All language subtitles for Fleabag - 01x02 - Episode 2.WEB-DL-NTb

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,280 I think my period's coming. 2 00:00:51,366 --> 00:00:53,336 3 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,519 OK. 4 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:00,559 Hi. 5 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,679 Are you all right? What's happened? Are you hurt? 6 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,520 - No. - Oh, good. 7 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,399 Nice haircut. 8 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,520 It's better. 9 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,119 Can I come in? 10 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:14,639 Why didn't you text? 11 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,119 Well, I just thought I'd pop by. 12 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,300 - Tell the truth. - I need to speak to Martin. 13 00:01:18,324 --> 00:01:20,489 - Martin? - Martin. Martin! 14 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,759 Why on earth would you want to speak to... 15 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,587 - Martin? - Hello! Hello! 16 00:01:23,612 --> 00:01:25,855 My wife in my study! Hello! 17 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,359 Give me two. 18 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,559 Gang bangs, Asian, I'd put a tenner on it. 19 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,079 Finished. 20 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,239 Well, hello, you. 21 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,959 She wants to talk to you about something. 22 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,799 Oh, well, it must be my lucky day. 23 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,840 You said she only likes to talk to people she fancies. 24 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:44,959 Ergh. 25 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,079 - Can you leave us? - Why? 26 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,840 He's organising your surprise birthday party. 27 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,479 A... 28 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,959 You know I hate sur... 29 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,000 OK. 30 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,399 I have a week to organise that now. 31 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:02,639 Best of luck. 32 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:03,759 Nice top. 33 00:02:04,519 --> 00:02:08,759 Thanks. Do you deal in sculptures as well as paintings and papier mâché? 34 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:10,840 Depends on the quality of the piece. 35 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,959 Fuck me! 36 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,320 - What a pair! - I know, right? 37 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,319 Where d'you get this? 38 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:25,999 Oh, just a... 39 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,479 Stole it from a market. 40 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,199 It's quite a piece. 41 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,039 Who's the artist? 42 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,679 Just a... 43 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,039 ...market artist. 44 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,599 If I sell it, I take 10%. Deal? 45 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:40,719 Deal. 46 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,359 OK, well, 47 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,359 I'll get her photographed now. 48 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,519 Don't tell Claire, please. 49 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,799 Or what? 50 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,039 Or I'll... 51 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,679 I'll... 52 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,760 You've got nothing on me, princess. 53 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,720 Or I'll tell her you were watching gang bangs. 54 00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,960 Please don't do that again. 55 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,080 I wasn't, by the way. 56 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,239 Disappointing. 57 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,999 Erm... 58 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,599 Where did you get that? 59 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,799 I brought it with me. 60 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,039 No, you didn't. Give it back. 61 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,839 Tight. 62 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,239 Patch things up with Harry? 63 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,119 Yeah, we're, erm... 64 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,519 We're engaged, so... 65 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,679 God! What? 66 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,279 No, we're not engaged! 67 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,479 No, he's back at the flat packing up all his stuff again. 68 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,279 I'm sorry. 69 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:49,519 He really... 70 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,519 ...used to make you laugh. 71 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,799 He also used to say things like... 72 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,479 You're not like other girls. 73 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,839 You can... 74 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:57,880 ...keep up. 75 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,039 I like Harry. 76 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,360 I liked his songs. 77 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,400 I admire how much Harry commits to our break-ups. 78 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,879 I mean, this is a new detail, 79 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,839 but he does usually go the extra mile. 80 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,640 A few times, he's even cleaned the whole flat. 81 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,879 Like it's a crime scene. 82 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:35,479 I've considered timing a break-up 83 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,719 for when the flat needs a bit of a going over. 84 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,800 I don't think this is working. 85 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,479 What? 86 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,480 But he always leaves... 87 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,799 ...him 88 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,399 to come back for. 89 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,560 Got to think about all the people I can have sex with now. 90 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,519 I'm not obsessed with sex, 91 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,239 I just can't stop thinking about it. 92 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,239 The performance of it. 93 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,159 The awkwardness of it. 94 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,239 The drama of it. 95 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,599 The moment you realise someone wants 96 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,600 your body. 97 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,520 Not so much the feeling of it. 98 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:32,040 Probably got about 48 hours before Harry comes back. 99 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:35,720 I should get on it. 100 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,399 I took half an hour trying to look nice 101 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,079 and I ended up looking amazing. 102 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,399 Just one of those days. 103 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,119 Gorgeous, fresh-faced, new top, little bit sexy, 104 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,799 on my way to open my café and... 105 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,439 Oh, God. 106 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,759 Yeah, you check me out, chub-chub, 107 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,879 because it's never gonna happen. 108 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,439 Oh, God, he can't believe how attractive I am. 109 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,239 Kind of worried I'm going to make a sex offender out of the poor guy. 110 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,479 Here we go. This better be good. Here we go. 111 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:03,880 Hooker slag. 112 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:06,920 Oi! 113 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,520 Dropped my cucumber. 114 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,280 Just dropped my... 115 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,799 Erm... Could I get a cheese sandwich to go, please? 116 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:39,840 Sure. 117 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:49,199 That'll be, er, £12.55, please. 118 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,799 London, eh? 119 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,000 Thanks. 120 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,720 Where do I recognise her? Is she famous? 121 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,319 Boo's death hit the papers. 122 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:07,999 Local café girl gets hit by bike 123 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,039 and a car 124 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,919 and another bike. 125 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,039 Er, no. She, er... She used to work here. 126 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,880 I'm sorry, I don't have any change. 127 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,640 The next man who walks in here is getting ridden to death. 128 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,239 - Dad! - Hi. 129 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,519 Not ideal. 130 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:37,879 Erm... 131 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,639 How are you, eh, 132 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,080 darling? Erm... 133 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,799 You busy? 134 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:44,879 A bit. 135 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,320 Well, I won't keep you, er... 136 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,159 I just wanted to talk about, er, you know, when you... 137 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,359 When you dropped in the other night. 138 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,679 - OK. - I can't help thinking that I... 139 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,239 - We, er... - Yeah? 140 00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,600 I know that we, er... 141 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,040 ...don't have much of a chance to, er... 142 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,519 Did you take the sculpture? 143 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,680 Did you, erm... 144 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,599 ...take the sculpture? 145 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,640 Did you take it? 146 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:15,759 No. 147 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:16,799 What sculpture? 148 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,719 Oh, right, fine, good. 149 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:21,960 Good, you said no and... 150 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:25,239 ...that means I can go. 151 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,520 All right, great. 152 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,999 Are you ha... Are you healthy? 153 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,199 Hey. Do you do, like, hot organic-y food? 154 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,759 Of course. 155 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,399 What would you like? 156 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,959 - Erm... Like, risotto. - Yeah. 157 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,599 Sure. Grab a seat. 158 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:09,600 Hey. 159 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,359 Hi. 160 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:13,679 Hey. 161 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:14,719 Hey. 162 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,119 It's nice to see you. 163 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,479 You, too. 164 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,399 Fucked me up the arse. 165 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,919 What are you getting? 166 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,239 Oh, just these. For my... 167 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,120 ...tiny, bleeding vagina. 168 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,279 Hot. 169 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,999 - You? - Stock cubes. 170 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,120 Hot. 171 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,679 I hope it's a light flow. 172 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,399 Oh, it never is. 173 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,439 It never... 174 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,480 ...is. 175 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,639 Listen, er, 176 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,519 you around later? 177 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,559 Er... 178 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:46,319 Yes, fucking yes, please, yes. 179 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,599 Yes. 180 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:48,799 Cool. 181 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:49,840 Cool. 182 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:57,839 Yes! 183 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,759 I'm so happy with my body now. 184 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,999 I don't have to define myself by how I look 185 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,599 because I've just got a fucking great body. 186 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,839 - Yeah, I can do other stuff now! - That's so great! 187 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,039 Mike wants to start trying for a baby. 188 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,639 - OK. - No... 189 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,559 I can't blow this body on a baby, Steph. 190 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,480 I'm going to have to leave him. 191 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,039 Oh, shit. Oh. 192 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,559 That is not hygienic. 193 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,799 - Sorry. - Oh, gross. 194 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,479 We're leaving now. 195 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,519 I suppose you should meet Hillary. 196 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,040 Two years ago, I... 197 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,159 OK. The most important thing is, if you don't like it, 198 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,679 - we can't take it back, OK? - OK. 199 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:39,799 Happy birthday. 200 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:41,399 I'm sorry, I panicked. 201 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,759 As long as I can wear it or eat it, I'm happy. 202 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,599 You can do both of those things. 203 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,399 Oh, my God, did you get me a... 204 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,319 - What is this? - I... 205 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,399 - What the... What is... - I don't know. 206 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,439 - What is it? - Something to love. 207 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:57,560 She's beautiful! 208 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,999 You idiot! 209 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,640 Escape artist. 210 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,879 I don't feel anything about guinea pigs, 211 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,119 they're pointless, 212 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,479 but Boo took Hillary very seriously as a gift 213 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,800 and, soon, everything became guinea pig-related. 214 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,320 This is an excellent one. 215 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,960 Drink? 216 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,479 Look, I'm, er, sorry about the mess. 217 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,656 - No problem. - Do you want some prosciutto with that? 218 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,039 So reliable. 219 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,359 Utterly inaccessible. 220 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,039 Relentlessly profound. 221 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:55,079 All he wants is to get you in the bath and ask questions like... 222 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,400 What are you afraid of? 223 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,319 And you find yourself saying things like... 224 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,919 I guess... 225 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,800 ...losing the currency of youth. 226 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,560 Ask me a question. 227 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,760 When did you realise you were so good looking? 228 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,399 I knew I was different when I was about nine, 229 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,519 but shit got real around 11. 230 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,919 Shit got real? 231 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,479 You know... 232 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:24,800 Aunts got weird. 233 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,639 I have another question. 234 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:31,680 OK. 235 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,240 Do you ever feel lonely? 236 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,399 Yeah. 237 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,199 Of course. 238 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,199 Do you? 239 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,360 Never. 240 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,480 Do you want some pineapple? 241 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,040 Yeah. 242 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,240 God, yeah! 243 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,479 Oh, they're so small! 244 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,839 They are so small! 245 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,679 - What? - They're so small! 246 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,239 - So... - Small! 247 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,319 God, they are so fucking tiny! 248 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,639 Yeah, I guess they're... 249 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,599 Oh, God, they're hardly even there! I mean, what the fuck even are they? 250 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,439 Bit much. 251 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,840 Excuse me! 252 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,120 Oh, yeah! 253 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,639 I'm having a Harry panic. 254 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,839 Madame Ovary's telling me to run back to safe place, 255 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:36,519 I can make baby in safe place, 256 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:38,120 but you've got to ride it out. 257 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,760 Mustn't call Ha... 258 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:49,160 Thanks for coming. 259 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:51,999 That's OK. 260 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,479 Are you OK? 261 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,560 Your message sounded urgent. 262 00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,439 Were you busy? 263 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,319 - No, I was in the interval... - Oh, cool. 264 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:02,770 - ...of Cats. - OK. 265 00:14:02,794 --> 00:14:04,639 - The musical. - Was it good? 266 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,079 Really good, actually. 267 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,120 Really good. 268 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,919 - Sorry for interrupting. - No, that's OK. 269 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,199 I, er... I got the feeling it wasn't going to end well for the cats, 270 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:18,000 so probably good to remember them like that before they all... 271 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,879 Sorry. Erm... 272 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:21,920 Are you OK? 273 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,679 Who were you with? 274 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:25,920 A work friend. 275 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:28,640 A girl. 276 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,160 I, erm... 277 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,720 I found this. 278 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,159 Thanks. 279 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:50,800 I didn't realise I'd left it. 280 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,480 Why's your hair wet? 281 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,119 Don't look at me like that. 282 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,239 Like what? Like what? 283 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,519 Look, I don't want to sound cold or cruel or... You know... 284 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,919 And I don't want to think I'm just off happy at the theatre 285 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,279 all the time, either, I'm not, 286 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,959 but... 287 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,799 I'm not going to... I just... 288 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,359 If this is about us getting back together, I was serious, 289 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,559 this time I'm not just going to come running back. 290 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,880 I really just need some time away from... 291 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,199 I'm so glad you called. 292 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,640 I'm so glad you picked up. 293 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,400 I've missed you. 294 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,800 I've missed you. 295 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,960 Oh, my gosh, you feel good. 296 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,839 I wish he'd just fuck me. 297 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,799 All he wants to do is make love. 298 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,839 Are you OK? 299 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,960 Yeah, I'm really good. I'm amazing. 300 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,399 He's wasting me. 301 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:54,479 I was once fucking this guy who would breathe on every thrust... 302 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,759 You're so young! 303 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:56,959 You're so young! 304 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,799 I masturbate about that all the time. 305 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,439 I masturbate a lot these days. 306 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,040 Especially when I'm bored. 307 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,679 Or angry. 308 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:08,839 Or upset. 309 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:09,959 Can we just... 310 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,559 Or happy. 311 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,959 Oh. Yeah. 312 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,199 Yeah. 313 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,480 Amazing. 314 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,319 - Shall I? - No, could you just... 315 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,679 Just stay there. 316 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,679 No, don't. Just... 317 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,519 Yeah. Sh, sh! Ah! 318 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,119 Yeah. 319 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,999 Yes. Just... 320 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,599 Ah, just... 321 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:35,720 Ah, God. 322 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,160 Look, I think we should stop masturbating. 323 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,039 And don't say anything yet, I just... 324 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,119 I just think it might help us focus on each other. 325 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:12,759 You know, be more present. 326 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,760 Really successful couples do it. 327 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,279 Erm... 328 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,759 I've hidden our vibrators. 329 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:20,799 Our? 330 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,239 I thought it might be fun. 331 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:23,479 To find them? 332 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,240 No, just to try and not... 333 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,639 ...touch ourselves, to try and... 334 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:30,959 ...save our touches... 335 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,839 ...for each other. I mean, what do you think? 336 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,799 Well, I think you're being really sexy. 337 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,359 - Don't! - Oh! I'm joking. 338 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,439 I never masturbate. 339 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,520 I don't know how. 340 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,879 Yeah, also, I thought we should try and surprise each other 341 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,039 once every day, just a, you know... 342 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,359 A sweet little something, just to keep it... 343 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,639 - You know? - Are you getting this out of a book? 344 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:59,319 I've already planned your first surprise, so... 345 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,040 Don't eat too much before dinner. 346 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,680 See you later. 347 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,720 And I will see you later, too. 348 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,159 Hi. 349 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,759 Just thought I'd pop by for some lunch. 350 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,119 Bit weird. 351 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,520 Yes, well... 352 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,759 How are you? 353 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,399 Quiet day? 354 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,759 Yeah, I'm fine. 355 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,479 You OK? You look stressed. 356 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:41,840 Well, I'm successful, so... 357 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,239 Do you have rye bread? 358 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,999 No, but I have some normal bread you can puke up after. 359 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,799 Great. 360 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,079 What do you want on it? 361 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,599 Oh, just tomatoes is fine. 362 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,319 Just tomatoes? 363 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,279 Just a tomato sandwich? 364 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,279 Yes. Is there a problem? 365 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:01,560 No. 366 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,159 Listen, I don't want to know anything about this surprise party, 367 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,119 but, if you could just, erm, 368 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:11,279 have it at mine this Friday at 7:30, that'd be great. 369 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,839 I can organise it and act surprised 370 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,919 but, if you could just, erm... 371 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,919 Do you know what, why don't I just do it? 372 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,799 I can organise it, do the food, act surprised, 373 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,756 and just take it off your hands. 374 00:19:22,781 --> 00:19:24,392 I mean, I can see that you're busy, so... 375 00:19:24,416 --> 00:19:25,771 OK, if you want. 376 00:19:25,796 --> 00:19:28,639 Well, I don't want to, but I think it would be easier for everyone 377 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,079 - if I could just... - OK. 378 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,479 I mean, I've done it, it's done. 379 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:34,480 It's this Friday at 7:30 at mine. 380 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:36,600 Great. 381 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:43,759 How behind are you? 382 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,519 If it's money that you need... 383 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,799 I don't need money. 384 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,360 That'll be £25, please. 385 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,600 London... 386 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:55,999 Thanks. 387 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:01,799 Can't believe that thing's still alive. 388 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,279 Oh, any news on Harry? 389 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,839 Yeah, we're back together. 390 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,280 Oh, God, I can't keep up. 391 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:15,880 Hello! 392 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,080 Harry? 393 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,119 Shit. 394 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:29,599 Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise. 395 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,319 - Surprise! - Argh! 396 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,079 Argh! 397 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:25,599 It's me! It's me! It's me! 398 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,959 Why would you do that? I thought I was going to get raped! 399 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,799 I'm sorry! Baby, I'm sorry! I thought you wanted a surprise! 400 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,119 It was a ninja surprise! 401 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:33,319 Oh, my God, my heart! 402 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,120 I'm shaking so much! Oh, my God! 403 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:38,849 - Oh, my God! - Oh! 404 00:21:38,874 --> 00:21:39,919 Oh, my God! 405 00:21:39,944 --> 00:21:42,110 OK. It's OK. Are you OK? 406 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:44,319 Oh, my God. 407 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,959 Did you have a good day? 408 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,439 I did, yeah. Fine, thanks. I'm so sorry. 409 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,479 I'm sorry. I didn't think you were going to react like that. 410 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:52,999 I'm... 411 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,799 I'm sorry, it was a joke. 412 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,440 It was a good joke. 413 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,359 Jesus. 414 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,439 I thought you'd be later. 415 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,759 - Argh! - Oh, my God! 416 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,799 Oh, God, sorry! I just had to get that out! 417 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,720 I'm still in shock! I'm still shaking! 418 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:13,999 That was horrible. 419 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,359 It was a surprise. 420 00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:16,599 I know. 421 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:17,719 Thank you. 422 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:18,920 It's fine. 423 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,879 Shall I go and get us some wine? 424 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,240 OK. 425 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:32,639 I know what you look like! 426 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:33,999 I know what you took! 427 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,800 That is the last time! 428 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,120 Splashed out on a special bottle for a special... 429 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:45,560 Harry? 430 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,359 I had to go into the history on my computer 431 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:53,080 to find something I'd seen on the H&M website this morning and... 432 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,359 I don't want to point fingers but... 433 00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,319 ...anal, gang bang, 434 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,319 mature, big cock, 435 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:03,479 small tits, hentai, 436 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,199 Asian, teen, 437 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,159 MILF, big butts, 438 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:08,559 lesbian, gay, 439 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:09,839 facial, fetish, 440 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,719 bukake, young and old, 441 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,799 swallow, rough, voyeur 442 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,120 and public. 443 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,120 Why are you being so sexy? 444 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,320 Don't make me hate you. 445 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,200 Loving you's painful enough. 446 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,120 OK, sorry... 447 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,159 ...but I really think you should write that down. 448 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,567 I know it's not appropriate but I really think you should write that down. 449 00:23:40,592 --> 00:23:42,345 - It's really good... - I'm not going to write down... 450 00:23:42,370 --> 00:23:44,360 No, I'm serious! For your songs and stuff. 451 00:23:44,384 --> 00:23:46,384 It's perfect! It's poetic yet real. 452 00:23:46,409 --> 00:23:47,449 Serious. 453 00:23:58,480 --> 00:23:59,919 Don't... 454 00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:01,399 ...make me... 455 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,799 - Hate you. - Yeah, I know, thank you. 456 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:07,800 Loving you is painful... 457 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,440 What am I doing? 458 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,799 Look, there's someone at work who loves me. 459 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,639 Well, she told me she loves me and I said we couldn't be together 460 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,040 because I had to know. 461 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,120 Do you want to be alone? 462 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,240 You will never see me again. 463 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:35,079 I'll always love you but I just can't take it any more. 464 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,800 I don't hate you, I'm scared for you. 465 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,960 He's going to write that down. 466 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,999 Don't hate you... 467 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,040 Scared... 468 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:04,759 I'm going to go pack my things up from the bedroom again, but, erm... 469 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,679 I'm... I'm not going to clean. 470 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,560 It's still in pretty good shape, so... 471 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,479 If I don't see you after that, 472 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:14,520 goodbye. 473 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:25,920 Forever. 474 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:33,560 He'll be back. 30649

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