:27:56,308 --> 00:27:58,310
It's like, there should
be a fucking law
that the fucking CIA
583
00:27:58,310 --> 00:28:02,014
has to fucking drop you off
where they fucking got you!
584
00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:04,350
So write your
fucking congressman!
585
00:28:04,350 --> 00:28:06,152
You know what?
Eat my ass, Korkin,
586
00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:08,320
'cause I had to swallow
a whole pound of weed,
587
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,190
and then they made me
listen to techno all night.
588
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,859
You know what that's like?
589
00:28:12,859 --> 00:28:14,894
(HUMMING TECHNO MUSIC)
590
00:28:14,894 --> 00:28:16,462
Guys!
Okay, you know what?
591
00:28:16,462 --> 00:28:18,530
Shut up
and let's focus on
getting out of here.
592
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:19,932
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
593
00:28:21,167 --> 00:28:23,502
Oh, shit.
594
00:28:23,502 --> 00:28:24,837
Hello?
595
00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:26,572
Andy, where are you?
Are you okay?
596
00:28:26,572 --> 00:28:28,074
Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine.
597
00:28:28,074 --> 00:28:30,342
You won't believe
what happened.
598
00:28:30,342 --> 00:28:31,543
(CAR APPROACHING)
599
00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:32,611
(CAR STOPS)
600
00:28:32,611 --> 00:28:33,780
(DOOR OPENS)
601
00:28:33,780 --> 00:28:35,114
Thank you.
602
00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,421
Jake, follow me.
603
00:28:42,421 --> 00:28:47,827
Ass-rash,
thanks for nothing,
and I'll see you never.
604
00:28:47,827 --> 00:28:50,129
No, no, no, no,
wait, wait,
you can't leave me here.
605
00:28:50,129 --> 00:28:53,632
His dad is the dictator
of Tandoor, right?
606
00:28:53,632 --> 00:28:55,601
The dictator of Tandoor?
607
00:28:55,601 --> 00:28:57,203
If I am found by
rebel agents,
608
00:28:57,203 --> 00:28:59,071
I will be
brutally tortured
and fed to goats.
609
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:01,107
That's not my problem,
shithead.
610
00:29:01,107 --> 00:29:03,675
We need a sponsor,
not some
assassination target.
611
00:29:03,675 --> 00:29:05,111
For the first
time in my life,
612
00:29:05,111 --> 00:29:07,546
I have no guards,
no father.
613
00:29:07,546 --> 00:29:08,714
I am finally free.
614
00:29:08,714 --> 00:29:10,049
All right,
I have an idea.
615
00:29:10,049 --> 00:29:11,417
Please don't
leave me here, Korkin.
616
00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:12,451
(SHUSHING)
617
00:29:12,451 --> 00:29:14,887
Play along,
or you're goat food.
618
00:29:14,887 --> 00:29:17,356
Take that.
Okay.
619
00:29:17,356 --> 00:29:19,358
Follow me.
620
00:29:19,358 --> 00:29:21,760
He was going to
fly us to Atlanta
on Tandoor 2,
621
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,595
his own private jet.
622
00:29:23,595 --> 00:29:27,133
You want me to believe
that you stood me up
on our anniversary
623
00:29:27,133 --> 00:29:30,269
so you could ride
on some dictator's airplane?
624
00:29:31,537 --> 00:29:33,973
My phone's dying,
Ass-rash, so hurry up.
625
00:29:33,973 --> 00:29:37,043
Take some bags,
head to the van
in the front.
626
00:29:47,686 --> 00:29:49,321
Do you see keys?
627
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:52,424
Yes.
628
00:29:52,424 --> 00:29:54,060
KORKIN ON EARPIECE: Okay,
put the luggage in the back.
629
00:30:02,201 --> 00:30:04,636
Wait! Turn right.
The cabbies are
staring at you.
630
00:30:04,636 --> 00:30:06,238
Flip them off.
631
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,809
KORKIN: No, flip them off!
632
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:13,112
Flip them off!
633
00:30:13,112 --> 00:30:15,747
No, not me, moron. Them.
634
00:30:15,747 --> 00:30:18,084
Do it!
My uncle was a cabbie!
635
00:30:20,619 --> 00:30:22,388
Fuck off!
Fuck off!
636
00:30:22,388 --> 00:30:24,924
(CHATTERING)
637
00:30:24,924 --> 00:30:27,593
They had helicopters
and they had
laser-sight guns,
638
00:30:27,593 --> 00:30:29,261
and then we were thrown
into this helicopter...
639
00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:36,102
KORKIN: Hit it!
ARASH: Hit what?
640
00:30:36,102 --> 00:30:38,070
KORKIN: Go!
ARASH: What, drive?
641
00:30:42,774 --> 00:30:44,110
Awesome!
642
00:30:44,110 --> 00:30:45,244
You can't drive?
643
00:30:45,244 --> 00:30:46,645
I was never allowed to,
644
00:30:46,645 --> 00:30:49,181
but I am most excellent
at Super Mario Kart.
645
00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:51,183
Korkin had, like,
this penile pap smear,
646
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,352
Jake was tortured
by bad music.
647
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:55,721
And let me guess,
you were waterboarded?
648
00:30:55,721 --> 00:30:57,389
No, that was Arash.
649
00:30:58,624 --> 00:31:00,392
(TIRES SCREECHING)
650
00:31:02,794 --> 00:31:04,430
Need a ride?
651
00:31:05,597 --> 00:31:07,166
(LAUGHING) Get in!
652
00:31:07,166 --> 00:31:08,867
No! No, no, no,
you didn't.
Come on!
653
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:10,302
(CAB DRIVERS YELLING)
Okie dokie.
654
00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:11,470
Come on.
655
00:31:18,577 --> 00:31:21,113
(SCREAMING)
656
00:31:21,113 --> 00:31:23,415
(SCREAMING)
657
00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:31,090
Like that.
It was totally crazy.
658
00:31:33,459 --> 00:31:34,560
Okay.
659
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,496
So, how does this
ridiculous farce
660
00:31:37,496 --> 00:31:40,199
contribute to
my decision
to come here?
661
00:31:40,199 --> 00:31:43,535
Because it speaks
to the spirit
of our students.
662
00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:46,538
I became the man I am today
because of a road trip.
663
00:31:46,538 --> 00:31:48,340
I love a good ride.
664
00:31:48,340 --> 00:31:49,541
Mom.
665
00:31:49,541 --> 00:31:51,944
I still like to roll
every once in a while.
666
00:31:51,944 --> 00:31:53,679
Mom!
667
00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,149
Okay. TMI.
668
00:31:58,684 --> 00:32:00,186
(KATY SIGHING)
669
00:32:00,186 --> 00:32:01,620
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
670
00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:02,989
Come in.
671
00:32:06,025 --> 00:32:07,426
Katy Hartman?
672
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:09,528
Yeah.
673
00:32:09,528 --> 00:32:10,862
Andy's Katy?
674
00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:12,064
Yeah.
675
00:32:12,064 --> 00:32:13,832
Cool. I'm Kyle, your RA.
676
00:32:13,832 --> 00:32:15,634
You know,
Andy and I are
pretty good friends.
677
00:32:15,634 --> 00:32:18,670
We even compared penises
in the shower once,
678
00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:21,573
and he totally regretted it.
679
00:32:21,573 --> 00:32:23,942
So this is Amy.
680
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,511
Amy had a little
altercation with
681
00:32:25,511 --> 00:32:27,013
her former
Sigma Gamma roommate
682
00:32:27,013 --> 00:32:29,148
and had to be relocated.
683
00:32:30,549 --> 00:32:33,719
I think you guys
are gonna be
a good match.
684
00:32:49,468 --> 00:32:51,003
(WHOOPING)
685
00:32:52,304 --> 00:32:54,173
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
686
00:32:54,173 --> 00:32:57,809
ANDY ON PHONE:
Hey! How's my favorite
glamorous supermodel?
687
00:32:57,809 --> 00:33:02,381
Very glamorous, mon amour.
Runway. Bright lights.
688
00:33:02,381 --> 00:33:03,949
Wait, I send you a photo.
689
00:33:03,949 --> 00:33:05,751
Mandee?
Okay.
690
00:33:08,020 --> 00:33:09,355
Smile!
691
00:33:15,861 --> 00:33:17,196
(EXCLAIMS)
692
00:33:19,731 --> 00:33:23,169
That looks like a fun job.
Good resume builder.
693
00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:26,105
(GROANING)
694
00:33:29,875 --> 00:33:31,477
AMY: Okay. So wait.
695
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:34,413
So you transferred
from your dream school,
696
00:33:34,413 --> 00:33:37,649
the Columbia of cultivation,
to be here for some guy?
697
00:33:37,649 --> 00:33:39,585
I missed him,
and I wanted to be with him.
698
00:33:39,585 --> 00:33:41,453
And now there's a nail
in that man's head
699
00:33:41,453 --> 00:33:43,422
because he bounced
the same day you showed up?
700
00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:46,225
We'll get through it,
and I'll just stay busy
until he gets back.
701
00:33:46,225 --> 00:33:49,495
What? Baking cookies?
Doing his ironing?
702
00:33:49,495 --> 00:33:50,662
Excuse me?
703
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:52,631
I'm just saying.
704
00:33:52,631 --> 00:33:54,100
Look here, Amy,
705
00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:57,503
I don't care how many
sorority girls
you've punched.
706
00:33:57,503 --> 00:34:00,306
Just because I don't have
purple eye shadow
and spiky hair
707
00:34:00,306 --> 00:34:04,110
doesn't mean
I'm not a strong,
independent woman, okay?
708
00:34:04,110 --> 00:34:05,811
I just panicked,
all right?
709
00:34:05,811 --> 00:34:08,114
And now I'm here
and he's there,
710
00:34:08,114 --> 00:34:10,382
and, frankly,
I'm a little freaked out.
711
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:13,552
Okay.
712
00:34:19,725 --> 00:34:22,094
Look, I'm having
a party tonight,
all right?
713
00:34:22,094 --> 00:34:26,198
Just some ladies
hanging out,
having a good time.
714
00:34:26,198 --> 00:34:29,235
I think you should come.
Yeah.
715
00:34:31,370 --> 00:34:32,704
Sorry about that.
716
00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:34,406
Do you remember the song
you wrote for me?
717
00:34:34,406 --> 00:34:35,674
* When the bitches attack *
718
00:34:35,674 --> 00:34:37,243
* Don't you cry, don't you cry *
719
00:34:37,243 --> 00:34:39,711
* Because, baby,
Big A's got your back *
720
00:34:39,711 --> 00:34:41,813
* Big A's got your back *
721
00:34:41,813 --> 00:34:43,182
God.
722
00:34:43,182 --> 00:34:45,151
Wow, I kind of
forgot that one.
723
00:34:45,151 --> 00:34:46,985
But you still have
a record deal, no?
724
00:34:46,985 --> 00:34:48,754
ANDY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.
725
00:34:48,754 --> 00:34:51,757
I just recorded
a new song yesterday,
actually.
726
00:34:52,891 --> 00:34:54,460
In my studio.
727
00:34:54,460 --> 00:34:56,195
What?
728
00:34:56,195 --> 00:34:57,896
Yeah, sure he did.
729
00:34:57,896 --> 00:34:59,298
We have a stage
on the tour.
730
00:34:59,298 --> 00:35:02,834
You can play a concert
when you arrive.
731
00:35:02,834 --> 00:35:04,670
Actually,
we got a little sidetracked,
732
00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:06,705
so we won't be
able to make it today,
733
00:35:06,705 --> 00:35:09,107
but I'll meet you
at your next stop
in Nashville for sure.
734
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:10,709
(JENNA SPEAKING FRENCH)
735
00:35:10,709 --> 00:35:14,146
I must now enter
the glamorous beer pong
dunking booth.
736
00:35:14,146 --> 00:35:16,515
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
737
00:35:16,515 --> 00:35:17,649
Whoa!
738
00:35:17,649 --> 00:35:20,118
Au revoir,
my wittle French fry.
739
00:35:21,587 --> 00:35:23,222
I'm gonna fucking puke.
740
00:35:23,222 --> 00:35:25,724
I, too, am in need
of a restroom.
741
00:35:25,724 --> 00:35:26,892
Again?
742
00:35:26,892 --> 00:35:28,126
What are you, a chick?
743
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:30,262
KORKIN: Nudie bar!
Pull in there.
744
00:35:30,262 --> 00:35:32,798
You can potty
while we party.
745
00:35:32,798 --> 00:35:35,701
ARASH: My people are known
to have diminutive bladders.
746
00:35:35,701 --> 00:35:38,670
KORKIN: To go with your
diminutive wittle weewees?
747
00:35:45,344 --> 00:35:47,846
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
748
00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,583
Is that your
record studio, Big A?
749
00:35:51,583 --> 00:35:53,919
Gotta go. Gotta go.
Gotta go.
750
00:35:55,354 --> 00:35:57,155
Hey.
KATY ON PHONE: Oh, Andy!
751
00:35:59,658 --> 00:36:02,428
LESTER:
Boys, give it up for Bambi!
752
00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:11,670
Bambi enjoys
early bird specials,
753
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:13,772
cuddling up with
a nice box of wine,
754
00:36:13,772 --> 00:36:16,342
and watching
reruns of Matlock!
755
00:36:16,342 --> 00:36:17,943
(MEN CHEERING)
756
00:36:20,212 --> 00:36:21,713
Shit. Left my wallet
in the car.
757
00:36:21,713 --> 00:36:22,881
Yeah, me, too.
758
00:36:22,881 --> 00:36:24,750
Welcome to
the Kit 'N Cougar, fellas.
759
00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:29,588
Actually, we just came
so my friend
could take a piss.
760
00:36:29,588 --> 00:36:30,922
So you wanna
use my plumbing,
761
00:36:30,922 --> 00:36:32,824
but you can't patronize
my business?
762
00:36:32,824 --> 00:36:36,362
No, of course not.
Don't be rude, Jake.
Let's party.
763
00:36:49,508 --> 00:36:52,778
After last night
and then this morning
I was totally freaking out,
764
00:36:52,778 --> 00:36:54,580
but my new roommate
is so sweet.
765
00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:56,081
She invited me to
her party tonight,
766
00:36:56,081 --> 00:36:57,783
and I decided
to go with her.
767
00:36:57,783 --> 00:36:59,451
Good for you.
That's great.
768
00:37:08,927 --> 00:37:13,699
Don't fight it, boys.
You'll never get her
out of your mind.
769
00:37:13,699 --> 00:37:16,868
You think our cougar's hot,
you gotta see our kittens.
770
00:37:16,868 --> 00:37:20,272
The kitten?
Show me a little pussy.
771
00:37:20,272 --> 00:37:21,840
Watch your language, boy.
772
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:23,442
This is a classy
establishment.
773
00:37:23,442 --> 00:37:24,843
Yes, sir.
No problem, sir.
774
00:37:24,843 --> 00:37:27,279
Arash,
get the fuck over here.
775
00:37:29,515 --> 00:37:30,816
I mean,
I can't believe it!
776
00:37:30,816 --> 00:37:32,584
This campus is
really gorgeous.
777
00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:34,386
And I found this
cute little coffee shop
778
00:37:34,386 --> 00:37:36,422
where we can study
by the fire together
when it's snowing.
779
00:37:36,422 --> 00:37:38,590
Dude, if one of
the Golden Girls
780
00:37:38,590 --> 00:37:39,758
tries to give me
a lap dance,
781
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:42,528
I swear to God,
I am gonna puke.
782
00:37:42,528 --> 00:37:43,929
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
783
00:37:49,835 --> 00:37:52,538
Hi, guys.
You like the twins?
784
00:37:52,538 --> 00:37:54,172
They're sisters?
785
00:37:54,172 --> 00:37:56,808
Fraternal.
I'm their ma,
786
00:37:56,808 --> 00:38:00,312
and Bambi
dancing out there,
well, she's my ma.
787
00:38:00,312 --> 00:38:03,281
And Lester,
that teddy bear
that brought you all in,
788
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:04,783
well, he's my hubby.
789
00:38:04,783 --> 00:38:07,586
It's a family business.
790
00:38:07,586 --> 00:38:10,522
Then momma,
come to daddy.
791
00:38:19,931 --> 00:38:21,266
Mangoes.
792
00:38:21,266 --> 00:38:24,670
There are these adorable
little apartments off campus.
793
00:38:24,670 --> 00:38:26,438
We can totally
move in together
next year.
794
00:38:26,438 --> 00:38:28,807
(MOANING)
795
00:38:43,855 --> 00:38:46,492
I like you.
I have to go.
796
00:38:46,492 --> 00:38:48,226
Watch the hands, Mowgli.
797
00:38:48,226 --> 00:38:49,961
Okay.
798
00:38:51,363 --> 00:38:53,098
(GRUNTS)
799
00:38:53,098 --> 00:38:55,166
There's even
a spare room for my mom,
when she comes to visit.
800
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:57,369
She'll totally
cook and clean.
You know her!
801
00:38:57,369 --> 00:38:58,704
(KATY CHUCKLING)
802
00:39:08,714 --> 00:39:11,883
I'll make us some curtains,
and we can buy
our own furniture.
803
00:39:11,883 --> 00:39:13,318
I've always wanted
one of those
chaise loungers
804
00:39:13,318 --> 00:39:14,986
with the big,
fluffy pillows.
805
00:39:14,986 --> 00:39:16,555
ANDY: Katy? Katy?
This is going to be
so great for us.
806
00:39:16,555 --> 00:39:18,790
I thought
you were mad at me.
807
00:39:18,790 --> 00:39:20,959
Well, I was,
until I read about
the coup in Tandoor.
808
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:24,496
How's Arash?
Poor little guy.
809
00:39:24,496 --> 00:39:26,632
(MOANING)
810
00:39:29,768 --> 00:39:31,870
Oh, my God.
That's disgusting!
811
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:33,439
Carrie, I told you
that could happen.
812
00:39:33,439 --> 00:39:35,073
Now be professional, sug.
813
00:39:35,073 --> 00:39:36,642
Mom, he peed on me.
814
00:39:39,478 --> 00:39:43,782
Lester, code red!
Golden shower in
the champagne room!
815
00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:46,418
You have a napkin?
816
00:39:46,418 --> 00:39:49,220
He's fine.
817
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:52,458
We found a ride
and we're headed
to the tournament.
818
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:53,792
That's awesome.
819
00:39:53,792 --> 00:39:55,527
Well, I have to
jet to registration,
820
00:39:55,527 --> 00:39:57,529
but have fun, okay?
Love you. Bye.
821
00:40:06,572 --> 00:40:08,373
Korkin!
What?
822
00:40:08,373 --> 00:40:10,542
He pissed on my baby girl!
823
00:40:12,143 --> 00:40:13,945
Get them!
Oh, shit!
824
00:40:15,681 --> 00:40:18,083
(MEN SHOUTING)
825
00:40:21,319 --> 00:40:23,722
Get the fuck in the cab!
826
00:40:28,093 --> 00:40:29,895
Go! Go! Go! Go!
827
00:40:29,895 --> 00:40:31,663
(ANDY SCREAMING)
828
00:40:42,674 --> 00:40:46,845
They both had the same
exact little mole above
their butt cracks.
829
00:40:48,313 --> 00:40:51,917
Never have I seen
six more perfectly
diverse breasts.
830
00:40:53,351 --> 00:40:57,222
And now,
thanks to Ass-rash
and his girlie bladder,
831
00:40:57,222 --> 00:40:59,224
that memory
will forever be
a painful one,
832
00:40:59,224 --> 00:41:01,760
because my
already swollen dick
is now chaffed
833
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,896
from sprinting full speed
with a fucking boner!
834
00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:08,700
Yeah!
835
00:41:08,700 --> 00:41:10,569
ANDY: Come on, man.
No hitchhikers.
836
00:41:10,569 --> 00:41:14,806
Not a hitchhiker, a fare.
This is a taxi and
we need some money.
837
00:41:14,806 --> 00:41:17,008
Plus, do you see that ass?
838
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,049
KORKIN: Hi! Need a ride?
839
00:41:24,049 --> 00:41:26,785
You can share a fare
with these guys.
840
00:41:36,928 --> 00:41:38,664
Hi.
841
00:41:38,664 --> 00:41:40,599
So where you heading?
842
00:41:42,233 --> 00:41:43,669
Just down the road.
843
00:41:43,669 --> 00:41:45,704
That's cool.
844
00:41:45,704 --> 00:41:48,506
But I wouldn't go
too far down the road
in a stolen cab.
845
00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:51,743
Not too hard to spot,
you know.
846
00:41:51,743 --> 00:41:53,579
Come on, guys.
847
00:41:53,579 --> 00:41:55,614
DC plate,
the meter's not running,
848
00:41:55,614 --> 00:41:58,950
and your cabbie's
sitting in the back
in girlie pink pajamas
849
00:41:58,950 --> 00:42:00,886
'cause he pissed his pants.
850
00:42:00,886 --> 00:42:03,121
JAKE: Interesting
ensemble yourself.
851
00:42:03,121 --> 00:42:04,656
I know, right?
852
00:42:04,656 --> 00:42:06,457
I got this off
a Dr. Ratchett.
853
00:42:06,457 --> 00:42:10,228
No way was I gonna
run cross-country
in high heels.
854
00:42:10,228 --> 00:42:12,063
Oh, shit! My stomach, man.
855
00:42:13,298 --> 00:42:14,766
What's his deal?
856
00:42:14,766 --> 00:42:16,201
He swallowed
a bag of marijuana
857
00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:18,837
before we were
detained by the CIA.
858
00:42:18,837 --> 00:42:21,539
I fucking hate
those guys, man!
Seriously.
859
00:42:21,539 --> 00:42:25,577
They have been spying on me
ever since I got back.
860
00:42:25,577 --> 00:42:27,713
(STAMMERING)
Back from where?
861
00:42:27,713 --> 00:42:29,347
I can't say.
They're listening.
862
00:42:29,347 --> 00:42:31,049
(JAKE GROANING)
863
00:42:31,049 --> 00:42:32,651
God!
864
00:42:32,651 --> 00:42:34,319
Pull over, man. It's bad.
Right there.
865
00:42:34,319 --> 00:42:35,921
JAKE: I have to dump
this load somewhere.
866
00:42:35,921 --> 00:42:37,188
ANDY: Not in the car.
867
00:42:37,188 --> 00:42:38,724
KORKIN: Here's a
convenience store.
868
00:42:38,724 --> 00:42:39,991
ARASH: Convenient?
Do they sell trousers?
869
00:42:39,991 --> 00:42:41,893
KORKIN: If you had any money.
870
00:42:46,732 --> 00:42:48,700
Who wants grub?
I do.
871
00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:49,835
ARASH: I do.
KORKIN: No. No, you don't.
872
00:42:49,835 --> 00:42:51,169
Yes, I do.
No, you don't.
873
00:42:51,169 --> 00:42:52,437
My stomach is hollow.
It's hollow.
874
00:42:52,437 --> 00:42:54,405
No one cares.
875
00:42:54,405 --> 00:42:55,540
No, we're broke.
876
00:42:55,540 --> 00:42:57,709
No worries.
I'll buy.
877
00:43:01,312 --> 00:43:04,916
Korkin, that woman
clearly just escaped
from somewhere not good.
878
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:07,485
That's why we get the food
and then ditch her ass.
879
00:43:07,485 --> 00:43:10,922
Go tell Jake the plan.
Let me handle this. Okay?
880
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:18,830
Hey, hey.
Thanks, buddy.
881
00:43:18,830 --> 00:43:21,166
Hey, you guys,
grab a basket,
get anything you want.
882
00:43:21,166 --> 00:43:22,367
Sweet.
883
00:43:22,367 --> 00:43:23,702
WOMAN: See you tomorrow.
884
00:43:34,579 --> 00:43:36,581
Hey, Jake, it's me.
Let's go.
885
00:43:36,581 --> 00:43:39,284
Korky's going to ditch her
as soon as she buys us food.
886
00:43:39,284 --> 00:43:41,519
Yeah, Andy. Why don't I
just lube my hands
887
00:43:41,519 --> 00:43:44,155
so I can shove it up my ass
and remove the bag of ganja
888
00:43:44,155 --> 00:43:45,590
(FARTING)
lodged in my rectum?
889
00:43:45,590 --> 00:43:46,992
(GROANS)
890
00:43:51,930 --> 00:43:53,298
Hey, handsome.
Hey.
891
00:43:53,298 --> 00:43:56,401
We're going to
take all of this,
892
00:43:56,401 --> 00:43:57,769
and everything you
got in the register.
893
00:43:57,769 --> 00:43:59,404
Whoa! Hello!
894
00:43:59,404 --> 00:44:01,606
Come on.
Come on.
895
00:44:01,606 --> 00:44:02,774
All right. Don't shoot.
Move.
896
00:44:02,774 --> 00:44:04,509
Shit! Shit! Shit!
897
00:44:04,509 --> 00:44:06,812
Stop pressuring me!
898
00:44:06,812 --> 00:44:07,979
WOMAN: Hurry up. Hurry up.
MAN: I'm hurrying.
899
00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:10,015
Come on. Let's go.
900
00:44:11,182 --> 00:44:12,684
Keys, please.
901
00:44:12,684 --> 00:44:15,286
Come on, come on.
902
00:44:15,286 --> 00:44:16,722
Thanks.
903
00:44:16,722 --> 00:44:19,157
You guys might
wanna hit the floor
right about now.
904
00:44:19,157 --> 00:44:22,093
Yes, ma'am.
Okay, then.
905
00:44:22,093 --> 00:44:23,294
(LAUGHING)
906
00:44:25,396 --> 00:44:28,834
You bitches
stay on the floor.
Your ho is gonna die.
907
00:44:28,834 --> 00:44:30,401
(TIRES SCREECHING)
908
00:44:38,209 --> 00:44:39,878
(HORN HONKING)
909
00:44:42,113 --> 00:44:45,616
Back door!
Hey, Jake, back door.
Come on!
910
00:44:45,616 --> 00:44:47,252
(JAKE MUMBLING)
911
00:44:49,420 --> 00:44:50,756
Go, go, go, go!
912
00:45:15,781 --> 00:45:17,148
(GROANING)
913
00:45:18,483 --> 00:45:19,550
You okay?
914
00:45:19,550 --> 00:45:20,752
Shit.
915
00:45:20,752 --> 00:45:21,953
Thought you
took care of that.
916
00:45:21,953 --> 00:45:24,355
Fucker never came out.
917
00:45:24,355 --> 00:45:26,491
Pretty sure
the baggie burst, though.
918
00:45:26,491 --> 00:45:27,558
ANDY: No signal.
919
00:45:27,558 --> 00:45:28,927
Who are you calling?
920
00:45:28,927 --> 00:45:30,661
I don't know, man. 911?
We need some help.
921
00:45:30,661 --> 00:45:34,232
What are you gonna tell them?
Our stolen taxi got stolen?
922
00:45:34,232 --> 00:45:36,034
Wait, you have
a better idea?
No.
923
00:45:36,034 --> 00:45:40,605
Not yet,
but I'm not a quitter.
I'm finishing this thing.
924
00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:44,810
Finishing what, Korkin?
You don't even play beer pong.
925
00:45:44,810 --> 00:45:47,178
We're in
deep shit here, man,
and it's all your fault,
926
00:45:47,178 --> 00:45:50,816
so you better start
praying we get out
of this somehow.
927
00:45:50,816 --> 00:45:54,385
You want me to pray?
You want me to pray?
928
00:45:54,385 --> 00:45:56,021
Fine!
929
00:45:56,021 --> 00:46:00,591
Here I am praying
that Jake can squeeze
a fucking pot brownie
930
00:46:00,591 --> 00:46:02,393
from his rectum.
Please, God.
931
00:46:02,393 --> 00:46:05,763
Here I am praying
that Arash isn't
devoured by goats.
932
00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:08,333
Here I am
praying that the aliens
return Andy's balls,
933
00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:10,802
so he can be a man
and dump his
lame-ass girlfriend!
934
00:46:10,802 --> 00:46:12,904
Here I am praying
for a miraculous rescue
935
00:46:12,904 --> 00:46:14,272
before the cops
take us all to jail!
936
00:46:14,272 --> 00:46:16,507
Amen! Is that good
enough for you?
937
00:46:24,049 --> 00:46:25,917
You guys okay?
938
00:46:28,653 --> 00:46:30,021
Wow.
939
00:46:32,657 --> 00:46:34,192
Wow.
940
00:46:34,192 --> 00:46:39,264
No. We're not, actually.
We're in big trouble.
941
00:46:39,264 --> 00:46:41,666
Would you believe
our van got stolen?
942
00:46:41,666 --> 00:46:44,936
That sucks.
Were you just
at the retreat?
943
00:46:46,437 --> 00:46:49,807
Why, yes!
944
00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:53,511
Yes, we were
at the retreat.
We were retreating.
945
00:46:53,511 --> 00:46:57,883
But now we're here,
alone in the wilderness,
946
00:46:57,883 --> 00:46:59,817
all by ourselves.
947
00:46:59,817 --> 00:47:04,322
Well, we could give
you guys a ride to
the next town, I guess.
948
00:47:04,322 --> 00:47:08,593
That would be mighty kind.
We're headed to Nashville.
949
00:47:08,593 --> 00:47:10,461
We're from Arkansas.
We go right through there.
950
00:47:10,461 --> 00:47:11,997
Thank God you stopped.
951
00:47:11,997 --> 00:47:14,532
Well,
you see four guys praying
by the side of the road,
952
00:47:14,532 --> 00:47:17,435
and you kind of
feel obligated, you know?
953
00:47:24,609 --> 00:47:25,977
Hello.
954
00:47:29,047 --> 00:47:31,082
Is your friend okay?
955
00:47:31,082 --> 00:47:34,119
I'm fine.
Much better now.
956
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:37,622
I can totally
hear myself blink.
957
00:47:39,457 --> 00:47:41,192
Think.
958
00:47:48,399 --> 00:47:50,601
So, do you guys
wanna go to the cops?
959
00:47:50,601 --> 00:47:51,937
ALL: No.
960
00:47:51,937 --> 00:47:53,638
Yeah, that car sucked,
anyway.
961
00:47:53,638 --> 00:47:55,173
Yeah, it's insured.
962
00:47:56,908 --> 00:47:58,809
So, what's next?
963
00:47:58,809 --> 00:48:00,411
Party, dumbass.
964
00:48:00,411 --> 00:48:02,447
Jake's baggie burst.
He's stoned and happy.
965
00:48:02,447 --> 00:48:04,482
Even Ass-rash here
might get laid.
966
00:48:04,482 --> 00:48:06,651
ANDY: Nobody's getting laid.
967
00:48:06,651 --> 00:48:10,155
Hate to tell you this,
but this is a church
retreat about chastity.
968
00:48:10,155 --> 00:48:12,223
What the hell is chastity?
969
00:48:12,223 --> 00:48:14,559
Abstinence from
sexual intercourse.
970
00:48:14,559 --> 00:48:15,593
What?
971
00:48:15,593 --> 00:48:17,728
Abstinence from
sexual intercourse.
972
00:48:17,728 --> 00:48:20,065
No sex until marriage.
973
00:48:20,065 --> 00:48:22,767
Well,
that's fucking perfect.
974
00:48:22,767 --> 00:48:25,803
I'm a devout heathen,
you're gonna cheat
on your girlfriend
975
00:48:25,803 --> 00:48:28,106
with a beer pong model,
Jake's stoned out
of his fucking gourd,
976
00:48:28,106 --> 00:48:29,540
and Ass-rash here
is a Muslim.
977
00:48:29,540 --> 00:48:31,442
I am Hindu, asshole.
Is there a difference?
978
00:48:31,442 --> 00:48:33,011
(SHUSHING)
And if you call me
Ass-rash again,
979
00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:34,379
I will rip off your arm
980
00:48:34,379 --> 00:48:37,415
and I will bitchslap you
with your own hand.
981
00:48:40,885 --> 00:48:42,253
Just a joke, man.
982
00:48:42,253 --> 00:48:43,354
(LAUGHS)
983
00:48:43,354 --> 00:48:46,057
No need to go all
third world on me.
984
00:48:48,059 --> 00:48:50,261
Wow, is that your van?
985
00:48:51,862 --> 00:48:52,998
Let go!
Wow.
986
00:48:52,998 --> 00:48:54,365
No. No.
No.
987
00:48:54,365 --> 00:48:56,101
KORKIN: That one's a taxi.
ARASH: No.
988
00:49:02,740 --> 00:49:04,309
(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
989
00:49:04,309 --> 00:49:06,344
Ready? Okay.
Okay, you got this.
990
00:49:06,344 --> 00:49:08,379
I got this.
All right.
991
00:49:16,521 --> 00:49:18,823
My name's Sarah.
Korkin.
992
00:49:18,823 --> 00:49:20,025
What's your first name?
993
00:49:20,025 --> 00:49:22,227
People call me Korkin.
994
00:49:23,128 --> 00:49:24,462
So, Sarah,
995
00:49:25,896 --> 00:49:30,068
have you ever been tempted
to break the chastity code?
996
00:49:30,068 --> 00:49:32,670
I sure have.
997
00:49:32,670 --> 00:49:38,009
Well, Korkin, my father,
people call him Reverend.
998
00:49:38,009 --> 00:49:39,877
He founded
the Chastity Movement.
999
00:49:39,877 --> 00:49:42,080
So, does that
answer your question?
1000
00:49:43,848 --> 00:49:45,950
Yeah. Guess so.
1001
00:49:45,950 --> 00:49:48,319
Good.
Now I've got one for you.
1002
00:49:48,319 --> 00:49:49,620
What's the deal?
1003
00:49:49,620 --> 00:49:52,390
I saw you duck
when we passed the cops.
1004
00:49:55,093 --> 00:49:57,195
Okay. Okay.
1005
00:49:58,563 --> 00:50:00,331
I like you,
1006
00:50:00,331 --> 00:50:01,532
so I'm gonna do
something here
1007
00:50:01,532 --> 00:50:03,701
that I never
really do, ever,
1008
00:50:03,701 --> 00:50:05,370
and tell the truth.
You better,
1009
00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:07,938
or you're going
to be finding another ride.
1010
00:50:07,938 --> 00:50:10,408
(CLEARING THROAT)
1011
00:50:10,408 --> 00:50:15,180
We weren't
at any retreat. No.
1012
00:50:15,180 --> 00:50:17,615
Andy and Jake are
actually beer pong players
1013
00:50:17,615 --> 00:50:19,150
from the University
of Ithaca,
1014
00:50:19,150 --> 00:50:20,651
and technically
I'm their manager,
1015
00:50:20,651 --> 00:50:24,389
but really I just tag along
to cause trouble.
1016
00:50:24,389 --> 00:50:26,291
We're trying to
get to Atlanta
for Nationals,
1017
00:50:26,291 --> 00:50:27,858
but we've got to go
through Nashville first
1018
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:30,328
so that Andy can hook up
with a beer pong model.
1019
00:50:30,328 --> 00:50:33,030
And our stolen van...
1020
00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:37,235
I mean, our van was
stolen by that chick
after she robbed a store
1021
00:50:37,235 --> 00:50:39,104
and got us shot at.
1022
00:50:40,771 --> 00:50:42,006
That's it.
1023
00:50:42,006 --> 00:50:43,674
So will you take us?
1024
00:50:43,674 --> 00:50:46,344
To Nashville or Atlanta?
1025
00:50:47,812 --> 00:50:49,147
Both?
1026
00:50:54,051 --> 00:50:56,020
Road trip?
1027
00:50:56,020 --> 00:50:57,622
Road trip!
Road trip!
1028
00:50:57,622 --> 00:50:59,290
Yes!
Yeah.
1029
00:51:03,694 --> 00:51:06,931
* Philosophy *
1030
00:51:06,931 --> 00:51:08,999
* Is the talk on a cereal box *
1031
00:51:08,999 --> 00:51:10,268
* Religion *
1032
00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:11,702
KATY: Hmm.
1033
00:51:11,702 --> 00:51:12,970
What?
1034
00:51:12,970 --> 00:51:14,772
(SCOFFS) Come on.
1035
00:51:14,772 --> 00:51:16,974
* I'm not aware
of too many things *
1036
00:51:16,974 --> 00:51:20,445
* I know what I know,
if you know what I mean *
1037
00:51:21,946 --> 00:51:23,714
* D-doo yeah *
1038
00:51:24,915 --> 00:51:26,617
What's wrong?
1039
00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:29,587
Nothing. I just feel
a little out of place.
1040
00:51:29,587 --> 00:51:32,157
Girl, please, chill out.
Here.
1041
00:51:32,157 --> 00:51:36,461
Have some fun. I mean,
these girls are all really,
really close.
1042
00:51:38,463 --> 00:51:40,565
That's pretty close.
1043
00:51:40,565 --> 00:51:45,370
So what I didn't tell you is,
we're all LUGs.
1044
00:51:45,370 --> 00:51:47,104
(CLEARS THROAT)
You're what?
1045
00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:49,540
Lesbians Until Graduation.
1046
00:51:49,540 --> 00:51:51,909
Okay. I'm confused
about a lot of
things right now,
1047
00:51:51,909 --> 00:51:54,812
but I'm pretty sure
that I'm still straight.
1048
00:51:54,812 --> 00:51:57,415
Yeah, okay.
That's what I said
my first time, too.
1049
00:51:57,415 --> 00:52:00,185
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
1050
00:52:02,453 --> 00:52:06,123
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)
1051
00:52:06,123 --> 00:52:08,326
(SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1052
00:52:17,502 --> 00:52:20,037
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1053
00:52:20,037 --> 00:52:21,572
Andrew.
1054
00:52:21,572 --> 00:52:23,708
Hey, Jenna.
So, we're on the road.
1055
00:52:23,708 --> 00:52:27,312
Did you find another
bus full of models
to play with?
1056
00:52:27,312 --> 00:52:29,880
Yeah, but they only do
cornhole tournaments.
1057
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,916
JENNA: You Americans
and your corn.
1058
00:52:31,916 --> 00:52:35,620
Anyway, my friends,
they start to think
you are my fantasy.
1059
00:52:35,620 --> 00:52:38,856
Well, I am, right?
Your fantasy?
1060
00:52:38,856 --> 00:52:40,157
Of course, mon amour.
1061
00:52:40,157 --> 00:52:42,059
Since our last kiss
that tragic day,
1062
00:52:42,059 --> 00:52:45,230
you have been
my one thought,
1063
00:52:45,230 --> 00:52:47,898
my one breath,
my one dream.
1064
00:52:49,234 --> 00:52:51,302
(LAUGHING)
1065
00:52:52,470 --> 00:52:55,640
No pregnancy. No VD,
1066
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:59,944
and let me just say,
women know how to
love other women.
1067
00:53:01,246 --> 00:53:03,248
That's the LUG life, baby.
1068
00:53:03,248 --> 00:53:07,117
Yeah, I bet
the initiation ceremony
is a whole lot of fun.
1069
00:53:07,117 --> 00:53:08,753
So, are you seeing anyone?
1070
00:53:08,753 --> 00:53:10,288
Other then drunk
college boys
1071
00:53:10,288 --> 00:53:12,857
with beer breath
and bad hair? No.
1072
00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:14,425
And you?
1073
00:53:14,425 --> 00:53:18,095
With your music career,
you must meet
many beautiful women.
1074
00:53:18,095 --> 00:53:19,997
Totally, all the time.
1075
00:53:19,997 --> 00:53:22,933
I mean, too many to
choose from, really.
It's crazy.
1076
00:53:22,933 --> 00:53:26,971
How nice of you to
fit me into your busy
schedule, monsieur Casanova.
1077
00:53:26,971 --> 00:53:29,540
Well, we do have
some unfinished business,
1078
00:53:29,540 --> 00:53:31,242
if I recall correctly.
1079
00:53:31,242 --> 00:53:33,978
Indeed we do.
Indeed we do.
1080
00:53:35,413 --> 00:53:38,483
I'm not saying
you gotta LUG it out.
1081
00:53:38,483 --> 00:53:40,017
I mean,
how long has it been
1082
00:53:40,017 --> 00:53:43,388
since you haven't
had a boyfriend?
1083
00:53:43,388 --> 00:53:45,256
Since about the sixth grade.
1084
00:53:45,256 --> 00:53:47,224
Girl, please.
1085
00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:50,094
How you supposed to be
sure about this guy
unless you look around?
1086
00:53:50,094 --> 00:53:52,897
And how do you know
he's not doing
the same damn thing
1087
00:53:52,897 --> 00:53:55,966
while he's out
on his mysterious
little trip?
1088
00:54:17,087 --> 00:54:18,856
(DEVICE BEEPING)
1089
00:54:18,856 --> 00:54:20,725
SUJATMI: Thank you for using
Auto Service System.
1090
00:54:20,725 --> 00:54:23,227
My name is Sujatmi.
How may I help you?
1091
00:54:23,227 --> 00:54:28,032
Sujatmi is a lovely name.
My name is Arash.
I'm from Tandoor.
1092
00:54:28,032 --> 00:54:29,266
Oh, my God!
1093
00:54:29,266 --> 00:54:32,337
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1094
00:54:32,337 --> 00:54:34,372
Sujatmi, I'm so lonely.
1095
00:54:34,372 --> 00:54:37,074
Arash, that is so sad.
1096
00:54:37,074 --> 00:54:39,910
Sujatmi, I have not spoken
with a Tandoori female
1097
00:54:39,910 --> 00:54:41,245
in many, many a moon.
1098
00:54:41,245 --> 00:54:44,248
That is
a long time, Arash.
1099
00:54:44,248 --> 00:54:46,451
Is this a dream?
Is this reality?
1100
00:54:46,451 --> 00:54:50,087
No, this is all a fantasy.
1101
00:54:50,087 --> 00:54:51,322
Okay.
Are you ready?
1102
00:54:51,322 --> 00:54:52,423
For fantasy?
1103
00:54:52,423 --> 00:54:55,159
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
1104
00:54:55,159 --> 00:54:57,027
What are you wearing?
1105
00:54:57,027 --> 00:54:59,163
I'm wearing
a very stylish shirt.
1106
00:54:59,163 --> 00:55:02,967
I'm also wearing some
pajamas with squirrels,
pink squirrels.
1107
00:55:02,967 --> 00:55:04,369
What are you wearing?
1108
00:55:04,369 --> 00:55:06,437
A sari.
ARASH: A sari.
1109
00:55:06,437 --> 00:55:09,440
I bet it is a lovely sari.
What color is it?
1110
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:12,943
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1111
00:55:12,943 --> 00:55:14,645
(SUJATMI SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1112
00:55:15,913 --> 00:55:18,949
Well, here I am, Arash.
Here I am.
1113
00:55:18,949 --> 00:55:22,119
ARASH: Your voice is
so lovely right now.
Are you hot?
1114
00:55:22,119 --> 00:55:23,654
Yes, I am so hot.
Oh.
1115
00:55:23,654 --> 00:55:26,757
Are you hot?
I'm very, very hot.
1116
00:55:26,757 --> 00:55:29,627
So hot there is literally
a fire in my pants.
1117
00:55:29,627 --> 00:55:31,362
How big is the fire?
1118
00:55:31,362 --> 00:55:34,031
I'd say three
to four-alarmer.
1119
00:55:34,031 --> 00:55:36,066
It's a big one.
Why don't you blow it out?
1120
00:55:36,066 --> 00:55:39,370
I can't. I can't. It's too big.
Please.
1121
00:55:39,370 --> 00:55:42,306
You have put
a spell on my banana.
1122
00:55:42,306 --> 00:55:44,341
Yes. Is it peeling?
1123
00:55:44,341 --> 00:55:45,776
It is peeling.
It is ripe.
1124
00:55:45,776 --> 00:55:47,111
Yes.
1125
00:55:47,111 --> 00:55:49,480
Right now, you're so tight,
I need to loosen you up.
1126
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:51,015
You caveman.
1127
00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:52,683
I will take you and,
with a club,
1128
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:54,619
beat you on the head
and bring you to my cave.
1129
00:55:54,619 --> 00:55:55,953
Hibernate in the winter.
1130
00:55:55,953 --> 00:55:57,354
Yes. Yes.
1131
00:55:57,354 --> 00:55:59,289
It's very dirty.
I do not wipe anything.
Yes. Yes.
1132
00:55:59,289 --> 00:56:00,658
There's stuff everywhere.
1133
00:56:00,658 --> 00:56:01,959
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1134
00:56:01,959 --> 00:56:03,327
ARASH: I will bathe you.
You are the man.
1135
00:56:03,327 --> 00:56:04,695
Do you like the loofah?
1136
00:56:04,695 --> 00:56:07,231
I do.
I will loofah your behind.
1137
00:56:07,231 --> 00:56:10,935
Smother you with lather.
I am playing with my banana.
1138
00:56:10,935 --> 00:56:13,504
If you were in
a field right now,
I would till it.
1139
00:56:13,504 --> 00:56:15,506
No one has tilled it before.
1140
00:56:15,506 --> 00:56:16,841
No one has tilled you?
1141
00:56:16,841 --> 00:56:17,875
No. Maybe.
1142
00:56:17,875 --> 00:56:20,077
I just want
Tandoori boobiebs.
1143
00:56:20,077 --> 00:56:21,245
That's me.
1144
00:56:21,245 --> 00:56:23,414
Arash, Arash,
Sujatmi is here.
1145
00:56:23,414 --> 00:56:27,518
Sujatmi,
I will take you home,
I will put you on my bed...
1146
00:56:27,518 --> 00:56:28,753
Oh, God.
1147
00:56:28,753 --> 00:56:30,120
...and then I will...
1148
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:31,756
All over your place.
1149
00:56:31,756 --> 00:56:34,692
(BOTH SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1150
00:56:38,629 --> 00:56:40,431
Sujatmi.
Arash.
1151
00:56:40,431 --> 00:56:42,967
Sujatmi, touch it, touch it.
Arash.
1152
00:56:42,967 --> 00:56:43,868
Oh.
1153
00:56:43,868 --> 00:56:46,537
Touch it good.
Oh, Arash!
1154
00:56:48,005 --> 00:56:49,807
I am playing the pied piper.
Arash.
1155
00:56:49,807 --> 00:56:51,542
Arash. Arash.
Peel the banana.
1156
00:56:51,542 --> 00:56:54,612
ARASH:
Do you like the baby gravy
on your mashed potatoes?
1157
00:56:54,612 --> 00:56:58,382
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1158
00:56:58,382 --> 00:56:59,884
(BOAR SQUEALING)
1159
00:56:59,884 --> 00:57:01,652
(THUD)
GIRL: What did you do?
1160
00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:04,121
(SCREAMING)
1161
00:57:04,121 --> 00:57:05,990
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1162
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:13,030
It appears you
have had an accident.
1163
00:57:14,665 --> 00:57:16,634
ANDY: Arash,
what was that?
1164
00:57:19,436 --> 00:57:21,371
Oh.
1165
00:57:21,371 --> 00:57:23,173
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1166
00:57:23,173 --> 00:57:26,143
KYLE: Arash hit a wild boar
during his telephone orgasm,
1167
00:57:26,143 --> 00:57:28,445
and it got stuck under the bus.
You killed it.
1168
00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:30,548
I just ejaculated.
Lick my balls.
1169
00:57:30,548 --> 00:57:33,551
But they decided
to leave it there
in case they got hungry.
1170
00:57:33,551 --> 00:57:36,386
Kind of like
when you're fishing
and you get hungry,
1171
00:57:36,386 --> 00:57:38,856
so you decide to
eat some worms.
1172
00:57:42,092 --> 00:57:43,828
What? Fish eat them.
1173
00:57:45,129 --> 00:57:47,732
That's all
very fascinating, Kyle,
1174
00:57:47,732 --> 00:57:49,900
but I'd rather hear
more about you.
1175
00:57:49,900 --> 00:57:54,004
No, not me.
In fact, my heart is racing.
1176
00:57:55,673 --> 00:57:58,175
I want to hear the end.
Please?
1177
00:58:04,014 --> 00:58:07,084
So, our group was
back on the move.
1178
00:58:07,084 --> 00:58:09,754
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)
1179
00:58:17,962 --> 00:58:19,564
All right, Arash.
You're coming?
1180
00:58:19,564 --> 00:58:20,998
I'm up.
Okay. Done.
1181
00:58:20,998 --> 00:58:22,633
I've got the gas.
You got it?
1182
00:58:22,633 --> 00:58:24,969
Yeah.
All right, grab it.
1183
00:58:24,969 --> 00:58:26,370
Okay, cool.
Okay, go under my arm.
1184
00:58:26,370 --> 00:58:27,705
Okay.
1185
00:58:29,339 --> 00:58:30,675
Got it.
1186
00:58:33,377 --> 00:58:34,779
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
1187
00:58:34,779 --> 00:58:37,582
Arash, come on, man.
That's disgusting.
1188
00:58:39,750 --> 00:58:41,652
ARASH: What's new, virgins?
1189
00:58:48,525 --> 00:58:50,160
SARAH: We need to stop, okay?
1190
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:51,862
We're hungry,
we're grubby,
1191
00:58:51,862 --> 00:58:54,832
and this bus smells
like rancid bacon.
1192
00:59:01,639 --> 00:59:02,973
(GASPS)
1193
00:59:04,875 --> 00:59:07,678
You got a little
eye booger there.
1194
00:59:07,678 --> 00:59:09,079
Where are we?
1195
00:59:09,079 --> 00:59:11,481
We had to make
a little stop.
1196
00:59:11,481 --> 00:59:12,717
For the night.
1197
00:59:12,717 --> 00:59:14,218
Korkin, what'd you do now?
1198
00:59:14,218 --> 00:59:16,721
KORKIN: It's more like,
what am I going to do now?
1199
00:59:16,721 --> 00:59:21,592
Right now, I'm facing
the greatest challenge
of my young life.
1200
00:59:21,592 --> 00:59:24,662
Sarah is the daughter
of the preacher
1201
00:59:24,662 --> 00:59:28,298
who founded
Chastity Until Marriage.
1202
00:59:28,298 --> 00:59:33,137
We pull this off,
we are talking legendary.
1203
00:59:33,137 --> 00:59:34,404
Biblical.
1204
00:59:34,404 --> 00:59:36,173
So where are we?
1205
00:59:37,574 --> 00:59:40,577
Getting lucky in Kentucky.
1206
00:59:40,577 --> 00:59:42,813
(MOMMA HARTMAN WHOOPING)
1207
00:59:42,813 --> 00:59:44,148
Where is my Katy's honey?
1208
00:59:44,148 --> 00:59:45,482
Momma Hartman?
1209
00:59:45,482 --> 00:59:48,986
There you are, sweetie.
I have missed you so much.
1210
00:59:48,986 --> 00:59:51,188
Well, come on
off this smelly bus.
1211
00:59:51,188 --> 00:59:53,858
I am just so glad
that my Katy called
and let me know
1212
00:59:53,858 --> 00:59:56,093
that you boys
needed a crash pad.
1213
00:59:56,093 --> 00:59:57,161
(GROANING)
1214
00:59:57,161 --> 01:00:00,831
Everybody grab a shower.
Ladies first.
1215
01:00:00,831 --> 01:00:05,770
Go on, go on.
You know where it is.
Go on. There you go.
1216
01:00:05,770 --> 01:00:11,642
In the meantime,
I'm gonna figure out
something for supper.
1217
01:00:11,642 --> 01:00:14,478
What in the world is...
Oh, my gosh.
1218
01:00:14,478 --> 01:00:17,181
There's fried chicken
with all the fixings,
1219
01:00:17,181 --> 01:00:21,451
and veggie lasagna
for all you poor
non-meat eaters,
1220
01:00:21,451 --> 01:00:24,088
and, Arash, honey,
I didn't know
what you are,
1221
01:00:24,088 --> 01:00:26,056
so I made you
some enchiladas
1222
01:00:26,056 --> 01:00:27,725
and some Pad Thai
and some Baba Ghanoush.
1223
01:00:27,725 --> 01:00:30,194
We eat goat testicles.
1224
01:00:30,194 --> 01:00:31,628
Ah.
1225
01:00:31,628 --> 01:00:33,063
ARASH: Delicious.
1226
01:00:34,531 --> 01:00:35,933
You boys look so spiffy.
1227
01:00:35,933 --> 01:00:37,868
You look spiffy, too.
1228
01:00:37,868 --> 01:00:41,005
I am so glad
I didn't get rid of
Papa Hartman's old clothes.
1229
01:00:41,005 --> 01:00:43,307
This is wrong.
This is so wrong.
1230
01:00:43,307 --> 01:00:47,812
We were nearby.
I had to improvise.
1231
01:00:47,812 --> 01:00:50,715
And by the way,
Katy said to give her a ring.
1232
01:00:50,715 --> 01:00:51,816
What?
1233
01:00:51,816 --> 01:00:53,350
You should call her.
1234
01:00:53,350 --> 01:00:54,785
MOMMA HARTMAN: May I have
everyone's attention?
1235
01:00:54,785 --> 01:00:56,620
I wanna show
y'all something.
1236
01:00:56,620 --> 01:01:01,759
These are my two beautiful
oldest daughters,
Katrina and Kerry,
1237
01:01:01,759 --> 01:01:03,794
and their wonderful husbands.
1238
01:01:03,794 --> 01:01:08,632
And then this is
for my Katy and Andy.
1239
01:01:08,632 --> 01:01:10,200
Hopefully someday soon!
1240
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:11,869
GIRLS: Aw.
1241
01:01:12,870 --> 01:01:14,671
Isn't that sweet?
1242
01:01:14,671 --> 01:01:19,109
Andy! Well, this just
calls for a toast,
doesn't it?
1243
01:01:20,177 --> 01:01:22,479
Yes! Toast.
1244
01:01:22,479 --> 01:01:25,215
To the future happy couple.
1245
01:01:25,215 --> 01:01:27,084
ALL: Cheers.
1246
01:01:29,754 --> 01:01:31,155
That's so sweet.
1247
01:01:31,155 --> 01:01:32,289
(GROANS)
1248
01:01:35,392 --> 01:01:36,927
JAKE: Beer pong 101.
1249
01:01:38,028 --> 01:01:39,696
KORKIN: See what happens?
1250
01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:41,899
JAKE: Ready? All right.
1251
01:01:43,734 --> 01:01:45,669
This is the face-off.
1252
01:01:45,669 --> 01:01:49,606
Look into her eyes
and be ready.
1253
01:01:49,606 --> 01:01:51,008
A toast.
1254
01:01:53,010 --> 01:01:55,645
To the ponging
of the balls.
1255
01:01:55,645 --> 01:01:56,981
Cheers!
Cheers!
1256
01:01:59,583 --> 01:02:01,351
GIRL: Nice!
Oh, my gosh.
1257
01:02:03,420 --> 01:02:05,155
No, they can judge you.
No, they can't.
1258
01:02:05,155 --> 01:02:08,358
That's not very judgmental.
Is that your thing?
1259
01:02:08,358 --> 01:02:11,361
Yes.
Here.
1260
01:02:11,361 --> 01:02:14,731
She's talking
shit about you guys.
She's talking shit.
1261
01:02:28,045 --> 01:02:30,214
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1262
01:02:33,417 --> 01:02:36,386
Okay, so I'm here
not hearing
from you all day,
1263
01:02:36,386 --> 01:02:39,489
and you have that
asshole Korkin calling me
for a place to stay?
1264
01:02:39,489 --> 01:02:44,094
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.
He stole my phone
when I was asleep.
1265
01:02:47,231 --> 01:02:48,365
Impressive.
1266
01:02:48,365 --> 01:02:51,701
Yeah, I know
many survival skills.
1267
01:02:51,701 --> 01:02:53,403
Yeah, sure.
1268
01:02:53,403 --> 01:02:55,239
Andy, why aren't you
in Georgia,
1269
01:02:55,239 --> 01:02:57,441
and what's with
the busload of girls?
1270
01:02:57,441 --> 01:03:01,445
Well, we had to hitch a ride.
Got a little detoured.
1271
01:03:01,445 --> 01:03:04,148
But the Chastity Girls
are harmless.
1272
01:03:04,148 --> 01:03:06,050
The Chastity Girls?
1273
01:03:06,050 --> 01:03:08,252
It's a church group, sort of.
1274
01:03:08,252 --> 01:03:11,321
Anyway, I'm in your room.
Right.
1275
01:03:11,321 --> 01:03:13,023
Safe and sound.
1276
01:03:13,023 --> 01:03:15,125
SARAH: Sex without love
dooms relationships,
1277
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:17,294
because people
spend more time screwing
1278
01:03:17,294 --> 01:03:19,129
than really getting
to know each other.
1279
01:03:30,274 --> 01:03:31,808
Nice.
Oh, my gosh.
1280
01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:33,277
Did I just do that?
Yes!
1281
01:03:33,277 --> 01:03:35,745
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
1282
01:03:35,745 --> 01:03:38,048
Bye.
1283
01:03:38,048 --> 01:03:40,250
So then,
is sex without love
1284
01:03:40,250 --> 01:03:42,386
the same thing
as premarital sex?
1285
01:03:42,386 --> 01:03:45,622
People have
different definitions.
1286
01:03:45,622 --> 01:03:48,125
So what is yours?
1287
01:03:48,125 --> 01:03:50,995
I've never really
had the chance to decide.
1288
01:03:50,995 --> 01:03:52,930
Most guys don't
have the balls
1289
01:03:52,930 --> 01:03:55,065
to go after
a preacher's daughter,
1290
01:03:55,065 --> 01:03:57,968
despite our reputation
for being naughty.
1291
01:03:59,836 --> 01:04:01,771
I got your
anniversary present.
1292
01:04:01,771 --> 01:04:03,007
Already?
1293
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:05,042
Yeah,
Korkin sent me the link.
1294
01:04:05,042 --> 01:04:08,078
In The Buff?
It's all over YouTube.
I can't believe you did that.
1295
01:04:12,149 --> 01:04:14,184
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
1296
01:04:14,184 --> 01:04:16,153
* To sing it in the buff *
1297
01:04:17,988 --> 01:04:21,926
* In the buff! *
1298
01:04:25,829 --> 01:04:27,164
ANDY: Korkin!
1299
01:04:29,599 --> 01:04:31,235
Andy!
1300
01:04:31,235 --> 01:04:34,171
* In the buff, in the buff *
1301
01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:37,207
Half a million people, man.
1302
01:04:37,207 --> 01:04:38,909
It's a top-featured
video on YouTube.
1303
01:04:38,909 --> 01:04:40,510
I know.
1304
01:04:40,510 --> 01:04:43,213
Now the whole world knows
you have no balls.
1305
01:04:43,213 --> 01:04:45,582
That's still not funny.
It's never been funny.
1306
01:04:45,582 --> 01:04:47,952
Dude, chill.
I'm your promoter, right?
1307
01:04:47,952 --> 01:04:53,057
I did my job.
I made you a big star.
Now when Jenna sees Big A,
1308
01:04:53,057 --> 01:04:55,025
your little story
will seem legit.
1309
01:04:55,025 --> 01:04:57,995
I don't know about Jenna.
1310
01:04:57,995 --> 01:05:02,332
I mean, Katy,
she's so amazing.
1311
01:05:02,332 --> 01:05:04,568
She transferred
just for me.
1312
01:05:04,568 --> 01:05:06,336
Just see it through.
1313
01:05:06,336 --> 01:05:08,572
When you get to Jenna,
you'll know what to do.
1314
01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:14,244
Remember,
this is a vision quest,
a rite of passage.
1315
01:05:14,244 --> 01:05:16,480
A road trip.
A road trip, yes, it is!
1316
01:05:19,683 --> 01:05:21,318
Now go away.
1317
01:05:21,318 --> 01:05:25,422
Leave me
the fuck alone, please.
I'm on a mission here.
1318
01:05:25,422 --> 01:05:29,026
ARASH: It's true,
I walked down the streets
of Tandoori City,
1319
01:05:29,026 --> 01:05:31,361
I look in the monkey eyes,
and I say,
1320
01:05:31,361 --> 01:05:33,563
"You are right.
There are no virgins here."
1321
01:05:33,563 --> 01:05:34,664
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
1322
01:05:34,664 --> 01:05:36,300
What are the...
1323
01:05:38,102 --> 01:05:40,104
Too much caffeine.
1324
01:05:40,104 --> 01:05:42,272
Wanna get hot and sticky?
1325
01:05:55,585 --> 01:05:57,287
(CLEARING THROAT)
1326
01:05:57,287 --> 01:06:00,824
Arash, honey,
I found a pair
of pants for you.
1327
01:06:00,824 --> 01:06:03,827
Thank you,
and thank you for
the wonderful meal.
1328
01:06:03,827 --> 01:06:05,362
It was my pleasure, hon.
1329
01:06:05,362 --> 01:06:07,497
But I know your mom
could have done it better.
1330
01:06:07,497 --> 01:06:09,066
No.
Your Baba Ghanoush surpassed
1331
01:06:09,066 --> 01:06:11,168
that of my
father's finest cooks,
1332
01:06:12,502 --> 01:06:14,171
and actually, ma'am,
I don't have a mother.
1333
01:06:14,171 --> 01:06:16,073
My father wouldn't
allow me to meet her
1334
01:06:16,073 --> 01:06:17,941
for fear we would
conspire to kill him
1335
01:06:17,941 --> 01:06:20,510
and assume
the throne of Tandoor.
1336
01:06:21,611 --> 01:06:23,380
I'm gonna tell
you what I used
1337
01:06:23,380 --> 01:06:25,549
to tell my children
every single day.
1338
01:06:27,417 --> 01:06:29,786
Your daddy's an asshole.
1339
01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:32,656
Now you come here to me.
1340
01:06:32,656 --> 01:06:34,024
Come on.
1341
01:06:35,092 --> 01:06:38,295
You have got a mama now.
Yes, you do!
1342
01:06:38,295 --> 01:06:39,596
You're my mama.
1343
01:06:39,596 --> 01:06:42,532
Yes, I am your mama.
You're my son.
1344
01:06:42,532 --> 01:06:43,967
Oh...
1345
01:06:43,967 --> 01:06:45,169
Let it out.
Let it out.
1346
01:06:45,169 --> 01:06:46,536
Asshole!
1347
01:06:46,536 --> 01:06:48,905
Yeah. There you go.
There you go.
1348
01:06:48,905 --> 01:06:50,974
You are the hole
in the ass.
1349
01:06:50,974 --> 01:06:52,476
Yeah, that's better.
1350
01:06:52,476 --> 01:06:53,810
Rectal chamber.
1351
01:06:53,810 --> 01:06:55,612
Yeah.
Dungeon of poo.
1352
01:06:59,449 --> 01:07:04,354
I know all about
competitive and
domineering parents,
1353
01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:08,492
so if you decide
to come to Ithaca,
I can help.
1354
01:07:08,492 --> 01:07:11,228
Thank you, Kyle.
That's so sweet.
1355
01:07:13,297 --> 01:07:17,634
Lydia, let's go.
We're leaving right now!
1356
01:07:17,634 --> 01:07:21,405
No, Mother.
I'm staying.
1357
01:07:21,405 --> 01:07:23,540
And you know what?
Leave me alone,
1358
01:07:23,540 --> 01:07:26,343
or I swear to God,
I will go to Cornell,
1359
01:07:26,343 --> 01:07:29,179
and it will cost you
a fucking fortune.
1360
01:07:37,454 --> 01:07:38,888
Good job.
Thanks.
1361
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:40,690
MOMMA HARTMAN: Bye-bye.
1362
01:07:40,690 --> 01:07:42,592
Here you go.
1363
01:07:42,592 --> 01:07:43,927
Safe trip.
1364
01:07:43,927 --> 01:07:45,095
Right,
now you eat something.
1365
01:07:45,095 --> 01:07:47,097
Munchies!
1366
01:07:47,097 --> 01:07:51,168
And, Arash, honey,
I gave you a little extra
helping of Baba Ghanoush.
1367
01:07:51,168 --> 01:07:53,837
You just call me anytime,
you hear me?
1368
01:07:53,837 --> 01:07:56,273
Yes.
1369
01:07:56,273 --> 01:07:58,875
I wish you birthed me.
1370
01:07:58,875 --> 01:08:01,645
I'm sorry for
flooding your toilets.
1371
01:08:03,012 --> 01:08:04,381
Oh.
1372
01:08:06,082 --> 01:08:07,851
Andrew.
1373
01:08:07,851 --> 01:08:10,720
Listen, I don't know
what's going on
between you and Katy,
1374
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:13,557
but just be honest
with each other.
1375
01:08:15,192 --> 01:08:16,526
Hey.
1376
01:08:17,727 --> 01:08:18,862
Okay.
1377
01:08:20,830 --> 01:08:21,998
It was good to see you.
1378
01:08:21,998 --> 01:08:24,033
It was great seeing you.
1379
01:08:24,033 --> 01:08:25,369
Oh.
1380
01:08:25,369 --> 01:08:27,137
And I jacked up
the front of the bus
1381
01:08:27,137 --> 01:08:28,972
and cut that hog
right out of there.
1382
01:08:28,972 --> 01:08:32,142
Well, enjoy your
ham sandwiches,
everybody.
1383
01:08:33,377 --> 01:08:35,212
GIRL 1: Bye!
GIRL 2: See you.
1384
01:08:37,147 --> 01:08:38,915
Bye!
Bye!
1385
01:08:38,915 --> 01:08:42,319
Bye! Bye!
Okay. Stay safe.
1386
01:08:50,227 --> 01:08:52,996
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
1387
01:08:52,996 --> 01:08:54,531
ARASH:
Ladies and gentlemen,
1388
01:08:54,531 --> 01:08:57,201
we have reached our
final destination.
1389
01:08:57,201 --> 01:08:59,369
Prepare to get your pong on!
1390
01:08:59,369 --> 01:09:01,638
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1391
01:09:16,253 --> 01:09:17,787
JENNA: You throw like a girl!
1392
01:09:17,787 --> 01:09:20,156
Two times,
you cannot hit
even a small target?
1393
01:09:20,156 --> 01:09:21,625
One more strike...
Jenna!
1394
01:09:21,625 --> 01:09:24,528
...and you're out
if I'm not in, baby!
1395
01:09:29,733 --> 01:09:31,635
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1396
01:09:40,910 --> 01:09:42,546
So much has changed.
1397
01:09:42,546 --> 01:09:46,283
You're now so big and strong.
1398
01:09:48,585 --> 01:09:51,355
I'll take over.
Looks like you need a break.
1399
01:09:51,355 --> 01:09:54,057
Thanks. Hurry, come with me.
1400
01:09:54,057 --> 01:09:56,526
(CHEERING)
1401
01:10:09,038 --> 01:10:11,107
JENNA: Hello, everyone.
1402
01:10:11,107 --> 01:10:12,942
This is my friend Andy.
1403
01:10:17,581 --> 01:10:20,784
You probably have seen
a lot of him on the net.
1404
01:10:24,521 --> 01:10:26,890
And he is here
today especially
1405
01:10:26,890 --> 01:10:30,727
to perform his new
song In The Buff!
1406
01:10:30,727 --> 01:10:32,796
(CHEERING)
1407
01:10:38,768 --> 01:10:42,672
CROWD: (CHANTING)
In The Buff! In The Buff!
In The Buff!
1408
01:10:42,672 --> 01:10:45,742
In The Buff! In The Buff!
1409
01:10:50,814 --> 01:10:54,183
* After five years of love *
1410
01:10:54,183 --> 01:10:57,053
* This song's just not enough *
1411
01:10:57,053 --> 01:10:59,789
* So I decided
I won't be denied *
1412
01:10:59,789 --> 01:11:02,326
* And I'll sing it in the buff *
1413
01:11:02,326 --> 01:11:05,729
* In the buff, in the buff *
1414
01:11:05,729 --> 01:11:07,597
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
1415
01:11:07,597 --> 01:11:11,034
* In the buff, in the buff *
1416
01:11:11,034 --> 01:11:14,704
* Girl, it ain't so tough
to sing it in the buff *
1417
01:11:24,414 --> 01:11:27,851
* In the buff, in the buff *
1418
01:11:27,851 --> 01:11:30,153
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
1419
01:11:30,153 --> 01:11:32,288
* In the buff, in the buff *
1420
01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:33,890
Oh, my God!
1421
01:11:33,890 --> 01:11:37,394
* Girl, it ain't so tough
to sing it in the buff *
1422
01:11:41,831 --> 01:11:43,199
Thank you!
1423
01:11:43,199 --> 01:11:45,669
Thank you, my Andy.
1424
01:11:45,669 --> 01:11:49,873
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
1425
01:11:56,346 --> 01:11:58,314
What do you see?
1426
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:01,351
An amazingly gorgeous girl
1427
01:12:01,351 --> 01:12:03,887
who once made
a really dorky American
1428
01:12:03,887 --> 01:12:07,857
feel cool before
falling out of a hay loft.
1429
01:12:11,461 --> 01:12:12,996
So let's see it.
1430
01:12:22,639 --> 01:12:23,773
Whoa.
1431
01:12:28,878 --> 01:12:31,047
Not too bad
for a cadaver.
1432
01:12:34,751 --> 01:12:35,885
Hello.
1433
01:12:36,753 --> 01:12:38,855
Andy's song inspired me.
1434
01:12:42,992 --> 01:12:45,429
Oh, sweet God!
1435
01:12:47,731 --> 01:12:49,065
Hello!
1436
01:12:49,065 --> 01:12:51,901
But I'm having
a little trouble
with this bra.
1437
01:12:53,336 --> 01:12:54,738
So did I.
1438
01:12:56,372 --> 01:12:59,843
Here, you know what,
let me help you.
1439
01:12:59,843 --> 01:13:03,146
You know what you do
when someone has a boo-boo?
1440
01:13:04,981 --> 01:13:06,883
Kiss it. Make it better.
1441
01:13:16,059 --> 01:13:18,895
I've dreamed of
this so many times.
1442
01:13:18,895 --> 01:13:23,667
Were they,
how do you say,
the water dreams?
1443
01:13:23,667 --> 01:13:25,969
Yeah.
Sometimes twice a day.
1444
01:13:32,075 --> 01:13:35,912
* In the buff *
1445
01:13:40,083 --> 01:13:41,518
* In the buff *
1446
01:13:41,518 --> 01:13:45,455
* Girl, it ain't so tough
to sing it in the buff *
1447
01:13:48,525 --> 01:13:50,794
(CROWD CHEERING)
1448
01:13:51,928 --> 01:13:53,362
Thank you!
1449
01:13:53,362 --> 01:13:54,798
Thank you, my Andy.
1450
01:14:00,069 --> 01:14:02,706
Take it off for Andy!
1451
01:14:29,633 --> 01:14:34,370
I can't.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
1452
01:14:34,370 --> 01:14:35,705
It's...
1453
01:14:36,840 --> 01:14:38,642
It's complicated.
1454
01:14:38,642 --> 01:14:42,812
Perhaps it's better that way,
because I must leave, anyway.
1455
01:14:42,812 --> 01:14:44,614
You know how
I was hoping
1456
01:14:44,614 --> 01:14:46,950
for the next step on the ladder?
Well, it came.
1457
01:14:46,950 --> 01:14:49,085
A big agency saw me
for a shoot in Paris.
1458
01:14:49,085 --> 01:14:52,055
That's great.
You deserve it.
1459
01:14:53,122 --> 01:14:54,924
Yeah.
1460
01:14:54,924 --> 01:14:58,327
But always remember,
when those crazy
model bitches attack...
1461
01:14:58,327 --> 01:14:59,929
* Don't you crack,
don't you crack *
1462
01:14:59,929 --> 01:15:03,366
* 'Cause, baby,
Big A's got your back *
1463
01:15:03,366 --> 01:15:07,170
BOTH:
* Big A's got your back *
1464
01:15:07,170 --> 01:15:08,672
My Andrew.
1465
01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:15,645
Whatever happens,
your complication
1466
01:15:15,645 --> 01:15:17,581
is a very lucky girl.
1467
01:15:27,991 --> 01:15:30,594
ARASH: How about some of this?
And then that?
1468
01:15:30,594 --> 01:15:31,961
You're gonna go down.
1469
01:15:31,961 --> 01:15:33,930
You're going to go downtown.
1470
01:15:33,930 --> 01:15:35,565
Take the train.
Yes, you want some?
1471
01:15:35,565 --> 01:15:37,066
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1472
01:15:37,066 --> 01:15:41,037
ARASH: Here we go.
Yes, here we go!
Step it up.
1473
01:15:41,037 --> 01:15:41,905
Yeah?
1474
01:15:41,905 --> 01:15:43,873
KATY: You lied to me, Andy.
1475
01:15:43,873 --> 01:15:46,943
You really were freaked out.
So maybe after
five years of love,
1476
01:15:46,943 --> 01:15:48,578
instead of
getting in the buff,
1477
01:15:48,578 --> 01:15:49,979
you should have
just told me the truth.
1478
01:15:49,979 --> 01:15:52,148
Have fun with your
French beer bitch.
1479
01:15:52,148 --> 01:15:53,282
Liar.
1480
01:16:01,658 --> 01:16:03,993
Korkin? God...
1481
01:16:03,993 --> 01:16:07,897
Dude! What?
This is becoming
a very bad habit.
1482
01:16:07,897 --> 01:16:11,067
We gotta leave, man.
Now. Come on.
1483
01:16:11,067 --> 01:16:13,102
You couldn't do it,
could you?
1484
01:16:13,102 --> 01:16:15,104
No, I could have.
But I didn't.
1485
01:16:15,104 --> 01:16:18,775
Then that's why we
came here, right?
To find out?
1486
01:16:18,775 --> 01:16:22,679
No, no.
You wanted to come here.
I didn't want to come here.
1487
01:16:22,679 --> 01:16:27,617
I swear, if you didn't have
a boner right now,
I'd kick your ass.
1488
01:16:27,617 --> 01:16:29,285
It's pretty intimidating,
huh?
1489
01:16:29,285 --> 01:16:30,654
You know what?
1490
01:16:30,654 --> 01:16:32,622
He probably
didn't mention
that screwing you
1491
01:16:32,622 --> 01:16:35,992
would be
the biggest challenge
of his life, did he?
1492
01:16:35,992 --> 01:16:38,494
"Biblical,"
if I recall correctly.
1493
01:16:38,494 --> 01:16:40,163
Biblical, huh?
1494
01:16:40,163 --> 01:16:41,064
KORKIN: No.
1495
01:16:41,064 --> 01:16:42,365
SARAH: Let's see about that.
1496
01:16:55,912 --> 01:16:57,847
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
1497
01:17:24,407 --> 01:17:27,977
She won't answer
any of my calls.
1498
01:17:27,977 --> 01:17:29,112
Who?
1499
01:17:30,780 --> 01:17:33,216
All right.
I was just checking.
1500
01:17:35,251 --> 01:17:37,520
I taught him
the Tandoori
national anthem.
1501
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:39,022
And we found weed.
1502
01:17:39,022 --> 01:17:41,725
We encountered
a Tandoori team
from Harvard.
1503
01:17:41,725 --> 01:17:43,059
And they wanna
scrimmage us.
1504
01:17:43,059 --> 01:17:44,560
They gave us
these glorious fatties
1505
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:46,295
to celebrate
the imprisonment
1506
01:17:46,295 --> 01:17:50,299
of Captain Mother
Bitch Bag of Douche,
my father.
1507
01:17:51,935 --> 01:17:55,338
Yeah, and by the way,
I finally took a shit.
1508
01:17:55,338 --> 01:17:56,873
And get this,
1509
01:17:56,873 --> 01:17:58,274
the weed was gone...
1510
01:17:58,274 --> 01:17:59,743
But where did it go?
1511
01:17:59,743 --> 01:18:04,380
...and in its place
was a turd in a baggie!
1512
01:18:04,380 --> 01:18:07,683
The human body is truly
an amazing machine.
1513
01:18:07,683 --> 01:18:10,486
(FARTS)
1514
01:18:10,486 --> 01:18:11,687
We have to go.
1515
01:18:11,687 --> 01:18:13,022
Yeah.
1516
01:18:17,994 --> 01:18:19,963
MANDEE:
Ladies and gentlemen,
1517
01:18:19,963 --> 01:18:24,200
your three-time defending
national champion,
1518
01:18:24,200 --> 01:18:26,702
Raz-R!
1519
01:18:31,240 --> 01:18:33,142
(EXCLAIMS)
1520
01:18:34,778 --> 01:18:39,682
And last but not least,
representing
the University of Ithaca,
1521
01:18:39,682 --> 01:18:44,553
North-East
regional champions,
Hagan Hall!
1522
01:18:44,553 --> 01:18:47,056
(CROWD CHANTING)
1523
01:18:48,491 --> 01:18:50,459
What up, Fake?
1524
01:18:50,459 --> 01:18:52,128
Ready to be exposed
1525
01:18:52,128 --> 01:18:56,199
as the burnout, scraggily,
Sasquatch-looking fraud
you are?
1526
01:18:56,199 --> 01:18:58,267
I will bitchslap the...
Hey, hey, hey.
1527
01:18:58,267 --> 01:18:59,803
Yeah?
Yeah.
1528
01:19:01,704 --> 01:19:03,973
I got nothing, bro.
Sorry.
1529
01:19:05,909 --> 01:19:09,078
You got nothing
because you are nothing.
1530
01:19:09,078 --> 01:19:11,647
Why don't you go back
to your dorm where it's safe?
1531
01:19:11,647 --> 01:19:14,383
Let the big dog eat!
1532
01:19:14,383 --> 01:19:16,652
(BARKS)
1533
01:19:16,652 --> 01:19:18,521
MANDEE: Take your places...
You ready for this?
1534
01:19:18,521 --> 01:19:21,190
Totally. I'm fine.
...for the Beer Pong Nationals.
1535
01:19:21,190 --> 01:19:24,060
Brought to you by
Beer Pong America.
1536
01:19:35,571 --> 01:19:37,841
And now, round one.
1537
01:19:39,508 --> 01:19:41,377
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
1538
01:19:51,020 --> 01:19:53,122
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
1539
01:19:53,122 --> 01:19:55,224
Yeah. I actually
invented that trick.
1540
01:20:04,433 --> 01:20:06,335
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
1541
01:20:08,104 --> 01:20:11,274
MANDEE: Round two,
the quarterfinals.
1542
01:20:11,274 --> 01:20:14,978
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Go, go, go, go!
1543
01:20:14,978 --> 01:20:17,914
Go, go, go, go!
1544
01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:22,285
Dude, you suck.
1545
01:20:27,423 --> 01:20:29,492
(CROWD CHEERING)
1546
01:20:37,066 --> 01:20:39,002
You'll never make it.
1547
01:20:42,338 --> 01:20:44,573
So close.
1548
01:20:44,573 --> 01:20:46,375
Hurricane Jake.
1549
01:20:46,375 --> 01:20:47,376
Booya!
1550
01:20:47,376 --> 01:20:50,279
MANDEE:
The Pong America Semifinals.
1551
01:20:55,218 --> 01:20:58,621
Okay. How do you do?
You want a piece of this?
1552
01:20:58,621 --> 01:21:00,156
Okay, okay, okay!
1553
01:21:00,156 --> 01:21:02,358
That's not really
playing fair, is it?
1554
01:21:12,201 --> 01:21:13,602
Don't even...
1555
01:21:18,374 --> 01:21:19,542
Taxi!
1556
01:21:32,688 --> 01:21:34,357
Damn.
1557
01:21:34,357 --> 01:21:35,524
Excuse me?
1558
01:21:36,792 --> 01:21:38,194
Where's Andy?
1559
01:21:39,728 --> 01:21:41,564
The complication.
1560
01:21:44,767 --> 01:21:46,469
You're a lucky girl.
1561
01:21:49,705 --> 01:21:51,040
He's inside.
1562
01:22:01,417 --> 01:22:02,551
Any more weed?
1563
01:22:02,551 --> 01:22:04,053
The Tandooris
have been smoking
1564
01:22:04,053 --> 01:22:05,421
since they lost
in the first round,
1565
01:22:05,421 --> 01:22:06,722
and now they're
completely tapped out.
1566
01:22:06,722 --> 01:22:09,325
That's gonna be a problem.
1567
01:22:11,060 --> 01:22:12,861
All right, guys.
This is it.
1568
01:22:12,861 --> 01:22:15,131
I want a good
clean match, okay?
No contact whatsoever.
1569
01:22:15,131 --> 01:22:17,666
ANDY: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1570
01:22:17,666 --> 01:22:20,003
Jake, you know what happens
when you drink too much.
1571
01:22:20,003 --> 01:22:23,239
Lost my high, bro.
I gotta do something.
1572
01:22:23,239 --> 01:22:25,941
All right.
Nice, Jake.
1573
01:22:25,941 --> 01:22:30,679
No surprises, okay?
It's us against
Raz-R and Jabba.
1574
01:22:31,880 --> 01:22:33,182
Now, hey,
1575
01:22:33,182 --> 01:22:34,750
if Jake wins possession,
1576
01:22:34,750 --> 01:22:37,253
we have to hit every throw
'cause they will not miss.
1577
01:22:37,253 --> 01:22:39,155
I know. Okay.
Okay?
1578
01:22:40,623 --> 01:22:41,824
Get your shit straight.
1579
01:22:41,824 --> 01:22:44,060
Okay. Okay.
Okay? Okay.
1580
01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:46,895
Ready?
Ready.
1581
01:22:46,895 --> 01:22:49,365
All right, do your thing.
Okay.
1582
01:22:54,203 --> 01:22:55,538
ANDY: Katy?
1583
01:22:58,374 --> 01:23:00,409
I swear,
nothing happened.
1584
01:23:00,409 --> 01:23:02,478
It doesn't matter.
Okay, okay, something happened.
1585
01:23:02,478 --> 01:23:04,213
Something little. I kissed her
1586
01:23:04,213 --> 01:23:05,748
on the lips and the toes...
Andy.
1587
01:23:05,748 --> 01:23:07,750
...and the whole general foot
and ankle area...
1588
01:23:07,750 --> 01:23:11,554
Andy, it's okay.
You made a mistake.
I made a mistake.
1589
01:23:11,554 --> 01:23:13,422
I shouldn't have
transferred.
1590
01:23:13,422 --> 01:23:16,392
I'm gonna go back
to CMU.
1591
01:23:16,392 --> 01:23:19,062
And then things can
go back to normal?
1592
01:23:19,062 --> 01:23:24,067
Our weekly virtual thing?
'Cause I really
like the Skype sex.
1593
01:23:24,067 --> 01:23:26,402
How about you could
just be my hometown guy
for a while,
1594
01:23:26,402 --> 01:23:28,304
and we'll see
each other on breaks?
1595
01:23:28,304 --> 01:23:29,705
Christmas, summer...
1596
01:23:29,705 --> 01:23:31,440
Hey!
Hey.
1597
01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:33,008
Hey, Katy.
It's good to see you.
1598
01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:35,211
(WHISTLING)
Listen, buddy,
it's game time.
1599
01:23:35,211 --> 01:23:37,680
I know.
Just one minute. Okay?
1600
01:23:37,680 --> 01:23:39,382
You know what?
Actually, I gotta go.
1601
01:23:39,382 --> 01:23:42,985
No, no, no.
It's the finals.
Please stay.
1602
01:23:42,985 --> 01:23:44,887
Look, I really want you here.
1603
01:23:44,887 --> 01:23:50,226
MANDEE: Beer Pong
America National finalists,
take your positions.
1604
01:23:50,226 --> 01:23:51,860
Winner take all.
Good luck.
1605
01:23:51,860 --> 01:23:52,995
Thanks.
1606
01:23:52,995 --> 01:23:54,563
And may the best team win.
1607
01:23:56,031 --> 01:23:58,467
(CHEERING)
1608
01:24:00,703 --> 01:24:04,807
Tournament rules apply,
and the decision of
the judge is final.
1609
01:24:04,807 --> 01:24:08,744
The winner will be
undisputed world champions.
1610
01:24:08,744 --> 01:24:11,247
All right. This is it.
1611
01:24:11,247 --> 01:24:13,516
Trick shot for possession.
1612
01:24:13,516 --> 01:24:16,652
Peons, plebes
and punkass bitches.
1613
01:24:22,625 --> 01:24:24,193
Miss it. Miss it!
1614
01:24:29,265 --> 01:24:30,733
We're fucked.
1615
01:24:30,733 --> 01:24:32,201
Thank you very much.
1616
01:24:39,408 --> 01:24:42,010
Bring it, Fake.
What you got?
1617
01:24:42,010 --> 01:24:44,147
I'll tell you
what I got.
1618
01:24:55,724 --> 01:24:57,226
God damn it!
1619
01:24:59,228 --> 01:25:01,664
MANDEE:
Possession, Raz-R Bax.
1620
01:25:04,233 --> 01:25:07,670
Don't worry, boys.
It's gonna be
quick and painless.
1621
01:25:31,360 --> 01:25:32,895
You. You and me!
1622
01:25:40,836 --> 01:25:42,905
This is ridiculous.
Hey, Raz-R!
1623
01:25:42,905 --> 01:25:45,073
Why don't you just take
a little peek at that?
1624
01:25:45,073 --> 01:25:46,509
Kiss it. Love it.
1625
01:25:46,509 --> 01:25:48,110
KORKIN:
You want a little
piece of that?
1626
01:25:48,110 --> 01:25:50,179
Make a wish. Rub it.
The genie will
come out, baby.
1627
01:25:50,179 --> 01:25:51,614
Fuck that shit.
1628
01:25:51,614 --> 01:25:53,015
How about that? You want it?
You like that?
1629
01:25:53,015 --> 01:25:55,384
You hungry for that?
We rack!
1630
01:25:56,485 --> 01:26:00,589
Are you serious? Golly!
1631
01:26:00,589 --> 01:26:02,858
How do you like that, son?
1632
01:26:02,858 --> 01:26:04,727
That's real questionable,
buddy.
1633
01:26:04,727 --> 01:26:06,395
Forgot to wipe.
1634
01:26:07,630 --> 01:26:08,797
All right.
Don't worry about it, guys.
1635
01:26:08,797 --> 01:26:11,234
Let's go!
Let's go, Jake!
1636
01:26:21,210 --> 01:26:22,645
Tandoori time!
1637
01:26:37,726 --> 01:26:39,762
(CHEERING)
1638
01:26:58,281 --> 01:27:00,082
Whoa, whoa.
1639
01:27:00,082 --> 01:27:01,384
Ref, time out!
1640
01:27:01,384 --> 01:27:02,851
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
1641
01:27:02,851 --> 01:27:05,354
Thirty-second time out,
Hagan Hall from Ithaca.
1642
01:27:05,354 --> 01:27:08,190
Everybody,
gather around.
1643
01:27:08,190 --> 01:27:12,295
Let's bow our heads,
close our eyes,
and let's pray.
1644
01:27:12,295 --> 01:27:14,830
(RAZ-R LAUGHING)
1645
01:27:14,830 --> 01:27:16,732
You gotta be kidding me.
1646
01:27:18,066 --> 01:27:19,668
Are you serious, man?
1647
01:27:19,668 --> 01:27:21,837
It worked for you,
didn't it?
1648
01:27:21,837 --> 01:27:23,606
Yeah.
1649
01:27:23,606 --> 01:27:25,641
This is a fucking joke.
1650
01:27:28,444 --> 01:27:30,879
Bounce it at them.
Finish them off.
1651
01:27:45,728 --> 01:27:49,765
Nice stop, Raz-R Bax.
Ball's to Hagan Hall.
1652
01:27:53,135 --> 01:27:54,503
Suck it!
1653
01:28:02,611 --> 01:28:05,548
Kiss it now, big boy.
Kiss it now.
1654
01:28:07,383 --> 01:28:10,986
Ready? Ready?
All right. Let's send
these bitches home.
1655
01:28:15,057 --> 01:28:16,525
You cool?
1656
01:28:16,525 --> 01:28:17,993
Yeah. I'm fine.
1657
01:28:20,262 --> 01:28:23,666
Shoot, freak.
I'm waiting.
1658
01:28:23,666 --> 01:28:25,801
Are you guys seeing this?
1659
01:28:35,544 --> 01:28:38,313
It went in!
Yes! It went in!
1660
01:28:38,313 --> 01:28:39,748
Fuck you!
1661
01:28:41,283 --> 01:28:42,751
Yeah!
1662
01:28:45,654 --> 01:28:46,989
(THUD)
Yeah!
1663
01:28:48,123 --> 01:28:49,592
No!
1664
01:28:49,592 --> 01:28:52,495
Hey, Jake.
Is he out?
1665
01:28:52,495 --> 01:28:55,564
He never has to
drink this much, man.
He's got zero tolerance.
1666
01:28:55,564 --> 01:28:57,400
Fucking amateurs.
1667
01:28:57,400 --> 01:28:59,301
Even if you get it in,
it's over.
1668
01:28:59,301 --> 01:29:01,236
No subs allowed.
1669
01:29:01,236 --> 01:29:06,008
He's right. The rule is,
if your partner
can't shoot, you forfeit.
1670
01:29:06,008 --> 01:29:10,245
Maybe you wanna sing
your little swan song
first, In The Buff.
1671
01:29:10,245 --> 01:29:12,515
Be my guest.
It's all yours.
1672
01:29:16,652 --> 01:29:20,656
MANDEE: Hagan Hall,
resume play or forfeit.
1673
01:29:20,656 --> 01:29:23,492
Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up!
1674
01:29:32,367 --> 01:29:33,769
Thought you were with him.
1675
01:29:33,769 --> 01:29:36,739
KATY: No. He was
just a distraction.
1676
01:29:36,739 --> 01:29:39,708
Raz-R, you're the man.
1677
01:29:39,708 --> 01:29:42,077
Wait, what did
she just say?
1678
01:29:43,211 --> 01:29:44,713
What did she just say?
1679
01:29:44,713 --> 01:29:46,482
She said I'm the man.
1680
01:29:53,989 --> 01:29:55,491
(EXCLAIMS)
1681
01:29:59,261 --> 01:30:00,596
What?
1682
01:30:03,766 --> 01:30:06,935
Game over, asshole!
1683
01:30:06,935 --> 01:30:09,938
What? What?
1684
01:30:12,808 --> 01:30:13,942
Dude!
1685
01:30:15,644 --> 01:30:19,548
Okay, okay,
not bad, Katy.
Not bad at all.
1686
01:30:19,548 --> 01:30:23,218
I thought you
said girlfriends
and beer pong don't mix.
1687
01:30:23,218 --> 01:30:24,553
No.
1688
01:30:24,553 --> 01:30:27,122
Welcome to the show,
honey.
1689
01:30:27,122 --> 01:30:30,726
I thought you said
you were just my
hometown honey.
1690
01:30:33,596 --> 01:30:35,631
We've got to find
more weed.
1691
01:30:35,631 --> 01:30:40,035
And that's how Ithaca won
its first national
sports championship.
1692
01:30:44,139 --> 01:30:47,109
Wait, well,
what happened
to everybody?
1693
01:30:47,109 --> 01:30:50,746
KYLE: Well, Andy tried
to follow up his YouTube
success In The Buff
1694
01:30:50,746 --> 01:30:53,916
with the Beer Pong Song.
It ended up a one-hit wonder,
1695
01:30:53,916 --> 01:30:57,686
and his 15 minutes of fame
only lasted 15 minutes.
1696
01:30:58,987 --> 01:31:00,856
Katy regained
her scholarship.
1697
01:31:00,856 --> 01:31:02,858
She and Andy hooked up
on Thanksgiving
1698
01:31:02,858 --> 01:31:05,193
and Christmas
and summer break,
1699
01:31:05,193 --> 01:31:08,831
and that time he came home
for his great aunt's funeral.
1700
01:31:08,831 --> 01:31:10,566
Having met the perfect girl,
1701
01:31:10,566 --> 01:31:12,768
Arash returned to Ithaca,
got a job
1702
01:31:12,768 --> 01:31:14,737
and worked his
way through college.
1703
01:31:14,737 --> 01:31:17,272
But before he could commit,
1704
01:31:17,272 --> 01:31:20,475
he had to take
her home to Kentucky
to Momma Hartman's field.
1705
01:31:20,475 --> 01:31:25,113
He needed Momma Hartman
to teach Sujatmi
how to "till it."
1706
01:31:25,113 --> 01:31:27,683
(CHATTERING)
1707
01:31:27,683 --> 01:31:31,987
Jake now coaches Ithaca's
National Champion
Beer Pong Team,
1708
01:31:31,987 --> 01:31:35,123
and we petitioned
to make it an Olympic sport.
1709
01:31:36,892 --> 01:31:38,861
And Korkin found
the one girl
1710
01:31:38,861 --> 01:31:42,998
worth being doused
with concentrated
urine and feces.
1711
01:31:42,998 --> 01:31:44,600
Good for him.
1712
01:31:46,034 --> 01:31:48,336
And as for me,
1713
01:31:48,336 --> 01:31:50,138
I will remain at Ithaca,
1714
01:31:50,138 --> 01:31:54,376
an ever vigilant PUSE
proudly serving our students,
1715
01:31:54,376 --> 01:31:58,714
until I can get a real job
or until my dad dies.
1716
01:31:58,714 --> 01:32:00,148
Any questions?
1717
01:32:03,018 --> 01:32:05,187
Yeah.
1718
01:32:05,187 --> 01:32:09,191
Could you tell me
where those LUGs hang out?
1719
01:32:09,191 --> 01:32:12,127
(IN THE BUFF PLAYING)
1720
01:32:17,332 --> 01:32:18,934
* Buff *
1721
01:32:20,135 --> 01:32:22,037
* Hey, hey *
1722
01:32:23,338 --> 01:32:24,840
* Buff *
1723
01:32:25,908 --> 01:32:29,177
* After five years of love *
1724
01:32:29,177 --> 01:32:32,547
* This song's just not enough *
1725
01:32:32,547 --> 01:32:37,986
* So I decided
I won't be denied
and I'll sing it in the buff *
1726
01:32:37,986 --> 01:32:41,790
* In the buff, in the buff *
1727
01:32:41,790 --> 01:32:43,859
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
1728
01:32:43,859 --> 01:32:47,495
* In the buff, in the buff *
1729
01:32:47,495 --> 01:32:52,034
* Girl, it ain't so tough
to do it in the buff *
1730
01:32:53,135 --> 01:32:54,803
* Buff *
1731
01:32:56,138 --> 01:32:58,006
* Hey, hey *
1732
01:32:59,241 --> 01:33:00,743
* Buff *
1733
01:33:02,611 --> 01:33:04,980
* When I sing this song *
1734
01:33:04,980 --> 01:33:08,050
* It's just like making love *
1735
01:33:08,050 --> 01:33:11,553
* And I can't fake it,
I'm totally naked *
1736
01:33:11,553 --> 01:33:13,922
* I'm singing in the buff *
1737
01:33:13,922 --> 01:33:17,492
* In the buff, in the buff *
1738
01:33:17,492 --> 01:33:19,895
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
1739
01:33:19,895 --> 01:33:23,331
* In the buff, in the buff *
1740
01:33:23,331 --> 01:33:27,803
* Girl, it ain't so tough
to do it in the buff *
1741
01:33:29,071 --> 01:33:30,605
* Buff *
1742
01:33:31,740 --> 01:33:34,677
* Hey, hey *
1743
01:33:34,677 --> 01:33:36,078
* Buff *
1744
01:33:38,180 --> 01:33:42,685
* We just wanna, yeah,
we just wanna be naked *
1745
01:33:42,685 --> 01:33:44,386
* Naked *
1746
01:33:44,386 --> 01:33:48,590
* We don't want to, no,
we don't want to wear clothes *
1747
01:33:48,590 --> 01:33:50,158
* Wear clothes *
1748
01:33:50,158 --> 01:33:54,697
* We just wanna, yeah,
we just wanna be naked *
1749
01:33:54,697 --> 01:33:56,398
* Naked *
1750
01:33:56,398 --> 01:34:00,669
* We don't want to, no,
we don't want to wear clothes *
1751
01:34:14,116 --> 01:34:17,119
* In the buff, in the buff *
1752
01:34:17,119 --> 01:34:19,154
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
1753
01:34:19,154 --> 01:34:23,025
* In the buff, in the buff *
1754
01:34:23,025 --> 01:34:27,029
* Girl, it ain't so tough
to do it in the buff *
1755
01:34:28,196 --> 01:34:32,134
* In the buff, in the buff *
1756
01:34:32,134 --> 01:34:34,569
* Girl, it ain't so tough *
1757
01:34:34,569 --> 01:34:37,773
* In the buff, in the buff *
1758
01:34:37,773 --> 01:34:42,945
* Girl, it ain't so tough
to do it in the buff *
1759
01:34:42,945 --> 01:34:45,881
* To do it in the buff *
1760
01:34:45,881 --> 01:34:48,817
* To do it in the buff *
1761
01:34:48,817 --> 01:34:51,720
* To do it in the buff *
1762
01:34:54,990 --> 01:34:56,324
* In the buff *
116642
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