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1
00:00:25,447 --> 00:00:27,278
(Helicopter)
2
00:00:28,887 --> 00:00:30,400
(Crash)
3
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:33,644
–Ready when you are, Ted.
4
00:00:33,687 --> 00:00:36,281
You'll like this. Ok. Here I come!
5
00:00:41,767 --> 00:00:44,759
Who are you supposed to be, Ted?
6
00:00:44,807 --> 00:00:47,958
What are you doing?
You two can't go as Elvis.
7
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:51,044
You… Wait a second.
8
00:00:51,087 --> 00:00:53,078
You're Elvis as well.
9
00:00:53,127 --> 00:00:57,407
Of course. I've got Elvis written
on my back. I don't believe this.
10
00:00:57,447 --> 00:01:01,047
Bit of a coincidence.
Great minds think alike, I suppose.
11
00:01:01,087 --> 00:01:04,636
I've been saying for two weeks
I was going as Elvis.
12
00:01:04,687 --> 00:01:07,201
That's probably where I got the idea.
13
00:01:07,247 --> 00:01:11,447
Great. The first All Priests Stars
in Their Eyes Lookalike Competition
14
00:01:11,487 --> 00:01:13,478
I thought I had a chance in.
15
00:01:13,527 --> 00:01:16,807
I even made space for the trophy
beside the one we got
16
00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:19,884
–for the ludo championships.
–You might win.
17
00:01:19,927 --> 00:01:22,567
If you're on before me,
I'll look an idiot.
18
00:01:22,607 --> 00:01:24,567
Everyone'll think I copied you.
19
00:01:24,607 --> 00:01:29,522
Well, to be fair, it is a bit weird
you happened to think of it as well.
20
00:01:30,527 --> 00:01:34,520
Right. I'll just have to go
as Mother Teresa again.
21
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:38,886
Who are you supposed to be?
22
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,881
Elvis. I'm Elvis.
23
00:01:42,927 --> 00:01:46,317
–I'm Elvis.
–I know you're Elvis, Father.
24
00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:48,647
We're all Elvis. That's the problem.
25
00:01:48,687 --> 00:01:52,043
–Tea, Fathers.
–Feck off!
26
00:01:52,087 --> 00:01:55,247
There's nothing like a cup
of tea in the afternoon.
27
00:01:55,287 --> 00:01:58,324
You look a bit different, Father.
28
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,881
Have you had a haircut or something?
29
00:02:00,927 --> 00:02:02,963
No. I'm Elvis Presley.
30
00:02:03,007 --> 00:02:06,637
Are you, Father? That's a turn-up
for the books anyway.
31
00:02:06,687 --> 00:02:08,837
It's for the Lookalike Show.
32
00:02:08,887 --> 00:02:12,675
Now I see. I must say
I'm looking forward to that.
33
00:02:12,727 --> 00:02:15,527
–Is Father kiernan coming?
–He won't be, no.
34
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:19,207
He's a great laugh. I remember him
last year telling his stories.
35
00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:23,127
He had me in stitches. It is true
what they say about chubby men.
36
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:27,607
They are jollier than the rest of us.
They've a way of looking at things.
37
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,239
He shot himself.
38
00:02:29,287 --> 00:02:32,563
Did he? Yeah. That's terrible.
39
00:02:32,607 --> 00:02:36,156
Still, I suppose that's
often the way with fat men.
40
00:02:36,207 --> 00:02:39,324
They laugh to hide the tears.
But that's life.
41
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:44,087
Happy one minute, and the next you go
and shoot yourself and that's that.
42
00:02:44,127 --> 00:02:45,845
Anyway, tea.
43
00:02:45,887 --> 00:02:47,878
(Phone )
44
00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:54,087
–Hello.
–Ted, how are you? Dick Byrne here.
45
00:02:54,127 --> 00:02:56,561
Hello, Dick. How are things?
46
00:02:56,607 --> 00:02:59,724
–Fine. All set for tomorrow?
–The competition?
47
00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:03,646
–What have you planned?
–Ah. I shouldn't say.
48
00:03:03,687 --> 00:03:06,247
–Mother Teresa.
–No.
49
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,567
I think you have a chance this year.
50
00:03:08,607 --> 00:03:10,916
Oh, well. Do you really?
51
00:03:10,967 --> 00:03:12,923
No!
52
00:03:13,887 --> 00:03:15,161
Who was that, Dick?
53
00:03:15,207 --> 00:03:18,007
Dougal, I'm asking again,
don't go as Elvis.
54
00:03:18,047 --> 00:03:20,819
–What?
–I've been looking forward to this.
55
00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:22,565
I know all the moves.
56
00:03:22,607 --> 00:03:24,643
–Remember who's judging.
–Who?
57
00:03:24,687 --> 00:03:28,999
–Henry Sellers.
–No. He's coming here. Wow!
58
00:03:29,047 --> 00:03:31,967
I told you. Father Dunne
is bringing him over.
59
00:03:32,007 --> 00:03:33,918
I've never met a celebrity.
60
00:03:33,967 --> 00:03:35,923
–You met the Pope.
–Did I?
61
00:03:35,967 --> 00:03:39,039
Don't you remember?
When we were in Rome.
62
00:03:39,087 --> 00:03:43,046
That was the Pope? That fella
living in the art gallery?
63
00:03:43,087 --> 00:03:44,759
The Vatican, Dougal.
64
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:48,277
I wouldn't say he's
a celebrity in the true sense.
65
00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:51,285
The Pope is God's
representative on Earth.
66
00:03:51,327 --> 00:03:53,007
You'd think he'd be taller.
67
00:03:53,047 --> 00:03:55,197
What, like a giant?
68
00:03:55,247 --> 00:03:57,556
Still, Henry Sellers coming here.
69
00:03:57,607 --> 00:03:58,993
(Laughs hysterically)
70
00:03:59,007 --> 00:04:02,716
–Henry Sellers coming here.
–Dougal! Calm down.
71
00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:06,043
We've to concentrate
on the Elvis problem. Look.
72
00:04:06,087 --> 00:04:09,007
We'll toss for it.
Whoever wins can go as Elvis.
73
00:04:09,047 --> 00:04:10,719
Ok. All right.
74
00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:12,962
Right, heads or tails?
75
00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:17,078
Heads. No, tails.
76
00:04:17,127 --> 00:04:18,845
Heads. Tails. Heads.
77
00:04:18,887 --> 00:04:22,436
Dougal you have to give me
a choice between the two.
78
00:04:22,487 --> 00:04:25,001
Sorry about that.
I got a bit excited.
79
00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:27,436
Here we go again. Heads or tails?
80
00:04:27,487 --> 00:04:29,205
–Heads.
–Are you sure?
81
00:04:29,247 --> 00:04:32,319
Absolutely pos… Tails!
Heads. Tails. Heads!
82
00:04:32,367 --> 00:04:36,121
–Dougal. Calm down.
–Heads. Tails. Heads.
83
00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,883
Dougal, are you all right?
84
00:04:37,887 --> 00:04:41,319
I'm fine. I'm just not
the best at making decisions.
85
00:04:41,327 --> 00:04:43,522
–Look…
–Or am I?
86
00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:47,719
Tell you what we'll do.
You toss the coin, I'll take heads.
87
00:04:47,767 --> 00:04:50,209
Heads it is. Go ahead, toss it there.
88
00:04:53,007 --> 00:04:56,158
Forget it. Forget it!
89
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,686
Yes!
90
00:05:09,647 --> 00:05:11,717
Ted, Henry's on.
91
00:05:11,767 --> 00:05:13,485
Ted.
92
00:05:13,527 --> 00:05:17,361
Back to you, Monica
for a five-point question.
93
00:05:17,407 --> 00:05:21,958
The capital of England—
is it New York,
94
00:05:22,007 --> 00:05:23,838
London…
95
00:05:23,887 --> 00:05:25,559
or Munich?
96
00:05:28,407 --> 00:05:31,604
I'll give you a clue.
You live there.
97
00:05:34,687 --> 00:05:35,881
(Bell)
98
00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:37,577
Jane, do you know?
99
00:05:38,807 --> 00:05:42,243
I leaned on the button by mistake.
100
00:05:44,047 --> 00:05:46,083
He's great, isn't he, Ted?
101
00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:50,757
Henry. And he'll be here any second.
Are you excited, Ted?
102
00:05:50,807 --> 00:05:54,437
Henry Sellers. Look at him there,
asking the questions.
103
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:58,366
…stitch in time saves how many?
104
00:05:58,407 --> 00:05:59,601
(Bell)
105
00:05:59,647 --> 00:06:01,956
Oh, sorry.
106
00:06:04,007 --> 00:06:05,599
London.
107
00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,811
Any idea why he left the BBC, Ted?
108
00:06:12,767 --> 00:06:15,361
Ah, look, Ted.
Why don't you be Elvis?
109
00:06:15,407 --> 00:06:19,286
Since you thought of it first,
I suppose it's only fair.
110
00:06:19,327 --> 00:06:20,977
I'll go as Mother Teresa.
111
00:06:22,087 --> 00:06:24,601
Oh, I'm sorry, Dougal.
112
00:06:24,647 --> 00:06:28,117
I'm being very selfish.
I'm sorry, you go as Elvis.
113
00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:31,407
No, it's not fair on you.
You had your heart set on it.
114
00:06:31,447 --> 00:06:34,879
–Seriously, you go as Elvis.
–Really? Great! Thanks.
115
00:06:36,407 --> 00:06:39,047
Unless you'd prefer to go
as Mother Teresa.
116
00:06:39,087 --> 00:06:44,002
Ah, no. Anyway, there's only one
Mother Teresa, and that's you, Ted.
117
00:06:48,287 --> 00:06:52,287
Thanks. At least I'll have the honour
of taking care of Mr Sellers.
118
00:06:52,327 --> 00:06:56,487
It's important that we be nice
to him. That'll improve our chances.
119
00:06:56,527 --> 00:06:59,927
We'll fill him with food
till it's coming out his ears.
120
00:06:59,967 --> 00:07:02,527
You'll be nice to him,
won't you, Father?
121
00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:04,717
(Groans )
122
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,758
Father, are you all right?
123
00:07:09,927 --> 00:07:11,565
Oh, no.
124
00:07:11,607 --> 00:07:14,201
Not Toilet Duck again.
125
00:07:17,527 --> 00:07:21,042
You know what that does to you.
126
00:07:21,087 --> 00:07:24,284
You'll be seeing
the pink elephants again.
127
00:07:24,327 --> 00:07:26,841
How many fingers am I holding up?
128
00:07:29,687 --> 00:07:30,881
Three.
129
00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:34,407
Hmm. Not too bad. Probably getting
immune to it by now.
130
00:07:34,447 --> 00:07:36,647
–(Doorbell)
–That'll be Henry. God.
131
00:07:36,687 --> 00:07:39,155
He's here.
132
00:07:39,207 --> 00:07:43,325
Hello, there. Henry Sellers.
133
00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:46,086
Father Ted Crilly.
It's an honour, Mr…
134
00:07:46,127 --> 00:07:49,119
And it's lovely to be here, too.
135
00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:51,601
Hello. Father…
136
00:07:51,647 --> 00:07:54,089
Sorry, this is Father Dougal McGuire.
137
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:57,556
Dougal, say something to Mr Sellers.
138
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:59,245
How old are you?
139
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,367
Dougal! Don't ask
Mr Sellers how old he is.
140
00:08:03,407 --> 00:08:06,205
That's quite all right.
I'm 37, Father.
141
00:08:06,247 --> 00:08:09,523
This is Father Jack Hackett.
142
00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:11,558
Hello, Father.
143
00:08:11,607 --> 00:08:13,677
Hello, Father.
144
00:08:14,847 --> 00:08:16,803
(Screams )
145
00:08:19,687 --> 00:08:21,040
Bye, Father.
146
00:08:21,087 --> 00:08:23,396
–He's just gone for his walk.
–Oh.
147
00:08:23,447 --> 00:08:25,915
Is there anything we can get you?
148
00:08:25,967 --> 00:08:29,198
–Call me Henry.
–(Jack screaming)
149
00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:33,001
If you had something to eat,
maybe a sandwich.
150
00:08:33,047 --> 00:08:35,561
Mrs Doyle, some sandwiches.
151
00:08:35,607 --> 00:08:37,165
Right, Father.
152
00:08:37,207 --> 00:08:39,163
Ahem.
153
00:08:39,207 --> 00:08:40,196
(Laughs )
154
00:08:40,247 --> 00:08:43,364
–Is something wrong with your head?
–Dougal!
155
00:08:43,407 --> 00:08:45,807
What? It's just
his hair looks a bit…
156
00:08:45,847 --> 00:08:48,077
–Dougal.
–I didn't say anything.
157
00:08:48,127 --> 00:08:50,527
It's just Henry's hair
looks a bit mad.
158
00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:53,843
Is… Is Father Dunne with you?
159
00:08:53,887 --> 00:08:56,606
Yes. He's just bringing in…
There he is.
160
00:08:56,647 --> 00:08:58,603
Ha, ha, ha! Ted!
161
00:08:58,647 --> 00:09:01,559
Barty. Good to see you.
162
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:02,835
Sit down there.
163
00:09:02,887 --> 00:09:05,037
(Laughing)
164
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:07,661
It's good to be
on Craggy Island again.
165
00:09:09,887 --> 00:09:12,162
God, I haven't seen you in ages.
166
00:09:13,247 --> 00:09:15,636
I remember the last time I was here.
167
00:09:18,647 --> 00:09:21,161
We had that funny incident. Remember?
168
00:09:24,567 --> 00:09:28,242
I suppose… I suppose you've
forgotten all about it.
169
00:09:32,407 --> 00:09:34,762
It was the type of thing, you know…
170
00:09:35,847 --> 00:09:37,519
What is this?
171
00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:41,923
The last time Father Dunne was here
Father Jack lost his slippers.
172
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,958
It was a bit like…
173
00:09:49,487 --> 00:09:53,241
He had us looking
everywhere for them.
174
00:09:56,327 --> 00:09:59,363
It was a bit like
the type of thing, you know…
175
00:10:00,927 --> 00:10:04,161
–We found them after a while.
–It was a bit like…
176
00:10:05,527 --> 00:10:07,324
Oh, Lord.
177
00:10:07,367 --> 00:10:10,518
–How long was the car journey?
–Four hours.
178
00:10:13,007 --> 00:10:16,761
With the thing there…
I suppose it must be!
179
00:10:16,807 --> 00:10:18,877
What's it like being a TV star?
180
00:10:18,927 --> 00:10:21,964
–Well…
–It must be…
181
00:10:24,367 --> 00:10:26,517
It must be… It must be…
182
00:10:29,807 --> 00:10:33,527
We are delighted to have you.
Is there anything we can get you?
183
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,364
No, no. I'm fine.
184
00:10:35,407 --> 00:10:36,965
Some more sandwiches?
185
00:10:37,007 --> 00:10:38,406
No, I… Ooh!
186
00:10:38,447 --> 00:10:42,326
You've brought more in.
No, no. I'm fine.
187
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:44,149
Absolutely fine. Thank you.
188
00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,123
Everything Ok with your hair?
189
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:48,840
Dougal! Stop talking about
Henry's hair.
190
00:10:48,887 --> 00:10:51,807
I'm sorry, Henry.
Your hair is so natural looking,
191
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:54,202
Dougal can't stop talking about it.
192
00:10:54,247 --> 00:10:57,364
It really is
a beautiful head of hair.
193
00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:02,167
Anyway, what I was saying was,
anything you want, just ask us.
194
00:11:02,207 --> 00:11:05,287
We can get it for you.
There's no problem there.
195
00:11:05,327 --> 00:11:09,683
Anything you want that would be
at all possible for us to get you,
196
00:11:09,687 --> 00:11:11,962
just ask for it.
197
00:11:12,007 --> 00:11:14,316
And I mean anything.
198
00:11:14,367 --> 00:11:16,835
There's no problem there.
Anything.
199
00:11:16,887 --> 00:11:19,807
I have had trouble
getting the English papers.
200
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:23,476
–Would it be possible…
–Except the English papers.
201
00:11:23,527 --> 00:11:26,847
Anything else, just ask.
Except the English papers.
202
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:30,167
You wouldn't have the number
of a Father Dick Byrne?
203
00:11:30,207 --> 00:11:32,583
It would be a mistake to visit them.
204
00:11:32,607 --> 00:11:34,677
Why is that, Father?
205
00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:38,997
They're lepers.
206
00:11:39,927 --> 00:11:40,916
What?
207
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:45,059
The three of them are lepers.
Rugged Island is a leper colony.
208
00:11:46,207 --> 00:11:48,516
Leper colony? You're not serious?
209
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,727
No, not leprosy.
But there's something wrong.
210
00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:54,807
Did you never think
how strange it was,
211
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,407
three priests living alone
on an island?
212
00:11:57,447 --> 00:11:59,165
I suppose…
213
00:11:59,207 --> 00:12:02,647
Something's not right there.
You're better off with us.
214
00:12:02,687 --> 00:12:05,599
Ted, could you tell me
where the old…
215
00:12:05,647 --> 00:12:08,002
You know, the old…
216
00:12:08,047 --> 00:12:11,357
The old… is up the stairs
and first on the left.
217
00:12:11,407 --> 00:12:12,601
Thank you.
218
00:12:14,007 --> 00:12:15,645
It's a wig.
219
00:12:16,807 --> 00:12:18,718
(Bell)
220
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,964
Time for a little nightcap.
221
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:26,603
You're running out of sandwiches.
I'll bring you in some more.
222
00:12:26,647 --> 00:12:28,877
I won't have a sherry, thank you.
223
00:12:28,927 --> 00:12:31,167
Don't be silly. Of course you will.
224
00:12:31,207 --> 00:12:34,404
–No. I shouldn't.
–Go on, it'll help you sleep.
225
00:12:34,447 --> 00:12:36,324
No. You go ahead.
226
00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:39,757
Just a little drop.
Just a teeny tiny bit.
227
00:12:39,807 --> 00:12:42,047
The day a little sherry hurts anyone
228
00:12:42,087 --> 00:12:45,981
is the day Ireland doesn't win
the Eurovision Song Contest.
229
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,718
–Go on.
–No, I shouldn't.
230
00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:52,362
Go on. Go on, go on.
231
00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:55,796
Go on. Go on.
232
00:12:55,847 --> 00:13:00,875
Go on, go on, go on, go on,
go on, go on, go on.
233
00:13:00,927 --> 00:13:02,326
No. Seriously, I…
234
00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:06,440
Go on, go on, go on, go on,
go on, go on, go on,
235
00:13:06,487 --> 00:13:08,567
go on, go on, go on, go on, go on,
236
00:13:08,607 --> 00:13:10,404
GO ON!
237
00:13:17,087 --> 00:13:20,841
Oh, what a shower of bastards!
238
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,487
Lord, Ted, why did you
give him a drink?
239
00:13:26,527 --> 00:13:28,567
I didn't know this would happen.
240
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:31,567
That's why they sacked him
from that programme.
241
00:13:31,607 --> 00:13:35,287
He's a terrible alcoholic.
He's been on the wagon for a year.
242
00:13:35,327 --> 00:13:37,967
–Oh, God, Ted.
–How was I supposed to know?
243
00:13:38,007 --> 00:13:41,886
Sack me? Sack me!
244
00:13:41,927 --> 00:13:44,885
I made the BBC!
245
00:13:44,927 --> 00:13:46,724
(Sobs )
246
00:13:48,087 --> 00:13:49,964
I made it.
247
00:13:50,487 --> 00:13:53,287
Maybe if you have a rest
you'll feel better.
248
00:13:53,327 --> 00:13:56,558
Get away from me! Priest!
249
00:13:56,607 --> 00:13:58,719
I think it's time we got to bed.
250
00:13:59,687 --> 00:14:02,076
Good man. There's never anything on.
251
00:14:02,127 --> 00:14:05,007
–I'll give it a kick myself.
–You want a fight?
252
00:14:05,047 --> 00:14:07,322
I'd love a bit of a scrap but…
253
00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:09,801
–Bloody priests!
–(Laughs )
254
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:12,680
Bloody sanctimonious scumbags!
255
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:16,276
–Absolutely.
–Made my life a bloody misery.
256
00:14:16,327 --> 00:14:20,367
Sorry about that. Are you sure
you wouldn't like to go to bed?
257
00:14:20,407 --> 00:14:22,527
Maybe we could stay up a bit longer.
258
00:14:22,567 --> 00:14:25,445
I'm fed up with you bastards!
259
00:14:25,487 --> 00:14:29,765
I'm getting out of here.
Don't you try and stop me.
260
00:14:29,807 --> 00:14:31,320
Aaaaaaah!
261
00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:35,607
It's true what they say though,
262
00:14:35,647 --> 00:14:39,805
you should never meet your heroes,
you'll only be disappointed.
263
00:14:43,607 --> 00:14:46,807
Imagine we couldn't get him back.
He'd be like Big Foot,
264
00:14:46,847 --> 00:14:49,567
except he'd be
a BBC television presenter.
265
00:14:49,607 --> 00:14:51,245
Do you see him?
266
00:14:51,287 --> 00:14:53,721
There, by the trees.
267
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,924
Got him.
268
00:14:58,287 --> 00:15:00,084
There he is.
269
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,445
–Terribly sorry about this.
–No problem.
270
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:08,645
I've been through it before.
Actors, television personalities —
271
00:15:08,647 --> 00:15:12,447
they go off drink and drugs
and come over to places like this.
272
00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:16,087
The solitude can get to them.
What happened to this fella?
273
00:15:16,127 --> 00:15:19,287
He was fine one minute,
then he took a sip of sherry.
274
00:15:19,327 --> 00:15:22,693
Relapse, that's when
they're most dangerous. Ready?
275
00:15:22,727 --> 00:15:25,639
I want you to bang
these together and shout.
276
00:15:25,687 --> 00:15:29,367
That'll scare him out of the woods
so I can get a clear shot.
277
00:15:29,407 --> 00:15:32,205
–You're shooting him?
–Tranquilliser dart.
278
00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:35,247
–It'll put him to sleep.
–It seems a bit extreme.
279
00:15:35,287 --> 00:15:38,324
It's the best way, Father.
Believe me.
280
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:40,358
You know best.
281
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:44,279
God, this reminds me of Vietnam.
282
00:15:44,327 --> 00:15:47,842
–Were you in Vietnam?
–No, no. You know, the films.
283
00:15:47,887 --> 00:15:49,479
All right. Let's go.
284
00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:53,398
Come on Henry.
285
00:15:53,447 --> 00:15:55,085
Out you come. There.
286
00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:57,435
Got him.
287
00:15:58,047 --> 00:15:59,366
(Gunshot)
288
00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:01,796
It's Jack.
289
00:16:03,647 --> 00:16:07,925
I've got a clear shot of him, Father.
Do you want me to get him?
290
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,764
No. Let him go.
291
00:16:09,807 --> 00:16:12,843
–He'll make his own way back.
–Look at him go.
292
00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:19,523
Beautiful.
293
00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:22,320
Oh, my God. My head.
294
00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:25,325
There you are, Henry,
a nice cup of tea.
295
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,483
What? Oh, my God.
296
00:16:27,527 --> 00:16:30,087
Where am I? What happened last night?
297
00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:32,701
I remember having a sip
of sherry, but…
298
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:34,245
Nothing to worry about.
299
00:16:34,247 --> 00:16:36,647
I hope I didn't do anything
to embarrass you.
300
00:16:36,687 --> 00:16:38,166
(Giggles )
301
00:16:38,887 --> 00:16:41,959
Dougal! No, you were fine, Henry.
302
00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:43,281
(Phone )
303
00:16:43,327 --> 00:16:46,207
That'll be Father Byrne.
I feel sorry for him,
304
00:16:46,247 --> 00:16:50,559
marooned with those idiots,
and they've nothing in common.
305
00:16:50,607 --> 00:16:52,598
nothing in common. Hello.
306
00:16:52,647 --> 00:16:55,684
–Hello, Dick.
–Ted, we were talking about you.
307
00:16:55,727 --> 00:16:58,047
–Really?
–Saying you great you were.
308
00:16:58,087 --> 00:17:00,920
–Really?
–No!
309
00:17:00,967 --> 00:17:02,605
Hilarious, Dick.
310
00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:05,807
–Are you going to turn up tonight?
–Why wouldn't I?
311
00:17:05,847 --> 00:17:09,806
Well, it might be a little
embarrassing to come last again.
312
00:17:09,847 --> 00:17:13,476
We won't come last,
it's you who'll be coming last.
313
00:17:13,527 --> 00:17:16,967
In fact, I thought we might have
a little bet on tonight.
314
00:17:17,007 --> 00:17:19,317
Put your money
where your mouth is.
315
00:17:19,327 --> 00:17:21,571
What are we talking?
A pound? Two?
316
00:17:23,687 --> 00:17:25,086
Five pounds.
317
00:17:26,487 --> 00:17:27,681
Five pounds?
318
00:17:27,727 --> 00:17:30,161
What's the matter, Dick? You scared?
319
00:17:30,207 --> 00:17:33,597
Of course not. Five pounds it is.
See you tonight.
320
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:38,521
Well, I'd better go and get meself
cleaned up for tonight.
321
00:17:38,567 --> 00:17:43,118
Brush me teeth… I've a very strange
taste of raw meat in my mouth.
322
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:46,523
–I don't know why.
–Right you are, Henry.
323
00:17:47,807 --> 00:17:51,925
Five pounds, I must be insane.
We haven't a hope in hell.
324
00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:54,083
Why can't we all go as Elvis?
325
00:17:54,127 --> 00:17:56,118
Because we all look the same.
326
00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:58,967
Anyway, Jack'll be in any moment
for his drink.
327
00:17:59,007 --> 00:18:00,360
(Glass smashes )
328
00:18:00,407 --> 00:18:02,238
(Jack) Drink!
329
00:18:02,287 --> 00:18:04,437
There he goes, bang on time.
330
00:18:06,767 --> 00:18:09,156
God, Ted. He looks very rough.
331
00:18:09,207 --> 00:18:11,967
We'll have to get him sober
before the contest.
332
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:14,396
No, Dougal. Wait. Leave him.
333
00:18:16,287 --> 00:18:18,517
I have an idea.
334
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,119
(Discordant guitar)
335
00:18:25,927 --> 00:18:28,646
♫ Ziggy played
336
00:18:29,767 --> 00:18:33,726
♫ Guitar ♫
337
00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:36,837
(Scraping)
338
00:18:39,567 --> 00:18:40,966
(Cheering)
339
00:18:41,007 --> 00:18:43,123
(Whistling)
340
00:18:44,327 --> 00:18:49,526
Fantastic, Father Harry Coyle there.
You know, he looks a bit like…
341
00:18:50,967 --> 00:18:53,845
He won't mind me telling you
this now…
342
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:59,326
Ah, no. Anyway, Henry,
marks for Father Coyle.
343
00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:03,201
Very good. I'll give him
seven out of ten.
344
00:19:03,247 --> 00:19:04,805
Bastard.
345
00:19:04,847 --> 00:19:06,883
Not bad at all!
346
00:19:06,927 --> 00:19:10,636
Ziggy played guitar.
347
00:19:10,687 --> 00:19:14,207
That means the lads from
Rugged Island are still in the lead
348
00:19:14,247 --> 00:19:16,044
with nine out of ten.
349
00:19:16,087 --> 00:19:19,875
So a big hand for Diana Ross
and two of the Supremes.
350
00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:21,326
(Applause )
351
00:19:23,847 --> 00:19:25,695
Don't start celebrating yet.
352
00:19:25,727 --> 00:19:28,087
Remember we've got
one more act to go.
353
00:19:28,127 --> 00:19:30,766
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome…
354
00:19:30,807 --> 00:19:34,038
(Laughing) on to the stage…
355
00:19:34,087 --> 00:19:35,679
the lads…
356
00:19:35,727 --> 00:19:37,718
(Laughing)
357
00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:43,160
Father Ted Crilly with Father McGuire
and Father Hackett!
358
00:19:43,207 --> 00:19:45,004
(Cheering)
359
00:19:46,847 --> 00:19:50,687
Elvis Presley was a simple
truck-driver from America.
360
00:19:50,727 --> 00:19:54,621
But one day in the 1950s,
he invented rock and roll!
361
00:19:54,887 --> 00:19:55,943
♫ Dum do bee dum
362
00:19:56,287 --> 00:19:57,959
♫ Dum do do bee dum
363
00:19:58,567 --> 00:20:00,046
♫ Dum do bee dum
364
00:20:00,727 --> 00:20:01,876
♫ Dum do bee dum
365
00:20:02,207 --> 00:20:03,765
♫ Dum do bee dum
366
00:20:04,207 --> 00:20:05,686
♫ Dum do bee dum
367
00:20:05,967 --> 00:20:07,605
♫ Dum do bee dum
368
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,486
♫ Dum do bee dum
369
00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:13,403
♫ Oooooh
370
00:20:13,447 --> 00:20:16,917
♫ Oh oooooh
371
00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:18,596
♫ Dum do bee dum
372
00:20:19,047 --> 00:20:20,958
♫ Dum do bee doo
373
00:20:22,527 --> 00:20:24,483
♫ Do bee doo doo ♫
374
00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:26,483
Thank you very much.
375
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:27,721
(Laughter)
376
00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:31,647
Elvis became famous,
then they forced him into the army.
377
00:20:31,687 --> 00:20:36,767
Then he came out and ten years later
came back with the comeback special.
378
00:20:36,807 --> 00:20:38,798
( # Rock and roll)
379
00:20:57,287 --> 00:20:59,164
Elvis was back.
380
00:20:59,207 --> 00:21:02,247
From then until his death
he played in Las Vegas
381
00:21:02,287 --> 00:21:05,917
and became once again
the king of rock and roll.
382
00:21:06,607 --> 00:21:08,757
(Choral music)
383
00:21:18,327 --> 00:21:22,127
Ladies and gentlemen,
that was the three ages of Elvis.
384
00:21:22,167 --> 00:21:23,964
Thank you.
385
00:21:24,007 --> 00:21:25,440
(Cheering)
386
00:21:29,767 --> 00:21:33,396
Fantastic! Lord God Almighty!
387
00:21:33,447 --> 00:21:35,005
Three Elvises!
388
00:21:35,047 --> 00:21:38,164
(Laughs ) Well, Henry, over to you
389
00:21:38,207 --> 00:21:39,720
for the final marks.
390
00:21:39,767 --> 00:21:41,166
(Drum roll)
391
00:21:42,887 --> 00:21:44,115
(Cheering)
392
00:21:56,847 --> 00:21:59,042
Brilliant, Ted. It was fantastic.
393
00:21:59,087 --> 00:22:00,440
(Laughs )
394
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,239
Thanks very much, Barty.
395
00:22:04,287 --> 00:22:07,120
–Five pounds, Ted.
–Hard luck, Dick.
396
00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:10,007
–Did we not win?
–No, you didn't win, Cyril.
397
00:22:10,047 --> 00:22:13,596
This year the trophy
goes to Craggy Island.
398
00:22:13,647 --> 00:22:16,287
You've every chance
of winning next year.
399
00:22:16,327 --> 00:22:18,841
–Really?
–No!
400
00:22:18,887 --> 00:22:21,117
Come on, Cyril. Let's go home.
401
00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:24,123
I'm out of fecking whiskey!
402
00:22:24,167 --> 00:22:26,939
There's plenty of whiskey
at home, Father.
403
00:22:28,127 --> 00:22:30,503
That Cyril MacDuff's
an awful idiot.
404
00:22:30,527 --> 00:22:32,040
Here we are now.
405
00:22:32,087 --> 00:22:34,927
Since I didn't make a fool
of meself last time,
406
00:22:34,967 --> 00:22:38,047
I might as well have
a glass of Champagne, cheers.
407
00:22:38,087 --> 00:22:40,043
Henry, no!
408
00:22:40,087 --> 00:22:45,366
Don't worry, Father. If I can't
celebrate tonight, sure when can I?
409
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:50,356
The bastards! What the hell is going
on? How dare they do this to me?
410
00:22:50,407 --> 00:22:53,877
How dare they sack me?
I'm Henry Sellers!
411
00:22:53,927 --> 00:22:57,886
I'm Henry Selleeeeeers!
412
00:22:57,927 --> 00:23:01,124
–Well, there he goes again.
–You're right there.
413
00:23:01,167 --> 00:23:05,167
Never mind. We'll look for him
in the morning. Anyway, well done.
414
00:23:05,207 --> 00:23:09,207
–What do you think of the trophy?
–It's great. All because of you.
415
00:23:09,247 --> 00:23:11,044
Put it there, Dougal.
28903
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