Original subtitles

Careful, quiet, not a word!

Everyone come over here!

Careful, quiet, here we are!

Everything's quiet,

there's no one here

our serenade

might disturb.

Hey, Fiorello!

Here I am, sir.

What about your friends?

All present and correct!

Good! Excellent! But don't make a noise!

Keep quiet, don't say a word!

Come over here. - Without a word.

Behold, gracing the heavens,

Lovely dawn smiles down on us.

Will you not rise from your bed?

Will you not cast off sleep?

Oh rise, hope of my heart,

Come, my beloved idol!

By the heavens above, soothe the pain of love,

whose dart has pierced me!

Ah, heavens, at last I behold

that fair countenance;

this languishing plaint

has not gone unheard.

Oh blissful moment of love!

Supreme instant

of radiant content,

unequalled by any other!

Hey, Fiorello! - Yes, sir?

Any sign of her? - I'm afraid not.

This is the end of all my hopes.

Sir, it's getting light...

What shall I make of this? What can I do?

There's no sense in this. Good people!

My lord? - Off you go!

No more music, no more song,

I no longer require your services.

Good night to all of you,

I no longer need you here.

Much obliged, your grace... - Yes, all right, that's fine.

...for the favour, for the honour...- Less noise! Please!

Such magnanimity! - Just get out of here, dammit!

We're eternally obliged! - The devil take the lot of you!

How fortune has smiled on us! - This'll wake the neighbours,

A man of quality, indeed! - Then there'll be a fine to-do!

Stop that noise, will you? What favour? What honour?

Just get out of here, damn you!

Take yourselves off, you idiots!

Stop this racket! It's driving me wild!

Indiscreet rabble!

With the din they were kicking up

they almost woke the whole neighbourhood!

But at least they've gone now.

And about time, too!

Who's this barging in on us?

Let's keep out of his way,

we'll hide under the arches.

The dawn is breaking,

but true love knows no shame!

Make way for the factotum of this whole town!

Time for business, the sun is rising!

What a life this is, what a fine occupation

for a barber of quality!

Bravo, Figaro! Bravo, bravissimo!

How did I deserve such luck?

Ready for anything, night and day, always on the go.

No one of my calling has ever had such a life of ease.

Razors and tweezers, pincers and scissors, mine to command!

And then all the perks

that come with the job,

favours from the ladies,

from the fine gentlemen...

Ah, what a life, what a fine occupation

for a barber of quality!

Everyone calls for me, everyone wants me,

women and youngsters, old folks and girls.

A wig, double quick! A shave, on the spot!

Blood-letting here, courier jobs there...

This constant hurry, this constant haste!

One at a time, please, not all at once!

Figaro! I'm here!

Figaro here, Figaro there,

Figaro upstairs, Figaro downstairs,

I'm as quick as they make 'em, the town factotum...

Ah bravo, Figaro, bravo, bravissimo,

you can be content with your lot!

Yes, a fine life this is, indeed!

Easy pickings, plenty of fun,

my pockets full of doubloons earned by my great reputation.

For the thing is,

without Figaro no girl in Seville ever gets married,

widows in search of a husband come to me.

In the daytime I wield my comb,

in the night I play on my guitar.

They all know they can trust me, and I like doing favours.

Ah, what a life! What a fine occupation!

But now, off to work!

Is it really him?

Who is this, about to accost me?

It's him, it really is! Figaro!

At your service, sir...

But what's this! Your excellency!

Careful, no one knows I'm here and I want it to stay that way!

And I have very good reasons for it.

Right, I understand. I'll get out of your way.

No. - Why? What's up?

Stay here, I say!

It may be a stroke of luck you turning up like this.

But tell me, you rogue, what's this I see?

You look pretty well-fed!

Despite all the privations... - Rascal!

Thank you. - So you've seen sense at last?

And how!

And your good self? Here in Seville?

Yes, and I'll tell you why

In the Prado I saw an enchanting young beauty,

the daughter of a cantankerous old doctor

who moved here recently.

Consumed by passion for the girl, I left my home and family,

to come here and spend all my time

languishing under this balcony. - This balcony? A doctor?

You're in luck. A happy coincidence indeed!

Why? - Listen!

In that house I am barber, wig-maker, gardener, apothecary,

the man for all seasons! - Ah, what luck!

And that's not all!

The girl is not the doctor's daughter,

she's his ward!

That's a consolation!

And that means... Psst!

What's the matter?

Someone's up on the balcony.

No sign of him yet.

I wonder whether...

Ah, my life! My goddess! My treasure!

At last I see you appear...

I really ought to be ashamed. But he shall have this note...!

Well, my girl?

The weather is excellent.

What's that paper?

Nothing, nothing.

The words of an aria from "Futile Precautions".

"Futile Precautions"! A witty jest! - She's no fool!

What is this "Futile Precautions"?

It's the title of a new opera.

An opera you call it?

I can imagine it only too well

a long, depressing, pretentious concoction! Barren times indeed!

Oh, silly me! I've dropped the aria!

Go and get it quickly! - I'm on my way.

I understand! - Quick!

Never fear!

Here I am.

Where's it gone?

The wind must have carried it away.

Look!

I can't find it.

Look here, miss, I don't want... She's up to some trick!

Back in the house, on the double! Do you hear?

I'm going, I'm going! What a madman!

I'm going to have this balcony walled in...

Back inside, I said!

A life worse than death!

Poor thing, my heart goes out to her.

Her sad fate affects me more and more.

Quick, let's see what she wrote.

You're right. Read it out loud.

Your constant attentions

have excited my curiosity.

My guardian is going out.

As soon as he leaves,

find some means of telling me your name,

your station and your intentions.

I cannot come out on this balcony

without the company of my tyrannical guardian.

But be assured that any course of action

likely to break her chains will be taken by

your unfortunate Rosina.

Tell me, what kind of man is her guardian?

A miserly old demon, suspicious and bad-tempered,

getting on for but still wanting to play the gallant.

To get hold of her inheritance

he has taken it into his head to marry her. Careful!

What? - The front door!

I'll be back shortly.

Don't let anyone in!

If Don Basilio asks after me,

tell him to wait.

It will be best to marry her as soon as I can.

I'll get this business settled before the day is out!

Marry Rosina before the day is out! Senile old fool!

But tell me, who is this Don Basilio?

A sanctimonious marriage-broker,

a cutpurse, a ragamuffin without a penny to his name.

He also gives singing lessons. She's one of his pupils.

All useful information!

But now tell the fair child what she wants to know.

Clothe it in the strains of a song,

and pour out your heart to her that way.

A song?

Of course.

Here's my guitar. What are you waiting for?

Yes, but... - Why all the fuss?

All right, then. Here goes!

If you wish to know my name,

hear it from my own lips.

I am Lindoro, your ardent admirer,

who desires your hand and who calls you by name,

constantly praising you

from dawn till dusk.

Go on, my dearest, go on with your song!

Did you hear? How do you feel now?

Now I am happy.

Right. Well, carry on then!

Loving and sincere is Lindoro,

but he cannot lay riches at your feet.

I have no fortune, all I can give you is my heart,

a loving heart, faithful and constant,

sighing only for you,

from dawn till dusk.

Loving and sincere is Rosina,

and her heart belongs to Lind...

Heavens!

Someone must have come into the room. She's gone back in.

The devil take it! I am beside myself with passion!

I must see her, speak to her!

You must help me! - What fire! Yes, I'll help.

Fine! I want you to get me into that house. Today!

How will you manage that? Let's have some brilliant suggestions!

A brilliant suggestion?

I'll see what I can do. But today...

Ah, I understand. Listen,

don't worry. You'll be richly rewarded for your labours.

Word of honour? - Word of honour!

Gold in heaping measure?

More than you can spend. So get to work.

I'm ready for anything.

You have no idea of the prodigious effects

on my willingness to serve Lindoro's cause

produced by the magical idea of gold.

The very thought of that metal,

so powerful, so omnipotent,

turns my mind into a volcano

straightaway and on the spot.

Then let us see how that metal

can wreak such a surprising change

and make a volcano of your mind.

Give us some token of its effect!

I want you to disguise yourself,

put on the garb of, let's say, a soldier!

A soldier? - Yes, indeed.

A soldier. What good is that?

There's a regiment arriving here today.

Yes, the colonel's a friend of mine. - So much the better.

What then? - Gadzooks!

We'll get a military order

and billet you in this house.

What do you say now, sir?

Didn't I say I'd deliver the goods?

What a brainwave!

Well done indeed!

A really excellent...

No, wait!

Another brainwave!

The gold is weaving its spell.

You must be drunk. Yes, pretend to be drunk!

Drunk? - Yes, sir!

Drunk? But why?

Because someone not quite himself,

someone rather the worse for drink

will not make her guardian

suspicious of his intentions.

What a brainwave!

Well done indeed!

A really excellent...

All right... - To work!

Off we go.

That's the spirit!

Right... Ah, before I forget.

Tell me where your shop is,

so I can find you when I need you.

My shop? It's not hard to find.

Just follow your nose, it's not far from here.

Number fifteen, on the left-hand side,

four steps outside, the front all white,

five wigs in the window,

and a sign "Haute Coiffure",

the display all in blue, in the modern style,

and over the door the sign of a lantern.

You really can't miss it.

I've got the idea. - Don't waste any time.

You make sure... - I'll see to the rest.

I'm counting on you. - We'll meet there.

My dear Figaro... - I know, I know.

I shall have with me... - The purse full of gold.

Whatever you like, but the rest...

Don't worry on that score, it'll all turn out fine.

The searing flame of love consumes me,

the herald of joy and happiness!

My heart is afire with undreamed-of ardour,

and makes me better than the man I was.

I can already hear the chink of coin,

I can hear it coming, gold and silver.

I can see it cascading into my pockets

and making me a better man than I was.

I heard a voice, I heard it once; now it resounds within.

My heart is pierced

and Lindoro wielded Cupid's bow.

Yes, Lindoro shall be mine!

I have sworn, and I shall triumph.

If my guardian resists,

I shall dream up some scheme.

In the end he will acquiesce,

and I shall be happy for ever.

Yes, Lindoro shall be mine,

I have sworn, and I shall triumph.

I am docile,

I am respectful,

I am obedient,

sweet-tempered, affectionate,

easily governed, easily guided.

But once I'm goaded, my demon awakes,

then I'm a minx,

who, rather than yield,

will do anything,

go to any lengths!

Oh yes, I shall triumph!

If only I could get this letter to him somehow!

But how?

I have no one to turn to.

My guardian has his eyes everywhere.

I'll seal the letter anyway.

I saw him from the window

talking to Figaro, the barber.

Figaro's a decent fellow, a man with a heart.

Perhaps he might help us to make sure our love wins out.

Ah, good day, miss.

Good day to you, signor Figaro.

How are things? - Deadly boring.

Good lord, who'd have thought it?

A girl like you, beautiful and clever...

Don't make me laugh!

What good is intelligence, what good is beauty,

stuck in these four walls

as if I were dead and buried?

Dead and buried? Oh, dear! Listen, I've come...

My guardian! - Really?

Yes, it's him all right...

I'll leave, then. But I'll be back soon with a message.

I've got one too. - Fine! Then I'll be going.

What a nice lad he is!

That rogue of a Figaro, that rascal,

that scamp, that wretch!

Here he is, cursing as usual!

Did anyone ever see the like?

He's turned this house into an infirmary

with his tinctures, his blood-lettings

and his mumbo jumbo...

Tell me, girl, have you seen that barber?

Why? - Why? Because I want to know!

Are you suspicious of him too?

What if I were? - All right, I'll tell you.

Yes, I saw him and I spoke to him.

I like him, I find him agreeable.

I like the way he talks and the way he looks.

Choke on your rage, you old ratbag!

What a beauty she is!

The more I love her, the more she mocks me.

That barber is at the bottom of all this!

Who knows what he's put her up to! Who knows?

Well, I'll soon find out. Berta!

Ambrogio!

What is your will? - Tell me,

was that barber here, talking to Rosina?

Answer, you imbecile!

The patience one needs! - Er, I was asleep.

I know! - He did come, but I...

What's the point! Half dead, the two of them! Get out!

And the devil take you both!

You infernal barber, you'll pay for this!

Come in, Don Basilio.

Just the man I need!

My firm intention, by force or by love,

is to marry Rosina before the day is out.

Do you understand?

I'm with you all the way.

I just came to tell you -

in the strictest confidence -

that Count Almaviva is in town.

What? Rosina's secret admirer?

The very same! - The devil take it!

We must do something! - Of course. But in secret.

Meaning...?

Without arousing any suspicion,

the first thing we need to do is invent a story

that will cast a dubious light on him in public,

make him appear

like a villain,

a lost soul.

I will serve you in this within five days,

believe me, I give you my word,

we will have driven him out for good.

You think so?

I do indeed! I have my methods,

and they never fail!

You mean you're planning

some sort of scandal?

Have you ever thought what a scandal can achieve?

Well, no, not really.

Then listen and learn!

Scandal starts as a breath of air,

a tiny waft, a pleasant breeze,

that subtly and imperceptibly,

lightly and quietly

begins its insidious work.

Just a whisper, just a murmur,

then a muttering and a hissing,

soon it's going the rounds,

seeking out the ears of others,

entering and doing its fell work,

numbing people's minds and brains,

swelling them with its venom.

Once it is uttered in so many words,

there's no stopping its progress.

It goes from strength to strength

and from place to place; just like thunder, like a tempest

brewing over the woods, it comes whistling

and rumbling with blood-curdling power.

Finally it crushes all before it, redoubles its vigour,

and produces an explosion

like a cannon going off,

a landslide, a thunderstorm,

a general uproar

that makes the air resound.

And the hapless victim,

vilified and browbeaten,

cringes and expires under the whiplash of public disdain.

What do you say to that?

Well, I'm sure you're right. But for the moment

we're wasting time and I have things to see to.

No, we'll do it my way.

We'll retire to my study;

there we can draft out the marriage contract together.

When she's my wife,

let those love-struck suitors come!

Then it'll be my job to protect her from them.

As long as there's something in it for me,

I'm always game!

Oh, excellent fellows!

I heard it all. Long live the good doctor!

Poor fool! She marry you?

We'll soon put paid to that scheme!

While they're in there I'll try for a word with the girl.

Ah, here she is.

Well, what is it, Figaro?

Big plans afoot, miss. - Oh, really?

It'll be raining confetti.

What do you mean? - What I mean is

that your fine guardian is determined

to become your husband before the day is out.

Come on! - No, I swear it.

They're in there poring over the marriage contract.

Well, he's making a big mistake, the poor imbecile!

He'll have me to deal with.

But tell me, Figaro,

I saw you from the window a short while ago

talking to a gentleman...

Yes, a cousin, a nice fellow,

fine profile, very good-natured.

He's just finished his studies

and now the poor fellow's determined

to make his fortune.

I'm sure he'll succeed.

I wish I could be so sure.

Between ourselves, he has one big failing.

A big failing? - A very big one.

He's madly in love.

Is that true? That young man interests me strangely.

You don't say? - You don't believe me? - Of course!

And does his beloved live a long way away?

Oh no, right here! Only a few yards away.

Is she pretty?

Yes, very!

I'll sum her up in a few words

nice figure, quick-witted,

black hair, rosy cheeks, eloquent eyes,

hands to die for...

And her name?

You want the name too? The name...

It's a very nice name. She's called...

Well, what is she called?

The poor girl! She's called...

R - O - Ro - Rosi - Rosina.

So it's me. You're sure you're right?

So I'm the lucky one!

Just as I thought.

I knew it before you did.

The object of Lindoro's desires is none other than you.

A cunning little minx,

but she hasn't reckoned with me!

Listen, tell me...

how can I get to speak to Lindoro?

Have no fear, Lindoro is here to speak to you himself.

To speak to me?

Yes, let him come, but he must be careful.

I'm dying of impatience.

But why does he hesitate? What is he doing?

The poor fellow has been waiting

for some sign of your affection.

Send him a note, a few lines,

tell him to come and he will.

What do you say?

No, I can't...

Come on! Take heart!

I mustn't... - Just a few lines.

I'm ashamed. - What of?

Come on!

Quick, here's some paper.

Paper, you say?

I've got some here.

You've written it already?

Well, what a minx!

And I thought she needed telling what to do!

I suddenly feel so happy.

I sense the joy to come!

She could give lectures

on the art of subterfuge.

Ah, you alone, my love,

can give comfort to my heart!

Woman, woman! Oh, eternal gods,

can anyone fathom their hearts?

I feel better now.

That Figaro really is a nice fellow.

Right, then,

may I ask my Rosina

to be so good as to tell me

what that fellow wanted this morning?

Figaro? No idea! - He talked to you?

He did. - What about?

A hundred trivial things

fashions in France,

the illness of his daughter...

Really?

And I would have bet...

Why is one of your fingers black with ink?

The ink? Oh, that's nothing.

I burnt my finger and I thought ink might be good

as a remedy.

Dammit!

And this notepaper?

There are five sheets now, there were six before.

The notepaper? You're right.

I used one of them to send sweets to Marcellina.

Magnificent!

So why is the quill sharpened?

Damn! The quill?

To draw a flower for my embroidery.

A flower? - A flower.

Brazen creature! - Well...

Quiet! - Believe me or... - Enough!

No more! Not one word!

A doctor of my ilk

is not to be fooled by such prevarications!

If you're going to cheat, my dear,

at least try and do it properly.

Sweets for that girl!

Flowers for your embroidery!

Burnt fingers! What do you take me for?

You'll have to get up earlier, my girl,

to pull the wool over my eyes.

Why is there a sheet of paper missing?

I will get to the bottom of this!

Spare me all this nonsense!

Enough! Don't touch me!

My dear girl, don't believe for one moment

that you can twist me round your little finger.

Come on, my dear, own up!

I'll forgive you if you do.

Not a word?

Stubborn as ever?

Right, then I know exactly what to do...

Signorina, the next time Bartolo leaves the house,

he'll leave you in the keeping of the servants.

Your pouting won't help you, nor playing the innocent.

You minx, not even the air will get through that door,

and poor little innocent Rosina,

disconsolate and despairing,

will be locked in her room till I let her out!

What's going on in there?

I thought I heard a noise.

I bet it was Bartolo; nothing but trouble with that ward.

These girls never see sense.

Someone's knocking. - Open up!

I'm coming.

No rest for the wicked!

That snuff will be the death of me!

Hey, you in there!

Good people!

Nobody home?

Can't you hear me?

Who's that? A nasty-looking customer!

And drunk as well. I wonder who he is.

Hey, you in there! Damn you!

What do you want, good soldier?

Ah, very much obliged! - What's his business here?

Tell me, are you..? Hang on!

Are you... Doctor Bottlebow?

Bottlebow?

Er, no, I mean Bertoldo!

Bertoldo?

The devil take it!

I'm Doctor Bartolo.

Ah, excellent, Doctor Bottombow!

Excellent!

Imbecile! - That's just fine,

there's hardly any difference.

I long to see her! - I'm rapidly losing patience!

What's keeping her? Where can she be?

But I'd better be careful.

So you're a doctor, are you?

I am a doctor, indeed.

Well met! Let me embrace you,

as one colleague to another.

How dare you! - No, look!

I'm a doctor myself, you know,

I look after the regiment's horses.

This paper says I'm billeted to stay with you.

See for yourself!

Ah, if only the dear object...

I can't take much more of this!

...of my desires were here!

I shall forget myself if I stay here!

Come, oh come! Your beloved awaits you here!

My guardian with a soldier!

What can they be up to?

It's Rosina! Now I'm content!

He's coming over to me. - It's me! Lindoro!

Heavens, what do I hear? Be careful, for pity's sake!

Signorina, what are you about? Go your ways, quickly!

I'm going, no need to shout! - Out of here, quick!

Hey, missie, I'm coming too! - Where to, if I may inquire?

To my quarters! This'll do fine! - Quarters? Nonsense!

Dearest! - Help! - What the devil?!

I'll leave you then...

No, no, there's no billet for you here!

What? What? - No doubt about it.

I have a certificate of exemption. - A certificate?

My good fellow, I'll show you it immediately.

If I can't stay here, at least take this...

Careful, he's watching!

I can't seem to find it. - Careful!

But it's here somewhere.

I feel such desire

that I cannot control myself.

Ah, here it is!

"This is to certify that Doctor Bartolo,

et cetera, et cetera, is to be exempted..."

The devil take you, I won't be treated like this!

And what does that mean, pray?

Quiet, Doctor Dumbell!

It means I was sent here and I'm staying put!

You intend to stay? - I sure do!

This is the last straw, fellow!

Out you go, or this stout stick

will send you packing!

That means war, you realise that?

Very well, you shall have it.

Warfare is a fine thing,

and I'll show you how it's done.

Now, look here.

This is the trench.

You're the enemy.

And over here are the allies. - Drop your hanky on it!

Yes, the allies are over here. On your guard!

Stop! Stop!

What's this? Ah!

Let me see! - Yes!

Could it be a prescription?

No, it's a letter...

And it is my duty... saving your presence...

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, my foot!

Give me that letter, you impertinent thing!

You heard me! Give it me at once!

But that paper you want to see

fell to the ground by accident.

It's only the laundry list.

Brazen girl! Give it here!

Oh, no, I was mistaken! - The barber...

It is the list. I'm stupefied. - ...all these people...

Excellent, that dunderhead...

Oh, I really am a dunderhead.

...fell for it, hook, line and sinker!

What a mess this is!

Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti. This really is a mess!

I can't believe it, I'm stupefied. What a mess this is!

Always the same, always a drama,

always oppressed and maltreated!

Ah, what a dreadful life this is,

I just cannot stand it any longer!

Ah, Rosina, my poor child...

Stand back! What did you do to her?

Me? I never did anything. - Rogue! Villain!

Desist, sir, at once!

I shall cut you down where you stand!

Servants! Save me! - Unhand me!

Servants! Rescue us, for pity's sake!

What goes on?

What is the trouble,

gentlemen, ladies?

What is this din, by all that's holy?

Down on the square your shouting and cursing

has roused half the town!

A little more circumspection, please!

This scoundrel here... - This villain here...

You reprobate! - You wretch!

A little more respect, soldier,

or this basin, believe me,

will drum some into your head!

Calm down a bit, please!

Ugly old ape!

Insolent wretch! - Doctor, be quiet!

But I want to shout! - Stop this, sir!

But I want to hit him! - Be still, for heaven's sake!

No I want to kill him, no quarter given!

Quiet! What's that knocking?

Who can it be?

Who is it?

The police. Open up at once!

The police!

That's done it!

It's your fault!

Don't worry! Let them in!

What a twist of fate!

And how on earth

is it all going to turn out?

Stay where you are! Nobody move!

Gentlemen, what is the meaning of this?

What's the cause of this din?

What do you have to say?

This maniac forced an entry and belaboured me!

I came up here to sort things out!

He kicked up a frightful din and threatened to kill people!

This old devil wouldn't give me my billet.

Forgive him, it was the wine speaking!

Right, that'll do.

You, sir, you're under arrest.

Get yourself out of here right now!

Me? Under arrest?

Take a look at this first!

Frozen and dumbstruck,

still as a statue,

this takes the wind out of me,

I can hardly breathe.

Frozen and dumbstruck,

still as a statue,

that took the wind out of them,

they can hardly breathe.

Look at Don Bartolo!

Just like a statue!

I could just die laughing!

But officer... - Silence! - But a doctor... - No more!

But if you... - Less of your lip! - But let me... - No!

But if we... - Quiet! - Might we not... - Leave it to us!

Go about your business, everyone, and no more noise!

No, but listen, hear me...

Not a word! Not a breath! Be quiet, be still!

I feel as if my head

were in some infernal forge,

where the intolerable din

of the clanging anvils

gets harder to bear all the time.

The hellish rhythm

of the pounding hammers

makes the walls and arches resound

in dreadful harmony.

And my poor brain

is fuddled and confused.

I'm at my wits' end. This way madness lies!

The things I have to put up with!

That soldier, ask after him as I might,

is completely unknown in the whole regiment!

I'm beginning to suspect... No, by Jove!

Not suspect...I'm damn sure it was that Count Almaviva

who sent that fellow here

to spy out the land and test his chances with Rosina.

These days you're not even safe in your own home!

But I...

Who's that at the door?

Who's there, I say!

Can't you hear that knocking?

I'm here at home! Have no fear! Open the door!

Peace and prosperity be with you!

Thank you, you're too kind!

Peace and prosperity for a thousand years!

Much obliged, in truth!

I know that face! - Last time, I failed...

I can't place it. - ...to hoodwink him.

This bearing... - But a new disguise...

I give up! Who can it be? - ...will serve my purpose.

Joy and peace and peace and joy!

Yes, I got the message! Damn nuisance!

Joy and peace, with all my heart!

Enough, enough, for pity's sake!

The things I have to put up with! What an infuriating day!

They're all conspiring to vex me, what a cruel fate is mine!

He doesn't recognise me. What a piece of luck!

My dearest, soon we can be alone together!

In a word, sir,

may I ask who you are?

Don Alonso,

singing teacher and apprentice to Don Basilio.

Well?

Don Basilio is ill, the poor man, and in his place...

Ill? I'll go and see him at once...

No, wait, he's not that ill.

I smell a rat!

Off we go!

But sir! - What?

I just wanted to say... - Speak up!

But... - Louder!

As you wish,

but Don Alonso is not to be trifled with!

I shall report this to Count Almaviva!

I'm all ears! - The Count...

Not so loud! Please!

This morning

he was staying in the same inn as me,

and I chanced upon this missive

addressed to him by your ward.

What's this? Her handwriting!

Don Basilio knows nothing of this note.

And as he sent me here in his place today,

I wanted to do you a favour.

You see, I think we could use this note...

To do what? - I'll tell you.

If I could speak to the girl,

I think I could make her believe

that another lady-friend of the Count's gave it me.

And that would prove that the Count is only fooling with her.

And then... - Wait a moment!

This will blacken his name! Excellent!

O worthy pupil of Don Basilio,

your reward for this suggestion will be commensurate!

I'll go and call the girl.

As you take my part in all this,

I will put myself in your hands.

Have no misgivings!

The story about the note came to me on the spur of the moment.

There was no choice. Without it

I'd have had to beat a retreat like a whipped cur.

I'll let her into my subterfuge,

and if she agrees, everything will be fine.

Here she is! My heart leaps up at the very sight of her!

Come along, my dear.

This is Don Alonso.

He'll give you your lesson. - Oh! - What's the matter?

A cramp in my foot.

No matter! Sit here beside me, fair child.

If you have no objection, today's lesson

will be in my hands, not Don Basilio's.

With the greatest of pleasure!

What do you want to sing?

I shall sing, if you consent,

the Rondo from "Futile Precautions".

Why is it always "Futile Precautions"?

Here it is.

Excellent! Whenever you're ready.

Against a heart aflame with passion,

with true, undying love,

tyrannical power arms itself in vain

with heartlessness and cruelty.

Triumphing over all reverses,

true love will always win out.

Ah, Lindoro, my beloved,

if you knew, if you could see!

This dog that is my guardian

makes me wild with fury!

Dearest, I trust in you.

Save me, I beseech you!

Never fear! Take heart!

Fate will smile on us at the last!

So there is hope? - Trust in me!

And my heart? - Shall rejoice!

Fair image smiling down at me,

sweet vision of requited love,

you inflame the heart in my breast

and make me dizzy with anticipation.

A lovely voice! Well done!

Thank you so much!

Yes, her voice is all right,

but that aria really is very mediocre!

In my time, they really knew how to write music.

For example, when Caffariello sang

that magnificent aria

Look, Don Alonso, I have it here.

When you are near me,

fairest Rosina...

It says "Giannina" in the aria,

but I say "Rosina" instead.

My heart springs up in my bosom

and dances a minuet.

A fine performance, Sir!

Oh, that's nothing. Sorry, I forgot myself.

Well, what brings you here?

I've come to give you a shave. We have an appointment.

I don't feel like it today.

Well, I've no time tomorrow. - Why not?

I've got to do all the officers in the new regiment,

a new wig for the Marchioness,

and a piled-up hairdo for Count Bombé;

then I have to cure advocate Bernardone's tummy upset,

and then... and then... Anyway, I've no time tomorrow.

All right, cut the cackle!

No shave for me today!

So that's how it is?

Fine customers you are!

I come in the morning and the place is in uproar.

After lunch the master "doesn't feel like it".

Do you take me for some village barber?

Take your custom elsewhere! I'm off.

What choice do I have? Let him have his way.

The airs he gives himself!

Go in there and get a towel.

No, I'll go myself.

If I could get my hands on those keys, I'd be well away.

Does one of those keys open the door to the balcony?

Yes, the newest one.

I'd be silly to leave her with that demon barber.

No, you go yourself.

You'll find the stuff on the cupboard down that corridor.

And don't touch anything!

I'm not stupid, you know. Great!

Back in a moment! The ruse has worked!

That's the scoundrel who took the Count that note.

He looks a pretty nasty customer to me.

Well, he won't fool me.

How silly of me! - What a racket!

The imbecile! I knew it!

That Figaro is a genius.

Now we're alone, tell me

Are you still willing to link your fate to mine? The truth!

Lindoro, it is my dearest wish.

Well?

Everything in smithereens plates, glasses and a tureen.

That was a close shave!

If I hadn't managed to hold on to a key

in that horrible dark corridor,

I'd have bashed my head.

The whole place is as dark as a pit, so it's hardly...

Enough! - Right, let's start. Careful!

Here we go, then.

What's this? - What a turn-up!

What, you here?

Your servant, gentlemen.

This is very unexpected.

Oh, what will become of us?

We'll have to bluff our way out of this one!

Don Basilio, have you recovered?

Recovered?

Another delay? This shave,

do you want it or not?

Yes, yes, I'm coming.

And your apprentice?

Apprentice?

I told him that everything's been arranged.

Didn't I?

Yes, I'm in the picture.

Don Bartolo, would you mind telling me...?

A word in private, Doctor!

One moment, Don Basilio. Don Bartolo, a word in your ear.

Get him out of here somehow! He'll give the game away.

My heart trembles! - Don't despair!

He knows nothing of the letter.

I can't fathom what's going on here.

Get him out, or I can't vouch for anything!

You're right, I'll send him away.

With a temperature like that, Don Basilio,

do you think it wise to be up and about?

Temperature?

What else? You're yellow in the face,

just like a corpse.

Me? Yellow in the face?

Like a corpse?

This is terrible!

This quaking and trembling!

You've got scarlet fever!

Scarlet fever?!

Take this medicine,

it's for your own good!

Off to bed, double quick! - You don't look good at all.

He's right. Off you go! - Yes, go and lie down!

This is money!

Off to bed?

Well, if they're all so set on it...

Off to bed, quick!

I'm not deaf.

If you want me to go, I'll go.

Such pallor!

What an awful colour!

Awful colour?

Yes, absolutely awful!

Well, then, I'll go.

Yes, go!

Good night, sir.

Get out of here as fast as you can.

A very good night to you,

we can talk tomorrow.

Cursed nuisance!

Peace, rest and health to you!

No need to shout, I'm on my way!

If you're ready, Don Bartolo? - Here I am.

A bit tighter!

That's perfect!

Rosina, might I have a word?

Yes of course, here I am.

On the stroke of midnight

we'll be here to free you.

Now that I have the key,

nothing can go wrong.

Ow! Ow!

What is it now?

Something in my eye.

You look! Don't touch!

Just blow on it, if you would!

On the stroke of midnight

I'll be waiting, my beloved.

I can hardly wait for the moment

when I can take you in my arms.

Let me just tell you

that I had to use your note,

because otherwise this whole deception

would have come to nought.

This whole deception? Ah, yes!

Excellent, Don Alonso, really excellent!

Peace and joy, indeed!

Rogues and scoundrels, the lot of you!

You've all conspired...

Get out, all of you!

Your mind is playing tricks on you, calm down!

Your mind is playing tricks on you.

Get out or I'll thrash you!

Quiet, stop this raving!

You've conspired to do me in!

You're making a fool of yourself.

I'm so furious, I could burst!

The man is beside himself, we'd better get out.

The man is beside himself, we'll do as he says.

This is disgraceful!

But how come I suspected nothing?

Don Basilio knows more than he's letting on.

Who's there? Who's there?

Listen, Ambrogio, go to Don Basilio,

tell him I have important news;

I can't come myself because... because...

I have my reasons.

Go on!

You stand guard at the door and then... No.

I don't trust her. I'll stand guard myself.

Suspicious old fool!

Let him stand guard till he's blue in the face!

Nothing but shouting and quarrelling in this place.

Disputes, tears, threats...

Never a minute's peace

with that cantankerous old miser!

What a place!

It's a madhouse, that's for sure!

The old man wants a wife,

the girl wants a husband.

He's mad and so is she,

they ought both to be locked away.

What kind of thing is love?

Why does it make people lose their wits?

It must be universal ailment,

a mania, an urge...

an itch, a torment...

I've been through it all my poor self,

I know how it'll all end.

And now I'm old and I hate it,

spurned by one and all.

As a despairing old woman

I'll go to the grave.

So you know of no Don Alonso?

Not at all.

He's in the pay of the Count.

They're planning something big.

If you ask me, that fellow

was the Count in person.

The Count? - The Count!

That purse gave him away.

I want the notary here, this instant!

Here's the key to the gate. Go quickly,

I beg of you!

Don't worry, I'll be back in two minutes.

Rosina, come out here to me!

I have news for you, from your admirer.

He has been trifling with your affections,

while languishing in the arms of another.

Here's the proof.

Heavens, it's my note!

Be sure to lock yourself in. I'm going out.

Ah, what a cruel fate,

what a cruel fate is mine!

Here we are at last.

Figaro, give me a hand.

What foul weather this is!

Lovers' weather!

Let's have some light. Where is Rosina?

Let's have a look... Ah, here she comes.

My dearest!

Stand back, deceiver!

The only reason I'm here is to remedy my stupid credulity,

to avenge the wrong you did me,

and to show you who I am and what you have lost,

thankless and worthless wretch!

I'm dumbstruck! - This is beyond me!

Please!

Silence! You feigned love for me to sell me

to that vile Almaviva. - The Count?

Ah, you are mistaken. Thank heavens!

You see, my dearest,

I am Almaviva

and not Lindoro.

What an unexpected turn!

He is the Count? Heavens!

Surprise and happiness together

almost make me lose my senses.

They can hardly breathe for bliss,

they're almost dying of joy.

And all this has come about

from my genius in arranging things.

What an unexpected triumph!

A moment of unequalled bliss!

Love and happiness together

almost make me lose my senses.

But sir, you... and someone like me...

Enough of that, my love,

the fine title that awaits you, dear heart,

is that of my wedded wife.

The fine title of his wedded wife,

what joy that inspires in my heart!

Are you happy?

Oh, my lord!

Sweet bond that comes

to still all my desires!

Come on!

No dallying, hurry up!

After all my torments, love took pity on me.

Stop all this sighing; if you take much longer,

my plan will end in a disaster.

Heavens, what's this I see?

A lantern down at the gate,

two people. What's going on?

You saw two people? - Yes, sir, I did.

And a lantern? - Yes, sir, a lantern.

What's going on?

Careful, quiet, let's not make things any worse.

We'll go back down the ladder and get out of here quick.

My God, what will we do now? - What's the matter?

The ladder... - Well?

The ladder's gone! - What?

Who can have taken it? - This is a cruel blow.

Woe is me!

Quiet! I hear someone.

We're stuck. What shall we do?

Take heart, Rosina! - Here they come.

Don Bartolo! Don Bartolo!

Don Basilio. - And the other one?

Why, it's the notary. So that's it!

Leave this to me! Signor!

As notary, I asked you to come to my house

and set up the marriage contract

between Count Almaviva and my niece.

Bride and groom are present.

Do you have the documents?

Fine. - But wait!

Where's Don Bartolo?

Don Basilio, this ring is yours.

Yes, but...

If you prefer to resist, I have two bullets for you.

I'll take the ring.

Who signs? - Here we are.

Figaro and Don Basilio are our witnesses.

This is my bride.

Congratulations! - What bliss is this!

The answer to all my prayers! - Congratulations!

Stop at once! There they are. - Calm down, sir.

Officer, they are thieves. Arrest them at once!

What is your name, sir?

I am Count Almaviva.

So I was wrong all the time!

That just about sums it up, yes!

And you scoundrel,

you cheat me and act as witness!

Well, Don Bartolo, you know, the Count

has certain incentives in his pockets,

certain arguments that it is impossible to resist.

And I, fool that I was,

thought I could safeguard my wedding

by taking the ladder away.

That's what they call a "Futile Precaution"!

Such a happy resolution

will live on eternally in human memory.

Now I can dowse the lantern,

my business here is over.

It cost so many sighs and plaints

to achieve such a happy ending.

Now, at last, my loving heart

feels free to breathe again.

When I was the lowly Lindoro

you accepted my passionate vows.

Now a finer fortune awaits you,

come with me and rejoice!

May love and fidelity

reign in your hearts for ever!