Original subtitles

[birds cawing]

[flies buzzing]

[Peterson] Yuck.

The fire's still warm.

Is that you, Hermit Bob?

We kind of can see you.

Farmer Miller says you mighta' stole one of his chickens.

That happens to be against the law.

Now, I'm hopin' that it was a fox that did that.

[Hermit Bob] Up your hole with a wooden pole, Cliff.

That also happens to be against the law.

[Peterson] Should we take him in?

Where did he go?

[Robertson] I don't know.

I don't see him.

We're gonna go back to town now, Hermit Bob.

Don't break any more laws. Just calm down.

[Hermit Bob] Hey, Cliff.

Fuck you!

["The Dead Don't Die" playing]

[Simpson] ♪ Oh, the dead don't die ♪

♪ Any more than you or I ♪

♪ They're just ghosts inside a dream ♪

♪ Of a life that we don't own ♪

♪ They walk around us all the time ♪

♪ Never paying any mind ♪

♪ To the silly lives we lead ♪

♪ Or the reaping we've all sown ♪

♪ There's a cup of coffee waiting ♪

♪ On every corner ♪

♪ Someday we're gonna wake up ♪

♪ And find the corner's gone ♪

♪ But the dead will Still be walking round ♪

♪ In this old world alone ♪

♪ Well, after life is over ♪

♪ The afterlife goes on ♪

♪ Well, after life is over ♪

♪ The afterlife goes on ♪

Should we bring him in one of these days?

I mean, he fired a weapon at police officers.

[Robertson breathes deeply]

Yeah, I don't know.

I doubt he even stole that chicken.

Farmer Miller is such an asshole.

I've known Bob since Jr. High.

[Peterson] Oh, wow. That must have been like 50 years ago.

[Robertson] Yeah, it was.

You know, Bob's been out there for years,

eatin' squirrels and bugs,

and he never hurt anyone that I ever heard of.

Well, he is kind of unusual.

Is it already 20 after 8:00?

Shouldn't it be getting dark by now?

Yeah, this daylight savings thing

is all out-of-whack lately.

Damn it...

My watch stopped.

Or is broken or something.

Yeah, something weird's goin' on.

[Robertson] Yeah. Weird.

Yeah, this isn't gonna end well, Cliff.

[Hermit Bob] The ant colonies,

all jacked up like it was the end of the world.

Hey, Ronnie, you wanna swing by the diner

and get some donuts, coffee?

[sighing] Um, no, thanks.

It seems late for coffee and donuts.

[Robertson] I guess so.

[Mindy over radio] This is home base.

Are you guys reading me? Over.

Hey, Mindy.

You guys okay out there?

Yeah, we're just, uh, cruising a bit before we swing on back.

Uh, you need anything?

We could, uh, run by the diner.

Pick you up some coffee and donuts.

Negative. Thanks.

There is something strange going on, though.

Have you guys by any chance noticed that...

[static]

-...and the daylight and the... -[static]

-...I think the news report... -[static]

Hello, hello. Shit. We lost her. Use your cell.

That's funny. It's completely dead

and it was fully charged.

Hey, Cliff, should we listen to the civilian radio?

Sure, go ahead.

[changing stations]

["The Dead Don't Die" playing]

[increases volume]

[Simpson] ♪ Oh, the dead don't die ♪

♪ Any more than you or I... ♪

Wow, that sounds so familiar.

What is that song, Ronnie?

It's The Dead Don't Die.

By Sturgill Simpson.

Sturgill Simpson...

Why does it sound so familiar?

Well, 'cause it's the theme song.

The theme song?

Yeah.

♪ There's a cup of coffee waiting ♪

[increases volume]

♪ On every corner ♪

♪ Someday we're gonna wake up ♪

♪ And find the corner's gone ♪

♪ But the dead will Still be walking 'round ♪

♪ This old world alone ♪

♪ Well, after life is over ♪

♪ The afterlife goes on ♪

♪ There'll be old friends walking 'round ♪

♪ In a somewhat familiar town ♪

♪ That you saw once ♪

♪ When you looked up from the phone ♪

[indistinct conversation]

[Simpson continues on radio] ♪ Nobody bothers saying hi ♪

♪ And you can save all your goodbyes ♪

♪ Stop trying to pretend ♪

♪ That we're all not at home... ♪

How much longer until my take-out's ready, Fern?

Be out shortly, Frank. Just heatin' it up for ya.

Would you mind turnin' off that goddamn music?

Fucking Sturgill Simpson.

-[music stops] -Sure thing.

So, Frank, what makes you so sure

it's Hermit Bob who stole your chicken?

Well, who the hell else could it be?

That goddamn hairy lunatic.

Livin' out there all these years like a caveman.

Like some kind of ghost.

Might as well be Amish...

Maybe it was a fox, Frank.

I don't think Bob ever hurt anybody.

Yeah? Well, tell that to my fucking chickens!

[scoffs] Fox, my ass.

Here you go, Frank.

You want me to put that in a to-go cup for you?

Nah. Can't drink any more of that stuff.

It's too damn black for me...

I meant, it's too strong.

Take care, Frank.

[Farmer Miller] Yeah.

[Posie Juarez on radio] ...this special report.

These activities could possibly be affecting

the earth's rotation on its axis.

Scientists say

even the slightest change in this balance

may already be causing a dramatic change

in our usual hours of daylight.

Meanwhile, government officials

as well as the heads of the energy companies involved

say the recent extensive polar fracking

has had no discernible consequences whatsoever.

Here's what the energy secretary had to say,

in this evening's press conference.

[Energy Secretary] Listen,

these alarmists are dangerous liars.

Let's not believe something

just because one so-called "scientist" says it's true.

Polar fracking has created fantastic jobs, big profits

and energy for our great country.

Let's not forget our priorities--

[turns off radio]

What you think, Fern?

[Fern] I don't know, Hank.

Shouldn't it be getting dark out?

[Posie Juarez] So you can see from this diagram that

if the earth is pulled even slightly off its axis,

the repercussions could be extreme.

Coming up

-in the next segment... -[turns off tv]

Holy shit, man. This is crazy.

A change in the Earth's rotation or its spin rate?

That'd be catastrophic for sure.

All the cycles of the biosphere

would be effected.

The natural cycles of sunlight would be disrupted,

plants wouldn't grow, wind patterns would change.

And tectonic activity,

forget about it.

The polar caps shifting would mean...

I don't want to say.

Total planetary destruction.

For real?

[Olivia] Shut up.

[door opens]

[guard] Okay! Time's up, girls!

Way up.

Well, if it isn't Geronimo on the girls' floor again!

Do you wanna be a girl, Geronimo?

No.

Well, then get back to the boys' section! Now!

Dennis...

Can you please escort Geronimo back to the boys' section?

I'll deal with these girls.

Let's go, Geronimo. You know the drill.

Let's go, you clowns!

It's bedtime for bozos!

You two ladies too, let's go.

[Posie Juarez] Secretary of Energy Pillerton, however,

continues to fully refute these speculations

-insisting polar... -[static]

-[country music playing] -[boy 1] See you, Bobby.

[boy 2] Excellent.

You got it? Need a bag?

[boy 2] No, thanks.

All right.

[boy 2] Bye, Bobby.

See you, guys.

[boy 1] Wow, it's still so light out.

[sighing] Okay. So weird...

[music stops]

Bilbo Baggins.

[Bobby] Hey, Dean.

What's up, buddy?

How's things?

After-hours delivery, WUPS. Check this out.

Got some weird news of the world.

[chuckles] The earth off its axis.

That's bad news.

This is for you right here, for your collection.

Oh, man, Star Log, Eerie...

-Creepy number 61! -[chuckles]

April, 1974.

That motherfucker's rare, before you was born an' shit.

Oh, man, here, let me give you some money.

No, that's on me.

Add it to your collection.

Thanks, man.

Just give me your Herbie Hancock right here

and I'll be on my way.

Man, you need to fix the AC.

You know, it's kind of hot in this motherfucker.

All right.

Okey dokey.

All right, see you next week. Frodo.

Hey, Dean.

I was wondering if you wouldn't mind just, uh,

droppin' a little wisdom until the next delivery?

The world is perfect.

Appreciate the details.

[Bobby whispers] The world is perfect.

Appreciate the details.

[Hermit Bob] You guys shouldn't be here.

Strange.

Tasty porcinis.

Okay.

[indistinct chatter on tv]

Kitties!

[OVER TV] Good evening. This is Posie Juarez.

We interrupt this program

for a Centerville 7 News Special Report.

People are saying their pets have either just disappeared

or are acting unusually skittish and aggressive.

Here's a report from Harrisville.

[woman] Look at this.

I mean, I just couldn't find my cat, Rainbow.

And when I finally did find her,

she was under the house.

She's never done that before.

She's not usually like that. She's very gentle and...

That's so strange. Where are you guys?

...she had this wild look in her eye...

and when I finally tried to pull her out,

she scratched me all to shreds like a wild animal.

That's so creepy.

I knew... Back? Hello... [chuckles]

Wow, that is strange,

and it seems to be happening all over.

We'll have more reports at 11:00.

But for now, this is Posie Juarez

for Centerville 7 News.

Stay safe and keep your eyes open.

[Farmer Miller] Rumsfeld!

Rumsfeld! Here, boy! Where the hell are you?

[sighs]

Goddamn dog.

Rumsfeld! You out here?

Rumsfeld, what you doing over there?

Get your ass inside.

[whines]

-Come on, stupid. -[barking]

Hey!

What are you doing?

God damn it!

Holy shit!

Who stole my fucking cows?

[sighs]

Where the hell are my chickens?

[cows mooing]

[Hermit Bob] Frank's cows.

Into the woods, ladies.

Welcome to my world.

[Robertson] Damn it, Mallory.

Even dead, you reek of chardonnay.

Cheap chardonnay.

How's she lookin'?

Well, she's not gettin' any older.

Wow, the diner sure makes

the world's best coffee, doesn't it?

Yeah, but how can you drink it so late? Won't it keep you up?

No, I sleep like a baby.

Except maybe when I know

there's a corpse waiting for me at work.

Oh, yeah...

Cliff, is the coroner from Latrobe

gonna pick her up tomorrow?

It's gettin' a little creepy being here alone

with Mallory decomposing in there.

[Robertson] Yeah, they're supposed to come

pick her up tomorrow morning.

[Mindy] Thank God.

I don't know why she can't be over at the funeral home.

[Robertson] 'Cause she's goin' to potter's field in Latrobe.

And 'cause our new unusual undertaker,

Ms. Winston,

has got those two golfers

that were struck by lightning. The Logans.

[Mindy clears throat]

Thanks, Ronnie. Not really necessary, but...

[Peterson] Can I, uh, drive you home, Mindy?

Also not necessary, Ronnie. You know I have my car here.

Oh, yeah. How is the Prius running?

Fine. Can you even fit two people

in that little smart car of yours?

Well, yeah. Holds two nicely.

[Robertson] This daylight thing is bothering me.

It's strange.

[Mindy] Well, what can I say.

The world is kind of strange lately.

Yeah, it sure is. If you ask me,

this whole thing is gonna end badly.

So, what exactly do you mean, Ronnie?

Oh, uh... Don't know.

Just a feeling, I guess. A strong feeling.

Oh, boy.

You okay doin' the whole night shift alone, Cliff?

Yeah, I can take a nap, maybe.

I can just lie down in that other cell,

next to old Mallory.

[Mindy] Oh, God...

Next to her... Her dead body?

Might bring back some old memories.

See you guys tomorrow.

See ya, Cliff.

Yeah, see you tomorrow, Chief.

[Robertson] This is all gonna end badly.

What does that mean?

I knew Mallory O'Brien since I was a kid. Huh.

And believe it or not, she was a pretty young thing, too.

-Please. -[laughing]

Sorry, but good riddance to that drunken old goat.

[stammers] Well, I don't know, Fern...

Jeez, I gotta get up out of here.

I gotta get to the hardware store early tomorrow morning.

I'm looking forward to seeing you ladies tomorrow.

Take care, Hank.

-Night, Hank. Sweet dreams. -[door opens]

-Hank is such a gentleman. -[door closes]

[Fern] Sure is.

[sighs] Well, I better get started cleaning here.

[Fern] Listen, Lily...

I've been dying to ask you about that new foreign woman

that took over the funeral home.

What's her name?

Her name is Zelda Winston. And she's strange, for sure.

And she's got these, like, really weird eyes

like she's, like, looking right through you.

She pays me really well, though.

Zelda... What kind of name is that?

[Lily] I don't know...

She's probably like Irish or Scottish or whatever.

And she talks really funny, though,

so I don't always get it right.

But I like the name Zelda.

It reminds me of, um, Zelda Fitzgerald.

Who's that?

That's Great Gatsby's wife!

And who's that?

That's the really rich guy from the 1920s.

The Robert Redford guy.

Well, anyways, so, what's it like over there

in those secret rooms since she took over?

Well, there's these, like, really creepy back rooms,

you know, where they, like, keep all the stiffs.

And then next to that, there's this big golden Buddha.

A what now?

There's a big shiny golden Buddha,

and then there's these, like,

old-looking samurai swords on a rack.

[exhales]

Really?

[soft instrumental music playing]

[speaks Mandarin]

[in English] That's peculiar.

Now stay put, will you?

[rustles]

[rustles]

[gasps]

What is it, Liv?

You okay?

Yeah, I guess so.

I just got this creepy feeling.

You were probably just having a bad dream.

Yeah. I guess so. A bad dream...

It's okay. Just go back to sleep.

Thanks, Stell.

[Hermit Bob breathing heavily]

[Hermit Bob] Hmm. Toxic lunar vibrations.

[sighs]

[groaning]

[Fern] That's Lily's.

All right, honey, I'm done.

I'm leaving your money here.

I'm out of here, Lil.

[Lily] Okay, Fern. See you tomorrow.

Not if I see you first.

Very funny.

Excuse me, we're closed! What, what happened to you...

[screams] Lily!

[Fern screaming]

[whimpering]

Get the fuck away from me, you little motherfucker!

I'll fucking kill you!

I'll shove this mop up your fucking ass, motherfucker!

Out! Get out! [screaming]

Get the fuck away from me!

-[screaming] -[grunts]

[Lily screaming]

Coffee.

[Lily crying]

[cup shatters]

Coffee.

Coffee.

[shatters]

[Lily continues crying]

[shatters]

[phone ringing]

[glasses clatter]

[phone continues ringing]

[sighs]

Centerville Police Department. This is Chief Robertson.

Hi, Hank. What's up?

Is it really 6:30?

What?

At the diner?

[tires screech]

[indistinct chatter]

Like I said on the phone, Cliff,

often Fern gets here early,

and so I thought I might

get some coffee to go, and then this...

Oh, my God...

I saw them. Fern and Lily.

Oh, man...

What... What the hell was it?

A wild animal? Several wild animals?

I don't know.

But whatever it was, it even smashed the coffee pots.

[indistinct conversation]

[Peterson] Oh, yuck.

Jesus Christ, Cliff.

What the heck was that? A wild animal?

Several wild animals?

That's exactly what I said.

[car approaching]

Hey, guys.

Wow. Fern's really done wonders

with these flower beds.

Really perks up the place, huh?

What?

-What happened? -God, Mindy...

I don't think you wanna see this.

No, no, I didn't need to see that.

Was it a wild animal?

Or several wild animals?

Cliff, is that really Fern and Lily in there?

[Robertson] Uh, no.

That was Fern and Lily. But now...

[woman crying]

Do you need me here?

Maybe you could help out with crowd control.

[Mindy] Okay, folks, can you move it along now, please?

Thank you.

[woman continues crying]

[coughing]

[retching]

[coughs]

[Robertson] God, Ronnie. This is really awful.

Maybe the worst thing I've ever seen.

Yeah. Sure is.

I, uh...

I... I gotta go.

So, what are you thinkin'?

[car engine starts]

You... You really wanna know?

I'm thinkin' zombies.

What?

You know, zombies. Ghouls. The undead.

Are you... You're trying to tell me...

You're thinking zombies did this?

Yup.

Hey, Jack, will you check your phone

and see where we are exactly?

Yeah.

Oh, man, I'm not getting any reception out here.

I don't even know

if my phone's working, for some reason.

Let me try the radio.

Oh, wow, it's working again, so...

[man on radio] ...they're absolutely wrong.

We know very well that polar fracking

has been great for this country.

In my opinion, these naysayers

should just move to somewhere else...

-I am not listening to this. -[changing stations]

[country music playing]

[Simpson] ♪ And the streets look so empty

♪ In the morning... ♪

The Dead Don't Die. I love this song.

♪ For the lights that shine down on ♪

♪ But the dead will Still be walking 'round ♪

♪ In this old world alone ♪

♪ And after life is over ♪

♪ The afterlife goes on ♪

♪ Hearts break When loved ones journey on ♪

♪ At the thought that They're now forever gone ♪

♪ So we tell ourselves ♪

♪ They're all still around us All the time ♪

Thanks.

♪ Gone but not forgotten ♪

♪ Just memories left behind ♪

Oh, shit, you guys. We have to stop and get gas.

Look.

Gas sign right there.

[wind whistling]

♪ In this old world alone... ♪

[Bobby] Okay, cool. Come back soon, okay?

[boy 2] See ya, Bobby.

[Bobby] Stay sick, guys.

[boy 2] Turn blue, Bobby.

[Jack] Hey, kids, how's it going?

[boy 2] Eat me.

Whoa. This place is a trip.

Sure is.

Oh. Hi!

Hi.

Nice shirt.

Nosferatu.

Yeah.

[Zoe] That's really cool.

Thanks. I make 'em.

How about that? Earth off its axis.

-End of the world. -Mmm.

Flesh-eating zombies.

You get a lot of zombies around here?

That depends, I guess. [chuckles]

So... So, uh, about the gas.

You wanna pay cash or credit?

Here you go, Frodo.

Cool. Thanks.

Uh, did you, uh...

Did you just call me Frodo?

Did I?

Hey, is there a motel in town?

-[Bobby] Yeah, there is one. -[gasps]

Just down the road... Oh, that's a really good CD.

Sturgill Simpson. The Dead Don't Die.

Yeah, I know. I love this song.

Is it nice?

-What? -The motel.

Oh, yeah. It's, it's kind of cool.

It's one of those old-school ones.

[Zack] Like in old-school horror movies?

With like, like in Psycho with the separated bungalows?

Uh, Bates Motel in Psycho was not separated

into "little bungalows."

Ooh...

-Burn. -[Zack] All right...

[Bobby] That's $12 for the CD. And $2 for the soda.

Here you go. You can just keep the change.

Oh, cool.

-[Jack] Whoa! -[[Zoe chuckles]

That's a super cool ride, by the way.

Very, uh, George Romero.

Yeah, it's a classic.

Your film knowledge is impressive.

What's your name?

Bobby. Bobby Wiggins.

What's that? Bobby Baggins?

No, Wiggins.

I'm Zoe. Thanks, Bobby.

-[car door closes] -[engine starts]

Will the Feds be brought in on this? It's...

It's really weird.

I see.

But Mrs. O'Brien...

So she has to stay with us another night?

[sighs] Oh, God. Okay. Thank you.

Hello, Ms. Winston.

Hello, Officer Minerva Morrison.

Do call me Zelda.

Yeah, okay, sure.

You've been informed of the tragedy?

I have.

Am I to understand that the remains will be

brought to The Ever After Funeral Home

for my preparations?

Uh, no, that won't be necessary.

The Feds have already collected the remains,

and they've brought them out of the county.

I see.

Is there anything else I can do?

Yes. I do have an unrelated question.

Shoot.

Shoot?

I mean, ask me.

Oh, yes.

Are you by any chance a couple?

You and the physically attractive one?

Uh, you mean the younger one? Officer Peterson?

That's the one I mean. Officer Ronald Peterson.

Well, actually, no.

Why do you ask, Zelda?

Just accumulating local information.

Oh. Okay.

Dear Jesus. I mean, that's absolutely horrible.

I mean, who or what is... [stammers]

Is perpetrating these...

Hey.

What's going on?

Hey.

Nice car.

'68 Pontiac LeMans.

[Jack] Yeah. It's a beauty, huh?

It's our friend's totally rad ride.

It's a classic.

Have a good one.

[Zack] Later.

[Zoe] Guys, I'm so hungry.

[Zack] Same. Let's eat.

I'll ask. Hey.

Nice car.

Thank you. Uh, do you guys know

if there's a diner or restaurant nearby?

[Robertson] Sorry,

the only diner in town is closed.

Indefinitely.

Well, that's unfortunate.

[Danny] But we have

several vending machines containing snacks

right over by the office.

Okay. Thanks. Do you have change for three dollars?

Yeah, I do.

I like your badge.

Oh... Thank you.

That's, uh...

That... That should be good.

[Peterson] Oh, okay.

-Thanks. -Oh, no, you can have it.

Yeah? Okay. Thanks.

They just checked in. Hipsters from the big city.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

My educated guess would be Pittsburgh.

They got that urban style, you know.

Those plates are from Ohio,

so my educated guess would be Cleveland.

Oh... Cleveland?

Hmm.

[Robertson] Yeah, Cleveland.

Thanks.

Oh, yeah. Thanks.

That girl's part Mexican.

Huh?

Really? How can you tell?

I have an affinity for Mexicans.

They're like my favorite people.

I love Mexico. I've been down there twice.

[sighs] Okay, Ronnie,

then you should be the one to inform them

that if they're gonna spend the night in Centerville,

to not go out,

and to keep their hotel room door locked. Okay?

-Uh, you know, Cliff, uh... -[knocking on door]

I know this isn't important comparatively, uh,

but all my cats are gone.

And normally, they, uh, just stay inside.

[indistinct conversation]

I'm sorry about that, Danny. They could be hiding.

Nothing is happening normally right now.

How did they react?

They said, "We heard you had a lot of zombies around here,"

and then they laughed.

[scoffs] Infernal hipsters with their irony.

Melville.

"Nameless miseries of the numberless mortals."

[grunts]

[Olivia] Well, everything looks normal out there.

[Stella] Yeah.

[Olivia] But what happened sounds like

the start of a gruesome horror film.

Sure does.

-Boo! -[both gasp]

[chuckles]

Really, really not funny, Geronimo.

You guys hear about those grisly murders at the diner?

Yeah. Just talkin' about them.

Cree-eepy.

I've been listening to the radio,

and I'm sure it's the undead, yo.

Reanimated by the earth being thrown off its axis

from the polar fracking.

What are you sayin'?

I'm sayin' full-on zombie apocalypse, baby.

Soon there'll be hordes of 'em.

-Geronimo... -Shit!

[guard] Do you want to lose your privileges again?

-[sighs] No, sir. -Then let's go.

Unbelievable.

[Peterson] Cliff, why did they used to separate

the children's graves from the adults?

Don't know. Some kind of a 19th-century thing.

Huh.

Seems like a bad idea somehow.

So what exactly are we looking for here, zombies?

[groans]

Hey, look over here.

Here's another one.

Oh, man, this isn't gonna end well.

[car doors close]

God damn it.

Ghouls.

This is undead reanimated,

full-on, flesh-eating zombie shit.

No question.

I was supposed to retire.

Two years ago.

[Peterson] I know.

Why didn't you?

What?

Retire two years ago.

Are we improvising here?

No. I was just asking.

But I probably know the answer anyway.

Probably. Yeah.

So, is our plan to continue to inform people

about the zombie danger before it gets dark?

Oh, God, Ronnie.

I guess so.

Because we passed

Farmer Miller's place a little while ago.

Do we need to inform him?

Fuck Farmer Miller.

Really?

He is a citizen of Centerville.

You're right, uh...

We'll have Mindy call him.

Oh, okay.

So, Ronnie,

how the fuck do you kill a zombie?

Well, you gotta kill the head.

Kill the head.

Yeah.

By any means necessary, kill the head.

Decapitate. It's the only way to kill them.

[scoffs] Jesus.

And that's really the only way to stop zombies.

Is to kill the head, Hank.

I know it's gruesome, but complete decapitation.

It doesn't matter if you use a machete

or steel wire, hedge clippers, whatever.

Just as long as the spinal cord is severed. Right.

And the head is cut off.

And that's it.

De-animated.

Only way to kill the dead

is to kill the head.

Wait a minute, Bobby.

I'm not so sure it was zombies.

[Bobby sighs]

You said they ate Lily and Fern's flesh.

Usually they go for the brains.

It's unusual, but

it's still cannibals, man.

Yeah.

Definitely zombies. Okay?

Hank, you can trust me.

I've seen almost every zombie film ever made.

This is zombie shit going down,

and we gotta get prepared.

I don't know what to think anymore. [chuckles]

[Bobby] Hank, the shells.

Oh, yeah.

Better safe than sorry.

Yeah. You're right.

Safe than sorry.

Just kill the head.

[Posie Juarez on TV] Several other shocking

and brutal attacks occurred in this

residential neighborhood just outside East Brady.

The images are just too gruesome

to broadcast at this time.

And police are saying that it almost looks like

the victims were attacked by a wild animal,

or perhaps several wild animals.

Police did provide this map

showing where these local attacks occurred...

God damn it! My watch doesn't fucking work.

I just got it. It's mad expensive.

Holy shit, dude, this is insane.

Wow.

Maybe that Harry Potter guy

at the gas station wasn't kidding, man.

What? About what?

About there being zombies around here.

That's not even funny. Don't joke.

It's really, really creepy.

Authorities are warning all citizens

to stay inside

and keep all doors and windows locked and secured.

Zack, lock the door, will you?

Got you.

...but for now, this is Posie Juarez

-for Centerville 7 News. -[door closes]

Stay safe and keep your eyes open.

[zombie groaning]

[zombies groaning]

Kitties?

Where are you guys?

[grunts]

Kitties!

Kitties!

[sighs] What in the name of...

Cats are gone,

haven't seen or heard a bird in two days.

It's already night out. It's five o'clock.

Dear Lord in heaven help us.

Free cable...

Oh, it's free cable...

[screaming]

[snarling]

Thank God you guys are back.

Jesus, Cliff, do we really need all this stuff?

[Mindy] What's all this for?

We went by the hardware store.

You know what happens.

Hank and that Hobbit kid Bobby from the gas station

have locked themselves in over there.

[Peterson] They tried to convince

other citizens to join them,

but with no success.

Why? What's happening?

Is it some sort of epidemic or what?

It's zombies.

What are you saying?

Well, it's the undead. They've been reanimated.

Caused by the Earth having been pulled off its axis.

Caused by the polar fracking.

But the authorities and energy people

keep saying that's not true.

Really?

[screams]

Oh, my God.

She's alive?

No, she's not. She's just undead.

Chardonnay...

Holy shit. Did she just say "chardonnay"?

Yeah, she did.

Look out, kids.

Hey, little Mallory.

[gunshot]

Chardonnay...

I got this, Cliff.

[Peterson grunts]

[grunting]

[gasps]

Chardonnay...

-[screams] -[gunshot]

Those are some pretty good cuts.

You played some minor league ball, didn't you?

Well, a little Class A. It was a long time ago.

Mindy, just remember to kill the head.

Okay.

Kill the head. Okay.

Ronnie, take this thing out of here.

You got it, Chief.

[Zelda] Oh, that's very nice.

Very nice, indeed.

You look gorgeous.

You two could've been

the king and queen of the golf club, so you could.

Oh, my.

What's this?

Are you in this together?

I mean, this is really inappropriate.

Oh, good grief.

So, the dead just don't want to die today. Is that it?

That's a shame.

I had them looking so bonny.

-[banging on door] -Oh, what is it now?

Who's there?

[banging]

Shit.

Who the fuck are you and what do you want?

Ow! Hey! Get the fuck...

[snarling]

[Farmer Miller coughing]

-[breathing heavily] -[body thuds]

Shit.

I killed him.

That was weird.

[girl zombie] Candy.

Candy.

Snapple.

Snapple.

Snickers.

[boy zombie 1] Popsicle.

[boy zombie 2] Snickers.

[boy zombie 1] Popsicle.

Popsicle.

[girl zombie 2] Toys.

[boy zombie 3] Skittles.

[girl zombie 2] Toys.

[groaning softly]

Wi-Fi.

Wi-Fi.

Bluetooth.

Bluetooth.

Siri.

-Xanax. -Oxy.

-Xanax. -Oxy.

-Ambien. -Oxy.

Guitar.

Guitar.

Tools.

Drill.

-Sanders. -Tools.

Shovel.

[Bobby] There you go. Come on!

[Hank] okay, okay. Holy shit!

We gotta try to move them down!

Bobby, shit.

[zombies snarling]

[Gun cocks]

[Bobby] I got this one, Hank.

-[Hank] Shit. -[body thuds]

[grunting]

Hey, Bobby!

The head, Hank!

[grunts]

I killed the head.

[zombies groaning]

What the fuck? Is this for real?

-[shushing] -[Olivia] Quiet!

[guard grunting]

[guard 1] Get the fuck off me! Fucking creep!

[guard 2] Fuck! Oh, shit!

Shithead!

[guards screaming]

[guard 3] Save me!

-What are you doing? Stop! -Liv, no!

[guard] Get the fuck off me!

Closet.

[guard] Fuck! Fucking shithead!

[guards groaning]

[reporter on radio] Reports of these

bizarre attacks are escalating

with incidents occurring sporadically

across the country

and as we're now learning, across the globe.

You see, these violent marauders have apparently

first been gathering in cemeteries

then dispersing into towns and suburbs

while other reports suggest that they began

-in a far different place... -[static]

[indistinct]

[radio stops]

Great.

Now even the radio's dead.

Good riddance.

[zombies groaning in distance]

Guys?

Shouldn't we be telling each other

that it's all gonna be okay?

That this will all go away, like a bad dream?

Ronnie?

[Peterson] Gee, Mindy. I'm not sure I can say that.

Cliff?

Please?

It's all gonna be okay, Mindy.

Maybe it'll all just go away, like a bad dream.

I doubt it.

[Mindy sobbing]

[TV playing]

Cleveland.

[crows cawing]

[gasps]

What the...

Now that's what I call a murder of crows.

[zombies snarling]

Darn, she's really good with that thing, isn't she?

She sure is.

She's strange.

She's Scottish.

She's Scottish?

Let's unbolt the door and get her in here.

Thank you very much, Officer Ronald Peterson.

Chief Clifford Robertson.

[door closes]

Officer Minerva Morrison.

What exactly is your plan of action,

Chief Clifford Robertson?

Well...

Well, uh, it's a little quieter now.

I think, I guess we should just get in the patrol car.

Some of us, anyway, and,

uh, patrol the community. After all, that is our job.

[Mindy] I am not staying here.

I think we should all go together.

[Robertson] Well, I guess you're right.

I could stay here and monitor things, if that would help.

I'm quite confident of my ability

to defend myself against the undead.

Well, I can see that.

But, uh, can you operate

the police radio and our computer?

Oh, aye. No bother. Certainly.

[Mindy] Yeah. If it still works.

[Peterson] I don't know.

That would be a little unusual, wouldn't it, Cliff?

Well, this is a highly unusual situation we're in,

is it not, Chief Clifford Robertson?

Perhaps we could all meet up again in a wee while

in the cemetery.

Yeah, that's okay. I guess it's okay.

Uh, let's go, guys.

We've got some more weapons in the patrol car.

Excuse me...

Officer Ronald Peterson. Might I request

that I have the use of your own personal vehicle?

Oh. Uh... Okay.

[Zelda] Oh. Star Wars.

Excellent fiction.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, well... Yeah.

-It's the, uh... -Red convertible smart car.

Yes.

Mind how you go.

[zombies groaning]

Slow down a second, Cliff.

Excuse me.

Yes!

Kill the head.

They gravitate towards things they did when they were alive.

Yeah.

Tennis girl's kind of cute.

[Mindy] Jeez, Cliff.

This is way too creepy.

[Robertson] Oh, God. I know those kids,

but they're all dead.

Watch it, Cliff!

[zombie groans]

Did you have to do that?

I'm sorry. I didn't see him.

It doesn't matter, Mindy. They're already dead.

Well, undead, to be precise. Reanimated.

Fuckin' trespasser. Kiss your ass goodbye.

Shit, where are they all coming from?

It seems pretty quiet.

But door number 3 is open, so I'm gonna check it out.

Let's both check it out.

Well, I'm coming, too.

Oh, that's bad.

[TV playing]

[squelching]

[thuds]

[Peterson] Sturgill Simpson.

-[squelches] -[gasps]

[Mindy] Oh, my God.

Why did you do that?

They're not zombies.

They're just dead people.

Well, yeah, for now they're still just dead hipsters.

But they haven't turned yet.

It can take a while.

He's right, Mindy.

Now they're just

dead hipsters. From Cleveland.

[Mindy] Oh, my God.

I can't.

[sobbing] My God.

[zombies groaning]

[window cracking]

[Zelda] Well, look at all of you.

So very ravenous.

Yet well past your expiration date.

[snarling]

Oh, man. Get a load of these two.

[female zombie] Coffee.

[male zombie] Coffee.

[female zombie] Coffee.

["The Dead Don't Die" playing]

Oh, God!

Not that again.

Sturgill Simpson. It's a great song.

[Simpson] ♪ Any more than you or I ♪

♪ They're just ghosts inside a dream ♪

♪ Of a life that we don't own ♪

♪ They walk around us all the time... ♪

God damn it!

-I can't take anymore. -[music stops]

[window whirring]

That was irrational, Cliff.

[zombies snarling]

[Robertson] Fuck. Do you think

Hank and Bobby Wiggins are still in there?

Should we try to get them out?

Uh, Cliff, we're drawing some attention.

[Mindy] Oh, God, Cliff!

Please get us out of here.

[sniffles] Please, Cliff. Please!

[Mindy sniffles]

-[drill whirring] -That should hold.

[panting] Goddamn zombies, Bobby.

[zombies growling]

[banging on door]

[Hank] I know those guys.

They were two of my best customers.

Yeah, the Good brothers. Travis and Dallas Good.

They died in a car crash some time back.

Oh, shit. Yeah, now I remember those guys.

The Good brothers.

They were really good guitar pickers.

[Hank] That's right.

It's like they came out of the birth canal

with guitars in their hands.

I think you saved my life, man.

[inhales deeply] No worries, Hank.

[breathing heavily]

[banging on door]

-[Hank] Shit. -What?

The fucking back door.

The back door to the storage room, man!

[zombies clamoring]

[Hank] Jesus, Bobby.

Shit.

[drill whirring]

There's way too many, Hank.

[Hank] This here is a nightmare, Bobby.

[Bobby] We're goners, man.

[Bobby whimpering]

[door unlocks]

[zombies snarling]

[gasps]

[zombies snarling]

[Farmer Miller] Come on!

[Hermit Bob] Well, I'll be a monkey's ass.

[Farmer Miller yelling]

It's finally payback time.

[Farmer Miller] You goddamn refugees! I'll get all of you!

You're gonna pay for this!

[Farmer Miller continues indistinctly]

Get off my property! Hey! Ow!

Mmm.

This is good chicken.

-[Farmer Miller screaming] -[zombies snarling]

[Farmer Miller] Damn it! Hey!

Stay back!

[Farmer Miller screaming]

[engine revving]

You wanna get out and check?

[zombies growling]

Uh...

I'd... I'd rather not.

Well, that's perfect, isn't it?

Right in the middle of the fucking cemetery.

No, it isn't perfect. Why did you run over them?

-[zombie roars] -[rattling]

They are not ordinary pedestrians.

This is definitely gonna end badly.

Shut up, Ronnie!

No, you shut up.

Shut up, Ronnie!

Please stop fighting! Please!

[zombie weakly] Mindy...

Mindy...

[screaming]

It's my grandmother.

Oh, God, Granny.

Mindy... Mindy. Mindy, get it together.

-[Mindy sobbing] -It was your grandmother.

I can't take this anymore.

I can't do it!

I'm done with this nightmare!

Granny, I'm coming!

I'm coming!

-Mindy! -[Robertson] No! No, don't!

-[zombies growling] -[Mindy] Oh, no!

[Mindy screaming]

[screaming continues]

[Robertson] Holy fuck! God help us.

Centerville. USA.

A real nice place.

What an amusing little machine.

Oh, here's a curious one.

Hello there.

Fashion.

I can assure you that is not your tartan.

Nice neck, though.

Come on. I know a safe place we can hide.

[zombie grunting]

Oh, shit!

Is that Danny Perkins? Over here.

[Peterson] Sure looks like him.

[sighs]

I'm sorry, Ronnie, if I've lost it.

It's okay, Cliff.

But I've gotta say,

you have been acting a lot different

since all this weird shit started happening.

Wh... What are you saying, Cliff?

I'm saying that

you seem so oddly controlled. I mean...

Shit!

Well, I'm just, you know, dealing with it in my own way.

But I've been telling you this is all gonna end badly.

God damn it, Ronnie!

[Robertson sighs]

May I ask you a question?

Sure. Ask away.

You have been saying that this is

all gonna end badly.

From the very beginning. Over and over.

So, what made you so fucking sure of that?

How did you know everything in advance?

Do you really want to know?

Yes! I wanna know! I really wanna know!

Okay. I know because I've read the script.

You read the script.

The whole script?

All of it?

Yeah. Jim gave me the whole script.

He only gave me our scenes.

I never saw a complete script.

After all I've done for that guy.

And it's a lot that you don't even know about.

What a dick.

[zombies groaning]

[zombies snarling]

That's weird. They're all leaving.

[engine humming in distance]

Right. Here we go.

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

I think I am.

Was that in the script?

No. Not the one I read.

[zombies snarling]

[whirring]

Well, that was unexpected.

I knew there was something unusual about her.

Yeah.

So, Ronnie, how does it end, then?

Well...

[sighs]

We gotta give it our best shot.

Our best shot. Okay. Yeah.

But, then it ends badly, right?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, it does.

Okay, then. Let's do it.

Let's do it.

[zombies snarling]

[Hermit Bob] Cliff and little Ronnie.

Warriors.

Among the dead.

[cocks gun]

Zombies.

Remnants of the materialist people.

[zombie grunting]

Oh, no, you don't. No, you don't!

[Hermit Bob] I guess they've been zombies all along.

Ghosts.

Oh, hey, Bobby.

Shit.

[Hermit Bob] Nameless miseries of the numberless mortals.

Frank! Hey...

You got this coming.

[zombie groans]

[Hermit Bob] Goodbye, Frank. You reap what you sow.

All right, who's next?

Yuck.

All righty.

Hold your head up.

Granny.

Mindy would want you to say hi to Grandpa.

Ah, Hank.

I'm so sorry, brother.

I just can't do it.

You take care of yourself.

-Danny? -[grunting]

I just saw Hank.

[Hermit Bob] Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

Ronnie.

Mindy!

Cliff.

Ronnie.

No!

Jesus, Ronnie!

[zombie grunting]

[zombies growling]

[Hermit Bob] The dead just don't want to die today.

Reanimated and all jacked up

just like those ants.

The end of the world.

[zombies growling]

I guess all them ghost people

plumb lost their goddamn souls.

Must have traded them away

or sold them for gold or whatnot.

New trucks, kitchen appliances.

New trousers.

Nintendo Game Boys. Shit like that.

Just hungry for more stuff.

[zombies continue growling]

Oh, down they go.

The sad end of Cliff and Ronnie.

[Robertson screaming]

What a fucked-up world.

[zombies snarling]

["The Dead Don't Die" playing]

[Simpson] ♪ Oh, the dead don't die ♪

♪ Any more than you or I ♪

♪ They're just ghosts inside a dream ♪

♪ Of a life that we don't own ♪

♪ They walk around us all the time ♪

♪ Never paying any mind ♪

♪ To the silly lives we lead ♪

♪ Or the reaping we've all sown ♪

♪ There's a cup of coffee waiting ♪

♪ On every corner ♪

♪ Someday we're gonna wake up ♪

♪ And find the corner's gone ♪

♪ But the dead will Still be walking 'round ♪

♪ In this old world alone ♪

♪ Well, after life is over ♪

♪ The afterlife goes on ♪

♪ There'll be old friends walking 'round ♪

♪ In a somewhat familiar town ♪

♪ That you saw once When you looked up from the phone ♪

♪ Nobody bothers saying hi ♪

♪ And you can save all your goodbyes ♪

♪ Stop trying to pretend ♪

♪ That we're all not at home ♪

♪ And the streets look so empty ♪

♪ In the morning ♪

♪ There'll be no one out at night ♪

♪ For the lights to shine down on ♪

♪ But the dead will Still be walking 'round ♪

♪ In this old world alone ♪

♪ Well, after life is over ♪

♪ The afterlife goes on ♪

♪ Hearts break when Loved ones journey on ♪

♪ At the thought That they're now forever gone ♪

♪ So we tell ourselves they're all still ♪

♪ Around us all the time ♪

♪ Gone but not forgotten ♪

♪ Just memories left behind ♪

♪ But the dead will Still be walking 'round ♪

♪ In this old world alone ♪

♪ Well, after life is over ♪

♪ The afterlife goes on ♪

♪ Well, after life is over ♪

♪ The afterlife goes on ♪