Original subtitles

Okay.

Good morning.

It's 8:30.

Thank you.

No, you said you had to be at work at nine last night.

Shit. Okay. Yeah. I got it.

You got it.

Yes, I do.

Oh, we're good.

Okay.

Okay.

-Sweater. Sweater? -Sweater?

-Sweater. -Sweater.

Sweater. Where's my sweater?

Found sweater?

Rent's due on Thursday.

Good job. Good job saying that.

Oh, fuck.

Oh God.

Come on, baby. Come on. Come on.

Oh, you got this!

Oh, so freaking close. Okay, come on.

Come on.

Yes!

Okay.

Oh. Oh.

Okay.

I am so sorry.

What was it this time?

Another audition that was more important than your job?

My car.

You know what? I'm not gonna give you any excuses.

Except, the weirdest thing happened on my way here.

I was in my car, right? And I see this older guy in a Santa suit.

And he waves a stick around like it's a wand.

And then, poof! My car starts.

I mean, that's not why I'm late, but weird nonetheless.

That is odd.

I know, right?

Well, holidays are a weird time.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

Thank you.

Did you know that earwax is actually a type of sweat?

Is that what you're writing on?

No. I saw that doctor again.

You said you weren't going back.

I can't help it.

The man is a walking encyclopedia in the worst of times, but, physically,

he is Clarke Gable in Gone with the Wind .

You know, I've seen that movie once.

Well, actually, I put the second tape in first by accident.

I was utterly confused the whole time,

and I have never been able to watch it since.

"As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again!"

You had to be there.

History of ugly Christmas sweaters.

Outdone.

Holiday date ideas, top 10.

No, top five, give them something they can actually accomplish.

Nobody will do that.

Cynic.

What?

You're being a cynic.

I am not.

This is how you get around this time of year.

I do not.

Is it too early for lunch?

Yes!

Okay, fine, but only if we go to that Thai place with the little corn

fritters and that spicy peanut sauce.

- Okay. - Okay.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

You have two new messages.

Hey, kiddo. It's your dad.

Message deleted.

Hey, what's going on?

I don't know what's up with your cell. I haven't been able to reach you.

Just wondering when I can pick up the rest of my stuff?

Uh... Okay. Call me back.

End of messages.

What is happening today?

What's going on?

I don't know what's up with your cell.

I haven't been able to reach you.

Just wondering when I can

pick up the rest of my stuff? Uh...

Okay, call me back.

Okay, call me back.

Hey, girl.

Hey.

What's going on?

Oh my God.

What am I doing? Okay.

Hey. What's going on?

Hey.

What made you finally text me?

Your stuff. You said you needed it.

Yeah, but we haven't talked in like a month.

You broke up with me.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean we have to stop talking completely.

Doesn't it?

Are you drunk?

No.

And even if I was, that's none of your business.

I could come in and have a drink with you.

Uhm.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm so sorry. Were you sleeping?

No, I was reading.

Okay.

I was!

How was it?

It was awesome. Oh my God.

-You won't believe what happened. -What?

Oh, no, what?

You remember Anna?

Yeah.

Well, I may have gotten a little smooch.

No.

Yeah.

-Really? -Yeah.

How's this? How's the script?

Yeah, not great.

Is it paid?

A little.

I mean, baby, that's called a silver lining in show business.

-Goodnight. -Goodnight.

Silly.

Hi.

Hi.

So, I was thinking. Do you mind if I actually do the holiday date idea?

Just an idea, but I think it would be kind of sweet.

And, it gives me an excuse to take Dan out.

Sure.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

What's going on?

Nothing. It's just uh...

I saw Jess last night.

No. Where?

She picked up the rest of her things.

Good.

Yeah.

Well, that's good, right?

Yeah. It is.

It just-

It seems like a lot of people are popping up.

It's the holidays. People are lonely.

Did you read that article in The Times last week about the man in Virginia?

They called it "Last Christmas."

Um, no.

I think you're one of the last people that seems to read a tangible paper.

That is not true.

You can lose your internet connection.

What happens when you go into the Subway?

Lost connection. The frustration.

You'll see, this online thing is going to die out.

Well, I hope not, for the sake of our jobs.

Yeah, well, anyway. So, this boy-- Man, had a normal upbringing, so they say.

He keeps making excuses to his family about Christmas,

saying how his job won't let him have the time off.

And how awful they are to him. Blah, blah, blah.

So, his grandma is dying, right?

And, that's her last Christmas wish: to see her grandson.

Long story short, he doesn't make it, and grandma died.

Then, they read in the paper on Christmas morning, "Man Wanted."

It turns out, he was the owner of a sex ring.

They had to turn him in They never saw him again.

That's an awful story.

You never know, you know?

You never know.

So, I have four of the five Christmas date ideas,

but I'm stuck on the last one.

Okay. What do you have?

Getting a Christmas tree.

Baking Christmas cookies.

Making snow angels or leaf angels, depending on your location.

And some kind of by the fire soiree.

Do the ugly Christmas sweater idea that you had, combine the two.

Yeah?

Yeah. It works.

For some people.

Okay, dad. Let's do this.

Nope.

I can't do it.

Taylor?

Taylor?

Hi, dad. Yeah, it's me.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi.

Oh, God. I hate it when you do that.

I feel alive!

-Do I have to take out all the middles now, so you don't do it again?

I don't know. Let's see your strategy, huh?

Well, okay.

Well, what am I doing? Oh, here, it's my turn.

So, are you going to be around this holiday season?

Mm-hm. I think I'm going to stick around this year, you know?

Watch over the place, make a little money.

My parents have basically guilt tripped me into going back. So,

I'm flying out in a few weeks.

Oh, gotcha.

- Yeah.

So, with the cost of flights and everything, I can't really

pay any extra rent this month.

Oh, yeah. Of course. I have it covered.

Want some?

- No.

Okay, I'll go.

It's because you said no.

I miss you.

Yeah, I miss you too.

Are you happy?

Yeah, I'm happy.

Well, good.

Well, what do you say?

Will you come for Christmas?

I don't know, I wasn't exactly welcome last time.

Yes, I know, but it's been two or three years?

Your mom says three.

That's way too long, Taylor.

We're sorry about that. We really are.

Don't you think it's time

we put all of that behind us?

I don't know.

We want you to bring your girlfriend

with you. Jess.

You told him what?

I panicked, okay?

They used to refuse to say her name, like it was some awful word,

and he just threw it in there. Like it was nothing. Like it was so easy.

I panicked.

So, call him back. Tell them you broke up.

And admit defeat? No way, you do not know my parents.

Then what are you going to do?

I don't know, I haven't thought that far ahead.

I guess, I could ask Jess.

No, no, no. Not a good idea.

Yeah, bad idea.

You could, we could, you could--

What about Amy? She knows numbers.

And, how would you convince Amy?

You could pay her. She is in finance.

Wow.

What? It's just an idea.

You could do it!

And tell Dan what? That I'm spending my holidays with my lesbian boss?

Yeah, you're right.

You can find someone. I mean, look at you.

I don't want any complications. I am not ready for that.

Then...

Hire someone.

What?

You said you weren't ready!

I know, but--

And they'd be working for you,

so you wouldn't have to worry about complications.

Actors don't do that. They don't do real life jobs.

It could be like an experimental theatre performance. They'd eat it up.

Maybe I could put it on some dating sites, you know?

Screen it, and then see what happens?

Yeah.

-Yeah. Yeah. -Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Let's see.

Potential Christmas dates.

Okay.

Lilly.

Not right.

Okay.

Woah. Okay. Okay. Oh, you know where you live.

Hi!

Look who's here. Oh, and he's gone.

And there's an extra little bonus in there for Christmas.

Wow, thank you. Okay, bye Snowball. Bye.

-Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas.

Come on.

Alrighty.

Are you excited to see your dad?

What's he doing?

Tie leash on door. Happy Holidays.

I'm not going to do that to you.

Hi. Just one second, okay? One second, I promise. Promise.

Ho ho ho. Somebody's been naughty today.

Oh, I have been a naughty girl.

Oh, come get me Santa.

Are you ready? No, I want that on you.

Okay, you're going to run.

Go, Bowser, go. Go!

I don't know why I keep seeing Santa Claus everywhere.

I mean, it's kind of cute that after all of these years,

they're still keeping the love alive.

And at least Mrs. Claus was in the picture this time.

-Okay, that's true. -Yeah.

Oops.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

Oh, I needed that.

I know it's not everything, but I am working on it.

Thanks.

And here.

I'm worried.

Is this a kinky thing?

It got a little broken, but,

as a kid, I used to suck down the end part and turn them into swords.

On guard.

Maybe not with that one.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Hey Taylor. I guess I missed you again.

I just wanted to

touch base on dates with you.

I was just talking to mom

and we're just so excited to see you,

the both of you.

I love you, girl. Oh, this is your dad.

Okay.

Okay.

Let's do this. Let's do this.

Okay. Claudia.

I'm sorry. I'm so nervous.

That's okay. I'm kind of nervous too.

I know, I just haven't been on a date in four years.

This isn't a date. You did read my profile, right?

I did, but I don't know, it feels like a date. Doesn't it feel like a date to you?

So, are you Taylor?

Yes?

Is anyone else here with you?

No.

Alright, good.

So, how are we going to do this? How are you going to pay me?

I haven't gotten that far yet.

So, what's the plan?

Well, just like my profile said,

we would drive to my parents' house, and you would pretend to be my girlfriend.

So, we're going to trick your parents, and then we're going to take their money.

No! Oh my God! No. No, I'm going to pay you.

So, is it a wire transfer? Or an app? Because I don't do apps.

You don't use apps?

Sorry, how did you find out about-- Never mind.

Okay.

Thank you for coming.

So, I did bring some of my dietary restrictions,

nothing too crazy, just a little breakdown.

No problem.

No gluten, absolutely no gluten, no dairy.

I prefer a meatless household. But, tofu turkey, I promise, you're going to love it.

It's going to be great.

No, I appreciate this.

Oh, and I am going to bring Snowflake.

Snowflake?

Snowflake is my cat.

This is my sweet angel Snowflake. Hi baby.

She also has some dietary restrictions,

but I will be taking care of that, don't worry.

That's a good girl. She's such a sweet girl. Hi baby.

I am Jess.

I'm here to audition for the part of Jess, the ex.

Oh my God.

I have an extensive background in Meisner and clowning,

so I'll be bringing both. Yeah.

-Okay. -Mm-hm.

Um...Clowning?

Yeah.

Like mime-work or...?

Oh, I like to enter with a secret, so, you won't know.

Oh.

Yes.

And you can just tell me right now if I've booked. I feel like I have.

You can tell me I've booked. I booked the part of ex.

And I can meet the family.

This is me meeting your mom. Mom.

Pretty good.

-That's great. -Thank you.

And this is dad. Dad.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. Allergies?

It's just the holidays, you know?

This always seems to happen.

Oh.

It's going to be okay.

No. Uh uh.

No. No.

No. Absolutely not. Thank you.

Thank you.

"Looking for her, you, a holiday date."

"Actress wanted to pose as my significant other for the holidays."

"A thousand dollars for the week."

"Woman for woman. Lookingforher@gmail.com."

You put me in the personals?!

It's cute, right? It's like a little missed connection, but for actors.

I am not that desperate.

I didn't mean that.

Look, Dan and I met 20 years ago. It was normal back then.

Yes, of course, 20 years ago. Nobody reads these anymore.

-And if they do-- -I do.

You read them in the morning for a laugh,

you don't think the people writing them are actually serious.

If someone takes the time to type something up

and then sends it off to be printed.

How do you get more serious than that?

I can't. I have exhausted all options.

Exactly.

I can't. I just--

I'm going to be honest. I'm going to tell my parents.

I'm sorry you had to--

It was fun anyway, exhilarating really, seeing what I wrote out there in print.

You keep this. I made four more copies.

I am so sorry. I had to get a jump.

It wouldn't start, and I know that's a problem,

but I'm going to take it in as soon as we get paid on Friday.

Olive.

Yes?

Oh, please don't. Please don't.

It's the third time this week.

I know, but I promise you, it won't happen again.

That's what you said last week and the week before.

It's always something with you.

You know what my dad said to me when he gave me this place?

He said, "Don't hire actors."

What did I do? I can't do it anymore. That's it.

Can I just work today?

And then you won't see me again. Oh, I promise you that, you won't.

I can't do it, Olive. This is it.

You're sure about this?

Well, I'm keeping the hat.

And I'm taking this with me.

Actors.

I'm fine. Everything's fine.

Come on.

You piece of crap!

Oh, you're not. You're not.

Oh my God. Please just start. Please.

Please. Please. Please. Please.

Oh my God.

Really?

I'm a customer.

"I saw you at the grocery store, you were wearing a yellow dress, it was winter."

"I thought to myself, 'A sunny day in my cloudy life."

"This was 10 years ago now." 10 years! Move on.

"Need a cleaning lady who will dress as Santa Claus."

I could do that. I could do that.

No. What are you doing? Stop. No.

"Looking for her. You."

"A holiday date."

"Actress wanted to pose as my significant other for the holidays."

"One thousand dollars a week."

Here it goes.

Hi dad.

Yeah, sorry.

Work is good.

Yeah.

Yeah, about that.

I uhm--

I uh--

I am just wondering if the 22nd would work?

Yeah?

Okay. Perfect.

Okay. I love you too. Bye.

"Hi, my name is Olive. I'm a professional actor. Hoping this is a serious ad,

but I do own a Santa hat just in case."

Have you been helped?

Not yet.

No?

What can I get you?

Just some coffee please.

Coffee? Coming right up.

Alright.

Here you go.

Cream and sugar is in the middle of the counter.

Okay. Let's see.

Coffee beans. Coffee beans.

Where the heck did you put these, Randy? Dammit.

What are you doing back here?

You had a customer. You're welcome.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, hold on. I got to get this.

Hello?

Hi. I'm at the cafe. I'm sitting at the bar.

What? Who is this?

It's Taylor.

Taylor?

Oh my God.

Sorry, I didn't know you worked here.

Oh, I don't. I'm just helping an old friend.

Olive.

Taylor.

Taylor.

You're a woman.

I am. It did say that in the ad.

Oh, right. That's the smudged out part I couldn't read then.

What?

Oh, nothing.

Is that okay?

Yes, I'm relieved. I thought it was going to be some serial killer, so,

this is a very good surprise.

Coffee?

Sure.

Yeah? Cool.

I could still be one, you know?

What?

A serial killer.

Oh, right.

Not convincing?

No. No, not really.

So, what are you doing by putting an ad out in the Classifieds?

I mean, what year is it again?

Well, why are you reading them?

Well, I asked you first.

I didn't put the--

My friend put--

It's a long story.

Right.

And I got kind of desperate.

Oh, God. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Do you have any questions about the job?

Yes, I do.

I do.

How long is it?

About a week, but you will be paid for a full week no matter what.

Okay.

And you have a working car?

I do.

Okay. Let's meet mom and dad.

-Yeah? -Wait.

Should we maybe talk about this more?

Sure, what about?

I don't know. What kind of acting do you do?

Oh, anything really. I mean,

I read it first to make sure I like it.

Production has been really slow

because of the holidays though.

Isn't that hard?

What?

Relying on others for work?

I guess I don't really think about it.

I guess the passion outweighs the

other bullshit that goes along with it.

I could never do it.

No?

Mm-mm.

Well, you're about to.

I guess that's true.

Do you mind if I...?

-No. Do whatever you want. -Okay. Cool.

Cookie?

No, thank you.

So, tell me your life story.

-My life story? Yeah!

It's kind of a lot to go through.

How long did you and Jess date?

Two years.

Okay, so, tell me about the past two years then.

I don't know.

No?

Do I have to act like Jess or did they never meet her?

-No. -No?

No, so you can still be you, just with a new name and a new job.

Okay. And girlfriend.

And girlfriend.

So, what is my job?

Jess is a software developer.

Okay.

And what does that mean?

They are not going to ask you about that, don't worry.

What do you do?

I work at an online newspaper.

So, you are a newspaper aficionado. Pretty much.

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah.

Can I turn it up?

This is my favorite Christmas song.

Yeah. Wait, this

is your favorite Christmas song?

This is nobody's favorite Christmas song.

Exactly.

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree.

Yep, I sound just like it.

Favorite weather?

Favorite weather?

Weather. It tells you a lot about a person.

Hot. Hot and sunny.

Okay.

So, what does that say about me?

Yes, that means, you

like a high temperature weather.

Favorite movie?

Gone with the Wind.

Oh, no.

Easy. Yeah.

Why is that funny?

What is it with people and

Gone with the Wind?

It's timeless.

I don't get it.

You have these two truly

complicated characters.

I mean, their presence alone together creates

this completely emotional tension.

I mean, there's a reason it's a classic.

I got peckish.

Okay.

How long do we have?

About an hour.

Okay.

Are you sure you don't want me to drive?

I'm okay.

Olive.

Olive.

Sorry.

We're here.

Okay.

You ready?

Yeah.

Are you?

Just call me Jess.

Okay.

Let's do this.

Okay.

Hey.

Hi!

Hi!

Hi.

Hey, sweetie.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi.

Jess.

Jess?

Hug?

Yes, we are huggers.

-Hey, I want to get one of those. -Hi.

So good to finally meet you, Frank.

You too.

-Hey, sweetie. -Hi.

Mistletoe.

Come on, guys. You know what to do.

First of many.

Oh my God, you guys must be starving.

Jess, do you want to help me in the kitchen?

Sure.

Alright, come on. Let's go.

Oh, it's nice.

Thanks.

Oh, God.

What?

What do you mean what?

You know what? Nothing. Nothing.

Why don't you go help your father.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah. Cheryl and I are going to do a little girl talk.

-Yeah, we are. -Yeah.

Great.

Thanks. If you could put those on the table, that would be awesome.

Thank you so much.

Dad?

-In here.

I can take Jess' things to the guest room.

Don't be silly. We're not that Prehistoric.

When did that happen?

What'd you say, hon?

Nothing. Nothing.

Where do you want them?

That's really really helpful.

Dinner's ready!

Coming!

So, I packed my bags and said I'm not going back.

And so young.

Yeah.

Are your parents still there?

No, my mom is in Phoenix and my dad is in Minneapolis.

All over the place.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

And all for software developing.

Yeah. I knew that's what I wanted to do.

That's great.

What does it involve, software development?

That may be a stupid question.

It's not a stupid question.

You know, I do ask myself that some days.

It's kind of complicated. It has these intricacies--

Is there any dessert?

You never eat dessert.

It's not for me. It's for Jess. Jess loves dessert.

It's true, I do love dessert.

Let her have dessert.

What? I wasn't saying that she couldn't have dessert,

I was merely stating that she doesn't normally indulge.

-So, let her indulge. Let them both. Cheryl. -I never said--

How'd you know that I love dessert?

Your snack choices.

Were you any good?

So, no?

Top or bottom?

What was that?

The bed.

Oh, right. I am fine with either.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I thought you'd have your own bedroom.

No, that's okay.

They seem nice, not judgmental or anything.

Yeah, they do.

-Why couldn't you-- -Goodnight.

Night.

Good morning.

Good morning, honey.

Morning.

-Hi. -Croissant?

Oh, yes, please.

-Hot. -Oh!

And there's chocolate inside? What a good surprise.

What time did you get up?

Six.

Oh!

We always get up early in this family, early risers, always have been.

I like to get out early, get in the garden.

You know, we have carrots and kale growing right now.

If I get out there really, really, early,

sometimes I can see some deer running around.

Aww.

-That's so cute. -I know.

Cute. Cute.

Do you still have work to do?

Yeah, I'm just finishing up a couple of edits.

This one, she is always working, even on vacation.

Well, I learned from the best.

Don't work too long, we're going to go pick out a tree in an hour or so.

Oh! Looking forward to it!

Okay.

How are you doing? Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I should be asking you that.

This is actually fun.

We could just go to the lot, you know?

No. No. This is tradition, you know that.

How about this one?

Not right.

Wait, this one's nice.

No.

What'd she say? No?

Hang on. Hang on.

-Are you good? -Yes.

-Are you? -I'm good.

Honey, how about this one? How about this one?

I don't like it.

What's wrong with it, mom?

It's not full enough.

Where?

Right there.

I don't see it.

Right there.

Where?

Right there.

I don't see it.

All we have to do is turn that part toward the wall. Nobody will see it.

Fine.

Jess?

Snow angel.

Okay.

Really?

Come on.

Fake tree it is.

That one's pretty. That looks good.

This is looking very nice back here. I don't know about--

What do you think?

It looks weird, doesn't it? No? Maybe it's okay.

Oh, no, no, no. Taylor, that's too low.

-Okay. -It looks crazy.

-There you go, Cheryl. -Thank you. Thank you.

Oh my gosh. You made this?

I did, yes, but mother likes to put these ones in the back.

Wait, let me see. Let me see. What?

Aw, put that in the front.

Since when?

I like an eclectic tree now.

What was Taylor like as a kid?

Bossy.

I was not. I was particular.

We called her Pistol.

Pistol?

She knew what she liked and she knew what she didn't.

Oh, wait.

She also had braces for about 10 years.

Oh my goodness, so sweet.

No.

This looks a little crooked, don't you think?

Does it look a little crooked to you?

-Yeah!

Not really.

-No? -No.

Okay.

I see it, it's kind of leaning to the left.

Mm. Eh. It's alright, oh well.

Tell me how the two of you met again?

-Oh. -Oh. Uhm.

I was shopping at the--

-The store. - The mall.

Yeah, at a store in the mall.

-Yes. -Yeah.

I was buying a present for my--

-My mom. -Dad.

My parents. I couldn't figure out what to get them.

And then, I hear this person talking to herself, and I mean loudly.

-Oh, She does that. -She does that.

So I listened to her

talk herself out of this necklace that she clearly wanted.

I mean, that's what I noticed right away,

how her eyes light up when she looks at the things she loves.

They do.

And uhm, I walked right up to her.

You didn't.

I did. I did.

And I said,

"You deserve it."

"I don't know you, but you deserve it."

And it's the necklace she still wears.

I love that story.

I am so glad that the two of you met.

Are you?

Of course I am.

Taylor, those two are too close together.

You know what, why don't I just not help with the tree? Okay? Excuse me.

Would you like to help me put this angel on top of the tree?

-Yes. Okay. -Get it up there.

There we go.

-It looks great.

-Awesome.

Sorry.

Hey.

Hey.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, I just couldn't sleep. Are you?

Yeah, yeah, same.

I'm going to make us some cocoa.

Oh, no, I'm okay. Thank you though.

I'm going to make me some cocoa.

Okay.

I made too much.

Thank you.

Sure.

I haven't had cocoa since I was, I don't know, 10?

-Really?

You guys are pretty traditional, huh?

Oh, you can tell?

A little.

You guys didn't do all of this?

We moved around a lot.

Okay.

You know what we used to do?

What?

Hold on.

Ooh. Yum.

I'll put yours on for you.

Okay.

Here you go.

Thank you.

I just stick it in?

Yeah, you want to hold it in the yellow part of the flame, so it doesn't get burnt.

-So, the highest? Okay. -Yeah.

I like them really burnt.

-Oh yeah? -Yeah, I meant to do exactly that.

Okay, then you just plop them in.

Plop it, huh? Okay.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Okay, that's delicious.

It is, actually.

Your parents seem pretty accepting.

Yeah, now.

Why couldn't you tell them about the breakup?

Growing up, my parents were not like this.

They held me to the highest standard with everything that I did.

And then I came out, and it was just another disappointment.

I'm sorry.

You know, my brother always used to tell me that

I grew up with different parents than he did.

He was the first one out, and they were overprotective and strict.

Then, eight years later, I popped out. And um...

They'd send me off to whoever wanted me. They let me do whatever I wanted to do.

They let me express myself however I wanted, or needed.

I didn't know you had a brother.

Yeah.

I guess I don't know very much about you.

Well, what do you want to know, Miss Taylor?

What do you want to tell me?

Oh, I'll tell you anything.

-You would, wouldn't you? -Yeah.

Okay, lets start with growing up.

Ooh. Okay. Growing up.

Okay, so, you know how your nickname was Pistol?

-Yes. -Yeah?

Well, mine was Shrimp.

-No. -Yeah.

I didn't grow until senior year. I was just tiny.

You're making me nervous.

Not done. What was the count, Cheryl?

I don't know, 40?

Mom, how many people are coming?

About 10 or so?

Okay, that's like three and a half cookies a person.

This turkey is too dry. I knew I should've waited.

Come on, get your hands off that.

Well, how is it?

Delicious.

Hey, girls.

Hi.

He's a liar. Your father's a liar.

I've always known that, but I tell myself it's for the better,

because your mother is overly sensitive.

Mom.

God, I hope your Aunt Tammy or

your Uncle Harold doesn't bring that new girlfriend of his.

Candy or Kelly, whatever her name is.

Your Aunt Tammy is going to have a fit, and you know what?

I didn't even invite her.

The tablecloth is done being fluffed.

Okay, what do you think?

Those are lovely.

Thank you.

I'm going to have to eat it.

Oh, is that the rule?

That's the rule. We can't give Aunt Tammy half of a snowman, can we?

-No, you can't. -Mm-mm.

How is it?

Come in.

No, don't say a word.

I mean, it--

You've made it this far, you don't want to get fired now.

Face it, Taylor, you need me.

Olive?

Hmm?

Why did you get the cuter ugly sweater?

Your mom loves me.

Yeah, she does.

Mary?

Keri.

Sherry?

Keri with a K.

Kelly?

Yeah.

Has Uncle Harold cornered you yet?

No, which one is that?

Uncle Harold.

Go introduce Jess to Aunt Tammy.

-Go! Just go. Please. -Okay. Come on. Let's go. Yeah.

And then I just told her to buy the necklace.

And I still wear it. See?

Oh, that's nice.

I should've ended up with a woman.

Okay.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Hey! What are you kids doing?

-I don't get it. -I know, he just brought her.

Frank!

Would you please go wake up your father?

Dad? Dad.

Have you ever been on a helicopter?

I haven't.

Oh, you need to. Did Taylor tell you about mine?

She didn't.

It's called the Locomotive.

Wow.

You really should try it at least once.

I don't know I watch too many documentaries. Yeah.

This is a beautiful sweater.

Silent night, holy night.

All is calm.

Did you know that Jess is the first person that

Taylor has ever brought home to meet us?

She must be something really special, right Jess?

Who?

Oh, me! Yes. Yeah.

I wish Carl would find someone, he's always so busy at work.

He will, just give him some time. He just needs some time.

Time? He's 46.

Did you get everything you needed? Do you need anything?

Oh, definitely.

Turkey, Kelly?

Oh, no, thank you. I'm a vegetarian.

What'd she say?

She's a vegetarian!

Oh, well, it's chewy anyway.

Thanks, dad.

What did I do?

You said it was good.

It is good.

It'll be good with mayonnaise tomorrow.

Where's Tommy?

He wasn't feeling well. He went to lie down.

What'd you do?

Send him to his room.

I don't live here, grandpa.

Do you think you could find a nice girl for Carl in the city?

I'll try.

You know, the way you met Jess, that doesn't just happen to everyone.

I knew a couple that met during a robbery.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

Cindy and Manny Ramirez.

I met him in college.

I did.

Cheryl, this green bean casserole is amazing.

Oh, good. It's the easiest thing to make.

I could never make anything this good.

That's because you use fresh green beans.

You know, they had a-- I believe they had a couple of classes together.

Who?

Cindy and Manny Ramirez.

He said that he recognized her eyes

while she was trying to rob the gas station that he was working at.

While she was robbing him? That is not a true story.

Yes, it is.

Do you want some coffee?

No, thanks.

You're awfully quiet this morning.

Did something happen last night?

No. I'm fine.

Did Uncle Harold do something?

Mom, drop it. Nothing's wrong.

Hey. Did you get all of the dirt out from under your nails?

Yeah, just about.

-Good. Good. -Yeah.

I still can't figure out what happened to that mistletoe. That is so weird.

Maybe it was a strong wind, you keep it so cold in here.

I keep it cold so we can acclimate better when we go outside.

Oh, speaking of which,

I'm going out to the Christmas markets later. Do you girls want to come?

That sounds fun. I'm in.

Yeah.

Taylor?

I can't, I have to get some work done.

Well, we'll have fun anyway.

Let's see.

Perfect.

Hey dad.

Hey, kiddo.

Are you hungry?

No, thank you.

Do you still have all of those old VHS tapes?

Don't tell your mom,

I was supposed to get rid of them, but they're up in the attic.

What are you looking for?

Have you ever seen Gone with the Wind ?

Gone with the Wind? Are you kidding? It's a classic.

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Right.

You'll like it, it's good.

Okay.

You sure? I can make you one.

-No, thank you. -No? Okay.

Okay, suit yourself.

I'm surprised you haven't seen Gone with the Wind . Where have you been, kiddo?

I saw her going straight for it. I had to get it.

I've never seen anyone move that fast.

You can't have Christmas without caramel corn.

I'm learning so much.

Hey, honey.

Hi.

What's wrong with your eyes?

Why? What's wrong with them?

They're really red.

Oh, no, I was just sitting by the fire.

Oh, well, smoke follows beauty.

Hey.

Hey.

Are you okay?

How was the market?

Good. Who knew Sears was still around?

They literally have anything you could ever need.

Hey, we picked up dinner.

Do you girls want to come eat?

We should go. Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

Hello. It looks good, huh?

Hey.

I'm going to go upstairs, I still have some presents to wrap.

Dad and I already ate, so I'm not that hungry.

You said you were starving here.

We watched a movie and we got hungry.

You called me an hour ago.

I missed you.

Don't even.

Is it safe to come in?

-Yes, I'm just finishing up. -Yeah? Okay.

Well, I brought you this. Look at that.

Your mom said it was your favorite.

I pretended I knew that.

Turkey and mashed potatoes, huh? By the way, I made it.

Yes, and it's delicious.

Yeah?

Yes, thank you.

You'll have to convince me. I don't know.

Are you sure everything's okay?

I don't think I can do this anymore.

What do you mean? What is this?

The lie.

Yeah, well, I've been thinking.

I think it's gone a little bit too far, and I think it would be better if we stopped.

I'll tell my parents that something came up at work, or...

...whatever.

Oh, um...

And I know I owe you a week's worth. Don't worry, I'll make sure you get paid.

Taylor, wait. Wait. Hold on.

What if we told them the truth?

I'll do it with you.

It'll be fine, I promise.

I can't.

So, you're just going to keep up the lie, but without me here.

I don't get it.

I don't know yet. I haven't thought about that.

What have you thought about?

Have you thought about anyone else's feelings at all?

That's all I've thought about.

I don't want to hurt them, and I don't want to hurt you.

I don't know what to do.

Move this.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Wait, what is with this?

You like it?

Did you guys sleep alright? I know your dad was snoring like a train.

No, we didn't hear anything. Did we, Jess?

No, didn't hear a thing.

I made your favorite, chocolate croissant?

Thank you.

I forgot I have to use the bathroom.

Dad and I are going to go play tennis. We'll be back in an hour or two.

Okay.

You're getting rusty, kid.

Says the guy who just lost every game.

Not that last one.

Because you got a leg cramp and you couldn't finish.

I was up though.

Hey, mom?

Hey, how was tennis?

Fine. Where's Jess?

She booked a bus home. She had some sort of work emergency,

some software something or other.

She said she texted you.

Oh, okay.

It's Christmas Day. I thought that was so odd.

She takes her job really seriously.

We're really going to miss her.

I'm going to head in soon and make some dinner, okay?

-Okay. -Alright.

They say it's going to snow tonight, but, I don't think so.

Your snow senses aren't going off?

No.

Oh, good. Good. That's one less thing for me to do tomorrow.

There you go.

Oh, you didn't! They're the matching earrings to my bracelet.

Open yours. Open it. Open it.

Open it.

Sorry about the box, it's all they had.

Put it on. Put it on. Put it on.

You rolled up the sleeves for me? How thoughtful.

I know you like them that way.

Taylor, doesn't your father look good in blue?

So handsome. Open the present from Uncle Harold.

From Uncle Harold? How nice.

What the hell is this?

It's one of those new things that you do your teeth with. It's a hip new thing.

I have a toothbrush.

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine.

You know, parent do know things.

Yeah? What kind of things?

I knew you were gay when you were little.

I just knew.

Then why did you react the way that you did?

Just because we're parents, doesn't mean we don't have faults.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't have the right words to say. I'm so sorry.

I know we're getting older, Taylor, but we're still growing.

I'm sorry I shut you guys out. I always do that. I shut people out.

No, no, no. It's okay. You just needed time.

Maybe that's all your girlfriend needs, some time.

Who? Jess?

Sure.

No, I don't know. I think I really screwed it up, mom.

I lied.

I know.

What do you know?

I saw your girlfriend Jess on your social media page, I knew that wasn't her.

Why didn't you say anything?

You two seemed so happy and

you looked so cute together. I didn't want to do what I always do.

It'll be okay, okay? It'll be okay. It's going to be great.

I agree! Love you, honey!

No, I'm still a couple of hours out. What were you saying?

8:30, 9:30.

What's the difference? A measly hour?

Yeah, exactly, that is the difference.

He owes us anyway, we weren't supposed

to have an end of the year deadline.

He does this every year.

And every year, I'll complain about it.

So, I'll see you at 8:30?

Marge? Marge?

I just wanted to let you know that the meeting has been moved to 12:30.

Bob had some connection issues this morning.

Okay.

Thai today?

Sure.

You got it.

That's what I said.

Well, what did she say?

She said-- You want to know what she said?

-I do. I have to know what she said. -Yeah.

What'd she say?!

She said-

Shoot.

She said, "And I don't like your attitude very much either."

That's it?

That was it.

I mean, I like it.

Yeah?

Yeah, I think it's compelling.

-Yeah, right? It is. -Yeah.

It's um-- You know, it's--

It pays really well.

There you go.

That's all.

-That's it. -Yeah.

I need another one.

Okay, I'll grab you one.

Oh, thank you.

Gone with the Wind.

Your daddy's coming.

-Hi. -Hi.

Thanks. The same time next week?

Yeah. Bye Lobster. Okay.

See you.

Olive.

Oh, hello.

Wait, wait, wait. Five.

-Four, three, two, one. -Four, three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Hi.

Hi. Go to page 12 of last month's paper.

Why?

Just do it.

It's just your article.

Keep scrolling.

Okay, I'm at the bottom.

Click the comments.

Woah.

Why does it have 300 comments?

Look at them, they all did the list.

"We didn't have snow, so we did sand angels."

Aw, isn't that cute?

How did they find it?

I don't know, but I'm not complaining.

Steve saw it?

I may have sent it to him a few times around.

Crazy.

Is Olive here?

Pink building Olive? She's probably at home.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Does Olive live here?

She does.

She does.

Can I see her?

She's actually not here right now.

Oh. Okay.

I can tell you where she's going to be though.

Really?

Yeah, Taylor. Duh.

-I'm Taylor, you know my name. -I'm Kai.

-Kai, it's so nice to meet you. -You too.

I love love.

Olive!

I've called you a million times!

My phone got turned off!

Oh!

-I'm gonna-- -Okay!

-Hi. -Hi.

How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

I'm okay.

Yeah? Just okay?

I booked it.

That audition?

Yeah, pretty big one.

Hey, that's amazing. Congratulations.

Thank you.

Well, I should head back. That was the last bus.

Oh, I'll drive you.

You know what? That's okay. I'm good.

Olive.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for dragging you into that whole mess.

I know I should've been honest, but I was scared, and I'm sorry.

Look, I went too method with it.

No!

-I get it. -No.

-You didn't. You didn't. -I got too involved.

I did.

We did everything on the list.

What list?

The snow angels that you made me do, the stupid sweaters, the fire.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I watched Gone with the Wind .

You did?

-Three times actually. -And?

I'm Ashley and you're Rhett.

Who's Scarlett?

Oh.

I mean, no, I'm Scarlett and you're Rhett.

Oh my God, I can't believe I just messed that up.

It's okay.

So, what do you say?

Well, what are you asking?

Do you have any plans for Easter?

Come here.

Are you ready?

I'm kind of nervous.

Hey, they're going to love you.

Okay.

Mom, dad, this is Olive.

-Olive. -Olive.

Welcome to the family. Come in.

Hi Frank.

Hi.