All language subtitles for Studs.2006.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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[reggae music playing]

[Bubbles] It began like
every other Sunday.

I woke up in the middle of a
football field

wondering how the fuck
I ever got there.

[footballers shouting]

I was the captain of a team
with no manager,

no mission statement,

just getting crucified

like it was the most
natural thing in the world.

That Sunday,
we were playing at home

against our arch rivals
Shantalla United.

A shower of cocky bastards
from the other side

-of the motorway.
-[reggae music continues]

As always, Hopper,
the team shop steward,

was defending civilization
as we knew it.

Bubbles! Get up off your ass
and get back here!

Speedy, come back!
Level with the line!

[Bubbles] Mick, the
professor, was already

identifying
the strategic possibilities.

Come back! Come back!
The fuck you doing out there?

[Bubbles] Jake, the joker,

was proving that
comic timing is everything.

-Ah, shit!
-You're mine. Come on.

-[Bubbles] Trampis...
-Trampis!

...the goalkeeper, was still
a waste of fucking space.

[Trampis] I'm the only
fucking one on this team, am
I?

Where was the defence, huh?

You let in one more,
and I'm gonna bleeding bust ya.

You tell him, grand.

Yes, Danny
was still a father figure.

An inspiration
to a whole new generation

of players like Robbo,

still out there working
on his solo career.

Am I the only one
on this fucking field?

[indistinct shouting]

-[Bubbles] Like Virgil
Madigan.-Alright, Virgil?

Pebbles, have we scored yet?

Still standing in midfield
waiting for the spaceship.

Here. Jake, Jake, here.

[reggae music continues]

[Bubbles] Or Kevin Hennessy,
the local chemist...

Bubbles!

...who suffers from
ballphobia.

Or Tosh.
Ace striker, local stud.

A player so committed, he
comes direct from the
nightclub.

-Have I missed much?
-I don't know, Tosh.

-It's the first half.
-Speedy!

And then there's Speedy,

the world's
greatest footballer,

only nobody know it yet.

[whistle blows]

Except the crows,
our only supporters,

who never miss a home game.

Even if the scavengers
have seen better days.

And that Sunday
was no different

until Isaiah the prophet
came running out

of the wilderness to save us.

The Saviour is coming!

The Saviour is coming!

Oh, don't fucking
tell me he's back.

...Christ lives forever!

I thought he was dead.

Any chance of a game, boys?

-Give us a game. Come on.
-Go. That's enough of ya! Off!

That day, Isaiah urged us to
fight our way out of Egypt.

And we answered the call
and gave it a lash.

I'm bleeding waiting for you.
Come on!

[whistle blowing]

[clamoring]

[indistinct shouting]

Mr. Duffy took all our names,
addresses, and blood types

-[shouts]
-Trampis gaveit socks.

In fact,
Trampis played a blinder.

Hopper tended his
resignation.

The crows went home pissed
off.

And I knew that
I too was sick of this game.

By the time Trampis had
conceded a record eight
goals,

I'd accepted that
we were no longer a team.

And that I was never
the player I thought I was.

I want a transfer!

Yeah, well, they're getting
a real up the hole.

-Hey, leave him alone.
-This tosser was your idea.

Yeah, do you have someone
better in mind?

[Robbie] You are fired.

-He stays.
-If he stays, I'm leaving.

I'm the one leaving
this fucking team.

And before I go, professor,

was that a moral victory
or a heroic defeat?

We was hoping to finish
honorably with 11 players.

Yeah? Well, who was hoping
to start with 11 players?

Fair fucks to you, we couldn't
have done it without you.

You looking for a smack?

Kevin, do you know why
that prophet's back out there?

-No.
-Because the doctor's think

that watching you
trying to play soccer

is more therapeutic trying to
wank in a straight jacket.

Hopper! Another one
of your recruits, captain.

Alright, lads, here
the bad news is

we just reached the bottom
of the league, yeah?

But the good news is

we're playing
Bellevue Dynamo next week.

[cheering] Bellevue,
we hate you!

That's it, girls.
That's it, girls.

Make the fucking most of it.

Because the following week,

you's play St. Malachy's
in the cup.

-St. Malachy's?
-Oh, bollocks!

And they'll be feeding
your virgin balls

to them crows out there.

-Malachy's?
-Ah! Christ, no!

And you's can get yourselves
another fucking sweeper

to tidy up the carnage
because I'm off now, right.

Hey Hopper,
where's your testimonial?

-As for you, Jake McCollum--
-[all] Ooh!

Lads, lads.
Cut it out, will ya's.

Aye, aye captain.

Fuck's sake, Jake.

You're fucking captain.

Here, Robbo, get dressed.

We're playing St Malachy's
in two weeks.

-I know.
-Yeah.

This so-called captain
has made shit of this team.

Just because you
played big league football.

And he managed to
fuck that up on the big day.

It's all yours, Robbo.

You don't like
the way the team is run.

-You fucking do it then.
-Bubbles, leave it, right.

Try it on.
It does wonders for a man

who's got fuck all else
to show for himself.

Yeah, is that right?
Well, come on.

[all clamoring]

Everybody fucking relax!

[knocking on door]

Go if you're bleeding going.

Now work away, lads.
Sure, I can wait here.

-Wait for what?
-Are you looking for someone?

Er, secretary?

Yeah, that'd be the referee.
She just left.

[chuckles]

Right, well, erm,
the name is Keegan.

Look, bud, if you don't mind--

Walter Keegan, er,
I'm here for the job.

All I can tell you
is that I'm fit.

And, er, I work hard
and I can start right away.

-I beg your pardon? -Danny,
isn't it? How you doing?

Oh good Jesus, he doesn't waste
any time, does he?

-Oh...
-Hey, what fucking job?

-You're one of them.
-Sorry. What's that?

-He's the developer.
-Are you one of them bastards?

Don't tell me
the fuckers are at it already.

Sorry, I don't know what--

Over my dead body. You touch
one blade of grass out there--

You can build
your houses somewhere else.

I... I don't build houses.

I don't care what they are.
Get lost.

Er, look, well,
I'm here for this.

The-- It says here that
you're looking for a manager.

A what?

"Mayday, mayday."

"Mayday, mayday."

"Emmet Rovers seek manager
with flair and personality."

"If you think you are
such a person,

we would like to hear from
you."

"No experience necessary,
but...

a continental language
would be desirable."

[laughs]

Who fucking put that in there?

[Kevin] Jesus,
that's not what I wrote.

It's supposed to say,
"Come quick, act now,

save the Rovers before
they're never no more."

He must have changed it.

Who must have changed it?

-Tony Flynn.
-Ah, for fuck's sake.

[all clamoring]

Look, Tony said he'd print it
free of charge

I'm gonna bleeding kill
that slob journalist.

Yeah, lovely.

So the local chemist
who can't play football

says to the local journalist
who can't write--

Alright lads,
let's fucking calm down.

Just 'cos you, er,
divvy out drugs, dickhead,

doesn't mean you
can do what you like.

My boss is going to have
a bleeding field day

with this rag.

That rag has a growing
circulation--

Alright, at least he made a
fucking effort, alright.

Look, you've a lot to discuss,
so I'll leave you to it, okay.

Ah, mister.

We didn't say no or anything.
I mean...

But we are now, so fuck off.

Right, nice meeting you, Robbo.

Have you seriously
come about the job?

-If one exists.
-So it's official now, is it?

-Yeah.
-We have a manager.

Ah, we had. He fucked off.

He is on medical leave
until such time

as they apologize
for false imprisonment.

We'll discuss
Archie another time.

Archie is not coming back.

Keegan, did you say?

-Walter Keegan.
-This is all very sudden.

You wouldn't happen to be on
day release by any chance,
would ya?

-[all laugh]
-Shut up!

Would you like
to take a seat, Mr. Keegan?

Gentlemen, adjourn.

[ska music playing]

[crows squawking]

[indistinct chatter]

Shut up. Listen here,
have you got a tumble dryer?

Pardon? No.

What sort of fucking
manager is this?

What sort of question is that?

Walter. Are you going
to use the sweeper, are you?

-Well, not all the-- Pardon?
-How many times--

I have one, I have one!

Where do you see
yourself in five years' time?

I'm not quite sure where I'll
be in five years times, really.

And, you know, I'd like to see
myself managing this team.

But that's if
I get the job, of course.

And, er, ever done it before?

Er, no.

-Of course.
-Ah, for fuck's sake.

Do you know how many
disqualified candidates

with no previous experience,
but--

The advertisement
did specify none was required.

Have you even played football?

I've played, yeah. St. Mary's.

-St. Mary's.
-Never fucking heard of them.

I've never seen this man
before.

Like I say,
I'm not from around here.

What exactly do you do
for a living, Mr. Keegan?

-I sell.
-Sell what?

A decent burial.

I, er... I beg your pardon?

It's life insurance, you know.

[all laughing]

This is no laughing matter.

Michael, would you mind
not interrupting.

And why us?

Hopper, I thought
you were leaving.

I'm reconsidering
me resignation.

Now, why us?

Why not?

Yes, well, I think that
more or less wraps it up.

-Wait a minute!
-Terms are as follows.

You're getting
one's month's probation

and one hour's notice
if I don't like it.

-How is that?
-Fair enough.

And if this is a hoax,
I'll arrange

to have your legs broken.
Fair enough?

-Fair enough.
-Right.

All in favor, raise your hands.

-Carried.
-Wha?!

-The job is yours.
-Thank you.

-I resign.
-See you next Sunday.

-Yeah, when do you's train?
-Thursdays.

-Do we?
-Ideal.

-Why, you thinking of going?
-We play at seven.

Perfect, well I suppose
I'll start

getting to know you's all then.

You've your tidying up to do.

-Yeah, that's your job.
-As of next week.

All right. See you all
Thursday.

Oh, and, er, thanks for the
job. I won't let you's down.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, good man.

-Good game.
-[chuckles]

[indistinct] as well.

He must be fucking desperate.

[ska music playing]

[Isaiah] You are doomed.
You buy more houses

and fields to add to
those you already have.

Soon there will be nowhere
left for anyone else to live

and you alone
will live in the land.

By power the Lord Almighty say

all this space, fine houses
will be empty ruins!

I just thought it'd be no harm
just to go in--

Kevin!

-You could've fucking told me.
-I know.

I'm sorry, Bubbles.
I'm having marital problems.

And what's that
got to do with it?

She walked out on me.

She said she married me 'cause
a chemist should be

gardening at the weekends,
not playing football

with the laughing stock
of the community.

So I went into the newsletter.
I put an ad in

for a hair replacement
treatment and then for a new
manager

and I had that breakdown
and I just forgot about it.

Well, just count yourself
lucky no one else

came looking for a job.

It worked though.

[Bubbles] Yeah. It worked.

Emmet Rovers had a new
manager.

And I figured
that it was time to go.

Next time, he can take down
the shagging net.

[crows squawking]

Cause that Sunday
I was hanging up me boots,

handing over the keys,
and getting a life.

[birds chirping]

[ball bouncing]

-How's it going?
-Uh...

I'm afraid
you're too late, sorry.

What's that?

Eh, the job's gone.

[chuckles] Is it now?

[toilet flushes]

Councilor...

Hello, man.

[water continues running]

[ska music playing]

-[honking]
-[indistinct shouting]

Walter!

Walter, we're here!

-Trampis!
-[chuckles]

Come here, you.

-I don't believe it.
-Where is he, huh?

-He's late.
-That's a great fucking start.

Glad you could make it, Robbo.

Virgil,
what are you doing in my space?

I was just keeping it warm
for you, Robbo.

Here, lads. It's okay,
middle management has arrived.

Are you taking night classes
at Castlebar?

We're not seriously
gonna train, are we?

Oi, dick head.
I hope for your sake

this space has showers up.

Well, he's not
on day release, anyway.

I checked with the hospital.

-What, you mean you rang them?
-Yes.

In the absence of
proper screening procedures,

not to mention

the blue collar ignorance
on the interview board.

I'll ring your white collar
fucking neck for ya.

Now, fuck off.
I'm having a quiet night.

Lads, lads, sketch.

Jake, sketch, lads, sketch.
He's coming.

-Ah, here.
-Ladies and gentlemen...

For one night only!

[cheers]

We're in fine form tonight,
I see.

Looks like we're all ready
for a couple of hours

of bodily exertion.

Uh, run around, clap the hands.

Grunt into the stormy night.

Don't say I didn't warn you's.

-How are you?
-Good evening.

You're late.

Oh, yeah, sorry.
The car had to be reserviced.

What a nuisance!

[sighs]
Two, three, four, five...

-We are all here.
-Terrific.

We normally train for an hour
and then go to the pub for tea.

-Great
-We usually just sit and watch.

Fine, Jake.

-Bobby Grundy, wasn't it?
-Sorry?

Bobby Grundy, the guy
who managed St. Mary's?

-Oh, Bob, yes. Sound fellow.
-Good, was he?

Oh yeah. I've nothing but
praise for Bob. He, he, he...

-He was an alright ballman.
-Walter, Walter!

Hand us that Wintergreen
over there, will you?

-Of course, yeah.
-Here, Walter...

Go buy your own for a change.

-Walter!
-Yes?

Get us some Lucozade
like a good lad.

Lucozade, Lucozade?

-It's in Mick's bag.
-What?

Here, let him have it, Mick.

-Let him have it, Mick.
-Give it to him, give it!

[clamoring]

Tell him he's to buy his own.

-[laughing]
-You've to buy your own.

Tell him to fuck off.

-[all laughing]
-Shut up, the lot of you's.

-Anything else?
-Yeah.

Check if there's
any hot water in the showers.

The showers, right.

[slaps]

The showers are broken.

[all laughing]

-Come on, lads. Let's train.
-Sorry.

There's one wallet

and one bracelet.
And don't fucking lose them.

Sorry?

Here. You don't intend
on running off, do you?

-What's this?
-Me beer money.

That's the milk money
and the seafood.

Me wallet, me car keys.
Alright?

Six quid, 52 cent exactly.

It's all there.

[pills rattle]

One of those in half an hour.

Car keys, wallet, loose change
in a plastic bag...

And this is a watch.

Nice watch.

Yeah, it has Tokyo time.

Here, I'll just show you, er...

Where did you say you lived?

I didn't.

Nick, come on, let's go.

Okay, lads.

Lads! Lads, yeah.

Come on in.

[all groaning]

Come on. That's it. Thank you.

-It's freezing.
-Now.

-To Begin. We all here?
-Yeah. Come on. We're here.

-Where's Speedy?
-He's getting his fix.

-Speedy!
-Right, lads.

-Okay then.
-What's happening?

What we have here now...
is a football.

Beg your pardon?

An object of global shape

which when struck
with either foot

will travel many distances
depending on the force

of impact between limb and
ball.

That executed, we have what's
commonly known as a kick.

Don't say I didn't tell you's.

I'll now demonstrate
the art of ball clearance.

[chuckles]

Okay, now,
who wants to try first?

-Any takers?
-Yeah.

I'll demonstrate a kick in the
bollocks for you, Walter.

[chuckles] Bravo. The very man.

Do us a favor like lad,
would you?

-Get the ball back for me.
-What?

Come on. We've
a lot of catching up to do.

He's worse
than the last manager.

You kicked the ball
so you get it.

Assertive... Excellent.

Okay, right,
on your bike. Thanks.

Now, while we're waiting, let's
see who can run the fastest.

[all exclaim]

On your marks, get set, go!

-I said get the ball you prick.
-Robbo!

-Okay, okay. I get the message.
-You hear me? Get the ball!

-Robbo, leave him alone.
-Fuck off. No to do with you.

No, no, no.
This is not a problem.

Fucking bollocks!

-[groaning]
-Hey, leave it.

-Fuck off!
-[clamoring]

-Get back, ya bleeding...
-[indistinct shouts]

-You just listen very
carefully. -[Robbie] Get off
me.

-I'm here to stay. Hear me?
-[groaning]

Before I put my roots down,
pal,

it's only fair to let you know
who you're dealing with.

Now you get me that ball or
I'll rip your fucking lungs
out.

Speedy, get the ball.

And you sure are wankers.

Will you find somewhere else
to put your fucking bracelet?

And your cheap digital clocks
and your money.

-Give me that.
-Shower the fucking fuck shits.

Get up! Get up!

As of now,
we are a football team.

And I am your manager!
Any objections?

Good. Now we train.

-[upbeat music playing]
-Go!

And again, go!

Oh, look at them, come on!

[grunts]

Eejit. Down you go!

Look at it!

Put your ass down.
Put your ass down.

Close up the circle.
Close up the circle.

[music continues]

All of you's.

[panting]

And turn.

And again!

Bananas!

Rise, shine,
for your light has come.

And the glory of the lord
rises upon you.

[barfing]

-[barfing continues]
-[deep breath]

Well, well ,well, I think we
may have overdone it, boys.

Still... There's nothing
like enthusiasm.

[panting]

-Robbo...
-[music stops abruptly]

You're a good player, Robbo.

Let's keep it that way, yeah?
Shake.

[panting]

All right.
Anyone with second thoughts,

fuck off now.

You'll be wanting these
club records and accounts.

We are a registered charity 570
overdrawn

and the ground lease
expired last summer.

[Michael] Okay, let me explain.

-Club's effectively unnoticed.
-[man] We're going nowhere.

I've personally lobbied
our public representatives

-on the matter, Walter.
-You have, Michael?

Some of us have petitioned
to rezone the property

for public recreation.

Well, to do what?

Make a public
fucking show of yourselves?

-[man] We'll win Sunday.
-What's that?

-We're gonna win this Sunday.
-How?

Because we're playing
Bellevue bleeding Dynamite.

-[cheering]-And we're playing
them at home.

Aye, see, that's good because--

[chanting] ♪ We always
Beat the Bellevue! ♪

♪ We always beat
the Bellevue! ♪

[cheering]

Bellevue's going home!

Bellevue's going home!

-Bellevue's going home!
-Hold it, hold it, lads.

Now, you see, Walter,

it's club policy to rotate
team duties on the day

so that you know everyone can
have a fair share of the
spoils.

The spoils?

The last time,
Speedy got a hat-trick.

Yeah,
that was one in each house.

Yeah, Tosh
eventually managed to get one.

Eh, Robbo got a header.

Bubbles a direct free.

Uh, Virgil, uh, his value was
an own goal, but yeah.

I mean it was so good we had to
take it for ourselves.

[laughing]

And uh, and uh, hold on.

I normally get to play

center forward
for the last 15 minutes.

Oh, that'll be
no problem, Danny.

And they give us oranges
at half-time.

We send them a
mass card every Christmas.

[laughing]

Sure Hopper's boss
plays with them.

Yeah, it's the only time I get
to put manners on the bollocks.

[laughing]

Quality jerseys all the same.

Quality jerseys, thanks a lot.

[indistinct chatter]

Fucking' woman, lad.

[cheering]

What do you say, Robbo?

Everybody fucking beats them.

Yeah, but this Sunday
we're bleedin' bury them.

Yeah!

No, not this Sunday you won't.

We fucking will!

No, this Sunday
they're gonna win.

Says who?

Says me.

Uh, how so, Walter?

Because you're gonna let them.

What did he say?
What did you say?

In two weeks' time,

you're playing St. Malachy's
in the first round of the cup.

I don't give a shit
how many times

you've beaten
Bellevue poxy Dynamo.

I don't want to hear
about league football.

Sunday week
you enter the real game,

and you'll start
by taking out the cup holders.

-What?
-You out of your fucking tree?

Never played Malachy's
before, right?

Okay, my knowledge are
they'll still send a spy,

have you's checked out.

'Cause this is the season
of the underdog.

The gods sneer at their peril.

Malachy's are more than gods.
They're more than bastards.

So this Sunday against Bellevue
Dynamo you'll be sized up

by Special Agent Smart.

Alright? And you're gonna
make an impression.

Are you suggesting that we--

This Sunday,

your job is to make sure
Mr. Smart returns to Malachy's.

Tell them to put their feet up.

It's gonna be a turkey shoot.

You ready?

I don't care what it takes but
you're gonna fucking beat them.

That is immoral.

Oh, would you ever shut that
fucking mouth for once?

You fucking eejit, you?

You're only here
to keep the grass cut

until they build
what they'll build

in this kip. Do you know that?

Even your kids are mocking
you's

all the way to your graves.

So what's one miserable
league match

when you can win the cup?

Look, we just want
to play football.

Since when?

Now we train tomorrow.

-What?
-Same time.

-We train Saturday all day.
-[indistinct chatter]

We will gather here
Sunday morning.

-Ten hundred hours.
-Ten o'clock?

Tug at the spotless colors.

You'll tell Bellevue Dynamo
what beautiful cars

and women and jerseys they
have,

and then you will let them
plow you's into the shit.

That is not gonna happen,
Walter.

Here. No fucking way.

[upbeat music playing]

[fans cheering]

-Played, Bubbles.
-[cheering]

[Bubbles] We played as a team
that day.

For once we went out
with a common purpose.

Come to think of it,

it was the first time
we went out to impress

and we were brilliant.

Oh, yes! The Dynamo!

[Bubbles] But it took more
than commitment. It took
skill.

A rare kind of skill.

And nerve.

The kind of nerve that takes
you to the point of no
return.

[music continues]

Secret Agent Smart watched.

And we let him know
we didn't know he was there

We were violating a sacred
law.

And the gods
weren't gonna like this.

But thankfully the gods
had no idea it was happening.

We didn't figure

in their premier league
scheme of things.

We were the rejects from the
blind side of the motorway

who were letting the abjects
from Noddyland have a field
day

and letting Hopper's boss run
a muck like a giddy looky bag.

-What's going on?
-Just a better team, you know.

I told the lads before the
game that our new manager

was asking for sacrifice
so that we could be saved.

I convinced them
that death was a release

but I think Walter
meant rebirth

and that rebirth
was a deliverance.

No, no, it was rebirth
and deliverance would release

from death. That's it.

I mean it's obvious.
If you don't die

how can you be resurrected?

Let me save fucking one.

[music continues]

For fuck's sake!

Drop, Hopper!

-This is fucking shite, Walter!
-Cover!

-Cover!
-[shouts]

-[whistle]
-[clamoring]

Over there.
Subtract it from his wages.

Are you happy now, are you?

Danny, Danny. Centre forward.

Put your trust in he who
has come upon us.

Yeah. Fucking great.

Follow him because he will
lead us to the promised land.

How about a little vitamin C?

If you can bend over
and let Bellevue Dynamo

stick it up your ass
for 90 minutes.

Ah, fuck!

Then you'll have
freed yourself.

What are you doing?

From the shackles
of mind and flesh

if you can do this, he
said...

-If you do this--
-[cheering]

Then you're capable
of anything.

Alright, lads, come on.

[ice cream van music playing]

Chocolate sauce.

[indistinct shouting]

[music continues]

[crow squawking]

Time up. Good effort.

He's in some cult.

Some head fucking religion.

He threatened to call my other
half if I didn't turn up.

The cult
of the fucking sparhead.

He is not a manager.
He's a charlatan.

And every Sunday
they all meet up

and pray to
the supreme sparhead.

I propose we demand his
immediate resignation
forthwith.

I tell you what I propose.

We tie him up, we gag him,

and we dump him
up the mountains.

-I propose--
-Look, Danny.

You should've stuck
by me in the first place.

We wouldn't be in this shit.

Shut up, will you.

Mr. Keegan...

At an extraordinary
general meeting

the club board
motioned unanimously

to revoke your appointment
as manager.

I'm instructed to terminate
your probation forthwith.

As of this evening, you are
a persona non-grata.

And you have five minutes

to get off the fucking
premises.

I think we should stick
with the plan.

You have some nerve
there showing up here.

Listen, lad.

You go fuck yourself

Look, if we give up now
we're worse off.

You let us be humiliated.

What have we got to lose?

-Respect.
-We have no respect anymore.

We've nothing anymore.

-Look, Bubbles, go home.
-Danny.

-Where is the bollocks?
-I don't fucking know.

We just appointed you
as our spokesman.

Good, because
I propose direct action.

-[laughing] Now you're talking.
-First, we apologize.

Then we do a few hours training
and take the fucker down the
pub

and get locked.

-Take who?
-Walter.

What the fuck
are you talking about?

He played for Troy Wanderers.

The customer says, "Okay, he
played for Troy Wanderers."

And I say,
"Who's Troy Wanderers?"

And the customer says...
[chuckling]

"Why would I need laxatives

when the chemist already makes

me break me shite laughing?"

[laughing]

So when the barman
hears who it is,

right, that I want kneecapped,

he fucking tells me that
I'm dealing with killer Keegan

who got suspended
for breaking legs,

got the boot
and never played since.

The security man told me
he's one of the greatest

football brains in the game.

And that I is one
of the greatest goofs

in the supermarket business.

[spa music playing]

The thing is we never chose
him.

The thing is he chose us!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

He is fucking god, man.

Straight in the wilderness,
a highway for our Lord.

[music continues]

-Speedy!
-Speedy!

Speedy! Where are you?

-Speedy!
-Speedy!

My dad says you
were better than Steve Maloney.

-And you even knew Tommy Hole.
-What's that?

And he didn't
remember you because

hatchet men never win
man of the match.

What are you talking about?

You played for Troy Wanderers.

[shouts]

-Who else knows?
-Everyone knows.

Who the fuck is everyone?

Alright, listen.

I knew you's are thick

but the combined density
assembled here

is more than I bargained for.

You have to keep
your mouth shut about who I am

or what I was.

Anybody says anything tell him
they've got the wrong man.

If this gets around,
if Malachy's get a sniff of it,

we're dead
before we hit the pitch.

Well, why us?

I was sent to save you, Hopper.

-Alright?
-Yeah, yeah.

Now, pick it up.

-What?
-Something's come up.

I got this today.

We have to be off
the premises by March.

It's from a crowd called
Western Vale Developments.

McGuirk?

Yeah, Councilor McGuirk.

I thought this was
supposed to be sorted out.

Yeah, he sold out on us.

For fuck's sake!

-Do they know?
-No.

Alright, keep it that way.

Well, I thought
given you your reputation

My reputation
is already a liability.

We'll keep that under wraps.

Man, I don't get it.

Just keep things fucking
simple. Okay?

Yeah, but, so if we'd
known about Troy Wanderers...

Do you know what I mean, like,
what are you doing here?

Of all the teams in this
city...

What are you doing here?

What's a player of your
talent doing in this kip?

Aye, yeah, well,
there's a difference.

Danny said you used to play for

one of the top teams
in the league.

Yeah, did he tell you I used to
fuck up in the big occasions.

He said you played some final.

Yeah, I know what it takes
to get there, Walter.

I've done it all
and blown in the one day.

Yeah, I was a great midfielder.

But for some fucking reason
kept giving the ball away.

Lost the final. Lost me game.

Lost the plot.

Do you want me to go on?

No, you didn't lose it,
Bubbles.

You just gave in.

Have you not heard...
Long ago I ordained it.

In days of old, I planned it.

Now I have brought it to pass.

[rock music playing]

So Mike, why you?

Alright, mate.

Hey, Michael, why choose you?

If I have to listen again
to that boss of mine,

laughing like a fucking hyena

across the fucking floor.

Perhaps you might
be able to tell us

why we should choose you
for this position.

I think that position

therefore I am that position.

And me fellow workers
have just told me

that in the interest
of industrial relations...

[rock music continues]

I should resign
as the fucking shop steward.

Your breaking up,
hold on a minute, what?

I can't come home, alright?

'Cause I'm working late
tonight, that's why.

I know I have a family, love.

But we need the money to feed
them and clothe them, don't we?

Yeah, I've gotta go 'cause
the boss has just walked in.

What is this,
a fucking holiday camp?

I'm not paying you
to sit on your fucking asses.

Good man, Virgil.

Come here, I'll put it at you,
shitaries at themselves.

I think I've got broken glass
in your John department.

Where does that bog my tinkies
off at this fucking hour?

I'm off to be a champ.

Ya jacking fuck, ya.

[Keegan] Two... Three...

Four... Five...

Fast! Up, up, up!

Right, Robbo.

Tosh!

Pass it!

Go on, Tosh, bury it.

-Good lad, Tosh.
-Where's the marking?

Out again. Come on, let's go.

[Bubbles] The Malachy's game
was approaching fast.

Mick the professor calculated
that the team had trained

more in those few days
than it had ever done

since the foundation
of the club.

Alright, turn around,
do it again.

[Bubbles] When exactly
it was founded

has since been hotly debated.

But we were all agreed,
if Walter's plan didn't work

the club was going home
in body bags that Sunday.

Kevin, make sure he's with you.
Kevin!

-Get into in, Tosh!
-I'm onside.

-Push out!
-Push out!

-Okay, push out now!
-Put it in, Speedy!

-Good ball!
-Shoot! Yeah!

Shot, boss.

-Fuck.
-[Keegan] Trampis.

Come on.

Why be a goalkeeper?

'Cause I want to.

Why would anyone
want to be goalkeeper?

Because I'm...

Because you're the only one
who can save the day.

You hear me?

Yeah.

Let the rest of them
play football.

You save the day.

I save the day.

They depending on you.

-Alright?
-Mmm.

-[rock music playing]
-Alright, come on.

He rang me again.

I've fucking work tonight.

-I want my life back.
-Come on. Get out of there.

-[knocking]
-Let's go.

[Keegan] Come on--

Give my fucking life back,
you sadistic bastard.

Don't make me come in there.

Uh, where the hell
have you taken me?

I won't be long.

You have got to be kidding me.

I swear to God,
baby, I love you.

-Trust me.
-[sighs]

[music continues]

Speedy!

Speedy!

[drums playing]

Fuck it! Where were you?
Where were you?

Speedy, you're the
best player in the world.

Nobody else knows about it.

Now why is that?

Because I've no...

I'm not-- No self belief.

Because you're a sap.

What's that?

What the fuck is this here?

If I find you taking
any more of this shit,

you'll never play again.

I'll break both
your fucking legs.

-You hear me?
-[breathing heavily]

[somber music playing]

Virgil...

What's this I hear
about you and a girlfriend?

Yeah, it's true.
Check out number five.

She's gorgeous, man.

Well, okay then, but no sex.

-Huh?
-You still off the chocolate?

-I am, yeah.
-Alright.

I just want you to do
one thing for me.

Anything, anything, anything.

Would you calm down?

[music continues]

There you go.

-Here's a tenner for you.
-Blessings of God on you.

Now, fuck off!

Hey! Take that with you

[reggae music playing]

Get it in behind,
get it in behind.

Doesn't have to be first time,
Speedy.

Nice play, Trampis.

Speedy!

Good ball.

Come on, Speedy. In the box.

Good goal!

-This is the way to go.
-[grunts]

That's more like it.

[chanting] ♪ We are white

♪ We are fucking dynamite
La la la la la ♪

♪ We are blue, we are white
We are fucking dynamite ♪

♪ La la la la la la

♪ We are blue, we are white
We are fucking dynamite... ♪

[reggae music continues]

[music stops]

The way I see it,

a man can accept his fate
or he can change it.

That's why I am here.

To tell you that you
can let them treat you

like you're a fucking nobody

or you can prove
you're just as good.

You can let
the gods shine on you

or shit on you.

You can take this
one last chance

or you can fuck off home

and let the world pass you by.

So which is it?

Let's do it.

-Are you ready?
-[all] Yeah!

-Are you ready?!
-[all] Yeah!

Come on, lads.

[indistinct chatter]

[Keegan] Tomorrow we start
with a preemptive strike

on the very balls of the beast,

after which you'll revert
to a defensive game.

The referee will be
collaborating with the enemy

so I want that
self-righteous prick taken out

in the first 10 minutes.

-Tony, how's it going, lad?
-Alright.

[Keegan] You do not play
by their rules.

You play the Rovers way.
It's very simple.

Talk to your opponent.
Get to know him.

-Make conversation.
-Lads, get that up there.

Talk, talk, talk. You'll pull
these titans down to your
level.

When you get that ball, you
kick it as far away as
possible.

into the trees,
anywhere off the field.

I'm going to come
at you again and again.

You will hound and pester.
And shadow and cripple

until the moment is right,
until I say the moment is
right.

Then you will strike with all
the vengeance of the
apocalypse.

Bury it!

That is nothing
if you don't win.

-[reggae music playing]
-Come on, boys.

[Keegan] Winning is all
that ever mattered.

Don't you ever, ever
forget that.

Come on, lads.

Heads or harps?

Heads.

You that fucking eejit
that threw the '99 final?

[spits]

[Bubbles] Normally,
I'd laugh it off

but this time
I was locked on and counting.

The referee was on the move

the minute he blew his
whistle.

He made a beeline
for our penalty box

thinking, well,
we'll be there for the day.

But Emmet Rovers
were already headed

-in the opposite direction.
-[shouting]

[all shouting]

[music intensifies]

-[whistle blowing]
-[clamoring]

Stop it! Jesus!
This is not football!

[Bubbles] Okay, it wasn't
pretty. It wasn't football.

But in that moment we'd
levelled the playing field

and given Malachy's a taste
of their own medicine.

I want you, you, you, you,
you, you, and you.

Hey, ref. What about me?

[Bubbles] And we felt
positive about it

until Flynner from the local
newsletter showed up

like a fucking
war correspondent.

And then they attacked.

Twenty-two gladiators
stand on a field.

This is truly death for one
man.

[indistinct shouting]

No one knows
what's going to happen next

but the Gladiators of old,
they stand poised for battle.

The opposition come pouring
through like Genghis Khan.

Like Kubla Khan.
Like Chaka Khan.

But nobody can stop them.
They tried to fight on,

but it's an impossible dream.

Death is in their eyes.

[indistinct shouts]

[Bubbles] Now we
were fully engaged.

-It was game on.
-Who the fuck did that?

-[Bubbles] Do or die.
-Right, play on.

If all else fails,
we might just

talk our way out of this
hell.

No high heels today, no?

-Robbo! Robbo!
-Breathe!

So you'll tell us what your
boyfriend did for recreation.

[indistinct shouting]

The boss calls me
into his office and he says

"Michael, I think you've got
the ability and drive for this
job."

I nearly wet meself.

[overlapping shouts]

You're mine. You're mine.
Here we go!

Pick a man!

-Keep up with your man!
-Keep it up!

[music continues]

Pop. The bubble bursts again.

[Keegan] Bubbles!

Virgil!

My favorite section
is toiletries

because it's near
the checkout girls.

Get the ball!

-Focus!
-For fuck's sake!

And one day I'd help this
fellow with a promotion stand

for washing-up liquids.

[chuckling] His name
was Bubbles.

For fuck's sake, Bubbles!

[laughing]

And Bubbles asked me
if I could play football

and I said, "No, why?"

He said, "Don't worry
about it, you can pick it up."

And here I am.

Oh, well played, Virgil.

[screams]

Let Speedy nut ya.

Watch the number seven.

[shouting]

Seven.

-[screaming]
-Ref!

The fuck is that?

Referee! Were you looking?

[Referee] Play on!

-Ah!
-Nice Trampis, well played.

Get back!

Right, this is it,
this is it, this is it.

-Bubbles.
-[panting]

Now!

Come on, Bubbles, this is it!

Let's go! Strike!

[Bubbles] I wasn't having
a good game.

To make things worse,
Speedy was injured.

I'd have to abort the plan.

[music continues]

But then I saw Kevin calling
me on the left wing and I
thought,

the local chemist has been
cured above all phobia

or else he's just shat
in his pants.

I didn't care,
the assault was on.

Tosh screamed
from the centre field.

Kevin ran like the clappers.

knowing he didn't have
long to live.

Tosh was entering
the strike zone.

Kevin kicked, the ball flew,

and like a stray missile
entered the box.

It was anybody's guess
where it would land.

[music intensifies]

But it got there.

-[cheering]
-[all] Goal!

Fucking yeah!

What the fuck is going on?

[Bubbles] And all of a sudden
something broke.

Word was on
its way to the gods.

[crows cawing]

-[cheering]
-Alright, listen to me now.

You're gonna have
to go back out there.

They're having a major fucking
rethink as we speak.

So we hit them first.

-Jake.
-[Jake] Yeah?

Number eight has to go.
You've had a good match, son.

[lively music playing]

-Let's go!
-[shouting]

-[clamoring]
-[whistle blowing repeatedly]

The player is injured,
he lies riding in agony

in the centre of the pitch. The
medics are being called for.

-[whistle blows]
-You! [yells]

Stay off the pitch.

I am fucking off!

Oh my God,
now there's two players down.

I haven't seen scenes
like this since Vietnam.

Down to nine men. Nine men!

Walter, you are betrayer.

Walter, you are betrayer.

You who have not been betrayed.

[commentator] Nine men! Nine
men fighting on to take
victory!

I am looking on.
They are marvelous.

They are magnificent.
They are Emmet Rovers.

Back after so many
years in the wilderness.

Prepared to win
and to win with style.

With guts, with gusto,
with vim, with vigor.

Robbo, what the fuck
are you doing?

[commentator] Lion hearts.

And the prick makes
a proper bollocks of it.

You stupid wanker!

[shouting]

[lively music continues]

-[whistle blows]
-[cheers]

[Bubbles] It was now one all.

The Malachy's mortal machine
was decoding our game plan.

We would never see
our loved ones again.

Time was running out

and then Danny's
other fucking knee gave in.

It's the fucking other one now.

And we were left
with eight men on the field.

You're better than that.
Look at me.

Come on, Rovers!

The secret weapon was losing
parts by the minute.

We were down a tail piece
and the ship was coming

under relentless fire.

Hey, you. What's your name?

-Isaiah.
-How about?

Yes, boss.

Isaiah would finally
get a start.

And if Malachy's
were thrown into confusion...

We don't fucking know!

...they weren't the only
ones.

-Isaiah.
-Isaiah who?

Eh, Isaiah. Um, he's Jewish.

But the Prophet knew
the game plan.

Because the Prophet never
missed a day's training.

-[whistle blows]
-Bubbles, now!

Our secret weapon
was re-enabled.

-The signal was...
-Strike!

And it was all systems go.

What the fuck is this?

The lord rides on a swift cloud
and is coming to Egypt.

[shouting]

No prisoners, go!

[music stops]

[shot echoes]

-Shoot, Bubbles!
-[cheering]

[triumphant music playing]

Go, go, go, go, go!

[whistle blows]

[cheering]

-[Bubbles] Isaiah!
-[music stops]

Isaiah!

[paper rustles]

Isaiah!

[Isaiah] Bubbles!

Isaiah!

Where are you, you bastard?

Isaiah?

[door creaks open]

[Isaiah] "God chose David
that we may walk in the light."

Your son...

Size 10.

What?

I need boots.

[Bubbles] I never told
the lads about Isaiah.

I figured they might
just put him

through the whole pain again
and make him disappear on us.

Anyways, I realized
I knew as much about the man

I was training with
every day of the week,

as they did about the
Prophet, who'd become our
supersub.

And nobody knew the man
who'd become our manager.

Nobody doubted our redeemer.

Until it dawned on me that
nobody was really looking.

Ah, geez,
I like the flip flops, Mick.

[laughing]

They come with the new job,
do they?

May I remind you, I'm the one
who got these showers fixed.

[cheering]

[Trampis mumbles]

Trampis, what the fuck
are you at?

-I'm washing myself.
-You're wearing your gear.

-I'm washing that too.
-Good Jaysus.

Good Jaysus, lad,
you could've told me.

I'll kill him.
I'll fucking kill him.

Did you's read this?

What? For once!

Tosh, the invisible striker,

manages to be on target.

[laughing]

Hey, [inaudible]
in that fucking pub tonight.

Walter said no drink for
the duration of the campaign.

What are you now, Walter's
fucking spokesman?

Do you know what his record
was? Forty goals in one season.

But Walter thought it was 20
goals till I put him straight.

You were booed 20 points
in one season, alright.

And you were sent of twice
and suspended once.

You favorite form of relaxation
is golf with the lads.

Does Councilor McGuirk know?

I'm breaking
the good news tomorrow.

And I'm also hitting him
for sponsorship.

Now you're talking!

-No, no, no, no.
-[all shouting]

[electronic music playing]

[music comes to the foreground]

[laughing]

[indistinct chatter]

[chanting, shouting]

Bubbles!

Bubbles!

The forgotten stat shines
again!

Bubbles! Whoo!

Come here,
there's something to show you.

This new manager of yours
is loaded!

Yeah. From what?

Recycling!

He's a salesman as it happens.

-Recycling what?
-[Mick] Waste management!

I mean, look what he's done
with you's lot.

-[laughing]
-Don't fucking start, you!

I'm telling you.
He's made a fortune.

Well, he coulda fooled me.

Yeah, well you know
what they say, Mick.

It's the gobshites in the suits
with fuck all in the bank.

[laughing]

Oh, look. I was going through
the archives and I found that.

Have a look yourself.

Oh, yeah.
Who would've believed that?

-Look.
-[shouting in the background]

Back row, second from the left.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I had no idea.

Here you are, Kylie.
Get us, erm...

a gin and tonic,
a double gin and tonic,

double ginger ale and brandy,
double Guinness,

and a double red royal,

and stick them all down
on Mick's diner club.

[laughing]

Come on, Mick, get them in,
would you?

Where are they?

"All who make idols are
nothing,

and the things they treasure
are worthless."

-I said, "Can you hear me?"
-[cheering]

And our captain
will now lift he cup.

[applause]

[indistinct chatter]

Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles!

Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles!

[cheering]

Rovers, Rovers!

[cheers stop]

Messiah returns
from the mountain

to find 11 gobshites
parading a fake chalice

around a newfound
temple of worship.

What's the story, Bubbles?
Did I miss something here?

And what the fuck do you think
you're playing at?

Now Malachy's are dead.

But just easy killing giants.

The thing is we don't have
giants next round.

While we have are mere mortals

no better than any of you,

and they too
have something to prove

and you are now
the prime targets

so you better be ready, lads,

because your tender dreams
don't mean shit to them.

You listening?

[all, muffled] Yeah.

Good. Now get your gear,
and get back out to the pitch.

-What?
-What?

You don't stop training
till I say so.

-But we've just been--
-Six fucking games left.

Now get out. Stay out!

-[mutters] Fuck's sake.
-[rock music playing]

[Bubbles] Like disciples,
we went forth

to spread the gospel.

We ran into the world

and it was
a different ball game.

We were just another
soccer team again.

But then we knew the truth

and the truth would endure.

It was deep in our hearts.

Out of the darkness
and into the light.

Out of the shadow of shame
and onto the glory trail.

We had a message that no god
or mortal could ignore.

And we were winning converts
with every success.

We preached the truth, you
see.

And the truth is, if you
believe, you will overcome.

The truth is we were as good
as anybody on a given day.

[cheering, shouting]

-The reality was hidden.
-[cheering]

And I searched the city
to find it for myself.

Places I never knew existed
in my own town.

Yeah, we were going places,

places we'd never
played before.

We were beating teams, teams
who'd never heard of us.

Teams who would soon
come to know and respect us.

[cheering]

And after each game,
I would have to push myself

to look again.
Push myself to try harder.

After each game, I went forth
into the world hoping,

hoping I was wrong
but the truth is

we were headed for paradise.

[music continues]

Isaiah! Isaiah!

And the Prophet knew the way.

[applause]

-[cheering]
-[laughing]

The truth is
we'd reached the semi-final.

But the reality was
it would be the last time

we would play
on our own home ground.

The truth is
that faith is life.

The reality is that doubt
leads to suspicion.

No matter how small the
crack,

it will open until it yawns
like a gaping hole.

But we weren't giving in.
Not now and not anymore.

[cheering]

Walter Keegan?

[cheering, shouting]

We were the true disciples
now.

And we went forth

to spread the gospel.

We ran into the world

and it was
a different ball game.

Go on! Go on!

You're in, you're in!

-[whistle]
-[cheering]

Yes, I found truth.

I found the real truth.

But the reality was
the real truth was a lie.

[music stops]

Walter Keegan was a lie.

-Walter Keegan?
-[Keegan] Yeah.

And that lie became a secret.

But I decided no god
or mortal must ever know.

[cheering]

I knew you'd do it.
I knew you'd do it.

-Three cheers, everyone!
-Hip hop, hooray!

Hip hop, hooray!

Can't be assed. What's that?

Here we go!

What the fuck is that?

-Well, it tastes like piss.
-[laughing]

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

Yo, Isaiah, a nice bottle
of Chateau de Blanc.

-A toast!
-[shouting]

Listen, I don't want this.
I don't want it.

Hold on a second, will you?
You never have a drink with us,

so seeing as
you don't go to the pub,

we brought the whole
bleeding lot here.

-[cheers]
-♪ Sing Hosanna ♪

♪ Sing Hosanna ♪

♪ Sing Hosanna to the King ♪

-♪ Rovers
-Speech, speech, speech.

Some fucking nerve.

Okay, okay, I'm delighted.
You's fought like dogs today,

played like kings.

-[Speedy] Fuck the bastard!
-[cheers]

No, you've got to respect
the dead, Speedy,

otherwise we're back
where we started.

It's the semi-final only.
We've won nothing.

You got the most important game
in your lives coming up.

-[cheering]
-You're gonna throw it away.

-Hey, shut up, shut up, shut
up. -You'll throw it away,
lads.

Hey, man,
you're responsible for more

than a few marriage breakups,
one postponed engagement

and a string of
threatened dismissals.

But we're here now
and if some of us don't

get polluted very soon, we're
going to rip this place apart

before those bastarding
developers get a chance.

[cheers]

Hey, hey, easy.

Now, for the next two weeks,
these guys are on sick leave,

annual fucking holidays,

family fucking holidays,

to do whatever it takes.

So I think it's about high time
that the great Walter Keegan

came down from the mountain

and had a drink with the lads.

Go on, Walter!

Drink, drink, drink, drink!

[cheering]

Yeah! [shouting]

♪ Sing Hosanna ♪

♪ Sing Hosanna to the King

♪ Rovers ♪

♪ Sing Hosanna ♪

♪ Sing Hosanna

♪ Sing Hosanna to the King

♪ Rovers

[chanting continues]

That night we locked
ourselves into the Clubhouse

and Jake
got to do his party piece...

-Lads, lads, lads, lads, lads!
-...for old times' sake.

No, that's gonna be two quid

each for the referee, and

ooh yeah, right here
I have some--

Bring your own cans!

For the... For the church
I know a fundraiser

for the fucking needy

because you never know
you might actually--

Win something for a change!
[laughing]

[cans clatter]

Sure, at the end of the day--

It's only a game! [shouting]

-[cans clatter]
-[laughing]

Our last manager, Archie,
right?

He managed everything except
the bleeding team!

-[laughing]
-I have an idea.

Let's lock Archie
in the clubhouse.

[shouting]

[Keegan] ♪ Gonna have a party
Gonna blow the blues away ♪

♪ I'm gonna have a party
Gonna blow the blues away ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Goodbye, blues
Come back another day ♪

-[vocalizing]
-♪ Let's go to the final ♪

♪ We're gonna win the day

[cheering]

♪ We're gonna win the day

♪ He'll be around to keep you
Going on that ♪

♪ Nourishment to pick you up
♪

♪ Find it in our special cup
♪

♪ A cup to keep you warm
Throughout the years ♪

♪ So keep us round you ♪

♪ All the time, we'll be
there Come rain or shine ♪

♪ Life is like a soup
It's to enjoy ♪

[cheering]

Come on, Mick.

There's not that many friends
at the Royal Variety Show.

-I can tell you.
-Fair play to you, Michael.

Right, how about
a song from the Prophet?

[cheering]

Yeah, come on, Isaiah.

-[cheering]
-The Prophet!

Come on, give us a song.

I go now.

Oh, give us a song.
[sing drunkenly]

[singing indistinctly]

Give us a song now, lad.
Come here, you knuckle.

Where are you going? Come here!

[all] Cheerio, cheerio,
cheerio!

Lads, there's trouble.

Virgil, what the fuck
are you doing?

[man speaking indistinctly]

[indistinct] ...when the moment
is right.

And life at the moment is
right.

[indistinct chatter]

-Get down here, lad.
-[yells]

You'll kill yourself.

-[police sirens]
-[shouting]

Shut up!

What's going on here?

Guard, I can
explain everything--

Get over there.
Stand over there.

-Listen, there really isn't--
-Get back. Get back.

Okay, what's going on?

There's nuttin'
bleedin' going on.

Only bleeding celebrating.

Shut up, Hopper.

But isn't Mr. Downs
the shop steward?

I see we have Mr. Robertson.

Another troublemaker.

His Apprentice, Mr. Tony
O'Shea.

And the joker himself.

What do they call you? Tarzan?

-[laughing]-Virgil Madigan,
Mein Fuhrer.

Listen, Sergeant,
we just got a little bit

over exuberant, that's all.
There's no need--

Mr. Hennessy,
what brings you here?

I play here.

Oh, you do, do you?

For your penance, is it?

-I'll give you bleeding
penance. -Shut the fuck up,
will you?

You see, we won today.

Look, I'm really sorry
and I will personally see to it

that this never happens again.

[Keegan] Isaiah!

I'm not finished yet,
you bastard.

Um, that's our manager.

Right. Kevin, go home.

You... down.

Right, clear off, come on.
Before I bring you's all in.

Yeah, we'll call it
a night, lads.

[laughing, cheering]

This place is
private property now.

[Keegan] Isaiah!

-Kev!
-[Keegan] Come back here!

Organize a taxi now.

[Keegan] All I want is a song.

Nobody walks away from me.

I could run that sales division
in my fucking sleep.

-[Kev] Where do you live?
-And they would respect me.

See if he has anything on him.

-Where do you live, Walter?
-Show me respect.

-Hey, pal, where are we
going?-- -Try his inside
pocket.

Get your fucking mollers off
me.

-Hey, the fuck?
-Hey!

-Take it easy, will you?
-[coughs]

-Fucking asshole.
-Sorry about this.

Can you tell me
where we're going?

-Yeah, it's, er, 12.
-Kevin.

Me old flower,
do you know who I am?

-You're Walter Keegan.
-I am the King.

You know
what they've done to me?

They sent me one lousy letter.

One lousy fucking letter.

-Where are you's bringing me?
-We're taking you home.

In here to the left.

I told you
I'm not going fucking home.

[Kevin] Jesus, Walter!

[breaks screech]

-Walt...
-I want another drink.

Look, Walter,
I think you've had enough.

-Hands off. -Come on, we're
taking you home.

Get fucking off!

I was the best.
They gave me one poxy letter!

One poxy letter, they gave me.

Took away me fucking job, took
everything. But I never gave
in.

I never fucking gave in,
because I don't want to be
sorry, right?

'Cause we're gonna win.
We're gonna go at them lads.

I'm telling you, we run run,
we're near, right there.

We spit that pity
back in their faces.

-The fucking neighbors.
-Fuck the neighbors, you hear?

Take a good look, I'm back.

Right? But no pity!

I don't need your stinking
pity. Oh, fuck.

-You have no home here.
-[Keegan] Attaboy.

Bury it dead forever.

You were told never to
come near us like this again.

-I don't wanna be here.
-Never!

[Keegan] I don't wanna
be here, alright?

Because I am a winner.
Do you hear me?

-I am a winner, okay?
-Walter!

I'm a winner. A winner!

Why did you bring him here?
Why?

No, it's-- We won the game,
you know?

What game? Who are you?

[Keegan] We won! We won.

We won!

This never happened, okay?

[upbeat music playing]

[cows squawking]

[car horn honking]

[cheers]

[Bubbles] We'd won the toss.
Things were looking up.

Spring had arrived and
the new jerseys were itching

like fuck.

We gave the fans
the battle they'd come for.

We were never to be alone.
Never again.

They trekked like a gold rush
across the city.

Busloads. Families.
Flynn, the press cunt.

Hopper's boss.

Even the new Lord Mayor,
Councilor McGuirk.

-[cheering]
-The hell are you doing?

They were all there.
Except the crows.

The bastards never made it.

They looked on at home

watching tactics
they could never follow.

Back where it all began,

adjacent we had dug deep
into the penalty area.

And still they must have
sang.

Still taken to the black
wings.

Still that cracking chorus.

The rovers are back,
back forever.

No one could care now.

The fight was on.
Their heroes miles away

on foreign soil,
already in total command.

Only problem was nobody

could fucking score.

[upbeat music continues]

Fucks sake! I'm not breaking me
bollocks back here for nuttin'.

Ten minutes left
in the first half

and still no score.
Rovers are dominating Newtown,

but the fucking eejits
can't find the net.

Fuck this for a game of
cowboys.

Danny, cover me!

What the fuck are you doing
up here?

I'm gonna ask you
the same question, you tosser.

Hopper! Get out of there!

Don't make me laugh!

Stay out of me bleedin' way.

-[cheering]
-[whistle blows]

And Hopper opens the account.

The Rovers are back!

[applause and cheers]

[cheering]

[music stops]

What the hell
is going on out there?

Is it all getting too much
for you's, or what?

Well, is it?

[All] No.

I thought the whole idea was

to put the ball
into the other team's net,

not into fucking orbit.

Speedy!

It's an embarrassment!

The only one who can score on
this team is a Jesus sweeper.

Well played, Hopper.

You pull another stunt like
that and I'll kill you.

Danny, I have to replace you.

Yeah. I know.

Isaiah, you're on.

Alright, now listen to me.

We've all come a long way.

But they don't
give marks for effort.

What they will give is
credit for being even bigger

fucking losers
than you ever were

unless you wake up
and start playing football,

you shower of wankers!

You are better than they are.

Today you are the best.

Do you hear me? The best!

-Do you hear me?
-[all] Yes!

Let's get out there and show
it.

-[all shouting]
-[lively music playing]

[cheering]

[cheering]

Two nil and the Rovers
are unstoppable now.

[cheering]

He's a great bastard.

-[applause]
-[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

[happy reggae music playing]

[applause]

Fair play to you, son.
Fair fucking play to you.

You've done us
bleeding proud, alright?

[Bubbles] Scoreboards don't
tell you what happened.

The final tally's not
a true account

of what actually took place.

You see the truth is
we were the better team

on the day. The reality is...

we didn't win.

[indistinct]

You can stick it up
your fucking hole. Alright?

-[indistinct shouting]
-Trampis.

Lad, you were fucking
brilliant.

You were fucking brilliant,
man.

It'll be alright, alright?

[Bubbles] We had stolen a
consolation goal

with the final kick of the
game and if the truth be
known,

Walter wasn't there to see
it.

If your faith is not enduring,

you will not endure.

[cheering]

[Bubbles] The score
was four three.

But Walter Keegan had
already left the ground.

The game was over.

But I wasn't finished yet.

Bubbles, you want me
to go with you?

-[music continues]
-[cheering]

[music stops]

[tyres screech]

You left us. Huh?

You fucked off
when we most needed you.

To be the true Messiah

and tell us we'd inherited
the fucking earth.

I'm not who you think I am.

I know. I know, for fuck's
sake!

We all knew that
before we even played today.

But I was hoping you had it
in you to face us.

Have you even told
your family yet?

You're going home now, are you?

To pretend none of this
ever fucking happened.

-I don't have a family.
-The night I dragged you home--

I'm not living there, alright?

Who told you?

I met him, eh?

I found the Walter Keegan,
we thought we had.

I kept it quiet though,
till Mick came back

from some conference
where he was bragging about

this great new manager we had
and all he'd done for us,

how he'd led us
to the promised land

when some bloke pipes up,

saying he knew
a Walter Keegan, an alcoholic

who sold life insurance.

He's been trying
to dry out for years.

You never played
for Troy Wanderers.

Fuck's sake, you never even
played for crappy St. Mary's.

And you said nothing.

Well, two hours ago nobody
would have given a shite

who you were or what you were.

And now I just want to hear
it from you. That's all.

I'm just a namesake.

I saw him play once.
He was one of the best.

Yeah, well...

If we had the real,
the great Walter Keegan,

-we wouldn't be here today.
-We didn't win though.

We would never
have got this far.

We didn't win.

Who the fuck are you telling?

Sorry, Bubbles.

What are you sorry for?

That was a great idea.

And we lapped it up.

And we didn't win 'cause...
'Cause we didn't fucking win.

Would you have told us?

At the moment
I got my hands on the cup.

Would've told you you're
looking at a complete loser.

I would have told everyone.

I'm a man who never won a thing
in all his born days.

I'm a nobody, like.

I was just desperate enough to
turn up that morning for a job

that never really existed

because I was never going to be
written off again.

I just wanted to show them.

Well, you did.

Did I?

What are you going to do now?

I dunno.
We don't have a ground anymore.

Guess it's time
to call it a day.

Time to move on, that's all.

Tell the lads I'm sorry,
will you?

What's the true Walter Keegan
gonna do?

[sniffles] Go home.

What will you tell them?

Winning is everything.

If you don't win,
there's sweet fuck all.

But we showed them, boss!

[Keegan] We showed them,
captain.

[somber music playing]

[Bubbles] We never
saw him again.

The lads took it bad at
first, but in their hearts

they knew it couldn't finish
any other way.

Walter would never
come among us again.

And the sooner we moved on,
the better.

[reggae music playing]

[cheering]

Trampis got snapped up
by a new team.

and would go on saving the
day,

like a born natural.

Speedy destroyed
every defense in the league.

[whistle blows]

[Bubbles] Robbo perfected
his solo career.

[Jake] Yeah.

Jake became the
funniest comedian in town.

Don't look back at me!

And Danny became the most
feared man in the land.

You got that? Off!
What are you's looking at?

The forwards are going to be
defenders and the defenders--

And Hopper got to manage
his own football team.

[Hopper] Jimmy,
I told you before,

you take care
of that number nine.

Mick's promotion came
with his own parking space.

Tosh got to run
his own nightclub.

And even Kevin managed
to get his game every week.

[speaking French]

The spaceship never appeared

but Virgil got to tell our
story wherever he played.

While Isaiah put the
Old Testament behind him.

Took off to preach
the new gospel of hope.

[cheers]

And every Sunday
was a new beginning.

And I'd run
out onto a football pitch

with nothing to lose

and everything
still to play for.

-[whistle blows]
-[cheers]

[music ends]

[reggae music playing]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music ends]