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[ORGAN PLAYING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

OH, MR. KENCHANT!

CONFIGLIERO JUST CONCEDED.

WE'VE DONE IT! WE'VE DONE IT!

THIS IS JIM GIGGINS, NBC NEWS.

...BUSINESSMAN FROM SANTA BARBARA

HAS WON A STUNNING VICTORY.

...LANDSLIDE DEFEAT FOR THE FORMER GOVERNOR.

IT'S A HAPPY GROUP OF SUPPORTERS...

SORRY.

ROB, ROB. WHERE'S ROB?

WHERE'S THE GODDAMN CAMERA?

HE'S WITH THE KIDS.

WE'VE GOT A SHOW TO DO!

WHAT'S THIS?

THAT IS THE GESUNDE LEBEN.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

ALICE, PLEASE.

DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT DEATH?

DON'T TOUCH THE LENS.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE?

BIG MOSQUITOES COME OUT OF YOUR EARS.

HAVE A LOOK THROUGH.

YOU GO TO HEAVEN IN A PLANE.

GOD TAKES CARE OF YOU.

THERE'S NO GROWN-UPS.

HEY.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

WE'VE GOT A STORY TO COVER.

THIS ISN'T A TOY.

WE'RE COVERING THE BUFFET.

CONFIGLIERO'S CONCEDED,

AND YOU TAKE THE GODDAMN CAMERA.

THE KIDS WERE INTERESTED.

WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT,

THIS SEGMENT OR TEACHING SOME KIDS?

NO COMMENT.

HAVE LANFORD TASTE THE FOOD.

HE SHOULD MAKE POLICY ANNOUNCEMENTS,

HOUSE SOME ELDERLY.

-[CROWD CHEERING] -LANFORD: WE WILL INCREASE JOBS,

WE'LL MULTIPLY PRODUCTIVITY,

WE'LL UNIFY THE PEOPLE.

AND GOD WILLING, WE'LL HOUSE THE ELDERLY...

WE SHOULD HAVE INTERVIEWED THE KIDS.

MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN ELECTION BUFFETS.

WHICH END OF THE ANIMAL IS THIS FROM?

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANKS. WHAT'S THE ANGLE?

A SEGMENT ON ELECTION NIGHT FOOD.

YOU CAN SERVE THIS CRAP TO CONFIGLIERO.

YOU'LL SAY THAT ON AIR?

DON'T BE AN IDIOT.

OK, I GET THE ANGLE.

ROLL 'EM.

-I SAY THAT. -WHO CARES?

I'M STANDING WITH GOVERNOR-ELECT LANFORD.

WHAT'S YOUR OPINION OF YOUR ELECTION NIGHT BUFFET?

THANKS FOR ASKING, ROB.

I'M ALWAYS DELIGHTED TO TASTE CALIFORNIA WINE.

[CHUCKLES] JUST A LITTLE, OF COURSE.

IN ORANGE COUNTY WE BEAT HIM FOUR TO ONE!

IT'S WONDERFUL!

YOU'VE TALKED TO HIS KIDS?

NOT REALLY.

THEY'RE AMAZING.

THEY'VE FIGURED OUT DEATH--

YOU KNOW WHAT WON IT?

THE SACRAMENTO GURNEY ORGANIZATION

AND WASSERSTEIN IN L.A.

YOU'RE REALLY WOUND UP.

I'M EXHAUSTED.

I'D SLEEP, EXCEPT THERE'S TOO MUCH ADRENALIN.

I'LL CALM YOU DOWN.

WITH WHAT?

OH, NO. NOT HERE.

THE DRIVER, HE'LL SEE.

HE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

FINN, SIR.

CAN YOU SEE WHEN THE WINDOW'S UP?

NO, SIR.

EXCUSE US, WILL YOU?

NO, NO.

OH, YES, YES.

NO.

MICKI: ROB.

I KNOW YOU WON'T LIKE THIS,

BUT THE GOVERNOR IS GRATEFUL TO ME

FOR WORKING ON HIS CAMPAIGN.

AND, UH, WELL...

IT'S REALLY A PRESTIGIOUS APPOINTMENT.

ROB, THE GOVERNOR WANTS TO APPOINT ME

TO THE SUPERIOR COURT.

GESUNDEN.

THIS MEANS POSTPONING

OUR FAMILY A LITTLE LONGER.

ROB: POSTPONE?

BUT YOU SAID WHEN THE ELECTION'S OVER...

I HAD NO IDEA HE'D WIN.

YOU EITHER WIN OR LOSE.

I'VE BEEN WAITING.

BUT THE SUPERIOR COURT!

WE'VE BEEN POSTPONING THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS.

YOU SAID--

WE'D HAVE KIDS SOMETIME IN THE MURKY FUTURE.

THIS IS THE MURKY FUTURE.

SEVEN YEARS, MICKI.

WE TRIED. DON'T FORGET THE MISCARRIAGE.

HOW COULD I FORGET THE MISCARRIAGE?

BE A JUDGE LATER.

THE GOVERNOR'S APPOINTING SOMEBODY NOW.

I CAN'T BE A MOTHER AND A JUDGE.

IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO THE BABY.

THERE'S NO BABY TO TREAT UNFAIRLY.

I KNOW YOU WANT A BIG FAMILY.

I'M NOT TALKING BIG.

I'M TALKING ONE.

EASY FOR MEN TO WANT BABIES,

BUT WOMEN CARE FOR THEM.

I'LL CARE FOR BOTH OF YOU.

I'LL CLEAN, SCRUB--

LET'S DISCUSS THIS LATER, PLEASE?

I NEED SOME SLEEP.

I WANT TO SETTLE THIS.

THIS IS THE END.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO.

I'M NOT HERE, LEO.

NO, LEO.

NO!

NO!

BECAUSE I'M HAVING AN ARGUMENT.

THE CAMBODIAN STRING QUARTET

IS PLAYING THE PASADENA CIVIC.

ONE'S BEING REPLACED BY AN AMERICAN.

A WOMAN!

THEY'RE REHEARSING THIS AFTERNOON.

GET SOMEBODY ELSE.

HAP WON'T MAKE A MOVE WITHOUT YOU.

LEO, HAP'S AN IDIOT.

WE HATE EACH OTHER.

I HAVEN'T BEEN WITH MY WIFE FOR AGES.

TAKE TOMORROW OFF.

YOU GAVE ME TOMORROW OFF.

THIS TIME I MEAN IT.

NO ARTIFICIAL DOG ORGAN STORIES.

CAN YOU HAVE DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT?

I COOK, YOU BRING WINE?

OK.

DARLING, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY?

NO BREAKING THE DATE FOR ANY REASON,

INCLUDING NUCLEAR INCIDENTS?

NO BREAKING THE DATE.

OK. ALL RIGHT, LEO.

OK? GOOD-BYE.

THE ROMANCE OF JOURNALISM.

THE CAMBODIAN STRING QUARTET.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE SWEET.

YOU HAVE SUCH A CAPACITY FOR GIVING.

YOU'D BE SUCH A GOOD MOTHER.

GOOD NIGHT.

COME ON, MICKI, JUST ONE CHILD?

A SMALL ONE?

WONDERFUL.

THE CAMBODIAN STRING QUARTET,

MINUS THEIR CELLIST.

THIS IS MAUDE GUILLORY,

WHO REPLACED THEIR CELLIST AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT.

WHY DID THEY CHOOSE YOU?

I PLAYED WITH THE KISSIMMEE SYMPHONY

AND I KNOW THE MUSIC.

IS LANGUAGE A PROBLEM?

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THEY SAY.

THEY CAN'T UNDERSTAND ME. NO PROBLEM.

THEY POINT AND I START PLAYING.

UM...

YOU HAVE WONDERFUL EYES.

CUT. CUT.

WHY'D YOU--

THANK YOU.

WE CAN'T USE THAT.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

WE'RE ROLLING.

I KNOW.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL CELLIST?

HE GOT SICK AND WENT BACK.

THAT'S A BREAK FOR YOU.

THAT HE GOT SICK?

HE'S VERY GENTLE. I'M NOT THAT TYPE.

I DIDN'T MEAN--

SHE'S RUINING THE...

I'M DOING SOMETHING WRONG?

NO, YOU'RE FINE.

WHY'S THE CAMERA ONLY ON ME?

-KEEP ROLLING. -CUT.

UM...

AFTER WE'VE FINISHED.

WE DON'T EVEN NEED YOU HERE.

OH, WITHOUT ME. RIGHT.

SO YOU CAN LOOK WISE AND CONDESCENDING.

NO, I WON'T LOOK WISE AND CONDESCENDING.

THAT'S WHY WHOEVER'S BEING INTERVIEWED LOOKS DUMB.

I PROMISE THAT WON'T HAPPEN.

I WANT TO WATCH.

CUT.

LOOK, THIS MAN ISN'T AN ACTOR.

WHAT AM I?

AN IMPORTANT BROADCAST JOURNALIST.

[CHUCKLES]

THANKS, HAP. REALLY.

NICELY PUT.

I'LL DO IT FOR YOU.

ONE QUESTION. ROLL 'EM.

I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT.

-ROLL'EM. -MAKE UP YOUR MINDS.

WE'VE MADE THEM UP.

ARE TICKETS AVAILABLE?

LET'S SEE... THE PASADENA CIVIC

HAS 2,800 SEATS.

I'D SAY THERE ARE 2,750 TICKETS LEFT.

BETTER HURRY.

GREAT. CUT.

NOW I GET TO SEE YOU?

UH-HUH. OK, CAMERA ON ME.

OK.

OK, ROLL 'EM.

OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

HAP.

UM...

WHY DID THEY CHOOSE YOU, MISS GUILLORY?

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL--

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL CELLIST?

MMM.

MM-HMM.

UH...

WHAT WAS NEXT?

UH...

WONDERFUL EYES?

THANK YOU.

IS THERE A LANGUAGE PROBLEM?

GREAT.

AND SO, WHILE THIS CONCERT MAY NOT LEAD TO DETENTE,

UH...

A LITTLE MUSICAL HARMONY

MAY LEAD TO A LITTLE POLITICAL HARMONY.

THIS IS ROB SALINGER, AMERICA HEY!

AT THE PASADENA CIVIC.

CUT. OK, THANKS.

LET'S WRAP IT UP.

MISS GUILLORY, TERRIFIC.

WE'RE SHOOTING THAT HERPES CLINIC.

THAT WAS REAL NICE OF YOU.

HERE'S A TICKET FOR THE CONCERT.

I'VE GOT A DATE WITH MY WIFE.

CAN'T BREAK THAT.

HOW ROMANTIC.

I HOPE SO.

THANKS, ANYWAY.

GOOD LUCK WITH THE CONCERT.

THANKS. BYE.

GOOD MORNING.

HOW ARE YOU?

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANKS. THANK YOU.

HI.

-CONGRATULATIONS. -THANK YOU.

CONGRATULATIONS.

CALL MY FATHER AND HOLD ALL CALLS.

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

HI, DADDY.

LANDFORD OFFERED ME A SEAT ON THE SUPERIOR COURT.

MARVELOUS, AFTER ALL YOU DID FOR HIM.

I'LL GET YOUR MOTHER.

I'LL HOLD. THANKS.

I HEARD ABOUT YOUR APPOINTMENT.

WHEN WILL YOU TAKE OFFICE?

IF ALL GOES WELL,

I'LL BE DISPENSING JUSTICE EVENHANDEDLY ABOUT FEBRUARY.

ROB MUST BE THRILLED.

YES, HE IS.

YOU WON'T MIND IF YOU WORK HARDER IN THE MEANTIME.

WE WANT OUR MONEY'S WORTH.

I UNDERSTAND, MR. CUSHING.

-HELLO, DARLING. -MOM.

YOUR FATHER JUST TOLD ME.

HOW'S ROB TAKING IT?

OH...

FINE.

HE LOVES IT. HE'S THRILLED.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO...HI, MICKI.

THE OLD MAN SAID I'M GOING TO CINCINNATI.

COURT'S SET FOR TOMORROW,

AND MY BRIEF'S ONLY HALF DONE.

MICKI, TELL HIM YOU JUST CAN'T.

YOU KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU'RE WORSE THAN LEO.

FIRST SAVE THE MULTINATIONALS,

THEN TAKE OVER ANOTHER SMALL AFRICAN COUNTRY,

THEN THINK ABOUT OUR FUTURE.

-ROB, PLEASE UNDERSTAND. -[TELEPHONE BUZZES]

HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

YES?

TELL HIM I'LL CALL HIM BACK.

HELLO.

DID YOU GET THE WINE I SENT?

YOUR SECRETARY'S GOT GREAT TASTE.

I HAVE TO GO.

OF COURSE YOU DO...GO.

ROB, UM... I'M SORRY.

I'LL CALL WHEN I GET IN.

YEAH.

HEY!

HEY!

YOU CAME. HOW GREAT.

YOU WERE WONDERFUL.

I DON'T KNOW.

I PANICKED IN THE THIRD MOVEMENT.

IT WAS WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL PLAYING.

THANK YOU.

YEAH.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DATE WITH YOUR WIFE?

IT GOT CALLED OFF.

LISTEN, THERE'S A PARTY IF YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN US.

OH, WELL...

THANKS, BUT NO.

I SHOULD BE HEADING BACK.

THANK YOU.

I UNDERSTAND. I JUST THOUGHT, YOU KNOW...

YEAH. NO, I..I...

SURE. I KNOW, SURE.

WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING?

WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S THE NATIONAL DRINK.

AH.

WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S THE OTHER NATIONAL DRINK.

WHAT'S THAT?

GIN.

FINE.

WATCH IT.

I'VE GOT A WOODEN LEG.

I THINK YOU MEAN HOLLOW LEG.

AT LEAST, I HOPE SO.

[MUSIC STOPS]

I'M AN ONLY CHILD.

HMM. ME, TOO.

THE MOST IMPORTANT INFLUENCE IN MY LIFE...

IS MY DADDY.

HMM.

HE CARES FOR ME VERY DEEPLY.

IT WOULD KILL HIM TO KNOW

WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

WHAT...

WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN?

HE PUT ME THROUGH JUILLIARD, AND...

MY DRESS IS SO BLACK.

HE TRIES TO PAY FOR MY APARTMENT--

BLACK IS BLACK.

NO...NOT ALWAYS.

ANYWAY, IT GOES...

REALLY WELL WITH YOUR SHOES.

WITH YOUR SHOES, THE BLACK.

BUT, YOU KNOW...

I HAVE TO BE SELF-SUFFICIENT OR...

I'D HATE MYSELF.

I OFTEN DO HATE MYSELF.

DON'T YOU?

NO.

ONLY WHEN I GO TO WORK.

THEN I REALLY HATE MYSELF.

YOU DON'T LIKE AMERICA HEY?

LAST WEEK WE TAPED

LINGERIE FOR ANIMALS...

ARE PLANTS SEDUCIBLE?

AND A FIVE MINUTE PROFILE,

EINSTEIN AND HIS LADY.

I WANTED TO DO NEWS.

THIS IS WHERE I AM.

NEWS IS JUST GOSSIP FOR INTELLECTUALS.

ALL DADDY WANTS IS FOR ME TO MARRY...

AND TO HAVE KIDS.

MY WIFE WAS ONCE LIKE THAT.

I DON'T NOT WANT THAT, IT'S JUST...

I DON'T KNOW...

IF IT'S ALL I DON'T...

WANT TO NOT DO.

HMM?

HE'D KILL ME IF HE KNEW WHAT WE DID.

WHAT DID WE DO?

WHAT?

NO... NOT WHAT WE DID.

WHAT WE'RE...

ABOUT TO DO.

WHAT ARE WE ABOUT TO DO?

AM I DRESSED RIGHT?

I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT THE CLIMB.

OH, THAT'S FINE.

AHH!

WHAT?

I'M SORRY. I'M VERY TICKLISH.

SHH!

WHERE SHOULD I PUT THIS?

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

OH, OK.

STAY THERE.

I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM.

I WANT SOME WATER.

-NO. -THANKS.

MY HEAD FEELS LIKE A TUNING FORK.

-I'VE NEVER DONE THIS. -REALLY.

HAVE YOU SEEN ME CHEAT ON MICKI?

YOU MEAN BEEN THERE?

COME ON, LEO.

WILL YOU SEE HER AGAIN?

OF COURSE NOT!

A TV GROUPIE? A HOOKER?

NOT A GROUPIE OR A HOOKER.

SHE'S A CELLIST.

A VERY FUNNY, PRETTY...

INTERESTING...

INTELLIGENT...

FABULOUS...

VIVACIOUS...

CELLIST.

BETTER STAY AWAY.

-I HATE DECEPTION. -HELLO?

HI. IT'S ROB SALINGER.

DO YOU REMEMBER ME?

I REMEMBER YOU.

LISTEN, MAUDE. I'VE DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG.

I THINK YOU'RE WONDERFUL, REALLY.

BUT, I... I LOVE MY WIFE.

REALLY LOVE HER, YOU KNOW?

AND, UH...

I THINK...

WE SHOULDN'T SEE EACH OTHER.

I'VE BEEN THINKING THE SAME THING, AND...

I'VE BEEN FEELING MISERABLE ALL MORNING.

I JUST CAN'T HANDLE COMPLICATED SITUATIONS.

YEAH...ME, NEITHER.

WELL, GEE...

IT'S BEEN GREAT KNOWING YOU.

YEAH.

WELL...

BYE.

GOOD-BYE.

I'M NO GOOD AT JUGGLING PEOPLE.

I CAN'T HANDLE COMPLICATIONS.

I HATE LYING AND DECEIT.

WHEN CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN?

I'M HOME.

FOR 14 YEARS,

THE SITKOWITZ FAMILY,

BEN AND VALERIE,

HAD A BACK YARD

TO GO WITH THEIR HOUSE.

TWO DAYS AGO,

IT SLID DOWN THE HILL

INTO THE STREET.

THEY'RE SUING THE COUNTY

FOR $1 MILLION.

HERE'S COUNTY GEOLOGIST

MR. TELLY INORATO.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN RESPONSE?

DRAINED ALL UNDERGROUND WATER,

SHORED UP THE HILLSIDE.

THIS HOUSE IS SAFE NOW?

ABSOLUTELY.

THIS PROPERTY'S 100% STABLE.

OH, JESUS!

GOD!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

YEAH?

HI. REMEMBER ME?

OH, YEAH... BRUNETTE, RIGHT?

VERY FUNNY. IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS.

WE HAVEN'T MADE LOVE IN FIVE.

WE HAVE. IN THE LIMO.

YES, I REMEMBER.

-[INTERCOM BUZZES] -HOLD ON, HONEY.

YES?

THE GOVERNOR'S ON THE PHONE.

IN JUST A MINUTE.

GOT TO GO.

CAN I SEE YOU TOMORROW?

NO, SORRY. THAT WON'T DO.

I'LL CALL YOU, OK?

CIAO.

CIAO...

GOD!

NO, NO! PLEASE! PLEASE!

[ALARM BUZZES]

I LOVE YOU.

HMM?

I LOVE YOU.

HELLO.

I FEEL...

HAPPY AND TERRIBLE...

AT THE SAME TIME.

GUILTY ABOUT YOUR WIFE?

NO, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT NOT FEELING GUILTY.

ISN'T THE SKY INCREDIBLE?

THE STARS ARE INCREDIBLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS REALLY INCREDIBLE?

WHAT?

I'M PREGNANT.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYS BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH SYMPHONY]

OHH...

OHH!

ARE YOU HAPPY OR SUICIDAL?

I'M HAPPY AND SUICIDAL.

I MEAN, I'M MARRIED.

AND YOU? WHAT DO YOU FEEL?

UH, WELL...

I'M HAPPY AND SUICIDAL, TOO, I MEAN...

I'M NOT MARRIED.

DON'T WORRY.

IT WILL WORK OUT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO...

YOU'LL HAVE IT, WON'T YOU?

OF COURSE.

PLEASE DON'T CRY.

I'M SORRY.

OH...

I'M SO HAPPY.

ARE YOU, ROB?

YEAH.

OH, I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU!

OH, ROBBY...

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

ME, NEITHER.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE?

I'LL GET A DIVORCE.

ARE YOU NERVOUS?

HE IS YOUR FATHER.

HE'LL WONDER WHY WE'RE MARRYING SO FAST.

I TOLD HIM WE'RE CRAZY ABOUT EACH OTHER.

THAT HE CAN UNDERSTAND.

PREGNANCY BEFORE MARRIAGE HE CAN'T.

DADDY WAS ALMOST A PRIEST.

WHAT? A PRIEST?

HE STUDIED AS A JESUIT.

HE'LL LOVE ME.

DON'T WORRY.

DADDY GETS ALONG WITH EVERYBODY.

KILL THAT SON OF A BITCH!

GORILLA MULDOON IS YOUR FATHER?

THAT'S NOT HIS REAL NAME.

SEE IF THEY'RE DECENT.

GO ON.

UH...I THINK SO.

I CAN'T TELL.

HEY, WAIT UP.

HEY, MAUDEY!

HELLO, MADMAN.

DADDY, YOU WERE WONDERFUL.

HI, SWEETHEART.

DADDY, THIS IS ROB.

I'VE SEEN YOU ON TV.

YOU GOT A NICE QUALITY.

VERY VULNERABLE.

HELLO, MAUDE.

JOHN!

OH, GOD!

JOHN THE STUD! ROB.

ROB, HELLO.

I'LL GET THE CHAMPAGNE.

HI, MAUDE.

OH, WILDMAN!

JACK ARMSTRONG, THIS IS ROB.

HOW ARE YOU?

NEW TRUNKS, HEY?

COME MEET MY NEW SON-IN-LAW!

SURE, I RECOGNIZE YOU.

A PLEASURE.

THANKS.

SHE'S A SAINT.

SHE'S NOT BAD.

THIS IS ANDRE THE GIANT.

EUGENE LeBELL.

CHIEF...ROB.

GIVE ME A HAND, GUYS.

I HEAR YOU, UH...

LOVE MY DAUGHTER.

YEAH.

YEAH, VERY MUCH.

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

I THINK THAT'S WONDERFUL.

SHE MEANS A LOT TO ME.

WHERE DO YOU PLAN TO LIVE?

WELL, UH...

MY PLACE IS--

SMALL LIKE MINE.

WE'D LIKE A HOUSE IN THE HILLS.

I'LL BUY IT.

OH, DADDY.

THAT'S TOO GENEROUS.

MAUDE'S ONLY GETTING MARRIED ONCE.

WHY DOES A MAN KILL HIMSELF WRESTLING?

CALCULATING T-BILLS, IRAs, MONEY MARKET RATES.

IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL GOOD.

WELL, I'M OVERWHELMED.

I'LL DESIGN THE INTERIOR, TOO.

YOU WILL?

WHEN HE RETIRES,

HE'LL DECORATE FULL-TIME.

I'M SPEECHLESS, MR. GUILLORY.

IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER,

YOU BUY THE FURNITURE.

OK.

EVERYBODY, A TOAST--

TO THE BRIDE!

AND GROOM.

IF HE KNEW, HE'D KILL HER.

YOU HE WOULD KILL TWICE.

MAYBE WE'LL GET MARRIED IN TWO WEEKS.

WHERE WILL YOU TELL MICKI?

OH, GOD.

PERINO'S.

SHE LOVES SAUTEED BRAINS.

THAT'S AN EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT.

I READ IT'S BETTER

IN AN EXPENSIVE PUBLIC PLACE.

SHE WON'T THROW A TANTRUM.

DODGER STADIUM SAVES YOU $200,

WHICH YOU'LL NEED FOR THE BABY.

HOW WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

I KNOW MICKI. I LOVE MICKI.

SO DO I. WHAT DO I SAY,

"A DECADE'S A LONG TIME TO BE INTIMATE?"

A LITTLE STIFF.

HOW ABOUT "DEAR"?

I DON'T SAY "DEAR." SHE'S A LAWYER.

"COUNSELOR, I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH."

OH!

COME ON, LEO. JESUS!

WAIT A MINUTE.

UH, UH...

SOMETIMES, IN A RELATIONSHIP, UM...

THINGS HAPPEN THAT NEITHER PARTY ANTICIPATES.

NOW YOU NEED THE PILLOW.

MEANING WHAT?

YOU'LL KNOCK HER OUT WITH THIS NEWS.

I SUPPOSE SO.

"I LOVE YOU. I ALWAYS WILL."

YEAH.

IN THESE YEARS YOU'VE BLOSSOMED

FROM A YOUNG GIRL INTO A WOMAN.

SHE WAS ALWAYS MATURE, EVEN AT 25.

YOU LIKE "I LOVE YOU."

YOU LIKE THAT?

LEO, IT'S NOT EXACTLY--

"I LOVE YOU. I ALWAYS WILL."

AND? AND, I'M...

"THIS GIRL'S PREGNANT.

"I WANT A DIVORCE.

WE'LL NAME IT AFTER YOU."

LEO, COME ON!

I DON'T KNOW!

OH, ROB--

PISS OFF, HAP!

THE THING IS,

I DON'T WANT TO DIVORCE MICKI.

I WANT TO MARRY MAUDE.

CAN'T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT.

IT'S 1O YEARS.

I CAN'T JUST GIVE THAT UP.

IT'S EAT YOUR CAKE AND HAVE IT.

HAVE AND EAT, ANYBODY CAN DO.

EAT AND HAVE IT LEFT, THAT'S THE TRICK.

YOU'LL BE COVERED WITH SAUTEED BRAINS,

YOUR LIFE'S IN THE TOILET,

AND YOU'RE CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR?

MR. SALINGER.

YES. THIS WAY, PLEASE.

OH, ROB.

THIS IS A WONDERFUL IDEA.

IS THIS ABOUT SOMETHING BIG?

WELL, BIGGER.

I HAVE SOMETHING BIG, TOO.

TELL ME YOURS FIRST.

OK.

MICKI, I LOVE YOU.

I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU. I'M PREGNANT.

THE DOCTOR THINKS I'M GOING TO HAVE TWINS.

ISN'T THAT GREAT?

I WANT TO HAVE IT, TOO.

I JUST...

I JUST FEEL LIBERATED.

WHEN THE DOCTOR TOLD ME,

I SAID, "I'LL HAVE AN ABORTION."

NOTHING WILL STAND BETWEEN ME

AND MY JUDGESHIP.

BUT YESTERDAY I WENT TO THE CLINIC AND...

I SAID, "WHAT AM I DOING?"

I JUST COULDN'T DO IT, SO...

I ACTED LIKE A JUDGE.

I WEIGHED YOU AND ME

AND US AND OUR RELATIONSHIP,

AND OUR FUTURE.

I WEIGHED THAT AGAINST THE STATE SUPERIOR COURT,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU WON.

ISN'T THAT RIDICULOUS?

I LEARNED IN 24 MIRACULOUS HOURS

THAT YOU'RE THE GREATEST THING ON EARTH.

I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

WELL, THIS BABY SORT OF SIGNIFIES

OUR BELIEF IN A FUTURE, OF YOU AND ME.

IT'S SOME SORT OF MEMENTO

THAT SAYS THAT OUR UNION IS GOOD.

ISN'T THAT CORNY?

BUT IT'S TRUE.

THERE IS ONE LITTLE COMPLICATION, THOUGH.

THE DOCTOR SAYS

I HAVE AN IRRITABLE UTERUS.

FUNNY, IT'S BEEN AGREEABLE WITH ME.

LAUGH.

I MUST STAY IN BED

THE NEXT 7 1/2 MONTHS...

SORT OF LIKE SOPHIA LOREN.

KIND OF GLAMOROUS.

SO, UH...

I MUST GIVE UP THE FIRM,

BUT I DON'T CARE.

I LOVE YOU,

AND I'M SO GLAD I MARRIED YOU.

WHAT A STUPID IDIOT.

NOW YOU TELL ME YOUR LITTLE SURPRISE.

WE'RE HAVING SAUTEED BRAINS FOR DINNER.

OH, YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO.

OK.

I'M IN TROUBLE, MAJOR TROUBLE.

YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY REPLACED YOUR BLOOD WITH MILK.

OH, GOD.

OH, GOD.

THIS IS A HIGH-RISK BIRTH.

IT DOES MEAN A CAESAREAN.

I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD

TO A NATURAL CHILDBIRTH.

I'M AFRAID THAT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION.

REMEMBER TO CUT OUT ALL PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

UNTIL WE HAVE A STRONG FETUS.

YOUR DUE DATE IS THE 14th OF AUGUST.

DON'T GET TOO STIR CRAZY.

I WON'T.

I'LL READ EVERY RUSSIAN NOVEL WRITTEN.

MY HUSBAND SAID HE'D CARE FOR ME.

IT WILL BE WONDERFUL.

LET'S SEE, YOU'RE DUE...

SEPTEMBER 2nd.

SEPTEMBER 2nd.

WE HAVE EXCELLENT NATURAL CHILDBIRTH TRAINING.

AT THE HOSPITAL.

MY HUSBAND AND I WANT TO TAKE CLASSES.

MY FUTURE HUSBAND.

WHEN'S YOUR WEDDING?

A WEEK FROM SATURDAY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

ARE YOU GOING TO TELL THEM?

YES, BUT NOT NOW.

MICKI MIGHT LOSE THE BABY.

-THEN TELL MAUDE. -I CAN'T.

WHY NOT?

IT'LL BREAK HER HEART.

SHE WAS SO HAPPY ABOUT THE DIVORCE.

WHERE DID YOU GO?

TIJUANA.

I WONDER HOW SHE'LL FEEL

WHEN HER FATHER KILLS YOU.

ROB: HOW DOES IT END?

IT'S WONDERFUL.

SHE THROWS HERSELF UNDER A TRAIN.

HMM.

WELL, I THINK I MIGHT

TAKE A LITTLE WALK OR SOMETHING.

AND MAYBE DROP IN ON LEO, OK?

OK.

HAVE A GOOD CRY.

[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING AWAY]

[DOOR CLOSES]

-WE'RE HALF AN HOUR LATE. -I KNOW.

ROB!

HEY, ROB!

HELLO, THERE.

MICKI'S PARENTS!

HEY, HOW ARE YOU, EZRA, DIANA?

HOW WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU HERE.

GOD, UH, YOU REMEMBER LEO BRODY,

MY BEST MAN ONCE BEFORE.

ONCE BEFORE?

WHEN MICKI AND I WERE MARRIED.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

COVERING A WEDDING, OF COURSE.

WHERE'S THE CAMERA?

UH, INSIDE THE CHURCH...

WITH THE CREW.

AREN'T THERE TRUCKS OR WIRES?

NO, IT'S A SATELLITE FEED.

FROM INSIDE?

THROUGH THE STEEPLE.

SOMEBODY FAMOUS?

NO, NO.

WHY ARE YOU COVERING IT?

BECAUSE...

ACTUALLY, IT'S SOMEBODY FAMOUS, VERY PRIVATE.

WHO? WHO?

UH, OH, IT'S A GANGSTER.

BARKHAS "BIG BACON" GUILLORY.

HAVE YOU...NO.

IT'S A BIG STORY. BIG, BUT QUIET.

QUIET, BIG.

ANYWAY, WE BETTER GO IN.

YOU'RE IN THE WEDDING PARTY.

WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?

ONLY THE WEDDING PARTY

WEARS MORNING SUITS.

ROB, YOU ALL RIGHT?

IT'S JUST BEEN A LONG NIGHT.

HE'S WORKING HIS TAIL OFF.

YES, LEO IS THE BEST MAN

AND I'M THE RING-BEARER.

I'VE NEVER SEEN A GANGSTER'S WEDDING.

ROB, COULD WE STAND IN BACK?

NO, GOD, NO!

NO, NO.

BECAUSE THERE ARE BODYGUARDS AND EVERYTHING...

AND YOU MUST BE FINGERPRINTED TO GET IN.

COME ON, ROB.

WE DON'T WANT GUILLORY'S BACON TO GET ALL FARKADOO...

NICE TO SEE YOU.

OH, MY GOD, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

I TOLD YOU, DIDN'T I?

GOOD LUCK, ROB!

BYE! BYE!

I GUESS I'M NEXT.

I DON'T THINK HE'S GOT THE TIME.

SSHHHH.

SSHHHH.

NO!

OH, BOY.

OH, BOY.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

I FEEL LIKE I JUST ATE

A RAW LIVER SANDWICH.

GOD.

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT SUIT?

THIS SUIT?

UM, OH...

WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR CLOTHES?

YOU'VE GOT TWO JACKETS

AND PANTS IN THE CLOSET,

YET EVERY DAY, A NEW OUTFIT.

WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE WARDROBE?

THE STUDIO?

YEAH, BECAUSE OTHERWISE...

I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!

A PRESENT.

A PRESENT?

OH...

THIS CELEBRATES THE MIDWAY MARK

OF OUR SECOND TRIMESTER.

THE MIDWAY MARK OF OUR SECOND TRIMESTER?

WHY DID YOU DO THIS?

THIS IS GREAT.

OH, MAUDE.

THIS IS REALLY NICE.

DO YOU LIKE IT?

I LOVE IT. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

WIVES ARE SUPPOSED TO GIVE PRESENTS.

SO ARE HUSBANDS.

NO, HUSBANDS AREN'T.

THERE'S A MESSAGE INSIDE.

THERE IS?

I DIDN'T SEE IT.

INSIDE THE SWEATER.

WHERE?

OH.

"I HEART YOU."

WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

I LOVE YOU, YOU JERK.

OH, "I LOVE YOU"!

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT.

"I HEART NEW YORK." "BURBANK'S FOR HEARTERS."

YOU CREEP. GET TO WORK.

NOBODY GIVES ME PRESENTS.

GIVE ME THIS PRESENT.

A TELEGRAM.

WHO'S IT FOR?

YOU.

I'LL OPEN IT!

AHH!

I'M AUDITIONING FOR THE PHILHARMONIC!

THE PHILHARMONIC? THAT'S GREAT!

WHAT AM I GOING TO PLAY?

UH...ELGAR. NO...

YOU PLAY THE ELGAR SO WELL.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR DINNER?

ANYTHING, EXCEPT FOOD.

THAT'S GREAT, MAUDE. REALLY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU. BYE.

BYE.

HI.

HI. HOW WAS THE SHOW?

TELEVISION HISTORY YET AGAIN.

MMM.

MMM.

WE DID A PIECE

CALLED THE RETURN OF THE PANTY GIRDLE.

WHERE DID YOU GET THE SWEATER?

THIS?

YEAH.

UM...

GOD, UM...CARROLL'S.

BUT IT'S GREEN.

YOU LOOK FLAKEY IN GREEN.

NOBODY LOOKS GOOD IN GREEN.

WHAT ARE YOU READING?

THIS IS THE IGLESIAS METHOD.

THE HUSBAND DELIVERS THE BABY'S HEAD,

CUTS THE UMBILICAL CORD,

AND WASH THE BLOOD OFF.

OH!

SORRY. I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR SQUEAMISH TUMMY.

LOWER, LOWER.

I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR SQUEAMISH TUMMY.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT,

BUT AMERICANS DON'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH HUMOR.

WANT TO SEE THE NURSERY?

IT'S GOING TO BE SO PRETTY.

ISN'T THAT NEAT?

WHY RUSH? YOU'VE GOT FOUR MONTHS.

I NEED A PROJECT.

YOU'VE GOT A PROJECT.

LET'S HAVE ANOTHER LITTLE PROJECT.

I'LL SHOW YOU MY LITTLE PROJECT.

NO! NO!

I HAVE TO SHOW YOU MY LITTLE--

I SPEND 10 HOURS WITH MICKI,

10 WITH MAUDE.

TWO FOR THE SHOW,

TWO FOR TRANSPORTATION.

I NEVER STOP SLEEPING.

MAUDE THINKS I'M DONE HERE AT 5:30.

MICKI THINKS IT ENDS THEN.

WITH MICKI, WE SLEEP AT 8:00,

AWAKEN AT 4:00.

WITH MAUDE, WE SLEEP TILL 2:00.

I'M GETTING TOO MUCH SLEEP.

IF I DON'T GET BED SORES,

THIS IS GOING TO WORK.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD HIRE A LIMO.

I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY

FOR A PAIR OF SOCKS.

MICKI'S GOT NO INCOME,

MAUDE EARNS $100 YEARLY.

FOOD ALONE COSTS A FORTUNE.

I OWE 56,000 ON FURNITURE,

AND MICKI WANTS DISNEYLAND IN HER STUDY.

GET ME A JOB ON NETWORK NEWS.

I PHONED THEM.

THEY NEVER PHONED BACK.

I'M GIVING YOU EASY ASSIGNMENTS.

YOU'RE BEING A REAL FRIEND.

MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

NOTHING COSMIC, LEO.

YOU HAVE TWO WIVES.

YOU'RE EXPECTING TWO KIDS.

ISN'T THERE SOMETHING WRONG IN THAT?

YEAH, IT'S AGAINST THE LAW.

I LOVE MICKI, I LOVE MAUDE.

WE ALL WANT THE CHILDREN.

WE'RE ALL GETTING WHAT WE WANT.

AND THE CONSEQUENCES?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY FIND OUT?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

I ONLY KNOW THAT THIS IS RIGHT.

IT'LL WORK OUT.

IT CAN'T. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

NO, LEO, YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU'RE REALLY WRONG.

I LOVE HER.

DON'T YOU GET IT?

BLAAAAHHH!

[TOILET FLUSHES]

IF YOU TOOK THE SHELVES--

YOU SHOULD BE IN BED.

THIS IS MR. SIMPSON, THE DECORATOR.

MY HUSBAND.

REALLY, GO TO BED.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF PINK?

FOR WHAT?

THE NURSERY.

COULD I JUST MAKE A COMPROMISE SUGGESTION?

HOW ABOUT A SOFT MAUVE?

I DON'T LIKE MAUVE.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH MAUVE?

WE'RE REALLY SET ON PINK.

IT'S YOUR BABY.

I WANT PINK.

WHERE DO YOU WANT THE BOOKS?

PUT THEM UNDER THE BED.

THE FOLDING CHAIRS ARE UNDER THERE.

PUT THEM DOWNSTAIRS, PLEASE.

WE MUST DECIDE THE COLOR FIRST.

WE HAVE. IT'S PINK.

FINE.

WHAT ABOUT THE DRAPES?

PINK.

WOULD YOU LIKE THIS FABRIC IN A DIFFERENT COLOR?

IN THE FOURTH QUARTER,

THE COUGARS LEAD BY 12 POINTS

IN A PHYSICAL CONTEST.

LOCKWOOD DUNKS, MAKING IT 90 TO 76.

WELL.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

HERE.

HOLMES WITH A GOOD MOVE AND NICHOLS DUNKS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN PLAYS LIKE THIS BEFORE!

THAT IS PINK.

OW!

MICKI!

I CAN'T STAND IT.

MICKEY, COME ON, STOP PAINTING.

STOP. STOP.

A LITTLE MORE.

A LITTLE MORE.

THAT FEELS GOOD.

MICKEY, GET BACK TO BED.

HEY, WHAT IS IT?

WHAT?

OH, ROB.

WHAT?

I SHOULDN'T BE HAVING A BABY.

I'M A...I'M A TOTAL FAILURE.

I'M...

I'M IRRESPONSIBLE, AND I'M...I'M...

HOPELESS AND... AND...AND...

AND EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE.

I CAN'T RAISE A BABY.

YOU'LL BE A WONDERFUL MOTHER.

NO, IT'S CRIMINAL. I MEAN...

I'M NOT FIT TO BE A MOTHER.

GOD, FORGET ABOUT THE PHILHARMONIC.

300 CELLISTS AUDITIONING AGAINST ME.

LET'S JUST FORGET ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

WHAT IF PEE-WEE SALINGER

HAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM?

OH, MAUDE.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A NORMAL, HEALTHY CHILD.

AND...IF WE DON'T, WE'LL, UM...

ADJUST.

WE WILL?

HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT?

I'M NOT FIT TO BE A MOTHER.

WHAT?

I'M NOT FIT TO BE A MOTHER.

COME ON.

I MESSED UP MY WHOLE LIFE.

I HAD MISCARRIAGES. I GOT FIRED.

YOU HAD ONE MISCARRIAGE.

AND YOU WEREN'T FIRED, YOU QUIT.

WHAT IF THE BABY TURNS OUT TO BE MANIC-DEPRESSIVE?

WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT

TO BE THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL FEMALE ASSASSIN?

OH, MICKI.

IT'LL GET THE FAT GENE.

THE FAT GENE?

I DON'T WANT TO BE A MOTHER.

I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A MOM.

OF COURSE. SURE, YOU DO.

YOU DESERVE TO BE A MOTHER.

I CAN'T HAVE A NORMAL PREGNANCY.

THIS IS BETTER THAN A NORMAL PREGANCY.

THE KID DOESN'T BOUNCE AROUND.

AND IT'LL BE BORN PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY HEALTHY,

AND IT WON'T HAVE THE FAT GENE.

IT WON'T HAVE THE FAT GENE?

WELL, IF IT DOES...

WE'LL PUT IT ON WEIGHT WATCHERS.

COME ON.

I LOVE YOU.

ME, TOO.

YOU'RE A NICE GUY.

YOU'RE A NICE GIRL.

YOU ALWAYS WEAR THAT SWEATER.

I HATE THAT SWEATER.

YOU DO?

WELL, I DON'T... I'M...

I'M...

JUST ATTACHED TO IT.

SO...

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

IT'S, UH...IT'S JUST A CARDBOARD THING OF MY...CATALOG.

I'M GOING TO DO A THING

ON DESIGNER CLOTHES F0R PREGNANT WOMEN.

SEE, THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE POTATO SACKS.

THAT'S THE ADVANTAGE.

GREAT.

THAT'S NICE.

YEAH?

YOU LIKE THAT ONE?

MM-HMM, AND THAT ONE.

YOU DO?

MM-HMM. IT'S LOVELY.

YOU WANT TO INVEST IN IT?

YES!

EVERY PENNY I HAVE.

THANK YOU.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

DADDY, IT'S WONDERFUL.

I'M GLAD IT'S SUNNY.

IT'S NOT IN THE HILLS, BUT THE VIEW IS GREAT.

I WANT YOU TO SEE THE NURSERY.

ISN'T THIS GREAT?

4 GROSS, MR. STONE.

RIGHT HERE... 24th. RIGHT.

AND IT'S MODEL ORDER NUMBER L...

AND I NEED, UH... FOUR SIZES...

AND DAY AFTER TOMORROW, OK?

BYE-BYE.

WHO WAS THAT?

SEOUL.

SEOUL?

YES, AS IN KOREA.

I SOLD OVER 700 ORDERS.

I HAVEN'T MAILED MY CATALOGS YET.

WEREN'T YOU READING?

OH, I READ THE RUSSIAN NOVELISTS.

I DO IT ONE HOUR A DAY.

I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A THING.

YOU DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN.

YEAH.

I SUPPOSE YOU WANT TO WASH THE BABY?

YEAH, I DO.

WE'LL EXCHANGE IT. WHAT COLOR?

OH, UH...BURGUNDY.

AND THE SIZE?

OH, UH... JUST A MINUTE.

UH...UH...A 38.

EXCUSE ME, LOVE.

ARE YOU UPSET BECAUSE I'M IN THE CATALOG BUSINESS?

NO. GOD, I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.

YOU'RE UPSET WITH ME ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE?

NO, I GOT A FEW THINGS ON MY MIND.

NO, OF COURSE NOT.

PREGNANCY CAN TURN A MAN OFF.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, I'LL GIVE YOU THIS.

OH, MICKI. THAT'S TERRIFIC.

THANKS.

I HAD FUN GOING OUT.

YOU WENT OUT? WHAT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH?

I JUST COULDN'T STAND THAT COLOR ANYMORE.

YOU EXCHANGED IT?

I FOUND A "I HEART YOU" ON THE LABEL.

THEY DON'T HAVE A LOT OF "I HEART YOU"s

ON THE CLOTHES IN CARROLL'S,

SO I WAS WONDERING...

WHO PUT IT THERE?

MICKI.

I KNOW I HAVE A SWOLLEN BELLY,

AND I'M NOT EXACTLY TRIM,

AND I DON'T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION TO YOU, BUT...

MICKEY...

THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE WANTED TO TELL YOU FOR THE LAST...

SIX MONTHS.

IS IT BAD?

YEAH.

OH.

ROB, I'M NOT NORMALLY AN EMOTIONAL PERSON.

IF YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH A BEAUTIFUL GIRL

WHO HAS A FLAT BELLY, I'LL JUST--

OH!

OH! OH!

WHAT?

GOD, IT'S HAPPENING.

WHAT?

I'M IN LABOR.

NO, IT'S TWO MONTHS AWAY.

OH, I SHOULD KNOW.

OH! OH!

OH!

OH!

OH, BOY.

IT'S GONE.

THAT'S FALSE LABOR.

DR. FIBEL TOLD US THAT MIGHT HAPPEN.

OH. I GUESS I JUST GOT A LITTLE KEYED-UP.

YEAH.

I'M SORRY.

SO, UH... ARE YOU?

WHAT?

IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN WITH A BEAUTIFUL FACE

AND A FLAT STOMACH?

NO.

OH, GOOD.

WELL, THEN...

WHO PUT THE "I HEART YOU"?

UH...

I DID.

OH?

YEAH. THAT'S MY BAD NEWS.

WELL, I...I...I... SOMETIMES...

SOMETIMES I FEEL...

INSECURE, YOU KNOW.

AND SO, UH...JUST AS, UH... TO MAKE MYSELF...

FEEL...

BETTER ABOUT MYSELF, I...

I REMIND MYSELF THAT IF NOBODY ELSE LOVES ME,

I LOVE ME.

I PUT IT ON SOME OF MY CLOTHING.

MOST OF IT.

I ALWAYS HAVE LITTLE LABELS.

OH, ROB, I LOVE YOU.

OUR LITTLE BABY LOVES YOU.

I KNOW. SOMETIMES I JUST FORGET.

OK, EARLY LABOR... CONTRACTIONS BEGIN.

GET YOUR FOCAL POINT.

YOU PLAY THE CELLO TODAY?

NOPE.

MMM.

SIX DAYS.

OK.

CONTRACTION ENDS.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU?

MAYBE IT'S A COMBINATION

OF RICHARD STRAUSS, SPRING, AND JUNIOR HERE.

LET'S NEVER CALL HIM JUNIOR, OK?

OK, ACTIVE LABOR. CONTRACTION BEGINS.

AND DON'T EVER CALL HIM BUTCH.

AND NO BEAUTIFUL NAMES.

MM-HMM.

NOT NICHOLAS OR CHRISTOPHER

OR ADAM OR JONATHAN.

MMM. OR JENNIFER OR GWYNETH.

OR CHERISH OR INNOCENCE.

CONTRACTION ENDS.

AND NO POLITICS, RIGHT?

NOT AMERICA, OR...

SORRY.

OR GOD...

OR PEACE AND FREEDOM, OR LIGHT BULB.

LIGHT BULB SALINGER. THAT'S KIND OF CATCHY.

SHORT AND TO THE POINT--

JOE, GUS, EDDIE...

NOT EDWARD. EDDIE.

SO, PAT AMERICAN BANDSTAND NAMES, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

OK. TRANSITION.

CONTRACTIONS BEGIN.

YOU THINK YOU'LL PLAY THE CELLO AGAIN?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW, MUSIC ISN'T EVERYTHING.

COULD WE STAND THE DROP IN INCOME?

-FROM $100 A YEAR TO ZERO? -OK, SMART ASS.

OK.

IF IT'S A GIRL,

IT'S TALLULAH NO-NUKES SALINGER.

WHERE'S THE PUSH?

AND IF IT'S A BOY,

BARTHOLOMEW ZACHARY SAVE-THE-WHALES CHASTITY BELT SALINGER.

I'LL BE OUT FOR THE NEXT HOUR.

IF THERE'S AN EMERGENCY, CALL ME AT DR. FIBEL.

READY?

YEAH.

HOW LONG WILL THESE BOXES STAY?

THEY GO IN A WEEK.

DOES A SONOGRAM HURT?

ONLY IF IT'S A SINGING SONOGRAM.

♪ OH, YOU'RE A PREGNANT MOTHER

♪ YOU'RE IN THE CLUB AGAIN

♪ YOU GOT ONE IN THE OVEN

♪ NOW IT'S COMING DOWN THE LANE ♪

OH!

WHAT IS IT?

I LEFT MY KEYS IN THE CAR.

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO?

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

I'M JUST HERE FOR THE SONOGRAM.

ROB. ROB!

WHAT?

DARLING?

MRS. SALINGER. MRS. SALINGER.

DO YOU WANT TO GET YOUR HUSBAND?

ROB.

WHAT'S HOLDING HER UP?

SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE YESTERDAY.

YOU SAID IF I WAS ACTIVE--

HAVE YOU BEEN ACTIVE?

SHE'S BEEN MORE ACTIVE THAN WHEN SHE WORKED.

I FEEL FAINT.

I'LL STEP OUTSIDE.

ROB?

NO, I'LL JUST BE OUTSIDE.

ROB!

MAUDE, MAUDE!

SURPRISE. HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS HERE?

EVERYTHING OK?

ON SCHEDULE. THREE WEEKS FROM TOMORROW.

I'LL CHECK MY APPOINTMENT.

OK. I'LL WAIT--

NURSE VERBECK, THIS IS MY HUSBAND.

YOUR HUSBAND?

REMEMBER YOUR OATH, NURSE VERBECK.

NURSES DON'T TAKE OATHES.

IS TUESDAY OK?

3:00.

SO YOU GOING HOME?

NO. I'LL GO TO WORK.

YOU COMING HOME TONIGHT?

WE'RE DOING A THING ON THE CALIFORNIA TERN.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, IT'S A BIRD THAT MIGRATES HERE.

OK, SEE YOU LATER.

BE OK?

YEAH. BYE.

OK.

DAMN!

MY MUSIC.

AREN'T YOU HER HUSBAND?

SHE SAID YOU WERE HER HUSBAND.

NO. SHE SAID I WAS HER HUSBAND'S BROTHER.

NO.

YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT MAUDE

ALWAYS LEAVES THE LAST WORD OFF HER SENTENCES.

HER FAMILY DOES IT.

REMEMBER WHEN SHE CAME IN AND SAID,

"HOW DO YOU..." THEN, "GOOD"?

NO.

HI.

JUST PERFECT.

YEAH. EVERYTHING'S FINE.

NURSE VERBECK, THIS IS MY HUSBAND.

SO HE TELLS ME.

CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.

YOU OK NOW?

YEAH.

OH. YOU CAME BACK.

SO DID YOU.

-YEAH. WELL, I-- -I'LL GET IT.

I THOUGHT YOU--

HOW COME YOU--

I WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED IT.

WHAT?

HE'S RIGHT. SHE NEVER FINISHES A SENTENCE.

WHO DOESN'T?

YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW.

OH. WHAT?

I FORGOT MY... THE OTHER THING.

SEE YOU BACK HOME.

OK.

I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU.

-YEAH. ME, TOO. -WHO IS THAT WOMAN?

UH...COME WITH ME.

NURSE VERBECK SAYS SHE'S MY SISTER-IN-LAW.

THAT'S THE CLOSET, MR. SALINGER.

WHO IS THAT WOMAN?

NURSE VERBECK DOES DRUGS.

-WHAT? -HEAVY DRUGS.

SHE KEEPS SAYING THAT THAT WOMAN IS MY WIFE.

I SAY, "NO, NO, NO."

SHE SAID, "SHE MUST BE YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW."

SHE'S GOING NUTS.

SO I SAID, "YEAH. SHE'S MY SISTER-IN-LAW."

WHAT'S DR. FIBEL DOING WITH A DRUGGIE?

MAYBE THEY'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR.

DR. FIBEL AND NURSE VERBECK?

YEAH. OH, YEAH.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I'M A BROADCAST JOURNALIST. NOTHING SURPRISES ME--

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HELLO.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I DON'T CARE WHERE THEY WEAR GUNS,

IF THEY WEAR GUNS,

OR WHY THEY WEAR GUNS.

ME, EITHER. LET'S SHOOT THIS.

MALE NUDE MODELS LOOK SO DUMB TO MEN.

WHAT THE HELL? WE'LL DO TIGHT HEADSHOTS.

YOU CAN'T SEE THE BODIES OR THE GUNS.

I DON'T WANT TO!

DO IT IN CLOSEUP!

ROLL 'EM.

ROLLING.

THAT'S MY LINE.

-THEN SAY IT! -ROLL IT!

WE'RE ALREADY ROLLING.

I'M STANDING HERE WITH SIX MEMBERS

OF THE FAMOUS MACHIMA CULT

WHO ALL LIVE TOGETHER,

WHO ALL WEAR HANDGUNS UPON THEIR PERSONS,

AND WHO ARE ALSO ALL NUDE MODELS.

PULL BACK, SAL.

STAY WHERE YOU ARE, SAL.

THIS IS LEON CLEON.

LEON, WHY ON EARTH DO YOU CARRY A HANDGUN?

I BELIEVE IT'S EVERY HUMAN BEING'S RIGHT

TO PROTECT HIMSELF.

AND WHY ARE YOU A NUDE MODEL?

I BELIEVE IT'S EVERY HUMAN BEING'S RIGHT

TO EXPRESS HIMSELF ANY WAY HE SEES FIT.

I'M NOT DOING THIS!

IT'S TOO STUPID!

WAIT! WAIT!

I'M NOT TALKING PLAIN IMBECILE!

I'M TALKING MAJOR MORON!

OW!

THIS COULD GET YOU FIRED.

I DON'T CARE! OF ALL THE CRAP!

DON'T PULL THAT AT CBS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, CBS?

WHEN YOU REFUSED TO TAPE THIS SEGMENT,

THEY GOT INTERESTED.

NETWORKS LOVE THE APPEARANCE OF INTEGRITY.

THEY WANT TO TALK.

WHAT?

CB...

OH, MY GOSH!

THIS IS WONDERFUL!

CBS, MY GOD!

KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

1/3 OF MY LIFE WILL WORK OUT.

HOW ARE THE OTHER 2/3 GOING?

OH...UH, FINE.

MAUDE'S GOT THREE WEEKS.

SHE'S AUDITIONING FOR THE PHILHARMONIC.

MICKI'S TWO DAYS OVERDUE.

THANK YOU.

NEXT, PLEASE.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

MY WATER JUST BROKE.

IT'S FOR YOU.

THANKS. YEAH?

WHAT?

WHICH MRS. SALINGER?

NO, THERE'S ONLY ONE MRS. SALINGER.

MY MOTHER'S HAVING A BABY, TOO.

IS SHE A LAWYER OR A CELLIST?

GOD, IT'S MAUDE.

SHIT!

HEY! HEY! HEY!

I'LL BUY YOUR BIKE!

MY WIFE'S HAVING A BABY.

HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?

50 BUCKS.

50. GREAT. THANK YOU.

LOOK AT THAT.

HOW DO YOU RIDE THIS?

THANK YOU!

HEY! HEY! HEY!

HI. MY WATER BROKE.

[HORN HONKS]

MAY I CALL MY HUSBAND?

A SHORT CALL.

HELLO.

MICKI, HOW NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

HE'S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW,

BUT I CAN FIND HIM.

WATCH IT!

AHH!

[CRASH]

OH, MAUDE. YOU OK?

YES, I'M FINE,

EXCEPT FOR SOME PAINFUL SPASMS.

THERE IS A GOD,

AND HE'S A SEXIST PIG.

OH, GOD.

HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE.

ARE YOU MR. SALINGER?

YOUR WIFE'S HAVING A BABY.

SHE'S IN THERE.

THIS SALINGER LIVES IN BRENTWOOD.

[CRASH]

OH, MY GOD.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

I'LL HELP YOU.

I'M FINE.

MR. BRODY PHONED.

SHE'S IN ADMITTING.

OH, YEAH?

I'LL NEED A PHONE.

IN A LABOR ROOM?

AND A STENOGRAPHER.

STENOGRAPHER IN THE LABOR ROOM?

OH, ROB. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

LEO TOLD ME.

I'M SENDING HER UP RIGHT NOW.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT ROB.

WHO'S ROB?

MY HUSBAND.

TELL HIM WHERE I AM.

YOU SURE GOT HERE FAST. WHERE WERE YOU?

THE PARAMEDICS BROUGHT ME HERE IN AN AMBULANCE.

OH, GOD!

WHERE'S THAT DOCTOR?

I THOUGHT THE ADVANTAGE OF A CAESAREAN

WAS NOT HAVING ANY PAIN.

I'LL GET THE DOCTOR.

MAUDE?

MR. SALINGER, YOUR WIFE'S IN 435.

WHERE'S THE ANESTHETIST?

WITH YOUR WIFE.

I DON'T NEED AN ANESTHETIC.

ARE YOU MRS. SALINGER?

YES, BUT I...

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU'RE THE ANESTHETIST?

I DON'T NEED AN ANESTHETIC.

IT'S FOR A WOMAN IN 421.

THE ONLY PATIENT I HAVE IS A...

MRS. SALINGER.

I'M NOT HAVING A CAESAREAN.

YOU ARE, ACCORDING TO THIS.

LET ME...

OH, NO. THIS IS DR. FIBEL'S MRS. SALINGER.

THIS IS DR. GIZTSZKI'S MRS. SALINGER.

THERE'S ANOTHER MRS. SALINGER HAVING A BABY?

WOULD YOU HURRY? SHE SEEMED ANXIOUS.

MOVE HER NEXT DOOR.

YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

THEY MIGHT CONFUSE YOU--

YOU'D HAVE THE CAESAREAN.

NOT HERE SHE WOULDN'T.

MAYBE SHE'S RELATED TO YOU.

NO...SHE'S DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

SHE'S, UH...DUTCH.

DOCTOR, LOOK AT HER!

SHE'S HAVING A C-SECTION, HIGH-RISK DELIVERY,

IRRITABLE UTERUS, HER BACK ACHES, AND HER TOES TINGLE.

I THOUGHT SHE DIDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

I-I-I KNOW...

OH, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

LIES. JUST WHAT I WANT TO HEAR.

OH, GREAT.

HOW WE DOING?

SOME GUY TRIED TO GIVE ME AN ANESTHETIC.

WHO WAS?

SOME DOCTOR. I DON'T KNOW WHO.

SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.

OH, ROB! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

THIS WOMAN'S HUSBAND HAD TO LEAVE SUDDENLY...

HE WENT OVERSEAS TO ONE OF THOSE...

OVERSEAS COUNTRIES...

AHH!

WHO'S THAT?

THE WOMAN I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.

YOU'RE SO NICE.

GIVE HER SOMETHING TO READ.

I'LL BE BACK.

WHERE YOU GOING?

SHE'S IN LABOR.

I AM, TOO.

YOU'RE GETTING AN ANESTHETIC.

GIVE HER AN ANESTHETIC!

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

I'LL BE BACK.

THIS WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

OH! OH! I HATE SHOTS.

OH, SORRY.

I NEED YOU DURING THE CONTRACTIONS,

NOT WHEN THEY'RE OVER.

TRY TO STAY WITH YOUR WIFE.

I'M TRYING TO, DR. KLITZITSKI.

GIZTSZKI.

OH! ROB!

WHO'S THAT?

THE OTHER MRS. SALINGER.

SHE'S NEXT DOOR.

I'D LIKE TO MEET THE OTHER MRS. SALINGER.

NO!

YOU SHOULDN'T GET OUT OF BED!

ROB, I'M FINE.

NO. YOU CAN'T TAKE A CHANCE.

LET ME ASK DR. GIZTSZKI.

MY WIFE'S GETTING OUT OF BED.

THAT'S OK, UNLESS SHE HAS A MONITOR ATTACHED.

SHE DOESN'T? SHOULDN'T SHE?

SOME DOCTORS USE THE EXTRA SAFETY PRECAUTION,

BUT IT ISN'T NECESSARY.

MOST DOCTORS ARE SCARED STIFF OF MALPRACTICE SUITS.

DR. FIBEL IS COMING.

MICKI, YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, HI.

THAT WOMAN NEEDED A HEATAL FART MONITOR.

A WHAT?

A HEATAL FART MONITOR?

WHAT WOMAN?

THERE'S ANOTHER MRS. SALINGER NEXT DOOR.

YOU DON'T SAY?

FETAL HEART MONITOR.

RIGHT.

LIE DOWN, MRS. SALINGER.

THE DOCTOR WANTS A MONITOR.

I'LL GO SEE THIS WOMAN.

NO, YOU CAN'T!

YOU SHOULDN'T GET UP.

SHE WOULDN'T LIKE THAT!

SHE HAS A PHOBIA ABOUT MOTHERS.

I'LL WHEEL YOU IN.

I'LL ANNOUNCE YOU.

THIS WOMAN NEXT DOOR IS DELIRIOUS.

SHE JUST HAD A SHOT.

HERE, KITTY, KITTY.

MRS. SALINGER, I'M MRS. SALINGER.

AHHH!

AHHH!

OH!

OH, THAT POOR THING!

OH, SHE'S SO DEMENTED!

GET OFF THE BED, KITTY.

OH, YOU'RE SWEATING.

IT'S HARD WORK.

TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET.

OH, YOU WORE MY SWEATER.

MR. SALINGER!

WHAT?

COME HERE, PLEASE.

OH.

MR. SALINGER,

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS IMMORAL TRICKERY.

I'M TELLING YOUR WIFE THE TRUTH.

PLEASE, YOU CAN'T!

MICKI'S ALMOST READY FOR SURGERY, AND MAUDE--

THIS WON'T AFFECT HER SURGERY.

DR. FIBEL AND I HAVE DISCUSSED THIS.

I'LL TELL THEM TOMORROW.

SOMEONE ELSE, I MIGHT BELIEVE,

BUT NOT A SNAKE AND SLIME LIKE YOU.

NURSE VERBECK...

ROB!

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

THAT WOMAN WANTED YOU TO SEE HER STUFF.

IT'S GREAT.

I'LL TELL HER.

I HAVE BAD NEWS, MRS. SALINGER.

DR. FIBEL AND I...

HOW SHALL I PUT THIS?

DR. FIBEL AND I...

IT'S OK. I KNOW.

YOU DO?

YES.

AND YOU DON'T MIND?

WHY SHOULD I MIND?

FRANKLY, I'M SHOCKED.

AM I SUPPOSED TO CANCEL SURGERY

BECAUSE MY...

BECAUSE MY DOCTOR'S...

HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HIS NURSE?

WHAT?

YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH DR. FIBEL.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M NOT THAT KIND OF WOMAN.

NEITHER IS DR. FIBEL.

MICKI...IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

NURSE VERBECK IS A LITTLE BIT MENOPAUSAL.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

ROB.

YEAH.

THAT SWEATER.

SWEATER?

YOU'RE WEARING THAT SWEATER.

THAT GREEN SWEATER.

DARLING, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

DON'T TELL ME WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU'RE WEARING THAT GREEN SWEATER.

NO, GREEN SWEATER.

NO, NO...

YOU...YOU...

YOU, WELL...

YOU WERE WEARING...

THAT WAS BEFORE...

I DON'T...

NOW, DARLING.

TRY AND RELAX.

IS THIS OK?

OH, GEE.

I THINK THAT SHOT'S

MAKING ME HALLUCINATE.

YEAH, WELL...

HAVE YOU SEEN THE KITTY?

WHAT KITTY?

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LOCAL NOW.

HE'S GIVING ME A LOCAL.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE THERE,

YOU'D BETTER GO NOW.

OH, WHY NOT?

ROBBIE!

EXCUSE ME. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

ROBBIE?

WHERE'S MY GODDAMN DOCTOR?

WHERE'S ROB?

I'M RIGHT HERE, MAUDIE.

OH, HI, DARLING.

HELP!

OH!

OK, OK.

JUST KEEP BREATHING.

HOW FAR APART ARE THEY?

SHE'S READY.

OK, LET'S GO.

WE'RE GOING MRS. SALINGER.

NOW?

YES.

INTO THE SCRUB ROOM, DOCTOR.

I MUST CHANGE BEFORE I SCRUB.

GET INSIDE. IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

GET! GET! GET!

THEY KNOW.

THEY KNOW WHAT? WHO?

THE SALINGERS.

THEY KNOW I WORSHIP YOUR BODY

LIKE A FRENCH CATHEDRAL.

I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS, MARY.

YOU'RE MY WOMAN.

AND I'M YOUR MAN!

OH!

NEVERTHELESS,

IF THEY CAN KEEP A SECRET,

SO CAN I!

MICKI.

HA HA HA HA!

WHAT A CUTE LITTLE HAT.

LISTEN TO ME.

I CANNOT GO INTO SURGERY WITH YOU.

DON'T WORRY. YOU WON'T FAINT.

I'M NOT BEING SQUEAMISH.

I MUST BE WITH THE OTHER MRS. SALINGER.

HOW COULD YOU?

YOU'VE GOT AN ANESTHETIC.

YOU MEAN YOU'VE MET HER BEFORE?

YES. NINE MONTHS AGO.

IS THAT YOUR MISTRESS?

SHE'S NOT MY MISTRESS.

SHE'S MY WIFE!

WHAT? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

WILL YOU SHUT UP?

I'M YOUR WIFE!

SO IS SHE. I HAVE TWO WIVES.

DON'T LEAVE ME.

I WON'T LEAVE YOU.

YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH HER!

KNOCK THAT WOMAN OUT.

ROB!

HEY!

AMERICA HEY'S OWN ROB SALINGER IS HAVING A BABY!

ROB...ROB!

HEY, ROB!

ROLL IT.

ROB, NO!

[BALLOONS POPPING]

YOU HAD A BABY GIRL.

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

I'M GOING TO TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS FOREVER.

SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL BABY.

DADDY...

THERE'S SOMETHING I MUST TELL YOU.

HEY.

HEY...

HOW ARE YOU?

YOU'RE LUCKY HE DIDN'T KILL YOU.

I WISH HE HAD.

HAVE YOUR WIVES INFORMED THE POLICE?

NOT YET.

THEY'RE GOING TO TALK TO ME FIRST.

OH, ABOUT WHAT?

I HATE TO THINK.

WANT ME TO DRIVE YOU?

AHH! NO.

PICK YOU UP?

THERE WON'T BE ENOUGH LEFT WORTH PICKING UP.

I WAS VERY FOND OF YOU.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

COME IN.

YOU'RE BOTH LOOKING WELL.

WE'LL TRY TO MAKE THIS AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE.

THIS ISN'T EASY ON EITHER ONE OF US.

WE'VE DONE A LOT OF TALKING.

WE'RE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

WE'VE MADE DECISIONS.

IF YOU DON'T ABIDE BY THEM,

WE'LL CALL THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

AND HAVE YOU ARRESTED.

I NEVER INTENDED--

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU INTENDED.

YOU HAVE BEEN DECEITFUL.

AND HURTFUL.

AND CRIMINAL.

WE DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

WE'D LIKE A QUICK DIVORCE.

YOU'RE NEVER TO SEE THE CHILDREN AGAIN.

NEVER?

NEVER.

[MEXICAN MUSIC]

MUY BUENAS DIAS,

DAMAS Y CABALLEROS,

EMPEZAMOS CON LAS CARRETERAS ESTA MAnAnA.

SI ESTA CAMINANDO AL NORTE DE SAN DIEGO,

VAN A ENCONTRAR DEMASIADO TRAFICO.

TENEMOS UN ACCIDENTE EN EL LADO DEL SUR.

EN EL SAN BERNARDINO,

UN VEHICULO CONTRA LA CIRCULACION.

TENGAN MUCHO CUIDADO.

Y AHORA,

LES INVITAMOS A ESCAPAR CON NUESTRO MUSICO

QUE LES OFRECEMOS.

OH.

AHH.

OW.

OH, GOD.

GOOD MORNING.

OH, JESUS.

LOOK WHAT I DID TO YOUR PLACE.

SMASHED YOUR FURNITURE.

TORE UP YOUR CLOTHES.

AND THE FIGHT WITH THE GARDENER.

THREW UP ON MY RUG.

HIT YOUR REFRIGERATOR...

WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

CRAYONS ALL OVER THE WALL.

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR--

ABUSE.

AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING LIKE A NAG,

ISN'T IT TIME YOU PULLED YOURSELF TOGETHER?

I DON'T THINK I CAN.

HE'S IN TERRIBLE SHAPE.

DON'T YOU THINK HE DESERVES TO BE?

MICKI, HE LOVES YOU.

WHAT ABOUT MAUDE?

HE LOVES HER, TOO.

HE'S A LYING AND CHEATING BIGAMIST.

HE WAS AFRAID YOU'D LOSE THE BABY.

AND MAUDE?

COULDN'T BREAK HER HEART.

THERE ARE QUITE A FEW BROKEN HEARTS.

WHEN IT COMES TO VALUE JUDGMENTS,

HE'S UP THERE WITH CUSTER AND NIXON.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, LEO?

LET HIM SEE THE KIDS.

HE ALREADY DOES.

HE DOES?

WHENEVER I TAKE THE BABY FOR A WALK,

HE FOLLOWS ME.

HE KEPT HIDING FROM TREE TO TREE.

I THINK HE NEARLY KILLED HIMSELF.

I'M SORRY HE'S HAVING A BAD TIME.

HE BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF.

DOES HE FOLLOW YOU, TOO?

YES.

FRIDAY, DADDY DROVE US TO THE PEDIATRICIAN,

AND ROB FOLLOWED US INTO THE BUILDING.

I'LL TALK WITH HIM.

DON'T HURT HIM, DADDY.

[BANGING]

I'M A DESPERATE MAN.

WE'RE TALKING POTENTIAL PSYCHOPATH.

COME BACK TO WORK.

ELEVATE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.

I DON'T HAVE ANY.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THERAPY?

I DON'T NEED A SHRINK.

I NEED MY CHILDREN. I'VE GOT TWO BEAUTIFUL BABIES.

I THINK THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

I CAN'T GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO TELL.

I SHOULD BE ABLE TO PICK THEM UP

AND CHANGE THEIR DIAPERS.

I'VE CRIED MORE THIS PAST WEEK

THAN DURING MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD.

I HAD A SHITTY CHILDHOOD.

ROB, YOU'RE WELCOME TO STAY.

I PREFER TO SUFFER SOMEPLACE LESS CLUTTERED.

[RING]

HELLO.

HE IS REALLY CRACKING UP.

WHERE IS HE?

HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT BUYING ROPE.

AHH!

AHH!

AHH!

YOU LEAVE MY BABY ALONE!

MICKI, IT'S ME!

MICKI, IT'S ME!

ROB, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

MICKI!

I'M SORRY.

YOU SCARED THE LIFE OUT OF ME!

JUST HAD TO SEE HER.

OH, POOR BABY.

OH, IT'S OK.

SHH.

IT'S OK.

IT'S YOUR DADDY.

ISN'T SHE PRETTY?

YEAH. SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU.

SHE DOES?

YEAH.

LIKE ME?

YOU.

OH!

I'M SO MAD AT YOU!

NO.

I CAN'T.

MAUDE AND I HAVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS.

THAT'S WONDERFUL, MICKI.

WE MADE A VOW.

IT'S WRONG.

NO.

I DO LOVE YOU.

PROMISE YOU WON'T TELL HER?

PROMISE.

I'VE BEEN SPENDING TIME WITH MICKI.

SHE'S A VERY SPECIAL LADY.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU HAVE GREAT TASTE IN WOMEN.

UH-HUH.

SHE AND I HAVE AN AGREEMENT, BUT...

I HAD TO SEE YOU.

PROMISE YOU WON'T TELL HER?

YOU ARE A LUNATIC.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

-THIS WILL NEVER WORK. -I KNOW.

YOU MUST TELL THEM.

I WILL TELL THEM!

I JUST HAVE TO PICK THE RIGHT MOMENT.

YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING IN HERE FOR ME.

EXACTLY.

YOU GOT SOME... IN HERE.

WOULD YOU TAKE THAT, PLEASE?

ALL RISE.

THE SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA

IN AND FOR THE COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES

IS NOW IN SESSION.

THE HONORABLE MICHELINE SALINGER, JUDGE, PRESIDING.

AAH.

SURE.

THAT'S GOOD, ISN'T IT? I LOVE IT, TOO.

DADDY, WHEN CAN WE GET SOME CANDY?

AH, SUCH DIFFICULT QUESTIONS.

ABOUT HALF AN HOUR.

DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!

HE'S TAKING MY BIKE!

♪ I GUESS I WANTED SOMETHING NEW

♪ IN MY LIFE

♪ A NEW KEY

♪ TO FIT A NEW DOOR

♪ TO WAKE AND SEE A DIFFERENT VIEW

♪ IN MY LIFE

♪ THE ONE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR

♪ DREAMS

♪ LIKE EVERYONE, I'VE HAD A FEW IN MY LIFE

♪ WHO KNEW THAT THIS ONE WOULD COME TRUE IN MY LIFE?

♪ I KNEW THE MOMENT WHEN YOU TOUCHED ME

♪ YOU TOUCHED ME

♪ YOU'RE LIKE A SUDDEN BREEZE THAT BLEW IN MY LIFE

♪ A NEW FACE

♪ A NEW SMILE

♪ A NEW SONG

♪ AND NOW I KNOW

♪ I WANTED YOU IN MY LIFE

♪ ALL ALONG

♪ I GUESS

♪ I MUST HAVE SEEN THAT EMPTY PLACE IN MY HEART

♪ FOR YOU TO COME AND FILL THIS SPACE IN MY HEART

♪ NOT LONG BEFORE I SAID, "I LOVE YOU"

♪ I LOVE YOU

♪ WHATEVER HAPPENS

♪ THIS IS TRUE

♪ IN MY LIFE

♪ WHEN ALL THE SPRINGS HAVE COME AND GONE

♪ WHATEVER DANCE I MAY GO THROUGH IN MY LIFE

♪ WHATEVER ELSE THAT I MAY DO IN MY LIFE...

♪ YOU'LL ALWAYS BE SOMETHIN' NEW IN MY LIFE

♪ FROM NOW ON

♪ I KNOW THERE WILL ALWAYS BE YOU

♪ FROM

♪ NOW ON